Pornography, Internet & Sex – An Insight into a Distorted World

by Anonymous

Thirty plus years ago I was seven years old when I found a huge pile of pornographic magazines at our family home in the UK. They were stacked in a fireplace behind an old welsh dresser. I was assisting my mother in cleaning out the old dresser that was no longer wanted in our house. When we found them there was no discussion, no normalizing of the situation, but ignorance and a quiet ‘they’re your father’s magazines’. Submissive really, and yet something in me was fascinated. I was hooked and wanted to see and read more. The challenge was getting back to the magazines in secret! How is it possible that at the age of seven I knew that I could get something from them? It wasn’t that it was sexual at that stage: a fascination it could be dubbed. However, there is something much more sinister here looking back… there was already an inbuilt program wanting to be refuelled for this lifetime. And it started so early.

And so it continued, I would read and look and formulate and contemplate all manner of things. I remember this need then to have sex as soon as I could. To fulfill all of those desires that other men had fulfilled with sexy full breasted women. Interestingly, whenever I saw women in public places displayed in such a way, e.g. in the Sun Newspaper that my father would buy every day, the page three made me cringe. There was a lot here to be with, there was a secret growing inside that only I could know about. So externally there was a different card played. Sneaky, huh?! And yet this feeling was so strong that this was all wrong and yet I could not get myself out of the way. It felt overpowering.

Growing up then, the magazines disappeared over time and I felt more normal about girls. Teenage years brought up more tangible wants and needs and these were never going to be filled by the girls at school. Note that this could not be true, but I had had my every thought and ideal about women and what they would bring me and how I would make love to them so well. I had no idea of the consequences of what my early years’ exposure to this material would bring. This distortion of a whole gender would affect me deeply.

I knew women through images and stories made from men’s minds and so those mental images, pictures, stories of sexual conquest would start to surface, very subtly, disrupting and colouring the relationships I had with young women throughout school.

My first real sexual experience at the age of sixteen was with a girl whom I stayed in a relationship with for three years. Interestingly, I allowed the girl to dictate the pace of the sexual relationship, again a theme here, like being mothered along. It felt great to be wanted and there the nail was hit. It was the need to be wanted that led to the way my relationships formed. In observation, the sexual part of the relationship disintegrated for me very quickly – there was a time in the relationship that it became ‘pedestrian’, boring and underwhelming. It did not live up to the images I had formed in my head from the many images and stories I had read and viewed. The physical could not keep up with the mental stories I had been playing out. So what then was dictating my love life, which was never enough it seemed? It was not love of the person or indeed the person at all, but other energies that had me by the balls (pun necessary).

It exposed over time this dependence on mental pictures, thoughts and constructs on women; what sex was, lovemaking, relationships, how did women look, did I like that? Why not? She looks nice? Categorizing their ‘do-ability’ with other men, living in the pack that literally was only judging a woman by how much she would give out or give up. Would she live up to what we had all seen on a porn screen or in a porn magazine?!

This whole perspective on life felt dreadful, yet at the time was accepted and lived by all I knew. Regular contact with people in my line of work was so prevalent that even female customers were judged and given priority depending on attractiveness, how they looked, the attention that was potentially there, to have fun with, to control. Who they truly were was not considered!

It was all about what they were; a body, and a potential sexual conquest. Connections built on imagery and one-train thoughts, not from a loving space but a headspace corrupted with stuff I carried around with me day in and day out from a very young age.

The understanding that a man could just ‘be’ a man with a woman based on truth did not exist in my world. The connection to love at that time had been completely severed, or so it seemed.

Marriage came, and yet my life was still running a lie. When I needed to deal with something I chose alcohol and/or drugs, and was still falling back on porn to bolster an image I had of a man, that he could do whatever he wanted as he was the king.

This out of control way of life just kept rolling on, and yes it was dramatic and crazy, but not in a good way. Sadly, I recall saying that I would keep ‘going out and living this way throughout my life’, perpetuating the lie that living this way was free and easy and no-one could tell me what to do or how to behave. The key was that notion – thinking that I was thinking – when in fact I was not and had no idea what was making me, or propelling me through constant misery with a little ‘high’ scattered here and there, like crumbs to satisfy and keep the ‘dream’ alive.

Right through my marriage I was using pornography: sporadically yes, but it was there as a ’go to’ relief and problem solver. There was a recent article written that describes how this must feel for a woman in this situation (The Harm of Pornography). It is to a tee an exact copy of what went on. I recall the pressure that comes with bringing this energy into a relationship and imposing this onto the other person. How they must feel to be manipulated into using such imagery on the basis that it will make the partner happier, easier to be with, and all the stories – ‘not really my thing, but harmless enough’. At one point my wife explored it with me; however, this was short lived and not a great point in our lives.

So what was the motivation to continue? It had gotten so out of control that at one point it was not about gratification at all but about getting relief from the world, my days, the constant and endless pushing through and not coping. Not enjoying getting up and working, not loving being at home in my marriage, not handling the abuse I perpetually put myself through. I just needed out of all of it, and could not find another way.

It took a lot to one day say ‘I am never going to drink coffee again’. It started with that claim, and then started to slowly grow. Next it was alcohol and drugs. This took a while but it happened because I committed to it. Then, as if I had opened the door just ever so slightly, the light darted out. It was shining as brightly as it could through all the stuff I had layered on top of it, and I knew that it could all be so different. That light gave me the access to a couple of healing practitioners who really started to help me heal myself, to show me that there was a loving way of simply being in my body, in my life with all of these thoughts that essentially were not me. ‘Incidentally’, pornography was one of the last things to go. It was as if it had become so normal that I did not consider it an issue, and yet with my closest friends I could not admit the extent of the problem that underlined my every move.

It isn’t that pornography is bad per se, it is that it gave me the images and ‘fantasies’ I then expected, no, I demanded of the opposite sex to live up to, to fulfill as if it was their duty to do so.

I remember sitting in front of my healing practitioner at the time and just crying and sobbing, because when I named that pornography had been with me since age 7 I could feel the hold over me and how much I had let it control me, no different to addictive, illicit drugs. I was frightened that this had been exposed.

And yet it wanted to own me, control me as a man, what a man looked like, thought like, talked like. How that man was in relationships with women, with men, with children, with my family. Everything was tainted and nothing really me at all. I was constantly worrying about what others thought of me because this part of my life was not right on any level. Yet at the same time I could be the great friend, or the steadfast, achieving employee. Ticking all the boxes in a world full of boxes.

With this honesty came an opportunity to accept that what I really wanted all of that time that I was using pornography was the intimate knowing that I am enough. That I am a loving being that has the great capacity to love and be loved. That the love I have for myself needs to be felt and valued, honoured and cherished by me first… and then taken out into the world so that others get a glimpse of the love that they are.

My marriage at the time ended not because of pornography, or alcohol or drugs, the arguments, the disagreements or the marital abuse that I let myself be under for ten plus years. No, the marriage ended because I started to clean out all of that which I no longer wanted in my life and the other person could not accept that this could be true or possible, and that life could not be like this – actually loving and truly tender. They struggled with the fact that it is absolutely possible to turn everything around with a choice.

There has been much support in this growth over the past years by Universal Medicine. The workshops and healing courses presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine have allowed me to feel absolutely how loving we all are as a human race and how glorious it is to feel the possibility of everyone accepting that love. The work on self continues in a loving exposé of that which is not love, gently and without perfection or judgment. It’s not that Serge Benhayon tells anyone what to do – that he certainly does not. It is a case of fact that the whole basis of the teachings Serge presents are there to support your innermost truths. It is like the inner-wrestling is over and the need for vices to justify our hidden turmoil no longer has its un-admitted control over you.

So what is it that leads a person to be born into a house where there is already a use of pornography as a foundation? Where there is loveless-ness already present? Could it be possible that the person had used sexual imagery, abuse and control through sex before, and was potentially picking up where they left off?

I can’t help but acknowledge that there have been many unloving ways to feel and learn from in this lifetime, made up of so many different lives, that this has helped me to break a momentum that was not allowing harmony in me and therefore the potential of harmony out there in the world. Not a huge jump, just one person accepting that change is possible, when there are so many who do not. But that’s the point; we all have to start with one small step, and sometimes that’s hard when all we have done is walk the other way many, many times over.

The advent of smartphone technology and computers, internet and seemingly instant access to the world, has given rise to the rife and despicable invasion upon all ages of pornography and images that depict sex in its most base forms. There is no illusion here that the world is under moral attack.

A recent article in the UK via the Independent newspaper highlighted this issue and the groundswell of this industry to such proportions that it appears that the world is being bombarded with such material in order to ‘normalize’ it. Effectively, the amount of pornographic material constantly washing over the world has for some time started to stick. And how is the fabric of our society coping?

How is it possible that internet pornography can be so common that the average age of a child when they see their first pornographic image is eleven? Some as young as eight are exposed! Did you know that the Internet, that tool we so heavily regard as part of our lives, is used 25% of the time to trawl for porn. And according to statistics 30,000 people are looking at porn at any given second.

Pornography has been around for a long time in various forms, so what is the fascination with this subject matter, and why now is there seemingly an explosion throughout all age groups for its use? What is happening in people’s lives that we need to view the sexual acts of strangers in order to feel something, even if that thing we feel is a different stimulated state of being, an arousal of a base nature?

Is it possible that over time and with the access to technology that ‘real human behaviour’ is now available for us all to feel, see and reel from. The fact that we have access to this stuff now is no different from times before, although seemingly more accessible because of TV, phones, DVDs etc. Has human behavior shifted, or are we seeing the truth more clearly?

Is it possible that the truth of the situation has become more ’ballsy’ (pun intended), ‘out there’ and ‘in your face’, because over time we have saturated ourselves with a need for our ‘individual’ rights to cover up our ills?

Is the issue that we fix an ill already in place that has not been identified? The ill that hides the true state of the human being and one that needs constant quelling through behaviours that in their conception are anti-social, yet if you get enough people championing them, their unacceptability is eventually eroded and they become weaved throughout the very fabric of society. Accepted, not by all and yet accepted all the same.

Is it possible that throughout the ages we have chosen, as a collective, to distort this societal fabric? The lack of responsibility from one generation to the next has over time compounded and essentially created a new foundation for this subverted and ‘monster like stuff’ to have its place, however low down the chain it may appear to be. The masses allow it. Does this not then speak more about us not dealing with our inner turmoils than it does about being liberal on sex? Yes, I am all for freedom of expression when making love, sex is deeply beneficial for us when it is making love, but that freedom to sexually express ought to come with the true honoring of the partner involved. They are not our source of ‘relief’ and neither are they our source of justifying our needs, whatever they are for each of us.

And, whether it be ‘porn’, drugs, alcohol or sexual slavery etc, is it possible that if this occurs in our world, are we not missing the actual point that over time this compounding state of human degradation is actually a reflection of all of our individual choices, day in day out and moment by moment? Have we all truly chosen what we felt to be true, or have we contributed by not speaking up, not having our say, not saying NO?

Reference:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/features/the-day-my-11yearold-sonfound-violent-porn-on-the-web-8555595.html

Related Reading
PORN – An Addiction Worth Talking About
The Harm of Pornography

216 thoughts on “Pornography, Internet & Sex – An Insight into a Distorted World

  1. Thank you to the author for this brilliantly exposing article. Raising the all imperative questions, are we feeling for ourselves what is true, or are we dismissing this most fundamental choice of our well-being.

  2. I find it amazing that you have identified a momentum of abuse and control through sex over many lives. That makes a lot of sense and makes me ponder on what that means for Women also, in terms of what they have allowed, giving up their power or conversely using it to feel powerful and going into a façade of hardness and protection.

  3. I’m so glad that you have written such an in depth account of how this has affected you and how it then affects all of us. It enables me to really understand and appreciate the effect of pornography which I have never deeply considered before. Having never been under the hold of it directly myself, I do however feel that it has come through men that I have been with and it has contributed to a desire for sex – a physically pleasing and exciting experience – rather than being in true connection and celebration with my partner by making love; which means feeling why I was seeking all of this in disconnection from me.

  4. Porn is deeply harmful in relationships, it contorts so much and leaves little room for true interaction between two people. It is allowed infidelity… I’m not sure why though. I know I would feel quite upset and cheated on.

  5. Pornography still permeates a society that is so desperate for connection in any form. The most base form is the objectifying of another in order to get some relief or have a pseudo intimate moment with yourself. Crazy really when you peel back the hurts, issues and protections we are all clamouring to be who we truly are with everyone else being who they truly are. And yet to avoid this we build vast walls of distractions that damage us further and keep us divided and bereft of the love we all want and truly come from.

  6. Your willingness to be so honest has resulted in an amazing revelation of the reasons behind and the true harm of pornography. Your final words on the fact that we are all responsible for allowing such a thing to be ‘normal’ and ‘accepted’, is a bitter pill to swallow, but so true.

    1. That is what strikes me too in this article is how through honesty what is behind the need of pornography and its hold over people is uncovered.

  7. Thank you, Anonymous. You raise so many important questions here – even though they are not ‘questions’ really, but they are more of revelation that call for a stop moment. I feel the magnitude of not calling out what is not true. Not saying ‘no’ to something, not expressing in full, continuously, as we did, has brought us the world we live in now.

  8. What really stood out for me within this blog is what caused your marriage to end. It is very interesting that we somehow cannot believe that it is possible for things to change, and that it is possible to live with love. Making a different choice can and does change everything as your blog clearly shows. It is possible to see through any behaviour that we do and do something about it.

  9. Pornography is a pretty horrendous reflection of the choices we have made as a society to overlook abuse, and make unloving choices. When we look at it like this, we can see the importance of making each next choice as loving as possible. This might be in the way we wash our hair, or write a document that many hundreds of people will see. Every interaction and moment has the possibility to carry all the Love of the Universe, we just need to choose it. When we start to make these choices – the need and call for things like pornography just is not there.

    1. Yes Amelia we all have a responsibility to make loving choices in every area and create a reflection to others that makes pornography less appealing.

    2. Well said Amelia, ‘Every interaction and moment has the possibility to carry all the Love of the Universe, we just need to choose it.’ what an awesome reminder and responsibility we have to bring this with us to everyone.

  10. ‘It had gotten so out of control that at one point it was not about gratification at all but about getting relief from the world, my days, the constant and endless pushing through and not coping’. Pornography is the same as any addiction – an escape from the reality and responsibility of the world where many are feeling that they are not coping or keeping up with. A world where you can create fantasies completely divorced from reality and create an image of yourself that pretends you are someone you are not and that the people around you are someone they are not. All this comes with the illusion that this is a better version of you and is a very abusive way to live. Thank you for your honesty with what you have shared anonymous.

    1. Further, if the imagery we create in our minds about what we want and expect in life and our relationships comes from a corrupt place such as the source that pornography does, then the foundations of these relationships are not based on truth but rather an image or fantasy created in our mind that no one can ever live up to in the real world. This is the corruption of living with the perpetual illusion of our imagination.

  11. Your blog Anonymous provided me with a very much needed understanding of pornography; I really felt the devastation and great harm it can cause.
    I very much appreciate you telling your story and expressing the wisdom you gained throughout your transformation.

  12. It is clear from reading this honest account of your experience of pornography, that children being exposed to such images would distort their ability to see another as the same as them, and then go onto having destructive relationships.

  13. Thank you Anonymous, this is a very healing article to read. Pornography is not harmless, it never has been, pornography has a fierce grip on us dictating our relationships and undermining our ability for intimacy and connection.

  14. Thank you Anonymous for this honest and insightful blog – it has always escaped me why the need for porn especially when you have a partner that you are making love with – your article has answered a lot of questions. Thank you for sharing your healing experience of going right back to the 7 year old and clearing all of that ill momentum from you, that must have been so freeing and expansive – well done!

  15. The advent now of all things technological and mobile means that porn, imagery and the written word streams into everyone’s pockets. The fix is rather easier to satisfy in this day and age – what does this say about our ways? That we need to distract ourselves further from the calling of our souls to be who we truly are.

  16. There is something very disturbing when one looks at pornography, being an avid (addicted) internet user in my teens porn was very frequently stumbled upon. I write stumbled because there appears to be the accepted ‘rule’ that porn can be found in every single subject on the internet bar none. Has the need for craving of that true intimacy risen hence the explosion of access to such hooking in and disturbing material? It seems sad to consider that such a need would drive a person to be so desperate as to seek porn regardless of the harms it creates all for a moment of relief. Yet it also highlights how important it is to bring that true intimacy into the world which doesn’t need to involve physical acts but simply connecting to a person.

  17. It seems this blog has left no mouldy cover unturned. Porn is a subject that should be talked about more often, as every person in the world would know someone who is directly or indirectly affected by porn in one way or another.

    This personal experience gives massive insight into how this can affect someone’s mental health for nearly a lifetime, until they choose otherwise.

    Discussion is needed; why do so many go to porn?

  18. Thank you Anonymous for the depth and honesty of this blog which has given me a greater insight into the truly insidious nature of porn and how much it owns people. The inspiring thing is that by making different choices you are healing from lifetimes of damaging images.

  19. This is a very rich blog which shows the actual harm that porn does to the person who is using it. As the author says it is no different than using alcohol or drugs to avoid feeling what is there to be felt. The porn industry is out of control so it is great to have articles like this that say it as it is rather than gloss over something that is very harming for all concerned.

  20. Thank-you anonymous for your honesty. I had never considered pornography in the same category as other drugs, just another form of addiction. This blog as given me an understanding of why people can become hooked on porn. I agree it is time the harmful effects that pornography has on society was exposed.

  21. We all crave intimacy and mostly crave it because we were not taught from young ages to go within, that we are everything already. Pornography is a way that we don’t have to truly feel our lack of intimacy we have with ourselves first, then we try to get it from somewhere else, and never ever going to get it from a magazine or on the internet.

  22. Such a terrific exposé on the harm of pornography! I speak with many people whose partners (mainly male) are addicted to pornography as they struggle with its impacts yet feel as if they are odd for being uncomfortable about it being part of their intimate relationship. It has been normalised to such a degree that they feel coerced into accepting it. I was once at a workshop on this subject and the presenter spoke about the alarming ways that people are hooked into harder and harder forms of pornography on the internet. He actually said that he was no longer going to research the subject because he found it so disturbing personally and could feel that he was slowly becoming addicted himself so knew that he had to call a halt immediately. What an insidious evil yet it’s seen as harmless.

  23. A tremendous insight into the impact of porn on a developing boy and how it shaped you as a man. Also an amazing peek into the minds of men who use porn and what’s truly going on in there.

  24. I wasn’t exposed to any porn in my home growing up. I remember seeing a film and some magazines as a teenager and I didn’t like the way it felt in my body, it seemed so bizarre and false. In my twenties I was considered conservative and a bit boring because I wasn’t interested in porn and this was becoming a part of many of my friends’ social life and relationships.

  25. Brilliant and honest account of the insidius harms of porn in our lives, and the way we are owned by it only unitl we choose to reconnect to our innate qualities of tenderness and love that we are and accept that as who we are. Thank you!

  26. I appreciate your honesty and candour – pornography does need to be talked about and your article is setting the right tone here.

  27. In today’s modern day world we are constantly ‘Ticking all boxes in a world full of boxes’…. But what is interesting is that the actual quality of those ticks being made in is never questioned. How can the likes of accepting porn of which is largely based on the degradation and shame of another as a normal part of your everyday life not have a ripple effect on all that you do and thus compromise the quality and integrity of each and every other tick that you make. So despite people living the illusion and thinking that their little secrets and can stay hidden in the background and behind closed doors as externally all their boxes are being ticked, undeniably the quality of all of our collectively ticks shadows our every other move every day.

  28. You have initiated a much needed discussion here and can speak with the authority of one who knows. This is where the demise of porn will have to come from, people like you who have experienced the debilitating and devastating effects porn does have on all who use it and who come to the understanding that it is not the way to true intimacy and love.

  29. An incredible blog. Stunning. The whole world needs to read it. What strikes me is that for you to get your first fix of pornography from which the “addiction” was then born, you had to stumble across some magazines behind a fireplace. But now, with the technology and internet, those images (and way, way, way worse) are readily available to every single person on the planet. You have so eloquently described the massive and devastating effect that pornography has had on your life. In 2016, how many young people are starting down that same path? Action must be taken.

  30. It is deeply disturbing how porn is so assessable. One day in the future we all look back as a humanity and it will be clear as day how insidious, destructive and deeply harming all forms of porn are.

  31. My experience of porn was that it was very addictive, the sheer volume of content on the internet makes for a fascination, that the next image is going to satiate some deep held need, and I could feel how it was difficult to draw away from once opened and the browsing started. Yet there was always relief and shame when I did shut it down. It definitely has an unexplained energy, or you could say force, behind it and I wonder if a grown man finds it hard to stop then how is it for those young boys who are exposed to it from a young age. This is a form of abuse we are allowing in society, and it is harming the relationships we build, with our self in terms of our own regard, and also how men view women and the expectations of what an intimate relationship actually entails.

  32. It is amazing quite how many images porn can give you about what sex or making love should or could look like. It is mainly all unrealistic and only adds to our insecurities about ourselves. What if we do not measure up (in all ways) to what we see? What will our partner think? What if we don’t last for hours on end? all these is what takes away the naturalness we would otherwise have around making love.

  33. “Did you know that the Internet, that tool we so heavily regard as part of our lives, is used 25% of the time to trawl for porn.”. This almost made me want to jump off the internet. That is an incredibly high percentage. It is becoming more and more prevalent in today’s society and we need more conversations like yours to be had about the insidious evil affects of the porn industry. Amazing work you have done to bring the self-care and self-love to a point that you can then let go of the abusive behaviours.

  34. Anonymous this is a brilliant blog that totally exposes the rot of pornography and leaves the reader with no doubt that ‘there is no illusion here that the world is under moral attack’. The fact is pornography is very harmful and has a knock on effect to all our relationships by how it invades and forms a shadow on our society, a shadow that needs to be responsibly cleared and healed by us all saying no to what is not true.

  35. Pornography is an abusive behaviour. The fact is that abusive behaviour impacts All not just the user. This is where we all need to get to. There is no private experience. The people in then pictures are real. They are affected. The relationships we form are affected. It goes on. Porn is not a private experience it affects the All.

  36. The principles of any addiction be that drugs, porn, whatever, is based on and fed by a miserable vicious circle of emptiness that keeps you separated from the true connection you deeply desire with both yourself and others and its all about getting a fix to give you the sensation of a high that lifts you artificially from that same misery. But this is all an illusion as the high of any artificial lift must always come down and when this happens you are pinged like a rubber band back to the reality of that same emptiness or even beyond once that high is gone. The truth is you cannot ever satisfy an insatiable craving that originates from an emptiness.

  37. Pornography is such a massive disrespect to women, why would we ever allow our partners to bring that energy and that disrespect into our relationships? Surely nothing is worth being valued that little.

  38. Pornography devalues us as human beings. It puts the body and sex above all else giving absolutely zero respect to the women and men involved. It paints a deeply unrealistic picture which is unattainable. It leads to comparison and unsureness when people then actually come to having sex as they try to live up to what they have seen on tv rather than actually deeply connecting to your partner and allowing the love between you both to flow.

  39. Pornography has an energy that remains with the person who uses it. There is a sleaziness about them and they are not able to have a deep and fulfilling relationship with me. I feel like I am objectified. I don’t feel safe and harm will come of it. This iteration/knowing happens in a split second. It is known at any age by all.

  40. Thank you for sharing your life and your learning with us. I found it telling that letting go of coffee came before letting go porn. Just goes to show what a strong hold it has on people.

  41. The very word ‘pornography’ feels harmful. And as is so clearly shown here it gets in the way of an intimate and loving relationship in making love with a partner.

  42. Having had my own experiences with pornography sometime back one would and could say that this has been left behind. The interesting thing is that the energy of pornography still runs through me, as it does everyone for it is part of what we have all chosen. The same can be said of murder, rape, stealing, violence, drug use etc. This means that there is a clear and definite choice being made not to choose this particular ‘flavour of life’. And this is the important part we have a choice, in each and every moment.

  43. Thank you Anonymous for sharing so openly about the devastating effects that pornography has had on your life.

  44. I would love your blog to be read the whole world round, pornography is so harmful yet as a society we have yet to acknowledge this. We see the out play of porn with the increased number of sexual assaults and rapes.

  45. It is through our own commitment to connect deeply with our bodies and let go of the different ways we have been managing life and getting relief from that we can ultimately start to take responsibility and build a new foundation that supports us to build more intimacy and self-connection to the tenderness and delicacy within us all.

  46. Pornography has become so normal and accessible in our society today, it is shocking when we consider the ill side effects on our relationships with each other as we all crave intimacy and connection. This can only start to change when we choose to bring more awareness to our own quality within and build that relationship with ourselves first, embracing the fragility and tenderness in our bodies that will allow us to truly connect with another.

  47. A distorted world indeed where we think nothing of using each other for the relief of our pent up emotions and unresolved hurts.

  48. “Yes, I am all for freedom of expression when making love, sex is deeply beneficial for us when it is making love, but that freedom to sexually express ought to come with the true honoring of the partner involved.” I am in awe of this blog Anonymous and the sentence above says so much. Truly honouring ourselves and our partners feels like the most natural thing in the world. The use of pornography is not honouring of anybody and I have always known it has no place in a loving relationship and yet I sold out on this because I felt it was impossible to find a partner that did not do porn. I now have much greater understanding for those that use pornography and although I no longer judge the choice to use pornography I now know I would rather be single forever than have an intimate relationship with a man that uses porn.

  49. Seven is such a young age to have seen pornographic magazines, which as you say could also be seen in daily newspapers bought. This highlights our responsibility we have for others as parents, publishers, teachers etc. It also shows that when we are silent about something, like your mother was with you when you both found the magazines how this allows an underlying insidious energy to come in, where if it was expressed and talked about it could have been a completely different story. And as you have shared here porn is so insidious in distorting how we see others, even work colleagues! ‘Regular contact with people in my line of work was so prevalent that even female customers were judged and given priority depending on attractiveness, how they looked, the attention that was potentially there, to have fun with, to control. Who they truly were was not considered! It was all about what they were; a body, and a potential sexual conquest’ It enables us to degrade each other, is not a reality and distorts and affects our ability to have true relationships and connect with people in an honest and honouring way. I recently seen and been aware of many articles from medical professionals in the UK that they are seeing far more men and younger men with erectile dysfunction because of porn. These men are unable to have a normal sexual relationship with their partners. Maybe this physical health condition is needed for us to understand how harming porn can be. I know pornography is also used out of curiosity or wanting to find out more about sex and sexual orientation but it completely lacks true intimacy and if used as you shared to know that we are ‘enough’ is never going to work. I definietly feel as you have shared that porn is used instead of looking at or dealing with inner turmoils and it is SUCH an abusive industry. We are so much more than what we are currently living, we are more than our physical body but are in a physical body to claim our truth to return back to where we are from. When we look at this in truth and are able to see the far bigger and grander picture we will understand how things like porn have been used to take us away from ourselves and ultimately the truth of who we are. Until such time the effects of porn and the industry itself constantly needs to be discussed, addressed and the abusiveness of it called out.

  50. In the future people will be more open to the fact that any porn in any amount is extremely harming, unfortunalty at this present time most of society still sees it as some kind of entertainment yet this is far from the truth. The impact porn has on us all is deeply detrimental,our society is far less safe place because of it.
    I love you have gone full circle with this anonymous and have come out free of addiction and more solid rounded person because of it. Thank you for sharing.

  51. Thank you for the honesty that pours forth from this article; I could feel the dark place that you were in for so long and then eventually the gradual transformation into a place of inner connection and light, and the shedding of what was not true in your life. I am sure by sharing what you have you will be shining a light for others into this shadow world, offering them the opportunity to make the changes in their lives that you have chosen to make in yours. When we share from our lived experience it offers others the reflection to truly examine what is going on their lives, and from there the choice to make a change is theirs, and theirs alone.

  52. Porn is often referred to in humorous ways and yet there seems nothing fun about it at all, from my own experience I never enjoyed porn, it would offer relief in some measure though not for long, but it never felt good to subject myself to the images and I am sure it was not fun for those on the screen or page. And if its not fun, and I can actually feel it is dense and heavy, not light and playful, then what is the harm of porn? It is worth exploring and acknowledging as the access to porn among our children is distorting their world and their ability to form wholesome relationships. And aren’t relationships the cornerstone of our world, how we as a humanity successfully interact.

  53. I keep coming back to this article on pornography, thank you for your honesty and clarity. What struck me today is the level to which we have objectified each other and that is true for both men and women. We look at another in terms of their function, whether they are someone who serves us in a supermarket or another whom we regard solely as a sexual object, there to give us what is lacking in our own life. Only thing is, it doesn’t really work and any satisfaction is very short-term and no more than mere and momentary satisfaction. There is and can be no fulfilment and this is where the addiction enters the equation.

  54. Thank you for writing this very honest and hugely important blog as the increase in the use of pornography by the younger and younger generation is growing at an alarming rate.

  55. A big step to take Anonymous to expose porn addiction and set yourself free. And as you say it is just one person making this step and it seems small in the face of what is going on in society, but each step has a ripple effect that is felt by all and will change the world ever so slightly.

  56. “…yet if you get enough people championing them, their unacceptability is eventually eroded and they become weaved throughout the very fabric of society. Accepted, not by all and yet accepted all the same.”
    This is an important point you are making here, it is so easy to become blind to what is really going on when we are swamped with images every day it becomes normalised and we stop registering the evil that is going on.

  57. Nowadays pornography circulates non stop through smartphones between groups of men. What is interesting is that it does not matter whether they are single or married, whether they have children or not. It just circulates. It is ‘normal’. It is part of a way of relating between men, a shared code if you will, that apparently brings something into their lives. In truth, pornography works as a fake glue to support the creation of an us that also supports lives lived in a way that require permanent relief.

  58. “because over time we have saturated ourselves with a need for our ‘individual’ rights to cover up our ills?”
    The truth in this lies at the core of every choice we make without consideration of all others. In today’s world it is this mind set that brings the deepest hurts, not just to another, but fundamentally to ourselves.

  59. One of the most sinister parts of pornography is that unlike drugs and alcohol that can be more obvious to those around you, pornography is not and what it does is sets up the person looking at it as being bad, naughty, wrong and that it needs to be kept a secret. It’s something that is kept hidden in relationships and hush hushed in families, but the poison of it infiltrates, as you have so honestly shared, every relationship and view you have of the opposite sex and how you see yourself as a man and as a woman. I know since first seeing a pornographic magazine when in primary school that it did and has affected the relationship I’ve had with myself as a woman and in the relationships I’ve had with men in my life. My perception of being sexy and what that means was completely back to front. Thank you anonymous for exposing pornography and how it plays out in our lives in great detail.

  60. ‘over time this compounding state of human degradation is actually a reflection of all of our individual choices, day in day out and moment by moment.. A massive reality-check of what we need to eventually come to, one by one all of us in order to turn the sorry state of our world around.

  61. I have found it really interesting to read this from a male point of view, from someone who has been addicted to porn and is able to explain why. It is only by looking at this honestly that we can hope to support young people who are addicted themselves, or even just discovering it.

  62. You’re raw honesty is deeply refreshing and appreciated. I love that you exposed how disconnected you were from being able to see women as anything but objects for your desire after visually consuming porn since young… severing you ability to connect to them as anything more, let alone who they were. How stunning that the light darted out when you opened the door allowing you to have the awarenesses you now do and can share for others to learn from…. Especially that they too can turn everything around with a choice.

  63. “there was already an inbuilt program wanting to be refuelled for this lifetime” It is true that we carry the imprints of all our unresolved issues lifetimes after lifetime until we get it sorted, it is amazing if we are honest how we can feel when we have carried something from the past for it to be released with such force that it almost feels like you have no control over it. It is only through our connection to the essence of who we are and living it through all our movements that we can let go of all our distractions and once again be the love that we truly are.

  64. Thank you for this very powerful and much needed blog. Extremely transparent and deeply exposing. I understand that we are all affected by the energy behind porn that currently exists in our society, and we are potentially contributing to it in ways we may never consider possible. For example, when we choose to hold back our sacredness as women and our tenderness as men we are potentially contributing to this awful energy of porn, could it be that if it is affecting one person then in actual fact it also affects everyone. I also understand that it is our craving for intimacy that often leads to unloving choices and addictions (porn is one of many forms of addictions we have created). There is so much you have covered in this blog that invites us to start talking about what is really going on and how things affect us in life and everyone around us.

  65. A very powerful article, exposing our collective responsibility in the normalisation of porn and its rampant use – particularly seen today across the internet. Thank-you for the depth of your honesty here Anonymous. I agree totally, and have said this since my teens, that pornography grossly distorts our relationships with each other, and our view of the the other sex (I actually used to pretty much ‘lecture’ the guys at school when they got onto one of their dad’s porn videos at parties, etc., standing in front of the TV screen and calling it all to account… yep).
    Thing is, as you’ve shared, we need to go deeper as to WHY it is so rampant, and has become as insidiously dark as it has done… We are craving true connection and intimacy with ourselves and each other, and are a world lost in seeking stimulation in order to distract from the truth of what we are actually missing, and missing desperately in our lives – i.e. real and lived Love.

  66. To truly break the hold of seeing a woman as a sexual object, is a powerful thing for a man to do. It takes time, much dedication and a true willingness to confront and let go the distortions and needs that would have us ruled by any such images in the slightest. Women can also hold such images – and as far as I’m aware, are rising rapidly in numbers of ‘users’ of porn on the net…
    What you’ve thus shared here Anonymous is mightily significant for all – men and women alike – that we actually seek back the place in us that knows such distortions and want for gratification are not true, and return to honouring the precious nature of who we all truly are.
    That young children can so readily access porn today is an indictment upon our societies and what we’ve permitted to be. And so each step taken by every one of us in truly removing that which distorts and does not respect another in full, is to be claimed in full and deeply celebrated. In essence, we must return to the preciousness within ourselves, letting go all of that which has clouded and guarded it.

  67. It’s amazing to feel the complete absence of the energy of pornography in what you have written. What I mean is that from someone who has been dominated and driven by it, you have made the choice to no longer allow this and in doing so, it has completely gone from your body. It has no hold over you whatsoever – like it was never there. And in this you are then able to write powerfully and from the authority of your own experience, without an ounce of the energy of pornography. Awesome and inspiring work.

  68. Hugely honest Anonymous. Thank you for being so open and real and reminding us it’s ok to seek support when we’re dealing with something no matter how huge or embarrassing it is, because the chances are there are millions of people just like us that are dealing with the same thing and don’t know how to help themselves.

  69. This is an incredibly, amazing story. To let go completely of behaviours that are so deeply entrenched perhaps from many lifetimes is always deeply inspiring. Pornography goes on behind closed doors and will carry on unless we change our ways but what I find deeply disturbing which Anonymous touches on is the denial of something we all know is deeply harming; that the exterior we can give out is nothing but trying to throw dust in people’s eyes of the truth of what is really going on. Thank you Anonymous for sharing.

  70. There are many different views of porn from men in my experience, some men like to stay quiet, a little embarrassed about viewing it, while at the other end of the scale there is the bravado of watching porn, the guy in your football team who would share the videos and talk it up. What is hopefully going to become more common is for men to speak up and share it is harming, share experiences like this one, and that society is lesser for porn having a place and how much better it is for relationships if we are honest about why we really use it.

  71. What of the women who support this industry? For without women there really wouldn’t be an industry…hence we need to look at how we are all living that is allowing this form of lovelessness to continue.

    1. It is both genders playing ball with an energy that seeks to undermine the true power that is innate in both men and women. The whole porn industry is a case of supply and demand. If we weren’t living in disconnection to ourselves and with each other, we would not be craving the pseudo form of intimacy that such images offer and thus playing ball with such a destructive force that influences and manipulates humans to reduce their expression to one that is purely animalistic and whose main agenda is stop both women and men expressing their true nature – their sensitivity, delicateness and true power – the truth of who we are.

  72. This is an incredibly honest blog, that is so needed in our times. There was so much on offer in terms of exposing what many men are own by and how this effects lives. You bring healing and tenderness that lives within every man, if loving choices are made.

  73. One of the things I can really relate to in this blog is the denial of who I am innately as a man in favour of the images, beliefs, expectations etc of what a ‘real man’ is. I reflect on how easily I sold out to these pictures rather than trusted what I felt and knew within – and this is something I am having to work hard to heal today. I can recall my confusion as a young man, confronted with stories of sexual ‘conquests’ told by friends that did not feel loving at all – but rather than question their motivation, I doubted myself and questioned myself as a man. This blog makes a key point about the importance of love as the foundation of relationships. This is something that does not leave me feeling confused – but something to which my heart willingly opens.

  74. I know I have been party to porn – the allowing of myself to view myself as an object- ! As a teen I tried to live up to an image. As a woman I have done the same and am only now seeing the amazing qualities that being a woman brings that I’ve tried to stifle through playing ball with the ‘am I attractive?’ It’s not the cliche of letting oneself go but the opposite. Of valuing myself and reflecting this to the world. Yes, there is a lot more there but it’s starting with me being open to the fact that I am way more than enough, and living this beautiful divinity that I am always. In this way porn makes no sense. The moral degradation that we are seeing in society that needs to be said no more to is done then, not with pious rhetoric but living the qualities we are as men and women naturally.

  75. thank you for this super super honest account of the deeply insidious and harmful effects that porn had on your life and your relationships – multiply this by several million and we would have a deeply troubled world – which we do.. in the modern day we still have sexual slavery, trafficking, and abuse of both men and women and even children. We still have control and domination and objectification. What if we could restore true intimacy, connection, respect and true equalness – how would the world be different,… and it starts with the honesty of all, such as you have shared here. thank you again.

  76. A very exposing and completely transparent look at the harm of pornography that reveals the real issue here and that is that we crave intimacy yet we refuse to show another who we truly are and instead hide behind self-imposed ‘walls’ as we masquerade a lesser and more socially acceptable part of ourselves, lest our love be rejected. We need to learn to not be so invested in love – we are love – as is everyone else. And while not all are actively expressing this love but instead championing a version of love that is more about need than true connection, deep down it is what we are and therefore we cannot seek to own it in any way shape or form as a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. True love never hurts – it is our withholding of its expression that wounds us to the core.

  77. It is not even talked about. Many do porn but don’t speak about it as we are very well aware that it brings harm. But because we lost so much of the true intimacy with ourselves we want to keep this ‘friend’.
    But it is to understand that by keeping those behaviors we confirm a certain vibration through our body which will attract more of that same. So it is a way to avoid true love in our life and to build true intimacy with ourselves.

  78. This is such a sobering read. Thank you for sharing with us because it is incredibly rare to have this level of honesty around the impact of porn in our lives.

  79. This blog is a much needed topic to talk about, so people understand the harm, devastation and addictive nature of porn. Thank you for sharing so honestly.

  80. Huge appreciation that you started to take those small steps, and continued, to heal this insidious addiction, ‘we all have to start with one small step, and sometimes that’s hard when all we have done is walk the other way many, many times over.’

  81. Pornography seeks to fill a void in our lives (for both men and women) and results in a whole host of other issues rarely talked about, which then impacts on our partners, children, work colleagues and everyone. More honest sharings are needed on this topic if we are to address what is driving it all…

  82. Pornography denigrates us into purely fleshy animal beings. It also completely takes the love out of making love and it puts pressure and expectations on the way we should be with our partners rather than the natural tender loving beings we are. Respect should be 1st and foremost not purely about getting ourselves off on each other – that’s reduces who we are and feels horrible especially compared to what love making can truly be.

  83. This is a brilliant article, deeply exposing and transparent, and in the depth of its honesty it offers a healing to men and women alike, and to the relationships we have with each other. For we are laced are we not, with the ripple effects of a pornographic industry that have been generating for a long time now, the wanton images of women, the body parts to savour after, and how men and women are to be wth each other like potential conquests, waiting to be ‘game over.’…. This is the world we have created longing for something, anything, to substitute the intimacy we deeply crave – an intimacy that can only come from within us first and then shared honestly and transparently with another.

  84. It is mentioned in this article that to be born into a house with pornography as a base, is it possible one had lived with a false sexual imagery before. If so, and I believe this is very possible, I am in humble appreciation for a man who has been able to see, feel and let go of pornography and live life with the love now expressed in this article.

  85. Thank you for your expose on what it has been like having porn in your life from such an early age. I experienced something similar, not quite age 7, but was exposed to pornographic magazines around 9 or 10, this did shape how I view myself as a young girl and teenager. I was always comparing myself, disliked my body and didn’t ever feel good enough. This has since changed, but didn’t until much later in life, thank you for sharing all that you have.

  86. Because of the way that porn has been so readily accepted by most, addressing the reason why it is sought never really surfaces as we can just brush it off as, nothing to worry about when in fact it is a huge problem that if we are affected, take into our relationships, perhaps without the partners knowing.

  87. The more we share how detrimental such pornographic material is to us as a race of people and say no to watching it or participating in these acts, the more changes for the better we will see in future generations. What you share here Anonymous is quite shocking but needs to be spoken about and healed for the human race to bring equality, and true love back into our lives . We should expect no less than love and respect.

  88. Pornography be that page 3, magazines, videos, even the way women’s bodies are used in advertising and music videos has a lot to answer for. It leads to and embeds the objectification of women deep into a man’s psyche and once the image is in there it takes a long time to reconfigure that, assuming that it ever does. It spreads so much poison through so many lives and the worst thing – its seen as completely normal.

  89. What an honest and raw blog about such a big issue. Thank you anonymous for talking so frankly about your experiences. I never got into porn myself but I remember as a child and a teenager also being bombarded with many images and stories about women, sex and relationships so much so that by the time I was an adult I had a very distorted view about all of it which took time, commitment and healing to unravel. It is a great point that we need to really examine what messages we are allowing to be the normal with our boys and men in society.

  90. A very honest and eye-opening account of how damaging images can be to our lives and relationships. No one can live up to our images, we can’t even live up to our own images because they are not real, they are not true and they have been given to us by forces that do not equal the enormity and purity of energy that is found within our hearts.

  91. A very honest blog Anonymous, it explains how many are caught up in pornography and accept it as normal behaviour when deep down we know that it is an unhealthy aspect of any relationship and is very harmful, boys are watching pornography and think that that is what women want, a time to stop and really educate people about the truth of pornography.

  92. This article asks many great questions to society as a start in addressing this huge global issue. Yes porn does affect relationships and distorts a person’s views on what is healthy sexually not only for themselves but in the way they are with others too.

  93. We don’t know what the effect of ubiquitous pornography has had on society. What I find is that many writers assume that their audience has had contact with pornography and is familiar with it.

  94. This blog really blows your socks off, in showing how over time, lives in fact we’ve normalised behaviours which have led us to this point now, a highly sexualised world where porn and it’s imagery are going mainstream and we are all a part of this creeping extreme; by not saying no we have in affect said yes to what we now have. Ouch.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s