When I was growing up, I very quickly got the impression from others that feelings were for wusses, and wusses were soft people who have trouble living in this world. I was shown that to be a real man was to have strength, and strength was something that comes from what you can do physically, but never from what you can feel.
When I was a young boy I felt gorgeous, play-full, cute and very tender – quite simply because I was! When I played with my friends early on at school, I remember we all seemed to feel how amazing we were and this made playing with each other so much fun – I had such an awesome time at school when I was a young boy!
Gradually though, I noticed as school progressed that playing with my friends seemed less play-full, less free, and more rough and hard. I started to feel the shifts in the boys in the playground. There was a self conscious shift that started to take place about not wanting to be seen as anything less than how a boy ‘should be’, or what games a boy ‘should play’, in case he was seen as anything less than how a boy ‘should behave’.
I too started to take this on and began to make myself feel small and much less than what I knew myself to be on the inside so that I didn’t stand out as being different.
I thought that when others around me were beginning to shut down their feelings by not expressing their awesome-ness that I needed to follow them, and not stay with my joyful, natural self.
I sometimes wonder how I can express to others the fact that I am actually loving life and loving being me in it, when other people are finding life hard and boring or tough and a struggle. Would they find this too hard to hear? Perhaps they may not even like me for it. Often I feel the pull to dull down how great my day has been so others won’t feel so bad.
What I have come to realise though, is that actually staying with me and staying in my natural joy is the best thing I can do. I see people’s faces light up with the lightness I bring; it’s absolutely brilliant too, because at the same time I’m enjoying being me.
Not so long ago I met someone who reminded me of what I had forgotten – my amazingness. As we talked I could feel that they loved me absolutely for who I was. It was awesome to feel the space this created between us… words weren’t really needed as the love we were feeling between us was so lovely. This person helped remind me that I don’t have to wait for someone else to give me the permission to be all of me… I just need to give that permission to myself.
What I have come to realise is that the feelings of being weak or powerless that I had at school were just my choosing to take on decisions others had made, and not honouring what I felt. True strength simply comes from observing life and allowing what I truly feel from me to be expressed.
Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine (UniMed) and Serge Benhayon
By Josh Campbell (20) living in Christchurch, New Zealand
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
‘I just need to give that permission to myself’ is simply a great reminder that we essentially don’t need anything from anyone, it’s from within that we all behold the magnificence.
Observing life is simple, because in that observation we realise that we live in a playground. Our responsibility is to see what plays out and let it be, without getting caught in the games or calamity.
Standing out for being joyful can be challenging if we are used to hiding it from fear of being different or from fear of reaction or retaliation from another. And yet it is what is needed in a our world so that we are all reminded of what is indeed possible for us all to choose.
Yes Henrietta, indeed standing out is challenging, despite the labels we can be called. That true reflection is needed for others that we all have true joy, a quality that we have strayed far from as well as many others. It only require one to reflect this to another, and all we need to do is to allow that magic to do the rest.
I too recall the simplicity and amazingness of being younger and connecting with other children to play. It was so natural just to be, and then to meet another who was just being as well just ignited the ‘being’ even more…magic at play.
Thank you Joshua for a heartfelt and powerful blog with the last sentence summing it all up superbly: “True strength simply comes from observing life and allowing what I truly feel from me to be expressed.”
Gorgeous Josh, yes, we all love the lightness and joy another brings, ‘staying with me and staying in my natural joy is the best thing I can do. I see people’s faces light up with the lightness I bring; it’s absolutely brilliant too, because at the same time I’m enjoying being me.’
“True strength simply comes from observing life and allowing what I truly feel from me to be expressed.” What a powerful definition of strength that turns the generally accepted one on its head.
” I just need to give that permission [to be all of me] to be myself.” How liberating it is to live from authority.
Could it be that we have had so many life times of adversarial conduct that we quickly loose our way when we are asked to toughen up? And as you have shared Joshua, when we get a True reflection of our True Love, sensitivities and feelings, which are our strengths we can change patterns from many life times.
This has reminded me how as a child I took growing up to mean being able to find fault with the world and its people, and basically be grumpy and hard. How our sensitivity gets twisted to fit into this world is just incredible.
All the ideals we create for genders are quite frankly bullying – what could hurt more than squeezing yourself into a mould that is not only nothing like you naturally are, but so, so much less? We are reliant on a form of intelligence that is a little bit too clever for its own good, we instruct children on how they are to be when they are already a complete package and naturally able to be who they are. The truth about ideals is that they are imposing and abusive. Love on the other hand just lets you be.
Beautifully expressed Melinda – it is abuse and self abuse to have any ideals or beliefs or expectations placed upon self or another. Love really is the only antidote.
I feel we do not live in a world that respects feelings they seem to be something that is not allowed. Replace feelings with thoughts and you are naturally accepted as part of humanity. I wonder why it is that we are uneasy with the feelings of tenderness, fragility, delicateness, that is naturally part of who we are and yet we shun them. However if you are in the presence of a baby they display all these feelings and we love them for it, this doesn’t make any sense to me.
It’s an intense situation for children (and adults) to find themselves in an environment where we are not fostered to simply be ourselves. It’s a huge pressure really to live to outer rules and cues, to be on guard, to bury our natural expression, and then when asked how we are say “I’m fine.” It takes so much energy to hide who we are and live without connection to ourselves.
I agree Elizabeth, we are all blessed when men are being their true selves.
The world needs more men like you Josh that are willing to stand in their strength and power and not be afraid to express their tenderness, this is deeply healing for all.
Yes!!!!!! Lets flip this totally on its head and make being sensitive Awesome and actually pretty cool and feeling our Amazingness as normal. Love it ✨
No one kind of person has exclusivity having trouble living in the world. We all have one way or another. This says a lot regarding the lack of fitness between our nature the world we live in.
Living who we are with no inhibitions is very healing for us all, as we offer the reflection of how Soulfulness is our true way of being.
“I just need to give that permission to myself.” It sounds so simple, and in truth it is. Letting go of the ideals and beliefs one has taken on from others is just a choice, which becomes easier and easier to do the more one does give that permission to oneself.
What truly fascinates me is that when we look back on our childhood we have this sense of making a certain choice to follow ‘others’ and not being the one that initiated that choice, but if we all feel ‘others’ were doing it first, who is that ‘others’?
What a great question Fumiyo.
Which leeds us to many more great questions, to be “others” or not-to-be-others may-be also a question?
Yes, who on earth are we all following?
Our noses as we can smell the detail and that feeling is our strength in detail of “other”.
To be “others” or not-to-be-others may-be also a question? Once that is raised and other than the simple answer that we are never alone the “others” is our choice of energy that we are aligned to and thus there is a known. So who that other is as Joshua has shared, can be the Love we innately are, “as the love we were feeling between us was so lovely” and we only need to make a loving choice to re-connect to our essences (Love), other-wise we can become lost in the physicality of life.
There are so many false pictures about how a man should act and be in the world, they are miles away from honouring the true man with their tenderness and gentleness. I love it when I am around a man expressing in their tenderness and gentleness, we need to confirm young boys and men in this and stamp out the old ideals where men are supposed to ‘toughen up’, this shuts men down and is causing many issues amongst men as we are seeing more young men suicide so clearly the current model isn’t working or supporting them to express who they truly are.
I can really relate to this blog so much. This waiting around to be given permission to be me thing is particularly in my face right now. When I am feeling amazing so many people also light up…more than those that struggle or attack/react now I think about it.
Not giving myself permission really hurts.
Leigh, I love what you have shared here and it is an experience that so many of us can relate to. Permission here is the key word.
The lightness of being that we can feel when we truly appreciate ourselves and our amazingness also has a profound and loving ripple effect on everyone around us.
This is such a beautiful sharing Josh and one every young boy who is growing out of boyhood needs to read. I see all around me tender boys approaching 13 who are starting to hide that tenderness and sensitivity and take on the beliefs of what it is to be a man. The games are getting harder and the language is changing as well. But they still have moments of reverting back to the naturally tender boy they are, and this is always so joyful to see and to feel.
The consciousness of what is to be a man is very strong. It is very difficult to escape it. Yet, it is truly harming us. It forecloses and taxes any relationship with what is natural for us. The result is well known.
Honouring ourselves, the way we feel, and what we actually truly see, is a great foundation for deepening connection with our own inner heart, and our self-love that is essential for our evolution.
All those ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that impose on us as we are growing up prevent us from being who we naturally are.
If we go about making decisions based on what someone else has chosen that is less, then we are not offering a different reflection, a different angle of how something could be if chosen in connection with self.
It is very inspiring to feel your return to the former glory of who you truly are in essence. And the beautiful thing is that we all get to know and be met by the real you. As when live in connection to who we are we offer inspiration for others to feel the beauty, the true strength and the love that also equally are, and how freeing and empowering it feels to just be and express our real selves.
“What I have come to realise though, is that actually staying with me and staying in my natural joy is the best thing I can do. I see people’s faces light up with the lightness I bring; it’s absolutely brilliant too, because at the same time I’m enjoying being me.”
I agree Josh there is nothing more joyful and confirming to be all of you feelings, strengths, weaknesses, and all.
This is so true Josh, and great to remind us all, ‘I don’t have to wait for someone else to give me the permission to be all of me… I just need to give that permission to myself.’ Absolutely.
Expressing who you are in your fullness all the time is a gift for all, ‘ staying with me and staying in my natural joy is the best thing I can do. I see people’s faces light up with the lightness I bring; it’s absolutely brilliant too, because at the same time I’m enjoying being me.’
It sure is Lorraine – it is the living truth that this world needs so so much more of. As this is our true purpose for being here.
Giving ourselves permission to be ourselves, so simple, yet we so easily choose to forget, however when we are living in full permission of ourselves we get to feel the true strength and love we hold within.
School is a difficult place to be in. Most of us don’t get valued for who we are, and this is where the shutting down of who we are gets compounded.
The moment we step away from what we feel is true within us – the innate sensitivity, fragility, grace and love we are means we are choosing less. The forces in childhood are pretty full on for children the moment they enter school and in reflection feel like an assault energetically. There are many beautiful parents now gaining more awareness of the shift that is taking place and supporting their young ones to stay connected to their inner heart – this is so beautiful to witness.
Thank you Josh… And when we allow ourselves to truly express what we do feel it is like a spark is lit inside us, and this transforms us from the inside out.
What you are sharing Josh is so important and powerful for everyone to hear. There are so many people in the world living their entire lives without honouring what they feel or expressing this to others. There is much to learn and appreciate when we make this simple choice to honour ourselves especially for men who are expected to toughen up and deny what they feel, it is beautiful you are offering a true reflection Josh that allows men to know there is a different choice to make.
This blog says so much about our society – especially the utter hardness if not brutality in which we hold our boys and our men, as a rule… ‘Toughen up’ is clearly NOT the answer – one need only look at the rates of male suicide to see that our allowance of this culture is depriving men of their capacity to speak and express openly, acknowledge all that they feel (the true strength, as you’ve shared so well Josh) and maintain and honour the sensitivity of the boy throughout their lives.
We all feel, we all experience hurt, we all bleed – the same – men and women alike. And the endemic ‘harden up’ culture we’ve fostered is not only fuelled by men, it is fuelled by any woman who in any way, wants a man to be ‘tough’, to carry others burdens, and not to show all that he is, openly so.
This is very powerful Josh, and thank-you for sharing all that you have here. How would our world be, if we held onto all that we innately are, and did not succumb and ‘dull down’ in order to fit in, and potentially, not rock anyone’s boat?
It takes true strength indeed to do this, and also to reclaim ourselves when we recognise that the path we’ve taken – the choices we have made – haven’t really served us or anyone else for that matter, when it comes down to it.
Our world deserves us all to shine and be unapologetic for the naturalness of our being.
Such an insightful blog into life as a young boy to man and how they are squashed into this box that they do not truly belong too.
Josh, what a great sharing; the idea that we take on the decisions of others and not honour our own feelings had me …. honestly when it’s put that clearly it sounds crazy and yet that is what I’ve done and indeed can still do. It’s quite amazing how much we can allow ourselves to fall into the herd, so as not to stand out, but in fact it does nothing except confirm more misery in the world, and we’re lying to ourselves and everyone in it. So it truly is about giving ourselves permission to be us, no matter what and allowing others the grace to do the same. That’s what is truly inspiring when we are simply just ourselves. It’s magic, thanks Josh for reminding me of this simple thing.
And humanity is waiting for it….craving to see how to just be and live in this world.
It is astounding to consider that inside each and every little boy at the school playground, there is someone who is highly sensitive and aware, but perhaps is struggling to know how to keep this or to express this part of them in daily life and in society in general. And this is where I feel that role models come in as such a strong part of human life.