by Sandra Wilson, Master of Arts (MA), Brisbane/ Australia
I used to have difficulty in saying No, which meant that I pushed myself too hard to get something done, or I would struggle to carry out a promise even though it no longer felt right.
Years ago, I was given a good demonstration of the consequences of not saying No. I had to put out a brochure for a course I was teaching in the next term and I had a small window of time to do it in. Usually, it came together easily but this time I couldn’t seem to get it together.
Every part of my body seemed unwilling to do it and everything seemed to conspire against it. But the more resistance I felt, the harder I pushed.
I stubbornly went ahead even though there was a resounding ‘no’ inside me. My mind was like a slave driver whipping me up into a panic: “If you don’t do it now you’ll miss out on student intake for the beginning of the term… then how are you going to support the kids, pay the rent etc.?”… My body did not want to do it but my mind drove me to act out of fear. I could not see the situation clearly nor pause to really consider whether it might be possible to delay putting out the brochure until after I had returned from my trip.
After a lot of effort I finally finished it and, on the way to the printer, I had a small car accident and only just made the deadline. Consequently when I went away I had to spend the first week of my holiday recuperating from my stress and exhaustion. The day I was due to come home there was major flooding and all planes were grounded and the power was out. Mobile phones had not been invented then so I had no way to organise someone else to be at the venue to enrol the new intake of students. I felt power-less. I then realised that I knew all along – my body had been informing me that it was not the right timing to put out the brochure, but I overrode the message and willfully made happen what I thought I wanted done. Since that day I have started listening to my true feelings.
I am realising that my body does let me know whether I am making the right choice or not. If I feel an expansive feeling in my body that means I am making a good choice. If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation.
But it was only years later, by attending Universal Medicine courses and hearing what Serge Benhayon says about energy, that I started to fully understand how much it hurts myself and others when I try to make things happen. It’s a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want. This can warp events and cause problems which can affect others because it is not in harmony with the whole. I realise now that, the car accident I had was also indicative of how I was behaving at the time. Even if the course had gone ahead, it would have got off to a bad start because the brochure was tainted with the fear of not achieving my goal and this would have formed part of the subconscious message conveyed by the brochure, which was completely opposite to the message I was trying to convey in the course. By forcing something to happen I was manipulating the outcome to get my own way and I was doing this because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t achieve my goal. By contrast, when I am in harmony with my natural rhythm there is a whole-hearted delight which gets things done effortlessly and offers more than just practical help. It graces everyone.
A situation with my daughter helped me understand this further: I had offered to give her some money to help her out of financial difficulties, but when the time came to do so I no longer felt right about giving it to her. A tension arose in my chest and throat whenever I thought of giving it to her and I realised I needed to speak to her about it.
I finally got the courage to tell her that I did not feel right about giving her the money. I was surprised at her reaction. She actually welcomed it as an opportunity to take more responsibility for her life. She stopped pretending she could cope and allowed herself to feel what she was really feeling. It was lovely to be with her in her honesty and vulnerability. This laid the foundation for us to look together at her situation and put a plan in place where she would not be so drained energetically and financially. We talked about how I had struggled as a single mum to provide for her and her brother and how I was constantly telling them: “We can’t afford that”… so I had instilled in them a sense of lack. I was trying to make up for this by giving money to help her out of financial difficulties and relieve my guilt. She saw that she tended to live beyond her means and that this was a tremendous drain on her. She realised that she also spent her energy unwisely by overdoing it and then getting burnt out. I realised that, had I given her the money, it would have been from my wish to fill her lack, and she would have not had the opportunity to change her situation. It would have, in fact, sanctioned the old bad habits and I would have felt drained because I was not honest with her.
By my saying no we opened up a hidden area which, once discovered and brought out in the open, left us both feeling good. It deepened our connection and allowed a new way of being for both of us – just the opposite of what I had feared would happen.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
The body is a great indicator and decisions can give us various bodily experiences – an expansiveness is supportive and a crushing is unsupportive. Simple maths here, and then the decisions can become more subtle and so it is for us to tune in more and more into the body. So simply and yet so easy for us to forget about as a tool.
Taking a moment to listen carefully to our bodies is simple, practical and wise. When I do this things become so clear.
Everything that happens matters, and there are no coincidences etc – there is no detail, however small that is left aside by the Soul and so the beauty of this is that if we are willing to see and observe all that happens in our day to day then we can read into this and understand that the Soul is always communicating with us and doing its best to support.
Sandra, I love the example you have about knowing deep inside that it was not going to work out and had you simply trusted this inner knowing then things would have been a different experience for you. There is a way to tune into this inner knowing and listen deeply, it is simply a shame that our head can come in and dictate what is needed without considering this inner knowing.
Following the truth of our body is always revealing
A great example of the consequences of not listening to and honouring our body, ‘I am realising that my body does let me know whether I am making the right choice or not.’
Your story about the flooding reminded me of how animals listen to their bodies and know what’s coming also. Like it was with your daughter there can be a process of trust and then the choice we make unfolds in life and reveals why. We don’t have to know, just trust and let everything flow.
Yes, I’m learning to surrender to the divine plan more and more, ‘We don’t have to know, just trust and let everything flow.’
Often it’s hard to accept the “no” thet we feel in our body. Sometimes it feels irrational and we doubt its legitimacy. We judge ourselves for just simply feeling like not doing something, like, we are being lazy, holding back ourselves, wanting to stay in comfort etc. and that could be all true, but I am beginning to feel how it would actually serve anyone if we just push ahead because our mind, or someone else, says that’s what we should do.
If we think about it, saying no is still saying yes. We just need to feel what it is we are saying yes to when we say no.
I can completely relate to what you are saying here about that feeling of tension in the body when I am going along with something for whatever reason, when I know deep down that I should not be.
The word ‘no’ spoken with love has the power to heal, as you have so beautifully shared Sandra. Speaking to people over the years most of them have shared how hard it is to say this very small word but they have also realised the harm they have often inflicted on themselves when they have said yes instead, reluctantly so. Coming to a place where we can say no, without an ounce of guilt, is a very liberating and healing place to be, and usually not just for us, but for others as well.
And so much was gained from saying ‘no’ in this blog, a deeper level of awareness and understanding for both people.
Saying YES to something is saying NO to something else.
Saying NO to something is always saying YES to something else.
The key lies in what we say YES and No to.
Simple maths Eduardo and yet this is such a truth – what are we saying yes and no to is the real question.
I love this formula. And the simplicity of it. Saying no makes space for yes. And saying yes makes space for no. The foundation for this is to develop a sense of the quality we are saying yes and no to.
It is powerful to say no. But is it even more powerful to claim yes from your whole being to something that is true.
There is so much power in the word ‘no’, a word that so many of us struggle to say and to not feel guilty. But when the no is expressed with love for ourselves the healing that is on offer is immense. Of course, how the other person reacts to us saying no is entirely up to them; that is their lesson while ours is the claiming of our truth.
Agree with you Ingrid. In the context of children for example, often the word ‘No’ is misinterpreted to mean ‘never’ but this is usually never true. We actually mean ‘no now’ but by just saying no and not clarifying that, can along cause anxiety and tension because of the misinterpretation.
When we are going against the flow of the body, the lessons can come thick and fast… And still sometimes we just simply do not listen
Everything has a beautiful constellated timing in life which we can feel in our bodies if we allow ourselves to.
I totally agree that our bodies are constantly communicating with us in the way you are describing and it is easy to override it but it carries on regardless.
No is a powerful word, and not one I’m terribly good at. So often I will bend myself to the needs and wants imposed from the outside, rather than taking a moment to feel what is needed and what I specifically am there to offer. There is alot more power and truth in that offer than in the aforementioned ‘sacrifice’
It always amazes me how I can let my mind over-ride my body’s clear messages and come up with all kinds of justifications for doing something that goes directly against that inner knowing. But one clear sign that I am off track seems to be a consistent pattern of bringing complication into the issue and approaching it from a defensive angle if anyone questions my decision to proceed from the head, rather than the body.
I have experienced multiple times that if there is a truth in the ‘NO’, it serves all equally. A close family member saying ‘no’ actually it doesn’t suit if you come to dinner this week – and my whole body expanding because actually it didn’t want to drive that far.
What a clear and practical examples of the truth our bodies communicate to us daily with big and small things. What I found profound is that the more I listen, the more messages I get and the simpler life gets.
The body is always sending us messages. Some are warning us the bridge is out ahead and we may ignore them, at our peril. But, we also are given by our body, the right road to follow, and we once again have a choice! Life is simple, but our mind makes it complicated.
The real problem in our not saying No, is our saying Yes to harm us, and the registry that this is ok.
That’s an inspiring outcome you had with your daughter. I certainly am in training with saying no. It has definitely gotten easier over the years, and in some areas of my life, I’m absolutely comfortable with it and don’t hesitate for a second, other areas are trickier, because of my attachments to them. But being aware of it and simply practising talking about it helps enormously.
“…the more resistance I felt, the harder I pushed.’ When we go against what our body is telling us into that stubborn incessant drive we exhaust ourselves by defying what is true.
Saying ‘no’ to me used to feel as though it meant giving up, letting others down and being irresponsible, and I kept pushing and pushing and my classic one was that I would end up in anger and resentment because I would not get recognition and appreciation and others wouldn’t join in and do the same i.e. pushing as hard as I did, but really, the biggest upset was me saying ‘no’ to what was true for me in the first place.
To trust what our body is communicating is asking me to let go of control. And more and more I feel how control changes my movements in more rigid or even feeling an immobility to move. I becoming more aware of this way of trying to please/control instead of coming from the truth that is presented by my body.
To get to a place where we can say no with love, without an ounce of guilt, is the most liberating feeling and can be so healing for us and for the other person as in the case of you and your daughter Sandra. And once we have said it in such a healing way it becomes so much easier to say it again the next time it is called for as our body will remember how confirming it felt.
Working in a restaurant (and previously retail) saying no is close to swearing. But sometimes reality has a way of not matching our expectations or pictures. That does make our reality or the other person/s wrong or bad but our pictures that we so covet as being false.
I love that you felt so clearly in your body that saying no was the true response. The inner, and outer, turmoil that ensued came from saying yes in total opposition to the truth. It got me to thinking that two of the smallest words in the English language seem to cause the biggest of problems. Saying yes when we really want to say no and harming ourselves, and then saying no and feeling guilty for doing so by seemingly letting down others. Listening to our body as it is saying very clearly – ‘this choice will harm you’ – is such a self-loving and very empowering choice to make.
Thank you Sandra. I experienced something similar recently after booking a large event venue. When the venue cancelled my booking five months later (and 3 weeks out from the event) I panicked and reacted. Shortly afterwards I could feel how freeing it was to be free of the old venue as it was not truly supportive. We were able to book another venue 1000s of times more suitable within days. This situation supported me to let go of my long held beliefs about planning and organising things. If it gets complicated or it’s not clear you need to commit 100% and the truth will reveal itself.
I agree there is a huge power in saying no. There have been many times when I have overridden what my body is telling me and I continued being exhausted and tired, until I started to listen and realised that those messages are actually really loving ones that my body is asking me to honour.
The realisation that when we say No to something we may be saying Yes to something grander.
Love this Sandra. Great reminder of the simple wisdom of the body and it shows the the body naturally is not one to create issues. We create the dramas tensions and illnesses of our condition by not listening to it in the first place.
Spot on Joshua – it is like the mind tries to convince the body that it is not feeling what it is feeling! And yet feelings cannot be rationalised, they can only be felt and either respected or not.
For some reason an awful lot of women have difficulty saying no (perhaps many men do too). We are brought up to be accommodating; ‘yes-women’ who erroneously equate nurturing with pleasing or appeasing. This blog illustrates beautifully the power of a well-discerned ‘no’.
Saying ‘yes’ comes naturally when we realise our worth and develop our appreciation of how amazing we are.
Thank you Sandra, I could definitely relate to knowing with my whole body not to do something but the fearful thoughts of my mind overriding this and absolute disaster ensuing! My body seems to know flow and when something does not flow it tries to alert me to this. I also appreciated your words about not spending energy wisely, overdoing it and then feeling burnt out. We don’t really consider bodily vitality as currency but it very much is.
I agree it feels so much more lovely when we surrender to the flow and rhythm rather than trying to control and get things to happen for self, ‘I started to fully understand how much it hurts myself and others when I try to make things happen. It’s a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want.’
Great point. When I go after something from a place of drive it can not suppprt me or anyone else. When I make a choice in consideration of the All everything flows.
What a beautiful example of what happens when we over ride our bodies, our bodies are very wise, ‘I am realising that my body does let me know whether I am making the right choice or not. If I feel an expansive feeling in my body that means I am making a good choice. If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation.’ Love it, so true.
There is no right or wrong or even bad or good in the body. Simply what is true and what is not. The good or the bad is what we can label based on the out play of the result of our choices but the body does not judge us ever on what we choose or not. Even though we can may override its messages and do something that is not true, it is still there with us 100% never giving up on sharing with us the truth of who we all are.
Saying No or better phrased saying YES to the body honours what is true. It keeps it super simple and the flow and order of things just happens without effort. It is a great marker of knowing you are on the right track.
So glad to heave read this blog today. When I push on with my own agenda things get messy really quick. It pays to read what is really going on rather than ignoring or being frustrated with accidents and other complications that arise in my life.
It can be hard enough saying ‘no’ to other people sometimes but who would have thought it could be so tricky learning to say ‘no’ to ourselves! It has definitely been worthwhile for me to feel and assess the quality of my thoughts in every moment and it has been a real surprise to find that many thoughts I have are simply not self-supportive but in fact self-abusive and self-destructive and all based on a lie or a belief that I try and convince myself is true. Tricky customer the mind… by the way I’m not crazy, just thought-full 🙂
One might say our most cunning adversary, the mind. For me it seems to want to take control of all the decisions, rather than having its place as a wonderful analytic tool, but to listen to the rest of me equally to be informed of the feelings inside. As you say Andrew, it takes re-training to say ‘No’ and start to promote those feelings as more important than my thoughts.
What a gorgeous example of listening to your body and honouring what it was communicating. It is also a great example of the fact that if it is true for you, from this innermost sensitive part, then it will also be true for all, however much or little they may like to think. A beautiful opportunity for you and your daughter to deepen the relationship you have with one another… this is true support.
What I have noticed is that my mind almost always wants to make a choice based on fear and security where as my body has a wisdom, intelligence and clarity on situations that is way beyond this and so it makes sense to always listen to my body and how it feels when making any decision.
Appreciation is simply the most wonderful thing – I love it when being with another, to be able to appreciate all they bring and express that to them in some way. Its beautiful, so simple, costs nothing, and priceless. Why not do it more? And why not with myself as well?
A brave example of what we open up to when we listen or at least ask a deeper why, why things at times can be so difficult it feels like you are going against something. We have a picture or many pictures of what life should be and then we drive everything to that picture and even when everything around us is saying no we still push ahead. I think this is a great example, a living example of the way to peel things back and to bring more understanding and awareness to why things can be like they are. When you look around us everything respects the flow or the cycles of life and yet we are constantly living to another rhythm or out of the natural and larger rhythm around us. It is only when we open up, like this article that we can be aware of what has been hidden by our past choices. The tension we hold in our body is a great marker for asking what more is going on. We all get feelings, all the time, remember when you were younger? Nothing has change, the feelings are still there we have just learnt a way of being that is able to turn a blind eye to these feelings but nothing stops the feelings, they just keep coming. No wonder on the whole we are becoming more unwell, all those feelings still happening but not acknowledged or dealt with.
These are great examples how very simple life can be when we listen to what we know is true, the outplay may not always be easy but the clarity is there and will stay if we do not waiver from this inner knowing.
Saying no is a really important lesson to learn in life. It may seem unkind at the time or heaven forbid honest, but I have learnt the hard way that it is the only answer when we feel our bodies withdrawal or pulling back from the idea. Then there is no resentment and instead respect.
Having also struggled with saying ‘no’ in the past it is interesting that the more I honour myself and what feels true the easier it has become.
We try so hard to control life but fail to see that life is a product of our choices and how we respond to those outcomes.
Yet again we hear that our body seems to know, almost in advance, of what will be really serving for us, what will be good for us, which path to go down, which road to take, its like its voice never dulls, all we have to do is to start to literally tune in and listen.
Saying no is not just something we say to someone else. It is also saying no to an interference with our free movement
I love this sharing Sandra, thank you. There is something innate in us all that ‘sees’ the bigger picture and when we follow this innateness things do work out in ways we were not expecting. I feel it is important that we develop this connection because if we rely solely on our mental abilities we rely on logic, rationality and a limited perception of life. The big picture is felt and not thought and hence the importance of feeling.
There are many things I love in this blog, one the way you discuss the force used to make things happen – if we really stop to feel it, it feels horrendous, so awful and damaging – not one ounce of true love, care or compassion for anyone. We especially do this in relationships, with partners, friends or family. Very manipulate and abusive games we can play – it’s really horrible to feel we do it. No wonder we are all exhausted.
I love this sharing and that when you honoured what you felt it allowed others to take responsibility for what was going on for them and then the reflection to make different choices so that they could support themselves.
This is brilliant. Sometimes I am not sure whether my ‘no’ is a real one. When things don’t run smooth, I can feel something is clearly amiss – then again I sometimes get into a muddle thinking whether I am actually allowing interference to have its way if I stop the whole thing. And there’s self-judgment to follow if things turn out not so brilliantly. Then again, how do I know what is the truest good for the whole? I know from my own experience that it doesn’t always look pretty. I can feel from your sharing that it all comes down to simple honesty.
This is a beautiful sharing Sandra. There have been many times where I overrode what I felt and stubbornly pushed on, when I do this things get complicated and messy quickly. Conversely when I go with the flow and take action from a place of connection life expands and there is only simplicity and beauty.
Some great examples Sandra of the true support, both for ourselves and others in saying no when it is true. We do get those indicators from our bodies, it does know. When we say ‘no’ we are actually saying ‘yes’ to something….truth or not.
There is no denying that if we allow ourselves to not be controlled by the mind we can be open to the messages that are constantly offering us wisdom and support should we choose to stay in connection to the natural flow of life.
I relate to the expansion in the body you are talking about Sandra, the more I commit to meet life through my body first it is something that I experience more and more on a daily basis creating a flow of ease and simplicity.
‘If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation.’ Our body knows and your examples are making this very clear. I notice the moment I stop and choose to be honest and trust my feelings the answer is right there. Nevertheless I can put a lot of pressure on myself to keep on going and sometimes I am forced to stop by an accident or my car is not working or other complications. Always time for a closer and truly honest look what I am doing and what the consequences are for me and everyone else. But when it comes this far it feels as an attack on ones own body and truly harming for all others involved.
I have experienced so much anxiety in the past at the mere thought of saying no to someone and yet, on those occasions when I have been able to express it (more and more common these days I’m really glad to say), the reaction, if there has been one, has never been as bad as the one I imagined. What I have learned from this is that if we do not allow the other person the opportunity to respond/react, and feel what is there to be felt, we are in fact judging them to be unable to feel what is being presented. We are basically telling them that we know them better than they do and are therefore not going to bother to give them the grace to feel for themselves. Pretty arrogant isn’t it.
Being shown the true responsibility of life by a parent, just as your daughter has experienced is one of those priceless teachings that will always provide an internal reflection. Thank you for the blog Sandra
There is so much power in the word ‘no’ in getting real about life and what is truly harming in the way we live. We often play games with the comments of saying ‘yes’ to things that our bodies are communicating loud and clear are not needed nor supportive to us in any way. Taking the steps towards using this simple word regularly is definitely exposing to others and can be met with much reaction. The question here is… How much of our decision making is driven by our investments?
This is a beautiful example of how being more honest with ourselves we help others to be more honest with themselves too. And it offers us a whole new awareness of what is going on.
we are so used to manipulating our life’s path for desired outcomes that the very concept of listening to our bodies, that there is an inherent intelligence that knows exactly what we need to do and when we need to do it, has become very foreign to us… Nevertheless as revealed here it is there waiting for us just to listen to it
So good!! The part about choosing not to give your daughter the money is amazing. The outcome far outweighs any temporary relief the money could have provided. I can imagine it would have been a very scary thing to do, saying no…but so inspiring that you did. I’ve been in a similar situation, not with money, and it does hurt to say no, but in the end I realised that not being liked for a little while was nothing compared to what was being presented by being honest in a situation, as relationships that are willing to go there will always grow so much from such scenarios.
I totally relate to your blog Sandra. I used to be terrible at saying ‘no’ and used to push myself to do things I didn’t want to do, this was then filled with resentment and frustration. ‘My body did not want to do it but my mind drove me to act out of fear.’ This is brilliant, it is exactly what drives me to say yes when I meant to say no. It is like there is an internal battle going on between what my body communicates me and what my mind feeds me. Do I choose to listen to my mind or my body? Now, I am learning to choose my body.
Thank you Sandra for sharing, one that I can relate to, I have always been a yes person giving my power away to the needs of others. Things have changed since I have come to be more self loving. The other day i was about to go for a walk when my husband asked me if I would stop at the shop and get something for him, my immediate response was no, just a clear clean no with no emotion at all, we both laughed as it felt so great to be so clear and have that honoured by my husband,
We are so used to letting our mind do the work and to try to make things happen. I totally agree ‘It’s a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want.’ I have to get used to how effortless and thus simple and joyful it can be when we are in harmony with our natural rhythm, the rhythm impulsed by the universe we are part of, that is there to align to. I love how you say ‘It graces everyone.’ and that’s what life is about, when we come from the love that we are, it is there for everyone equally.
Although I have come to appreciate and acknowledge the power and honouring in saying no I still find myself struggling with it in certain situations but at least I am aware of it now and chipping away a little more each time.
Sandra, reading this I was nodding knowing how it is to live in that perpetual drive to achieve a goal from a picture in my head of what it should be or look like. Recently I’ve experienced so many moments that confirm how super important and loving it is to go with what our body feels and knows. Like not getting something out at work that has been ‘urgent’ and instead of staying back and pushing myself, my body felt to finish and go home, and then management being relieved the next day it didn’t go out, as something needed to be changed. We sometimes see these moments as little miracles, like ‘how did we know’ or ‘that’s amazing’ but in truth it’s just normal when we pay attention, trust and listen to our bodies… as our bodies are constantly feeling energy and all that is going on around us.
Beautifully said Aimee, I have had this exact same situation play out myself. When I stay true to my body everything else is taken care of. What a great reminder to take care of my body so it can take care of me.
We absolutely know when we say no we are saying yes to something and it doesn’t really matter if we say yes or no it’s the energy behind it and if there is a drive and attachment the end result will expose this.
Sandra thank you for sharing your experience, when we do openly and honestly say no, it is a great opportunity for a deeper communication and expression and one that can be equally freeing for everyone involved as it gives everyone the opportunity to express how they really feel.
It’s very interesting how we override our body with our mind and let ourselves be driven by all the different scenarios from our head, which is always at the expense of the body, and ourselves. When we turn it around and listen to our body first we make far more loving choices.
Sandra I can really relate to overriding something that doesn’t feel right due to fear, and the feeling of making it happen with force because I’ve stepped out of the natural flow of things.
Why is it that we think that love means saying ‘yes’ to everything when really there can be more power and love in saying ‘no’?
A beautiful example and lesson Sandra of what happens when we allow the mind to run the show but also what happens when we choose instead to trust the depth of wisdom that in truth is in each and every one of us.
Thank you Sandra for this reminder that the body knows life inside out and tells us in very simple ways. For a while now I have been experimenting with a tension and lightness feeling and what I have noticed is that when I’m tense in comes thoughts of these experiments being a load of rubbish – in the tension the judgements and negative thoughts come. Change or focus on the body and our thoughts change and whenever we focus on the body it always produces supportive thoughts.
It is so clear that we know everything, we know when to say no, and we know when to say yes. But we only are resisting the pull that is there to be more, which the sitsutions we say yes or no to will help us grow to.
No – one of the littlest words but one that so many of us struggle to express and in doing so we end up overloading ourselves. There are many reasons we find it hard to say no, but guilt would be at the top of the list, even though by saying no we more often than not harm ourselves, and what we have said yes to is carried out with reluctance and sometimes, resentment. Learning to put myself first has made saying no much easier, but I still get caught out every now and then.
I found it very revealing when Serge Benhayon presented that we are always saying ‘yes’. We may be saying yes to putting ourselves under stress when our body is telling us that this is harming or saying yes to honouring what we feel and being honest with another that supports us both to come to greater understanding. When I find myself saying ‘no’, I ask myself what I am saying ‘yes’ to.
Thank you Sandra this has also been quite a learning with me and at times I am still saying yes when I need to have said no. What occurred to me as I was reading your words was that for me it had always been a form of control, trying to control things to be a certain way when really as you pointed out with the brochure, we only need to listen to our own body and act accordingly and all will be taken care of as the right time will come if the intention is clear.
I can relate to so much that you have written Sandra. In past times out of wanting to please I would say yes to situations and then found it very difficult even after realising it didn’t feel right to then turnaround and say no, thinking I would let the person down and so would dismiss my own feelings and then feel resentful for doing something that didn’t feel right for me. I now realise that this doesn’t truly support anybody. Now like you Sandra, I have learnt that at times saying no is the most loving thing to do. By becoming more self-loving, accepting myself as enough, and by trusting in my feelings, I find it far simpler to know when it is right for me to say yes or no.
This subject feels very important to me right now. I am seeing how behind almost all actions that I have taken in the past, they came with an ideal of how I wanted it to be, and how I have tried manipulating situations and molding myself to fit into that picture, and that made saying ‘no’ a big deal. I felt as though I had to have a valid reason, that I had to convince the others that I ‘had to say no’. If I had known it was always all about saying yes to what my body has being saying all along, it would have been so much simpler. I am still learning and developing on that.
The overriding sense I get from your blog is the power of honesty, of being totally honest with yourself and others – and of the consequences when you’re not. So through listening to your body and discerning what the signals and messages are, or by saying how you feel to another, we create a route in to greater clarity and openness, themselves key ingredients in achieving truth.
This feels like it is a matter of surrendering to what is true rather than what we think is right or what we want. Our imaginations cannot take us to the loveliness of what actually unfolded if we allow it.
if we do not say no then we are being acquiescent, and thus unconsciously taking more steps into unconsciousness
Awesome blog Sandra, I can so relate to this as I too had difficulty saying ‘No’ to people. But what I have realised is that often when I say ‘No’ feeling connection to my body and how I feel, it is very powerful and loving.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing – but only when you take the learnings from it. Like most, I have collected many times, moments and experiences of dishonouring the gagged screechings of my body that knew right all along and instead have chosen to override it in in the arrogance of supposedly knowing better.
Sandra, it was so easy for me to relate to what you have written. Trusting that my body has far greater wisdom than my mind has been a big ongoing learning process for me. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I have stubbornly pushed through even when my body is telling me to step away from something. I am getting better at pulling myself up when I get these messages but every now and then I still override them and invariably find that things then go badly at some point.
It does take practise saying no especially if we have had a life time of saying yes to please others or to be liked. I recently realised that I was using being nice, being polite and saying yes far too often, as an insurance policy so that others would not be horrible to me, and then one day I had a situation where two people lied to me in the same day and I was taken back bit because I wasn’t expecting it – after all I had spent so much time pandering to them, it didn’t seem right that they would be mean to me. Now it just seems that by saying yes when we want to say no is just another form of manipulation of people, and keeping things safe.
The more I say no, the more I am seeing the nice, good and polite for what it is, and that it is ok to say no.
Ah, Julie – that is so cool, when I play the game of being nice I am in fact manipulating situation, and it hurts when the others betray the game by, in your case lying – because we had set out expecting them to ride with us in perfecting a picture of ideal, at the expense of lying to ourselves in the first place.
It took me a long time to realise that by saying no we may even be helping someone. I have had a similar situation with someone recently who I had to say no to and was thanked because it gave that person an opportunity to see things differently and to realise that the safety blanket was no longer available.
I wonder why we often prefer the long term tension of having said ‘yes’ when our body says ‘no’ instead of living through the short term tension of being honest and dealing with a possible reaction to our truth. There must be more to this than ‘avoiding tension’ when we actually create long term tension.
It is such a strong message to say no, and feel that sometimes things aren’t right to do. And see that when we say no, we help ourselves and others to get a deeper awareness of what has been going on.
‘It’s a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want.’
This is such a great description of self that really gets down to the point – that we override most things to reach a goal, we even override our bodies in this process, our navigator of life and our measure of all things truthful. How are we to understand life without the body? The mind is so easily swayed with the whims of the spirit and the drive for identification and self, yet the body is solid in it’s understanding and sense of life. Who do we listen to?
In trying to please people we limit the space and therefore the revelations on offer in saying how we really feel. The word ‘no’ doesn’t have to be a negative thing or a rejection, as you discovered Sandra, it can be super positive and open the door to unlock healing in an area otherwise looked over.
Trying to control things, outcomes or people is merely ‘a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want. This can warp events and cause problems which can affect others because it is not in harmony with the whole.’ That’s massive and requires us to be very vigilant in clocking our motives, particularly when what lies behind them is fear. Knocking out the harmony of the whole means that our actions have affected all others – a reflection of our true irresponsibility.
No is such a small word, and yet there is a great power in saying no, when it feels right to say it.
Wow this blog was so relatable to me – including the anxiety, tension and drama that often results when we override what our body says with our head! I was previously not consciously aware of my pattern of doing this and can feel now that it was because of my own lack of self worth and therefore relying on other things, events or people to fulfil this rather than honour what I really felt. It’s been a huge and amazing change learning to self care and work on my self worth and to now listen to my body…. and if / when I don’t, learning to observe and be honest about the feedback my body gives me!
Your blog reinforced a recent decision I made about leaving a job that was making me feel unwell, stressed and always rushed. So I can really understand the power of saying no
Just the title of this blog made me want to say something. Saying NO is a big deal for many and underneath could be all sorts of reasons why we do this and avoid this simple two letter word at all costs.
How many times in the day do we say YES when we know every cell in our body is saying to us NO.
This saying ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ does have an affect on us in probably more ways than we might be aware of.
I can speak from lived experience that my body reacts in a situation where I know saying NO is the Truth and I want to play nice, fit in or not upset the applecart and boom I say Yes and already feel a tension inside my body. I can override it, which is how I would always behave in the past but now I deal with it full on. I can instantly see the damage my false Yes is going to lead to and what a waste of my time and energy having to go back and be honest when I could have just said No in the first place.
Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon I know what the Truth is and following this through in my daily life has made a huge difference. Saying No is very normal, simple and easy for me today and if I don’t then my body reminds me with a big fat uncomfortable feeling that means I cannot ignore it for too long.
‘By my saying no we opened up a hidden area which, once discovered and brought out in the open, left us both feeling good. It deepened our connection and allowed a new way of being for both of us – just the opposite of what I had feared would happen.’ Thank you so much for sharing your very practical examples of listening or not listening to your body and what can unfold if you honour what you are truly feeling. I can really relate to the fear around lack of money when I was a single parent and how that is still impacting my relationship particularly with my daughter. This is something I have been aware I need to address but have been fearful of the reaction I might get so thank you for the reminder that when we say No with love this is felt and often appreciated.
Sandra, you have presented so many familiar examples of not listening to what is true and the consequences of pushing on regardless. I can relate to all these scenarios and have had similar experiences myself. It’s especially hard saying no to family. The key for me, as you have expressed, is that I will feel an ease and expansion in my body when I am making a good choice And the opposite is true when I am overriding the no that should be and wants to be expressed. Instead of ease I’ll be feeling tense, anxious, resentful, pushing and driving myself hard….etc! Life is so much more enjoyable when we live with ease, even if it is uncomfortable at first learning to say no. As you have so beautifully pointed out, saying no opens up so many other possibilities and brings an honesty to our conversations and relationships.
I am so thank full for you writing this Sandra. I am really intrigued and inspired. I have been in my life always wanting to please people , to feel good. Then when I recently deeply felt the mess I was causing with this behavior I could feel all sorts of things: Am I allowed to say this? What would be the effect? What would they think of me? How is she going to respond? What is the true way to bring it? .. at the same time I feel I was not truly feeling into these questions, but actually filling them in myself, finding excuses to not speak up, to not say no, to give my power away.. At that same time I felt I was kidding myself, I knew the real answers to the questions, and I did know what to do, I have to speak up and stand within my own authority and power. And actually I got no reason to not do so. When I read your blog I could feel that actually we have no excuses to stop expressing, and that it is more ourselves that are sitting in the way than the person we are expressing it to. For example my mom, I have been filling in how she would for example respond if I said that I did not feel to do something for her. Instead of just trying it out , I would come up with all these excuses (sabotage) to again not do it. Such clever trick I have caught myself doing. I now know I cannot and will not continue to play to game any longer. This choice and choices truly set me free.
Sandra, this is such a support to read and so accessible to understand how to listen to our body’s messages and wisdom. I can feel the control I go into and I am not in a flow at all – everything is fraught and tense and a ‘doing.’ But when I feel impulsed to do what feels right to do, a flow arises and I feel totally supported which deepens my trust all will be ok. This is great to hear today because I have a lot of work projects to accomplish but I shall simply honour what my body feels is needed. And right now it is being with my family and tending to household chores. 🙂
Yes Gina, it’s such a contrast – the feeling of the flow and the feeling of constriction when we make it about achieving and fail to see the bigger picture or purpose.
Whether it is Yes or No to something we need to feel what messages our body is sending and respond to this in any situation.
Sandra I love that the body actually knows in advance what is needed or not. I am starting to trust this feeling more and more because at one time I felt I was just giving up or avoiding a task when this happened, and would override it. Like you describe this stubbornness resulted in wasted effort, anxiety and exhaustion.
There has been too many situations where I’ve let my head call the shots over what my body is dictating to me. It is only later that the dots are joined and I realise what was going on and why certain decisions were needed to be made. Always great learning and feeling the differences in listening to the head or my body.
I love what you have expressed here hartanne60 – it is about trust. Trusting that the body knows in advance what is needed. As we live this and feel it to be true, the trust deepens. This trust comes with an embracing hold of support and love.
On re-visiting this blog, I realise how I have held myself back from expressing myself for fear of getting ‘no’ for the answer. Allowing another to say no in the full honouring of themselves is equally the key for me.
I wonder how many times in my life I have pushed to get a certain outcome without listening to the signals that are saying no. I love your example and how you absolutely knew that it was not the right timing to do the brochure but pushed on regardless. I had a series meetings today which I had organised in the most efficient way I could, back to back. As I booked the middle meeting I had a feeling that the lady concerned would be significantly late. Although this feeling was there I did not honour it and reconfirm the meetings as I felt I could not be bothered, essentially I was being lazy. As I had known she was indeed late for our meeting so much so that we had to reschedule.
If we don’t say no that means we are saying yes, and there are many things nowadays that we do not want to say yes to, and passivity is no longer an option in the life of someone who wishes to evolve.
‘By saying No we opened up a hidden area.’ This line was very reveiling for me. As I am in a family situation where we have accepted and said Yes, to a certain pattern since I was young. By accepting that for many years we all have been living with the consequences. The details don’t matter here. What I see, it creates separation, lockedness, ‘let’s not go there nor rock the boat’ leading to a form of paralysis on this topic. The thing is, just like in a garden, this ‘plant’ is also affecting the so-called ‘healthy’ areas. I have come to this realization just recently and I see now how important saying No to a pattern is. And I realize it is still saying Yes to the person(s), but just No to an ill bahaviour.
Good point Caroline. Not accepting bad behaviour or patterns but showing acceptance for the person is more loving then being critical of the actual person.
Very True Sarah, everyone can relate to this as we have become accustomed to saying ‘yes ‘as a way of protection and being liked never honouring what we clearly feel in our bodies, this in the long term is like a poison that weights us down. Honouring
what we feel and being able to ‘no’ releases us from those restrictions we have taken on.
That’s a great point Francisco – how we say ‘yes’ or not say how we really feel due to the need we have to be liked. We really need to be asking ourselves then, why do we need to be liked instead of trusting and honouring what we feel? In learning to appreciate, love and care for myself I care less about being liked or pleasing people than I ever have and it feels completely liberating to not be confined by needs.
The beauty and power of being able saying no at the appropriate time means you are saying yes to being responsible and honoring you. (The disclaimer being you are not saying no to get out of your responsibilities or procrastinating in anyway though!) Great blog Sandra.
To add – when we say no, it gives the other person the opportunity to evolve through what they need to feel and take responsibility for. Saying ‘yes’ out of our own needs in fact denies the other person evolution – keeping them in whatever holding pattern or ‘contract’ that you have agreed to. This was demonstrated in your story where your daughter shifted and started to take responsibility for her own life after you decided to not give her any money.
Hi Sarah, it’s an excellent point you make here, when we give in and say yes to someone for our own need to give, the other person misses out on a chance to evolve from the opportunity of taking responsibility for themselves.
Great comment Sarah, I agree saying ‘No’ can be very supportive and loving when it comes from a place of calling for responsibility and evolution.
Sandra this was so great to read this as I am in a situation where I am saying no but the person is not so keen on the no. I feel that it is important to trust what we feel in our bodies and not get caught up in another’s resistance as that is another potiental outcome of being willing to say no.
This is a blog for everyone for we can all relate to saying ‘yes’ from our own needs and hurts, rather than the true ‘no’ that our body was telling us. The spaciousness and flow that we feel in our body when we honour what is true to us is worlds apart from the tension that our pushing or driving something through creates in our body.
Great comment Sarah, I love how you have revealed that it is often our needs and hurts that cause us to override what is true for us in each moment.
Thank you Sandra for this beautiful sharing. It is very inspiring to read how you have come to accept the ‘no’ your body was indicating. I can see how I deceive myself and those around me when I ignore and override this ‘no’ just for the sake of getting things done, or being good etc., and this gets in a way of building an honest and open relationship that would truly nurture and support everyone involved.
Just love what you share here …. ‘By my saying no we opened up a hidden area which, once discovered and brought out in the open, left us both feeling good. It deepened our connection and allowed a new way of being for both of us – just the opposite of what I had feared would happen.’
Beautiful validation of how important it is to have trust in what we’re feeling and speak our truth. We are feeling what we’re feeling for a reason and we owe it to ourselves and others to share it and allow the development that’s there to take place.
I have found it immensely hard to say no. Saying yes is tied to the image I have of myself and this is one thing I have found extremely difficult to let go of. When I say no I feel the tension of years of identification and guilt rises up so much so that I have to talk myself through it. This is something I am going to have to focus on to gently deconstruct what is going on. I would love to say that saying no has been a smooth transition, but I am writing to be truthful and this is still a work in progress for me. I feel the responsibility retaken and this is beautiful, I just need to unhook the guilt and doubt that comes.
I can so relate to your comment Amanda. This is exactly how I used to feel every time I said ‘No’; I felt overwhelmed with guilt and doubt would come rushing into my head. ‘When I say no I feel the tension of years of identification and guilt rises up so much so that I have to talk myself through it.’ When I used to feel this tension I would often try to get rid of it by saying ‘yes’. Now that I am aware of this, I no longer choose to put myself through tension and guilt. It is simply not worth it and it is so much more loving to honour myself first and what feels true.
I chose to say ‘no’ today to what would have been a beautiful walk and catch up with my dear friend. I have been quite busy lately and I had put today aside to catch up on jobs around the house, cooking, and preparation for my week ahead. Even though I would have loved to get together with my friend it felt really supportive that I stuck with my plan and I can feel it will support me throughout the week.
This is a wonderful example Victoria of self-love and saying no. I often cram my day with wanting to get things done, instead of feeling what is truly needed to support me and if that means letting go of a catch-up with someone or more accurately the ‘must complete everything on the to do list’ then saying No is indeed the most supportive and self-loving option.
Great sharing Victoria, I just cancelled a walk with a dear friend as well, as my whole body was saying no. I shared openly with him that I am deepening my expression and that I want to be honest in how I feel. It felt so great to share this, even though yes, there were thoughts like oh, you cannot cancel now and say no but I can. I am not saying no to him, I am saying yes to what is truly needed and supporting for me.
It is true Sandra, if I am willing to listen my body it is always giving me signals as to what will supportive or not. And I am finding the messages are becoming subtler, so I am having to become more honest and adjust what I am choosing. This is a constant work in progress.
I know that too Victoria, that there are different, subtler levels of honesty to myself I have to develop and that his is a constant work in progress. The joy that I get from deepening my awareness and honesty with myself, with my body, is that valuable to me that saying “no” becomes more natural to do for me.
Sandra I can relate to the scenarios you have presented. Pushing beyond what my body naturally is telling me is a sure sign I’m being driven by fear or some other emotion, ideal or belief. This can particularly arise with family. Taking courage to actually say No when that is what I feel has been hugely healing for all concerned; going against the feeling does not bring the desired outcome at all, it just deepens the pattern of behaviour at play and we all lose out.
What an amazing word No is, powerful and something many people fear to use to, so as not to be impolite. And yet it gives such a sense of self acceptance when you truly feel not to do something, and you stand up and say no.
So true Rebecca and said with such authority… Love it!
I agree, that many people fear the word ‘no’, perhaps because we fear our own power and authority? Also in saying ‘no’ we are also asking that person to take responsibility for themselves, like Sandra witnessed with her daughter.
I totally agree – when I say no I don’t want to drink, or no Im tired I’m not staying up late, it leaves the person with space to reflect on their own choices
Thank you for this sharing Sandra, I appreciate your honesty in saying ‘no’. I have also felt that- that my body clearly knows and it is whether I honour it, or fight it (due to inflicting ideals and beliefs in my mind). The latter? Ease, and flow, or complete tension/uncertainty/contraction. In every moment is this choice. And I am beginning to express and honour and do what I feel more and more.
Its such a small word, yet super powerful. Its not one that I use as much as I could because I’m so used to playing nice, yet without it there is less exposure of what is really going on, and patterns of behaviour that do not serve anyone are allowed to continue. The whole point is to stop something in its tracks to allow God back into the equation, and not the small contracted world that we often find ourselves in.
One of the main reasons no is such a big issue for some people, which in the past I could he easily been included in that basket. Is because we run in a society that loves nice and polite.
But as this blogs points out who are we really helping?
Not ourselves?
Not the other person?
True Luke, “nice” and “polite” is often championed over and above the truth, which may disrupt our comforts… without the truth we end up on a pretty shaky foundation devoid of the true quality of love.
Very true Victoria, so in the end and in truth is there really another nice and polite about ‘being nice and polite’. It is more sinister than we think.
Well said, Luke.
‘nice’ and ‘polite’ don’t rock the boat, but they also done support people to take responsibility and have experience that support their personal growth.
The only thing that I can conclude is that being nice and polite holds no place for personal development and holds many people back in comfortable because their boat isn’t rocked.
This is horrid when so many thing in this world are upside down and people’s boats need to be rocked.
Well said Luke, Yes, I can totally relate to that because I used to play the ‘nice and polite’ game. It was so ingrained in me that I felt the tension when I went against it but also felt the tension when I went along with it. Recently I have found a way to be rid of this tension and it is by connecting to truth and expressing it.
I know exactly what your talking about Chan. At first it can be like moving mountains to even say a simple and obvious truth if it goes out of your scope of being nice and polite. However this is a natural process as you are going against all your missed used behaviours from the past. It gets easier then effortless over time.
I love the scenarios you have given here Sandra, I can so relate. And when we do listen to our body small miracles occur as you so beautifully describe happened with your daughter. The small miracles that grow everyone concerned.
Loved your examples Sandra, the first one where you didn’t listen to your body and what it was really trying to tell you and the amazing string of consequences that followed, and then the second example that offered an unfolding that would never have happened if you over rode what you felt and had given your daughter the money. Listening to my body and then acting on it makes saying yes or no much easier as long as I don’t let my mind run away with excuses or reasons as to why I should or shouldn’t be doing something…..then confusion sets in and right and wrong take over.
Sandra I can relate to trying to make things happen due to wanting to keep my word, despite it not feeling right for me. I have had to look at why I have held back from being honest and truthful in these situations and it has usually been about wanting to be accepted or fearing another’s reaction. But on reflection it feels so much more freeing to honour my feeling than to override the loud “no” my body is communicating.
I agree Annie – when I override something that my body is saying a big fat no to, I am undermining my value and allowing self abuse. It can open a can of worms for me then, because I’m left feeling the affects of not saying no and putting myself first, which is usually one of depletion, regret and contraction. I’ve discovered that overriding the feeling to say no to something, whatever it may be, is a sure way to sabotage one’s development and sense of wellbeing.
I still have problems with saying no and your blog explains with real life examples that I have the option to say no and that sometimes it is absolutely necessary to say no. Thank you Sandra.
Yes Nicholas because when we dont say no, we are in effect say yes to a lot more than we bargained for (accidents, drama, incidents etc….).
I had always been the helper ready to do what was asked of me, no was not an option, my worth was tired up in helping, saying yes was automatic. I have gradually learnt from my husband of 11 yrs has been a great reflection in the no yes situation. He would always be able to say no if it didn’t feel right for him, and at first I thought this was selfish. But as time went on and I became more real with what I was feeling, I started to embrace yes , as an option. I was going for my morning walk this morning and my husband asked me to pick up something for him from the shop, normally yes would pop out of my mouth, but instead No came out, no emotion attached just an honest no. It surprised us both and we laughed about it. At last I was starting to honour me and it felt joyful.
This is beautiful Jill, this was me also. When I first started to say ‘no’ I had it in big print by the phone and the NO would come out so bluntly and abruptly. It took a long time to really embody the fact that I even had a right to say ‘no’. This was because I had made this a way of being needed and liked by others.
Saying No is not something many people are good at. I know that when I am asked to to things, even if I’m not sure I have enough time or am already struggling with all my other commitments, I will say yes and add it to the pile. But what you are presenting is a whole other area of saying No to things that may seem fine and normal – giving your daughter money or handing out brochures, but in actual fact are not right for us in that moment.
You mentioned how there is often either a ‘tension’ or an ‘expansion’ in your body concerning making decisions about how to live life. “I am realising that my body does let me know whether I am making the right choice or not” This is a valuable observation to raise, so often we override feelings that come up in our bodies and yet they offer us the perfect signal to support us make supportive and loving choices.
Honouring our feelings and what our body is telling us is so important and yet sometimes I know that I override these with that strong will you mention. Yesterday though I felt so fragile and tired I chose to go to bed in the afternoon despite the work I had to do. This is so unusual for me but I knew that my body was saying to rest. My nap lasted for 2 hours but I felt so much better afterwards and after that my day flowed really well. And today something has been cancelled so I have extra time there if I need it. Amazing how life can open up if we take care of ourselves and allow it.
It is so needed that we get more honest with what we feel and express this no matter what. I am discovering how I was a master in overriding what I was feeling and my body was suffering. I am learning to be more honest and to clearly feel and see what my body is telling me, instead of fighting it, and to make this my foundation.
“By contrast, when I am in harmony with my natural rhythm there is a whole-hearted delight which gets things done effortlessly and offers more than just practical help.” I have experience this my life as the more I commit to building a rhythm that supports me the more I support others with whatever is going on for them just by way of reflection.
Great blog Sandra. The feeling of guilt can come from us not judging ourselves as being or doing good enough. So in order to relieve the guilt we can do something that is equally untrue but makes us feel better. How horrible to live in this lie.
Thank you Sandra.I too have started to discover the power of saying No. The world does not come to an end and if said with love it can be very healing. We know deep down that giving in to demands is not honouring of ourselves. The body is in turmoil and it is a sure sign of disconnection.
This is a beautiful blog Sandra filled with the wisdom that comes when we develop a deep and intimate relationship with our bodies. I love what you say about when you feel expanded you know the decision is a true one versus when you feel tightness and tension… which is our bodies speaking to us very loudly saying hmm, that’s not quite the right choice to make. We have our closest friend with us all the time always looking out for us — our body.
I love what you write here Katerina – that our body is our closest friend which is always looking out for us. This is quite different to how most people have a relationship with their bodies and I know for me, that I used to think of it as something quite separate to me (even though I lived in it!!!!) and got angry when it did something that I didn’t like (got sick, hurt itself etc…). It is so refreshing and gorgeous to step into my body much more fully and tor realise the support it can offer.
Thank you Sandra. I appreciate the reminder here for myself to start considering myself more and to say “no” when I feel it is how my body feels. So often I push myself through and the outcome is usually a very exhausted body at the end of the day.
I lived most of my life pleasing others and always felt how I could never say no to others and let them down, this way of living was exhausting and created so much anxiousness and resentment in my body. Since meeting Serge Benahyon I have changed all of this and now I feel and know the most loving thing that I can do for myself is say No, and this is a great reflection to others to bring self care and love to themselves.
This is great, I can feel how saying no is very important and opens us up for new possibilities. Being clear about what you feel is something I am working on at the moment, and saying no, is a big part of it, so thank you for this inspiration!
Awesome blog…I too can definitely resonate with what you have shared here. I also feel the expansive feeling…. when it is the truth or I’m making the write choice. But If I feel tension in my body…. I know their is more to feel in this situation…. as my body is telling me…. something here doesn’t feel right. Our body is always talking to us ….we just have to listen.
Thank you Sandra. When we listen to the messages from our heart the truth will always reign supreme. The body is a wonderful vehicle of wisdom and love if we choose to listen with an open heart.
What amazing examples of going against what we feel to be true and harmonious. When we say ‘no’ we often feel guilty, that we are letting someone down, but from what you share, when we honour what we feel, we actually honour all. Thank you, Sandra.
What a beautiful sharing and learning. I have discovered that listening to my body is the key. Even if I have a hesitation about something and don’t understand why- it is best to act on my feeling, as the why is often presented later, and the feeling/my body is always confirmed as being the true thing to listen to. Sometimes I need to say to people ‘no, but I don’t know why at the moment- but I do know that I feel hesitation’ and that is enough because I am speaking from my body.
Listening to and fully express what we feel and not being limited by conventions, old promises or the fear of reactions will create magical moments as others suddenly do not feel manipulated anymore – just invited by the truth we share. Truth is beauty.
Beautiful Sandra, I love your blog and today this stood out for me “By contrast, when I am in harmony with my natural rhythm there is a whole-hearted delight which gets things done effortlessly and offers more than just practical help. It graces everyone.” This makes life simple and for all and not just for the individual. Our head can make everything so complicated and life becomes a struggle. Your examples make it very clear how following and honouring what we feel is the way to go.
Thank you for such a lovely sharing, there are so many parts to your blog that I can relate too… Those moments sometimes so subtle when there is pause in my breath and a tension somewhere in may body which can so easily be ignored.
An awesome article Sandra. I too have found it difficult to say no but the more I listen to my body and feel and listen to it – life flows. I remember being on the net to book a flight and it would continually freeze. I was determined to get that flight but the net continued to freeze. Then the power went out. I let go of the need to book that flight. I was putting undue strain on my body and the signs around me were showing me exactly what would happen if I continued down that path. When I totally let go of my driven desire the power came on. A big learning for me to listen to my body and feel the tension and what it was telling me.
‘If I feel an expansive feeling in my body that means I am making a good choice. If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation.’
Awesome blog Sandra. Our bodies speak and then we either listen or override the body with thoughts. But in the end when we see the bigger picture it is the body that has guided us through life. ✨✨
For years, Sandra, I too have found it difficult to say ‘No’ in many different scenarios. Being aware of this has really revealed how gave my power away and didn’t stand up for myself, for what I felt was true in fear of what might happen, in fear of disturbing the so called ‘peace’ or that other may think ill of me. I can relate to this brilliant analogy – ‘My mind was like a slave driver whipping me up into a panic’ as I also, as a consequence of not say ‘No’ overrode my body and drove myself physically with work, exercise and in general. I lived with a hardness in my body and anxiousness was rife. I have since learned that saying ‘No’ is actually saying yes to me, to my truth, to honoring my body and honoring the Love that is there in that moment for myself and others to feel. Through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I have discovered and am still discovering the graceful and honoring power in say ‘No’.
Thanks Carola, there is so much power in learning to say no to what doesn’t feel right, to what doesn’t bring expansion in our bodies. Saying no as you say is saying yes to us. Very beautiful.
I learn so much from reading these blogs and this is no exception. Many times I have said I would do something and then felt it wasn’t the right move but did it anyway in order not to go back on my word. Your blog Sandra will seriously help me to see whether a big ‘No’ may be in order.
I’ve been there many times myself Sandra, the body saying something but the mind has a set plan and cannot really see any other way. The body seems to be so much wiser than the mind and even still I sometimes find it hard to let go of the control I want to have.
Thank you so much for your beautiful piece. It is absolute gold to say no, and this article has again showed me the power of saying no to things that do not feel right. I have experienced that by saying no (when it feels right) , I actually say yes to my heart, and confirm my inner-deep knowing & wisdom. And yes this is very often reflected in relationships. Like I have experienced with my mom, it is truly evolving to say no and truly appreciate what I am feeling… very often , like you shared, the response of the other person is actually very open, because it comes from a true place of me saying no. Therefore if I say no, the best is to fully claim it, and go for it , so that there is no place for doubt or any other concerns other then you saying and expressing to someone what is true to you.
When I push or control I just make everything so much more complicated. When I don’t I get shown how simple everything can be. Such a contrast!
What you share is so true Vicky, complication just poses obstacle after obstacle making everything difficult and challenging.
A couple of great lessons learned here Sandra. We can do anything we put our mind to, that’s the motto I grew up with; but no-one ever asked my body if it wanted to do what my mind was asking it to do. I wonder how much my life would have changed if I’d asked…a lot I’d say.
When I don’t say no when I should have or push through with a promise that no longer feels right the resultant resentment and anxiety that arises is awful and taints the relationship both with self and the other and also makes an assumption that the other person won’t have understanding. This denies a potential opportunity for healing for all. I find your blog very encouraging.
Thanks Sandra for a great blog and a strong confirmation of just letting your body make the decisions.
A beautiful inspiring story Sandra.
What a wonderful lesson and opportunity for you both.
I can really relate to what you have expressed about ones ability, or inability, to say no.
I also find it empowering to be able to say no to something that doesn’t feel right. Saying yes because we don’t want to rock the boat, or we feel sympathy, guilt or whatever the case may be just panders to the situation and doesn’t honour either party. Like with you Sandra, your decision seemed like it might be awkward or a let down, but actually turned out to be a healing – with both parties honoured in the process. A great example.
It can seem hard to say ‘No’ when this is a lifetime habit. However when you do start to say ‘No’ based on the feeling in your body, you know you are doing the right thing and it develops trust that we may not know why but it was the right decision at that time. Our body is such an honest gauge – tension or ease. Saying ‘No’ when we need to creates more ease and space in ourselves and will always be just what is needed for all concerned.
Sandra as you have shared it is amazing how much we can try and over ride what our body is telling us with our mind. It is so important when making choices that we stay with our bodies, feel what they are telling us and then listen to the truth of what is there in our body.
It’s quite amazing how understanding people can be when we share how we really feel about something with honestly and in the honouring of ourselves and of them. It’s such a beautiful way to communicate and if we all spoke this way and all had understanding then within relationships there would be far less issues and reactions.
I really like the point you make here Sandra Wilson that our bodies register a tension that could either be because we are over-riding our feelings by making an unloving choice or resisting making a loving choice that our heart is asking us to make. This situation came up for me recently and highlighted the importance of staying present and connected to our hearts so that we can discern which one it is as they are very different!
Your words “…highlighted the importance of staying present and connected to our hearts so that we can discern which one it is as they are very different!” are very timely, going back to my heart is always supporting me to feel what is true and what is not.
I have often got myself into a pickle of trying to figure out what to do… thinking through all the angles, compiling data, assessing the outcomes. And yet I notice that my head will never decide anything. It can’t. The data may all be useful, but in the end it is how I feel about something that must guide my actions… to let my heart lead the way.
Great example about giving money to your daughter! This is what happens so much, we feel guilt for something we did and try to make it up with filling a need. We think we have to say yes because we did something wrong. What you did was evolving both you and your daughter and it is a confirmation to always listen to the body.
This is gorgeous to read Sandra, a super practical reminder that out bodies really are our ‘bestest’ of friends 🙂 constantly communicating to us an immense wisdom and love. Developing and cherishing this precious relationship we can have with our bodies is so powerful and from my own experience, the one ‘tool’ that can support me to steady and truly confident in life.
Sandra such a great blog, I used to have difficulty saying ‘no’ as well, I felt sorry for people and made choices from that feeling. Attending Universal Medicine events allowed me to connect with myself and to make choices based on love not on pleasing another. Your blog is a lovely reminder of the power of saying ‘no’.
I love your blog Sandra, I can relate to it very well. I have often avoid saying ‘No’ to friends and family because of feeling guilty or feeling that I let would people down. I realise now it was a false condition I had set for myself. It stops me being really honest about how I feel, putting my feelings aside to make sure people are pleased, looked after and to keep the peace. I have been doing this most of my life. It is extremely draining and not honoring my feelings at all. In this past year I am learning to truly express how I am feeling and learning to say ‘No’, when something isn’t supportive or loving for me. It feels amazing to learn to truly express and not hold back anymore.
There is so much wisdom in what you’ve written here Sandra which we inherently know and have and can be expressed when we trust what our bodies are telling us and not our minds.
Wow that’s an amazing situation and such a great learning. We should always go by what we feel and our body is a great marker for telling us what is going on.
It is so lovely that listening to your body was so gorgeously confirmed by the connection and learning that followed with you daughter. It is very easy to override these messages but it is always to our detriment or to others. Thank you such a beautiful reminder.
I agree Samantha, I have done it many times where my body is giving me loud and clear message to not do something but I have override it. The result of these actions can be harmful to me and to others around me. The messages my body presents can be in the form of tension, pain or shakiness in parts or my whole body. So by connecting and listening to my body it is always telling me what is true and what is not.
Learning to say no without guilt has been one of the biggest and most freeing lessons I have ever learned. When the word “no” comes with love, as it did from you to your daughter, the recipient may not like it, but they will always feel the truth of it.
This is so true Ingrid. I have just started to learn this way of saying ‘No’ in a loving way. Beautiful comment, thank you.
Sandra for years and years I prided myself in always saying yes. Yes to helping everyone with everything . I saw my identity as being wrapped up in saying yes, even before I was even asked ! I ran myself into the ground and was forced to start saying no. I now find saying no not only effortless but as you say honouring. In fact I have actually swung the other way and struggle to say yes now !
Very true, the fact that we are reluctant to say no exposes how much we act out of fear and anxiousness. For that reason saying no is to conquer amazing grounds. Something we have to appreciate deeply.
Super true, or as I often feel ‘fear of missing out’ (fomo), which comes from an anxiousness that I am not enough, and of course anything that I do in this is tainted and ultimately I know and find out that it doesn’t work for me or anyone. Your point Sandra about pushing without understanding the wider whole is key, when we make it about us and not everything then we can fall prey to anxiousness rather than trusting in the whole and the flow of it all.
I agree, this is something to be be appreciated so deeply as it frees us to be more who we are and feel whatever it is there to be felt and no longer have to rely on management tool to go by in life.
I know all of this to be true from what my body does too Sandra. It tells me in no-uncertain terms when something is right or wrong. It gives me a strong feeling if it isn’t the right thing or as you describe an expanded feeling when it is. I learned this when I booked a flight my body was going crazy telling me not to book (I did anyway) and then discovered the holiday had been moved. I ended up having to buy new flights and really stopped and said to myself my body told me this! Why didn’t I listen?? I have been listening ever since, and this goes deeper and deeper – more refined, like what food to eat or whether to call someone. My body is always communicating with me.
Thanks Sandra, these are beautiful examples. I know this too well! I have a pattern to take on too much and try to juggle everything – but nowadays my body speaks to me very clearly, it becomes all tensed up and I can feel the anxiousness that starts to arise – a clear sign for me that I need to slow down and sort myself out.
Yes Judith I can relate to this feeling also. My body either expands or contracts and then the question is… Do I listen?
Sandra thank you for sharing your wisdom. I’ve spent almost all my life pushing myself to do as much as I could and then a big bit more to achieve whatever I assumed needed to be done. Under the fear of not being enough and not perfect I overrode my body so nothing could stop me ever. My friends and companions intention to stop me did not work so I had to collapse to accept that it is time to start taking care of my body, of me and everybody around me or life will create a big STOP impossible to avoid.
Your blog is a treasure for all of those who cannot cope with themselves and with life, for they got to know that our body whispers to us all the time looking for collaboration and this is just a matter of opening our heart and we’ll be able to hear it.
This is such a powerful lesson Sandra and one I am over-familiar with! Our body always knows… if we allow ourselves to feel it and listen to it, life isn’t as chaotic, hectic and drama laden as we have believed it to be.
An awesome confirmation of what I too have been observing Sandra, in terms of trying to work on something and correspondingly how I feel in my body yet using my mind to control the outcome. I am going to pay more attention to this now, thanks 🙂 We really do have infinite awareness when we allow it.
As I read your article Sandra I felt that we really could make our lives so much simpler if only we listened to our bodies. Learning to say NO for me has meant that I am saying Yes to the things that truly support me.
Yes Elizabeth and Sandra, the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. The vigilance is listening to your own body.
It is beautiful to feel how loving a ‘no’ to something can be, and how saying ‘yes’ can so often be almost only out of habit that that is the answer we know people want to hear. Taking the time to feel what feels right in any given situation or moment brings about the opportunity to lovingly resound the clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ thats truly needed.
What a great blog Sandra. Saying no has been a big challenge for me over the years and the ‘wanting to please’ to show the world I can get things done, or be a man of action and a man of his word, can be a painful process to my self if it is not aligned with the truth of where I am at . The teachings of Universal Medicine have helped me to learn to take that pause at the point when there is an uneasiness or ‘not sure’ feeling prior to saying yes. I have even learnt to say “I am not sure and will have to check my schedules and get back to you”,
which allows for, or gives me time , space and grace , to decide on committing to big stuff.
Hi Sandra, this is huge – the ability to say no, no matter what. It is true that there are so many reasons we can say yes when we feel no but listening to your body and feeling what is right is a great way to stay with what is the truth. Thanks for sharing your blog with us.
“I have to say no out of self-preservation. If I don’t I end up doing it with resentment, then nobody is happy.” So true, Bernard. Resentment of what you are doing is never a good thing.
I love how you describe a spaciousness in your body and that things flow effortlessly when the timing is ‘right’. ‘Go with the flow’ as the saying goes.
That seems to be the way the world works, I have had lots of people ask me to do more when I am already way over committed, and if I squeeze one more thing in just to please someone, I get flooded with more requests. I have to say no out of self-preservation. If I don’t I end up doing it with resentment, then nobody is happy.
Well you certainly covered a lot in this blog Sandra! First there was the awesome lesson in how when you rush, push and override the body, the results are rarely favourable. And then, learning from this and choosing to not override what you were feeling, you were able to offer a deeper awareness to your daughter by honouring what you were feeling and sharing it with her. This is evolution, beautifully played out.
I so know the feeling of pushing myself whilst all particles of my body are actually saying no. My experience as well is that indeed most of the time it turned out that there was an easier way to be doing the certain thing instead of pushing myself… I am learning very much that life can be very simple and joyful and that the push and struggle are not really needed. Thank you for sharing your wisdom Sandra, it was inspiring and lovely to read.
Lovely sharing Sandra, it is simple to listen to our body but it can be so clouded by our personal investments…your relationship with your daughter deepened in connection because you simply listened to your body which allows the other to also be themselves if they so choose. Very beautiful!
Good practical examples you have highlighted of the benefits of saying No, not only for youself but for the other party also.
When saying NO we often tend to only see and expect the rejection we think goes along with it, but actually we are saying YES to truth. And actual truth will always be true for both parties, even when the other may not like admit to it.
I too can relate to wanting my own way and trying to make things happen. Although it is much less in my life, it is there and I realized more deeply while I was reading this article how selfish and distracting it can be. Thank you.
It goes to show that when we speak up in how we are feeling our relationships change and become more honest. It is beautiful when we feel something is not right and then have the courage to bring it up in the open. This I too have found very difficult in fear of how the other would react but what I am learning most is not the speaking up but Not to react if they react to what I have just said.
Before reading your blog I would have said that I was someone who could say ‘no’ fairly easily. However, now in hind sight, I am left asking myself just how often I don’t say ‘no’ and over ride what my body is telling me. I realise this happens more often that what I had previously thought! Thanks, Sandra for bringing this to my attention.
Sandra, it’s amazing how inspirational people saying ‘no’ are. A beautiful story to share.
Lovely sharing Sandra, thanks for highlighting so clearly the intelligence the body has over the mind.
A great point Melissa. The body, and how wondrous and intelligent it is, regularly amazes me. It beats the mind hands down, no question.
It just goes to show, we have a deep wisdom that is accessed through being present in our body. We know so much more then we often let ourselves be aware of. I am learning not to question or override what I feel even if I do not know why it is as I feel…usually the answer presents itself after and it all makes so much sense.
The power of saying no is amazing, as so often we override our true feelings to meet the needs of others or our own inner drive. What you reveal with your blog Sandra is that by saying no we have an opportunity to truly feel and honour what is going on and perhaps heal old patterns that may not be serving us or others anymore. An awesome sharing.
A great article Sandra on a topic that I’m sure a lot of people struggle with. Saying ‘no’ encourages the other person to take more responsibility for their choices, and it is an important step in establishing true and open communication. As you found it can deepen the connection between you both.
I used to find it really difficult to say ‘no’ Sandra, I liked to please others and to feel ‘good’ about that. I can even remember one important time when my body was telling me ‘no’ and I went against it saying ‘yes’, having much unhappiness as a result. I did not realise at the time the significance of my body’s reaction, but having learnt it I now have an awareness that helps me to decide. Reading your blog and especially the account of your decision with your daughter, has really helped me.
Thank you Sandra. I have also had times where I have pushed and pushed to get something done even though my body was screaming ‘NO’ (it has to scream sometimes because it can take a while for me to ‘hear’). These situations have always ended badly – financially, physically and socially. Now, I hear what my body is gently saying to me and also, ‘No’ is ‘No’ but that does not necessarily mean NEVER, it is more about whether it feels right in my body at that time.
I love the incident with your daughter where a simple ‘no’ opened up a whole new perspective for both of you.
Sandra, this is a great reflection for me! Saying no to myself and my family are the hardest “no’s” to say! Emotions, attachments and ideals and beliefs can get in the way of honesty and truth.
What a wonderful bog, I loved reading it. Our body tells us everything and I have had many situations where my body actually told me to not do something but I did it anyway, because I was afraid to say no (a pleaser thing…) and this always causes a lot of stress and situations that are not truthful. More and more I am really honoring what my body is telling me and this feels great. Life becomes more truthful and also joyful.
“I started to fully understand how much it hurts myself and others when I try to make things happen.” That is so significant, Sandra, it takes the emphasis off ourselves, that “me” bit that feels it has to take responsibility for everyone, and instead shows us how by trying to override ourselves to gain recognition and feel worthwhile in order to avoid feeling our own hurts, we then hurt others.Confusion reigns instead of simplicity.
Thank you Sandra for writing this blog. You make me to ponder on the fact of why saying no is that difficult for us while it is actually very simple if we allow to feel if something is right or not? Saying no is just a natural thing to do and will always bring the truth in all that we do in life.
Thank you Sandra for your blog about ‘no’. It’s amazing how the word ‘no’ is so small, only has two letters to it and yet it can be the most difficult word to actually express.
These are such great stories Sandra, and through them you show the magnificence of the body’s communication and how we can listen to it, and how it opens us up to being honest about situations. I loved hearing about your daughter and how ‘anxiousness’ was an opportunity for both of you to develop and deepen your relationship towards truth. Wonderful.
Thank you for this great blog Sandra. The body is a great barometer 🙂 How awesome that you are honouring your body and how saying ‘no’ to your daughter has opened up your relationship with her to a deeper level.
Learning to listen to our bodies is the key, as you have beautifully brought light to in this sharing. By connecting to my body I can discern truth and what is right for me and not what I ‘think’ has to be done, and from there I have a choice to what is more loving and supportive in my life, and that can be something like learning to say ‘no’.
Sandra, you have opened my eyes and heart to something I had never recognised: that in saying “no”, in honouring what we feel whether it makes sense to our minds or not, we are opening ourselves up to the grander picture of life. The feeling, the honouring of it and the “no” are a stop moment, and in that moment all expands – the true rhythm of life reveals itself and we have the opportunity to move to its beat, rather than the forcing pushing and striving to the crazy discordant rhythm that accompanies the overriding “yes”.
Rachel, this is beautiful what you are saying. It’s like the ‘yes’ can keep the status quo, not always a great thing. Whereas ‘no’ offers much more than what we think no may mean. Like there is more to uncover with the no.
Indeed Rachel, “yes” won’t make it necessary to change anything at all, but “saying no” often will bring up everything there truly is to look at. I have discovered that saying no is a big possibility in truly changing patterns and old habits and my relationships have deepened with it.
And also the joy and freedom that we don’t have to make things happen.
What I love is the absolute fact and joy that our bodies know everything and share with us so clearly.
Saying no is something I have struggled with over the years, always looking to play the nice guy and put others first. It is only now I am realising that no-one actually wins by me saying yes when I want to say no. As it is not a real truthful gesture, and so it is far emptier and less loving than actually saying no. I can feel how much more expansive and building it is to speak truthfully and express true feelings, not saying whatever is felt that someone else might want or expect to hear.
This is great Sandra. I love how you share that learning to say no can actually be an opportunity to learn and grow rather than something that is an end. No has become a word that I have come to embrace rather than avoid in my life also and I am now supporting my daughter to understand the power and loving support saying no or being told no can be.
Your blog exposes so much Sandra…..how much there is at play at any given moment. If that course had gone ahead, laced with your fears, the audience would have felt it but most likely not really known what it was they were feeling. I know for me that I have attended many courses where something did not feel quite right. Your writing opens a conversation for us all to look at what is truly going and to connect much more to our bodies as they are – the marker of all truth.
Oh the difficulty I have had (and sometimes still do) with saying no – the anxiety around how to make the ‘right’ decision. The way you describe the difference in your body between what feels true and what doesn’t is super helpful, thank you.
Oh yes Helen I can really relate to ‘the anxiety around how to make the ‘right’ decision’ and getting caught up in my head and ignoring the clear messages from my body. Awesome to be reminded of how when I trust my body the answer if there. Thank you.
How a ‘no’ can be so relieving in what you have to do or not to do. In my own experience and as you share is that a ‘no’ can be such an opening to look at things in another way and open up the conversation in what should be happening.
Beautiful Sandra I love what you share here. I am learning to listen to my body and be honest about what I feel. And the example with your daughter feels as you have given her such a rich reflection for the rest of her life.
Thanks Sandra, for years I have used money as a means to not feel, to override what is the truth for myself. I have ended up exhausted as a result (the money was from silly working hours) I gave away my energy and talents in a falsehood, I carried out roles that justified environmental harm. Your blog is a great insight to listen to what feels; as opposed to compensating. To just say no and listen to my body back then would have been grand – to just say no. I’m still tuning in to it and when connected – things flow harmoniously. Thanks again.
The body does tell us “yes” or “no” – it is a great way of understanding the situation where people have trouble saying no… If we listen to our bodies it will tell us when to say no, not only to things others ask us to do, but also for things we are wanting to do. Of course it also says Yes…
Thank you Sandra, a beautiful and very insightful sharing. I remember booking a plane fare once to offer a course in another city and everything in my body didn’t feel right about it . But I went ahead anyway and ended up losing money as everything that could go wrong did go wrong and the course didn’t come together. An amazing demonstration that the body knows what is true or not, even and especially when it doesn’t make sense to the mind that comes up with a million reasons why the feeling must be wrong and the mental calculation apparently right.
I could share numerous like this too Gabriele…always a reminder that my body knew all along, I simply overrode it, thinking I could somehow control it all.
Thank you Sandra – with some things I find it difficult to say no even when I am clear the answer is no. I have recently agreed to something I felt to say no to, I don’t feel I can renegotiate the situation but I am certainly going to look more closely at why I said yes when my whole body except my mouth said no.
I also know this pushing energy in order to control my life. It is a great sharing to bring more understanding how simple life can be when we allow ourselves time to listen to our inner voice.
I love the way this blog points out that the people we ‘do things for’ are in fact recipients of the energy we choose to get the job done/give the money/ run the errand in first,and everything else is then tainted or blessed by this imprint. I have certainly found this to be true and this awareness has assisted me to be far more discerning with what I accept from or offer others. Thank you for sharing this Sandra.
Leonne your comment has just switched on the light bulb for me in understanding that the energy we do things in has an impact on everyone – tainted or blessed as you said. Thank you.
Yes Christine, energy really is everything!
Sandra, your blog is gold! What you have written about has happened a lot to me, letting my fear override what truly needs to happen, and pushing through how I feel because of a slavish obedience to time, or beliefs around time or lack. I’ve been working on this for a while, but your blog has both expanded and confirmed much for me, and encouraged a new way to move forward. It’s like our body is connected to a greater whole that is in harmony with everything. I cannot fully understand this yet, but I can understand how I fit in, and this encourages me to trust in my feelings and what my body shares. Thank you!
Thanks Sandra,
Saying no, or rather not being able to say no, has been a constant drain on me for most of my life.
I had an incident a couple of years ago that really drove this point home to me. I was working in Sydney and already had a full schedule, when a customer rang and asked if I could do an urgent job in Canberra.
The strange thing was that my body was already screaming NO, but somehow, out of wanting to please, to earn more money, to be seen as superman, I suddenly heard my mouth say YES.
The drain on my body started instantly and by that evening I was exhausted. Even though I realised what I had done, I could not stop the draining of my energy that was taking place. It took me a week to recover and affected everything I did and expressed in that time.
I then made a little promise to myself, which was that when asked to do something, to always pause, take a breath, and feel my body before saying yes – or maybe even saying NO.
I too can relate to your experience Rob. In the past I regularly overrode what I was feeling for fear of saying no, and hence I was often exhausted at taking on too much and then became resentful as a result. The turn around for me was when I began to take more self care and to begin to listen to my body. It’s still a work in progress for me, and I still sometimes get caught up, but I am learning to be aware of the impact on my body when I say either no or yes.
Awesome blog. Your comment, Rob sounds like something I would do. I have difficulty in saying ‘No’ a lot of the time and find myself feeling drained or, even worse, resentful. I often say ‘yes’ out of fear, recognition and duty. I love what you wrote: ‘when asked to do something, to always pause, take a breath, and feel my body before saying yes – or maybe even saying NO.’ I will definitely try that and be more aware of how my body feels before answering.
Great comment Rob, I love the way you describe the body screaming NO and hearing my mouth saying YES. This was my way of life for many years; a life of accommodating others by compromising myself. And yes I was exhausted. Thank God and Serge Benhayon for Universal Medicine and the Way of the Livingness where listening to our body is a must in the development of taking care of our self . This in turn is paramount and essential to learning to love and accept our self in full so that we are not needing the acceptance of others at the expense of our self.
Your honesty with your daughter brought an honesty to your relationship that has helped both of you to grow and express truthfully, a beautiful sharing, thank you Sandra.
I can really feel how i have in my life ‘pushed through’, with a drive for an outcome. It usually has always felt like a struggle, hard work, upsetting and the like. What you have shared has been so inspirational in stopping to feel, allowing myself to listen to what I innately know within myself, to feel an ease with going about the ‘doing’ and life. Thank you!! : )
Thank you, Sandra. I love the simple wisdom in checking in with your body to feel if there is an expansion or a tension in those moments of choice, and allowing your body to guide you every step of the way.
What a great insight your share with your daughter provides. It shows that when I feel something is not right and I need to say ‘no’, when I override that feeling it sets up a dynamic that hurts many more people than just myself.
This is great Sandra, thank you for sharing. Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to say No. I have learnt this in a similar way and relate well to what you share.
Since reading this Sandra, I have been inspired and am learning to say “no” more often to things that don’t feel right instead of pushing through and feeling the consequences later.
A great sharing of your journey of you feeling empowered and deserving to use the word ‘no’. It is inspiring to read how this unfolded over time. Thank you, Sandra.
This is such a fantastic blog on so many levels Sandra. I love how you mark whether a decision is right for you based on how you feel in your body, this is something I’m still developing. And your insights into pushing through stopped me and showed me the massive arrogance I can live in when I’m like this – I think I know best and I have no idea really, usually when I’m like this it’s very much from my head, and my body is taken along and suffers later, but how you tell it allows me to see the greater picture and allow for it. Thank you this is something I will be looking at more.
I can really relate to what you’ve said here Sandra; about listening to your body and not overriding it with your head. Inspiring to hear how it worked out with your daughter, thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Sandra. This is great timing for me! I have been getting quotes for some work on my bathroom – when I first met the man whose quote is less expensive and who can start right away my body told me in very clear terms not to go with him. I then went into a mini-battle with myself trying to justify employing him because on the ‘outside’ what he offered ticked all the boxes, he was very polite and thoughtful, offered a good service at a good price, even though my body was loudly saying no. I can feel how many times I have overridden my body’s message out of fear, wanting to control the situation or wanting to please someone. I can also feel how much simpler it is when I choose to respond to what my body tells me. The sense of expansion in my body when choosing the person for my bathroom who feels right is great.
A great reminder that it isn’t just a case of knowing whether one decision is right or wrong, but that it is more about the how you are, and thus your motivation when making a decision. I experienced this some months back. I was resisting attending a particular event, although I knew deep down that I would decide to go. My driver for going was fear that I would miss out, in particular on how good I would feel at the end of the event. I knew that I would feel lighter and more clear, and able to deal with challenges that come up. On the other hand, it was anxiety about being at the event that was making me not want to go.
A wise practitioner helped me see that the most important thing was to make the decision freely, not from fear or anxiety. I realised that the fear or anxiety would in fact taint my experience whichever decision I made. So I focused on how I was living at that time, and not on the upcoming event. I then made the decision, i.e. to go along, but I made it more freely.
Great sharing Catherine, it really is about how we are when we make the choices. Thanks for reminding me.
Thank you for sharing Sandra. It is great to hear how much our body screams out to us especially when we are not making the most sensible choice(s)! Like you my body has always been giving messages but most of my life I overrode them. It was not until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I really started to stop and take note of what my body was and is saying. Now when I feel I start to get racy or agitated I pause for a moment and look at what I am doing, instead of pushing through as I always have done. I am still learning the saying ‘no’, and fully listening to my body. I am finding that the more I do listen to my body the more life flows and the less tired I am. The choice is now mine – how invested am I in the short term with things looking good but my body suffering; or honouring my body, knowing that it is showing me something for a reason.
Hi Sandra I loved how you explain about what you feel in your body which indicates when a choice is right or not for you. I can totally relate to what you are saying as someone who brought up two children on a low income and I too have often said ‘no we can’t afford to’. I hadn’t actually thought much about it and your blog has inspired me to consider if I still have times when I try to compensate for that. Thank you.
I have a situation in my life at the moment which is mirroring back to me this “acting out of fear’ so that someone is trying to force a situation and consequently events have indeed been warped and problems have arisen making the situation far more complicated than it needs be and certainly not in harmony with the whole. I can see that my lack of commitment to myself and the situation has also contributed to the present turn of events. I feel that the fear of not attaining a harmonious outcome (me in reaction) was part of this and coloured my own actions or lack of them. Just the other side of this dynamic. Thank you for your article as it is allowing me to understand and appreciate how these things play out in our lives.
I have so many “hidden areas” Sandra, that need “bringing out into the open”,
your article has given me much to feel into, where I have not been able to say ‘No’ to others.
Much appreciated.
Thank you Sandra for a great sharing. I enjoyed the part about you and your daughter. Very inspiring.
What a great piece, Sandra! A sort of parable for ‘The body knows best’. I particularly
liked the bit about agonising whether or not to give the money to your daughter,
only to find that she agreed wholeheartedly with your refusal.
What a wonderful article Sandra. Such very ordinary examples of how we are constantly shown that we do, in truth, know what to do at any time. I often find decision making difficult and can be run by my head and I have many times not said ‘no’ when it was truly needed. I am beginning to turn this around and feel very supported by your sharing. Thank you.
Thank you Sandra, I really enjoyed reading your article, especially the part about you and your daughter as I found this very inspiring.
Great insight into learning to say no when something doesn’t feel right. Thanks for sharing Sandra.
Thank you Sandra. I can relate as a daughter in your situation about money and the fear of the lack of it.
Thank you Sandra, this a great example of the word ‘No’ and how powerful it is and actually as in the example with your daughter how loving and healing it can be. I am learning more to listen to my body and say ‘no’ if this feels right to me. Inspiring.
Likewise, Julie. I cannot now believe how much I used to override my feelings to say ‘no’ to something that didn’t feel true to me. What I now realise is that I was robbing others of the opportunity to feel the loving truth as well in those moments, so words were just left unspoken and situations incomplete, or with the sour taste of resentment.
Sandra when I read this I felt all the times I do not say no when I want to, or speak the truth of what I really feel to someone. I was actually pondering this last night, what I actually get from not saying no to someone and allowing them to continue on with a behaviour that is disregarding to both me and themselves – and I get more than I first thought – their attachment to me is unbroken, I get to stay unchallenged, I can even be disregarding myself if I want to and join them. But essentially none of this is truly what I want – I want to be able to speak the truth and say no to someone whenever I need to. I know that when I do speak the truth I feel, it feels amazing and there is an amazing power. Thank you for reminding me to keep working on this 🙂
I have been using some practices suggested by my Universal Medicine Practitioner, which has helped me do my healing. I have been very committed to these things, and recently I realized that I have been ignoring the signals from my body. I needed to slow down and not do these practices so “hard”. I needed to listen to my body. Another example of the love of saying no!
I had a similar experience a while back and like you I agreed to do a brochure at short notice, without feeling first if it was true for me at that time – I went into pleasing and being helpful. It felt awful in my body and I could feel that I was pushing to get things finished; the project did not flow and at the end I could not get anyone to print it – a sure sign right there.
Thank you Sandra, this is very inspiring to read. I have recently started saying NO when something doesn’t feel right and I can really relate to what you have written here, ‘I am realising that my body does let me know whether I am making the right choice or not. If I feel an expansive feeling in my body that means I am making a good choice. If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation.’ Very simple and practical, thank you.
I can relate to this blog in so many ways from my very recent experiences. When my body does not want to do something it hurts to continue pushing forward, from experience this pain has been in the form of my body, damage to my environment (and my car) and my wallet for wasting time on a cause that was not true in the first place. Likewise, I have felt the joy and expanded feeling in my body that comes from me or another standing up and saying NO to that drive or saying NO to allowing a harming behavior to carry on.
I love the way you describe the interaction with your daughter over the money Sandra, and how what you feared was an illusion and the choice to say no actually brought about a change that gave you both a deeper understanding of yourselves and each other. This happened to me too recently with my son; too often I said yes to the lending or giving of money, there was always an excuse (on both sides) and it became a drain on both of us.
Recently I said no, and like your daughter, he accepted full responsibility for how he was living and making his own choices, and we both felt free. I love how when we do live in the reality of the present, not look forward to a “better” and more “comfortable” outcome and have courage to take the one small step of saying no to something we know deep down is not loving; then a way unfolds that brings love, expansion, well-being, confidence and the burden of anxiety evaporates. Your very beautifully and simply expressed article makes this very clear.
Thank you for this powerful article. It really exposes how, if we make things about ourselves, in our time, on our terms, we loose touch with what is true: “I started to fully understand how much it hurts myself and others when I try to make things happen. It’s a selfish manipulation which takes nothing else into account other than what I want. This can warp events and cause problems which can affect others because it is not in harmony with the whole.” I love the example with your daughter of how, by staying connected to how you felt inside and honouring that, an opportunity opened up for truth and healing.
Yes, not having the self love to sat no is why I have exhusted my self in my life. I took pride in the fact that I could do anything, but why was I doing all these things? Mostly to please other people. Our world rewards doing things, even when they are not loving. No is a most loving word ! ken elmer
What you say here Ken resonates with how I have been in my life, as in taking pride in doing everything and anything, mostly for other people. It took me a long time before I could comfortably say no to someone.
Thank you Sandra, this is a great reminder of how powerful it is to use the word “NO” and is needed at times.
Thank you Sandra, I love your raw honesty and openness and that you have shared how the amazing beauty within, shines out, when we choose to truly nurture and deepen the connection within ourselves… I can feel the reality/the living expression of that, through your words.
Thank you Sandra. Your money lending example is awesome, I can learn something from it.
Thank you Sandra, it is great how you saying no to your daughter opened up such an inspiring opportunity for you both to learn from and evolve. The body is always our marker of truth.
Thank you for the reminder, Sandra. I booked to run a course in another part of the country a few years back and everything in my body said to not go ahead when the time came to book my flight. It just did not feel right but because I had said I would do it and could not THINK of a reason why I shouldn’t do it, I went ahead anyway and booked. As it came closer to the time, all sorts of other problems emerged, mainly about the venue itself and I finally managed to let the local organisers know that I would not go ahead. In hindsight, it is as though I needed to go nearly all the way to learn that my body knows, and to trust that explicitly, even and especially if my mind cannot make sense of what I am feeling.
Sandra, your blog is amazing!!! I mean, you are amazing and what you have written expresses it so clearly. Everything you have experienced and shared: I have felt also. Listening to my body and not letting my mind override it, is something I am practicing more now. I love how you expressed the expansiveness felt in the body. It’s so true. Thanks so much.
Awesomely put, Sandra. Thank you so much for voicing this, and sharing the power of expressing what is true – and the great learning that then has the opportunity to open up…
I love this quote: “…when I am in harmony with my natural rhythm there is a whole-hearted delight which gets things done effortlessly and offers more than just practical help. It graces everyone”. Simply beautiful!
A beautiful illustration Sandra of how honouring your true feelings work for everyone – thanks for your honesty.
I love the reminder that we are honouring ourselves and our bodies by listening and saying no. This beautiful article has given me something to reflect on, to consider just how much do I listen or over ride my body? Thank you.
Sandra, you wrote “how I was constantly telling them: “We can’t afford that”… so I had instilled in them a sense of lack”. In reading that I realised that is what I have done with my two sons and now understand why they re-act the way they do at certain times. GOSH! Thank YOU I hadn’t felt that before.
Thank you Sandra, very well said and beautifully written.
Sandra, thank you for a great reminder – and your examples really bring the point home of the responsibility we have for every choice we make.
Sandra I love it how by saying no to your daughter it opened up an opportunity for you to discuss a lot, and it feels as though it deepened the relationship you share with each other. What always amazes me is how I can get worried about how another may react when I say no, but nine times out of ten the no is greatly welcomed.
I love the power and relief of the honesty you expressed to your daughter – both of you taking responsibility, no one to blame! What a fabulous account of your choices and the changes you have made now that your body is given the chance to express and guide the way with its knowing, life is so much simpler when we get out of our own way and let life be.
Amazing blog Sandra… thank you.
This is really beautiful Sandra. I can so relate to ALL of it! And I can feel the real solidity of your energy with what you relate. I love what you said: “If there is tension, I may be making a bad choice or I am resisting making the right choice. In either case my body warns me to look closer at the situation”.
As you have so beautifully written, honesty with mother and daughter only makes for a deeper, more gorgeous connection. I am having some inspiring, honest conversations with my own daughter, which has led to a lovely deepening. I have also been completing my acceptance around my own mother’s death which happened when I was 23. It is great to have the opportunity to untangle all mother-daughter relationships, at whatever level, through honesty and love. For me and my relationship with my own mother, I had the opportunity to see all there was to see about my mother instead of having an ideal picture about her – once I let go of that picture and saw it all, I was able to understand and accept it all. Untangling the knots and contractions leads to such freedom! Thank you for your heart-felt blog.