by Nicki Ferguson, Sydney
Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it. The lack of loving support that I used to have for myself, and the (sometimes bumpy) journey of re-discovering that support, is the main gist of this post.
I listen to Universal Medicine audio presentations often. They help bring me back to my truest self as a reminder of what I, in truth, already know about the world – how it feels from the inside and how it behaves on the out. I also see an Esoteric Practitioner.
I’ve been pondering about a contribution to this blog for a few months now. Partly because I want to feel like I am in a good space to contribute… that is, connected to love and able to write from a place of love so that love is the energetic imprint clearly marked on my words. But that’s where I come undone… this idealistic desire to be in a ‘perfect’ space to be able to express my truth.
The other thing I would like to share is how immensely grateful I am to have found my way to the Universal Medicine presentations and my Esoteric healing sessions. I get the opportunity to reconnect to love and what it feels like to embody it, especially when I’m in contact with others who live connected to love.
I’ve lived esoterically in some ways all my life: I recognise in hindsight that I was drawn to (especially pre-teen years) living a soulful, present life. I was aware of how precious life is, how powerful and cleansing nature can be. What I didn’t get so much was other humans and my seemingly complex reactions to them. As I grew I got more confused with the world and all its double meanings and undisputed loveless practices. I felt less stillness and more chaos as I tried to navigate my way through other people’s expectations and energetic nuisances. I started to withdraw to a point where I wouldn’t hug or touch friends or family – for no apparent or logical reason other than it just didn’t feel right. And so, as I held back expressing my love through touch, word and movement, I started to hurt.
My late teens and early twenties were speckled with depression, and although most in my life wouldn’t have guessed it, I felt desperate – sometimes hopeless, sometimes psychotic. I tackled the pull between ending the suffering completely or devoting myself to a life of service… a nunnery perhaps, an African orphanage, a Tibetan mountaintop? The escape routes in my imagination were endless – and let’s be honest – a bit dramatic.
Just this moment I remembered a piece of advice my mum gave me when my sisters and I were quite young. She said: “if it ever gets so bad that you want to kill yourself, just run away and start a new life”. I believe I just found my default key. I’ll high tail it out of there when things get dull or uncomfortable or confrontational. Not because mum said so, but because I haven’t in the past been able to take full responsibility for my part in life… significant given I play the lead role.
Even though pursuing change has been a technique to distract from feelings of inadequacy (rather than allowing myself to feel those yucky moments), change has at times also served me. Exploring new age philosophies and modalities I realised there were people out there who were also aware of the ‘disconnection disease’, that is, a loss of the feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others. I learned that there were people who had found lighter ways of living. By lighter, I mean people who express their loving truth and / or have allowed themselves to let go of some of the emotional weights that may have once held them back from openly loving and feeling love. It took me a decade more to realise there are also a lot of charlatans. In almost every playground, and for that matter in almost every person, I realised that there is a collection of masks and insecurities and disconnection diseases going on. Navigating these in a non-judgemental and loving way, so as not to separate myself from people or absorb their ‘stuff’, is what I am working on today.
I know the love has to come from me and has to be expressed by me for it to be a real truth. One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body. I listen to Universal Medicine presentations as a flagging tool to help me remember how to do that – how to feel more and think less. The more I remember, the more I come back to myself to live it in my day to day life and the more I feel; I then find it easier to refrain from judgement towards myself and others. I find it easier to be more loving because my expression comes forth naturally, without the judgement or the need for that default escape route.
So the perfect time to write this is now. This is where my awareness is at now as I live the ebbs and flows of love, reconnecting (and sometimes disconnecting) to what living soulfully means on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. More than ever I’m aware of the concept of cyclical learning. Each time I feel overwhelmed / distraught / excited about something – a ‘something’ that I feel like I’ve addressed before – I remember a little more about how to live without fear and mistrust, with blinkered eyes or disregard.
The esoteric way feels truthful, as I’ve experienced it so far. I’m still feeling my way through some of what is presented, and I won’t take it for truth or believe everything I hear until I feel it so, through living it and connecting to it as a truth for myself.
As I feel out more truth it gets easier to identify others who live esoterically – that is, lovingly or from their innermost. Even those who have never heard of Universal Medicine or anything related to the esoteric, but who live with integrity and honesty, are easier to recognise. Just as like attracts like, love attracts love. No matter what organisation or belief system one rules their life by, when a person expresses themselves from a place of truth, only one thing is felt… love.
Ultimately this reflection reminds me that the world, as dark as it can feel at times, will always hold love – in all others and within me. The only thing I have to lose by not recognising my part in this, is the feeling of love.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
If I had read this years ago, I wouldn’t of understood this love. I would see this love as how Hollywood or Bollywood portrays. It’s only when we truly understand love, we realise it is much more deeper than the emotional one.
Love allows people to be where they’re at. Love allows us to reflect to others that there is another way to live and this could be one of the ways. Love loves people for more than how and what they present.
There is so much to learn and know about love, it is far more than what we have been taught. Once we know the truth of love and we feel it in our bodies, we can’t go back to any other standards. It is that simple, and humanity one day will realise this. In the meantime, we can only mirror the truth of what is known to us.
Love is the simplicity of life holding us
Expression is certainly everything – and how amazing to allow this expression to come from the body rather than the mind.
There is a difference, when we express from the body, its undeniably felt by others. The choice is theirs to either accept what is felt and align to this or, they choose to reject. Either decision is neither right or wrong, it is what is true for that individual, and that is ok too…
No matter how dark the world feels, not matter how lost we feel, deep inside us all is our inner most that is never tainted. It is up to us to build this relationship with this deepest part of ourselves. But in our worst moments, even if we cannot feel this part of us, we cannot forget that it still exists and is always within us.
Nicki, thank you for the great reminder that the amazing support we need is around us all of the time, simply it is for us to let ourselves feel it and connect to it and allow it in our lives.
“. One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.” This is huge for so many of us. Feeling from my body reminds me I’m not an individual, but a vehicle of expression – allowing what ever words that are needed in any particular moment to come through me. Still a work in progress, as they say.
“Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it.” So true Nicki and I’ve never felt it more so than last weekend.
Nicki I love that you have put a title to our current way of living
“the ‘disconnection disease’ the loss of true feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others.”
So we have found a myriad of ways to distract ourselves by numbing this inner connection by bludgeoning it to death. Resurrecting ourselves out of this disease is difficult because everything around us is trying to pull us back into the disease or swamp of life as it seems that not one person is allowed to leave.
Nikki I am so glad you wrote what you did and when you did, it is super sweet and offers a healing to many.
I remember when in my teens not wanting to be hugged by family, it was like I had become so protected and functional, ‘ I started to withdraw to a point where I wouldn’t hug or touch friends or family – for no apparent or logical reason other than it just didn’t feel right. And so, as I held back expressing my love through touch, word and movement, I started to hurt.’
“We can always choose to express the love that is forever in us, to show the world that love is there”, yep we can, but we don’t. And there is a whole science behind why we don’t but basically we don’t. And in the place of true love we have erected a very inferior counterfeit version of love that basically is completely loveless.
Our heads will always take us away from love which is a problem because most of us spend the majority of our time in our heads. Love is not something that can be conceptualised, it is a tangible feeling that comes through our bodies when our bodies are clear enough to allow it through. There is an endless array of things that prevent love from flowing freely through us, emotions and beliefs are just two of them.
I love the way that you unpick the many distractions etc that we use to take us away from love and down the path of hurt and blame. It is only when we choose to reconnect with the love within that we feel the reflection of that in others and life becomes so much more joyfull.
We are always going to run into navigational hazards in life and it is up to each of us to feel them before they are controlling what we do in life. When we feel the space that our essence provides it is like we have a clear path that reconnects us to our true home.
This feels amazing. Clocking, embracing, appreciating each step of the way. We are so conditioned to try and effort, and taking a side-glance constantly to feel that we are ‘not there’ wherever that is. But we are here and that’s where it’s at.
I remember seeing someone years ago walk out of a one to one session with Serge Benhayon and I said to myself I want some of that, they were wearing a grin from ear to ear and their body as they walked past me felt amazing so light and expanded. This I feel is what you mean when you say Nicki that we get an opportunity when others are connected to their inner love to feel it for ourselves and have the want to reconnect to it ourselves, as we are all discovering it is so worth the reconnection.
I am not surprised that the person had a grin and felt light and expanded after a session with Serge Benhayon, a true blessing and healing.
For so long we have been fed a version of love, a version full of emotion, that is not true love at all, so when presented with the truth of love, it is sometimes very challenging to accept. But to come to understand that each one of us is love, love that imbues every particle of our body and being, opens a long-locked doorway to a way of living that has its foundation built on love, a way of living where all are known to have an equal and love-filled place in this world.
Beautifully said Ingrid, love is our foundation and love is within us and remains within us no matter how far away we try to run. And then when we come back to the very love that is within us, this is indeed an embracing of all of who we are anyways.
Beneath every speck of darkness burns a light divine that can never dwindle nor fade despite the weight of the obstruction placed in front of it. Shadows are cast by an object standing in front of the light and not ever by the light itself. There are no shadows in Heaven.
Heavenly words Liane – and the symbolism stands true to what is happening as a balance of the light and shadows for each of us…so the truth remains that there cannot be shadows without light hence if we find ourselves in the shadows the consolation is that we know there must have been light to begin with and that light must have come from within ourselves.
I understand this when we do not allow ourselves to be open to the possibility of this, we feel flat and we do not connect with the love that is there, just being open to it can transform our experience of life.
Escape is a path that goes from nowhere 1 to nowhere 2.
The moment we bring in ‘trying to be perfect or trying’ we step away from the absolute Love that we are. Love has no boundaries, Love has no boxes to keep within, Love is Love no matter what and can be found in the absolute everyday moments of life when we allow ourselves to connect to such grandness that Love Is.
We each have an important part to play on earth, reflecting our divine qualities and angles of expression that we each move in. That’s why it’s awesome when we share like you have Nikki, even one step towards meeting more of who we are.
No matter the way we live and the darkness we may be shrouded by, each human being is truly bright, sparkling love underneath. We just need a bit of polishing and the right kind of support to return to the true essence of who we are. That is what I have been able to do with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Feel more, think less what a great way to live and I just love your honest and open writing here Nicki. Great blog.
“Feel more – think less” – very simple but very wise words that would make a great bumper sticker. I would certainly love the drivers who decide that the closer they can get to my car the better, to read these words. maybe it would change their attitude to driving and to life!
Yes the whole world would be a different place if we gave this simple wisdom a go.
I am choosing to bring this into my days, ‘feel more and think less’.
“…. just run away and start a new life” Such a con it is to believe that by moving away from a problem it will go away – it just comes with you.
Very true jstewart51, we can also run away and stay stationary by just going into our head and daydreaming… it’s seperation away from who we are yet at any time we can reconnect to it in an instant.
Nicky it’s like the world has 7 billion plus human bodies ready to light up with love, but each one is disconnected. All we can do is be the love we naturally are in our own lives, and remind others that it’s equally inside everyone, and that we each are the only one that can reconnect to it and live from love once more.
Feel more think less – exactly – the energy we align to channels our thoughts and we are not always aware of which energy it is, so feeling the body keeps life very simple, for the body knows all.
The simplicity of feeling the truth in our bodies eradicates the need to get lost in our minds where there are so many wrong turnings.
‘in almost every person, I realised that there is a collection of masks and insecurities and disconnection diseases going on. Navigating these in a non-judgemental and loving way, so as not to separate myself from people or absorb their ‘stuff’, is what I am working on today.’ This is very good timing to read today because this is exactly what I am working on; not judging any more and not absorbing other people’s stuff. I am learning to feel their essence, to feel deeper than the behaviour on the outside and to understand the way they are avoiding being their true selves.
Love what you’ve shared here – there is no ‘perfect time’ to write about our experiences. We live and learn as we go, and learn from and alongside others through reflections and opening ourselves up to sharing our learnings and experiences as we go.
Wow I can’t believe I have never come across your blog before – I totally share your appreciation for Serge Benhayon. I know I would be off on of some illusional journey submerged in my own confusion it if it was not for life changing inspiration of Universal Medicine.
Great point and so true Nikki. There is no better time to express your true self than now. It is the only way to let go and heal the ways of the past so we can bring more of what we can live from our trueselves into the present.
For those that will do the esoteric work in the future, it would be very useful to reflect back on the do not touch me/I do not want to have any physical contact moment. What was it all about? How did it evolve to something different?
Great question Eduardo. It was a ‘I’m giving up on you because you’re not perfect’ ie loving and soulful all the time or consistently or even just in this moment. There was a judgement and expectation from me that they should just get it but because they didn’t I withdrew and contracted my love – a stubborn kind of arrogance that refused to do my bit in helping bring them back. Basically, I ignored my responsibility to reflect the love that’s on offer – all the time, if only we shall allow it to move us. Also, as a highly sensitive (as we all are) child it was a way to protect myself from the forces playing out around me – drugs, alcohol, work burden, were some of the themes going on around me. It didn’t protect me in truth though because we all missed out on loving touch and connection due to the avoidance of expressing truth.
Re – how did it evolve to something different? My daughter is very affectionate and has taught me a lot about loving touch, whole hearted embracing, and openness. She constantly reflects to me an opportunity to allow myself to open up to the love on offer. I’m still not the most affectionate person in the world but I absolutely adore loving touch – through esoteric healing, massage, warmth in a hug. I can feel great healing in allowing myself to surrender to this expression of love.
“Pursuing change has been a technique to distract from feelings of inadequacy” – this was true for me as well. I thought a new job, a new address would change my life, but life kept tasting the same until I encountered Universal Medicine and started honestly looking at the way I was living from the inner-most out.
We can’t lose love as that is who we are – love always remains it is just that at times we choose to reject or disconnect to it, but whenever we are ready to return it is always there and always was – eternal.
When we begin to make the commitment to living our everyday with honesty and integrity our whole understanding of ourselves and others becomes far more open, steady and healing.
Loving ourselves is one of the truest and wisest choices we could ever make. In fact all of the ill of humanity is caused from not loving oneself.
A beautiful blog. We seek, we find – we laugh because it is already there – we expand. Fits and starts – yes, but we expand.
What a great title with a great truth within. We spend so much time fooled by thinking we are protecting ourselves (our love) and in doing so are lost in all that is not love. So in truth have lost love within our lives, a great lesson to learn is that to move in protection is to move out of love.
‘Ultimately this reflection reminds me that the world, as dark as it can feel at times, will always hold love – in all others and within me. The only thing I have to lose by not recognising my part in this, is the feeling of love.’ This is incredible Nicki, the understanding that this brings is just beautiful thank you.
I used to feel that those around me didn’t really love me, or understand me, and it took me quite a while to realise that it was actually me who wasn’t loving me and as for understanding me – I didn’t! To come to understand that to truly love another and to let love into my life that I needed to first love me. From there I made choice to step onto the path of commitment where I could begin to build a loving relationship with myself, a relationship that has not only grown the love in my life but also the understanding of who I truly am.
“as I held back expressing my love through touch, word and movement, I started to hurt.” Our body is such a beautiful and consistent teacher to bring us back to love.
When we step back and observe we get a much clearer view of what is going on, because there is always far more going on than what we see with our eyes.
Nikki you have expressed very clearly how painful, confusing and challenging life can be (and more importantly feel) and how many ways we struggle to cope so we develop strategies like withdrawal, and so on. It’s given me pause to reflect on the very loving work Serge continually presents, which has given me insights into myself and others as to why things are they way they are, and why we behave as we do. It’s not so confusing with this understanding. That’s a blessing in itself to be able to learn to accept life and people as they are, and not react and feel hurt, and then cope with behaviours that are essentially self harming. The best part of Serge’s work is learning to live this great love we each equally are, to express from my essence everyday (nearly!) and for life to feel beautiful and full, instead of how awful it used to feel.
Love and truth are one and the same so the more truthful we are about life the more love we are able to express.
I can totally relate to holding back my love too in word in movement in all expression. And how dark those years are, which they were totally my choice. The head convinces me that by doing that I can punish the world, but it didn’t include the most important fact that I am first punishing myself. Just as it tells me that in love, I can leave myself out of the equation too. So after many years, I stopped falling for the mind’s control and start to really feel again what is truth, and the truth to that is life has become much more simple and joyful. Feeling the body, and respecting how it feels, also no matter how it feels to accept these feelings, the support given back is amazing. Whenever I feel the mind trying to come into control again, I change my movements, by accepting deeper of myself and this love then opens up more to others rather than its tendency to close up like before.
The title captures it all, and yet for most of my life I lived the opposite. So afraid to love because of the perceived hurt it would cause me. Looking from the outside in on that just boggles the old mind. Impossible for love to hurt you, if we understand love for what it is and not the TV version of it we have been sold where it’s all about conditions and people proving themselves.
I can relate to not wanting to share until I am “sure” that I am coming from love. This was a self imposing halting on my own evolution and one that I was trapped in for some time. Until the moment where the understanding arose from within that the love is forever inside of me/us, all it takes is for me/us to choose to connect with it. From that moment life is literally never the same.
‘Ultimately this reflection reminds me that the world, as dark as it can feel at times, will always hold love – in all others and within me. The only thing I have to lose by not recognising my part in this, is the feeling of love.’ The feeling of love is what we can keep on bringing back to ourselves by the quality in which we move. I change my movements often to re-establish that connection with “my truest self”
This is something I am choosing to bring more of into my life too Nicki, how to stay feeling more and thinking less, or keeping my thoughts with me and my body, and what I am doing at that moment in time.
So very true Nicki, learning that we are our own source of love is an essential part of any true healing or return to who we are, as you so beautifully say… to our ‘truest self’.
Your opening sentence is so true, I can relate with it, ‘Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it.’
Nicki, that certainly was the expression of love reading / feeling your blog! How much do we hold back what is real to us when in fact it is our Love. Love has been so scrambled and complicated that we hesitate what is innately true in our bodies. As the title represents so beautifully the message of this blog “Truth – Nothing to Lose but Love” ❤️
I agree I have always felt love I have not always honoured it, but it has been there, humble beautiful and holding…now I am claiming it more for what it is……love is abundant and if claimed clears energy that is not love, with grace and power.
It is the pictures we hold that hold us back and there are numerous pictures of what love is and how it should look in life. Is it these pictures that create the idea of perfection and the drive toward what our picture perfect love in action should be? We know what is not love and so therefore there is no need for pictures but just the connection to what is true within us. Love is about being honest about the fact that we are only love within and living that each moment in the day – honesty is about not holding back the love we are.
Ideals cripple me constantly and they come from the mind wanting to grasp onto a destination, a picture but not truly from my body. My body then has to really let me feel what it wants to say. I woke up with a stiff neck this morning, ah, knowing how flexibility is important.
The truth we can feel the essence of truth and love in all and ourselves when we are open to it. It is something I keep coming back to, the ebb and flow as you describe. It is a fact, a universal law that I felt and I continue to develop how I live so that I honour this more steadily.
One of my favourite quotes is that ‘people with golden hearts will make any system work’ – and this is reflected here in your blog Nicki. We don’t have to belong to a particular religion or system to know that we have an innate connection to love in our hearts and to choose to live and be love in life. This feels important in a world where opinions are polarising into apparently stronger opposition. Whatever system is in place cannot change the fact that we can all choose to be love and to live it everyday. If we did, perhaps we would not need such systems any more.
I love the way you express Nicki, there is a real innocence and sweetness to what you share that goes hand in hand with great wisdom. I’ve been feeling paralysed by a job I need to do and your blog has reminded me to simply take the next step in love and truth.
What you’ve shared here about cyclical learning deserves to be a blog/article/book in itself Nikki… In this you’ve offered great wisdom and welcome inspiration to me today in reading this. There are indeed challenges we meet in life that ‘keep returning’ – often in a different guise, but if we are truthful with ourselves, we well know that here we are meeting yet another layer of something that we are learning mastery over, and that this in itself is no small thing…
To appreciate the depth of this learning, and stay with it – not seek to escape life, obscure or bury that which we are dealing with – is a mark of great and true strength. Thing is, from the experiences I’ve had, we need never be alone when we do face such challenges. Open our hearts to our own healing, and true support can very well be right there, if we are willing to let it in.
It is a privilege to read what you’ve shared here Nikki. And I agree entirely that one need not be ‘perfect’ in order to share such valuable insights. For what is ‘perfection’ anyways, but something that will ALWAYS be deemed to be beyond us, and outside of ourselves, our capabilities and indeed the love that we are within. Honesty and openness with ourselves and others is a powerful tool and way of bringing ourselves out of the insidious grasp that the ideal of perfectionism would have us ever-held in…
I love your comment “The perfect time to write this is now”. I was listening to a presentation from Serge and he spoke of expression and expansion. What I took from it was that when we express truth it allows for expansion. Holding back our expression contains us. Of course we have a responsibility to express in a way that expands love and is not harming but sometimes we need practice. I kept my expression in for many years and for the last few years I’ve been taking steps to express what is there. Sometimes it’s not so pretty and my expression has been harmful. I have the karma of that and have to deal with the consequences, but in saying that, each time I do that I have the opportunity to learn from it and make a different choice. What I’m realising is that for me because I kept my truthful expression contained, I’m relearning how to let it out. Sometimes the road is bumpy and I fall over and as much as it pains me to write, sometimes I knock others down. My expression is no longer contained and I’m committed to truthful expression and expressing in a way that heals and offers evolution.
I love the openers of your writing Nicky. I had a realisation the other day that I think I have to do it all by myself – parenting, a big workload, stuff around the house. What I’ve been cutting myself off from is the love and support that surrounds me energetically. I had my blinkers on to it and when I let it in, it’s incredible what is there.
‘The perfect time to write this is now’ – when we hold back our expression because we feel that ‘we’re not quite there yet’, haven’t got it all perfectly lined up and dealt with all our stuff, we’re holding ourselves back and waiting to match a picture of how we think we need to be. But what we forget in this moment is that life is a constant opportunity to deepen and to evolve: there is nowhere to get to and no end point, and hearing other people’s experiences along the way helps us all to grow.
Esoteric simply means from our innermost. It is something pretty natural to everyone and although at one time or another we may have forgotten this, it is not something that some of us know and others don’t—and when we segregate ourselves in this way, it is quite clear this is from the mind and not from our hearts, no? And do our minds ever truly love? In our hearts we know the equality and connection of everyone, that feels like love to me.
I like your title Nikki, and even love can not really be lost, as it is, as you describe, always there.
Thank you, Nikki, for exposing the trap of being esoteric. I can totally relate to having a picture of ideal while trying to be esoteric and so true that already undoes itself, or rather exposes where the intension is being driven out of.
Love is always there no matter what, when we let go of our hurts and allow ourselves to feel, we can connect to the love within us and express from a place of truth. I never thought this would be possible, until I started to let go of my hurts and allowed myself to feel my body, bringing stillness. In that stillness I could feel the love and truth within me.
There are so many things we can put of in life, waiting for the perfect moment to share something, to have children, to buy a home, to get married, this list can go on and on, but as you share here Nicki, there is no perfect moment as we have the opportunity in every moment to share our love, no matter what is happening around us.
Beautifully said Leigh. When we delay in search of perfection we are really avoiding our own responsibility to take the next step.
So true – no such thing as a perfect moment. How can there be when we are not perfect? feeling form my body rather than my mind is enabling me to feel what is true and what is not. No longer seeking perfection at all- quite a relief !
Many are guilty of doing the running away only to find that no matter where you run to, you always run into yourself… still needing to face what you are attempting to run from. Universal Medicine allowed me to stop and address my disconnection and in that find the love within that began to heal everything I was wanting to bury through escape…. allowing me to then choose a journey of self-discovery, truth and love that was well worth the commitment.
I love this ” no matter where you run to, you always run into yourself…still needing to face what you are attempting to run from” And this is nearly always a true love for ourselves. For when we start to care for and love ourselves and when we continue this we are naturally becoming more responsible for ourselves and this responsibility ripples out to other areas of our lives and keeps giving us opportunities to address what is needed including the worldly things we have been avoiding or running away from.
I love this too.Trying to run away – we always take ourselves wherever we go. Staying present, dealing with our hurts enable us to return to love – for ourselves and for others. Running away just buries things – no healing possible – and things may then come back to bite us in the long run.
We can never run away from ourselves – however much we may try to escape. The more we care and love ourselves the more we have to care and love others too. We then no longer need to ‘run away’.
Nicki, this line really touched me . The ‘loss of the feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others’ is a present day plague that is shadowing us all. I am only realizing the tip of the iceberg in terms of my feeling my worth, the depth to which i must not be truly feeling love for myself. And feeling this is most likely for most people… but i had never considered the blinkeredness we are all living under…as the lack of love is more the norm.
I have always felt i love being with people and being caring and ‘intimate’ with them. But i here I question if I really have been, as I haven’t been really open, vulnerable and intimate with myself first.
Yes – its so important to deeply love ourselves first. Only then can we be truly open and love others to the same depth.
I have never heard of the ‘disconnection disease’ Nicki but realise that it is a definite reality in our busy and increasingly anonymous world today. The ‘loss of the feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others’ is a present day plague that is shadowing us all. Maybe it’s time we all shone the light on the darkness of disconnection and sow the seeds for us all to reconnect to come back to our quality of love that lies within.
I too used to think that running away was the answer but found out later on in life that it doesn’t work as once I start running I am on a downward spiral. It may be challenging when faced with uncomfortable situations but once I say ‘yes’ and begin to address what is there in front of me the support is there and comes through in the most beautiful and unexpected ways confirming that I am never alone.
We have a lot to lose by shutting down. Learning to live with understanding within us is precious learning. The more I have let go of judgement of myself, the more I have allowed this understanding of others. This is love in my life and joy and no more shutting down because I want to feel the love and joy.
I can relate to this “One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.” I use to do this all the time look for a solution by analysing. This would take me away from my connection to my body and keep me stuck in my head. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon, that I began to understand that it is through our body we know the truth and not by going into our heads and analysing, this felt so freeing and more natural.
Nikki I really feel you have taken everything you have heard and chosen for your self a way of living that supports your livingness, your love expressing from this truth reflects the same in others and is then what we get to feel and recognise as the truth within us all.
We take flight and run when we can no longer bear the agony of the separation to our true self. The irony is, by running away we in fact increase the distance, not lessen it and so the tension we feel is now magnified because we are using incredible resistance to not simply stay present and deal with what needs to be dealt with as confronting, exposing and uncomfortable it may be. When this tension gets too much, our Soul has a way of communicating through our body via ailments and illnesses whereby we ‘snap back’ like a rubber band, thus making the journey home that much more uncomfortable. In order to not feel this discomfort we go on a wild goose chase searching for anything and everything that will relieve us of such discord. Learning to live esoterically simply means learning to live with the tension we feel and making the choice to not run from it. By re-connecting to our true self – our Soul – we find a way to live with ease is a world that is so full of dis-ease simply by making the choice to re-connect to the deep well of love that lives within our hearts. This is a beautiful sharing of such a journey, thankyou Nicki.
I love your blog Nikki, I also am working on . . . “how to feel more and think less” . . and how to not absorb other people’s stuff also. Many could relate to what you have shared here.
Yes – and learning to undo all we are taught in school – still – that knowledge is the be all and end all. Not so!
A great blog Nicki that shows that Universal Medicine presents a way of life, which is not exclusive to Universal Medicine as it can be practiced by everyone who choses to, whether they have heard of Universal Medicine or not, as it is available to all people.
“Navigating these in a non-judgemental and loving way, so as not to separate myself from people or absorb their ‘stuff’, is what I am working on today.” Me too and what I have discovered is that it is much easier said than done, however, it is a labour of love.
Yes Love is always there, no matter how bleak at times things may appear, and we can always choose to express the love that is forever in us, to show the world that love is there.
Very true monicag2…. love never actually leaves us. It is us that walk away, and always just a few steps really, because the moment we choose to walk back we are met with what we in fact are and come from – a love that never ends, a love that is forever there holding us regardless of what we do and choose.
I can relate to feeling how discordant and confusing the world is and wanting to withdraw, however I have learned through Universal Medicine just how much responsibility I have for my quality of life (regardless of how others and the world is), and what I can give back to the world just by living from my essence everyday. It does take time to learn to observe and not react to and absorb all that goes on around us, but it’s an amazing miracle really to look back at how I’ve lived and see the love I live from now.
Thank you Nikki for a great sharing, I remember having the same default system, just leave all the troubles and move to someplace else, the only thing is we take ourselves with us. Change comes by taking responsibility for our own unloving actions and choosing self loving ways in this we feel the truth of who we truly are, the proof is in our livingness.
I love how you’ve come to a place where you’re willing and able to see and feel the truth of who people are underneath all that might present on the outside. We all know truth it’s about allowing ourselves to live in a way that the truth is the backbone of our lives.
The love is always there, it is a choice as to whether we accept it or not. I have been so independent in the past and feeling not worthy of another’s love. To feel and accept that another could offer their time and simply be with me I found hard or as I allow myself to go deeper, could it be my unwillingness to be truly intimate (in the true sense of the word) with another woman or man?
Our hurts keep us away from feeling and expressing true love so it is imperative we heal our hurts. Dealing with the hurts and confirming and appreciating the qualities within my body, developing a self-loving way, I get to feel love. How I am with myself is then reflected to me and I am then open and willing to receive it.
There are so many layers to this and the hurts you ‘think’ you have cleared show themselves it’s a more subtle but almost stark form to gently let go of. If we learn to hold ourselves with love this becomes a simple and natural process.
Great title, and says it all really, when we don’t express our truth, we all lose out.
I held back expressing my love through touch, word and movement, I started to hurt. I hurt myself very much by doing just this, but when we start to get honest with our choices and take responsibility, so much can change.
Escape routes are everywhere and more and more are coming to the fore, as we as a whole ask for them….such as more extreme style boot camps and challenges, more abusive ‘so called’ video games, more TV series, holidays and the more obvious ones drugs and alcohol. My escape routes, were trying to run off and join the police academy… which never eventuated as my other form of escaping…bulimia got exposed. This has now been replaced with understanding, regard, love and responsibility for myself, bit by bit, from the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Thanks for your honesty Nicki.
I can relate to what has been shared here. It’s very supportive to be able to read the experiences of others which can often support a deeper understanding of myself.
“ It’s very supportive to be able to read the experiences of others which can often support a deeper understanding of myself”. Lucy this is true of us all and yet the majority of us hold back from sharing how we truly feel with others. We’re happy to recount our exciting experiences or our funny experiences but when it comes to our true experiences of life and relationships we’re much more candid. But by holding back ourselves we end up holding back everybody else as well.
I love how you have outed the idealistic belief that we have to be ‘perfect before we express our truth’.
It took me quite some time to recognize that perfection is but an illusion, for there was never an end point for it, always the drive to be a little better. Drive bring the operative word here, as I surrender to the naturalness of the love I hold within, the one thing that is not present is drive. What is present, is simply an offering to surrender even deeper to this love, and therefore live it even more in my life.
“One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body. I listen to Universal Medicine presentations as a flagging tool to help me remember how to do that – how to feel more and think less. ” These words really resonated with me. Stopping to feel my body – and honouring its messages – gets me out of me head.Why aren’t we taught this priceless information? The world is run by people living from their heads and minds – not a great job done so far!
“Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it.” Support is everywhere – when I truly support myself and take personal responsibility, outside support appears. Looking inside first rather than just reaching out has been a learning process, and a very worthwhile one.
Expressing love may seem difficult at first but with everything, once we get familiar with the mechanics the action becomes easier.
I laughed, and squirmed a little, when I read these words NIcky: “The escape routes in my imagination were endless – and let’s be honest – a bit dramatic”, why, because they could have been written by me. The problem was that living in my imagination was holding me back from living a true life, just some watered down version that had very little truth in it. But these days, thanks to the amazing presentations of Serge Benhayon, I no longer feel the need to run as everything I need right now in this moment I already have within me; truth and love.
Dear Nicky, So many things you have shared has been my experiences too. Your journey is so recognized with me too. In the end returning to truth and love has been the only way thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Where I once disregarded myself and my body, I now look to my body and with deep regard.
“Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it” We come from love, we are love and we all live in the embrace of God’s love and we have a choice to feel it and live love – or not.
What I’m struck by reading your blog is your natural wonder for life, it’s so true, no matter how dark the world gets and it does get extremely dark, that darkness is always surrounded by light, and that light can penetrate any depth of darkness. It’s easy to get swamped at times, completely forgetting love always wins.
Thank you Nicki. There is a strong belief that we have to be someone to get somewhere, meaning that we first have to reach a certain development before we have the right to say something, but this is not true, we always have something to share by the mere fact that we live in this world. So there is no need “to be in a ‘perfect’ space to be able to express my truth”, it only takes willingness and commitment to speak our truth, as it is not that we do not know it it is more so that we are not used to expressing it.
Thank you Nicki for sharing so honestly and openly in this blog, this is an awesome point you make here ‘ One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.’ This is a pattern of mine as well that completely takes me off track and complicates things. Learning to let this go and build more stillness in my life is key to remaining connected to my body and not going off with stories in my head.
“The feeling of love ” not just love but “the feeling of love”. We think we know love and what it is , let’s face it we have been given thousands of definitions through stories and music and films but what is the feeling of love? And are we feeling or is that an emotion we are experiencing? Have we skipped to a needy kind of love or one that fits a picture ? Allowing ourselves to be still on the inside so that love can emerge. How about that? Esoteric Yoga supports us wholeheartedly in this connection to ourselves and the feeling of love from deep within.
Brilliant blog Nicki, deeply inspiring and full of wisdom. As we allow ourselves to feel truth, love naturally follows. Love is literally everywhere, it is within all of us and in everything but it is a choice to deny love and truth which leads us to misery and disconnection. So, when we choose to express truth love is certainly felt by all.
Going into our heads rather than staying with our hearts, is definitely one of the challenges that we all have Nicki… But as soon as we do get out our heads and start feeling the connection, life, as you write about, does start to radically change.
When I started to love myself and truly nurture my body, support began to flow in my life again, especially as I make my inner heart my living way.
Great Blog Nicki, it really represents the way of the livingness and our return to it, living more truthfull with ourself and working on that what is not true brings more and more love to our lives, and everything we express.
Feel more and think less. This is what I will take into my day/week/life. Often when something feels awful I will agonise over it, trying to work out what I can do to alleviate how I feel about it instead of allowing myself to just feel, to know that I am love even though this has shaken me, and to allow it to pass through, surrendering to love and to what there is to learn.
“No matter what organisation or belief system one rules their life by, when a person expresses themselves from a place of truth, only one thing is felt… love.” And this is possible for anyone at any time – we do not have to be special or wait until we are this or that. Truth is Love and Love is God.
Than you Nikki for your honest simplicity, truth becomes our truth only when it is felt in the body, it is not a mental concept but a lived experience. “The esoteric way feels truthful, as I’ve experienced it so far. I’m still feeling my way through some of what is presented, and I won’t take it for truth or believe everything I hear until I feel it so, through living it and connecting to it as a truth for myself. “
“I know the love has to come from me and to be expressed by me for it to be a real truth” and I also find listening to the Universal Medicine presentations reminds and support me in how to feel more in my body and not go into my head, then I more easily connect to my inner knowing – to the truth.
This is so true Ariana, when we don’t want to take the responsibility it is so easy to feel unsupported by love, as it is just a choice, when we don’t choose it we can’t feel it.
I love this sharing, as it is coming from a great honesty, which is a big part in living truthfully. When we are not honest we can’t be love.
‘One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.’ When we come from our head we have a tendency to complicate things, and when we listen to our body it simply offers the truth.
We all of us, if we are honest, have so many fears, anxiousness about interaction, worries and troubles, and it is through all of these that we are trying to build relationships in the world, and indeed even trying to build personal relationships. But it really is like trying to build a house upon sand , because there is no foundation, and the foundation is what Universal Medicine is offering to humanity.
What really is here to support all of humanity is the love of God, and these words are a living experience that are beyond the clichés of the empty words that have been bandied about for millennia, they are an expression of the grace that surrounds us all.
Thank you Niki for a great article, in learning “How to feel more and think less ” I have lived for so long in my head that it is a work in progress coming back to truly feeling my body and not thinking what I feel.
Great point Ariana. Many times have I allowed my confidence to drop in the belief that I don’t have the support I need at the time. Yet I can now see that this is a cop out and I am degrading myself and everything around me because the fantastic thing about love is that it is always available inside and outside of ourselves to support us.
‘The fantastic thing about love is that it is always available inside and outside of ourselves to support us’ and although this is true, it remains a concept for most. And the reason why it remains a concept is because most of us live in a way that shuts down our access to the love that we actually are.
In recent conversations we were remembering being told to come from our heads and not our hearts. This came from a place of fear and not wanting us to experience hurt. I can say with hindsight, that this is a most devastating thing to be told and did not save us from hurt, it just set us adrift from ourselves, so that the hurts were harder to deal with.
How wonderful to understand the value and love that living from our hearts brings.
“One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.” This is a great sharing Nicki, when we are caught up trying to solve a problem from our head, we are not in touch with the truth our body offers us.
Thank you Nicky for sharing your wisdom and experience. I know this one too well and how debilitating it can be: “One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.” Once we learn to trust the body and honour what we are feeling life becomes very simple.
A great read Nicki with so many interesting points, there is no get out of jail free card but there is a key, love, which opens every door.
A great sharing Nicki, and I too can relate to going into my head to think things through as this has been my default choice for most of my life. Thank-fully my own presence has been chosen more of late which is a beautiful change from the tension that can be felt from trying to find the answers in my mind.
Thank you Niki this was such a beautiful blog to read, I can relate to going into my head and wanting to find solutions, this has become less of late as I am learning how to feel more and think less.
It’s so true Nicki, it’s not about joining a group or following a line of thinking or a bunch of rules, it’s about connecting to the love that we are and moving from there. The love that we are is in everyone whether they are living it or not, and the beautiful thing is that we can feel this first. The more we discard what is not love, discard the things that hold us back that we have been carrying, the lighter we are and the easier it is to live the love that we are.
Nikki, this is such a gorgeous expression of what it is to live love, that no matter what is going on in the world love is always there, and there are people who live it, and most of all we feel and know that we meet it. I had someone describe it to me recently as ‘genuine’ and that’s what it felt like, an open, honest and loving interaction and it can come from anyone no matter what the outer might look like – I love that, it captures the absolute universality of love; it really doesn’t have any colour, nationality or creed, it just is … love and it’s there always.
There is so much in this blog. How we all have a part, how we are responsible for being our love in the world and how it’s up to us to constantly discern and feel truth. The thing that resonates loud and clear from this blog is taking responsibility – looking at your part and taking the necessary steps to find your way and to feel what is true and to live that truth.
I found more recently that Ive been going into my head about things wanting to find solutions fix stuff oh my god does it get busy it’s like peak hour or hours, when I bring it back to the body to stop and just breathe thats when there is clarity
Jaime I know this one well, ‘peak hours’ is a great way to describe it, like a very busy train station, keeping us busy trying to control each line (of thought / idea) and in the process we’ve lost touch with our bodies and they’re brought along for a ride without actually being listened to – it gets awfully complicated and exhausting, but when we come back to the body it’s simple and as you say there’s clarity, no drama and we can see and feel the wood for the trees.
It is so true Nicki that so many are aware, even if not consciously so, of ‘the ‘disconnection disease’, that is, a loss of the feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others.’ For me it has been huge to start to take steps to address this and it is so supportive to read a blog like this where you are sharing how it is for you and the realness of that supports me to connect to where I am at. Thank you so much for sharing.
Great Nicki that you have not taken the escape route but are now back on track. I know the idea of having to be perfect. It is just another game we can play to not express love in this world. Love will always be there, we only have to connect to it within ourselves.
Thank you Nicki. There are many ‘escape routes’ that we use to hide and distract ourselves with, and oh what a waste of time energy and often money. We can change jobs, move house or move countries. All this affects everyone else as we often put friends and family through great upheavals just in the name of escaping and avoiding the truth.
“I’ll high tail it out of there when things get dull or uncomfortable or confrontational. Not because mum said so, but because I haven’t in the past been able to take full responsibility for my part in life… ” I really resonate with this Nikki, I too could keep myself on the move. Staying and working through things has meant being more responsible and more understanding … although not necessarily comfortable.
Thank you Nicki. I loved reading the part at the end where you said when someone expresses truth (in Truth), all that can be felt is love. I’ve certainly had pictures of what love looks like in life, and there are many that society holds about this too. Sometimes truth is needed to be expressed and this may not be comfortable for the person that needs to hear it. Ultimate love is not holding back in what is needed to be expressed, whilst at the same time holding that person with the depth of love that can be lived in connection to their soul equally.
True words Amelia.
As dark as the world can sometimes feel our ever evolving commitment to love and truth is indeed the light that will illuminate all shadows to brighten up and inspire us all to constantly build new levels of love and truth in all of our lives.
I really enjoyed reading you blog Nicki it was very refreshing to read. We are all naturally loving and gentle it is only when we start to carry our hurts around with us and begin to harden that we loose the gentleness and innocence we knew as children. This is why I love Universal Medicine, it has given me back my body and rekindled the love that I could feel as a child.
‘I haven’t in the past been able to take full responsibility for my part in life… significant given I play the lead role.’ Isn’t this the malaise of man in a nutshell? The nail on the head? I mean, you wouldn’t expect a leading lady to turn up to the theatre without knowing her lines, so she can fully play her part in the play, would you? You’ve hit on a real profundity here – that living our own life as a bit-part player just isn’t the way. It requires full commitment to life, full responsibility for all our choices, so that we can become the leading light we’re billed to be.
So true Cathy ‘living our own life as a bit-part player just isn’t the way. It requires full commitment to life, full responsibility for all our choices, so that we can become the leading light we’re billed to be.’
Cathy love it to very true and playfully said … Awesome
This is so true Nicki – so many people of modern day society navigate their everyday through the intense pressure of societies roles, ideals and expectations with masks that hide our trues selves and the application of body armour for protection – all to prevent us being hurt. As you have found there is so much more to life that living like the tin man.
Thank you Nicki. ‘Love is always there to support us, we just don’t always allow ourselves to feel it.’ This is a beautiful reminder of how we can always come back to feeling the love that we naturally are. I am learning to get out of the head more too, and be more in the body. You describe that choice in such a clear and simple way when you write about trying ‘to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.’ All trying dissolves when we allow ourselves to register how things feel in our bodies.
Nicki I can relate to what your mother told you about running away if things got too difficult. I also used to have this ideal that if I couldn’t cope with something it was kinder to myself to change the situation I was in, which for me at the time would be to run away and withdraw, but never would I look at my part in a situation. The trouble is the more I did this the more withdrawn I became and then had more difficulty with confrontation and dealing with people. It is only now that I am seeing the benefit of staying put and dealing with what there is to be dealt with and finally at the age of 54 I feel more grown up and able to deal with anything that comes my way.
To be able to live without fear, and mistrust, to be out to bring all that we truly are to the world, so that the world actually benefits from their unique and amazing qualities, this is what Universal Medicine fosters and notices in each and every person who attends the courses presented
Each and every person, who attends a course of Universal Medicine, is seen by Serge Benhayon for who he truly is and gets this reflected back in an instance from him. This supports immensely in what you suggest Chris: “To be able to live without fear, and mistrust, to be out to bring all that we truly are to the world, so that the world actually benefits from their unique and amazing qualities”.
“I started to withdraw to a point where I wouldn’t hug or touch friends or family – for no apparent or logical reason other than it just didn’t feel right.” I’ve had that in my life and it is a horrible slippery slope. The withdrawal, contraction and protection that builds up is debilitating, yet we never entirely lose the deep love within and it is always there to reconnect to.
Thank you, Nikki, for this beautiful sharing. I can so relate to ‘waiting for that perfect moment to express’ kind of holding back – which actually is saying ‘I am not good enough as I am’, and it is very beautiful to read how you are claiming yourself through your expression.
Thanks Nicki for sharing unreservedly, I love the point re waiting for the ‘perfect’ time or space before you expressed. Perfection is a great trap and is not even possible. I think the word could be removed from our vocabulary. 🙂
So great it didn’t stop you from expressing you so beautifully, thank you.
Beautiful meaningful writing Nicki, I can feel the love as I read this.
Nicki, I love that you did not wait to be ‘perfect’ before so openly sharing your truth. I find that the harder I am on myself, the less love I am able to see in all others. To be non-judgmental of others, I need to stop judging myself (now I choose to live this understanding).
I love these words Carmin, “I find that the harder I am on myself, the less love I am able to see in all others”. “To be non-judgmental of others, I need to stop judging myself”
Yes – trying to be perfect is a big trap. It sets us up for failure. So I’m also glad Nicki, that you haven’t held back and shared your amazing experiences.
Real cool Nicki. Often we wait for things ‘to be better’ until we do things. But there’s something awesome about loving where your at and doing things from how you are at that moment. It’s real, and meaning your not trying to ‘get’ to anywhere but just loving and living you.
An awesome piece of writing Nicki, with so many gems of wisdom unfolding as I read. I most definitely plan to revisit and re-read. And thank you for not waiting till you felt you were in a ‘perfect space’ to write. More and more I come to embody: there is no perfection asked for.
I am having to agree with you Ariana. I have always felt unsupported but then I could not even ask for support, let alone receive, because as you quite rightly point out, I too was not ready to take responsibility for my life or my choices. When I did take responsibility , so much support was there for me and many more choices…. !
I love what you have shared with such honesty Nicki. “This is where my awareness is at now as I live the ebbs and flows of love, reconnecting (and sometimes disconnecting) to what living soulfully means on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis. More than ever I’m aware of the concept of cyclical learning.” Yes the idea of always being perfect before we express can really play with us and bring us to a halt. When we trust and remember that expressing is not about being perfect, it just about expressing in any given moment what is there to be shared, it takes the pressure off.
I was particularly struck by the advice from your mother when things get bad: “Just run away and start a new life”. I am sure many of us can relate to that but of course it does not work as you can’t run away from yourself as you will be there wherever you go. What I have learned and didn’t understand when I was younger was what I was running away from (the angst) was in fact LOVE. It was love calling me home – back to myself. It was love saying HELLO – wakey, wakey there is something here that needs your attention. Since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have made friends with what I used to experience as an inner scream (as it grew louder and louder when I didn’t listen) and recognise now that it is indeed the tender voice of love, truth and the wisdom of my body – my very own person friend and teacher steering me back to my Divine essence. How funny the very thing I have always looked for lives within me, has always been there and is the very last thing I would want to run away from!
We are a perfect design – no matter where we run we take all our problems and all our angst, and at the same time we also carry the cure to it all… ourselves!
That is so true Simon – the whole design is absolutely perfect even if it does not always seem that way when we fight it!
This is amazing Nicola. I can so relate to running away and hiding. Before coming to Universal Medicine, I didn’t even know that I was doing that. Now I am coming to learn that what I’m hiding from is actually love. It makes so much sense that we are in fact running away from love, that the angst is love calling us home, back to ourselves. I love the way you decribe the of course loving way that love does this- ‘It was love saying HELLO- wakey, wakey there is something here that needs your attention.’ And it’s still there, even after all that running away too!
Thanks Simone and I could honestly say the same as you, but it would only be honest and not truthful. Whilst I might have been able to honestly say that in the past I didn’t realise I was running away, the deeper truth is that I knew exactly what I was doing. The more aware I become the more I get to see how much I actually lie to myself and how much there is a part of us that always knows and feels the truth of everything. As Simon says a perfect design indeed and no escape from it… thank God (literally).
Kapow! Your words pack a punch Nicki, thank you so for delivering all you have here, simple and true – choose love, or have all that isn’t.
Thank you Nikki for a great blog, I have been a fixer all my life, living mainly from my head. At times, when when I choose to really feel from my body I find myself thinking how to feel, something did not feel right about this. This changed for me after doing some of Serge’s meditations. Now I am learning to feel into the love that resides within me, and expressing me from that place.
Learning how to live life by how I feel rather than thinking has been an interesting one. Most education would have you feeling grander because you now have something extra in your collection of knowledge from the outside. Whereas through feelings I am learning how much I already do know about life and how simply that knowing can be accessed by just feeling my way through life.
What a great blog Nikki. It supports me to be the leader of my own destiny, responsible for how I feel and how I connect to myself to then trust what I feel. To connect to my essence and trust it has been profound – from there I am discovering a deeper and deeper love for myself and humanity and the bigger picture. Thank you.
Great sharing Nikki. I love how you define worlds biggest disease: “the ‘disconnection disease’, that is, a loss of the feeling of true love for oneself; the inability to be lovingly still with oneself; and the fear of being intimate, vulnerable and open with others.” This disease should be on the top of medical research.
Hi Nikki, many start ‘knowing’ the connection to the love they are, only to slowly separate from self as they grow towards adulthood. Your comment – ‘I was drawn to live a soulful, present life’ reminds me that even when we separate, we never loose that inner knowing of the love we are and that it is always there waiting for us to re-connect to it. Thank you for sharing how you have found your way back and your on-going unfoldment.
In expressing myself, I have struggled with the idea that I will be better or more prepared in the future, so I have waited for that more ideal time to come before expressing. I realise now that there is no better time than now.
What I am learning is that the more I choose to feel the love that is around to support us the less hectic my life is becoming. Because in those moments where I do disconnect from those feelings of warmth and strength from within my body it’s like I get a thought to say “Hey come on, this isn’t you.” or “I’ve been here before – I know where this situation leads”. These thoughts are much more loving than those attractions of that extra spoon (or jar) of honey or handful of nuts and they are getting stronger and stronger the more I do connect to love. As you say Nicki the more we choose to be ourselves the lesser the hold to go into those avoidance behaviours and stay in them becomes.
Beautifully written and expressed Nicki. I can also relate to having the belief that I had to be in a particularly ‘ideal’ place with myself before I could express the truth. But, as with you, I have discovered that there is truth to be expressed and lived in every situation, in every moment should we choose to connect to our love within. Thank you for this beautiful reminder – truly inspiring.
Just love it, ‘Love attracts Love’, LOVE is absolute!
Ariana, thankyou for sharing this, how easily I can use the ‘get out’ clause of not feeling supported when I myself can do so much with love for me, and i have all the love I could ever need within.
Nicki, I really enjoyed your honesty and realness. How little do we really allow ourselves to express exactly what we feel – but you did so effortlessly. Thankyou. The line “the inability to be lovingly still with oneself” really stood out for me, this is something for me to work on. There were many points in your blog that asked me to go deeper and consider much – thankyou. You are a very interesting writer. I hope you will write again.
A huge one Nicki – when I listen to myself and I am truly honest with me in everything that is there – even looking at what is not going so well with love – I am able to have the same loving view, extending out to communication with others. The way I betray myself also betrays others. And the way I am with others shows me how I am with myself. Get that! Very awesome!
It is beautiful when we recognise each other because of the love we are and we can be that love exactly where we are. Thanks Nicki.
It is awesome to know that we do not have to be perfect to express, the need to get it all ‘right’ is such a nasty trick. I am so glad you chose to express here Nicki.
I agree Leonne for when we hold ourselves to ransom with the need to be perfect we can also miss the mistakes in life that can sometimes be our greatest teachers and bring the greatest blessings and transformations for us (even though they can sometimes be the most uncomfortable at the time).
I enjoyed reading this Nicki and enjoying the way you write. You have made some great points for me to sit with.
It is so beautiful that you chose to write from where your awareness is at as you ‘live in the ebbs of flows of love’, which, other than being a truly gorgeous way to put it, appreciating the wisdom that comes from where you are… it is deeply honest, and a blessing to all who are honoured to read it.
Dear Nicki, you should write more often! I loved the flow of your expression and how you opened up and shared with us you. Very real and practical and filled with a loving grace for yourself, for others and all that you are learning. Humbled I am. Thank you.
Thank you Nicki for sharing the honesty and truth of who your are and not trying to present a point from a life not yet lived.
“As I feel out more truth it gets easier to identify others who live esoterically – that is, lovingly or from their innermost. Even those who have never heard of Universal Medicine or anything related to the esoteric, but who live with integrity and honesty, are easier to recognise. Just as like attracts like, love attracts love. No matter what organisation or belief system one rules their life by, when a person expresses themselves from a place of truth, only one thing is felt… love. ”
Nikki, it is a great confirmation when we see people who have not heard of esoteric living lives that are choosing love.
Great blog Nikki, I could have read hours more of your truth.
The esoteric feels truthful because it is truth-full. It is the way to go. The body knows this innately.
yes the body does resonate with truth when it is felt, we have simply have to allow ourselves to feel it.
Wanting life to be perfect is a little trap I’ve fallen into at times, in reality it never is. What feels perfect is the connection and flow of life when the steadiness is achieved simply with self care and nurturing way I live with myself.
Yes. We all have love inside of us. It is up to us to allow ourselves to feel it. Universal Medicine supports us to re-connect to this love and then to live it. Which is the best feeling in the world.
Nicki this is a beautiful sharing, there is so much in it, thank you. And I love how you say that there is always love in this world that holds us and supports us even if we choose not to feel it.
The point you make that “if it ever gets too bad just run away and start a new life”. I see many people choose this option. This was also something I used to choose, on a practical level it may seem harder but it’s actually the easy way out for a short period of time until what you are running away from eventually catches up to you. It can be more confronting to stay put and deal with all the patterns that have created your life to be how it is. We can actually never really move away from our ‘stuff’ its always there with us, so it’s not really about your physical location but how long you delay dealing with your issues and resist making your life more loving.
We can delay dealing with our issues for as long as we like, we really can, it is our free will. And we have pretty much set up our whole world to support us to delay. Life as it is currently lived is all about delay and supporting others in their delay, which is the total opposite of how we’re meant to be living.
Support and asking for support many women find difficult, myself included. In the past, I had adopted an attitude of, ‘just get on with it on my own and don’t bother anyone’. That said, I have found that the more I self-support and keep giving to myself through meeting my own needs, support in many other ways comes to me so easily which is a new marker for me and a lovely confirmation of how much I have evolved.
“One of my great challenges is that I go into my head, trying to problem-solve things, instead of simply registering how they feel in my body.” – This is something I find challenging also Nicki.
This is a very intimate sharing and obviously very honest. Universal Medicine has many great tips and supports to bring us back to ourselves in a very practical and real way, and it is incredibly supportive for me to read how other people integrate what they present into their lives, especially the difficulties and how they overcome them so they become simple. Thank you Nicki.
What you share about that when a person is coming from a place of truth the only thing that is there is love is very beautiful. Thank you.
I love the comment Nicki, that you are choosing to’ feel more and think less”. Something I am working on at this time also. Thank you for a great blog.
Nicki your blog absolutely blew me away. Sometimes I feel the weight of responsibility is more than I can bear and I want to run, Your blog shows me I would just be running away from the opportunity to bring more love to my life and those around me. It also shows that every set of circumstances we face is perfect for us and there is nowhere we need to ‘get to’ we simply need to be us and express what we feel. Beautiful.
What a gorgeous blog, I could relate to so much of what you wrote, as it felt you were reflecting how I too have lived. I loved the fact that you called out that it is not about living in perfection but in feeling and taking responsibility for all our choices (not in judgement but from love). We are all forever students of life, forever unfolding back to who we really are and doing it in our own time – thank you for reminding me of this.
We all have our ‘get out’ clauses – and they don’t serve us at all. Being able to spot these and knock them out helps develop a new loving way of being.
Great way of putting it Lee.
Too true Lee. I’ve found we also have our ‘stay stuck’ clauses – the ones that keep us going around in the same momentum and pattern of behaviour (for me it was creating drama and stress in my life as a constant distraction from being honest about where I was really at) – and the only thing I’ve experienced that supports us to stay committed to ourselves – (without wanting to escape or distract) – is honesty, and taking responsibility for our choices… which for me, I’ve definitely experienced, is a very loving way of being.
Nikki, you write with such honesty, A beautiful blog to read and feel, thank you
What I love about that you are sharing is that you don’t instantly believe something because someone has told you so. That you feel the truth for yourself. This is so powerful Nikki.
This was such an important lesson for me to learn Jennifer, one that I would have loved to have be given as a child; if it had, I know that my life would have been very different!
Nicki, fantastic sharing, I feel so much of what you speak of here, the need for perfection, getting it or getting there, and being right, and really all along the love is there, in me and everyone, it’s just a matter of living it each day to be best of our ability and presenting what we know each day from there. Love finds love, and we all are love so really it’s about being that love and of course that can spark another to be theirs too – the possibility is there for us all, and the best thing is Love never demands we be love, it allows us to choose.
‘Love never demands we be love, it allows us to choose.’ In every moment we have a choice to be LOVE how awesome is that?
Great sharing and honesty Nicki, “Ultimately this reflection reminds me that the world, as dark as it can feel at times, will always hold love – in all others and within me. The only thing I have to lose by not recognising my part in this, is the feeling of love” Thank you!
Hi Nicki, I can feel your words, ‘This is where my awareness is at now as I live the ebbs and flows of love, reconnecting (and sometimes disconnecting) to what living soulfully means on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis.’ because this is just how life feels for me right now, and, as you say, we are in the cycles of learning, where we get the same thing presented again and again until we learn to deal with it or let it go, or whatever is required for us to evolve back to where we came from.
Great article Nicki, particularly the last 3 paragraphs.