by Ariel, QLD
My body feels great. There are no butterflies in my tummy nor do I have the shakes or the constant thoughts or fantasies running through my head. My head is clear and I feel strong within myself. I’m in complete control.
With my descriptions here I am showing the two different sides of ‘Love’ (feelings I have and the feelings I don’t have) the first side is the mushy feelings (the ones I don’t have) which includes the butterflies, the shakes, nerves, feeling weak but happy and fantasies of someone you have feelings for. People would describe this as ‘Love-sick’ or ‘Love-struck ’. If you Google the definition of ‘love’ it will say – “feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). Affection – fondness – darling – passion. Like – be fond of – fancy – adore.”
Have you felt any of this before? I know I have. When I was younger I would have ‘a crush’ on a boy and feel these sorts of things. I would always use the word ‘Love’ to describe it and that’s how everyone else seems to describe it. It’s seen this way on movies, the internet, Facebook, YouTube, within people’s families and with peers etc. We are being fed the idea that these feelings are ‘Love’ or ‘True Love’. So what would happen to this person feeling all of these ‘Lovely’ feelings and suddenly their partner breaks up with them? Well we all know the term Heart Broken don’t we?
Define ‘heartbroken’? – “A common metaphor used to describe the emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection”.
How about I tell you the other side of ‘Love’? What I would now describe as the real, true Love, the love that does not leave you damaged, emotional or changed. This Love is something that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been presenting since the beginning; it is something undeniably strong and solid leaving one another full of love, with no attachment of it ever fading away. We know love is first within us and then expressed to each other.
Serge does not and never has told others how to love this way, only that there is a choice. It is something I had to realise and experience for myself and now that I have – there is no going back for me.
First it’s noticing how I feel, like I mentioned at the beginning of this blog – my body feels great, my head is clear and I feel strong within myself, I’m in complete control. There are no fantasies or thoughts in my head. The main feeling I’m getting is how much I want to care for myself, eat well, be gentle with myself, speak what I want to say, dress how I want and not let anyone stop or shake this love I have for myself. Would you believe me if I said, “I’m in Love?” You now know that I have love for myself, but I also have love for someone else. You may say it’s crazy for a young woman like me, to be so certain that I am in love with someone.
So I’m in love with a young man, but I don’t have those mushy feelings with me at all? Yes, that’s right. I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself, but a person that I deeply care for and have an amazing, unbreakable friendship with. It started out as a friendship; I have been great friends with this young man for a year and a half, since we first met at one of Universal Medicine’s Healing Courses. Lately we have been talking a lot more, every day. He lives down south, quite far from me so we text and Skype each other a fair bit. Distance is not a problem for us. There isn’t and never has been any flirty or sexual talking, we are completely honest with how we complement each other and we say it when we feel it. We speak openly to each other about how we feel and every time we talk to each other I feel both of us rise with joy in ourselves even more.
Before this relationship came around I was dating other young men, thinking to myself I might be able to make this work or change them… but I did this without realising how much I wasn’t expressing to them and how I gave my power away letting them take control over me and the relationship. This was my ideal of how relationships were supposed to be, it was once I let go of that ideal I realised the true love I have for my amazing friend (the young man I am talking about). I know that now I have both experiences to share so everyone can understand that this relationship now is so different. Different by the romantic definition of what love is (i.e. Twilight love).
We stay true to who we are and then when we talk, that doesn’t change, there is never any jealousy with talking about Ex’s or any other time, I never feel like I need to impress him and he feels the same. There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.
There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world. There is no failure in the relationship for we will always know true love and there will always be love with us.
He said this to me, and it shows how I feel as well “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete”.
This is True Love. Age does not counter for this love. It is amazing and everlasting.
290 thoughts on “The Difference in Love”
Love is the space to be who we are, be it alone or with another. No need to fall with the weight of expectations, pictures or dramas, but just surrendering to the lightness and the joy of that beingness when meeting with others.
Emotional love and true love are worlds apart, ‘ There truly is no neediness when we are connected to the love we are, it is complete in itself, yet always with the potential for expansion.’
Beautiful where you have come to with love, ‘There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world.’
Thanks Ariel, it was so super lovely to read this again, and it highlights so well the differences between emotional love and true love – the love that begins with being the love we are and sharing this with others. There truly is no neediness when we are connected to the love we are, it is complete in itself, yet always with the potential for expansion.
Yes, the first relationship we have is with ourselves, so how important is it to fully love ourselves, ‘There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves.’
Love is a foundation that is forever expanding as we deepen in the wisdom of how we can live in a self-loving way first so we can then commit to another fully, then we can both expand our levels of Love together.
We starve ourselves of love when we are not being true to ourselves, from that place, we need someone/something to fill us up, and we set ourselves up to get hurt because what we get from outside is only a substitute and it will never be as good as the love that we are already.
beautifully said Ariel, I can feel the love you are describing it is deep and warm and interestingly it has a flow to it the breathing in and the breathing out of life.
Do we use love to fill us up, make us whole, take up that emptiness inside? Or are we so in love ourselves that our cup is overflowing with love and there is no choice but for us to express that / be that in every situation?
What a beautiful love you have discovered for yourself and I can see how it is possible for everyone to experience this love for themselves.
Yes, love is something that we all are, and it our choice to accept this.
Control cannot ever be complete. Control is a movement that does not lead to completion either.
Love is such a bastardized word. All the stories and movies set us up for fake romance and happy endings. This has become ‘normal’ for most of us. And then Serge Benhayon comes along and presents the truth and completeness of true love: a feeling that keeps forever expanding and deepening and is there for all equally.
Adding to what you have shared Monika, love has an energetic quality and as everything is energy we can allow our-selves to live in the energetic truth of how love is an energy we can align to and thus deepen in our understanding of “true love”.
Love is very bastardised, and it’s bastardised very precisely – to be the opposite of what love truly is. Clever.
I have definitely experienced emotional love that you describe here and true love and I know that true love definitely comes with a steadiness and a strength and is not flighty or heightened at all but deeply settling and settled and clear and holding of myself and others in its space.
The truth of the love that you are now living is really evident in this blog Ariel, and a great role model for your peers and beyond. What struck me about the phrase ‘having a crush’ on someone is that perhaps that word ‘crush’ is exposing the fact that it is an imposing way of being with someone where your infatuation with them is actually not allowing either them or yourself to be without any neediness or something in return. This is surely ‘crushing’ on an emotional level.
Good pick up Michael, the expectations and needs are indeed crushing!
This was one of the first blogs about love that I ever read and I have never forgotten it. For a long time I was addicted to emotional rollercoaster interactions that were not about love at all. Connecting to the truth about love is immensely powerful.
Absolutely Leonne, forget the theme parks, and simply feel what our bodies have connected to when we understand how our love is inter-connected to our essences and thus God. As God has always been within and it is us, through our loving choices to return to God and the Love he shares.
What we have felt and done in the name of love that had no ounce of it shows us how easy it is to get lost in images we fell in love with because they do not press any buttons in us.
‘I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself.’ I hadn’t quite considered love in this way, what a brilliant and wise sharing.
“It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete” – beautiful. This is such a contrast to what so many think being in love with someone is like.
Ariel there is an ageless wisdom to all you have shared here. You have allowed yourself to discover the truth about love and live it’s truth with yourself first and then with others. In a world full of false love this is amazing! Particularly with romantic relationships there can be a belief system that is based on needing to be dependent on the other persons love, but as you have shared that love begins with ourselves first, it’s something we connect to within and then share with others.
This is a great description of love and It is interesting how we need to speak of true love to explain love. Maybe if we started to express things more in line how we really feel in each moment, i.e. I need you, I want you, I adore you, I like this or that about you etc., we would step by step get a feeling of what (true) love is.
Life would certainly be different if we expressed with the honesty of how things actually are. “I’m only dating you because you look good and it’s making me feel temporarily better about myself.” 🙂 How different life would be if we all actually spoke with absolute honesty and truth.
Yes, honesty is a big step towards truth and when we are honest we do feel when someone is not speaking their truth, thus it just takes a bit of practice for ourselves to express what we are feeling instead of going through the, over the years learned, steps of filtering of what we are saying to fit into the world. It is refreshing to be honest as it allow us to open our hearts again.