by Denise Cavanough, aged 56, Brisbane
Over the years that I have been seeing Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine presentations and talks, I can say that nothing he has said has made me feel uncomfortable, squirm in my seat or want to run away. Not until recently have I felt like I was confronted, stopped in my tracks, cut to the bone; felt like I wanted to throw a tantrum and run away kicking and screaming like a child (I think you will be getting the picture).
This all came about when my daughter Shannon sent me a text in reply to mine, saying that it was ok to stay the night, but to have organised it before, not just as an afterthought, and not without consideration for her plans. This called a stop to a behavior that I had been doing and, I now recognise, that my mother had also done to me.
I can now feel how I had (as a mother) this thread of a feeling that my now adult children owed me. That because I had more life experience I knew better, and I could fix things for them my way, instead of letting them come to things in their own time, or waiting to be asked. I felt how in some ways I had taken our relationship for granted, thinking just because they are my children, I had the right to tell them what I thought they should do. I thought this was loving, but now I felt how controlling it could be. I remembered how I had felt when my mum gave me unwarranted advice, and would not leave me to come to things in my own way.
This triggered a chain of events in me that was far bigger than I could have ever realised.
How had I allowed this to go on between mum and me and never put a stop to it?
I felt so angry. I had no idea what I was feeling at the time, but I knew it was HUGE. I had not felt anything like this before, only that I wanted to run away.
My body was screaming and I could feel that I didn’t want to face it. But there was no way I was running away from whatever it was. So I stopped.
From that short text, I had got to feel how I had never truly honoured and loved myself. By my daughter Shannon, also a mother, showing me the love she held for herself, I got to feel how I had never chosen true self-love for me. How I had always put my children first – I would do anything for them, in total disregard for me, never considering how it felt for me. No wonder I was kicking and screaming so much, it was H U GE.
I had spent a lifetime mastering this, thinking that this was what mothering was about. I loved being a mother, but I was mothering at the expense of me, and could see how mum had done the same all her life.
By Shannon saying truthfully what she felt, she reflected to me all the choices I had made that were not loving for me. It hurt me deeply to see what I had been choosing for myself. Since then I have had a great unfolding, allowing me to discover more of myself.
I have been seeing the same patterns running through my relationship with my mum, habits that I had taken on that mum had done. I’m seeing a stop to these patterns, a break in generations of this behavior. The buck stops here. By calling it out for what it is, it has stopped – it has run its course with me.
It is amazing to have felt all the changes I have made since that day. I had never allowed myself to stop and feel how the choices I was making were affecting my life, my children’s and grandchildren’s. They are now seeing the way I am making different choices, and becoming more loving to myself and others.
By holding on to mothering in that way, I was not allowing myself to claim time to nurture me, the lovely me, the beauty-full me, the gentle me, to treat myself tenderly, to speak to myself in a loving way, to adore me and cherish the amazing woman I have become.
I feel that through having attended presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I am seeing things in my life through different eyes. By taking responsibility for my choices, this has changed my life. I wanted to get to truth, no matter what. I can no longer blame anything that comes into my life on others – it has been my choice.
Self-love can only be where there is truth.
That’s my miracle for today.
259 thoughts on “Self-Love & Mothering: Stopping to Take Responsibility”
Society’s version of being a mother and what it means seem to leave who we are behind.
Self-love leads to true love, the place where our true self is found. This self is a ‘self’ but has no self in the sense that from this space, we do what best serves all equally and not what just suits our self.
The self-full self is discovered as opposed to the selfish self!
“I have been seeing the same patterns running through my relationship with my mum, habits that I had taken on that mum had done.” It is interesting to see how these behaviors ‘run in the family’ just like an illness or disease can run in the family. When we think this is just how we are because of our family we are stuck but when we see it is our own choices to take over the behavior from our family, there is a huge opportunity for change.
What you share here Denise is enormous. If we were all so open in our relationships and honest with ourselves then the world would be quite a different place.
Ther are moments in life we can remember are a magnificent STOP! Moments where patterns of entrenched behaviour have an opportunity to not be our normal any more. What an opportunity you were offered and grabbed with both hands.
Amazing how you were able to embrace the situation Denise and not just stay in the reaction and the hurt of what was being exposed for you. I can relate to the feeling of having a tantrum on the inside – this happens when I too encounter another area where I am actually ready to grow in, but a part of me wants to fight the next step in growth! Growth is not always smooth, but it is still growth and to be celebrated!
A beautiful sharing and understanding that comes from reflection and all that life offers us to see.A great learning that can heal so much and allow us to expand and live more honestly and simply from there.
So powerful to be able to stop a pattern of abuse that has been running for generations Denise. Also, there is an irony here in that within all those ‘self-less acts’, putting others needs before one’s own, there is actually a lot of ‘self’ and need for recognition for these acts.
There is so much potential when we take a moment and observe rather than react to things we don’t like. From experience, when I can make space to see if there is anything for me to learn in the exchange it is much easier to move through.
I love this wonderful example of how we could respond in confronting situations. Face to face with a reflection that made you feel like running kicking and screaming…… yet, you stopped, reflected, felt everything the revelations brought up, deepened your awareness, chose a different way and expanded. What a gorgeous inspiration you have provided Denise. Thank you.
Yes, this sharing is a great example and inspiration for how to be in the world.
I have squirmed in my seat when I have heard something’s that are hard to look at, but the truth and love can be felt in what Serge Benhayon delivers and that is why I have stayed to hear more, I want to expose that which is not true in my life and not be run by my habits and hurts.
The beauty what you share here is that all the people in our life are never there to simply annoy us but hold a reflection for us that offer us to see and understand and to grow.
Such a great point Esther, an opportunity to see, understand and grow. Thank you for the reminder of the opportunity in every moment.
When you think you have the right to…., it feels right to go for it and so, your movements are at once with this confirming, en-acting and feeding it.
When we mother at the expense of ourselves the cost to our own state of health and well-being can put us into serious overdraft.
I am not a mother myself, but your sharing supports me to see my mother also as a daughter to her mother, and this is showing me how I get stuck with a role and how that makes it very difficult to not take things personal. Thank you, Denise.
This shows how speaking the truth is not just for us but something another needs to hear that offers an opportunity to stop a unloving pattern and reveal more of who they truly are.
Life is always offering us opportunities to learn and grow from. Each day there is a new learning to be embraced even if we do feel like we want to kick and scream and run the other way! In fact the greater the tension the more necessary the learning is.
Yes, it is a blessing to even be able to feel the tension and the urge to kick and scream and run away because it shows there is an awareness that what you are feeling is something to pay attention to. How many years did we just run!
Yes Lucy, great point! And yes there were many years on the run blaming everything and everyone else.
When we take blame out of the equation there is no place to look other than to oneself.
This is such a great blog on the power of true reflection. When we live our truth, which comes with self love, we offer others the chance to feel where expansion for this same truth and love could come in their life.
“Self-love can only be where there is truth.” Spot on. If we are not truthful with ourselves, how can we be true to another?
A powerful reminder that truth always is where loves resides and that our way of being with one another influences like the water movements in the sea. We can only truly care for another if we care for ourselves — this starts with taking our responsibility and letting others be and do whatever they feel, need or want to do in their time and space.
This is a beautiful example of how our reactions are actually never really because of another but because of our own choices. It is simply the reflection of another that triggers or rather reminds us that there is another way that we haven’t chosen yet.
Where does the ideal actually come from that to be a good mother it has to be at the expense of the woman? It does make a lot of sense that if we love and honour ourselves in the neighbourhood of our children we share with them without words what we love them to do for themselves in their life.
‘I loved being a mother, but I was mothering at the expense of me, and could see how mum had done the same all her life.’ It is interesting how we automatically follow the same patterns of our parents, it is not until we understand that we have to take responsibility of our choices that we are able to change our patterns too.
Children can be wise educators for their parents.
Children need to be reflected the truth of them that they can feel within themselves from us in our own divine presence. If they feel this solidness, they also feel the space this provides them to just be themselves.
This is always so powerful to read Denise. Although I did not have kids I still mothered, and I did so with total disregard to myself and was overly involved in the lives of others. It wasn’t until I found the work of Serge Benhayon that I started to put me first, to nurture and cherish me and focus more on my own life and needs. This actually turned out to be such a blessing for those around me – a woman who loves herself is a very powerful presence and reflection.
When we are willing and open to embrace the truth, to being honest with ourselves about the degree of loving choices we are making, we will discover the great liberation that unfolds for us to live more of who we really are.
The beauty of self-love is that the bi-product is an equal and beholding love being expressed to others. That’s the thing… it’s all pro’s with self-love.. no con’s.
Mothering is for sure not in truth smothering.
How great it is when we are able to see our own patterns so clearly, and own them for what they are.
Yes Victoria – an in owning them we can take responsibility for them and know that they are and never were who we are.
Mothering is such a huge topic because it doesn’t end with our children, I feel how we can put this controlling way of living with the idea we are ‘doing good in every relationship. With our husband, our friends and also in work. I see it a lot in nursing too, we don’t value ourselves first before anything else and use this pattern to keep the system going.
All the tantrums and blaming we throw out towards others is a great big distraction from facing the relationship we have with ourselves. Thank you for this reminder.
It’s great to truly listen to others no matter where they may be perceived as standing in society. If we are open to it everyone we see has a reflection for us, one part maybe louder at the time as this article presents. This ‘louder’ reflection is there for us to deal with and we only need bring simple awareness to whatever the part is for it to change. So often we think we need to do something with something when in fact a huge part of this process is simply just allowing yourself to feel and see what is being presented to you. We are naturally intelligence and some may say bodily intelligence and so in that way we only need give our body permission to do it’s thing.
This is a great example of how very possible it is to break through patterns that have been continued through generations. And as you show it just takes one person to do so, to reflect that there is another way, which then allows for inspiration.
Yes, and it also blows the belief out of the water that because things have been the way they have been they are normal and thus the way they are.
Denise your honesty here is inspirational and when we can be honest with ourselves and each other, it opens up a lot a whole deeper level of awareness of what is going on in our lives. Sometimes I know it can be painful and even excruciating to really feel and face the rawness and honesty of what is going on and what our part in it is, but from my experience it is worth doing for it frees us from what would otherwise be a prison of the same patterns and behaviours playing out over and over again which deep down we know we do not like. If we are not honest we cannot heal or end these patterns we can only subvert or cover up or distract from the uneasiness or emptiness that we feel when caught in this merry go round of illusion.
Truly honouring and respecting ourselves then reflects in our relationships with others and everything we do…
So true Jenny, as such we naturally inspire each other to live the truth of who we are. And the beautiful thing is that we can be inspired by anyone of any age, if we are open to it.
If we do anything in disregard of ourselves whether it is with family, friends, colleagues, strangers or when we are alone we are in disregard and, in that, causing harm to ourselves and by extension to everyone else. only by taking responsibility of this fact can we begin to turn things around. It is likely to be a rocky road at the beginning for we are starting anew on a well worn track taking us in a direction we no longer are choosing. There can feel like a force wanting us to go back to doing what we have always done but like tacking in sailing we have to stay very attentive and keep on top of the barrage of thoughts that might want to take us off course and stay true to our intention and steer our own ship, not with force to counter the force but with a strength of focus, deliberateness, power and love.
What a beautiful story of graciously accepting the reflection on offer, taking it and running with it. What a healing from a simple text.
So many mothers mother at huge expense of themselves, ‘I had always put my children first – I would do anything for them, in total disregard for me, never considering how it felt for me.’ A great realisation and opportunity to heal this false pattern.
It is so common for parents to give advice thinking they are helping, but it actually feels horrible, I always hated it when my parents gave me advice, ‘I had felt when my mum gave me unwarranted advice, and would not leave me to come to things in my own way.’
Self-love is a step towards yourself before there is love.
Beautifully expressed Denise. I always find that the things that make me react the most hold the key to the biggest healing and your story demonstrates this so well.
When I took responsibility for my choices the veil that I had been hiding behind just dropped away which gave me so much understanding of my past choices and at the same time, I knew all I had to do was make new choices to self-care and self-nurture and it began with baby steps, with one new step leading to another. Today my life has transformed, all the drama and emotions I once bought into and controlled me are no longer there. My life has become simpler and uncomplicated, and I am being constantly confirmed of the sweet, gorgeous and wise woman that I am, and that we all are when we so choose it.
The role of parenting is so thick with illusion and so tightly bound and held by the many ideals, belief and pictures that breaking can be attempted many times before it truly happens. Today I too, celebrate the honesty and calling out of old patterns by my adult children for it is their honest reflection that allows me to see the unhealthy attachment I hold to them. This blog has been so supportive Denise – Thank you.
It is beautiful to read Denise that you were so open and willing to look at this deep held pattern and to take responsibility for your part in letting it go. Too often many parents feel a sense of ownership over their children and don’t treat them with respect or as an equal, the choice you made to stop and review your behaviour has bought many including yourself a deep healing.
Self love can only be where there is truth; what a responsibility we have to know and feel the truth. I love what you have expressed in this blog Denise, it is loving, nurturing and very inspiring, thank you.
This blog blows me away. I have such appreciation for ‘The way of the Livingness’ when I hear and read stories such as yours Denise. It offers a way to be with another that is based on truth and not emotions, and in this true love can be lived.
I love the true relationship that was allowed to establish by you taking what Shannon said and living through your initial reaction. It’s very confronting when our comfortable Ways are exposed and our way of life needs to adjust, but wow look at the growth you both had from so doing, well worth it!
It’s a pretty amazing moment when you realise that the buck stops with you. In my case there has been a cycle of self-abuse that has continued unchecked throughout my family. I have now seen this clearly, felt how it is playing out in my life and my relationship with abuse. It will not continue past me. It stops here.
Self-love can only be where there is truth. This is such an awesome truth Denise, one that I have come to know the value of in so many ways.
To demand anything energetically from another is to not be in true relationship, full stop.
That said, we have been bombarded from day one, with expectations and demands, roles that ‘should’ be played and the rest – and so every step we take in recognising what is not true, and releasing others from the hold of our own demands, expectations and needs, is deeply important and powerful for all concerned. Offering the opportunity to set the relationship at a whole other level, in a whole other playing field – where we may actually grow, rather than perpetuate the ‘same old’ that has gone for perhaps generations before, that truly we must ask, hasn’t really got humanity anywhere…
Being owed (or having that feeling) is a way of moving in life that is abusive based on a hurt that makes us believe we are entitled to this way of movement.
Although taking responsibility for everything that occurs in my life makes absolute sense to me I have not found it easy. It is a step by step process uncovering more about myself through the reflections in my life. Those closest to me are my biggest reflections hence they have triggered the most intense reactions in me but recently I got to feel and become more aware of my ill-behaviours which I found to be quite revealing.
‘mothering at the expense of me’ is a great realisation. What else do we do ‘at the expense of ourselves’? This exposes in me and age old energy of self-negation and putting others first – anything but self-loving. It also makes me aware of an energetic dynamic in my relationship with my mother I had not seen before. Thank you for sharing your miracle here Denise.
It is very beautiful to feel that we are all teachers and that when we have an ideal or image that teaching can only be one sided, we miss out on some very important and life changing lessons.
The image of mothering and its whereabouts is a killer for mothers. Mothering (like fathering) is an expression through which old hurts, beliefs, concepts, emotions make their way into the present. We have to be aware of it.
I love how you describe with honesty the reaction you felt and how you stayed with it and didn’t run away but allowed it to be and sat with it and looked at it. So often when something comes up that rocks our comfort we can react, try to blame, play victim or push it away. So great that you allowed the learning and the evolution that came from that to then give you a greater platform for a more loving relationship.
To have and hold the self love to speak up no matter to whom it is, is so honouring of oneself. I have found myself in Shannon’s shoes on several occasions having to speaking up and then carrying it out what I have said which I have found to be the most difficult part. People respect me and do not have expectations like they did before that I will drop everything to fit in with their plans.
When we allow ourselves to see things as an offering to learn and grow, we enter a evolutionary relationship. The way all our relationship should be. Very beautiful Denise.
The awarenesses you have come to about mothering and some of the behaviours around this are truly profound. Many don’t usually stop to contemplate them let alone commit to changing long held patterns regardless of the harm they cause. I can’t but be inspired by you choosing the love you have… and the benefits of this are a testament to the enormity of what you have chosen.
What a profound revelation Denise. Thank you for sharing this deeply healing unfolding, one we can all learn from. I too have lived in a way that was not self-honoring or self-loving, putting what was important for others or what others needed first, which led me to impose this expectation on others also.Through disregarding myself and what was true for me, I then held the expectation for others to do the same for me. In separation to our truth we live a lie, perpetuating behaviours and patterns that do not reflect who we are or offer the opportunity for another to be themselves either. Through being honest with ourselves we live in connection to our truth and we then express and share with a quality that embraces and honors the love we all are in essence.
Many parents feel that they have rights over their children and I have felt this in the past also. Like you, Denise, I am deeply grateful to my children for calling out this behaviour which has allowed me to peel off another layer of the deep disregard i held myself in.
When we are kids, we find tricks that get us what we want and cover up the painful bits. We learn to play up and out to manipulate life to protect us from the bits we don’t like. As adults, we like to think the problems we have are complex and deep, but really all we are doing is playing out the same games we have always done, just in a different shape and form. If only we could stop and see that like the youngest sweetest child we all deserve someone to say ‘hey that is not ok, but tell me dear whats going on? How do you feel my son?’. How amazing that it is not too late for this healing to happen, no matter what your age, and for the repeating pattern to be brought to an end. How sweet that in your case Denise it was your daughter who brought this game to light.
Denise, this is an amazing account of your willingness to look at what is in the way between you and LOVE and to actually take the steps and the responsibility to remove these self-created obstacles, which is as you share not always done without resistance and some kicking and screaming but certainly liberates us to express more of who we are.
Thank you for sharing this, Denise. I can see in the way we are in my family how we hold on and keep playing the patterns through generations as if we have no other options. It is very beautiful and inspiring to read how a drop of honesty can make a ripple of true change into the way we have carried on life times. This may or may not happen in my family, but your sharing has inspired me to commit more to bringing the whole of me in any interaction, just in case it might inspire others.
When we do express truthfully, with love, then everyone has the opportunity to reconfigure…
Mothering is such a big issue that is often deeply ingrained in everything we do. What I have come to realise is that even when I think I am not mothering I am.
A very real and relatable blog Denise. There is such a magic when a parent and son/daughter and a ‘best friend’ relationship, as opposed to a mother/father – son/daughter one.
Denise , this has also been such a huge topic for me, and no doubt for so many mothers and how they have mothered. I had realized how controlling and imposing i have been in my behaviour towards my own daughters, but never known how to overcome this. As i now know and continue to learn and practise that by focussing on myself first, taking care of me, how i feel, what i need, appreciating and accepting what i feel and know, I can carry myself in wisdom and love. There is now more space in me and my relationships with others, as i accept myself more and more as i am. I recognize that I do not need to make ‘things’ right in the world , or ‘right wrongs’ with my children or others to get a sense of satisfaction that i am ‘mothering’ right. Just being there to listen, (without needing to fix anything) is all that is needed often.
I can relate to believing that telling others what to do, how to do things, or giving advice is helpful when it actually can be quite imposing. What I have learned now is that the true way is actually to live something ourselves and reflect it to others, allowing another the space to make whatever choices they need to without imposition. For me, when I’m invested in an outcome (another being or doing what I want or need) then in comes the interfering way of imposing advice etc. Its a great learning you have shared Denise.
Thank you Denise I loved what you have shared i can so relate to what you have said, I too loved being a mother and thought by advising my children that was a loving thing to do all the while with no love for myself and no true love for my children. I have learnt to gradually cut the ties and allow both myself and my children to be responsible for our own choices, my choice to self love and and self caring can reflect to them a different way of being with no more telling them what to do.
Jill, i love this … ‘my choice to self love and and self caring can reflect to them a different way of being with no more telling them what to do’.
Wow Denise I love your honesty! What you have shared can change the way of being a mother: “I loved being a mother, but I was mothering at the expense of me, and could see how mum had done the same all her life.” With this kind of change our children will never live at the expense of themselves – how powerful is it to be a true mother!
Reading your blog again Denise made me realise why I used to throw these horrendous tantrums around my children, I did exactly the same thing, I disregarded myself and often put others first. The sadness of these disregarding choices came out as pent up anger. It was really exposing to realise this and also very supportive as I now understand how harmful it is to not honour and love myself first. So, now I am learning to not impose or fall back into disregarding myself but to truly love and care for me first so I can be that to others.
Realising where we are living that is in some way controlling or over powering of another hurts us deeply for we know innately that this is not how we want to be. We like to think that we are not being this way and when it is exposed to us by another it is this inner knowing that we have disregarded ourselves, our love our tenderness that we then want to not feel how much it hurts. But hurt it does and like you share Denise it is only when it is exposed that we then reflect on the choices we have made and begin to make different choices.
“I was mothering at the expense of me, and could see how mum had done the same all her life.”. These words could have been easily written by me and I am sure the majority of mothers in the world. Our mothers are such pivotal teachers in this world and so it follows that we as children take on board so many of our beliefs from them; what they do simply becomes what we do, without question. How amazing Denise that when you were offered this wonderful lesson from Shannon, instead of staying stuck in the belief that you have lived by for so long, you chose to learn and grow from it.
What a great line Denise, “Self-love can only be where there is truth.” and how true this is. We cannot make changes until we feel the honesty and truth about whether choices are truly working for us (and others) or not. So simple.
Great to read this… gives me pause to consider what I take for granted with my kids, the expectations I have of them.. rather than just seeing them for who they truly are, stripped of all the things I have put on them.. the gorgeous human beings that they have always been.
Denise with your amazing blog your are not only changing your life you are offering every mother the opportunity to change as well. To reveal what you have revealed is gold. “That because I had more life experience I knew better, and I could fix things for them my way, instead of letting them come to things in their own time, or waiting to be asked.”
What you’ve shared here Denise reveals the beauty of what we offer one another by way of reflection.
“By holding on to mothering in that way, I was not allowing myself to claim time to nurture me, the lovely me, the beauty-full me, the gentle me, to treat myself tenderly, to speak to myself in a loving way, to adore me and cherish the amazing woman I have become.” I can so relate Denise. As a mother I gave myself over to my children, also to the detriment of my relationship with my husband. But now – as a grandmother – I claim my time – to go to bed often before my young grand-children for example, because I now value myself first.
Like the saying goes ‘you sound like your mother’ or ‘you sound like your father’… well yes we can but it’s more that we are repeating a pattern that we have chosen to repeat and keep alive by saying, doing, moving and living in the same way. Until, as you did Denise, you see it for what it is and put a stop to it. I’ve found stepping back and observing myself and what is pouring out of my mouth to my children, really helps to arrest all the rubbish that is not me or anyone really. It’s a learning everyday… especially when it comes to choosing to be distracted or getting overly involved as a parent just so I don’t have to deal with what is needed.
A beautiful lesson in cutting the apron strings of being a mother and allowing our children to show us how to be the woman we are.
Mothering has been the biggest learning. How to carry through with what I feel is true, against the wiliest of consciousnesses, and the moment self-doubt comes in – all is lost. And then everything turns into the most amazing celebration of connection. I have learnt and am still learning so much.
True responsibility is to live equally with everybody else and not stay attached to roles and behaviors we have accumulated during our life. Our choices to be true have to reflect the all and cannot be based on individual identification. A great blog on how to let go of one of the biggest consciousnesses we have on earth, which is the role of the mother.
Self responsibility is the most empowering choice we can make. We get to feel that the level of love, care and acceptance in our life is completely a reflection of our choices and not because of how anyone else is or anyone else’s actions towards us or themselves. It’s easy for a mother to ride her success and happiness off the back of her children’s success and happiness but in truth there is an emptiness that remains unable to be filled until we fill it ourselves.
Although I am not a parent, I can see one of the greatest gifts any parent could give their child is the space and grace to grow and foster who they truly are.
Knowing that true self-love and responsibility go hand in hand is the easy part. Accepting and putting it into action takes commitment and your willingness to make that commitment to honour and cherish yourself is inspiring. Really love what you have expressed here Denise that “Self-love can only be where there is truth”.
Denise it is great to expose living an ideal that hides under the auspice of being unselfish but is actually selfish and affecting many close to us – this is a great reading and understanding of taking on the mothering role and what may be felt to be owed through taking it on and how coming back to oneself as a woman first offers so much for oneself and others through self love.
A revisit to your sharing Denise has been needed, for me to re-assess where I am at in the Motherhood stakes! I can see that I need to step back every now and then to do this and take more tender care of me again. It is true we need to allow our children to make their own decisions and mistakes along the way as we did, they are more than capable adults and if they need support they know they can ask. Thank you Denise, a truly inspiring sharing.
This is a huge miracle. I know when we break a long held pattern it feels massive. So many of our ideals and beliefs are tied up in mothering and the way we see our relationship with our children. I know I can consider it easy going to just take them for granted but it is so worthwhile to respect our children and mothers and all our family as people and consider that we respect ourselves in the same way too.
A great blog that highlights the power of a simple reflection to expose a lifelong pattern and shatter the casing it’s been held in so that we can’t help but start to make different choices.
I just happened to revisit your blog Denise and enjoyed reading through it again. The pattern you dared looking at and take responsibility for is (as I am sure you have been able to observe) quite a common one for mothers, so it is fantastic and very valuable that you are exposing it so clearly and honestly. By taking responsibility for our choices yes we change our life.
We are all driven by the hurts accumulated in our lives, many people talk about what to do, but Universal Medicine presents a way to live that is innately healing and then we can have true and responsible relationships.
Wow Denise – I (and I’m confident many others) can very much relate to your experiences of mothering in a way that disregards yourself. It’s a web I am working on unravelling. There is such strong cultural norms around mothering that I can totally see where I, my mother, grandmother etc have all fallen into line with common thinking and behaviours of the times. How controlling and imposing is this behaviour on others, let alone loveless towards everyone, especially myself! Definitely time to make different choices!
As we are in the midst of the Christmas season, an issue that has arisen for me is the power that I have given away to family in the past. So I can totally relate to what you have written Denise, Thank you
Your blog is such a brilliant example of the power of speaking up and out when something is not right – and not allowing it to fester. That your daughter expressed to you what was true for her allowed you to completely re-evaluate your behaviour, come to a deeper realisation about what was truly at play, heal some old hurts and move on gracefully, for the good of you all. A win:win in anyone’s books! The key ingredients? Feedback that is lovingly given, with understanding of the other and not an ounce of judgment.
You invite me with this blog to deepen even more the self honoring. To always put myself first. Not in a selfish way but from love. To feel what is right for me, to feel that in my body. Then I can be sure it it the best way to go. The body never lies.
Putting oneself first, not in a selfish way but from love – here is the whole difference indeed. Such a great comment Sylvia from beginning to end.
The fact that our choices bring us all our situations, good, bad and ugly has been presented by Serge Benhayon constantly and consistently. I can feel in myself a hesitation towards feeling my choices at various times but in those moments it’s like I completely forget that I have a whole collection previous choices to feel the results of my choices. And the choice always remains the same, to be love and then I get to feel that love and also the part which is not love that has been allowed and accepted and created. The choice remains the same, only the depth becomes grander, both good and bad and what this blog has reminded me of was the fact that with grander love gets exposed equally the not love, but that lack of love is not greater. Thank you Denise.
I recognise living just as a mother without honoring the beautiful tender and wise woman I am. It is such a painful exercise and your blog is a great inspiration to deepen the relationship with myself and adore and cherish my gorgeousness.
Thank you for sharing this moment of revelation, Denise. And being a mother, I have learned that mothering at the expense of myself and therefore the children also is not worth it – it is a no win situation for anyone and no one grows.