The Difference in Love

by Ariel, QLD

My body feels great. There are no butterflies in my tummy nor do I have the shakes or the constant thoughts or fantasies running through my head. My head is clear and I feel strong within myself. I’m in complete control.

With my descriptions here I am showing the two different sides of ‘Love’ (feelings I have and the feelings I don’t have) the first side is the mushy feelings (the ones I don’t have) which includes the butterflies, the shakes, nerves, feeling weak but happy and fantasies of someone you have feelings for. People would describe this as ‘Love-sick’ or ‘Love-struck ’. If you Google the definition of ‘love’ it will say – “feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). Affection – fondness – darling – passion. Like – be fond of – fancy – adore.”

Have you felt any of this before? I know I have. When I was younger I would have ‘a crush’ on a boy and feel these sorts of things. I would always use the word ‘Love’ to describe it and that’s how everyone else seems to describe it. It’s seen this way on movies, the internet, Facebook, YouTube, within people’s families and with peers etc. We are being fed the idea that these feelings are ‘Love’ or ‘True Love’. So what would happen to this person feeling all of these ‘Lovely’ feelings and suddenly their partner breaks up with them? Well we all know the term Heart Broken don’t we?

Define ‘heartbroken’? – “A common metaphor used to describe the emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection”.

How about I tell you the other side of ‘Love’? What I would now describe as the real, true Love, the love that does not leave you damaged, emotional or changed. This Love is something that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been presenting since the beginning; it is something undeniably strong and solid leaving one another full of love, with no attachment of it ever fading away. We know love is first within us and then expressed to each other.

Serge does not and never has told others how to love this way, only that there is a choice. It is something I had to realise and experience for myself and now that I have – there is no going back for me.

First it’s noticing how I feel, like I mentioned at the beginning of this blog – my body feels great, my head is clear and I feel strong within myself, I’m in complete control. There are no fantasies or thoughts in my head. The main feeling I’m getting is how much I want to care for myself, eat well, be gentle with myself, speak what I want to say, dress how I want and not let anyone stop or shake this love I have for myself. Would you believe me if I said, “I’m in Love?” You now know that I have love for myself, but I also have love for someone else. You may say it’s crazy for a young woman like me, to be so certain that I am in love with someone.

So I’m in love with a young man, but I don’t have those mushy feelings with me at all? Yes, that’s right. I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself, but a person that I deeply care for and have an amazing, unbreakable friendship with. It started out as a friendship; I have been great friends with this young man for a year and a half, since we first met at one of Universal Medicine’s Healing Courses. Lately we have been talking a lot more, every day. He lives down south, quite far from me so we text and Skype each other a fair bit. Distance is not a problem for us. There isn’t and never has been any flirty or sexual talking, we are completely honest with how we complement each other and we say it when we feel it. We speak openly to each other about how we feel and every time we talk to each other I feel both of us rise with joy in ourselves even more.

Before this relationship came around I was dating other young men, thinking to myself I might be able to make this work or change them… but I did this without realising how much I wasn’t expressing to them and how I gave my power away letting them take control over me and the relationship. This was my ideal of how relationships were supposed to be, it was once I let go of that ideal I realised the true love I have for my amazing friend (the young man I am talking about). I know that now I have both experiences to share so everyone can understand that this relationship now is so different. Different by the romantic definition of what love is (i.e. Twilight love).

We stay true to who we are and then when we talk, that doesn’t change, there is never any jealousy with talking about Ex’s or any other time, I never feel like I need to impress him and he feels the same. There is no one controlling the relationship, the level of honesty we have guides us to where we need to be.

There is no attachment or need in this relationship because we both have so much love for ourselves. If this relationship was to end, we both know that this is true love and would further act as a marker to make or create love with others in the world. There is no failure in the relationship for we will always know true love and there will always be love with us.

He said this to me, and it shows how I feel as well “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete”.

This is True Love. Age does not counter for this love. It is amazing and everlasting.

 

281 thoughts on “The Difference in Love

  1. Ariel, thank you for sharing from your lived experience the difference between true love and emotional love. In true love we remain steady in who we truly are, whereas with emotional love we can lose ourselves and feel all at sea.

  2. Love is such a bastardized word. All the stories and movies set us up for fake romance and happy endings. This has become ‘normal’ for most of us. And then Serge Benhayon comes along and presents the truth and completeness of true love: a feeling that keeps forever expanding and deepening and is there for all equally.

  3. I have definitely experienced emotional love that you describe here and true love and I know that true love definitely comes with a steadiness and a strength and is not flighty or heightened at all but deeply settling and settled and clear and holding of myself and others in its space.

  4. The truth of the love that you are now living is really evident in this blog Ariel, and a great role model for your peers and beyond. What struck me about the phrase ‘having a crush’ on someone is that perhaps that word ‘crush’ is exposing the fact that it is an imposing way of being with someone where your infatuation with them is actually not allowing either them or yourself to be without any neediness or something in return. This is surely ‘crushing’ on an emotional level.

  5. This was one of the first blogs about love that I ever read and I have never forgotten it. For a long time I was addicted to emotional rollercoaster interactions that were not about love at all. Connecting to the truth about love is immensely powerful.

  6. ‘I have discovered True Love for someone where I don’t change myself at all. I don’t feel like he is the missing part of me because I am full of love for myself.’ I hadn’t quite considered love in this way, what a brilliant and wise sharing.

  7. “It’s not like I need you, I could live without you but boy oh boy with you everything is so much more Loving, Joyous and complete” – beautiful. This is such a contrast to what so many think being in love with someone is like.

  8. Ariel there is an ageless wisdom to all you have shared here. You have allowed yourself to discover the truth about love and live it’s truth with yourself first and then with others. In a world full of false love this is amazing! Particularly with romantic relationships there can be a belief system that is based on needing to be dependent on the other persons love, but as you have shared that love begins with ourselves first, it’s something we connect to within and then share with others.

  9. This is a great description of love and It is interesting how we need to speak of true love to explain love. Maybe if we started to express things more in line how we really feel in each moment, i.e. I need you, I want you, I adore you, I like this or that about you etc., we would step by step get a feeling of what (true) love is.

    1. Life would certainly be different if we expressed with the honesty of how things actually are. “I’m only dating you because you look good and it’s making me feel temporarily better about myself.” 🙂 How different life would be if we all actually spoke with absolute honesty and truth.

      1. Yes, honesty is a big step towards truth and when we are honest we do feel when someone is not speaking their truth, thus it just takes a bit of practice for ourselves to express what we are feeling instead of going through the, over the years learned, steps of filtering of what we are saying to fit into the world. It is refreshing to be honest as it allow us to open our hearts again.

  10. One of the most beautiful things about a relationship based on a true foundation of love is that there is no end to the love that is shared and it grows if you allow it to with each and every day.

    1. So true Joshua. I grew Up believing that love could vanish and die and it left me feeling fearful and bereft. I am now certain that love is eternal and unwavering and this has made a huge difference to my relationships.

  11. Beautifully expressed Ariel, a woman who truly knows herself and how she feels about being in relationship. Refreshing to read such clarity about relationships…

  12. I remember a time when I was addicted to this ‘high’ of so called falling in love otherwise known as the ‘honeymoon period’ And could not figure out why it did not last or sustain itself. However now I have connected with a deeper level of love for myself which has naturally flowed out to all others around me I can feel the steadiness and consistency and joy that is true love without the highs and lows and excitement. Just a constant unwavering holding and understanding and deep equality that you speak of so beautifully here in this blog Ariel. Thank you so much for writing about and living true love.

    1. Thank you Andrew, that is a really good point and has given me much to reflect up and appreciate. I’ve experienced the false love and honeymoon period as well, and now I’m enjoying the steady, consistent love that comes from within, and this is now deepening to be felt as a beholding love. There is such a lot to appreciate about the many changes we have all made with the support of Serge Benhayon.

  13. I very much like the facts of what love actually feels like, the solid knowing and inner confidence that emanates from one living love is palpable. It is never too late to make such living our way of being in the world.

  14. The ease in which we can simply share ourselves is very real and a truly loving way to live, so why is it that we all, each of us often find ourselves in relationships and situations where we feel we cannot express how we feel to? This phenomena is one that each of us needs to break, for it is the lack of communication that ultimately causes cracks in our relationships.

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