Reflecting On My Youth – Accepting More of Who I Am

by Greg Hall, Civil Engineer, Brisbane

Particularly inspired by the writings of Oliver Harling in a recent post titled: “Stitched Up“, I sit here reflecting on my days of youth and at primary school being referred to as a ‘Ladies Man’ (named after a popular TV sitcom of the time) – I didn’t mind being teased because I felt that the boys doing the teasing were really just envious of my choice to honour being me. I was friends with the boys at school but really did not like the way it felt to be acting up and playing rough games in the play ground to ‘jostle for hierarchy’ and prove one’s physical capabilities rather than spending time with girls who pretty much accepted me for simply being a gentle me.

By year 8 and the peer pressures of high school, I began to cave in to the pressure to conform. I hated playing rugby, always knew alcohol felt awful and tasted terrible too (chocolate is a far more insidious hook because it fools your taste buds!) and I found that the girls no longer wanted ‘the so-called’ me around (I wasn’t being honest about who I was, and they may also have begun to change their own ‘expectations’).

Spending the next 25 odd years becoming more and more ‘lost’ from who I am (that little boy who knew exactly who he was), meant that even alcohol and coffee began to taste good and I certainly only ever had any feeling of ill if I went drastically overboard – a long way removed from just a single sip warning me of the danger/harm by its taste…

Then a few years ago I attended a few presentations by Serge Benhayon that shed light on who I truly am and why I was so far removed from being me through the choices I’ve made throughout my life.

With all that gathered momentum, my life is a challenging ‘ship’ to make an about turn in, but I’m coming around and it’s with all these honest, frank, courageous blog statements and particularly Oliver’s recent post offered here, that makes it so much easier for all boys and men alike, to recognise they are no different – if only they choose to be, as Oliver (and others) has chosen.

… And to the younger generations reading these blogs – embrace the opportunity to choose to be you, it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…

338 thoughts on “Reflecting On My Youth – Accepting More of Who I Am

  1. I really love what you have shared here Greg, there is so much to appreciate. Not only your personal unfolding and what it has meant for you, but speaking personally, what I also have been able to shed and claim with myself from attending Universal Medicine presentations and practitioners is truly amazing.

  2. Very true Greg – being a youngster myself, I can declare I have made the choice to be myself instead of partying hard and loosing myself again. To start exploring who I am at a very young age I must say it is absolutely HOT, more HOTTER than a drink, party, date , sex , drugs or rock and roll could have ever given me. I am who I am – that is truly me. And with that comes enormous JOY AND FUN! No need for anything outside me , everything can only truly add or not.

  3. Thank you for your open and lovely sharing Greg in which I feel your love for our next generations to offer them different possibilities to choose from by your lived experience and healing by choosing different later in life. This is felt by all and so a contribution to all who are ready.

  4. The Momentum that Greg refers to can actually build up over llifetimes, but what is extraordinary is that when we do choose the ancient wisdom our lives can turn around with great speed and definition.

  5. Reading your words today Greg has been a beautiful reminder that I always have a choice to be the true me, and not the carbon copy facsimile that the world is telling me I have to be. And also to bear in mind that things in life do not always move as quick as a race car, but like a ferry or great shipping boat take a little time to redirect. So let us all stay steady and gentle with our hands on the tiller.

  6. I would just like to take a moment to appreciate everyone who has contributed to this bog site. The blogs here are very inspiring and I feel they totally support any of us who are finding our ship challenging to turn around and like-wise can inspire us with new insights and ways that can speed up that process. Let’s not forget those who make comments too for sometimes the comments in themselves can be just what is called for.

  7. Hi Greg l love this . . . ” it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’ . . . I often say to the younger generation – being of the older generation myself – “take care of your body now, there is no time to waste as every little thing makes a difference and you will reap the benefits as you grow older as you will not have to undo the damage you have done when you thought you could get away with anything” It so worth turning the ship around at any age and being our self in full.

  8. Whilst there are these stereotypes and ‘norms’ that abound in our society, it seems to me, they only exist because we choose to live them and make them real. When you do there’s a comfortable feeling like joining a club or pulling on a team jersey. You know it’s not the true you or really what you’re here to do, but it helps distract and fill in the painful parts of your life and cover over the cracks. Thank God for men like you Greg who show that ‘norms’ do not exist and that what we think it is to be a man is nothing but an out of date list. You give confidence to us to step outside of these adopted habits to show everybody what’s really going on underneath.

  9. Love what you share here, it’s so true the choice to be dishonest about who we truly are is the worst to feel. It doesn’t bring us closer to others at all, it only isolates us more while the false tops layer is showing us that we belong to the group. In deep isolation from who we truly are.

  10. ’embrace the opportunity to choose to be you’ – ‘the real and natural you’ is the new black! We have tried everything else.

  11. Really at some level everyone wants to be met, to connect and to express love – strange that our world is setup for everything but.

  12. Thank you Greg for sharing what many of us, I am sure, have experienced growing up. We all began with a sense of knowing who we are, what felt right and true yet the world that we have created does not reflect, support or encourage us to develop this inner-knowing of our inner-quality. We basically are not encouraged to be ourselves. We then live in search of returning to this through our achievements or we give up and seek to comfort ourselves for what we feel is missing in our lives. What you have shared is such an important message as it calls us all to be aware of what we are sharing with our children, as they are always watching, always learning from what we do and how we are. We are the ones that hold the responsibility of how our boys and girls are in the world, and how confident they feel to be themselves, with others in a currently opposing world.

    1. Beautifully shared Carola, it is a response-ability each one of has to be the reflection, live the love, inner knowing and inner quality we innately are. This will support and encourage our children ..and others to hold true to all they are.

  13. Deep down we all know the potential of who we are. Giving ourselves permission to let this out without reserve is a gift only we can give ourselves.

  14. Yes Greg, we can hear that it’s ok to be different and live life ‘our way’ but there can be still a subscription to a fear of what we have seen in the past. And even if we think we don’t care what others say we may still not realise we are affected and restricted by a whole heap of ideals and beliefs. Your words here are a clarion call to let it all go and really embrace ourselves.

  15. A great reminder that it is never to late to become aware and return to and claim the essence we once lived, no matter how lost as sea we have been.

  16. A fascinating relationship you draw Greg between ‘losing yourself’ and ‘liking coffee and alcohol’. Your true self, likes neither. That is a whole new take on psychology and dieting wouldn’t you say?!

  17. Such a strange and convoluted life where we start out connected to ourselves and then go so far off and have to let go of all that is not true to come back to the truth, awesomeness and simplicity we have always been. Something a bit crazy about the whole thing that more you look at it!

    1. Agree Nicola, this seems to be the game of life, where we can lose ourselves in creation until we awake and realise we are going around in circles. What a joy to stop and feel the connection to the truth we are.

  18. So true as a child we simply know who we are in essence, we spend years being told that it is not enough and for many we have listened a great deal to what people have said and not held true to who we know ourselves to be, I know I have chosen this myself. It is never to late, to uncover and reconnect with who we truly are.

  19. Greg sharing a Greg, it’s never to late to turn the ship around, as a young child we know our true essence and connection. It’s a matter of choice now to reclaim that knowing and connection, as our true essence is always there never lost.

  20. It is interesting that we may end up liking what we know we profoundly dislike. It is not that we acquire the taste (for let’s say alcohol), it is that we have acquired the taste for the fact that we are totally lost.

    1. Oh yes. I thought whole of my life I would love cheese and now I can’t even smell it anymore without gag reflex…and I believed that a life without drinking alcohol would be boring and flat and now I live a life full of joy with friends being very juicy while ‘dry’…and I believed that I do not like most of the people, that the are stupid and now I know that I love them all dearly and it is on me to see our all gem inside and to live a life that support this gem to shine again.

  21. It is interesting to note that alcohol and coffee started tasting good when got older, in a way our sensitivity towards what harms us becomes numbed from the choices we have made in not wanting to feel and to be aware.

  22. I love how you clearly identify Greg that so often we really do know so clearly the truth when we are a young person. It is amazing how much this can get clouded from view. As an adult you think you ‘just don’t have a choice’ or get tightly wound up thinking that others will not like what you have to say. They may not, but sharing all of us, just as we are beats hiding from life any day.

  23. I agree Greg, we are never too old to return to living the connection we had with ourselves as children, I was well into my sixties before I made the choice to re-connect to the true me, but how wonderful it would be if our younger generation we supported to keep their inner connection on their journey into adulthood and beyond.

  24. Greg Hall, I wanna thank you for taking the time to share such important truth – to not only educate our young but equally share with the older generation what there is we can change and come back to. We are not lost. Beautiful example of how we can change our life it does jot matter how we have lived.

  25. I appreciate how you point our here how we give up on expressing our true selves and with that, things, actions and a way of living start to make sense which did not make any sense to us before. We step into a way of living which is not true but does function in a way. But one day we come to the result that we are missing what we have left and nothing in the illusionary world has the potential for satisfy us. And yes, we have to clean up what we have created against truth – but we will do it together, as brothers. Or we will not do it. And it is never to late to turn around again, as we will go on anyway next life. The is no end in learning and expanding.

  26. Wise words Greg – and wisdom I’d love to have learned when I was a young ‘jet-ski’ rather than a ageing vessel. Having said that, it is very beautiful at any time of life to reconnect with the truth of our beingness and it is certainly never too late to do so.

  27. Choosing to be us is a big one especially when we are younger. There are so many pressures that we encounter, peer pressure, pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, pressure to be successful, even as a teenager, be popular, now there are the pressures of social media as well. So to be ourselves and choose to back ourselves can be a hard, but that inner confidence does grow each and every time you do self honour.

  28. Hi Greg, I think it’s beautiful that you have recognised and now again appreciate the loving qualities that you had as a young boy, and are willing and learning to re-connect with them in your daily life – it’s never too late to change!

  29. Thank you Greg. How many of us actually feel the same about all that comes towards us but think we have to conform as this is seemingly what life is about. It is a blessing to being presented with another way, a way that we deep down feel is ours.

  30. I think I spent most of my school and adult life trying to fit in with everybody else. I didn’t like alcohol or cigarettes but made myself like them to be like my friends at the time. And then I tried to be the person I thought other people wanted me to be and was forever living with a sense of not quite achieving anything. Once I learned about simply being me, life became way less stressful. I know how to be me, I don’t have to be dishonest in any way.

  31. Reconnecting to our essence is such a joy, and it is never too late to turn the ship around. We may stray from ourselves trying to conform; yet our essence always remains steady and unwavering awaiting our return.

  32. It is amazing what we do to ‘fit in’ or ‘be liked’ and with the increase in social media this mentality is happening more and more especially with young people. That is why it is absolute gold that people like Serge Benhayon present, live and reflect the importance of being true to who we really are and in honouring what we feel, this is so incredibly important.

  33. Today I realised I’ve lived a certain way all of my life that was completely false- all to fit in and ‘not rock the boat’. They’ll be more revelations like this where I realise I’ve chosen to not be true. I’ll be faced with choosing to either let go of these behaviours and accept I made them, or try to numb out awareness of this and try to carry on as before. The latter I’ve tried and it simply does not work because my body is calling for me to be in harmony with who I am and though it’s painful to feel the impact of my choice to fit in at the expense of my body and those around me, it’s short-lied because the body knows how to return to harmony and restore order.

  34. Great analogy of a ship doing a turn….that Is how I have felt in my life, I felt the truth and I began steering that way and yet my habits where still heading another way…..it has had to be gentle, steady and consistent, but I can feel this commitment is making waves in the right direction.

  35. Life offers us every opportunity to walk away from who we are without any effort. Those opportunities always bring a reward our way. We are rewarded for choosing to let go our greatest treasure only to discover later on that there is no compensation in this world for the beauty we are leaving behind.

  36. Once you give up on yourself, that which was previously untenable and unattractive will become not only attractive, but actually natural, such will become your predisposition to what it offers. By that I mean, alcohol when you are a child tastes bitter, and not pleasant at all. Beer is sour, and wine is anything but sweet. In time, as you accept the rituals in life that enforce the myth that alcohol is very much normal, beer becomes something you crave after a hot day, and wine becomes a much needed addition to dinner, which without tastes bland.

  37. Your blog clearly shows that we do know what is going on but we just make choices to play a game of fitting in with others. The more we liberate ourselves from the prison of wanting to be like others and to be liked by others, the more joyful life becomes.

  38. ‘Old ship’ or not, it is a glorious moment when we realise we needn’t have taken on all that we did, in order to conform, be accepted, and even survive a particular style of upbringing. Not all easy, as there is then work to be done, to extricate ourselves from the falsities that were never truly ‘us’… yet how deeply every step of this is to be celebrated, for the return home it brings, that then also shows to others, they needn’t deny who they are to get through life – not in the slightest.

  39. I often come back to read this blog Greg. I feel it’s because this idea of ‘who you are’ can be a difficult one for any one to break through. Sure there are some habits we can let go and this starts to allow us to free up – but do we truly let ourselves stop and see that the idea we have ourselves as a limited human being is not true at all? For it seems to me as long as we live denying our multi-dimensionality, we are like great big yachts, amazing rigs, huge cruisers, pretending we are row boats.

  40. I agree wholeheartedly Greg. All the blogs are so deeply inspiring and support making changes in my own life too.
    “…..I’m coming around and it’s with all these honest, frank, courageous blog statements and particularly Oliver’s recent post offered here, that makes it so much easier for all boys and men alike, to recognise they are no different – if only they choose to be, as Oliver (and others) has chosen”.

  41. It’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’… Interesting reflection… what is amazing is what I see often in that people, given the opportunity, and the ‘safe abode’ , people can let go of a whole lifetime of dis-connection in under an hour , and re-embrace their own beautiful expression.

  42. It says a lot about society when we give more attention to the obvious disasters and evils in this world than the choices of someone to choose to not be themselves simply because society is not confirming them for who they are. In my books both are just as bad as each other.

  43. ’embrace the opportunity to choose to be you’ You can do this at any age and stage of life – its never too late.

  44. I find it extremely inspiring for anyone to go through their years of education and still remain as ever solid and committed to their connection with themselves. Some of the most disasterous and greatest forms of hurt we experience in our lives are from this period and remain with us unhealed for a long long time.

  45. Gorgeous Greg, isn’t it also about choosing truth or comfort and that we know we sway the ‘often chosen ship’ over with truth what reactions and consequences this might rise, hence we prefer the safe route, the safe ship, instead of go on full power, in your unique expression, your absolute Way.

  46. Serge Benhayon has deeply inspired many to make meaningful lifestyle changes that reflect more of the true nature of who we are, this is such a blessing as once we connect to this innate quality within we can inspire others alike.

  47. “… And to the younger generations reading these blogs – embrace the opportunity to choose to be you, it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…” I love what you have shared here Greg and it may be easier to turn a young jet ski around and change the path of a young jet ski’s life, but an old ship has a lot of wisdom and experiences to share with those young jet ski’s too. It’s beautiful to think that we can make simple changes to the way we live anytime and at any age. As we always have learning and growth to shift us in the right direction.

  48. I love what you have shared here Greg, so many of us make choices that harms us and take us away from who we are, making steps towards love and beginning to connect with our true selves is life changing and brings a different quality and joy that is worth embracing everyday.

  49. This is really beautiful Greg and it is so very true, that the more we embrace who we are at an earlier age, the less protections one has be discard in later life. It is of course easier to look back with 20/20 vision, through the eyes of so called lived experiences and wisdom, that we can offer such advice to teenagers or a younger version of ourselves, but it is in the moments of being a teenager that makes it a challenge to claim oneself, even in the face of what is today being presented in the world to be anything but ourselves.

  50. The about turn of an older ship may take a little longer in certain aspects but that choice to turn about is in an instant – I can accept all the clearing up of my mess knowing I have made a commitment to return. It’s when I dally that I know I’m being irresponsible, but again, in an instant and can set course back to myself and return.

  51. “it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…” So true, beautifully expressed and which I totally endorse. Dear young generation, as a person who is now in his 60’s and did not start to learn to ‘be himself’ until his 50’s and who embraced not ‘being me’ to gain love and recognition from as long as I can remember, head these words.

  52. As we grow up, we start clocking it’s safe not to be who we truly are, and then as we try to find a way to form a ‘successful’ life we figure out it actually works better not to be who we truly are and this belief gets firmer and firmer as we grow older. It’s ridiculous that we are sticking to this prerequisite in order to sustain the way of the world that is proving itself to be at fault more and more.

  53. It’s incredible how much energy is used to not be you … how much you feel something or want to express and it’s overridden. When, all the energy should be focused on being everything that you feel and know. To me it is the greatest treasure on earth that each of us can have.

  54. What a great blog Greg highlighting the most important thing in the world – to just be ourselves, how many of us have wasted so much time and energy trying to be something we are not – how poisonous.

  55. In the end it comes back to letting go of the idea that life shapes us and return straight back to what we deep down feel is true and nurture and foster it from that day on with deep dedication and love.

  56. Great sharing Greg, it’s a great confirmation for many of us who new the truth of what was happening around us, but were never confirmed in this, and so shut down and conformed. The more we confirm this truth in the youth today the more people will hold this in there livingness.

  57. Love this analogy of turning an old ship around, I can feel the labouring movement through the water. It reminds me of the consistency it takes and, despite the resistance, to keep on keeping on, being steadfast. It’s also not about pushing and using force is it ? We can change the habits of a lifetime when we really decide to take care of ourselves and do what we know is true.

  58. Greg, I love your advise to young people to just be themselves and not cave into peer pressure. There is nothing more beautiful that a person, old or young who just knows themselves and is not afraid to live this in full.

  59. Reading this today I am aware of how I can still do something out of wanting to get it done rather than truly discerning what is true in that particular situation and committing to following that through. I can know what to do but allow myself to give in to an impulse that is actually taking me away from what is truly appropriate. This spirited part of me when it gets it’s way always gets me in trouble so I am being put on notice to pay more notice and let myself be more of who I am and live the wisdom that I hold.

  60. Giving ourself permission to be true to ourself, I agree Greg, embrace the opportunity to choose to be you.

  61. Knowing you today Greg it is beautiful to see how you are now once again the tender, gentle being you always were. And that’s an inspiration for all men to return to who they are – even if that ship takes several lifetimes to turn around.

  62. Greg great what you share, its never to old to turn the corner, choosing to be who we are. Your blog is an inspirations to all men, to not hold back and just express your truth and the rest will unfold.

  63. Brotherhood is what we miss and were we need to come back. As we can see in the world – without it, there is misery, creation and continuation in separation. That is not healing or helping any one or any one thing. So when we want, we can chose to life in a way that is harmonizing for oneself and humanity, as there must be another way to life in brotherhood, as to we all know it to be, and we all have experienced the opposite equally.

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