by R.B, Northern NSW
I used to feel that to be an amazing woman, I had to be like SUPERWOMAN, and Supermum. The definition included being a good mum, keeping the house clean, doing the homework with my daughter, cooking meals, doing the laundry, keeping the car clean – and as you can imagine that list goes on forever because as soon as you have ticked those boxes, there always seem to be more that appear out of nowhere… and this is along with being a friend, full-time worker and business owner.
In the past when things got hard, I got tough. I would knuckle down and push on through.
I would feel like a failure if I couldn’t accomplish everything on my own… and felt like I was great because I didn’t need anyone’s help.
With this, I also felt alone, tired… in fact, exhausted. Sometimes angry and/or sad at my circumstances, which I didn’t want to admit I had chosen! Ouch…
Over the last 3 years I have been seeing Natalie Benhayon and Michael Benhayon now and then for sessions, and Mary-Louise Myers as well as many other practitioners from Universal Medicine; I have also been attending the women’s groups. I have learned so much and have been inspired by many women and what they share through group circles and their written blogs.
I have learned that I don’t need to be tough and strong to get things done and that it’s okay to ask for support and be kind to myself. Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me. I have become aware that I have always been able to feel so much and know when things are a certain way or didn’t feel right, but the truth is, I didn’t even trust my own knowing.
I have learned that most of my life I chose to eat foods (I had a huge appetite that I identified with as being healthy when in fact it was numbing me) that would make me feel heavy and tired – and this would make it harder for me to feel me, and feel what my body was communicating to me. I ate to not feel.
I have also done a few workshops on expression with both Chris James and Victoria Carter and it has helped me enormously. I have learned, with a lot of trial and error, how horrible it feels if I hold back and do not express to others how I feel, and I have felt how when I do not hold back and I really express everything I feel, it just feels so freeing in my body, as if my shoulders are given permission to let go and open up and allow my whole chest area to expand.
What I am learning has such a practical influence on the way I live. For example, recently I had some issues at work with a co-worker being rude to me, and instead of just getting angry and rude back at him, which is what I would have done in the past, or just run away and quit my job, I chose to talk to him and explain that it really hurts my feelings when he speaks that way as I take it all to heart and do not hear it as a joke. We had a great conversation and he promised to never speak to me that way again. I felt so much joy in having resolved conflict with love instead of more anger or without expressing.
Even more recently I had another experience at work where I felt bullied and really hurt. Again my first reflex was to just quit, but I decided to seek some support instead of getting tough and not feeling what I was really feeling. I chose to call a friend for some advice; I also called Fair Work Australia and then I went to see a doctor and felt so supported.
I don’t know why I have always tried to just do it all on my own because it just feels so lovely when I allow myself to reach out and ask for support. It does not feel less because of it, or a failure because I couldn’t do it all on my own… I feel so supported and all the anxiety that I was experiencing has faded away.
With this kind support I am now able to see that there are many different options available for me; that I do not need to stay in an abusive work place and I can choose what feels right for me without feeling like I am a failure because I didn’t hack it out and stay.
I am now making the choice to live to the beat of my own drum and move in a way that feels right for me and my daughter. Letting go of old beliefs and patterns of how I should be and act in certain roles – ‘mother’, ‘worker’, ‘woman’, etc. – I feel that there is no need to be ‘Superwoman’ anymore. What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It is a life changing revelation to discover that being amazing does not involve what we do, thrashing ourselves out in life trying to achieve a huge range of tasks and goals and achievements to receive the recognition that we are ‘amazing’. It is a given already and simply all that is required is for us to be willing to explore our connection to our essence where everything we are is ever-present, simply waiting to be expressed. As you claimed so beautifully – ‘What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome!’. Being ourselves is everything.
“I felt so much joy in having resolved conflict with love instead of more anger or without expressing.”
This is very beautiful R.B. If left to its own devices, love dissolves all that is not love back into love. It is only the force we call on to resist this that interferes with this process.
Great blog RB, I too have tried to take on the world on my own, thinking that I had to be able to do everything, and now I know that we are all good at some things and collectively we have everything covered so now I am very ok with asking for help when I need it, because not only does it help me it inspires others to acknowledge that there are no prizes for exhausting ourselves trying to be supermums, or a superwoman.
I am learning to allow support in my life, and it is amazing the different areas it can come from, very touching.
I love the simplicity you bring us back to. Life does not have to be rough and tough and exhausting and it is a blessing to allow ourselves to feel how fragile we are and live from our tenderness. It makes a huge difference and is so very enjoyable. Thank you for sharing how this is so very possible.
“Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me.” A great message R.B: to accept where your at and how it needs to be for you. One thing I note here is if it is or seems ‘out of control’ I need to surrender back to where my body is and keep it simple in my next movements. Make it about love as you say and not anything outside of you, and sometimes that is asking for support.
I did not allow myself to feel a failure as you describe because I made sure I could do everything myself, I was super independant, “I would feel like a failure if I couldn’t accomplish everything on my own… and felt like I was great because I didn’t need anyone’s help.” I am now learning to show my vulnerabilities and ask for help.
I really like the way you dealt with the person at work being rude to you. When we are open and honest about how things affect us, there is a real opportunity for healing and resolution.
It is awesome RB – spot on. There is something about just being ourselves that others find it so much easier to connect to than when we are trying to fulfil roles and expectations. It’s like we go onto a mode that is not truly us and then there is nothing real to connect with. Last week I shared a story of a colleague with a friend and the friend pointed out to me that I was reacting. This simple conversation opened up awareness in me that I was invested in protecting myself – through judging this person – and in that awareness the relationship changed instantly. All through following the impulse to express myself – something I once resisted very strongly.
I feel its very common in woman to try and do it all alone, I know for myself this is something I adopted which made my life very hard unable to accept support of any kind. I had to become ill and only then could I ask for support which I found very awkward and difficult because I was not in the habit of doing so! These days I welcome all the unlimited support that is available, and the difference is, there is a flow in my life that was not there before as everything I need just unfolds and flows towards me.
R.B. what you have shared here is a beautiful account of how woman can operate out of ideals and beliefs and often push herself beyond her capable means, this is something I too have struggled with as well in the past trying to be all things to everyone and forgetting about myself. Learning to appreciate and value myself has been key to dropping these ideals and beliefs and just allowing space to be me without exhausting myself trying play all these roles.
You know, I reckon we’re up for a collective ‘redefinition’ of the term ‘Superwoman’… What if being a truly super, amazing and glorious woman IS actually about everything you’ve shared here R.B.?
That a woman in her power is someone who DOES naturally ask for support, and not keep setting ever-higher bars outside of herself to be attained (at her own expense). That she is someone who is willing to reflect upon her own worth and value, and address that which does not honour it in her life (either generated from within, or coming towards her from without)…
This is true power, and the possibility that is here for us all as women, and in it, I would definitely like to invite you R.B. to share the title of ‘Superwoman’ with me, in a light that is true with not one iota of diminishment of all that we naturally are 🙂
Asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do due to all the ideals and beliefs, pictures and images we are trying to live up to. But when we get over ourselves and do, we realise how simple life actually is.
I love the healing you found from being willing to ask for support. I understand the habit of not wanting to burden another… but it is done at the expense of many for when people come together, magic happens and things unfold in ways that are healing for all.
In my work I am being reflected fierce independence and often unwillingness to let go. An important reflection to see and really what I am seeing is that it does not work for anyone, person concerned or family and friends. When we do let go, the treasures in our relationships with people will be there.
“and as you can imagine that list goes on forever because as soon as you have ticked those boxes, there always seem to be more that appear out of nowhere…” Yes indeed and oh how very exhausting when you think that you have to tick them all yourself instead of sharing the load with willing helpers.
I thought that I had to struggle through life because there was no one there to help, but the reality is that there is so much support for us there whenever we need it.
Thank You RB for a great sharing one that I can relate to. Having been brought up to be very independent, looking after ourselves was looked on as being strong and in control of our lives. So over the last few years I have opened up to being supported, I now appreciate the support that is so lovingly available to me whenever I need it.
Indeed – No man is an island! We were not built to do it all alone
“Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me.” R.B. that is really something important what you have shared as most of us are not asking for support – to ask for support is for me the best medicine ever and should never be underestimated.
It’s true, the measure of our worth is ‘normally’ tied up with what we have achieved and/ or whether we fit the image of success, whether that be in our looks, our knowledge, our skills, or whatever. To truly value ourselves for who we are and the qualities we bring to whomever we meet in whatever situation is a criteria that most of us don’t consider so much. To be able to appreciate ourselves in this way supports us hugely in appreciating others and becoming more aware and more open hearted..
” What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome! ” Gorgeous RB – so true for so many of us. Having been brought up to do not be, I still have oughts and shoulds in my day – but at least these days I am catching these thoughts – and I then have a choice – to come back to the true me.
Realising and appreciating that you are amazing just by being you shows that you are in-truth a superwoman.
I have a similar mode, my Superman mode. It can be so useful in keeping up with everything, getting the job done. However, I sacrifice the quality inside me, and can feel myself become wooden, unfeeling and lose the richness I feel inside. So what quality is everything being done in? That question alone gives me pause these days, and with that pause the space opens up again, and the opportunity to move differently is presented.
RB great to read, the possibility that there is a different way to be, With ourselves and in situations that present. Inspiring to read your transition. Thank you.
You are an absolute super woman, not in the false interpretation of it, but in the true sense, that is living from your nurturing qualities and making it about love first. Great sharing and very inspiring to connect to our fragility and vulnerability and live out true power as women.
As women we can all get caught in playing the role of Superwoman, of course this comes at a great expense to our body and eventually if we continue playing this role it can impact on our health and well-being and even result in illness and disease where a much needed stop is offered to the body to truly heal.
What you write here is very inspiring, I can feel how we are setting ourselves up for “failure” by taking it all on our own shoulders. Not expressing or asking for support is leaving us in a lonely space, while when we choose to be ourselves and be the love that we are in all that we do. We know we are connected with everyone and can’t do it on our own, in that expression is very important.
‘…when I do not hold back and I really express everything I feel, it just feels so freeing in my body.’ Probably the biggest requirement on us to ensure a consistent superman and superwoman status – because we are nothing without the quality of our body.
One of the things I have taken from your blog R.B. is that trying to do it on our own and keep on pushing through only creates toughness and hardness and isn’t necessary at all. What I am currently learning is that it’s OK to say when something isn’t working that I can let it go and move on and that this isn’t a sign of failure on my behalf. In fact, the situation has served its purpose if I am able to let go lovingly. Just giving myself space to do this, along with reaching out for support when required, makes a world of difference to how wound up or otherwise I feel inside of me. Thank you.
When we try to be the Super-mum, or indeed the super everything we can put a lot of stress into our body, but instead of listening to our bodies we keep on pushing through and ignoring how exhausted we feel and then wonder why our body that eventually can’t take any more has to put a stop by giving us some form of illness. I am realising it’s much more loving and responsible to care and nurture ourself deeply, for then we are able to care and be of true service to others and through our own livingness we are then showing our children the importance in caring for themselves. “What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – It’s me being ME that does that”.
A beautiful blog R.B and a very timely reminder to just be the amazing me. No need for the superwoman antics, needing to be needed or pleasing everyone at anytime; just being me and giving myself the space to feel and know the divine power of that.
Yes Leigh ‘the more I support myself the more at ease and accepting I am of receiving support from others and then in turn I feel supported to support others.’ The more lovingly I treat myself the more lovingly the world supports me and the more I have to offer humanity.
‘Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength, because I can accept where I am and what I am capable of doing without hurting me.’ So true RB and my experience too, acceptance of myself first and then starting to open up to others has transformed my life from feeling so isolated in my struggles to appreciating my strengths and asking for support where appropriate.
To the beat of the drums.. (low bass sound x 2).
Giving ourselves the space to connect and express is one of the best medicines in the world.
I love what you share here about expressing and asking for and accepting support R. B. Up until a few years ago I was hugely identified by what and how much I did (which included mothering), and yet unhappy, stressed and exhausted at the same time… Constantly thinking I had to do it all on my own and that if I couldn’t, I’d somehow failed as a woman and mother. Learning to care for and look after myself (before I tried to do this for others) has resulted in massive changes for me, not only with mothering but all other areas of my life. This is a daily work in progress but learning to ask for and then accept support (particularly from my children!) feels amazing, not only for me, but also those I’m in relationship with.
So true when we ask support, anxiety is no longer at play. I feel the moment I put pressure on myself to do it all on my own I am getting very anxious and my body suffers and I then can go in the poor me instead of admitting it was my choice from the start and no one forced me, just my own expectations of what I should do instead of feeling I am enough from the day I was born as this beautiful girl, woman.
Great blog RB and one I am sure many women can relate to trying to ‘do it all’. I too have learned, with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners this way does not work and ends in being detrimental to my health and relationships. It is freeing to start living in a way where we do not have to prove our worth in what we do because as you say all the amazingness we are is already there, enough and complete 🙂
Lovely blog RB, I can relate to the superwoman tag but can speak from experience when I say that it is a road to illness and disease on both mental and physical levels. There is never an end point and there is always someone or something to help, see, do. The person you need to ensure is well and vital and enjoying where you are and what you do with your life is you, then every one around you benefits.
Beautiful sharing RB. I too perceived that a ‘Superwoman’ was someone that was super independent. ‘I can do it by myself, thank you very much’ was my motto, as I would always find a way. But with this way I was hard, tough and honestly exhausted as I constantly pushed and drove myself, overriding how I was truly feeling. Letting people in was not an option as I thought my fragility and tenderness was a weakness that I did not want people to see. I have discovered and now know that my fragility and tenderness are beautiful qualities of who I am in essence, and I am enjoying more and more sharing this divine part of me with others.
‘ …I feel that there is no need to be ‘Superwoman’ anymore. What I do is not what makes me the amazing woman I am – it’s me being ME that does that, and I am Awesome!’ Awesome blog RB. It’s so much more elegant, gentle and loving to seek help than always trying to prove to oneself that one can do it all, and one must ask, to what purpose?
Great blog RB – I know I’d rather be super amazing me than superwoman any day of the week!
I can also totally relate to what you are saying in your blog RB. ’In the past when things got hard, I got tough. I would knuckle down and push on through’. Like you I thought that this was the only way to survive what often feels like a full on onslaught of life’s challenges. But also like you, with the inspiration of Universal Medicines workshops and practitioners I also now know there is indeed another way.
A great sharing RB and certainly one that I feel many of us can relate to. It is so easy to ‘quit’ or ‘back off’ if pressures get harder (eg hurtful comments by another or any situation we find ourselves in which we allow ourselves to feel inadequate/not enough.) To walk away and say nothing leaves such heaviness in the body and the constant un-dealt with scenario continuously plays out in the mind. To express ourselves clearly brings about a confidence and creates a clear pathway and a feeling of completeness to then move on.
I used to think that I ‘had dealt with it’ when I walked out on a job/situation/relationship with anger. And reading your blog makes me really appreciate the changes I have introduced in the way I am with the world and the way I express myself in it. Far from perfect, there certainly is far more love in it. Thank you, Rosie.
Its a clever trick to focus on all the things we need to ‘do’ as we can avoid feeling what is truly going on in our lives and who we truly are…Rather than being the fullness of who we are and taking that to all that we do – and in this way life flows, there is an ease and simplicity, and support is always there for us.
So important points R.B. Personally I can very much relate to this feeling of the need to do it on my own. Recently I am starting to feel how big a mask this is creating and the distance it brings between myself and people. It is like living on my own silicone land, I only see limited and they cannot truly reach me. I love what you share on letting go that way of thinking you have to do it on your own , or that ‘you have failed’ , but to see it as an absolute beauty and strength that you have come to a point in life where you beautifully accept where you are at and let that know to a person by asking support.
Super comes from our being and not the doing, even though things need to be done, especially as a parent. Putting the Super back into life stems from the place we are living from, is it from the checklist of jobs that show the world that we have ticked them all off or is it in the quality of the connection we have with ourselves and therefore with each other.
So true R.B. When we have self-worth, we do not need to impress anyone (or ourselves) with how much we are able to do. When we value ourselves we do not allow any form of abuse – neither self-abuse, nor from others. That is a true ‘Superwoman’.
A beautiful and very inspiring blog R.B., I would never ask for help in the past as it was hard for me to accept support from others. This has changed recently and it is lovely to be supported by others around me when needed and to not feel like I have to do it all on my own. Asking for support can be viewed as a weakness in society at times, I agree it is actually a strength and it’s more self-caring and loving plus an awesome opportunity to deepen our relationships with others.
Asking for support and fully accepting support was something that this Superwoman and Supermummy, Superdaughter, Superfriend, Supercolleague had to learn to see as a strength because there was a strong belief there, showing someone that I could not do it on my own was really admitting I was a failure. It is still something I am working on but I can feel how it disempowers not only me but also the other who could be of support.
Thats a great point Jane, it brings such a tenderness towards yourself and others to ask or accept help. I used to do everything on my own at work, because that way I thought I would guarantee a certain quality that others would not bring, but I was basically robbing others of their expression and working in brotherhood where everybody brings their unique expression and the end result is a deeper connection and love between the team members and not a sophisticated document with some weird intelectual quality that is empty and does not offer anybody evolution neither. It is so amazing to know and live now that it is not about the outcomes, but the love we live. Great sharing on a most important topic!!!
That’s a title so many women are striving for…. me being one of them and I definitely recognise when I go into this mindset of “Just push through now and get it all done!”
What is great about your story that I love is that you didn’t need to quit your job, each time something was going on you worked through it and that is life.
Guilty of toughing it out alone, it is really beautiful to read of the strength in asking for support. A true appreciation of the tender beings we are and the love and learnings available to us through others.
RB thank you for sharing your letting go being a super woman to return to being an amazing woman. Asking for support has been difficult for me in my own life and was something I needed to be reminded of today!
Thank you RB, I need reminding of this often.
Humanity tends to think as normal a way of being that taxes our body even if we get rewards from it. What I love about this blog is the description of two possibilities, the super everything, that needs no help, eats to avoid feeling but hurts herself and the fragile but powerful person who is able to say no to bullies, reach put for help and revere her body in doing so.
Great to re-read this as we can all push through, when actually honouring what is true and felt in our bodies is far more supportive and healing. Thanks for the reminder.
What a great blog and your words “Asking for support is not a weakness but a strength”, are so pertinent to so many people, especially when we have the game of ‘being perfect’ running us. It was also great to hear you speaking up at work and not press eject and quit, but rather face up and deal with the situation… and work on the deeper issue of your expression, where we see the beauty of what can occur with your colleague, and additionally the removal of any such repeating patterns for the next job.
I know the superwoman and super mum story… As you say – it’s me being me that makes me the amazing woman I am.
We have put so much pressure on ourselves to be superwomen and to fill all these roles perfectly and all on our own. It’s crazy! Looking at it from the other side, how does it feel when a friend, partner or colleague asks for help? It’s a beautiful thing to help and support another. So, by not asking for help, everyone looses!
Thank you for sharing part of your learning. Your blog resonated deeply with me. I too play these roles and am learning these roles are not me.
I love what you said about asking for help is a strength not a weakness, I felt the strength in that statement while reading it. When I do ask for help I feel self appreciation and a expansion in me, confirming this is a loving thing to do. Your blog had also confirmed how loving more support would be for me. Thank you again.
It’s so true what you write, that we can take on so many roles and try to do it all without support. The moment we let down our defenses, let others in and ask for support, life can open up. So lovely to feel you claiming the amazing woman you are.
As I read this again R.B I really do associate with me putting the ‘tough independent’ cap on and wanting to solve everything all by myself.
I was happy alone, comfortable alone, and I knew exactly how far I could push myself.
So no one could help me or show me how to do things.
But as you say here – letting people support you is not a sign of weakness. It is self love. And it stops me playing the game of ‘the world is against me and I won’t let anyone in’
Sometimes being vulnerable is an amazing way for us to see how sensitive we are and how much we all just want a little more love in the world.
It’s beautiful to feel how you opened up to allowing yourself to get support and not have to do everything on your own. And how you chose to speak with your colleague is truly super!
Thank you R.B. for your excellent blog. It seems to me that you have transformed
yourself from ‘Superwoman’ to a Super Woman!
Lovely lovely blog and totally appropriate to be reading this today, thank you. I can recognise so much in what you share, I’ve lived that, and sometimes still do, wanting to be super-woman, to show others how capable i am all the while being tired and not wanting to admit I needed support. And that’s changed, yes there’s still times and it’s developing but I’m learning to let go, and let others be and ask for help and let them in, and that’s the crux of it, letting them in, as the truth is I hurt me and another when I don’t.
I can relate to being the ‘superwoman.’ Asking for help was not something I ever did because I wanted to show that I could handle it all. When I became a student of the Way of the Livingness, and I was inspired by Universal Medicine, I learnt to let go of these behaviours which were actually making me suffer. I now don’t feel I need to do it all and will ask for help and support. Life does not have to be so hard and I realised this when I was shown that I had choices.
It is so true what you say R.B. about not holding back sharing your feelings, especially in the situation you described of being bullied at work. If you just quit or walk away from that situation, it’s a disservice to yourself because you’re holding that hurt inside and to others because that same bully would most likely do it again to the next person who filled your position. I recently had an experience at work where I offered assistance to a coworker struggling with an awkward mechanical task and his body was in a contorted posture to complete the task. He said “Oh, no, don’t worry, I got it”, and continued struggling when the job would have been much easier and quicker if he just accepted my help. This was an eye-opener for me as I realise I have done the same thing in the past as us men are notorious for trying to live up to some ideal of being super-men able to be independent and “tough it out” no matter how awkward something is. This is simply a waste of energy and not needed, as asking for help opens us up to the tenderness we truly are and connects us with others.
This is an inspiring read and demonstrates that when we ask for help or support it is always there. I know when I have allowed myself to ask there really is no issue just the ones I put in the way. If I have had times of not feeling supported it is simply because I am not supporting myself by asking for help! Beautiful Rosie and thank you for sharing your unfolding.
This is a super superb blog. The words ‘I chose to talk to him and explain that it really hurts my feelings when he speaks that way as I take it all to heart and do not hear it as a joke,’ really jumped out at me.
In all spheres of life I have found so many people ‘have a go’ at others and choose to ‘dress it up’ as a joke. Underneath all the banter we intuitively know there is no love in their words and that, to me, is what really hurts. How awesome is it when you feel and see what is going on and lovingly speak up about how it hurts you and your feelings.
Beautifully written and expressed…but is it possible that by allowing others in, and expressing how you feel, you have in fact become a superwoman in the true sense…not by what you do but by being more of you in all that you do? Now to me that’s super powerful.
Thanks Kathleen, it has taken me a while to allow people in, and it has been thanks to all the esoteric students and practitioners that have supported me and given me the inspiration that I have felt safe and enough to let the love of you all in.
What a beautiful, inspiring piece of writing. In my experience of being a woman I have also fallen into the trap of trying to do everything on my own – all this has led to is frustration and a feeling of being unsupported. In truth the only one not being supportive is myself, by as you say not expressing myself to others. When on the other hand I know I am amazing just as I am and I know deep within it is not all up to me, and I allow myself to ask for the support I require – my whole outlook on the world changes. I see how amazing we all are and the huge amount of support that is out here waiting if we just ask and allow,