By Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, NSW
I have lived most of my life thinking that I could do everything on my own, that I did not need anyone’s help and I should never rely on others because they will probably let me down. I also really believed that if I did it on my own it would be better. I thought my life was all about me, and not about all of us!
I can laugh at myself when I get really honest. It’s crazy how we can choose to live… and even scarier is the fact that most of the time, we can be unaware of it.
So my experience was that everything was difficult, a struggle, and nothing seemed to flow except on those very rare occasions.
What I experience today is quite different.
I have started to allow people to be part of my life, I have accepted that I do not need to be perfect and I do not need to do it all on my own.
The hard flog without any helping hands is a thing of the past.
What I am experiencing these days is beautiful. When I choose to do a project, and I allow others to be part of it, I get so much support and the project is even grander than I expected because it is not just myself adding to it, but others who are in my life do too.
In the last month for example, with two different projects, I have been offered support, either financially or just from people being there to assist me where needed and to offer their advice or suggestions. I am not used to it, but it feels so lovely. I don’t feel separate and alone on a mission, I feel like we are in it together and the only person that was stopping that in the past was me.
I stopped it because I chose to not let other people be part of what I was doing. I did not open up and trust others. I kept them out and created my own feeling of being alone.
When I let go of the control and get the ‘my life is all about me’ out of the way, I allow room for so much more than I ever imagined. When I allow others to be part of everything, we all get so much more because life’s not just about me, it’s about all of us.
This writing has been inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
If I make my life all about me, I take everything personal. I am constantly fighting/controlling/conforming. It becomes complicated. Trying very hard being/defending me, I lose myself. There’s no connection. I am separate, I am in opposition. There’s no joy. I miss out, big time.
Very well summed up Fumiyo! I miss out and we all miss out… and oh yes, I so take it personally!
YES, together united as one is the way to go for sure. Being on your own, struggling and pushing is just a choice and is really uncomfortable! … and even if you choose to live alone, you are not alone ever.
One can only do the work of one but when we work together we can move mountains!
So good to re-read your blog Rosie and I can relate to much that you have shared. I used to think I was being weak if I had to ask for support, but have learned that sharing my fragility opens me up to other people. Realising that my so-called ‘independence’ was a form of controlling was also a shock. Life is about all of us – not just me me.
“I thought my life was all about me, and not about all of us!” This sentence resonates with me Rosie. When we only focus on the ‘I’ it can be very lonely but when we make it about all of us then we can share the joy and the problems seem so much smaller.
So true Rosie, when we let go of control and allow the support of others in it is amazing what can happen when we allow this. I was often too shy in the past to ask for support or concerned it would be seen as a failure. I notice now that we all carry a piece of the puzzle that we can all offer another that is exactly what can be needed.
Yep, I can also relate to not trusting others, preferably going it alone but then wanting to control what was happening if I did have to involve others. I always felt that then there would be no nasty surprises and that if I did it myself then it would be done ‘properly’ etc. In recent years I have been working on opening up and allowing more people to be involved or to ask for help when I needed it. I have found that the input from others is often very valuable as they offer something that I hadn’t thought of or didn’t have the skills to do. But more than this is the sense of community that comes from sharing and working on things together. It’s something that I have previously minimised or dismissed. Now I am learning its true value. So thanks Rosie for the reminder that we are all here to share and connect with each other; not to set ourselves up as individual silos.
It’s interesting how society is geared around making it all about Me – the ideals and beliefs that have us embracing greed and avarice, coveting, seeking protection, stockpiling, oneupmanshipping,being the first to get somewhere, do something, get the plaudits, accolades, compliments. It’s everywhere. And yet when we let people in, the sharing, the whole-greater-than-the-sum-of-the-parts is exquisite, truly joyful and supportive. To make this a consistent factor in our lives that benefits ourselves and others, requires a real hard look at why we feel we have to protect ourselves by keeping others out. We’re not made to be islands but to live together in communities.
I like this line that you wrote Cathy, ‘We’re not made to be islands but to live together in communities.’
I think we have a lot to learn from some countries in the area of living together in communities as it seems that in the western world, we make life more about our self; we live and work more seperated and it really is the last thing that we really want.
Choosing not to let people in and support me has been a pattern in my life from very young. Thanking you for pointing out the arrogance of this Rosie and celebrating how beautiful it is when we open ourselves up and allow the flow of support that is always there as soon as we become open to it.
Very relevant points Rosie, time to re-adjust how I relate myself with people…
Beautifully said Suse – I agree with all you’ve shared.
I used to think that asking for help was a sign of weakness or a failure of some kind. Now I understand that we each have our own talents and our own part to play in the bigger picture – and discovering that it’s okay to trust people and that none of us are perfect and bringing understanding to situations is key.
Yes, very true deborahmckay, none of us are perfect, so understanding is so so so important along with support so that we all get there together.
This is a beautiful reminder of the power of group work where everyone can work together in a truly supportive and harmonious way.
Life is a bit like a jigsaw we need all the pieces to make the complete picture for if there is a piece missing it will eventually fall apart. If we try to control the outcome then we are often putting ourselves under a lot of unnecessary stress and pressure which in the end is not supporting and may all come tumbling down.
Ditto Fumiyo… the fact that so many people are operating under the same control issues explains why we are all floating around in our separate bubbles, and there is not the true teamwork that can be experienced in brotherhood. There is so much more that can be done this way, and such a release from a self made prison if we do.
I know this feeling of control so well, trying so hard to do it all myself so I can manage every level…. but life is so much bigger than that, and ultimately the control is a selfish desire created by my wanting to stay protected from what could happen. The alternative is to open up, to allow other people in, and to observe what the world is communicating so we can learn. This way of living is completely different, and opens us up to a magic in life which comes from trusting that we are already enough.
Yes, and when we work together, it just feels so great and confirms this knowing that we are all one.
Thanks for sharing this Fumiyo, I wasn’t aware until I read your comment that I have also expected others to be self sufficient and had no understanding of why they wanted to work with others. In the past I saw this as a weekness rather than each using their strengths and working together as a team. Team work is amazing and can be challenging as it can bring up lots of stuff that we have hidden away but it is so awesome what can come of working together. I never want to work on my own again.
So true, Rosie. Sometimes when my old foe, ‘control’ creeps in, I want to do things on my own because then I ‘know they will be done properly’. It feels awful, isolating and a burden. Life is about us all working together in harmony, combining all our different expressions.
Great to expose all the control issues here Carmin, I can really relate to the arrogance of assuming that I am the only one that can do something properly?! It has been challenging at times but so lovely to be part of various projects that bring together people’s complimentary skills and talents and the beauty of seeing this evolve is healing a lot of my deepest trust issues.
Thank you Rosie, I absolutely agree, when people work together and share equally, this provides the space for divine brotherhood to play a part in our forever evolving life!
Beautiful Carola, especially love this line in your comment:
“And how when we do honor how connected we all are we can feel the true power that this unity brings.”
Makes me never want to be a lonesome ranger again!
Awesome blog Rosie, I used to be fiercely independant and pride myself on the fact that I didn’t need anyone’s help at all. What I was doing was actually protecting myself from getting hurt and closing down to others. Thank goodness I have changed this in my life, I now ask for support and welcome it into my life at times, building the trust in me and others has been a beautiful experience and my relationships have deepened and strengthened as well.
Be independent, be tough, you can do it, this was the way I lived. The thought of looking for support I somehow looked on, as being a failure. But as I am getting older and not able to do what I used to do I have opened up to receiving help and I really have enjoyed working with others in a loving supporting way. I love the words Rosie, “life’s not all about me, it’s about all of us”. Thank you.
Love this line of yours Rosie: “I have started to allow people to be part of my life, I have accepted that I do not need to be perfect and I do not need to do it all on my own”, agree it is so freeing when we truly allow others in from opening ourselves up to them, and getting rid of the self-judgement we have. When there is an ease within, there is an ease with others, and so life is with the same ease. Beautiful.
A poignant reminder of the feelings of lonliness we can create, without realising we are the ones pushing people away or keeping them out and are therefore the makers of our own woe. Life is far more beautiful with people in it, working together… and what we can accomplish as one is just gorgeous.
Thanks Marika, I get what you shared, and can be totally honest and admit that people disappointed me too, but I can see now that that is because I never let them see or get to know the real me and because of my many expectations that I had too. Expectations are something that I realise I have a lot more than I have ever wanted to admit and they are really worth identifying and letting go of.
My ‘doing it on my own’ thing has always been a protection, it made me hard and nice at the same time. People did not really get to see me, now I choose to be more aware, and I agree Rosie that is the only way we can make true changes, seeing when I start to withdraw. With this awareness I can choose to stay with myself and everyone and make it about all of us. Definitely a work in progress but it is great to let people in and connect and let them see me.
This is lovely Rosie, thank you. I really agree with the last paragraph, especially “life is not just about me, it’s about all of us”.
Wow Rosie – this is just brilliant. I see a lot of myself in this blog and how independence was actually just a form of shutting out the world. This has inspired me to write my own account of how doing it tough is actually just a form of control.
Thank you.
I totally get what you say Rosie. My life was a constant struggle too. Nothing came easy. Everything came the hard way. In such context that we learn to manage difficulty it is too tempting to think that your life is about struggling ( hence oneself). yet life does not have to be a struggle. This is not always easy to accept for someone that learns to be a warrior but it is the only truth. Life is always about constellating with others. There are hard constellations that keep us in separation and there are others that impulse us forward in an amazing quality. In the later ones we learn what life can be and what is truly about.
The ‘all about me’ – sits well rooted. I find it’s really nasty actually. To open up to a different way in this foggy me-me-me-world is not the easiest thing. Although very simple, as you show in this article, thank you Rosie.
I have been sharing with some children in my life, how when you don’t just think of me me me, and you consider the whole group, how you and everyone is taken care of and everyone benefits.
So beautifully shared Andrew, I love how you describe your way of being with people resembling a moat around a fortified heart and the illusion of being “approachable”. I can so very much relate.
I loved reading your blog Rosie. I can certainly relate to wanting to “do it all myself” I have been like that for as long as I could remember, especially when I was really little, ‘fiercely independent’ I think you call it. It is inspiring to feel how much more rewarding it is to allow others to bring their own unique qualities to a project, we all have such varied strengths and often we only get to discover these when working in a group.
Yes Leonne, and there is just so much more to learn when there is a group working together.
Love this Rosie, time for me to let go of the control and let people in – something I am slowly allowing and it feels like such a relief not to have to do it on my own anymore!
On reading this Rosie, I realise that I used to champion the ‘I can do it’ motto – ‘I can carry it myself’; ‘Don’t worry, I’ll do it’; or ‘I got myself into it, I’ll get myself out of it’. I’ve let these thoughts run riot with me and in so doing, alienated those around me who were willing and able to help. Thankfully I decided, for the most part, that actually I do not have to do it all on my own and it is letting people in that for me is a true support.
Crashing down those walls of ‘must do it alone’ and letting people help is important, I totally agree. We are all in it together, and it feels so good when it works that way.
Beautiful Rosie. We feel it will be better ‘my way’ but as you say when we get ‘me’ out of the way then “I allow room for so much more than I ever imagined”, it is so true and gorgeous when that happens.
Very true Rosie. It is not until you ask for help that you are aware of what is available. It is everybodies responsibility to ask. Or you can do it alone.
I have been journeying along this track for quite some time, the ‘do it on my own idea’…I knew I loved people but had not realised how much I was attempting to keep people at what I perceived to be a ‘safe’ distance…It has been deeply supportive to be honest about how much I have been willing to let people in and be open to support. I am beginning to open up and I am starting to feel the support that is available.
Oh Rosie, I completely relate to “I thought my life was all about me, and not about all of us!” Life is so much more grand and beautiful, love-filled and purposeful since I have made it about all of us and not just felt like a victim of my own experiences and my own situations in life. There is a lot in these comments about appreciation and I would agree that appreciating ourselves is an important key to allowing ourselves the space to just be and live as feels natural in life .. and in-turn include others in this appreciation, allowing them to also just be.
Yes Jacqueline, I agree we have to appreciate ourselves first and from there we can let people in and allow support in our lives. For me it is still a work in progress to accept support in my life especially from men, as if I am a weak woman and that I need to prove to them I can do it myself. I now see that it is not true and that it is so lovely to get support from a man when I step more and more out of this pattern of ‘I can do it all by myself’.
Hi Rosie, thank you for your beautiful blog. You share so much in a lovely simple way.
For me it felt quite a big change to give myself permission to not be perfect and to be where I actually am with all the learning as gifts instead of rejections. It took a whole lot of tightness out of my body. And of course if I don’t have to be perfect others get that same space and understanding.
Allowing others in brings magic and so much joy to my life. I love to feel how much I love other people and building relationships.
Hear, Hear Monika: ‘allowing others in brings magic and so much joy into my life’. It also brings much support and a deep appreciation for self as well as the other for as we allow the connection with ourselves to deepen, it becomes natural to let people in.
Beautiful comment Monika! What it reveals for me is how often, when someone points out a mistake to me, I take it as a rejection instead of welcoming it as a learning. And I agree letting go of perfection and allowing others to be part of my evolvement does reduce the tightness in the body.
Yes, how freeing is it when we see the mistake as an opportunity to grow rather than an opportunity to beat ourselves up. Its just a matter of how we perceive it. We can either be very serious about it, or make it playful and go ooops, and move on.
Yes, sometimes I get myself in a rut because I don´t allow the magic of life to give me all its presents, through the people in my life. When it is me who closes the door and wants to do it all on my own. When I realised we are in this together and I am not alone, the joy was great and also the clearing of all the years or maybe lives of feeling the burden was only on my shoulders. When I connect with this feeling, there is no hardness, there is ease and magic in life.
Loved reading this blog Rosie, you present truth in such a simple way making it so easy for the reader to grasp the wisdom in your words. I can relate to so much of what you share, and like you: ‘ I have started to allow people to be part of my life, I have accepted that I do not need to be perfect and I do not need to do it all on my own’. The difference today is that I have let that old belief/habit go of thinking I had to do it all on my own, and now love connecting and sharing with people…
Thank you, Rosie. This article has so many echos for me, stubbornly saying ‘I can do it myself’ and feeling I was somehow failing if I needed to ask for help but always ready to support others and enjoy it. This is all tied up with finding it easier to give than to receive but now I realize that by receiving, I am giving. I am giving others space to be with me and in this space there is room for me to enjoy the shared space.
Hi Rosie, I can completely relate to your article, as I have been genuinely astonished by the level of support that is around when I choose to allow it, and how isolated I can feel when I shut down from allowing this support to be a part of my life.
Put simply, that is exactly it Shami. Rather than me vs the world, we find that pretty much everyone else is looking to join in!
Beautiful Rosie thank you for sharing all you say, it’s very helpful in understanding things from all different perspectives.
The true support of being listened to with no judgement or imposition is quite amazing and allows one to feel for oneself from this holding what is true at that moment.
A real gift to offer to another and be offered oneself also.
Yes we are all one and part of our unfolding support together if we allow it .
A subject I am also too familiar with, the exhausting way in which I try to do it on my own or even gather loads of information so as to make it appear that I can and know what I am doing without anyone’s input.
However from experience I have found that this allows me to keep away from people even more. Learning to trust others is amazing as it strips away that ‘I know everything/can do anything alone’ mentality and slowly I have been able to appreciate others for their input, personal experiences and support.
I know there is even more to let go and more to trusting others but this blog is a wonderful reminder that we are grander together as ‘we’ than just a ‘me’.
I can really relate to all you have shared here Rosie. For many years at school, group work was the bane of my life – I simply detested group assignments. I had decided the input of others was an impediment to true quality, especially when I would have to share any credit if it did by chance turn out ok. Conversely, at other times as a teenager I used to sometimes use group work to slacken off and let others do it all so that I could coast along… Again not really engaging with the opportunity to work together. Gosh – have I learned how off the mark I was. I have been working on how to let others help and how to help others with no motive other than the wellbeing of us all.
It’s been a massive turn around and life is so much better for me when I make it about us all. A beautiful irony. Thank you Rosie and thank you Serge Benhayon.
Jane, it does feel so lovely to be supported, but it also feels great to be given the permission to support someone else, to be the supporter. So what I feel is that when we let go of trying to do it all alone, we give someone else a GIFT of being able to support us.
Thanks for sharing Rosie. I definitely know this one as well! It is amazingly freeing to realise that the feeling of being alone and having to do your things all by yourself is not true. I especially remember that I realised it was me pushing people away which created the alone-ness and the I-have-to-do-everything-by-myself-feeling! When I stopped pushing people away they actually were right there to support me. I also realised I pushed the people away because I thought I was not good enough, as soon as I started to accept myself I started to be more open to others as well.
Yes Lieke, I have realised that the more I accept myself, the more I accept others and allow them to be part of my life. It was only myself who was rejecting me and therefore also rejecting them, in the past.
Thank you Rosie. I love the exposure of “being in control” and the relationship of control making life all about me! Recognised this one, so thank you for your honest sharing. A great support.
Gorgeous as ever Rosie, reading this gave me pause to reflect again on the ‘going it alone’ belief; a belief I myself have held strongly over my life! I’m amazed at the hardness that created in me…and how it kept people away. I still have work to do in different areas, and writing such as yours and the reflection it brings from others is inspirational not only to me but to many others … we are all in this together! Thank you.
You only ever need to ask and the support is there for you, but my problem was I was to tough to ask or ashamed that I was a failure if I needed support! I can laugh at myself now as I expose it all.
It is ridiculous when exposed, yet that’s the way it was for me until recently. No shame… just learning!
Thanks for your reply Ariana. When a blog touches someone in this way, I realise again how powerful it is to share what we learn, and in that way it is there for us all equally..
I really enjoyed reading how your life has changed since you started allowing people to be part of your life, Rosie. I too have found there is more of a flow to my days since I have let go of thinking I needed to be perfect and started to be more accepting of me – just as I am. What a relief it feels to get that monkey off my back!
It’s awful what we do to ourselves at times…. and what we miss out on because of our misguided thinking.
Yes Judith, the key being…. what we do to ourselves!! But through awareness we can make choices.
I know what you mean Rosie, I’m discovering too about opening up and sharing myself, and that to let people in is beginning to feel both liberating and supportive. Could ‘letting people in’ not be the deepest form of self support we can offer ourselves?
I agree Rosanna that ‘letting people in’ is truly supporting ourselves rather than continuing in the arrogance of our self imposed isolation.
That’s true Helen, there is an arrogance there, I can feel how to hold that ‘do it all myself’ approach to life (even if its hidden in the smallest of ways) it still stops me from appreciating others and letting them in.
I love this Rosie. I too have been learning that life can be so much easier when I let others help me. It truly is about all of us not just me on my own.
It sure is, and thanks for opening up and letting me support you!
Hi Rosie, thank you for sharing. This has been a recurring format in my life also, me trying to do or control things. It is beautiful when you allow someone to be there and contribute it truly opens up the understanding that “life is not just about me, it’s about all of us”
Oh Rosie, everything you said I can relate to. I have always offered others support, but never felt open to accept support from others. I thought I could do it better on my own. But when I get me out of the way. I get to feel brotherhood and love and trust.
Yes, and it feels so good… its worth celebrating… and blogging about!
Thank you Rosie for your wonderful post. I especially loved the part where you said “life’s not just about me, it’s about all of us”. I too am finding that by trusting and being part of group input to projects that this has opened something up for me….the realisation that we are all ‘in it together’ and so doing things together instead of on my own is definitely much more supportive for all.
We are all in it together, and I was in an illusion thinking I was on my own.. all alone!
Hi Rosie, I have to found when I am trying to to something on my own, I am trying to control the process and outcome. I have also found it is due to me wanting to be acknowledged as worthwhile, when I accept this as a truth there is no need to seek it from others. I really appreciate the honesty of your blogs Rosie, they are of benefit to us all, thank you.
Thanks Toni. When I get honest about something and process it, I feel to share the revelation as I am sure others can relate in their own way.
Awesome Rosie! I have had some recent experiences of full-on support that came unexpectedly – it was just there, and I realised that it had always been there when I was open to all. Thanks for your great blog.
Lyndy isn’t it amazing how it is always there, but in my case I never realised or stepped forward to ask for support, thinking that I was a loser if I needed help!
So true Lindy. I used to live by the belief that I had to do it all on my own, and now realise how I had set myself up to create situations where exactly that happened! What I’ve realised now is that the support was always there, just that I didn’t want to see or accept it.
I like what you share here Angela, as the support is often there, we just let ourselves get in the way and our issue is with accepting the support and knowing that we are worth the support.
This is beautiful Rosie. We are never alone, but gosh we can make ourselves believe we are! Allowing others support is such a beautiful thing to do. Our amazing ideas are brought to life when we allow the input, perspectives and feeling of others to expand and build on the foundation.
How beautiful is it to our bodies when we let go of control? How much do we tenderise and expand? Thank you for the simple reminder.
Oh yeah! Letting go of the control is a massive lesson that I am slowly learning.. step by step… and I am now experiencing how lovely it is, when others let down their walls and their beliefs of having to do it on their own, and its lovely to be a support to them.