by Judith Andras, Germany
Up until I turned 32 my life was a constant emotional drama. I had been through six relationships, and in between flings and one night stands always looking for my fairy prince, for Mr. Right, the man who was supposed to be my soul mate and who would complete me.
All these men were ‘good’ men, they tried hard to make me happy, but they couldn’t fill the emptiness inside – they could not give me what I was yearning and looking for. And so there was always something not ‘right’, something to complain about, to argue about…. the grass seemed so much greener on the other side of the fence.
When I look back today I can see my behaviour toward these men wasn’t fair. I asked for something they were not able to give me: a feeling of self-worth, to feel content within me… something I’ve slowly learned over the past ten years can be only given to me by myself.
At 32, something changed in my life: I met a person, Serge Benhayon, who reflected to me a lifestyle that was somewhat known to me, however I and people around me were far away from living like this. At first glance it didn’t seem very different, but over the years the difference became more obvious.
Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.
It wasn’t that easy to stop the drama – I was what you can call an emotion-junkie. Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me. But I began to realise that they were draining me and that I had reached a point of deep exhaustion and did not have the strength to continue.
I realised that relationships were essential for my abusive, dramatic behaviour and I decided to stay single for a while to learn to look inside and find myself instead of looking outside for the ‘right’ man.
In this process I realised that I was buried deeply under a lot of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns that came into the light once I started digging. I had a lot of realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism, but in the end it was worth it and I found gold. I found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness: I feel and look younger.
Today I am married – a commitment that I could have never imagined I would make. The reason I got married is not because I found Mr. Right but because I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.
Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Living life by our movements shows us a great deal for how much we are willing to then give love to ourselves. It is only when we see how our movements effect our lives and the outside support we crave when all that was ever needed was a gentle nudge to simply move, enjoy and nurture our inner garden and we then see a great shift towards love and tenderness that blooms all around us thereafter.
Judith thank you for sharing your experience when we try to find someone who fits our ideals and beliefs, and especially how we think we see a relationship should be, there is no room for a relationship to naturally grow, it is always destined to fail because no one can live up to another’s expectations. When we let go of those expectations and learn to love ourselves first, there is always room for a relationship to grow, expand and evolve as there are no expectations or pictures driving it forward.
And because you committed to true love and your expression of it instead of waiting for someone to deliver it unto you, you have constellated the perfect man to walk beside you in this journey home back to Soul. This is how it is done. It is very simple and exquisitely beautiful.
Dropping the expectation that someone else has they duty to provide us with the love we are so desperately searching for is a life-changing moment. Judith you me mention you thought your life was colourful with emotions and drama but the quality and clarity we can see and feel in life is so far beyond colour when we understand and begin to live that all of the love we have ever looked for another to give us (and so much more) is right here within us. We see into the universality of life and this becomes our everyday normal over time.
Beautiful Judith, knowing you personal as well – I can say absolutely from my observations that you are a woman of light and love herself and does walks beside some one (in this case her husband) in equalness of grace. A woman who does no longer find her living based on being with a man or a person. A woman of her own. This is beautiful to watch and be an observant of. Thank you for your reflection – your choice to commit to love – with or without someone walking beside you.
‘Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me.’ This is a great understanding to get to – it can take a while to see how drama is an addiction as much as any other, and a substitute for connection and joy.
To detach yourself from drama is the greatest freedom. As we do – we break free of the entanglement and imprisonment of a limited view (you can only look a certain way and not beyond) and we break the chain and become truly aware of what is real and what is not. This is what I have been supported with by Serge Benhayon – contiously so.
We can and do spend so much time looking for love outside of ourselves, whereas it is within us all along, it is our choice to connect with this, ‘Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.’
A lot of people are buried under beliefs, ideals and pictures, many of them being self destructive, how great that you let go of these and, ‘found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing’. Awesome.
“Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me.” Such beautiful honesty. We can be so hoodwinked into thinking that emotions are us being “alive”. When hooked into this, realising their draining effect, whether they be “good” or “bad” emotions, can be super challenging.
And that’s the difference Judith – how much of that love do you allow in and practically live it in your life? To have ultimate love is to live it yourself.
When we are already love confirmed as an individual, being with another in that expression is a natural progression of its expansion. And to see a couple living in that confirmation and its continuing expansion, it is such an inspiration and makes us realise the lies about relationships, especially in the form of marriages, we have been sold and buying for generations.
Absolutely beautiful sharing Judith, thank you.
“In this process I realised that I was buried deeply under a lot of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns that came into the light once I started digging. I had a lot of realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism, but in the end it was worth it and I found gold.”
It is this honesty to look at the destructive thoughts, behaviours and honesty and see them for what they are – a distraction to stop us from living the gold that is within. To keep us on the wheel that keeps us turning and turning around, lifetime after lifetime going no-where, until we choose to stop, look at our addictions and let them go. The teachings of Universal Medicine are an incredible tool to support you to do that, to make long-lasting change.
Yes Benkt, the need comes from a lack of connection not from something that is missing outside of ourselves.
A good question to ask Jennifer, for me emotions are not true anymore, they do not resemble how I feel inside and stand out like a sore thumb, what feels true to me has a very different quality.
Beautifully shared Judith, thank you. When we connect to the love we innately are, we are the fertiliser that makes the grass green wherever we go.
We are successfully ‘entertained’ and distracted by the drama and emotions in our lives , and then put our effort into solutions and ‘fix its’ that don’t come anywhere near the cause of our issues. We are riding a perpetual round-a bout of emotions so that we don’t have to address the hurts we feel. What I have learnt from Serge Benhayon is that when I surrender, drop into the spaciousness of my inner heart, BE the love that I truly am, my perspective on everything simplifies, and emotions do not play a part.
That really is what we are all looking for, to be content and love living the life we actually live, not when x,y or z happens or ‘comes true’ but when you are living in a way that supports you to be the love you are and within that all the gold in the world is revealed.
What a game changer it is when we begin to connect to the love we all have within – such a simple step that is truly powerful and deeply healing.
There are so many ideals and beliefs about a partner in life and we are very hooked on these many possibilities and versions, but what you offer here is something completely different, that the love we seek starts with us and that it is with us all the time that we simply need to choose it and choose it for ourselves first which then will naturally unfold towards every person, as it is the quality we live in and not something to receive or gain. Love can not be taken away from us we can only choose not to be love/loving.
Beautifully said, we cannot gain or conquer love, but we can connect to it and it is available always, whether we choose to feel it or not.
Awesome Judith how you are now appreciating your life, I think this is the best medicine for emotional dramas and inner struggles. I caught myself thinking just yesterday how much lovelier I would feel if I was to live somewhere else, perhaps in a nicer house and drive better car etc. and then I realised what I was doing. I thought, wow where have these thoughts come from? A lack of appreciation. So thank you Judith for sharing your experience, inspiring me to appreciate my patch of green grass too.
Being able to really ‘be’ where you are, not to check out, want to be somewhere else in life is something we all can grapple with, that age old saying ‘the grass is greener on the other side’, we use this metaphor a lot. But it is in knowing fully ourselves, being claimed in that and not wanting to be elsewhere, that there can be a real settlement in the body, a knowing that where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be.
I like that you say today the grass is beautifully green wherever you are, and it probably always was, but when we are always focused on another patch of grass we do not realise how beautiful the grass is that we are staying on.
I agree Esther, this shows how often we forget to appreciate where we are and what we have been gifted with especially when we are focusing afar and forgotten to pay attention and love to what is right in front of us.
Yes, it is the appreciation that brings us home to the beauty around us.
Being an emotion junkie is I suspect a pretty common addiction. I know for myself that when I first met my now husband, I experienced for the first time a lack of need. I didn’t need him and it made me feel very uncomfortable because I thought it couldn’t be the true love I felt it was without the desperate pangs of need and longing I had always associated with love until that point. The lack of need came from the fact that I had been deepening my love of myself thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, and so therefore did not need another to fill me as I was starting to do this for myself.
There is nothing more healing and powerful than finding and connecting to the love within us, for at last we get to know ourselves for the love that we are first and not the roles we have subscribed to in life that keep us in the misery of playing small and looking for someone to fulfill our emtiness when we are already everything we have ever dreamt of in connection to self.
Riding an actual roller coaster was never something I wanted to do, but when I look back now I can see that for many, many years I was riding an emotional one, non-stop. It was exhausting, full of dramas and the only stops I ever had were enforced ones when my body declared loudly that it could not go and presented me with an illness or disease; of course then I had to stop. To have finally got off this crazy ride has been so wonderful and life is definitely much more enjoyable and way less exhausting without the continual dramas.
And it feels like a beautiful commitment to yourself Judith, bringing it all.
To embody that there are some things in life that no one can give to us except ourselves is a great step forward. To give it to us is a true blessing.
Thanks Judith, you share great wisdom here – this is the kind of story we truly need in magazines and on dating websites! There is such a big difference between seeking love from another versus being willing to share our love with others…
Without the emotional roller coaster we are left with ourselves, the emptiness or re-connection with our glorious selves. Then if we have the partner who is willing to go there themselves there can be much joy to be shared and things to be let go of.
“All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
I love the way you appreciate yourself and all you have chosen Judith. The quote above helps me to feel how simple and lovely relationships can be if we choose to let go of drama, expectations and reactions.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” — Good for you Judith, our own grass is always greenest 🙂
There is so much to be said for ‘conscious presence’ for in that state of being I only see the grass beneath my own feet and no fence! My lot in life is what I make it and I do my best to keep it as simple as if I am the Son of God who has many lessons in life to learn.
Being an emotional junkie is something I could very much relate to, wanting to always talk things out with someone, reiterate my point of view, not really being able to come back to myself, which is where all the wisdom was anyway for me. This is different now, not going into the drama of things, to know that there is another way, a way that is about connection and not drama.
“I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.” This is the pot of gold we are all searching for.
The warmth of love in your words warms those who read them Judith, they have me. So lovely.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” Absolutely spot on Judith, wonderfully put.
I agree kerstinsalzwr15. A great reminder how we can cut ourselves off and build walls of protection when we are far from living the quality that lies within us all – with or without a partner.
Thank you Judith for a beautiful story finding your own love buried deep beneath your own hurts, and bringing that love out to be shared with another. Letting love in and letting love out. ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!
This is so true, life runs so often on emotions, holding back that what is there to be lived in full, our true amazingness.
‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!’ Staying open and letting Love in – beautifully said Judith.
” . . . the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” I love that Judith as this is exactly what loving myself means – to be present and to deal with everything what is presented in that moment. I have stopped to wish to have the green anywhere else as I found out that is only distracting myself from dealing with what is in this moment.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!” So beautiful Judith – celebrate you and all you are. It is so important to appreciate what we have.
“It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences”
I can really relate to this sentence, Judith. The relationship between myself and my husband is amazing but we have had to let go of the hurts we have held for so long. These hurts created many issues in our relationship and stopped a deeper intimacy between us.
“It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
A willingness for another to go there with you is so very needed, to live in a relationship where this is not present, is to live in a constant state of tension.
Love this blog Judith and I can relate to so much of what you have shared about looking for “Mr Right”, or in my case growing up waiting for my prince to come and hoping that we would live happily ever after; what an exhausting illusion that was to live for such a long time. In fact, I actually didn’t realise at the time that living like this, looking for someone to fill the emptiness inside me, was draining my precious energy which then was further drained by being “an emotion-junkie”. How wonderful to have finally got off this “emotional roller coaster”, and begun to take responsibility for filling the emptiness, by learning to love me once again.
Very very beautiful Judith, it totally explains us where you have been and what shifts in life you have made – that made your life upside down (or should I say actually in the right way!). I am amazed how you have let go of this ideal of finding Mr. Right and having found yourself and now someone who stands beside you and chooses to stand together. I mean that is so much better than waiting for someone to save you – whilst you know you can only save yourself ! Clever choice to love you.
Thank you Judith for a truly beautiful blog, coming out from the emotional hold of drama in your life, to now living in a loving committed relationship both with yourself and partner.
Thank you Judith, committing to relationship is committing to building love for oneself and with the world in an ongoing and consistent way. Working with another to nurture, expand and evolve in love is an unselfish gesture that simply benefits everyone.
The neediness of emotional love accentuates the emptiness within ourselves with the exhausting search for someone else to give it to us, whereas when we choose to connect to all the love that we already are in our inner-heart our love expands and we can share our love in equalness with another.
Finding out that our own grass is just perfect the way it is with all the right green colors gives such a sense of surrender. No need to look over all these fences, but to just be appreciative about our own grass takes away a lot of the stress and constant searching we are living with nowadays.
Judith, I love how you have talked about self worth being something that you yearned for and then realised that it could not be ‘given’ to you by anyone else. Self worth is something that each and every one of us need to work on for ourselves, and build and invest in, no one else can do this for us. It is also a constantly deepening process, which appears endless but the returns are well worth while!
“…Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand…” I love this statement, as it shows how substantial self love is, that it is the key to halting that yearning for something else out there to be ‘better than’ who and where we are at any given time. Self love is the water that fills the vessel.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” And once we realise and live that we can bring these riches to everybody else.
“a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it” and it always starts with ourselves as you exactly describe, if we do not have a deep love and understanding for ourselves we will not be able to have it for another.
Judith, how amazing is your turn around from drama and chasing the greener pastures. To being settled and living the love that has always been there with you. The truth can break the illusion that keeps us in perpetual chaos.
Thank you Judith, your journey from constant emotional drama to now steadiness and love is inspiring to read. The steps you took to heal your hurts and let go of drama in your life has allowed you the opportunity to now experience and appreciate true love in your life.
I love the way you claim all you have chosen with such joy, wonder and lightness Judith. You allow me to feel that being in a relationship with another is very simple and very beautiful when we have built a loving relationship with ourselves. This is huge for me as I have spent my life feeling that relationships are intense and complicated and almost impossible to start let alone sustain, I can see that this is an absolute reflection of my relationship with myself.
This is beautiful to read, there is no perfect partner, there is not one certain person that is made for us. It is about a commitment to love and evolution. This is why we should go into relationships, not because there is anything that needs to be filled, we are the only ones that can fill this gaping whole (which we dug ourselves..)
We get fed ideas about relationships from an early age. Even as toddlers there are stories like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty that stereotype the idea of a woman waiting to be saved or rescued by her prince. Wouldn’t it be great if it were part of the school curriculum to be taught about developing a loving relationship with ourselves first, because from that firm foundation we can then have loving relationships with others?
It’s amazing to feel how once we connect to our own love within the emptiness and need for love outside ourselves simply disappears.
What a gorgeous testament to love in it’s truest sense – feeling it within and expressing it openly and joyfully to all. Your relationship sounds amazing Judith and you have worked hard to get to a place of worthiness to let such love and adoration in. A beautiful sharing, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your gold – the fact that true love isn’t something we get from the outside to meet our needs or fill our existing emptiness; that we find it within and once we begin to live it, then we can offer that to another. This turns the whole dating game on its head and explains why we can get so disappointed. Because it all needs to start with dating ourselves first.
Absolutely Cathy. I love the way Judith identifies that it is not fair to expect that another can fill the void we have allowed within ourselves. I love the idea of dating myself and truly appreciating my own company. When I connect to my own loveliness a relationship with another feels more like a bonus than a need.
Thank you for this comment Cathy and your blog Judith! . I have always wondered why all relationships in my life have felt not fulfilling and clearly it ‘s because ‘ it needs to start with dating ourselves first!” I am in! I never thought i would come to a day where i would feel i am date-able, but i have now, and i feel the buds of romancing me, reading your words! Not only is the dating game turned on its head, but the idea of seeking love and how we relate with life and with others, takes on a whole new meaning and direction… and indeed purpose of what we are here to bring.! Huge!
I love this! I have read this blog before but today it felt like I saw all you shared in a whole new way. The title alone is a confirmation for me as I can feel I have been making these same changes. For me the challenge has been getting past the “….realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism… ” simply reading “…but in the end it was worth it and I found gold” puts everything in perspective and allows me to feel that the treasure I seek is always inside me just waiting for me to notice and cherish me.
Wow Judith, so beautiful to read your blog, it is very honest and inspiring. You have exposed the illusion so many of us have fallen for, myself included, in looking to feel complete by seeking this from another person. What you’ve shared is incredible, celebrating and knowing that we are already complete and that no amount of searching or trying can achieve this until we accept who we are.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” That is the most beautiful thing to feel isn’t it! Just today I realised this same thing that it is so easy to always be looking for something better that I often forget to appreciate what is already there.
Yes Lieke – how exhausting to always be looking for the greener grass or something better! The lack of appreciation to who we are and our lives makes room for the emptiness that Judith spoke of and how the search for something ‘better’ to fill it is a constant. The magic word here, like you’ve said is appreciation. Only then can we know the glory in which we are to then take the next steps in that same quality, not in searching but in confirming what we already know.
It is so common, normal even, to expect something from one’s partner that they just can’t give. It’s a valid reason to break up, and the one ‘who couldn’t give’ is seen as the one at fault. But this is just not true and thank you for busting this myth.
What you’ve said is so true Suzanne – we blame the other, be it our friends, family or partners for not ‘giving us what we need’ – when all we really need is to be the love we are, lived and expressed in every breath.
I can relate to what you have written here Judith how the emotional rollercoaster is so exhausting. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for supporting so many to find that deep capability we have to feel and be the love that we are. “It feels like a mountain stream; full of life, joyful, vital yet with a stillness and steadiness”. That’s beautiful.
I still find myself indulging in emotions quite often, however, I am appreciating the fact that this used to be my life 24/7. This blog exposes how empty the emotional way of living is and inspires me to stay steady and consistent in my relationship with myself.
The way you explain this allows me to feel that using emotion as fuel is like pouring oil into the fuel tank of a petrol powered car. Highly damaging and not productive, causing damage as it travels through.
Beautiful appreciation Leonne. It is through appreciation and accepting who we are that helps us strip away what is not us. I too am inspired to build a stronger and deeper relationship with myself through appreciation and acceptance.
I love the way you appreciate yourself Judith. The turnaround in your relationships is astounding and it is clear that this is a result of the loving choices you have made inspired by Serge Benhayon.
If you observe someone who is excited you can see just how silly and irrational they can become. They can do things they wouldn’t normally do and the energy is so draining.
Wow awesome blog Judith, I feel like you could be writing my story! I know exactly what you mean about thinking the grass is greener, since coming to the work of Universal Medicine my life has completely changed around I am now in my longest ever relationship. The commitment and love I now have in my life is amazing and would not be possible if where not for the presentations by Serge Benhayon. This man brings the true meaning of love to everything.
I can relate to having allowed emotions to drain me for so much of my life and how much lighter I feel since choosing to let go of them (most of the time) and building my self love.
The more we let go of our emotions the more we can feel the real us and the love we hold equally to everyone. Not to mention the abundance of energy you have once you let go of your emotions.
Yes Helen, I also allowed myself to get quite consumed with emotional dramas and tended to be quite black and white in my thinking and wanting others to ‘get it’ ie agree with my views. Of course this was exhausting for everyone involved. It has been a big turn around since those days whereby now I am able to do a lot more observing and a lot less absorbing and the simplicity is a breath of fresh air. Thank you Judith for your blog on a topic which many people can obviously relate to.
Yes Amelia re-imprinting our relationship with our self allows for a firm foundation on which to build all other relationships.
‘I found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness: I feel and look younger.’ What a beautiful reflection on finding true love within. Thank you so much for sharing your evolution from emotion junkie to the steadiness of loving yourself Judith.
This is a beautiful analogy Barbara and yes often it can be too late when we’ve neglected our side of the fence for too long and then we are left in the misery from not appreciating what we had whilst it was there.
I agree Judith that if we are not full of ourselves and take that into the relationship and instead expect another to fill the void it’s easy to believe that something or someone else is to blame for things not being “right”.
True Carmin, excitement places us in such a heightened state that there is only one place to go.
That is the problem with the top of a big hill….the only place to go is in the direction we really don’t like.
I love how you have discovered that there is no ‘Mr. Right’. Our love for ourselves brings us this completion of ourselves so when we choose to be in a relationship, “All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”. So beautiful Judith.
Absolutely true!! When I was younger, I always loved my way of becoming easily excited… I am a very easy going, light person and I thought that is kind of part of it… But like you say, it is actually something that is projected to the outside as being grander than myself. Since I realized that, I can enjoy someone or something but don’t get excited anymore…
Everytime an inspiration and pleasure to read your amazing blog Judith!!!lovely to come back to it every now and then…
‘Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.’ Such a simple, short sentence but packed full of the most profound, ground-breaking truth.
I have experience this “When I look back today I can see my behaviour toward these men wasn’t fair. I asked for something they were not able to give me: a feeling of self-worth, to feel content within me… something I’ve slowly learned over the past ten years can be only given to me by myself.” I also had a deep need to be ‘seen’ to be ‘acknowledged’ because I was not appreciating myself. The relationship I am now in is much more truthful and healthy, for my part due to me developing some self worth. I still have work to do concerning appreciation, but I am working on it. Relationships can not fulfil or fill the gaps and emptiness we often feel within. We can only develop this inner love for ourselves and then express it with others.
Excitement is a interesting emotion as it is seen as a positive and uplifting emotion. For a long time I felt it was wrong to ask my children not to get too excited as I saw this a a key part of childhood. The turning point for me was when I observed a mother asking her children to let go of the excitement they were displaying and calm down, what I observed was very powerful. The children went from a heightened state which would have ended in one or both of them getting hurt to a return to gentle play with each other that felt much more supportive and enjoyable for them both. Since this day I have known the danger of excitement and seeing it as a good thing.
Yes Amita and another two key ingredients for a healthy loving relationship are respect and space. So often these qualities are not in most relationships as we have entered them wanting the other person to provide us with something. When we want another to be a certain way so they can deliver what it is we ask of them we do not allow them the space to work through their own issues as we are needing them to be “worked out” with no issues so they can provide us with the stability and clarity we are not offering ourselves. We are also asking them not to press our buttons which is in truth them offering us a reflection of something we need to work through.
Yes Toni, we so often enter a relationship with a picture in our head how we think we need the other person to behave, so we can have a happy life, however a picture in our head – even if we manage to perfectly match it in our lives – cannot fulfil us.
So many of us seek relationships as an answer to our feeling of inadequacy, loneliness, emptiness or simply as a way out of a situation we find ourselves in. Yet relationships do not truly offer us anything of substance if we are not coming into it with an understanding that we alone are responsible for how we feel and for what is going on in our lives. Without this relationships are either deemed to fail or become highly functional without the presence of love.
‘the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’ Wow, congratulations Judith. Sounds like you have found the holy grail!
Yes Ilja, I do believe that these are the first steps towards what our ancestors have called the holy grail – that we are a vessel for love and need to make our choices accordingly.
This is so true kevmchardy.
I think alot of people can relate to your previous emotional junkie and drama queen antics Judith and how challenging they are to stop. I know I certainly can. Like you ‘Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me’. Whats more, they actively feed the insatiable emotional roller-coaster with its highs and lows that are both draining and exhausting and ultimately only encourages the emptiness you are trying desperately fill. Great blog.
Wonderful article Judith thank you. It is a beautiful confirmation that in reality our relationships are made of what we bring to them. If we bring ourselves full of love, respect and self worth another is not needed to prop us up or try to fill or make up for something that is missing. Building love and acceptance of ourselves opens up the possibility of our relationships being a confirmation and complement to who we already are.
Yes Annemarie, relationships thrive from the sharing of our richness, not the neediness and feeling of lack thereof.
The notion of a Soul mate is an interesting one. Most people in the world have had more than one partner, in fact it is unusual to be with only one person for your entire life.
Does this mean until we find our Soul mate all our previous partners in between had been cannon fodder? Or we are using them for practice until we meet Mr or Mrs Right?
I don’t think so…
As we aren’t perfect and we are constantly learning and evolving as time indicates.
Everyone has the potential to be loving, it is their commitment to it or not that will decide if the relationship soars or crumbles.
Yes the idea of one soulmate for everyone does not make sense as we are all part of the one big whole. We are a soul that is interconnected and a part of every other soul, so I guess this means we are all soul mates….
Maybe we have misunderstood the meaning of soul mates. When we stand in our seperation we view our soul mate as a person who will fill our empty void with their unconditional love. An emotional one at that as we are needing something from another. What if when we’re not needing love as we are coming from our own fullness of true love that we connect with others in this love and become mates – soul mates as it is our souls that we are connecting from.
Beautifully said so Luke. We can learn with everyone we are in a relationship with the same amount and from everyone something else. I think it is really our own willingness and commitment to it that changes the depth of the learnings we can have in a relationship.
That is very wise Lieke, we learn from every relationship we have and we relate to a lot of people during one day. So whenever I deepen my relationship with one person, could be even a stranger I met for the first time, this new depth will then enrich all my other already established relationships as well.
Judith you are pulling apart a myth here that many women carry strongly. Waiting and waiting for Mr right to come and save us from that empty feeling – I know it well. I have taken time by myself to really look inside and similar to you have found that no man could have saved me because what was missing was me. I understand now that I am the lead in my life, and that my own love is what sustains me. The next relationship I have will be very different to those past, not me needing someone,anyone, more me in my power saying yes to love, the love I already have inside of me.
‘my own love is what sustains me’ l love these words katerobson30. The more love we have the more vital we feel and the everyday drama begins to feel irrelevant as you start to see the bigger picture of what life is really all about.
Inspiring Kate. I love what you said here. It certainly does feel empowering, changing from waiting and expecting others to save us or fill our emptiness to now appreciating that we are all already amazing inside and choosing to connect to our innate power is certainly magnificent.
Beautifully said Kate – a power and strength resides within you and is so well expressed here. Our relationships can be so full if we allow ourselves to express the fullness of who we are.
This is superb Kate – what more can we seek than to be the lead in our own lives, to sustain ourselves from our own love, the deep clear well that is the essence of our being. That is what we are to drink form deeply, not to spend our lives in wilderness, chasing mirages we have been taught to call love.
Wow. The depth of you claiming and celebrating yourself is palpable Judith. To not seek love from the outside is an incredible discovery to make. To then connect to the deep love we are inside and feel who we truly are is even more incredible – ‘I found gold’ – as you say. Thank you for this wonderful sharing.
Judith, you are on the other side of the world and yet I could relate to so much. This bit really stood out for me though … “I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
Gorgeous blog Judith – standing your own very green grass with “a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences.” sounds like exactly what we all might try doing.
You have blown the idea of the “perfect partner” out of the water Judith. There is no ideal person out there, there is no one who can make us feel worthy, special or beautiful when we have not taken the steps to know those things for ourselves.
We demand it though until we learn that it is for us the claim the love we are.
So thank God for Serge Benhayon, who reminded us of this truth.
Such a perfect and poignant reminder Amelia.
The more love I express and the more I open up to a deeper love I notice it affects all my relationships. Most people meet me with the same love and openness, other’s have been waiting for me and rejoice in our love.
Beautiful Amelia. This is a far cry from the way I used to feel about men. In the past I was stuck in blame and sadness feeling for sure that ‘all the good ones were taken’. How wrong I was. It is a huge blessing to be able to appreciate how sweet and tender men can be when I am sweet and tender with myself.
Brilliant Amelia, letting go of expectations is a beautiful process and with appreciation, our love for ourselves and others will keep expanding.
‘So thank God for Serge Benhayon, who reminded us of this truth’. Here here Rachel!
My life and the way I conduct relationships has completely changed since meeting Serge Benhayon and doing the work of Universal Medicine. Not to perfection but I am more aware of the patterns that play out with need, expectations and control and am coming to a place of understanding that reflection plays a huge role in what my life is like. The more still I am within and connected to the love I am the more life reflects that back to me, not in a feeding way, but confirming what I know to be true and real within.
It is great to read about people writing honestly about the turbulent and dysfunctional world of relationships… I know that even with decades of self-development courses, meditation, physical development, the world of relationships was the exposing factor in my life, where all my buried hurts and self-doubt would emerge, and then I will try and build a relationship… I didn’t actually realise how impossible this was until I did start to know myself, and even then, it was a slow rebuild from the ground up to come to a point where I can really be actually in relationship with someone else, because I am starting to build a true relationship with myself.
Looking for something to complete ones self from outside of you will always be a recipe for failure. I have looked over that fence at the green grass and built a wall around my small patch of green to protect it for many years. Serge Benhayon has shown me and countless others to tear down the walls, take off your shoes and to stand bare foot the grass that we have always stood on and enjoy the feeling.
I simply love the picture you have painted with your words sjmatsonuk. I can feel the grass under my feet and between my toes and am loving the silky sensation. My patch of grass is the patch that I am responsible for, there are no more walls around it, and as I tend it with all the love that I have, this love always returns to me in so many ways.
It feels to me Judith that you are saying that it takes true love and commitment to yourself first and foremost before you can have true love and commitment in a relationship.
At times when I too have felt that what I have with me right now is not ‘it’ or ‘not enough’ it’s like I get the thoughts that this is the only way to be – theres a blinding to any other way. The push to keep going in those emotions even though they lead to nothing but the same is a strong one but what I have found is that when I allow myself to feel what these emotions are doing I get a clearer, more definite picture of what I already know. That emotions are nothing but a load of hot air and a momentary buzz with longer lasting negative affects. Living more within myself and appreciating that everything I could ever need is already within me has and continues to be the most solid place to be in life, much better than being on that rollercoaster that leaves me feeling sick and dizzy!
That is a great realization Leigh! We can invest a lot into our emotions and believe that we need them and even think them to be making life exciting and colourful. However, they are like a drug, they leave the body wrecked, empty and used, in fact they burn you out. Of course from that burned out state we crave more of them as they cover up the empty feeling, it is a downward spiral.
Deeply connecting with self and filling yourself up with your own love, is the only way to come out of this devastating state and claim your body back.
I am so inspired by this article and how your addiction to the emotional rollacoaster was let go with a deepening connection to your own true essence Judith. Emotions like food, TV entertainment, keeping busy, overexercising etc are all things we use to try and fill the emptiness to no avail.
Funny how we create so much Drama to ‘feel’ something instead of feeling what is there in truth. The emptiness we are so afraid of is just an illusion and can just stand as long as we do not connect to what we are and where we are coming from. We think our dreams are more beautiful then real life, that no one can catch up with “Mr. Right” out of our wishful thinking. But the opposite is true: our dreams can not catch up with the true loving people, tender, beautiful, delicate, strong men and women all around us. If we would just let us feel them and let them in our hearts. I found that I can not imagine the wonders of my partner or friends I get presented if I let them in, if I am willing to feel what they are and what they offer/bringing to me an the world. I really have to learn to embrace and appreciate what I am offered! From me and others. We are all Mr. & Mrs. Right! We are Wonderful – more then any wishful thinking or imagine can envision.
What a difference – from “the grass is always greener” – to – “the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand” – connecting to myself, had also made this same difference.
Thank you Judith for your honest sharing. It is very inspiring how you changed and I am sure that a lot of women can learn from your blog that there is another way than all the dramas we all so often play.
Thank you Judith for sharing you inspiring transformation as you re-connected to living the love that you are within. I love this analogy of the love you feel within, for yourself, and others – ‘it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness’ – this feels so natural and beautiful.
A gorgeous blog that is a testament to opening up to being more, letting go of ideals and beliefs that hold us where we are at (:
Thank you Judith and Peter, love magnetically pulls you to more love!
Beautiful Judith, I love your blog. The grass we stand on is not only as green as you can get green, but also the most loving, gorgeous and wonderful grass we can get. The moment we start to look over the fence, thinking there is something greener out there, we just have to come back to ourselves, look inside, and realize how much green grass there actually is right under our nose.
Isn’t it crazy how we can easily make it all about our partners and the fact that they are not ‘the one’ etc when it is actually always about us and the choices we are making.
Great point Joshua! Here we are looking for “the one” when all the while we are.
What a revelation you share here Judith about how most of our relationships are build on the need of filling the emptiness inside, an emptiness that comes from not being connected to the love we are within and that in that we do not even let the other in! How beautiful how you describe the way out of this. An inspiration about true love and true relationships.
A wonderful journey back to you Judith, and I agree with you regarding our partners, what is needed is a willingness, and with this there is no struggle even if we choose to go deeper with our own personal connection.
It is so true the draining effect of emotions. I thought I would miss life without the stimulation of the emotional roller coaster but the steadiness I developed through knowing Serge Benhayon and attending the Universal Medicine courses is really beautiful. I look back and realise how abusive the emotions were in comparison.
That’s an amazing transformation Judith.. hats off to you. There are many women that are in the same boat that you were in and would find this very refreshing to know it’s not the way it has to be forever. Thank you for sharing this story.
Oh yeah, we learn to look for ‘Mr Right’ from a very young age, and only through connecting to what true love truly means was I able to de-construct all those ideals out of me and first of all start to love myself, and from there build a truly loving relationship.
I loved reading this Judith and can recognise myself in some of what you have written, especially looking for love from others and expecting others to give me something that I wasn’t giving to myself. I can also appreciate that there were some awesome men I dated and I used to think at the time ‘these men would blossom without me’ as I never felt worthy.
That was a long time ago and it is only since meeting Serge Benhayon that I began to look at things differently and that to truly love others you have to love yourself first – then we don’t need someone else to fill us up or be anything other than who they are. Awesome blog Judith.
Re-reading your blog is really enjoyable and again very inspiring. I know this feeling of, the grass is greener somewhere else, instead of truly letting go and letting someone truly see me and opening my eyes for the green grass in front of me. You and your partner are a great inspiration for me seeing how your relationship built throughout the years and how it can work, even coming from a emotional roller-coaster background 😉
Awesome blog Judith…I love it that you now know the grass is amazingly greener where you stand. It was there all along. I wonder why is it so easy for us as a humanity to go straight to our emotions, self destruction and define ourselves by them, which harms us. Instead of going straight to our true feelings, which could be a true healing for us and then their would be no self destruction.
Beautifully expressed Judith. It is so common in society to look for a partner to “complete” you and all this pressure is put on relationships in this way. With “Mr Right” or your soulmate it will all be perfect. It was not until I too met Serge Benhayon that I began to consider that I am the one person in this world who can complete me. And that love is a commitment not something that Mr Right will come along and present to me.
Beautiful Judith! A true act of love is not finding a partner who can deliver what in truth cannot, but giving ourselves that which we yearn. It is about allowing the grass to get
amazingly green just here where one stands!
I can relate a lot to the wanting to get something from others because I don’t feel worthy enough and from feeling a very uncomfortable emptiness inside. What is asked of a partner is not real and fair and puts a high demand on the relationship. Children can also be part of this ‘filling emptiness game’. What a beautiful start to observe this and take responsibility for ourselves. And build true relationships from there.
Beautiful Judith. It’s so great you’ve shared this, as it is the story of so many women and men – bouncing from one relationship to the next, never stopping enough with oneself to allow such a reassessment and honest realisation of what has been going on.
We are so deeply blinded by our needs, aren’t we… In addition to the ‘fairytale ending’ we are quite pummelled with in our society.
I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with you, that love – the real thing – does feel totally amazing, inside and out. Having been able to turn my love for myself around also, most especially in my life since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, my life has also changed dramatically. This includes my marriage, which is profoundly beautiful, joyous, supportive and amazing, and most definitely something that has come about by each of us being willing to deepen in ourselves, take responsibility for our own stuff, and be solidly committed to the way we are with each other.
I wonder how many women can relate to this story? I certainly can, it feels exactly the situation I was stuck in, and I am now feeling and dealing with those hurts that lead to it, knowing that love, self worth and appreciation come from within me first. The big key for me is taking responsibility when that neediness comes into play and I want my partner or another to make me feel better -instead of demanding attention from another I’m learning to stop and take a look at myself first. It makes a huge difference, as in the past I would have become very depressed because the relationship wasn’t working, left the relationship and blamed the other person, so I never moved out of that cycle. Thank you Serge Benhayon and the many Universal Medicine practitioners and students who have introduced responsibility and true love to me.
Thank you Judith, I can certainly relate to what you share here about the emotional drama, and to choosing to make the commitment to stop that emotional drama in life.
I love your blog Judith!
I’m still dealing with the fact that the grass is amazingly green just where I am at. Not because I can’t see it but more because I can’t allow myself to accept the fact that I used to spoil this fact. It’s great reflection to again feel that it takes time even if I’m willing – it is about accepting where I’m at and continue to be love instead of looking back and constantly blaming myself. Which is not self loving at all.
A beautiful account of your story Judith from all the emotion and drama you thrived on an created in your life ( this was an old trait of mine too) to finding love first and foremost within yourself and then another. Very easy and clear to read. Awesome.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story Judith, you are so right everyone has the potential to go there but not everyone is willing , it is that willingness to be open and remain tender and the willingness to evolve that allows a true loving relationship.
I really enjoyed what you shared here Judith, as in my life I too was always looking for something more, today with the support of Universal Medicine I am coming back to recognising that the love I have always sort is deeply within us all. My life has shifted dramatically and now I share my life with a loving partner, who supports me to be who I am. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Reblogged this on maggiemoonlight.
Hi Judith, I love how you have so simply expressed this drama that we all felt was necessary to give our lives a purpose. Beautifully written, thank you.
Judith I can feel your deep appreciation for what you have claimed.
‘I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness..’
Self love is our foundation and then from there we can love another.
I very much appreciate these words and the importance of living in a loving way in relationship with one’s self, as a precursor to being in a loving relationship with another. I have definitely had, in the past, a pattern of blaming the partner at the time or ending a relationship because of thinking we were incompatible. But I was not really comfortable in my own skin. So it is great to take responsibility with this and be in love with life and so love with a partner becomes very simple and easy.
Judith, what you write here is an inspiration and true relationship counseling — many of us will relate to constantly looking for Mr Right and placing an enormous pressure on the possible Mr Right to fill us up with the love we haven’t built in ourselves first. To come into a relationship from that foundation of love first feels so so different to what many of us have settled for not having taken responsibility for loving ourselves first.
I agree Katerina, it must be very daunting for a man, to feel that a woman wants something of him, which he is not truly able to give her. And for many men that starts with their mother. It gives a message, that they can never be enough and provide what is needed, no wonder they throw themselves into providing in the attempt to make up for it.
Wow. If more people understood this, how different the world of relationships would be. It is a huge pressure that men must feel. No wonder they often keep themselves distant in a relationship. I have been so guilty of having this expectation and now looking back I can feel how imposing it was.
Yes Judith I agree that is a lot of pressure on men to look outside of themselves to provide for their families. With this unnecessary pressure to provide more and more, it would only create distance and disharmony to what could be a beautiful foundation for a true relationship built on self love first.
Dear Judith,
I took a long time to come to terms with emotion and how much living at the whim of which ever emotion it was for the day, sadness, anger, discontent, frustration, to name a few. I too went through a period of self criticism and for a long time didn’t see that this was yet another trigger to the feeling of being ‘not good enough’ that I had lived with. Through support from Universal Medicine practitioners I have been able to see that living this way was not in any way supporting me living the love I really am. I came to understand that to live love one must first love self. This I now do, I love the depth of understanding that I have for myself and others that I naturally have, I also love deeply the natural attention to detail that lives within my body. I love my stillness and the way I express. I love me, deeply.
This is such a great read Judith, I can so relate to a lot of what you have shared here. The emotions, feeding them, bringing drama and stories into how we communicate is just so common, that we don’t even know we are doing it most of the time. So your blog has been such a great reminder to invest in feeling your body, inner heart and know we have it all inside.
That is the scary thing, when it becomes the norm, so much so that we are unaware we are even in the eye of a storm, even if it is in a teacup more often than not! The drama and the stories have become an everyday part of our lives now within society that we do not even realise that they are taking place. Time to start listening to our bodies…
I loved reading this blog thanks Judith. How many relationships, that’s people we’re talking about, have we placed these expectations of fulfillment on? I too have looked for and required from others, what I’m now living within myself. I almost feel like calling some past girlfriends-up and saying ‘sorry for trying to get from you, what I was starving myself of’. All in good time, I will share my love with another, who also wants to make a relationship about true love – starting with themselves first also.
Thank you Judith, I could easily relate to what you shared. I led a life addicted to emotions for many many years which meant my life was always a struggle and was complicated. And when you are in this emotional loop, it is very difficult to break free from, because that is all you know. A permanent break came in my emotional loop when I became ill and at the very same time I met Serge Benhayon, who presented another way to live which was the beginning of a new loop for me, a new loop of self care and self love….( there is no longer any space or desire for emotions and drama) which has completely transformed my life.
Judith thank you for sharing, your story is so inspiring for all in having the willingness to look within and let go of whatever is weighting us down, I can feel the love and level of intimacy you have created with yourself and in your relationship with your husband and others.
I love your blog, Judith, it is so relevant for myself and many in society at large. I’m also guilty of trying to get someone else to fill my emptiness, while I know that I am the only one who can do it. Thank you for the inspiration through your story, and especially the words commitment, willingness, openness and the amazingly green grass right here!
Thank you Judith. This is a story so many people can relate to – I certainly can. Your blog perfectly exposes the way we may use relationships to distract and stay stuck in past hurts, patterns and emotions. How lovely it is to feel that we can change it all with a simple choice to let love in.
Judith, I absolutely loved reading your blog, your story is my story and, indeed, there is Gold inside all of us – thank you for this honest and real sharing.
Thank you Judith, the analogy of the mountain stream feels gorgeous, pure and clear. It reminds me of the innocence of a young child, never lost only buried, only to be rediscovered once again.
Knowing who I am and appreciating me for being me takes a huge amount of (perceived) pressure for relationships with others to be a certain way in order to feel right. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been reminded of who I really am.
Hi Judith, you have written a beautiful blog its great that after years of searching you now have a relationship with a solid foundation – a foundation built of self love and truly opening up and letting your partner in.
I relate to what you have shared here, Judith. The foundation for love is to have love for oneself. When I came to know Serge Benhayon my life changed a lot as he inspired me to choose love. As my marriage was quite functional and not any more about love I am now learning consistently how amazing a relationship feels when I start to love and let my partner in. And it is truly fun to explore this.
This blog is a little gem Judith written with such honesty from lived experience. You and your husband are a joy to behold and be inspired by.
I love what you say, Judith, about the key to your relationship being a willingness to ‘go there’ together, to uncover anything that gets in the way of the potential for true love, for yourselves and each other.
Wow Judith, this is beautiful and I relate very well to what you share here. I too spent so long searching for a man to deliver the love I yearned but of course they could not as the love I yearned was the connection to my own love, which nobody else can fulfill, but me!
“Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart”
An awesome revelation and the love you emanate is truly beautiful to feel. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Judith for this amazing blog. I can relate to this very much, I have been extremely emotional in relationships with men. Up until a moment that I felt like is this really it? I could not imagine that feeling so desperate and needy all the time was the only way to live.
After meeting Serge Benhayon and attending courses and workshops from Universal Medicine I also realised that I actually was searching for the love, that was forever inside me, love for myself.
Now I am in a beautiful relationship with a man who also chooses to love himself first and it is amazing. It is nothing like the ’emotional rollercoaster’ you described so well. It is a love that is just there between us and not something to give to the other. It does not come from need for the other. It is just there to enjoy together and yes this is only possible if you both are willing to take the responsibility to be that love for yourself first.
Thank you Judith for an inspirational sharing, highlighting that with a willingness to be honest about what is getting us through the day, in this case, emotional drama, we can bring change for ourselves as we realise this is not the way to live with any essence of quality for ourselves or in our relationships.
Thank you Judith for this sharing, I am married for nearly 25 years with a lot of emotions from my side for the first 18 years. Since then when we learned from Serge Benhayon over these last 7 years what a relationship and love really is about, things have changed so enormously I could never have imagine. As you say there is a commitment to opening up to each other and letting the love in and letting go of all the hurts, ideas and beliefs how it should be. The relationship I have with my husband is a constant development with no emotions involved but never a dull moment.
So true Annelies. When I see you guys together I feel so much joy and commitment to love and it is a blessing to watch your on going development. You are a truly beautiful couple that inspires many!
Judith, it is actually difficult for me to imagine you being an “emotion junkie” after meeting you a few years ago, as you feel so centered, still, and bubbling with joy and playfulness. Many times when I have felt restless or that I had an impulse to move to another area in the country I have noticed that I had just been lacking appreciation for myself, and was avoiding dealing with an emotional issue that was coming up for me to heal. This is similar to looking for “Mr. Perfect” as you said, in that I felt that moving to another state with “better” things would make me happy, when all along I was just looking for the love inside of me.
What a beautiful blog Judith! so clear and so encouraging for someone that might be in the same process as you have gone through, it feels great to have come out the other side of the emotional drama. The fact that you have done it and have walked that path before me can only give me certainty and trust that I am going to find that joy and build that same love first in me, and then committing to living that with someone else. On a lighter note: you found Mr Perfect. As you say, he wants to walk the same path with you, how joyful is that, and grow together and pull each other up when needed.
Thank you, Judith. This blog speaks volumes to me, as I was also an emotional junkie and created situations that were about everything but the single most important thing, my relationship with myself and my quality of being. It is inspiring to feel the strength of your commitment to love, and to ‘going there’ with your relationships so that they are uncompromisingly about truth.
Beautiful, Judith: ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’ I can relate to looking for ‘Mr.Right’, wanting someone else to fix me and make me ‘complete’ and always thinking the ‘grass was greener’ somewhere else. I have discovered that the most important relationship is my relationship with myself and loving me.
It’s great to read your story and how it has developed into the relationship you have today, with yourself and the commitment to your partner. It’s inspiring, it’s everyday and something we can all relate to in one way or another. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you Judith, for a wonderful story with a happy ending!
Thank you Judith for a beautiful and honnest article. Your are an amazing and inspiring woman.
This is beautiful, Judith. Thank you. I can relate to all that you have written. Like you initially I felt the same when I met Serge Benhayon and what he presented, “At first glance it didn’t seem very different, but over the years the difference became more obvious.” It is like living in two different universes.
I agree Jonathan, the more this lifestyle has become my own, the more understanding I have how truly profound the changes in my life are.
Beautiful Judith. Thank you.
Dear Judith, You HAVE found gold. I know because when I met you I felt the steadiness and love you speak of and I was totally blown away. I felt a million miles from that place, yet I could feel I was choosing to get on my own track to uncover my own gold too.
Now, reading where you have come from I know why your presence felt profound to me.
You had lived in such a similar way that I had…and you had cleared it all out.
Now I am well on my way; repairing from exhaustion, not seeking others to fill me, not allowing the emotional ride and on and on…
I am healing on every level with tons of support Serge Benhayon and from people like you!
Judith this is indeed a gorgeous article, and a joy to read. It is so honest. I have recently really started to live the truth that the grass is greenest where I stand and I am loving it. In so many ways it actually relaxes my eyes and my face as I am not seeking anymore. Everything I am looking for is right here, but you are right, calling the other person to join you will not work, it is just about making sure through openness that you walk together. So beautiful.
WOW Judith, this is one of the most inspiring sharings I have ever read. Thank you.
Awesome blog, thank you Judith.
A beautiful blog
This is so fantastic. The love you express towards yourself is very present in this article. A tremendous piece for every person to read. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful blog Judith. I love your phrase “the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” I too used to live on an emotional roller coaster – always looking for “the one”, for love outside of me, to make me feel whole. Now I know I am “the one”, as we all are, and I too love my life.
I enjoyed this comment, and how it flips the usual way we see and think… if we can appreciate ourselves, then there is plenty of fresh grass right under our feet!
Thanks Judith, I read your beautiful blog, and then all these lovely comments, and realise that I am not alone!! So many of us have been searching for someone to make us happy and to make everything okay, not realising that we are the one, and we need to first build the relationship with ourselves first and foremost.
Thank you Judith for sharing you experience of relationships. So often we go into relationships or seek them to fill us up in someway and demand the other person do this rather than taking responsibility ourselves. And yes as you said – you have to open up to the person and let them in, in full – no secrets, or hidden things – as that means you are holding a part of you back from them and also from love. I know as well that when you do this the possibilities and depth of love are endless.
Judith, this is so true. Loving another can only come from how much love we truly have for ourselves. All too often we look for another to fill that void, which is only setting ourselves up for a fall, and ultimately, as you express, not fair on them.
This is gorgeous, thank you Judith I can so relate to this. I too was under the illusion of the ideal man. As I realised this and became aware of the stress it caused I have let it go to discover the grass under my feet gets greener. The love within is so great and abundant there is nowhere else to go, and there is no other person who can be looked to to give us this. We need to be the ones who accept it is within us and choose to reconnect to that.
Beautiful Judith, thank you so much for sharing!
I can fully relate to this today, never having been able to commit to a relationship and constantly searching for what I now know to be an inner commitment to myself, first and foremost. Then I say – bring it on!! Committing to relationships and life in full from all of who I am first…
Dear Judith, Thank you for your honest blog. I can relate to that feeling of the ‘grass is always greener’, the feeling of needing to get somewhere or get something done in order to feel something. Time is showing me that when I get there, what I feel is the same, & only that what I have around me may be different – but It’s the ‘me’ that remains as it was. It is the most liberating and yes, steady feeling to be free from this way of life for us all – one that I have felt and want to return to steadily and consistently and to live with and amongst others. Thanks for bringing this again more to our awareness.
Beautiful Judith, your post is honest, real and rings true for so many. It has been a joy to witness you becoming more and more loving, full and tender as you have discovered that you are the person you have been searching for. Thank you, your words are just as valid for me, and you could be telling a thousand tales of other people’s lives – and it is Serge Benhayon who has consistently shown us how to connect with our love inside us and you have become an inspiring and beautiful example of the way to achieve it.
Thank you Judith for your amazing post. I too remember a time of being on an emotional roller-coaster and being in and out of love with various men trying to find Mr. Right, but the difference now is that I am letting love in as well as loving me more than I ever have in the past…what a difference that can make.
Wow Judith – I just completely love what you have written here – such a true and beautiful description of the mountain stream of joy, vitality and steadiness that waits to be re-discovered underneath the overlay of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns. I recognise what you are saying so well! Your home-coming is such a joy to hear about and it is beautiful to feel the foundation of us all standing on the green grass together as one, not hurtling off into the roller coaster of nether-space and drama. Thank you so much for this divine testimony!
Hi Judith I am married and I agree with your comment about being with someone who is willing to go there with me. We have a deep commitment in our relationship to grow, learn, develop and love each other and to experience this within a loving, supportive and nurturing relationship is truly amazing. I am completely honoured for where I am at in any given moment. This does not mean things are perfect, for they are not, but we use what may come up between us or for each of us as an opportunity to be more of ourselves and then the grass just keeps getting greener and greener without us looking elsewhere or going anywhere.
Thank you for sharing Judith, this is so beautiful and raw and I am learning very similar lessons about looking outside of myself for attention, recognition and ‘love’ and that it is never enough. The well inside can only be filled with my own tenderness and I am realising more every day that the great love first starts with me.