By Kim Schultz
Last week I attended an event, and after dinner I left to drive home only to find some women outside discussing how they were going to walk to their cars in the dark. After giving the women some directions, I started to walk forward into the darkness when an ever so gentle tender voice emerged from behind me saying “I’m scared”.
The vulnerability in her voice absolutely melted me but after feeling that, instantly ‘the hard Kimberley bush girl’ kicked in and I had to stop myself saying “are you serious?!!”, as in the past I would have walked in the dark with snakes, cookie monsters and all. I became aware of that hardness kicking in from the realisation that my thoughts and the feeling of toughness in my body did not match that sweet tender vulnerable voice. I stopped myself from walking in the dark, found my handy ‘APP’ torch on my phone and guided the way to the car park for me and the other women.
A week later I was lying in bed feeling fragile and was enjoying cuddles with my doggie when next minute I heard this voice from within me so clearly, like it was yesterday, saying “I’m scared”. Feeling those words spoken again with such tenderness I cried and cried until I felt I had just shed 20 layers of hardness away. I did not realise how hard I had made myself to not allow myself to feel scared about anything around others.
After crying I had a clear memory of my childhood; of when I was around 5 years old being forced to use the outside loo. It was dark and there was no outside light which was so scary as spiders lived in there! I would cry as I was so frightened to go outside alone – mum would growl ‘be happy’ that I didn’t have to walk all the way over there in the dark where it used to be and to be thankful it was closer!
It was so clear how I was spoken to, like something was wrong with me, to get on with it and stop being silly. I made sure to not show I was scared again and didn’t even realise I was hardening my gentle little body in the process. I cried deeply, feeling the impact it has had on me to not allow myself to feel scared, and the hardness I used to cover it with.
I remember when one of my friends would stay on the farm with us when I was a child. She would wake me up in the night for me to go to the loo with her. I would be so annoyed because it was like “if I can go out there on my own, well so can she!”. It hurts me now to feel how much I had hardened as we could have held hands and walked outside together, feeling scared.
I am feeling so much sadness realising that I have gone through life like this, but it is such a celebration that now I no longer have to harden to hide that I am scared, from myself and others. WOW!! What a huge celebration to now feel that it is OK to allow myself to feel scared and to express that, without hardening to push through whatever situation. This has given me an incredible freedom – and permission to just be me.
THANK YOU so much to another beautiful tender woman for not hiding that she was scared to walk out in the dark. Having another woman expressing her vulnerability with so much freedom and honesty has cracked me open in more ways than one.
What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
“What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak”. This statement is a corker for me as I can truly relate to the hardness as I once possessed this too. Not saying I still don’t have this as there are layers of this still within me. But the thought of being vulnerable once upon a time was never in my radar, because I too was bought up to believe being tough and hard was admired and accepted. All along I realised years down the track post meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine, that it is OK to be vulnerable and not be afraid to show it to the world. The world itself has been shielded from vulnerability and often we see others preventing you from reflecting this, I’ve had that happen many a times.
I note how as I show more of this fragility, it affects people in two ways, they either accept or reject it. But in that rejection there is something that is occurring for them and that it is ok to show that part of you to others. What they do with it afterwards is their choice to carry out.
The reflections of others are paramount in us all learning and growing together – when we see and hear another express from a vulnerability, it gives us permission to do likewise, which can be a huge healing especially if this is something we have denied ourselves for so long. And this is just one facet, whilst there are so many more qualities for us to learn to re-connect to ,and to show or express again. Hence why these reflections from others are so powerful, and likewise how our reflection is needed for others too.
I recall when I was offered this reflection, I used to react and thought and called all sorts of not nice words. When I ponder back to those days, I was judging another and the combatting was a protection. At that time I didn’t know that it was a protection and gone into fight, flight mode, a default I had created. But I have to admit despite the judgment, I appreciated the learning it bought for me and be able to reciprocate it to others, however they receive it, without judgment too.
I recall being proud of myself for being able to deal with things around me and not complain (even if I felt my heart sink at how things were done or what we had to do), and I recall being proud of myself for hardening up the body and acting like a tough girl, one who could run barefoot on concrete like it did nothing to the feet or body, etc etc, And the list just goes on… all this was done to not let myself be in the body nor feel the body, and not be nor feel me. Thankfully this has changed hugely, but I am still finding it a process to let myself feel the extent that there is to feel through my body and be totally honest with this.
Kim, thank you for this honest and endearing sharing which for me too has struck a cord – I too have learned in various ways to ‘toughen up’ as it has been seen as being ‘weak’ to voice any vulnerability, and I too am learning to let this go and simply be me, with no perfections, but also not seeing certain things (such as being vulnerable) as weaknesses any more.