The Power of Showing your Vulnerability

By Kim Schultz

Last week I attended an event, and after dinner I left to drive home only to find some women outside discussing how they were going to walk to their cars in the dark. After giving the women some directions, I started to walk forward into the darkness when an ever so gentle tender voice emerged from behind me saying “I’m scared”.

The vulnerability in her voice absolutely melted me but after feeling that, instantly ‘the hard Kimberley bush girl’ kicked in and I had to stop myself saying “are you serious?!!”, as in the past I would have walked in the dark with snakes, cookie monsters and all. I became aware of that hardness kicking in from the realisation that my thoughts and the feeling of toughness in my body did not match that sweet tender vulnerable voice. I stopped myself from walking in the dark, found my handy ‘APP’ torch on my phone and guided the way to the car park for me and the other women.  

A week later I was lying in bed feeling fragile and was enjoying cuddles with my doggie when next minute I heard this voice from within me so clearly, like it was yesterday, saying “I’m scared”. Feeling those words spoken again with such tenderness I cried and cried until I felt I had just shed 20 layers of hardness away. I did not realise how hard I had made myself to not allow myself to feel scared about anything around others.

After crying I had a clear memory of my childhood; of when I was around 5 years old being forced to use the outside loo. It was dark and there was no outside light which was so scary as spiders lived in there! I would cry as I was so frightened to go outside alone – mum would growl ‘be happy’ that I didn’t have to walk all the way over there in the dark where it used to be and to be thankful it was closer!

It was so clear how I was spoken to, like something was wrong with me, to get on with it and stop being silly. I made sure to not show I was scared again and didn’t even realise I was hardening my gentle little body in the process. I cried deeply, feeling the impact it has had on me to not allow myself to feel scared, and the hardness I used to cover it with.

I remember when one of my friends would stay on the farm with us when I was a child. She would wake me up in the night for me to go to the loo with her. I would be so annoyed because it was like “if I can go out there on my own, well so can she!”.  It hurts me now to feel how much I had hardened as we could have held hands and walked outside together, feeling scared.

I am feeling so much sadness realising that I have gone through life like this, but it is such a celebration that now I no longer have to harden to hide that I am scared, from myself and others. WOW!! What a huge celebration to now feel that it is OK to allow myself to feel scared and to express that, without hardening to push through whatever situation. This has given me an incredible freedom – and permission to just be me.

THANK YOU so much to another beautiful tender woman for not hiding that she was scared to walk out in the dark. Having another woman expressing her vulnerability with so much freedom and honesty has cracked me open in more ways than one.

What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.

Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon

106 thoughts on “The Power of Showing your Vulnerability

  1. We really judge certain feelings, like being scared or vulnerable, but see anger as a bit more normal. We have strength back to front, it’s not in hardening or toughening, it’s actually in our sensitivity.

  2. That permission to just be me – wherever that me might be at is such a nurturing posture we can offer to ourselves. We have so many ideas about how we think we should be, and we don’t realise how we ourselves can be our very own worst enemy.

  3. Thank you Kim, there is a lot of wisdom shared here. I recently participated in the Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 3 course with Universal Medicine and prior to receiving a face massage we took photos of our faces to compare again to an after shot. What I noticed comparing the two photos of myself was how much hardness was in my face prior to the face massage, and how tender and open my face felt afterwards. With the support of what you have shared in your blog there is a lot to consider about why I may not be open, vulnerable and understanding with myself, or what the other reasons may be, leading to this hardness in me.

  4. Thank you Kim for sharing, I can certainly relate to burying my vulnerability as a child and how this way of being then followed me well into my adulthood. Reading your blog supported me to feel deeper and heal the root cause of the origins of my vulnerability. Thank you.

  5. This is a beautiful example of how ways of behaving can pass from one person to another without question and equally how we can change ways of being that are not supportive to us or others.

  6. This is a beautiful sharing Kim, as there is great strength and power when we show our vulnerability, no need to hide it away and toughen up as we all need to feel we can express ourselves openly.

  7. Beautiful Kim and so relatable as I am no stranger to hardening. But once upon a time that was my normal way of being and I felt no other way would be possible to go through life. These days I still at times find myself choosing hardness but more often then not I allow myself to be tender and simply feel what there is too feel.

  8. We learn a way, that is not our way but we make it ours in spite of us. We force it upon the body to the point that the body embodies it. We also learn to be particularly bothered by those who did not make the choice we made and remain open to themselves and what they truly feel. Those situations call us to further deliver or to stop. We may further deliver, yet, while doing it, we know that this is an acting up but not a truth coming from us.

  9. What strikes me is how many times I have suppressed what I felt or held it in, when just two little words of complete honesty and vulnerability could unlock something so huge in someone – what opportunities have been missed? It really gives you food for thought.

  10. Beautiful Kim. Women, and men alike, are so very much not supported to show their vulnerability at a young age. Parents seem to have the collective illusion that if they allow their children to be vulnerable that they are not able to deal with life.

  11. I loved this sharing Kim, you bring to light the importance of women to honour their fragility and vulnerability and the power that can come with this. Too often we hide away feeling we can’t show this part of ourselves to the world, but I have always found it very supportive and healing when I have seen other women express this without any apologies.

  12. I can feel my learned way of pushing away the feeling of being scared, tightening my jaws, the tone of my muscle, every fiber of my body when I would say ‘I am not scared’ – I am scared but I use my entire body to not feel that but the fact is I am scared frozen. Amazing how we can master those reactions so well and we pretty quickly identify with the hardness as who we are instead of what we have pushed away and hidden. Reclaiming those parts of us feels very nurturing.

  13. Our vulnerability is indeed so powerful in a world where we are walking around so scared of being hurt and so protected that our actions become violent and harming of ourselves first and then others. This is the power of vulnerability – that it gives people permission to drop their guard. And often it seems that that won’t be instant and will probably be met with hard protection and reaction as yours was but that somewhere the body of another registers it deeply and it has impact. So it reminds me that yes my vulnerability will probably be railed against but the power of it can’t be underestimated. There are a few pictures around vulnerability still hanging around for sure.

  14. “it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.” Thank you for not being scared to share this truth with us all.

  15. If we begin to explore the behaviors and ideas that we have when it comes to showing our vulnerability, we will open up a proverbial ‘can of worms’. We all have our ‘reasons’ but do any of them really support us? It is up to each of us to begin to explore our own reasons and to call them for what they are, false ways of protecting our selves. Nothing is more powerful than a woman who fully allows her fragility to be her guiding light.

  16. Vulnerability is something that for a long time I didn’t allow myself to feel, for me was a weakness that you never wanted to admit too, however now I understand that by allowing myself to feel vulnerable is actually a communication from my body, making me more aware of a situation and from there I am able to better look after myself.

  17. It is wonderful that you no longer have to harden or pretend you are not scared, ‘What a huge celebration to now feel that it is OK to allow myself to feel scared and to express that, without hardening to push through whatever situation.’

  18. Thank you for sharing Kim, I can certainly relate to having toughened up as a child and not shown any fear or vulnerability to myself or others, it was most definitely encouraged by my dad. I now allow myself to connect with my vulnerability, and am learning to let this be seen.

  19. There is strength in our vulnerability. Not something I would have said a few years ago. The facade many of us put on to show we are tough and hard, does everyone a disservice and it’s false. Time to get back to our truth. When one voice speaks out, it gives others permission to drop their guard and be themselves too.

  20. Kim, thank you for your blog it is very powerful with tears myself releasing on reading it. Physically I have held in my body for so long moments from throughout my life and childhood of being scared or upset – unexpressed and thus building a hardness and protective barrier where I struggle to surrender and be vulnerable with others feeling that I will be judged if I do, and on the flip-side as you describe falling into hardness and judgement of others too. The reminder of just how beautiful it is to feel the vulnerability of ourselves and others is a blessing, and allows me to appreciate recent moments where I have noted other women openly express themselves (e.g. asking other women to stay with them and leave together while locking up a venue after dark). Your blog inspires us to connect with this in ourselves and each other more, thank you.

  21. It is crazy how we have been taught by life to be tough and we often harden up to get through life. What if life taught us the opposite that we are sensitive beings and to honour and express our preciousness and that vulnerability was a beautiful and strong quality we all have.

  22. Thank you Kim. This shows how much we can support each other and be there for each other with a simple start of being honest and expressing how we feel.

  23. Deeply appreciating all that you’ve shared here Kim, thank-you. For how often are such ‘toughen up’ messages passed down from generation to generation, between colleagues, friends, peers at school… And yet it takes but one person to break the cycle and re-instate our natural fragility. It takes but one to say it’s ok to ask for support, it’s ok to be scared and that essentially, we needn’t face anything alone.

    1. Well said Victoria and very true, it only takes one to offer a different way of being and to ‘crack’ the shell of beliefs we may up until that moment be held in, offering us new and deeper insights in our own choices and ways of being. As Kim said this is deeply freeing and allows for our natural expression to return.

  24. We do melt others when we show our vulnerability simply because not many people give themselves the permission to do so or feel safe to do so, especially if they are still carrying any old hurts from childhood.

  25. I love reading this article, it so beautifully brings the sensitivity we all had as children alive again in my body. So much so I feel the hug of love I know I lived in everyday with as a child.

  26. Absolutely gorgeous blog Kim, and just highlights how much we store in the body from childhood that affect how we are today. After reading it I feel I can give myself permission to show my tenderness and delicateness that I have held back for such a long time. Thankyou for sharing this blog and your valuable lesson: What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.

  27. Of late I have been feeling vulnerabilities rising and have become aware of how I “talk myself out of them”. This has been interesting as the “talking self out of them” is the hardening we do to our bodies. Much to ponder on here when I allow myself to consider how this behavior is very much the normal reaction to feeling vulnerable in our world today. As I have realized this for myself, as the vulnerabilities rise there is now a surrender and acceptance, and from this comes understanding and a deeper caring and graceful holding of myself. Where feeling vulnerable actually brings a greater strength.

  28. Liberating it certainly is to express what we feel, in more ways than one. When we firstly embrace our fragility we allow the truth of who we are to naturally be. It has taken me many years to let go of the belief that our fragility is not a weakness, nor is our tenderness or delicateness. And the more we allow ourselves to embrace these qualities the more we deepen our connection to our essence through which our hardness and protection melts away, and more of who we are freely emerges. What could be more powerful than truly being all that we Divinely, tenderly and gracefully are in essence.

  29. I know that feeling so well Kim of walking to my car in the dark and feeling scared and yet unwilling to say so in case I was perceived as silly or weak. It is very empowering to acknowledge our fears and reach out for support, and as you shared – not only for us but for others too.

  30. The messages we are given as young have such a detrimental affect on how we then interpret the world and believe we need to be within in. It is such a shame for our innate qualities are so divine before bastardised to fit what we or society believes suits us best. It is gorgeous however to come to the awareness necessary to let go of the layers that deny us connecting to and expressing the truth of who we are and step into the light without being held back or tarnished by them.

  31. This is a beautiful example of how life constantly presents us with endless opportunites to learn and grow, soften and flow.

  32. Beautiful Kim. I enjoyed reading every word. The layers of protection and hardness we have can become so normal and we’ve lived with them for so long we can forget they are there. Coming back to the delicate person underneath the layers is so very welcoming.

  33. “What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.” I can so relate Kim. Having been brought up to not admit to feeling weak or fragile – in a boarding school environment – it has taken a long time for my ‘I’m fine’ attitude to dissolve and to share my frailty with people I feel safe with. This allows others to admit to their fragility too. and thus our hardness dissipates….

  34. The tender, vulnerable feelings of a child are always there within us however many layers of hardness we put on and it is a freedom when someone inspires us to allow ourselves to feel our tender vulnerability again.

  35. How awesome Kim, that you made the choice to be open to what the other woman was reflecting to you. It never ceases to amaze me how life is constantly presenting us with opportunities, to reimprint our past ill choices.

  36. I loved this blog. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable actually supports others to feel safe to go there too. The issue is that society teaches us that it is a good thing to harden and not feel vulnerable. Why is it that so much of what the world tells us we need to be is simply plain wrong and usually the complete opposite of the truth?

  37. I agree Kim being honest about how we are truly feeling is so freeing, and the power in revealing our vulnerability our true strength. Thank you for sharing.

  38. Wow Kim, you have gotten me considering endless similarities and possibilities here between your and my own experiences growing up on a farm with an outside loo … I too learned to harden up, not show weakness, to be strong regardless of what I was feeling and so forth. Even today, although I have made some major progress, I still find it hard to show my vulnerability to others. But as you say, it’s something that shouldn’t be hidden away and sharing our experiences can have a much deeper impact on others than we can ever imagine. Thank you for sharing.

  39. Reading this brought back my own memories of having to use an outside toilet while visiting relatives who lived on a farm, and having to wake either my sisters or cousin because we were all scared of the dark (& the spiders!). Even when I had an inside toilet, my sisters and I would wake each other as we were scared to go by ourselves in the dark hallway. I don’t remember particularly being conscious of hardening up, but at some point – even though I felt scared – I thought I was just being silly and over reacting and had to get on with it (ie life). The toilet example was just one instance of this, however I now realise I adopted this approach in response to many other situations in life. It’s been lovely the past few years to reconnect back to my fragility and vulnerability, and to not have to act ‘tough’ – and in this I have discovered where try power lies….

  40. Gorgeous blog Kim. I recall a couple of moments feeling scared, during the night with other people with me, but still having that sense of pushing through. Yes we acknowledged it, but it was like we used the fear to push through. It feels awful in the body. My sensitivity tells me now that I can make completely new choices and not have to live that way at all.

  41. A great testament to the power of influence when we are true to our sensitivities and are able to express our feelings fully. We may not realise it, but our honesty and ease in ‘saying it as it is’ can be of real inspiration to another.

  42. Awesome to feel the power of one woman admitting ‘I’m scared’, and how by acknowledging feeling scared it allows others to access their deeply buried feelings. I have yet to express this to another but feel inspired to explore my many layers of hardening and start admitting it to myself. Thank you Kim for sharing this beautiful experience with us all – the ripples are being felt all over the world.

  43. Expressing our vulnerability is very closely linked to expressing our honesty. When we are showing our vulnerability we are showing our hand. Creating an opportunity for all those around to see that someone else feels and is the same as each other. Being vulnerable and honest is an essential step to any realisation as in its basic form it is just being really honest with what is happening.

  44. I’d hardened in similar ways Kim from feeling that no one would listen if I told them I was scared. And the adults telling us to “get over it” or “stop your nonsense” were no doubt told the same thing by their parents. It’s sad that we are discouraged from honouring our sensitivity at such a young age but now that we’re more aware thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we can make the choice to honour that sensitivity and claim it back.

  45. This is like a wake-up call to me that has brought up memories of ‘getting over the fear of being in the dark’ to not then even admitting that I was scared. We feel things as a child and when they are impatiently disregarded by others by being told, there is nothing there, not to be silly ,or a scary cat, we learn to not trust what we are truly feeling and begin developing a hard shield around ourselves. By doing this we shut down our sensitivity to what we are truly feeling to the extent of then not being aware of what we are feeling and so by the time we reach our adulthood we too can have become hard. I love the last paragraph, “It is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another its okay to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak”. Thank-you Kim.

  46. Could not agree more. I know what an inspiration it has been for me, when other men have shown that they can be raw, tender and possibly even a little fragile! It reminds me that my own outer layer of toughness is not necessary, and also that when I can express more of my innate tenderness that provides an opportunity for the next person.

  47. Expressing our fragility, fears and innate tenderness with honesty is a quality we should as a society value much more than we do for indeed these qualities are a strength and true power for both males and females equally.

  48. What I find so poignantly beautiful about your sharing Kim is that, unbeknownst to you or the scared woman, something bigger was at play. The synchronicity of this occurrence cannot be denied. You were obviously ready to look at, and let go of, this long held hurt so, the opportunity presented itself to you. As Serge Benhayon often says, “Expression is everything” and “Everything is everything”. We are not to know the profound effect or gift of evolution a simple statement like “I’m scared” may have on ourselves or another if we are willing and open to reading the message it conveys. There is much responsibility for us all to consider.

  49. This is so beautiful, Kim. I handled being scared differently, but ultimately with the same end result – refusing to allow myself to feel. When I was scared or anxious, I either avoided the situation or resorted to logic – explaining to myself again & again how it was ridiculous that I was scared, that others weren’t scared in the same situation – always berating myself that being scared (or anxious) was wrong or ‘bad’. This just allowed the emotions to escalate out of control into almost a panic attack. Only recently have I realised that if I stop labeling these feelings as ‘wrong’ and just feel what is there to be felt, I also get to feel my inner strength at the same time, which feels amazing. So whether we harden up or try to battle against being scared, we avoid feeling what is there to be felt and therefore prevent ourselves from being able to deal with or let these issues go.

  50. Thank you Kim for sharing this. Recently I have realised that ignoring what I feel doesn’t make it go away. It only makes matters worse to pretend to be some unfeeling robot person. And what I have started to realise is that by cutting off all feelings we believe we are keeping the bad feelings away but as a result we lose that tenderness and playfulness as well. I am finding its better to feel things, understand them and then carry on because afterwards there is less to hold back and hold onto and more fun to be had.

  51. You have highlighted how hiding vulnerability and fragility starts from very young and how we go on to harden. It is true that we make this our way. When met with someone else’s vulnerability we will often discount it, over-ride it and not allow it to be expressed in another. In realising that this is the way our world works, you have presented an opportunity to build the opposite – to open to the vulnerability and fragility within ourselves thus giving permission for all others to connect and open to their own. I loved your comment Kim – ‘What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak’. We have talked about how to change the world, to allow and celebrate more love, to celebrate all being more of who we truly are – and here you have given a beautiful and simple way. It all begins with us choosing to live the truth of what is within thus unlocking the cage chosen so long again. Great Blog Kim.

  52. Beautifully expressed Kim, in a job interview I was asked what was a weakness or an area that needed developing in me. I said my vulnerability was my weakness, after the interview I reflected on this and clearly felt that my vulnerability was indeed my strength and a great quality to appreciate in myself and others.

  53. This is a beautiful sharing Kim. What I felt from this was that the light from honoring our fragility, vulnerability and our natural tenderness illuminates the way through the darkness to claim who we are in full and in doing so equally lights the way for all those around who are also willing to see. Very powerful and inspiring – thank you.

  54. Oh Kim that was an eye opener for me to read your powerful blog because I too had learned not to show when I am scared. The way you wrote about your experience is touching my own hardness and I loved it when you describe about your tender gentle voice inside of you. I can get a sense off that I too have such a voice inside of me and that it is time now to give myself the permission to let this voice talk to me too. So thank you so much for being such an inspiration for me.

  55. Amazing how a curse or blight comment from the (childhood) past ingrains itself into the (adult) present and subverts movement and expression. Realising this as you share with us Kim, feels so cleansing and restorative.

  56. I can remember when myself and my siblings were younger and in the holidays we stayed with some friends in a house out in the country, we used to wake each other up to go to the toilet in pairs.

  57. Awesome Kim, thank you for writing this blog. My vulnerability has much strength. This is way I live now too. It keeps you open to everything that is going on around you and supports you to stay close to your feelings. My feelings support me in how I respond and a natural confidence is there.

  58. This blog was so beautiful to read Kim. Reading your words I was able to connect to the fear of the dark I felt as a child and how terrified I was when I woke up after nightmares, positive there were monsters hiding all around. I would get so scared I couldn’t even make a sound. I have learned to toughen up and get on with it too. Thank you for reminding me of the strength of vulnerability.

  59. Having been forced to walk into many dark toilets camping as a child I remember the sheer terror experienced and how you harden to override it, each time creating layers of hardness over the fragility we naturally are. Reading how you allowed experiencing another’s vulnerability to deepen the connection to that which you had buried was just truly beautiful to read, and deeply inspiring. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.

  60. Wow what a game we are all playing with each other pretending that we are all hard and tough when really we are all equally tender, fragile and vulnerable. We think being vulnerable is weak but actually it takes a lot of strength to admit that we are not invincible.

  61. It was beautiful to read and feel the tenderness in which you write Kim, it was such a delight to read. It is indeed liberating when we express what we are feeling because as you mentioned we give ourselves permission to be ourselves.

  62. Beautiful Kim, this is gorgeous sharing. So powerful to uncover that true strength lies in our vulnerability.

  63. Thank you Kim for exposing how many of us feel vulnerable and frightened in our lives but feel too ashamed to admit it or are shamed into hiding it. It is so freeing to be able to say honestly how we really feel, I am able to do more of this since being part of Universal Medicine and hearing Serge Benhayons’ teachings of the Way of The Livingness. To know we are sensitive and loving beings with faults and frailties like each other, but we are Love and come from Love so why not be loving and tender to ourselves and others?

  64. That’s lovely Kim, that from another sharing their vulnerability that you could also stop and feel that natural tenderness is also inside you equally.

  65. Thank you Kim. The hardening is such a protective layer we encase our whole being with, like putting on extra unnecessary layers of clothes. The result of this is a lack of freedom and restriction with absolutely everything. It completely changes everything about us, affecting choices and decisions.

  66. I can very much relate to this Kim which is why I cried reading this blog. So many years of hardening and toughening up. I remember a particular incident in my childhood…I would have been about 14 years old. We were having a family dinner and I burst into tears expressing some things. Because the rest of family couldn’t deal with what I had expressed, in response they all just laughed at me…I learnt very quickly that being vulnerable or fragile was not ok.

  67. Great sharing Kim! The truth is that you do not have to be a woman to feel scared walking in a dark alley or like situations. There is always tension and alert. We tend to do it but we hardly speak of how we feel.

    1. Yes emfeldan – I wonder why we think we are the only one’s feeling something and why we think a man would not be afraid in a dark street if that street did indeed feel ominous. Is it because we have not been educated to honour our innate and wonderful feeling senses and instead made to live from our heads?

  68. Beautiful blog about allowing vulnerability. I used to be so scared as a kid waking up at night, that I would run to my parents bed to feel save. Fortunately they allowed that, in spite of friends always telling them that we needed to toughen up.

  69. This is very beautiful Kim. Yes, accepting our fragility and vulnerability is much easier than fighting against them or trying to hide them.

  70. I love what you have shared here, it exposes so much about the way we put up shields in life and begin to harden ourselves “pushing through” rather than allowing ourselves to feel what’s inside. You’ve definitely opened me up to truly allowing myself to feel what I have held back from feeling, thank you.

  71. Lovely blog and so open. I have often become hard in my body, through thinking that I always had to get things right and not make mistakes, this in the past has been a bit of a prison for me. I have felt that this prison is one big place of fear. I have not always expressed how I feel or what scares me, sometimes I do but it is often the things things that are buried deep within me that scare me. As you mentioned your experience long ago of the outside toilet: “… it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.” It feels so freeing to express how I really feel and I am still learning, when I go hard in my body, because it is more rare now, it is a great signal for me to consider what I am not comfortable with and have a go at expressing it.

  72. I too now appreciate the power in our innate sensitivity, fragility and tenderness. I can relate Kim to having toughened up to get things done but am enjoying now opening up to doing things differently.

  73. This article reminded me of the tension I had in my body every night as a child. We lived in an old rambling house and the loo was a long way from my bedroom. I was scared of waking up others and found a complicated route over the creaking floorboards to challenge myself to get there and back without a giveaway creak. The tension meant I always woke in the night and had to endure my self-imposed challenge.

  74. Kim, This is just lovely and telling – I still don’t like to admit I’m scared and yet I do feel it. I’ve let go of so much hardening but there are still areas where I am loathe to admit how fragile and vulnerable I feel. I can still feel the elements of ‘pushing through’, of managing coming through. I am a sensitive, fragile women and I’m learning more and more to allow this in my day to day. Thank you for this blog, it’s given me a deeper layer to connect to, of those places where I can let go of more hardening and show more and more the delicacy that is me.

  75. Deeply touching Kim thank you, your blog has opened up a deeper possibility of honesty for me.

    Some years ago I would walk regularly in the woods alone. In recent years I never feel to walk there alone, as it would be way too scary to do so. Equally some mornings when I am about to walk if its too dark my body is hesitant, and says ‘wait a moment until it is lighter’. I can feel how gorgeous it is to appreciate these feelings, and to honour them – its okay to say no to situations that are scary, and, to be honest about being scared as situations arise.

  76. Thank you Kim for sharing this – I read your blog the other day and since then I have been feeling a lot of things I did not allow myself to feel before because I thought it would be to painful or unsafe to feel them, but by feeling those things I actually feel so much less hardened and more open and tender, and with that, that it is safe to be this way. It is beautiful to see how much awareness one single blog can bring!

  77. Thank you Kim – we are told to be a man, to toughen up. Yet we are equally as sensitive as women but choose to not show it because of the beliefs of what we may look like or how we may be perceived to be – ie. not a man. It feels like a huge permission we need to give ourselves to just be as almost everything in society is telling us to be something in contradiction to the true, naturally tender caring men we are. Thank you for sharing Kim as what you have exposed and expressed comes with a great strength and definitely not a weakness!

  78. Awesome article to read. Thank you for sharing Kim, and for being an inspiration in just allowing yourself to be you.

  79. Whether it be ‘bush girl’, ‘City boy’ or any combination this message of ‘suck it up’ and ‘push through life’ is one I recall being told quite often. Thanks for sharing and allowing another layer of hardness to drop away…

    1. I remember this so well – learning from the other kids at school that any weakness (which would have been showing any fear, loneliness, awkwardness, lack of confidence) would be ridiculed and teased. The call to harden up, and protect myself kicked in and I have been a lesser man as a result of my choice in that. Having the opportunity to open up again is indescribably beautiful.

      1. This is so true simonwilliams8, the playground is can be a brutal place that does not allow for our true sensitivity and vulnerability to be shown.

      2. I can also relate to this experience at school Simon and am to this day still letting go of the behaviours and patterns I adopted to cope.

  80. Beautiful Kim, wow. It reminds me of how I hardened up as a kid from riding horses – if you fell off you had to get back on, no matter how much it hurt. How beautiful for you to really hear and respond so lovingly to someone’s else’s vulnerability and then in turn connect with your own, such a powerful and tender lesson. Thank you for sharing.

  81. Hi Kim, This is so beautifully put. How amazing that you allowed your vulnerability to show after all these years of hiding it. It seems too often that from a very early age we are asked to not listen to our inner voices, our tender loving inner expression, but to override it. Unfortunately this then means that you, I and many others harden in life experiences. How awesome that you were able to see it for what it was and surrender to that part of you that allows yourself to feel tender and vulnerable. A great blog Thank you.

  82. Hi Kim, thank you very much for your sharing.

    Having read your words, I now realize that there is a part of me that is very reluctant to admit and say ‘I am scared of walking alone in the dark’. It’s so much easier to say ‘it doesn’t feel safe walking alone in the dark’. In there, I now sense a hint of disconnection, rather than the detachment I am wanting to project.

    Calling something out is one thing, but admitting how I AM FEELING is another. Now I am understanding that’s how I disowned my feeling-body – the sacred femaleness. It feels amazing to call it out; and I feel amazing having done so.

  83. Thank you for your honesty Kim. I also recall being made to toughen up when I was young. I was told by my “friends” not wear skirts because they were too “girly” which to me seemed to indicate that it was a sign of weakness. Now I love the idea of developing my girliness in the knowing it is not a weakness, but a strength.

    It is powerful to be a woman, in a delicate, still and tender way. It is beautiful that you have allowed yourself to feel this and now to “express your fragility, vulnerability and natural tenderness”. Simply gorgeous. Thank you so much for sharing.

  84. “What I have learned: it is so important to express our fragility, our vulnerability, our natural tenderness, to reflect to another that it is ok to feel this way and not to hold the ideal/belief that this is being seen as weak.”

    Wow… This is so lovely. A great reminder and exposure of the hardness that hides in our body unoticed, until someone offers us the key to unlock it. Awesome.

  85. Hi Kim, thank you for sharing this very lovely story. I have felt scared SO MANY times in my life, and I have felt less and in disadvantage because of that…. I learned to hide my fears and bury them deep down in the last corners of my body.

    Today I can joyfully say how my ‘fear’ of facing my ‘fears’ have changed, and also how many of my ‘unknown old’ fears have dissipated….the truth is I feel safer now in the light of my love and my soul. However your blog has made me question about subtle ways that hardening kicks in….Beyond the obvious hardness, is there a more subtle one related to my already ‘conquered fears’? The answer is yes, in my new claimed “feeling safe” there is a subtle hardening I don’t want to accept,something like a “hard confidence”…Thank you for inspiring me to go deeper and unfold another layer…..

  86. What a beautiful awareness Kim!

    Only two days ago I was having memories popping up about our outside loo at our house at Lennox when I was little and wondering how we all coped with that! I love how you say that the tender and vulnerable don’t ‘match’ the hardness and toughness.

  87. Kim, I so loved your post of ‘cracking open’ the hardness and being able to show the vulnerability and tenderness that we are and can allow ourselves to feel. It makes me reflect on how in many ways I had hardened in the past, and am also now just allowing myself to feel these things as real.

  88. Thank you Kim. Recently I have been also experiencing letting go of the hardness and the sadness that has come with that. It feels beautiful to be able to honestly respond to people how I am actually feeling when they ask how I am. If I am feeling lovely or strong or delicious or fragile or amazing or sad or tender then I can say that. It is very freeing to not put up the front of hardening and that everything is fine when sometimes clearly it is not.

    Being honest and open has sometimes exposed that others don’t quite know how to respond. But there is a refreshing feeling and an inspiring feeling in that moment. Another is hearing someone who is giving permission to themselves to express truly, it’s ok to not be perfect and that we are allowed to feel tender, fragile and vulnerable.

    1. Thank you johannafredericks for reminding me that being honest with how I am feeling gives another the opportunity to explore that for themselves if they so choose, I have allowed myself to be put off in the past when I have expressed how I feel and the other person clearly feels uncomfortable. More and more I choose not to be put off by this and let go of how others respond.

  89. Great blog!! I feel that its quite exposing for me… I can’t remember when I was last scared.. but that’s probably because I have toughened up and over ridden feeling scared. I will have to sit with this blog and read it again. Thank you!

    1. Thank you Kim and Rosie, my mum and dad would also toughen me up, by telling me that the ‘cookie monsters’ were not real so therefore losing my ‘vulnerability and tenderness’! I can no longer hide from being that scardy-cat, when actually I did see and feel those ‘cookie monsters’ or bogyman! Now these fears are related back to the fear imposed upon us about the bogyman, which are now are easily seen as false, thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon. As a young child I remember seeing things in the night that were there to deliberately create that fear! Now I know these spirits actually have no power over me, and they only played that game supported by my parents because they knew no better, our parents went through the same situation from their parents. This fear plays out through my life with me jumping at shadows through the nervous tension we all live with instead of the loving attributes of ‘vulnerability and tenderness’.

  90. This is a lovely expression of honesty Kim…and one in which many men are now realising that there is strength in tenderness and vulnerability, rather than put up shields to prove how ‘tough’ we are.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s