by Lucy, Sydney, Australia
For many years I made it all about ‘Serge said’. I used to go away to this place ‘up north’, where it was quiet and there was only me to look after. There were lots of people around but none of them were physically asking me to do anything for them. I would come back and have all these grand plans to change lots of things that in my opinion had contributed to my overwhelm, and all of these changes were to be ‘implemented’ as quickly as possible. Yet the moment I walked though the door I would be faced with all that I had left behind. The way it usually ran was that I would have a major dummy-spit by the morning of day one – and usually before anyone had even left the house!I never really liked confrontation so my mind would work overtime to see how I could get my own way without being the bad guy – without standing out too much as being the person who was calling for change. I had done this from young: I would often say to my sister, “Dad told me to say you weren’t allowed to be nasty to me in front of your friends at school any more”, or some other thing I wanted to have happen. The key was to make sure that the person you said it to was unlikely to check with the person you said it about. I did the same here with Serge Benhayon and my husband and kids.
Never before had I felt something I had learnt to be true so strongly – I had felt this stillness in my body and I had lived it for two days. All of a sudden there was an alternative to the way I had been living, and in that space that I had connected to in me, I didn’t feel any overwhelm. It felt unfamiliar, but it came from me – I did it, it was me. So I had to ask… why couldn’t I do it at home…?
I don’t do things by halves and I wanted to feel like that again as soon as possible, so somehow I had to get these other people who lived in my house ‘on my side’ (I know it reads really bad but that is how it was!). I was feeling huge amounts of overwhelm and needed a way out. However… and this is a big however… I did not put it into practice myself – I instructed everyone else how to do it and then did a version of it myself. I created a picture of what I thought it looked like to live this way, trying all the while to re-create what I had felt during the courses. I think I lived like this, spouting must-dos from my courses, for about the first three or four years.
I had to ask… Why did I live with this ‘Serge said to’ mentality when he NEVER DID?! Serge actually said quite the opposite! He always said not to take his word for it and to feel it for ourselves – what felt right and what didn’t. He shared simple ways for us to connect to our bodies by doing a gentle breath meditation, then shared how important it was to take that into everything that we did – so it did not become a practice of doing one thing over here, and another the moment you get up. He said to discern if it feels right – give it a go, get to know your body; in other words, look after it by not ignoring it. Most of all he said try it for yourself BEFORE you share it. Well, that was the bit I chose not to hear.
I was a practitioner at this point, and I had made my identity about fixing everyone else, so I didn’t hear Serge Benhayon say work with yourself first. I have asked myself why so many times. All I can come back with is that I didn’t want to see that how I lived affected everything I did. The choice to look at myself and what I was choosing day-to-day was harder (or at least I perceived it to be much harder) than looking at my family and blaming them for my overwhelm and for how we were living. Besides, I could be one person in the treatment room with my clients, and then relax at home… couldn’t I?
We lived like this for years – everyone building up resentment towards Serge. My mental, ‘how-to’ approach to our life really frustrated my husband who was very outspoken about it. My kids had much less choice – I pulled the adult, ‘I know better’ card. I can only say that it became such a familiar pattern that in the end I didn’t even know I was doing it. I would hear Serge talk about it – people who lived from the knowledge yet didn’t apply it to their way of living, and thought ‘well that is not me, because we are clearly living it’. And we were… to a point. The picture looked good, but underneath there was such resentment about it that it was yet another situation in my life where it looked good on the surface, but was a mess if you looked any deeper.
One day my kids were old enough to point out the dual standards that I lived with and presented to different people, depending on my level of respect for them. The trigger for this comment came from what they had observed when people came to stay. The house would be cleaned to a different standard, what I deemed to be bad or rude behaviour was out, conversations changed. I did the ‘swan routine’ – all good on the surface but underneath my feet were going ten to the dozen to keep it all afloat. It was different depending on who came as well, so depending on how comfortable I was with what they saw; this was directly reflected in the level of anxiety and the picture to be upheld.
Apparently I was much nicer to our guests than to my children. Much more caring… I was dumbfounded – what did they mean? I broke my back for them every day; how could they be so ungrateful? Oh, there it is again, the martyr who finds herself in deep overwhelm. So this was the moment that created an opening for me to have a look.
It all came tumbling down. I could see that I valued some more than others, and treated them accordingly. In fact there was a direct correlation between the level of fear of being found out and the level of smokescreen put up. I didn’t want to be found out, I didn’t want anyone to know it was just surface because I didn’t know where to start if I had to look. In those years – and I suspect they are more than three – I not only irritated the pants off my husband and kids, but alienated many friends who I am sure felt judged by me. What a gift that my kids spoke up; what a gift they found the words that I could hear.
I shared with them that I was writing this and asked what it had been like for them. One of them said that it was really hard to listen to me because it all sounded like ‘blah blah blah’… another said that she learnt that other people’s opinions are more important than her own. Just writing this piece has meant we are able to talk about how harming what I did was.
My husband met Serge on a number of occasions and every time he was the same, they got on really well. Serge met him as he did everyone else – it didn’t matter that he didn’t go to courses and had no intention of going. It didn’t even matter that when my husband met Serge he was carrying this frustration that ‘Serge was telling us all what to do’, because the moment my husband met Serge, it was clear Serge wasn’t asking us to do anything – never had and never would! It was all my re-interpretation. It was the same when he met the rest of Serge’s family. What I know to be true is that if my husband hadn’t met Serge and his family and spent time talking with them, we probably would not be together now. I did a great disservice to all that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon stand for, I alienated my family from a way of living that is simply about love, and made my marriage so complicated. Where was the love that I had been living?!
My husband and children put up with way more than I would have! They showed me in the months and years that followed what love was. They are very willing to change some of the raciness of our day-to-day, and enjoy having me less distracted and therefore less irritable. The mothering (or smothering as I like to call it) has reduced and we are developing a much more supportive relationship. We often have conversations about situations we are all experiencing, and between us, we share. My daughter’s lack of trust in herself is a reflection for me as mine is for her, and we have installed a large radar – which if it were physical would definitely need planning permission – which is on the hunt for any hint of the old way of talking from my head!
I watch for it every day, but now the pressure is off and having been ‘outed’, there is no need to share, to teach or to save. I just enjoy getting to know myself and seeing what consequences that has on my stress levels and in the house. It took a little getting used to – no-one asked for my opinion or advice for ages, and it wobbled me… but I just kept bringing myself back to remembering that I must do it for me. If I don’t, then I have learnt nothing, and that is not the case. The patience and love that my husband, children, friends, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine showed me has inspired me to remember who I am, to choose to feel it all, and only speak from experience without a hint of “Serge said”!
I asked my daughter if she found life different now… She didn’t answer, just reached over and changed the track on the CD I was playing to get to ‘Claiming It’, looked at me… and smiled.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Life can be very overwhelming when we take on the responsibility of other people’s choices, especially if we are invested in how and what they are choosing and wanting it to be different.
I love the way you write Lucy and I absolutely love how real you are about this . . . I must say I cannot imagine you ‘putting it on’ and ‘swanning’ about. It just goes to show how we can present as the exact opposite of who we are when we are not prepared to be ourselves.
Children have a beautiful way of observing when we are true to ourselves or not.
Unfortunately I too fell into the mind trap of needing others to confirm so that I could live how I wanted to. As this did not ask me to look at myself and the way I was living. It is deeply humbling to accept the destruction this causes, but incredibly powerful to claim it and let go of the life of trying and begin to live the simplicity of Love.
I can relate with what you shared in regard to, hearing what Serge said and it making so much sense that I came home and likewise wanted to share with others and fix them before embodying and living it for myself, ‘I did not put it into practice myself – I instructed everyone else how to do it and then did a version of it myself.’
I appreciate your honesty Lucy, yes Serge Benhayon has always told us to feel what he presents and if it feels true to then live it, to be love, never to go out and preach about it.
I have taken on board a great deal of what Serge has said because so much of it makes sense, but when it comes to food choices, I falter. Giving up wheat and dairy and sugar has been no problem, the benefits have been amazing, and I have no reason to return to those foods, but the detail of what else I eat varies enormously, because I am still not fully sensitive to how certain foods feel in my body.
Lucy every word of this blog was a joy to read. I felt as though you invited me into your home (without cleaning up or putting on a show). “try it for yourself BEFORE you share it” I should post these words up somewhere prominent. I get so enthusiastic when someone presents truth that I have not heard before but I’ve noticed that other people are not inspired the way that I am if I pass on what I have learned without living it first.
How gorgeous that your swan routine was exposed by those who had observed what was happening, allowing you to reflect on what you were choosing and also unknowingly imposing …and giving you the opportunity to reassess and bring in truth in congruence. One of my greatest lessons in life was to be true to who I am and not manufacture or deliver a facade for another… and be okay with just being me.
This is such a beautiful blog to come back to, to hear how you, like many of us were so bowled over by what Serge Benhayon was presenting that we wanted to tell the world – before we were actually living it. I have since learned, like you, that speaking from just the knowledge of what we’ve heard or read alienates people, feels like judgement and does nothing to inspire change. It feels weird to learn that we don’t have to say anything, or give advice, we simply have to live in connection with our bodies and following the impulses of the inner heart. The authority and wisdom that comes from our livingness is way more powerful than anything we can say.
Lucy,
This is an incredibly honest sharing, one that I too experienced as I am sure many do. I for one could not begin to believe that how I had lived for all of my life had not been true. This belief stymied me for years. However slowly, but steadily, I too connected deeper to my body and what I had not wanted to believe was obvious, but no longer did it hold power, as in my body I found it easy to accept and to then adjust my level of care for myself. This then began to expand to the same care for others. A very powerful learning, that no one said so, but one that I know to be true, because I feel it.
This was a great blog Lucy, and a great healing for many closet ‘Serge says’ chanters. . . families across the world must be rejoicing that the truth is out after all they have had to put up with. . . I know that my kids, some 13 years ago, when I first started attending Universal Medicine, would mimic me and I would be horrified as I sounded just how I never ever wanted to be caught sounding . . .spouting hearsay like a crazed women; instead of living what had been presented I was just talking about it.
A supremely honest and revealing account of some of the patterns we can find ourselves in as students when we adopt new knowledge and in our enthusiasm or well-meaningness, attempt to impose it on others. You show how just being ourselves, making steady changes in our own choices, learning and reflecting along the way and having no expectations of others around us – ever – is the best way for others to feel the truth of their own choices for themselves and to then be free to choose different choices – but only if they choose. Mothering or smothering – love it.
Thankyou for this blog Lucy. I can so relate. When I first came to the work I ‘knew’ I had all the answers – because ‘Serge said’ – which of course he hadn’t – and of course this annoyed many friends and I lost a few. I was coming from knowledge, rather than living what I had learned and been inspired by. I had gained some knowledge, but not the wisdom to use it – or be it – or live it. I now know that I just have to live being me in full. If others ask, then great – if not – then that’s cool too.
I agree, Sue, I was so inspired by everything Serge presented, I wanted the whole world to know, but no-one was interested in listening – of course not, because I wasn’t living what I was talking about, and they couldn’t feel the truth in anything I said. So now I share only what I live, and am amazed at the changes happening around me.
“…there is no need to share, to teach or to save.” There is no need to ‘do’ anything, it’s all about simply being; being all the love we are in full. Magic happens.
Highlights how we can’t change anyone, instead it will back fire.
Live your way and it will naturally show and inspire others, it is their choice to change or not.
I can remember when I first attended Serge’s workshops or listened to the audios, It was about “Serge said”, The teachings hadn’t been embodied or truly lived and could only be spoken about. A beautifully honest account of you discovering you. Thank you Lucy.
Lucy, what a great blog you’ve shared. I felt so relieved reading because your honesty is much needed in this world. I often feel like in all my conversations there is a huge elephant in the room! There is so much we need to just express honestly about how we feel, about ourselves and others, and about life. How refreshing to read your words. Recently I’ve been observing how easy it is for others to talk about another person’s behaviour, however it’s not so common to be blatantly honest like you have been about yourself. That takes great humility too. There is such a fear to be seen as imperfect and to allow oneself to be vulnerable in expressing the realities of how we are living, and perhaps be open to judgement. For me it was a huge healing to read your words. I definitely still carry embarrassment and shame about myself being imperfect, instead of seeing myself as someone learning. Thanks for offering me more self acceptance.
a beautiful blog. Truly exposing to the way that we try and put on a show for people, so we can not truly be honest and open with people. I must admit I have also done this at time, but its good that my family won’t let me get away with it. Thanks for sharing it is always a great reminder to keep being open and not settling for anything less than truth in our relationships.
I am inspired by your honesty and commitment to love and truth, Lucy. I often fall into the same trap – thinking that if the rest of the family played ball, I wouldn’t be in such overwhealm. Over time, I am learning that all I have to do is live love and have no expectations of anyone else – still a work in progress for me.
Thank you Lucy, for such a deeply honest sharing. I can certainly relate to this, but from the opposite perspective – I have shared very little and keep it to myself, with the occasional little bit here and there. The effect is exactly the same – alienation and my relationship and home makes it glaringly obvious what I am not bringing. I can feel an idealised way underneath provoking this too. If this happens, then it will be all okay – something along those lines. What I am coming to understand is that it’s not about us changing anyone, not even ourselves (for there is nothing to change), but accepting and appreciating who we are and therefore who everyone else is too and cherishing the moments that we all truly share.
Amazing how we tie ourselves up in knots wanting everyone else to get what Serge Benhayon presents when all we have to do is LIVE it. They all then get to see the changes that occur naturally in us from that and can be inspired if they so choose. You’ve highlighted how damaging it can be when we don’t express from the truth of our own livingness – something I’ve been guilty of as well!
What a courageous, honest and inspiring piece Lucy – thank you so much. There is so much here that we can all relate to that supports us back to keeping things simple by returning to developing our connection and relationship with ourselves first. I remember about 5 years ago I was making it about others and how they needed to become more aware and change the way they were living – rather than looking to me and what I was doing and how I was doing what I was doing. After Universal Medicine presentations like you I was keen to share all I had learned with my family – but it wasn’t from what I had lived and truly learned – it was all from the head and ‘telling them ‘ what to do. So of course it just alienated them, and rather than building truly loving relationships, it was creating more of a divide between us.
Since then – as you did, I have come back to building my relationship with me, enjoying me again and I am just naturally me when I am with them – what a relief for them !! I don’t give them messages anymore , I am accepting them as they are more and more, and there are way more moments of real connection which is a miracle from where we were. These moments are just golden and feel like the stepping stones to us building true loving relationships.
This is so beautifully honest – thank you.
I know I have been there and seen in others close to me the ‘Serge said’ mentality – but like you share here it was as if I was putting up a smokescreen to counter the fear of what I wasn’t living at all.
This is a great blog for me to read and really look at why my behaviours are what they are, and who I am really making choices for.
Building awareness is different for everyone and happens in the person’s own time What is true that there is everything around us waiting to support us, all we need to do is ask. As you have experienced Luzy, there is a huge difference in knowing something from your head and knowing it through your body because you are living it. A very powerful blog speaking honestly of the pitfalls we can all fall into and how by being opening to hearing the truth can truly change your life. Thankyou
Beautiful blog Lucy and a great lesson in returning back to love. Your blog shows me that we have to work every day on our return, since we cary many deep hidden beliefs that are frustrating us in living the esoteric way of life in full. If we have countered one, another will pop up. But I have also experienced that our dedication to the love that is living equally in all of us, will eventually always prevail because once chosen to return to love and by claiming that that is our way we want to live, love will be fed back to us in supporting us in all the work we have to do.
What a beautiful statement – “our dedication to the love that is living equally in all of us, will eventually always prevail because once chosen to return to love and by claiming that that is our way we want to live, love will be fed back to us in supporting us in all the work we have to do.” Thank you.
Lucy your honesty is so refreshing and I found myself squirming as I remember those “Serge said” days – the evangelical phase of my life! I remember being so excited that I had finally found what I had been searching for, for so long, and simply wanted everyone else to know as well. And as with your family, it caused a few challenging moments, but once I truly began to listen to Serge’s words and stopped preaching and starting living, my relationship with my family slowly began to change. Coming to your article this morning was so timely as one of my adult children who has been overseas for most of the 10 years of my journey with Universal Medicine, is back home and feeling very unsettled and frustrated that her mother is not the mother she remembers, so with your wise words to remind me there will definitely not be any “Serge said” moments, as she gets to know me again and me, her.
I love the honesty of your writing Lucy as it so reflects a way of being that I too have lived (perhaps still living to some degree). It’s so true that we can live life from knowledge rather than actually applying what we learn to our life and really embodying it. I can feel how this effects others, where if it is felt from your livingness what is felt is the truth of you – vastly different!
Such a beautiful ending to this blog Lucy. Super cute from your daughter.. I too have done what you have explained..Seen what it can be like and got upset when I went home and it wasn’t like this. Rather then being understanding and living life from me I would try and fix it to get it to be a different way. It’s amazing how understanding and patient those around you can be when your mixed up in all that.
What a great blog Lucy, so very honest. You expose the greatest mistake we make as Esoteric Students… to sprout knowledge instead of living what is known and speaking only from that. It’s something everyone does at times and I certainly have, but seeing the real harm is important as the recipient is left with nothing but the emptiness of words accompanied by the imposition of ‘I know better and here’s what you should be doing’. Nothing could be more alienating in truth… and nothing could be more of a turn-off. A beautiful piece of writing though, thank you.
Lucy this is gold. I realise now I don’t need to be selling anything to anyone, “I just need to get to know myself ” more. This has allowed me to reflect on where I am with my husband and people around me. This isn’t about Serge and Universal Medicine, this is about where I am in my livingness/ where I am with me being the real me
I have to own up to the same Rowena. It wasn’t so much the ‘Serge said’ bit, but my interpretation of it. I did things from a base of applying my new awareness to every situation with my life and friends, rather than feeling it for myself, and when I reflect on that, yes it was defensive. I’m sure I became very dull and boring. Now the defences are almost down, I’m getting on with love, and the joyous child I remember is coming out to play.
Our whole education system has been based on learning what someone says, and many erudite academic articles and books published around the world are based on quotes from other people. How refreshing it will be when all our schools encourage children to feel and trust their own inner wisdom, when we learn that what we FEEL guides what we know. We have that amazing opportunity to do it now, with a World Teacher who is already presenting that way of learning in The School of the Livingness.
Lucy this candid post is gold- as are you. You are a great lead example of swallowing your pride, becoming real and building a true life from within. I love how you appreciate and acknowledge your loving husband and family and how much they put up with as during this period the student is often stuck in thinking they ‘have it together’ and are a victim of putting up with their family when as you expose it is the opposite.
Thanks Lucy. I along with I’m sure many others have tried to pull the ‘do this because so and so said to…’ card. And if not that card, then certainly the card where we use someone else as an example of why we should do something a certain way. It’s interesting how clever we are at avoiding responsibility and being accountable for our actions.
Took me some time to realise that I wasn’t living my truth and allowing made up instructions to rule my life, while denying that I was doing that of course. Today I am far more aware of my behaviour even if at times I can feel myself slipping into self righteous mode and still choose not to stop myself. But, I stop myself more these days than I used to and the more I work on that the more of a true example I can be, rather than a false one.
Thank you Lucy, for speaking so openly about what I too have done in the past. It is great to reflect on it and see the changes in what I now say, how I live with the information presented by Serge Benhayon and how that is what is now mostly communicated, with great response. My livingness is what speaks, and it has the most beautiful things to say.
So right Lucy, and it’s so easy to get lost in the enthusiasm for when something feels so true, to want to share and expect others to get it instantly — but if we don’t actually live it ourselves, then we only bore our loved ones to death with endless rants about this great thing that they don’t see any proof of in front of them. Learnt that one the hard way.
Lucy, I can so relate to your blog, both in the alienation of family and friends and in the huge turnaround towards genuinely loving and supportive relationships which has come from my commitment to my own relationship with myself, being more honest and willing to be vulnerable.
I still slip into telling others what to do, because I want things to be a certain way, and want them to be a certain way, for my own benefit. It certainly isn’t a loving way to be, it is controlling and trying to create an ideal way that I think is good. It certainly isn’t something I learnt from Universal Medicine or Serge Benhayon, it is something I’d developed long ago to cope with life, but with their support I have been able to see it and start letting go of it, to be more understanding and excepting of myself and others, allow myself to get to know myself, and make more loving choices to support myself so I don’t have to wait for what I want to come from outside. If we’re willing to be honest, there will be plenty of sure signs to show us wether we’re living what Universal Medicine presents or not…
There’s an immense pressure we place on ourselves when we’re endeavouring to live-up to an ideal.
My experience has been one of trying to be the ideal man (looks, cash, stature etc), you know the good old western ideal. Followed closely by the new Esoteric ideal man (gentle, together, connected etc). The second has been almost worse and certainly I relate to this article with it in mind.
Ever so slowly I’m accepting myself for the awesome I am and not persecuting myself for the ‘room to improve’ moments that come-up. The ‘try-hard’ in me is dissipating.
Great blog with bold honesty. Thank you.
Thank you Lucy for such a beautiful article, it is all about us and coming back to be with what we are truly feeling. This took some time for me to get used to, especially since I have spent most of my life being the carer and helper, and not wanting me at all. I love your words “I just enjoy getting to know myself”. This quote from Serge Benhayon touches me deeply “Enjoy being you there is no greyer joy”.
That’s so cute the way your daughter expressed that!
I had also gone into this way and had to be outed as well, there were signs along the way from family and friends but I didn’t listen, until the situation was more serious where if I didn’t change I would actually put my job in jeopardy and that is where I changed. It’s much better not living that way anymore and properly connecting with people, working hard and committing to life.
Lucy I love your honesty, it is so beautifully funny and so inspiring. I am sure many have made similar mistakes with our families before our awareness developed. Luckily the love and patience offered by most has forgiven all impositions as yours have. This is also such a gorgeous reminder that when we choose to connect to who we are and live that just for us and no other, that the depth and beauty our relationships can unfold with as you have experienced, is an additional delight on top of the loveliness we feel within ourselves.
Wow Lucy, the level of honesty in your blog in mind-blowing. As you said, you did a great dis-service to Universal Medicine. With attitudes like the ones you refer to, it is not hard to see why some partners and family members may profoundly dislike Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon for unjustified reasons.
Lucy thank you so much for sharing and I loved your description of the swan routine (along with feeling a big ouch at my own version!). You have revealed the different layers of imposing what you want to happen on other people rather than just getting on with living and making different choices. I was arrogant enough to think I didn’t do this because I never went round saying ‘Serge said’ because I knew it would turn my family off having grown up with parents who tried to impose their beliefs on us. I am now realising I have still been manipulative in trying to get my own way and done a lot of judging others rather than just taking responsibility for my life and choices up to now.
Thank you Lucy for your honest account. I am guilty of the same mission. Just a little different setting as I don’t have kids, but I played it out with my family and friends.
It makes such a difference to share it with them from the joy of living it rather than preaching about something I heard someone said could work.
Thank you for sharing so honestly Lucy. I wonder how many people initially say, ‘Serge said’ and judging another rather than looking within? I know I certainly did. Like Gyl I love the last sentence, “I asked my daughter if she found life different now… She didn’t answer, just reached over and changed the track on the CD I was playing to get to ‘Claiming It’, looked at me… and smiled.”
I love this blog Lucy, thank you so much for sharing. this last line blew me way “I asked my daughter if she found life different now… She didn’t answer, just reached over and changed the track on the CD I was playing to get to ‘Claiming It’, looked at me… and smiled.”
The depth of the truth you share has really resonated with me Lucy. It’s great that you’ve given this gift publicly because it’s just what so many need to hear.
To me, “work with yourself first” is just about the best suggestion for all practitioners to follow. How can you help someone when you have no idea about similar problems in yourself and are not living what you recommend? The same could be said for anyone, not just practitioners, as all of us are in some way supporting the healing of others in the way that we live and that we relate.
I love this ‘all of us are in some way supporting the healing of others in the way that we live and that we relate.’ Isn’t it amazing what we can offer once we start living it rather than trying to impose on others?
Yes it is absolutely amazing!
Thank you so much Lucy for putting the record straight on this “Serge said” business. Gosh I have heard it a thousand times and the Truth is SERGE NEVER EVER TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO. It is me, you and all those who chose to re-interpret and mis-interpret what is being presented.
Like you Lucy, I do not do things by halves so it was full commitment and on board trying to make choices in the beginning and then expecting my husband to change because that is what I heard was going to work. Utter utter nonsense. Nothing ‘worked’ and in truth nothing really changed.
What I have come to realise after 9 years is that my body has its own agenda and its time. My job is to listen to it. Giving up certain foods because I heard what it does to the body will not work. I had to try it for myself and then when I could feel a reaction or an aversion, I was ready to give it up. Example – raspberries had to be eaten to fill the boring bus or train journey. Last year I felt aweful as my breathing had changed and I got off at the bus stop and chucked them in the bin and actually said “goodbye”. I have never ever had the craving or the feeling to even want to buy them again. My body dislikes them now and I will honour my body. This is one food and I am doing this with other foods too, slowly slowly and knocking out any beliefs I have about them and letting my body be the decider.
How good does it feel to be outed like that! its a big ‘Ah-hah’ moment. and a lot of weight drops off your shoulders. I played a similar role in my family and tried to be the leader (controller) but now I realise that just by giving everyone space, we have much more love in our relationship, and we are having a lovely time as a family together again. This is more beautiful than anything the other way.
Really beautiful blog and thanks for sharing!
Thanks Lucy – this is very easy to relate to, and I can so clearly see the damage of playing the ‘someone says’ game with friends and family. It is a disservice both to Serge Benhayon and his work, and to those that I am trying to persuade. As a way of communicating it definitely does not work.
Lucy, that was wonderful. What I found most interesting is that the least loving person was the one who told other people what to do. I am lucky – I get a fierce headache when I tell other people what to do but otherwise there is no telling how much I would be tempted to tell other people what to do.
It is really strange how this great urge to tell the world doesn’t work. We have to live it first and then the urge to tell others what to do goes away.
Great blog Lucy about taking responsibility for our own choices.
I can absolutely relate to passing the buck in this way. I was so eager to FIX everyone around me…in fact my entire focus was on “them”, my loved ones. I felt most of my problems came from my families unhappiness and pain…so if I could just FIX them then I wouldn’t have to feel all that hurt…
I finally understand the meaning of ” try it for yourself BEFORE you share it”, and I can see and feel how its not just ‘TRY it’ but it is “be doing it, be living it” before it will make any sense to anyone else.
I can see my patterns of focusing on other people as a way to avoid the really hard/scary stuff; my own work and self awareness! I am finally seeing real change in myself and my life, now that I have let go of many of my old ways of avoiding myself!
Thank you so much for writing this. It shows a process that many of us go through because we go to our default position of living life from our heads and not our hearts and certainly not our inner hearts, which makes the esoteric what it is. Thus we pronounce ourselves esoteric when we are far from that and we become alienated and others become alienated from us and/or the esoteric way of being.There is so much here for us in your blog. I feel touched by your honesty and willingness to share as you have and feel what a great service it is to everyone.
What a wonderful blog Lucy, I did cringe a bit knowing that I too have done ‘Serge said’ before beginning to deal with my own issues and learn to be me. It was from enthusiasm for the truth I had heard and felt but it doesn’t bring truth when I am not living it. So beautiful that now your family embrace the love you are living.
This is so beautifully reiterated Judy, that I have to quote you!
“It was from enthusiasm for the truth I had heard and felt but it doesn’t bring truth when I am not living it.”
I was puzzled and frustrated why this amazing truthful stuff just bounced off my family at first…and even caused reaction and anger. ..I was not living it then. Everything is shifting for the better now in me and my family as I live it more and talk about it less!
Lucy, I chuckled nearly the whole way through this. I can relate completely to what you have shared having done exactly the same myself in the pure over excitedment (if there is such a word!) of finding this truth and love that I had been shown and then reconnected to. Unfortunately I was too arrogant and impatient at the time to let others choose their own path without judgement and I am still having to rebuild relationships I pretty much single-handedly tore apart. What is beautiful though is that I am now able to build from a much truer foundation, because I am much more aware of myself within the world. In that the relationships are not laced with undertones of neediness, recognition, acceptance, or whatever else may have been at play before. I am constantly learning and evolving thanks to the undisputed commitment and love bestowed upon me by Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine.
What a joy of a post Lucy. ‘Swan routine’ – priceless! And you must have seen me ‘swimming’ close by 😉
What is so super amazing about Serge and the way he is, is that the words he utters when presenting are not believable because of their dictionary definition but because they arrive from the way he lives – he doesn’t engage in a ‘semantic game’. We can all say whatever words we want, most carefully chosen, laced with politeness, kindness, niceness and all the ‘nesses’ of this World, but if we do not live them, they remain just that – bare words.
Your story has left me with the most beautiful smile of contentment, even though my eyes swelled up with tears towards the end – tears of joy. Thank you doesn’t express adequately, but the feeling is what you will get 🙂