Reflecting On My Youth – Accepting More of Who I Am

by Greg Hall, Civil Engineer, Brisbane

Particularly inspired by the writings of Oliver Harling in a recent post titled: “Stitched Up“, I sit here reflecting on my days of youth and at primary school being referred to as a ‘Ladies Man’ (named after a popular TV sitcom of the time) – I didn’t mind being teased because I felt that the boys doing the teasing were really just envious of my choice to honour being me. I was friends with the boys at school but really did not like the way it felt to be acting up and playing rough games in the play ground to ‘jostle for hierarchy’ and prove one’s physical capabilities rather than spending time with girls who pretty much accepted me for simply being a gentle me.

By year 8 and the peer pressures of high school, I began to cave in to the pressure to conform. I hated playing rugby, always knew alcohol felt awful and tasted terrible too (chocolate is a far more insidious hook because it fools your taste buds!) and I found that the girls no longer wanted ‘the so-called’ me around (I wasn’t being honest about who I was, and they may also have begun to change their own ‘expectations’).

Spending the next 25 odd years becoming more and more ‘lost’ from who I am (that little boy who knew exactly who he was), meant that even alcohol and coffee began to taste good and I certainly only ever had any feeling of ill if I went drastically overboard – a long way removed from just a single sip warning me of the danger/harm by its taste…

Then a few years ago I attended a few presentations by Serge Benhayon that shed light on who I truly am and why I was so far removed from being me through the choices I’ve made throughout my life.

With all that gathered momentum, my life is a challenging ‘ship’ to make an about turn in, but I’m coming around and it’s with all these honest, frank, courageous blog statements and particularly Oliver’s recent post offered here, that makes it so much easier for all boys and men alike, to recognise they are no different – if only they choose to be, as Oliver (and others) has chosen.

… And to the younger generations reading these blogs – embrace the opportunity to choose to be you, it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…

459 thoughts on “Reflecting On My Youth – Accepting More of Who I Am

  1. In the beginning, it was a wee bit of a challenge to ‘turn this old ship around’ but once I realised that life was much more wonderful and at times, rather amazing, sailing in another direction – back to me – it became a whole lot easier and way more enjoyable. This is one valuable gem of wisdom that I share with those younger than me, whenever I can, but of course, at the end of the day it’s their choice which way they choose to sail – or jet-ski.

  2. I am not sure which ship is easier to turn because our youngsters have huge peer pressure on them at school. This old ship found itself naturally turning full circle after meeting Serge and thank God I did because it has been the greatest blessing ever. Really the best time to turn to love and your true self is NOW and forevermore regardless of age.

  3. Big ships turning around may have a lot of scenery to observe but each step away, if felt and learnt from, is invaluable in steering a truth path home. A jet ski can easily take a turn away if its lessons aren’t clocked and learnt too.

  4. Yes, discovering who you are later in life and that you have not been living the truth of who you are is quite a jolt, well it was for me, but thank God for that jolt as virtually everything before it was untrue.

    1. Yes, that ‘jolt’ was one very welcome wake up call as to the quality of life that I had been living – make that, existing – for so very long. But taking a honest look back over those pre-jolt years, I can remember moments when I would feel that my life didn’t quite feel like the life I could be living, the only problem was, I didn’t know how to access the one I suspected was possible.

  5. The key to our acceptance of who we are, lays not in age. But a merely surrender to our inner-beauty, one that we have not been educated to know about, yet it is all who we are. That is why our current education is simply just a small spect of life, not including our whole-ness of being at all.

  6. Getting lost in life is way too easy. We may or may not admit being lost even if we may not avoid feeling an enormous tension in the body. The thing is that that brings us a pattern of movements. We learn that relief-seeking, flatness, peaks is all normal and we walk towards the future impulsed by such trilogy. We may come across something we say yes to, but what are we truly staying yes to? To the movements that brought us there.

  7. 25 years seems like such a long time, but really when you can look back on it with such love, clarity and wisdom, then each day was not wasted, but in fact is the fabric of your understanding about life itself.

  8. It can be so easy especially for men to get caught in the role of being a boy/man and what this needs to look like on the exterior, rather than staying themselves as they grow. To read that as a boy of 8 and below you were able to hold onto what you knew was true, but swayed after this age is probably true for most boys. It’s so important that we allow boys to remain tender and to express it so without fear of being ridiculed and bullied.

  9. We can always change course, young or old it doesn’t matter, with your experience and reflection I am sure you are inspiring a lot of other men and boys to change their course and you will let them feel they are worth staying true to themselves.

  10. I love how you felt inspired to reflect upon your life and how you feel and felt about growing up and being in this world, by reading a young man’s blog. It shows how very important it is that we express and share how life truly is for us so we can expose all that is false and does not allow us to live freely who we really are.

  11. Attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations can be life changing that’s for sure, for many I feel it is a wake-up-call asking us to consider that we are going in the wrong direction and offering a road map to set us all back on course again.

  12. Peer pressure in schools and now on social media can be fraught for young people if they haven’t established a solid foundation in themselves before puberty. Supporting them to stay with values that they feel to be true is something every adult can do, not just parents and teachers. They need true role models in their lives and young people who don’t sell out do this too – even as they may get slurred in school for not living what has become a ‘norm’ for many teenagers today.

  13. When I became aware, through attending the presentations by the Universal Medicine practitioners, that where I am in life at any point in time is the result of the choices I had made up to that moment, was a pivotal time for me in reevaluating my life style. From this awareness I knew that in order to turn my life around to a more harmonious way of living I needed to make all my choices from a place of integrity and self-love. Even though I am now living in a very old ship, I have been able to navigate her into the calmer waters in the sea of life simply by making wiser choices.

  14. It is amazing that you have seen what is possible, recognised that part of you that was left behind and have actively chosen to ‘turn your ship around’ and to get back on track with being the real you again, returning to the sweet boy who is now a man.

  15. “Then a few years ago I attended a few presentations by Serge Benhayon that shed light on who I truly am and why I was so far removed from being me through the choices I’ve made throughout my life.” This was the start of a turn around for me too. Serge Benhayon is a man with the utmost integrity, unlike many other presenters I have met in the complementary field.

  16. Your account is testimony to the fact that we return to who we are in truth; there is thus nothing to aspire to, nothing to study or learn, no hardship or arduous journey – a U-turn is all that is ever needed.

  17. As a woman I think I have been insensitive to understanding the way society asks men to change who they are and to conform to some other version of themselves that is defined by society. Thank goodness Serge Benhayon is offering another way.

  18. “And to the younger generations reading these blogs – embrace the opportunity to choose to be you, it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…” I so agree, making changes that serve you and your fellow humans is so much easier when younger (on the whole). Yet choosing to stay with what feels true can be tricky – as peer pressure these days is so much more prevalent.

  19. Even an old ship looks and feels more old because of how it is treated as opposed to its age. If we loved and cared for ourselves with full honour of who we are then our old ship will soon be the glorious masterpiece it truly is

  20. The phenomenon of tasting and knowing that coffee does not taste and feel good in your body. when we are young and dismissing that fact at a certain point is a great proof that we are vessels of energy. The moment we are still aligned to truth, we choose differently as when we align to a lesser version of that. Then comprising and poisoning the body becomes normal, as everyone does it. But what if the “everyone” is neither living and letting through the innately truth anymore ?

  21. I had an interesting dream the other night where I was reflecting on my youth in my dream and discovered that the thing that I regretted the most about my earlier years was that I did not hold my Dad’s hand more. The sadness that I felt over that was profound as my Dad was such a tender and sensitive man and he would have loved it.

    1. One of our greatest sorrows is the fact that we did not love more when we had the chance to do so. We carry this around with us but our present movements can re-imprint the shortcomings of old.

  22. I saw this play out with my sons when they were in younger grades at primary school they had lots of girl friends and they enjoyed playing with them more than the rough games with some boys. Once in the older grades though I remember one coming home really confused believing that one of his best girl friends didn’t remember him because she wouldn’t play with him anymore. There is so much influencing us when we are young, parents and adults play a big role in imposing their views on their children. Like adults teasing them saying ‘is she your girlfriend’ or ‘is he your boyfriend’ sets up that there is something not right with playing with the opposite sex.

  23. I love it, when in more elder man you can still feel the “little boy” . It is the ultimate proof, that you never loose the quality and innocence you innately have, no matter what choices you take in life.

    1. This is so true and when we honour this and our expression in that moment – watch the face light up!

  24. I am increasingly finding that the term of “being myself” is not what I used to think it was. The more I peel back the layers to be able to just be myself, the more those ideals/beliefs/patterns I used to think WERE me fall off and the more I am starting to get a sense that I am part of a much bigger whole.

    1. The journey to ‘being myself’ is a never ending one. Even from yesterday to now, I have a deeper sense already of being me. It will never stop deepening, when you feel the purpose of being all that you are for the all.

  25. It is so easy to get lost in the momentum of life and the many ways that society can bombard us with images and ideals of how to be. Making the choice to gently return to what you feel is the true you, is the greatest gift we can offer our body as it no longer feels the resistance and pain of making changes that override it’s natural flow.

  26. Meeting young men and elderly men who share their tenderness, gentleness, realness is a most liberating and joyful experience that helps tremendously to identify and let go of all the things I am not as the man that I truly am.

  27. It takes a lot to stay true to yourself whilst growing up when everything around us starts to be more rough and tough- the ‘real world’ as they say. Yet what if the so called real world is not true? Knowing this it is much more easy to claim what we feel and stay with that. Plus support from people around you is great to have.

    1. That should be the true ‘coming outs’- not about any sexual preference but about who you truly are! Love it!

  28. There is nothing like self-honesty to return us to the truth, not only of who we are but also to activate our awareness of knowing who we are not. What is inspiring is that truth always leads us to be and live more of who we are. And so, from which ever point we begin it matters not, as with every time we say ‘yes’ to truth we say ‘yes’ to being more to being our true selves.

  29. It’s very telling just how much our initial feelings of things are usually spot on (as in tasting beer, wine, or coffee and thinking it’s yucky). If we were supported to trust our feelings more than the need to fit in with the crowd, or look for acceptance from others before accepting our own inner beauty first, then we could avoid a heck of a lot of problems, including many hangovers!

  30. Oh yes oh to be on a young jet ski rather than the old container ship I feel like a lot of the time! Taking 3miles to slow down to a stop or change course.

    1. But you CAN change course and that´s the only important. Better than going forever in the wrong direction.

  31. What this tells me is there is much work to do in order that our younger generation can just be. That boys and girls can be the loveliness they know they are so they never have to ‘toughen’ up or be/do something that goes completely against what they feel just to ‘fit’ in. This also goes for the adults in the world and just goes to show you can turn ‘old ships’ around so they head back to the loveliness they also innately feel and know themselves to be within.

  32. I love these words there is freedom in it ‘Choose to be you’ so often we try and be something we imagine or for someone else…let’s be ourselves naturally, no trying.

  33. We get divorced from ourselves at quite young age. Such traumatic experience shapes our lives for years to come. We become divorced, even if our civil status is single and we feel more like widows. That is why when we start to coming baack to ourselves, it feels like a resurrection.

  34. Great words of wisdom to choose to be you from the start, end the way we start! It is even harder for an oil tanker to turn around, from the sheer weight it carries, but it is still possible and worth the effort no matter how long it takes!

  35. It feels so sad how we encourage young boys to ‘grow up’ and ‘man up’, taking them away from their tender sweet selves and harden off to be in the world. Is it because we have become so lost ourselves? I think it is, it is so incredible to feel someone be their true selves, knowing who they are, and not afraid to show it. And we can all return to this too, very simply, when we choose to.

  36. Yes I completely love and was inspired by that blog Oliver wrote which I read yesterday and so how lovely to read your contribution today. What a shame that we impose upon our children, ourselves and each other in this way. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for living and showing so clearly that there is another way and also for you, Oliver and the many, many people who are increasingly living as their true loving selves and reflecting that it is not only ok to be your true self whatever that might look like but totally awesome!

  37. Thank you Greg for your words. I can feel the love and the support you offer to all young men.
    To stay themselves as much as they can as the price is high when you have to undo all those behaviors when lived for long.

    1. Yes I completely agree Sylvia – it applies to everyone boys, girls, men and women. In Australia last weekend we had the most amazing Girl to Woman Festival – which is there to support and honour young girls and women of all ages.

  38. When we share both our experiences of life and our imperfections with honesty and humbleness its blesses us with the opportunity for us all to learn and grow.

  39. ‘Accepting who you are’ can be related so often to the quirky habit you have – eg. an unfortunate inability to eat with a fork, this sort of thing. Whilst there might be some truth in this, what if who we are isnt actuality the things we do, but a vibration, a movement, a quality? And what if our natural state is grace, harmony and tenderness? Then accepting you, would be more about accepting this flavour in your body, in life, and not falling for the hard, frustrated ‘human being’ we can so often seem to be. Thank you Greg and Oliver for prompting this feeling in me.

  40. I remember just how bad that first beer tasted and then marvelled at how quickly I got to like the taste. Same with Retsina, a foul tasting wine made with tree resin that after persevering with for three weeks as a student stuck on the island of Corfu with little money, it started to taste like nectar to me. So the lesson is that poison can start to taste good if we ignore the messages we first receive.

    1. I remember I almost went into training myself to be okay with alcohol and coffee. My first job, I would make myself a coffee and because I couldn’t stand it I would put so much sugar in it and then finally tip it out… until I eventually got used to it. This should have been my big wake up call… anything you need to get used to needs to be questioned on whether it’s true or not for the body.

      1. Well said Aimee. It is so obvious when you stop and look at it but we prefer instead to ignore the patient messages from our bodies and do what our minds impulse us to do, no matter how crazy or self harming. We need to start to wake up to the truth that our minds are not our body’s friends.

  41. We get trained from early in life not to be who we are and lose connection with ourselves. I see many young people who would just do whatever they get told by their teachers and parents and whoever is on TV, and would not even stop and question when they find themselves pushing very hard to study to get into higher education when they don’t even know what they want to do with their life. No surprise there really, if no one is showing them what it is to like to be and live who they truly are.

  42. I’m not surprised you were inspired by Oliver’s blog post. It was incredible and an enormous reflection for anyone, boy or girl who reads it. It really sheds light on why we may have made some of the choices we made growing up.

  43. An old ship can go quickly as well once there is no drag , its important not to hold attachment to ill choices of the past , as this will for ever slow you down.

  44. When we look back on our lives it is so important that we do not judge ourselves. All that is needed is for us to recognise our mistakes and make different, more loving choices now.

  45. Wise words Greg. It is never too late to change the course we are on, if the course we are on is not true to the love that we are.

  46. It would appear that we have all been programmed by a consciousness to live in a way that does not allow the truth of who we are to be remembered or expressed. I agree with you wholeheartedly Greg the blogs and comments written by students of Universal Medicine are profound and inspirational in breaking through the veil of illusion (the lie) that keeps us imprisoned.

  47. Our main priority in life should be to never lose who we are but generation after generation seem to fall into the same traps and we get changed by our environment. I have a childhood friend who was a very sensitive person, grow up and get into cage fighting which just shows me how lost we can get when hurts and our environment change who we are.

  48. The way we parent and live our adult life is where kids can find their true support to stay themselves while growing up.
    The Way of the Livingness as a foundation in our life reflects a way that children can stay steady with. The new worldwide religion that shares how it is all found in the quality we choose to make our movements.

  49. The constant pressure teenagers are under to conform to what they know deep down is not true is why so many children have issues that affect how they grow up. Boys are naturally tender and it is this that is not being honoured either at home or school. Why do boys have to toughen up when they get to high school, why should we think they have to become hard to cope with the world?

  50. I’ve read this blog many times Greg but keep coming back to it. I think it’s because I’ve been waiting to understand a crucial key: it’s important that we honour ourselves, but not purely through our lifestyle and taste but in the quality and energy that we move in space. The ship analogy is a great one here, for like anything else the momentum we’ve chosen for day after day has a legacy, so it’s only natural that like the tanker you describe it takes a while for us to change course. Ps thank you also to Oliver for inspiring you Greg.

    1. This is another powerful awareness Joseph – lifestyle + the quality and energy that we move in space is the key to slowly but surely change the ill course that we (the tanker) has been pursuing for aeons.

  51. …” And to the younger generations reading these blogs – embrace the opportunity to choose to be you, it’s surely easier to swing an about turn on a ‘young jet-ski’ rather than in an ‘old ship’…” Thank you Greg this statement is so true and for the older guys reading this , be assured a wise choice is never too late.

  52. Reflecting back supports us to see the cycles we are in and the patterns & momentums we can be tightly in for a longer time. When we look back we can learn and re-imprint that which we actually do not want to do again.

  53. It is very hard for boys to stay truthfull to themselves as all around them demand to be tuff, cool, drinking alcohol and being interested in sex and communicate mostly truth social media on games.
    If you are tender open and senstive you get laughed about.
    The parents can support in this by living a true foundation of love which then is a reflection for the children to align with.

  54. Thank you Greg for your writing, I can see how there comes a point when the journey takes its turn back on to itself and suddenly there before us is all the choices of our past. And with wisdom and experience this is when we turn to our youth and give all that we have, so that they may learn and be wise too.

  55. It helps bring so much understanding to our life and our choices, when you think of us each as these sizeable ships Greg. It’s a recipe for frustration and disappointment when we focus on small goals we want to achieve immeadiately. When we consider the whole trajectory of our life and those we have lived before, it’s then we get that each small step back to Love is a huge step for mankind.

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