True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others

Danielle Loveless, Australia

I spent a large part of my life not liking myself, with a lack of self-worth, never feeling enough, and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this by excelling at everything that I did. In this time I also lived quite abusively towards myself, to try be the best so I could feel that I was enough, but also to confirm that I was worthless. This included many different relationships with men to try and feel loved, get affection, or feel that I was in fact enough and accepted by others. In these relationships I would allow the men to be quite harsh or rude with me, because this is all I felt I deserved.

Since meeting Serge Benhayon and his family, and participating in Universal Medicine Workshops, I have had the opportunity to feel that there has always been a lovely me on the inside. I am a loving person, full of joy, full of confidence, and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life. Beginning to connect to this place regularly, I have started to like myself, and respect myself and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness, deep nurturing, care and even adoration and to be cherished by myself and others.

Although this was very foreign at first, as my self-worth grew I developed an awareness of how to be another way with myself, and I began to say no to unloving behaviours. This process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they speak with me or touch me, especially my partner. This was very difficult at first, because of the familiar ways of self-loathing, and also the fact that I had allowed others to be abusive with me for so long, so they didn’t understand why all of a sudden it needed to be different.

The most challenging part has been the difficulty or discomfort in speaking up. On the inside the self-abuse and self-loathing from the past would say to me, “who’s going to listen to you?” or “why is what you feel so important?” or “maybe you’re wrong”. It was like there was a constant voice telling me that I was pathetic, so just give up and do what you’ve always done. At these times, when I was upset, I’m afraid to admit that this is when I was very likely to say to my partner that you need to change because, “Serge said that…” or, “Natalie said that “…”. This was very unloving and came from my own hurts and inability to truly love myself and therefore a feeling that my words, my expressions and my feelings were not enough, or would not be heard. Neither Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon nor any other practitioner at Universal Medicine have ever told me how to live my life, or what to tell my partner, so I now understand that what I said is how the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is abused and misinterpreted in an unloving way.

155 thoughts on “True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others

  1. Thank you for sharing Danielle as I can so relate to what you have written. I love this bit particularly… “Since meeting Serge Benhayon and his family, and participating in Universal Medicine Workshops, I have had the opportunity to feel that there has always been a lovely me on the inside” this is so true – thank you.

    1. It’s profound to consider that we can feel the depth of who we truly are on the inside, just from one person meeting us from this place within themselves. I feel this relates to everything. In terms of feeling the confidence we are or the power we are, or the beauty we are, when another meets us from this or reflects this to us. The main point is that to truly accept that we are these things, we have to see, feel and accept that we may have made choices that have led us to not be living these things. This is typically the part that many often don’t want to be aware of, and therefore miss out in re-claiming that expression of themselves.

      1. Great point Danielle: getting back to living who we truly are takes a willingness and an honesty to see the choices we’ve been making for a long time to not love all that we are, and joy can be uncomfortable to look at, as it means feeling and dealing with our irresponsibility.

  2. Danielle, what you have written was beautiful to feel, and very touching, your words come from a deep honesty. So many avoid going to this place within themselves let alone being able to speak and share this with others. What you have shared many would have experienced, and many reading this will now be able to feel a connection to a deeper honesty within themselves. Thank you.

    1. The more loving and honest we are with ourselves we can’t help but share this with others who can either embrace it in their life, or leave it behind for another time further down the track. I’ve learnt that we all have a different time and place for this to unfold and not to judge others for what they choose.

      1. Yes I’ve found that honesty is really the only way out of this, and being humble and self-loving enough to support ourselves to go to the truth of what is really going on. Honesty and truth are the formula out of any loveless behaviour.

  3. Thank you Danielle, this has given me a deeper insight as to why it is so difficult to speak up in the past. So easy to come from the ‘serge says-mentality’ at first, and yet such a challenge to truly come from living it and being love itself, and yet so simple in truth.
    I know I have been there with the self loathing, and the ‘serge-says’ also, so thank you for being so honest.

  4. Thank you Danielle for both your insight and your loving understanding of how and why we can end up with misinterpretations and abuse.

    1. Yes often we don’t even realise when we are being abusive, because we are so blinded by our need for love from outside of us. In this moment it’s important to not be criticising ourselves, or equally on another who we observe this in. Instead we see it’s because of our lack of self love, and livingness of this and have an opportunity from that very moment to start to make choices that develop this.

  5. Thank you Danielle.
    Yes I have done this too! Demanding others to be a certain way without being willing to give it to myself first… whoops, huh?!
    It is being great for me to see and feel how misrepresenting Universal Medicine is indeed unloving for myself and others, and to feel the irresponsibility of that and now have a choice to connect to myself more deeply and express me more fully… (as UM has consistently presented :)).. knowing that in truth I do not need to hide behind a re-interpretation/re-wording of someone else’s words to be all that I am. In fact, in writing it like that it seems quite ridiculous and rather obvious that hiding and avoiding hurts – in this or any other way – cannot equate to being all that I am (!). A great reminder to keep building the self love. I enjoy your honesty and simple presentation 🙂

  6. Thank you Danielle!

    your writing is “ringing many bells” for me, it says so much of how I too, used to be allowing verbal abuse or harshness from others – feeling how I was not deserving any thing else and how initially my enthusiasm for the work became heard by my husband and some friends as “Serge says…, Natalie says…” and how they could benefit with change (ouch and oops!)… this was never the intention (nor the way the work was presented) and highlightes for me just how little self respect and love there was for myself at that time.
    It was so lovely to recognise this and share it with my husband a while ago. It is amazing to see that as I have become more honest with me, let go of various mental constructs and old control issues, being more tender and respectful with myself, refusing to be spoken to in the old way and basically just allowing others to do what feels true for them in their own right time (as all Serge’s presentations and also the practitioners are very clear about), there have been many subtle, awe-some changes in those around me.
    Since commencing the work with Universal Medicine just over 4 years ago where I was being presented with other possibilities of how to BE with me and fully understaning there were choices that were mine to make or not – it is with joy, I continue to re-build the relationship with myself, my husband, my mother and others on a daily basis.

  7. Your beautifully expressed article has allowed me to stop and appreciate just how much my life has changed. There are so many things that I do not allow in my life now and it is because I am loving myself more that I am able to let go of the harmful and abusive patterns of the past.

    1. It is deeply empowering to feel how far we have come, especially when coming back to read a blog after more than three years. It’s also deeply inspiring to feel how this is forever deepening and it’s impossible to stop and rest thinking we have got it, when in truth we’ve always had it, we are just going deeper and deeper, forever unfolding our expression of it – it being the love that we truly are.

    2. This is absolutely amazing Sally. By making the choice to choose love over our familiarity of abuse can be challenging at first but to gently and lovingly strip our old abusive patterns away and appreciating ourselves along the way is very evolving.

      1. Yes it is absolutely evolving Chan Ly and Sally, to say no to abuse and continue to deepen the regard that we hold ourselves in. It’s a forever unfoldment and what didn’t seem abusive for me one week may totally change the next, as my awareness deepens to identify another level of abuse I have been tolerating.

  8. Thanks Danielle, I can relate to what you say about the demand and for me it was the expectation of what others/boyfriends/potential boyfriends should do or how they should be with me. As I had such a hard way of being with myself, I attracted dates with men who were the same and did not treasure or nurture me and/but actually liked my hard or what they perceived as being a ‘strong woman’.
    Through unfolding myself with UniMed and dealing with similar issues/beliefs/ideals I have also been spending time honouring and cherishing myself and – for the first time, I no longer feel that expectation of another to provide it for me. So these days I am much more relaxed, open, expanded in the body and enjoy myself without feeling lonely being a single woman – a picture that would be very different 2/3 years ago from today!

    1. Amazing to read Zofia, you are reflecting how powerful you are by choosing to be love first. By honouring and cherishing yourself you are effectively communicating to everyone that love is who you are. Therefore, reminding us that we are all equally the same.

  9. Thanks Danielle, I can so relate to what you have written, I too for a long time have used Serges words to justify why I wanted others to change instead of letting the love within me do the talking. Although I have complained about the reactions/resistance of others, in truth , I didn’t really show what the incredible beauty of this work was about.
    Very humbling, but I now choose differently and am seeing how to be with me and then others.

    1. Yes every time we go deeper in love with ourselves it actually doesn’t matter how others are, and it’s our love within ourselves that inspires another to also go deeper. There does however reach a point where people need to be taking responsibility for living where they are truly capable of and where they are aware of or at. It’s not ok to purposefully choose to be less and drop as a way to stop or directly attack love when we know better.

      1. Beautifully expressed Danielle I totally agree. It is much about choosing to take responsibility for our choices.

  10. Thank you Danielle. You have touched on such powerful themes relating to self-worth here. How many women achieve and excel at ‘what they do’, but do not speak up from what they know to be true in their relationships in particular?
    I can also feel where I’ve relied on what others have said to ‘back me up’, and that this just isn’t necessary any more. All of which says so much about the reclaiming of worth that has been possible through the many awarenesses gained via Universal Medicine, and its awesome practitioners.

    1. That makes complete sense Victoria – WE need to be the ‘back-up’ that we so desperately seek.

      1. Absolutely Liane. We can develop an honest relationship with ourselves, to the point that should we find ourselves wanting to bring in someone ELSE’s ‘authority’ (usually bastardised words, to boot…), it can offer us a true ‘stop moment’ – the opportunity to ask ourselves what is really going on with our expression, and why we find ourselves so desperate and lacking our own inner authority that we can’t speak for ourselves.
        In saying that, I totally honour the depth of inner-commitment and process that we must willingly undertake to ‘go there’ to that level within ourselves, but I see no greater responsibility than this in our expression. So much harm and misrepresentation can occur, as Danielle has shared, via what is basically, our want to continually hand over our own authority to others.

    2. I can very much relate to this Victoria, seeking recognition and confirmation from others can be extremely exhausting. But when I am connected to myself, feeling the powerful women that I am then, seeking others to ‘back me up’ proves to be so unnecessary. By confirming myself with appreciation, gentleness and love is absolutely the way to go in combating seeking recognition.

      1. Thanks for your sharing Chan. The layers of seeking confirmation from outside of ourselves can be subtle indeed at times, yet with strong undertones… And yet in acknowledging them we do empower ourselves, and deeply so.
        I recently had an encounter with someone who was seeking a lot of confirmation/recognition from outside (from me) where I could no longer feed/fuel this. It was time for this person to stand on their own feet, and also take responsibility for their own self-confirmation and dedication to a task. Whilst I am ‘all for’ appreciating and confirming others, it showed me how much I have still at times, perhaps attempted to ‘fill the void’ of another, without truly giving them the honesty they deserve about their seeking of/need for recognition. There are so many subtle layers to this, in our interplay with each other – how we seek our own ‘voids’ to be filled/backed up by others, and how we also fill others’ ‘voids’, because we have not fully claimed ourselves within. Great learning indeed!

  11. Thank you Danielle for the honesty with which you share your journey towards Being Love. I can really relate to the most challenging part being speaking up and believing that I am worth it. Thanks to the amazing teachings of Universal Medicine I have gradually made changes that have built on each other and established the foundations for truer relationships.

  12. A lovely sharing Danielle, I can relate to much that you share. I too have learnt to honour and respect myself, this means speaking up if others are not equally honouring of myself.

  13. I too can relate to the experience of a gradual building of honouring myself and of the dark cloud that is self-loathing. A running theme for me at the moment seems to be that without the appreciation of these self-honouring and self-caring ways, even the smallest things, I can easily overlook them and go back under the dark cloud.

  14. Thanks Danielle – a very honest blog and I can certainly put my hand up and say ‘me too’… reading your blog helps to put that into perspective, and gain an appreciation for the changes that are possible.

  15. I like your humbleness when you admit what you have done, but also you are allowing change in your life and that deserves appreciation! You are brave and self loving to face the relationships that are not loving and ask to be treated differently. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you juliamanbos it has taken time to be humble and non-judgemental of myself but it is so well worth it to be able to experience the power of letting go of old and self-destructive old ways.

  16. It is very revealing when you realise and can feel how you have allowed self-loathing to define who you are. I too have been down that path… I can totally relate how this played out in relationships and for me accepting behaviours that were not loving in any way. All to seek love, a love within that is always waiting for us to return to. This is a beautiful and sweetly powerful sharing of your unfolding that has inspired me appreciate the love I now have chosen in my life. Thank you Danielle for your honesty and truth.

  17. Thank you Danielle for your very honest sharing, “I love this line I have started to like myself and respect myself and appreciate that I deserve nothing but deep nurturing, care and even adoration and to be cherished by myself and others.”

  18. Wunderbare Danielle I love your honesty about “Serge said that…” or, “Natalie said that “…”. In our community some people said the same and I found it as a “Todschlagargument” (thought-terminating cliché). So thank you for your open sharing what lay behind this need to do so. Now every person has the possibility to ponder on this fact.

  19. Here you honor yourself and Serge Benhayon’s work so deeply with your honesty and wisdom. The humbleness in your blog is setting an example, how we can free ourselves from our woes. Thanks Danielle.

  20. What you do in this blog Danielle is really beautiful and needed. The process of change from a lack of self-worth life to one where this is not acceptable any longer is not always an easy one. There is a moment where each one knows that his-her life is not it and also knows (thanks to the reflection offered by the Benhayons) that there is another way. This is not an easy moment since you want to re-establish your life but you have not enough lived experience of how it could be different beyond the desire and you are still being governed by the hurts. Relying upon knowledge as the way of managing life while trying to rebuild life brings lots of unloving experiences along. Knowledge about the what is, is not a good bridge to love but an instrument to dance around the what is not.

  21. Thank you Danielle for your honest sharing. Your reconnection to, and appreciation of, your true self has been very empowering for you. Well done for expressing what feels true for you, even though it may be difficult to do at times.

  22. It is very sad the disregarding quality what many of us feel we deserve and thus have allowed and even settled for in our lives. So your article is a beautiful testament to the work of Universal Medicine that has showed so many of us how to connect to the lovliness within and realise we have been selling ourselves ridiculously short of the love we truly are and deserve. It was an absolute pleasure to read of the amazing qualities you have come to learn and appreciate about yourself and inspirational how you have said no to what does not honour these.

  23. Danielle thank you so much for your honesty. It is deeply refreshing and inspiring.
    Yes we have all done it. When we quote another person without first really claiming the thought or idea oursleves through our own ‘livingness’ we distort the way it was originally shared.
    This blog is a testimony to your amazing and beautiful self. ✨

    1. Thank you Danielle and Kathryn, how deeply lost are we as a son of God when we take away another’s free will and tell them what to do from our own deep hurts and not from our own lived love or Livingness.

  24. From our upbringings, we are tricked into believing that what we do is worth more than who we are. Thank you for sharing your journey back to self-love and knowing your self-worth.

  25. I spent such a lot of time in relationships wanting the other person to give me love and make me feel special. Of course what they did was never enough, and the relationship didn’t end well as it was based on a big need from me being met, so a lot of pressure on them, and me feeling very unsatisfied as I left myself at the mercy of their mood/whim/expression of love. I am going through this same process of developing self worth, self love and understanding myself, and seeing the huge difference in allowing others to be themselves around me with out having to live up to my expectations and demands. Surprisingly it works out with so much more love with out the trying.

  26. Yes Danielle, I too have been there, done that. I am now continually building and expanding my own foundations of love and they make for a much more solid/un-wavering platform to come from when I express my truth, as opposed to the “Serge says…” option, which as you so clearly put it, is hiding and definitely reflects my own lack of self-worth. I too can see how, with many people using this second option, some of the false public opinions about Serge and UniMed could have been drawn. Time to reflect something different i.e. the love, truth and power that we all equally are inside!

  27. A feeling of lack, of not feeling enough and self loathing are in many ways a concealed epidemic to women of today. What people show you on the outside is not necessarily how they feel on the inside. Thankyou Danielle for sharing so honestly how destructive these perceived lacks can be in eroding our sense of self worth and how vital it is for us all to commit letting go of the patterns and self talk that don’t allow us to honour, care for and appreciate ourselves so that we can nourish and nurture our potential…and then inspire others to do the same for themselves.

  28. Great points Danielle, how we express holds truth when it comes from the way we live, not through the words of others. I feel many of us have gone down the path of expressing in this way as we felt our own expression was not enough. What you highlight here is that truth is felt by others – if we walk our talk, how we live then inspires those around us as it comes from an embodied truth.

  29. Thank you Danielle, I agree we either say ‘yes’ to our divine love that we naturally feel as true, or ‘yes’ to the false ideals and beliefs that contract and dull our glorious essence!

  30. That makes so much sense Danielle… and if you have been a certain way for so long it makes sense for the people around you to react and ask questions as to why do things need to change or be different. I love the strength you reflect by sticking to it and finding your own voice again through your own feeling of what is true for you.

  31. Thank you Danielle for your frank and honest sharing, it is our unfolding of the love we are and appreciating and confirming that love we are and every one else.

  32. So honest in its delivery. This blog makes me re-think how I am with myself and my relationship with others. I too have been accepting of self abusive relationships as I have thought that it is all that I deserved. What is it with woman and self worth issues! We all have the most beautiful and wonderful qualities and yet we are stumped by our own self worth. All the games that we play to be liked and yet to like ourselves in key, yet rare

  33. I’m not sure I ever used the words “Serge said…”, but I have definitely used some things I’ve heard about the way Serge lives his life as a way to control and protect myself from things I don’t like about the world. I’ve done this with food but also in relationships, instead of developing more love in the way I live each day I demanded things be the way I thought they should be, which has been very damaging. In trying to get a more loving relationship I ended up with the opposite because I wasn’t starting to be loving with myself and with others. Sounds obvious but old patterns die hard and it took a lot of time to realise how deep this desire for things to be a certain way ran and it still catches me even now.

  34. I could feel how powerful this transition toward more love is and I could also feel that the call for love is always evolving and increasing in true relationships. This blog reminded me how important it is to stand steady when things change with full appreciation of the love I am choosing for myself.

    1. Yes Leonne, no matter when I come back to this blog it’s always extremely powerful, because we are forever deepening and forever discovering how to more deeply accept and allow ourselves to truly be, and in-turn allow others to truly be.

  35. Danielle I am right there with you.I have done the same, imposing on others wanting them to change and in truth asking of them what I was not willing to live for myself. It has never been Serge Benhayon or his family telling me, quite the opposite actually, as the message there is constantly; live it, don’t talk it. And so these days whenever I catch myself wanting someone else to be different I look at myself and what it is I am not taking responsibility for and am not yet living.

  36. It’s interesting, we get taught how not to be treated and we should stand up for ourselves and tell people they need to change, but at no point, in my life anyway, have we been taught to simply love and appreciate ourselves. So it’s no wonder we grow up feeling worthless and then entering relationships that further cement those feelings. Amazing how Universal Medicine reminds us that actually, there is another way and rather than avoiding ‘bad’ relationships, all we have to do is learn to love and appreciate ourselves and we’ll attract exactly that back.

  37. Thank you Danielle for your sharing. To learn, that we are so precious and valuable, and all of us sons of God it is hard to understand why we would harm anyone else or allow them to harm us. To me the most wonderful thing that I have learned from the Presentations of The Ancient Wisdom and Serge Benhayon is that we come from Love and are therefore Love and how to live as love in this world.

  38. When I first felt my true preciousness, delicacy and tenderness, I could only receive the most gentle and loving hugs from others. With the trust of my own love growing and building, now gentle, loving and robust hugs from another feel more true.
    Without feeling the truth of what love is in my body, I would not know what true love is from another. I cannot expect or demand what is felt within me from another, with the understanding that they would only know if they too have first felt it.
    It feels then a relationship is a constant honoring and respect of where we are all at.

  39. Danielle, when we quote another in justification we are not actually embracing our way; yes of course we can be inspired by another but then it’s up to us to find our way with it, to explore how we can and to live in a way that truly embraces us – I love that you’ve highlighted this so clearly.

  40. This is a great article Danielle. You to speak up against abuse is something the world very much needs. To be honest, I was on the other end, the abuser. Years ago I would have never pictured myself to be somebody who had abusive behaviors, but thanks to the reflections of people around me, I can now see it and can take full responsibility of it, letting it go, as it is not the behavior that belongs to the tender, loving man I truly am.

    1. I agree we definitely need to speak up when we witness abusive behaviours. What you have shared Willem is so honest and amazing, how you took responsibility, recognising your past choices as being abusive and choosing to let them go is extremely inspiring. I can also put my hand up and say that I have also displayed abusive behaviours, through shouting and getting frustrated and angry, and allowing it to control me. I was well aware of this and I was searching for ways to not choose this behaviour. I felt I was quite explosive at times but I also knew that this behaviour was simply not me. Since I have been attending presentations and workshops at Universal Medicine, I have been able to arrest these harmful behaviours and start to make loving choices and choosing to connect to my tender, loving and beautiful self. I can feel the tender, loving man that you are from reading your comment. Thank you for sharing this Willem and opening up so honestly.

  41. I can relate very much to the difficulty in speaking up. I still find it challenging especially speaking in front of a large group of people but the more I connect to myself and claim who I truly am; a beautiful, sweet, delicate and tender woman, the easier it is becoming to speak up… my confidence is growing as I am learning to love and appreciate me and all that I bring. Thank you Danielle for sharing your unfolding journey in discovering the true you.

  42. I too can relate to wanting others to change their behaviour first, blaming them for the disharmonious relationship, and quoting Serge said…
    Now I realise true relationships start with us respecting, honouring, loving, and nurturing ourselves first. Also, I have found it important to express honestly how I am feeling more, and say “No” to abuse.

  43. “This was very unloving and came from my own hurts and inability to truly love myself and therefore a feeling that my words, my expressions and my feelings were not enough, or would not be heard.” This exposes so much of self worth that many, including myself, have run with for most of our lives, and it is through attending Universal Medicine presentations I have felt true support for developing a loving relationship with myself.

    1. I agree Paula – I had become so lost in my own hurts that I needed something as powerful and true as Universal Medicine to begin to turn the tide. Even with this support I can feel the attraction of going back into old patterns but now that I have felt the feeling of connection to my inner heart I feel as though there is no longer an option to allow myself to wander off track too far. As I learn to appreciate myself more I am more open to love and living a life that is more honouring of myself and those many others with whom I share this amazing planet and all that it offers us by way of reflection.

      1. I agree Paula and Susan getting over self worth issues has required the support of universal medicine workshops and retreats and also esoteric healing to let go of the hurts in my body. Much of the world are either not aware of how much lack of self worth is present and running the show or only usining management techniques to hide it. Universal Medicine are the first organisation who are offering a way of truly dealing with it.

  44. Wow Danielle, what you’ve shared is so honest and inspiring. So beautiful to read your connection to yourself, your love and your inner beauty. In relation to what you’ve shared, I can totally relate to the challenges of feeling incapable of speaking up. Now, through working on and learning what expression means and the impact of my expression, I find it easier and it flows to speak up and voice what I feel with love and understanding. Making sure that what I express is not loaded with an energy of an attack or defence, but to simply express what I feel.

  45. It feels so healing to read your words Danielle and to be able to acknowledge that I too felt ‘there was a constant voice telling me that I was pathetic, so just give up and do what you’ve always done’ and this was the trap that kept me stuck in ways that were not supporting me. I knew I wanted to change but didn’t know how to go about it and then I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and my life began to change and suddenly I could feel the possibility of that change and a willingness in me. I began to feel that innate beauty that had lain dormant for so long and as I explore that part of me I am now freer to express what is in my heart.
    As you so beautifully express ‘I have had the opportunity to feel that there has always been a lovely me on the inside’.

    1. It feels like the best way to cut the negative thoughts is by dealing with it front on, by taking care of our body! It’s then the different quality in our body that changes the quality of our thoughts.

      1. That’s great Danielle – I love the way you are so direct and clear in what you express and beautiful to feel that ‘ the different quality in our body that changes the quality of our thoughts’. This feels so true, as I only have to do something as simple as go for a walk and connect to my body and I arrive back home in quite a ‘different frame of mind’. I can feel that the movement of my body shifts the energy around and makes space for clearer ‘thinking’.

      2. Absolutely Susan, I love how you have shared a practical example. Universal Medicine has also inspired me to see that it’s a constant choice of how we are being with and holding our body in any moment and movement. So when we are on our walk, choosing to be present and gentle in the way we move our body, then carrying this way of being with us into our day. I’m still developing this and have been amazed at how much I am not present and feeling my body throughout my day and instead been in my head.

  46. It’s interesting that rather than being raw and open with our feelings, we’ll hide behind what someone else has said or something we have read. Thank you for raising this point Danielle as the true esoteric work is about connecting with who we are through our inner-hearts and expressing with the purity that we feel – from within. There’s no dictations or instructions.

    1. So true Shevonsimon, as a community we very rarely truly express our feelings in full, and it will more often than not come from behind a wall of protection. This was the case for me any way until I met Universal Medicine about 8 years ago.

  47. Thank you, Danielle. How I express what I feel to another without imposition, allowing them to make their own mind up – is something I am constantly learning as well.

    1. Absolutely Fumiyo my understanding is that it’s in forever developing. It’s been over three years since I wrote this blog and so much has already changed in this time. From discovering a more loving way to express verbally, to feeling how to express with my body, so that it does all of the talking.

  48. Low self worth is a huge worldwide epidemic that’s almost like a disease – especially for women. It takes so much commitment to change all the negative and self bashing talk and feelings we project towards ourselves, so hugely well done for beginning to reverse this worldwide trend.

    1. I think it’s such an effort to change low self worth because it’s all around us, the way our media is set up and in many workplaces and educational institutes the idea of even self care and knowing what this is is huge.

      1. It’s so crazy that we’ve created a life that is the exact opposite of who we truly are. Deep down we are all am equal and all have great worth and confidence to be our selves. But on the outside we have created a life that is set up to crush us. It’s lovely to read all the comments on this thread of people claiming another way.

  49. Very inspiring read Danielle and I love your honesty when describing how when you were coming from your hurts you went into Serge said….. I am having a little difficulty with a family member who I felt was not fully respecting me or seeing me….. And because I have changed and my self worth has deepened I did speak up (although it was not face to face) and expressed how I felt. They did not respond and now we are no longer communicating or have discussed this further which does sadden me somewhat, but as I cannot force them to respond, there feels nothing else I can do at this moment.

    1. I understand what your saying jacqmcfadden04. I’ve learnt that we can’t expect people to be a certain way with us as it may not be where they are at and therefore what they are capable of. Expecting people to honour or respect us when they are not living this with themselves first is actually an imposition and us not honouring and respecting them. The more I deeply honour myself the more I feel how hard and harsh the world is, but it bothers me less because I don’t need it from the outside.

  50. It can be a hard road back to love and moving towards change in our relationships. When we treat ourselves with love we realise we can no longer accept less from anyone else. I enjoyed your honesty Danielle, it took me back to when I started making changes to my relationships, and how far one can come when they choose love.

    1. I love your comment Kim. It is incredible indeed that the more we treat ourselves with love, the more we can no longer accept less from anyone else – it is a natural unfolding.

  51. It is a challenge to change our patterns when there are so many around us who are used to us being a certain way. Many people do not like change but change is a certain thing and when we discover how powerful we are and how precious we are, how can we hold back?

    1. Absolutely Amanda it does seem that people don’t like change that is towards a more loving way of being, because it exposes any loveless or disharmonious ways that they are living. If we consider that deep down they do in fact want this change, because everyone wants love, it allows a deeper understanding as to why people appear to not like it, but why it’s so needed for us to commit to the loving change.

  52. Since learning to care of myself and love the person that is me, I no longer tolerate the disregard and abuse that used to be my lot. My growing self confidence goes hand in hand with respect shown to me by others, it is as if they realise I exist which is exactly how I feel. I have woken up to myself.

    1. It is letting go of our tolerances of abuse in our lives that really begins to change our lives, we no longer accept relationships that are fake and actually hurting us, and we begin to ask others to take responsibility. Some people don’t like this and will walk away so we too also get to feel who our true friends and family are.

  53. It can be hard at first to voice concerns that were never voiced for the past 20 years. Although not true, people around us do have the right to say “why are you changing now?”

    This is where our responsibility comes in to be able to clearly and articulately communicate our choices. So the other people have, at least, a chance to understand why we are choosing differently. Otherwise we go into judgement
    “you should get this or how many times do I have to tell you?”

    When in fact it was our responsibility all along.

      1. It goes deeper than simply explaining without judgement. They need 100% of us. What I mean by this they need everything we can bring. i.e. reading the situation, being able to put ourselves in their shoes (understanding), our love and joy and to hold their hand while things may seem unbearably painful for them. We stand the same and as a rock always consistent.

  54. “Although this was very foreign at first, as my self-worth grew I developed an awareness of how to be another way with myself, and I began to say no to unloving behaviours. This process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they speak with me or touch me,” I too have been learning how to express my needs over the years – and am much less ‘needy’ myself in the process as I reclaim back the love I have for myself, which can then extend out to others. Deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon for showing us the way.

  55. As we claim that our needs can actually be met by ourselves we are no longer imposing our control and manipulation onto others to try and get our emotional needs met. This is the ultimate relationship we can hold with another.

  56. Serge Benhayon has inspired me to discover who I truly am and to stop trying to fit the elusive picture of what I thought I should be and never matching up. I have been having fun reconnecting to the simple confidence and acceptance of childhood and feeling love in my inner-heart.

    1. It’s true Mary – the pictures we set up to try to achieve are totally unattainable, guaranteeing that we live a life of never feeling enough or worthy and constantly trying to be more. Instead of the joyful, content and complete life with no pictures and instead the joy of being ourselves!

  57. Wow Danielle your blog is extremely honest. Thank you for sharing this with us and inspiring us. It certainly hurts others when we communicate and express from our own unresolved hurts. By being able to see this with clarity is the beginning of great healing.

    1. I love this Chan Ly “It certainly hurts others when we communicate and express from our own unresolved hurts” and with a true commitment to people and humanity we can all see the responsibility in dealing with our unresolved hurts.

  58. I have in the past thought to be able to feel loved was only possible from being with another person and seeing it outside of myself. By having this expectation was unrealistic and distorting my relationships. Now, by choosing to be love first is deeply empowering and also very healing. I have so much to share when I am being love instead of feeling not enough. A sense of fullness, joy and truth emanates out reflecting my divine light to everyone gently reminding them that they are love too.

    1. I completely agree Chan Ly “choosing to be love first is deeply empowering and also very healing.” It now feels horrible if I let go of my self-love or have had a tough day and find myself looking outside of myself to feel better or to feel loved – this is now the foreign behaviour.

  59. Great honesty in what you say about the tendency to hide behind the coat tails of someone else when we don’t quite feel the personal power to be able to express truth from the knowing within ourselves. It’s a great learning to realise the dynamic when it’s at play and to accept just how much that denies us our true worth when we don’t own the truth but instead choose to outsource it.

    1. It’s so true Cathy, when we rely on others it’s like we hold truth as something separate to us, and something we present or display as an idea or concept. When we express from our own knowing and our own body this carries the energy of the truth, that everybody can deeply feel, even if they do choose to challenge it, they’ve still got the truth.

  60. What has been presented about relationships and love is so true, Danielle. My feeling is, if the simple way in which we can live is, by choice, to be simply inspired by the livingness of Serge Benhayon, there would be no “misinterpretation in an unloving way.” For more about Serge Benhayon go to:

    1. If we choose to have an unloving relationship with ourselves then what we see around us will be interpreted as unloving. No matter how much we demand another to change or how much we insist that they are being unloving, nothing will ever be enough, because of the lovelessness we choose to hold behind the eyes that look.

  61. I find it profound that actually to have and to live self-worth is actually our responsibility not just for ourselves, but for everyone. When we do not live self worth even if it may seem like it only impact on ourselves, it actually impacts on everyone as our energy can bring everyone down

    1. This is so true Joshua, more recently I’ve begun to understand that it’s our movements that bring people down. So no matter how so called loving our words or our actions are, they will feel and be completely loveless if we are not first truly holding love in all of our thoughts and actions of how we care for and hold ourselves.

      1. Yes so true Danielle. I am finding this also. We as humans think we can think but we do not. We move in a certain flow of energy and with that flow express that energy out through our thoughts and our words. It is crucial in any true relationship that we commit to building a true movement in our rhythms as any relationship issues come first from the way we have chosen to live

      2. Imagine if developing true movement was the foundation of all relationship counselling. Wow life would be much more simple if we constantly brought it back to our movements.

      3. Yes it would! No need to try and solve issues.. Simply change the energy by changing our movements!

  62. Hi Danielle, I have never realised before that I question or judge my natural inclination to speak up about what does not feel loving for me, but I can relate to what you have shared on that point. As my self worth grows so does my understanding of what is acceptable or not around me, yet it can be like the old me pulling me back to accept it, not rock the boat etc. Thankyou for the new understanding you have given me and the inspiration to express what I know is true in a loving way.

  63. Each day I’m shown to be more and say less, and that words alone do not convey quality of livingness, but it is in how I move. Yesterday, on a walk around a beautiful lake brimming with fish (Khoi), I stopped to observe how they moved in water. Their movements were like silk, gently gliding through the water, without ripples. This reminded me of a swim session with Simone Benhayon when she reflected the same truth to the group: to be aware of the energy we move with and in and that without inner-stillness we can create ripples as we move. This helped me reflect more deeply on my responsibility to connect with my innate stillness and less with my mind and the doing and bring this quality to each movement. In this way I don’t have to tell anyone anything about Universal Medicine, it is felt through how I live and feel.

  64. It is so true what you say here Danielle, that the the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that easily abused and misinterpreted in an unloving way if we are not coming from our own lived love first. We then tend to create our own comfortable interpretation of it that will suit our needs but by doing that does not come from the same love that Serge Benhayon presents in all of his teachings, presentations, courses and workshops. It is all about developing that love in ourselves first before it will naturally be expressed from our being and our livingness.

  65. It’s so interesting to see the way we give authority to other people rather than claiming what we know in our bodies to be true. I suppose this comes from living in a society where we place a great deal of value on qualifications and when as children we feel things and then adults tell us we are being silly. Qualifications are great but there is an innate knowing that we have that shouldn’t be denied and should be developed. It takes awhile to trust what we feel and it takes awhile to move away from the negative thoughts we have become so familiar with. It is so worth doing though, and to really develop that trust and authority in ourselves.

  66. This is a beautiful unfolding Danielle shared so honestly and truthfully thank you. The more love we build in our body the more love we feel from the world around us. This is truly remarkable as we all are and this amazingness walked and moved in the stillness of this heals everything in this quality and is our true purpose so much missed yet known inside us all.

  67. For me it was a great joy to give up my hardness and my internal abusive way of talking about myself. It is so much more stiller inside of me – thanks god that there was Serge Benhayon who helped me to reconnect to this stillness again.

  68. ” that I deserve nothing but gentleness, deep nurturing, care and even adoration and to be cherished by myself and others.” Danielle there is a quality in these words I deeply felt, possibly because I am now able to relate not just to the words but to deeply connect to the Truth and Love I feel in my body. It has been an unfolding within to be able to accept I am worthy of such Love and anything else is abuse.

  69. Recently I was with a friend from the past and the dynamics from this person reminded me of the abusive energy I no longer accept. It wasn’t particularly the words used but I could clearly feel it was not coming from their foundation of love but expressed from a reaction to their hurts.

  70. Your blog has bought me to a moment of deep appreciation for the power of a self loving relationship, a connection to the essence that I am by divine design here to express. It is with a humility I honour my unique qualities and openly share this light of my Soul with all. I have a deep appreciation for those that have shared their light as a reflection for my return.

  71. I know I have used the words of Serge Benhayon, because I knew the truth of what he was saying but didn’t feel the authority in myself to claim the truth as my own. I didn’t think of this as being abuse, yet if I am holding myself as less, this is certainly abuse. There is this amazing understanding and love from Serge about this, yet it has led to the huge misunderstanding that Serge is telling people what to do and this has never been the case. Serge presents the truth of the way he lives. It is a universal truth, available for all.

  72. Self-loathing is so common – it is shocking! I also did set up a life with partner and all in a way that was not lovingly. I did not like that in the first place and many would say it was a ‘normal’ way of living – just because many do so. To bring a change here can be a challenge – but it is so worth it! Like we are!

  73. It is easy to hide behind the words of another in order to not bring the love that we are into full expression. What is not so easy is admitting that we do this. Thank you Danielle for showing us the grace of how this can be done.

  74. Imagine that all we need to do in life to get what we truly want is to, if needed, sit down and feel and who we are will slowly be felt to us. This is what I’ve done and maybe in the future I don’t need to have these ‘sit with myself’ moments but for now I do and it’s a wonderful feeling to feel this state where you feel totally held and cared for.

  75. It is beautiful that you have come to the place you have within yourself… realising the love you are and deserve and challenging yourself to let go of everything that does not honour that. We deserve nothing less.

  76. I have to agree with you about speaking up and how difficult it can be. This has been a challenge for me as well. But what I am finding that speaking up is getting easier, but I am less inclined to take on the reaction of others if I do. This has been huge in itself. For I realised that I didn’t speak up in an attempt to yes protect myself but also protect others – but there is no such thing. The truth always needs to be presented and then it is up to each and everyone of us to work with that.

  77. Good point, when we hold back in claiming what we know to be true for ourselves we often start to justify and use others to back our cause, this then often creates more of a reaction in the other person as they can then feel the manipulation in this.

  78. I know these voices very well Danielle, telling me to not be a nuisance to anyone, it did take a lot of support to be able to feel my worth again and the deep love and care I have for myself, to restore the honour in my life and feel cherished and adored.

  79. I have had many thoughts of wanting another to change but this is nothing but avoiding responsibility, the responsibility to heal the hurts within me or to offer another way of being. All the people in my life are a perfect constellation for us all to evolve if we so choose.

    1. This is so true Caroline. We can often look at others and blame them for how we feel, when in truth we are completely responsible and so instead of pointing a finger out at another and demanding they change, we have the responsibility to look within with absolute honesty and make the changes we seek within ourselves.

  80. “As my self-worth grew I developed an awareness of how to be another way with myself, and I began to say no to unloving behaviours.” I love what you have shared here Danielle, our body knows and responds to truth and the more truly loving and caring we are in connection with ourselves and with our choices enables us to bring this same quality to all our relationships.

  81. I cannot but wonder how many of us who are considered high achievers in the eyes of today’s society are actually being driven by a lack of self worth and insatiable need to prove they are worthy.

  82. I too have experienced reactions from others when I have changed the way I am being within a relationship. Understandable in many ways for if we have settled for less than loving gestures, words, touches etc. in the past, this becomes normal to us and others close to us. So when we start to change this by first being loving with ourselves and as we begin to feel more clearly, saying no to unloving behaviours from others, it seems to those around us that we are being abnormal, weird, unreasonable….whatever it may be. But if we stop for a moment and consider whether it is ‘normal’ for our body to drink alcohol for example, if we’re honest we will know that our body would never drink alcohol of it’s own volition – there is nothing in alcohol that the body needs to support itself – the opposite in fact , alcohol places huge strain on the body as it tries to clear it out from our system as quickly as possible. So from our mind we could argue it is ‘normal’ behaviour as so many people do it, when in fact it is completely abnormal and unnatural for us to do so.

  83. Strong blog Danielle that we all can relate too. That distracting voice that if not defined and discerned has its ill-ways constantly unbeknown to you. As Danielle expresses because it has had its way for so long it takes The Will, to be gentle and loving with the body, and to speak up to bring you back and align you to a loving way that resides within. The more you love yourself and build this quality the more to feel how deeply ingrained this other ill-behaviour has become.

  84. I really appreciate what you’ve shared here Danielle. When we’ve let the negative self talk dominate, speaking up and saying no to abuse can feel quite a shaky thing to do as we question ourselves over it. But the more we get honest with ourselves, treat ourselves more lovingly, the more clearly we can feel in our bodies what is love and what isn’t. Abusive thoughts and ways of being with ourselves or by others start to really stand out, and the more we express this, with truth and not from a neediness, the easier it becomes.

  85. When we demand love from others, it makes it pretty hard for love to enter or be felt. Knowing that we are the only one responsible for our own love changes everything including allowing space in relationships for what is there to actually be there without our own impositions. Love is what is naturally there within us, we only need to let ourselves feel it underneath whatever we may have piled on top.

  86. The more I deepen the love for myself the more I notice the quality of my relationships also deepen and become more loving and anything that is not loving stands out like a sore thumb.

  87. “I deserve nothing but gentleness, deep nurturing, care and even adoration and to be cherished by myself and others.” The more we live these qualities with ourselves and others the more they expand and are shared with all those around us, near and far.

  88. Thank you for sharing Danielle, this is so common, ‘I spent a large part of my life not liking myself, with a lack of self-worth, never feeling enough, and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this by excelling at everything that I did.’ It is sad that this is how it is for so many people, and like you I too used to have this running my life. I love the turn around of you now being the love you naturally are, a strong yet delicate and beautiful woman.

  89. Seeking love from the outside is endless and leaves us at the mercy of the ups and downs of others, the love we seek is inside us all along just waiting for us to connect to it.

  90. Whenever another reacts to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we must first look at ourselves and what we are giving out. I know I have placed Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine on a pedestal therefore not seeing and feeling everyone as equal. This behaviour no doubt would have had an impact on another so it is understandable that they would attack Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine yet it is my responsibility the reason this would happen. No matter how much I am inspired by another we are all equal sons of God.

  91. This is a lovely reminder Caroline that we are all equal sons of God and all have to be responsible for our choices and behaviours and their consequences.

  92. When the relationship with ourselves changes, then it changes every relationship we have with others. When you value yourself, others see that and know you wont accept anything less.

  93. I love your honesty Danielle. Once we make the choice to step into the love that we are we no longer need to call in a force to manipulate others to be what we have refused to be ourselves.

  94. I loved reading this blog, it bought it home to me of how I had been living and it was certainly from an unworthy place. I made loving myself hard, placed obstacles, barbed wires, drama – you get the picture? Why? when it is so simple to do.

    The ‘Serge says’ syndrome I too suffered from at the beginning and occasionally I can drop into it (well for me and I’m being honest here) – it comes from an imposition or a lecture of how ‘they’ should be – no wonder there’s reactions. When this happens I now see it has an opportunity to ponder on what hurt within myself needs healing and the more I look deep with in myself, the more the real me emerges.

  95. The thoughts that keep running in our head always seem to be of a similar flavour. They always seem to be what some may call negative or almost derogatory in a way towards ourselves. I remember for a period where I was way way to hard on myself. There was no balance between things you had perceived you’d done ‘wrong’ and those perceived as done ‘right’. It seemed, according to my thoughts that I was ‘wrong’ all the time. Over time this had such an impact on how you would look at and see things, your attitude to work, people and different things that would go on and what’s more on how you saw yourself. I know now that how we are to ourselves is directly linked to how we are with the world and it goes around in a circle. So the change I made was with myself, I changed how hard I was being on myself and gave ‘me’ a break. It wasn’t a holiday or a boot camp, it was watching and becoming more and more aware of the thoughts I have and simply saying no and then bringing back my focus to what I was doing. I would notice when I was walking down the street thoughts would enter, I would say no and breath and then focus on just walking, one foot in front of the other. It sounds too simple but this is what supported me to break the cycle of hardness on myself.

  96. Thanks for you honesty Danielle. I too used Serge and Natalie Benhayon to get ‘my’ point across to my partner and family and set up a false picture of who they were and how they actually lived and presented. Once my partner met Serge for the first time and if I remember correctly the only time, for a couple of minutes, he knows clearly whether what I am saying is coming from my head and knowledge or that is really how Serge presented. That says a lot about the power of reflection from Serge.

  97. I can so relate to the difficulty when speaking up to say what and how someone has done/said does not feel loving or honouring of me and I can feel how I try justifying them to act in such ways. I can feel how depriving of love that is to both ends. I feel very supported to read your sharing here in developing self-love first and foremost. Thank you, Danielle.

  98. Yes demanding another to love us because we are not prepared to love ourselves becomes a constant chase for something outside of us that will never deliver. A great revelation to understand that we do have the power within to arise above what is troubling us and claim who we truly are which sets the standard for others to be with us too.

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