Marijuana Addiction

 by Anonymous, NSW aged 46

I grew up as a teenager in the 80s and a surfer. We watched as our parents self-medicated on a daily basis with alcohol, cigarettes and coffee, but our generation worshipped the sounds and spirituality of Bob Marley and escapism and marijuana was our medicine – we used it to escape and check out, to not truly see what was going on in our lives, and as a rebellion against a world that didn’t make sense.

It was ours exclusively as our parents didn’t understand much about it. From its innocent beginnings the so called ‘non-addictive’ drug wreaked havoc in our lives as well as those of everyone connected to us as we under-performed, buried our issues, told lies to cover up, broke many laws, endangered other people’s lives, as well as our own, and failed to commit to our lives and relationships.

We sure didn’t know what we were getting into or what a ride it would take us on. This included my group and its many extended groups, numbering up to 100 people or more. By the age of 30 I didn’t have any friends who were not stoners on some level (and this covered a good cross-section of society) – I chose to choose my friends that way, so I wouldn’t be exposed or asked to be more.

Looking back now I see how far away it took us from the brotherhood, love and equality we all wanted so dearly in our lives and the world. Writing this now I shed many tears for the young innocent boy and boys we were that got so lost, only to become fringe dwellers controlled by a drug – not our natural way or right to be in this life. The numbness and hardness that I created as my wall of protection became a self-imposed jail… and one that nearly took my life. There were at least 4 people I knew that suicided – all heavy marijuana smokers, the last one a 50 plus year-old neighbour and father of 4. I know in my heart that the marijuana would have helped lead them to get to that point by its insidious nature of hiding / burying and therefore hindering one’s ability to try and work through issues or deal with stuff.

I had slipped down the drain a long way from the young boy with so much potential – the primary school captain, house and senior prefect at high school – and was now living in the underworld, with a warped perception of life. After looking back at an addiction of 20 years, with at least 17 years of daily usage in Australia and internationally, I can honestly say I could hold a Masters or PhD on the subject.

With a strong work ethic, and mainly being a nightly user, I lived in a weird duality as a night time vegetable and mad professor, going deeply into an altered state, unable to express myself or debrief / reflect back on my day properly. Its effects on my rhythms and cycles were the cause of many difficult situations ­– doing something with catastrophic consequences once would have been bad enough without having to repeat it, again and again in some cases.

In hindsight, burying things and numbing was what it helped to do best, and putting up a wall of separation between the world and myself: a protective layer or shield that only held me imprisoned in unresolved stuff and emotions. That shield also kept others at bay – separatism: I was very selfish indeed, rather than truly sharing who I was with all.

My family is only starting to know the real me now as I gradually let myself be seen by all – not always a comfortable experience, but so very worth it. Dope was a double-edged sword: great for helping destroy relationships (3 wives later – de facto), then great for numbing and hiding what really happened. To me, this makes marijuana the ultimate retarding drug of the 20th century, with its recurrence in such big ways ­– the world hasn’t seen this drug before become so mainstream, i.e: having so many users/addicts or ‘devotees’, from kids to housewives. Even though it has been used for thousands of years in Africa, Asia and India, its retarding nature to human evolution is at a widespread and epidemic level.

I spent at least 10-12 years knowing it wasn’t good for me, saying I wanted to stop (with many failed attempts), but the effect of its seductive nature on my psychological mind and physical body was always too strong. Not until I nearly took my own life by driving off a bridge at high speed to stop the voices in my head in a psychotic episode and to end the agony of life, did I take notice and stop ‘forever’ – which only lasted for a short time, by the way.

By my early to mid thirties the “Muppet on Acid” was running out of energy and my lifestyle of partying, drugs and the underworld was catching up with me. Like a burnt-out soldier burnt from running too many missions, my body was starting to show signs of disease. I went looking for help to doctors and naturopaths and after a number of blood tests, I was diagnosed with exhaustion / chronic fatigue / stress disorder and shingles. So I stopped all drugs and was advised to go on a cleansing diet of herbs and pure foods, with no sugar, yeast, alcohol, caffeine, preservatives, etc., for a minimum of 3 months.

After a few days on the diet I cried for days as my body dumped all the unresolved / buried emotions and stuff back into my body to feel. I felt raw and sensitive but the great thing was I was able to feel again. Before that, there was a time where I hadn’t cried for nearly 10 years, just toughing life out with my dope and my dope buddies. After the diet I felt very different and re-energised, but within 6 months went back to my old habits of binge drinking and pot smoking. It did give me a huge marker or point of reference for how I could feel and gave me something to come back to.

After having children in my late 30s I managed to cut it down to weekends only but found if I had it more than 2 days straight, I would want to have it every day again. Children were my first energetic wake-up call: from babies to 6 year-olds, they always knew if I walked in stoned and the way they looked at me was like a freak / zombie had just walked in. So I made sure I wasn’t stoned in their presence. It was like they knew I was somehow different and not my full self.

Not until I attended a Heart Chakra Workshop around 2006 presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) did I know or hear of the damaging effect of marijuana to the human body, and its organs and energetic field. I learned that it affected the spleen and the kidneys energetically (both natural energy centres, as Serge presents), not to mention the lungs / respiratory system, as well as contributing to the depression / psychosis in its users – something I had denied for years, as I, like many users, championed its harmless ‘all-natural’, non-violentand non-addictive status.

If this ‘harmlessness’ is true then…

…Why is its production in Mexico fuelling one of the biggest and bloodiest drug wars in history, all to decide who will be in charge of supplying the world’s largest bunch of dope addicts in the USA? Marijuana is a very addictive product that holds people to ransom on many levels (people can be addicted for long periods, up to 65 years) and it’s a billion dollar industry, especially if your customers have given up and sold out to being numbed and medicated, rather than fully committing to life, work and community (as America suffered the GFC, morale has dropped and drug abuse and addiction have skyrocketed).

Originally I was in denial of the fact that marijuana was rated by Serge Benhayon of Universal Medicine (UniMed) as the second worst of all drugs with the shamanic drug ayahuasca in first place according to their energetic effects. I pondered on this for weeks and also discussed with close friends (also long-term dope addicts), agreeing with things such as hearing voices at times when stoned: “Have some more”, or “Where do you think you’re going?” – when you’ve just woken up, drooling on the lounge near midnight, then trying to limp to bed, but somehow convinced to return to the bong for another session after already being the most wasted person in the world – complete insanity, I repeat, complete insanity! Or when you’ve woken up in the morning with a foggy potato head, late, unorganised, and remorseful, swearing and swearing “Today is the day I quit”, only by 3.30pm to be salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs, to go home and smoke again. This madness went on sporadically for 10 years, not to mention the subsequent addiction to coffee as my life force and energy diminished as time went on.

Its addictive nature was extremely powerful and controlling. I could share many more stories of the behaviours people would stoop to in order to get their daily fix of marijuana – like the lying, cheating and deceiving that I had witnessed– all interesting effects of a so-called ‘soft, non-addictive, harmless, drug’. Yeah, sure.

So to cut a long story short, I kicked the habit by choosing to change my ways by understanding that the substance was utterly destructive and ruining my potential to have a balanced and great life. Not to mention that there was not a self loving, caring or nurturing part about it – only a selfish indulgence into the abyss of a life of misery. After all that smoking and time spent in an altered state I had not gained any more wisdom or enlightenment, or created a better way to live. So why continue with the PhD???

I also started to get help in the form of Esoteric Healing through UniMed, which helped me clear the energetic damage the drugs had done to my body. It revealed the damage to my spleen and kidney energy centres. With UniMed’s support, and through the activation of self love and care, I was able to heal my chronic allergies and hay fever, lower back pain, and chronic fatigue. My new rhythm of early nights, the total removal of drugs and alcohol, and my decision to keep to a gluten and dairy-free diet as suggested by my GP, also allowed me to feel the person behind all that lying and hardness and aloofness.

I feel this did a lot to clear the way for the new me – which by the way, was just the old me by birthright – living in full, feeling all of it – the good, the bad and the indifferent, all as it is. A big thank you to Serge and UniMed for speaking the truth and not holding back in a world where truth is always used in a controlled form and not exclusively for the good of all. The transparency of Serge’s work is there for all to see, and in this case, a spade being called a spade is a great tool for (no longer) burying your shit.

As I now am not an AA­-like reformed drug addict, but someone who has no connection or attachment to marijuana at all, it feels to me that it was another life away, while many of my old friends are still daily / regular users to this day – some in their mid 40s and 50s – are now suffering depression (and being medicated with anti-depressants permanently) and other debilitating ailments. There are many that are also of the belief that there isn’t anything wrong with dope: please note, I don’t preach to them, I respect their choices, but say clearly how I feel and how I would never use marijuana again. In the past I was a pro-marijuana activist, rebel and user who, through its hold of addiction and the strong denial of what it was really doing to me, got caught up in it.

Now I care and nurture my body more than ever before, in the same way that as parents we look after and teach our children to do the same for themselves… Instead of treating our body as something to dump stuff into, like heinous / evil drugs, to help medicate ourselves to be able to cope with life, really only hiding from real life and burying our issues so we have more crap to deal with later – a truly vicious circle / cycle. You don’t see children, especially primary-aged children, having to come home and smoke dope or get drunk to cope with a tough day at school, they deal with their stuff sober. It’s just in the adult world that we justify and champion this behaviour as ok, when it’s really far from that.

May we all aspire to be all we are for the sake of all, as it takes all of us working together to make our lives truly great.

417 thoughts on “Marijuana Addiction

  1. Drug use has such a wide reaching impact not just on the user but on the family, friends and community as well.

  2. its fascinating how damaging the impacts of marijuana smoking can be, yet its reported to be the most natural ‘safe’ illicit drug. I have heard so many users of marijuana say how much they ‘relax’ and chill out with a joint, and how apparently no one ever gets aggressive when using it, unlike alcohol, which is notorious for fuelling arguments.

  3. I have noticed that heavy marijuana smokers will say how calm they are after having a joint, yet it seems to sap them of energy and leave them uninspired to say the least. i notice its easier to drop out of engagement in life when using marijuana heavily, it seems to have that side effect, regardless of how much it is accepted and regarded as a low grade drug.

  4. “My family is only starting to know the real me now as I gradually let myself be seen by all – not always a comfortable experience, but so very worth it.”
    this is incredible- you are saying that when you were immersed in marijuana culture, your true self was buried. How cool that your family now know who you are and what you are truly about- shame they missed out for so long, and they would also have had such an incorrect perception of who you actually are for all those years too- great that is now being addressed and the true you can shine through.

  5. I used to consider that I was a ‘good’ guy, because I never went near drugs. I avoided violence and aggression too and seemed ‘normal’ on the surface. But what I have been realising recently is just how hard and cut off I have been. I have lived with a lot of anger that simmered underneath with heaps of judgement and blame, for good measure. And so reading your words here Anonymous, I truly don’t see any difference between your reliance on marijuana and my addiction to upset and anger. Your story then is inspiring to show us we don’t need to live cut off from our feelings at all.

  6. Thank you anon for your account here of just how unnatural and denaturing marijuana is for us and not at all the lighthearted drug it is often made out to be. Just because something is made from a plant it doesn’t mean it’s good or harmless for us to smoke or eat it, far from it in this case.

  7. Thank you Anonymous for sharing this here. In the run up to the General Election in the UK, one of the political parties here have just launched their manifesto and are proposing to legalise cannabis. I know there are many apparently ‘rational’ arguments for doing so but however this point is argued, legalising something like this will be seen as condoning its use. The need to ‘medicate’ ourselves so that we do not feel is one of the most widespread behaviours in our world but medicating does not answer why we do not want to feel and it does not address the real issues and never will. We may not want to feel our pain and this is understandable – but maybe our pain is showing us something important – that how we are living is not working and we need to make different choices. Choosing to numb ourselves to the pain is not effective – we need to go to the root cause – and Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are offering us all this choice today. We are truly ‘delicious’ within and each have the free-will to choose this inner connection at any time.

  8. Terrific account of an amazing resurrection Anonymous. Whether its marijuana addiction or another type of addiction – sex, alcohol, overwork, gambling, porn, food, sport and so on – we carry, if we’re serious about living with true vitality and purpose we’ll do what it takes to get the monkey off our back. Having the support of Universal Medicine’s education and healing services just makes it a whole lot more doable, and meaningful.

  9. There is a big push in this country (Australia) to legalise marijuana for medicinal purposes. Given what I now know about this drug at the energetic level – as discussed in this article – this cannot be a good thing. I’ve heard many stories in the media, usually involving dying or seriously ill children, promoting it through the use of sympathy. Yes, there is a human, devastating side to the illnesses we manifest, especially when so young, but there is nothing in me that supports the use of this drug or its extracts for any purpose.

  10. I can completely relate to this article and I am glad that like you I started to attend the Universal Medicine courses which was a great eye opener for me and also very supportive in the quitting process whilst nobody told me not to do it but it came from my own decision which was amazing and fairly easy. I could say sugar was the hardest drug to stop.

  11. I would like to see more articles on the effects of Marijuana on the human body and psyche. There is too much putting our “heads in the sand ” over drug use and I feel that we all need to start to wake up and educate through others experiences, so that we and our children know the truth! The same goes for alcohol abuse, until we start to be truly honest our children will suffer and be deluded around these so called “good time” must haves! Life can be enjoyed just by being in the company of others.

  12. The evil in marijuana is that many are under the false belief that it is ok or even good for you, this could not be further from the truth. If you don’t want to have any commitment to life, if you want to be paranoid, if you want to live a life in delusion then yes smoke Marijuana, if you want to have a real, clear and true life then stay well away from marijuana.

  13. Well there is a blog telling it like it is. Well done and thank you. The addiction is incredibly hard to kick when we are not honest about what the addiction is protecting us from. In your case it was marijuana, for another it may be alcohol, anger, sugar, drama. Whatever the ‘go-to’ they are all coping mechanisms for not wanting or feeling like we can cope with what we are feeling. Understanding that offers us the power to make a lasting change.

  14. In general we think that the altered state Marijuana, or any other drug, gives is harmless and something we deserve for the hard work that we do or because of the difficulties in life we have to cope with. But when we look closer, which is so clearly portrayed in this blog, it is actually the addiction to these substances and the scene you then enter form being addicted, that defines your way of thinking that is actually way of of who we naturally are as we can see also clearly in the adicted by the way they care for themselves and for others.

  15. Where I live, the use of marijuana is not as widespread as is in some other places in the world, and recently an ex-member of a boy band has been found in possession of it, and there’s quite a big shock and the media has gone crazy as it is a punishable crime. There definitely is naivety about this reaction, but what we are trying not to see is the only difference between marijuana and alcohol is that one is legalized and taxable and the other is not, they are both addictive and mind-altering substances known to cause behavioural changes that can sometimes be extreme and violent, yet the users often consider it to be just recreational/social. We can try telling someone not to do things or criminalize their choices, but that would never work.

  16. By and large the world continues to ignore the harmful effects of marijuana. What I have always found interesting is that if you visit any mental health clinic it is well know how many people who smoke marijuana end up with psychotic episodes yet we continue to say it is a harmless drug. It just goes to show that there are literally none so blind as those who refused to see the absolute obvious.

  17. ‘I felt raw and sensitive but the great thing was I was able to feel again. ‘ So beautiful to feel that Anon. And it is hugely important that we all get to feel that as we go through our own many addictions in life.

  18. Such a brilliant sharing Anonymous, it’s surprising there are not more out there talking like you do. To me it feels that this is because, even when we have ‘given up’ have we truly felt the absolute and complete harm this drug brings? If not then the fact is we are still ‘doing it’ on some level. I notice the same is true for other things in my life too – do I fully renounce what I know is truly harming?

  19. This “harmless drug” has consequences way beyond our own life. When we make these choices it can create pain in people around us that takes a long time to heal – if ever.

  20. I have experienced drug use, some times from my own experience, but also so much more from it being around me, through life….it has serious implications on the quality of life, but not just the person that chooses it, the ripples are felt all around and it is not just what people call hard drugs, I include nicotine, alcohol and marijuana, they are the cause of huge disconnection and self abuse.

  21. Self-responsibility is the key, otherwise a person will keep giving their power away either to the drug or to the treatment society offers.

  22. Thank you for sharing, many people who smoke marijuana are under the belief that it is a harmless and a non addictive drug, this is so far from the truth as you describe. Great to have your experience shared so honestly.

  23. Yes, this is what smoking marijuana does, it numbs and buries our hurts and emotions so they are left raw and unhealed in our bodies, ‘to help medicate ourselves to be able to cope with life, really only hiding from real life and burying our issues so we have more crap to deal with later – a truly vicious circle / cycle.’ We then have to deal with this ‘mess’ later in our lives or in our next life.

  24. “To me, this makes marijuana the ultimate retarding drug of the 20th century”. Marijuana is not the innocent so-called “natural” drug that people like to think it is. It has a severe effort on the health and wellbeing of those who use it.

  25. Marijuana is a drug that alters our state of being, and yet because it is natural it is seen as a harmless drug that can support people with certain illnesses to control their pain. The truth is as you have shown here anonymous that marijuana causes untold harm and is a very addictive, life destroying drug. There are many people in the UK including one of the main political parties that would like to legalise marijuana but all they will be doing is opening the flood gates for mental disorders and psychotic behaviour and burdening our already over stretched health service.

  26. I have been addicted to just about every drug that was available in my day, as well as alcohol. Marijuana was by far the most addictive and the hardest drug to come off. It is very interesting that many people think this is a harmless drug as it is naturally grown….not true.

  27. I could never understand how a pot smoker could work, as when I smoked I was more often then not so paranoid that I could not look at any-one, I could hardly string 2 words together and could not be bothered to do any thing much at all. From this, you can imagine the state of my car, my home and me? Thank goodness that is never to be repeated.

  28. Having been a huge pot smoker myself and addicted to every other drug imaginable I agree with Serge Benhayon, marijuana is the 2nd most addictive drug. The fact that people think it is okay because it is naturally grown is absolute nonsense and a story they need to believe so as to not take responsibility for how they are choosing to live their life

  29. This is such a clear of account of the use of cannabis to protect and numb oneself from life versus a path of responsibility to coming back and dealing with life and all its challenges.

  30. Any type of addiction is depressing, the sadness and grief felt is that we know we are love and we are choosing to not be that, instead we are choosing a way which takes us further and further away from who we are truly. Personally when I stopped one addiction after another, the joy that is my natural birthright is felt deeper every time, this is a developing process but one which supports me to carry on because nothing I have done and tried in the past has allowed me to feel this natural joy in life.

  31. I have experience of drug abuse in life, not so much me using it but observing it in others, cannabis, so called a soft drug, even medicine some say, is very unsupportive and has negative impact on those who take it, a lack of clarity, consumed in paranoia, checked out, it is a serious issue and has a great impact on those of use it and those who live around a user.

  32. It’s a great point you make about how putting up a wall between yourself and world only served to create “…a protective layer or shield that only held me imprisoned in unresolved stuff and emotions.”

  33. What a great blog! Your lived experience comes strongly through the page and your honesty is very revealing. What a great support this is for those who either want to learn more about how this drug affects those in their lives or those who take it and need a starting point to quit and to know that not only quitting is possible, but also that life can turn around.

  34. A very clear and concise account of the true effects of marijuana on the physical body, the mind and life in general. It is surely not the ‘soft’ drug it is purported to be, it comes by stealth and steals one’s life, saps one’s vitality and turns amazing human beings into gibberishing and paranoid zombies who are always full of a grandiose idea or two.

  35. Yes a relationship that is intoxicating but extremely harmful whereby most of the obvious harm is not revealed until a person is deeply caught in it…

  36. In life we often fall into the control of an energy which we do not know we are controlled by until we choose to see more of ourselves, clearer of the truth of who we are, then we step out of this imprisonment and we make different choices.

  37. This is a great blog Anonymous, to have been addicted to marijuana and having been able to stop the addiction is a reflection of the changes you have made, children can be an awesome reflection for us, because they know exactly when we are not being ourselves, and leave us in no doubt that they clocked what is going on.

  38. Lately it seems to me to be more and more people are smoking pot, people in our city walk around smoking it and it is very blatant what it is. Societies standards have dropped and we are seeing this daily with the increase of taking drugs.

    1. I agree Samantha, often we can smell it as we walk around the park, and on a couple of occasions, we have found packets of weed which have been dropped by mistake. And it does seem as though people are more open about smoking it and are not worried about being caught – like you say, standards have dropped.

  39. ‘As I now am not an AA­-like reformed drug addict, but someone who has no connection or attachment to marijuana at all, it feels to me that it was another life away..’ This is huge. To have cleared the past from your present, the buried emotions and hurts, so there is no need to use because you’ve felt the beauty of being you and honouring that. And you know how much using weed doesn’t do this but the energy it comes with uses your body for its own ends.

  40. It’s interesting with hindsight to see that the things we used to self-medicate as teenagers were exactly the same as our parents, just the substance or product changes. When we see a self-medication as different, cooler, rebellious etc. we can’t see it is all from the same package to keep us dull with our awareness

  41. We’ve designed ourselves ‘options’ of what to do when we aren’t coping with life, such as drugs, alcohol, sugar, TV and even hobbies sometimes, but none of these ask us to take stock and really look at why we’re feeling the way that we are. The best medicine is to talk about it and be open to understanding what’s going on as opposed to numbing it.

  42. The cost of drug abuse in lives lost, families crushed and human potential ignored is untold. If as a society we really appreciated this would we move to stop this daily tsunami of waste and pain?

  43. What comes across strongly is the waste of a life and the time spent hiding. I have never seen it as hiding before, but it makes sense, as the use of marijuana does have a withdrawal from life effect. Hats off to you Anonymous for getting yourself out from under the influences of that drug.

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