Here’s Looking at You, Truth – and a More Beautiful & Real Me

by Lyndy Summerhaze, Crabbes Creek, Australia

With the wonderful help from practitioners at Universal Medicine, I have been able to surrender to a deeper, more beautiful and real me, to feel the exquisite purity of my essence – and feeling this has enabled me to realise how superficial I have been.

This is what I have seen: I have a superficial way of expressing and communicating which glides and slides over all the richness, rawness, and beauty of life. I have been content with fragments of truth and used these fragments to create a mosaic or picture of life that is not true; a picture that, in its misinterpretation of life, has reduced it to something unreal and without true vibrant livingness. Forgetting to look within myself and feel the love, truth and glory ever pulsing within, a love ever ready to nurture every cell of my body and emanate forth, I instead cast my gaze onto the outer world and proceeded to search for some form of ‘good’ or ‘purity’ out there. In this process I created a false world – a world which was not without its amazing moments, but these moments were short-lived and unsustainable.

This is how I made a false mosaic with fragmented truth in my relationship with my mother. I adored her – she was lovely, funny, lively, always there for me, never abusive, a beautiful pianist – everyone loved her. For me she personified all that was good and pure. Then when I was 23, she died of breast cancer. Recently a Universal Medicine practitioner astutely asked me if I had accepted my mother’s death. I was stopped in my tracks by this question – well, I had accepted the death of my first daughter, and I had accepted the death of my father, but with this question about my mother there were tears gathering in my eyes. No, there was something amiss!

I recounted how my mother had been given 6 months to live and how she and my father were going to spend that time on a holiday together. The doctor then suggested removing Mum’s ovaries to slow down the spreading of the cancer. Although this is a recognised treatment in certain cases of breast cancer, and I appreciated the medical care that had been given thus far, somewhere deep inside I just had this feeling that this next step would not work for Mum, that it would not slow the spread of cancer in her case. I even said to my parents that this would be the end of Mum, but my mother chose to go ahead with the operation. She was dead in a couple of weeks.

Then there was the funeral. I didn’t go to it – a decision that has always puzzled me. How could I have opted to not go to my own mother’s funeral? I now know I couldn’t go because I had not accepted the circumstances of her death. Then things started to unravel to me – what I hadn’t been prepared to see about her life – all the not so lovely things that were threatening to spoil the perfect picture I held of my loving mother. I remembered how she expressed to me her bewilderment about her predicament and how her life could have come to this. She was shattered when she realised her youth and musical career were disappearing due to her illness, and she was left wondering who she was. There was a sense that she had lost control over her own destiny.

I was devastated that she found herself in this position. I realised that the deepest aspect of the grief I felt was not so much about her impending death, but how she felt powerless within her situation. I felt grief not only about my mother, but about how life is lived in the world. I kept my own reaction of devastation buried, unable to face it.  But now, in the safe and loving space held by this practitioner, I could open up and feel the devastation I had suppressed.

I realised that there were parts of my mother that I did not want to see. I could see that she could not feel that her own love and our love were enough. It was confronting for me to see how she dealt with her illness because she had not shown me her imperfections before. I had only seen her as a mother whose warmth was always there for me, but not as a woman who had gone through her own trials and tribulations in life.

My ideal ‘mosaic’ of her, created with fragments of truth, was shattered. I saw that I had enjoined a false mentality that prescribed that we blindly ignore the weaknesses of others and see only the ‘good’ – this was thought to be what ‘love’ is, but it was a distorted version of true love. I had made a tumour in the body of God. True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment. This was a painful but good shattering. I just had to feel it, feel it, feel it. Ouch!

The false world I had created was just a fragment of the truth (as I write this the kookaburras have just burst out laughing and I am reminded of the precious joy of life). I chose to use that precious life energy available to me to create a false world where I saw only the acceptable, nice and good – I cut myself off from the fullness of true expression. I subverted the true pure stream of life and love that naturally flowed through me and instead wove a cocoon of illusion. This cocoon, I realised, sheltered me from feeling the facts of life as they are here on earth; it protected me from feeling the unacceptable horrors of the world, and even more poignantly, from the hurts that I myself was carrying around within me. But it also cut me off from the depth of richness that we all naturally are. Because I did not want to see and feel all that was there to be seen and felt I cut myself off from the whole, and so from experiencing relationship in full with others.

The week before the above revelation, I was driving home one day when I became aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman enveloping me. I could feel her dignity and wisdom. This woman has many times been present with me in my life, and because Mum had died when I was 23, I had always attributed this presence to her – I always thought, “oh, my beautiful mother is with me”. But as I drove, bathing in this gorgeous presence, I suddenly and deeply knew this woman to be me – the essence of me. I had always been casting the woman within me onto the outside world – this amazing being couldn’t possibly be myself! How loving was the Soul to confirm the truth of who I am before I stumble across (yet again!) another self-created illusion. In its wisdom the Soul gave me the whole picture, creating a platform of loving acceptance for me to see what is there to be seen.

I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing. From here I can see what there is to be seen and feel what there is to be felt. I have realised that I have been content to be superficial in how I perceive and interact with who and what is in front of me, content with not seeing and feeling everything – to the very depths.

There is a still and loving place within the innermost heart of every man, woman and child, from whence the truth of all can be felt, seen and known in full. There is no judgment issuing from this place, only love and observation – for true love and observation are one.

147 thoughts on “Here’s Looking at You, Truth – and a More Beautiful & Real Me

  1. Thank you, Lyndy. Sometimes the truth can be so painful to feel at the time but the more connected we are to ourselves the easier it is to know and feel the richness of the truth being presented.

  2. We try to make the world what we want it to be by trying to blend out all the dysfunctional and unpleasant occurrences without realising that this narrows our view and we miss out on what is true in this world.

  3. This is beautiful. Thank you, Lyndy. We may choose to see only what we want to see and settle with a mosaic, but the whole truth is even more beautiful and grander than what our mind can gather.

  4. Your revelation driving along and becoming . . . “aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman” . . . and realising that the dignity and wisdom you where feeling was your connection to your Soul . . . true Beauty Lyndy. I love reading this piece as you do not hold back in uncovering truth; no matter how difficult or painful this may be.

  5. I loved reading this blog again. It’s true that if we shut down parts of the truth we don’t like then we shut down to many things and live a half life. When we let go of judgement and just observe, this is true love. We allow for faults and growth in those we love, no longer holding a picture of perfection that holds us back from truth. Once we allow truth we can all feel the amazing beings that we are.

  6. Lyndy thank you for all you have shared, it’s something I am learning at the moment to see life in full, not how I wish it to be. A great line for me to ponder on “I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing.” – thankyou.

  7. Lyndy, this is exquisite. I was moved to tears by your humbleness and openness to see what is truly there to be seen in the passing of your mother and the life that she had lived. Your imagery is spot on – we use fragments of truth that we weave together to create a mosaic cocoon we then seek shelter in to hide from the world. In the comfort of this fully self created illusion we then look blindly out, choosing what we want to see and this being only that which suits the picture we have chosen of the world and not the truth of how the world actually is. By freeing yourself from this chrysalis, you have birthed forth the most divine butterfly, a symbol of your true self that has been left unencumbered by the impositions that were previously in place and can now get on doing what it does best – loving purely and whole-heartedly from the depths of our being.

    1. and thank you both for breaking down this propensity to see what we want to see rather than what is there to be seen. Without people coming into our lives to show us there is another way we would quite happily remain in the cocoon believing this to be the reality.

  8. When the perfect pictures we create of others get smashed by their imperfections we are suddenly awakened by the fact that we too are not perfect and never will we be. And what a blessing that is considering more often than not it is our imperfections in life that we learn some of our greatest lessons from.

  9. There is a flippancy and illusion I feel, in the saying ‘only see the good in people.’ What about from when we left so we are encouraged to see them all, feel the persons essence in truth but also feel everything that is covering that or in the way. I grew up only focusing on the negative’s, seeing all that was so called ‘wrong’ with people, knowing now it was because I was always looking out what was ‘wrong’ with me. I have learnt a lot of how I see others by reading your blog today lyndy, thank you.

  10. Stunning Lyndy. Thank you for sharing your story and the lessons within that will support so many. The self-created illusions we hold just cannot compare to the enormity of the whole and the love that embraces us there.

  11. There is no judgment in observation. If we interpret what we see there is, but if we observe all that is being presented there is only learning and understanding.

  12. ‘Forgetting to look within myself and feel the love, truth and glory ever pulsing within, a love ever ready to nurture every cell of my body and emanate forth, I instead cast my gaze onto the outer world and proceeded to search for some form of ‘good’ or ‘purity’ out there.’ The illusion of the world we live in, absorbing all that is not of truth, instead of discovering our deep love inside ourselves we are desperately looking for love in the outside world. All we have to do is discovering what is of not truth where we have build our foundation on and you are giving us a beautiful example of how to unravel these pictures we have taken on board.

  13. I love reading people’s stories as it brings in much more understanding of them and reminds you not to judge others- that there is more than what you see in front of you and to bring understanding to that.

  14. So beautiful Lyndy, to read about your revelation and then for you to feel the true essence of yourself as you were driving. That is such an amazing feeling to have, one of completeness, contentment and inner knowing that you are feeling the real you. Was delightful to read.

  15. That there is a still and loving place within the heart of everyone can seem like a cliché or a truism, and yet it is the absolute truth… And this place holds the spark of reconnection that eventually, in everyone of us, will reignite the flame of truth that will burn bright and lead us all home

  16. In this beautiful sharing is the wisdom of the true elder – a quality that all may hold, regardless of age… Thank-you Lyndy for sharing from your depths to our own, what it is to accept the whole of life and embrace it with one’s love.

  17. This is great Lyndy, when we try and paint things how we want them to be rather than how they actually are, it just provides us situations which let us down and leave us feeling not connected but isolated in the pictures in our heads.

  18. We would carry less hurts if we understood and spoke about life in its true energetic sense – like why people get diseases in the first place and how death works and what we then move onto through the cycle of reincarnation. This life is really missing the latter of your gorgeously open blog Lyndy – the way you embrace your Soul and know there is more to life then meets the gullible eye.

  19. Beautiful Lyndy, thank you. The realisation that the deeply warm and loving woman is you is a true aha moment and you have captured it perfectly here in your writing. That deeply warm and loving beingness is in us all equally, awaiting for each of us to realise it for ourselves as you have.

  20. When I find myself not wanting to feel especially the reflection of another I am realising it is because it exposes me and the hurts I am carrying around with me but to allow myself to feel says ‘Yes’ to evolution and an opportunity to heal and bring only love to all my relationships including the relationship with self.

  21. It is understandable to some extent that we recoil and withdraw from the world in some way in response to the obvious pain, suffering, falseness, corruption and superficiality that surrounds us everywhere and then we want to create our own ‘fairy tale’ with a happy ending rather than feeling and facing the reality of life. However I have found that the less I paper over the cracks (that show through in the end anyway) the more in touch I become with the wonder, joy and love and stillness that is also there in life alongside the harsher sides and I have come to the conclusion that the love and joy is stronger, more powerful and more plentiful, I just had not noticed it so much before when I was living in my self-created ‘bubble’ of how I wanted life to look.

    1. Yes Andrew and this is such a great point. If we withdraw then we never offer any change, we join in and cannot complain about the mess the world is in. If we want things to change then we have to be that change, in our own life and then in the world. Be bold, be ready to see the world as it is and get in there anyway!

  22. That place of stillness that you mention Lyndy is the place that always bring me back to what I know is Love. And the more I allow myself to feel the horror and disharmony in the world as well as the same within myself, and just allow this feeling without judgement, the more I can access this place where there is stillness and pure Love. This process is on-going like a battle, but the more I am aware of this and not react, the deeper the observations.

  23. And it is important for anyone who has also experienced this process to not get stuck when more of the devastation we have allowed ourselves to experience surfaces–appreciate this. Appreciate that we have allowed ourselves to see clearer and deeper than before, but do not stay there. Recognise that this is a process, a very valuable process of returning to living and breathing more of our true essence of Love. Embrace the honesty of this vulnerability but never stop to feel and express from the part which is true.

  24. Lyndy this sharing moved me very deeply, and makes me realize how easy it is to not want to see the reality of this world and those in it. Including myself.

  25. Your dignity and wisdom is deeply felt Lyndy throughout your entire blog, And it made me ponder where do I still not want to see truth and protect myself by making my own version, it is an ongoing process that makes there to be more of me every time I let go of another picture. ‘I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing.’ Thank you for these words of power.

  26. Wow I really appreciate your sharing this, I can feel the way we see what we want to see, the way we hold those closest to us to an ideal and an expectation that means we actually don’t see them and accept them for who they truly are. There is so much more I can see will come as I sit with this blog for a while, I feel it unraveling something for me so thank you.

  27. Thank you for this honest blog Lyndy. I can relate to much of what you wrote here especially about glossing over things and avoiding looking at the bad, only seeing the good. I particularly like this line, ‘True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment.’

  28. What an amazing reflection you were given to look at all your life – your mother. I have read many blogs and heard many times now people ‘looking’ for the truth and answers. Seeking that epiphany or ‘being saved’ – relieved from the tension – “I want to win the lottery and have lots of money” – “I want to be happy” – “I do not want to work”. And guess what I just realised I heard this all from my mother too. I have realised All it takes is to deeply take care of yourself and know if you are feeling tension it is honourable to feel and surrender to it.
    If I feel ‘out of sorts’ I slow down and be gentle and kind with myself. All there is to achieve in life is to love and embrace what next there is to look at and feel. I am discovering the ‘next thing’ is what I try so hard to avoid – that next thing is being responsible for feeling more than what you did before. The feeling of being out of sorts will become a consistent feeling of being amazing. So, our mother, and others are reflecting just how amazing we actually are, and that awkwardness and tension when honestly given the space now becomes it – YOU – AMAZINGNESS. We are a step away from being amazing and we are constantly being reflected this.

  29. This is a beautiful blog to read Lyndy, thank you for sharing so honestly, ‘I became aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman enveloping me. I could feel her dignity and wisdom.’ Lovely for you to finally understand and accept that this presence was you, your essence.

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