True Appreciation… From Abuse to my Amazing Life

Recently I had a discussion with a very dear friend of mine, whose opinion I deeply value, about a surgical procedure that I require, and during the discussion we talked about many things. Appreciation was one of the subjects discussed… true appreciation of where I had come from, and what an amazing life I am now living. Along with this, I spoke of my feeling of being unable to express in the written word, not even being able to comment on a blog, let alone write one. At the end of our time together my friend suggested perhaps I could write something on appreciation. I went home with an intention to write but felt I had to sit with deep appreciation for a while to truly feel it.

It is easy to say yes, I can see how I have changed, where I have come from and the amazing being I am now, but I realised my appreciation was more of a mind thing… I hadn’t sat and allowed myself to deeply feel it. 


My experience has been that when I truly, deeply appreciate, it expands in my body and becomes an all encompassing love, a love of everything I have been, and all that I am now; a love of the magic of God, and all that is done in heaven and on earth in love – to hold us and support us at all times. I feel a great love for Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family and their amazing love of humanity, and all the love and support they have given me and so many others. I am surrounded by a loving family, there is always the love and support of the larger esoteric community, and I live in a most beautiful part of the world. These are just a few of the many things in my life that are worth deep appreciation.

The love and support I now have for myself and from others would have been inconceivable not that long ago. My childhood, and the choices I made as a result, did not portend the development of a healthy individual.

I was sexually abused by a brother and a next-door neighbour, and physically, sexually and emotionally abused by my father. I felt unloved and unwanted. I felt betrayed by my mother as she did nothing to help me, but rather I was told repeatedly I was the troublemaker.

I was pregnant and married at 16 and had two beautiful daughters by 18; my disastrous marriage lasted 11 years. I had two other long-term relationships: each relationship was abusive and controlling in one way or another and all my partners were involved with alcohol and drugs, or both. I started smoking cigarettes at 15, started smoking marijuana around 28 and continued both until about 50: between 30 and 40 I also experimented with many other drugs. Afraid of taking responsibility for myself, and afraid of committing to relationships, I lived a fairly secluded life for many years.

By my late 40’s I was seriously unwell, and had I not made my way to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine six years ago, aged 53, I dread to think where and how I would be today.    

Over the past weeks as I have been sitting with appreciation and whilst writing this, it has become obvious to me that I need to take time occasionally to stop and look at myself, and to feel how amazing my life is now, how amazing I am, and to allow myself to appreciate this deeply within. But true appreciation can only be, so it feels to me, if I allow myself to truly feel where I have come from. 

I had an experience yesterday which pointed to this clearly. Firstly, I need to say my body has been very tired over the last week or so – due to my impending surgery, I feel – but my experience was more than just tiredness.

I was getting ready for work and one of my shoes was next to my chair. I knelt down to see if the other shoe was under the chair but it wasn’t, so it must be in my wardrobe; but getting down on the floor exhausted me so much I felt it would be easier to crawl the couple of meters to the wardrobe rather than expend the effort that would be involved in standing up, walking and bending down again. After retrieving the shoe I pulled myself up with some effort, and walked to my bed where I had to lie down as I felt dreadful.

Lying there I felt so sick, tears rolled down my face, but it was amazing! It was like being thrown back in time – this is how I lived/felt every day for several years, living in total exhaustion and pain, and I had totally, absolutely forgotten. I could think about it and talk about it but I had forgotten what it actually felt like in my body – what it felt like on a daily basis to live that, and the deep despair I felt. It was unreal, remembering and feeling in my body the pain and despair I had lived for so long but had totally forgotten about. After about 10 minutes it passed and I got up and went to work. This experience left me in no doubt about how much I have to truly appreciate.

I now live in a beautiful home with a longtime close friend; we share much love and laughter, her loving family is mine as mine is hers. Our grandchildren visit often and we enjoy seeing our adult children continue to grow and blossom. I have a job that I truly love, where I am mixing with and caring for people. There is no abuse in my life – only love. I am surrounded by it and it is reflected back to me by all the amazing people around me.

The love and beauty surrounding me can only continue to grow from my true appreciation of where and how I once was, and as I deeply embrace the amazing life I now live, and fully accept the love I now know myself to be.

Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Rosemary

293 thoughts on “True Appreciation… From Abuse to my Amazing Life

  1. “When I truly, deeply appreciate, it expands in my body and becomes an all encompassing love, a love of everything I have been, and all that I am now; a love of the magic of God, and all that is done in heaven and on earth in love”, is a beautiful statement and I actually understand, but also truly feel it in my body too. When this appreciation is felt, the expansion is not only felt in my body but outside of me. The immense love for another and other’s is unfathomable.

    That is true appreciation, because in that appreciation, we see the appreciation and love of serving others, it is that simple.

  2. Appreciation is like an antidote for so many things – whenever I feel grumpy or down about anything if I then go into appreciation, it is virtually impossible to stay grumpy or down about things and we get to see the beautiful and positive things that unfold from this.

    1. Henrietta spot on. We then observe the offering of evolution in every moment. What a gift we can give to ourselves and others.

  3. Rosemary your sharing is so beautiful and the appreciation of so much can be felt in each word. Life certainly has so many opportunities on offer for us and the more we embrace of these opportunities, the more we can learn and grow and blossom. This does not always feel easy, but does not either have to be a difficult experience.

  4. I too have experienced certain things as being difficult to express – it is akin to feeling constipated! 😉 You want to get the expression out but at the same time you are fighting it and holding it in! It is such a relief but also a healing when we can let it out, and gracefully so!

  5. Rosemary after reading you I come to realize how many things are in my life that is easy to take for granted if I don’t stop and feel the beauty I’m surrounded by. There’s a lot to appreciate…a job I love so much, people in my life who holds me in deep regard and love, the esoteric students community with who I love working in different projects, finding who I am by just sharing through my abilities what is natural and very simple for me to make, not wanting being like anyone else but accepting and appreciating deeply how amazing I and we all really are…the list could go on and on. Thank you.

  6. Love being part of Universal Medicine for all the support and inspiration I daily receive, to make my life more loving and to be more the precious woman I actually am in my day to day. I don’t have a direct relationship with the Benhayon’s but this doesn’t prevent me to feel them as a part of my family. Living in Spain, the other side of the world, and being able to feel that true connection has no borders is an amazing thing to deeply appreciate.

  7. It is truly, wondrous, incredible, and fascinating how Serge Benhayon simply living as he is, inspires so many people to truly heal.

  8. I second your love and appreciation for Serge Benhayon, and all the Benhayon family. What they bring to our world is immeasurable, without which I hate to think where I, and so many thousands of people would be. Words alone will never convey the depth of my love and appreciation for all the Benhayon’s.

  9. Rosemary I have had a similar experience of feeling in my body how I used to live, the terrible exhaustion and insomnia, and it gave me an opportunity to reimprint how I was with myself to be more caring of my body, and also to reflect back on how this used to be my everyday. We are so truly blessed by the presentations and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to now live with such self empowerment to care for and love ourselves, and to turn our lives around.

  10. As an abuse victim also I relate to what you have shared Rosemary, but living with an understanding of what appreciation and responsibly can bring to us has changed much. Life has become one of continuous Joy rather than what is next and even when I was violently Ill and vomiting the other day I could still feel the Joy in life.

  11. It is amazing that you have come so far that there is no trace of your old life registered in your body.

  12. What an amazing turn around Rosemary I know from my own experience how we can often brush off the changes we have made in our lives however I am finding that if there is no deep appreciation of all that has been offered and taken by choice then there is no way we can deepen our awareness because we have no awareness to start with of what it is we have given to ourselves it’s just taken for granted. Therefore there’s no confirmation in our bodies.

  13. Amazing to read your testimonial again Rosemary and feel how much has shifted for you. When we live from what we absolutely know is true, slowly we start to come back to ourselves and live from there – and so love expands outwardly. A very beautiful way to be and live in the world, and one that brings a depth to our lives and all of our relationships.

    1. Well said Bryony and the key word here is the shift that has occurred. These shifts that we experience are massive healings and we cannot underestimate the power that is unearthed for us all to have access to with this shift.

  14. That is an extra-ordinary story. Just when I thought wow, that is really something to be appreciated you had more to share and the ‘wow’ would cycle round again. There is so much that we have in our lives that we work through without appreciating what life would be like if we hadn’t. It seems that berating ourselves for our faults is more highly valued.

  15. Thank you Rosemary, it is an amazing turnaround, most people don’t recover from such abuse, so to now be living a love filled life and to have experienced such healing really is a testament to both yourself and all that Serge offers via Universal Medicine. You have also woken me up to deeply appreciating the changes I have made and holding those and myself more preciously, to look back at where I was and where I am now. My experience with Universal Medicine has been the same, living a life of love and recovering from so much, and experiencing truly amazing changes.

    1. It is always great to be reminded of the importance of appreciating ourselves, to take a moment to reflect on the life we are living now, ‘The love and beauty surrounding me can only continue to grow from my true appreciation of where and how I once was, and as I deeply embrace the amazing life I now live, and fully accept the love I now know myself to be.’

  16. What an amazing transformation Rosemary from abuse to appreciation, this is a living miracle and deeply inspirational, thank you.

  17. Resurrecting ourselves and extracting us from the misery we have embraced is not an easy one. And, yet, it is the most beautiful gifts we can offer us. Even if we have to crawl out of what used to trap us.

  18. When we become accustomed to living joyfully after healing a traumatic past it is quite amazing how we can forget how horrible life used to be. If we do not appreciate the changes we have made then it is possible that we will take things for granted and slip back into the old behaviours that resulted in the trauma in the first place. Consequently appreciation is really important in order for us to keep evolving.

  19. When I go deep in appreciation, even though it may be about myself or what I do etc. I often get a sense that the essence of what I am appreciating actually has very little to do with me the person. The godliness that I connect to is not mine to own or keep to myself, but it is actually about the intricate yet totally simple truth about All of Us.

  20. This is beautiful and very touching to read Rosemary, the journey you have made from abuse to an amazing life is certainly worth sharing with others and showing them there is a true way forward after living with abuse.

    1. I agree Anna, it would make a fantastic book to show people that you can not just recover from abuse but establish a truly loving way of living.

    2. Yes, this blog is beautiful, inspiring, and touching, and shows us what is possible when we have the support and love of others who live a loving way.

    1. I agree 100 percent cjames! The words say it all but the quality with which it is written holds so much more and this is certainly what Rosemary has shared with us above and beyond and hence makes it deeply inspiring.

  21. Rosemary, your story blows me away. There are so many miracle stories within the student body (students of The Way of The Livingness) and yours is an incredible inspiration.

  22. There is so much unresolved hurt carried within so many people in today’s world. And when you stop and consider that all our experiences accumulate be that the good the bad and the ugly, they do make us who we are today. But without feeling the appreciation of how we can grow from all of these experiences they can continue to torment and hurt us when we don’t seek support to heal them.

  23. In a world where abuse often defines the life a person ultimately lives, you have shown abuse is not who you are, and that with love and support your life has been regained so you can live as the love you are.

    1. Yes this is a marvellous testament to the truth that we are not the illness or traumas in our life and that we can return to our true, beautiful essence that can never be tarnished however far we may have strayed from it or however horrific the abuse we may have experienced.

  24. Appreciation is an extraordinary energetic quality that is not just underestimated in the world today, but almost completely unknown… It has extraordinary power and great depth, and is the foundation for a qualitative awareness that expands us all

  25. For me appreciation is like building blocks that we place one at a time into our foundation for life but if we have not healed the traumas of our life these can sit beneath the foundation threatening to wobble it at any given time. I, like you Rosemary, know what it feels like to finally and honestly allow myself to truly feel what various periods of my life felt like in my body. This allowing is priceless as it offers us the space to appreciate how far we have come; another building block of appreciation is then ready for our foundation.

    1. Yes I love that approach Ingrid because it brings the opportunity firmly back to being ours. This is our foundation because we are the only one who has lived our life. We experienced things from our body that no-one else can share because they are, quite simply, not in our body and therefore might or could have perceived it differently. Much to build on just from this blog and the comments that have been shared.

      1. This is such a great reminder to us all Lucy: “This is our foundation because we are the only one who has lived our life”. Yes we are. We can’t change how we have lived it up to this moment, but we can learn from how we have lived and begin to make change from this moment forth; it’s all a matter of choice.

  26. A beautiful appreciation of the choice to bring love into your life and with this choice bringing love to those around you.

  27. A beautiful testament Rosemary of the power of true love to bring healing into our lives, So much to appreciate in the Grandness of God’s love that is within and around us every moment of our lives.

  28. It is interesting, the difference between appreciating what is there present in life such as objects, situations and people, and then in appreciating the person that you are and the movements that you make each day.

  29. Appreciation can really be so simply introduced into our households… It doesn’t have to be a big deal, it can start with just the way we talk with each other, not allowing any old patterns of sarcastic expression to be the norm, and gently moving and reminding each other to actually express what there is to appreciate… Really old paradigms can be shifted in this way.

  30. Where would we all be if we had not come to Universal Medicine and studied with Serge Benhayon? For me I was on the road to chronic disease, exhaustion, financial issues to name a few. I have never worked as hard as I do now and love it. I love the commitment I have to the whole of my life.There is absolutely much to appreciate.

  31. Rosemary no matter how many times I read this I am amazed at the changes that Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have supported you with. To have had such a traumatic and abusive start to life to now have a life filled with love, with no abuse, and new levels of health and wellbeing is extraordinary. But, it’s also quite normal for anyone committed to living the work Serge presents! It’s an amazing process because it’s so empowering, we receive support but we take the steps back to wellbeing and love (our soul). Congratulations!

  32. Thank you Rosemary for sharing your deeply touching story. It shows no matter our age or circumstances every single one of us can change, can heal and can transform our lives.

  33. Appreciation being a mind thing vs a body thing.. I can absolutely feel how when we limit appreciation to a concept in the mind it becomes very one dimensional instead of a whole body expansive experience and connection to everything.

  34. Amazing to read how you have been, what you have experienced in your life and the loving choices you have made to become more of you and still are. When we truly start to appreciate ourselves, and the choices we have made and choose to make, it feels as a natural thing to do or to be in. It is as if the tone in which I speak to myself has changed and continues to change the more I let love in and out.

  35. Your sharing is straight from the heart and very beautiful to read. There is a huge difference between truly feeling appreciation and going through the motions. When we appreciate we allow everything to be exactly as it is knowing that there is a plan that we are a part of.

  36. That’s miraculous Rosemary. There is no end to appreciation. You cannot have amazingness in your life without appreciation. It is taking a moment to feel what is true and now love in your life.

  37. What you share here and your life’s turnaround is truly amazing Rosemary, it is important to remember how we used to be and take time to appreciate the many changes that have happened over the years as a result of us making loving choices, whilst also appreciating the ever loving support from Serge Benhayon.

  38. Appreciation is such an important aspect to bring to our lives, ‘when I truly, deeply appreciate, it expands in my body and becomes an all encompassing love, a love of everything I have been, and all that I am now,’ gorgeous.

  39. Rosemary I can really feel the deep appreciation you have for yourself and your life. I am beginning to make time to stop and feel how much there is to appreciate about myself and my life, and I can relate to what you say about it being an expansive feeling.

  40. Beautifully expressed Rosemary, when we stop to truly appreciate ourselves, and the steps we have taken to change and support our lives more lovingly we also get to feel and appreciate how we support others through the changes we have made for ourselves too.

  41. I’ve believed for a very long time that you only appreciate others or things that you have but not appreciate yourself. And also that you can only appreciate yourself once you are feeling really amazing or going really well in life. Slowly I have broken this down and am at times appreciating so much more than I ever have, like even learning to say nothing when that is needed instead of talking for the sake of it.

  42. Appreciation is much more than I first realised. Appreciation has confirmed the love and beauty in me and in life and it has also shifted my focus to an expansion of this in every moment. What we have reflected back to us and what we observe grows. When we make appreciation our way then there is only room for the expansion of love.

  43. We can choose to live or we can choose not to live. That is a very clear choice. When we choose to live all our focus will be on the relationship we have between us and life. Life is a simple reflection back to us what our choices are. Love never rushes us through life, it is forever patient with us. Once we choose to return to love, we begin a life of truly living.

  44. Thank you Rosemary – that is truly beautiful touching the centre of my heart.. Knowing where to stand there has to be the depth of understanding of how you came there and the acceptance of it.. As without the appreciation there is no understanding and no acceptance. Very well well delivered.

  45. Beautiful blog Rosemary. Reading this warmed my heart up. The fact that you have so many reflections of love in your life is a great testament to the choices you’ve made to commit to yourself and love yourself more deeply. Thank you for sharing what is possible when we’re prepared to truly love ourselves- and that it’s never too late to start making different choices.

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