From Superwoman & Supermum to Super Amazing Me

by R.B, Northern NSW

I used to feel that to be an amazing woman, I had to be like SUPERWOMAN, and Supermum. The definition included being a good mum, keeping the house clean, doing the homework with my daughter, cooking meals, doing the laundry, keeping the car clean – and as you can imagine that list goes on forever because as soon as you have ticked those boxes, there always seem to be more that appear out of nowhere… and this is along with being a friend, full-time worker and business owner.

In the past when things got hard, I got tough. I would knuckle down and push on through.

I would feel like a failure if I couldn’t accomplish everything on my own… and felt like I was great because I didn’t need anyone’s help.

With this, I also felt alone, tired… in fact, exhausted. Sometimes angry and/or sad at my circumstances, which I didn’t want to admit I had chosen! Ouch…

Over the last 3 years I have been seeing Natalie Benhayon and Michael Benhayon now and then for sessions, and Mary-Louise Myers as well as many other practitioners from Universal Medicine; I have also been attending the women’s groups. I have learned so much and have been inspired by many women and what they share through group circles and their written blogs.

I have learned that I don’t need to be tough and strong to get things done and that it’s okay to ask for support and be kind to myself. Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me. I have become aware that I have always been able to feel so much and know when things are a certain way or didn’t feel right, but the truth is, I didn’t even trust my own knowing.

I have learned that most of my life I chose to eat foods (I had a huge appetite that I identified with as being healthy when in fact it was numbing me) that would make me feel heavy and tired – and this would make it harder for me to feel me, and feel what my body was communicating to me. I ate to not feel.

I have also done a few workshops on expression with both Chris James and Victoria Carter and it has helped me enormously. I have learned, with a lot of trial and error, how horrible it feels if I hold back and do not express to others how I feel, and I have felt how when I do not hold back and I really express everything I feel, it just feels so freeing in my body, as if my shoulders are given permission to let go and open up and allow my whole chest area to expand.

What I am learning has such a practical influence on the way I live. For example, recently I had some issues at work with a co-worker being rude to me, and instead of just getting angry and rude back at him, which is what I would have done in the past, or just run away and quit my job, I chose to talk to him and explain that it really hurts my feelings when he speaks that way as I take it all to heart and do not hear it as a joke. We had a great conversation and he promised to never speak to me that way again. I felt so much joy in having resolved conflict with love instead of more anger or without expressing.

Even more recently I had another experience at work where I felt bullied and really hurt. Again my first reflex was to just quit, but I decided to seek some support instead of getting tough and not feeling what I was really feeling. I chose to call a friend for some advice; I also called Fair Work Australia and then I went to see a doctor and felt so supported.

I don’t know why I have always tried to just do it all on my own because it just feels so lovely when I allow myself to reach out and ask for support. It does not feel less because of it, or a failure because I couldn’t do it all on my own… I feel so supported and all the anxiety that I was experiencing has faded away.

With this kind support I am now able to see that there are many different options available for me; that I do not need to stay in an abusive work place and I can choose what feels right for me without feeling like I am a failure because I didn’t hack it out and stay.

I am now making the choice to live to the beat of my own drum and move in a way that feels right for me and my daughter. Letting go of old beliefs and patterns of how I should be and act in certain roles – ‘mother’, ‘worker’, ‘woman’, etc. – I feel that there is no need to be ‘Superwoman’ anymore. What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome!

139 thoughts on “From Superwoman & Supermum to Super Amazing Me

  1. Thank you for all you have shared RB, and I appreciate your wisdom that it’s not about placing expectations on ourselves as to how we are supposed to be (strong and self reliant, toughing it out, etc) but more so – what choices would be loving to make for ourselves that support us to be our amazing selves?

  2. Measuring ourselves and our worth in general from what we do adds up to a Soulless existence, constantly chasing the next thing whilst at the mercy of the standards and conditions of our society. All the while never considering the beingness of who we are and the amazing qualities we naturally hold within. The wisdom, the sacredness, the power, the delicateness and grace are all deeply loving qualities that reflect who we naturally are and when we live in connection to and in honor of these innate qualities it is then that we live with true power.

  3. I have found that it is a very beautiful and also a very humbling time, when I discarded my superwoman’s hat and allowed others in to support me.

  4. We invest much to convince others and ourselves that what you see is what you get without this being the truth and nothing but the truth. The truth is that there is whole more to be seen we do not want to see and even less allowing others to see it. The character we create may prove successful, at the expense of us and life though.

  5. Beliefs and ideals make life so difficult, as you say RB you are learning to now live from the beat of your own drum, exploring and opening up to new ways to be in life and see what truly is loving and supportive for you. What a gem of wisdom shared here about expressing how you feel “I felt so much joy in having resolved conflict with love instead of more anger or without expressing.” Very inspiring, thank you.

  6. What comes after reading this blog is that by us moving forward in our unique expressions and strenghts we can help each other evolve and bring support. I love that – we have so much to give when we connect to our expression and deepen the relationship with ourselves and others: by expressing what you feel and honoring what you know inside. As much as you can.

  7. Asking for help or support is such a big thing for women and it was in my generation a show of not being able to cope. I still have this in me but slowly coming to see another way. It is about valuing myself enough and when I do I really value the people who I feel I can turn to.

  8. I love superheroes and I think every woman has a superwoman in them – we just might have the incorrect definition for what a superwoman is – what if a superwoman is not the person who can do the most or achieve the most but the person who has connected to their inner superpowers?

  9. We can think no-one understand or we need to have it all together and can’t let anyone know we are struggling or things of gone pear shaped but it is amazing what we find once we do open up and allow support. What I always find is that most people are there in a heart beat and genuinely want to help and listen. It’s just for us to let go of the mentality from holding onto these beliefs that we are meant to do it on our own. Brotherhood is where its at… not just one personhood!

    1. Thanks Aimee, I could relate to all you shared and I loved the line about “Brotherhood is here it’s at… not just one personhood!” Very true!

  10. It is really beautiful watching a woman who thinks she needs to be superwoman, always strong and capable and able to do whatever a man can do, softening and embracing the delicate aspects of herself. This in itself is a strength in women, to be able to be feminine and delicate, and not complete with men.

  11. “I have learned that I don’t need to be tough and strong to get things done and that it’s okay to ask for support and be kind to myself. Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength,” This is so important as many women find it hard to ask for support, thinking we have to do it all and often to do it alone. Expressing vulnerability and fragility – which I used to consider as ‘dirty words’ in my vocabulary – brings a feeling of relief, and when we share how we feel others can open up too. No more pretence.

  12. As women we often champion the fact we can multi task, do everything, be all things for everyone, play many roles, no wonder we end up feeling exhausted or totally disconnected from ourselves. I know for me it took some time to address this and begin to make different choices that were more true and honouring of myself, self-care and self-love were key with this, I no longer play all the roles and can feel that what I offer others is far greater now than ever as it is not coming from an emptiness or a need.

  13. I am also learning to ask for support. At last I am seeing the ridiculousness of thinking that I have to do everything by myself, and immediately. I can only do what I can and when I can, and allowing myself to include others into life as well as be included open more opportunities that would have been otherwise unavailable.

  14. That we sometimes eat to not feel is a fact that when accepted as true will transform the word diet and complete redefine what healthy eating truly is.

  15. Being a superwoman feels like the antidote to being yourself and surely the best possible thing in life is to be yourself in full. The ageless wisdom teachings tells us that we were not designed to do it all on our own, we are part of a oneness not an individual and the more we embrace that the more supported we are, in fact the support is always there if we don’t shut it out.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s