From ‘One of the Lads’ to a Gorgeous Woman… Through Self-Love

by Rebecca Wingrave 

I spent about 20 years of my life drinking, partying, trying to be ‘one of the lads’ and generally having a complete lack of self-worth. I got really ill as a teenager from overindulgence in alcohol, but just carried on as it was what I felt gave me confidence and was what all young people did; I didn’t know another way of being.

I began suffering from digestive issues and so decided to seek help. I was advised by a nutritionist to stop eating gluten and dairy and to cut down on my alcohol consumption; over the next couple of years I started to feel better. I noticed how sick the alcohol made me so decided to stop drinking it altogether – the problem was that my social life was based around drinking and my friends found it hard to understand why I wanted to stop… I really felt like the odd one out.

I attended a Universal Medicine workshop, and through listening to Serge Benhayon present and talking with other students there, I realised I wasn’t alone; I had finally met people who were also looking after themselves and who had chosen not to drink alcohol – I was introduced to another way of being.

Serge presented to us to feel for ourselves what our bodies were saying, which foods worked for us, and which made us feel bloated or heavy. So I began making changes; I refined my diet by feeling what foods and drinks worked for me, and three years on I no longer have digestive issues.

Serge talked about sleep times and how the body begins to rejuvenate from 9pm, so I began going to bed earlier and noticed that this made me feel so much better. He also presented about the tenderness we all have in our bodies: I had some Esoteric Breast Massage sessions and felt this tenderness, as well as a delicateness and beauty in my own body. This was amazing for me, and since then I have been allowing myself to feel this more and more.

I realised that I wasn’t ‘one of the lads’, I was actually a gorgeous woman. I began to dress differently, much more femininely, which I’ve really been enjoying; I take the time to massage myself and am much more gentle with my body – from not carrying heavy bags to driving much more gently and carefully.

Through this self-care and having the support of healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners, my confidence and self-worth have been increasing hugely… I feel much more of the real me and am letting go of the trying to be something or someone else.

I have found another way of being, a more loving, more gentle, more enjoyable, truer and more honest way of being; a way of self-care, nurturing and love.

210 thoughts on “From ‘One of the Lads’ to a Gorgeous Woman… Through Self-Love

  1. Rebecca it is beautiful to feel your awareness of the gorgeous woman you are and your choice to be all that you are. Presentations and workshops with Serge Benhayon revealed to me just how much I had shut down my awareness of feeling and how I used my mind to try and understand everything.

  2. What huge changes many of us make when we take notice of the truth our bodies reveal. I truly admire people such a yourself for their dedication and willingness to listen to what is offered to us through presentations of Serge Benhayon and the example of the Student body. Thanks Rebecca.

  3. Most of us are playing a role, we learnt this very early in life, trying to fit in, so much of what we do is configured around the responses that we get, and then we mould ourselves to fit the responses that we want. What is being offered at Universal Medicine is the opportunity to know oneself enough so that we can be who we truly are, and that in itself, is innately beautiful; because our true nature is a reflection of the divine.

  4. This is a great blog, as you show Rebecca, the real value of self care. And that is, the person is so worth taking care of as evident by the response, the remuneration, felt from the body of feeling vital and healing itself from the digestive issues, simply by the choice to self care. We treat ourselves with worth, with value, and your body loves you back 10-fold.

  5. It’s great to challenge the meaning of what “normal” is – it seems these days our gauge of normal is that if the majority are doing it then it’s ok rather than feeling for ourselves how it feels in our body and why is it that we are we so eager to enjoin in behaviours that harm us in order to belong?

  6. Hi Rebecca, I too found that I simply had to let go of drinking alcohol and I did so about 20 years ago as I could not take it. One and a half glasses was my limit and after that I was so poisoned I would have the hang over from hell, so it simply was not worth risking. It is strange when people do not understand this as alcohol is indeed a poison to the body. It was great for me also to come across other people who were committed to taking care of themselves and developing and deepening this within themselves. It certainly is another way of being, a way that makes perfect sense as presented by Universal Medicine.

  7. What a transformation based on the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. A reminder that all it takes is to watch and observe another and be inspired by the way they live.

  8. Thanks Rebecca for another confirming example of the health benefits of making responsible and well informed choices

    1. That’s so true what you say , “when we stop trying to be someone or something our confidence builds”. I know when I used to compare all the time, my confidence and self worth was low.

  9. “Through this self-care and having the support of healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners, my confidence and self-worth have been increasing hugely… I feel much more of the real me and am letting go of the trying to be something or someone else.” So simple and yet so powerful, amazing and how we are all naturally born to be.

  10. Rebecca it is beautiful to hear you have reconnected back to the beautiful women you are and began to start connecting to the femaleness in your body. Through self care its amazing how we can start to connect to our true essence.

  11. I too always wanted to be “one of the lads” little realising that this was harming my beautiful young woman’s body in so many ways, but this was one way of filling the emptiness I continually felt inside; I just wanted to belong somewhere. Like you, meeting Serge Benhayon and many Universal Medicine students in 2005 I realised that I wasn’t alone, so many of them had grown up feeling like they didn’t belong anywhere either. Fast forward to today, where my level of self love is so much deeper than it has ever been, the emptiness is filled with the love that I have re-connected to that has always waited patiently for me to re-claim it, and now I definitely know without a sliver of doubt where I belong.

  12. Hi Rebecca, I was only just thinking today why I drunk alcohol in the first place?… and the reason was that I felt uncomfortable around people… actually, no I felt uncomfortable with myself and therefore around others also… so the only way for me to ‘get over that’ (so I thought) was to drink and try to fit in with everyone else. The problem was that it only got worse because I became further removed from who I truly was and so had to keep drinking so as not to feel the discomfort.. and so it went on until one night I decided that was enough and it was time to make a choice for myself. That felt amazing, for the first time in a long time, to no longer follow the crowd and make a firm choice for myself and I kept to it. That was 14 years ago.

  13. Over a few years I gradually reduced my alcohol intake until I just did not choose it any more. That was over ten years ago now. My friends quizzed me about it and I remember thinking ‘what kind of friendship is this if it is based upon what kind of liquid I choose to have in a glass?’. I have to say, I love my life without alcohol and it is something completely alien to me now.

  14. There are so many ‘rituals’ in so many peoples lives that are based around consumption is simply not good for us, and it does take courage and self- awareness to step outside of these everpresent traps and to be true to oneself

  15. Thank you for sharing Rebecca. Isn’t it beautiful how we can just keep building the quality and level of nurturing and care we can give ourselves as women.

  16. As someone who has watched your evolution from ‘one of the lads’ to the gorgeously, delicate, sexy, beautiful, precious, powerful and sacred woman you are today, I can honestly say your transformation has and is so deeply inspiring.

  17. I love that your self loving journey back to the gorgeous woman you now feel and can celebrate was not through blindly following suggestions from others but through honestly feeling what was true for you each step of the way and embracing this knowing it allowed you to feel and enjoy the real you.

  18. Our bodies are really struggling with the fast pace of today’s society as evidenced by our escalating rates of disease and illness. So when we ignore the push to keep up and instead focus on integrity and quality while being gentle and caring of our body, it really appreciates it.

  19. It can be really exposing in friendships when someone stops being part of the crowd and instead goes with what feels true for them, it can also be hard to do this as we may feel we no longer ‘fit in’ or are ‘different’ or even find that friends act differently with us but from my experience it is well worth doing and I wish I did this when I was a lot younger …. ‘the problem was that my social life was based around drinking and my friends found it hard to understand why I wanted to stop… I really felt like the odd one out.’

  20. To let go of the habits and behaviours one has adopted to cope with life takes courage, commitment and most of all love (self-love), as it is at times a bumpy road and not everybody is willing to stand beside us.

  21. It is rather ironic that when we give up drinking alcohol that we are considered, or perhaps consider ourselves, the “odd one out”, when we are the one who has made the choice to look after our body and deepen our level of self care. Caring for our body makes a whole lot of sense, but being treated like the odd one sure doesn’t, not one little bit! What an upside down world we live in!

    1. I agree Ingrid, it does seem this way. It also shows that if someone chooses to making loving choices this makes them stand out, probably due to the fact that a huge majority of our society are currently not choosing this. It is pretty shocking when we step back and observe what is truly going on. It is seen as normal to abuse our body with toxic substances but when someone steps out of this and makes loving choices they stand out and are often criticize or condemned for this, which doesn’t make any sense. Wouldn’t it make more sense to be inspired and appreciate someone who is choosing love?

  22. I never really enjoyed alcohol that much but I can very much relate to wanting to be one of the lads in a metaphoric way, so as to be accepted and not stand out. The times when I said I didn’t want to drink any more were frowned upon as being boring or that there was something wrong with me (which I began to wonder if there was), especially when everyone had had a few too many. When I really understood through Universal Medicine what alcohol does to the body and why we change so much, it then became an easy choice to stop drinking something that I now know to be a poison to my body.

  23. When we take all our forms of medication away we get the opportunity to feel, express and deal with things as they come up rather than burying them in the body causing us to be on the perpetual cycle of numbing our self in whatever way is available so as they do not rise to the surface.

  24. Rebecca your choice to listen to your body is very inspiring. It shows how supportive and loving it is to truly listen to our body and trust what we feel. It supports us to be who we are instead of trying to be someone we are not, this often puts strain and stress on our body if we choose to ignore its messages. Your examples shows how it is possible to honour our body, how we feel and who we are.

  25. I have seen many women like yourself make this gorgeous transition into who they truly are thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. The transformation is incredible and so inspiring for many.

  26. When I was younger because of wanting to fit in I would do what everyone was doing—but I would do more. Even though I am petite, I would carry heavier loads and even though I was completely disinterested in the activities that most young people do, I would go and observe. But because I was doing all of these things without first a connection with myself—I did not nurture what I liked to do or honored what my feelings are, and became very drained. Now that I have re-discovered a relationship with myself and am able to be first and foremost consistent in the rhythms that support myself, I am then much more able to be involved in life. I still enjoy learning a lot of what everyone does but the difference is, now I am really interested in what they do and find that there is a lot we have in common.

  27. It is interesting how we act to create safeguards for a way of living that only hurts us: it is not just what we do to hurt ourselves, it is also the friends we hook up with who do exactly the same, so it is also the constructed notion of normality we are able to create out of the abnormal. Then we find relief…. until the body says otherwise.

  28. Tenderness is not something I treat myself with, I often go for self bashing thoughts, which makes me sad, I am going to allow tenderness with my body and my thoughts.

  29. Trying to be anyone other than who we are can be a very exhausting and often futile exercise, but so many of us are continually doing exactly that. As you, and I have discovered, being “one of the lads” was not who we were, and embracing the innately gorgeous women that we always had been is a much “more enjoyable, truer and more honest way of being”, and way less exhausting.

  30. Understanding that self-care is the basis of self-worth and self-confidence was a total revelation for me – I couldn’t believe something that felt so deep – the lack of self-worth and self-loathing – could be healed by simply starting to take better care of myself, but through experimentation I’ve felt for myself that it’s true. It’s not a quick fix, but a dedicated long-term commitment to keep deepening the care one takes of one’s self, and with that, a deepening of one’s understanding and love for one’s self – and for all others.

  31. Self care, nurturing and love, three basic ingredients that take us out of self abuse, self loathing, lack of self worth and much more. A simple recipe but not always easy to follow when we are going against the grain and others actively encourage or cleverly manipulate us to do as they do or as they want. It is always our choice however and important then to have compassion for ourselves if we make an ill choice and like wise to be accepting and respectful of others choices, however harming we know them to be.

  32. A beautiful way to introduce – our true=ness. AND that we are so much more than we are possibly living. When we look at it from appreciation, all we can find that there is more.. more to feel inside us that we can possibly live. This has been inspired for me by Serge Benhayon, who simply never holds back who we are and the potential of being all that we are, every single given moment. Hence, there is nothing lost.. This simply got me inspired and supported me to trust that I can now choose to be myself.

  33. Amazing Rebecca Wingrave! How many of us have been ‘One of the lads’ missing out on the stillness within, going from one thing to the next without stopping, connecting and being with our body. For Rebecca and myself to reconnect again, and I was out of control for many years, is a reflection how many others can make this lasting change. I will never go back – my life is true and I love every moment now and what the future holds it just gets better and better!!

  34. Our body craves for love – that love that is found in self-nurturing, deep self-care and embracing of who we are. Since having received all these tools by Universal Medicine to bring more connection in my life – I have found me, my true self and that inner-strength that is now everyday more my lived power. So thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine in its whole.

  35. This is a beautiful blog Rebecca of a woman reclaiming herself and feeling how truly worthy she is. In world where many woman have denied their womanly qualities and adopted a more masculine approach to life reflections like yours are refreshing and a way to inspire and ignite these qualities in other woman that are desperately craving to re-connect to their sacredness.

    1. Beautifully said Anna. I grew up feeling that boys and men wanted to be with women that were typically masculine in their approach to life and interests and feminine in appearance. I saw that girls and women that were typically girly in their interests, mannerisms and interests were denigrated by men, scoffed at and viewed as little more than high maintenance sex objects.

      A woman who knows herself is truly sexy. It is a great relief to find that underneath the bravado many men truly want to be with women who honour themselves and know their own power.

  36. The changes you have made in your life are simple yet revolutionary and the way you express is proof of this. Thank you Rebecca.

  37. It has been quite revealing the delicateness and tenderness I have felt in my body yet what has been more exposing is the fact I had chosen to shut down these beautiful, exquisite qualities that were there since birth. Tenderness, delicateness, preciousness and sacredness have been words that I did not associate with. They have been words alien to me, words I had chosen to ignore and therefore not know their true meaning but these words are not just words as when felt in the body I get a glimpse of what it feels like to be and live as the gorgeous, true woman I am.

  38. Yes finding as women that we can be ourselves and not one of the boys, just to fit in, is such a wonderful revelation. That being feminine, delicate and tender is actually what we crave and also what men crave to see us in, not competition and masculine energy.

  39. Beautiful how you came to realise that, ‘I realised that I wasn’t ‘one of the lads’, I was actually a gorgeous woman.’ I too am appreciating feeling far more delicate and tender than I had previously allowed myself to feel.

  40. It redefines what a true friend is when when you begin to honour the truth of your body they respond in ways that are not favourable. What was the friendship based on initially if this is the response we get from another?

  41. Embracing yourself as the true woman you are, with all that means, is very powerful. I also went into the world of partying and playing hard, it did not serve and I have been revealing who I truly am, a gentle, tender woman, through reconnecting with my body and honouring what I feel.

  42. Why do we try to be anything than who we truly are, it is exhausting and harmful to all? What is it that we do not want to feel or embrace about our true selves?

  43. I remember trying to be one of the lads. I would drink neat whisky on the rocks and enjoy watching the shock on people’s faces. I actually hated the taste but thought I was cool. I never really liked alcohol, but trained myself to drink it until it became a habit. When I decided to stop it wasn’t difficult and I don’t miss feeling sick, the drunken arguments I used to have and being hung over for days.

  44. It’s great how you describe the simple, practical changes you made here, simple and easy changes that are instigated from true care can have such a massive impact on every aspect of our lives. It’s also interesting the different things we become to fit into the world, and how when we start to take care of ourselves these molds start to naturally come undone.

  45. Such practical and some would say ordinary and commonsense changes yet they fly in the face of everthing we are told is normal. A simple change in the way we move indicates a far bigger unseen change is happening below the surface.

    1. Yes Leonne – great comment. Common-sense is where it is at. ‘It’ being the common quality that represents us all, the truth of how we can all live the love we are in essence.

  46. “I have found another way of being, a more loving, more gentle, more enjoyable, truer and more honest way of being; a way of self-care, nurturing and love.” This is a beautiful way of living inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

  47. I don’t remember how many times I wasn’t ever touching alcohol again, only to pick it back up. I would often say that one day I would give it up for good and my friends after a while knew at some point it was going to happen. It happened before I’d heard anything about Universal Medicine but it wasn’t solid as I knew I had given it up because drinking it never worked for me but there was another part. Universal Medicine supported me to see the true meaning of something I’d already chosen, to see what was behind the choice and made more sense of what was going on. This alone has supported me greatly and I look back and appreciate that I knew a part of what was going on but couldn’t grab it all without support.

  48. Its inspiring to hear a story of healing and recovering your health through changing how you live. We all have this power to support and care for ourselves.

  49. How gorgeous to be expressing the beautiful woman you are Rebecca. We can appreciate and enjoy that – absolutely!

  50. Beautiful Rebecca. So much better to get our self worth and self confidence from within ourselves than out of a bottle of alcohol which only appears to boost those things but in reality does not. It is a false confidence that alcohol induces, not the real thing.

  51. What happens when we are surrounded by a culture that is considered ‘normal’ yet it feels so wrong to the core for us? History has us believing that if go against the ‘norm’ we will be persecuted, ridiculed, ousted and denigrated. Yet over-riding our truth is clearly making us ill as a humanity, one honest look at our state of physical and mental health as a whole will tell you that. It is inspiring to feel how you have risen above the consciousness of what is deemed as ‘normal’ to actually reclaim what is truly normal for us. Thank you Rebecca, for leading the way in how we are to return our civilisation once again, to know a quality of living that is honor of who we are, in connection to our Soul.

  52. The truth is nobody is ‘one of the lads’ and the beauty in what you are sharing is, the more of us women connect to our natural beauty and tenderness within and live according to our inner knowing the greater the reflection there is for everybody else, and with that a new normal is established..

  53. I too was seemingly locked into a social drinking setup that was quite hard to break but once I had felt without any doubt the deep harm which it was doing to my physical and also my mental health, it was a no brainer to renounce alcohol for good and from the moment that I did this I had no difficulty in resisting peer group pressure because my whole body was saying no to it.

  54. Often when we chose something that is different form the many in society it can be thought of as strange, not drinking is one of these, as humans we have managed to twist reality some what how ever to make something so unhealthy,socially damaging normal. I used to drink, I used to think it was normal, I encouraged other people to do it with me…..it is not normal and my life has much improved from stopping the so called ‘social drinking’. It has been great to meet the people of are similarly interested in body heal and wellbeing and for it to be enterally normal

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