Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow

by Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia  

I have been reflecting on the amazing experience I had during a Universal Medicine Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 3 course, and the clarity that came during it.

I love people! I love being with them. I love being open with everyone and feeling the harmony between us. I love expressing from the depth of my love, the exquisite expansive feeling this brings to my body. I love feeling the ‘sameness’ between two people when all the other stuff that normally separates us falls away and we allow ourselves to talk openly and without fear. It brings tears of joy to my eyes and an absolute stillness to my body.

Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in. I was always nice to everyone though… but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.

The people I did allow to get to know me, did not ever know all of me. I always reserved a piece of my heart just in case their behavior hurt me or they didn’t live up to the expectations of how I wanted love to be. I sought comfort in the fact that I was in control of the relationship and therefore could not be hurt.

This pattern of protection played out with everyone – my husband, children, family, friends and colleagues – all to varying degrees. I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees. When I felt ready to open up and not hold back what I felt to say, but just express the real me without internal censorship or perfection, it was difficult because I had been holding in what I felt for so long. I knew I wanted to express but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralyzing me. It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.

I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had. I allowed myself to believe that rejection and hurt are part of true love and this kept me isolated from the connection that is naturally between all people.

When this clarity came it felt like breaking the chains that I had placed around my heart. I felt the hardness that this suppression had caused, my body slacken, and I felt the hugeness of true love. I felt a confidence in my body and a surety that I could say things I felt and this would be ok. There was a trust there, a trust in me, and I understood if I kept choosing to focus on this instead of all the hurt, this trust would grow and expression would be easier.

I felt to express the love I was feeling with everyone. So I did. This did not mean I ran out and brought everyone flowers or gushed when I spoke to them. It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them. It felt so natural that I allowed all fear to disappear.

I began to release the pattern of protection and surrendered to the sameness that exists between people. I realised that on some level most people fear being hurt and that when I am with someone if I let go of my fear of being hurt, perhaps the other person would too. I felt the absolute freedom letting go of protection brought to me and I now feel committed to allowing the full expression of true love. I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me – the love that exists naturally inside everyone.

Let me be clear, this process has been an unfoldment, a deepening over a few years. It is not a spiritual journey or something that can happen overnight. It only occurred because I had a willingness to look at the hurts that I have collected and stored in my body over this life. I have a commitment to true healing which I have experienced through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and by attending esoteric healing modalities. This has supported me to unfold a commitment to living simply and expressing the fullness of love, without perfection, with everyone.

Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing, I step out into the world and embrace the one true love we all are and allow the expression of love to flow through me.

 

227 thoughts on “Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow

  1. ‘Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me,’ This stopped me in my tracks today Bianca as I realised how much more there is to express. As our love expands so too can our expression.

  2. ‘I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees’. Beautifully expressed Bianca and as I read these words I cannot but feel the fact that most people in society today live their everyday from behind the curtains of the fear of being rejected and hurt and not from the fullness that we are all both naturally and equally.

  3. Amazing blog Bianca – it is an awesome sharing of something I am experiencing myself. Since reconnecting to this amazing love we all have there is nothing else I want to do but learn to live and hold this love. I have found it requires much surrender and tenderness and I love the way you have shared your unfolding.

  4. This is something that confounds the strongest of people… People who feel they could take on anything or anyone, and yet opening up about how they actually feel is like going into uncharted territory… And yet it is essential for our true well-being to go into the sunshine territory… And the only compass that we need is our heart.

  5. ‘There is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.’ I love this observation. It’s true – we use niceness as a veil to hide behind so all appears OK to the outside world but meanwhile we’re managing a healthy distance between ourselves and others in order to protect our hurts.

    1. True Cathy, we use niceness to manage the world of interactions with us, and niceness can really be a way of controlling others or even manipulation. It is like a contract we are trying to impose, to get another to play the game – so that neither party will make the steps closer to the truth.

  6. It was brought home to me a few days ago how I still have as closed off part of me and the need for me to recognise when I am protecting myself through this way of being. This also called for me to let go some old beliefs that I had, causing myself unnecessary hurt and closing myself down. I know that I need to express how I feel in these instances and let love flow. Thank you for a great reminder Bianca.

  7. This is amazing – ‘I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had.’ – this is a cracker I Absolutley love it when I read this because it unlocks and releases this pattern I have and a something so many hold onto. It is crazy I have so much love and joy to express and I have allowed and taken this behaviour as normal like everyone else when it has hurt me so much to not actually say that none of this is right as I can feel we all have so much love – your so right Bianca – the greatest hurt is holding this enormous love back.

    1. So true Amber, how easily I can fall back into the illusion of hurts and allow that to dominate my choices, when the thing that hurts me the most is not expressing the love I naturally am.

  8. This is beautiful to read, and makes me feel like that letting people in isn’t scary in truth but just needs some work on the hurts I use to justify my closed nature towards others.

  9. Beautiful Bianca, when we keep a part of ourselves back from others in the false protection to not be hurt, we are not only hurting ourselves more, we are hurting the other, as we are confirming to the other to remain in their protection also. And thus we fulfil our own picture that the world may hurt us, as there can never be true openness and connection when we all live like this. It takes one to break out and open up before the rest of the world will follow, so why not take the first steps.

  10. The burden of life we have identified with comes from the unending pictures we carry and weigh us down. But life is about reflection and there is a lightness and joyousness in step, moving through life as such also frees us from the control of images.

  11. “I knew I wanted to express but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralysing me. It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again”. I can totally relate to this Bianca, yet as I let go of the fear of being rejected then I find it so much easier to be in touch with my true feelings, feel those hurts that I have allowed to suppress me and open myself up to accepting the love I am and in turn be more open with everyone.

  12. Bianca, your sharing made me really smile as I felt your openheartedness. I too kept people out, had very little trust, held much disdain towards the world and its people – and your story is my story too, and feeling the sameness feels very confirming of the love we are reclaiming.

  13. What a super, delightful uplifting blog Bianca, and I can very much feel the joy you have being around people and letting them in. Expressing from the fullness of my heart is still work in progress for me.

  14. Thank you for this Bianca, I realized that I have used niceness so that people ‘have to’ be nice back, so I don’t have to feel a rejection or coldness, aloofness. But there is no real connection. I am a naturally warm and friendly person, I love people, but letting them in fully and being myself fully is another level I am just getting started on. Being willing to be vulnerable without expectation, just being me, to feel what I am going to feel, this feels scary… as I have preferred to feel ‘safe’. What does ‘safe’ actually mean?

  15. “There is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out” and that is exactly what I also did Bianca. Being nice and polite, trying to not disturb people in their way of being while they where abusive to me and others. While doing so I had to keep in my natural expression, the expression from truth, a truth we all know and are connected to, and in that I separated myself from meeting other people in an openness that naturally brings healing to us and all of humanity instead of the harm that is shared among one another when living from protection.

  16. I like your expression of how you chose to express love, it’s so important to clear our old beliefs that expressing love is in gifts or flowers, and often we confuse niceness with expressing love. I like how you say:
    ‘It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness.’ So much can be communicated in our eyes – it’s amazing.

  17. Thanks Bianca for all you have shared here, your line ” I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me – the love that exists naturally inside everyone.” is gold, it firmly plants us back into the responsibility we have for both our hurts and the absence of (our) love in life.

  18. “Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me,” This is such a powerful claiming of the natural love that you are Bianca and an inspiration for me to follow your lead.

  19. Thank you Bianca for a beautiful sharing, I love this line “There was a trust there, a trust in me, and I understood if I kept choosing to focus on this instead of all the hurt, this trust would grow and expression would be easier. ” I find it difficult at times to express, and these are the times I don’t trust myself.

  20. There is so much here to digest and learn from. Yes don’t we all diminish our lives because of the fear of rejection that you mention? It prevents us being all that we are and this in turn prevents others from being all that they are. Simply ripping down this layer of protection from ourselves and being transparent with all others offers them the opportunity to do the same.

  21. Thank you Bianca. I love the way you describe what is means to you to let others in and express love. Many times I have tried to express love through word and actions and been left feeling frustrated that I cannot convey what I feel. I can see that when I offer my love from behind a wall of protection it is very difficult for it to be felt by another (and even more difficult to pass flowers through). The expression of love starts with a choice to let go of our hurts.

  22. I love how you describe the unfolding of your protection Bianca. We think by closing down we are protecting ourselves – but this is so not true. Letting go of the wall around me has had profound effects on my life. being open, letting people in and being loving is the way to go.

  23. The body is hugely responsive to love expressed, however when our feelings are mixed with emotional reactions our judgement and best thinking is easily alternated to be, in most cases, unhelpful.

    1. Yes Luke, I agree, whenever I feel any reaction within my body to another I am learning to observe myself and take myself out of the situation as soon as I can. I pause and create space so it is easier to leave so that I can bring myself back to my body and be myself again.

  24. Thank you Bianca, I really loved your article, I can relate to using niceness to protect myself against hurt. I am now learning to trust myself more and express what I am feeling which is not all that easy to do when you are not sure what may come back, I am getting a sense that I am ok and I don’t need to be anything else other than me, the real me.

  25. Bianca,
    I love how you say you expressed love with your eyes.
    Today I felt the beauty of letting my love in full be seen in my eyes. This was both an amazing feeling and also a moment to pause and feel how some want to meet you in that love and how others shrink and pull away, this pulling away by another is deeply hurtful, and felt without understanding what is behind the choice to pull away, how quickly I too could have shut off from my love. Thankfully today I didn’t and have experienced the reality of living life. It is not about shutting down to be with/fit in with another, it is about staying fully with my love and how in so doing that love is there for everyone equally. The biggest learning, it is then up each person to accept it along with accepting their own love, or not.

  26. Wow Bianca I loved reading this because lately I’ve had the same realisation that unconsciously I’ve always been waiting for the fallout or upset between me and another… like it is just a given that this happens in all relationships. It is great to see that it has been there undermining each connection so I can see it is not real and let it go. Not making things personal has also really helped me to read situations and people with more clarity without being clouded by hurts and judgement.

  27. “I sought comfort in the fact that I was in control of the relationship and therefore could not be hurt.”
    It is interesting how we think we are in control and try to use hardening our bodies as a protection, however we still get hurt… so it is obviously not working.

  28. It is very liberating when we allow ourselves to drop our guard and protection and connect with people and it is often only then that we realize this is exactly what we had been missing up until that point. I lived withdrawn and protected for many years without being aware of how imprisoning this way of living was.

  29. Thank you Bianca I really loved your blog , I have lived so protected for most of my life, keeping myself hidden of fear of being hurt, I am starting to let my love out and enjoy being with people, I love the connection that is felt when our eyes meet in acknowledgment of each other, and the deep knowing that we are one.

  30. Letting our true love flow is our natural way of being and is limitless yet we do the opposite and hold it back and dam it up which is unnatural. True love cannot be measured or metered out – it is infinite!

  31. It is a great moment when feeling the sameness between us all, for that in our hearts we are. The rest is just dressing, be it physical or mental it is all added on top in layers.

  32. We start protecting ourselves from such a young age, and unless the true light of wisdom is allowed to shine deep within us and true healing allowed to start, we will carry these hurts to the grave.

  33. I had a similar pattern of shutting out the world almost completely, to realize it was my choice to imprison myself and tried the extreme of the other polar opposite of opening to everyone which again was not wise, again my own choice to give almost all of myself away, to come back to more awareness of being more discerning to say no to what does not honor and what does not feel true, without closing myself off, to now…in which I begin to understand I do not have to focus so much on what I am doing. If I am committed to building and developing the quality of me, the quality which I do not need to learn or improve because it is there already, then this quality is with me in everywhere I go and everything I do. But if I ‘do’ life , needing a reflection back, I have left this connection with myself, then it all becomes superficial. I do love people, deeply so, but in only having to deeply love myself, I am loving the world, whether there is response or resistance, it is felt. The process is gold.

  34. To be open in all our connections to the love that we all share would be a wonderful thing in this world. This is something I am working on, for in the past I have held back and placed a shield between me and another until I felt I could trust that other person. I am more open now than ever but have more to go!

  35. First, clear out the old, all those ideals and beliefs that hold us back, then build bridges that connect us to each other, rather than create blocks that keep us apart and fearful.

  36. ‘Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing’. Oh yes, this is exactly what I chose too, crazy really, because we only ever, hurt ourselves,

  37. Recently I have become more aware of my responsibility to speak up and express love even though there is a possibility that a confrontation may occur. Every time I feel something is not ok and I withhold from not expressing it to another I can feel a separation and that hurts. I am beginning to feel and understand in my livingness that we are all connected and there is no such thing as ‘us and them’.

  38. ‘I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them. It felt so natural that I allowed all fear to disappear.’ It is natural to be connected by being the love that we are, A joy to read this uplifting blog, thank you Bianca for not holding onto your hurts!

  39. ‘It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.’ This is exactly what I am experiencing. Several times lately after a sharing or conversation, I have felt, I could have shared (said) more…..but there is no perfection and I can feel the more I share myself the easier it becomes.

  40. Knowing the love within me to allow myself to be me and the other person to be themselves is indeed incredibly powerful. For me this would mean staying open, observing, understanding the situation and allowing the other to react should they choose; that it is absolutely ok if a reaction occurred as there is no such thing as wrong or right and never is it personal.

  41. It is beautiful that you have chosen a path of unfolding to reveal what you have hidden and then connect to the enormity of what lay beneath waiting to be shared with the world. We only deny ourselves and everyone else the gorgeousness we have to offer when we live in protection.

  42. It is a pretty huge realisation for our world to admit, that this niceness is not ‘it’. And not only that but as you show Bianca, this pandering fills in the gap where real connection and care can be. It stands between us like a China wall – yet we think we are being kind and pleasant and ‘good’ people. But if you needed a friend one day to tell you the truth about your life, what would happen if they were nice? The consequences I can see would not be ‘nice’ at all but perpetuate and bury you further in the illusion you are in. This feels super harming.

  43. “I realised that on some level most people fear being hurt and that when I am with someone if I let go of my fear of being hurt, perhaps the other person would too.”if we drop our barriers of hurt and let people in, we reflect an sallow others to do the same. It is through reflection and choice we can heal hurts and let people in.

  44. We learn to protect ourselves to not get hurt but as you experienced and describe here when we allow ourselves to open up and meet everybody with a fresh and open heart there is a flow and naturalness, as we connect to the sameness in and thus recognise ourselves in each other and find deep understanding where the other person is at.

  45. One of the most important things that I have come to understand is that we are not our hurts. When we identify with our hurts it sets up a whole lot of behaviours around them, mostly about protecting ourselves from being hurt again. All this does is hurt ourselves even more. We only need to look at the state of all relationships in the world and ask ourselves is this working? The answer to this is clearly no. Making our relationships about respect, honesty and love, as the foundation rather than protection safety and comfort and making do is the way we will begin to see shifts in our relationships.

  46. To open up again for people is the greatest gift I’ve got inspired to by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Way of the Livingness. AND it is a gift to the world-people – as well as they have me back! 🙂

  47. We are love and by virtue of its essence this love can never hurt. What hurts us is blocking the expression of what so naturally wants to flow forth. Like a hose with a kink in it, the pressure created by such a withholding is intense but over time we get used to it and by way of our behaviours, thoughts and the foods we choose to eat we are able to seemingly quell the tension that arises from such a blockage. Un-kinking this hose is a simple choice followed by a series of movements that confirm this choice. It is the greatest gift we could ever give ourselves and all others, for the love we are is not ever ours to own.

  48. It is our openness and consistency that will allow another to trust enough to let down the guard.. If we are guarded the same old game just continues in perpetuity. Thanks to Serge Benhayon who is the living reflection of consistency and constancy of love, my trust was restored, along wiht the understanding of the responsibility I hold to live equally that constancy of love.

  49. It’s true Bianca, we can never be hurt, we can only separate from ourselves, and in that contraction all manner of energies can play with us. The answer is not to react to hurts or go into emotions, simply to return to the connection and from that place, all that plays the false hurts will be revealed to be discarded in our return to the fullness of who we are.

  50. The word ‘naturally’ stands out of this blog for me. We are naturally loving beings – it is our essence, our nature. When we are not living our nature we have created something else – hurt, fear, anxiousness for example. If we wish to return to the naturally loving beingness we are from, it seems we must stop creating these false states that keep us otherwise ‘entertained’.

  51. I have been a very nice person in my life. Apparently open, and friendly. And yes, I have always loved getting to know people, asking them about themselves, but I would more often than not be asking them questions to distract them from asking me anything. I held myself back from them but expected them to be open to me. It was all so I could walk away feeling that they liked me – if I’d achieved that I was happy and everything would be ok with me. It’s so interesting now to read this and be aware of just how manipulative this behaviour was and is. I agree too that it is a way to protect from being rejected/hurt, but ironically it is the greatest hurt of all.

  52. There is beautiful wisdom shared in this blog Bianca, I especially loved reading this line and how key it is to deepening the relationship with oneself ‘ I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me.’

  53. Bianca this is beautiful; you have expressed all that I have experienced myself. From how I move today, I know that I was causing more harm to myself and others by living in a way that was a contracted version of myself. True protection is being all the love we are, and yes, for me also this is a forever unfolding.

  54. For most of my life, I convinced myself that I hated people in general except a very few and I behaved in a way that would keep confirming that – yet, I have had many moments while attending Universal Medicine courses and esoteric modality sessions where I could feel and know in m body that I did in truth love people. It was quite shocking actually. There is a choice to be made whether to continue living life from the place of perceived hurt, or start living from the truth of my essence – and this choice keeps presenting itself at every moment.

  55. What a gorgeous revelation Bianca – a beautiful openness that hugely changes ones perspective on life.

    1. The simple choice to be open in all situations, can be so life changing, and so worth doing as yes your whole perspective opens up.

  56. I relate to the greatest hurt by giving up on expressing the absolute love within is similar to separating from the innate love I am. What this causes is a heartache for the truth – a responsibility that is only ours.

  57. It does take having loving patience with yourself when you start expressing after a lifetime of holding back. As I have experienced, it can feel very awkward, and does not always come out right, but its so worth committing to, because you are letting out the love that naturally wants to be expressed.

  58. True we are all connected in the love that we are and you’ve expressed it so beautifully here; ‘I allowed myself to believe that rejection and hurt are part of true love and this kept me isolated from the connection that is naturally between all people.’

  59. What a great topic to bring up for discussion, so many live so protected in the world today, I can relate to having been like this, ‘Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in.’ I am now choosing to be more open and let people in, let the protection go.

  60. Amazing Bianca, I love how your trust grew and grew, ‘I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them.’ How gorgeous for you and everyone else.

  61. Great to read your blog again, we give so much power to what hurts us and the possibility of this happening again, it confirms that we are deeply sensitive people, but we also hide under the weight of these hurts and give up on love – which as you say is the source of what truly hurts us.

  62. So deeply gorgeous Bianca, you wrote from love and love is all I felt. It takes great responsibility to chose love, and your blog shows what beauty comes when responsibility is taken.

  63. “but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.” It feels incredible to feel the fakeness of niceness and have this realisation. Especially for me when mothering other peoples children. We want to be nice so they approve of us however this is not loving and often the real parents fall into this trap. There’s such a freedom in not needing to be nice to your children for their love and approval.

  64. It is well worth surrendering deeply to the grandness of Love that we are and is our natural way and from here, the magic of the Universe becomes our every expression, uniting us with others and holding and supporting Humanity to live the same.

  65. A great reminder Bianca how letting go of our own protection invites another to let go of their’s and be more open without the need to be guarded.

  66. Many times when there are issues between two people there are unresolved hurts running the show that didn’t even start between them. Once we deal with our own hurts, there is so much more space to see clearly what is going on for others without taking anything personally.

  67. When we hold back from sharing all of ourselves with others we are also holding back from knowing who we truly are ourselves.

  68. Why is keeping people out and holding our love back not considered an illness by modern medicine. It certainly has a massive impact on our subsequent health and well-being.

  69. That feeling of discomfort around people that I had when I was younger, I never really understood why or what caused it, but it was always simple. I chose to contract around people so that I didn’t shine and didn’t get attached. That is a heck of a price to pay for not being attacked.

  70. The fear of being hurt is such a weight to carry around. It is a suit of armour that seemingly protects us but means we miss out on the immense love that is waiting to embrace us.

  71. You talk about the change in approach not being overnight, that you made a decision to be open in your eyes. I can see that it means being open to feeling what you felt from another by looking at them with the same openness that you were looking at yourself. The eyes are a big key to change

  72. Such a beautiful blog Bianca. There is never any benefit what so ever in closing your heart to another. It could be called the plaque of the modern world.

  73. Very inspiring Bianca. Not letting my love come out became such a normal thing for me, that I did not even question it anymore. Always gauging it whether the other would be ready for it, checking if it would be received well. I have broken that chain, making my life about people once again.

  74. Wow, what a cracker of a blog. When complete responsibility is taken for our action tremendous healing is on offer and love is abundant.

  75. It’s amazing what can happen when we make our lives about love, instead of about our hurts, fears, past rejections, and as a result the protection we can then choose to live. Very inspiring, thank you Bianca. I appreciated your words about this not being an overnight thing, but an unfoldment over years of healing and letting go of protection and hurts accumulated along the way. Love is something we can all stick at instead of allowing the hurts and fears to dominate our lives.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s