Waiting for God…

by Dr Rachel Hall, Holistic Dentist, Kenmore Brisbane

Albert Camus once said: “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”

I used to live as if there wasn’t a God purely because I had decided there couldn’t be one. I had spent my childhood and early teens waiting for God to speak to me; send me some sort of signal to let me know he was there. When He never did, that for me, was proof that He couldn’t exist so I gave up on him.

But looking back, God was speaking to me, sending me signals and letting me know every day that he was with me. The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events.

So if God is in everything and all around, how come I never realised it? Was I just rubbish at listening, watching and seeing the signs? Surely not!

I hadn’t realised it because I had been sold the idea that God was some bearded old man sitting up in the sky, and that if he chose me He would boom down from upon high or send an angel as a messenger to tell me He loved me; that He knew I was a good girl and that one day I would be swept up to Heaven to be with Him.

Obviously when this didn’t eventuate I was crushed; I gave up on God and what I knew in my heart to be true… that there had to be a God.

What I didn’t know then was that the version of God I had been sold by religion didn’t exist and was a cunning trick that made me feel alone, unworthy of God’s love and separate to Him. That God was something out there, transcendent and out of reach; that I couldn’t have been good or special enough for God to notice me; that I must have done something wrong and was being punished for my sins and that’s why He never appeared to me, spoke to me, or sent me a vision.

As a little girl I would often get a feeling in my chest and body like a warmth radiating out of my heart, with tingles going up and down my spine and across my back – like the soft caress of a warm breeze had gone across my skin. A feeling of calm and absolute joy would accompany these sensations; in these moments I knew God. I could feel He was with me, inside of me, in my heart. I knew I was part of God and His love was part of me.

How terrible to have given up on that because of the deceitful teachings we are indoctrinated with as children.

I attended a workshop for the first time with Serge Benhayon in 2004 during which I was introduced to the Gentle Breath Meditation.

After only three gentle breaths my heart burst open and that feeling in my chest and body that I’d had as a girl returned so strongly and so familiarly that I couldn’t deny it. I sat and wept, shedding tears for what I had missed, what I had always known and craved for so long – the missing link that was always there.

God had never left me or given up on me… I had. I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside. I had “forgotten” how to connect to that feeling and in so doing shut down and denied the most beautiful part of me. The part that is from God, the part that is Love.

I no longer wait for God to come and talk to me or send me a vision. He does that all the time anyway, not with a voice or an angel but with nature, people, a warm embrace and by being in my heart. Now when I want a ‘chat’ with God I close my eyes and breathe gently, reconnecting to that feeling from my childhood and letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God.

309 thoughts on “Waiting for God…

  1. It is crazy how we create expectations based on beliefs then walk away when they are not met… and usually at our own expense. How gorgeous that you were reintroduced to the magic you had lost through the simplicity of your own breath and were able to reconnect back to feeling what you always knew was true.

  2. Beautiful and simple, this is my experience of God, from within and around me, I had managed to forget that it was so simple, but I am reconnecting, I feel that warmth in my chest and the more I honour that feeling the more I feel connected.

  3. I had never ever considered I was “unworthy of God’s love’ but something in this stated out for me, I know I have had a belief and maybe I still do that I don’t deserve love – where this has come from could be the church and the beliefs around the church I have been a part of at some point in my lives, lived, and bought into. I also wonder if this is where a lack of self worth or self loathing can stem from, of being told we are not good enough in God’s eyes by the institution that calls itself the church.

  4. Rachel thank you for sharing your story about waiting for God. God goes nowhere but lovingly waits, without judgement, for us to reconnect with him through reconnecting with ourselves. I found my way back to God through the practice of the gentle breath meditation and I now know that God is everywhere even in the air which we all breath.

  5. “God had never left me or given up on me… I had” you nail it in this statement Rachel, how many of us have given up on God when he was there all the time.

  6. I love the simplicity of this reminder Rachel – everyday in everyway the Magic of God is there to be appreciated, even in the most mundane of things, it can still be felt and enjoyed. if we stop and be in conscious presence with all that we do.
    “The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events”.

  7. Personally, I would rather lead my life from the heart than the head. It is much more fulfilling, and a pathway that opens up to a greater understanding of things that the little mind can ever comprehend, reliant as it is on experience of what is and what has been, using such a foundation to make sense of what it does not know.

  8. Imagine if you were told that the only thing that mattered in this world was clouds. Imagine how you would fixate on hunting these things down how appalled you would be when all you could see was clear skies. Just consider how this would halt and stop you completely from seeing any other beauty? Well as you show Rachel this is really the absurd way we have considered God. We have missed the fact that he lives and is permanently with us in the smallest moment and scenarios – we are so rich and connected to God it’s incredible. It’s like we just don’t want to know how much we block God out.

  9. I always knew there was a God and that he was there with me as a child. It was as a grew older and with the influence of religion that I started to feel that what was imposed on me was a fear of God and a judging God that I was not worthy of having in my life or knowing that he was part of me. I kept God in the background and spent a good portion of my adult life not wanting to connect. It was the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that had opened my eyes to the realisation that I am part of God and that the connection I was seeking through other means had me heading in the opposite direction.

  10. The lie that we have been sold about God shows how evil works. Sell people a story of a revengeful God and people will either steer clear of ever getting to know God or live in fear and self loathing that they are not measuring up to a God that cannot be pleased. This is pure control and manipulation.

  11. Why wait for God while he is in us all the time. Living like if God is someone outside and something we have to deserve or to combat for is devastating the human being to the extend we clearly can see in our societies. Peolple are lost in themselves and sometimes even the most basic human values and dignity are not be able to be lived anymore. While we are so rich from the inside, if we not connect to that, we can feel very devastated and poor.

  12. A beautiful sharing and reminder of the simplicity joy and warmth of connecting to God I love it Thank you Rachel “The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events.”

  13. A most beautiful sharing of God, one we all need to hear. Thank you Rachel for breaking through the picture that we have God made to be.

  14. Funny how you believe what you are told when you are younger and when you get older it plays out the same way and still you don’t question it. It’s like you are sold something that didn’t feel right at the start and yet over time it wears you down and then you think it must be true. I remember challenging who God was when I was younger and being shut down for it but yet when I grew older instead of returning to what I was feeling and working it through I chose to still believe what I was told back then and allow it to play out in my life. I believe there couldn’t be a God and then also at times I would plead for him to show me something. So I didn’t believe and yet did believe. Frankly I didn’t know what I was doing, I was confused and yet if I had chosen to feel deeply what was going on I would have known I see God everywhere. Universal Medicine cleared the way for me to see God again and support myself to see why I had lost him from my view. God is a feeling, a connection to a deeper part of yourself that allows you to see the connections we have to everything. You can live in the same world you did but feel and see it completely differently. The current forms of Religion don’t own God and in fact deliberately take you away from the truth as they did with me. At their core the messages are the same and yet their current teachings are all different and have lost their essence.

  15. How can we turn our back on God? I did because I felt betrayed but that was my own doing. When I was a child there was no doubt who God was. It was simple, natural to feel God within me and around me. I couldn’t understand what the big deal was but that started to change as I attended Sunday school and regularly went to chapel. As I reflect I wonder if this was the point where my confusion and bewilderment began and I started to give up on life and being here. How could I commit to life if God was someone up in the sky that was out of reach and that was never going to be tangible? I had allowed myself to fall for what I know now and knew at the time a lie but thankfully after coming across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine my relationship with God has been restored to when I was a child and continues to develop in my livingness knowing that I am a son of God.

  16. God is pouring out love in abundance and exquisite quality, if we buy into the mis-representations of god by organized religions it cut us off from a natural connection with god, and thus ourselves, and each other. I love how you described being touched by god and it was felt deeply in your body, it exposes clearly what is the truth of god, and what is definitely not.

  17. I like this quote by Albert Camus. How much richer is our life feeling divinity, the universe, oneness and the grandness of the ‘more’ to life? It’s funny that we argue about this existence or non-existence of God, when that quality can be so easily felt within us all, as it is part of our make-up. This argument is a bit like reincarnation. I would rather live like I am coming back and have to take responsibility for how I live this life, than be reckless and come back with lifetimes of karma.

  18. I had a similar path with my relationship with God. After knowing God without a doubt as a child, I considered myself agnostic in my 20’s. That was not because God had changed but I had ideas about what God should be doing for me in particular and people in general. This was the proof I was looking for, that God met my conditions. It has been through Universal Medicine and shedding these false beliefs and expectations and getting to know my body, oneness and divinity again that I no longer need proof of any kind.

  19. The images of God that are promoted in this world make sure that we cannot recognise that He communicates with us. It is a bit like we are expecting for Him to talk to us in a radio frequency but He speaks in a different one. That is why we never hear from Him.

    1. Indeed, Eduardo, it is our attunement that is a little off the scale in our attempts to connect to God and the images that are presented to us are an important contribution to this.

  20. The idea that we have to wait for God to come to us is actually devastating humanity which we can see so clearly in our nowadays societies. The wars and fights, the corruption and greed, the bullying, the increasing rates of illness and disease to name a few, are signs that we are not doing so well. While we all are pointing outwardly that someone has to do something against all of this we forget that all the answers are already inside of us. When we connect with our inner heart, we will find God and the love that will save us from all of the waywardness we have went into because of us waiting for God to come and save us instead.

  21. That seems to be a common theme that we as children already know God intrinsically. We don’t need to go to church or talk to a clergyman and when we do we end up second guessing this innate knowing and losing our way. Then the complicated walk back to the path. Thank god for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine with his consistent support and steady wisdom he has shown and continues to shine a light to bring those who have strayed back to the flock. A sincere, and true, ever loving , ever watchful shepherd.

  22. ‘letting my heart open up to my own love, the love that is God’ absolutely captures God and how we are all a part of God, held in the embrace of God and how in fact despite all the falsehoods and ideas spread about God as this distant figure of whom we’re not worthy to connect with, God is there really and waiting for us to in fact see that God has never left us, he’s there for us when we’re ready to be and see that we are of God, an equal with God, and no matter what God is always there.

  23. It’s important to write, speak and live God how he truly is as is described here. I was sold a picture and I bought it and waited for God to come to me. When he didn’t arrive in the way I pictured I was disappointed, dismissive, upset and walked away hurt. Once I listened to Serge Benhayon everything made sense and I can see God for what and who he truly is, no more pictures. I was looking in all the wrong places not by accident, this was deliberate and this pushed the control that was had over me. Breaking free and being able to breathe and see what is truly around me is supporting me to see more and more of God. It’s funny to look back and see the way I was trying to look was actually stopping or preventing me from seeing. God isn’t a picture but an energy, an energy that is alive in us all we only need know how to connect deeply to it.

  24. I had never heard of this man until this article, “Albert Camus once said: “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”” It’s an interesting spin on how we see life. Many of us may like to live as if there is no God or only believe a version of God that suits us or suits us to live a certain way. I watched myself and even when I didn’t believe there was a God I still looked for him and was confirmed by him. It was amazing to see that even when you are shunning something like God or ignoring him things still happen around you that you see that confirm there is a God and you take them in but then say to yourself ‘but there still is no such thing as God’. I could see at the time I was hurt, hurt from what I had been told from young. I was reacting to the feeling of something grander and yet never seeing this confirmed growing up. People gave me many versions of life and yet I had a version inside that didn’t have parts and was complete but I couldn’t see this happening anywhere else and that hurt. I chose to be hurt and then to carry this into my life and turn away and run from what I felt in place of standing firmer and firmer in simply what I felt. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I have returned to that feeling what I was younger and know not only there is a God but my relationship with him is very very close and detailed. My God isn’t better then someone else’s nor does it hold beliefs around how you should be. God takes in everyone and everything and it’s not up to me to convert or convince only live what I feel and allow others to do the same.

  25. The day I felt how I was the one that had left God, not he who had left me was life changing. It’s still something I have to remind myself of on days when I elude myself that I am alone.

  26. Gorgeous to read this again Rachel, I especially loved the understanding of how God communicates with us all: ‘I no longer wait for God to come and talk to me or send me a vision. He does that all the time anyway, not with a voice or an angel but with nature, people, a warm embrace and by being in my heart’.

  27. This is a beautiful description of God and I love the fact that it is experienced through the body and not the mind – “As a little girl I would often get a feeling in my chest and body like a warmth radiating out of my heart, with tingles going up and down my spine and across my back – like the soft caress of a warm breeze had gone across my skin. A feeling of calm and absolute joy would accompany these sensations; in these moments I knew God. I could feel He was with me, inside of me, in my heart. I knew I was part of God and His love was part of me.”

  28. This is a really beautiful sharing thank you Rachel, and yes interesting how we can think God has given up on us when in reality we have done so, ‘God had never left me or given up on me… I had. I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside.’

  29. The sweetness you share with is a delight to feel Rachel. Your blog reminds me that we all know God inside and out. It is we who construct ways of denying his existence because if we acknowledge the truth about God we must acknowledge our equalness and responsibility.

  30. I find it simply a choice to give permission for God to be with me, and another. What I have not accepted so strongly is that I can always choose it. It is not limited to ask for his guidance and love for I am always held, it is my choice if I allow it or not.

  31. I can relate to this line Rachel ‘God had never left me or given up on me… I had. I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside.’ I also gave up on God and then blamed him for everything that didn’t go my way; through my stubbornness I disconnected from God and turned my back on him. Of course that’s when life got more complicated and difficult for me and it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon that it was clear my disconnection to God was the missing link for me, I then began to re-connect back to God and this was a huge turning point in my life and has been beautiful and life changing for me ever since.

  32. We have to be aware of something. If we confine ourselves to our earthly physical existence, to what us as mere human beings can tap into and, if we accept that God is outside of us somewhere, we will never find/feel God again. Yet, if we are willing and able to give it a go us as divine beings and feeling God via the connection with our divinity, a door opens up and we realise that we walk with God and that God walks with us, even if we walk away from Him.

  33. I was somewhat the same, I didn’t really think that God was around, that he existed. I didn’t grow up typically religious, so wasn’t indoctrinated with all the usual things related to God, So didn’t give him much air time. However, I did always get the sense that I belonged to something far greater than what I could see around me, what i can now reflect back on and feel is that I did feel the connection to God and everything else, it was a warmth inside, in my heart and this actually never went away.

  34. Beautiful Rachel; how very gorgeous and reassuring to absolutely know that God is always there, will never leave and will never give up on us. It is a simple choice we make in every moment, to walk with God or not.

  35. I know the feeling of realising that waiting for God is a total ‘red herring’. It is an absolute joy to discover that God is with-in me 24/7 in every moment. This is without except and without fail. If I think I’m missing out then it is because of the resorting to the mind and not connecting to my heart where God is, fully open and ready in equalness.

  36. I wonder if one day it will be considered a crime against humanity if religious doctrines try to tell children that they aren’t also the sons of god? Allowing children to fully embrace the truly beautiful description you offer about the confirmation in your body of knowing and being a son of god. This is what true religious teachings are about and available to everyone equally all the time.
    Let’s not allow the church to steal it from children any longer.

  37. I gave up on God too feeling he had abandoned me and left me all alone in a world that did not support you to be who you truly are – a divine child of God…..I was a lost child with no true home, but the day did come when it was time to come home – that was the day I met Serge Benhayon and spent 10 days in his grace on a course run by Universal Medicine. That was the beginning of walking the many steps in my return path to Soul.

  38. The feeling of love inside, unrelated to a particular event, place or person, simply from that connection that is you and you as part of the divine we are all from is the grandest feeling. For that to come from the simplicity of the gentle breath meditation, is indeed worth crying over. How do we find ourselves walking away from that?

  39. ‘God had never left me or given up on me… I had’. This is how we trick ourselves – we think because human life is full of imperfections it is somehow Gods fault – which totally removes the responsibility of the choices we have made in the equation of life.

    1. I so agree! it is so much easier to say God has let us down, how could he allow such evil in this life? but humans are the ones doing the evil. It is such an abdication of responsibility to consider otherwise.

  40. “Now when I want a ‘chat’ with God I close my eyes and breathe gently, reconnecting to that feeling from my childhood and letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God.” How simple it is to be with God and we have made God into so many things he is not.

  41. “Letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God” – so simple, so beautiful, and so contrasting to what we have been led to believe – that God is some old guy who has got a favourite son and basically is not approachable for anyone else. Really dread to think spending life times holding onto that image not knowing/accepting God is really only just a breath away.

  42. I love the magic of God everywhere, ‘The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events.’

  43. As a child I too used to wait for God to speak to me or give me a sign that he was there. For a while as an adult I rejected God and was an atheist. In more recent years I have connected to the fact that God is not out there, or separate from me, but is a part of me as I am of him and that I can choose to connect to that in every moment.

  44. We have all been so very mislead. As you share Rachel, God has never given up on us, we did, and in so doing cut ourselves of from the one constant in our lives, our connection with our bodies, our inner heart, which is our connection with God.

    1. The thing is we chose to deliberately mislead ourselves – it’s easy to blame other – for our waywardness. Instead of saying okay I stuffed up I chose to separate from God – feel the sadness of it and get on with what is truly needed of us.

  45. What a beautiful piece of writing. I saw very clearly how short we have been sold this idea of ‘God’ through organised religion. It is so clear it is an illusion when we are sold that God is separate to us, and we have to behave in a certain way to receive his ‘love’ or his messages. I love the simplicity in which you share the true love of God and his holding of us all.

  46. Beautiful Rachel and so so tangible. I am totally with you, I am starting to know and feel that God is with me, around me all the time. A feeling that is only clouded by crazy things I do, for example, being in my head while not being connected to my body.

  47. So gorgeous, we are all knowing of god and what he represents here on earth. Showing us all in humbleness that which is true, and that we are so much more than we have come to believe.

  48. It is such a painful moment when we realise how much we have been looking and searching for a connection that was always with us because we failed to trust our own knowing in favour of what we were told by another. It would be great if organised religion didn’t do that but unlikely, therefore we have to live and breath that connection for others to see it is inside us not outside.

  49. It is so true that God never has left me, it was me who has left god and had chosen for a life in creation, void of the love that I am made of. But he was still there when I was reminded on this fact and by reconnecting with this amazing love I am now in the process of healing of all the hurts that this segregation, from that to which I belong, has brought me in many aspects of my life.

  50. It is easy to want to think there is no God, or that we have been let down by God – what we don’t consider is that it is easy to also feel his presence but it requires us to connect to what we naturally feel.

  51. Traditional religion has made God something special that you need to strive and be deserving of. Through the Gentle Breath Meditation this concept is demolished in minutes. The inner connection is all that is needed to know God.

  52. It sure seems that we are sold a lot of ideas, ways, methods and paths to God. No one can sell us what already exists in our hearts, no matter how they dress it up, or try and dress us down as the case may be.

  53. It’s quite amazing to reflect on the fact that by coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and the Gentle Breath Meditation we return to God inside of ourselves… now that is something huge to appreciate. What an incredible gift to the world Serge is.

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