Danielle Loveless, Australia
I spent a large part of my life not liking myself, with a lack of self-worth, never feeling enough, and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this by excelling at everything that I did. In this time I also lived quite abusively towards myself, to try be the best so I could feel that I was enough, but also to confirm that I was worthless. This included many different relationships with men to try and feel loved, get affection, or feel that I was in fact enough and accepted by others. In these relationships I would allow the men to be quite harsh or rude with me, because this is all I felt I deserved.
Since meeting Serge Benhayon and his family, and participating in Universal Medicine Workshops, I have had the opportunity to feel that there has always been a lovely me on the inside. I am a loving person, full of joy, full of confidence, and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life. Beginning to connect to this place regularly, I have started to like myself, and respect myself and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness, deep nurturing, care and even adoration and to be cherished by myself and others.
Although this was very foreign at first, as my self-worth grew I developed an awareness of how to be another way with myself, and I began to say no to unloving behaviours. This process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they speak with me or touch me, especially my partner. This was very difficult at first, because of the familiar ways of self-loathing, and also the fact that I had allowed others to be abusive with me for so long, so they didn’t understand why all of a sudden it needed to be different.
The most challenging part has been the difficulty or discomfort in speaking up. On the inside the self-abuse and self-loathing from the past would say to me, “who’s going to listen to you?” or “why is what you feel so important?” or “maybe you’re wrong”. It was like there was a constant voice telling me that I was pathetic, so just give up and do what you’ve always done. At these times, when I was upset, I’m afraid to admit that this is when I was very likely to say to my partner that you need to change because, “Serge said that…” or, “Natalie said that “…”. This was very unloving and came from my own hurts and inability to truly love myself and therefore a feeling that my words, my expressions and my feelings were not enough, or would not be heard. Neither Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon nor any other practitioner at Universal Medicine have ever told me how to live my life, or what to tell my partner, so I now understand that what I said is how the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is abused and misinterpreted in an unloving way.