Goodbye Peter Jackson

by Tony Steenson, Coraki, Australia

I started smoking cigarettes when I was twelve, my first year of high school. It started out as something I would do on the weekend at my friend’s house… we thought we were so cool. A year later I was smoking daily. Sure, it was only one or two a day, but it was a regular occurrence before school. By the time I was fifteen I always had cigarettes with me as I was earning money and had the ability to do so. Twenty years ago the laws on tobacco sales weren’t as strict as they are now and there were always a few shops where an underage kid could buy some smokes.

The ciggies stayed with me through my teenage years and my twenties until I was around 30. Gee, they were loyal – they were there in the good times and the bad, just an arm’s length away all the time. I always knew cigarettes were bad for you, but by this time they had quite a grip on me (I was smoking 20-30 daily) and I did want to stop.

It was around this time I had an appointment with Serge Benhayon for the first time, and I remember leaving his place feeling like I wasn’t even breathing, but so alive at the same time. I wanted a smoke but didn’t want to let go of what I was feeling. Two hours later Peter Jackson was in my mouth doing what he does – he always used to get his own way.

Over the next year or so as I tried to give up, I took note of when and why I smoked – because I could stop, but I could just as easily start again. I noticed I smoked when I was bored, lonely, sad, driving, to fill in time; when things were getting too much was when I could really get into them. There were heaps of times when I did smoke but not many when I didn’t, and I was also realising that I wasn’t really happy much of the time. I was using cigarettes to make me feel better, as silly as it may sound. As I started to re-build myself with the support of Universal Medicine and its practitioners, I found that I could feel great without smoking, so the more I made choices in life to support me, the better I felt – and the less I needed to smoke.

I haven’t smoked now for about four years and don’t crave them at all. Infrequently I like the smell but I know that when this happens, I am not feeling as great as I normally do and understand why. It’s great, my health is so much better, I have more money and the most important thing is I look at my problems now – instead of lighting-up, blowing smoke out my mouth and nostrils and pretending I’m a dragon.

119 thoughts on “Goodbye Peter Jackson

  1. Brilliant blog Ariana, you’ve shared so honesty and openly about your experience with smoking and it makes so much sense that it is not just about looking cool. Deep down there is a level of self-loathing before any self abusive choices are made.

  2. Goodness the thought of pretending to be a dragon makes me laugh and then I remember that these are the precious lungs, the only lungs we have to breath. Taking time to understand why we smoke is the only way to give up, otherwise, as you say, we are always one step away from falling off the wagon.

  3. When we reflect honestly on our lives lived over the years we mostly can say that we have always had an inner-knowing of what is and what is not ‘good’ for us, what does and what does not feel true. Because we have not grown up learning to honor and be guided by our bodies, we more often than not overlook the wisdom of our bodies reflecting the truth to us, and allow unloving choices and behaviours take the lead. It is life changing when we begin to honor the truth felt in our bodies as we then begin to live in honor of who we are, the love we are and deserve to live.

  4. I gave up smoking over 20 years ago, and it feels like another life, but back then I needed them, they were very much a part of my life throughout my 20’s … I took my time giving them up and one day realised that I lit up a cigarette to avoid connecting with someone and in that instance I saw myself blowing smoke screens around me to hide from people and life and decided no more. And then I began the process of living my life without them and taking the time to care and know more and it continues today.

  5. Stopping an addiction based on will doesn’t sustain. Only if we choose real love for ourselves we can stop these built in patterns. And just like giving up sugar, gaming or alcohol, to stop smoking asks you to wish for a body filled with love instead of with smoke and poison.

    1. I absolutely agree Monika, choosing to embrace self-love supports us to drop and discard any unloving choices. For years, I knew sugar was not good for me but I couldn’t give it up completely, but once I embraced self-love, it was easy.

      1. Yes, and choosing to give ourselves permission to show the world our power and all of our love is also very beneficial in dropping unloving choices and habits. I have learned that my love for others also helped, for I could see how my sugar intake effected my contact with them.

  6. It’s pretty amazing that you could give up smoking Tony and with the support of Universal Medicine. Most of us don’t realise we can feel great without using something to temporarily prop us up, like sugar, carbs, smokes, alcohol, drugs – whatever it is. What I appreciated is the openness you shared this blog in as it is supportive to understand those who smoke and what they may be going through. And this makes sense too “I found that I could feel great without smoking, so the more I made choices in life to support me, the better I felt – and the less I needed to smoke.”. Ultimately we all want to feel good in ourselves but we may reach for self harming things to get us through, until we can learn to truly care for ourselves.

  7. I love how you got honest with yourself, and started to clock and understand the times you felt to have a cigarette, we can use smoking as a crutch to make us feel better about life, but in truth it only masks what we really feel, and when we allow ourselves to face what we are trying to mask, and are honest with ourselves things begin to change, beautiful how you found through the support of Universal Medicine you no longer felt the need to have a cigarette.

    1. I agree Sally, I feel that true healing comes with understanding ourselves and making different self-caring choices from that understanding, as opposed to using willpower to force our way through something.

  8. It is not enough to stop doing something we have identified as being not good for us, we actually need to treat ourselves more careful and loving to have a foundation on which we have the capacity to let go of the up to this point harming behaviour. That is the reason why so many fail to follow through with their good resolutions because there is nothing to carry them.

  9. It is interesting how we can make ourselves ‘feel better’ from a state of obviously not feeling good with means that definitely have no potential to do us anything good at all, but it works anyway as long as we accept taking the edge of some tension we don´t know or want to deal with is the best we know. The moment we have a reference of what it means to really feel good, i.e. not just relatively better than the bad state of being we like to relieve ourselves from, the means of relief are exposed for the harm on top of the bad we are already stuck with. Said simply, we need to know how good we can actually feel before we recognise ‘the previous normal good’ for what it actually is: not enough.

  10. I love how this article points out that smoking is a way to cover up our problems, issues and frustrations in our lives, and that when we begin to look at our lives and the things that need to be looked at smoking no longer is needed. Replace smoking with drinking, drug taking, gaming, excessive exercise etc and we then have the true way of letting go of our harmful behaviors.

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