by Kim Olsen, Warwick, Queensland
For many years, I grappled with an awareness/feeling that this world is full of paradoxes. Many so-called truths are based on part-truths, which is why we get hooked in when in fact the reality is, these ‘truths’ are in fact not true. Whilst I felt this deep inside, I was confused and troubled. It took the words of Serge Benhayon for me to accept and trust these feelings as the truth. By him affirming in his teachings what I had already felt, I gradually re-learned to listen to my feelings.
One such paradox was about sex and love. For many years I had realised that sex just did not cut it, and knew I sought love. But what is love? It felt clear that the needy, co-dependent love we are told is love, is not it. As a male, and hearing all the stories of what sex and love is about, I was confused. I thought that making love must be a higher form of sex, so I still viewed it through that window. I now realise that the two are not even part of the same paradigm.
For me, ‘being love’ is being present with myself first and then with others. Being love is the only space from which ‘making love’ can eventuate. Being present to others can only come from being present to me. I have found this being present builds more consistency, it builds a livingness. Here is the crunch… being in the livingness can only come from living what is true for me and being love.
So while at one level I knew that making love was a communion of souls, I could not quite get the profoundness of that until I learned to live as me. I now joy-fully choose it.
Over the years I carefully observed my reactions and myself. From this I noticed a couple of things:
- The phenomenon of ‘blue balls’. This is when men are said to get sore testicles if they get aroused and don’t get relief. Many years ago I found that this would only occur if there was an expectation in my mind that relief was necessary. So I say that if we don’t pander to a man’s ‘it’s all about me’ need, then we do what is ultimately the kindest thing, we ask him to experience truth. The truth is men have also been ‘sold a story’ that ‘it’ is about relief. I ask, relief from what? From knowing and experiencing ourselves and each other in truth? I say no thank you to that.
- I realised that when a well-meaning partner had sex with me when she did not feel to, I did not actually feel relief. All I felt afterwards was I should have said ‘no thanks’ (that isn’t easy in ‘the heat of the moment’). Not only did I not feel relief, I felt short-changed. This was difficult to understand and articulate then.
Those examples are just a taste of the anomalies I felt with my view of sex.
So you can imagine what a relief it was to hear what Serge Benhayon was saying on sex and relationships. I was able to let go of these myths and follow my heart. I had been grappling with these part-truths for many years and quickly saw the ‘it makes sense’ factor in what Serge was saying. So although I had seen that it is about meeting someone and not relief, I can now see clearly what I was grappling with. I now follow my truth and let go of a ‘need’ to be whatever someone, or the world, wants me to be. I am now able to let go of the expectation that I had put on myself and on my partner.
On a more general note, I now realise that when I was ‘being what I thought others wanted me to be’ (which was one of my coping mechanisms), not only was I hurting myself, I was also not giving my partner the chance to know me. The result of this was confusion for both. How could I be respected by me or another if I had a mask on?
This freeing has happened in many areas, thanks to the Universal Medicine teachings.
I now live with a gentle joy, which finds its way into my relationships, and means I have no need to fill the quiet spaces with myself and with others.
Thank you Serge Benhayon.