A Tender Hug… Reflecting the Love That I Am

by Jinya, age 36, UK

On a recent visit to a friend’s house, as I was saying goodbye to them, all the kids continued to play as they said bye – except the 5 year-old girl, who I have known since birth. She walked up to me for the first time of her own accord and gave me the most beautiful, tender, meltingly gorgeous hug… ever. I melted and almost cried. This little girl had always been quite shy and although she would talk to me, she had never openly expressed any kind of affection. What was so different on this day?

What was different was that I saw her and I wasn’t afraid to let in her love. In a beautiful moment, she felt that I saw her and the hug was a physical confirmation of what had already occurred energetically. Love would never impose itself on another because that just isn’t what love does. It waits. And waits. And waits. And when you’re ready, touches you with such powerful tenderness that it leaves a grown man crying… well, almost. I saw her that day because on that day I had given myself permission to be more of the love inside me, and what I could see and feel in the little girl was a simple equality. We met.

Early next morning, as I was reflecting on the tenderness that was shown to me, I felt the truth in the fact that the same love that is waiting for permission to be expressed is already right here in my heart, in my eyes, and everything from my fingertips to my voice. I wept a few tears when I felt this.

I’ve been trying to get to this love like an unreachable peak with constantly moving goal posts – and all this time I was the one tricking myself and moving the goal posts! It seemed unreachable because that is where I put it, not wanting to reach it, out of pure denial. I had kept my sensitivity hidden away so that I could numb my awareness of how much it hurts to live in the world that is often very rough and uncaring.

By doing this, I hurt myself in every moment. In turn, life became a struggle to get back the power I gave away by hiding my love. However, the ‘power’ I regained was corrupted and untrue because it was based on holding the world to ransom and holding my love back even more. Sounds crazy. We are hurt so we hold our love back then we hold our love back even more – which can only hurt us.

Maybe it comes down to trying to regain some semblance of control in some sinister form. If I hurt myself before the world does then at least I will not be a victim of it, but of my own self-made harm. That is the illusion I bought into, because I chose to be a victim the moment I chose to hide my love and blame the world for not letting me be the love that I am.

I feel that what I just shared is quite common amongst us, but especially amongst men. Boys are taught to be tough and told that being strong is about not feeling… and definitely not crying. It is drummed into us that feeling is something only girls do and that it is a sign of weakness. Male and female may have different body parts but the heart is always the same. Telling boys not to feel is like telling water not to be wet. If the things we feel and the level we feel them at are equal at birth, the education we receive in shutting down our feelings is a form of protection that keeps us imprisoned within, but also separate to ourselves. I remember feeling when I was a boy that I had to change myself in order to be noticed or to have a friend, and that compounded the emotion that it was almost not worth existing in my skin – basically I was already giving up.

That little girl wasn’t afraid and didn’t hold back her huge love; what she sparked in me with an open hearted innocence was the beauty that is universally found in us all. I have realised since that I have that beauty too, and not only is it worth being in my skin, but I am also worth celebrating just for being me.

When we come to know a truth, we can never un-know it. Sure we can deny it, bury it and try to forget that we ever felt it, but where is that getting us? It’s making life about coping through it with whatever gets us through the day, be it a thought, belief, activity or something we consume that will stimulate and numb our natural sensitivity.

Even if we do deny it, love has the patience of time. It might send out reminders now and again, but it is forever without expectation. It knows that we will come back to it one day, when we give ourselves the permission to feel and to allow ourselves to be the love that we already are and have always been.



166 thoughts on “A Tender Hug… Reflecting the Love That I Am

  1. We do hurt ourselves by keeping ourselves protected, ‘I had kept my sensitivity hidden away so that I could numb my awareness of how much it hurts to live in the world that is often very rough and uncaring.’

  2. What a gorgeous confirmation that as soon as we become willing to let love in it is reflected back to us in the most beautiful way.

  3. Eliminating words like good from our dictionary as we always have a justification when thing feel good but when we have Truth that is aligned to being energetically responsible then we can understand that there is nothing to justify because of “our natural sensitivity.”

  4. Waiting forever, with no expectation, but knowing that we will come back – it sounds like a biggest riddle, but love just is and I for one have not really made this a truth that I live for myself yet, I can feel how we have been testing and fighting this, dancing around this, as if that is something alien to us, something we have to reach out and attain, but what if we are that, already.

    1. The patience of love waiting for us to allow ourselves to just be – so simple and yet we choose to bring in complication.

  5. There is so much being communicated in life. If we allow ourselves to be with what occurs in our day and reflect on it all, and to truly feel, much is communicated and can be learnt from.

  6. Children reflect and can teach us adults so much, it just takes humbleness and an allowing on our part to receive the gift that is on offer. Beautiful sharing, thank you Jinya.

    1. Yes, children are very beautiful in how they naturally live, the transparency, honesty, innocence, and not holding back, we have much to learn from them.

  7. “However, the ‘power’ I regained was corrupted and untrue because it was based on holding the world to ransom and holding my love back even more.” There is so much true power in children, they can simply be their tender, innocent and pure selves, they offer us the reflection that this is who we are too. In the reflection of living the fullness of their essence we can see what ways we have developed to manage being in the world that are not true for us, and realise we can return to living from that same purity. So many people have given up on that as they believe such purity is just a part of childhood.

  8. “…. when I was a boy that I had to change myself in order to be noticed or to have a friend….” Goodness, that strikes such a chord of familiarity that I have not acknowledged before, though feels so familiar and true.

  9. “That is the illusion I bought into, because I chose to be a victim the moment I chose to hide my love and blame the world for not letting me be the love that I am.” – I too have played this game Jinya, and now realise that the whole world was missing out on me being me, but I had let the harshness of the world justify my retreat from it, as if to say “Well if you can’t be loving and understanding with me, then you don’t deserve to see the real me.” This approach hurts everyone, and I love what you said about how patient Love is Jinya. It’s just there waiting for us to accept.

  10. This is such a beautiful and true blog, thank you Jinya, very supportive and healing to read. I sat up and took notice of your words on how we are reaching for love yet it’s us that keeps changing the goal posts for how to get to it. I know for me the conditions I place on love are very self harming as the person I first deprive of my love is myself.

  11. The way that the little girl inspired you to feel and deepen your own love is a reminder to us all that our openness and willingness to let people in and be seen can inspire others and that there is love to be felt by all.

  12. When we protect our hurts rather than heal them, we ensure that we remain hurt and live under its cloud constantly. Healing our hurts may involve opening up to feeling once again, but there is a great gift in this as Jinya shares here. We are born feeling, we are born sensitive – yes, even us men – and it really is great to allow that to be once again.

  13. ‘Telling boys not to feel is like telling water not to be wet.’ Knowing that all men are tender and sensitive underneath the hard exterior they may project has changed my view on life and enabled me to see all men in a very different way. We can look beyond what people project onto the world and feel the beautiful essence that is consistently there in all of us.

  14. Love waits – or it could be that it is just us returning and recognising the passage of time in hindsight, for love just is beyond time.

  15. Recently I received a hug from a little man of 11 after we hadn’t seen each other for a while. The look of joy on his face when he saw me and the openly joyous way that he hugged me brought tears to my eyes – and actually made me stop and realise how little joy we can allow ourselves to feel in our day to day lives but also how easy and divine it is to feel when we are open to it.

  16. That was such a beautiful moment and one that would have led to your next interaction with whoever it was being loving too. This reflection effect is given to us so that we can learn to be the love that we are inside ourselves. Thank you God.

  17. What a beautiful moment Jinya and thank you for sharing it as well as your/our process for denying ourselves such moments. It is actually crazy how we block ourselves from loving each other.

  18. “Telling boys not to feel is like telling water not to be wet.” Thank you Jinya for sharing the feeling of a boy/man connecting to the love within.

  19. I am not surprised that a tender hug from a child almost brought you to tears, because they feel everything, which opens us up to feel the love that we are.

  20. It is completely sinister that we have categorised and corrupted the word ‘beautiful’ to only be used to describe the quality of a woman. And worse that is considered a weakness for men to embrace his beauty. We need to reclaim this as a society as the beauty of who we are is a reflection of the innate power we live when in connection to our essence within, in which we are all love, equally so.

  21. This is so deeply touching, what you have shared speaks to the very core of all of our beings, to be the love we are and to be loved. We know and miss who we truly are and we lock it away after being rejected etc, most likely as kids, and that is the reason why I felt this was hard to read at times, as beautiful as it is, what you have shared is a reality we all know and feel – love in its absence and it’s presence. The hug you described and the communication of love between you was very real, my body knew exactly what was described. This is what we dearly want to live with ourselves and each other. Thank you Jinya, this is a beautiful experience you have shared.

  22. I bought into the same illusions growing up Jinya, choosing to hold back the love we are from fear of being rejected, yet we end up living far less than what our true essence is which hurts us far far more than anything else.

  23. The little girl has reflected the depth of love and openness in you, and the reminder that when we are open like a child, this love can be expressed anywhere and with everyone no matter how they choose, as love never differentiates it is one and the same to all. And to revisit this place of purity there is a very beautiful impulse within us to let this love in and out equally.

  24. So nice to revisit this blog, as it feels I have been sitting beside an open fire, enjoying and receiving the warmth and love and the invitation to give myself permission to receive and deepen my love.

  25. True, we hide our sensitivity, our love, and withdraw from life thinking it will be safe and we won’t get hurt here, what an illusion, ‘I had kept my sensitivity hidden away so that I could numb my awareness of how much it hurts to live in the world that is often very rough and uncaring.’ Now, I am choosing to come and stay back with my love, delicateness and sensitivity.

  26. The more we honour our depth of sensitivity that is in us all, the more we give permission for others to do the same, a beautiful sharing Jinya.

  27. How beautiful Jinya – when we really want to find love we will. We just have to be sure when we are looking we are responsibly looking for real love and know the responsibility that comes with it.

  28. I love what you said about love just waits and waits and waits. Often in a waiting process doubts will enter for me–have I done enough? is a common one, but then to just observe and realise that this thought is not from love and then to simply surrender.

  29. I’m really moved by this beautiful story Jinya. When we realise that it is us that chooses how much love we will let in the world becomes a different place.

  30. It is taking our time to feel our tenderness and not denying it that makes us grow, appreciating that what we hold is what is needed. We are amazing people we only need to break the barrier we threw up ourselves, showing who we truly are. And truly being comfortable in our own skin.

  31. Beautiful blog Jinya, touching on a very important topic, us not letting the love in or out is holding ourselves and others so short of the beauty that is there to be lived. It is crazy that we use this tactic of hurting ourselves to not be hurt by others, only to not be seen as who we truly are, beautiful tender human beings.

  32. The power of any of us reclaiming our love and its expression – letting others in and our own love out – is what will change such deeply imbedded social constructs and conditionalities as to how men and women, boys are girls, are ‘allowed’ to be.
    In this, the personal reclaiming of every boy and girl, man and woman, is essential – that new and true markers be set, that honour the depth of sensitivity and loving beauty that resides within us all, and what is actually ok and non-abusive in the way that we inter-relate with each other.
    Embrace every hug Jinya, and let us all into the joy of your heart… 🙂

  33. What a beautiful sharing this is – from the personal to the societal…
    You’ve nailed so much that is off in our societies Jinya, in this one statement alone: “Telling boys not to feel is like telling water not to be wet.” This must be called out, explored, discussed and the harm realised over and over until it is done, and we actually give boys and men the permission to be all that they are – equally sensitive, equally beautiful, equally loving and equally sacred and divine, to the qualities held by any woman.

    1. I agree Victoria. The more I open my eyes to the amazing sensitivity men innately are the more horrific the current state of the world seems. Men are not made to be violent or go to war, they are born tender and deserve to be able to hold on to this always.

      1. Hear, hear. Well said Leonne. Especially in that, I would say that most women yet have a long way to go in truly embracing this truth, and what it means for us – the expectations and demands we place upon men, and whether we are actually comfortable ourselves with a man who does surrender to the depth of his sensitivity… For when he does, our own walls and fortresses to our own inner qualities are exposed instantly, and in full.

  34. As you have shared Jinya the beauty of love is that when we let in in – fully, and allow it equally to come out that is an expression which is beautiful for all involved, and how about this in the family home, in the workplace, on the bus, at the supermarket…

  35. ‘We are hurt so we hold our love back then we hold our love back even more – which can only hurt us.’ This is pretty much the state of the world – holding back what we so desperately want and know – Love.

  36. I have come to know that the “open hearted innocence” of a child has the power to bring even the so called toughest man to his knees as the reflection of love coming towards him cannot be denied or ignored. To be able to stay connected to the innocence is not easy in this world we live in, but we are never without it, it just waits patiently for us to once again connect to it and to begin to live it without restraint.

  37. I love that the innocence of a child can remind us of the power of dropping our protection and connecting to the beauty of what lies within so that we can then offer another the same blessing. Gorgeous.

  38. ‘Male and female may have different body parts but the heart is always the same’ and hence we are equal. Beautifully said Jinya.

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