What is the Difference between Having Sex and Making Love?

By Anne Malatt 

For most of us, having sex and making love have meant the same thing.

In truth, we all know the difference, for we all know what love is, and that we are love, but we have given up on the possibility of ever being it and finding it.

Most men settle for sex, using it for release and relief. But men live in fear that they won’t be good enough and they will be rejected.

Most women settle for sex because they crave intimacy, and are desperate to be held and touched. Women know sex is not love, but they go along with what men want, because they fear men will leave them and many don’t feel good enough about themselves to be on their own.

Sex is an act, which we use for release and relief, because we crave intimacy, to bind ourselves together. We use it in many ways, but we are always using the other as an object to get what we want.

Making love is a state of being, a way of life. Love is a living stillness, so we have to be still before we can know love. In that stillness we feel who we truly are. Making love starts with loving ourselves, slowly letting go of what is not love, and letting ourselves be the love we truly are, and then sharing that love with others.

Making love can be taking a walk together, preparing food, sharing a meal, talking, cuddling, or anything.  If we are making love, we don’t really need to do anything. To make love we need first to connect to ourselves and the love that we are. Once we are connected, we know that everyone else is that same love, equally so. So then it is easy to connect to another, any other, in and with love.

If we share our lives with another person and live this way, it is only a matter of time before our bodies want to come together, in love. The connection is what matters. In that connection, we are enough.  There is no fear of rejection, no fear of not being good enough, no feelings of worthlessness or self-loathing, no need to do anything.

We can be still with each other, we can be gentle, we can be playful, and we can let our bodies come together.

Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.

My understanding of this has been inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

134 thoughts on “What is the Difference between Having Sex and Making Love?

  1. I love this Anne, so to the point and setting things straight. There are so many myths and ideals we have around what making love is. It is a way of living. “If we share our lives with another person and live this way, it is only a matter of time before our bodies want to come together, in love.” Simply beautiful.

  2. Like this article is saying, everything is just an extension or a reflection of what you already are and so, “Making love is whatever you like, as long as you are connected, in love.” So if we get to a point and we say ‘we are this’ then that ‘this’ is the sum total of every step we have walked to that point. So making love doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts from how you live in every moment before. It makes life super simple, live in every moment to the best of your ability what it is you are seeing that is truly needed and from there everything else will be touched by that same care and dedication. A reflection at any point isn’t truly for what has just happened, it’s a reflection for everything you are or you are not, it’s brings to you all you have lived to that point.

  3. Very true and very simple. When we do not afford to lose any opportunity in connection, we are committed to this love first with ourselves and also with our partner, and this connection can only naturally be shared with others. Living this connection with our partner in a day to day commitment, it is simply natural for our bodies to want to come close together, be it in sexual intercourse or any other form of movement, including doing nothing.

  4. This exquisite, undemanding, clear and practical presentation of love is what every intimate relationship in the world needs to read.

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