by Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia
I have been reflecting on the amazing experience I had during a Universal Medicine Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 3 course, and the clarity that came during it.
I love people! I love being with them. I love being open with everyone and feeling the harmony between us. I love expressing from the depth of my love, the exquisite expansive feeling this brings to my body. I love feeling the ‘sameness’ between two people when all the other stuff that normally separates us falls away and we allow ourselves to talk openly and without fear. It brings tears of joy to my eyes and an absolute stillness to my body.
Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in. I was always nice to everyone though… but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.
The people I did allow to get to know me, did not ever know all of me. I always reserved a piece of my heart just in case their behavior hurt me or they didn’t live up to the expectations of how I wanted love to be. I sought comfort in the fact that I was in control of the relationship and therefore could not be hurt.
This pattern of protection played out with everyone – my husband, children, family, friends and colleagues – all to varying degrees. I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees. When I felt ready to open up and not hold back what I felt to say, but just express the real me without internal censorship or perfection, it was difficult because I had been holding in what I felt for so long. I knew I wanted to express but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralyzing me. It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.
I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had. I allowed myself to believe that rejection and hurt are part of true love and this kept me isolated from the connection that is naturally between all people.
When this clarity came it felt like breaking the chains that I had placed around my heart. I felt the hardness that this suppression had caused, my body slacken, and I felt the hugeness of true love. I felt a confidence in my body and a surety that I could say things I felt and this would be ok. There was a trust there, a trust in me, and I understood if I kept choosing to focus on this instead of all the hurt, this trust would grow and expression would be easier.
I felt to express the love I was feeling with everyone. So I did. This did not mean I ran out and brought everyone flowers or gushed when I spoke to them. It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them. It felt so natural that I allowed all fear to disappear.
I began to release the pattern of protection and surrendered to the sameness that exists between people. I realised that on some level most people fear being hurt and that when I am with someone if I let go of my fear of being hurt, perhaps the other person would too. I felt the absolute freedom letting go of protection brought to me and I now feel committed to allowing the full expression of true love. I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me – the love that exists naturally inside everyone.
Let me be clear, this process has been an unfoldment, a deepening over a few years. It is not a spiritual journey or something that can happen overnight. It only occurred because I had a willingness to look at the hurts that I have collected and stored in my body over this life. I have a commitment to true healing which I have experienced through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and by attending esoteric healing modalities. This has supported me to unfold a commitment to living simply and expressing the fullness of love, without perfection, with everyone.
Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing, I step out into the world and embrace the one true love we all are and allow the expression of love to flow through me.
“I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees.” We are so deeply sensitive, and we really feel hurt at times, but we can dig ourselves in to such a deep hole with stories about everything that’s happened to us, and rehash it all so much that the hurts can become like clouds over the love in our heart. We don’t realise we can heal, and that there is no devastation greater than love – and that it is in fact untouched.
More than any hurt, what really hurts is not living and sharing the love that we are
Currently, I am clearing out and questioning the control in my life. Love does not taper or measure itself, it only gives all of itself. I am understanding more how anything less is simply not love.
Bianca this is a great blog to read after expressing something to someone as usually I keep my feelings to myself because I have been told I’m very blunt when I say something. This time I just wrote what I felt was there to be said yes, it was direct but then I wasn’t trying to be nice and sugar coat my feelings. It may not go down very well but at least there was a potential for everyone to look at the niceness that was part of the conversation that gets us no where.
When we are held in love, our hurts are far more easier to explore, to understand and to let go of.
Our hurts can easily take over and take control if we let them. But what Bianca has shared here is that we do not need to be governed by them. Letting go of this way of living does not happen overnight, and must come with an ever holding support and the trust of our essence in its deepest sense – connection with the Soul. With this comes the freedom of true expression to bless all around.
Funny that how we are the ones that do not let people in – and then we wonder why our relationships do not deepen?!! This is something I too have experienced and it can be a very big shift with each increment of letting people in that much more or letting more of me out with no holes barred.
The workshops and presentation of Universal Medicine are truly a gift from heaven using them as a support I have also been able to trust myself again and to reduce the amount of self bashing and self ridicule to a point where I could actually start to feel that there was something else. That there is a divine being also residing in within me that had been totally over looked in my pursuit of self annihilation.
Learning to trust me and my feeling over and above what other people thought I should be, should do, has been the catalyst of the huge changes that I have undergone.
Lovely to read that you are now choosing to be the love you are wherever you are, ‘I began to release the pattern of protection and surrendered to the sameness that exists between people. I realised that on some level most people fear being hurt and that when I am with someone if I let go of my fear of being hurt, perhaps the other person would too. I felt the absolute freedom letting go of protection brought to me and I now feel committed to allowing the full expression of true love.’
“It only occurred because I had a willingness to look at the hurts that I have collected and stored in my body over this life.” This is an important first step. Without the willingness to consider what might be influencing our movements, every movement is still impulsed by an old pattern.
I love hearing of your unfolding process, it is one I am likewise choosing, ‘ It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them.’ Very beautiful, as is your expression.
When we choose to be fully open and let love in and out, it is a process, ‘It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.’
We close ourselves off, live like we hate the world and its people, but I am wondering we do that because we so deeply know the true beauty and delicacy of what we truly are, and that we truly and deeply care and love. When we deny ourselves this fact that we love, we make it our duty to prove to the world that we hate people (and this always includes ourselves) constantly by our behaviour.
Bianca I agree with you when you say
“this process has been an unfoldment, a deepening over a few years. It is not a spiritual journey or something that can happen overnight. It only occurred because I had a willingness to look at the hurts that I have collected and stored in my body over this life. I have a commitment to true healing which I have experienced through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine”
I know what you have said is true because I have also this experience of un-folding to come back to who I truly am underneath all the layers of protection I have built up around me not just this life time but for many lifetimes.
It’s really about those conditions we place on others and life to be a certain way or we won’t be love. It’s true life experiences can really hurt, but for me it wasn’t until I found Universal Medicine that I found support to place the emphasis back on being love and heal all the hurts and protections placed around that love. Universal Medicine is the only place I know of that talks about restoring ourselves back to our love, and not in an emotional love sense, but love being a true and natural quality of our essence and soul.
So true, we are Love first and foremost and our healing is to unpeel the layers of protection to come back to that space of Love. From that space there is an ease in the body that is unimposing on another.
Bianca your sharing feels very relatable to me. I know very well about this niceness façade and all what I tried to hide behind. Or about the control and protection I used for so long to relate with others. At this point in time I’m appreciating very much the possibility we have to look at this patterns with absolut honesty and to heal the hurts for not living the love we are. My experience with Sacred Esoteric Healing and Universal Medicine is being a huge support in my life, to grow, to let go the contraction I used to be and to allow myself to be me in the world. It’s being an unfolding path with no end, without expectations or ideals to follow, but a process where I reconnect back to my natural state of being, that is joyful, still, harmonious…and more.
How many people live, or have lived with the niceness facade, it feels horrible, ‘Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in. I was always nice to everyone though… but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.’
I love your honesty here in the fact that even with our partners and children we can live a life of not fully letting them in! It’s a half life and one that I still feel I am living in not allowing people completely in and still holding back a piece of me reserved in case I get hurt. The irony is though in doing this (not letting love in – love out and being with the flow) I am hurting myself 24/7.
Honesty empowers us in a very beautiful way. To clearly see what is and what is not. Many life-changing decissions we can make from this space.
I love the realness and honesty with which you describe this protection, ‘The people I did allow to get to know me, did not ever know all of me. I always reserved a piece of my heart just in case their behavior hurt me or they didn’t live up to the expectations of how I wanted love to be.’
‘I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me – the love that exists naturally inside everyone.’ A great observation Bianca, we cannot change what we have created for ourselves we can only re build the love in ourselves in order to let go of the false ideas and beliefs that hold our true expression back.
“I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had.” I suspect we do that far more often than we are prepared to admit and therefore many of our relationships can look great on the surface but one scratch below the surface and we still do not feel we are ourselves in them.
An eye opener indeed Lucy when we let ourselves go there to feel the intimacy or lack of in our relationships. But far better for us to be aware of it than to pretend or live a lie.
We can live so much less than who we are and blame the world, both people and circumstances for it, in other words we can be ruled by that fear of rejection spoken of here, or we can actually express us, the love we are regardless of what is happening around us. But after suppressing our own love and expression it’s a little rusty when we begin to do this, and we are re-learning again how to be and express love, but that commitment without perfection and knowing it’s a continual un-foldment is part of the path of us living the love we are. No-one else can do this for us, and no-one else brings the love we bring, each of us is a unique piece of the grander whole we are all from, and so we can choose our fear or we can choose love.
I love this part about learning to trust again by learning to express yourself again.
We are experts in assertively denying ourselves what is most dear to us…. until we cannot do this anymore.
Well said Eduardo – and then comes a point where we know we cannot deny things any further. A point to be celebrated – for this means real “change” is finally something we are ready for – the return to our true expression.
This is beautiful to read Bianca and something to take into my day.
“It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them. It felt so natural that I allowed all fear to disappear.”
When we are with another person it is good to be aware of what is going on in our own body because it offers little warning signs of where we are not open. Until I paid attention I would never have known that I was hiding or playing it safe.
As I understand it to be, true love is felt equally for myself as it is for everyone else because love is a beholding. We are held by the love that is within us, and this is the greatest love. And this can be expressed through us all in different ways, and with each expression there is someone being let in to see how much love you have for yourself and thus for them.
Love is a beholding and offers space to be who we are.
It’s so important to recognise the “sameness” between people, that we each have fears and hurts, and do not want to be rejected, and that we are each amazing and with so much love to share. I can also relate to this line “I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees.” There is no doubt that rejection hurts, but it’s actually living disconnected from ourselves and our own love that hurts more.
I have noticed that. We live by degrees, degrees of openness and protection. It is unlikely to be something we openly admit but rather than shut the conversation down it is worth leaving space for possibilities.
I’ve been baulking at what I’ve perceived is ‘loving someone’ and how I have to be towards another regardless of how I otherwise feel. But this “when I offered my eyes, I stayed open” that makes more sense to all of me rather than pleasing or resisting a mental picture.
Not living what is natural and innate to us is a way of life that is all about not unleashing what is not natural and innate to us.
Bianca, what a stunning expression of your love – of all of you sharing this with us all. An absolute joy to read.
What a beautiful understanding of life and letting love flow in our lives, so true and a working progress forever expanding naturally from within. A gift of gold we are offered here to heal our hurts and open to the world with the love we innately are.
This is very timely for me, made me see how in my attempt to no longer hold back my feelings and expression, I hold onto my hurt and overcoat the truth that needs to be expressed, making it about what is not, instead of what is. I am working on it☺
‘I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had’. Holding onto our hurts is not at all healthy for us at all as it shadows all that we do – but if we heal and let them go they can no longer hold us back and prevent us living our potential.
I agree Suse, it’s a great line, I’m often aware of others burdening their past experiences onto interactions with me and I can feel they aren’t connecting to and seeing who I truly am. It is an important awareness that has the potential to change all of our relationships.
There is nothing more beautiful than expressing true Love, not niceness, no pleasing and no expressing out of frustration and reaction to what we see around us.
I had this belief that I had to act on connection. But in reading “the connection that is naturally between all people.” It stopped me, the connection is always there underneath our guard, I don’t have to connect, just get me and ‘my’ hurts out the way and bam – connection. I know it has been presented to me many times before but it feels like I got it today on a deeper level.
Opening up to people is life changing and is a reflection of how much you have opened up to yourself to allow love to flow through.
It’s amazing what can happen when we make our lives about love, instead of about our hurts, fears, past rejections, and as a result the protection we can then choose to live. Very inspiring, thank you Bianca. I appreciated your words about this not being an overnight thing, but an unfoldment over years of healing and letting go of protection and hurts accumulated along the way. Love is something we can all stick at instead of allowing the hurts and fears to dominate our lives.
Wow, what a cracker of a blog. When complete responsibility is taken for our action tremendous healing is on offer and love is abundant.
Such a beautiful blog Bianca. There is never any benefit what so ever in closing your heart to another. It could be called the plaque of the modern world.
You talk about the change in approach not being overnight, that you made a decision to be open in your eyes. I can see that it means being open to feeling what you felt from another by looking at them with the same openness that you were looking at yourself. The eyes are a big key to change
The fear of being hurt is such a weight to carry around. It is a suit of armour that seemingly protects us but means we miss out on the immense love that is waiting to embrace us.
Why is keeping people out and holding our love back not considered an illness by modern medicine. It certainly has a massive impact on our subsequent health and well-being.
When we hold back from sharing all of ourselves with others we are also holding back from knowing who we truly are ourselves.
Many times when there are issues between two people there are unresolved hurts running the show that didn’t even start between them. Once we deal with our own hurts, there is so much more space to see clearly what is going on for others without taking anything personally.
Simply gorgeous Bianca and there’s no doubt you are expressing the kind of love that is possible for us all to express. I look forward to when I next meet your loving gaze!
A great reminder Bianca how letting go of our own protection invites another to let go of their’s and be more open without the need to be guarded.
Having any picture of what we want love to be blinds us from the truth of what it is.
Beautifully and simply expressed Rachael, thank you.
It is well worth surrendering deeply to the grandness of Love that we are and is our natural way and from here, the magic of the Universe becomes our every expression, uniting us with others and holding and supporting Humanity to live the same.
“but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.” It feels incredible to feel the fakeness of niceness and have this realisation. Especially for me when mothering other peoples children. We want to be nice so they approve of us however this is not loving and often the real parents fall into this trap. There’s such a freedom in not needing to be nice to your children for their love and approval.
So deeply gorgeous Bianca, you wrote from love and love is all I felt. It takes great responsibility to chose love, and your blog shows what beauty comes when responsibility is taken.
Great to read your blog again, we give so much power to what hurts us and the possibility of this happening again, it confirms that we are deeply sensitive people, but we also hide under the weight of these hurts and give up on love – which as you say is the source of what truly hurts us.
Amazing Bianca, I love how your trust grew and grew, ‘I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness, didn’t speak out of necessity and allowed myself to express how I felt. I did not hold in my love. I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them.’ How gorgeous for you and everyone else.
What a great topic to bring up for discussion, so many live so protected in the world today, I can relate to having been like this, ‘Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in.’ I am now choosing to be more open and let people in, let the protection go.
True we are all connected in the love that we are and you’ve expressed it so beautifully here; ‘I allowed myself to believe that rejection and hurt are part of true love and this kept me isolated from the connection that is naturally between all people.’
Yes this truth resonates so powerfully.
It does take having loving patience with yourself when you start expressing after a lifetime of holding back. As I have experienced, it can feel very awkward, and does not always come out right, but its so worth committing to, because you are letting out the love that naturally wants to be expressed.
I relate to the greatest hurt by giving up on expressing the absolute love within is similar to separating from the innate love I am. What this causes is a heartache for the truth – a responsibility that is only ours.
What a gorgeous revelation Bianca – a beautiful openness that hugely changes ones perspective on life.
The simple choice to be open in all situations, can be so life changing, and so worth doing as yes your whole perspective opens up.
For most of my life, I convinced myself that I hated people in general except a very few and I behaved in a way that would keep confirming that – yet, I have had many moments while attending Universal Medicine courses and esoteric modality sessions where I could feel and know in m body that I did in truth love people. It was quite shocking actually. There is a choice to be made whether to continue living life from the place of perceived hurt, or start living from the truth of my essence – and this choice keeps presenting itself at every moment.
Bianca this is beautiful; you have expressed all that I have experienced myself. From how I move today, I know that I was causing more harm to myself and others by living in a way that was a contracted version of myself. True protection is being all the love we are, and yes, for me also this is a forever unfolding.
There is beautiful wisdom shared in this blog Bianca, I especially loved reading this line and how key it is to deepening the relationship with oneself ‘ I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me.’
Beautiful blog Bianca, when the walls of protection come tumbling down our natural love begins to flow.
I have been a very nice person in my life. Apparently open, and friendly. And yes, I have always loved getting to know people, asking them about themselves, but I would more often than not be asking them questions to distract them from asking me anything. I held myself back from them but expected them to be open to me. It was all so I could walk away feeling that they liked me – if I’d achieved that I was happy and everything would be ok with me. It’s so interesting now to read this and be aware of just how manipulative this behaviour was and is. I agree too that it is a way to protect from being rejected/hurt, but ironically it is the greatest hurt of all.
Within us all is this beautiful flower of love that unfolds , blooms and opens whenever it has the slightest opportunity, and when it does, it blesses us all
The word ‘naturally’ stands out of this blog for me. We are naturally loving beings – it is our essence, our nature. When we are not living our nature we have created something else – hurt, fear, anxiousness for example. If we wish to return to the naturally loving beingness we are from, it seems we must stop creating these false states that keep us otherwise ‘entertained’.
It’s true Bianca, we can never be hurt, we can only separate from ourselves, and in that contraction all manner of energies can play with us. The answer is not to react to hurts or go into emotions, simply to return to the connection and from that place, all that plays the false hurts will be revealed to be discarded in our return to the fullness of who we are.
It is our openness and consistency that will allow another to trust enough to let down the guard.. If we are guarded the same old game just continues in perpetuity. Thanks to Serge Benhayon who is the living reflection of consistency and constancy of love, my trust was restored, along wiht the understanding of the responsibility I hold to live equally that constancy of love.
Lovely to read Bianca, thank you. Love is who we are, and all hurts aside flows naturally between us. It is our protection and withholding of that love that hurts us the most.
We are love and by virtue of its essence this love can never hurt. What hurts us is blocking the expression of what so naturally wants to flow forth. Like a hose with a kink in it, the pressure created by such a withholding is intense but over time we get used to it and by way of our behaviours, thoughts and the foods we choose to eat we are able to seemingly quell the tension that arises from such a blockage. Un-kinking this hose is a simple choice followed by a series of movements that confirm this choice. It is the greatest gift we could ever give ourselves and all others, for the love we are is not ever ours to own.
To open up again for people is the greatest gift I’ve got inspired to by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Way of the Livingness. AND it is a gift to the world-people – as well as they have me back! 🙂
One of the most important things that I have come to understand is that we are not our hurts. When we identify with our hurts it sets up a whole lot of behaviours around them, mostly about protecting ourselves from being hurt again. All this does is hurt ourselves even more. We only need to look at the state of all relationships in the world and ask ourselves is this working? The answer to this is clearly no. Making our relationships about respect, honesty and love, as the foundation rather than protection safety and comfort and making do is the way we will begin to see shifts in our relationships.
We learn to protect ourselves to not get hurt but as you experienced and describe here when we allow ourselves to open up and meet everybody with a fresh and open heart there is a flow and naturalness, as we connect to the sameness in and thus recognise ourselves in each other and find deep understanding where the other person is at.
I keep coming back to this blog to read. Has a super supportive message to live life to its full potential. Which in turn means letting people in.
“I realised that on some level most people fear being hurt and that when I am with someone if I let go of my fear of being hurt, perhaps the other person would too.”if we drop our barriers of hurt and let people in, we reflect an sallow others to do the same. It is through reflection and choice we can heal hurts and let people in.
It is a pretty huge realisation for our world to admit, that this niceness is not ‘it’. And not only that but as you show Bianca, this pandering fills in the gap where real connection and care can be. It stands between us like a China wall – yet we think we are being kind and pleasant and ‘good’ people. But if you needed a friend one day to tell you the truth about your life, what would happen if they were nice? The consequences I can see would not be ‘nice’ at all but perpetuate and bury you further in the illusion you are in. This feels super harming.
It is beautiful that you have chosen a path of unfolding to reveal what you have hidden and then connect to the enormity of what lay beneath waiting to be shared with the world. We only deny ourselves and everyone else the gorgeousness we have to offer when we live in protection.
Knowing the love within me to allow myself to be me and the other person to be themselves is indeed incredibly powerful. For me this would mean staying open, observing, understanding the situation and allowing the other to react should they choose; that it is absolutely ok if a reaction occurred as there is no such thing as wrong or right and never is it personal.
‘It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.’ This is exactly what I am experiencing. Several times lately after a sharing or conversation, I have felt, I could have shared (said) more…..but there is no perfection and I can feel the more I share myself the easier it becomes.
‘I allowed me to just be me and the other person to be them. It felt so natural that I allowed all fear to disappear.’ It is natural to be connected by being the love that we are, A joy to read this uplifting blog, thank you Bianca for not holding onto your hurts!
Recently I have become more aware of my responsibility to speak up and express love even though there is a possibility that a confrontation may occur. Every time I feel something is not ok and I withhold from not expressing it to another I can feel a separation and that hurts. I am beginning to feel and understand in my livingness that we are all connected and there is no such thing as ‘us and them’.
‘Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing’. Oh yes, this is exactly what I chose too, crazy really, because we only ever, hurt ourselves,
First, clear out the old, all those ideals and beliefs that hold us back, then build bridges that connect us to each other, rather than create blocks that keep us apart and fearful.
To be open in all our connections to the love that we all share would be a wonderful thing in this world. This is something I am working on, for in the past I have held back and placed a shield between me and another until I felt I could trust that other person. I am more open now than ever but have more to go!
I had a similar pattern of shutting out the world almost completely, to realize it was my choice to imprison myself and tried the extreme of the other polar opposite of opening to everyone which again was not wise, again my own choice to give almost all of myself away, to come back to more awareness of being more discerning to say no to what does not honor and what does not feel true, without closing myself off, to now…in which I begin to understand I do not have to focus so much on what I am doing. If I am committed to building and developing the quality of me, the quality which I do not need to learn or improve because it is there already, then this quality is with me in everywhere I go and everything I do. But if I ‘do’ life , needing a reflection back, I have left this connection with myself, then it all becomes superficial. I do love people, deeply so, but in only having to deeply love myself, I am loving the world, whether there is response or resistance, it is felt. The process is gold.
We start protecting ourselves from such a young age, and unless the true light of wisdom is allowed to shine deep within us and true healing allowed to start, we will carry these hurts to the grave.
It is a great moment when feeling the sameness between us all, for that in our hearts we are. The rest is just dressing, be it physical or mental it is all added on top in layers.
Letting our true love flow is our natural way of being and is limitless yet we do the opposite and hold it back and dam it up which is unnatural. True love cannot be measured or metered out – it is infinite!
Thank you Bianca I really loved your blog , I have lived so protected for most of my life, keeping myself hidden of fear of being hurt, I am starting to let my love out and enjoy being with people, I love the connection that is felt when our eyes meet in acknowledgment of each other, and the deep knowing that we are one.
It is very liberating when we allow ourselves to drop our guard and protection and connect with people and it is often only then that we realize this is exactly what we had been missing up until that point. I lived withdrawn and protected for many years without being aware of how imprisoning this way of living was.
“I sought comfort in the fact that I was in control of the relationship and therefore could not be hurt.”
It is interesting how we think we are in control and try to use hardening our bodies as a protection, however we still get hurt… so it is obviously not working.
Tending to turn a blind eye to things has been something that I have done on numerous occasions. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon this habit is becoming a thing of the past!
Wow Bianca I loved reading this because lately I’ve had the same realisation that unconsciously I’ve always been waiting for the fallout or upset between me and another… like it is just a given that this happens in all relationships. It is great to see that it has been there undermining each connection so I can see it is not real and let it go. Not making things personal has also really helped me to read situations and people with more clarity without being clouded by hurts and judgement.
Bianca,
I love how you say you expressed love with your eyes.
Today I felt the beauty of letting my love in full be seen in my eyes. This was both an amazing feeling and also a moment to pause and feel how some want to meet you in that love and how others shrink and pull away, this pulling away by another is deeply hurtful, and felt without understanding what is behind the choice to pull away, how quickly I too could have shut off from my love. Thankfully today I didn’t and have experienced the reality of living life. It is not about shutting down to be with/fit in with another, it is about staying fully with my love and how in so doing that love is there for everyone equally. The biggest learning, it is then up each person to accept it along with accepting their own love, or not.
Thank you Bianca, I really loved your article, I can relate to using niceness to protect myself against hurt. I am now learning to trust myself more and express what I am feeling which is not all that easy to do when you are not sure what may come back, I am getting a sense that I am ok and I don’t need to be anything else other than me, the real me.
The body is hugely responsive to love expressed, however when our feelings are mixed with emotional reactions our judgement and best thinking is easily alternated to be, in most cases, unhelpful.
Yes Luke, I agree, whenever I feel any reaction within my body to another I am learning to observe myself and take myself out of the situation as soon as I can. I pause and create space so it is easier to leave so that I can bring myself back to my body and be myself again.
Great sharing Caroline, as deep self-honesty is needed in those situations.
I love how you describe the unfolding of your protection Bianca. We think by closing down we are protecting ourselves – but this is so not true. Letting go of the wall around me has had profound effects on my life. being open, letting people in and being loving is the way to go.
Thank you Bianca. I love the way you describe what is means to you to let others in and express love. Many times I have tried to express love through word and actions and been left feeling frustrated that I cannot convey what I feel. I can see that when I offer my love from behind a wall of protection it is very difficult for it to be felt by another (and even more difficult to pass flowers through). The expression of love starts with a choice to let go of our hurts.
Thank you Bianca for a beautiful sharing, I love this line “There was a trust there, a trust in me, and I understood if I kept choosing to focus on this instead of all the hurt, this trust would grow and expression would be easier. ” I find it difficult at times to express, and these are the times I don’t trust myself.
“Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me,” This is such a powerful claiming of the natural love that you are Bianca and an inspiration for me to follow your lead.
Thanks Bianca for all you have shared here, your line ” I will no longer focus on the behaviors that hurt; which only hurt because I am choosing not to live from the love that is me – the love that exists naturally inside everyone.” is gold, it firmly plants us back into the responsibility we have for both our hurts and the absence of (our) love in life.
I like your expression of how you chose to express love, it’s so important to clear our old beliefs that expressing love is in gifts or flowers, and often we confuse niceness with expressing love. I like how you say:
‘It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness.’ So much can be communicated in our eyes – it’s amazing.
“There is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out” and that is exactly what I also did Bianca. Being nice and polite, trying to not disturb people in their way of being while they where abusive to me and others. While doing so I had to keep in my natural expression, the expression from truth, a truth we all know and are connected to, and in that I separated myself from meeting other people in an openness that naturally brings healing to us and all of humanity instead of the harm that is shared among one another when living from protection.
Thank you for this Bianca, I realized that I have used niceness so that people ‘have to’ be nice back, so I don’t have to feel a rejection or coldness, aloofness. But there is no real connection. I am a naturally warm and friendly person, I love people, but letting them in fully and being myself fully is another level I am just getting started on. Being willing to be vulnerable without expectation, just being me, to feel what I am going to feel, this feels scary… as I have preferred to feel ‘safe’. What does ‘safe’ actually mean?
‘but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out’, I very much relate to this little nugget of gold.
What a super, delightful uplifting blog Bianca, and I can very much feel the joy you have being around people and letting them in. Expressing from the fullness of my heart is still work in progress for me.
Bianca, your sharing made me really smile as I felt your openheartedness. I too kept people out, had very little trust, held much disdain towards the world and its people – and your story is my story too, and feeling the sameness feels very confirming of the love we are reclaiming.
“I knew I wanted to express but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralysing me. It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again”. I can totally relate to this Bianca, yet as I let go of the fear of being rejected then I find it so much easier to be in touch with my true feelings, feel those hurts that I have allowed to suppress me and open myself up to accepting the love I am and in turn be more open with everyone.
The burden of life we have identified with comes from the unending pictures we carry and weigh us down. But life is about reflection and there is a lightness and joyousness in step, moving through life as such also frees us from the control of images.
Beautiful Bianca, when we keep a part of ourselves back from others in the false protection to not be hurt, we are not only hurting ourselves more, we are hurting the other, as we are confirming to the other to remain in their protection also. And thus we fulfil our own picture that the world may hurt us, as there can never be true openness and connection when we all live like this. It takes one to break out and open up before the rest of the world will follow, so why not take the first steps.
Beautifully expressed Annie C. Yes, and that one is us.
This is beautiful to read, and makes me feel like that letting people in isn’t scary in truth but just needs some work on the hurts I use to justify my closed nature towards others.
This is amazing – ‘I projected the fear of being hurt and collected my life experiences of hurt for proof, and burdened those experiences on every interaction I had.’ – this is a cracker I Absolutley love it when I read this because it unlocks and releases this pattern I have and a something so many hold onto. It is crazy I have so much love and joy to express and I have allowed and taken this behaviour as normal like everyone else when it has hurt me so much to not actually say that none of this is right as I can feel we all have so much love – your so right Bianca – the greatest hurt is holding this enormous love back.
So true Amber, how easily I can fall back into the illusion of hurts and allow that to dominate my choices, when the thing that hurts me the most is not expressing the love I naturally am.
Oh Wow Bianca – I am so inspired by your ability to stay with the truth and deliver so simply and clearly what you feel – commitment to being love.
It was brought home to me a few days ago how I still have as closed off part of me and the need for me to recognise when I am protecting myself through this way of being. This also called for me to let go some old beliefs that I had, causing myself unnecessary hurt and closing myself down. I know that I need to express how I feel in these instances and let love flow. Thank you for a great reminder Bianca.
‘There is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.’ I love this observation. It’s true – we use niceness as a veil to hide behind so all appears OK to the outside world but meanwhile we’re managing a healthy distance between ourselves and others in order to protect our hurts.
True Cathy, we use niceness to manage the world of interactions with us, and niceness can really be a way of controlling others or even manipulation. It is like a contract we are trying to impose, to get another to play the game – so that neither party will make the steps closer to the truth.
This is something that confounds the strongest of people… People who feel they could take on anything or anyone, and yet opening up about how they actually feel is like going into uncharted territory… And yet it is essential for our true well-being to go into the sunshine territory… And the only compass that we need is our heart.
I love how you share about Expressing love and embracing the one true love we all are – so amazing so true.
Amazing blog Bianca – it is an awesome sharing of something I am experiencing myself. Since reconnecting to this amazing love we all have there is nothing else I want to do but learn to live and hold this love. I have found it requires much surrender and tenderness and I love the way you have shared your unfolding.
‘I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life, and this meant that the fullness of love that is naturally within me was disconnected and was only felt in varying degrees’. Beautifully expressed Bianca and as I read these words I cannot but feel the fact that most people in society today live their everyday from behind the curtains of the fear of being rejected and hurt and not from the fullness that we are all both naturally and equally.
‘Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me,’ This stopped me in my tracks today Bianca as I realised how much more there is to express. As our love expands so too can our expression.
Reading this blog really helped my understanding of what it is to let people in and the ease in which it can be done.
It occurred to me as I was reading that we expect our bodies to store up an enormous amount of unnecessary junk, ie old hurts, and never stop to empty out the garbage, yet we do this regularly in a practical sense with our kitchen rubbish etc. Why have we never been taught to regularly check in with ourselves to work out what needs to be discarded and what stays? While love is always present, it needs some care and space to flourish. Thank you Bianca – I can see that it’s time for me to get on with some clearing out!
“Let me be clear, this process has been an unfoldment, a deepening over a few years. It is not a spiritual journey or something that can happen overnight. It only occurred because I had a willingness to look at the hurts that I have collected and stored in my body over this life. I have a commitment to true healing which I have experienced through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and by attending esoteric healing modalities. This has supported me to unfold a commitment to living simply and expressing the fullness of love, without perfection, with everyone.”
I love that you’ve stated this Bianca. Too often we can fall into the trap of thinking it’s been easy for someone to navigate their way through the pain and hurt but it takes commitment and a willingness to want to truly heal that which is holding us back from being the love that we are. But it does get easier the more we make that commitment to ourselves.
You’re spot on when you say that it is only once we have the willingness to go back over our hurts and see them for what they are, that we can begin to move on and make any true, fundamental changes in our lives.
I have had a deepening understanding of hurts lately through realising that we often say it hurt me or s/he hurt me and instead the truth is that it or they triggered a hurt inside of me. With this second way of viewing hurts I have found there is more responsibility and awareness that the unfoldment back to love is working on our hurts and not staying n protection around them thinking they are outside of us.
I can relate to everything you share here Bianca, spending most of my life protecting myself from being hurt and only letting others in when I felt safe. It is quite exhausting living with this wall, but with the support of Universal Medicine I can feel the power and absolute freedom in dropping this wall and allowing myself to be love with everyone, and the quality of my relationships have certainly deepened and become much more true.
“but with out the support of Universal Medicine there would be no process at all because I was unaware of my behaviours.” This is an important point you make here Mary as, for most people, we do not even realise these behaviours are there which is why we stay stuck in the ills of life thinking how our life and how we are in relationship to ourself and with others is normal or just how it is. Universal Medicine however shows there is another way and presents the tools to support these changes.
Letting go of the layers of protection and connecting to the love that we all are is an amazing and ever unfolding process. Thank you for sharing your ongoing journey with it Bianca.
It’s so true Bianca that we tend to focus on the hurts we may have experienced over the course of our lives yet ignore the experiences of love we may have received. When we make the choice to examine these patterns more closely, the ways we hold back and keep ourselves hidden become clearer. It has been quite a revealing process in my own life to discover why I have really wanted the comfort of hiding but at the bottom of everything is the knowledge that opening up to giving and receiving love is key to living a quality life.
I really understand ‘playing nice’ this was an easy card for me to play as it hid so much under that falseness. Yet if I was to of expressed how I truly felt this would of served not just me but the people I was hiding from. Every time I read this amazing blog Bianca it raises awareness of old patterns and behaviours which occasionally can make an appearance having been so ingrained.
Living a measured life, how much we ‘measure’ and if at all we let others in, is simply a protection that we create out of the fear of being hurt. The problem is when you ‘safeguard’ yourself by keeping others out by all those layers of protection it creates a shield between you and all others. A shield that may keep others out but unfortunately also holds you back and prevents you fully expressing who you are. Thus everyone misses out on the true you, including yourself. A divine blog Bianca, I loved it.
I like what you say about this process not happening overnight, nor it being in any way a spiritual journey, but instead a pure choice to face head-on the hurts you’d amassed during your life because you recognised that they were driving the bus and holding you back from expressing who you truly are, freely without any protection. What I take away is that, for all of us, hurts first start to hurt when we give up on the love we naturally are.
‘The people I did allow to get to know me, did not ever know all of me. I always reserved a piece of my heart just in case their behavior hurt me or they didn’t live up to the expectations of how I wanted love to be.’ This is the way most of us lead our lives. This blog is a great inspiration to be truthful with ourselves and realise what a big setup this is to keep humanity separated. True healing is to let each other in, unconditionally.
Sometimes the fear of being hurt, or the fear of actually feeling your hurts is far more destructive and disempowering to our everyday than when you actually do feel them. At least when you feel them instead of covering them with more layers of protection you can start to release the painful straight jacket of that hurt and free yourself to heal.
I love this description Suse – choosing to heal releases yourself from the straight jacket of pain.
” I allowed the fear of rejection to dictate my life,…”. This sentence is a big ouch as I can see how much of my life I lived from that place and how much it still influences my choices today. It so does not make sense to live like this, but as you say, it does take time to fold out the creases and express our love again in full.
Yes, I agree Judith it does take time and part of the healing for me has been allowing myself the grace of time to unfold without judgement or wanting to be further along than I am.
most of the world has given up on expression, expressing the way they truly feel, indeed not expressing how feel in our lives is one of the greatest regrets that people express when they are dying… It is also, when this closing down is turned around, and we do start to express, one of the most liberating pathways we can walk down.
“I knew I wanted to express but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralyzing me. It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.” I love what is written here as it is brings understanding that when we have been a certain way for a while that this part of us needs time and patience and an absolute letting go of perfection, as recently I came to realise that my most difficult thing is in expressing because I worry about ‘right or wrong’ so don’t say it at all! Thank you Bianca for an inspiring read.
Deeply touching and truly inspiring Bianca.
I have lived my life keeping people out and being selective, never knowing I was love. What you share here is deeply reflective and healing for me to read. Thank you, Bianca.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful experience Bianca, I can feel that I am starting to experience what you describe more and more. And am inspired by your sharing about our biggest hurt being stopped to express the love that we are, which is what I knew, but it is great to be reminded and truly feel that that is what is going on.
“It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again” – that describes perfectly first what it is like to live nice… speak when its OK but bottle up anything that is true but might rock the boat. Second that it takes practice, dedication and consistency to change that pattern of holding back and being nice… which is kind of crazy because the truth is so natural when we started out in life.
I agree simonwilliams8 the truth is so natural for us when we are young, it is like as we grow we leave this inner knowing so we don’t have to stand out in the crowd.
It was beautiful to re-read your words here Bianca as I can feel within myself how I still choose to keep people out and hold onto hurts, all really at my own expense and essentially holding my relationships with all others to ransom. I can feel how, as you so beautifully expressed that, this is indeed a process of allowing yourself to truly get honest and really nominate what it is that we are choosing to have a relationship with, other people or our own deep seeded fears of rejection. I feel what your blog has exposed even more to me is this is a dialogue I want to begin to have with myself, to consider if I did choose to be open, without guard in connecting to others, what perhaps may happen? I feel like it may just be worth delving into and perhaps it might be possible to see that life doesn’t have to be about hurt but instead about “opening up to People (and) Letting True Love Flow”.
Thanks Bianca. I can relate to being reserved about letting people in completely and so no one ever really getting the full me. It’s funny, a lot of people would be like this and have comfort in thinking that we are in control as we are deciding what they get to see. Yet we are all doing it so no one is really in control. What a game.
Such a beautiful blog, Bianca, your openness and love for all is deeply felt. As you share, it is not about learning to trust others, but rather about trusting ourselves first.
“Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing, I step out into the world and embrace the one true love we all are and allow the expression of love to flow through me.” Bianca, your commitment to expressing the love within you is beautiful. Thank you for this reminder.
I resonate with everything you have shared Bianca. What a total blessing the world would receive if they were to read this blog. To first become aware of how we interact with each other primarily from our hurts and rarely our love is key. Our deepest hurt is not expressing from our love and interacting with true love with each other. The hurt I can feel now in all humans is palpable and sometimes brings me to tears to see myself and others not expressing from this place.
I have also felt the tears come when I do express from openness and without reserve. This can be due to the joy of connecting with another in this way and feeling how natural it is and it can also be because of feeling the sadness of not always choosing this most natural way to be with people. Either way I simply allow myself to feel what is there without embarrassment or a needing to change it.
It says it all in the title Bianca – that when we open up to people, true love flows from one to the other, abundantly so…… gorgeous to re-read this today.
When reading your article Bicana I felt I was reading about myself. I too have a lot of filters as to why I hold back and find it difficult to express at times. By just nominating these filters and knowing these are false beliefs about myself I actually set myself free to be open and express exactly what I am feeling at any given time.
We can’t be hurt if we choose to not let go of those feelings of love within us. This completely blows away the idea that another (or anything outside of our choices) can hurt us. Thank you Bianca.
Awesome Bianca, and flow it does. Unfolding is key – a great reminder. A flower doesn’t go from bud to full blown in an instant, its steady natural opening moves at its own gradual pace, there for appreciating at each stage.
Beautiful thank you Giselle, I agree surrendering to the unfoldment is the key to appreciating every stage.
“Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing, I step out into the world and embrace the one true love we all are and allow the expression of love to flow through me” I have found also that I feel a deep pain when I have given up on expressing love, so I just pick myself up and let myself express it again, its pretty simple because love comes from inside us, it is always flowing. Am I letting it out, and letting it in?
Thank you Bianca for such a beautiful sharing of opening to your loving essence and sharing that love with others. I, like you in the past have held myself so tightly for fear of saying the wrong thing not getting it right fear of offending, so much so, that there was hardly a me. Since coming to understand that the essence of who I am is true love, I am learning to trust myself more, and share the lovely me with others. that I have a me to share. Slowly I am learning to express myself with out fear or failure.
Bianca, your words are gold to me. Thank you so much for describing so precisely your development to open up to people and that with all the delicacy and preciousness you have become. So many lines are gold, that I will print it out and hang it up for a while, to be with it. To be with your opening up and my opening up. My appreciation to you…
Its amazing to think that we are ALL living in protection to some degree minus a few. We use the excuse of not wanting to get hurt as being the reason we have to live in a way that shuts people out. I have found this does not protect people from getting hurt, well it didn’t for me anyway! Being open connects me with divinity, with everything that matters and if I choose to shut down I have nothing.
‘Being open connects me with divinity, with everything that matters and if I choose to shut down I have nothing.’ Absolutely Kate and for me the key issue here is trust – if I am open I allow myself to trust that I will be shown what is needed but if I shut down the trust disappears.
A lovely sharing with us all Bianca – To not hold back is so amazing – When we allow those protective barriers to come down and to feel the amazing love that we are and to then feel it in everyone else is a recipe made in heaven.
Wow! such a beautiful sharing Bianca – I could feel so much in all of what you expressed. ‘Holding back’ (our created forms of protection) puts such a strain on our physical body/organs so when ‘clarity’ is allowed in the constrictions start to lift. In your words “When clarity came it felt like breaking the chains that I had placed around my heart” so true for me too. thank you.
it is very powerful accepting that our greatest hurt is making the choice to not express the absolute love within that we are. Once responsibility for this has been accepted, it is up to each of us to choose to express in full from this moment forward. Thanks Bianca.
Lovely Bianca I know exactly by myself what you described so openly about your fear to connect in full with people. I found out that if I love myself more and more then the fear of being rejected get less – so I put myself on a “I love myself deeply” program . . .
I love this blog- pure gold for opening up for people! I can relate to so much to what you are describing here! It meant that when I offered my eyes, I stayed open…. Beautifully said and I agree a very practical advice in not avoiding the connection and showing who you are.
I love this line too Steffihenn, ‘when I offered my eyes, I stayed open’, and when we stay open the other gets the full reflection of who we truly are, which offers them the reminder of who they truly are – yes, it all happens in the connection…!
There was a lot packed into the blog, but yes… when I bring an attention to how I am engaging people with my eyes it says so much: How open I am to them (and therefore in me), or if I am protected either generally or with that particular person. Simply bringing attention to how I am with my eyes brings an awareness to my whole body and demeanour – its very powerful.
I have met so many gorgeous people only this past week, at work, in the train, sitting on a bench, in the shop, in the park, on the street, at the gym and I am already looking forward to who I am going to meet today. At the end, I am meeting myself, as like you share, we are all one.
This is lovely Mariette. I love meeting people too and feeling the sameness that exists between all of us. It is one of the most beautiful things to feel that we are al connected and that we are all one.
Love this Mariette. I find when I am meeting myself people want to be around me as they can feel the openness and love that I am which then they feel within themselves and are equally loving back. We are all the same we are all one. This shows the responsibility we all hold in reflecting the amazingness we feel from within and expressing this.
Beautifully expressed Bianca. I can really relate to using niceness as a protection and I love your picture of the creases gradually unfolding as we start to let go of our hurts and express our truth. Thank you for sharing your process of unfoldment and how it has ‘supported me to unfold a commitment to living simply and expressing the fullness of love, without perfection, with everyone.’ The more I have addressed my hurts the less I have needed the many layers of protection that I had built up over the years and and allowing myself to open up has been such an amazing process which continues daily.
Beautiful Bianca. It is kind of crazy that we are all walking around protecting ourselves against getting hurt, which means that every interaction we have is measured by this. How liberating it is to let go of the shackles and really allow people to see the true person we are – it is so freeing and actually so much less stressful to just be yourself, all of the time, with everyone. Bring on the love.
this is brilliant Bianca! Truly offering our heart and our eyes in every interaction with people, including family, friends and strangers. This is how true love works. It isn’t something we reserve just incase we get hurt, or have uncomfortable situations. Often I don’t express the full love that I feel for people, because I am afraid of what that situation would be; it could be amazing and totally different to how I suspected it to be. Thats just plain old trying to control isn’t it? Well I’m glad I read your blog so I can feel again just how empty this whole process is. I’m being true from now on.
Thank you Bianca. I can feel that I have come a long way when it comes to letting people in but I do still keep people at a distance and hold back what I feel to say. I really appreciate the way you make a distinction between gushing flower buying ‘love’ and truthful gaze holding love that expresses in full.
A beautiful blog Bianca and I feel very inspired. We are all capable of great change no matter what barriers we have put up to letting either love in or to letting our love out.
‘the love that exists naturally inside everyone.’ – what a beautiful and empowering focus for us all to have. Imagine how different the world would be if we all lived this way, with this focus? Thank YOU Bianca for living this way and reflecting how this difference is actually our natural way – truly inspiring.
Great to hear Bianca, hope you keep it up so that everyone has the chance to meet the full blossoming you!
Thanks Matts. Opening up to people is now my natural way and the response from people has been so beautiful. I am making new connections everyday and having so much fun 🙂
Reading this one again Bianca brings to me the clarity that we are actually all one and the same. That’s why we love opening up and expressing, sharing, loving other people because they are us. When we open up to other people we become more of ourselves again. So separation is one big con that we’ve all bought into. And individuality and the claimed right to be expressing that individuality when that is seclusive to others is what keeps us being separate.
Beautifully expressed, Mats: we are all one and the same and separation & individuality is not our innate way.
‘When we open up to other people we become more of ourselves again.’ Great observation Matts we all need the true reflection of others.
Reading your blog Bianca, I can feel areas in my life where I still hold myself back, in fear of the reactions of others… time for me to go deeper with allowing people, which will allow more of my love to flow. Thank you for the inspiration.
A beautiful sharing Bianca. Wonderful to read of the expansion you have felt since expressing in your fullness. Truly inspirational.
When we commit to truly healing our hurts from the past, grace walks besides us all the way, thus the learnings and guidance comes of what our next steps are, and we begin once again to trust in ourselves which is so healing as trust builds acceptance, and acceptance leads to truth, the truth of the love we have inside, that every single person on this planet has.
It is inspiring to read about the transformation that happened and the openess that was welcomed in your body, after this course, rather than living a life of protection and it is incredible that the Sacred Esoteric Healing courses offer everyone this opportunity equally if they choose. Thank you, Bianca.
I am always blown away by what is on offer at the Sacred Esoteric Healing courses. As you say jsnelgrove36, they “offer everyone this opportunity equally if they choose”. Just like in each and every moment we are presented with a choice and ultimately it is up to us what we choose. It is always inspiring to read about, see and feel when people make the choice to live a life based on truth and by doing so let go of all the protection that most of us have carried for years, if not life times!
It is really beautiful how you have truly embraced yourself – addressing your fears and hurts and allowed people to truly see you for all that you are. A pleasure to read.
I agree Samantha, it is beautiful to see how Bianca has started to truly embrace herself.
It’s amazing how people open up to us when we do not meet them from a place of protecting our own hurts. As you say, Bianca, we are love, absolutely, and when we express as love, we truly want to be with others and share ourselves, as love, with them.
I love how you share that this requires a constant and consistent commitment to letting go of our hurts. Very real.
Thanks Coleen, it is very beautiful to live in a way that deals with my hurts but does not identify with them and make the hurts who I am.
It’s great that you are honouring here that it has been a work in progress, it doesn’t happen over night. We put the effort in, therefore there is so much to appreciate here in you and for all others who have also put that effort in, there is much to appreciate.
It is so lovely being with people isn’t it Bianca… I also have felt the extraordinary quality of really letting people in, and feeling the delightful expansiveness in my body as a result of this.
Yes it is cjames2012, the expansiveness that is felt when being open with people and letting them in is absolutely exquisite but also feels so very natural. Our body’s definitely know that openness is our natural state :).
‘I knew I wanted to express, but the fear of not getting it right and being judged was paralyzing me’. This sentence has also held me to ransom before, and still does today if I give power to needing to get it right. When instead I choose to focus the way I live on being as loving and tender with myself as I can, then I too feel my love, that I love people and that I do actually hold all with the same love I hold myself with. I love that you wrote that this is not about being all gushy with people. Rather it is about loving them and me enough to call out when I am doing something that is harming me or them and vice versa. Presenting to all that maybe there is a way to live that truly supports us, that doesn’t pander to behaviours that are harming. But instead presents these behaviours for what they are, and offering the possibility that we can change any behaviours that we can feel do not support us fully.
“That my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing”…..wow Bianca, I really felt this truth as you have hit bull’s eye.
I have also found it exhausting to hold back the love I naturally am within. I wonder if that is why so many people in the world feel tired these days – because they are holding back the expression of the love they naturally are within?
Bianca, this blog is exquisite. I felt a deepening of my own understanding of myself, of the protections that are still there and I was reminded that opening up and letting people in without the masks and guards that we wear is an unfolding process that takes time. Being tender and patient with ourselves as we feel these layers of protection that we’ve built is key in letting these layers go. In turn, this allows us to truly see where other people are at and why — why people wear masks with us, why people don’t let themselves deeply surrender with another — and in so doing, we let everyone else be, not expecting or demanding them to change and be something that they’re not. The more people feel this huge pressure off, the more they let go of their own protective walls, the more people feel they can truly trust. So the key is first and foremost a tender understanding with self, and then offering that same understanding to everyone else.
Beautifully expressed thank you Katerina 🙂
Thank You Bianca. Releasing our patterns of protection, our masks and shields, is as you say , essential to being able to even start to love, and this is a fundamental aspect of Universal Medicines presentations, offering everyone the opportunity to know themselves, so that they can know , through this connection with themselves, this essential state of being
Hi Bianca. I can relate to so much of what you write here, this part stood out for me today – “Most of my life I have lived closed, keeping people out or being selective about who I would let in and how much I would let them in. I was always nice to everyone though… but there is a falseness in niceness and I used it as a protection to keep people out.”
Bianca, what you have expressed speaks for so many of us, it has been our story, my story to live from our hurts rather than our love. I found reading your blog was like reading my story with the next step revealed to show me the way. As you said it is an unfoldment, a true commitment to taking the step to heal the hurt and recognise our role in it. Thanking you for sharing your learning as I feel many will connect to it as I have and be inspired to truly return to love.
It has been two years ago this month that I wrote this blog and today while I was at the park with my children I was reminded of it. As I sat there and watched my children interact with each new child that entered the park and invite them to play their game of crossing the river without getting eaten by crocodiles I smiled and appreciated how children can be so open and accepting of others. I also appreciated how much I have shifted since I wrote this blog and how my openness with people has deepened and is becoming more and more part of my daily interactions with all people I meet. The more I allow openness the easier it is, in fact I feel more myself these days when I am open than when I choose to close off. 🙂
Lovely to read your update Bianca, and I hope your children can teach me about avoiding crocodiles 🙂 I have also changed considerably since I last read your very inspiring blog, and it’s just lovely to return and appreciate the changes I’ve made to let love in and let my love out, and to let people in to know me. I’m continually inspired by you Bianca and I look forward to re-reading this blog at another time and revisit this part of life again to see where I am in this cycle.
I agree Melinda it is so lovely to stop and appreciate the changes we have made and to also feel that the level of love and openness we can have is limitless. Thank you for sharing your experience with us 🙂
Beautiful story about developing and embracing trust Bianca. It shows the greatest beauty that can be revealed when we drop the protectiveness and step forth into being the real-us. So freeing to be this, and equally allowing another to be just themselves too, without any pull.
Thank you Bianca – Your blog allowed me to feel how I use the way others behave to reinforce the belief that I cannot just be myself and express the love I feel. This really is ridiculous as you so rightfully explain. Holding back the love we feel it what hurts most of all.
Thanks Leonne, I too in the past have mirrored how I am to match how another is behaving. This is so dishonouring of both myself and the person I am interacting with and does not allow for true relationships to develop. I am finding the more I accept me the easier it is to bring the true me to my relationships and interactions.
Stunningly beautiful. A tangible difference. Inspiring.
Thank you for letting us all in and sharing you and your love, I feel that through your writing there is a willingness to risk and open your heart, thank you Bianca. I too have experienced at Universal Medicine courses how I open up to people and naturally love and receive love, but then go back into the my life and slowly turn down that love and the expression of it.
Thank you Bianca for revealing how I too hold my self back in fear of being hurt, and yet I truly crave the freedom to express all the love that I am.
This is really supportive to read Bianca, “I felt a confidence in my body and a surety that I could say things I felt and this would be ok. There was a trust there, a trust in me, and I understood if I kept choosing to focus on this instead of all the hurt, this trust would grow and expression would be easier.” I have struggled with saying what I feel and am now just starting to do this, it is very inspiring to read how you started expressing what you felt, thank you for these very practical examples.
I loved every ounce of this! It was like a can of sardines – jam packed with truth, wisdom, love and inspiration. I could really identify with living from hurts and burdening new interactions with those same hurts, all as an excuse to hold me back. It feels so limiting to live from that place. I connected deeply to the truth you presented about the sameness we have in the living essence of love within. Here’s to living from this love and letting go of the burdensome hurts.
Hear, hear! Living from love and the fullness this brings is the way forward. 🙂
Hi Bianca, your blog is a great reminder of how hurtful holding back our true expression can be for us. I love the revelation at the end “…that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people..”
So true Peter. We are the ones that hurt the most when we do this. So often we do it out of niceness and not wanting to step on others’ toes, but there can be little consideration, or even awareness, for what we are doing to our own selves.
Poignantly said Bianca… “my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me”
Most especially since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have also embarked upon opening up my expression, of the great love within. I learn everyday more about how amazing, natural, expansive and ‘not about me’ this can feel when in its ‘absoluteness’ and fullness, and also, where holding back impacts on both myself and others.
Your blog speaks powerfully of the call from within to not remain in the shadows of hurt that lead us to withhold how amazing we are, from anyone. Thank-you deeply.
Wow, I just love your beautiful descriptive expression Bianca, so tangible and absolutely spot on. And your public declaration of claiming the love that you already are and letting it flow through you to share with everyone, awesome!
This is lovely Bianca, ‘I love feeling the ‘sameness’ between two people when all the other stuff that normally separates us falls away and we allow ourselves to talk openly and without fear’.
Thank you for sharing this Bianca. I very much relate to holding back my expression and being selective with who I let in and how much I let them in. I have in the past, and still do to some extent, figure out where people are at, work out what they want me to be and then I express that part of me to them, to a level that they will be comfortable with. Constantly adjusting myself to fit with what people can handle. This is, as you say, very stifling… and blocks the flow of true expression. Your blog has inspired me to express myself in full – and remain equally open with everyone.
I loved reading this Bianca and can relate to all you say. I particularly like the part where you say – “It was like I had scrunched up a part of me so tightly but I expected it to automatically bounce back and be full again. I did not account for the creases that would be there and that it would take time for this part to be smooth again.”
I can really relate to this blog Bianca thank you. Niceness can be a form of protection – going through the motions of pretending to connect with people but not really letting them in and always keeping something back for fear of being hurt or rejected. It can take time to undo these old patterns. I used to worry that what if i got something wrong when I expressed myself, perhaps I would hurt others. But what I am slowly realising is that I actually hurt others more when I hold back because they miss out on something amazing that they needed to hear or feel.
I can very much relate Andrew. Niceness is definitely a protective mask, and it doesn’t allow for true connection. Niceness is the antithesis of love; it’s giving the message that ‘I’ll be nice to you so that you don’t hurt me or reject me. But at the same time I won’t meet you, I’ll simply smile a smile that isn’t real to keep anything uncomfortable at bay.’ Being and presenting love is about being real and true with whoever we are with, not calibrating ourselves and them in order to control a desired outcome that will make us feel better.
Awesome writing, Bianca. Thank you for sharing your proces in how you protected yourself and kept people out. I can relate to everything you say: it is such a joy to (step by step, still work in progress) let go of all the different forms of protections I have and to allow all the love I am out to other people. And yes: I love people to the bone.
This article is indeed a joy to read, it is inspirational. I love this realisation…’with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing’…beautiful Bianca, thank you
I can see how I have fallen over myself through the judgement of something, being right or wrong. How refreshing to be with the truth of what is and building a love in my body that can support this knowing.
I love the paragraph in the beginning where you express how much you love people. I completely relate to that. But it has taken me a while to own up to the fact that I have felt that love within me all of my life, yet on the surface I have been carrying hurts of being let down and wearing armour, in case the hurt came my way again. It is wonderful to drop those stories and past experiences and once again open up to the love that is underneath all of that all of the time.
I have had moments where I have let people in and created a connection and they have been quite joyful. It is amazing the depth of resistance to doing this, a refusal to allow joyful connections due to a deep rooted fear of being rejected or ridiculed. I am slowly learning that to be so guarded does no good for anyone and keeps me living less than I could be.
Thank you Bianca, this brought a tear to my eye. I know I don’t let people in, hate rejection and fear being hurt. I have and still do, control how much I share and open up, or hide away, and protect myself in a way I think is safe, but in the long run this just hurts – as after I’m left feeling there was so much more there to be expressed and shared, as inside I know there is SO much love that is felt and wants to be shared, with everyone. I am re-learning who I am, to not be hurt if people don’t feel the same as me, nor need them to, and appreciate just how much I love people, too.
I have gone through life doing things to achieve a goal. Universal Medicine presented that all I need to do is be myself. I have been protecting myself from people by withdrawing, when I realized this, I said ok – what do I have to do to fix it? No, I only have to be open and be myself.
A very beautiful and expansive blog. I was reminded of how I used to describe that I kept bit of my heart back from others to protect myself. I could feel a physical hardness and tightness across my chest. It was only when I began to trust myself and be honest with myself that there has been been a change. I now express much more openly and with more love with everyone and I can feel that my chest and heart area feel warm, soft and open. I really appreciated how you expressed “Now with the awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me,” I can really relate to this quote. Thank you for sharing.
I have had a similar experience Samantha. I found a hardness developing in my upper arms as I went through a lengthy process of dispute and antagonism within a family situation. As I claim myself more and allow love to be and realise I do not have to put up a protection my upper arms are beginning to soften again.
“I am asking for more honesty in my life”. This has allowed me to feel the deep level of disconnection to myself I have allowed. This has brought up some deep fears of not being ok, a hurt deeper than dying, it feels. Universal Medicine, and a Universal Medicine Practitioner that I see supports me to feel this and that has helped me to understand that by healing this, I will trust myself more with my relationships with other people. I have been afraid to express my self [my love] all my life. Slowly I am starting to not hold back, and be me. It feels wonderful!
Thank you Bianca! Your post has touched me deeply – I can relate to your words within my own holding back of self expression and the very painful long term separation and isolation held in my body until beginning its ‘de-construction’, and making new choices for myself from reflections from Universal Medicine presentations over the past few years. You are a true inspiration for self expression no longer being held back!
Simply beautiful Bianca, thank you so much. I can relate to so much of this, I love the honesty of you coming back to how you hurt yourself and how that affected your relationships in “awareness that my greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me, and that stifling this expression has kept me separate from people and deeply longing”. The healing for all of us was that from here you were able to embrace and express the love that you are, knowing truly that it’s the love that we all are equally.
Bianca, what you write so beautifully here is such a universal gift for us all. I can feel you opening to yourself and the bottomless well of love that you/we are. The message I take from you expression here is to “let go and let love…”. Thank you so much.
‘Let go and let love….’ love it! Wise words indeed Bernadette.
Thank you all for your love filled comments. I deeply appreciate them.
I love this blog, thank you for expressing this so clearly. I love the piece about offering your eyes to another and staying open… I have been practising this too and have been amazed at the beauty of such interactions.
Bianca and Fiona, ‘offering your eyes for another and staying open’ is something I am learning to do the more settled and with-myself I become. It is SO what I want and I too feel how it gives others permission to do the same.
Bianca, I love the way your words ring out with the joy I too have experienced in, “I love people! I love being with them. I love being open with everyone and feeling the harmony between us. I love expressing from the depth of my love, the exquisite expansive feeling this brings to my body. I love feeling the ‘sameness’ between two people when all the other stuff that normally separates us falls away and we allow ourselves to talk openly and without fear. It brings tears of joy to my eyes and an absolute stillness to my body.”
True connection!
Thank you Bianca, a very deep reflection for me in reading this.
Normally I’d be looking for lots to say because there was alot packed into the blog… but I agree with Stephen in that there is alot to deeply reflect on here.
Thank you Bianca.
I LOVE this article, I so get what you are saying and as I read it my heart opens with a reciprocal ‘wooosh’ and ‘wow’. When you talk about expansiveness I feel more me and feel my heart widening and opening. Thank you so much for this joy-full read, yeah, celebrate the expression of love. Ariana, UK.
Bianca, this is a stunning revelation, a totally universal documentation of what we have been doing in our relationships by not expressing the absolute love within. Thank you for expressing this so clearly and so full-heartedly!
I can relate very much to your experiences here and have been amazed at just how closed and guarded I had been through life… I particularly loved this quote “…when I offered my eyes, I stayed open, I did not hide behind niceness” – this resonated deeply in me, thank you.
What a beautiful piece of writing. I could relate to all of it. Thank you for writing that the “greatest hurt was created by giving up on expressing the absolute love within me”. It is so simple, it is not about blaming others or that we have been hurt by the world, it is that we have hurt ourselves by holding our love back and to start to heal this we can simply allow ourselves to express love to those we meet. As love is our natural way of being with each other and yet a way of being that we have let go of or even forgotten about.
Bianca, I really enjoyed reading your words – I too have lived in a protective manner through niceness and politeness, while keeping others at arm’s length. It is crazy that I can love my family so much yet I also can be this way with them. But like you I am realising the freedom in just saying or doing whatever is required at the time and seeing all others as my equals, the same as me, just wanting to be appreciated and not hurt. It is so much easier being fully open with others, and it is something I am slowly building.
Thank you for your comment Toni. It is crazy how this need to protect even plays out with those in our family. When I realised I was allowing this to be in my relationship with my husband & children it was a real stop. It is lovely letting this go and building true relationships.