by R.B, Northern NSW
I used to feel that to be an amazing woman, I had to be like SUPERWOMAN, and Supermum. The definition included being a good mum, keeping the house clean, doing the homework with my daughter, cooking meals, doing the laundry, keeping the car clean – and as you can imagine that list goes on forever because as soon as you have ticked those boxes, there always seem to be more that appear out of nowhere… and this is along with being a friend, full-time worker and business owner.
In the past when things got hard, I got tough. I would knuckle down and push on through.
I would feel like a failure if I couldn’t accomplish everything on my own… and felt like I was great because I didn’t need anyone’s help.
With this, I also felt alone, tired… in fact, exhausted. Sometimes angry and/or sad at my circumstances, which I didn’t want to admit I had chosen! Ouch…
Over the last 3 years I have been seeing Natalie Benhayon and Michael Benhayon now and then for sessions, and Mary-Louise Myers as well as many other practitioners from Universal Medicine; I have also been attending the women’s groups. I have learned so much and have been inspired by many women and what they share through group circles and their written blogs.
I have learned that I don’t need to be tough and strong to get things done and that it’s okay to ask for support and be kind to myself. Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me. I have become aware that I have always been able to feel so much and know when things are a certain way or didn’t feel right, but the truth is, I didn’t even trust my own knowing.
I have learned that most of my life I chose to eat foods (I had a huge appetite that I identified with as being healthy when in fact it was numbing me) that would make me feel heavy and tired – and this would make it harder for me to feel me, and feel what my body was communicating to me. I ate to not feel.
I have also done a few workshops on expression with both Chris James and Victoria Carter and it has helped me enormously. I have learned, with a lot of trial and error, how horrible it feels if I hold back and do not express to others how I feel, and I have felt how when I do not hold back and I really express everything I feel, it just feels so freeing in my body, as if my shoulders are given permission to let go and open up and allow my whole chest area to expand.
What I am learning has such a practical influence on the way I live. For example, recently I had some issues at work with a co-worker being rude to me, and instead of just getting angry and rude back at him, which is what I would have done in the past, or just run away and quit my job, I chose to talk to him and explain that it really hurts my feelings when he speaks that way as I take it all to heart and do not hear it as a joke. We had a great conversation and he promised to never speak to me that way again. I felt so much joy in having resolved conflict with love instead of more anger or without expressing.
Even more recently I had another experience at work where I felt bullied and really hurt. Again my first reflex was to just quit, but I decided to seek some support instead of getting tough and not feeling what I was really feeling. I chose to call a friend for some advice; I also called Fair Work Australia and then I went to see a doctor and felt so supported.
I don’t know why I have always tried to just do it all on my own because it just feels so lovely when I allow myself to reach out and ask for support. It does not feel less because of it, or a failure because I couldn’t do it all on my own… I feel so supported and all the anxiety that I was experiencing has faded away.
With this kind support I am now able to see that there are many different options available for me; that I do not need to stay in an abusive work place and I can choose what feels right for me without feeling like I am a failure because I didn’t hack it out and stay.
I am now making the choice to live to the beat of my own drum and move in a way that feels right for me and my daughter. Letting go of old beliefs and patterns of how I should be and act in certain roles – ‘mother’, ‘worker’, ‘woman’, etc. – I feel that there is no need to be ‘Superwoman’ anymore. What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome!