by Michael Dixon, Lismore, Australia
When I was 15, a friend of mine offered me a cigarette. I tried smoking it, coughed a lot, got about half way through it, then threw the rest away, spending the rest of the day trying to get the horrible taste out of my mouth. At that age, smoking was cool; all my friends seemed to be doing it, even cigars on special occasions. I wanted to feel like I belonged to the club, so to speak, and by the age of 16 I was hooked.
Drinking and being as drunk as you could be was also part of growing up throughout my teens – and into university, where it was easy to do thanks to tequila nights and the yearly beer festival with that extra-strong beer that was always a challenge to drink. I never had the stomach for alcohol, and despite my continued efforts to be one of the boys who would drink all night long and then eat kebabs at 2am, I would frequently end my evenings vomiting up my student grant into the gutter and packed off home in a taxi.
I survived university, and not knowing what to do with my life went back to college to study some more. It was here I discovered ecstasy and other drugs. I would go out with my friends almost every weekend to London clubs; first a Friday night club, which then extended into Saturday; then within a few years we were staying out from Friday night to Sunday night non-stop – no sleep, just moving from night clubs to day clubs then back to class on Monday.
It’s incredible to look back at the abuse I have put my body through with no real consideration for it at all – it must be a truly amazing piece of equipment to have been able to survive all of this. I passed my degree, but I can’t even imagine what I would have accomplished if I had actually applied myself whilst I was there.
Later still, I worked on my relationship with marijuana. We had quite a deep connection together, and it was one I could never see falling apart. I spent many years in a hazy, blissful cocoon with no responsibilities for myself or anyone else. Come to think of it, I had never felt responsible for anything, I had always felt essentially indestructible no matter what I threw at myself, and as long as I had some sort of drug to mask my depression and general discontent with life, I felt I was doing OK.
And then quite possibly the best thing happened. The drugs no longer seemed to work. I had the most profound realisation that my life was not working. I had not stopped long enough through life to make any connection to anything, much less to myself. At this point I was being made to STOP. I tried and tried to make it up with marijuana but she was no longer there for me, and I was well and truly on my own. I’ll admit I was looking for help at this point. Admitting I needed help was huge because it was admitting that something was wrong, and I never liked to do that – I thought I had all the answers. But now I knew I needed some help in making sense of the rawness I felt life to be.
I was recommended an Esoteric counsellor by the name of Janet Williams, who provided me with a soft pillow to fall upon. I was bowled over by the beauty I saw in this person and the simplicity of what she offered me: a space and an acceptance of me just as I was, a simple understanding and now, as I see it, a reflection of what I am also. I knew the work Janet did drew much from what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presented. I had seen Serge in a private session some years prior for an asthma condition, but it wasn’t until this time that I truly appreciated what Serge was offering.
After some time I started to attend some Universal Medicine presentations, which have served me in reconnecting to myself. Quite simply, I have learnt to become more aware of my own body and how it feels. With this awareness, I am able so see how my choices affect my body. Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing.
Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it. This is a work in progress, and it is a work that I am now engaged in – rather than the unaware state I had been in for much of my life.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Michael what a beautiful turn around. Coming to that realisation that which serves, and that which does not. It is very freeing when we move away from those addictions and take that full responsibility of oneself but of others too.
We waste so much of our lives on things that take us out of who we truly are, when what we need is exactly inside of us. No amount of stimulants, drugs, etc will every match what we can find within ourselves.
Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and their practitioners only offers this reflection. The rest is also the willingness to implement the change too. That is full responsibility…
❤So much to relate to Michael, as my feeling is that many have walked a similar path, and when we allow our True sensitivity to blossom as you have shared we become a glowing example of what life can be when we follow our hearts and not the pack.
Universal Medicine is not everyone’s piece of cake (in other words it is not so popular with some people) – and the main reason for this is because the philosophy and approach is all about taking responsibility on a deeper and deeper level as we realise how powerful we actually are.
Henrietta spot on. Some people are not ready to leave their vices, their security and that’s okay too. But there is more grander things on offer when responsibility is at the forefront of our lives.
Peer pressure is a big player that pushes many to do things that they would not normally do, to do things that their body says no to but then the mind over-rides in order to feel like one belongs to a group. But only a person who stands strong in their sense of self, and their value and appreciation of self can see beyond the peer pressure and understand that this is simply an opportunity for them to claim what they know to be true and in the process reflect that to those around them. This makes it a completely different ball game when dealing with peer pressure – it is not so much about pleasing others and feeling like one belongs, but rather about standing for a truth that is universal for all.
Wow Michael, this is an amazing sharing – I know you today but did not know you earlier when your life was a full ‘party’ (only without any true joy)…how amazing that your Soul called you to a stop, called you to take responsibility – for we would not have the Michael we have today if it was not for this choice to come back! A huge turn around that I raise my hat to – in huge appreciation for you and who you are.
We all know and feel the truth, we know society as it is is simply not working, if we were to voice this truth and honour it and say how we honestly felt instead of checking out, how powerful would we be? Life as it is can be very painful, even without obvious dramas there’s a misery because we are all living so much less than we truly are. We need role models who live how amazing life can be when we are connected to our true selves and deeply care for the body, so the way it is with drugs and alcohol (or checking out in other ways) is no longer seen as the way or the norm or the only option.
This is what I call surrendering – sensing that something is not right in the body, acknowledging it and letting it go for it not to have a hold on us. The rawness felt in the body is a beautiful example of the body communicating with us what it knows to be true.
“Vomiting up my student grant” – gosh, that’s what we do, isn’t it? Maybe not quite a student grant, but investment that could have been put into elsewhere and served much better purpose, being wasted on abusive choices – maybe not completely wasted as we will always learn from everything we do, eventually. Like your drug stopped working for you, my crisps stopped working for me recently. It feels amazing to be able to grab a hold of our abusive choice and say this is not it, that it does not bring true contentment.
Another reminder that if we do not choose to see truth it will make us see it.
It’s amazing how much misery drugs can mask so we feel like we are doing ok. What a blessing to have the drugs no longer work so you had to find yourself.
Beautiful it shows the responsibility we can take.
Feeling like crap or being in the doldrums has come about because we have been un-responsible in what we do and when we start to be responsible for all we do then our life becomes one of appreciative-ness of being part of the divine connection that we all belong. And when we are starting out it is the simple things that make all the difference like re-learning to be at-least gentle with our breath, drinking enough water to remain hydrated, sleeping well, and a simple 5 or 10 minute walk that is being purpose-full to deepen our connection while being consciously present while we are walking! These all become a foundation that we can always use and are far more efficient at keeping us at feeling “amazing” as we never stop being a “work in progress.”
“Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing.” A very simple way to live and observe the truth of it.
The body does speak very loudly and this is fantastic and a blessing rather than a curse!
It’s quite simple really Michael isn’t it? “Quite simply, I have learnt to become more aware of my own body and how it feels. With this awareness, I am able so see how my choices affect my body.”
Why would we truly inhale smoke into our lungs? If there is no need to do so.
When it was hip to do so and everyone else seemingly also smoked we did not question it and it was handed around like a nerve settling agent in times of stress, and then once addicted it is difficult to stop. It is one of those drugs like alcohol that should become completely eradicated from society.
By you sharing your story you help to blow the lid on how when we replace responsibility with drugs we take a backseat to life. That backseat to life has harmed us more than we sometimes wish to know.
How amazing was it that the drugs didn’t ‘do’ it any longer and you were called to a stop! Our bodies are simply miracles that support us in taking the responsibility that you so beautiful wrote about.
The absolute disgust we feel the first time we smoke is just the honest feedback of the extent to which smoking is an enormous assault on our own body, carried out by ourselves. Through smoking, we attack ourselves big time.
I remember when I tried smoking I simply couldn’t. I kept on coughing and everything in my body prohibited the smoke from entering my lungs. I didn’t understand how other people could inhale the smoke and gave up on it instantly.
Why would we truly inhale smoke into our lungs? If there is no need to do so.
The moment we disconnect from our true self is the moment we develop a taste for all that promises to quell such a pain.
So is it any wonder everything tastes so amazing, and therefore we shall eat to nurture and nourish our Godly vessel rather than get caught in the addictive flavoursome fare.
Sometimes it takes a little that we can accept that the love we are presented with and held in is what we so very deeply deserve.
So true Esther – we can fight the very love that we are, and even deny it or ignore it, and yet the love just loves us back, no questions asked. How grand is that?
I was particularly interested in how you describe your relationship with marijuana… I remember that haze all too well, like the opposite of responsibility it allowed you to just go ‘maybe later’ and drift off. But as good as it was at masking my feelings, it could not block that ultimately I was unhappy with my life, that I had mood swings, and after a time I realised that drugs were what was stopping me from being able to access the truth of what I was feeling. When I got to that point it became easy to stop.
Your deeply honest sharing is very inspiring Michael as it shows that when we are ready to make changes in our lives the support is not far away; we simply need to ask. Unfortunately many of us feel we are seen to be weak if we ask for support, that we should be able to sort it out on our own, but in truth, it is actually a strength and something to be truly celebrated, as I am sure you are doing.
It shows that however lost we are and whatever drugs we use, we can always come out of it. Nothing is too hard when we are willing to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices.
“This is a work in progress, and it is a work that I am now engaged in – rather than the unaware state I had been in for much of my life.” This is gorgeous. We can not like how life is and withdraw or we can step in and make our life how we want it to be by giving ourselves all the love we know life is truly about.
I feel very strongly, from my own experience, that “Admitting I needed help was huge because it was admitting that something was wrong,” And this fear of owning that we have done something ‘wrong’ is such a huge roadblock in the way of many of us stepping out of a very disregarding way of life and into a life where we know we are responsible for every choice we ever make in our lives.
I’m sure if the majority looked back on life and how we treated our bodies, we would also be shocked and we need to be, because that’s the state that we have put our bodies in. I know I have done all sorts of things to my body all in the name (mostly) of a good time. I recall going to work, throwing up on the way and getting to work, being too sick to work, continued to work however and then talking about what a great night it was even though I could not remember much of it. Im very please now I don’t do this anymore for a good time. In fact I don’t even need to have a good time anymore, because I am learning to enjoy me for who I am, all the time and that is vastly better than any night out.
It’s a great (true) title Michael “From Abuse to Responsibility”. Abuse is making it about yourself – Responsibility is making it about All.
Responsibility, responding and repose is a Deepening-Humble-Appreciative-Ness that can only be for All!
When we are in a pattern of self abuse it can be very difficult to see that it is in fact abuse, but as we slowly bring ourselves out of it the abuse becomes clear.
Universal Medicine are inspiring so many people to engage back in life again, in a person’s own way and time, and bring more and more of themselves to it. An Australian popular 70’s or maybe 80’s advertising campaign was ‘Life, Be in it’, was aimed at increasing exercise of everyday Australians, but this goes way beyond this. The Benhayons’ are inspiring people to yes be in life, but to bring ALL of you to the table.
The first cigarette experience is disgusting under any criteria. It is a shock to the body. Yet, we keep going. The reason we keep going is because we are all the time experimenting with altering the body. We are really trained in this. Because of what we have normalized, another truly horrible experiment is simply another one. It does not really stand up as it could if we did not have such a background.
Yes altering the body, and seeing what it could take (which when you are young seems to be focussed on how much abuse we can throw at it), but also by not feeling like I was enough on my own, a desperate desire to fit in, look cool, be drinking and smoking the way my mates were. So so sad to sell out like this, and watch pretty much everyone else making the same choices.
A beautifully honest blog Michael, I love how you have reconnected to listening to your body, and how your choices come from there, a truly responsible way of living.
“Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.”
This is such a good point Michael and one I can relate to having spent the most part of my life avoiding taking responsibility for the hurt that I felt. It seemed far easier to blame the world for my unrest than to dig deep and overcome it. With thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine applied to my daily life, this is no longer the case, far from it!
That need to belong and fit in to something can put us on a slippery slope to a range of behaviours that stop us from re-connecting to the fact that we do belong in the first instance. We all belong to something very grand, which is something we know inherently as children. No child walks around wanting to fit it. They are simply themselves.
So true! It becomes child’s play with a deep-level of humble appreciative-ness.
The Love we all are would be simple when interference, greed and corruption is taken away.
Well said Jennifer, if we held that as our foundation that we are all connected no matter what than there would be no longing to ‘fit’ in. Instead the ‘fitting’ in we do now is more fitting into a box constricting ourselves down to a particular consciousness.
The link between being checked out on drugs, or alcohol, or even overeating, and then not being aware of any responsibilities in life is a clue as to their true harm. We are all here to live a life of purpose, and though that our evolution is on offer.
Responsibility is a word that offers great support to each of us. The world typically uses the word as a criticism, or a mountain to be climbed, but actually it supports us in every way, starting with caring for ourselves, to be responsible.
The combination of no sleep and your constant partying would have been a horrendous experience for your body Michael – I bet it was relieved when you graduated from University!
We all have this stop moments in life but do we always recognise and listen to these? Or do we not appreciate them for what they offer and instead start looking for other ways to dull ourselves even more deeper into the miasma life then becomes?
Drugs never satisfy and just keep you wanting more whereas with love you are more.
Absolutely addictions are always adding and never alleviating anyone problems.
“Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.”
Very wise words, taking responsibility completely changes the goal posts. With it we begin to understand and unravel our experiences and why we choose them, and then the very healing aspect of responsibility, we begin to choose differently.
What is quite something is that you found almost over night that smoking marijuana was no longer working for you, you were no longer able to zone out in a ‘hazy, blissful cocoon’ and this was enough for you to wake you up so to speak to the choices you had been making. I love that, and it was from this place that you were open to seeing that there is another way, that self abuse is not it and change the self-destructive patterns.
‘Ignorance is bliss’ so it is said…but I find that awareness is joy-full. Perhaps we are comfortable in our ignorance, but eventually, it loses its allure and we are left to look for something less superficial and more truly upholding. It can be uncomfortable to open up to awareness, but at least with awareness we open up to something real that is consistent and doesn’t lead us into self-destructive patterns and momentums.
Both ignorance and bliss are imposters. Joy and Truth are the real deal.
It’s crazy how in our ‘worst state’ society doesn’t recognise us as someone who isn’t coping or doing well with life, instead it recognises that we’ve found our ‘fix’ and encourages us to see the positives/glamour in this. We are only questioned by society when the way we live exposes the accepted model where irresponsibility is promoted.
Our lives are filled with choices and offer us much in the way of learning from our past choices and how they affect our bodies and also preparing and moving ourselves in a way that directly supports them to be all that they are and then some. When we bring life back to purpose and how we move within these moments we begin to see and unfoldment of so much more depth and learning that continues to grow and develop as we walk through life.
It is brilliant when our medications stop working or our body starts to loudly object. Sometimes I have stopped doing harmful things to my body out of love for myself but other times I have needed to be stopped. This is such a gift that like a rubber band our body only lets us go so far with self-abuse.
Yes, it’s true. Our body does start to object and now I come to think of it I had a similar experience with coffee, which no longer gave me the ‘pick me up’ I was looking for but instead just made me feel racy which felt so horrible that I naturally wanted to stop.
The moment we feel yes we are on our own, a choice we have made to separate from our loveless choices can feel overwhelming and a bit intimidating, as we are making a choice to connect back with our love that we have resisted until now, but when we do it is the most deeply joyful process and experience to behold.
As a young adult / adult it is madness what we think is normal in of going out and staying out, drinking etc…I used to do it without a second thought, my body was exhausted and used roughly. It isn’t just about growing older and so wiser, they do not always walk hand in hand. My awareness about how I treat myself altered because I began to listen to my body. And ask why would I as a young adult, I treat myself in such a disrespectful way? The answer, lack of self worth, feeling hurt and so I decided with support to heal those hurts….Esoteric Modalities are a great supports for the body as it heals what prevents a deeper connection with Soul and Love.
Michael, being responsible for life rather than being in reaction to it, these words sang for me today, this is my learning curve, and the less I react the more responsible I can be. And it is indeed amazing (although at the time we may not want to think so!) when our ‘drugs’ of choice stop working, for me that’s been food and as I see how this food or that food no longer takes the edge off, it leaves me back with me, and reading your blog today and hearing this expressed so clearly is great as it’s confirming for me in another way what a gift that is and how to feel and be raw is in fact honest and offers us a path back to the truth we are.
It is incredible just how much we are willing to torture, poison and abuse our bodies just so we can fit into or be socially accepted by a culture, that quite frankly, actively dishonours who we are in essence. It’s almost like we are competing for who can exhibit and withstand the greatest degree of loveless treatment to our bodies, for attention. The efforts we invest into this behaviour is worthy to note. I have also been down this road and know that it leads to nowhere but to a greater sense of emptiness and purposelessness. Yet all the while within us is a quality that defines who we are, that requires no need for recognition or acceptance and is ever-present within us all. There is at the end of the day no greater value than being who we are, in connection to the love we are. Imagine the quality of life we would live if we invested our focus and efforts in building a loving and honouring relationship with our body and being?
I relate Michael to the pattern of being in reaction to life. I too have been in constant reaction to life, and in reaction to my choices, yo-yoing between indulgence and abstinence, depending on how life was going for me at the time. Sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners and attending Universal Medicine courses and workshops were what turned it around for me – noting there are works still in progress!
What an amazing turnaround Michael. I am just as surprised as you at just how much the abuse the body can handle. I , along with many others spent years abusing the body and yet in an instant with a change of heart I was able to completely, as there is no joy to be found in abuse. And yet I found out that bringing more responsibility to my life brought a lot of joy!
What a blessing Serge Benhayon has brought to so many people by supporting them to take responsibility for their lives. Being responsible for our lives leads to great empowerment.
“I would frequently end my evenings vomiting up my student grant into the gutter” an indication that the intellect of the university student is not so intelligent.
From abuse to responsibility is definitely a great sharing. One that is very inspiring and one that I am sure many of us can relate to. Abuse can come in different ways and guises and feel different to each person. Taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices, is what it is all about.
I appreciate the honesty of your blog Michael.. it’s quite amazing what we do to ourselves in our attempts to mask the sadness and depression, and what the body cops as a result. Eventually we realise that our choices of self-sabotage and numbing aren’t working, and there’s nowhere else to turn but within – to look at what these feelings really are and to know that while they feel very real and raw, they’re not an innate part of who we are.
The natural wisdom of our bodies is so profound that it can reach us even in our darkest times with a feeling or condition insistently showing us there is so much more than what we are living in that moment. Our choice to listen or not of course, but it never stops communicating no matter how hard we try to ignore it.
Many of us have been abusive to our bodies, myself included, in one way or another, why is this when in reality they are our best friends and hold so much wisdom?
There is no doubt that when alcohol is prominant and the focus in ones life, that there is the distinct opportunity for abuse to occur. The abuse is first and foremost with ourselves, then the abuse can be directed out at others. When we begin to take responsibility the abuse does and can subside.
When we understand energy, flow with life and love ourselves to the very essence we are made of – there is not much time for abusing oneself.
There is no doubting that drinking alcohol makes us feel rubbish so why is it that we repeat the same mistakes over and over again?
It is incredible how our bodies can survive extreme abuse and remain our most loyal and honest friend.
Great article Michael on learning to be responsible in our lives and the impact our choices can have on us that either lead us away from love or take us a step towards building more love.
Amazing Michael, your description of your ‘good life’ taking a cocktail of drugs and abusing yourself left, right and centre is the way so many would view such an existence, just as you did, appealingly ‘free of responsibility’. The crazy thing is that the more responsibility we accept in life, for ourselves and for others, the more meaningful and purposeful life becomes. You could say we are built to take absolute and full responsibility, beyond anything we are often willing to acknowledge.
Awesome Michael, being responsible in life allows us to make more supportive choices for ourselves and others and keeps us in connection with the flow of the universe.
The way you described your relationship with Marijuana as being in a comfortable cocoon was very accurate and eye opening, because there are many such things which provide the same effect, like beliefs, food, music etc and they are all thought of as good things. It is when we are coming out of the cocoon we realise what it has really been like being stuck and fooling ourselves.
“Quite simply, I have learnt to become more aware of my own body and how it feels.” Bringing purpose to life is forever rewarding and deepening to a body that is bottomless in love. That is the beauty – rediscovering and building the love back into the body.
As horrible as it can feel it is probably the best that can happen to us when our coping mechanisms finally fail and leave us with an intensity that supports us to become more honest and willing to face what is really going on. It seems we often need some crisis to get ourselves out of the pitfall we have created.
There is an epidemic of lack of honest expression in our society. We seem to just allow and accept so much and pretend everything is ok. I have to wonder how much would change if we all dropped the pretence and simply said how we felt.
Beautiful choice to become aware again and choose to continue so! That is powerful and it shows our capability of how we can get out of ill behaviors – simply by a choice and build up of past choices that have not worked. We can choose the simple way – that is saying no to abuse, step by step, whatever that means for you in your life.
I love the honesty with what you have shared and I am sure this is something that many people, on some level, can relate to and with, including myself. The body is truly remarkable as no matter how much we disregard, ignore, abuse and overlook it, it still tirelessly carries on doing all the magical jobs it does within all the systems and cells etc. It is interesting that when you first tried a cigarette you hated it but later ended up smoking and it is crazy what we do in overlooking being true to ourselves and our bodies just to ‘fit in’ with others!
Your words here Michael summate my own sentiments also: “Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it. This is a work in progress, and it is a work that I am now engaged in – rather than the unaware state I had been in for much of my life.”
Give me awareness any day over the slumber I also once lived in – fuelled and perpetuated by cigarettes, alcohol-abuse and so much else besides… The support and indeed inspiration offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is something I find continually life-changing – awakening awareness of what I know to be true within, and making the real deal of living love in this world all the more powerfully accessible.
What a straight forward expose on the ridiculousness of our societally-accepted abusive choices… and then, the realisation that we needn’t do this to ourselves at all, if we only accept love – the love that we innately are – back into the foundation of our own lives, and allow all of the self-created complexity and pain to dismantle…
Such re-awakenings are what change the world. Beautifully and honestly shared Michael, thank-you.
A lot of the time when I pack up old habits they dissipate, not through will power or mind over matter but simply because it no longer fits what I wish to experience.
I love the succinctness and clear cut precision of your contribution here – when you write “Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing” it indicates a willingness to not just let life happen but to take responsibility for one’s choices and make different ones if the outcome is ‘crap’. The fact that our life is in our hands couldn’t be made clearer.
“…it (the body) must be a truly amazing piece of equipment to have been able to survive all of this.”
Very true Michael, I have been feeling this as well, it is incredible what the body puts up with and all we do when it eventually breaks down is complain, blame, push and refuse to accept that this is our own doing.
I remember trying smoking for the first time and alcohol and even coffee and they all felt the same, a poison infiltrating my delicate body. It felt the absolute opposite of what you would knowingly put in your body. But if we do not know ourselves as enough just as we are we will use anything to attain it or fill it. I never took up smoking but did drink alcohol on and off through my 20s, however my addiction of choice was drama, complication, overwhelm and stories. Michael your story and like all of the blogs on this site so clearly reveal how once we are either supported by someone to see the true grandness of who we are or we return to it ourselves, we have the opportunity to see and let go of all the ‘stuff’ we have chosen to place in the way.
Being supported to take true responsibility for our life is priceless, and having people who inspire us to do so are precious indeed.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have also been a huge support in my reconnecting to my body and that is the greatest gift possible. It is really weird how many of us have been abusive to our bodies when they hold such immense wisdom and make a ginormous difference to the quality of our lives.
‘…it must be a truly amazing piece of equipment to have been able to survive all of this.’
The body is absolutely incredible, my goodness, what we put it through on a daily basis is huge. Having seen images of cells and vessels and how everything looks so gorgeously delicate, it’s mind blowing to know that it can still keep functioning and sustaining life with all the poisons we put it through. Not only the obviously toxic substances but emotions and ways of being that do not support who we truly are, they are just as toxic.
Agree Rachael it is amazing how the body is so versatile yet so fragile at the same time. For example the body’s core temperature can only vary a couple of degrees however there are so many mechanisms that assist the body in not fluctuating its temperature too much.
I love the simplicity of the awareness you developed allowing you to feel whether your choices made your body feel crap, or amazing…. With that, then how you feel is completely up to you and dependent simply on what you choose.
We have all allowed abuse in some ways in our lives, whether it is what we have allowed as abuse from others, or our own self abuse. This can come in many forms, drugs being one of them. I know for me, drugs were a means to escape life, to not have to take responsibility or feel many hurts I didn’t want to feel. Learning that it is ok to feel those hurts and open up to life, commit to life, that then allows us to open up and be more responsible for our lot in life.
When we are children, smoking is seen as a way to transport ourselves to the world of adults (seeing as gropwn up is a major thing). But it is not just the image that attracts us to go there, we become openly willing experiment with self-abuse also, like adults do.
Thank you Michael for sharing your story, your experiences and your wisdom. Taking responsibility is certainly the key, responsibility to listen, to respond and to care deeply for our bodies.
Yes and when we respond to and care for our bodies our bodies start to pay dividends.
Thank you Michael. I loved reading this. Being supported to take responsibility is an absolute godsend as it is not an easy path to walk. Your story is amazing and a testament to the choices you are now making inspired by Janet Williams and Serge Benhayon.
“Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.” In this Universal Medicine has supported thousands of people to come to an understanding of why they have chosen the things they have, and to look underneath at the underlying motivation for it all, empowering change from within. My life has transformed by this understanding and applying the teachings to my life.
It is amazing how simple life can be when we start listening to our body which makes it even more amazing how we as a society are so hell bent on destroying our bodies in one way or another!
Great to read your sharing with such honesty Michael, and the way you came out of the abusive behaviour of drug taking and drinking which is so common among the young people today. Becoming responsible for your choices is a step to living a more loving way with yourself first and then this follows on to others.
When we are teens we want to become like them (adults). Is it a coincidence that at that time most choose irresponsibility? Or, is irresponsibility part of what teens feel in adults and operate based on that reflection?
If we make life about responsibility there is much we can ponder on. Then we can’t say as parents that ‘its just life’ that the children are irresponsible but might have to look at what reflection we are offering or at other places in their life where irresponsibility is made the norm.
Wow Michael that is really an honest blog about the relationship you had with alcohol and drugs. It is amazing how you have changed you life – “Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.” That is truly the best medicine ever and I am wondering why this kind of medicine is not normally prescribed.
Taking drugs to avoid responsibility is a huge problem in the world today. An obvious question to ask would be why? Why do we want to avoid responsibility so much that we are prepared to destroy our bodies and our lives? This is definitely worth pondering on.
What I really enjoyed about this blog was the honesty about your relationship with these substances, being able to question the quality of the relationship and sought to better understand why such a relationship is playing out. Thank you Michael.
Thank you Michael. I love how you were in awe and inspired by Janet Williams, it shows how very simple life can be and that our whole presence counts and not just what comes out in words of our mouth.
Great sharing Michael. It seems we will do anything to avoid taking responsibility. You are not alone with this. Realising this is a real life changer. The world is set out before us as a playground to indulge in when in fact it is a school of learning what not to do; of learning the truth of who we are; an opportunity to reconnect and return to Soul, to unity, to brotherhood, to oneness. This can never be found in a drug.
It is quite incredible what we put our bodies through, your experience of drugs and alcohol through University is unfortunately now the norm, which is in itself absolute crazy, people laugh it off as ‘ah they are just being a student’ when what we really need to do is acknowledge the disregard, the abuse, the harm and pain that taking these substances can have, we need to get very real and honest about what impact this is actually having on society and what are we actually condoning when we laugh it off and say it is because they are a student.
Honesty is such an important part of our healing as it allows us to be truthful about the way we have lived up to a point and see it for what is and move forth honouring our bodies for the love that we are.
What I love about this blog is how the body will only let us go so far before saying something, even subtly like has been described here with the effect of the drugs wearing off and no longer being effective. This is Love. Our body loves us all the time with how it supports us to stop behaviours that are hurting us and supporting us to build on behaviours that are healing us.
It is incredible to look back on the abuse we put our bodies through. It also amazes me to reflect on the culture we live in that supports and encourages this horrific abuse and the impact it inflicts. Lets keep working on changing this attitude showing that there is another way.
It is so beautifully written this blog, I relate to what you have shared but love how you present it all in such a down to earth and practical way. I was a real party girl and I remember getting to the point where the pot stopped working and when the cocktail of what I had to take to feel anything would bankrupt me.
I remember my first esoteric healing session, it was my Mum actually, I had been on a bender that was lasting for weeks and knew I was heading nowhere but down and after I got off the table I finally felt like myself, like coming home, it was such a relief, as I had been chasing connection from partying and was literally at the end of my tither.
It is no coincidence that when we come to the realisation that our choices in the way we live are harming us, an opportunity arises for us to connect with someone who inspires us with truth. Serge Benhayon inspires me to accept that everything that has happened and does happen in my life is the cause and effect of my choices and the choices I make affect everyone else. Responsibility.
Michael Dixon has given such a clear account of what it is like to be young today, the pressure to be numb from head to toe, and yet still achieve a university degree. And he is so right in asking – what could he have done had he actually applied himself. This shows an awareness of his potential that is clearly becoming obvious now, due to the choices he has made to self-care.
Michael, what you have shared is a ‘common’ scenario for most people with the indulgence in alcohol and drugs in the early adult years of life. In fact this is so common I would say it has become the false ‘norm’ (I say false norm because this is not our natural normal to do this, but has by default become a so called norm just because everyone else is doing it). It is as you have said, the ultimate way for us to run away from responsibility in life, and to smoke or drink away our life so that we do not focus on the true purpose of what we are here for. And there are other ways to run away from responsibility too, so what you have presented is really only one facet! From a young age you knew this is not a true way to live – your body told you that right from the start, but sometimes the need to fit in or the tension of choosing differently to most other people feels too strong and we can succumb to the very thing that delays our connection to our true purpose in life.Thank you for sharing so honestly the realisation that you came to and the changes that you were then able to make in how you live.
“At this point I was being made to STOP” So many of us have come to a stop – maybe through ill health or as you relate through drugs and drink. It is what we choose then that is so important. Carrying on ‘as before’, wanting to resume ‘a normal life’ – or choosing a different way? Realising how my life had been was my choice was a profound moment for me – then knowing I could make different choices – and heal my hurts. Profound gratitude to Serge Benhayon for showing me – and us – that there is a different way.
This is brilliant Michael. It is difficult and hugely humbling when we acknowledge AND accept that a way of life that we’ve been living for yonks is no longer working for us. That’s often when people find Universal Medicine.
An honest account that will support many people who are, have been or thinking about going into the same boat.
Michael that is fantastic turnaround. Taking responsibility is a work in progress for me too, and goes much deeper than just avoiding it with drugs – in the past I have used other forms of distraction such as being emotional or checking out with excessive reading of novels or watching TV or consuming sweet food as avoidance tactics. Actually taking responsibility brings in great purpose and joy to my life.
Such credit to you Michael for taking responsibility for your choices and deepening your awareness and realisations. Your story is very inspiring, thank you for sharing.
Wow Michael your journey from abuse to taking responsibility is deeply inspiring and supportive to others who struggle with addictions. The true care and love offered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners supports everyone to know there is a different way – simple yet very powerful and leads to a deeper connection with self where making choices to self care and self love become much easier.
Imagine what you could have achieved if you had applied yourself in full to your studies, this is the case for many of us. We waste so much time and energy on abusing ourselves with drugs and alcohol and still we get through our study, degrees or what ever we are doing at the time often with great results.
Wow Michael, what a great turnaround, it’s amazing just how much abuse our body takes from our choices, until such time that we make more self loving choices and gives the body a chance to be heard.
The power of self care and really honoring what feels right for the body has enormous benefits, physically and mentaly. Well done Michael
The body is full of wisdom and our amazing vehicle that communicates Heaven to us on a daily basis. We just have to listen! Incredible the amount of drugs you needed to shut down this amazing body from communicating, but even though taking on so much for many years the body still communicated you when you were ready to listen. Wow!!!
True change comes with taking responsibility, the healer is the one taking responsibility.
What a turn around Michael! What stood out for me on re-reading your blog was how much we try everything under the sun to avoid our hurts and pain. We often put in huge amounts of energy, time and money trying to fill the void any way we can think of, only to keep coming up empty. Even when we are offered a way out via self love and responsibility, we still make it complex and stubbornly struggle on with our old habits. Yet love just waits patiently there for us and when we are ready, bit by bit the magic starts to flow as we re-discover ourselves.
It is unbelievable how we abuse our bodies, it is amazing how resilient they are; waiting patiently for us to” wake up”, to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices.
I can really appreciate the fact that you did wake up and that you are now enjoying a life of love, purpose and a work in progress.
Thankyou for sharing. It seems most of us have a similar experience. Even through we don’t all take drugs, we all have some form of protection which we hide behind to avoid feeling that we are not happy and not living as who we truly are. For me, it was ideals and beliefs like “I need to have a secure job, move out of home, buy a better car, earn enough money to be secure etc etc eetc” but all of this can come from a void feeling inside, we don’t feel magical and amazing just being us, and the world being the way it is we have to do things to survive so we make ourselves fit into something that we identify with and make that ‘us’. But I have discovered, much like you that underneath all of that is a me that just want to get out and say ‘here I am’. I know that the world doesn’t live this way, no-one lives as who they truly are. Thank God for Serge Benhayon, a man who shows no protection and shows there is another way to live, one where our hearts are full, we are full of love and the next step and is to bring it to everything we are involved in.
Michael, I too have felt the destruction of alcohol and drugs in my life in the late 80s -90s I had a ‘Safe’ house for youth in a beautiful coastal town which was far from paradise as drug and alcohol abuse was rife and still is. Its almost as if the beauty of this place was too confronting as what they see does not reflect how one feels inside. Amazing the lengths we go to to not feel hey, I know what that feels like, life without the haze is well worth it. But your story reminds us that it’s only as far away as the decision to take responsibility for our own lives.
Yes I agree Sarah, I hate to think where I and many others, who for many years chose to numb ourselves through drug abuse, would be with out the love and support of Universal Medicine.
Well written and very relatable blog. It is truly life changing to realise the damage you are doing to yourself and others through drug abuse and general disregard. I went a little harder than you in party days and started a little younger but at the end of the day your story reminds me that all though there a slight differences in flavour in our individual histories… essentially we all have the same experience. We do drugs to numb out and hide and then when and if we come out of the haze and start to take responsibility we have to play catch up. Thank god for Universal Medicine supporting people every where to come back to them selves.
I’ve never put two and two together like you have here: when you get to a point where you decide you will ask for help, you have to have decided that things are not working for you to some degree. And perhaps this conclusion that ‘things are not working’ is a hard pill to swallow. But why? Why must we survive on our own, shuffle through life from one crutch to the next, all the while wondering if this is it? Why is it that admitting life isn’t the way we wanted it to be so hard for many? There seems to be a defiance that my way is the right way, or that my way will work in the end; an identification with our own individuality perhaps.
“Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing”. I love how you take responsibility for the way you and your body feel. We all have free will – we can choose to numb ourselves with drugs, alcohol, food, emotions or entertainment, or we can choose to be aware that everything we do affects us and everyone around us.
It’s kinda almost comical when you look at how simple life can be “Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing”. The complication comes in when we try to justify and override the feeling crap or somehow forget how bad you feel, like you will some how get away with the damage this time. Yet its not possible. It is what it is you body needs to be loved and cared for and when we abuse it we pay in our well-being and ill health. Simples.
Great blog Michael, the honesty, the simplicity. No drama, you now just engage in your own ‘work in progress’ good on you.
Michael it is so easy to feel you are indestructible when you are young, and I have no idea how our body manages to carry us through when we make those unloving choices. The great thing is when we make more loving choices we become more aware of how our body feels, and from that feeling we make more choices that deepen our awareness, and our body becomes a great marker of where we are.
Great sharing, can very much relate to it Michael. I always thought I handled drugs and alcohol well and never felt really dependent on them, but had to admit that it is not about the quantity you consume but the emptiness you are filling up with it. There is no “light” use of alcohol and drugs that is better than the extreme use, that I would have called abuse. Abuse starts already with the choice to not honor my body as the divine vehicle of expression here on earth and treating myself with the most care and love, always having my level of awareness as my marker of truth.
“Taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it” – such a beautiful way to capture your transformation. Very powerful.
Exactly, this sums it up for me as well.
Our body is as you say Michael a truly amazing piece of equipment. As Serge is presenting ‘the body is the marker of truth’ You have turned your life around and what a great choice have you made to care for yourself and your body. I experience that it is a process of getting more honest to how I treat my body and to really make the choice to be loving and nurturing with this vehicle in life.
Thank you Michael, you have written so honestly on the true harmful destruction of what marijuana brings and have shared with us how you changed this pattern of checking out and avoiding life to taking responsibility and turning your life around. = Awesome Inspiration
An awesome blog Michael that is as truthful as it is beautiful. ‘From abuse to responsibility’, your title says it all and shows us that there always is a choice no matter what the patterns of your past are. Very inspiring.
Wow, this is a Ph.D in self abuse!! It is always amazing to read testimonies of people that turned their lives around thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine. What an amazing service it provides to those that are open to hear it!!
Thanks Michael – your blog tells a familiar story. It is so easy to heap abuse on top of abuse where our bodies are concerned, not realising the harm. I am constantly amazed that our bodies can withstand so much before things start to crack. It wasn’t until I started to attend Universal Medicine practitioners and presentations that I realised just how far off track I was with how I was living my life. While definitely a work in progress, I am now much more I tune with my body and giving it the respect it deserves.
I very much relate Michael, abusing the body was just normal for me. No more and man does my body love me back!
Thank you Michael for sharing your journey from self destruction to one of reclaiming and rebuilding a loving relationship with yourself through making different choices. Isn’t it amazing how much abuse we heap on our bodies not knowing that we hold love within.
Thanks Michael for your sharing. Something beautiful happens when we stop and look in truth at the choices we make in our lives and fully acknowledge and own the harm done to self and others. As raw as this is, it bring a new and wonderful beginning which offers the opportunity to make a difference choice – the choice to take full responsibility for every moment going forward and living all that we truly are. How beautiful then to be a part of the loving rippling effect of joining and working in brotherhood in love. Firstly love of self and then love of all others equally. Now this is the relationship worth holding on to.
Thank you Michael, how beautiful that your sadness and emptiness began to speak louder than the numbness, and what a blessing you gave yourself to want to heal this also. As the saying goes, when you’re truly ready to heal the true healer appears, to support in your own self healing process back to the love you originally came from.
Amazing turn-around Michael. I’m inspired to meet you and I actually have through Universal Medicine events. It’s amazing how many students of Universal Medicine have been through a similar story and meeting them it does not show or reveal that they have had a rocky path. Just shows you the True Power of healing with Universal Medicine; and what is more awesome each of us have that potential too !!
This is such an honest sharing Michael that shows how easily we can lose our connection to ourselves. It feels like somewhere along the way we begin to think we can’t be accepted unless we go along with the way others are living. We stop listening to our body and begin the journey to disconnection. It is amazing though that through it all our body still continues to communicate with us, never giving up hope that we will stop, take a moment and begin to listen again. For me like you and many others that stop moment came when I heard and really began to listen to what Universal medicine and Serge Benhayon presented. For the first time in a long time I heard and felt truth and in a way it was a relief, because it meant I could stop trying to be something I wasn’t and begin to live the true me.
This is a brilliant piece of writing and one that thousands of people can relate to including myself. The body is an amazing body of wisdom, and knew exactly when to tell you that enough was enough…..it would be great to see this blog in magazines.
From reading your story Michael, I can feel how empowering it has been for you to have more control over your life as a result of taking responsibility for the choices you make. Well done.
We all use something to comfort our way through life and not deal with those issues that leave us feeling raw. But more and more often, I find that awareness is the thing I truly value. When it is not there (through me dulling myself) life feels flat and purposeless. It can feel raw at times but awareness allows me to rediscover the treasure within and the enormity of what we are all part of.
This is a top blog Michael Dixon, thanks for sharing this. Drug abuse is huge throughout our world and more people like you need to write, so we can show the world there is another way. What really sticks out is when you mention awareness and responsibility. I have found that the teachings of Serge Benhayon have made me more aware and taking self responsibility is the key for any true change to happen in our life.
On a funny note, I recall at age 15 taking a puff and hated the taste it left me in my mouth. That was the end of cigarettes but alcohol was another story. I kept that going even though my body could not take it. Thank God I met Serge Benhayon as I got the understanding and then I made my own choice and my body responded with a BIG fat Thank You.
Thanks Michael. Its amazing that upon reflection we always have that marker, in ourselves and our body, that shows us when our choices are not right. I remember one night I went out partying with some friends and we tried smoking some marijuana imitation. All I can remember is how horrible it was and that, at that moment I had a reference that yes, my body has a truth and that does not belong to it. Later that night I remember becoming very honest with how I was feeling and went to sleep with that reflection and the knowing that on the inside I was hurting and that I wanted to heal. I didn’t want to try that cigarette and I knew that. I could say that back then I was lost but now I understand that that marker of honesty with ourselves is always there, we just have to acknowledge it and empower ourselves enough to change the things that aren’t really right for us.
Amazing the lengths we go to to not feel hey – definitely been there. Gorgeous to hear you’re coming on home to you. Life without the haze is very well worth it, otherwise it’s not just us missing out, but everyone. I too look back on the drug annihilated years and imagine the message I was reinforcing in the world, alongside the message I could have otherwise been living. Inspiring you’re now showing us all how possible it is to leave drugs behind, and how gorgeous life can actually be without the fog.
Thank you for such an honest sharing so much of which I can relate. Many sober years later I am enormously grateful to Universal Medicine for the inspiration to live my life rather than escape from it.
Thanks for sharing Michael , This bit says a lot for the numbing and disconnecting that the drugs do to us “I spent many years in a hazy, blissful cocoon with no responsibilities for myself or anyone else. Come to think of it, I had never felt responsible for anything, I had always felt essentially indestructible no matter what I threw at myself, and as long as I had some sort of drug to mask my depression and general discontent with life, I felt I was doing OK.” And how we can use drugs to be irresponsible and stay in comfort until we are called to be otherwise . Awesome read
What we do to ourselves to try and fit in! Michael it is so amazing how you did stop the escapism and are coming back to you.
An open and humble sharing Michael, beautiful to read and feel the depth of sensitivity that you’ve clearly always had even during those times that you tried to mask it and be one of the pack. How many of us have done this and still do, running our bodies ragged and toughening up, instead of simply being honest about how gorgeously sensitive we truly are.
Amazing blog Michael. I can relate to the use of alcohol, cigarettes and drugs to numb myself and as a way to cope with the world – all the while my body always said no! Now I listen to my body instead of peer pressure and can say that my body is far wiser than anything else telling me what to do on the outside. Thanks for sharing
Michael it is an inspiring blog well written and something that we could all do to read, especially the very young people that feel they have to keep up with their Peers. We have all had that pressure in life at sometime, some walk away unscathed and some don’t. Great to hear you came across such wonderful support.
Thank you for sharing your story so honestly Michael and I can really relate to abusing my body with cigarettes (from age 11) and alcohol and how they stopped working for me but it was only when “Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it” that I was able to truly engage with living my life and supporting my body by the choices that I make.
This takes me back to my early days with cigarettes and drugs. I remember at age 13 trying so hard to smoke a cigarette and pushing through the revulsion barriers. What I hadn’t realised what how in my late 20’s I did the same thing in Cuba with cigars. I was in Cuba and wanted to smoke a cigar and I paid absolutely no attention to what my body was screaming at me. How common it is to override the body so that we can fit in with what our head has decided. Great blog.
Your first sentence about trying a cigarette at age 15 is pivotal. This was the first step, the moment of choice, the setting of the scene…and it took you through all that abuse, that pain and separation from self. If only every 15 year old boy could understand that, know that…wow.
So true Paul, that was the pivotal moment. That one choice to override opened the way for continual overriding.
Yes thats why its so important people are writing about the downside of abusive habits
Hi Michael, I loved your story. Your words about choices woke me up to how I’ve been really singularly looking at everything that’s not working for me, and not looking enough of what choices help me to feel amazing.
As an older person I have no experience of drugs, alcohol or cigarettes simply because there were not part of my world. My life prior to being introduced to Universal Medicine was one of total dedication to my work and family. My drug was the constant anger and resentment I carried around for not being acknowledged for my efforts. I am still learning to let go. But what a relief to slowly let go of layers of old hurt and embrace myself.
Thank you Michael for this very open blog. I can relate well to this very strong feeling that is there once you realize that it is you – and nobody but you and your choices – who is causing how your body feels and how you experience your life and the world to be for you.
Taking responsibility for yourself and for those choices, which will be a natural result, may be confronting sometimes, but it is so deeply relaxing and enriching to feel that through taking our responsibility we can make true changes instead of only numbing our symptoms away.
In relation to this part of the article “The drugs no longer seemed to work”, I too experienced similar with alcohol. I used to love it, love the way it made me feel and have night after night of back to back binge drinking fun. Then one day almost over night it stopped being fun, it tasted bad, I couldn’t get happy drunk no matter how much I drank. So instead I ended up with less money in my purse, a hang over, no sense of happiness or bliss and instead a huge down the morning after. The downers were so bad that I just had to quite drinking. Every now and then, a couple of times per year I’d try and have a fun night again, pretending it was good, but never was. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine about 5 years later that I began to look at why I was trying to ‘be happy’ and what I was so miserable about. I actually missed myself.
Wow, I can’t imagine the amount of pressure going out Friday to Sunday and then class on Monday was putting on your body, it is simply amazing what the body can handle! Your journey is something I think a lot of people can relate to – wanting so desperately to fit in that you do what everyone else is doing no matter how much you may dislike it, except everyone else is doing it to fit is as well, so in the end who are we trying to fit in with?
Thank you Michael. Your last paragraph, for me, says it all. Life is an ongoing commitment and taking responsibility for ourselves in it creates some steep learning curves and some gentle slides, but well worth it.
It has been said that it is a long way back from drug and alcohol abuse – but your story reminds us that it is only as far away as the decision to take responsibility for our own lives is. I too, like you Michael, have found Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to be an amazing inspiration and support when it comes to taking that journey back.
I love this comment Deborah. It’s not a long way back at all. It’s a choice. I love how Micheal realised from one day to the next that that lifestyle was not working. The choice is simple but having the courage to act on it is what can be more challenging.
Dear Michael,
You have inspired me with your story. A confirmation that no matter how abusive we have been or disconnected we can heal. Thank you.
Thats right Connie it comes back to choice
Serge Benhayon supported me to understand that ‘we will all get there, one by one inspiring one another’. I used to look out at the world and think, ‘wow, no way, how is that even possible?’ After reading many blogs recently I can now see how that inspiration is playing out. So many amazing stories shared, all for humanity to read, connect to and be “inspired” by.
When I look back at the way I used drugs, alcohol and cigarettes as a teenager and adult I can see very clearly that I was simply using these things to escape the horrible reality I felt life to be or at least numb the anger and sadness I felt about life in general. I no longer use any of these things and my life has improved dramatically in all areas.
It is interesting to now be able to feel that I still try to escape from aspects of life and the emotions I feel using food or the emotions themselves (anxiousness and drive really get your heart racing). The ‘hangover’ I experience when I use my food or emotions in this way often feels just as bad as it did when it was alcohol induced. This blog inspires me to continue to feel what is really natural for me and refine my choices. Thank you.
Michael, i too have felt the destruction of alcohol and drugs in my life. But also going through the process of coming back to making loving choices also. Thank you for sharing your story, it reflected a lot of my own journey and could feel how empowering it is to claim back who you are, as i also have tread that path.
Thank you for sharing Michael. I can relate to pretty much all of this and I am amazed how simple it became as I took responsibility and no longer saw myself as a victim and reluctant participant of a life I just had to numb myself through. It’s not that I find everything easy, but the difficulties I used to have seemed earth shattering, now they are just challenges.
Thank you Michael for openly sharing. I have not used drugs but have abused my body in other ways, alcohol, food, living in extremes, with great detrimental effects. Universal Medicine was the turning point for me, taking responsibility and making loving choices has turned this around considerably and continues to do so and has supported me in my awareness with this.
Wow – thank you for sharing Michael. Growing up in the 80’s myself I can relate to this totally. I drank, smoked and did drugs right up to my 30’s. Sometimes I would go to work still wired on speed and cocaine. The deep pain and loneliness I felt was horrendous that I never even considered me at all or what I was doing until one day I woke up and I just knew I couldn’t keep living like that. Slowly I stopped smoking and the drugs. Alcohol was by far the hardest to quit because it is so accepted within society and I found it hard to stand up and say NO when everyone around me was adding pressure to continue. It was only when I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I was allowed a space to be the real me. A space where I could develop life choices that I wanted to make where I wasn’t judged for what I had done. Within this space I could see that I was worth it and I began to develop a relationship with myself – which is ever expanding and evolving.
This is such a lovely claiming Michael and one I can relate too…that overriding panic of “it’s just not keeping me going anymore” can leave you very un-high and dry. I love how you refer to the beauty of Janet as she supported you. When being offered nothing but absolute love you can’t help but fall in love, it’s just amazing and all of a sudden you realise just what you have been missing out on all that time. Simply being in love with yourself. It’s awesome.
‘When being offered nothing but absolute love you can’t help but fall in love’ – it’s so true Phil. At first we melt and then it brings up the unloving and disregarding ways we have been living to show us we too can be more love. Love gives us a choice, a choice to continue in the ill ways and foray we have been living up to that point or to choose love, make more loving choices and in doing so allow love to be our guide and teacher.
Hi Michael, yes – it is an eye opener to think about the level of abuse we put our bodies through, and what it can handle! I too tried things to fit in and be cool. If everyone else was out of it, I needed to be out of it too. Otherwise I’m weird, right? I thought I never suffered from peer pressure – that I had the independence to make my own choices. But I realize that this was far from true. I followed the trend to fit in and get recognition. All the while my body allowing me to test the waters. It was after being inspired by Universal Medicine that I understood behaviour that takes me out of it is really harming me and my body.
It’s great to have that understanding and now appreciate my body for the amazing thing that it is.
This is great Michael, thank you for your honesty, I can relate to ‘ I tried smoking it, coughed a lot, got about half way through it, then threw the rest away, spending the rest of the day trying to get the horrible taste out of my mouth.’ I also then continued to smoke even after this experience, it was the same with drinking, I really didn’t like the taste and would often be sick, but I carried on because I wanted to fit in and have some sort of relief in my life. It feels very freeing now to not have these in my life and I can now see clearly how destructive they are.
Michael, thank you for an honest, clearly expressed blog. Our bodies really are amazing considering what many of us put them through, and eventually they stop us and say enough as you and many others including me have found. And it’s at that point we have a choice to find a replacement ‘drug’ or comfort or to truly engage and look at how we’re living. You have taken the later path and so have I and yes it’s amazing, challenging but ooh so real. Great sharing to show it’s possible and there is another way.
Thank you sharing so honestly Michael, I can relate to what you have said especially the bit: ‘I had always felt essentially indestructible no matter what I threw at myself’ – this was true for me so long as I had something near by I could turn like the drugs or the alcohol. Alcohol never did it for me as, like yourself, I would always end up feeling awful the next day. Whereas with Marijuana it left me in a haze, a haze that somehow lessened the harshness of the world, and masked me from the hurts I saw. It essentially changed my view and perception of reality. It was not until being inspired by Universal Medicine to build more love in my life could I fully a billion percent say no to the marijuana and alcohol, before whilst I would have stopped or only occasionally have some after I saw the ills of it – it was still there lurking in the background waiting for me to call it back in.
Michael you say it all here “With this awareness, I am able so see how my choices affect my body. Some of my choices make my body and my mood feel like crap, and some of my choices make my body and my mood feel amazing.” simple really. It is awesome when the choices start to fall on the side of feeling amazing more and more.
It’s very true Vanessa, our body feels and understands our choices as either loving or not loving, for there is nothing in between.
Thank you Michael, it is remarkable that from the start our body tells us what is okay and what is not, like you coughing a lot when you first smoked and you throwing up after you drank alcohol. Alas we have become so conditioned and so good at hardening ourself up so we don’t feel those signals. Quite a poignant statement “I passed my degree, but I can’t even imagine what I would have accomplished if I had actually applied myself whilst I was there.” We can state this about the whole of our life. We dull and impede ourselves beyond measure by ignoring the signals our body gives us. What would life be like if we actually listened out for and honoured those signals?
“We dull and impede ourselves beyond measure by ignoring the signals our body gives us. What would life be like if we actually listened out for and honoured those signals?” Absolutely Golnaz and thanks to Universal Medicine this is an ongoing voyage of discovery for me and many others.
Thank you Michael Dixon for sharing this deeply heartfelt account of your life with alcohol and drugs. The bit where I really stopped was when you mentioned life at university going out friday to a night club and then day clubs to sunday non stop and returning to class monday. What abuse your body went through and as you say how much abuse our bodies can actually take.
Why is it that we have such utter disregard, disrespect, self neglect and self loathing for our body which in truth really is with us from start to end and does a great job.
I for one trashed my body and it was only after attending Serge Benhayon presentations and workshops that I was inspired to make changes and my life of abuse finally stopped.
Awesome! Thanks Michael.
Responsibility – unfortunately this word is nowadays taken to be synonymous to the words Burden, Blame or Guilt. I am grateful to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for reminding me of a long forgotten truth about Responsibility – how deeply empowering, freeing and all round loving it is – that all I ever need do is be more aware of my body, be honest about what I feel, honour it and allow my choices to come from within. I find the more I choose to be truly responsible, regardless of whether I succeed outright or am working towards it, the less I feel any Burden, Blame or Guilt – instead I feel a greater amount of Love, Joy and Confidence.
Michael, I love this story. But I love the fact that you told the story even more.
Awesome sharing Micheal, thank you. How amazing are our bodies when we stop and ponder on what it is we have done to them. It also shows me how much more amazing our bodies can be once we connect to them and nurture them in a way that they deserve.
Thank you Michael for sharing with yourself and everyone the gorgeous man you are, we are blessed.
First part of your life story – smoking, drinking, drug taking is so common in today’s society. It is the second part – admitting life is not about the first part and that it doesn’t work, which sadly is not so widespread. Or even when we do admit, we resist taking responsibility for all our self-abuse behaviours, which in truth is the only starting place for a change to occur.
So very true Dragana, admitting life is not about all the abusive behaviours we have created to overcomplicate and not feel what it truly going on. It is only in admitting and taking responsibility for our behaviours that true change can occur.
MIchael I love your honesty, thank you for sharing the love you have now found and express for yourself and others.
It is truly amazing when we allow ourselves to stop, thank you Michael this has inspired me to stop more often and feel where my body is truly at.
The honesty is amazing, look at where you have been willing to come from! Wonderfull Michael.
Thank you Michael for you sharing this with honesty. It is about taking the responsibility for your own choices based on what you feel from the innermost and not about to follow the choices presented from the outside, that make you feel miserable and completely disconnected and unaware at the end.
It is wonderful that so many people can also say truthfully along with you, Michael, ‘Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.’
Each person’s story is different, as are the means they have chosen to cope with life, however, we now have the inspiration and are free to choose our own ways to reconnect lovingly to ourselves again. How awesome is that!
Very awesome Judy. Responsibility is a big one for me; the more I take responsibility the more layers of it are revealed.
Yes the statement ‘Universal Medicine supported me in taking more responsibility for my life, rather than being in a state of reaction to it.’ can be inserted into many peoples lives who have come along to Universal Medicine presentations. The stories may be different due to different peoples lives and circumstances, but the essence is still the same – taking more responsibility for themselves, rather than being in reaction. So very awesome I say.
It’s interesting to see Michael that when you were open and ready for change that the opportunity presented itself. Likewise, Universal Medicine helped me to connect to myself and bring awareness into my life. The rest was up to me.
Absolutely Rod, when I am ready to take responsibility for some of my ill choices, it always seems that support is there in a variety of ways and things drop away that no longer fit into living in a more self-caring way.
Great point Rod – Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have provided me with an amazing inspiration and role model for connecting to my body, but it was my choice to take responsibility for this and apply this to, and for, myself. I now understand that each of us is offered this choice, but whether or not we choose to live this, is up to us.
Thank you Michael for sharing so openly and honestly. Yes, it is amazing that our bodies are able to withstand the absolute abuse that we have hurled at them …. I too recall a period, whilst my husband and I were courting, where it was normal for me to be so intoxicated with alcohol that the night ended with vomiting and the horror of the room spinning when my head hit the pillow! How great is it that now, through the inspiration of Serge and the presentations of Universal Medicine that we choose to honour our bodies and finally see that they are precious and treat them accordingly with respect. To understand the true meaning of “self love” – awesome!
Thank you Michael. My awareness of how I used drugs, alcohol and anti depressants to numb the pain is deepening all the time. No one ever knew I was addicted to all these things because I managed to hold successful careers, have a marriage and kids. With support from Serge and Universal Medicine practitioners, I have managed to live without the addictions but more importantly been supported to allow to feel what it was I was avoiding feeling. There are still painful days to feel all the past choices and the ensuing exhaustion but out of this I am now getting the space to feel my awesomeness.