By Kim Schultz
Last week I attended an event, and after dinner I left to drive home only to find some women outside discussing how they were going to walk to their cars in the dark. After giving the women some directions, I started to walk forward into the darkness when an ever so gentle tender voice emerged from behind me saying “I’m scared”.
The vulnerability in her voice absolutely melted me but after feeling that, instantly ‘the hard Kimberley bush girl’ kicked in and I had to stop myself saying “are you serious?!!”, as in the past I would have walked in the dark with snakes, cookie monsters and all. I became aware of that hardness kicking in from the realisation that my thoughts and the feeling of toughness in my body did not match that sweet tender vulnerable voice. I stopped myself from walking in the dark, found my handy ‘APP’ torch on my phone and guided the way to the car park for me and the other women.
A week later I was lying in bed feeling fragile and was enjoying cuddles with my doggie when next minute I heard this voice from within me so clearly, like it was yesterday, saying “I’m scared”. Feeling those words spoken again with such tenderness I cried and cried until I felt I had just shed 20 layers of hardness away. I did not realise how hard I had made myself to not allow myself to feel scared about anything around others.
After crying I had a clear memory of my childhood; of when I was around 5 years old being forced to use the outside loo. It was dark and there was no outside light which was so scary as spiders lived in there! I would cry as I was so frightened to go outside alone – mum would growl ‘be happy’ that I didn’t have to walk all the way over there in the dark where it used to be and to be thankful it was closer!
It was so clear how I was spoken to, like something was wrong with me, to get on with it and stop being silly. I made sure to not show I was scared again and didn’t even realise I was hardening my gentle little body in the process. I cried deeply, feeling the impact it has had on me to not allow myself to feel scared, and the hardness I used to cover it with.
I remember when one of my friends would stay on the farm with us when I was a child. She would wake me up in the night for me to go to the loo with her. I would be so annoyed because it was like “if I can go out there on my own, well so can she!”. It hurts me now to feel how much I had hardened as we could have held hands and walked outside together, feeling scared.
I am feeling so much sadness realising that I have gone through life like this, but it is such a celebration that now I no longer have to harden to hide that I am scared, from myself and others. WOW!! What a huge celebration to now feel that it is OK to allow myself to feel scared and to express that, without hardening to push through whatever situation. This has given me an incredible freedom – and permission to just be me.
THANK YOU so much to another beautiful tender woman for not hiding that she was scared to walk out in the dark. Having another woman expressing her vulnerability with so much freedom and honesty has cracked me open in more ways than one.
What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Vulnerability is something that for a long time I didn’t allow myself to feel, for me was a weakness that you never wanted to admit too, however now I understand that by allowing myself to feel vulnerable is actually a communication from my body, making me more aware of a situation and from there I am able to better look after myself.
It is wonderful that you no longer have to harden or pretend you are not scared, ‘What a huge celebration to now feel that it is OK to allow myself to feel scared and to express that, without hardening to push through whatever situation.’
Thank you for sharing Kim, I can certainly relate to having toughened up as a child and not shown any fear or vulnerability to myself or others, it was most definitely encouraged by my dad. I now allow myself to connect with my vulnerability, and am learning to let this be seen.
There is strength in our vulnerability. Not something I would have said a few years ago. The facade many of us put on to show we are tough and hard, does everyone a disservice and it’s false. Time to get back to our truth. When one voice speaks out, it gives others permission to drop their guard and be themselves too.
It is crazy how we have been taught by life to be tough and we often harden up to get through life. What if life taught us the opposite that we are sensitive beings and to honour and express our preciousness and that vulnerability was a beautiful and strong quality we all have.
Thank you Kim. This shows how much we can support each other and be there for each other with a simple start of being honest and expressing how we feel.
Deeply appreciating all that you’ve shared here Kim, thank-you. For how often are such ‘toughen up’ messages passed down from generation to generation, between colleagues, friends, peers at school… And yet it takes but one person to break the cycle and re-instate our natural fragility. It takes but one to say it’s ok to ask for support, it’s ok to be scared and that essentially, we needn’t face anything alone.
We do melt others when we show our vulnerability simply because not many people give themselves the permission to do so or feel safe to do so, especially if they are still carrying any old hurts from childhood.
I love reading this article, it so beautifully brings the sensitivity we all had as children alive again in my body. So much so I feel the hug of love I know I lived in everyday with as a child.
Life becomes simple when we can just be ourselves and not hold back from expressing what is there to be expressed…. it also allows others to do the same. Everyone wins.
Absolutely gorgeous blog Kim, and just highlights how much we store in the body from childhood that affect how we are today. After reading it I feel I can give myself permission to show my tenderness and delicateness that I have held back for such a long time. Thankyou for sharing this blog and your valuable lesson: What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.
This is a beautiful example of how life constantly presents us with endless opportunites to learn and grow, soften and flow.
“What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.” I can so relate Kim. Having been brought up to not admit to feeling weak or fragile – in a boarding school environment – it has taken a long time for my ‘I’m fine’ attitude to dissolve and to share my frailty with people I feel safe with. This allows others to admit to their fragility too. and thus our hardness dissipates….
The tender, vulnerable feelings of a child are always there within us however many layers of hardness we put on and it is a freedom when someone inspires us to allow ourselves to feel our tender vulnerability again.
Wow Kim, you have gotten me considering endless similarities and possibilities here between your and my own experiences growing up on a farm with an outside loo … I too learned to harden up, not show weakness, to be strong regardless of what I was feeling and so forth. Even today, although I have made some major progress, I still find it hard to show my vulnerability to others. But as you say, it’s something that shouldn’t be hidden away and sharing our experiences can have a much deeper impact on others than we can ever imagine. Thank you for sharing.
Reading this brought back my own memories of having to use an outside toilet while visiting relatives who lived on a farm, and having to wake either my sisters or cousin because we were all scared of the dark (& the spiders!). Even when I had an inside toilet, my sisters and I would wake each other as we were scared to go by ourselves in the dark hallway. I don’t remember particularly being conscious of hardening up, but at some point – even though I felt scared – I thought I was just being silly and over reacting and had to get on with it (ie life). The toilet example was just one instance of this, however I now realise I adopted this approach in response to many other situations in life. It’s been lovely the past few years to reconnect back to my fragility and vulnerability, and to not have to act ‘tough’ – and in this I have discovered where try power lies….
Gorgeous blog Kim. I recall a couple of moments feeling scared, during the night with other people with me, but still having that sense of pushing through. Yes we acknowledged it, but it was like we used the fear to push through. It feels awful in the body. My sensitivity tells me now that I can make completely new choices and not have to live that way at all.
A great testament to the power of influence when we are true to our sensitivities and are able to express our feelings fully. We may not realise it, but our honesty and ease in ‘saying it as it is’ can be of real inspiration to another.
Awesome to feel the power of one woman admitting ‘I’m scared’, and how by acknowledging feeling scared it allows others to access their deeply buried feelings. I have yet to express this to another but feel inspired to explore my many layers of hardening and start admitting it to myself. Thank you Kim for sharing this beautiful experience with us all – the ripples are being felt all over the world.
Expressing our vulnerability is very closely linked to expressing our honesty. When we are showing our vulnerability we are showing our hand. Creating an opportunity for all those around to see that someone else feels and is the same as each other. Being vulnerable and honest is an essential step to any realisation as in its basic form it is just being really honest with what is happening.
I’d hardened in similar ways Kim from feeling that no one would listen if I told them I was scared. And the adults telling us to “get over it” or “stop your nonsense” were no doubt told the same thing by their parents. It’s sad that we are discouraged from honouring our sensitivity at such a young age but now that we’re more aware thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we can make the choice to honour that sensitivity and claim it back.
This is like a wake-up call to me that has brought up memories of ‘getting over the fear of being in the dark’ to not then even admitting that I was scared. We feel things as a child and when they are impatiently disregarded by others by being told, there is nothing there, not to be silly ,or a scary cat, we learn to not trust what we are truly feeling and begin developing a hard shield around ourselves. By doing this we shut down our sensitivity to what we are truly feeling to the extent of then not being aware of what we are feeling and so by the time we reach our adulthood we too can have become hard. I love the last paragraph, “It is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another its okay to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak”. Thank-you Kim.
Could not agree more. I know what an inspiration it has been for me, when other men have shown that they can be raw, tender and possibly even a little fragile! It reminds me that my own outer layer of toughness is not necessary, and also that when I can express more of my innate tenderness that provides an opportunity for the next person.
What I find so poignantly beautiful about your sharing Kim is that, unbeknownst to you or the scared woman, something bigger was at play. The synchronicity of this occurrence cannot be denied. You were obviously ready to look at, and let go of, this long held hurt so, the opportunity presented itself to you. As Serge Benhayon often says, “Expression is everything” and “Everything is everything”. We are not to know the profound effect or gift of evolution a simple statement like “I’m scared” may have on ourselves or another if we are willing and open to reading the message it conveys. There is much responsibility for us all to consider.
Thank you Kim for sharing this. Recently I have realised that ignoring what I feel doesn’t make it go away. It only makes matters worse to pretend to be some unfeeling robot person. And what I have started to realise is that by cutting off all feelings we believe we are keeping the bad feelings away but as a result we lose that tenderness and playfulness as well. I am finding its better to feel things, understand them and then carry on because afterwards there is less to hold back and hold onto and more fun to be had.
You have highlighted how hiding vulnerability and fragility starts from very young and how we go on to harden. It is true that we make this our way. When met with someone else’s vulnerability we will often discount it, over-ride it and not allow it to be expressed in another. In realising that this is the way our world works, you have presented an opportunity to build the opposite – to open to the vulnerability and fragility within ourselves thus giving permission for all others to connect and open to their own. I loved your comment Kim – ‘What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak’. We have talked about how to change the world, to allow and celebrate more love, to celebrate all being more of who we truly are – and here you have given a beautiful and simple way. It all begins with us choosing to live the truth of what is within thus unlocking the cage chosen so long again. Great Blog Kim.
Beautifully expressed Kim, in a job interview I was asked what was a weakness or an area that needed developing in me. I said my vulnerability was my weakness, after the interview I reflected on this and clearly felt that my vulnerability was indeed my strength and a great quality to appreciate in myself and others.
Amazing how a curse or blight comment from the (childhood) past ingrains itself into the (adult) present and subverts movement and expression. Realising this as you share with us Kim, feels so cleansing and restorative.
Having been forced to walk into many dark toilets camping as a child I remember the sheer terror experienced and how you harden to override it, each time creating layers of hardness over the fragility we naturally are. Reading how you allowed experiencing another’s vulnerability to deepen the connection to that which you had buried was just truly beautiful to read, and deeply inspiring. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
Wow what a game we are all playing with each other pretending that we are all hard and tough when really we are all equally tender, fragile and vulnerable. We think being vulnerable is weak but actually it takes a lot of strength to admit that we are not invincible.
It was beautiful to read and feel the tenderness in which you write Kim, it was such a delight to read. It is indeed liberating when we express what we are feeling because as you mentioned we give ourselves permission to be ourselves.
Beautiful Kim, this is gorgeous sharing. So powerful to uncover that true strength lies in our vulnerability.
Yes, I have similar experiences. I was ashamed because the adults ridiculed me and made sure I would not show fear or vulnerability anymore.
That’s lovely Kim, that from another sharing their vulnerability that you could also stop and feel that natural tenderness is also inside you equally.
Thank you Kim. The hardening is such a protective layer we encase our whole being with, like putting on extra unnecessary layers of clothes. The result of this is a lack of freedom and restriction with absolutely everything. It completely changes everything about us, affecting choices and decisions.
Great sharing Kim! The truth is that you do not have to be a woman to feel scared walking in a dark alley or like situations. There is always tension and alert. We tend to do it but we hardly speak of how we feel.
Beautiful blog about allowing vulnerability. I used to be so scared as a kid waking up at night, that I would run to my parents bed to feel save. Fortunately they allowed that, in spite of friends always telling them that we needed to toughen up.
Just reading this heals heaps of hardness in my body. There’s again a deeper level I can surrender to. And your words just let me melt, Kim.
This is very beautiful Kim. Yes, accepting our fragility and vulnerability is much easier than fighting against them or trying to hide them.
I love what you have shared here, it exposes so much about the way we put up shields in life and begin to harden ourselves “pushing through” rather than allowing ourselves to feel what’s inside. You’ve definitely opened me up to truly allowing myself to feel what I have held back from feeling, thank you.
So tender. It is beautiful to feel the vulnerability and tenderness expressed, it is like I am hearing the voice saying, “I’m scared.”
Lovely blog and so open. I have often become hard in my body, through thinking that I always had to get things right and not make mistakes, this in the past has been a bit of a prison for me. I have felt that this prison is one big place of fear. I have not always expressed how I feel or what scares me, sometimes I do but it is often the things things that are buried deep within me that scare me. As you mentioned your experience long ago of the outside toilet: “… it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.” It feels so freeing to express how I really feel and I am still learning, when I go hard in my body, because it is more rare now, it is a great signal for me to consider what I am not comfortable with and have a go at expressing it.
I too now appreciate the power in our innate sensitivity, fragility and tenderness. I can relate Kim to having toughened up to get things done but am enjoying now opening up to doing things differently.
This article reminded me of the tension I had in my body every night as a child. We lived in an old rambling house and the loo was a long way from my bedroom. I was scared of waking up others and found a complicated route over the creaking floorboards to challenge myself to get there and back without a giveaway creak. The tension meant I always woke in the night and had to endure my self-imposed challenge.
Kim, This is just lovely and telling – I still don’t like to admit I’m scared and yet I do feel it. I’ve let go of so much hardening but there are still areas where I am loathe to admit how fragile and vulnerable I feel. I can still feel the elements of ‘pushing through’, of managing coming through. I am a sensitive, fragile women and I’m learning more and more to allow this in my day to day. Thank you for this blog, it’s given me a deeper layer to connect to, of those places where I can let go of more hardening and show more and more the delicacy that is me.
Tears in my eyes Kim, I’m sure this is something we can all relate to.. and the true beauty we feel when we do ‘crack through’ this hardness. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Kim for sharing this – I read your blog the other day and since then I have been feeling a lot of things I did not allow myself to feel before because I thought it would be to painful or unsafe to feel them, but by feeling those things I actually feel so much less hardened and more open and tender, and with that, that it is safe to be this way. It is beautiful to see how much awareness one single blog can bring!
Thank you Kim – we are told to be a man, to toughen up. Yet we are equally as sensitive as women but choose to not show it because of the beliefs of what we may look like or how we may be perceived to be – ie. not a man. It feels like a huge permission we need to give ourselves to just be as almost everything in society is telling us to be something in contradiction to the true, naturally tender caring men we are. Thank you for sharing Kim as what you have exposed and expressed comes with a great strength and definitely not a weakness!
Awesome article to read. Thank you for sharing Kim, and for being an inspiration in just allowing yourself to be you.
Whether it be ‘bush girl’, ‘City boy’ or any combination this message of ‘suck it up’ and ‘push through life’ is one I recall being told quite often. Thanks for sharing and allowing another layer of hardness to drop away…
I remember this so well – learning from the other kids at school that any weakness (which would have been showing any fear, loneliness, awkwardness, lack of confidence) would be ridiculed and teased. The call to harden up, and protect myself kicked in and I have been a lesser man as a result of my choice in that. Having the opportunity to open up again is indescribably beautiful.
I can also relate to this experience at school Simon and am to this day still letting go of the behaviours and patterns I adopted to cope.
This is magic, thank you for sharing your vulnerable self Kim.
Beautiful Kim, wow. It reminds me of how I hardened up as a kid from riding horses – if you fell off you had to get back on, no matter how much it hurt. How beautiful for you to really hear and respond so lovingly to someone’s else’s vulnerability and then in turn connect with your own, such a powerful and tender lesson. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Kim, This is so beautifully put. How amazing that you allowed your vulnerability to show after all these years of hiding it. It seems too often that from a very early age we are asked to not listen to our inner voices, our tender loving inner expression, but to override it. Unfortunately this then means that you, I and many others harden in life experiences. How awesome that you were able to see it for what it was and surrender to that part of you that allows yourself to feel tender and vulnerable. A great blog Thank you.
Hi Kim, thank you very much for your sharing.
Having read your words, I now realize that there is a part of me that is very reluctant to admit and say ‘I am scared of walking alone in the dark’. It’s so much easier to say ‘it doesn’t feel safe walking alone in the dark’. In there, I now sense a hint of disconnection, rather than the detachment I am wanting to project.
Calling something out is one thing, but admitting how I AM FEELING is another. Now I am understanding that’s how I disowned my feeling-body – the sacred femaleness. It feels amazing to call it out; and I feel amazing having done so.
Thank you for your honesty Kim. I also recall being made to toughen up when I was young. I was told by my “friends” not wear skirts because they were too “girly” which to me seemed to indicate that it was a sign of weakness. Now I love the idea of developing my girliness in the knowing it is not a weakness, but a strength.
It is powerful to be a woman, in a delicate, still and tender way. It is beautiful that you have allowed yourself to feel this and now to “express your fragility, vulnerability and natural tenderness”. Simply gorgeous. Thank you so much for sharing.
I loved reading your blog. A great reminder of why we harden ourselves and that it’s a good thing to feel our vulnerability and express it. Thanks for sharing.
“What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.”
Wow… This is so lovely. A great reminder and exposure of the hardness that hides in our body unoticed, until someone offers us the key to unlock it. Awesome.
Hi Kim, thank you for sharing this very lovely story. I have felt scared SO MANY times in my life, and I have felt less and in disadvantage because of that…. I learned to hide my fears and bury them deep down in the last corners of my body.
Today I can joyfully say how my ‘fear’ of facing my ‘fears’ have changed, and also how many of my ‘unknown old’ fears have dissipated….the truth is I feel safer now in the light of my love and my soul. However your blog has made me question about subtle ways that hardening kicks in….Beyond the obvious hardness, is there a more subtle one related to my already ‘conquered fears’? The answer is yes, in my new claimed “feeling safe” there is a subtle hardening I don’t want to accept,something like a “hard confidence”…Thank you for inspiring me to go deeper and unfold another layer…..
What a beautiful awareness Kim!
Only two days ago I was having memories popping up about our outside loo at our house at Lennox when I was little and wondering how we all coped with that! I love how you say that the tender and vulnerable don’t ‘match’ the hardness and toughness.
Kim, I so loved your post of ‘cracking open’ the hardness and being able to show the vulnerability and tenderness that we are and can allow ourselves to feel. It makes me reflect on how in many ways I had hardened in the past, and am also now just allowing myself to feel these things as real.
Thank you Kim. Recently I have been also experiencing letting go of the hardness and the sadness that has come with that. It feels beautiful to be able to honestly respond to people how I am actually feeling when they ask how I am. If I am feeling lovely or strong or delicious or fragile or amazing or sad or tender then I can say that. It is very freeing to not put up the front of hardening and that everything is fine when sometimes clearly it is not.
Being honest and open has sometimes exposed that others don’t quite know how to respond. But there is a refreshing feeling and an inspiring feeling in that moment. Another is hearing someone who is giving permission to themselves to express truly, it’s ok to not be perfect and that we are allowed to feel tender, fragile and vulnerable.
Thank you johannafredericks for reminding me that being honest with how I am feeling gives another the opportunity to explore that for themselves if they so choose, I have allowed myself to be put off in the past when I have expressed how I feel and the other person clearly feels uncomfortable. More and more I choose not to be put off by this and let go of how others respond.
Great blog!! I feel that its quite exposing for me… I can’t remember when I was last scared.. but that’s probably because I have toughened up and over ridden feeling scared. I will have to sit with this blog and read it again. Thank you!
Thank you Kim and Rosie, my mum and dad would also toughen me up, by telling me that the ‘cookie monsters’ were not real so therefore losing my ‘vulnerability and tenderness’! I can no longer hide from being that scardy-cat, when actually I did see and feel those ‘cookie monsters’ or bogyman! Now these fears are related back to the fear imposed upon us about the bogyman, which are now are easily seen as false, thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon. As a young child I remember seeing things in the night that were there to deliberately create that fear! Now I know these spirits actually have no power over me, and they only played that game supported by my parents because they knew no better, our parents went through the same situation from their parents. This fear plays out through my life with me jumping at shadows through the nervous tension we all live with instead of the loving attributes of ‘vulnerability and tenderness’.
This is a lovely expression of honesty Kim…and one in which many men are now realising that there is strength in tenderness and vulnerability, rather than put up shields to prove how ‘tough’ we are.