by Victoria Picone, Byron Bay, Australia
My life is actually very simple these days, and I feel more in harmony with myself than ever before in my life. I now take time for myself, am allowing myself to truly self-care and actually feel the beauty and love that I am… the love and truth deep within us all, that we all hold equally.
When I look back, I feel like I have been on this massive merry-go-round which has led me back to myself.
Until about eight or nine years ago I had spent most of my life searching. I felt a kind of vacancy – something was missing. Even though I had a very good life I knew there was more to it, something deeper.
I became a very committed searcher for truth! I started with self-awareness courses and groups, of which I did many. I then began to investigate many spiritual practices, spiritual teachers and eastern philosophies. I spent long hours in silent meditation on retreats which I attended regularly, all throughout Asia. I also spent a few years doing vigorous daily yoga practices and attended many courses and trainings. I studied and read much in the hope of finding answers.
Although I had many interesting experiences and got in touch with a level of stillness within myself, I always found it very difficult to hold or bring this into my everyday life. I had my life, and then I had my retreat from life, my escape.
I was disillusioned with life as I saw it, and had lost trust in our world.
I lost my voice for six weeks (that is another story) – I had been to see a doctor and had some tests done but there was no medical explanation for it at that time. A friend then suggested I see Serge Benhayon.
I felt very much at home upon entering the clinic, even before meeting Serge… there was an overwhelming sense of love that was palpable. When I did meet Serge he wasn’t what I was expecting, he looked so normal – not like the images I had in my mind — though I could not question what I felt. Serge met me from a deep place of love and care – and I felt that love and care equally within ME. I was met in absolute equality. That was a pivotal moment, and I knew some things in my life would be changing.
I came to feel that possibly, the many concepts, practices and ideals I had adopted hadn’t truly helped me in my life long term. I still felt the vacancy and so I started to question and discern some of the knowledge I had been holding. I came to feel that I had developed a way of protection through these practices, using them to build a strong mind and body, to avoid feeling everything that I had been hurt by.
Over time there has been a steady unravelling of all of these spiritual concepts, ideals and beliefs that I was ‘armed’ with… along with the arrogance. This was not an easy time as I had quite an attachment to the knowledge I had accumulated and was identified by.
If I let all of this go, what would I be left with?
I realised I had always been searching for something outside of myself to make sense of the world and me in it. I started to see that this is like chasing one’s own tail – going round and around in circles in constant motion. This eternal quest was exhausting.
What has changed for me now is that I have stopped searching. I have been steadily building more self-love in my life by making simple choices based on what feels right in my body.
I now go to bed earlier. I don’t eat foods that make me feel bloated or heavy. I have let go of caffeine, alcohol and most sugars. The caffeine was the last to go and my nervous system loves me for it.
I now check in with myself to feel what energy I am living life in. I am more aware if I am rushing or if I am getting ahead of myself. What sort of ‘mood’ am I in, and how does this affect those I come into contact with?
I continue to become aware of all that I had gathered along the way that was getting in the way of me just feeling my natural lovely self as I am. The things that were getting in the way also stopped me from feeling everyone else’s natural loveliness.
The undoing continued.
I revisited the belief systems I had adopted around my lifestyle, relationships and dietary practices, and began to feel and listen to my body rather than impose those ideals on myself about how I should be, or what life should look like. I became aware of the protection I had built under the surface that was reflected in my toned and muscly body on the outside.
I was starting to become more honest.
For the first time I was truly taking responsibility for my choices. I was responding to life rather than being in reaction to it, which had led to most of my previous life choices. No more blaming anyone, or the world, for not being a certain way.
As I became more self-caring and loving I was naturally more loving in my interactions with others. As I allowed myself to be more open and gentle I became more gentle and loving with others. I could feel how we are all the same at our core and also how significant our choices are. This is a continual and deepening process.
I used to feel a lot of frustration with people and the world in general, wishing it to be different. My focus is now changing to how I am in the world and what I am bringing to it – not in a ‘rah rah’ save the world way, but in the simple daily living of my life. Life makes sense now and there is a purpose to it. I feel a sense of joy when I feel the potential for humanity if we all began to truly self-care and honour the truth of who we are.
We can all choose to connect to our true essence through love, and it starts with very simple self-loving choices.
I used to live from the outside in and now I am living from the inside out.
Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom continue to be my inspiration.