by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany
I have felt to share my experience with relationships (partners). I was very touched and inspired in Amina´s recent published article (Pressure to be in a Relationship with ‘The One’), by her openness and honesty. I feel it is important to share with another what is actually going on in relationships, as from the outside a lot of relationships or marriages seem great.
I started quite late with having long-term relationships, around age 21: before then, I had crushes on a lot of boys. I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men. And after having one short relationship with a guy who wasn’t really interested in me (nor I in him; we came together at a party with a lot of alcohol), I felt that I had had enough of men… my level of hate and frustration was quite strong.
Then I started dating women. I had two relationships with two beautiful women, which together lasted 10 years.
But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t.
One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person. Also, I often wasn’t really in contact with my partner and, even when we lived together, just existed without any true contact or loving interaction.
Then I met a man who I felt I could trust. So I began to open myself to men again… which took quite some years, and is still continuing.
I received a beautiful Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy session from a male practitioner the other day. As this technique goes very deep, I could feel that I am still only going so far and am still holding back a part to let go of – and that it is time now to trust men again and to let them truly in, which I chose to do in the session. I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.
Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.
When I realised how unloving my behaviour really was, I felt guilty and bad, which didn’t help much, either. And I wondered why he had stayed with me, for five years now.
Until I could see the other, ‘true me’ side – that I had developed during the last years – and the beauty and healing I’ve also brought to him (also through my singing and giving him healing sessions). I paved the Esoteric way for us both to walk on, as I had kept in contact with Universal Medicine the whole time.
So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?
I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for. That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.
What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.
So thank you to all of you already living it! Thank you especially to the couples I could observe and begin trusting that there is a loving, beautiful way to be with another… we have a couple of them here in Germany!!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Loves flow is the currency of honesty, transparency and sharing. When we hold back and dam our feelings the effervescence of our relationships dries up.
Thankyou for your open and honest sharing Janina. “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. ” I wonder how many do this? Yet you moved on – “And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” Beautiful. As you share , we must love ourselves before we can truly love another.
The more we realise that hurts are delays put in the way – we know we are on the track to return to more love!
So many of us have done this and still do this today, it harms us – does not Serve and means that life is far less enjoyable than it naturally is.
Yes I agree Janina it is always a choice if I love myself or not. Thank you for sharing so openly your journey back to your love deep inside of you as for me the first relationship we have is with ourselves.
I find Simone Benhayon hugely inspiring. Her swimming lessons are so powerful and what I learn with her in the water stays with me . Every lesson builds a stronger relationship wth myself and strengthens my ability to express and share with others.
I have only had one and I still remember it to this day – I am not sure I can say that about most lessons I have had!
‘…within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ I’ve worked very hard to keep me from me; all this chasing of the one and devaluing the people I am with and myself was my way of running away from myself. Now I’m stopping to appreciate the love in my life and it’s quite incredible as some days I do my best to deny it!
We can’t lose love it’s on tap all the time – it’s just our choice to turn the gauge at various intervals.
And you can’t fall out of love… its a moment by moment choice that we are completely responsible for. Our choice, so which one is it going to be today?
And the tap of love is either open or closed, it can’t be either half on or half off. Also the tap of love can’t be on when we’re with certain people and off when we’re with others, it’s either on or it’s off and when it’s on then whoever comes into our radius both near and far will feel the effects, all be it unconsciously.
Thanks Alexis for your comment here, I found it challenged the belief I held that love can be on or off with certain people, when I sat with it I realised that the love inside me holds everyone equally. What I felt I uncovered was a more insidious and subtler version of emotional love that I had accepted as true love. I really appreciate the group work on offer here, and the opportunities to evolve by working together.
Yep so do I Melinda, so do I.
The true and honest way I have brought love into my relationships is being inspired by Serge Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon’s relationship. Both of them I deeply trust, have an ultimate respect for, and I can be myself in front of them. I hold a strong connection with them that I can go there and, what I have learnt recently is to appreciate that I am willing to go there.
Learning we are love and that no one can take this away from us was at the time when I first heard this revolutionary, and has taken me a long while to accept. So little in life reflects this to us, we are encouraged to seek love outside ourselves and that being loving with ourselves is a selfish act. As you have shared Janina if there is no love for ourself how can we truly love another. Building a strong foundation of knowing who I am and not wanting to try to please others has allowed me to start to love myself and stay open to what love looks and feels like and it is nothing like the emotional conditional love that the world lives by.
No one can rob you of Love – no one can break your heart. It’s only you who can decide that you don’t want to connect today.
Which really has to be the craziest decision ever because love is so glorious and who we all truly are – it is worth everything to allow it and live it.
That was a real learning Joseph, I had not contemplated that we could be living at the mercy of the world yet had such self agency over how we received experiences.
The level of ease and confidence, joy and steadiness that is offered by the reflection of the students of Universal Medicine brings another layer of love to one another. The inspiration is endless.
‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ No one gives us love, and no one takes it away- though this is a strong belief system that we are brought up in and surrounded with. In fact it is a complete lie that we are fed day in, day out from our virtually our first breath. If we are made of love, yet feel we have lost it, then that is also us choosing to give it up in every moment, and let oursleves be lied to. How can we not be love when it is in every particle that we are made of? and how embedded are these belief systems for us to think otherwise.
Thank you Janina. This speaks for all of us when you say that you used the fact that you felt you had been hurt to then give up on love. we may not have lost loved ones but we have all felt a loss of love and seen this as a reason to give up our own love. The effect is that we don’t let other people come close. This part of our healing – to allow others to be close and let them in.
We can’t ever lose love as it is always there – here – who we are. All we can do is choose to disconnect to it but it is still always there – here – everywhere any moment we choose to reconnect.
It is very sad that in this world we all spend an enormous amount of effort looking for love. Looking high and low, putting up with abuse in many forms, and experiencing emotional dramas constantly. The sad part is the love is within and always was, and I am in deep debt to Serge Benhayon for offering this teaching in an undeniably practical way to anyone who would like to connect to that inner love.
Yes, I agree – meeting Serge Benhayon ignited my heart and reconnection to love. All it takes is one person to live the absolute love that they are (as Serge does) and it sets off a glorious chain response as more and more ignite and offer that flame to others.
The beautiful reflection from Universal Medicine students and practitioners is always an inspiration for me. And sometimes we are an inspiration for others too…..
‘ I am love, so,I can’t lose it unless I choose to. ‘ This is huge Janina. How many of us know this as we grow up, we make so many choices – every day. So what do we choose? To love and be love – or not?
I also can relate very well to what you write here Janina.
And how beautiful it is that we can choose to open up for the love we have within us and can share with our partner instead of living our long lived patterns to fight in a way with the world including our partners.
It asks us to be vulnerable and open towards love, also to receive it.
Relationships are measured by our ability to be ‘happy’ when they are truly about us returning to Love. So whatever form that takes, argument, conflict or correction, if you listen and understand, you will see your relationships are truly grand.
When we experience truly loving someone we feel the hurt from all the times we were in a relationship but now feel (looking back now) that we were not truly loving them. We went for a need, to fulfill ourselves, to get recognition and safety which all has nothing to do with love. It hurts to feel how we really were with people. But hey, this is the new opening to truly loving someone.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Wow great realisations Janine, this is super inspiring to remind us to bring all the self love and self appreciation we can to ourselves for not only us and our close love ones but it is the whole world that benefits.
Being love ourselves is such an important part of any relationship and I am finding that the more I love me, in particular the more I listen to what I feel and honour and express what I feel, the more love I get back from my partner, because he is now seeing more and more of the true me.
I recognise much of what you say Janina, I have experienced reaction in relationships where I get critical and blame others instead of being loving and feeling the love that is within me. I am slowly learning to recognise the hurts I am hanging on to and letting them go.
Imagine a plant that grew in a box with only a small gap to let the water and light in. Then one day the box is taken away. It would respond instantly, embrace the air, photosynthesise and stretch out into this new space. So why don’t we? With Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s help we’ve destroyed so many prisons built on ideals – now all that remains is to stretch our wings, embrace Love and fly free. Thank you Janina for sharing this.
In relationships we tend to be primarily in relation to our own ways and secondly with the other person. This is a killer for relationships.
It is often easier to not be in a relationship, than being in relationship. That is we want to avoid the reflections to be more, and avoid the responsibility to live the love we are.
Being in a relationship is a huge reflection both with our partner and the world. There is always the potential for more love and your blog reminds me how important it is to observe where we are at without judgment as this is what supports us to open our hearts.
Watching the wedding ceremony in the Benhayon family recently, it was pure divine. I cried as it was deeply beautiful and this kind of Union was what we all long for deep within. It is like a marriage with God.
As always, everything is a choice… In this case, in this subject, it is incredibly important to know the choice we’re making and where that choice comes from.
It is so very sad that the foundation for many relationships today is based on need and what the other can do for you. To live one that holds love and deep respect for each other is what we all know a relationship should be and actually crave for it. Could it be our own innate inner knowing that causes us to react in relationships? Could it be time to allow our innate knowing to instead gently guide us in how to respond to the falseness-es in our relationships and bring again true harmony into how we live with ourselves and others?
I can really relate to this blog at the moment and what I am learning is that I don’t need the other person for love, it’s all within me but they can help call it to the surface. A love I have worked hard in burying is now being called out once again. To face my burying efforts isn’t pretty and it hurts but if I am to enjoy my life and have love in life then I need to face my choices. No big deal.
As long as we remain dominated by our hurts we will react, soon or later; freedom begins when we become honest, take responsibility and make different choices. And that makes life truly worth living, very interesting, never boring and so much more joyous.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” Beautifully said Janina. We can never blame another for not giving us love. If we don’t feel it then we are not choosing it for ourselves.
Looking for Love – when Love is what we truly are, and there inside of us all the time.
Thank you for sharing Janina. We can look at other relationships and decide the grass is greener but there are very few people that truly demonstrate what love in a relationship is. I now know quite a few people in wonderful relationships as a result of my association with Universal Medicine and these people have provided amazing lived examples of a love that can be lived in full with self and with others.
We hold back how we feel inside then say relationships are too hard and cannot work any way. But what would it be like to express without judgement and anger but share what we sense to each other? I get the impression Janina we would feel closer together and truly see we are here to deepen this connection via honest reflection not protection games.
Janina I loved reading your blog, I could so relate to letting go of layers of letting people in, and each time I found yet another layer to let go of, realising that the layers of protection served no one, not even myself as it kept me further away from who I truly am.
” What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it. ” This is a huge learning and so clear , living what you are allows what you are to be ” love ”
be love so simple and beautiful thank you for sharing Janina.
I was going to write something very similar. This learning is huge and when lived is a beacon for others to do likewise.
We do know love, and we can recognise it, when we feel it in truth
“ …within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to….” A good point Janina. In the past I was always looking out to others for love, not realising I had a deep well of love already inside of me.
Thank you Janina, I enjoyed reading your blog again and your words about how we can share the love we are with everyone. “I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”. We grow up in a world that says love comes from another, “The One”, and that it’s something outside of ourselves and we can lose it if “The One” leaves us. It’s empowering to be back to the truth that love is actually who we are and it’s our choice to remain connected to it or not. We don’t have to accept the ups and downs of life as our own love is there to support us, and that begins with simply being who we are.
‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on’, I love your honesty in these words Janina and cannot but wonder how many of us in today’s world also use their hurts as an excuse not to grow and thus live their potential.
Yes, past unresolved hurts are one of the strongest causes there is that makes us so fearful that we prefer to suffer rather evolve.
Which also reminds me that our unresolved hurts keep us stuck out of that fear.
Every relationship is a guide back to truth. Even the most toxic arrangement points back in its own way. The sooner we stop pursuing dreams of irresponsibility and embrace this, the sooner we’ll realise how loved we are. Thank you Janina for sharing your journey here.
How beautiful Janina – returning to a deeper level of re-connection with yourself and the realisation that you are love and the fact that it is always there within you to share with others without needing anything from them in return.
“My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it”.
We are love. Fact. What our daily dramas tell us is how strong the part of us that wants us to not be love is. And how much to appreciate when we consistently and steadily in commitment to be love.
A very real account of the many steps we take to get back to.
Understanding and appreciating that our love isn’t dependant on another is massive. Imagine being able to be love with everybody unconditionally without any expectation of it being returned like some favour. This would change our lives forever….literally.
True Elodie. It’s only in the past few years that I’ve felt that love is something I already am rather than something I need to ‘get’ and it has most certainly been life changing.
There is a relationship we have that unless we nurture and take care of it then all other relationships thereafter will reflect it’s path. While I can say this is the relationship we have with ourselves many may see this as being not true or dismiss it. When you look at things, truly look at things, what is the first relationship you have with the ‘thing’? You get some feedback, a message, a thought, a feeling, an impulse and this is alive in you and so the quality of your being or body is important as this will impact or influence the quality of this message, it makes sense. We can go on in life thinking, I am just me this is how I am or we can be open to what the world constantly reflects to us and from there keep expanding the relationship we have with it.
We search and search and search and then we finally realise that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do but be. The simplicity of it brings back much joy and lightness in the way we move and live.
We have a choice of loving ourselves or not, allowing this truth to get through the barriers of protection is also a choice. It might seem like a challenge but it’s always a choice.
Thank you for your honesty Janina. I have a sense that where love is concerned, we never truly lose our love for one another – is just becomes covered over by thoughts, beliefs, ideals etc and by our hurts. I have ‘lost’ loved ones in this life – but I have to say, I have not stopped loving them, nor feeling their love. So perhaps on a deeper level, we are never truly separated from them at all.
Relationships offer a beautiful space for much to be healed and cleared. The intention is often to live the love we are but for many, if not all of us, there are a few impediments and they come in the form of hurts and behaviours. These all come up for review in a relationship and are there to be exposed. When they do, we can either live them out or we can take a look and choose a different way.
I am blessed to be in a relationship with a super gorgeous man where we both can share our love. There were lots of rocky patches in the early years but the love and commitment was always there sometimes clouded by hurts and other stuff. Over time many of those hurts have healed and the love just keeps expanding such that we can’t but share with everyone and on and on it keeps growing and expanding.
We are a great support to each other when we allow our true nature to be, and let that be shared with any one.. Supporting one’s essence and authentic beingness to be equally important than to any other.. Appreciating all that there is in someone and the potential of what he or she brings. That to me is the true beauty of groupwork – all over the world.
Yes it is amazing to have so many couples who are living a quality of love that is quite rare yet really doesn’t need to be.
‘So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?’ Love is Truth.
Well said, when we appreciate all the love we are, we feel how much of a blessing it is for others. We value ourselves and see our part of what we bring to humanity and can’t help but share the incredible gift we are.
I love what you have said here about how love is within us and therefore we cannot lose it. All we can do is not connect to it and then express it but it is never lost. When we see another reflecting that love we then have an opportunity to remember that we too can awaken the love that is within us. This is why the art of reflection is so important.
A beautiful blog about love. Claiming love is simple – the rest is uneasy and hard.
So all we need to do is commit to what we truly want in life – love. And make it our foundation.
Our whole definition of relationships revolves around compatability and people being ‘right’. We seek the person who is a good ‘fit’ only to be disappointed when we discover that we still fight. No matter which way you look at it, this way of relating doesn’t seem to work. Surely it is worth us exploring an alternative way? And what better place than the approach you describe Janina – to Love ourselves to the max and understand every other relationship flows as a consequence of that.
I can relate to feeling the sadness of not living the love we are. For the love we are is a gift unto this world, a world that today largely suffers from lovelessness. As you have shared Janina, and as you live, it is our love that brings great healing to not only our bodies, our being as such our lives, but also to those we share our lives with at home, work and everywhere in between. Developing an honoring relationship with the love we are within first, is the foundation for all other relationships, which allows us to be and live the truth of who we are.
Knowing that everyone I meet has the same unbounded love within them as is within me opens me up to feel this equal love rather than only see the facade that we present on the outside.
If you are wanting to make a change in something or you want something to change then you can’t just stand on the side lines hoping one day for it to be different. No matter what you consider yourself to be, a ‘good’ person, a ‘bad’ person or in between, there is an activity, a dedication to change if that is what you truly want. I have seen many around me take that active step, not just talk about it but be aware of what needs to change and then making active steps with that awareness. The only change that will stick is the one you unwrap and live. When you make it this way you stand on a foundation that is built from how you walked there and this is solid.
It is difficult to make a relationship truly work if you do not at first have a foundation of love within yourself. For always you will then seek out to live out your inadequacies with another, instead of offering them a completeness that does not impose upon them in any way shape or form.
“My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” This is beautiful what you share, that our love is not dependent on another it is within ourselves, but it is beautiful share and express it with another.
I know I have allowed things I have been hurt from the past to cloud how I respond in my present life, and there are layers of this as well. Some times I think I am being open but there is deeper I can always be with letting people in and being truly seen for all that I am.
It is a crushing belief to think that we are not worthy of the love that we are.
Relationships are our biggest and most potent form of learning. Our interactions, reflections to one another, how we love and live at work, home and out-and-about are all very exposing of our relationship with ourselves. We can either deepen the relationship with ourselves through relationships with others or use those relationships to avoid our own.
Thank you Janina. The word commitment came to me as I read your blog. When we commit to ourselves, to evolution and to love we take the steps we need to take to let go of what is not us and expand who we truly are.
How amazing that you claimed your love back from a place of feeling, ‘ as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself ‘, and now you do.
Until we start living a way with a foundation of our connection with ourselves is based on true responsibility is very difficult to be entering into any deep meaningful connection with another.
As I read your blog Janina I could really feel how we can have a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde relationship with ourselves and others according to the actual quality of love we choose and, how the quality and integrity we actually choose either sparks up or shadows the quality of all our relationships.
A very intimate sharing thank you, and one that assists us to look beyond the veil of relationships in society. Family is celebrated as the be all and end all, as the ultimate prize in life, and yet, very few experience true love in this setting – to the point where we now think it is normal to have ups and downs in a marriage, and to the point where many question whether it is even natural for us to be monogamous. Society it truly jaded when it comes to relationships and with good reason. It has a right to be skeptical. However, despite this, the truth is that true relationships can be had – and not just with your partner. However, whilst every one refuses to be reflective in life, and to ponder on their own role in relationships, then one will never have true relationships. For a true relationship requires deep honesty, and a willingness to read life on a much deeper level than we are used to. For we need to be firstly willing to understand and heal what hurts us, and secondly be willing to live in ourselves what we seek in another first. Finally, when it comes to relationships, it is nearly always a two way street. That being said, when relationships go sour, or become difficult, or there is tension that needs to be dealt with we need to read one of two things before determining whether the relationship is true or not. Firstly, we need to ask, are we contributing to the tension because of our own guards and lack of willingness to express love. If the answer is yes, then we need to look at that first. If the answer is no, and we know we are being open, but our partner is not, then we need to assess one of two things. Is the person resisting our love because they actually don’t want to go there? Or, are they resisting our love, not because they don’t want to go there, but because their patterns of protection are so strong, that they are not able yet to do so. If it is the former, then chances are we need to be willing to let them go, because such arrangements often end up becoming abusive. If it is the latter, then we need to give time and space and understanding to our partner to give them time to evolve and resurrect themselves.
For that is the key to all relationships – understanding that they are not about making us feel complete. They are not even just about love and connection, even though they are very much about that. Above all, they are about evolution, and healing, about assisting each person in the relationship to resurrect themselves back to their true fiery selves.
Further to the above, I wish to add, that it is because we don’t see relationships as being about evolution, as to why they often become what we call stale. Basically, a stale relationship, or what we call being in a rut, is simply a situation where both people have become comfortable in the way things are, but are at the same time unsatisfied with the way it is, invariably because they feel the forever tension that every human being experiences that there is actually more to life. Sometimes such a relationship is good to end, for it offers a new beginning, but more often than not, because we do not recognise the fact that relationships are about evolution, we end up seeking another relationship that is just the same, but different colour. And so we get fooled by thinking it is different because it is “new”. However, it is not long before we often discover that it is not new, and are old patterns reemerge. Thus, the key to preventing even a good relationship from going stale, is to recognise that love has no bottom to it. It is a forever deepening process, requiring firstly a willingness to continue to assess and understand its true nature by lived experience, and secondly a willingness to forever tap deeper into its bottomless well and express from that new found level of love. If such a relationship is based on such principles, then we soon enough discover that such a relationship can never go stale.
Thank you for sharing! It offers an opportunity to feel if there is any holding back. It is so easy to pretend everything is Ok to keep the peace, to not spoil the day with a conversation that could bring some stuff up, but, in my experience, those conversations are the real winners for love and the relationship deepens as a result. As you say – why wait?
What I have observed in my own relationship is just how much we can avoid evolution as a couple by not letting our love expand, deepen and grow which it can do very naturally without trying. It’s almost like the love is so amazing, it’s the very thing we want but it is the very thing we avoid too ironically. I feel this is because it asks a greater level of responsibility together as a couple and within yourself as a person and that is very beautiful but is something we ingrainly avoid.
There is so much that we have to heal within ourselves before we can even start to have relationships that are based on truth and not on convenience.
Beautiful blog Janina, thank you for sharing. Indeed what are we waiting for; to live the love and truth that is so naturally us. Great questions;
“So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?
Beautiful sharing, so relateable unfortunately! It is crazy to give up living the love I am so easily due to wanting to protect myself. Sad and a total waste of life! We all want to live this love yet so many of us don’t infact I would say the majority of the world is lost to protection currently so it’s vital that we do live and love in full so that others can be inspired to let go and surrender to love.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” How very true this is – i can say for me that I have been able to reconnect to that inner knowing that I am love, that from such an early age, I was fed that I wasn’t love, that I wasn’t that from the inside and I believed that. I believe for a very very long time, those thoughts that expressed I wasn’t enough, so punished myself and therefore my body as a result. Less so now, but it still presents at times, but can call it out in myself a lot quicker now. The key is what you say – we can’t lose it, unless we choose to. How every true that is.
The love within never leaves us or dies. It is within each and everyone of us and as I learn to live in connection to it I am finding the neediness of having others in my life slipping away. My relationships are changing as I become more aware of the hurts I was holding on to that were holding me back from being love. As I let go of the hurts I feel more steady and stronger in my body knowing and trusting I have all the tools within to face what is presented in front of me to uncover more of that which is not love.
It’s great to come back to this blog again and feel it’s messages on an even deeper level. To realise that every time I react it is because of a hurt and how close to the surface those hurts can be, as if waiting for permission to leave. Realising the love that I have built in my body since the last time I visited this blog is also inspiring. A great marker. Thank you Janina.
No matter how obvious and simple it is I always find it super powerful to be reminded once again that we can never ever lose our love as it is already within us!
Love is not dependent on another is something I am learning daily. and how controlling this can be,that I will only love someone when they show their love to me first,…. and I have not confined this to partners but to everyone I meet. This is slowly changing as I learn to trust myself and know how harming holding back my love can be, both to myself and everyone else. The crazy thing is we do know love and love is what we want but it is also the thing we avoid expressing the most.
I feel this is really insightful as would say not many people either consciously know this (or want to know it!) ‘I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself’. All to often we tend to look outside of ourselves for love, or ignore or override ourselves altogether! and this we will never truly find until we have reconnected to the innate love within ourselves. I noticed this was written 5 years ago, it would be awesome to get an update of how your relationship with both yourself and others has blossomed and if it has how this has unfolded for you.
It’s one thing to read about the truth of Love, another to live this way. My relationships continue to show me every day, just how there is another level for me to go to, another part of my responsibility to take and another chunk of blame to let go as well. For if we are honest Janina, these pictures of ‘the perfect one’ you mention, have deeply polluted and harmed our lives. Whether we like to look at it or not, our quality of experience comes back directly to the choices we make.
‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.’ That’s a great point you raise here Janina, so many people cling to their hurts as a protection and never move on from this feeling which affects all future relationships from experiencing and knowing true love. To let go of old hurts is incredibly freeing and allows us the space to be open to greater and deeper forms of love from others.
I agree, holding on to hurts is actually such a great excuse as to why you can’t move on to live the life you are here to live. You hold back from offering that reflection to another.
Thank you for providing valuable and honest insight to relationships Janina. I can see I often settle for a relationship that ‘looks good’ to others rather than deeply feeling and expressing the love that I naturally am. This happens in my relationships with my partner, my friends, my family, everyone.
A relationship that just ‘functions’ is not really a relationship at all. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful it is to truly open up to another.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” I like Janina how you made much attention to it’s a choice. Fortunately it is, it always is. So, all outcomes are respondent to our choices. It took alot of responsibility to come to this myself – I still am. Understanding life is about evolution and there is always a level of tension to feel and a deeper place to go to is a joyful adventure when you claim it.
What a beautifully honest blog Janina. I’ve blamed partners for not being how I wanted them to be – asking them to treat me with love when I wasn’t being loving with myself. And if they were loving I couldn’t handle that as it felt so unfamiliar and so uncomfortable as I couldn’t accept the love I was let alone from anyone else. So it’s wonderful to read this and feel how love isn’t about being with someone per se but accepting the love one is and expressing that without holding back. So no more falling into the deceit that one can’t love in full if one is single.
Incredibly honest blog Janina. It’s honesty that opens the doors to love.
Love is a way of moving in life that has no directions and knows no boundaries. We try hard to make it into something else but does not work. The more we try, the more we hit ourselves against the wall and the more reasons we have not to change our movements. It is really silly how we drown in a glass of water.
I feel we are constantly learning with regards to relationships .. in never stops, we never reach a point where there is not more to learn or feel. I was having this discussion with a young person today. Also I feel the greatest relationship is the one we have with ourselves, the more we work on this and are willing to open up to love, be honest about what we are feeling, love and take care of ourselves the more this naturally happens with all of the relationships we are in from school, college, work, family, friends, partners, neighbours, the community ……
‘My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it .’What if the songs and music that is being released these days had this as it’s founding premise, what a different message adolescents and young people, and in fact all of us, would be getting.
Ah Janina, there are so many situation that might seem hard, so many difficulties that may appear to be reason enough to give up, speak out of turn or be angry. But the essential fact you point out is these ways of being are not for us, for we are 100% Love.
We spend so much of our lives observing – and to have a reflection that is true is amazing – by this solid reflection it can inspire us to look at our own choices and decide if we choose more love or not. We all have the opportunity to claim our love back if we so wish.
In our reaction to what we perceive as being hurt, we are in fact cementing that hurt in our bodies.
‘So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?’
Great questions Janina – we have the heart, the love inside, our beautiful purpose … lets bring it out!
It is more self damaging than we realise to hold back our trust and love of people, even though at the time we think we are protecting ourselves from further hurt.
How are we to offer the love we are to another if we have not offered all that love to ourselves and felt it’s worth.
Beautiful Kim and so very true. When we know what true love is we then know how to truly love.
Great sharing Janina! There is no way we can really loose our love for that is what we are made of, but we sometime look outside of ourselves for this love and yet it is within us all the time.
Thank you Janina for expressing how easy it is to re connect to love we all hold within, it all comes back to our choices.
Many people use their past hurts as an excuse not to move forward in life and yet few usually come to the place where they are aware enough to realize what they are doing and consciously move to heal what has come before so to not hinder what is yet to come. I love that in discovering the love you are, you’re honesty and commitment has offered you this lesson to share and embrace the healing it has offered you.