Living from the Inside Out

by Victoria Picone, Byron Bay, Australia

My life is actually very simple these days, and I feel more in harmony with myself than ever before in my life. I now take time for myself, am allowing myself to truly self-care and actually feel the beauty and love that I am… the love and truth deep within us all, that we all hold equally.

When I look back, I feel like I have been on this massive merry-go-round which has led me back to myself.

Until about eight or nine years ago I had spent most of my life searching. I felt a kind of vacancy – something was missing. Even though I had a very good life I knew there was more to it, something deeper.

I became a very committed searcher for truth! I started with self-awareness courses and groups, of which I did many. I then began to investigate many spiritual practices, spiritual teachers and eastern philosophies. I spent long hours in silent meditation on retreats which I attended regularly, all throughout Asia. I also spent a few years doing vigorous daily yoga practices and attended many courses and trainings. I studied and read much in the hope of finding answers.

Although I had many interesting experiences and got in touch with a level of stillness within myself, I always found it very difficult to hold or bring this into my everyday life. I had my life, and then I had my retreat from life, my escape.

I was disillusioned with life as I saw it, and had lost trust in our world.

I lost my voice for six weeks (that is another story) – I had been to see a doctor and had some tests done but there was no medical explanation for it at that time. A friend then suggested I see Serge Benhayon.

I felt very much at home upon entering the clinic, even before meeting Serge… there was an overwhelming sense of love that was palpable. When I did meet Serge he wasn’t what I was expecting, he looked so normal – not like the images I had in my mind — though I could not question what I felt. Serge met me from a deep place of love and care ­– and I felt that love and care equally within ME. I was met in absolute equality. That was a pivotal moment, and I knew some things in my life would be changing.

I came to feel that possibly, the many concepts, practices and ideals I had adopted hadn’t truly helped me in my life long term. I still felt the vacancy and so I started to question and discern some of the knowledge I had been holding. I came to feel that I had developed a way of protection through these practices, using them to build a strong mind and body, to avoid feeling everything that I had been hurt by.

Over time there has been a steady unravelling of all of these spiritual concepts, ideals and beliefs that I was ‘armed’ with… along with the arrogance. This was not an easy time as I had quite an attachment to the knowledge I had accumulated and was identified by.

If I let all of this go, what would I be left with?

I realised I had always been searching for something outside of myself to make sense of the world and me in it. I started to see that this is like chasing one’s own tail – going round and around in circles in constant motion. This eternal quest was exhausting.

What has changed for me now is that I have stopped searching. I have been steadily building more self-love in my life by making simple choices based on what feels right in my body.

I now go to bed earlier. I don’t eat foods that make me feel bloated or heavy. I have let go of caffeine, alcohol and most sugars. The caffeine was the last to go and my nervous system loves me for it.

I now check in with myself to feel what energy I am living life in. I am more aware if I am rushing or if I am getting ahead of myself. What sort of ‘mood’ am I in, and how does this affect those I come into contact with?

I continue to become aware of all that I had gathered along the way that was getting in the way of me just feeling my natural lovely self as I am. The things that were getting in the way also stopped me from feeling everyone else’s natural loveliness.

The undoing continued.

I revisited the belief systems I had adopted around my lifestyle, relationships and dietary practices, and began to feel and listen to my body rather than impose those ideals on myself about how I should be, or what life should look like. I became aware of the protection I had built under the surface that was reflected in my toned and muscly body on the outside.

I was starting to become more honest.

For the first time I was truly taking responsibility for my choices. I was responding to life rather than being in reaction to it, which had led to most of my previous life choices. No more blaming anyone, or the world, for not being a certain way.

As I became more self-caring and loving I was naturally more loving in my interactions with others. As I allowed myself to be more open and gentle I became more gentle and loving with others. I could feel how we are all the same at our core and also how significant our choices are. This is a continual and deepening process.

I used to feel a lot of frustration with people and the world in general, wishing it to be different. My focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it – not in a ‘rah rah’ save the world way, but in the simple daily living of my life. Life makes sense now and there is a purpose to it. I feel a sense of joy when I feel the potential for humanity if we all began to truly self-care and honour the truth of who we are.

We can all choose to connect to our true essence through love, and it starts with very simple self-loving choices.

I used to live from the outside in and now I am living from the inside out.

Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom continue to be my inspiration.

65 thoughts on “Living from the Inside Out

  1. Thank you Victoria, I could really feel you in this, your beauty and the gentle way you are now with yourself, and this came through your writing. Reading it, I felt as if I was being gently touched by each word, and it has inspired me this morning to be open to a new level of gentleness with myself and others. My experience with life before Universal Medicine was also very much about searching outside of myself, looking out for truth and seeking an escape from life in an effort to not have to feel all the ‘yukky’ stuff. And it is true, since Universal Medicine I too am now able to feel (more and more each day) the beautiful essence of us all, realising that this can only be when we connect to it within ourselves first. There is no end to how much we can inspire and remind each other of truth. For it is within each of us!

  2. Victoria… a beautiful reflection and blessing for us all in how truthfully and simply you have expressed ….this is how the bridge is formed where we all can meet equally so!
    Thank you for that.
    Chrissy Caplice

  3. As I read your beautiful writing I felt ‘”this could be me!” – so many parallels from the start to the very finish.
    I relate completely too to having felt that frustration with people and the world in general and the needing of them/it to be ‘different’ ‘better’ etc.
    It has taken me a long while to come to the understanding, and practice of it, that the only way for the world to change is through me making loving and responsible choices around how I am in it. With myself first and thus naturally so with others and also with everything that happens (as a result of every choice). Funny and ironic isn’t it how the natural loveliness of others becomes more apparent when we allow ourselves to know and honour that same presence within us.
    That word ‘responsibility’.
    It seems like we mostly see it as something weighty and a bit daunting and generally nobody wants responsibility or even to take any (despite the fact that it is freely available everywhere:-).
    It feels so different now that many are beginning to see it like this:
    Response ‘ability’.
    My ability to respond rather than react, (the latter being what I have done with almost everything my whole life- not pleasant and absolutely no fun- it has been my experience that a reaction always leads to a consequence or two and then me blaming someone/something else for it – hah look at that – not taking responsibility!).
    A response to someone/something however; that stopping and feeling first, feels to me to be something that is undertaken in respect to the equal-ness of another/others/things.
    With reaction it feels there can be no equal-ness as we are usually left with a feeling of being either lesser than or greater than, winner or loser, crushed or triumphant.
    A ‘response ability’ has a wonderful potential, opens the way for something different and maybe greater… the possibility of ‘win-win’.
    Thank you Victoria for sharing this, you have given me the opportunity to expand my own understanding.

    1. Thank you both Victoria and Jeanette for this blog and comment, so many parallels I could also relate to. From the outside living from the inside appears to be a mountain too hard to climb but thats just an illusion. We are already in a body so living from the inside of it is not hard or impossible at all. It’s as simple as bringing our attention to the body like our feet or breath or hands, thats living from the body. When we bring our focus to the body we can feel the quality of the energy we allow through it, good, bad, ugly, glorious or the many other different qualities that energy can bring. When this is brought into the equation it makes life make more sense because we then have a history of the quality that made our situations in life, thus less reaction and more responding.

  4. Yes I totally agree Victoria – living from the inside out is so much more yummy than living from the outside in, which relies on the world to always validate & confirm me. Stepping off the recognition treadmill was one of the best things I chose to do about 7 years ago… I still catch myself stepping on as it is so easy to get caught in it, but my awareness is so much more fine tuned and ever developing to keep choosing a life of truth & simplicity. A simplicity that knows that what I do is not who I am… who I am is in the love I choose to bring in everything I do, say & think on a daily basis. And that love then meets me in the mirror every day.

  5. Beautiful Victoria, so simply put. I can feel the stillness in your writing, the true effect of ceasing the searching for something out there as you have come to find ‘it’ within your self. So glorious.

    1. So true Toni and in stark contrast to this exhaustion, tension and incompleteness of trying to look to the outside to find ourselves, – when we look within, there is expansion, joy, flow and completeness in every moment.

      1. I agree Angela – living under the belief that we need to find something outside of us to make us better or whole – is guaranteed to entrench the exhaustion from the drive of never feeling enough. Understanding that everything we are is already within, complete and whole, turns everything around. And it begins the journey of reconnection rather than the fruitless futile search for something outside, that only serves to distract from the knowing we have within.

  6. Victoria, thank you, I had a deep realisation from your comment ‘What has changed for me now is that I have stopped searching.’ in that I too have stopped searching. I had been a ‘tourist’ of spiritual, life, health and wellbeing practices’ constantly searching, knowing something was missing, and each time finding that I still felt the emptiness or a feeling of being ‘lost’ – so I kept searching, using my mind to keep me busy when I wasn’t busy practising some meditation practice or another. What I have only just realised from reading your blog is that I have not actually appreciated that I have stopped searching, and how this has taken a huge weight off my shoulders and my nervous system. I have found the inspiration from Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine was what I was searching for, what is presented by Serge Benhayon was the missing piece – not only because of what was presented, but because in feeling what was presented I got to realise that I was always in my own back pocket all along and what I was searching for was myself, and building a relationship with myself, and loving and taking care of myself. What I can now focus on is appreciating that, and that there is no need to search outside of myself any longer.

  7. I love the start of this article where it is stated that ‘life is very simple these days’. I was only reflecting on this yesterday and commenting that my life is drama free, not complicated but very simple, there is very little distraction and it flows with very little effort and is fun, lots of fun. I then went on to reflect that my life could even be more of the above, there could be more simplicity but I hold myself back from allowing this in my life. Why? As I have a more simple, loving way of living it feels like those around me, my work colleagues, extended family, people I meet and friends are experiencing the complete opposite. Life for them is difficult, hard, they are unhappy and sad, there are often complications and dramas happening and they are searching for things to numb and distract themselves from what is going on. With the help of a loving friend I was able to reflect even further to feel that those around me need me to show them that life can be lived a different way. Not that I need to be telling them anything I simply need to allow myself to live all that I am and all that I know life to be. So it is not about me doing anything but rather continuing to accept and to embrace how simple, beautiful, graceful, loving and fun my life is.

  8. Thank you for sharing your story Victoria. I can very much relate to the experience of searching outside oneself for the answers, or a way to be in life that makes life and relationships more comfortable and functional – albeit a search which is not only exhausting (as there never seems to be an end!) but one which is never truly satisfying as the empty, frustrated feelings etc. always seem to remain – no matter what or how much effort is put into this search. I can relate to your experience and those comments above regarding the energy, stillness and joy that I have begun to feel as a result of ending this external search, and to realise that the way to be in life, is to be with ‘me’, and also continue to be inspired by Serge and Universal Medicine in providing this simple reflection.

  9. Hi Victoria, you might have been inside me writing this.
    I too always felt something was missing until I met Serge a bit over 8 years ago and started to reconnect to myself.
    I too gradually became aware of just how much I was looking outside and also of how many of my thoughts, ideals and beliefs are not true and not really mine. I have also wondered at times “if I let go of all that, what is left”.
    Once again when you talked about “getting ahead of yourself” I connected deeply as that is something I have become very aware of over the last few years. It does not feel good when I am ahead, behind, beside or outside of myself. It feels gorgeous when I am with myself and it is very freeing to identify and let go of stuff that I have taken on that is not true or mine.

  10. Lovely inside-out account here Victoria; I can really feel the beauty with which you live and hence so write through your words here. Thank you for expressing in such a graceful way that is inspiring.

  11. It is amazing the myriad of ways that we can find to avoid what we have been hurt by, so I can absolutely relate to your journey and love how you call letting go of it the undoing. Living simply and with purpose, from the inside out is definitely a more gorgeous and inspiring way to live.

  12. “What has changed for me now is that I have stopped searching. I have been steadily building more self-love in my life by making simple choices based on what feels right in my body.”
    So lovely to read this inspiring blog again and to note that from steadily building more self love, as well as more acceptance and appreciation in my life too, based on living from the inside out as you say, has been the most wonderful gift I have ever given myself. One of those gifts that keeps on giving as they say. A gorgeous way to live.

  13. Since reading this article over 2 years ago the deepening of my awareness as to my ‘response- ability’ continues to unfold, and I so agree Jeanette it is one of those gifts that keep on giving.

  14. Thanks for sharing your story Victoria. I enjoyed reading the changes you felt in yourself after taking responsibility for your choices and being more loving and honouring of your body. “As I became more self-caring I was naturally more loving in my interactions with others.” Wonderful

  15. I love the simplicity and beauty of what you share Victoria, it showed that we can, through self-responsibility and true care, begin to peel back the layers that are not truly us. I could feel how you have honoured you in the process, never pushing but allowing yourself to feel what is true or not for you. I feel how important this is, and have begun to feel more into the choices I am making. Thanks for sharing your journey back to you.

  16. Thank you Victoria, for a beautiful return story, back to your loving self. Like you I have lived most of my life from the outside in, finding only that something is missing , now I am learning to live from the inside of who I truly am and bringing that love out.

  17. Looking for something outside of oneself could be eternal and is certainly exhausting. Sometimes we may get the impression that something is it, but it does not last long. So, the quest continues and continues. The only thing true of the outside (that not always we want to get) is the reflection we get from other people. We do not tend to value this enough.

  18. “We can all choose to connect to our true essence through love, and it starts with very simple self-loving choices.” These wise words really cannot be underestimated Victoria. It feels like coming home when we adopt this way of living. I love the simplicity of bringing it back to choices we make in every moment. As you have shared, the searching for answers on the outside is over.

  19. ‘My focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it’…. not what the world can give or reward you with, nor what can be attained or achieved from it. Very inspiring Victoria.

  20. I love what you share Victoria. Self love and responsibility starts with us, which then inspires others to make the same choices. This does change the world because others get to see and feel that it is possible live a simple, harmonious, self-loving life.

  21. I can very much resonate with what you share here, and it was very beautiful feeling your stillness in your words. How you are in your relationship with the world because of your relationship with yourself makes absolute sense of this ‘living from the inside out’ way.

  22. Thank you Victoria for writting this. I can relate to this. I have been on the same road, finding on the map – all places to seek confidence, safety, comfort, love and support. None of the places around me actually were offering me this all. Until I came across Universal Medicine. Coming across this , was an actual light on my map! It stood out! Not only for the absolute calmness that this business brought with them, but the absolute support I got. I was met for who I was, never the way I looked or behaved. Well come on, that is rarely seen in the world. So was I finally stating for myself, this is it, I wanted to know how they did this and how all the staff members were so calm, supportive and real. Until the day today, I am meeting myself more deeply everyday , all thanks to the absolute unwavering support of Serge Benhayon, and all the esoteric practioners. Thank you all so much. I have found my way, on the map, I am.

    1. The search ends when we meet ourselves in truth and this is the power of what a true reflection brings. Serge Benhayon has been this loving reflection for many, inspiring a return to all they/ we are.

  23. ‘I used to live from the outside in and now I am living from the inside out.’ – Beautifully expressed Victoria and in the past this has also been my experience always in search for something outside of myself. This all changed for me when I meet Serge Benhayon as well and discovered the greatest gift of all – everything I every truly wanted is within me always.

  24. “My life is actually very simple these days, and I feel more in harmony with myself than ever before in my life. I now take time for myself, am allowing myself to truly self-care and actually feel the beauty and love that I am… the love and truth deep within us all, that we all hold equally.” Beautiful – and simply expressed. Taking responsibility for ourselves is so important. Thankyou Victoria.

  25. “My life is actually very simple these days, and I feel more in harmony with myself than ever before in my life.” and
    “I continue to become aware of all that I had gathered along the way that was getting in the way of me just feeling my natural lovely self as I am. The things that were getting in the way also stopped me from feeling everyone else’s natural loveliness.” Thank you Victoria. These two sentences really resonate with me. Since meeting Serge Benhayon everything makes sense; who I am, my purpose in life, the enormity and wonderousness of the Universe, the innate divinity of humanity and my head has stopped spinning as I learn to live within the cycles of life returning to who I know I truly am.

  26. Life can be amazingly simple, and yet absolutely full, when based on self-connection as the focus. It’s amazing how complicated it can become when we lose this focus and live from the outside in instead of the inside out.

  27. Great blog, this is really showing how living modelled by what is happening outside of us doesn’t work. Choosing self love and in this love for others we come to what we truly are, beautiful beings that are equal in love.

  28. Victoria, I can relate to what you share when you say, ‘my focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it’ as I am also noticing a change in my focus since I let go of searching outside myself, and started living from my inner knowing. I can feel how my awareness of the bigger picture of life has grown, and also the responsibility I carry to be an active player in how our future here on earth unfolds.

    1. That is true Elizabeth, when we get out of our own way so to speak we begin to see with an expanded view and connect to the power of our choices; that they not only affect our own lives but everyone within life. Everything matters.

  29. There’s such a massive, stark difference between making a choice from what you feel from within you, rather than based on what is going on around you. The level of honouring you feel when you choose from your body is incredible.

  30. Victoria thank you for your honesty – you wrote: “I came to feel that I had developed a way of protection through these practices, using them to build a strong mind and body, to avoid feeling everything that I had been hurt by.” That is an important insight as my feeling is that this is exactly how many people are living without being aware of it. What you have shared is a wonderful possibility for those people to get more aware of it as well.

  31. Thank you Victoria for a really beautiful sharing, how very different life is when living from the inside out to living from the outside in, I feel your tender graceful ways of being.

  32. I love this blog Victoria, a great telling of how you unraveled all you’d accumulated that was not working for you. And reading your last paragraph was good to hear today ‘My focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it’ – I can often get caught in my reactions of the world rather than stepping back and just feeling my body, how I am in each moment and from there of course this affects what I bring to the world. It’s so much simpler and I needed reminding today.

  33. I think, and this is also from my experience, that it will take a long long time before we realise that we do not need to push things. That when we let go of the want to create something based on images of how we think things should look like then we find that life is really easy.

  34. I love what you shared about responding to life rather than being in reaction to it, in this way there is a clarity from which great lessons can be learnt rather than buried by emotions.

  35. “I was responding to life rather than being in reaction to it,…”
    This is such a valuable thing to learn and something that is taught as a basic skill at Universal Medicine – to learn how to respond instead of react to life. Only when we master this can we truly go forward and activate life and everything that it offers.

  36. Thank you Victoria, it is interesting how many people I know including myself feel the same as you about our current state of the world and people. What you’ve shared is showing us that there is another way, a way that will support ourselves and others and that is if we want a loving world, we must first choose to start emanating love from within and letting love out, to be fully expressed.

    1. We all play an integral part in restoring our way and the world we inhabit. Looking outward it can seem like an insurmountable task and yet when we reconnect to our bodies and the love within us our reflections lighten the way. It is an inside out job.

  37. Great dissection of your journey Victoria, I too engaged in a search for truth in any places but the things I found were always separate to my life, and never encompassed it too – as you note it was a retreat from life be it travel or a retreat, a respite, but at no stage was I actually committed to me in life, to being in the world, that is the huge gift Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon has brought to many, the understanding that it’s about the quality of how we are in life, in the way we live life, with our family, our friends, our work, there is no us or them just all of us, and the question then is what quality am I being with myself and everyone – am I taking care and being the love I am?

  38. How profoundly can the reflection and presence of one man or woman be upon us and our life, when that man or woman is whole unto themselves?
    “Serge met me from a deep place of love and care ­– and I felt that love and care equally within ME. I was met in absolute equality. That was a pivotal moment, and I knew some things in my life would be changing.”
    You have voiced here so well, what I also knew within when I met Serge Benhayon for the first time. An inner-knowing that was completely on the mark.

  39. The further down the page I read of this blog, the deeper the joy and true energetic freedom I felt.
    What a change it is, to step away from the ‘searcher’ or ‘seeker’ of truth, into being one who is reclaiming the truth that has always been there within.
    I can think of no greater inspiration than Serge Benhayon, in terms of truly connecting with the greatness innate to us all, and what it means to not only be in touch with this place, but live from it as one’s every day.

  40. “I was responding to life rather than being in reaction to it, which had led to most of my previous life choices.”
    It is revealing to honestly look at what we choose in life and why? So many choices seem to arise from protection and not wanting to feel all that we do, by distracting, numbing and mission driven endeavours to name a few. Looking outside of ourselves is a life of constant dis-ease. Returning, re-connecting to ourselves brings true settlement in the body and life becomes full yet simple.

  41. ‘Life makes sense now and there is a purpose to it.’ I feel this way too after meeting Serge Benhayon as well Victoria, everything Serge presents on makes complete sense, I never blindly follow what he says I allow myself the space and grace for things to naturally unfold which is possible if we remain connected to ourselves.

  42. Splitting or separating our lives into sections doesn’t work – why bring quality to some and not to others? Why spend time dreading some aspects of life and looking forward to others? All in all, we cannot actually escape being with ourselves and that is essentially what we are taking to everything we do.

  43. Life has taken on a whole new meaning for me since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It is about bringing all that I feel. Unleashing what I already know. My mind traps me when I begin ‘to think’, or do things to be recognized and compare. I am developing love in my life, in my body when before I was no where near honouring it. “I now check in with myself to feel what energy I am living life in.” just because I am worth it in every moment.

  44. I love what you have written in this post Victoria, all of what you shared could have been me writing this blog, and yes the first time I met Serge, he seemed so normal, but without the arrogance and puffed up sense of self that many presenters protect themselves with, this in itself felt gorgeous.

  45. I see this in so many people, and was like it myself, ‘I was disillusioned with life as I saw it, and had lost trust in our world.’ Life does make far more sense now, and to have a purpose in life is so important. ‘My focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it.’

    1. Purpose is crucial I agree, connecting to the true purpose of our incarnation in life, knowing why we are here and what we have to bring to support us all brings joy and aliveness. It seems many have lost this natural joy when we loose touch with the fact that we are all apart of a much greater plan.

  46. Absolutely, we do miss so much when we allow ourselves to be distracted on the outside, and it is so exhausting, a bit like a hamster going round and round endlessly on his wheel, ‘I realised I had always been searching for something outside of myself to make sense of the world and me in it. I started to see that this is like chasing one’s own tail – going round and around in circles in constant motion. This eternal quest was exhausting.’ How we have allowed ourselves to be fooled, when the treasure, our essence, was inside us all along.

  47. We are all the same at our core, and as we build qualities like love within ourselves we are then able to share this with others, ‘As I became more self-caring and loving I was naturally more loving in my interactions with others. As I allowed myself to be more open and gentle I became more gentle and loving with others.’ Beautiful how this naturally happens.

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