Inspired By Universal Medicine Students To Claim My Love Back

by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany

I have felt to share my experience with relationships (partners). I was very touched and inspired in Amina´s recent published article (Pressure to be in a Relationship with ‘The One’), by her openness and honesty. I feel it is important to share with another what is actually going on in relationships, as from the outside a lot of relationships or marriages seem great.

I started quite late with having long-term relationships, around age 21: before then, I had crushes on a lot of boys. I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men. And after having one short relationship with a guy who wasn’t really interested in me (nor I in him; we came together at a party with a lot of alcohol), I felt that I had had enough of men… my level of hate and frustration was quite strong.

Then I started dating women. I had two relationships with two beautiful women, which together lasted 10 years.

But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t.

One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person. Also, I often wasn’t really in contact with my partner and, even when we lived together, just existed without any true contact or loving interaction.

Then I met a man who I felt I could trust. So I began to open myself to men again… which took quite some years, and is still continuing.

I received a beautiful Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy session from a male practitioner the other day. As this technique goes very deep, I could feel that I am still only going so far and am still holding back a part to let go of – and that it is time now to trust men again and to let them truly in, which I chose to do in the session. I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.

Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.

When I realised how unloving my behaviour really was, I felt guilty and bad, which didn’t help much, either. And I wondered why he had stayed with me, for five years now.

Until I could see the other, ‘true me’ side – that I had developed during the last years – and the beauty and healing I’ve also brought to him (also through my singing and giving him healing sessions). I paved the Esoteric way for us both to walk on, as I had kept in contact with Universal Medicine the whole time.

So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?

I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for. That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.

What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.

So thank you to all of you already living it! Thank you especially to the couples I could observe and begin trusting that there is a loving, beautiful way to be with another… we have a couple of them here in Germany!!

333 thoughts on “Inspired By Universal Medicine Students To Claim My Love Back

  1. I can relate here Janina to feeling how much I am willing to let people in, in my life, and how I place limits on how much I trust people. What I have learned in this is that we give our hurts power to govern us and our behaviours and then we start to not see just how loving and ‘safe’ many of our truest relationships are. We miss out on so much by holding back and living in protection. It is time to let go of these old hurts and begin to reconnect to the love we are, and always have been and live every day from this place, rather than living in fear of having an old hurt repeated again.

  2. This is so beautiful Janina. Learning to trust and knowing that we are love and love comes from within us is something to feel and know every day until it is such a natural knowing that we live it always.

  3. When we have a self-destructive perception and picture of ourselves we are constantly looking at the cracks and imperfections and so totally miss the appreciation of our overall beauty.

  4. I can very much relate to what you share here and it brought some new revelations to my ‘false’ non trust in women and people in general. It is the hurts that we ourself put in the way to not live the true potential of who we are. True love comes from a trust within ourselves. Knowing we are all, all already.

  5. I was hard on partners in past relationships and with my husband who has evolved with me over the last 10 years. When I do not like myself, I often can feel how this is projected on to others. Loving myself truly, deeply and with understanding is a work in progress, but it is real and occurring and so I naturally offer this reflection to others. I know that what I heal now honours those that I have hurt in the past, it has allowed me to let go of guilt and ‘should haves’, in the relationship I am in now and the past. Thanks for sharing so openly, awesome to read.

  6. Many people use their past hurts as an excuse not to move forward in life and yet few usually come to the place where they are aware enough to realize what they are doing and consciously move to heal what has come before so to not hinder what is yet to come. I love that in discovering the love you are, you’re honesty and commitment has offered you this lesson to share and embrace the healing it has offered you.

  7. Thank you Janina for expressing how easy it is to re connect to love we all hold within, it all comes back to our choices.

  8. Great sharing Janina! There is no way we can really loose our love for that is what we are made of, but we sometime look outside of ourselves for this love and yet it is within us all the time.

  9. ‘So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?’
    Great questions Janina – we have the heart, the love inside, our beautiful purpose … lets bring it out!

  10. We spend so much of our lives observing – and to have a reflection that is true is amazing – by this solid reflection it can inspire us to look at our own choices and decide if we choose more love or not. We all have the opportunity to claim our love back if we so wish.

  11. Ah Janina, there are so many situation that might seem hard, so many difficulties that may appear to be reason enough to give up, speak out of turn or be angry. But the essential fact you point out is these ways of being are not for us, for we are 100% Love.

  12. ‘My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it .’What if the songs and music that is being released these days had this as it’s founding premise, what a different message adolescents and young people, and in fact all of us, would be getting.

  13. I feel we are constantly learning with regards to relationships .. in never stops, we never reach a point where there is not more to learn or feel. I was having this discussion with a young person today. Also I feel the greatest relationship is the one we have with ourselves, the more we work on this and are willing to open up to love, be honest about what we are feeling, love and take care of ourselves the more this naturally happens with all of the relationships we are in from school, college, work, family, friends, partners, neighbours, the community ……

  14. Love is a way of moving in life that has no directions and knows no boundaries. We try hard to make it into something else but does not work. The more we try, the more we hit ourselves against the wall and the more reasons we have not to change our movements. It is really silly how we drown in a glass of water.

  15. What a beautifully honest blog Janina. I’ve blamed partners for not being how I wanted them to be – asking them to treat me with love when I wasn’t being loving with myself. And if they were loving I couldn’t handle that as it felt so unfamiliar and so uncomfortable as I couldn’t accept the love I was let alone from anyone else. So it’s wonderful to read this and feel how love isn’t about being with someone per se but accepting the love one is and expressing that without holding back. So no more falling into the deceit that one can’t love in full if one is single.

  16. “What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” I like Janina how you made much attention to it’s a choice. Fortunately it is, it always is. So, all outcomes are respondent to our choices. It took alot of responsibility to come to this myself – I still am. Understanding life is about evolution and there is always a level of tension to feel and a deeper place to go to is a joyful adventure when you claim it.

  17. Thank you for providing valuable and honest insight to relationships Janina. I can see I often settle for a relationship that ‘looks good’ to others rather than deeply feeling and expressing the love that I naturally am. This happens in my relationships with my partner, my friends, my family, everyone.

    A relationship that just ‘functions’ is not really a relationship at all. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful it is to truly open up to another.

  18. ‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.’ That’s a great point you raise here Janina, so many people cling to their hurts as a protection and never move on from this feeling which affects all future relationships from experiencing and knowing true love. To let go of old hurts is incredibly freeing and allows us the space to be open to greater and deeper forms of love from others.

    1. I agree, holding on to hurts is actually such a great excuse as to why you can’t move on to live the life you are here to live. You hold back from offering that reflection to another.

  19. It’s one thing to read about the truth of Love, another to live this way. My relationships continue to show me every day, just how there is another level for me to go to, another part of my responsibility to take and another chunk of blame to let go as well. For if we are honest Janina, these pictures of ‘the perfect one’ you mention, have deeply polluted and harmed our lives. Whether we like to look at it or not, our quality of experience comes back directly to the choices we make.

  20. I feel this is really insightful as would say not many people either consciously know this (or want to know it!) ‘I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself’. All to often we tend to look outside of ourselves for love, or ignore or override ourselves altogether! and this we will never truly find until we have reconnected to the innate love within ourselves. I noticed this was written 5 years ago, it would be awesome to get an update of how your relationship with both yourself and others has blossomed and if it has how this has unfolded for you.

  21. Love is not dependent on another is something I am learning daily. and how controlling this can be,that I will only love someone when they show their love to me first,…. and I have not confined this to partners but to everyone I meet. This is slowly changing as I learn to trust myself and know how harming holding back my love can be, both to myself and everyone else. The crazy thing is we do know love and love is what we want but it is also the thing we avoid expressing the most.

  22. No matter how obvious and simple it is I always find it super powerful to be reminded once again that we can never ever lose our love as it is already within us!

  23. It’s great to come back to this blog again and feel it’s messages on an even deeper level. To realise that every time I react it is because of a hurt and how close to the surface those hurts can be, as if waiting for permission to leave. Realising the love that I have built in my body since the last time I visited this blog is also inspiring. A great marker. Thank you Janina.

  24. The love within never leaves us or dies. It is within each and everyone of us and as I learn to live in connection to it I am finding the neediness of having others in my life slipping away. My relationships are changing as I become more aware of the hurts I was holding on to that were holding me back from being love. As I let go of the hurts I feel more steady and stronger in my body knowing and trusting I have all the tools within to face what is presented in front of me to uncover more of that which is not love.

  25. “What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” How very true this is – i can say for me that I have been able to reconnect to that inner knowing that I am love, that from such an early age, I was fed that I wasn’t love, that I wasn’t that from the inside and I believed that. I believe for a very very long time, those thoughts that expressed I wasn’t enough, so punished myself and therefore my body as a result. Less so now, but it still presents at times, but can call it out in myself a lot quicker now. The key is what you say – we can’t lose it, unless we choose to. How every true that is.

  26. Beautiful sharing, so relateable unfortunately! It is crazy to give up living the love I am so easily due to wanting to protect myself. Sad and a total waste of life! We all want to live this love yet so many of us don’t infact I would say the majority of the world is lost to protection currently so it’s vital that we do live and love in full so that others can be inspired to let go and surrender to love.

  27. Beautiful blog Janina, thank you for sharing. Indeed what are we waiting for; to live the love and truth that is so naturally us. Great questions;
    “So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?

  28. What I have observed in my own relationship is just how much we can avoid evolution as a couple by not letting our love expand, deepen and grow which it can do very naturally without trying. It’s almost like the love is so amazing, it’s the very thing we want but it is the very thing we avoid too ironically. I feel this is because it asks a greater level of responsibility together as a couple and within yourself as a person and that is very beautiful but is something we ingrainly avoid.

  29. Thank you for sharing! It offers an opportunity to feel if there is any holding back. It is so easy to pretend everything is Ok to keep the peace, to not spoil the day with a conversation that could bring some stuff up, but, in my experience, those conversations are the real winners for love and the relationship deepens as a result. As you say – why wait?

  30. A very intimate sharing thank you, and one that assists us to look beyond the veil of relationships in society. Family is celebrated as the be all and end all, as the ultimate prize in life, and yet, very few experience true love in this setting – to the point where we now think it is normal to have ups and downs in a marriage, and to the point where many question whether it is even natural for us to be monogamous. Society it truly jaded when it comes to relationships and with good reason. It has a right to be skeptical. However, despite this, the truth is that true relationships can be had – and not just with your partner. However, whilst every one refuses to be reflective in life, and to ponder on their own role in relationships, then one will never have true relationships. For a true relationship requires deep honesty, and a willingness to read life on a much deeper level than we are used to. For we need to be firstly willing to understand and heal what hurts us, and secondly be willing to live in ourselves what we seek in another first. Finally, when it comes to relationships, it is nearly always a two way street. That being said, when relationships go sour, or become difficult, or there is tension that needs to be dealt with we need to read one of two things before determining whether the relationship is true or not. Firstly, we need to ask, are we contributing to the tension because of our own guards and lack of willingness to express love. If the answer is yes, then we need to look at that first. If the answer is no, and we know we are being open, but our partner is not, then we need to assess one of two things. Is the person resisting our love because they actually don’t want to go there? Or, are they resisting our love, not because they don’t want to go there, but because their patterns of protection are so strong, that they are not able yet to do so. If it is the former, then chances are we need to be willing to let them go, because such arrangements often end up becoming abusive. If it is the latter, then we need to give time and space and understanding to our partner to give them time to evolve and resurrect themselves.

    For that is the key to all relationships – understanding that they are not about making us feel complete. They are not even just about love and connection, even though they are very much about that. Above all, they are about evolution, and healing, about assisting each person in the relationship to resurrect themselves back to their true fiery selves.

    1. Further to the above, I wish to add, that it is because we don’t see relationships as being about evolution, as to why they often become what we call stale. Basically, a stale relationship, or what we call being in a rut, is simply a situation where both people have become comfortable in the way things are, but are at the same time unsatisfied with the way it is, invariably because they feel the forever tension that every human being experiences that there is actually more to life. Sometimes such a relationship is good to end, for it offers a new beginning, but more often than not, because we do not recognise the fact that relationships are about evolution, we end up seeking another relationship that is just the same, but different colour. And so we get fooled by thinking it is different because it is “new”. However, it is not long before we often discover that it is not new, and are old patterns reemerge. Thus, the key to preventing even a good relationship from going stale, is to recognise that love has no bottom to it. It is a forever deepening process, requiring firstly a willingness to continue to assess and understand its true nature by lived experience, and secondly a willingness to forever tap deeper into its bottomless well and express from that new found level of love. If such a relationship is based on such principles, then we soon enough discover that such a relationship can never go stale.

  31. As I read your blog Janina I could really feel how we can have a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde relationship with ourselves and others according to the actual quality of love we choose and, how the quality and integrity we actually choose either sparks up or shadows the quality of all our relationships.

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