by Jenny James, McLeans Ridges, NSW

Is life really just about the luck of the draw? When I was very young I remember being told that a friend of the family had become extremely ill. It was as if they had been struck out of the blue. Without any forewarning this disease had descended upon them. To me this seemed quite mysterious – as if there were a sort of random hit that could descend at any moment – and you escaped merely by the luck of the draw. There seemed to be no concept of health, self-care, nurturing or wellbeing – only shock and sadness at the disaster that had fallen.

I realised that over time this had developed into a way of thinking, a way of living where I could be more reckless with my health as it didn’t matter anyway – it will happen if it is destined to. There was also a feeling of fear and a sense of foreboding around this as I felt I had no say in what might happen to me. But why was I accepting this as the way it was? Didn’t I have any say in the matter? With this way of thinking, self-responsibility in any real terms was pretty much out the window.

A lot of questions arose in my mind. How do we get sick, and do we get sick before it occurs to us to look at our diet, the emotional turmoil in our life or what our body really needs in the first place? Is how much we are able to value and nurture ourselves linked to illness and disease? Is how much we value and nurture ourselves dependent on how we have been treated or hurt in life and if so, how can we break that cycle?

I did begin to desecrate myself in my later teenage years. Diet, and what I chose to ingest definitely played a role, but mostly for me I feel it was through the fostering of unhealthy relationships, aligning to others – knowing this was not true for me, and then carrying this on through my life to varying degrees to feel part of a group, to be accepted. I did not express what I truly knew and felt, and became irresponsible in many ways under the guise of wanting to appear ‘normal’ – which is interesting, because I can say that my behaviour definitely made me feel ‘odd’ – I was not comfortable in what I was creating at all!

What is self-love, self-care and nurturing? The spectrum is huge. I realised that it can be finally making the choice to move away from an abusive relationship, to having that lavender bath and feeling just what the body needs to eat in the morning. What can I do to break a cycle of self-neglect? I now know it is about finding that still place inside me, tuning in and feeling what is truly needed for myself at any point in time. I have discovered that no act of self-care is too small. It makes a huge statement in the big picture and creates new foundation to stand on.

I have found that the best medicine I can give myself is love, self-care and nurturing, learning how to truly love and nurture my body and myself. It has been something I have had to work at as it comes in ways that have never occurred to me before: I am re-discovering what true love is and what it brings.

I have realised that it first starts with me and how I am. Am I creating a day that will be stressful from the start or am I allowing my natural flow, rhythm and true knowing to lead the way? The very way I move, pick up the telephone, and how I get out of bed show me how I am setting myself up for the day. They show me how present I am, how my health and vitality will be sustained during the day and also how I will be with others. There are things that I constantly need to remind myself of. I now ask myself frequently, ‘am I bringing the true presence of the beautiful me to everything I do’? I absolutely can feel the difference – it’s beautiful, and everyone benefits, not only me!

The ground-breaking presentations given by Serge Benhayon on Esoteric Medicine and Natalie Benhayon with Esoteric Women’s Health lay this down in very practical terms and have brought for me invaluable understanding, wisdom and inspiration to the simplicity and joy of self care and nurturing. I know now that it is a choice for me to be love in activity rather than disregard in activity.

This does not mean that I will not get ill. I may, and sometimes I do. Sometimes illness does seem to appear to come out of the blue. This is about development and not perfection. For now illness and disease is a part of life – the body healing the parts of me that I have not paid attention to. But the point is that I am not under the helpless perception that I was before. I feel proactive and my life is rich with the growing love and tenderness that I feel towards myself and my wellbeing.

I can now say that I have never enjoyed ‘self responsibility’ so much. It is a joy and a pleasure to feel that I am indeed able to take care of myself as much as possible and not just to leave my wellbeing to the hand of fate. I am always learning new ways to do this as my love and awareness grows. I have been amazed how my body has responded to the call. It is like it has just been waiting for me to rise to the occasion.

We are precious and lovely – we can honour and love ourselves in every way.