Waiting for God…

by Dr Rachel Hall, Holistic Dentist, Kenmore Brisbane

Albert Camus once said: “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.”

I used to live as if there wasn’t a God purely because I had decided there couldn’t be one. I had spent my childhood and early teens waiting for God to speak to me; send me some sort of signal to let me know he was there. When He never did, that for me, was proof that He couldn’t exist so I gave up on him.

But looking back, God was speaking to me, sending me signals and letting me know every day that he was with me. The magic of God is all around us: in the beauty of nature, the laughter of a child, in the warmth of an embrace, in the chance meeting with a stranger, or in a seemingly random act or series of events.

So if God is in everything and all around, how come I never realised it? Was I just rubbish at listening, watching and seeing the signs? Surely not!

I hadn’t realised it because I had been sold the idea that God was some bearded old man sitting up in the sky, and that if he chose me He would boom down from upon high or send an angel as a messenger to tell me He loved me; that He knew I was a good girl and that one day I would be swept up to Heaven to be with Him.

Obviously when this didn’t eventuate I was crushed; I gave up on God and what I knew in my heart to be true… that there had to be a God.

What I didn’t know then was that the version of God I had been sold by religion didn’t exist and was a cunning trick that made me feel alone, unworthy of God’s love and separate to Him. That God was something out there, transcendent and out of reach; that I couldn’t have been good or special enough for God to notice me; that I must have done something wrong and was being punished for my sins and that’s why He never appeared to me, spoke to me, or sent me a vision.

As a little girl I would often get a feeling in my chest and body like a warmth radiating out of my heart, with tingles going up and down my spine and across my back – like the soft caress of a warm breeze had gone across my skin. A feeling of calm and absolute joy would accompany these sensations; in these moments I knew God. I could feel He was with me, inside of me, in my heart. I knew I was part of God and His love was part of me.

How terrible to have given up on that because of the deceitful teachings we are indoctrinated with as children.

I attended a workshop for the first time with Serge Benhayon in 2004 during which I was introduced to the Gentle Breath Meditation.

After only three gentle breaths my heart burst open and that feeling in my chest and body that I’d had as a girl returned so strongly and so familiarly that I couldn’t deny it. I sat and wept, shedding tears for what I had missed, what I had always known and craved for so long – the missing link that was always there.

God had never left me or given up on me… I had. I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside. I had “forgotten” how to connect to that feeling and in so doing shut down and denied the most beautiful part of me. The part that is from God, the part that is Love.

I no longer wait for God to come and talk to me or send me a vision. He does that all the time anyway, not with a voice or an angel but with nature, people, a warm embrace and by being in my heart. Now when I want a ‘chat’ with God I close my eyes and breathe gently, reconnecting to that feeling from my childhood and letting my heart open to my own love – the love that is God.

369 thoughts on “Waiting for God…

  1. There is something deeply beautiful and incredibly inspiring about hearing another’s journey from giving up, to once more feeling the magic of God all around. This is a treasure Rachel – thanks for sharing it with us.

  2. I am rebuilding my connection to God, and this is a super great article that really supporting in that. I realize, and let my self feel, that God is around me, in me all the time. He is and always was.

  3. I look outside and see the beauty in the clouds and I know God exists. I feel this warmth in my chest and know it is my love, which is God, and I know God exists. You make God very tangible and very accessible Rachel, thank you.

  4. beautiful, what I love about this is that we know and can feel that we are God, we are part of it all, when we just simply connect to our inner-most, that beauty and soft & pure feeling we knew as a child..

  5. Your blog is an invitation to be a role model again – a role model to live a true religion and not the one we were sold as true. That god has never left us and that he is always there – imagine every child could grow up with this knowing – I am pretty sure our world would look a little bit different today.

  6. I went to church up until the age of 15. I prayed every now and then, but I prayed like I was writing out a christmas list for Santa. Of course I never received what I asked for, so began to question is God true? I never thought that God was not true, but I also saw much in life that made me ask…”who is this God when there is so much unloving stuff happening in the world?” Serge Benhayon is the only person who has made any sense to me of God, our interpretation of God and all of our choices in life, which either lead us to God or away from God. Now that I have that much deeper understanding, my job now is to live what I am learning step by step and day by day. So that one day I will walk along side God all the way, without any hesitation, delay or without any need to deviate from the path at all.

  7. Institutionalised religions are in the business of implanting images and peddling beliefs; a child knows what’s true and not true, they can feel it. Those pillars, on the other side, make sure they grow into bereft and given up adults – lest the truth comes out.

  8. God even is not having a waiting system in him. He is just the beholder of love in which we can jump whatever we want but will return to the divine essence we are.

  9. Mainstream religion with its dogma and rules has a lot to answer for. Does it let us all know that God is there with us, that God is in fact never not with us? No… and for that reason it has let us all down.

  10. ‘my own love, the love that is God’ … how utterly gorgeous to feel and read and to know that every one of us is that and can live that, once we let go any pictures or ideals that we’ve taken on of what and who God is.

  11. It feels completely irresponsible and actually not very nice at all much less empowering to demand God “save” or fix our problems when we are the ones that created them in the first place.

  12. Its interesting how we demand proof that God exists and without that proof then “I won’t entertain that fact” and yet God speaks to us constantly. The problem is we listen with our 5 senses and completely turn off our 6th (or should I say our first?) We somehow think that God is human and does everything just like we do. But there is the limitation in our thinking, in fact thinking does not assist us here at all. Sit and watch the world and everything in the world for simply 5 minutes and we can see the grandness of God’s communication. Its constant and right in front of our eyes. I have a 40 minute drive to work through a rural area and this is where I am aware that I am met by God’s communication every morning. Rain, wind, sunshine, fog, birds, rainbows etc. Then there are people driving to work, people working on the roads. Because I know that God is everywhere, I know that with every being I am being met by God.

    I agree Rachel I would also rather go through life knowing that God is with us, to have it confirmed that its all true too.

  13. “I had stopped being aware of His magic, and how I felt inside. I had “forgotten” how to connect to that feeling and in so doing shut down and denied the most beautiful part of me. The part that is from God, the part that is Love.” Wow thank you Rachel for describing so well the transition between a natural awareness with every cell of our oneness with God, to a state of imagining ourselves less, unworthy and separate to the love. A transition that has happened for most of us.

    What a blessing that many are reclaiming their innate love and connection, and also reducing the likelihood of passing the waiting game to future generations.

  14. How true it is the damage payed forward to us all through the generations from many false doctrines claiming that our salvation and our relationship with God is only possible through the images, pictures and ideal offered to us from outside ourselves. Yet in-truth, and as you have shared, God is with us in our every breath, our every move, always communicating in every way. We are always in a relationship with God, as we are the spark of Him no less, as such forever held in His embrace. When we connect to our essences within, we then can see that Love is who we innately are, and as you said so beautifully – the love that is God.

  15. Yes it is all the pictures we have about God that will make us feel like god is not in our life yet if we would make it about the feeling you shared I think many would say they know God if not all.

  16. It’s not us who are waiting, but God who is waiting for us – so benevolently, to wake up and remember we are already everything we need to be. What a wait he has had to incur but we keep being given all the suppprt in the universe. That’s how love and God truly works. Thank you Rachel.

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