What is the Difference between Having Sex and Making Love?

By Anne Malatt 

For most of us, having sex and making love have meant the same thing.

In truth, we all know the difference, for we all know what love is, and that we are love, but we have given up on the possibility of ever being it and finding it.

Most men settle for sex, using it for release and relief. But men live in fear that they won’t be good enough and they will be rejected.

Most women settle for sex because they crave intimacy, and are desperate to be held and touched. Women know sex is not love, but they go along with what men want, because they fear men will leave them and many don’t feel good enough about themselves to be on their own.

Sex is an act, which we use for release and relief, because we crave intimacy, to bind ourselves together. We use it in many ways, but we are always using the other as an object to get what we want.

Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.

Making love can be taking a walk together, preparing food, sharing a meal, talking, cuddling, or anything.  If we are making love, we don’t really need to do anything. To make love we need first to connect to ourselves and the love that we are. Once we are connected, we know that everyone else is that same love, equally so. So then it is easy to connect to another, any other, in and with love.

If we share our lives with another person and live this way, it is only a matter of time before our bodies want to come together, in love. The connection is what matters. In that connection, we are enough.  There is no fear of rejection, no fear of not being good enough, no feelings of worthlessness or self-loathing, no need to do anything.

We can be still with each other, we can be gentle, we can be playful, and we can let our bodies come together.

Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.

My understanding of this has been inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

125 thoughts on “What is the Difference between Having Sex and Making Love?

  1. I have had many relationships involving sex. In my current marriage it is the first time I have been able to begin to develop a truly loving sexual relationship. This is possible because we are bringing love into all that we do and hence making love with each other all the time. The physical act of making love is no longer “the action I need to feel loved or needed or to know that our relationship is ok”. We cannot physically come together and express lovingly if this is not what is been lived every day. So every moment, interaction and expression is important and one builds on the other, physically making love is then an expression of all the loving moments leading up to that point and it is very joyful, playful and very freeing.

  2. Anne,
    Thank you. Being a young women who has been in a relationship where sex was only done to releave the man, I have long wondered what true love behind closed doors was.
    Loving myself more every day, I am learning that I too can create a way of living that is slowly and naturally gently, allowing others in and finding that I am opening to that true way of being with another. whether it is walking on the beach, sharing a meal, sitting next to one another or just a warm cuddle.
    Allowing the body to be still and feel the warmth of love.
    🙂 thanks again for the beautiful post.
    with warmth
    Natasha

  3. This is a beautiful account of the difference between having sex and making love.
    Having sex comes from a need or drive, while making love flows from a true and loving connection to oneself and one’s partner. Consequently, having sex is the physical act of intercourse and, once completed, it is done. Meanwhile, the making of love ( the being Love) continues after lovemaking, as the Love flows into all the moments of everyday living that follow.
    How fortunate are those who are developing a way of being that supports them to know and live in true connection with themselves and others, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

    1. I loved reading your description of the difference between having sex and making love Judith. The words we use to describe these things highlight the truth – we ‘have’ sex – it is like a possession we ‘have. We ‘make’ love – it is something that we must commit to in every moment, something constantly in progress.

  4. Hi Anne, this was beautifully expressed, I have read it several times over again, and you put it in such simple terms, – it’s impossible not to feel the joy of lovemaking in everyday life, – where it truly starts. Thank you!

  5. Great – an article written through and from the making of love! Thank you Anne for highlighting the myth that the only way to make love is to have sex. It also normalises the word ‘lovemaking’ traditionally assigned to those in a partnership/having a sexual relationship, and extends it outwards to all people everywhere who are able to enjoy the making of love as their own way of being – single or partnered.

  6. Mmm… no men are venturing to comment… Anne the words you say about men’s fear of rejection are true but allow me to expand so that it is being expressed by a Man as well.
    There is no comparison between having sex and the choice to make physical love after a day of making love in our movements and actions toward ourself and each other. Joining together not because we need each other but because it feels amazing to be together (regardless of the physical act). It is a gift beyond words.
    I lived the ‘casual sex’ dream in my youth and the fact that those days were also spattered with period of chosen ‘abstinence’ should have been a clue as to the emptiness I was truly feeling.

    1. Totally agree JL, its great to have the difference explained between an enduring loving way of being, rather than as a momentary relief from emptiness… a totally different way of living.

  7. Hi Anne, I love the honesty in which you have so beautifully shared the art of making love and the simplicity of it, thank you Anne.

  8. Thank you Anne for sharing this so simply and beautifully. I can’t help but feel how wonderful the world would be if most people read this and could feel what true love is and that its always been there inside us all along. The recent media frenzy about Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is a public display of the reaction of a few against the same simple presentations of what true love is and how it can be in all relationships if it is lived and the relationship is not built on comfort and conditions. It just shows how far society has strayed from true love. Kate G (Australia)

  9. Thank-you Anne, for expressing this with such true simplicity. It all begins with loving ourselves, doesn’t it.. And then, should we choose to come together with another, with no ‘want’ or ‘need’, it is truly beautiful.

    1. Beautifully said Victoria. The loving yourself is they key, cause then it can sprout out and be with others too.

  10. Thank you Anne… for some reason your awesomely revealing post slipped ‘under my radar’ and was not noticed until Michael Goodhart shared the link on Facebook today. As men and women begin to understand the real difference between sex and making love, a new level of respect for each other will emerge – and will remove the pressure for men to feel that they have to ‘perform’.

    1. Very true Rod. Well said. When we let ourselves be a little bit more surrendered and vulnerable with ourselves, lovemaking will be the norm and so respect for others I think will naturally blossom also.

  11. Thank you Ann I love the truth in your blog. I have been thinking how sex is just like a drug, it may give you relief for a while and give you a kind of high but ultimately leaves you feeling empty, depressed and needing another hit. Making love on the other hand is something else, it is confirming, intimate, allowing and true-full. It means opening up in full and allowing the other person to see who you really are, there is a beautiful vulnerability in making love that does not just connect the two but ignites the whole universe! Amina you are so right who needs sex when you can make love!

    1. Beautifully said Samantha. In making love, there is the deepest connection – and it can be exquisitely felt in the smallest of things. Whereas we can use sex for relief, for a ‘high’ or whatever… In my experience, the latter never offered the depth of connection and openness with myself and another, i.e. the intimacy, I was truly looking for.

  12. Thank you Anne for expressing so simply and honestly the difference between having sex and making love. The release of having sex is transitory whereas ‘Making love is a state of being, a way of life.’ So beautifully summed up and it inspires me to focus even more deeply on connecting to myself and the love that I am.

  13. Thank you, Ann. This is so simply and beautifully expressed. And like Helen, I am inspired to deepen the connection with the love that I am and live that to the best of my ability in the world.

  14. A beautiful article thank you Anne, I really like this section, ‘Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.’ Gorgeous.

  15. “Making love starts with loving ourselves” this is such a powerful statement. For myself, having established over many years such a deep level of dis-satisfaction, in truth self-loathing, it has been, and still is, a developing journey to reconnect to the the love and beauty that I truly am. And as you say Anne, sex becomes a substitute for the love and short-term relief for the pain of not feeling the love within.

  16. A beautiful and simple expose of the differences between the two, and I loved how free it makes it when you write “Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.” The possibility of making love blossoms out from the bedroom into all areas of life, and also with anyone and everything we do.

    1. Beautifully said Simon. The quality of how we can be with an intimate partner is in ‘the everything’ of how we relate. It can be this exquisite… Something to deeply cherish if one has this in their life.

  17. This is a really beautiful explanation of what it is to make love. Thank you for sharing this. By reading it I can feel my understanding and appreciation of what it is to make love, deepen.

  18. Understanding at a continually deepening level that making love with another is not confined to the bedroom and that it is actually our natural way of communicating, was a revelation when I first heard Serge Benhayon present the concept – it immediately made perfect sense. Anne describing the gentle, playful way of bodies coming together from this innate state of being, seems effortless … no performance required … simply an extension of all that we are. Beautiful.

  19. Gorgeous Anne, I love this line
    “Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.”

    My feeling for the two is having sex or making love, either or, will be what it will be, but the real magic comes from the love that two people share for each other and for all they meet throughout their day. You feel the celebration and joy of making love to someone physically, confirming you have been making love all day!! Or you feel the relief, the quick fix and the needy or emotional attachment that drains both of your energy.

    1. Having absolutely experienced the difference also Ariel, I absolutely agree with what you’ve shared here. And it begs the question: just what ARE we choosing to confirm with each other, if in such an intimate relationship, ‘all day’? Love and the beauty of true connection, or tension and drama…

  20. I love this sentences – it says so much; “If we share our lives with another person and live this way [with self love and being loving in every moment], it is only a matter of time before our bodies want to come together, in love.” I can totally relate to this from another way of looking at it. If my husband and I want to ‘make love’ but have not been living in a loving way with each other throughout the day then it just feels wrong and we can’t go there, until we have stepped back and re-made it about being loving together in all that we do with each other.

  21. Anne, what a beautiful pearl of a blog I have just discovered ! Making love is becoming my way of being with myself and everyone and it is deepening everyday as obstacles and barriers are removed one by one. Thank you Anne.

  22. Thank you Anne for simply showing us the difference between love and sex, one is so much in the doing and getting and the other is in the being, being the love that we are, beautiful.

  23. Awesome, I could feel how you wrote this blog in the fullness of your love. Truly lovely. Thank you. So simple: “Making love is a state of being, a way of life.”

  24. How sad is it that we as human beings have lost this easy and simple way of making love what you have shared in your loving blog Anne. How sad is it that we a craving for intimacy and choosing sex as a possibility to get it. The thing is – do we really love ourselves deeply enough???? This is a question to ponder on.

  25. Having sex seems so cold, empty and disconnected. However, the expression of ‘love making’ holds such a deep quality of stillness, appreciation and flow with oneself and another.
    ‘Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.’ This is very beautiful Anne, thank you. ✨

  26. Thank you Ann for this beautiful offering. “Making love is a state of being, a way of life” – I love this.

  27. Being in love with yourself holds the key for sharing love with another. The simplicity is amazing. It is not about relieving, but about celebrating: two very different activities reflecting two very different ways of living.

    1. It is a celebration indeed emfeldman. And always an opportunity to keep opening up and dropping any walls whatsoever that may exist between you – walls that may not have anything to do with the actual relationship, but are connected with reservations and hurts we may hold from our past…

  28. Thank you Anne for this beautiful blog. I could feel the light, loving warmth of knowing this truth flood my body. Your description of why women participate in having sex feels true and reflect on my own choices in the past and know that it never held the Beautiful presence of being and living love first then connecting with another. To ‘make love’ in every moment of everyday and in every action whether it be taking a walk or sharing physical intimacy with another is amazing and truly joyful. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have inspired deeper connections between people and it has become a gift that keeps on giving.

  29. I love this article Anne. You describe so beautifully how making love is a way of being with your partner in all that you do every day. ” Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.”

  30. This is so beautifully expressed Anne – I loved what you wrote about making love being a state of being and a way of life and how ‘in that connection, we are enough’… I just love that.

  31. Thanks Anne, I agree there is a big difference between sex and making love and it is in the intimacy created first with ourselves . Once that transition is made it feels like being in a supporting /holding energy not just an excitement build up and release that usually leaves us feeling empty .

  32. Beautifully expressed Anne! … ‘Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.’

  33. I love this Anne “Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.” Wow what a revelation.

  34. Anne, you have explained the difference between making love and having sex so simply -this is what we all need to be taught rather than the focus on sex which is so prevalent in our society. Intimacy is the flower of love which when allowed to bloom has the most gorgeous scent and foliage!

  35. What you have shared here Anne is gorgeous. Thanks for putting ‘making love’ out in the open so we can really see how far away we have stepped from it’s true meaning.

  36. Beautiful blog Anne. Having sex leaves us ’empty’ afterwards and a lot of the times not in connection with ourselves or our partner. Making love continues and starts from a fullness in yourself and is so much more than the physical get together of 2 bodies. Just like you wrote:
    ‘Making love is a state of being, a way of life.’

  37. Thank you Anne, what you have shared has given me a deeper understanding of the difference between making love and sex and I can feel how important loving ourselves first truly is. There is definitely so much more to making love.

  38. What an absolute joy to read your blog Anne. Making love is not defined to the bedroom, but is something we do in every moment, in every room and with every thing that we do. We are love, and if we bring this love into every moment, we are actually making love 24/7.

    1. I love your comment Mariette. ‘Making love is not defined to the bedroom ‘. I have mixed the meaning of making love and having sex to be the same in the past. It is such an eye opener for me to feel and understand the true meaning of making love and having sex. The deference between the two is massive. Now, my understanding of making love is so much clearer from reading this amazing blog, your comment and others comments, they make so much sense. I can simply choose to apply this to everything I do, to all my relationships and to go deeper and deeper into making love 24/7.

      1. haha yes, we can actually make love 24/7, isn’t that amazing? For me it is such an eye opener as well and still so many things to explore. For so long it has been about sex. I notice I am learning now to be close friends with men, as I have never had that, and there to feel the intimacy with men without being them my partner is still a huge exploration for me.

  39. A pleasure to read this blog Anne, about all the interactions we have with love. Like a lot of words ‘love’ has fallen into the category of words that have lost their true meaning. When we all have different interpretations of the same word, how can we expect to ever live in a way that will bring us to a one unified truth as presented by Serge Benhayon. ‘Expression is everything’ (Serge Benhayon), so to start to express true ‘love’ is paramount to our evolution!

  40. Beautiful to read this blog Anne and your sharing on what is making love. You have nailed it on the head, what you write feels absolutely true to me and I love (excuse the pun) how you have expressed this in such a clear and simple way.

  41. This is a very different understanding of love – as a quality we connect to not something we receive from outside of us.

    1. Well said Andras. A quality, a state of being that we are, and express and not from need or expectation from outside of us.

    2. I have been functioning and living with emotional love thinking that it was true love. I was seeking it from others, feeling that it was related to a performance or me having to be a certain way. I am so grateful to finally come to the true understanding of the word love. It has been such an amazing realization how mixed up I had been living, it’s all making sense to me why I was feeling lost and at times empty, like a never ending pit sitting in the center of my body. It has been an incredible wakeup call for me to finally reach a true understanding and a deep appreciation of the true meaning of love. It is time for me to connect to this quality of love, like you’ve shared Judith: ‘not something we receive from outside of us.’ But for me to connect to love from within.

  42. Absolutely Anne, making love is about connecting with each other first and hold each other in love before doing anything else. You just can’t hold back making love in this way.

  43. Anne what you share here is beautiful and very power-full, making love vs having sex is certainly a game changer and would transform relationships in amazing ways. I want to highlight this paragraph – “Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.” – So true thank you for the reminder.

    1. The part you’ve highlighted Anna is an awesome reminder for me. I am deeply inspired to let go of what is not love and express love in every way.

  44. Awesome blog Anne. I have been in a relationship for over 14 years and I can honestly say that I am only starting to understand the true meaning of love. The distinction between sex and making love is huge. What you have shared highlights a lot for me to reflect and ponder upon. ‘Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.’ This part is extremely inspiring for me as I know that I haven’t been choosing to deeply connect with myself or with others in a loving way. I know I can start choosing this way of living in love, at any moment, at any time. You have inspired me to deepen my relationships with myself and with others, Thank you!

  45. Thank you Anne for sharing so simply, the huge difference between having sex and making love. Even the words’ having sex’ feels emply, cold and distant, while the words ‘making love’ have a feeling of warmth and care to them.

    1. I agree Elizabeth, the energy behind the words ‘having sex’ feel hard, cold and taking something that is not yours. Whereas the energy behind ‘making love’ feels flowing and connecting.

  46. The ‘understanding’ you share concerning ‘having sex and making love’ is awesome, it was lovely to read. Particularly the simplicity and beauty of “Making love is a state being, a way of life.”, so often we use sex as a way of being forceful over another, feeling relief, proving we are worth something or attempting to gain intimacy. If the act of sex is chosen with a motive and not simple honest loving connection how can it ever be ‘making love’.

  47. Re-reading your blog today Anne what stood out for me was how much sex is similar to a business transaction ( even if no money is involved!) where both parties are using, gaining or trading something from the other. Nothing completely wrong with that except that imagine if we had all the love we were seeking and craving already and it was full to the brim and overflowing and we could not help it spilling out and sharing it with those we are connected to? No longer a trade where we are constantly in fear of being let down or ripped off by the other or taken for a mug, but a gorgeous natural sharing, building and magnifying of what we naturally have within?

    1. Love what you’ve shared Andrew. No need-based ‘transaction’, but rather a true connection where the synergy offers expansion for both parties. I’ll have some of that 🙂

  48. To make love we choose only the highest quality ingredients, truth, honour, respect, understanding, consideration, trust, playfulness and connection to name a few. These are not measured but added tenderly to the mix with the utmost care and generosity to create a dish that, when shared equally between oneself and others, continues to become more and more deeply filling. Sex on the other hand is a narrow, empty vessel that wants to be filled indiscriminately. It leaves all with a ravenous appetite that nothing can satiate.

  49. My teen and early adult years would have been a different story if I had of had someone explain to me what making love really meant, and that this was in fact what I was looking for. Thank God Universal Medicine and The Way of The Livingness and the students of Universal Medicine are now sharing this with other younger and mature adults, so we can all feel what true love making is, and not sell ourselves short by accepting sex.

    1. The stories most of us can undoubtedly tell Danielle… I was never presented with this truth before coming to the teachings of Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness either. Though I certainly could always feel what wasn’t ok. Still, there were far too many compromises made because I went along with the way of so many of my peers at the time. We all deserve to know how fundamentally precious we are, and that there need be no giving oneself away or abuse involved whatsoever in intimacy. Quite the reverse.

      1. My sex life when I was young was completely abusive but the truth is I was totally unaware of this fact until I began to feel what self-care and self-love was. Once developing a tender, adoring and complete accepting and appreciating relationship with myself I began to realise that all my relationships could be like this and what I had been living and practicing was in fact abusive.

      2. It deepens my understanding further to read your words Danielle… That you felt so unaware back then of the true choices you had, and that you have reclaimed so much of who you are today as a woman, that I am gobsmacked by the delicacy of your presence, is, well, wow…

    2. I agree Danielle. It is through the teachings of Universal Medicine, reading blogs like this one by Anne and comments that I have come to understand the true meaning of making love. Before I thought it was only limited to 2 people in a relationship but now I realised making love is about sharing our tenderness, love and all of who we with everyone equally in how we speak, interact, move, work and express in our everyday.

      1. Great Chan Ly, making love is for everyone, and in fact we can’t reserve it for just one person or our family. To truly make love in the way we are in relationship requires us to be this in every moment with everyone, we can’t turn it on and off.

  50. The title of your blog is commonly asked Anne, but I’ve NEVER seen the difference written in such a succinct way. Reading your post is so soothing and I feel filled with Love just reading it. Thank you Anne.

  51. Even the words themselves ‘sex’ and ‘making love’ come with two very different feelings – ‘sex’ is very short and snappy, its the wham, bam, thank you man/mam – there is no respect for the other or ourselves in sex and I always felt used by the other or using to get what I wanted. ‘making love’ and referring to the sexual act feels like it is cutting short what ‘making love’ actually entails which as you’ve shared Anne can be in every part of our day and it is not restricted to one other person but from ourselves with everyone.

  52. Anne I love the clarity and simplicity with which you write. I have been unravelling all the ideals and beliefs I have carried about how intimate I can be with women who are not my partner, and your article clarifies so much. Recently I have been naturally making love with female friends by just being me in my tenderness, having intimate connections with them over a cup of tea for instance, and then noticing that an old belief comes forward and says ” you can’t be sharing this, she is not your partner”. I see now that in the past I associated that intimate connection as being something that might be shared during sex, although often it was not. Time to lose those old beliefs and rejoice in knowing that I can be truly intimate with everyone, truly let them in, and not be breaking any “sacred” rules.

  53. Someone asked me the other day do I miss having sex. To which I replied “no”. Why would you miss something that is not a part of our natural being. I do miss making love and I can feel it in my body everyday when I am not expressing love. When you’re not in love you can really feel it in your body 24/7. Sex only lasts for a minute (if you’re lucky).

  54. Sex can be a physical act between two individuals devoid of love. Making love is developing a loving and tender relationship with yourself and sharing this tender loving way of being with another who is equally tender and loving and then the confirmation of the two can come together in the physical union as one.

  55. I really love this Anne. Such a great blog and super inspiring about making love with your partner. I loved reading this bit, amoungst all of it- “Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.” beautiful. For me it takes the pressure off and I realised I can completely in joy what ever I am doing with my partner. Just be in the stillness, grace and love of the moment.

    1. And the ‘stillness, grace and love’ of who we naturally are – simply letting another in, and all that they are. Beautifully said Emily.

  56. I love your blog Anne, reading it the second time is super supportive and inspiring for me to connect to love more and more consistently. I am learning to connecting to stillness and allowing love to be part of my every day expression.

  57. ‘Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.’ Such a refreshing interpretation, nay re-definition of something that is at risk of having been rendered a mere physical and in many cases transactional arrangement.

  58. “Most women settle for sex because they crave intimacy, and are desperate to be held and touched.” This line is such a stand out for me. The craving to be held by a man has led me to every sexual encounter I have ever had – most of these encounters were abusive, however, I craved intimacy so much I was happy to trade sex for a few minutes in a man’s arms. Through presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been able to see through this abusive pattern and begin to put an end to it.

  59. Such a beautifully simple yet profound blog Anne – you’ve debased what sex really is – relief!
    And broadened the understanding that love isn’t just about the physical act in the bedroom – it is about everything we do and are together. Actually, making love isn’t just reserved for our partners either, making love is the activity of the Love we feel within when we are connected and this can be expressed to everyone we meet. Obviously the bedroom activity is a private thing, but the activity of Love can be in how we talk to the check-out-chick. Honouring Love is an every moment opportunity.

  60. Thank you for outlining here Anne that it is not any one genders fault in the disconnection of having sex. Both men and women play their part and get what they think they want out of the other. We cannot blame it on the men or women – but when the woman is connected to her Cervix, there is no way she can allow sex or relief to enter as it actually communicates abuse.

  61. This is a a great line Anne, “… we have to be still before we can know love.” If my mind and body are filled with thoughts, reactions, raciness etc then without stillness I cannot feel the love that I am.

  62. The most amazing thing is that our bodies know whether they are being offered something true or loving or something else. So when it comes to making decisions about sex and making love, or partnerships, our whole body says yes or no – it makes life super simple.

  63. I have found it is not easy to open the body to sex alone, it knows that isn’t it. We will do so out of need, such as to be accepted,to feel accepted, to fit in, to feel ‘normal’ (everybody is doing it, right?), and to try and fill the empty gap we feel where love is supposed to be. A sandwich is tasteless without the filling. Love is the filling and it doesnt actually need the sandwich.

  64. After reading your beautiful blog I don’t want to have sex anymore. Sex is out and making love is in – that would be really a big change in the world if that would be the new part of our way of living.

  65. Thank you Anne, this is a beautiful piece on lovemaking . . .”Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others”

  66. We crave true intimacy but because we fear letting go the walls we have built to protect us, we seek its substitute and as such we use sex to find relief for the pain we feel from not living the love that we are.

  67. So beautifully you present this Anne – as a man yes I have definitely felt the need to perform even though it feels fake and not truly making love. As a man I have also felt that there is a huge difference in having sex and making love. The choice to whatever is preferred came from me being and allowing myself to be gentle and tender with myself first. Then it was quite natural to want to make love instead of having sex.

  68. I love that connection lies at the foundation of making love… as it should be with everything in life…. It is the divine glue that holds us together and inspires us to be all we are and can be.

  69. Beautifully explained Anne. In our heads making love and having sex are interlinked, yet our bodies know that in truth they are on the opposite ends of a scale that has True Love at one end and Abuse at the other.

  70. It’s interesting that there is so much talk of and focus on sex in this world, we settle for pure function and physicality when there is something so much greater available, which is the making love you speak of. We tend to see things in a quite compartmentalised way, so it’s a new concept to realise making love stems from living a loving life and is a natural extension of a whole day’s activities.

    1. Yes agreed, we all miss out immensely when we focus on sex which leaves us feeling even emptier than we did before. It is not really a new concept because we have always known love and making love but it appears a new concept because virtually no one is living it.

  71. Wow Anne. This is just beautiful. There is so much of a focus on sex in our culture, in fact we are taught that relationships can’t survive without it but perhaps the truth is that most of us have not truly committed to being and making love and there is much more to relationships than ‘survival’.

  72. Reading this again Anne I am wondering why no-one told me the difference between making love and having sex? Probably because no-one around me was living this level of integrity and truth, it would be great if this was part of sex-education at schools as it would empower and support young men and women to know the difference and to choose what feels true for them.

  73. Making love does start with loving ourselves, without this as our foundation how can we love another, and yes, ‘Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love.’ Absolutely.

  74. This is beautiful Anne and an understanding that is so needed out in the world where emptiness reins in almost all relationships because the connection to the love we are deep within has been lost by us all and we have given up on it. But it always remains but a connection away.

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