by Frank Tybislawski, Brisbane, Australia
A NEW EXPERIENCE
Recently my wife and I visited Vietnam to attend a Universal Medicine Retreat and also to explore the country a little. The first location we stayed was Hanoi in the northern part of the country. We made a few trips from our hotel into the main center of town to experience the Vietnamese shopping culture, and of course noticed the chaotic (by our standards) road traffic. Most roads are filled with bicycles, motorcycles, cars, taxis, buses and trucks, with the bicycles and motorcycles making up the majority. There was also a lot of horn beeping, not as an indication of aggression, but it seems more of a courtesy to say ‘beware, I am passing beside you’.
On our last day in Hanoi our hotel booked a taxi to convey us to the airport. About halfway to the airport we were looking out the window from the back seat of the taxi as we crossed over a large bridge. The next moment I heard a loud crashing sound followed instantly by a sudden jolt across my lap, shoulder, and through my neck. After a moment or two I looked forward and realised the taxi had been in a car accident.
A quick check revealed that we had no major injuries, the taxi driver was ok, and the front of the taxi had the bonnet bent up. Now, I should stress that this was not a high speed collision. I do recall the traffic on the main road to the airport was heavy, and had slowed slightly for some reason. I don’t know how fast we were travelling but it must have been less than 40kph, perhaps about 30kph or even less. I saw that I had a graze to the shoulder and waist from the seatbelt, otherwise there was nothing visible, but I felt generally sore and shocked from the sudden jolt. My wife was in a similar condition, but with the addition of a bruised knee. The taxi could not continue; after the taxi driver checked on our well-being, he flagged down another taxi to continue our journey to the airport.
REALISING HOW FRAGILE THE MALE BODY ACTUALLY IS
Thankfully this whole event had no serious physical outcomes, but it did give me much time to ponder on the accident. I decided to take it easy for a few days, with plenty of rest to allow my body to heal, and was greatly supported during this healing process by my Universal Medicine practitioner. Even though I knew my injuries were minor with just some bruising and aching muscles being the result of what I call a ‘slow speed car accident’, the physical discomfort I experienced was not something I felt to brush off. I realised there and then just how fragile the human body is… just how fragile my body is. Any faint image I had of men being tough and able to withstand physical punishment and pain were now surely gone.
STRENGTH IN FRAGILITY
The world presents to us that men should be strong, not show pain, not show fear, not show emotion, but that is just a false façade I and many others have created to fit in with everybody else. I cannot understand how or why anybody would intentionally do something to their body that negatively affects it, or has a significant potential to affect it physically.
With my clarity of just how fragile the human body is also came a great sense that it is therefore absolutely necessary to take care of my body, and to not subject it to anything which can damage it. Even if I think my body will be able to repair the damage, I don’t want to damage it in the first place.
I have a new found recognition of the fragility of my body and therefore a new found respect for my body. With that respect comes a stronger desire to be more nurturing and supportive of my body. That concept isn’t new to me and it is exactly what I have discovered when working with Universal Medicine and its practitioners over the last few years. They have helped me discover the need for respect and self-care for my body, and also the awareness to feel and take note of what is going on within my body.
While I have already been experiencing that with my sleep patterns, food and diet, it now extends more to other aspects I sometimes overlooked:
- Care of my skin by using protective clothing and by looking after my skin with quality products which both clean and nurture it.
- Care of my muscles by not over-exerting them and honouring when they feel tired by stopping and resting.
- Careful choices of clothing to ensure I’m not subjected to cold or wet conditions at any point during the day.
- Careful choices in what I’m doing and how I’m doing it to ensure there are no physical implications, long term or short term.
Although it was unfortunate to be involved in that car accident, the end result is that I have a much higher regard for my body, its fragility and tenderness. I have gained a strengthened desire to care for and nurture myself in every way possible, which is a beautiful result from an initially bad situation.
Inspiration can come in the most unexpected ways.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
What a beautiful surrender to your natural tenderness Frank.
I have noticed the most real and down to earth and open men are the ones who are deeply fragile and respect-full of their bodies and their environment or at least attempting to be.
A great reminder Frank of how fragile the human body is and how much we truly need to support and look after ourselves, beautiful how you brought your awareness back to your body and honoured its fragility.
Thank you Frank for the inspiration to more deeply care for my body and be aware of how fragile I actually am.
The capacity of the body to heal is extraordinary and I know I have taken this for granted many times. You remind me that our bodies are precious and worth cherishing and caring for in every way.
Inspirational what you took from this moment Frank. We have that in every moment especially in the more traumatic events. If totally honoured our body is waiting to be surrendered to giving us the answer/s. It never ceases to amaze me the power that is within. It is always more, and so much so, that the mind whimpers to hold onto its self-created fortress and what it wants to own. So, I agree, and now have the greatest respect for my body too – “I cannot understand how or why anybody would intentionally do something to their body that negatively affects it, or has a significant potential to affect it physically.” and psychologically.
It is beautiful to feel how fragile our bodies are and treat them accordingly, and live in a way that deeply honours and cherish them.
This is beautiful to read, ‘I have a much higher regard for my body, its fragility and tenderness. I have gained a strengthened desire to care for and nurture myself in every way possible,’ I likewise am treating my body with more respect, care, and honouring as you describe.
Our bodies are fragile, the belief that we are tough and strong can be disrespecting of our innate fragility, ‘With my clarity of just how fragile the human body is also came a great sense that it is therefore absolutely necessary to take care of my body, and to not subject it to anything which can damage it,’ beautiful.
Very beautiful Frank, this applies equally to women also… there is enormous strength in fragility, and when we realise this is our true power, the world will be a very different place.
The human body also experiences trauma. Even in an incident like this where there may be no physical injuries, there can be trauma. The trauma is stored in the body and it can be much harder to address something unseen by the eye.
‘I have a new found recognition of the fragility of my body and therefore a new found respect for my body. With that respect comes a stronger desire to be more nurturing and supportive of my body.’ Most people would say and stay with the idea that an accident is only a bad situation not able to look further. When we are honest and open enough to feel, we will feel there is always a deeper meaning why things happen the way they do, so never bad but something to learn.
Frank this is beautiful to read. Even the fact that you decided to take it easy for a few days after the accident is very self honouring. Many would have brushed it off and soldiered on. And yes our bodies are delicate and fragile whether we are men or women.
Yes it is true, there is such a ideal that men should be strong and be able to handle anything yet their body is the evidence that this is not true. We all bleed and bruise and that shows we are all equally tender and delicate and are worth being treated like that.
Thank you Frank for writing this blog, as it is so important to break that consciousness of the the tough and hard man, that tells man not to take care of themselves and their bodies and allow them to bring harm to themselves in the many ways we all know so well.
Thank you Frank. It is amazing to see that every circumstance brings a lesson and an opportunity to develop a more loving relationship with ourselves.
It is through self-care and self-love that we come to know and experience what true strength is. For in accepting and embracing our fragility and tenderness we allow a greater quality of who we are to come to life, as such bringing a greater quality of presence to all we do and all we meet. When we live in connection to and in honor of all that we are, it is here that our true strength naturally shines and leads us through life.
Beautiful to read Frank and beautiful to know and feel you as a gorgeous tender fragile man. Thank you for sharing yourself, your wisdom and your experiences in this blog.
How deeply illusion-busting is it, that a man admit his natural fragility… Do we not all feel pain and hurt the same? The intensity with which men are expected to ‘toughen up’, ‘grin and bear it’, ‘grow some ••••’ and the rest is an indictment upon our whole society, for the gross harm we have allowed, and continue to allow to each other.
What a beautiful sharing Frank. Absolutely agreed – we are all so fragile, and in this is our strength, not weakness.
An accident or illness – these things are actually blessings that stop us in our tracks, and make us reflect on how fragile the body is and how we take it for granted until something goes wrong. An opportunity to look at how we are living life, and being in the world, and make different choices to bring more harmony to our body – and beyond.
As you for so lovingly sharing Frank about fragility, it is such a strength and power that I am continuing to work on, so that I feel my true tenderness.
Beautiful blog Frank, reminding us of how fragile our bodies are. You are inspiring both men and women to appreciate, care and nurture our body in every way possible because the truth is our bodies are deeply precious, fragile and delicate. It is easy to forget this when we are occupied with busyness and the stress of life. Thank you Frank for sharing your experience and showing us how important it is to care and love our bodies as much as possible.
Frank your story illustrates the truth of the saying ‘there are no such things as accidents’. Everything happens for a reason and is a wonderful opportunity for our evolvement – if we simply stop and ponder on why it happened and what lesson is there to be learned.
Rereading your blog made me aware of the impact you have in your life living in this caring way. I am very grateful for men like you who are willing to feel their tenderness and fragility and share this in daily life, You and the other men like you are such an inspiration to other men, boys and women. Thank you for your caring choices and its ripple effect in the world.
“Inspiration can come in the most unexpected ways.” Yes I agree Frank and it is only our responsibility to be aware of what life tries to explain to us as you did so beautifully with your amazing blog.
Well Frank I have to say how beautiful it is to hear a man express in this way… why should a man’s body be any less sensitive than a woman’s. So much conditioning and hardening of the body occurs in life these days, for both sexes really, but men it seems have had to go the ‘extra mile’ just to keep themselves feeling ‘manly’ next to us women. You offer a re-newed sense of what we are all really like underneath… thanks for being willing to show it, and share it.
” I have gained a strengthened desire to care for and nurture myself in every way possible, ” A seemingly minor accident can result in profound changes, if we are willing to listen to its messages. Thankyou for sharing Frank – and for your new-found respect for your fragility. I too am deepening my own openness and understanding in how to allow my own fragility and vulnerability – there is always a deeper place to go to.
Thank you Frank for this lovely sharing. Yes, we are so fragile – ‘even’ men….;)
As I made a similar experience a few weeks ago – not with an accident but with a slipped disc in my back – I had to realize that my body is fragile. I thought, was even proud of that I can stand all day working without any training to support my body in strength …. and I thought I can function very well. But ‘to function’ means to not feel what is right in the moment and to not be aware of what is needed – to not make it about me and my body but about what is needed for the shop I am working in. And even this is a lie because the shop does work much better when everyone in it is well and good cared for…
To care for us is very precious. To see how fragile we are a foundation of it.
apropos caring – have a look at this article about a women-group in London about self-care: http://bit.ly/2awjWnq – it reflects how our self-care (or the opposite) have an effect on everyone.
We are brought up to respect others but it takes a great teacher – our own body – to learn to respect ourselves and our own body. When we become aware of our fragility and tenderness it is natural to treat ourselves with respect.
“I realised there and then just how fragile the human body is…” I agree with you Frank, our bodies are very fragile and a wonderment of precision and flow. There is much to discover and be in awe of what a beautiful and sophisticated home we have as our bodies and I love how this discovery simply brings us to respect and honour our body more and more.
I agree Frank and Esther, our bodies are so fragile. And I love how you call our bodies our ‘home’ Esther. When I see people on the street I am sometimes shocked but also impressed of what our body can keep an ideal with. Nearly everyone seems to have a locomotor system problem this days…is over- or underweight, has skin problems and moves in a rough and harsh way. But the body goes on…and I wonder how would our bodies are if we would support them instead of loading them? If we would care for us in the most lovingly way, accept our frugalness and appreciate in the way we live our bodies and movements…how would this look like? How would it be to live like that and to inspire others to do so? …We will find out!
“There was also a lot of horn beeping, not as an indication of aggression, but it seems more of a courtesy to say ‘beware, I am passing beside you’.” This is beautiful and so very respectful, a totally different way to use your horn, as a making aware and not as a means of letting your emotions known.
Everytime I get a bruise or a small cut I’m astonished at how delicate and precious the human body is, and I’m also reminded that I am in charge of looking after this super precious thing.
Frank it is wonderful to read the high level of tenderness and regard you have for your body. The car accident has highlighted how fragile the body is and to not be complacent with its delicateness.This is a great lesson for us all. Thank you Frank.
The first step to letting go of the abuse in our past is to start to identify and release the shields that we have erected in a vein hope of protection… the sooner we become energetically transparent , the sooner we really start to heal.
Great sharing Frank as there is something here for everyone so thank you for taking the time to write the blog. The more care we take of our bodies, the more clearly we are able to hear what our bodies are communicating to us. The great news is that along the way we can come to appreciate what feeling delicate, fragile, beautiful, tender, gentle and so forth is really like once the ideals and beliefs are out of the way.
It’s very true that sometimes we need a jolt outside of our normal experience to wake us up to the delicateness and preciousness of the body we can otherwise so very easily take for granted and even abuse.
Frank, it would have been so easy to see the accident as a nuisance and as something that was just bad luck. Yet you have shown how there is so much more that can be taken from this situation to support you to gain a deeper knowledge of and ability to care for yourself. Going ever deeper in levels of self care is a rich experience for anyone who chooses it so thanks Frank for showing how fragility can be turned from being seen as a weakness to something to be treasured and valued.
I enjoyed reading this Frank and the awareness of the natural tenderness and fragility of yourself as a man that the accident helped to reignite.
‘I have gained a strengthened desire to care for and nurture myself in every way possible, which is a beautiful result from an initially bad situation.’ This is such a beautiful confirmation Frank, and it is lovely to read your appreciation of your own fragility and how you are now choosing to listen to and support your body and let go of ideals and beliefs, and that is somehow wrong, which is totally crazy as you have exposed so clearly.
Yes to being fragile and for sure for men”s body too. It is indeed an illusion that men should be hard , carry pain and show no effects etc. etc. I wonder how much these deliberate beliefs count to dis-empower the enormous fragility men have inside and actually are able to express from. How important to come back and see the real values and qualities of men and women and forget about all these rules, beliefs and ideals that our behaviours have come from. I wonder how much we actually naturally can express that feels so loving, harmonious and joyful. Thank you Frank.
Powerful to read this Frank and reestablish a new marker of what a man’s body represents. We as men are constantly pushed into the room that says ‘be tough’. This happens with so much regularity as we grow up we soon adopt this stance and start to forget who we truly are in the process. Genuine love and care of ourselves can support us as men to start to walk out of the room and feel the truth of our bodies, how fragile we are, that vulnerability is beautiful and tenderness is the true currency for men with men and women. We are precious and we can deeply love ourselves back to this place.
When I read your blog I feel how I, in many occasions, have been the tough girl an image I tried to hang on to although my body was shouting to me. I had learned that being sensitive and fragile was equivalent to being weak so I took my body for granted and started to ignore what it was telling me. This has changed a lot and I do take more care for my body but sometimes I feel this indifference is there again. I am touched by your level of care and love for yourself and your body, honouring your feelings in the way you did. I feel inspired to deepen the love and care for my body by what you have written Frank, so thank you!
Great Blog Frank! I played rugby for many, many years because that was a thing that blokes did where I was from, I can’t believe the punishment I put my body through, through choice and if I could turn back time I certainly would not play the game. Even watching it now causes my body harm. I love now to be able to treat myself gently and honour my fragility
“Inspiration can come in the most unexpected ways”. Thank-you Frank for sharing how you used this accident as an inspiration to go deeper within yourself and feel even more ways you could make loving responsible choices towards your own self-care.
Frank, it is gorgeous to feel the how you are honouring your fragility. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Frank for sharing with us your deepening sense of the fragility of the human body, and honouring that by deepening you self care.
Great point and great analogy Elizabeth. Great to hear a woman also claim what she really loves about men.
‘Inspiration can come in the most unexpected ways’ and by expressing that inspiration as you have done here, you inspire others to see things differently too, giving them the possibility of making different choices. So thanks for sharing this vignette.
I agree Simon, Life is continually presenting us with opportunities to deepen our love and awareness. Whether from a surprising source, seemingly out of the blue or rather ordinary, life’s lessons are there for us to embrace and learn our way back to love. We can choose to take things at face value, skim over the hard parts but, if we study just a little more deeply, like Frank, we come to a whole new and amazing level of understanding and ‘in-sight’
I think this story is very fitting to your last line
“Inspiration can come in the most unexpected ways.”
But Frank this shows that you were already ready to go their with yourself and be a tender man. Many people would just say phew thats a close call and would become a interesting dinner party conversation.
Instead this is a great lesson to read every event and never brush anything off as just occurring but rather a point and experience we can learn from.
I’m impressed Frank, that rather than going ‘phew, that was a close call’ and just carried on with life you have instead taken the opportunity to reflect on mortality, on your precious body, and on your gentility as a man… instead providing a reflection to yourself that allows a deeper awareness and honouring of just how tender you are. A great lesson, rather than a lucky escape.
There most certainly is strength in fragility.
‘The world presents to us that men should be strong, not show pain, not show fear, not show emotion, but that is just a false façade I and many others have created to fit in with everybody else’. Men are just as innately fragile, tender and gentle as women. Thus they should be able to express how and what they feel equally as women with not one ounce of judgment being directed at them by anyone.
If we use our hands in a particular way enough they adapt, isn’t that a great support offered by the body to the body? Yet the challenge is to support the body so that it doesn’t harden unnecessarily, otherwise we miss the body’s warning sign that something hurts. Accustomed to hard work not abuse.
Body vs car = car wins, that seems like an obvious sum but we often push through a number of situations that should look equally obvious and I think men get a really rough ride having been told so many times to toughen up. The human body is an extraordinarily fragile balance of systems all of which are fragile. How could we not appreciate we are fragile and need care and support? Yet I didn’t and here I see I am not alone.
We often brush off something as ‘nothing major’ and move on, but there’s so much being offered to us every moment of our life if we choose to embrace it.
How you share to nurture your body is the exact opposite of how most boys / men are brought up. How many boys are encouraged to use good quality cream to moisturise their skin, to stop when their muscles are tired, or to make really loving choices with what they eat? They are, rather, pushed to play footy, never give up and ‘be a man’. Men like you Frank, are leading the way in awareness and are a true inspiration for boys and men who no longer want to harden up and choose to honour their fragility and tenderness.
That is so beautiful Frank, I never heard anyone (and for sure not a man) speak in the way about yourself as you did. This is so unique and powerful. It is very beautiful and deeply touching to hear you speak about yourself as a man from such tenderness and sensitivity. I know I have been pushy and not supportive to men to be in their tenderness until recently, as I have supported men in the past to be the rough, tough, and by also living in a hard way myself. You inspire me to see and feel more deeply how sensitive my body is and how I have to hold myself more dearly and sensitive, to nurture it to the extend I need to do so. I love it, thank you Frank.
You touched on something here Frank I feel that many can relate to, that expectation that the body can and will just heal and repair itself regardless of what we do to it. But then after a while it can breakdown and/or become overloaded by our ill choices. What Universal Medicine has shown me is that my choices to support my body, rather than just constantly thinking I can do whatever with it and it will make everything fine eventually, allows my body to feel lighter without having to be a constant repair job or needing repeated pick-me-ups during the day.
Frank to accept your fragility and to honour this was beautiful to read as so many men have been told to ‘man up’ and shutdown what they feel. Thank you for this gorgeous reminder you have inspired me to deepen this quality in my own life.
Love what you share here Anne and I agree; ‘ There is no such thing as accidents so it looks as though you were presented with a beautiful opportunity to feel you, Frank’. Awesome.
Loved to read this Frank, and the wise and poweful message you bring, that indeed our body is so ‘fragile’, whether you are a man, woman or child…..And like you, I too have developed a new respect for my body and have changed/refined my food, sleep and exericise in accordance with what feels right for my body. I have made much progress, if i think of how I abused and ignored my own body in the past to now being so aware of how super intelligent the body is, and how it communicates with me all the time, but the main difference is now I listen, now my body has my full attention.
Thank you Frank for sharing this lovely sharing with us – I did not understand what ‘fragility’ meant as I’d certainly not in any way honoured this feeling within myself until, Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon came into my life. If I felt ‘fragile’ I would cover it over with more work, or as the saying goes ‘ fall off the horse and get straight back up again’
As I started to mature the getting back up was more of a gradual process and the body knocks although physical started to be more of an internal feeling and would hang around for a lot longer than the physical bruising. Bringing self love and self nurturing into my life has allowed me to feel more within and gentleness has become more of a daily visitor now.
When we start to really connect with our body, we naturally start to nurture and look after ourselves, and the abuse that has happened in the past when we allowed our body to be driven by fears and desires starts to be revealed and let go of.
Dear Frank I was touched as I read your awesome blog. I love it that a man is so honest and share about his fragility. I can feel that being fragil as a man is very much needed in a world where it is more common to be hard and functional. What you share here is a great gift but not only for men. As I read your blog I realized that I am as a woman don’t bother about my fragility too. It is sad to write this down but the truth is I learned as well to be hard. I realized I wouldn’t recover from this ‘slow speed car accident’. So your amazing blog help me to remind that I am fragile too.
A very beautiful and tender article Frank. Thank you for sharing this as it has inspired me to deepen my appreciation of my fragility and the strength that comes from honoring this.
Me too Carola, I am inspired to appreciate the fragility of men too and to really challenge my beliefs of what fragility in men really means.
It is really beautiful to read of the strength in fragility you have become aware of and developed through deep appreciation of your body and the true care that is needed. It is a blessing to all who are yet to be aware of the truth and power in connecting to that strength.
That sure is a fascinating way to be inspired but I totally can understand how your situation and observation has inspired you, that it’s not strange at all. I love that you have written about this so that everyone else get’s to read about how a male body is just a fragile as a woman’s.
Fragility is controversial in society, often something to be denied publicly, particularly concerning men. I have two children, a son and a daughter and when they have an injury, they both feel pain and some times cry, and why not, how could there be truly much difference in the experience? This blog does a great job of exposing this issue in society and it is lovely to read about your experience of appreciating your own fragility.
I’ve certainly learned through my life to block out the pain and just get on with it. Recently I’ve experienced a great deal of emotional pain, and by being super sensitive to what is happening I get to feel everything that is going on. No buried issues that I am going to have to deal with later, and a genuine feeling and expression of all the love I feel for someone who is dying, that I can express now when it is needed. Its been a revelation after a lifetime of being shut down, and while yes it hurts, that is the truth and I would rather feel that now, than bury it and go back to being numb to life and all its richness.
I really appreciate you sharing this. Even though it must have been a not so pleasant experience you were reminded of something so important. That as men we are very very tender and delicate and there is nothing weak about that, quite the opposite. The world seems to need this, now more than ever. An approval for us men to let go of the hard ways and show what we are really like on the inside.
What a great post, and one could even say a blessing from the car accident that arose you to take more deeper care of yourself, and as a man too. Your words here made me stop and deeply reflect: “With my clarity of just how fragile the human body is also came a great sense that it is therefore absolutely necessary to take care of my body, and to not subject it to anything which can damage it”.
Thank you Frank, your care and nurturing of yourself, plus your willingness to see the bigger picture of the taxi prang, is deeply inspiring.
Thank you Frank.. I find that as I get older and am letting go of any preconceptions of what I should be, I am loving the delicateness that is being revealed as my true nature, and there is more ..:-)
Yes, it’s ok for men to accept their fragility and vulnerability and not fight against them or trying to hide them.
The ‘accident’ was not such a bad one after all. It feels like the last bit of the retreat! for you to settle totally in your body in appreciation of it! Beyond that I find interesting that no one (either men or women) questions the fact that “men should be strong, not show pain, not show fear, not show emotion.” This is something we do not question as a whole but something we learn to measure how to relate to each bit of it and such a combination becomes part of the identity card we create for ourselves. In such way, the creed of how men have to be continues untouched and humanity pays the consequences.
I really enjoyed reading this blog Frank and it is refreshing to read how you have felt the value of looking after yourself after having a road traffic accident. It is interesting how easily we can override any physical pain our bodies experience and shrug it off like it doesn’t matter, and then carry on as usual.
I love what you have shared here, as it shows how fragile we all are and that we are all worth treating with great care.
Thank you Frank, your story is very inspiring for men to embrace the delicateness and tenderness within ourselves and let go of the outer shield we are so good at presenting to the world.
Thank you Frank for this presentation of your experience, not only the experience of the minor car accident, but the experience of inspiration – how awesome that the outcome far outweighed the initial response to the accident – seeing a deeper aspect to the possibility of how a man can truly respect and care for his body.
Great blog Frank, thank you. It is lovely to be able to feel and see a man who is self caring and loving. For a man to have a caring and loving way towards themselves, is indeed an expression of strength and is very beautiful to see and feel. It touches the core of everyone who notices this quality, and leaves one with an undeniable marker of a true man.
I so agree Jo, so lovely to read, with such clarity, how a true man can express and share with love and feeling.
‘It touches the core of everyone who notices this quality, and leaves one with an undeniable marker of a true man.’ Thank you johannebrown17 I love how you have expressed your appreciation for Frank’s inspiring blog.
I love reading of people taking care of themselves, it feels good and gives others permission to take the same level of care and love for themselves too. We really need this as currently the world seems very loveless. Thank you for sharing.
We were brought up to not cry or make a fuss and hardly ever saw the doctor unless it was something contagious like measles or chicken pox, and then he usually came to us. We felt we were expected to carry on regardless of how we felt. I realise this stoicism has meant that I have tended to put up with things that don’t feel at all right or true. I have held back from expressing what I truly feel for fear of not being heard or worse – of being criticized or put down in some way or just dismissed out of hand. This meant I did not value myself very much and thus was living in disregard for a long time. My relationship with myself has changed a lot and I take much greater care of myself, however honouring my body is an ongoing loving act which is a daily responsibility. Feeling my fragility is very lovely and allows this honouring process to deepen and grow.
Thank you Frank. I particularly like the part about the discovery of fragility giving you a new respect for your body, and the resulting need to increase its nurturing.
As men, I think we were always encouraged to shrug off injuries with the, ” It’s only a scratch”, mentality, which is rather disrespectful to our bodies.
Absolutely – I remember as a kid watching my Dad cut his hand and it was like he did not even feel it… hardly a wince and he carried on. That became my aspiration, and there was a sense of victory when in my late teens I could emulate this. Before that the pain had always made me want to cry, and it took time and a bit of TLC to get over it.
Thank you Frank, it is so lovely to hear you express so tenderly about the care of your body. So many men have the belief that they cannot show this side of themselves and deny the tenderness they actually deeply crave. Thank you again for being an inspiration.
Hi Frank, thank you for your amazing blog. Very honest and loving to share this with your fellow brothers. I recognize a lot while reading your blog. It’s amazing allowing the tenderness, fragileness and love before the hardness and toughness (which are basically a facade). And the more I let go, the more I can feel and enjoy me. Which brought me amazing relationships over the last few years. And it keeps building. The amazing ‘thing’ for me about it all, is that I feel more and more that I’m not alone. And that I don’t have to be ashamed about anything. I can just share it… It feels so amazing when I don’t hold back. So even though it’s not always easy, I’m definitely worth it to be and show ME. The real men are AWESOME.
So great that you used your accident as an opportunity to feel the beauty of your fragility, Frank. And I love the examples of other areas of self-care that you have focused on. I had a similar experience swimming in a river for the first time this year. Even though I had been swimming there many times in the past, the power of a nearby waterfall and current that swept me up momentarily gave me a real sense of how fragile the human body really is, and for the first time I felt a bit scared for my safety. The water, in a sense, showed me how I had been living and how I needed to focus more on self-loving behavior.
I realised my fragility recently when we had particularly windy weather, I literally nearly got blown away.
Thank you Frank, it is so lovely to feel the deep care that arises from a man recognising his strength in his fragility, this to me is true strength.
Contrary to what we often believe, true strength lies in the embracing of our vulnerability, not the rejection, biting or avoiding of it.
Wonderful blog Frank! It just goes to show… every body is the same underneath. No matter how physically mighty we may look or feel, the same fragility and vulnerability lives inside every one of us. After feeling this for myself and building a way of living that confirms how vulnerable I actually am, it feels so much like a lie to arrogantly build a mighty body that looks, and to a point feels strong, tough and solid. True strength I have found comes it connecting to the fragility of the body. This is not to say that you can’t have a physically strong body that is also gentle and allowed to feel its fragility and vulnerability. You can…the power is in knowing that truth comes from the fragility inside and not from searching for it outside you like most of us tend to do.
Well said Frank and Josh, as men we are taught it is all about being tough and that it is the best form of protection, what I am learning is that deepening my tenderness and sensitivity is actually the greatest form of protection as it increases my awareness with what is going on around me, it gives me a greater level of understanding and thus what people say I no longer take personally as I can see more and more why they are saying it.
Love it James – you’ve flipped how we as men are trained to deal with difficult circumstances… literally to ignore the pain, grit our teeth and push through. By doing exactly the opposite we become more sensitive, more discerning and this provides us with the opportunity to choose differently (as well as a living example to other men that there is another way).
Thanks Simonwilliams, it is amazing how we quite literally train ourselves to do the opposite to how we would naturally do something. We only have to look at the way little boys behave and interact and then watch them grow up and they mostly lose all that tender playful side becoming generally extremely tough, macho and competitive on the outside. It is lovely then observing men when they have children as mostly I see these big guys soften back to when they were young. It shows we never lose it we just play the game so much it makes it seem almost alien.
Thank you Frank, for sharing you journey as a man, really there is really no difference for men and women alike…I am inspired by you ….
Thank you for sharing. I can understand why it could be challenging for men to be fragile, especially with all the ways society has had an influence on them. I can relate to it, as I grew up as a “tomboy” for most of my life. The idea of caring for myself was always quite foreign, but the more and more that I allow myself to discover how fragile I am, the more I am able to care for myself in a much more loving way. I never used to wear shoes, so the soles of my feet were like leather. These days I am taking care of my feet, protecting them and putting cream on them. It feels so nice I wonder why I never did that for myself in the past.
An awesome blog, Frank. I too have been coming a deeper realisation of how wondrous the human body is and how it needs to be supported. I have taken it for granted for so long and am now discovering the myriad of simple things I can choose to do… or not, to truly cherish and nurture who I am and the body I live in.
‘I have taken it for granted for so long and am now discovering the myriad of simple things I can choose to do… or not, to truly cherish and nurture who I am and the body I live in.’ Thank you Judith I too am on this road of rediscovery with my body and appreciating how it supports me all the time.
Frank, it’s great to hear a man talk about being fragile and taking care of his body. So often we consider that it’s only women who have permission to be fragile, and even then, as a society we’ve become so caught up in women ‘toughening’ up like men and pushing to do more and more with our bodies, that in many circumstances, even ‘this’ (fragility / self-care / nurturing etc.) is not encouraged, and certainly not seen as a quality which has strength or merit. Thank you for exposing this old belief that we (men and women) cannot be fragile, and that it’s common sense to honour and care for our bodies.
Very true Angela. Franks blog and your comment both demonstrate that claiming fragility in the world we live in takes great courage and strength.