by Lyndy Summerhaze, Crabbes Creek, Australia
With the wonderful help from practitioners at Universal Medicine, I have been able to surrender to a deeper, more beautiful and real me, to feel the exquisite purity of my essence – and feeling this has enabled me to realise how superficial I have been.
This is what I have seen: I have a superficial way of expressing and communicating which glides and slides over all the richness, rawness, and beauty of life. I have been content with fragments of truth and used these fragments to create a mosaic or picture of life that is not true; a picture that, in its misinterpretation of life, has reduced it to something unreal and without true vibrant livingness. Forgetting to look within myself and feel the love, truth and glory ever pulsing within, a love ever ready to nurture every cell of my body and emanate forth, I instead cast my gaze onto the outer world and proceeded to search for some form of ‘good’ or ‘purity’ out there. In this process I created a false world – a world which was not without its amazing moments, but these moments were short-lived and unsustainable.
This is how I made a false mosaic with fragmented truth in my relationship with my mother. I adored her – she was lovely, funny, lively, always there for me, never abusive, a beautiful pianist – everyone loved her. For me she personified all that was good and pure. Then when I was 23, she died of breast cancer. Recently a Universal Medicine practitioner astutely asked me if I had accepted my mother’s death. I was stopped in my tracks by this question – well, I had accepted the death of my first daughter, and I had accepted the death of my father, but with this question about my mother there were tears gathering in my eyes. No, there was something amiss!
I recounted how my mother had been given 6 months to live and how she and my father were going to spend that time on a holiday together. The doctor then suggested removing Mum’s ovaries to slow down the spreading of the cancer. Although this is a recognised treatment in certain cases of breast cancer, and I appreciated the medical care that had been given thus far, somewhere deep inside I just had this feeling that this next step would not work for Mum, that it would not slow the spread of cancer in her case. I even said to my parents that this would be the end of Mum, but my mother chose to go ahead with the operation. She was dead in a couple of weeks.
Then there was the funeral. I didn’t go to it – a decision that has always puzzled me. How could I have opted to not go to my own mother’s funeral? I now know I couldn’t go because I had not accepted the circumstances of her death. Then things started to unravel to me – what I hadn’t been prepared to see about her life – all the not so lovely things that were threatening to spoil the perfect picture I held of my loving mother. I remembered how she expressed to me her bewilderment about her predicament and how her life could have come to this. She was shattered when she realised her youth and musical career were disappearing due to her illness, and she was left wondering who she was. There was a sense that she had lost control over her own destiny.
I was devastated that she found herself in this position. I realised that the deepest aspect of the grief I felt was not so much about her impending death, but how she felt powerless within her situation. I felt grief not only about my mother, but about how life is lived in the world. I kept my own reaction of devastation buried, unable to face it. But now, in the safe and loving space held by this practitioner, I could open up and feel the devastation I had suppressed.
I realised that there were parts of my mother that I did not want to see. I could see that she could not feel that her own love and our love were enough. It was confronting for me to see how she dealt with her illness because she had not shown me her imperfections before. I had only seen her as a mother whose warmth was always there for me, but not as a woman who had gone through her own trials and tribulations in life.
My ideal ‘mosaic’ of her, created with fragments of truth, was shattered. I saw that I had enjoined a false mentality that prescribed that we blindly ignore the weaknesses of others and see only the ‘good’ – this was thought to be what ‘love’ is, but it was a distorted version of true love. I had made a tumour in the body of God. True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment. This was a painful but good shattering. I just had to feel it, feel it, feel it. Ouch!
The false world I had created was just a fragment of the truth (as I write this the kookaburras have just burst out laughing and I am reminded of the precious joy of life). I chose to use that precious life energy available to me to create a false world where I saw only the acceptable, nice and good – I cut myself off from the fullness of true expression. I subverted the true pure stream of life and love that naturally flowed through me and instead wove a cocoon of illusion. This cocoon, I realised, sheltered me from feeling the facts of life as they are here on earth; it protected me from feeling the unacceptable horrors of the world, and even more poignantly, from the hurts that I myself was carrying around within me. But it also cut me off from the depth of richness that we all naturally are. Because I did not want to see and feel all that was there to be seen and felt I cut myself off from the whole, and so from experiencing relationship in full with others.
The week before the above revelation, I was driving home one day when I became aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman enveloping me. I could feel her dignity and wisdom. This woman has many times been present with me in my life, and because Mum had died when I was 23, I had always attributed this presence to her – I always thought, “oh, my beautiful mother is with me”. But as I drove, bathing in this gorgeous presence, I suddenly and deeply knew this woman to be me – the essence of me. I had always been casting the woman within me onto the outside world – this amazing being couldn’t possibly be myself! How loving was the Soul to confirm the truth of who I am before I stumble across (yet again!) another self-created illusion. In its wisdom the Soul gave me the whole picture, creating a platform of loving acceptance for me to see what is there to be seen.
I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing. From here I can see what there is to be seen and feel what there is to be felt. I have realised that I have been content to be superficial in how I perceive and interact with who and what is in front of me, content with not seeing and feeling everything – to the very depths.
There is a still and loving place within the innermost heart of every man, woman and child, from whence the truth of all can be felt, seen and known in full. There is no judgment issuing from this place, only love and observation – for true love and observation are one.
188 thoughts on “Here’s Looking at You, Truth – and a More Beautiful & Real Me”
“There is a still loving place within the innermost heart of every man, woman and child, from whence the truth of all can be felt, seen and known in full. There is no judgment issuing from this place, only love and observation – for true love and observation are one”. What a true and beautiful statement that is felt from within.
The soul is love and only loves, it will always remind you of who you truly are. It will always speak to you, the key is, are we listening? Looking within is it, and not looking out. In our observation, we will see the love of everything, if we are willing to do so…
Thank you Lindy, your words are full of pure and lived realisation, surrendered to the only Truth of your life. The old little pieces of chosen truth, become One and the emanation of your expression transforms everything it touches. This is the simplicity of Alchemy.
Being real is about the willingness to show warts and all and about being willing to see warts and all in another with no judgement.
Henrietta how true, allowing people to see your vulnerability allows another that they can be that too. When we mirror our imperfections, the imperfections aren’t perfect, but they are perfect for that person…
Lyndy, what an amazing blog and amazing sharing – the interpretations and the chosen perceptions that we can make are so subtle and can be so limiting to us accessing our inner love and wisdom, but your openness to feel that the situation was incomplete because you had not let yourself feel the full extent of what you were feeling and seeing allowed the true healing to unfold for you and offer us all the inspiration through this blog.
When we protect ourselves from feeling and seeing the whole picture, we also stop ourselves from feeling the deep love that holds us from within.
And how lovely to reflect on how love and the complete truth go together. We are a world lost to ourselves as the truth is actually within us.
“‘… have a superficial way of expressing and communicating which glides and slides over all the richness, rawness, and beauty of life.“ Thanks Lyndy for your extraordinary blog, so many gems of wisdom shared, and the line I’ve chosen above really highlights for me how reduced the world is, and how reduced and restricted we currently are within it. I can see I can go deeper with my own expression, particularly the honesty rawness that is there within me, and to keep things very real. There are lots of unspoken and restrictive rules around what we can feel and express, instead of just being real in the moment.
We are constantly enticed to look outside of ourselves for recognition, acceptance and to get an idea of who we are and where we belong in the pecking order of society. How much value we place on ourselves based on our job for example or how other people see us.
Being shown a different way to live, where I can reconnect back to an essence of me that has been missing since childhood, is taking away the need or desire to fit into a society that isn’t working. I can feel the pull to come outside of myself to react to a work situation or life but I’m starting to feel and understand that there is a far greater quality within me that is worth so much more than the outer world that we have made as our normal every day when it is clearly not normal at all.
So true Mary, I can still see that same pattern within me of drawing my value from what I receive back from the world and how people react or respond. What I can also feel is the opportunity to go deeper into myself as a Soul and access more of the universe, to know myself via the qualities of vibration I can experience and not by anything I do.
It is always good to be reminded what true love is, ‘True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment.’
Lorraine I particularly noticed the word “discern’ as it’s showing that love sees all, not just want we want to see, but the whole picture.
It is great to expose the superficiality of the various mosaics we have created which obscure the true beauty of life in all its rawness and depth.
As we move our essence with true movement this feeling can be expanded as we also then deepen into the way we walk and talk and adding to this when we are living with the understanding there is always more, so the forever deepening of this foundation becomes normal.
We like to think we know what we like and we can pick and choose what we want to see and feel and have in our life, but the thing is there’s so much more beyond the confinement of what the ‘I’ thinks it knows and wants.
Lyndy I find it fascinating that sometimes we are guided to read a certain blog that will support us in our self-awareness and this morning it is your blog that I have been guided to read. It was that when we do not want to see and feel all that there is to be seen and felt we cut ourselves off from the whole, and so from experiencing relationship in full with others. To me this means we have withdrawn from life and don’t fully engage with it and so everything we do is superficial.
So true Elizabeth, yet society feels uncomfortable when we share – be we children or adults. Putting on a brave face, stiff upper lip – these old traits have to go. Sharing our hurts with someone who accepts us and can hold us with understanding (not necessarily physically) can go a long way to repair old wounds.
So beautiful to re-read this Lindy. “I had always been casting the woman within me onto the outside world – this amazing being couldn’t possibly be myself! How loving was the Soul to confirm the truth of who I am ….” We can be so quick to criticise ourselves, yet done appreciate all that we can bring. I am learning that appreciation is really important to quell those doubts.
Surfing is just surfing, over water or otherwise. It is a whole body movement we say yes to. Extracting ourselves out of it is a whole being decision.
“True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment.” So beautifully different from emotional love.
‘a superficial way of expressing and communicating which glides and slides over all the richness, rawness, and beauty of life.’ This is true for many of us, we harden ourselves to life’s knocks and fantasise with the beauty we think is there and ignore the true beauty that is within us all.
Yes we settle for a poor substitute whilst all the while we have true gold within just waiting to be rediscovered.
Sadly I was the reverse, I hated my mother with an intensity she did not deserve and it was not until after her death that I began to appreciate the essence of who she truly was. Loving her children in the only way she knew how, by giving us a good education, and always loving her grandchildren and great grandchildren in a way our generation never truly appreciated. So the love was there, I never allowed myself to feel it and in doing so I could not feel my own love either.
Wow Carmel – this is super revelatory for it goes to show that whether we hate or falsely love another, the end result is the same: we cut ourselves off from seeing and feeling the full truth. Both are equally damaging, though the fslse love would be harder to extricate from as we don’t always see that as being ‘un-acceptable’.
Our way of expressing and communicating is very much linked to our perception of life and it has to do with how and what do we feel in the body (our own feeling of us as beings). Either there is a feeling of beauty on both ends or there is not.
I really get a sense of how I would measure and limit how much I would allow myself to see and feel, trying to convince myself that I somehow know what is enough and safe, and in that process I am constantly pulling away from true intimacy with the world, with myself.
It is strange how often we choose to NOT see things to protect us from hurts but the choosing not to see creates a far bigger hurt than what it is we are choosing to avoid. In fact when we look directly at what it is we don’t want to see or feel we might experience a moment of hurt but that is followed by a healing and liberation.
We carry our hurts on so many levels that they can actually be quite stealth in how they undermine us – thus we must always be open to healing them when and as they come up and whenever required seeking support to do this.
A great testimony to love and truth and a pertinent reminder that turning a blind eye to someone’s imperfections and wobbles creates a construct and falsity that serve no one.
Truth doesn’t play ball with our pictures, for the truth is always grander. It can really hurt when the truth is presented to us but what I have learnt is the pain is from the holding onto the pictures of how life should be or is perceived to be. The pain comes from my choice to live by the small picture rather than in full view of the all that is the truth of life.
We think we can pick and choose but you make it very clear that to see all we need to be willing to see all, if not we will just see parts but never the whole.
A tender and beautifully felt observation on how we chose not to see what is there for us to see.
Yes Mary, how we only see what we want to see.
Lyndy thank you for sharing your experience, I too have been caught by seeing things through rose-tinted glasses, when there was so much more to see, only I chose not to allow myself to register it at the time, we are able to learn so much from just observing, and not making any judgment on another when we observe everything about them is true love, because we don’t ask anything of them, and there are no expectations to live up to.
There is indeed such power in true observation, with no projections, judgements nor expectations.
Lyndy this is such a powerful blog, and so rich in its rawness, honesty, and it’s wisdom from observation. Thank you for sharing yourself here and your life so openly. I have recently become aware of how I hold others in pictures, I can feel that the picture is a package of “good”, without allowing me to to see, connect to and embrace the whole person in understanding. Everything you have shared feels like it’s percolating within me at a very deep level so I’m sure much will come from my read today. On a physical level I feel that what you share is about digesting life, being with life exactly as it is, accepting, making decisions, and letting go – thank you Lyndy.
This clearly shows that we are selective in what we share with another. Tonight l felt the loneliness and sadness of not sharing myself in full. Something I cannot blame another for, but one which I can accept as being my choice, for whatever reason, to not do. The beauty is though that I now can open and share me, warts and all.
This is very beautiful Lyndy. I feel my son probably felt the same way about me when he was shown more of the reality of his mom coping with life. And what you have shared just was so beautiful, as although it may not be the easiest to accept that life or mom is not perfect, it is beginning to show us the fuller truth of what life is and what we are as well.
Wow Lyndy, this is quite the journey, and I’m sure it’s forever unfolding, like for the rest of us. it’s fascinating to read about the many different ways we deal with life and it’s happenings. I love how open you were to accepting what you have not accepted, and gave yourself the space, when you were ready to look at it.
True love and observation are indeed one, and there’s so much in what you’ve unraveled here Lyndy, how we can settle for a surface aspect of what we call ‘love’ but in fact it’s not that at all, it’s what we’re comfortable seeing and how in failing to allow ourselves to see the all, we miss the depths all round in us and in others; the more we’re willing to see, the more we can understand, allow and observe and this is love, a holding of both ourselves and others in how they are.
Thanks Monica, we are very selective about what we allow ourselves to see in self and others, especially as it’s more comfortable for it to fit the picture perhaps of what we want or think we need. We aren’t really taught or encouraged to be with the whole exactly as it is, instead it’s more socially acceptable to be on the surface and do what’s nice, polite, or as Lyndy shared, we think it’s loving to be that way, to just see “the good”. It’s fascinating to consider how much we see life through pictures and perceptions, instead of observing it exactly as it is. It may be that because we mostly are not in connection to the essence of love we are, the best we can manage to do to deal with how life is is to edit it before we meet it. I’m sure love though has all that is required to meet anything in full, with full clarity and observation. As we learn to live that love we may also learn we have everything needed to meet life in full, exactly as it is.
I am learning to observe more, ‘I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing. From here I can see what there is to be seen and feel what there is to be felt.’
What you unravel here is that we are never alone, that we ourself bring a presence and warmth and love that will hold us in any given situation. It is only that we learn otherwise and haven’t nurtured the relationship with and getting to deeply know ourself.
Interesting to think of that we tend to not be that loving with ourselves as we would like to be for others or see in others and make it more about them than about us instead and with that are missing the opportunity to be blessed with the love and beauty that already resides in each and everyone of us.
The true meaning of love has become so distorted over the years, and yes a part of us at times can only want to see the ‘good’, or supposed ‘ideal’ version of love, whereas as you share ‘True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment.’ True love is simply beholding, a great sharing on true love is found here, http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html.
This is a beautiful blog to read Lyndy, thank you for sharing so honestly, ‘I became aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman enveloping me. I could feel her dignity and wisdom.’ Lovely for you to finally understand and accept that this presence was you, your essence.
What an amazing reflection you were given to look at all your life – your mother. I have read many blogs and heard many times now people ‘looking’ for the truth and answers. Seeking that epiphany or ‘being saved’ – relieved from the tension – “I want to win the lottery and have lots of money” – “I want to be happy” – “I do not want to work”. And guess what I just realised I heard this all from my mother too. I have realised All it takes is to deeply take care of yourself and know if you are feeling tension it is honourable to feel and surrender to it.
If I feel ‘out of sorts’ I slow down and be gentle and kind with myself. All there is to achieve in life is to love and embrace what next there is to look at and feel. I am discovering the ‘next thing’ is what I try so hard to avoid – that next thing is being responsible for feeling more than what you did before. The feeling of being out of sorts will become a consistent feeling of being amazing. So, our mother, and others are reflecting just how amazing we actually are, and that awkwardness and tension when honestly given the space now becomes it – YOU – AMAZINGNESS. We are a step away from being amazing and we are constantly being reflected this.
Thank you for this honest blog Lyndy. I can relate to much of what you wrote here especially about glossing over things and avoiding looking at the bad, only seeing the good. I particularly like this line, ‘True love sees, discerns, understands, accepts, and is entirely without judgment.’
Wow I really appreciate your sharing this, I can feel the way we see what we want to see, the way we hold those closest to us to an ideal and an expectation that means we actually don’t see them and accept them for who they truly are. There is so much more I can see will come as I sit with this blog for a while, I feel it unraveling something for me so thank you.
Your dignity and wisdom is deeply felt Lyndy throughout your entire blog, And it made me ponder where do I still not want to see truth and protect myself by making my own version, it is an ongoing process that makes there to be more of me every time I let go of another picture. ‘I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing.’ Thank you for these words of power.
Lyndy this sharing moved me very deeply, and makes me realize how easy it is to not want to see the reality of this world and those in it. Including myself.
And it is important for anyone who has also experienced this process to not get stuck when more of the devastation we have allowed ourselves to experience surfaces–appreciate this. Appreciate that we have allowed ourselves to see clearer and deeper than before, but do not stay there. Recognise that this is a process, a very valuable process of returning to living and breathing more of our true essence of Love. Embrace the honesty of this vulnerability but never stop to feel and express from the part which is true.
That place of stillness that you mention Lyndy is the place that always bring me back to what I know is Love. And the more I allow myself to feel the horror and disharmony in the world as well as the same within myself, and just allow this feeling without judgement, the more I can access this place where there is stillness and pure Love. This process is on-going like a battle, but the more I am aware of this and not react, the deeper the observations.
It is understandable to some extent that we recoil and withdraw from the world in some way in response to the obvious pain, suffering, falseness, corruption and superficiality that surrounds us everywhere and then we want to create our own ‘fairy tale’ with a happy ending rather than feeling and facing the reality of life. However I have found that the less I paper over the cracks (that show through in the end anyway) the more in touch I become with the wonder, joy and love and stillness that is also there in life alongside the harsher sides and I have come to the conclusion that the love and joy is stronger, more powerful and more plentiful, I just had not noticed it so much before when I was living in my self-created ‘bubble’ of how I wanted life to look.
Yes Andrew and this is such a great point. If we withdraw then we never offer any change, we join in and cannot complain about the mess the world is in. If we want things to change then we have to be that change, in our own life and then in the world. Be bold, be ready to see the world as it is and get in there anyway!
When I find myself not wanting to feel especially the reflection of another I am realising it is because it exposes me and the hurts I am carrying around with me but to allow myself to feel says ‘Yes’ to evolution and an opportunity to heal and bring only love to all my relationships including the relationship with self.
Beautiful Lyndy, thank you. The realisation that the deeply warm and loving woman is you is a true aha moment and you have captured it perfectly here in your writing. That deeply warm and loving beingness is in us all equally, awaiting for each of us to realise it for ourselves as you have.
We would carry less hurts if we understood and spoke about life in its true energetic sense – like why people get diseases in the first place and how death works and what we then move onto through the cycle of reincarnation. This life is really missing the latter of your gorgeously open blog Lyndy – the way you embrace your Soul and know there is more to life then meets the gullible eye.
This is great Lyndy, when we try and paint things how we want them to be rather than how they actually are, it just provides us situations which let us down and leave us feeling not connected but isolated in the pictures in our heads.
In this beautiful sharing is the wisdom of the true elder – a quality that all may hold, regardless of age… Thank-you Lyndy for sharing from your depths to our own, what it is to accept the whole of life and embrace it with one’s love.
How beautiful to finally recognise that the divine presence you were feeling was actually you. Not some idealised version of your mother or anyone else.
Indeed Lucy, it is a blessing when we are able to realise and feel that we are so much more tender, delicate and loving and more… then we always allowed ourselves to feel. There is a treasure held in each and everyone of us that is invaluable we all one day will come back to.
That there is a still and loving place within the heart of everyone can seem like a cliché or a truism, and yet it is the absolute truth… And this place holds the spark of reconnection that eventually, in everyone of us, will reignite the flame of truth that will burn bright and lead us all home
So beautiful Lyndy, to read about your revelation and then for you to feel the true essence of yourself as you were driving. That is such an amazing feeling to have, one of completeness, contentment and inner knowing that you are feeling the real you. Was delightful to read.
I love reading people’s stories as it brings in much more understanding of them and reminds you not to judge others- that there is more than what you see in front of you and to bring understanding to that.
‘Forgetting to look within myself and feel the love, truth and glory ever pulsing within, a love ever ready to nurture every cell of my body and emanate forth, I instead cast my gaze onto the outer world and proceeded to search for some form of ‘good’ or ‘purity’ out there.’ The illusion of the world we live in, absorbing all that is not of truth, instead of discovering our deep love inside ourselves we are desperately looking for love in the outside world. All we have to do is discovering what is of not truth where we have build our foundation on and you are giving us a beautiful example of how to unravel these pictures we have taken on board.
There is no judgment in observation. If we interpret what we see there is, but if we observe all that is being presented there is only learning and understanding.
Stunning Lyndy. Thank you for sharing your story and the lessons within that will support so many. The self-created illusions we hold just cannot compare to the enormity of the whole and the love that embraces us there.
There is a flippancy and illusion I feel, in the saying ‘only see the good in people.’ What about from when we left so we are encouraged to see them all, feel the persons essence in truth but also feel everything that is covering that or in the way. I grew up only focusing on the negative’s, seeing all that was so called ‘wrong’ with people, knowing now it was because I was always looking out what was ‘wrong’ with me. I have learnt a lot of how I see others by reading your blog today lyndy, thank you.
When the perfect pictures we create of others get smashed by their imperfections we are suddenly awakened by the fact that we too are not perfect and never will we be. And what a blessing that is considering more often than not it is our imperfections in life that we learn some of our greatest lessons from.
Lyndy, this is exquisite. I was moved to tears by your humbleness and openness to see what is truly there to be seen in the passing of your mother and the life that she had lived. Your imagery is spot on – we use fragments of truth that we weave together to create a mosaic cocoon we then seek shelter in to hide from the world. In the comfort of this fully self created illusion we then look blindly out, choosing what we want to see and this being only that which suits the picture we have chosen of the world and not the truth of how the world actually is. By freeing yourself from this chrysalis, you have birthed forth the most divine butterfly, a symbol of your true self that has been left unencumbered by the impositions that were previously in place and can now get on doing what it does best – loving purely and whole-heartedly from the depths of our being.
and thank you both for breaking down this propensity to see what we want to see rather than what is there to be seen. Without people coming into our lives to show us there is another way we would quite happily remain in the cocoon believing this to be the reality.
Lyndy thank you for all you have shared, it’s something I am learning at the moment to see life in full, not how I wish it to be. A great line for me to ponder on “I am learning about truth – and that truth, love, and observation are one and the same thing.” – thankyou.
I loved reading this blog again. It’s true that if we shut down parts of the truth we don’t like then we shut down to many things and live a half life. When we let go of judgement and just observe, this is true love. We allow for faults and growth in those we love, no longer holding a picture of perfection that holds us back from truth. Once we allow truth we can all feel the amazing beings that we are.
Your revelation driving along and becoming . . . “aware of the presence of a beautiful, radiant, loving woman” . . . and realising that the dignity and wisdom you where feeling was your connection to your Soul . . . true Beauty Lyndy. I love reading this piece as you do not hold back in uncovering truth; no matter how difficult or painful this may be.
This is beautiful. Thank you, Lyndy. We may choose to see only what we want to see and settle with a mosaic, but the whole truth is even more beautiful and grander than what our mind can gather.
We try to make the world what we want it to be by trying to blend out all the dysfunctional and unpleasant occurrences without realising that this narrows our view and we miss out on what is true in this world.