True Appreciation… From Abuse to my Amazing Life

Recently I had a discussion with a very dear friend of mine, whose opinion I deeply value, about a surgical procedure that I require, and during the discussion we talked about many things. Appreciation was one of the subjects discussed… true appreciation of where I had come from, and what an amazing life I am now living. Along with this, I spoke of my feeling of being unable to express in the written word, not even being able to comment on a blog, let alone write one. At the end of our time together my friend suggested perhaps I could write something on appreciation. I went home with an intention to write but felt I had to sit with deep appreciation for a while to truly feel it.

It is easy to say yes, I can see how I have changed, where I have come from and the amazing being I am now, but I realised my appreciation was more of a mind thing… I hadn’t sat and allowed myself to deeply feel it. 

TRUE APPRECIATION

My experience has been that when I truly, deeply appreciate, it expands in my body and becomes an all encompassing love, a love of everything I have been, and all that I am now; a love of the magic of God, and all that is done in heaven and on earth in love – to hold us and support us at all times. I feel a great love for Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family and their amazing love of humanity, and all the love and support they have given me and so many others. I am surrounded by a loving family, there is always the love and support of the larger esoteric community, and I live in a most beautiful part of the world. These are just a few of the many things in my life that are worth deep appreciation.

The love and support I now have for myself and from others would have been inconceivable not that long ago. My childhood, and the choices I made as a result, did not portend the development of a healthy individual.

I was sexually abused by a brother and a next-door neighbour, and physically, sexually and emotionally abused by my father. I felt unloved and unwanted. I felt betrayed by my mother as she did nothing to help me, but rather I was told repeatedly I was the troublemaker.

I was pregnant and married at 16 and had two beautiful daughters by 18; my disastrous marriage lasted 11 years. I had two other long-term relationships: each relationship was abusive and controlling in one way or another and all my partners were involved with alcohol and drugs, or both. I started smoking cigarettes at 15, started smoking marijuana around 28 and continued both until about 50: between 30 and 40 I also experimented with many other drugs. Afraid of taking responsibility for myself, and afraid of committing to relationships, I lived a fairly secluded life for many years.

By my late 40’s I was seriously unwell, and had I not made my way to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine six years ago, aged 53, I dread to think where and how I would be today.    

Over the past weeks as I have been sitting with appreciation and whilst writing this, it has become obvious to me that I need to take time occasionally to stop and look at myself, and to feel how amazing my life is now, how amazing I am, and to allow myself to appreciate this deeply within. But true appreciation can only be, so it feels to me, if I allow myself to truly feel where I have come from. 

I had an experience yesterday which pointed to this clearly. Firstly, I need to say my body has been very tired over the last week or so – due to my impending surgery, I feel – but my experience was more than just tiredness.

I was getting ready for work and one of my shoes was next to my chair. I knelt down to see if the other shoe was under the chair but it wasn’t, so it must be in my wardrobe; but getting down on the floor exhausted me so much I felt it would be easier to crawl the couple of meters to the wardrobe rather than expend the effort that would be involved in standing up, walking and bending down again. After retrieving the shoe I pulled myself up with some effort, and walked to my bed where I had to lie down as I felt dreadful.

Lying there I felt so sick, tears rolled down my face, but it was amazing! It was like being thrown back in time – this is how I lived/felt every day for several years, living in total exhaustion and pain, and I had totally, absolutely forgotten. I could think about it and talk about it but I had forgotten what it actually felt like in my body – what it felt like on a daily basis to live that, and the deep despair I felt. It was unreal, remembering and feeling in my body the pain and despair I had lived for so long but had totally forgotten about. After about 10 minutes it passed and I got up and went to work. This experience left me in no doubt about how much I have to truly appreciate.

I now live in a beautiful home with a longtime close friend; we share much love and laughter, her loving family is mine as mine is hers. Our grandchildren visit often and we enjoy seeing our adult children continue to grow and blossom. I have a job that I truly love, where I am mixing with and caring for people. There is no abuse in my life – only love. I am surrounded by it and it is reflected back to me by all the amazing people around me.

The love and beauty surrounding me can only continue to grow from my true appreciation of where and how I once was, and as I deeply embrace the amazing life I now live, and fully accept the love I now know myself to be.

Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Rosemary

275 thoughts on “True Appreciation… From Abuse to my Amazing Life

  1. Resurrecting ourselves and extracting us from the misery we have embraced is not an easy one. And, yet, it is the most beautiful gifts we can offer us. Even if we have to crawl out of what used to trap us.

  2. When we become accustomed to living joyfully after healing a traumatic past it is quite amazing how we can forget how horrible life used to be. If we do not appreciate the changes we have made then it is possible that we will take things for granted and slip back into the old behaviours that resulted in the trauma in the first place. Consequently appreciation is really important in order for us to keep evolving.

  3. It is a heart warming story and I too can say that I have no idea where I would be today if I had not met Serge Benhayon, but it is very likely that I would either be dead or in a dementia home. But as a result of the many choices that I have made from listening to the teachings of the ageless wisdom, I am fitter and healthier than I have been since I was at school.

  4. When I go deep in appreciation, even though it may be about myself or what I do etc. I often get a sense that the essence of what I am appreciating actually has very little to do with me the person. The godliness that I connect to is not mine to own or keep to myself, but it is actually about the intricate yet totally simple truth about All of Us.

  5. This is beautiful and very touching to read Rosemary, the journey you have made from abuse to an amazing life is certainly worth sharing with others and showing them there is a true way forward after living with abuse.

  6. I have had a similar experience with appreciation and feeling the expansion of love within my body which allows me to deepen the way in which I nurture and value myself.

  7. Rosemary, your story blows me away. There are so many miracle stories within the student body (students of The Way of The Livingness) and yours is an incredible inspiration.

  8. There is so much unresolved hurt carried within so many people in today’s world. And when you stop and consider that all our experiences accumulate be that the good the bad and the ugly, they do make us who we are today. But without feeling the appreciation of how we can grow from all of these experiences they can continue to torment and hurt us when we don’t seek support to heal them.

  9. In a world where abuse often defines the life a person ultimately lives, you have shown abuse is not who you are, and that with love and support your life has been regained so you can live as the love you are.

    1. Yes this is a marvellous testament to the truth that we are not the illness or traumas in our life and that we can return to our true, beautiful essence that can never be tarnished however far we may have strayed from it or however horrific the abuse we may have experienced.

  10. Appreciation is an extraordinary energetic quality that is not just underestimated in the world today, but almost completely unknown… It has extraordinary power and great depth, and is the foundation for a qualitative awareness that expands us all

  11. For me appreciation is like building blocks that we place one at a time into our foundation for life but if we have not healed the traumas of our life these can sit beneath the foundation threatening to wobble it at any given time. I, like you Rosemary, know what it feels like to finally and honestly allow myself to truly feel what various periods of my life felt like in my body. This allowing is priceless as it offers us the space to appreciate how far we have come; another building block of appreciation is then ready for our foundation.

  12. A beautiful appreciation of the choice to bring love into your life and with this choice bringing love to those around you.

  13. A beautiful testament Rosemary of the power of true love to bring healing into our lives, So much to appreciate in the Grandness of God’s love that is within and around us every moment of our lives.

  14. It is interesting, the difference between appreciating what is there present in life such as objects, situations and people, and then in appreciating the person that you are and the movements that you make each day.

  15. Appreciation can really be so simply introduced into our households… It doesn’t have to be a big deal, it can start with just the way we talk with each other, not allowing any old patterns of sarcastic expression to be the norm, and gently moving and reminding each other to actually express what there is to appreciate… Really old paradigms can be shifted in this way.

  16. Where would we all be if we had not come to Universal Medicine and studied with Serge Benhayon? For me I was on the road to chronic disease, exhaustion, financial issues to name a few. I have never worked as hard as I do now and love it. I love the commitment I have to the whole of my life.There is absolutely much to appreciate.

  17. Rosemary no matter how many times I read this I am amazed at the changes that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have supported you with. To have had such a traumatic and abusive start to life to now have a life filled with love, with no abuse, and new levels of health and wellbeing is extraordinary. But, it’s also quite normal for anyone committed to living the work Serge presents! It’s an amazing process because it’s so empowering, we receive support but we take the steps back to wellbeing and love (our soul). Congratulations!

  18. Thank you Rosemary for sharing your deeply touching story. It shows no matter our age or circumstances every single one of us can change, can heal and can transform our lives.

  19. Appreciation being a mind thing vs a body thing.. I can absolutely feel how when we limit appreciation to a concept in the mind it becomes very one dimensional instead of a whole body expansive experience and connection to everything.

  20. Amazing to read how you have been, what you have experienced in your life and the loving choices you have made to become more of you and still are. When we truly start to appreciate ourselves, and the choices we have made and choose to make, it feels as a natural thing to do or to be in. It is as if the tone in which I speak to myself has changed and continues to change the more I let love in and out.

  21. Your sharing is straight from the heart and very beautiful to read. There is a huge difference between truly feeling appreciation and going through the motions. When we appreciate we allow everything to be exactly as it is knowing that there is a plan that we are a part of.

  22. That’s miraculous Rosemary. There is no end to appreciation. You cannot have amazingness in your life without appreciation. It is taking a moment to feel what is true and now love in your life.

  23. What you share here and your life’s turnaround is truly amazing Rosemary, it is important to remember how we used to be and take time to appreciate the many changes that have happened over the years as a result of us making loving choices, whilst also appreciating the ever loving support from Serge Benhayon.

  24. Appreciation is such an important aspect to bring to our lives, ‘when I truly, deeply appreciate, it expands in my body and becomes an all encompassing love, a love of everything I have been, and all that I am now,’ gorgeous.

  25. Rosemary I can really feel the deep appreciation you have for yourself and your life. I am beginning to make time to stop and feel how much there is to appreciate about myself and my life, and I can relate to what you say about it being an expansive feeling.

  26. Beautifully expressed Rosemary, when we stop to truly appreciate ourselves, and the steps we have taken to change and support our lives more lovingly we also get to feel and appreciate how we support others through the changes we have made for ourselves too.

  27. I’ve believed for a very long time that you only appreciate others or things that you have but not appreciate yourself. And also that you can only appreciate yourself once you are feeling really amazing or going really well in life. Slowly I have broken this down and am at times appreciating so much more than I ever have, like even learning to say nothing when that is needed instead of talking for the sake of it.

  28. I love what you have shared here Rosemary on true appreciation. I agree it needs to be deeply felt from within our body rather than from our mind in order for it to naturally expand throughout the whole of our body.

  29. Appreciation is much more than I first realised. Appreciation has confirmed the love and beauty in me and in life and it has also shifted my focus to an expansion of this in every moment. What we have reflected back to us and what we observe grows. When we make appreciation our way then there is only room for the expansion of love.

  30. We can choose to live or we can choose not to live. That is a very clear choice. When we choose to live all our focus will be on the relationship we have between us and life. Life is a simple reflection back to us what our choices are. Love never rushes us through life, it is forever patient with us. Once we choose to return to love, we begin a life of truly living.

  31. Thank you Rosemary – that is truly beautiful touching the centre of my heart.. Knowing where to stand there has to be the depth of understanding of how you came there and the acceptance of it.. As without the appreciation there is no understanding and no acceptance. Very well well delivered.

  32. Beautiful blog Rosemary. Reading this warmed my heart up. The fact that you have so many reflections of love in your life is a great testament to the choices you’ve made to commit to yourself and love yourself more deeply. Thank you for sharing what is possible when we’re prepared to truly love ourselves- and that it’s never too late to start making different choices.

  33. It is beautiful to read Rosemary of the steps you took to let go of the abuse you once lived with and to embrace a more loving life and to feel your deep appreciation for this.

  34. In a tennis match the final result depends on every ball played. Life is pretty much the same. It is every choice we make to our last breath. Even in lives that appear to be destined to horror, people can make a clear choice to turn them around and re-imprint them. Appreciation is key. Yet, appreciation cannot be a mental thing. It has to come from the ability to connect deeply and feel deeply the body. Only from there, true appreciation can blossom and our lives with it.

  35. Very much to appreciate indeed, Rosemary. For me your writing is also an invitation to sit down to really appreciate (as feeling it in the body, not mentally appreciating) the life I am now living, which would also be very different if I not met Serge Benhayon, who presented me another of living, a life based on love and truth.

  36. Appreciation is opening us up to life, ourselves and people; without there will always be a contraction whereby we keep ourselves less and also cannot enjoy another in their greatness. Appreciation is part of the self-applied medicine that restores the inner gem.

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