Waiting for God…

Albert Camus once said: “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”

I used to live as if there wasn’t a God purely because I had decided there couldn’t be one. I had spent my childhood and early teens waiting for God to speak to me; send me some sort of signal to let me know he was there. When He never did, that for me, was proof that He couldn’t exist so I gave up on him.

But looking back, God was speaking to me, sending me signals and letting me know every day that he was with me. The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events.

So if God is in everything and all around, how come I never realised it? Was I just rubbish at listening, watching and seeing the signs? Surely not!

I hadn’t realised it because I had been sold the idea that God was some bearded old man sitting up in the sky, and that if he chose me He would boom down from upon high or send an angel as a messenger to tell me He loved me; that He knew I was a good girl and that one day I would be swept up to Heaven to be with Him.

Obviously when this didn’t eventuate I was crushed; I gave up on God and what I knew in my heart to be true… that there had to be a God.

What I didn’t know then was that the version of God I had been sold by religion didn’t exist and was a cunning trick that made me feel alone, unworthy of God’s love and separate to Him. That God was something out there, transcendent and out of reach; that I couldn’t have been good or special enough for God to notice me; that I must have done something wrong and was being punished for my sins and that’s why He never appeared to me, spoke to me, or sent me a vision.

As a little girl I would often get a feeling in my chest and body like a warmth radiating out of my heart, with tingles going up and down my spine and across my back – like the soft caress of a warm breeze had gone across my skin. A feeling of calm and absolute joy would accompany these sensations; in these moments I knew God. I could feel He was with me, inside of me, in my heart. I knew I was part of God and His love was part of me.

How terrible to have given up on that because of the deceitful teachings we are indoctrinated with as children.

I attended a workshop for the first time with Serge Benhayon in 2004 during which I was introduced to the Gentle Breath Meditation™.

After only three gentle breaths my heart burst open and that feeling in my chest and body that I’d had as a girl returned so strongly and so familiarly that I couldn’t deny it. I sat and wept, shedding tears for what I had missed, what I had always known and craved for so long – the missing link that was always there.

God had never left me or given up on me… I had. I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside. I had “forgotten” how to connect to that feeling and in so doing shut down and denied the most beautiful part of me. The part that is from God, the part that is Love.

I no longer wait for God to come and talk to me or send me a vision. He does that all the time anyway, not with a voice or an angel but with nature, people, a warm embrace and by being in my heart. Now when I want a ‘chat’ with God I close my eyes and breathe gently, reconnecting to that feeling from my childhood and letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God.

by Dr Rachel Hall, Holistic Dentist, Kenmore Brisbane

400 thoughts on “Waiting for God…

  1. I understand the expectations we place on God, expecting him to be there in an instant. I was informed I wouldn’t be worthy of him unless I prayed, attended the temple regularly, did good deeds for others. Everything had to be about doing things for God, but deep down inside it felt like an intrusion.

    Since meeting Serge Benhayon and the Gentle Breath Meditation, we come to realise many things about life. Sometimes these revelations come to us, and as we connect more to ourselves, the more we realise God is within us, and we are part of God’s DNA. How else would we be born, who else would have created us? We don’t magically appear…

  2. It is a trick, a lie and an indoctrination to be sold that God is a bearded fellow up in the sky – something I too fell for when I was a child, but thankfully this is no longer something I hold onto and with the Truth being presented to me by Serge Benhayon, I too knew deep in my heart this was my choice, my Truth too.

  3. I have never heard of Albert Camus before and just looked him up. I like what he shared here “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.” This was beautifull and timely for me to read in that ‘the missing link is always there’.

    1. Vicky those people who live their lives broken, have given up on life because we believe there isn’t a God, even science can’t prove everything. You can send man to the moon, for what purpose is still unfathomable to me. And yet to search for God is draining and exhausting.

      Why not live your life knowing there is a God, and then how would life look like? We wouldn’t be victims of life, we will be part of life, knowing that everything is for our growth. And from this growth, we inherit the wisdom of God.

  4. Lovely to read of your relationship with God, ‘I no longer wait for God to come and talk to me or send me a vision. He does that all the time anyway, not with a voice or an angel but with nature, people, a warm embrace and by being in my heart.’

  5. “Now when I want a ‘chat’ with God I close my eyes and breathe gently, reconnecting to that feeling from my childhood and letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God.” It is so simple isn’t it, just breathe, reconnect… and there God is, right within ourselves all the time.

  6. It is incredibly beautiful and powerful when we connect back to the natural relationship we had with God when we were children. And whatever name you give God the purity of our relationship with him can never be tainted – over layers of fog, red herrings and distraction yes, but the purity is always there.

  7. Rachel you have communicated something very profound in an oh so simple and very relatable way. Thank you. Re-connecting to God is neither complicated or allocated to an exclusive few. It is easy and readily available to us all equally. God is who we all are but there are man made barriers that have been temporarily erected and placed in our way. However, as you have shown, it’s actually very simple to remove the barriers and re-connect to the God that has always and will always be within.

  8. I couldn’t imagine living my life as though there is no God and to find out there is when I die. I have known since a baby that there is a God, he is the breath I breathe, the particles of my body resonates to the flow of the universe, God is the holder of the universe and we are all a part of it every one of us. As I grew up my understanding of God was not welcome, what I knew to be true went against the grain of society. So I left my body and I went into my mind which closed the door on God because God is a feeling in our bodies and the mind does not feel so there is no access to God only knowledge of him which is not the same thing. So then I knew that God existed (Knowledge) but not for me but others had access. I was in denial of what I knew to be true for years. Meeting Serge Benhayon and listening to his presentations were a breath of fresh air. Here was someone who understands true religion. And I am allowing myself access to feelings I shut away all those years ago and its never ending because God is never ending which is why the universe expands.

  9. It’s amazing that the very thing that advertises itself as a bridge to God is the one that acts to sever the connection we already had in-built more than anything else.

    1. Wise words Fumiyo and also goes to show the deviousness of the system and energy that seeks to keep us away from connecting to the Truth and living from that.

  10. This to me is a huge wake up call
    “Albert Camus once said: “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”
    I have always know there was a God but that not many people held this same belief so hid my love of God as I felt the attack on what I knew to be true. It has taken many years to feel safe enough to allow myself to feel God again within my body and to let everyone see this light within me. And so the wake up call is to live everyday in the light that is in me so that all others can feel it in them too.

    1. Very true. The pictures I have about things are my blind spots in life and I appreciate being reminded of the magic that is always present even when I am choosing not to see it.

  11. What a simple and common-sense explanation for why we don’t see God in everything. We know it as little kids and see the magic in everything but get sold an idea of what God should be like, how to access him and that he needs to prove himself.

  12. If we wait for God to come to us he will never ‘come’ for he is already with us as he never left and hence nor we from him, it is just that we have just not accepted him and have bought the lie that said he was not with us and had to look outside to find him.

  13. The simplicity with which you share your connection with God completely debases the notion of God sold to us by orthodox religion.

  14. To know God as a child and then loose him as we grow up is one of the biggest tragedies in life, and the crazy thing is we then search for him for the rest of our lives.

    1. When I read the first line of your comment Alison it made me smile in a ‘how mad are we’ way. How careless we are to lose God when we can feel his presence so absolutely as children.

  15. Re-learning the simple ways to reconnect to our essence so we can once again deepen our understanding of our divine connection is a blessing that is so simple and first and importantly if we simply live with respect and decency towards others we can not but help be more Godly in our developing ways.

  16. This is truly religious. Imagine that, a simple meditation that actually reconnects you to God and in that you get true religion, no caves, chanting, celibacy, robes or monks needed (said with respect), just the simplicity of ones own breath and reconnection to the inner-most heart. And goodness gracious, the Gentle Breath Meditation is available for free on website UniMed Living.

  17. Not only we deny that there is God, we have to shape our movements to protect this thought. Only this shelters us from God and isolates what we call us from US. It is like carving a niche somewhere and deciding that this is all there is.

  18. We know the exact things that aren’t right in our life, so why do we wait to be told to change them? God does have a way of letting us know but we don’t have to leave it till we get shocked by a jab from his elbow.

  19. There is something deeply beautiful and incredibly inspiring about hearing another’s journey from giving up, to once more feeling the magic of God all around. This is a treasure Rachel – thanks for sharing it with us.

  20. I am rebuilding my connection to God, and this is a super great article that really supporting in that. I realize, and let my self feel, that God is around me, in me all the time. He is and always was.

  21. I look outside and see the beauty in the clouds and I know God exists. I feel this warmth in my chest and know it is my love, which is God, and I know God exists. You make God very tangible and very accessible Rachel, thank you.

  22. beautiful, what I love about this is that we know and can feel that we are God, we are part of it all, when we just simply connect to our inner-most, that beauty and soft & pure feeling we knew as a child..

  23. Your blog is an invitation to be a role model again – a role model to live a true religion and not the one we were sold as true. That god has never left us and that he is always there – imagine every child could grow up with this knowing – I am pretty sure our world would look a little bit different today.

    1. So true Ester and a good call, reminding us that we can walk that way for ourselves but that it also offers others a different reflection to the one they have, perhaps, been offered till that time.

  24. I went to church up until the age of 15. I prayed every now and then, but I prayed like I was writing out a christmas list for Santa. Of course I never received what I asked for, so began to question is God true? I never thought that God was not true, but I also saw much in life that made me ask…”who is this God when there is so much unloving stuff happening in the world?” Serge Benhayon is the only person who has made any sense to me of God, our interpretation of God and all of our choices in life, which either lead us to God or away from God. Now that I have that much deeper understanding, my job now is to live what I am learning step by step and day by day. So that one day I will walk along side God all the way, without any hesitation, delay or without any need to deviate from the path at all.

    1. It’s a strange yet pervasive consciousness that God rewards to those who are ‘good’, delivers things we ask for, and is treated like a magical being that can cause or take away certain things like illnesses or situations considered fortunes or misfortunes. What I have learnt is when I connect to my innermost heart and feel God from there it’s a very different sense of religion, one where my soul has the same love and wisdom God does, and how life is comes from the responsibility of how we each live.

  25. Institutionalised religions are in the business of implanting images and peddling beliefs; a child knows what’s true and not true, they can feel it. Those pillars, on the other side, make sure they grow into bereft and given up adults – lest the truth comes out.

  26. God even is not having a waiting system in him. He is just the beholder of love in which we can jump whatever we want but will return to the divine essence we are.

  27. Mainstream religion with its dogma and rules has a lot to answer for. Does it let us all know that God is there with us, that God is in fact never not with us? No… and for that reason it has let us all down.

  28. ‘my own love, the love that is God’ … how utterly gorgeous to feel and read and to know that every one of us is that and can live that, once we let go any pictures or ideals that we’ve taken on of what and who God is.

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