Universal Medicine & My Abusive Marriage: Setting the Record Straight

by Anonymous

I am reluctant to put my name to this because I have witnessed how hostile and relentless the hate campaign has been. I am a single mother with three children and an abusive ex-husband. I don’t want to be exposed via social or mass media in any way that opens me up to being targeted by my ex. On a personal and private level my friends and work colleagues know of my interactions with Universal Medicine.

I don’t have some amazing story of Universal Medicine (UniMed) or Serge Benhayon changing my life. And that is exactly why I feel compelled to write in response to some of the ludicrous things being said about Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.

LEAVING MY MARRIAGE

I first heard of Universal Medicine when I separated from my husband after 17 years of abuse and domestic violence, which included verbal abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, social isolation, and brainwashing. He is a charming, charismatic man AND he is scary, dark, scheming and hurtful. He still frequently negates my experience of things and tells me my perceptions are wrong like “no, that’s not how it happened” (when I saw it for myself); or he lies “no, I didn’t say that” (even if he did say it in text or email); or his classic statement is “You will find…” and then he proceeds to tell me what I will discover as truth… when I see things from HIS way. What I believe and feel is only OK if it aligns with what he thinks I should believe and feel.  He also tries to define me by telling me who I am “you are such a …XYZ…” even though I know that is not who I am.

I would often say to him, “it feels like you don’t want to be married to ‘me’, but simply any woman who can fit your idealised image of ‘wife, mother, lover’”.

I ended up in hospital in 2009 and was told emphatically by the Doctor, a Social Worker and Psychologist, that I needed to leave the marriage. I was confused because even though I was unhappy in the marriage, I thought it was my fault and that if I had been a better wife he would not be angry with me all the time. His brainwashing had thoroughly convinced me that he was always right and I was generally wrong. Because I always got it ‘wrong’, I lost the ability to make my own decisions. I needed to run things by him all the time to make sure I was thinking things through “properly” and making the best decision [i.e. the decision he wanted]. It got to the point that when I began to understand the abuse (with the support of the hospital staff) and I realised that I did need to leave, I thought I should talk to my husband first… to see what he thought about that. I thought I needed his permission to leave.

Like most cases of domestic abuse, I never reported anything to the police. All of my experiences are “unsubstantiated’ in a legal sense (as if substantiating or validating the experience of abuse can only be measured by ‘law’). My husband never did anything to me that is ‘illegal’. There was nothing to report. Even if I had been able to unravel the brainwashing to gain clarity on his responsibility in it, I was so intimidated by him there is no way I would want to report anything and risk stirring him up. A lack of legal evidence does not negate the existence of abuse. Failure to report is not evidence that there is nothing to report on. I have attended two women’s groups designed for abuse survivors (not associated with UniMed), and only one woman out of 20 of us had made a report to police.

If you met me or met him you would have no idea that our private life was like this. He is charming and delightful in public and can be that way in private, too. I am actually making it in the world – I am accomplished (according to all the usual social standards), I laugh a lot. I am warm and friendly. You would not put me in a basket of ‘battered wife’.

IT TAKES LOVE TO BREAK UP WITH INTEGRITY

One of the ways that I survived, that my soul survived, was that I always focused on what I loved about my husband, and what was good in him. This was a blessing and a curse. It kept ‘me’ intact… but also kept me in the marriage.

When I did decide to leave, I believed that I needed to hold on to my love for him because it would take love to break up with integrity. I called several lawyers who all focused on what I could get, like a battle between enemies. But to me, this was the father of my children, not an enemy. I had to be able to sustain a relationship with him for many years, and ‘going into battle’ just seemed ludicrous. Finally I found a lawyer who understood my position of love and integrity. The lawyer did express concern that I was making decisions from fear and did tell me what I could potentially get, but supported my decisions totally. Someone actually saw that I could make valid decisions! One day, while waiting in the office, I picked up a book written by Serge Benhayon and started to read. After a couple of pages I thought.. “what the heck is the Hierarchy?”.

THESE PEOPLE ‘GET ME’

I have never been a ‘seeker’ and have always been a sceptic. So, initially I thought this Serge Benhayon book was a bit ‘nutso’. AND yet, here I was exposed to two people (the lawyer and receptionist) who were students of Universal Medicine.

This was so significant because I had been told for so many years that I was ‘wrong’. That who I was, was not enough. My husband had even on numerous occasions criticised me for my integrity and for being able to love him. He’d say “f**k, I’m such a bastard to you and you can still respect and love me. You’re so sanctimonious”. But this lawyer and receptionist were saying things like “that’s great, I like that you’ve done that” or “you have such a lovely strong energy”. I felt seen.

NEVER PUSHED & NEVER SHUNNED… ALWAYS QUESTIONING

I spent about a year reading stuff and met a few more people who did the work before even thinking about attending a UniMed event. I was never pushed into going and I was never shunned for not going. What got me there was that everyone who I met who did the work understood me, my values, and the way I live my life.

For example, since my teenager was three years old we have gone through stages of eliminating and reducing his dairy intake: this was advised to us by a naturopath who has probably never heard of Universal Medicine. Another naturopath, also not associated with Universal Medicine, advised us to eliminate dairy and gluten from the diet of our middle child. None of my children have ‘medically diagnosed or diagnosable conditions’, but the dietary advice has been sound and beneficial. The information about diet as provided by Universal Medicine is very similar and just makes sense to me. And, I don’t always follow them and I haven’t always followed them in the company of esoteric students… and no-one cares a jot.

I don’t go to every Universal Medicine event – some things don’t interest me and I have limited finances at the moment. I freely say to friends who do attend most events that “it’s not for me”… and no-one cares a jot. I have never had Esoteric Breast Massage, and no one cares a jot. I have friends who do esoteric work and friends who don’t, and no-one cares a jot. I frequently question my friends about UniMed and esoteric stuff. Truly. I have even directly questioned a FB (Facebook) posting by Serge, and was answered respectfully. I have had differences of opinion with other women on a UniMed site and it is simply that – a difference of opinion.

No one cares a jot. They just love me anyway.

REGARDING COSTS

I have had a session with Natalie Benhayon – the experience for me was similar to Reiki and meditation. I have also had Chakra-puncture with Michael Benhayon. The difference between these healing sessions and sessions I have had elsewhere is that when I have gone to other practitioners, the focus is on the ‘ailment’ that prompted me to see them. Yet, during the sessions I had with Natalie and Michael the focus was on “me”. The reason I was seeing them was addressed, but it was viewed as a small part of my overall health and love for myself. In both instances I felt very held and supported… and the cost was cheaper than other acupuncture/naturopath/counselling sessions I have had elsewhere.

SERGE BENHAYON AIN’T NO GURU – CULT OR OTHERWISE!

I only just properly met Serge Benhayon last week. I have never had a personal healing session with him, though I have been to presentations where I have heard him speak. I really just had no calling to meet him, personally. I certainly respect Serge and his work, I have just never felt I needed something from him in particular, on a one to one basis. I enjoy his presentations but I certainly don’t see him as a guru… yet I certainly now feel, that I want to give to him. The attacks on him have actually drawn me to want to hold him. So last Saturday, when just by chance we ended up standing near each other and he asked me my name, I told him and reached in to embrace him and said “I just want to hold you”.  Before this hate campaign, I don’t think I would have felt that need to extend love to Serge so strongly.

So, to be clear:

  • Serge Benhayon didn’t ruin my marriage. It’s hard to see how a man whose life work is about love, can ruin a marriage. I left my marriage before I heard of Universal Medicine. It could be said that my husband ruined my marriage, but that implies that there was a marriage worth saving. Three professionals, totally unassociated with UniMed, emphatically told me to leave. And none of them have been reported to their professional bodies for doing so.
  • Serge Benhayon hasn’t seduced me: I only just met him, briefly, after two years of being exposed to Universal Medicine.
  • Serge Benhayon hasn’t brainwashed me: I know what being brainwashed is like – I still see a social worker, not associated with Universal Medicine, to deal with the brainwashing I had in my marriage.
  • Serge Benhayon didn’t force me to change my diet: I already had a similar diet on advice from naturopaths unassociated with Universal Medicine.
  • Serge Benhayon hasn’t forced me to go to bed early – I have always gone to bed at around 9pm as a general rule. My body naturally feels tired by then.
  • I haven’t gone broke attending Universal Medicine events – I take responsibility for my finances.
  • I haven’t lost any friends… actually I’ve gained friends. My friends and family who don’t attend Universal Medicine love me and support me and trust me. None of them are freaking out about my UniMed involvement. They are freaked out by the cyber-bullying though.
  • But I tell you what: after two surgeries, one extremely painful, both extraordinarily emotionally confronting, to repair damage from my ‘marital relations’, I darn well wish that someone had told my husband about making love, and that it was ok for me to insist he have my permission to touch me.

I feel seen. I have come home.

So, I don’t have a grand story about how Serge Benhayon or Universal Medicine changed my life. What is true for me is that in UniMed and with the people I know who do the work, I have a sense of feeling like I have come home. Rather than radically change anything in my life – I am now surrounded by other people who have similar lifestyles, beliefs, attitudes and values to me. And the lifestyle, attitudes, beliefs and values are ones that I have held for many, many years, even well before 2000, when Serge had his awakening on the pot! (As a side note, I don’t even see that as odd… many people actually open their bowels when having a heart attack – there is some connection between the heart and the pot!!!)

BUT – heck, if this is a cult, can we please start wearing cute retro prairie bonnets? And where’s our Hollywood celebrity jumping on a couch? 

296 thoughts on “Universal Medicine & My Abusive Marriage: Setting the Record Straight

  1. Reading this again I am struck by the complete lack of emotional ‘charge’, just straight-forward truth through which the love, honesty and courage shines through. Very inspiring, thank you for sharing.

  2. It can be hard to see what is true and what is not when you are embroiled in a situation. My experience is that Universal Medicine practitioners have helped me to see truth that I was avoiding seeing. This is gold.

  3. What a great, straight down the line testimonial. Marriages can be abusive and end for Universal Medicine and non-students alike as can naturopaths prescribe eliminating dairy and gluten. Universal Medicine is extraordinary in offering something very real and liveable.

  4. Thank you for your honesty – the way that you have come out the other side of such a challenging and abusive marriage is inspiring and how you tried out various solicitors until you found one that matched your life views and supported you through the process with love is so much needed in today’s increasingly combative and corrupt world. In attending Universal Medicine presentations you have found something that supports you to live the love that you are with no expectations. It is amazing how challenging others can find this but that is no excuse for the extensive lies and attacks that have been perpetrated over many years.

  5. Such a real and honest sharing. I too have never felt I have needed Serge – and yet he continues to be there for me in full. The least we can do is live what we know and set the record straight for all the love he is.

  6. Thank you for sharing your life experience I was struck by your words
    “His brainwashing had thoroughly convinced me that he was always right and I was generally wrong. Because I always got it ‘wrong’, I lost the ability to make my own decisions.”
    This continuous drip feeding does have an effect on us and it wears us down we feel worthless and of no consequence, so that even when this type of bullying stops from someone it is so ingrained in our body that we actually perpetuate the momentum ourselves in many cases without realising we are doing this. The practitioners of Universal Medicine I have found to be particularly good at breaking down these false structures within in our bodies which then allows our bodies to be free and expansive which restores a harmonious flow which has been sorely lacking.

  7. What you share about how things were for you is deeply touching because, as you say, so many women live this way as their normal without knowing how to report it. The proof, if ever it was needed was that in the support group you went to only one in 20 had been to the police.

  8. One of the most powerful tools we learn from Serge Benhayon is how to discern energy. To not be fooled about what we see, because that is what we want to see or are used to see, but to truly allow ourselves to observe abuse and evil even though you wouldn’t expect that from the outside.

  9. Love this blog and how no nonsense it is. I can see I’ve been doing the opposite in some ways as you. I’ve been attending Universal Medicine events, courses, had lots of sessions for years. I was caught up, right at the beginning, with my wanting to be liked and accepted because I felt awful about myself and had a need to prove myself. I wanted to be the best and the good student. I cringe a little thinking back on this because I got to realise that I am loved and welcomed however much I am involved, if at all. It mattered not a jot that I was acting out my insecurities even when I was completely blind to them and trying so hard. It still doesn’t matter because I know I still do so at times.

    1. The need to belong can be in students as in all other people. The beauty with Universal Medicine is that you are encouraged to develop awareness and discernment, which means you can actually question and start to break out of needy relationships.

  10. What a brave woman you are Anonymous. I’m sure you will never end up in this situation again; and I wonder how many more are in this situation or have been in it. Isn’t it right to say how much we know this is abuse at the worst level (and many levels) — abuse to ourselves and we allow it.
    I can so relate. You think I would be free of it myself being a boy or man but I was not. You could say I was more insidiously attacked .. but I allowed it. The reason being I am / was deeply hurt. That hurt stems from knowing how amazing and sensitive I am and I have not been that extensive love that I know with myself and therefore others .. and then fallen for the victim of I have not been seen for the love that I am. Universal Medicine has provided me that space to now be all that I am and what an honour that is!! Thank you so ever gracefully UniMed.

  11. I love how what you have shared shines a light on how hellish life can be when domestic violence is the dominant rule in a relationship. Your willingness to share such intimate details of what unfolded for you supports people who have not experienced this personally to understand what goes on behind the scenes of a seemingly ‘successful’ marriage in the eyes of the observers and subsequently be more diligent for signs of control and/or abuse happening to either themselves or others.
    Saying NO to abuse in any shape or form, when it is seen or experienced, is the only way to eventually eliminate this blight from human relations.

  12. What a compass for reality check this offers in so many ways.

    Psychological abuse is pernicious and all too common.

    Your extraction from this messing with your own radar is inspiring.

    Love that you just go your own way. There is no right way. Just your way. Spot on.

    Thank you.

  13. Practical – real – down to earth. Simply and entirely dissolves the lies of the cyber abuse hate campaign to the nonsense they are, blips of untruth against the reality of the experience of Universal Medicine.

    Superb piece of writing. Thank you anonymous.

    1. Yes, the honesty here completely exposes the lies of the hate campaign against Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and expressed without any judgment, resentment or any sense of victimhood.

  14. Outstanding sharing about the truth of what happened with your relationship. No media hype here. Although one can say where are they media in their discussion about family violence when its happening, but yet they are all over the fact that a relationship has ended because someone has said no to the abuse? None of us like the reflection of the levels of abuse we have accepted and continue to accept in our own lives and we see it clearly when someone steps up and says no.

  15. Being able to say no to abuse is being able to say yes to love. It is this yes that begins the deeply exquisite ‘coming home’ process.

    1. Yes Eduardo and try to make you see life through their eyes by working on the control rather than allowing each other to simply be who they are. I see this now as people desperately wanting to be heard and met and yet they don’t trust they will be accepted so they try to force the issue.

  16. It is not about that what we express superficially in life, it is about the inner core, that point of light that we all equally hold inside and can be seen by anyone who is open to see it.

  17. When we just follow our hearts and not our head’s we eventually will find our way back ‘home’, the home where the inner fire of love is burning firmly.

  18. In my past I have known several men who were charming and sociable and if you met them you would never think there was an abusive bone in their bodies. But get them behind a closed door within their family setting and things were totally different. And when anything was said against them no one would believe that these men could be so abusive to their families. But the children knew and would be very reserved and contracted around them because they knew it was like walking on a tightrope one slip anything could happen. So really we have no idea what goes on behind the closed doors in our towns and cities.

    1. What is it about family that allows abuse to fester in its many disguises, abuse we for instance would never accept in the outer world, for instance at work?

  19. This is a great article as it highlights how ‘coming home’ is a natural process we do in our own time, in terms of returning to a place where we feel joy, content, love and vital, and not something that another person can determine the pace of, however we can all support each other to accelerate this process.

  20. I wonder if those who abuse are looking for suitable partners and a partner who would fight or not accept their abuse at all would be suitable for them? Do they test prospective partners before things get serious and can that test be picked up and acted upon?

  21. Being seen, really seen feels like the greatest gift on earth, but perhaps even greater is the ability to now see others.

  22. Honest, open and beautiful. It is very obvious that Universal Medicine is not a cult which means a huge amount of energy has been expended by trolls and the media to construct the lie that it is. Only the truth can elicit such opposition. Those who truly want Truth will see through the lies.

  23. Your story Anonymous, reminds me that we should never settle for how life seems but keep questioning, exploring and feeling. We might find the truth is far from what most people think is right.

  24. Standing for truth is incredibly powerful and your commitment to Truth is stunning Anonymous. I can feel your integrity in every word. Thank you.

  25. There are many who choose to separate from their partners, however to do so with integrity is not often even thought about, let alone actually lived. We could all do well to look deeply at what is offered in this article. As love and integrity were the foundation of separating.

  26. it takes such a commitment to make some choices… Even though they seem profoundly difficult… And yet when the choices are made, life moves like a river to flow with those choices.

  27. “When I did decide to leave, I believed that I needed to hold on to my love for him because it would take love to break up with integrity.” What a truly inspiring reflection and truly inspiring how you followed through with this, Anonymous. Thank you for sharing.

  28. There is no such thing as brainwashing, there is the submitting to the will of another and that, at its baseline, is a choice, however hard and challenging that is to accept.

  29. Thank you Anonymous, I loved how you reclaimed yourself through changing some of the choices that you made respecting yourself, and knowing how much more you are worth, when we value ourselves we start to see clearly everything that does not value the love we are.

  30. ‘A lack of legal evidence does not negate the existence of abuse. Failure to report is not evidence that there is nothing to report on’. Many of us today are living in abusive homes that is causing immeasurable harm on many levels of our lives and totally undermining our potential.

  31. We often manage to get by by seeing the love, truth and potential in people but if we don’t see the other as well, we can pay a heavy price.

  32. The world hungers, each and every person at some stage in their life truly hungers to be met… There are no exceptions. All it can happen is that this can become so buried that it is no longer recognised… And yet it will be always driving the behaviour of the person.

  33. I guess for many of us being seen and met for who we are is like a permission we have been waiting for all along – like, finally, it is ok to feel what we feel and express what we express. Very inspiring to read how that has supported you to empower yourself, as that is something we can all offer to anyone we come in contact with.

  34. Thank you for sharing this very warm loving return to your self and the foundation this offers for all to return no matter what the circumstances of life. As you so clearly state Serge Benhayon doesn’t do this for us, he is simply offering the absolutely rock solid foundation for us to also step on if we choose.

  35. I have now been attending Universal Medicine events for the past 7 years. Perhaps the most significant change has been the quality of relationships. The reason is simple and it is because when we choose to have a loving relationship with ourselves, we then have more loving relationships with those around us too. I have steadily grown in self-love and continue to do so. To me, this is what is needed in our world – more self-love that becomes loving relationships with each other.

  36. Thanks for sharing so openly. The truth in which you have expressed was a joy to read, even though many parts of what you shared were shocking.

  37. You are utterly amazing, I love what you share, you completely yourself and no matter what has happened you bring that to everything. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for showing what true integrity and humanity is.

  38. This is such a great blog. This is exactly what I see with people who attend presentations by Universal Medicine and that is that some people go often, some rarely and others now and then. This is the beauty of a religion that simply just inspires us to be ourselves.

  39. A great sharing of a journey from abuse to love and truth. Science proved that you cannot be brainwashed over 40 years ago, so there must have been something else going on. Beautiful story of self healing.

  40. I love this blog . . . it says it all and is so real there can be no denying the Truth as it is spelt out in no uncertain terms. This is a heart felt sharing.

  41. Frank, practical and honest writing like this is what the world needs to hear. What you offer is freedom to choose what is right for you without the impost of media lies, or abusive internet trolls.

  42. There is no brainwashing. This does not exist. It is important to clarify this. What there is, is a decision to submit to another person as a way to ensure that nothing bad (as if submitting to someone were not bad enough) would happen to us. It is a way to try to hold what cannot be held, to sustain the unsustainable, to fit in without calling anybody’s attention. Some do this because they cannot afford anything else. Other people do this willingly because they have no intention to evolve. There is not truth in submitting to someone else. There is not truth in encouraging/forcing such submission either.

  43. Thank you for being so courageous and sharing your journey so far with us. What you have expressed will inspire others who are in similar abusive relationships to save themselves and their families too.

  44. I love what you share here in this blog, about your life experiences and the difference to your life after starting to embrace some of Universal medicine’s philosophies.

  45. Abuse comes in many shapes and sizes, but never is it acceptable, thank you for honestly sharing your experience of abuse and finally saying no to it.

  46. That is the deceptive thing about abuse – it comes in many shapes and forms. But, there is no denying that everyone knows right from wrong and everyone always has the opportunity to choose how they will treat another and the responsibility to ensure that it is respectful and loving.

  47. I haven’t read this blog for a long time, and I loved it just as much… such down to earth common sense applied to the situation exposes the vicious hate campaign for the concoction of lies and false accusation that it is. As you so succinctly say, your family and friends had no concerns about your Unimed associations, but they did have concerns about the cyber-bullying in the guise of concerned citizen.

    1. Agreed Jenny. I haven’t read this blog for a long time either and it’s super solid with the frank, practical reality stated so plainly. It absolutely exposes the hate campaign for the nonsensical concoction it is.

  48. Having a session with an Esoteric practitioner where I am being offered to take responsibility can be confronting yet empowering. When taking responsibility for the life I have created I cannot put the blame on the outer but focus on the inner and what is going on within me. Re-connecting I observe; there is no judgement and I heal and then the outer naturally reflects the loving choices I have made.

    1. A lovely reflection of a true healing session. As you share, Caroline, being reflected the responsibility, the truth of a situation can be confronting and challenging yet so empowering if acknowledged.

  49. Wow, the love Anonymous has found for herself is deeply inspiring. The what may seem old behaviours we find ourselves in have been carefully calculated and measured by our own doing but when we make a choice to see truth we begin to unravel those ill-choices that did not serve us and we begin to live a life in love and inspire others to do so. Thank you for sharing with such honesty.

  50. The campaign against Serge Benhayon has been going on for over 4 years and still continues now. The relentlessness of this would affect, upset and traumatise most people, but not Serge, who continues to remain transparent and live love to the full, offering a reflection in his daily living way that is incredible and inspiring, but can bring out reactions in people as they realise that they are not choosing this for themselves. I love what you say in your blog that, ‘My friends and family who don’t attend Universal Medicine love me and support me and trust me. None of them are freaking out about my UniMed involvement. They are freaked out by the cyber-bullying though’.

  51. I feel a deep respect and appreciation of your honesty about abuse and its hidden consequences that you have experienced. It is a powerful read and inspiring to women, many of which have allowed abuse in various forms in their life. I love this reclaiming of yourself -“I feel seen. I have come home”.

  52. What an amazing sharing, so honest and exposing that we can get caught up in what we see, yet there can be so much going on behind closed doors. It is such a great expose in taking responsibility for ones own healing and path of return to who we truly are, which is one we must all take for ourselves, we can be inspired, but ultimately it then comes down to our own choices.

  53. What leapt out at me me in this article was that how surface presentation can be so different from what is actually going on, the truth… And there are so many households, villages, cities, like this. I was recently staying in a small town in Germany… It was extremely neat and tidy, my friend who I was staying with said that beneath the surface seethed all sorts of violence and abuse… It really is essential that we can feel the energy so that we are never fooled again.

  54. Coming back to your story again today Anonymous I am again struck by your courage and commitment to finding you, being you and, in your own way, calling out the horrendous abuse. Your search for love and truth is very inspiring.

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