by Victoria Lister, Brisbane, Australia
Lately, as I’ve been reflecting on my motives for choosing the roles I’ve had throughout my working life, I’ve realised these had little to do with the real me, and everything to do with mind-created ideals and beliefs. I’ve also examined my propensity to choose industries and jobs that have been challenging to the point of debilitation, with no consideration for myself… again the result of the ideals and beliefs I held.
But the revelations haven’t stopped there: in the course of my explorations, I’ve come to see there is a third, equally important element to consider in the work equation: how I’ve gone about the business of work itself.
The answer is, I’ve been great at ‘doing’ work in terms of results, but not in terms of being me in it. I‘ve had a tendency to go into a lot of busy-ness, often bringing an incredible, internal intensity to the way I’ve worked, going into overwhelm and nervous system energy when the need to do so did not actually exist. It’s as if I’ve perpetually been in ‘fight or flight’ mode – which means I’ve probably lived in an almost constant state of stress for much of my life. And having had little conscious awareness of this tendency, it’s meant I’ve needed to become unwell before I stopped.
What created this ‘stress’? Again, I come back to the fact that I often chose roles that weren’t natural to me and shoe-horned myself into them. I can however, nominate a few roles where everything was easy. But these were roles I’d leave after a while, simply because they were not ‘sophisticated’ or ‘challenging’ enough – somehow I imagined myself as needing something more. And if I’m honest, ‘something more’ really meant somewhere where I could satisfy myself I was doing something important, exciting or interesting.
In other words, I’ve totally identified with the work I’ve done and the excitement it can bring, wanting it to say something about me, both for my own satisfaction and that of others… more erroneous ideals and beliefs. It was this, I feel, that created the stress that accompanied everything I did… a constant striving towards an idealised state.
I’ve also realised I left me as a woman totally out of the equation – even now, I’m not yet fully sure how to be a woman and work. Unfortunately, on some level I’d taken on many ill-beliefs about women at work – that we’re a pale imitation of men, we’re not cut out to do the important work, we’re too emotional, and so on. In taking these on board, I left the woman behind and subscribed (appropriately) ‘boots and all’ to the hard, driven, excessive male energy that permeates so much of the working world. Identifying with that energy, I ran myself in it. But, as I’m not actually a man, this was quite a difficult and unnatural way to live (another significant stressor), and it ended up running me.
And going a little deeper… Have you ever come across the awful belief that women who are pregnant and working are next to useless, in another world, often forgetting things? This was one I was both aware of, and feared – and equated with the women I grew up with who had given up work for family or had never had a ‘career’.
Now, as I don’t have children, on the literal level it was never an issue. But as I’ve begun to acknowledge and connect with my femaleness over the last few years – that deeply soulful, still, nurturing space that exists within women and men both – I can feel how the gorgeousness of this place is probably akin to some of what is felt during pregnancy (and I’ve heard some women say as much). As with pregnancy, it is certainly a place in which there is potential for a far greater connection with our bodies, if not our souls.
However, as much as I love that beautiful, tender place of femaleness, I’ve had a fear that if I stay deeply connected to it, I will be less on top of things or lose the plot… in other words, I’ve taken on the belief that work and deep femaleness are mutually exclusive.
“But what if I forget something?” I can hear my mind protesting. So what if I do? Will the world fall over? Probably not. Am I being too hard on myself? Probably – that would fit my pattern! And beyond those notions, I can feel that if I were deeply connected to my femaleness and learnt to be OK with that, my body will provide me with all the cues it needs – and everything I need to do or ‘be across’ will be taken care of. In other words, I’ve yet to learn (as was put to me recently) to trust in stillness.
Is it that hard though? Just this morning I was watching a lovely woman, a member of the public, on a reality TV show. She looked, and felt, very natural, womanly and engaging. Admittedly, she wasn’t at work but I could imagine her easily bringing that same loveliness with her to work. I noticed her generous, womanly bust and wished for a few moments that I had such a bosom! Then I realised I could and did – in the sense that it would be entirely possible to embody the feeling of this gorgeous womanliness, and take it with me wherever I go, including the office.
With that possibility, and an intent to not shun the possibility that in stillness lies all, I can perhaps begin to re-build my ‘womanly work body’…and maybe even create a womanly body of work. Now that makes me smile!
Further Related Reading:
Celebrity Chef or Self-Loving Chef: Where is the Love in the Work that We Do?
From Ideals and Beliefs to Making Loving Work Choices
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I used to work focusing on the outcome that was required first, even if it meant I needed to work long hours to achieve it, and often all day working through lunch without taking a break too, now I work from knowing myself first, staying connected to my body as much as I am able and let it lead the way, I have found that my output is far greater and I focus on the task in hand not the end result, and often when I need to speak with someone to move the project forward, they call me and I don’t need to be chasing after a response, as they are already connected.
Sally that last observation is gold and just what I needed to hear. Thank you!
Learning to surrender to our stillness and delicacy is something I am choosing too, ‘ I can feel that if I were deeply connected to my femaleness and learnt to be OK with that, my body will provide me with all the cues it needs – and everything I need to do or ‘be across’ will be taken care of.’
That sounds like it to me Victoria to build that womanly body and bring that to where ever you go. Because the world is not built like that, there’s opportunity to learn how to be that wherever you are and whatever ‘role’ you’re in – it’s bringing and expanding in a new natural way to be. I say bring it on and feel the joy in you whatever you do.
I would say a large percentage of the population live this way, I can certainly relate it to how I used to live, ‘ I‘ve had a tendency to go into a lot of busy-ness, often bringing an incredible, internal intensity to the way I’ve worked, going into overwhelm and nervous system energy when the need to do so did not actually exist. It’s as if I’ve perpetually been in ‘fight or flight’ mode’. Is it any wonder illness and disease are at such escalating high rates.
This is such an awesome piece of writing, which I am sure many women can relate to, myself included. A key part in this for me has been about the art of being who I am in a busy working environment and to not let myself succumb to the pressures and ideals of what a ‘good worker’ is and to allow the space for me to breathe and although work diligently still remain in the deepest forms of self-care.
I too have worked in some fairly full on jobs, seeing much and having to put my body through much to either be able to work in the industry or in the day to day business of being at work. There is a way where we can be in difficult and challenging industries and not be affected by them, love our work and thrive as people. But there is a consideration that if we are feeling stressed, overwhelmed and burnt out, then it must be the work. After changing jobs and careers a few times I have realised that because I haven’t changed my approach to how I work the issues that I faced still kept cropping up. However as soon as I started asking other questions and looking at how I was at work, how I felt at work began to shift. It’s a miracle really, but one that is humbling at the same time, because it was there staring at me in the face the whole time I was blaming work for my wows. There is no blame though, just a renewed commitment to taking responsibility for how I am in all aspects of my life not just work.
I love this Jennifer and couldn’t agree more. We can change how we are, how we respond to work (or react to it!) at the individual level. And if we still find the workplace is abusive, we can also choose to leave it. If we can work within it, it’s possible we might be able to bring about some systemic change.
Yes, beautifully said Victoria. The constant pursuit of…whatever it is we are pursuing in life, leaves us in this ‘fight of flight’ mode all too often, meaning we are rarely if ever in connection to our true selves. Yet, when we do so, there is such beauty in us all – beauty that is tangible in your expression here. I could really feel that sense of what it must be like to be pregnant and in ‘touch’ with that soul-full essence. And as you share here, we can all connect with this essence – if we choose to embrace what is within us.
‘…stillness lies in us all’ we just have to connect to it and it’s there. I remember when I was pregnant I felt the preciousness of my body and was able to feel and connect to it frequently. Because of the preciousness I felt, I naturally moved my body with more care and awareness. But interestingly I chose not to continue this exquisite way of being very soon after my pregnancy because of the images and expectations of being a mother I had held on to, resulting in disconnecting myself from stillness and gone into feeling racy, anxious and overwhelmed.
This is such a powerful blog Victoria and super important for us as women to let go of all the ideals and beliefs many can hold around women in the workplace and the pressure we place on ourselves. I have often observed women in my workplace work twice as hard as the men to feel respected and accepted, and I have also seen how beautiful and powerful it is when women bring all of who they truly are to the workplace and the ripple effect that is felt far and wide – this is so needed in our world today.
“I’ve yet to learn…..to trust in stillness.” I could have been reading about myself and the way I approach work. I have been realising recently how the intensity I work with is exhausting and doesn’t allow room for my natural, divine qualities to expand into every part of my life. It came to me that I do not trust that if I work in connection to the stillness within, that I will be able to be as productive as is expected of me. So in this, I am placing the expectations of others before myself. So if I am working in nervous tension and with an intensity that doesn’t allow me the space to be myself, what quality of work am I truly producing? Something devoid of myself that is merely ticking boxes. So from now on I am committing to bringing the quality of me to all I do, starting with the way I move. I’ll keep you posted.
The great learning in all of this, is that when we harm and diminish ourselves in one area of our life, everything is actually impacted upon. Thus the absolute gold in sharing stories and realisations such as you have done so here Victoria, that we may collectively break down that which has not served any of us – men and women alike – and discover a way forward that is actually true, and honours ourselves (and thereby all others) to the bone.
This is very powerfully said Victoria: “It was this, I feel, that created the stress that accompanied everything I did… a constant striving towards an idealised state.”
What I’ve been learning also, is that ‘the way’ to be – whether in work, relationships or indeed any aspect of life – as a woman, and in honouring the woman that I am, is actually already there within… It is the ideals we have bought into, predominantly through lacking in true value of ourselves, that are what must be met, and shed (if we are so willing), that our natural way may find its expression.
The more loving care and honouring I have and take with my self as a women and appreciating my body that is tender precious and delicate, the more the work environment reflects support back to me. That is the heavy jobs simply don’t come my way or there is always someone there just at the moment required to complete the heavier tasks. It is a deep awareness and appreciating I have of this.
When we appreciate how tender, delicate and precious our bodies are we naturally move and use our body with more love and care.
I could totally relate to this Victoria.. the drive to be super human, not just at work but in all areas of our lives, is insatiable, unnecessary, and ultimately ends up hurting the body.
In life there are some thing we are really good at. This is always traceable to a divine realisation that we had. It is beautiful to be able to deepen our understanding of what we are really doing. It is much mire than it appears to be. It is a confirmation of divinity in action.
I have found that working in most situations is all about the stress of getting the job done without showing any stillness or connection. It leaves people out and makes it mainly about the money. People should always be our first consideration. I feel if my work is not bringing into play my true stillness that is their to serve humanity then it is for I am in the game for some sort of self gain!
“I can perhaps begin to re-build my ‘womanly work body’… and maybe even create a womanly body of work.” This is exactly what is so much needed at our workplaces as if this is not changing then there will be only the “man driven actions” and so there will be a missing part in the equation – the stillness. If we as women are not responsible and add this the way of working in the long run will not work.
‘ I’ve taken on the belief that work and deep femaleness are mutually exclusive.’ I wonder how many of us women unconsciously do this and even when we think we are free of it still follow behaviours or can get caught out by a reaction that shows us how much we have bought into the “women are less’ scenario. As I make conscious choices to allow the womanliness in me space and as I get support to explore this inner feeling and let it become more of me on a more physical and tangible level I grow in the confidence of myself as a woman. The Gentle Breath Meditation has supported me and so has the Esoteric Breast Massage as have other female oriented sessions and exercises. Bringing a continuing nurturing quality to my life has been, and is, hugely beneficial.
I’m aware I’ve never really observed life from a place of stillness, I’ve instead seen how it is, not accepted it or myself, and then held pictures or ideals of how I feel I or life needs to be and then pushed myself to meet the picture. The strange thing is, as I focused on this future point to meet the ideal or picture of how I wanted life to be, I conveniently missed the fact that my every moment was now chaotic, painful, or stressing my body. The oasis of the picture or ideal is never something we arrive at, it’s every moment that counts, but the dangling carrot we chase in front of us keeps us away from creating a true quality of life moment to moment.
Being a woman in the workplace has meant – for many – that they strive to keep up with and even outdo the men. Yet when we accept and appreciate our femaleness – trusting the innate stillness we have within us, we can work in a different but equally effective way.
So true Sue, we all have a lot to appreciate about each other. The more I work with everyone as equals the more stillness I feel in all my relationships!
Identifying myself with a role, work, mother, partner etc has made me depressed and burnt out at a young age and caused me lots of migraines out of frustration of not ‘knowing’ who I was and making me dependent of others acceptance and approval. Being a woman was never enough, now I’ve acknowledged it is the begin and the end of everything I live.
‘I’ve also realised I left me as a woman totally out of the equation – even now, I’m not yet fully sure how to be a woman and work.’ I feel I know how to be a woman and work but I do avoid the true power of being tender, open,bringing grace and joy and work. Here are some of my strategies; to create stress even before I go to work by wanting to do too much and then go in a rush to be on time or getting anxious when I have to do something I have not done before or focusing on my tight work schedule. But I am learning to be in my stillness and bring my womanly qualities and give those strategies created by my mind no energy anymore.
Very interesting, I can understand the difficulty of trusting that what is needed will be there but and starting to see that it is true. The thought of not being a woman is bizarre when you and I are one, but there is a feeling of leaving those qualities behind to get the job done. In fact, those same qualities often guide and inspire a quality of work that anyone would want to offer.
It is in the stillness that we find the true power of the women that we are. A great article thank you Victoria.
‘create a womanly body of work.’ I love this, it feels so full and oh so much what the world needs. Very inspiring
Hi Victoria, this is a great sharing about connecting to the essence we hold as women, and bringing that relationship to our stillness and rhythm in the way we work. Your first paragraph really grabbed me though, about “… jobs that have been challenging to the point of debilitation, with no consideration for myself…” I can relate to that with life situations, and the more extreme the challenge and stress for me the more I went into focusing on taking it on and overcoming it, not realising or caring about the effects on my health. I can still see the debilitating stress I allow instead of respecting the delicateness of my body and choosing self love.
Awesome timing to come across your blog to re-read this again Victoria. At the moment I have more work offered to me than I can handle, to learn to stay connected to myself and not get caught up in the stress and wanting to please everyone is something quite new to me. Instead I can take this opportunity to ask myself which project/work do I feel to work on and what will be the most supportive for me? Letting go of the thoughts to please others is great otherwise it takes me quickly into overwhelm and stress. Also, trusting what I feel and bringing all of ‘me’ to my work and choosing to stay connected is key.
Learning to trust in stillness is to appreciate the power of who we are before we ‘do’ anything.
Recently I realised that I can slip into secretary mode when I am on the laptop sometimes. I begin to type like I used to when I thought that this activity was associated with business and therefore had to be done in a serious and hard way, a masculine way in which business was mostly conducted. Very funny to catch this and a friend recently caught it too and remarked how sweet it was. This comment helped me see that I could be more loving with myself as I let go of this old habit.
What you describe shows so clearly how we try to fit into the world, i.e. looking at what we need to be for the world, instead of coming from us, bringing that out what we know to be true, bringing out us to the world.
Victoria reading your story allowed me to reflect on many of my ideals and beliefs that I had and at some level still proscribe to. This is a great opportunity to reflect more deeply with myself. Thank you
Beautiful Victoria, when women are connected to their stillness the reflection they offer everyone is deeply healing – a much needed asset in very male dominant workplaces.
“trust in stillness” It seems, as a humanity, we are frightened to trust in stillness. It goes counter to everything the world is telling us. Perhaps the closest we get is the’ Keep calm and carry on’ type message which feels more like saying, let’s keep a blanket over this and not go too deep, lets pretend everything is ok. When we do start to get a taste of this stillness we realise what a great healing it offers and how it can bring harmony to the whole body.
I could have written this about me such is the resonance of what you have shared here Victoria. I can feel how I too have held on to the belief that being a woman at work is something of a hurdle to overcome – an obstacle that has to be removed in order for me to function efficiently and successfully. Just writing this feels appalling and such a huge dishonouring of my femaleness, my stillness, my sacredness. Your willingness in exposing this has offered me a huge healing. Thank you.
Thank you Victoria , yes we do have to trust in stillness, and that is the thing, as they do reinforce each other… stillness nurtures trust, and trust engenders stillness.
Coming to terms with how much I have pushed and strived at work for that interesting exciting place, which was actually just a shoe-horn of myself into something that was never me to begin with, is a constant and ongoing lesson that one day I know will end and work will just be simple because it will be about what needs to be done and not what I want or desire.
You provide a great reflection of just how much some women can choose to put themselves through overwhelm at work and live off nervous energy, stress and anxiety when there really is no need, just a drive to prove themselves, to feel worthy or recognised. And all in pursuit of some illusory ideals and beliefs we collectively hold about women in work. The ugliness in all this is that we’re doing our work brilliantly but without ourselves in it. If that’s the case, then where do we go while we work?
I find it’s an everyday development, the learning to trust in stillness. The old ways seem so entrenched but there seems a greater call now to go back to basics. My body won’t have it any other way.
When you say it like that it seems so simple and obvious. Undoubtedly, the energy that drives our need for success has the capacity to take us over and create complication so we lose sight of what matters most.
Having had children I feel the difference in being in stillness through my pregnancies and when not is that when pregnant there is no choice, you just naturally are in that beautiful stillness, but when not pregnant there is a choice to make and we can tend to undermine our tender beingness and replace it in the belief we are not enough this way and we need to prove our worth by going into a drive to get things done, when really the only thing extra that occurs is we become exhausted. The fact is we can be far more affective in what we do when we come from that state of stillness, because we are more aware.
That’s so great Deidre, that last comment. I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve heard it can provide us with the opportunity to really drop into our bodies. I hadn’t directly made a link between stillness and awareness but you’re absolutely right.
It’s interesting how things can come in waves. As I find myself getting ready to take something else on, I’ve correspondingly noticed my anxiety rising along with my tendency to nervous system energy kicking in. It was once described to me (for me personally, though others might relate) as a kind of ‘internal hysteria’, which is a pretty awful feeling. It’s not easy to come back from. Taking the time to do some writing, as in what I am doing here now, helps bring me back to me.
That’s really interesting Amanda. So do you mean while you have chosen a role you feel is right for you, there are moments when it, or elements of it, don’t come naturally to you? I’d love to hear more, though I guess I can relate in the sense that at the moment I have uni study which I’m naturally capable of yet find eternally difficult in the sense of the linearity of thought, the volume of material and the general way it is expected to roll.
I so agree Amanda, I have been a woman in a fast paced office environment and a mother staying home…working nine to five was the simpler scenario for my nervous system and even that was not great!! When I was at home I would always try to do just one more thing before taking the kids to school or just before pick up. It became my ‘tell’ in the end, alerting me that I was trying to do too much.
Thank you for sharing. As each one of us shares our experiences we learn that it is completely possible to make changes in our lives that are amazing without costing us financially but at the same time being the best investment ever.
Isn’t it crazy, that even though we are women what you say here is true for a great many women in business “I’ve also realised I left me as a woman totally out of the equation – even now, I’m not yet fully sure how to be a woman and work.” I find it takes time and a willingness to even feel there is a difference for it to change.
Absolutely Lucy, I agree. And do you know, while there is talk of quotas and the like to attempt to even out the mix of genders in positions of influence, this, whilst not a bad thing, is not the answer. The issue is that women have abandoned their femaleness in order to fit in with the norm – the excessively male energy which underpins the business world (and much of our lives).
This is an awesome blog Victoria – “I can perhaps begin to re-build my ‘womanly work body’…and maybe even create a womanly body of work.” This sentence says it all – our womanly work bodies should reflect the totality of who we are as a woman and not be anything less – when we take ourselves into work as less there is much room for abuse to enter.
I agree. I’m coming to see exhaustion, as Lucy mentions above, as the end result of abuse – plain and simple. If we remain connected to ourselves we can never allow anything abusive to enter the equation.
I recently started a new job which offers great potential for growth within the company for me. As I sit here feeling pretty exhausted (a familiar feeling after work), reading this blog and everyone’s comments, there is a proverbial penny making it’s way through my body – it is dropping. Despite the awareness I have about what I do not being who I am, I have still fallen into the trap of trying to gain recognition from my new employers so I will be promoted quickly. All under the guise of ‘service’ , but then how can it be true service if it is at the expense of myself? The answer is simple and clear – it cannot. I feel so supported by what I have read this evening from you all. I am ending my day, and hence starting tomorrow, with my eyes open, no longer being held in the jaws of the trap I set for myself. Heartfelt thanks to Everyone.
This is just fabulous for me to read today. Thank you Victoria. I especially resonated with this, “However, as much as I love that beautiful, tender place of femaleness, I’ve had a fear that if I stay deeply connected to it, I will be less on top of things or lose the plot… in other words, I’ve taken on the belief that work and deep femaleness are mutually exclusive.” I have my second Sacred Movement meeting tomorrow and can feel the winds (or rather wings) of change. Quite a bit of resistance though, so I’m feeling exhausted.
Ha, yes, I know that one too – being in resistance, and feeling exhausted as a result. I guess it takes more energy to be who we are not than to be who we are. It’s surely simpler all ’round to be that which we naturally are!
I couldn’t agree more Victoria!
That’s a really important observation Amanda, that stay-at-home women can be equally driven in order to prove they are working too. I work for myself now, from home, so I know all about this. Not only are there the self-generated pressures; it’s interesting how many people assume you’re not doing much because you are at home rather than a ‘bona fide’ workplace. This only adds to the sense of having to prove oneself. I imagine women who have chosen to raise children full-time encounter something similar and possibly even more judgemental (‘it’s not really work at all’). How about we stop the judgements and support each other whatever we are doing?
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with being a woman at work and trusting in stillness Victoria which I can really relate to. Until recently my default position was to live my life in nervous energy particularly at work which was extremely debilitating. Recently I have been exploring what it can be like to bring my natural stillness with me to work and how that can play out so beautifully in the interactions I have during the day with colleagues and clients. I still find it a challenge to maintain this throughout the day but what is helping me is to be playful with it rather than beating myself up when I recognise that I have left myself – oops there you go again leaving me behind and thinking you know a better way …!
Playful sounds like a great way forward Helen – I have been experimenting with this too. Last night and this morning I have been feeling cranky and tired and I have come to the conclusion it’s because I’ve taken too much on. This does not help with playfulness! I’m noticing too how I’m allowing myself to be cranky around my husband. This serves nothing and no one and is irresponsible. One to watch.
I recognise the one about being cranky with my husband because of stuff I’ve taken on at work. Using home as a dumping ground for what we’ve taken on at work is so deeply abusive and dishonouring. It is never ok – not on any level.
Very true Victoria, it is so easy to save the crankiness for those we think will let us get away with it the most. It is often the sign that we have overloaded ourselves and not taken responsibility for it.
It is so important to stay with what we are in our everyday lives, to not get caught up in the way you are expected to be but just be, and do the work from that, our qualities are needed everywhere.
So true Benkt. Staying with ourselves, not losing ourselves to what we are doing, is super-important. One of the most challenging work situations I have encountered have occurred on the two occasions I have returned to study at university. I’ve found the university wants to ‘own’ you – ensnare you in the competition for high grades and academic success and recognition, and it gets worse as you progress to higher degrees. Staying awake to that is a constant challenge; setting it up to be so is a kind of evil.
Speaking from personal experience it’s wise to be wary of choosing to run our bodies on nervous system energy as the long term effects can be a depletion of the adrenal glands leading to some very debilitating chronic illnesses that can take quite some time and awareness to recover from. Running on adrenal was my modus operandi for most of my life until my body eventually said – no more. I’m sure many people can relate to that feeling of being tired but wired – unable to rest even when they want to which is one of the stages on the way to adrenal exhaustion. I can relate to that feeling of excitement that you mention Victoria but these days find it far more enjoyable to operate from a place of stillness within myself and my body appreciates it so much more.
Me too Deborah, being another such woman with a chronic health issue brought on by adrenal exhaustion. The effects of working without an awareness of self and stillness are very damaging and real. In short, you can’t do something on a consistent basis without it having an effect.
Tired but wired, I get the impression that adrenal exhaustion has yet to be fully understood.
Yes, it has a tendency to creep up Lucy starting with overriding the tired feeling of the body, then falsely elevating the energy levels through the use of caffeine, sugar and alcohol together with drawing on the use of nervous energy then adrenals. This cycles on until the adrenals finally give out due to their long term abuse leading to a cascading effect of the hormones being out of balance and there being nothing left for the body to draw upon. This goes hand in hand with the giving away of our power over time through doing things we don’t want to do which also creates an energy drain on the body.
Isn’t it fascinating that we need a job that is glamorous, interesting, intelligent, great to talk about at the dinner table, sophisticated and which gives us a lot of recognition and keeps us busy, while in the meantime our bodies are suffering and we override what we truly feel? Like you share, if you work and you bring you into the work, it does not matter what you do or how busy you are. You bring all of you and that is in fact the job you have to do.
Bringing all of ourselves to work is our job, first and foremost – I love it! It would be pretty cool if we responded to job applications with this rationale up front – it might start something new in the way we understand the purpose of work.
By re reading your blog Victoria I remember how I felt while being pregnant and I must say the way I moved, the way I was with myself was simply divine. I left that behind when I became ‘the’ mother and all the beliefs related to this role. It was all a matter of not knowing how to love myself and to be in that exquisite stillness I had experienced. How to trust the stillness or is it just we avoiding the power that stillness brings?
Great question Annelies, and I’m feeling the answer lies in the latter part of it. How interesting that we can feel our true power then abandon it for an assumed role based on ideals and or beliefs. When I consider where we as women could be – in the same powerful place stillness you describe you felt during pregnancy, and be there all the time – I can feel how from this reality we are. There is work to be done here.
I love what you present here Barbara! Your first description brings to mind a couple of recent productions I have seen in which ultra-human-like robots are part of the work-lifescape. I can’t help but feel this is a comment on the often increasingly de-humanised and disconnected workforce (individuals from self, and others)… and perhaps near reality. Plugging into our own internal power source rather than one we are programmed into feels like a far better – and far more sustainable – alternative.
I agree Jenny, it is a very fine line indeed. Those walking it are forging a new way of being in the workplace – not enjoining the current energy of drive and push (excess maleness), but working steadily and productively in a way that does not override the rhythms of a woman.
We were born plenty but that sense of plentiful goes when we are trapped by the ideals an beliefs we “think” we need to fill.
What a curious phenomenon that is, that we are born plentiful – you only need to look at a baby to see in most cases this is so – yet something happens along the way to turn that sense of plenty upside down. In the absence of knowing ourselves, in rushes the many societal ideals, beliefs and mores we take on.
A wonderful reminder. There are so many benefits to being in stillness and not in the constant agitation of the next planned step.
I have experienced both sides of the coin; the excess of needing things to be done in a specific order and responding to the call that respects not disrupting my innate inner quality, which benefit so many people.
I know what I would like to choose!
Me too Luke, as in both sides of the coin, and which side I would like to choose! Yes interesting how we can bend ourselves out of shape thinking we need to be something we are not.
Agree…
This blog reminds me of the women who I work with as they always impress me with their ability to manage large projects involving lots of people. And it seems that the women who allow their gentle or caring natures to be seen actually are able to open up to the most genuine relationships with their colleagues, which in turn affects the whole company. It is beautiful to watch and learn from.
How awesome that you already have some beautiful role models in your workplace! I was speaking to a new woman friend the other day who works on highly stressful, overseas projects and who has learnt over time to present more of the woman she is. This has made a huge difference in the quality of relationships she experiences and her femaleness has been noticed and appreciated – interestingly enough, largely by her male colleagues.
I can so relate to this worry “But what if I will forget something?”, another one for me is: What if I am late? The thing is when I let go of the need to control these things and am connected with my body and its flow I remember things when I need to and I am always there at the right time. But to fully surrender to that and let go of control seems like a big step at times.
I agree Judith. It’s a bit like taking a step off a cliff (or the thought of one) and trusting you’ll be safe. I’m surprised at how insidious the tendency to control ‘what happens when and next’ is. But the times I have let go, it has all been fine. And yes, I do forget things but I’ve also found the world doesn’t end when I do.
That’s really true Jenny – it has been my experience at times that I have chosen to be a certain way in order to be taken seriously at work, and by that I mean more ‘one of the boys’ than my natural, womanly self. Yet it’s only by being ourselves – the women we are – in the workplace and holding steady in that that will change the status quo. So I guess the next challenge is for us to do be very consistent in bringing the truth of who we are.
Yes, and that is interesting in itself as people around can be challenged and reactive or on the other hand, completely open and inspired. It’s a whole different ball-game to navigate.
It feels really important and powerful to be in the true expression of a woman at work in this driven world of competition! Allowing ourselves to be sensitive, precious and delicate feels amazing and it offers others the possibility to connect to that and evolve.
So true, Jenny! I have also worked over many years in nervous male-energy, drank lots of coffee to keep me going and never really stopped and rested. It created an enormous tension in my body and lowered the quality of my work and life very much and I did`t even see it. Now that I connected to my inner stillness everything changed, I have much more energy and love for everyone and everything at work! My body feels completely different now and there is hardly any stress.
That’s really important – ‘My body feels completely different now and there is hardly any stress’. It is possible to effect real and lasting change, you are living proof of that. Congratulations!
I relate to what you say about stillness and work. I’ve done the nervous energy, hyper-driven thing, believing that to be what’s wanted, needed, demanded even, when in fact, coming from a position of stillness brings a far greater quality to how I am in all that I do and that stillness then comes through into all that I deliver. Nervous energy and drive are a false economy – the body suffers whilst the mind continues on in its disregard.
This is so true deborahmckay. I am in between jobs at present and with the inspiration presented here by Victoria I am definitely going to be building a new foundation for my “womanly work body” before the next job appears, whatever that may be.
I relate to all you’ve said here Julie, particularly the part about the ‘mind-driven’ voice. The mind, and the ambitious spirit that fuels it, ever-seeking individuation, is what is behind the whole push to succeed or do more, totally leaving our hearts and bodies out of the equation. If we listened to our body first we’d be a lot better off. As it is, we tend to drag our bodies all over the place at the command of our over-active minds – a completely horrible state of affairs for women in particular.
‘We were born with plenty…’ Yes we were, so where does that sense of plenty go? What happens to it? Somehow we let it get knocked out of us. If we lived in a society that understood, welcomed and encouraged our innate amazingness from the get-go, we would not grow up with a sense of deficit, always needing to prove ourselves and seek recognition and identification through what we do. We would each do what we felt naturally impulsed to do, working hard with a great work ethic but not in stress and disregard.
Me too Alexandre. And no wonder, because everything in our society is set up to reward us for working in stress – we look super ‘on to it’ and busy, like the model of an efficient workplace, and are seemingly productive. Never mind the actual quality of the work that is produced in such a state!
I’m smiling with you Victoria! I remember the moment I rediscovered the graceful beauty my mum embodies, yet for years had missed having been enmeshed in the coping of her running a business while bringing up two children, essentially on her own. It has only been recently I have seen how much hardness/’blokieness’ I have gone into to get things done or to be at work, and am now rediscovering my own delicateness and what this brings to all and wherever I am.
My grandmother was my role model. Granted, she didn’t work, but she had a lovely morning routine and a gentleness that inspires me to this day. Old school – and definitely worth studying!
We are fairly aware of where these ideals, beliefs and messages about being a woman come from – media being a common source, as well as culture and society. But the real question is – why do we take these on message when all along we have an essence within us which is whole, full and amazing? I realised in my own life that I was not valuing this essence. As I started to connect with it and feel its quality, that felt more real than any ‘shoulds’ or ‘expectations that I was living by – indeed, it gave me a foundation.
A great question: why do we give our power away to the media, other people and cultural and societal expectations? It’s almost as if we are programmed to do so, and in some cases pre-programmed to do so – it can be as is we arrive here on Earth already primed to be who we are not. De-cluttering our minds of the ideals and beliefs we’ve accumulated starts to reveal the essence within.
This is such a great blog – for it exposes the beliefs and ideals we have about being a woman in the world. This notion that femaleness is weak, forgetful, stupid or unreliable is entirely false and it is great to know that you are re-connecting to your femaleness and bringing this to the workplace and the world – inspiring for all women.
It’s a very pervasive notion, one of the myriad ways we allow ourselves to be held back from being who we are in full. Any sort of categorisation would do this – negative or positive.
Very honest sharing Victoria and (talking about the first part of your blog) a familiar scenario to almost everyone of us I guess. I can still pride myself in having worked there and there and making good money. it feels like the money that I earned and the great company I worked for had to prove how much I was worth. Translated: no money and no great job = worthless, which is in fact how we feel if we attach to achievements and material and then lose it. Then we are left with just ourselves, someone we haven’t been in touch with for a long, long time. It took me a while but what a joy when I started to feel myself again, tender beautiful me. I am truly amazing and you know what..we all are.
I wonder if that sense of being ‘just left with ourselves, someone we haven’t been in touch with for a long, long time’ is what we’re faced with when we lose our job unexpectedly or retire. You often hear of men dying unexpectedly not long after stopping work at retirement. Could this be the reason why – that the discovery of the emptiness within is overwhelming?
‘It’s as if I’ve perpetually been in ‘fight or flight’ mode – which means I’ve probably lived in an almost constant state of stress for much of my life’. I can so relate to the internal intensity you speak of Victoria and am really starting to realise that in many ways the totally unrealistic pressure of perfectionism is actually what feeds this insatiable monster. Great blog.
Perfectionism is a huge part of it I feel! Somehow we’ve taken hold of the idea we need to perform perfectly, above and beyond, all the time – a very inhuman way to live. The truth is we have nothing to prove – and I’ve come to see how thinking I needed to prove my worth through the things I do has been a part of this scenario. We just need to love and appreciate ourselves 100% and go from there.
Reading this blog, I tracked back my own work history and I can say no matter in what industry I worked in, however large/small the company was – it was always the same, it was always about delivering goods, trying to go beyond expectation and I never considered how I was feeling in it. And come to think of it, it’s not just work, how I hold myself, how I talk to myself – all of it, there’s a running theme. What I am learning is that work is a channel through which I express myself out in the society and connect with people, and how I am with myself and what choices I am making would naturally form the foundation for that.
It’s going to take a shift, isn’t it? And from employers and employees alike as we begin to realise the current way is not sustainable for ourselves as individuals or for the businesses and organisations that struggling with workers who are increasingly suffering with work (and life) related physical and mental health issues. We need to start making different choices based on different principles.
Yes well said Victoria… ‘We need to start making different choices based on different principles.’ Universal Medicine offers those principles in my experience, and watching the incredible life changes occurring in every single student over the past 14 years, myself included, is testimony to the fact.
Well said Jenny. Was going to write the same thing!
That’s awesome Carmin, and I know what you mean. When I reach the end of the day I still find I need to remind myself it’s not about congratulating myself for how much I ‘achieved’, but the quality I did it in. It’s a hard habit to break.
That’s true. Anything we do can become all-consuming. I’ve just gone back to uni in the last year, where there’s the potential to not only lose yourself, but be completely owned by it. Being there requires a constant awareness of oneself, and that there is a body attached to one’s mind!
From the stillness vantage point, much can be seen and felt. In the busy-ness, we’re in the madness of constantly trying to put out fires.
I haven’t done the super- mum thing but can relate to trying to be a super-woman and juggle multiple roles and tasks. Super-depleting and super-unloving. Very unsustainable and ultimately shows up as illness and disease.
‘I’ve also realised I left me as a woman totally out of the equation – even now, I’m not yet fully sure how to be a woman and work.’ This is something I have realised myself just recently. I feel I have brought the person to work and not the woman I am. Although I work in the healthcare with lots of female colleagues there is a lot of stress of getting it all done.
Being in my stillness and trusting my stillness is more than enough, lets say this is work in progress. Your blog Victoria is a great inspiration to explore to being me, the gorgeous woman I am to my work and not going into male energy, knowing everyone is missing out when I do so.
I like that line – ‘…everyone is missing out when I do’. That’s true – it’s not just for us women but for all and we have a responsibility to bring it.
It’s amazing isn’t it how we can actually work in industries that are concerned with health, yet work in ways that totally disregard it. There’s a responsibility there too, to walk our talk!
True Victoria, we are setting ourselves up to end in the same way our patients have by not living who they truly are. What I see around colleagues that time pressure is huge and the answer is going in more doing and getting the job done totally against our true nature and not considering that the quality of the care they give is not loving, not to themselves and not to the patients.
Victoria your comment ‘I’ve been great at ‘doing’ work in terms of results, but not in terms of being me in it.’ is profound. I too find it can be exhilirating when one get’s through some challenging situations with great outcomes, but if I’m not with me, it is also exhausting. I love your image of developing a womanly work body – the more I can bring stillness to the workplace the more effortlessly the work flows – in its own rhythm.
It’s funny – that exhilaration (and its corresponding challenges) is really just part of a giant rollercoaster ride. Not a great way to live. I like the flow a lot better.
Bringing stillness to work is such a big present and so needed, yet we are so not used to it. The other day I had this job interview and I was very much in my stillness and with that also very fragile and open. I noticed that this belief came up that I could not be in this way because then I would not get the job as the company was very male driven, hard and with a drive. Later that day I got the message that they thought that I did not fit into the company and actually I felt the same. I am so glad that I stayed with me and my truth, and that I did not change just so I would get the job.
This is very inspiring Victoria and Mariette, thanks for sharing. I had to completely re-imprint the way I approach work as it was very male driven, similar to what you write in your blog, Victoria. Currently I am looking for a new job and finding out how to present the true me without compromise and especially without compromising me as a woman. And I find myself confronted with the same believes and ideals as you both share here. I feel it is so important that we talk about this and become aware of what is going on, as this is needed as a foundation to a different way.
Love it Mariette – self-worth is the only real job in town!
I agree with what you have written here Brendan, especially ‘for if we were being truly loving with ourselves it would not come at our expense’. This is good for me to read right now because I have just started a target driven job and it is very important for me to not loose myself to those targets.
Julie what an opportunity for you to deeply connect with your stillness. Target-driven work is challenging and it’s hard not to get caught up in it. It will be a great day for all when the push for profit at all costs is joyfully abandoned in favour of supporting people – those people first being the staff.
I agree with your words Jill, “….I often lose myself along the way, but I know that at any moment I can come back to my loving heart, and that this is only a gentle breath away.” I too am finding that once upon a time what appeared to be elusive as far as expressing a gentle and steady ‘woman-liness’, or a tender but powerfull femine quality is more possible the experience now as I allow the development of my awareness of that still place within. I have found that the presentations of Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine re-awaken something deep within, perhaps a well of ageless wisdom that is within us all.
Me too – and the presentations of Esoteric Women’s Health – without these I would still be completely unaware of my ill momentums. Though my body would always let me know, if not immediately with small issues then undoubtedly with a bigger stop.
That’s true Brendan. Interestingly, I’ve actually seen from a number of role models around me – and started to experience in my own life – that it is actually possible to have all we want and need without wrecking ourselves in the process. When our wants and needs are in line with a purpose beyond ourselves, it’s as if all our ducks start to line up in a row, and life becomes simpler and less of a struggle.
Jill, I felt the same at an early age – I saw how it was for my brother who, although two years younger than me, seemed like my father to exist in a world that privileged and prioritised men over women: it certainly seemed as if my mother, and I, had the worse deal. I was deeply hurt by the injustice of this apparent status quo, and as I entered adolescence became angry about it – particularly when I saw films such as ‘My Brilliant Career’. When I entered the world of work, and relationships, I was grimly determined not to be disadvantaged in any way and set about doing life in male energy. It was a great day when I started to understand, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, this was not the way, and that being a woman doing life in in this way was in fact enormously harming to my health and wellbeing, not to mention perpetuating an ill ideal that harms the world.
Believing we have to compete with men and ‘beat them at their own game’ (game being an apt description because it isn’t their natural way that’s for sure) is one of the biggest lies we have created for ourselves. It’s a convenient truth which has the women of this world, who hold the stillness of humanity in their hands, striving for supposed equality and running further away from their innate stillness. Seems like a very clever ploy to stop us all from feeling the divinity we truly are, which we will only be able to feel when we women stop running and reconnect to our stillness, our sacredness, reflecting this and inspiring our gorgeous men to do the same.
I love this Monicag2: ‘…I don’t have to do everything and actually when I do, it hurts me and it also hurts others, who have their own learnings.’ That’s a great realisation, that when we rush in to take over or ‘do’ for others, we are actually robbing them of the chance to do and learn for themselves. Ultimately, living and working in stillness leaves space for others to find theirs.
A beautiful process of re-turning and connecting to our inner stillness and then operating from that deep knowing and trust of ourselves, this feels amazing Victoria thank you.
Thomas, you know what is also amazing? Feeling stillness in a man, as I do in your comment here. Beautiful.
I agree Victoria. A man expressing from his stillness is heart-meltingly beautiful.
Thank you Victoria for your amazing blog. I too was a business woman years ago working as the first women with men selling technical products. Everything your wrote about not being a women in the business world I can agree. Even now nearly 30 years later I could feel the pressure I put on myself and not allowing myself to be a tender or fragile woman. It is unbelievable what I do to myself and I am now very much appreciate that like you chose to be the natural true woman I am truly are.
Being a woman being a man in a man’s world is hard; being a woman being a woman in a man’s world is the way.
But even a man in a man’s world is more often than not a man who has deeply buried his natural and exquisitely beautiful tenderness and is trying to fit in with the picture of what being a man looks like that we have ALL created – women and men alike.
How bananas is it that a woman, being a woman, in a man’s world is hard. There are so many comments in this thread that I want to join in with!
It is pretty hard to believe we donned such masculine suits of armour. In some instances we even ‘out male’ the men. Ultimately, all this effects our health. The rise of breast cancer is surely a case in point.
Wow Victoria that is really a good point you have made – to “out male” the men as a women must have an effect on our bodies as we are living something our bodies are not made for so to speak.
monicag2 I am with you: “. . . we’ve forgotten to bring our true essence to the table, time for a bit of a re-imprint, no matter where we are now or where we’ve been.” So let us change the world all together instead of giving up and think it is not possible.
Count me in ladies, we must never give up. We must be the change we want to see in the world.
Victoria , you have accurately detailed the lies I have voluntarily taken on in what it is to be successful in the workplace as a woman. Having never felt at ease in this ‘driven’ way, I chose, what I have labelled as ‘less’, and viewed myself as being ‘intellectually’ less. Re-connecting more with who I truly am, I am discovering a confident, strong and subtle knowingness that comes from within me and informs my movement in the world. I loved your comment – ‘I’ve yet to learn (as was put to me recently) to trust in stillness’. This feels very profound for me and is something I am now seeing as a beautiful blessing and way forward. Thank you for sharing.
That’s so interesting – as a woman who aligned with the predominant male energy of the workplace and went into push and drive I never considered taking the path of doing or being ‘less’. We are ever-inventive in our avoidance of being who we truly are! Thank you for sharing this.
Your sharing Victoria is so key and relatable for many of us. I too have walked a similar path and find myself each day exploring the quality of stillness to all that i do and bring in my workplace. This quality allows me to feel the loveliness of how i move, how i type, how i walk and the sublte yet profound affect it has on others. The grace we bring as women in our natural stillness is simply exquisite.
So true Marica. It was suggested to me last night by a lovely lady friend that connecting to our stillness is the way forward in terms of our vocal expression too – our ability to speak up and out, an area many of us struggle with. I can feel how this is so. When I have that stillness, that steadiness, I’m much more me and naturally and confidently so.
Absolutely Victoria and we have so much to share.
I loved reading your comment Marcia as I can feel that gorgeous quality of stillness coming through the words. It is that simple is it not, to connect to our stillness and simply feel the quality in everything we do. Nothing big and yet it changes everything.
Victoria, I had to come back for another read. Today I can feel in me that fear of being a true woman at work, how our work places are not set up for this, and how I’ve been waiting for someone else to pave the way, and well maybe that person is me. All around me I see exhausted people striving and pushing their bodies and all because work demands it, but at no stage are they being honest about how they feel or where they’re at. Work is king and to admit that you need more time, more support or that it’s not possible to do things in the time given is tantamount to ‘career suicide’ in most workplaces and many industries. So what are we saying here, work is a place where we abuse ourselves (and put ourselves under untold pressure) and of course we also do it to others, where it the quality and joy in that – there isn’t and imagine what is coming out the end in the work itself. Yes functionally it’s done, but at the expense of staff and their bodies. And we seem to be getting worse with this not better. Many people work flexi-time but then are expected to take an email at home and that’s considered normal, employers expect that they have recourse to your time anytime, and yes there are emergencies which do happen, but this has now crept into non-urgent tasks and there’s an expectation and demand as an employee you comply, otherwise you’re seen as not being a team player. As I write this I feel the coercion and bullying that is going on here with this. One for me to explore in more depth with my work, how I allow it and how I take part in it too.
‘…work is a place where we abuse ourselves…’ Monicag2 this is so important, much more needs to be said about this in the public domain as we are all locked into and complicit in this cycle of workplace abuse. And as you say, it’s up to us to pave the way – we’ve had the realisation, we now have the awareness, and therefore the responsibility to be and live the change we want to see.
‘Work is king and to admit that you need more time, more support or that it’s not possible to do things in the time given is tantamount to ‘career suicide’ in most workplaces and many industries.’ Monica this needs to be blogged – more people need to hear this, and feel and admit to their own vulnerabilities in the workplace. Time pressure is surely one of the biggest forces driving workplaces and therefore people today. We might be committing ‘career suicide’ if we don’t comply, but when we do, we could say because of the impacts on our bodies we are slowly committing actual suicide. Now that’s sobering.
Great distinction Judith. It is possible to work hard, and with a great deal of commitment, and not cross the line into self-abuse. And yes, we have cemented our self-abusive practices by agreeing to them.
‘We need to learn to discern where is the line between fully committing to life and work and where does abuse start and then call that out.’ Absolutely Judith and for me the more I am committing to bringing all of me to my work the more I am able to call out abuse because I have less need to prove myself and much more commitment to looking after myself so I can be more productive and effective.
What I am finding lately as I too have been asked to trust in stillness, which to me feels like a sense of depth in my body that comes with a strength in my stance but not from a rigidity. The pattern to not carry that stillness in my focus has been a long standing quality in my daily activities and often it is the reason I find excuses to fail even before the first hurdle! Whatever the excuse may be that keeps me from even attempting to trust in stillness none of them feel valid when I actually do say to myself ‘how does it feel to do this in stillness?’ or when I actually give those feeling of stillness a focus say as I walk – in those moments all those excuses mean nothing. This is something I am building and this blog was a great reminder to just give it a go and trust. Thank you Victoria.
‘…excuses to fail even before the first hurdle…’ – this is a really interesting insight Leigh. I can relate to this: if I do life in busyness, I can (seemingly) avoid having to be still and fail at that. Yet this so-called avoidance will eventually catch up with me – somehow, somewhere in my body it will manifest as dis-ease – as adrenal exhaustion, a broken foot, whatever it is I need to actually get me to slow the momentum I’m in.
Thanks Victoria, I’m so glad I read this, it means a lot to me at this time. “Trust in stillness” I’ll be remembering that one. And I like how you describe working in stillness and that it has all of the answers.
This was really lovely to read Victoria. The workplace will be just gorgeous with woman being their beautiful womanly selves, and the stillness… exquisite.
Wonderful blog Victoria. It’s interesting the beliefs that we have about ourselves as women in how we work. I have been in the push/drive category not wanting to appear to be the “weak or submissive” woman, especially in my early 20’s when I worked in a professional of a majority of men. My whole physique changed to be more masculine as a result, my stance, my walk. It’s only recently that I have asked myself, why am I making myself be something that I am clearly not? As women we have so many beliefs about our roles, but who we should be, that we allow who we are to be swamped. When really who we are, as a woman far surpasses any role or any belief or anything that we think we need to achieve or check off our list. Perhaps when we begin to see this, not only will the way we work change, but so will our workplaces.
I love your approach Victoria and I too need to re-learn to support me in my stillness, which really is such an innate way of being, but has become so estranged to me over the many years of pushing myself especially in work situations.
To trust in stillness – I so know what you are talking about!!! I am very much in process with that too. Thanks for showing me your way and the realizations you had in your development.
I can relate to what your saying Victoria. I have felt recently at work how caught up in the raciness and hard and fast way of doing things to get it done I have been. When I take a break for myself (a stop moment during the day to be a little bit more me) the difference is astounding, yet I have this belief that the stillness and gentle way of doing things cannot be sustained at my work desk. Interesting huh.
It is amazing how we have that belief Emily. I have been addressing that myself and it feels wonderful to stay connected to my heart and stillness while working. It’s something that I don’t see a lot in the world. It would be great to have this as a true way of working so we can support each other in our expression.
Trusting in stillness – every woman needs to know about this…it is up to us to reflect it at work and home.
I am just starting a new career and this is a great reminder to take myself with me, not to fall into the so easy trap of being hard on myself to be perfect thereby creating a body that is hard and nervous. I have been trying this out lately, seeing if things take me longer if I bring that innate quality of still, deep, connected, womanly, tender care to everything I do. It actually takes less time to do the task! Amazing, you don’t have to throw yourself around to get things done.
Great blog Victoria. I definitely relate to what you’ve shared about becoming overwhelmed and in a state of nervous-tension at work.. What I’ve found recently is that when I allow this to happen, I find it difficult to sleep in the evenings – I end up having restless nights of being hot, then cold, and I wake up in the early hours of the morning from bad dreams. This is definitely the result of being in anxiousness, and it leaves me feeling awful in the morning.
It is beautiful Susie how you are aware of your body in this way and the impact overwhelm and tension has on your quality of sleep and state of being the next day.
In stillness lies all. True. I have experienced that today again. I had to conduct a conversation with two others at work about their working together. I knew it would be intense. I didn’t prepare myself in the ‘old way’ e.g. think about what to say, how it could go, go through notes etc. No, I just took very good care of me: the evening before, the way I got up in the morning, got dressed, went to the station, sat in the train, all the time with myself in conscious presence right up until the moment I sat in the meeting room. I was so still when the two persons arrived that whatever happened after that was okay I figured. It was intense ánd I could feel it, but I didn’t become it. I was with me, which gave space for the others to be with whatever needed to be expressed. Work becomes a totally different experience in this still way.
Gorgeous to feel you opening up to being more of you, a beautiful woman that you are, at work. Thats inspiring! And thats what can bring true change to our work places.
Wow Victoria, you certainly hit the nail on the head for me with your blog. I particularly found your words ‘… In other words, I’ve yet to learn (as was put to me recently) to trust in stillness.’ very thought provoking. Thanks, you’ve given me a lot to reflect on.
Considering how women do run with the masculine hard energy in work in many parts of the world it’s truly wonderful to see this revolutionary blog. Somewhere along the line there has been a pervasive belief that men own the work world and women have little to offer and must prove themselves in a man’s world. But this blog is all about bringing the fullness of being womanly, and her precious stillness to the work world. This feels like truly beauty-full equality.
I agree Melinda and Victoria, with history being about men working and women caring for the home, we may feel like we have somehow invaded a space that is not rightfully ours, and needs to be ‘conquered’. In approaching it from this angle we are however perpetuating this situation. What if we understood and claimed that the way it was before was not the true and harmonious way and we are now simply rebalancing the true expression of both genders. Would this not eliminate the whole ‘competition’ or battle between the sexes?
“The answer is, I’ve been great at ‘doing’ work in terms of results, but not in terms of being me in it. I‘ve had a tendency to go into a lot of busy-ness, often bringing an incredible, internal intensity to the way I’ve worked, going into overwhelm and nervous system energy when the need to do so did not actually exist. It’s as if I’ve perpetually been in ‘fight or flight’ mode – which means I’ve probably lived in an almost constant state of stress for much of my life. And having had little conscious awareness of this tendency, it’s meant I’ve needed to become unwell before I stopped.” – I can see that this is how I have been at work also, Victoria. What you say later in your blog to “trust in stillness”, makes a lot of sense.
This blog clearly shows how far away from being a true woman within our working environment we have allowed ourselves to go. I can relate to having the belief that I have to go into male energy – a drive or a hardness whilst at work and that somehow I will not be able to do my work efficiently if I don’t do this. I also know that some of my job choices have not been natural to me, but I would push to prove I could do it. Lots to consider here, thank you.
What this blog clearly reveals is that we can choose a job and a way of being at work that are simply not good choices for ourselves (that is our bodies). Realising this is important to walk a different path. Thank you for this reminder!
I love this blog Victoria and can relate to it all, as I find myself hesitating to trust in that inner stillness fully. The great thing though is that I know that it is there and ten years ago if I read this I wouldn’t have known what you were talking about. This is the great thing about learning and growing, in that if we are open to understanding ourselves more there is so much more we can discover, just as you have done in uncovering that you are so much more than what you do at work.
The past week I’ve been reflecting on how I used to be at work, to how I am now. Back in the day I was constantly in drive, there was a harshness to me and everything I did. I dressed femininely – yet I was hard and contracted and overall quite masculine in my approach. I was in nervous tension all the time, often anxious and I had a short fuze.
These days I take the woman I am to work with me. As it turns out, I don’t need the drive or the harshness to get things done. If anything – I get more done, I am more productive and the woman is well received. I am much more open with my staff and our clients than I’ve ever been – and they love it.
Definitely time to be taking our womanly and more tender selves to work and being all that we are. So many ideals that we hold onto around work lead to stress, and that push and drive that you speak of is huge! I too am starting to become more aware of when this kicks in and taking the time with myself to stop and come back to my body. The difference is amazing!
“A womanly body of work”, such a beautiful blog. I too had to let go of the belief that I had to work in this hard, pushing and controlling way to get things done and open up to the deep femaleness in me and approach work from there. It is still work in progress and it’s like unlearning everything I learned, but it has been and is a wonderful journey back to me.
Victoria you have touched something very raw in me and have given me the opportunity to nominate this hurt and let it go – I don’t want to be that person that is defined by what I do, it is showing me there is still layers to work through in accepting that I am enough just being me. I can feel her at times and it’s lovely. Thank you for your sharing and the blessing I have received.
Great Blog Victoria, I can relate to the stress at work and getting caught up in the busy-ness of everything that needs doing, especially when our busy season kicks in – it’s all heads down and staying late. Also something I have to watch out for is not taking a full lunch break when it is very busy and getting out of the office to have a walk in the park – it is so easy to forget this and make work more important than myself.
What a great blog Victoria. “I‘ve had a tendency to go into a lot of busy-ness, often bringing an incredible, internal intensity to the way I’ve worked, going into overwhelm and nervous system energy when the need to do so did not actually exist.” Reading this line makes me so aware of the fact that we choose to go into something and are definitely not the victims of it. I know for me I did this too most of the time to not feel my lack of self-love and self-worth. With my growing self-love I now choose to not do certain jobs when I know they do not fit with me. This feels very honouring and I am able to have no need for the stress to distract myself from feeling not worthy of love.
It’s great to come back and read this blogs again and know the hardness and stress I carry is not me but something I do and go into, and one definitely to watch out for at work. It’s almost like I go into fight or flight mode as soon as I wake up at the anticipation of the day ahead and the things to do, which makes me giggle too as I can feel how I create this pressure and stress from outside myself and the expectations or thoughts of how I am or it should be in my head … wow we put so much pressure literally on ourselves and others to live up to these ideals and beliefs which are so not true. It is exhausting and draining and so unloving for all involved.
Thank you for pointing out that we create the pressure and stress, I was able to giggle too when I read your comment Gyl.
Victoria, learning how to be at work as a woman is something I too am still mastering. In a recent busy period I got caught up in going into a push, which now has affected my body. It has made me realise how important it is, not only care for me, but to approach everything I do from the connection to the woman I am and, like you, that makes me smile.
I feel this too Sharon.
And in this – trying to break out of a pattern of recognition as opposed to just being who I am. Too often these patterns I get into not only hurt and stunt me, but they keep me from offering a reflection to others that I know I am capable of.
It makes me smile as well Victoria.
I feel it is to late for me to build my womanly work body this life, however in my next life I will start from get go to do exactly that; now that makes me smile again.
“I can perhaps begin to re-build my ‘womanly work body’…and maybe even create a womanly body of work. Now that makes me smile!” That makes me smile too. Learning to trust that stillness doesn’t mean laziness or boredom is a new one on me…and offers an alternative to the go go go of my nervous system fuelling my every move.
I too have struggled with being too hard and aggressive, especially with myself. But it was awesome to read this blog and remember that Im not that hard and aggressive behaviour and in my stillness, those behaviours do not exist.
This is a great article to read Victoria, one many woman will and can relate to. For me it has been great to read this morning as I have been feeling stressed at work and I now realise I don’t know what it is to “be a woman and work” – that’s not a bad thing just something to re-learn. I can feel I take on ether people’s stuff, maybe even the whole school if I’m honest and constantly worry, strive and rush – but I do know that stillness and what it feels like to live and be from there, and in this I know I can absolutely trust, and trust what I feel and all that is needed will be there.
To “trust in stillness” -I can really relate to this Victoria and appreciate how hard this can be to do. I can get to the end of my work day and realise that I have not come back to my stillness at all during the day! However I don’t beat myself up -I acknowledge to myself that the day has passed and I can choose how to be in the next moment. Some days now I am coming back to stillness for some of the day but I am a forever student who is willing to feel and learn!
Sometimes the moment we enter our workplace, something already changes. It is like we shape ourselves into this role and for me, I can so relate to going into the doing and achieving, having to be active. How wonderful indeed to bring more stillness and awareness to work, and just be the beautiful women that we are…
Beautiful Victoria. I too am still learning to trust in the stillness, in staying with myself. The world will not end if we forget something but it will continue in this useless rush if we don’t choose ourselves.
“re-build my ‘womanly work body’…and maybe even create a womanly body of work.” Now theres a job I’m applying for right now! Thank you Victoria.
This made me smile too and I will be taking my womanly body to work this week.
Let’s all bring our stillness to work. That would be a great reflection for many of us in a busy and stressful state of doing. Imagine all women in their stillness at work…… Lovely place to be.
Great blog! Good bye old, untrue ideals and beliefs, – welcome trust in stillness and a “womanly work body”. Thank you, Victoria – watch out, work!
Dear Victoria, Thank you for your article on stress, so many people will be able to relate to this, the constant busyness , pushing, drive and doing to achieve in place of our natural stillness and knowing. I love this “trust in stillness.” I know this to be true, the moment I stop take a step back from all the thoughts rushing around in my head and simply feel in that moment, okay what needs to be done, then the answers are naturally there. Plus the huge joy that’s felt in that too.
I thought I didn’t do stress, yet I could multi-task with the best of them. No stillness there then. Now I know low level stress was in almost everything I did, always aiming to get things done, even at home, for a deadline. I can’t multi-task anymore, as Gyl says ‘feel in that moment, okay what needs to be done, then the answers are naturally there’.
There are indeed so many ill-beliefs about being a woman, many roles we have to fullfill – where does it leave us, the woman within? I love your words: to trust the stillness within. By nature we have so much to offer. Just like you I am more and more connecting to that vast stillness and can feel I don’t have to do or be anyone different than the lovely woman I already am.
‘Where does it leave us?’ is a great question. When I think about the state of women’s health (from what I see and hear from the women I meet) and the statistics I read, the answer has to be ‘Not in a very good place’.
Inspiring and honest, Victoria. You so well highlight the realities for women at work and in business. I can relate to much of what you share. Do we work as women (or men), or as people? And do employers or Human Resources personnel consider, embrace and honour the differences between the two and yet hold all in their absolute equalness – for treating everyone as the androgynous same is not true equality? Your article would inspire and be a great read for Human Resources departments.
Victoria I love your blog and can really relate to ‘not trusting stillness.’ A strong tendency was for me to not trust that I was enough so I pushed myself to prove to myself and others that I was more than enough. Since attending Universal Medicine courses and presentations I have come to accept and feel stillness more and more. I can feel its power.
I’m about to start a job. I know accepting myself as a woman and not holding back from expressing this is vital – everyone will benefit. But if some don’t receive what I bring so well I still know what I bring is needed and I’ll continue to work with accepting myself and expressing. It’s great to read your blog in relation to work and stillness and all the comments knowing so many are living this way at work.
It’s amazing how we create these ideas that we will be the woman that can do it all. I get caught for it all the time.. pushing myself to the limit… I know I can work a lot, very well and with high intensity but learning to support myself more would be great so I could feel more of my female stillness as you have described and less nervousness and raciness running my body.
“Trust in stillness” I love this reminder. I have experienced being pregnant and working, I remember I felt completely at ease, being with me, this lovely flow and trust in stillness. A confidence that whatever happens it is okay. This is a long time ago and after giving birth it was as if this inner feeling of stillness was related to my pregnancy. Now I know (20 years later) that it has nothing to do with pregnancy, I can chose to be in this stillness and where ever I go and do, I can trust stillness.
I love what you have shared Victoria and it has led me to ponder on how I often go into the male energy that you have described here ‘to get things done’. “Trust in stillness” – this is somewhat of a work in progress for me, but I love this phrase, a gentle reminder that magic happens within stillness.
I can fully relate to what you have expresssed Victoria. It brought back the feeling of how it was to compete with men I worked with and how I would go that extra bit to show I was as, or more capable, than a man. Even to the extent of choosing careers that were mostly dominated by men, again showing that I could ‘make it in a man’s world.’ The hardness in my body felt awful while I lived this way, and I also looked hard too. Now, accepting myself in all my gorgeous femaleness and carrying this with me everywhere, there is no need to show everyone what I can do and how capable I am in the work I do.
Slipping into the role of work is easy to do. I have found myself in the work zone totally not my normal wonderful playful self. Now I remind myself that everything is expression. The way I drive to work, the way I get out of the car etc. This has helped me with work to ensure that it all matters and that it is best if Daniel turns up to work and not the guy that looks very similar to him.
That makes me smile too.
And yes, learning to trust in the stillness actually feels like my true life’s ‘work’.
Nicely put Pernilla! Our work before work : ))
Hi Victoria. This is such an important article to read. you validate the natural qualities of being a woman, and remind me of how important these qualities are in every situation. I know that personally I still have a lot to learn about being a woman at work, but your article has inspired me, so, thank you.
You’re welcome Shami… And the more of us who reclaim being the woman at work, the more our workplaces will change.
This is just a gorgeous blog and as a woman in the workplace, I can relate to it on so many levels. I absolutely masked my stillness with the busyness and drive. For me that was the solution to doing well. This blog is a reminder that women don’t have to be ’emotional’ or ‘too attached’ at work – that is a branding we’ve been given. With all the stress in the workplace these days, there is a genuine need for more stillness in the workplace. Bring it on I say.
Yes, I agree – bring it on!
Hi Victoria, this blog really gives me a lot to stop and think about, I can see if I look back, that I too have chosen jobs where stress was considered a normal part of the work environment. Bringing stillness with me to my work environment is very much a work in progress, but I love the blog and it is thought provoking. Thank you
I look forward to the day Judy, when we all drop the expectation that work needs to be stressful or the ‘stress = productivity’, be it for financial or social outcomes.
I loved re-reading this article and all the comments. It is truly inspiring. I can feel my stillness and I can feel how I get caught up in situations where I can no longer feel this stillness.
Me too – and it doesn’t feel so good!
Reading this again I have been inspired to reflect on past work and life-style choices and how much my being in stillness has impacted on that, so to speak. I can so appreciate my choice to act from this place of stillness and allow myself now to understand what a huge difference to myself and those around me it makes. There is one area in my life in particular where I find holding this quality by no means an easy task. I realise I have been “trying” in this area even though I have not wanted to…trying to bring stillness to it.
By allowing myself to surrender to a deeper level of stillness in me, on a daily basis in everything outside this situation naturally brings more truth and casts more light on the situation itself. It is as if I have seperated this part of my life from the rest when in truth all parts are equal if I bring the whole of me to them. It is more about me embracing myself absolutely and at the same time letting go of the concept of ‘self’ that holds the key and being in stillness allows for that completely.
I think I know what you’re saying, Elaine… stillness is universal and stillness begets more stillness and from there we can grow and continue to develop it in areas where it eludes us… or we elude it.
Thank you, victorialister, this is so beautifully and elegantly put..much appreciated.
Great article, Victoria – I so relate to not ‘Trusting Stillness’, that whatever needs to be done maybe forgotten or not dealt with. But as you say, what is going to happen if that happens – it’s not the end of the world. I can feel the power of the stillness when I am there being that, so why would that power suddenly disappear when you have a situation that is going on when you’re at work or anywhere for that matter? The power will disappear if you’re not in your stillness and choose to get caught up in what is around you. It may seem like I have sorted out the situation but the energy that I have done it in leaves me feeling very far away from my stillness. What I have been working on is knowing that my stillness is there in me whenever I choose to connect to it…but it doesn’t mean I have to be still or slow in the way I do things. I work in an extremely busy cafe and I am moving all the time but as Helen said earlier, you connect to your rhythm in stillness and everything around you calibrates to you – It is super incredible to observe and feel when it happens and let me tell you, the ease in which my body feels as it works like this is truly Joyful. I never would have thought work could be so Joyful.
What you describe is fantastic, Natalie. I so wish I’d known then what I know now when I was a chef – it would have made work much less difficult.
I can really relate to what you have written here in the sense of being busy at work and ‘doing’. In previous jobs it was like I thrived on this. If I had loads of different things to get done I would push myself and use the stress I was in to do them, and if I am really honest, felt the more busy and stressed I was the more recognition I would get for being ‘good’ at my job! Yuk. However, now, from attending workshops, courses and teachings by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine as well as seeing Universal Medicine practitioners thankfully a lot has changed. I no longer push myself to get things done, run on stress and look for recognition but first and foremost stay connected with me and work from there. Work gets done with care and calmness and is a lot more enjoyable : )
Care and calm, I love it Vicky! Not being in nervous system energy at work is SO much easier. When it does creep back in, I really feel it.
Wow, I super enjoyed reading this, Victoria and I’m sure it will keep me pondering. I have also felt the angst of being a woman and being that in full at work. To be in a ‘womanly work body’ sounds awesome to say the least – and the impact that would have on the workplace in general, would be truly astounding. So many of us fall into the driven excesses with all the stress and frustration this brings and the cost is too high – our health, our relationships and our work suffers, not to mention the suffering of the receivers of our work. Bringing that still, complete and female way of being (open to all men and women) to the world of work is what is so needed now. I especially loved how you likened this way of being to the feelings of pregnancy as I felt this when pregnant – and bringing this to all I do at home or work now, even though I’m no longer pregnant, actually increases the amount I can do and definitely its quality. Thank you Victoria for this wondrous blog.”
Hi Victoria, when I read the paragraph – “But what if I forget something?” I can hear my mind protesting. So what if I do? Will the world fall over? Probably not. Am I being too hard on myself? Probably – that would fit my pattern! And beyond those notions, I can feel that if I were deeply connected to my femaleness and learnt to be OK with that, my body will provide me with all the cues it needs – and everything I need to do or ‘be across’ will be taken care of. In other words, I’ve yet to learn (as was put to me recently) to trust in stillness.” I realised that I try so hard at work to not make a mistake and get it right, it’s been so exhausting, you’ve inspired me to “trust in stillness”.
Awesome, Natalie. It’s amazing how much we do exhaust ourselves, by taking on beliefs and concerns that simply are not needed.
Wow, Victoria. What you’ve written is simply beautiful and deeply inspiring. Thank you!
Now for us all to live it!
It is amazing the ideals and beliefs we can take on around work and how to go about it, thanks for exposing some of these here Victoria.
Yes, there’s so many of them! It’s a wonder we get any work done. Well, we do, but you have to also wonder about the quality of that work…
Gosh Victoria, you have described me perfectly here! Trust in the stillness.. I have only just had this really make its way into my awareness – the more aware I become of stillness, the more my body shouts at me when I don’t grace it with stillness and I have noticed how much a state of anxiousness i seem to be in, where I feel every nerve in my body contracts in overwhelm over absolutely anything! My body is forcing me to see through my new awareness that the faster I go, the more there is to do and I will never get to that place where I give myself to stop and feel the stillness. Through the huge support I have received from Universal Medicine practitioners I have learnt to Trust in this stillness and from that I’ve discovered the only answer is to making stopping and feeling that stillness the most important thing in my day, every day, for as long as I live… From that stillness, easy solutions to otherwise complex scenarios pop out of nowhere, things just make sense and life is easy. I have experienced bits and pieces of this but am committing to make this a permanent feature of me, trusting in stillness.
I agree, Rachel, stopping and being still helps to resolve all sorts of issues from technical problems with the computer to deciding what to do next when we have taken on too much and are about to go into overwhelm. ‘I’ve discovered the only answer is to making stopping and feeling that stillness the most important thing in my day, every day, for as long as I live’. Great words, thank you.
Me too Rachael, re the commitment. And I love what you say re the benefits of stillness: ‘…easy solutions to otherwise complex scenarios pop out of nowhere, things just make sense and life is easy’… spot on.
This was such a relatable revelation for me – and completely how I’ve been feeling for a number of years. I can so relate to the busy drive that I thought was ‘needed’ – and I even catch myself sometimes wanting to go into that now! I’m also very much a work in progress with femaleness at work! it was always about rush and drive and power – never stillness, love and a tender way in the workplace to just ‘be’.
And like you – I am certainly exploring this each and everyday and rebuilding my ‘womanly work body’ too. Thank you for sharing what I’ve certainly been feeling.
You’re welcome HV. It sure is a work in progress – I started a new, big project earlier on this year and found myself losing myself for a bit there in the overwhelm. But, onwards and upwards. Or, should I say ‘inwards then outwards’!
I could so relate to your article this morning. I realise that although I don’t go into panic or obvious nervous system response anymore there is still an underlying anxiousness that is unsettling at times and I am not truly addressing this. I am also allowing ideals and beliefs to colour these interactions. I am leaving the woman behind. For me this speaks volumes for I know that gorgeous tender loving woman and in these interactions it’s as if I lose her to make a point or to defend myself or others from harshness. I feel to trust her more. And as you say “trust in stillness.” To just be with me in stillness. Maybe I don’t have to do anything. “In stillness lies all.”
I’m so glad you related to this Elaine… well as glad as I can be given it’s not a response any of us want! But it is great to see it for what it is and start to arrest the old momentums.
A very enjoyable article Victoria. I think that you give us a clue when you say;
“I come back to the fact that I often chose roles that weren’t natural to me and shoe-horned myself into them. I can however, nominate a few roles where everything was easy. But these were roles I’d leave after a while, simply because they were not ‘sophisticated’ or ‘challenging’ enough – somehow I imagined myself as needing something more”
It seems to me that there is an almost endless pursuit here, where the mind is in
control and the body has not been consulted. Almost anything can be ‘important,
exiting or interesting if one is really present while doing it.
So true Jonathan… And let’s further refine the situation and call it an endless game of ‘trivial pursuit’ – albeit one with serious impacts.
Hi Rebecca, wow, I can really feel the ‘real you’ in your response and how you now take that loveliness to work. What a bonus for the people you care for – and you.
Hi Victoria. I have just read your article again, it makes sense on so many levels. I am inspired.
Thanks Natalie. It’s amazing how much we can feel in the words we read. And it’s awesome to be writing about stillness and being that when we work.
Lovely Victoria. I could feel myself becoming still as I read your article. It is very inspiring. I too have driven myself at work and it is a timely reminder to have a look at another way.
Dear Victoria, thank you for this share. I can relate to everything you say here and I can tell my body just wants to let go into that stillness that you speak of but there is a concern that everything will become chaotic. When I read that your mind said ‘So what if I forget something’ I can tell that I’ve never allowed myself to say that. Amazing the amount of pressure we place upon ourselves, but blogs like these give us an opportunity to consider that maybe we can be women at work.
I still find the letting go part difficult Shevon – I’m so used to operating in a linear, time-driven way, and the whole world is set up to be like that of course, so it can be hard to surrender to something so very different. But oh, when I do… it’s SO much better, everything flows and I don’t feel stressed. I suspect when I master stillness at work, I won’t forget anything either. But when I do in the meantime, so be it.
That’s so awesome Rebecca! I imagine this is very inspiring to those who work alongside you.
A great article, Victoria, I can relate to so much that you’ve said. I find it so revealing to reflect on the roles I’ve chosen in my lifetime. A lot of them were from feeling that I was inferior, and I’ve been very hard on myself as well. I love the way to be, of trusting in the stillness and building a womanly work body: I’ll go for that too.
Thanks Gill. As time goes by I am realising how much of this hardness has been retained in my system and exactly how embedded my old ideals and beliefs are. I’ve also become aware I’ve been operating from the erroneous assumption that I somehow need to keep ‘proving’ myself, as if I wasn’t enough already… really unnecessary and harming.
Wow Victoria, this article and the comments that follow are inspiring – “I can feel that if I were deeply connected to my femaleness and learnt to be OK with that, my body will provide me with all the cues it needs – and everything I need to do or ‘be across’ will be taken care of. In other words, I’ve yet to learn to trust in stillness.” This is a work in progress for so many of us as we let go of our identity with what we are doing and focus more on be-ing and how we are feeling in our bodies. I’m currently working in a busy supermarket bakery, with loads of things to get done in very little time, and the ability to do things quickly in stillness is something I’m learning. ‘Deeply connecting to my femaleness’ is something I can work on with everything I do.
Hi Carmel, I know what you mean, I used to work as a chef, which is all about doing a lot, super-quickly, all the time. I abandoned any innate sense of stillness I might have had to try and succeed (or sometimes just cope) with this role, to the detriment of my health – it set up a kind of life-long, internal ‘hysteria’ which I then carried to other roles and which I am still learning to undo. If stillness were taught in homes and schools and honoured at work, we’d all be a lot better off. Until that day, consciously choosing it as often as we can and reflecting it to others is the way forward.
Hi Victoria, I love the phrase ‘internal hysteria’ as it so well describes what I feel when I’m excited about a new project or even when I’m simply pottering about at home – it is always present, and although I may be functioning calmly on the outside, the internal anxiousness, mainly fuelled by my my own self-doubt, is driving that feeling of desperation. To know that I am enough, that simply being me is enough, is an inspiring concept that I have not yet fully embodied, but when I stop trying and allow myself to be truly still, it is there.
Hi Jane, great comment on how you being still helps others to feel their own stillness.
Dear Victoria
Thank you for sharing with such honesty about your work life and the stress that comes with you not being the real you in work. I could say “ditto” to so much of what you have said here. Like you I chose challenging work and it was a mans job that I was ‘doing’.
Working in the UK financial services industry in the 90’s, ‘I left me as a woman out of the equation’ – exactly as you say. This continued and nothing really changed until I got sick 18 years later, due to the stress in my body from disconnecting to my natural innermost self. I just could not switch off even when I went to sleep.
Today I can honestly say, I am deeply committed to bringing stillness into my body so I go out of my way to have a nap on days off and go to bed super early so I know this supports me on the days when I am out in the field. If I am in the office all day, I make sure I get some stop moments and never allow myself to get too racy in my head.
I have ways to bring myself back and I really value this way of working now.
Thanks Bina. I love your tips for staying in connection with yourself – very practical and self-loving. Bring on the mandatory workplace nap lounges I say!
Victoria, I loved reading this as I am working on the same thing. Working on reawakening my awareness (of what has kept me in misery etc.) with the support of Universal Medicine. I have become aware of a disconnection within myself. I see how I have not held myself in my womanliness; I don’t carry it into what I do. Throughout my life I’ve often been in a male body in my dreams (message from my soul?!)…I have left my female ways buried inside. I am just beginning to allow myself to break from the belief I’ve unconsciously held (among others) that I will not gain respect in this world as the WOMAN that I am. I’m beginning to feel myself as a woman and it feels so flowing and I’m finding that in this, I’m also reconnecting to the deep well of wisdom and guidance which is in the essence of this very femaleness!
I know what you mean. I am still working on embodying me as the woman, and particularly always so in the area of work. I’ve recently become aware of the energy of needing to ‘prove’ myself still in my body – when the truth is there is nothing to prove because I’m already magnificent just as I am. We all knew this as newborns – nothing to prove, nowhere to go or do, just being love. How on earth do we become so neurotic??!!
Wow Victoria, what an honest account of your previously stress fuelled, driven work life which so many of us can relate to. The body can only keep going like that for so long as you say, and it denatures us as women to force the body into that energy. I love the ‘trust in stillness’ pearl, and the shared comments about a more loving workplace that honours connection to self and colleagues as the start and end of each day. How lovely…
Hi Janet. Yes I agree – how amazing it would be if we were to begin to implement these moments in working lives? Maybe we can, one woman at a time.
Hi Tony, yes, I believe you have been ahead of your time! Slow thinking seems like a combination of feeling into something, then using our true intelligence to evaluate it – to look at the logics that underpin it. A kind ‘trusting in stillness’ union of heart and mind.
I understand that ‘thinking slowly’ is the new management tool. I have been doing this for years – must be ahead of my time!
I relate so strongly to what you have shared here Victoria. I enjoyed reading the comments below too from everyone and feel the way you have all explored the topic together is beautiful. Great work.
‘Trust in the stillness’ – such a sublime and simple message for our every day.
Thanks Joseph. I agree, the way this has unfolded is great and I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have. As for trusting in stillness… I’m finding I have opportunities to test this everyday!
Thank you Victoria, and with my own venturing back into the work force very soon I intend to remember your beautiful story and see what may come up for me too. Thank you so much for sharing!
You are so welcome Janine, and I trust you will find a wonderful place to work where you can be the wonderful, womanly you!
I’m totally with you on the autopilot thing Amina, I’m amazed at how much I have unwittingly lived my life doing just what you describe with absolutely no idea I was doing it. I find the ‘multi-tasking’ habit particularly hard to break.
You know, I don’t even remember multi-tasking being around as a concept say 25 years ago. It certainly wasn’t a part of my grandma’s life. Today though, it’s pretty much an ‘accepted truth’ about women: we’re good at it, we do it naturally, we do it and men can’t (or perhaps more sensibly and truthfully won’t) and that makes us better… I feel this one of the most harming of the modern myths about women and one that keeps us in a state of constant ‘doing’, far away from our true selves and running our bodies ragged.
I too can relate to this article. When I make my connection to myself as important as my work I notice the feeling to ‘hurry and get things done’ isn’t there. In taking things slower and being more with myself, I find I can really connect with people as I walk by and there is a much lighter feeling in walking past people. I also find that in fact when I am consciously present with my body while I work, I make far fewer mistakes and my work flow is much more smooth because I don’t have the distracting thoughts etc. It is a work in progress to make this a consistent way of being, but I can say that my quality of presence at work is natural if I begin my day at home that way (from waking up on). What a feeling to cherish and celebrate 🙂
Hi nsarge, I can’t help but think that the way of being at work you describe would be a bit of a win-win for employers too – fewer mistakes, more collegiality, less burnout, increased productivity. Yet we’re still all caught up in the idea that ‘faster’ is better…
Making me, just me & my body – nothing outside of that ‘as important as work’ – you have offered a really important key here! With this we can transform our workplaces and our lives…
When I adopt this simple and yet so important practice in any moment, all of the momentum of my environment is suddenly no longer a part of me. In this is the ‘stillness’,that I naturally am – and now the environment calibrates to me rather than the other way around…
Practising conscious presence – is powerful beyond words.
If any business wants the secret to maintaining or increasing productivity and reducing stress – it lies here – in people and their actual presence (being – not just doing) as the most important thing.
Hi Helen, I so agree. It would be great to do some research on this area. And I love your line ‘now the environment calibrates to me’ – that is so helpful. How much less stressed we’d all be if we stopped trying to fit into our external environments and just stayed present with ourselves. It kind of brings a new level of understanding to the old phrase ‘keeping up with the rat race’. I know how ‘ratty’ I feel if I lose myself in or at work, and the ultimate impact on my health and wellbeing.
This sounds magnificent Jane. I relate to it being a work in progress – certainly in terms of cultivating stillness at work. I went into a workplace for the first time in a while yesterday, and although it was relatively harmonious, I still felt the ‘hidden energy’ of the work world quite strongly behind it… a very palpable feeling of rush, deadlines and drive, How strong and seductive that energy is! I liken it to the sensation of stepping out into a busy city street and immediately taking up the pace of the walkers around you instead of keeping to your own rhythm… of getting swept up in a momentum without even realising. It takes a lot of discipline to swim against the tide, and I’m still learning.
Trusting in stillness and creating a womanly body of work…Yum, yum…Makes me smile too!
Thank you all for your comments…I love how we can build on each other’s understandings. As part of my explorations on work, I’ve been playing with imagining what a ‘future femaleness workplace’ might look like.
In the news during the week I heard of a ‘ground-breaking’ CEO in America who had had a creche built into her office. Yes, perhaps a practical step forward for women, but I feel we need to go a lot deeper than this.
So, what would a ‘future femaleness workplace’ really look like to you?
What the future workplace looks like to me;
A workplace where the quality of our connection to ourselves and to each other is established BEFORE anything gets done or is considered for doing…
A workplace where nurturing applies to people…which in turn nurtures (true) success – in that order!
A workplace where working on the strength of our brotherhood and purpose means that the harsh and divisive elements of comparison and competition simply can no longer exist
I make these things the foundation of MY every day at work – we can live the future now.
Helen I love your foundation for a place of work. It so simply and so beautifully covers every area with a perfect blueprint for a successful business. Empowered personnel, high moral and a desire to work well, and great team work with purpose. Ideal for any employer. How could they say no to that?
Awesome Helen I love your foundation for your work environment and it is very Inspiring. This is a formula that needs to be taken to all work environments. People first then product.
Thank you Victoria! I can relate to much of this blog, in particular your sentence – I’ve been great at ‘doing’ work in terms of results, but not in terms of being me in it”.
For me it has been “doing” Life than me being me IN life! Thanks to Universal Medicine presentations I am slowly remembering how to trust in the stillness within and as you so beautifully say – “With that possibility, and an intent to not shun the possibility that in stillness lies all, I can perhaps begin to re-build my ‘womanly (work) body’…. Now that makes me smile from deep within!
Victoria, I love how you write ‘Trust in stillness’. It has been a huge transition for me to observe how I have learnt to use my stillness in the job that I do. I’ve never actually put words to it, but what I have been doing is learning to trust in my own stillness. Trust in the fact my heart is umpteen times more powerful than what my mind can come up with. My work blossoms when I am still, my body loves it, my colleagues reap the rewards of having one less emotional being to contend with. Thank you for your gentle insight.
Hi Suzanne, yes, stillness, I’m learning that one – I find that it’s much easier to be working in stillness when there’s a long queue at the checkouts even though my colleagues get anxious about it. I can dedicate myself to each customer in turn, and stay gentle. The general atmosphere is often calmer as a result, which is pretty cool.
I admire your ability to stay calm working a busy checkout, Carmel! I imagine it must have been challenging at first, there’s often so much ‘customer angst’ in long queues…
Ahh to trust in stillness, this is an idea that I have been playing with in my day to day life….
Trust is a huge issue for me, mainly the trust of my self is the issue, I worry that if I do not think everything out down to the last full stop I will miss something. But I have experienced times when I have completely let go of this need to plan to the utmost degree, and just had a general idea letting things unfold as I feel to. In my experience not only, then, do I get all done that needed attending to but also I get ideas to do extra bits that I never would have thought of if I had of planned it…
So now the idea is to trust in the stillness, my feeling of womanliness and allow myself to be impulsed from here…
I love your comment about Victoria’s blog, Toni. A reminder to “trust in the stillness”.
Brilliant Victoria! I love the way you expose how working to fulfil an ideal creates stress! You have shown how upside-down the world is with how it ‘functions’ and we allow ourselves to become lured into this simply because we forgot the glorious nurturing stillness that we are, inside us.
Thank you for your inspired writing that encourages us to come back to the most valuable treasure in life – our inner being – a treasure that belongs to all equally no matter what situation if life. I look forward to building a ‘womanly work body’.
Thank you Victoria, for sharing your story, it reflects so much of my own, feeling that being a woman meant being weak, trying to fit into roles that were unnatural and going into overwhelm as a result.
As I look around at the many women who have turned their lives around I am inspired, and I know that the simple job I do now fits me just right, because I’m having such fun doing it. I too am looking forward to exploring the tender, gentle woman that I am and taking that loveliness to work.
Hi Carmel, it was great to read your comment in relation to roles at work, as I relate strongly to this. I have taken on so many; being good, working harder than others, doing tasks to impress, completing things quickly, being able to do lots of things at once etc. What I am finding now is that I may be recognising the roles I go into and changing how I am with them or letting them go completely, but those I work with continue to identify me in a role or roles. This is an area of my work that I am continuing to develop.
Fabulous. Thank you Victoria. You have unearthed and expressed to much for the gain and benefit of us all.
Thank you Victoria for bringing forth the option for us all to stop and consider how we are as women while we work. I will deeply consider how I am being as a women within my work environment. I am learning to honour myself as a women within my life and this definitely includes while being at work. I am very aware of developing a relationship with myself that deeply honours my fragility. This means that I am learning to feel whatever needs to be felt in any moment and honour this rather than pushing through the feeling. It is ok for me to surrender to how my body feels and what it is asking of me, this is trusting in myself.
At work this may be feeling hungry and hence stopping to sit and eat something. It could be feeling thirsty so I allow myself to get a glass of water or having to go to the toilet and going straight away rather than waiting until the meeting ends or completing a work task. I know these examples seem simple but I observe people within my office – and I am not the only one who can push the body to get something done and ignore the fact that I am hungry, thirsty or need to use the toilet.
I have absolutely accepted this way of living in the past, so fair points, SallyScott. Also amazing blog Victoria, a subject so close to my own heart I can often miss it. The truth is I display a lot of these same practices, and even go as far as ignoring my own “femaleness” in the sense of that stillness, and gentleness that I can be. But I also install work as an “escape”…with these habits of busy-ness and anxiety comes this great numbing. The body hates it and I can feel that. But what happens is that when I am feeling too much to handle, and it does happen, I will get busy, go into pressure overdrive and just numb myself out with adrenaline…which my previous roles, targets and “career aspirations” have all been too happy to accommodate. Re-claiming me at work is not going to be an easy task, but with support, understanding and seeing commonality such as this, does give me the courage to give it a go.