by Anonymous, NSW aged 46
I grew up as a teenager in the 80s and a surfer. We watched as our parents self-medicated on a daily basis with alcohol, cigarettes and coffee, but our generation worshipped the sounds and spirituality of Bob Marley and escapism and marijuana was our medicine – we used it to escape and check out, to not truly see what was going on in our lives, and as a rebellion against a world that didn’t make sense.
It was ours exclusively as our parents didn’t understand much about it. From its innocent beginnings the so called ‘non-addictive’ drug wreaked havoc in our lives as well as those of everyone connected to us as we under-performed, buried our issues, told lies to cover up, broke many laws, endangered other people’s lives, as well as our own, and failed to commit to our lives and relationships.
We sure didn’t know what we were getting into or what a ride it would take us on. This included my group and its many extended groups, numbering up to 100 people or more. By the age of 30 I didn’t have any friends who were not stoners on some level (and this covered a good cross-section of society) – I chose to choose my friends that way, so I wouldn’t be exposed or asked to be more.
Looking back now I see how far away it took us from the brotherhood, love and equality we all wanted so dearly in our lives and the world. Writing this now I shed many tears for the young innocent boy and boys we were that got so lost, only to become fringe dwellers controlled by a drug – not our natural way or right to be in this life. The numbness and hardness that I created as my wall of protection became a self-imposed jail… and one that nearly took my life. There were at least 4 people I knew that suicided – all heavy marijuana smokers, the last one a 50 plus year-old neighbour and father of 4. I know in my heart that the marijuana would have helped lead them to get to that point by its insidious nature of hiding / burying and therefore hindering one’s ability to try and work through issues or deal with stuff.
I had slipped down the drain a long way from the young boy with so much potential – the primary school captain, house and senior prefect at high school – and was now living in the underworld, with a warped perception of life. After looking back at an addiction of 20 years, with at least 17 years of daily usage in Australia and internationally, I can honestly say I could hold a Masters or PhD on the subject.
With a strong work ethic, and mainly being a nightly user, I lived in a weird duality as a night time vegetable and mad professor, going deeply into an altered state, unable to express myself or debrief / reflect back on my day properly. Its effects on my rhythms and cycles were the cause of many difficult situations – doing something with catastrophic consequences once would have been bad enough without having to repeat it, again and again in some cases.
In hindsight, burying things and numbing was what it helped to do best, and putting up a wall of separation between the world and myself: a protective layer or shield that only held me imprisoned in unresolved stuff and emotions. That shield also kept others at bay – separatism: I was very selfish indeed, rather than truly sharing who I was with all.
My family is only starting to know the real me now as I gradually let myself be seen by all – not always a comfortable experience, but so very worth it. Dope was a double-edged sword: great for helping destroy relationships (3 wives later – de facto), then great for numbing and hiding what really happened. To me, this makes marijuana the ultimate retarding drug of the 20th century, with its recurrence in such big ways – the world hasn’t seen this drug before become so mainstream, i.e: having so many users/addicts or ‘devotees’, from kids to housewives. Even though it has been used for thousands of years in Africa, Asia and India, its retarding nature to human evolution is at a widespread and epidemic level.
I spent at least 10-12 years knowing it wasn’t good for me, saying I wanted to stop (with many failed attempts), but the effect of its seductive nature on my psychological mind and physical body was always too strong. Not until I nearly took my own life by driving off a bridge at high speed to stop the voices in my head in a psychotic episode and to end the agony of life, did I take notice and stop ‘forever’ – which only lasted for a short time, by the way.
By my early to mid thirties the “Muppet on Acid” was running out of energy and my lifestyle of partying, drugs and the underworld was catching up with me. Like a burnt-out soldier burnt from running too many missions, my body was starting to show signs of disease. I went looking for help to doctors and naturopaths and after a number of blood tests, I was diagnosed with exhaustion / chronic fatigue / stress disorder and shingles. So I stopped all drugs and was advised to go on a cleansing diet of herbs and pure foods, with no sugar, yeast, alcohol, caffeine, preservatives, etc., for a minimum of 3 months.
After a few days on the diet I cried for days as my body dumped all the unresolved / buried emotions and stuff back into my body to feel. I felt raw and sensitive but the great thing was I was able to feel again. Before that, there was a time where I hadn’t cried for nearly 10 years, just toughing life out with my dope and my dope buddies. After the diet I felt very different and re-energised, but within 6 months went back to my old habits of binge drinking and pot smoking. It did give me a huge marker or point of reference for how I could feel and gave me something to come back to.
After having children in my late 30s I managed to cut it down to weekends only but found if I had it more than 2 days straight, I would want to have it every day again. Children were my first energetic wake-up call: from babies to 6 year-olds, they always knew if I walked in stoned and the way they looked at me was like a freak / zombie had just walked in. So I made sure I wasn’t stoned in their presence. It was like they knew I was somehow different and not my full self.
Not until I attended a Heart Chakra Workshop around 2006 presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) did I know or hear of the damaging effect of marijuana to the human body, and its organs and energetic field. I learned that it affected the spleen and the kidneys energetically (both natural energy centres, as Serge presents), not to mention the lungs / respiratory system, as well as contributing to the depression / psychosis in its users – something I had denied for years, as I, like many users, championed its harmless ‘all-natural’, non-violentand non-addictive status.
If this ‘harmlessness’ is true then…
…Why is its production in Mexico fuelling one of the biggest and bloodiest drug wars in history, all to decide who will be in charge of supplying the world’s largest bunch of dope addicts in the USA? Marijuana is a very addictive product that holds people to ransom on many levels (people can be addicted for long periods, up to 65 years) and it’s a billion dollar industry, especially if your customers have given up and sold out to being numbed and medicated, rather than fully committing to life, work and community (as America suffered the GFC, morale has dropped and drug abuse and addiction have skyrocketed).
Originally I was in denial of the fact that marijuana was rated by Serge Benhayon of Universal Medicine (UniMed) as the second worst of all drugs with the shamanic drug ayahuasca in first place according to their energetic effects. I pondered on this for weeks and also discussed with close friends (also long-term dope addicts), agreeing with things such as hearing voices at times when stoned: “Have some more”, or “Where do you think you’re going?” – when you’ve just woken up, drooling on the lounge near midnight, then trying to limp to bed, but somehow convinced to return to the bong for another session after already being the most wasted person in the world – complete insanity, I repeat, complete insanity! Or when you’ve woken up in the morning with a foggy potato head, late, unorganised, and remorseful, swearing and swearing “Today is the day I quit”, only by 3.30pm to be salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs, to go home and smoke again. This madness went on sporadically for 10 years, not to mention the subsequent addiction to coffee as my life force and energy diminished as time went on.
Its addictive nature was extremely powerful and controlling. I could share many more stories of the behaviours people would stoop to in order to get their daily fix of marijuana – like the lying, cheating and deceiving that I had witnessed– all interesting effects of a so-called ‘soft, non-addictive, harmless, drug’. Yeah, sure.
So to cut a long story short, I kicked the habit by choosing to change my ways by understanding that the substance was utterly destructive and ruining my potential to have a balanced and great life. Not to mention that there was not a self loving, caring or nurturing part about it – only a selfish indulgence into the abyss of a life of misery. After all that smoking and time spent in an altered state I had not gained any more wisdom or enlightenment, or created a better way to live. So why continue with the PhD???
I also started to get help in the form of Esoteric Healing through UniMed, which helped me clear the energetic damage the drugs had done to my body. It revealed the damage to my spleen and kidney energy centres. With UniMed’s support, and through the activation of self love and care, I was able to heal my chronic allergies and hay fever, lower back pain, and chronic fatigue. My new rhythm of early nights, the total removal of drugs and alcohol, and my decision to keep to a gluten and dairy-free diet as suggested by my GP, also allowed me to feel the person behind all that lying and hardness and aloofness.
I feel this did a lot to clear the way for the new me – which by the way, was just the old me by birthright – living in full, feeling all of it – the good, the bad and the indifferent, all as it is. A big thank you to Serge and UniMed for speaking the truth and not holding back in a world where truth is always used in a controlled form and not exclusively for the good of all. The transparency of Serge’s work is there for all to see, and in this case, a spade being called a spade is a great tool for (no longer) burying your shit.
As I now am not an AA-like reformed drug addict, but someone who has no connection or attachment to marijuana at all, it feels to me that it was another life away, while many of my old friends are still daily / regular users to this day – some in their mid 40s and 50s – are now suffering depression (and being medicated with anti-depressants permanently) and other debilitating ailments. There are many that are also of the belief that there isn’t anything wrong with dope: please note, I don’t preach to them, I respect their choices, but say clearly how I feel and how I would never use marijuana again. In the past I was a pro-marijuana activist, rebel and user who, through its hold of addiction and the strong denial of what it was really doing to me, got caught up in it.
Now I care and nurture my body more than ever before, in the same way that as parents we look after and teach our children to do the same for themselves… Instead of treating our body as something to dump stuff into, like heinous / evil drugs, to help medicate ourselves to be able to cope with life, really only hiding from real life and burying our issues so we have more crap to deal with later – a truly vicious circle / cycle. You don’t see children, especially primary-aged children, having to come home and smoke dope or get drunk to cope with a tough day at school, they deal with their stuff sober. It’s just in the adult world that we justify and champion this behaviour as ok, when it’s really far from that.
May we all aspire to be all we are for the sake of all, as it takes all of us working together to make our lives truly great.