Inspired By Universal Medicine Students To Claim My Love Back

by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany

I have felt to share my experience with relationships (partners). I was very touched and inspired in Amina´s recent published article (Pressure to be in a Relationship with ‘The One’), by her openness and honesty. I feel it is important to share with another what is actually going on in relationships, as from the outside a lot of relationships or marriages seem great.

I started quite late with having long-term relationships, around age 21: before then, I had crushes on a lot of boys. I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men. And after having one short relationship with a guy who wasn’t really interested in me (nor I in him; we came together at a party with a lot of alcohol), I felt that I had had enough of men… my level of hate and frustration was quite strong.

Then I started dating women. I had two relationships with two beautiful women, which together lasted 10 years.

But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t.

One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person. Also, I often wasn’t really in contact with my partner and, even when we lived together, just existed without any true contact or loving interaction.

Then I met a man who I felt I could trust. So I began to open myself to men again… which took quite some years, and is still continuing.

I received a beautiful Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy session from a male practitioner the other day. As this technique goes very deep, I could feel that I am still only going so far and am still holding back a part to let go of – and that it is time now to trust men again and to let them truly in, which I chose to do in the session. I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.

Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.

When I realised how unloving my behaviour really was, I felt guilty and bad, which didn’t help much, either. And I wondered why he had stayed with me, for five years now.

Until I could see the other, ‘true me’ side – that I had developed during the last years – and the beauty and healing I’ve also brought to him (also through my singing and giving him healing sessions). I paved the Esoteric way for us both to walk on, as I had kept in contact with Universal Medicine the whole time.

So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?

I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for. That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.

What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.

So thank you to all of you already living it! Thank you especially to the couples I could observe and begin trusting that there is a loving, beautiful way to be with another… we have a couple of them here in Germany!!

420 thoughts on “Inspired By Universal Medicine Students To Claim My Love Back

  1. It is not until we are faced with someone who lives another way that we know there is another way, and by another way, I mean a way that is not our normal. If our normal is shouting then we cannot imagine discussing things with another without ending up shouting. There is nothing great about shouting at each other, it is actually quite traumatic, so to have someone come into our lives that reflects a different way is a blessing not something to push back on.

  2. You write in relation to choosing men to be with: “I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men.” – that is a very strange sentence and one that I am sure many men and women share. If you don’t trust men and then you choose untrustworthy men you will constantly confirm yourself in not trusting men and the same for men who do that with women or women with women and so on so forth. But really we have to question why we do play this game in the first place. You have given some insights into how it was for you and it may be a little different for each of us, but certainly something we need to explore.

    1. Ultimately it is about loving, trusting and connecting to ourselves and from there everything else comes as our relationships with others are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves and truth.

  3. Thankyou for your open and honest sharing Janina. “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. ” I wonder how many do this? Yet you moved on – “And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” Beautiful. As you share , we must love ourselves before we can truly love another.

  4. Yes I agree Janina it is always a choice if I love myself or not. Thank you for sharing so openly your journey back to your love deep inside of you as for me the first relationship we have is with ourselves.

  5. I find Simone Benhayon hugely inspiring. Her swimming lessons are so powerful and what I learn with her in the water stays with me . Every lesson builds a stronger relationship wth myself and strengthens my ability to express and share with others.

  6. ‘…within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ I’ve worked very hard to keep me from me; all this chasing of the one and devaluing the people I am with and myself was my way of running away from myself. Now I’m stopping to appreciate the love in my life and it’s quite incredible as some days I do my best to deny it!

  7. We can’t lose love it’s on tap all the time – it’s just our choice to turn the gauge at various intervals.

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