The Difference in Love

by Ariel, QLD

My body feels great. There are no butterflies in my tummy nor do I have the shakes or the constant thoughts or fantasies running through my head. My head is clear and I feel strong within myself. I’m in complete control.

With my descriptions here I am showing the two different sides of ‘Love’ (feelings I have and the feelings I don’t have) the first side is the mushy feelings (the ones I don’t have) which includes the butterflies, the shakes, nerves, feeling weak but happy and fantasies of someone you have feelings for. People would describe this as ‘Love-sick’ or ‘Love-struck ’. If you Google the definition of ‘love’ it will say – “feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). Affection – fondness – darling – passion. Like – be fond of – fancy – adore.”

Have you felt any of this before? I know I have. When I was younger I would have ‘a crush’ on a boy and feel these sorts of things. I would always use the word ‘Love’ to describe it and that’s how everyone else seems to describe it. It’s seen this way on movies, the internet, Facebook, YouTube, within people’s families and with peers etc. We are being fed the idea that these feelings are ‘Love’ or ‘True Love’. So what would happen to this person feeling all of these ‘Lovely’ feelings and suddenly their partner breaks up with them? Well we all know the term Heart Broken don’t we?

Define ‘heartbroken’? – “A common metaphor used to describe the emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection”.

How about I tell you the other side of ‘Love’? What I would now describe as the real, true Love, the love that does not leave you damaged, emotional or changed. This Love is something that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been presenting since the beginning; it is something undeniably strong and solid leaving one another full of love, with no attachment of it ever fading away. We know love is first within us and then expressed to each other.

Serge does not and never has told others how to love this way, only that there is a choice. It is something I had to realise and experience for myself and now that I have – there is no going back for me.

First it’s noticing how I feel, like I mentioned at the beginning of this blog – my body feels great, my head is clear and I feel strong within myself, I’m in complete control. There are no fantasies or thoughts in my head. The main feeling I’m getting is how much I want to care for myself, eat well, be gentle with myself, speak what I want to say, dress how I want and not let anyone stop or shake this love I have for myself. Would you believe me if I said, “I’m in Love?” You now know that I have love for myself, but I also have love for someone else. You may say it’s crazy for a young woman like me, to be so certain that I am in love with someone.

So I’m in love with a young man, but I don’t have those mushy feelings with me at all? Yes, that’s right. I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself, but a person that I deeply care for and have an amazing, unbreakable friendship with. It started out as a friendship; I have been great friends with this young man for a year and a half, since we first met at one of Universal Medicine’s Healing Courses. Lately we have been talking a lot more, every day. He lives down south, quite far from me so we text and Skype each other a fair bit. Distance is not a problem for us. There isn’t and never has been any flirty or sexual talking, we are completely honest with how we complement each other and we say it when we feel it. We speak openly to each other about how we feel and every time we talk to each other I feel both of us rise with joy in ourselves even more.

Before this relationship came around I was dating other young men, thinking to myself I might be able to make this work or change them… but I did this without realising how much I wasn’t expressing to them and how I gave my power away letting them take control over me and the relationship. This was my ideal of how relationships were supposed to be, it was once I let go of that ideal I realised the true love I have for my amazing friend (the young man I am talking about). I know that now I have both experiences to share so everyone can understand that this relationship now is so different. Different by the romantic definition of what love is (i.e. Twilight love).

We stay true to who we are and then when we talk, that doesn’t change, there is never any jealousy with talking about Ex’s or any other time, I never feel like I need to impress him and he feels the same. There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.

There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world. There is no failure in the relationship for we will always know true love and there will always be love with us.

He said this to me, and it shows how I feel as well “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete”.

This is True Love. Age does not counter for this love. It is amazing and everlasting.

 

255 thoughts on “The Difference in Love

  1. Thank you Ariel lovely to read. Emotional love, which is the love most of us have been brought up with, comes from not loving ourselves enough. The difference between emotional love and true love is the sort of thing that should be taught at school.

    1. Hear hear Sally. True Love 101 and Self-Love should be a subject in school, I know I sure would have enjoyed my schooling years if I was actually learning something I could feel in my body and understand in life.

    2. Thank you Sally, I absolutely agree. I would have loved to have been taught the difference while I was in school. Then it wouldn’t be about teachers trying to make sure the kids and teens are being responsible with dating, they could just share the truth about the difference and leave the kids to make their own choice from the clarity of knowing exactly what they are choosing.

    3. I fully agree Sally. I have been consumed by emotional love all through high school and it has left me wrecked and unstable. My life has become so much better once I have been able to get a glimpse of true love and only getting better while it deepens. I know that the marker I have created ensures me to always find my way back again whenever I do get emotionally attached occasionally.

      1. Ilja this felt really amazing to read, dear. I just lived a bit of a rollercoaster this week and this is something I know from the past, which is emotional love – it is also waking up and learning to cope with other’s decision not to be love and challenging to stay with me and stop the pleasing or adapting or being polite instead just truth-full and respect-full – having this now reflected by my partner is truly challenging and letting him go – meaning actually just the emotional attachment – and get back the trust in it that the love in essence is always there and for if he or any other person in human life is going to leave me it is not because of me it is because of their own lack of self-love. For me this is challenging in a practical way, hence means I know there is a deepening for my own self-love and acceptance and being with me asked. I felt this week how much I expect from myself and how fragile and vulnerable I am and to show it and speak up is a huge step for me (accepting my imperfections). There is an ongoing feeling of deep hurt in my heart area and pressure as well as then a truly lovely warm feeling, like burning from the inside – I know the first one are the scars from holding back and investing in emotional love and the latter is true love – so as You write it is great to have these markers.

  2. Very beautiful Ariel. The level of depth you live the love you are is truly inspiring. We are sold this absolute horrible emotional version of love and we have it so in our bones that understanding its falseness can be quite challenging. It felt very solid how you connected to what love truly is and that those ideals are not getting in your way. Very awesome.

    1. Thank you Rachel… your comment gave me goosebumps, I was so touched. I can really understand how this way of thinking, that emotional love is it, is deep in our bones because it is what we have been taught and reflected our entire lives.. even I still get caught up in it because it’s hard to admit that past friendships and relationships were based on emotional love when in fact I do not feel that love as being True Love.

  3. Thank you Ariel, for sharing your loving experience. Emotional love is so needy. But true love has no needs and when we share this with someone else, the love between each other is then is multiplied.

  4. I’m reminded in particular of that phrase.. ‘you complete me’. This refers to the missing part that romantic love thinks can be filled by another person. Problem is that that puts something outside of yourself / the other person in control of your happiness, and so the roller coaster begins. You have exposed it beautifully Ariel.

    1. Thank you Simon, yes it is a total rollercoaster to be on, it wasn’t long ago I felt myself in that rollercoaster again. That phrase you have mentioned is interesting isn’t it… I also heard a song on the radio recently where the women who was singing it said something in her song like when she met him (the guy) she fell so in love, gave herself away to this love for him, now that it’s over (relationship finished) she didn’t know who she was, so she’s had to pick herself up again, find out who she is and carry on. I wonder… can you really love someone when you have lost who you are in the process and need someone to complete you?

    2. That phrase also reminds me of the term “other half” when referring to a partner. Just shows how reduced and partial we make ourselves so that we need “another half” rather than just simply being two of a whole expanding together.

  5. It is awesome to hear your experiences of ‘mushy emotional love’ and ‘true love’, Ariel – I know which one I would choose.

  6. Beautiful Ariel. Many people would see not needing the other person as not love. But your right it’s the opposite. When you can live without them but choose to be with them all the time – now that is something to cry love about.

    1. Absolutely agree Emily… when you sit with it, it actually makes so much sense.. you don’t need someone but choose to be with them because you love them, but you yourself are complete and will continue living in full love for yourself as a foundation.

  7. Ariel, this is inspiring. I found myself wondering for fun…but where is the drama? What problems do you take to your friends? And all the other relationship dramas paraded themselves in front of me….showing what has been considered normal in the past and such a waste of time when I considered how each moment I could build a deeper relationship with myself and another, rather than numbing or distracting myself with drama.
    This is an awesome foundation for relationships.

    1. hahah it’s a great point Amanda… where is the drama in this?? I can remember clearly this relationship and there wasn’t drama through it… the only drama that ever occurred was when I decided I didn’t want to be in it because I couldn’t handle how loving it was… I couldn’t see how I deserved a relationship that was so loving and did not need to have issues. So I made it emotional, created a drama and actually felt more comfortable in that… how crazy is that!

  8. Amazing Ariel! Thank you for sharing this. The wisdom coming through you is truly remarkable. So much to teach us, the older lot, about what love really is. I’ve never been satisfied with statements like ‘you complete me’ or ‘you are my other half’, etc. It’s never felt right that we are given the impression we are not enough as we are. And you’ve expressed this beautifully. Thank you.

  9. Thank you for presenting such beautiful and clear differentiation of two versions of love. This is an amazing exposé. We have been sold so many lies about ‘love’, the reality is that many of us don’t recognise it as something we already have.

  10. Ariel, the way you describe your relationship shows so much freedom … freedom to be yourself rather than be suffocated by another or by the ideals we have. I particularly liked “There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.” I actually feel this is rare in relationships in the world, but I am starting to live this and understand it for myself.

    1. it’s so true Maree.. this kind of relationship is very rare. It’s not often that I get to hear about these kinds of relationships in everyday life. It’s really something beautiful and very freeing when you can just be yourself. Of course there isn’t perfection but there is always understanding and the willingness to work on the issues that do come up, that’s what all relationships need, in my opinion.

  11. The modern concept of love has been injected with so much emotion and romanticised to such an extreme that people think they have to feel giddy, mushy and be on a high to feel it. This concept of love feels really fake to me. For me love is an expression and expansion that makes me feel wise, clear, and committed to myself and all others equally, committed to life full stop. Instead of being on a high it empowers you with a sense of self worth, a feeling that at the same time is both gentle and strong, a feeling that basically gives you the foundation to continue to build more love upon and thus evolve upon.

  12. Yes true love is so different from what I thought was love in my teenager years. As you say Ariel “When I was younger I would have ‘a crush’ on a boy and feel these sorts of things. I would always use the word ‘Love’ to describe it and that’s how everyone else seems to describe it.” It is all over and around us what love is, but now I know this is and never was true love. My experience is that true love is just there. This was the feeling I had when I connected and started a relationship with my boyfriend, there was nothing that needed to be created, the love that I felt with him was there from day one. No sexual thing, no needy thing just a deep feeling of connection and joy. This was so amazing to feel as I never thought love could be so simple, yet it is!

    1. I concur Lieke. True Love is far far grander to feel in my body than the mushy needy form of love which is actually not love at all because it is extremely imposing and disempowering. I am in an amazing relationship and it feels more than gorgeous to celebrate our love together each and every day. Choosing to be together is not always perfect but is absolutely grand because of the commitment to holding each other in total love, care and respect. It never runs dry like the other form of love does!

  13. Wow Ariel. I want to share this with every young person I meet! Because no one else is reflecting what you say – society presents it is all about seeking love from the outside and changing how we feel to fit in and feel accepted. This feels desperate. How you have described this: “I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself.” is so revolutionary. Two people full of love for themselves with no need, coming together to expand their love to a greater love. Just awesome. Thank you so very much.

    1. Yes, this is true love, I have hear many women share of their experience of relationships that have ended reflecting back and realising that it was a settling on one level of another, be it the man treated them better than their dad treated their mother or that their parents approved or even that the man was the total opposite to the male figure that they grew up with and that this was the appeal. Rather than discerning if the person was open to developing a loving relationship beyond being able to be together.

  14. In my 60’s now, I have just learnt and had affirmed, so much from the wisdom of your words here in this blog Ariel.
    “There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.”
    What could it be like for teens if articles such as this were printed in their magazines or the principles lived out in tv programmes and movies. A steady consistency of love which builds and expands within each partner rather than the drama control brings, leading to the up and down of ‘love’ then hurt we see and experience too often. Young ones (of every age- how can you age when you are love) loving themselves first and foremost, making choices that support themselves first.
    There would be no need for ‘Agony Aunts’ columns for a start!

    1. Hear hear Jeanette. More voices like Ariels for teens to relate to would be amazing. More elders sharing their understanding of true love. More of us living the love we are and not seeking from others. More joy, less drama. Ariel’s voice is a song from heaven.

  15. Thank You Ariel for sharing this with us. It is exactly what I feel, too. I always gave my power away and now I am there where I say – that exactly what you describe at the beginning this is it and that’s where I chose to be with me now – “My body feels great. There are no butterflies in my tummy nor do I have the shakes or the constant thoughts or fantasies running through my head. My head is clear and I feel strong within myself. I’m in complete control” and that’s what I am working on with myself and all the realtionships around me this beautiful sentence:”There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be” to bring me to this steadyness that I feel in your expression. Very inspiring. With love Nadine

  16. Ariel your wisdom is a joy, thank you for sharing. I am in my early 40’s and did not grow up with an understanding or experience of self-care or self-love such as you have re-connected to. Hence my experience of love as you have aptly described was based on a lesser version. Your story has consolidated something within me that I have yet to experience but I will certainly know it when it happens. Thank you.

  17. Being in a loving relationship is deeply confirming of the love we already are within ourselves, as each supports the other to deepen their own love.

  18. Beautiful Ariel, that what is true love is already within ourself. I can feel how important it is to constantly feel that, as otherwise that emotional love you are talking about kicks in and makes relationships only about the need for love we chose to let go in the first place. Crazy actually when I am thinking about it, it is much more beautiful to share that what we have in common, this innate love, than to both search for it in each other.

  19. It is a curious thing that feelings we have come to associate with falling in love would actually be more befitting of a developing serious illness. Hence the idea “love-sick” I guess. Well if what we call love makes us sick, then it really is time for us to make a serious review of what we call love. Stat.

    1. Love it Rachel. Language does tell us a lot – heart-ache, besotted, beside myself … the old romantic notion of love is often a very distressing place to dwell, full of highs and lows, doubts and fears, anxiety and relief, comfort and boredom … not the language of harmony by any means.

      1. So much angst and tension, and filled with the uncertainty of whether the same is reciprocated. Goodness me! Two people in such a state coming together, rather like trying to build a solid foundation on quicksand.

      2. So true Rachel and Anne. ‘Love hurts’ is a total bastardisation of True Love. Love is Truth and the truth cannot hurt us, even if we don’t want to hear it.

  20. A great blog Ariel, for exposing the huge difference between emotional love and true love. It was only when I met Serge Benhayon that I understood the difference and that only by loving ourselves first can we open up and truly share that love with another.

  21. Being able to fully appreciate and love another with no need to change – just the beautiful natural evolvement that comes from that is Love truly.

  22. “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete”. What a beautiful testament to true love and thank you for sharing Ariel. In the past I have lost myself in relationships and can now see that this was because I was not able to love myself so was always looking for someone else to complete me. For now I choose to focus on building love for myself and can feel a growing steadiness within which is dissipating my neediness of others.

  23. ‘I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all’ – This is such a rare experience for anyone let alone someone who is young as you say Ariel and exploring relationship. In being able to say this in the way that you have it can be felt that you have focused and developed your relationship with yourself to be able to know yourself to the level that you do to then be able to hold what is true to you in relationship with another.

  24. This is a beautiful blog, I am finding that love for someone else just is, as the love for ourself also just is. There is no need for all those acts around it with thousands of thoughts and fantasies. It is just love for ourself first, and then for others.

  25. Ariel thank you for your beautiful and inspiring blog on love. I too have learned that the beautiful tender steady feeling of relationship with myself is the foundation from which all relationships must be built – I certainly have tried the romantic way, but without my relationship with me it was like building a house on shifting sands, without foundation. And this was true for all my relationships, including my children and family, until I made my relationship with me a loving one.

  26. I am learning that true love is never holding back anything – even something that may be hard for the other person to hear. The more love we have for ourselves the greater the love that we can express with, so even if what we have to express might be hard for another to accept, the love it comes with supports them to hear it, as it then comes with no judgement.

    1. Brilliantly put, Lucy. We have this illusory idea that love brings a constant state of being happy, everything easy, no tension, no issues. But that’s wholly unrealistic. Life isn’t perfect, so no wonder the illusion means we can get disappointed when we’re in a relationship. As you say, love can mean saying some tough and honest truths but saying them lovingly, without judgment. This requires us first to be able to love ourselves unconditionally, so that we’re not seeking something from another or wanting our needs met by anyone outside of ourselves.

  27. Ariel a beautiful article, the difference between love when it comes from a need and true love, when we need nothing from that person to make us feel better about ourselves, is staggeringly different. I have experienced both, and I now know that true love comes with a freedom to be myself, and there is honour and humbleness and never the need to out do the other, or take out any frustration. In true love I have found honesty and truth.

  28. When we fall in ‘love’ what is it we are falling for? From my own experience in the past, I have fallen for an image, an illusion, something I made up in my mind as to how it should be, and when the illusion is shattered, so to is the relationship. When the relationship is built with no illusion, there is a basic truth to work from.

  29. Ariel, what you write about love in true sense is just beautiful.
    Not many people had this experience especially being young.
    I remember it was always expectations and pictures of how it should be. Anything not matching those pictures wasn’t accepted. On the other hand because the ideal was out of reach I would go for physical contact but without expectations.
    Only few years ago after working on my relationship with myself for awhile I met a man with whom I can be myself, without pretending, without wanting anything from him, just being. I knew than that I loved this man before and I will love him forever even though we might not meet ever again.
    It was special.
    Now I would like to have this feeling not only for myself but for every living being. Every moment of my life.

  30. “There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world. There is no failure in the relationship for we will always know true love and there will always be love with us.” That’s precious, Ariel, and I wish every person on the planet could say it – eventually.

  31. Ariel this is beautiful So much wisdom is expressed “There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves…” What you describe is the antithesis of emotional love.

  32. I love this phrase, Ariel: “I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all.” And true love doesn’t want or need you to change either. What a beautiful marker for true love. Blessed are the ones who have claimed this for themselves and don’t need to change in order to be loved!

  33. What a life changer to understand love as being something that is a natural quality we are all capable of bringing through to others simply through making the commitment to love ourselves. For some people this may sound fake because it doesn’t have the emotional roller coaster ride attached to it that they associate with their understanding of love. But what you have shown Ariel is that this complexity isn’t needed and is actually damaging – and what’s more, it’s the opposite to a form of love which offers something that is everlasting.

  34. Great blog, using your own experience to explain how far away from true love we’re really living in our relationships, summed up for me by the line, ‘There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves’. Most of us are so busy looking for our needs to be met by Mr or Miss Right that we fail to see that the other party is looking for their needs to be met by us too. So suddenly we’re in a negotiated arrangement rather than something based on two people living and sharing from their respective solidity of love for themselves. A far greater, wiser starting point for a long-term relationship, surely.

  35. “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete”. So beautiful. Yesterday the new man in my life said lets have dinner on the beach this Saturday and I said: great, for me it does not matter where we eat as long as you are there. Like your last sentence: this feels so loving, joyful and complete. And let’s not forget fun…

  36. Ariel, this is a beautiful description of true love. I can imagine It sounds strange that love can be like this, yet once this feeling of loving ones self has been investigated and truly tried, it makes total sense.

  37. Ariel such wisdom beautifully shared! An inspiration for us all to follow starting with love for ourselves is the only way. Great to learn this lesson in love at any age

  38. A beautiful description of true love Ariel, which highlights to me that even though I’m not in an intimate relationship at present, that this type of love is not exclusive to being with a partner. Of course the way we express with an intimate partner may be different, but the feeling we can have with any of our connections with others, all have this potential for being a marker of true love.

  39. It is amazing what love is there for us when we love ourselves first and express from that love. Relationships change when we take responsibility for our own love. What you have shared is beautiful Ariel.

  40. The difference in love. How can we even begin to think that ‘mushy love’ that you describe so well Ariel, is really love and yet we are fed these stories from so young and in the majority of cases only to willing to accept this rollercoaster of emotions as normal. What you describe as the love you are and express in your relationship is based on truth and openness, not needing to change who you are and accepting the other for who they are is a great foundation to begin and keep building your relationship on. Thank-you Ariel, for sharing the way you love, the way of true love.

  41. A great sharing Ariel on the huge difference we experience between the highs and lows and neediness of emotional love and the steadiness and fullness of real Love.

  42. Beautiful Ariel. I can feel as you deepen your love for each other you are also both deepening your own self-love and bringing more true love to the world.

  43. If love can be sweet when we choose to love and cruel when we choose not to love, then is the love we call love really love? When what we think is love is not truly love then how can we ever love? So the responsibility lies in when we do know what love is, it is love that we have to live unreservedly, for this love to be reflected back. For true love is everlasting, gentle and firm, beholding but unattached, unwavering and always present.

  44. True love has zero needs and absolute responsibility, it does not hold back in expressing and it is beholding you and me in each and every moment, boy oh boy, love has never felt so romantic. This definition of what love truly is may not secure me a partner, but for true love to become our normal once again in the world, it is wise and a responsibility to not hold back living what is true.

  45. Living a relationship without needs is the deepest joy to experience with another. Goodbye emotions, hello evolution, what is relationship has never felt more real.

  46. Being able to be solid in a relationship without being at the whim of emotions sounds like a foundation where you can go deeper and really support one another to be all that you are. It is such a rare way of being I feel you are blazing a trail.

  47. “There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world.” Beautiful Ariel. Neediness is a soul-destroyer in relationships.

  48. Letting go of ideals to experience what love really feels like is a powerful process, and it would completely change all of humanity. With true love there are no emotional ups and downs and even when “breaking up” the love remains. So, there would be millions of “love” songs, movies and books that no one would be able to relate to anymore! What a beautiful change this would be for all relationships to go from emotional (false) love to living from the (true) love within and sharing this with everyone, thankyou Ariel.

  49. This is beautiful Ariel and shows that when we have love for ourselves there is no need for others to give anything to us as we are everything already. But to meet in connection from our own love and connect with another on this level that is simply awesome. Thank you.

  50. Ariel, I understand how profound this is; the difference between the two kinds of ‘love’ you describe because I too have discovered the steady love inside myself, thanks to Serge Benhayon presenting, living and reminding me what love is.

    My old romantic relationships were riddled with insecurity and a constant, endless drive to please my partner… Now I feel and love myself more and more in all I do; I know “I am enough”; this has made a truly loving, harmonious partnership possible.

    Out in the cold or inside by a warm fire…

  51. This is really beautiful, a relationship without the needs that so often pop up is what is true relationship. Living in connection with ourself, living this deeply and from that share this love, is what it is about.

  52. I know the two kinds of love you speak about Ariel, my personal experience confirms the truth you share here. I too could never go back to the emotional one that is so widely sold, modeled and accepted. The love that I am reconnecting to more and more IS me and is the real thing; it is deep, steady and joyful as opposed to the manic depressive, fleeting happiness & insecurity the emotional love always came with.

    Understanding these two choices/kinds of ‘love’ has really shown up my past beliefs that an emotional way of living meant I was really alive and experiencing life… boy oh boy can I see from here how that is an illusion and a hellish way to live… and that all I need to do is to choose self love and open the door to True love in myself and in my, more ‘whole’, life.

    With huge appreciation to Serge Benhayon and his living example of the True Love we can all choose when we are ready.

  53. I can live love. I can’t live the butterflies in my stomach. Love is something I can build in my body. What I am finding is that the more I feel this in my body, the more I know this with others and especially with my partner. This is so rich. There was a time when I missed the thrill of the new romance and wondered if there was ever that thrill in a long term relationship but now those thoughts do not come. I can feel the emptyness of those thoughts and I feel the awesomeness of the deep loving relationship I have with me and then with my partner. There is no longing for anything else once I know true love.

  54. Emotional love can be very sticky and after having experienced someone holding me in true love with no need or attatchment I can feel in my relationship that stickiness and how I can either keep entertaining that and get upset or say no, be honest and express how I feel and as you’ve shared we both end up feeling lighter. It makes me question if this stickiness is in other relationships in my life and where I still keep a status quo rather than allowing each of my relationships to lighten up.

  55. Thank you Ariel for a really beautiful sharing so much wisdom I love this line so simple and so true “There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.”

  56. In choosing to have a loving relationship with ourselves we in turn choose responsibility for all relationships thereafter and that is a true love story worth celebrating. Thank you Ariel.

  57. Amazing Ariel , I am inspired by you very much. A question rocked my whole foundations of needs to the surface: Are we putting any needs before the truth that we feel? I questioned myself this, and I had found: Yes I did and still at times do. But why? I can feel that this comes from a lack of understanding of what is actually there and that at times things can not or will not be the way we wanted. So understanding and so our awareness is key – so that we can love and behold and understand what is truly behind every thing.

  58. Love is all about responsibility and the choice we make for ourselves to be all of who we are. To care and support ourselves without perfection for which we can continue to deepen our relationships and learn from others. A very inspiring way to be.

  59. So beautiful to read this again, and truly feel that this is what true love is. Love for ourself in expression, shared with all others equally. All based on the foundation we build for ourselves, by choosing to live lovingly and with deep care.

  60. I might have said this before when I read this blog the first time, but no harm in repeating myself! When I felt the lack of need for my then partner, now husband, I thought perhaps it wasn’t Love I was feeling after all. So strong is the emotional ideal of love that often, when true love comes along we reject it because there are no massive highs or lows. But I now know that with every day that passes, true Love deepens, become richer, more expanded and expressive than before. The emotional roller coaster ride of love is no match for the inextinguishable fire of true Love.

    1. We have so many pictures about what we think love is and how we should be in a relationship which can easily mask what is true. I know I have had doubt in my relationship with my husband on several occasions but as I let go of the ideals, beliefs, investments and pictures my relationship with him grows stronger, deepening our connection to one another.

  61. This is a great confirming blog of what true love is, Ariel. It makes total sense that it makes you feel strong, independent and confident in a very tender and open way.
    The other form of emotional love, that you describe, which I have experienced many times, destabilises you in so many ways and I definitely lost myself in it completely. I felt like chewed up and spat out at the end of it, more desperate, hurt and lost than before. It does not do justice to what true love is and the word should not be misused for it.

  62. Having experienced both sides from and towards myself I would say that I have experienced very similar to what you’ve shared Ariel. Emotional love can be sticky and needy whereas True love has no need of the other but is fully open to being with another and celebrating such union. Emotional love easily gets excited and drawn into a never ending array of pictures with fluffy edgings of how the relationship should be but often when attempted can lead to disappointment or it works until eventually it is not enough and breaks down. True Love has no images nor requires them and when the relationship is stepped up through an act of true love I have found that we arrive at the best place possible without even trying, simply trusting how we feel.

    1. Apt description Leigh of emotional love, “…never ending array of pictures with fluffy edgings of how the relationship should be…”, and a constant roller coaster ride of ups and downs, leaving you incredibly drained and exhausted.

  63. Beautifully shared Ariel, when we are full of love for ourselves first we have no need to cling on to another from a need to complete us but share and express this quality and fullness with them.

  64. It is incredibly liberating to be in a relationship because I choose to and not come from a need because of the fear of being lonely or wanting another to look after and protect me. Attachment is stifling and capping; non-attachment is expansive and it supports and allows another to grow.

  65. Thank you for this refreshing love story Ariel, if I may use this term and imprint it with the quality of your written words. The love that we get taught in this world is far from the true love that we deserve and deserve to live. We are all worthy of this love and deep down know it and thus crave it. It is a blessing to have young people like you live their life with such integrity and love, an inspiration and role model for us all.

  66. In the ‘old’ days I would be devastated if my boyfriend told me they could live without me, I definitely lived with them making up a part of me and presumed I made up a part of them. So when I worked on filling myself up with love, becoming less needy because I gave myself the love I was looking for from another, I discovered I could, in fact, live perfectly well without this boyfriend. At that point the choice to be in the relationship was so much more true and honouring for both of us.

  67. It is gorgeous to know that that kind of love is possible… and that we deserve it, so we can choose to not ever settle for less.

  68. A love where no need is involved but holding each other in equalness through and through from the knowing of who we are.

  69. So this means if there is any need for the other to be something we need them to be then we are imposing on them and not in any way offering any true love at all.

  70. Wow, how awesome. What a truly wonderful lesson to learn in life – it changes everything, every relationship – because in accepting responsibility for being love in relationship there is no seeking love any more and we meet others with a heart full of love rather than the sense that we are empty and needy of love. I have this experience too with my gorgeous wife and for me it is the heart of true relationship – but not just between the two of us, but with everyone.

  71. When I met my wife and experienced a truly love-based relationship for the first time – just for a moment I thought something was missing. And it was. What was missing was all the emotion, the drama, the elation – the high. But what I then realised was that this is in fact good because these things are temporary and give us a false picture of the relationship that will very soon dissolve and leave us with a reality check. The absence of this ‘honeymoon period’, reflected back to us that we were (and are) two people who understand that it is our responsibility to be love ourselves and not be in the relationship to try to fix our self-created emptiness. It is an entirely different, wonderful and very healing basis for relationships.

  72. Oh the ‘heights’ that we are taught to long for in an intimate relationship… the sudden solving of all of our angst with life, the seeming ‘liberation’ from the dross of existence… And yet the version we’ve been fed of love is indeed all false Ariel.
    Funny that, the more we realise and reawaken to the fact of our own love, that we are essentially love, our relationships come to reflect this. And yes, there IS immense joy to be known when we can truly express and receive love with another – but no ‘height’ to lift us out of our drudgery that is dependent upon another, for our life reflects this love in every angle, a partnership (if we should have one) simply one enriching and treasured factor that confirms what we know within.

  73. As a whole, we as humanity have accepted a lesser version of love as being ‘it’. We’ve given up on the possibility of a real and lived love, inspired by His hand, and held IN God’s hands.
    Yet remember that we are all of Him, and everything changes…

  74. There is infatuation and then there is love. One will promise to fill you full of all that your inner ‘emptiness’ craves, while the other is an expression of your fullness.

  75. I imagine every young woman in the world would very much appreciate the steadiness of a meeting you describe, particularly to not have the sexual texting and behaviour that many young men seem to think is normal.

  76. Our current form of ‘love’ is based on images in the mind and not a true sense of potential from the body. The fact that we can ‘love’ and be obsessed with movie stars and or music celebrities without knowing them or having met them, to me, proves this very well.

  77. The word love has been so misinterpreted and abused in every way imaginable that most of us do not know the true meaning of the word love let alone live it. Where once upon a time I thought love was the giving of the self I have come to know through my body inspired by Universal Medicine that it can be said that true love is the complete opposite where love is felt in the body first through the loving choices I make towards myself and then I can truly love another and while many may react to this fact I know it to be true. The more love I have for myself the more I can love another.

  78. A testament to true love Ariel. I am in a relationship with a man that I love and yet for the first time ever I do not feel as though I would be devastated if this relationship ended. It’s not that I don’t care about the relationship, in fact it’s quite the opposite, I plan to marry this man… the difference is that I now have a foundation of love within myself that I know will support me through whatever comes my way. This foundation has opened up the possibility of a truly loving relationship.

  79. Amazing blog Ariel, this is inspiring. I don’t think many people in our society have experienced true love because many of us including myself have fallen for the false version and settling for a lesser version of love thinking it is the real thing. Your blog shows us what true love is very clearly. Thank you Ariel.

  80. This is amazing Ariel, what a joy, ‘‘I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all’. Love it.

  81. Lovely to read how you have fallen in love with yourself and your experience of true love, ‘ I want to care for myself, eat well, be gentle with myself, speak what I want to say, dress how I want and not let anyone stop or shake this love I have for myself.’

  82. When we drop the pictures of what we think a relationship should be, allowing for us to really take responsibility, treat each other with respect and love, if a relationship does end, it can do so with maturity and love.

  83. It is great to knock out the age thing, wisdom can be shared by any one of any age, and thank you Ariel for sharing what you have been living. I am very inspired and I’ve been with my partner for 25 years… and I came at the relationship with all the ‘first side’ emotions that you described. Over the years, especially since Universal Medicine and seeing and remembering what it is to be love with myself and others, I’ve slowly unpicked the emotional and needy ties in relationships.

  84. ‘I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. ‘ – hugely inspiring for the whole world to hear of what is possible, and what true love actually is.

  85. A beautiful understanding and sharing of true love. The love we have deep within our inner-heart is a love that can be felt by us all.

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