As a family, we were talking the other day about childhood memories – how they stay with you, good or bad – and the part those memories can play in your life for many years later.
I remember a particular day when I was a small child, maybe 8 or 9 years old… a carpenter who was a friend of the family was doing some renovations in our home. He was busy working and I was whistling nearby – I was happy. He made an abrupt comment asking me to stop and I could feel he was grumpy. I never knew if I was whistling too loud, or perhaps out of tune, but I stopped, and unsure of how I felt I just walked away.
CARRYING OUR CHILDHOOD HURTS
But in my mind I have never forgotten this – I have carried this memory for fifty years. It isn’t something that haunts me every day but I am often reminded of it whenever I hear someone whistling. I have felt self-conscious of how I have sounded for all these years, but today I feel free – free to express myself – and I sometimes wonder why it has taken me this long!
TAKING ON SOMETHING THAT ISN’T OURS TO TAKE ON IN THE FIRST PLACE
I can now look deeper into that childhood memory and see more clearly, from a new perspective, the pattern that formed from this experience. It was something I took on for many years that may have had nothing to do with me – it was something another person was feeling over which I had no control. He may have had a headache; he could have hit his finger with the hammer or perhaps drilled a hole in the wrong place and could have been feeling frustrated… who knows?! But I had always thought it was my whistling that was the problem (perhaps it was, but the point is it doesn’t even matter!).
WE ARE ALL AMAZING AND UNIQUE
Now when I whistle, I just smile to myself and I think of my beautiful daughter. She has been inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon, has been attending Universal Medicine events for the last 3 years, and through what she has connected to she has helped me to realise for myself just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life. She has inspired me to stop and appreciate what may be happening in someone else’s day, and that there is no need to take offence in a situation or take things personally. I have now been able to let go of this negative childhood memory and allow myself to express freely again.
By M.H, 60, Brisbane
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
There is great quality of love in your writing MH and the point you share of how we can take on the energy of other people is very significant. Also it reflects how we can affect others and so the responsibility we have for our expression.
Yes, I agree Elizabeth that this is a great reminder to not create further hurts by taking things personally.
A lovely little gem of a blog – it is true that depending on how we react at the time, even the simplest of throw away comments can stick with us, and often for many years.
A great article that is so refreshing to read in so many way. I loved this in particular today, “and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.” What would change if just these two things were introduced into your living awareness? I would say everything, everything ongoing as well. It’s a beautiful and freeing thing to accept and appreciate what is with you and from there these two just keep expanding.
It can be quite confronting as well as extremely liberating to feel that no one actually hurts us, we hurt ourselves by way of the contraction we go into when someone does not express with love and that this contraction and withdrawal is our choice and no one else’s. That said, there are situations where through no conscious intent on the part of the other, the way they express due to their own personal hurt and subsequent contraction away from love, is designed to have an affect on us by way of us going into shut down and not expressing what is so naturally there for us to express – the lightness, the love, the joy. Thus, our job here is to learn to ‘turn up the light’ in the face of darkness and not withdraw from it – to read and understand what is going on for the other person and to not take it all so personally. Now that’s something to whistle about.
Very few people would say they had a great childhood, and that is not surprising considering their parents before them probably did not have a great childhood, but we have an opportunity to break the cycle by healing our own childhood hurts.
Could it be that our childhood hurts are so simply and easily healed when we apply the simple healing modalities that are presented by Universal Medicine, which allow us to be able to let go of this negative childhood. Could it be when we are connect and feel the true Love, that is presented by Serge Benhayon this level of Love and “appreciation are our valuable tools in life.”
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I have avoided not being responsible with my hurt all my life. It becomes a normal ‘cementing’ process in behaviours where it is avoided at all cost. I’m not sure why we claim our hurts if they are ‘not ours’ when, we should most definitely be claiming how amazing we are no matter how indulgent we have been in our hurts or how contracted we have been towards our amazingness. What has supported me in this process is just a couple of minutes a day I take a moment with my body and feel a quality. I write it out in how I feel and know it and come back to it throughout my day, and repeat the process the next day. It is our responsibility to bring what we want to ourselves.
Lovely to hear how your daughter inspires you to be more loving with yourself and let go of your childhood hurts, and that you now realise, ‘just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.’
Not taking things personally is an important lesson to learn in life, bringing more understanding and reading the situation helps with this.
I can see how many childhood events have shaped the choices I’ve made and continue to make. Its great to get to the bottom of why we made these choices and see that we have the power to make different choices and that it’s never too late to make a change.
Thank you M.H. – so powerful. It indeed it is from the appreciation we are able to take truly care of ourselves and beyond…
Thank you M.H. a great reminder of acceptance and appreciation, and how letting go of past hurts frees us to be more of who we truly are.
Learning to accept and appreciate myself has been key to letting go of the past and old hurts that were standing in my way. It is a beautiful process when we make this choice M.H. and how others can feel your lightness and joy and be forever inspired by this.
As children, we are very ‘spongy’ and very sensitive. We take on negative judgements, allow them in and, accept them to stay with us. When we do this, we incorporate them in our movements to the point that we lose track to the fact that given that it is not us, and have let it in, it is also up to us to show it the exit door.
This is awesome M.H – I wonder how many of us don’t remember our childhood deliberately because what we felt hurt so much? That is not to blame anyone or our parents just stating a fact that many people in this world haven’t truly grown up in loving home or environments. But then those we grew up with didn’t know any better themselves, so when someone comes along and reflects love to us we then have an opportunity to do this with everyone else.
I have many childhood memories that are definitely not pleasant to recall and I know the power they have to take me back to those uncomfortable times, and how they have affected me over the years since.. But I also have many that I love returning to. One of those is my father whistling. I loved his whistle especially when he used it to let us know that he had returned home. When I hear anyone whistling these days that is still the memory that returns, and it always makes me smile.
As a child I have many situations that I feel were in a similar situation where an adult has verbally destroyed me without them batting an eye lid. As I ponder deeply on each situation I can feel a tension leave my body as I release these hurts through the power of nomination.
By freeing myself from negative childhood memory I make space for true awareness, reading situations clearly and understand what is going on. It opens and widened our view. This is not just liberating but also the start of an integer life, where I take the responsibility which is there for me to take. We count and our expression counts. The more free I myself from hurts the more able I am to serve mankind.
If we take on other peoples emotional energy it is poisonous to our body and we are not really free until we let go of all that toxicity from our system. The Esoteric Healing Modalities are a great support in this regard as are the practitioners who approach this dilemma multidimensionally.
Stopping and appreciating what another may be going through in that moment to understand their reaction or response… is a profound and life changing lesson in life so to not be adversely affected by another.
If we see every thing as energy and every situation as an opportunity to learn we can choose to be never hurt again by not taking anything personally this will allow us instead to come to understanding and acceptance of our self and others!
When we take things personally or to the heart and feel hurt we build a wall of protection, separating from the wisdom of our love and as such our understanding that we are all here to equally learn to be the love we are in essence.
There are many hurts that I hold onto and yesterday I questioned why this was so. I asked myself what benefit does this have. The conclusion I came to was that part of me wanted to hold onto them, if I did I could stay separate from another, I didn’t need to let another in or me out. It is a form of protection that serves no one.
Acceptance and appreciation start with ourselves and are so worth working on for as you say MH they are the tools that liberate us from taking things personally and thus liberate us from taking things on board that affect how we are in the world.
Learning to live with everything that’s happened to us in the past and not allow it to effect our everyday is an art and a science worth learning. Understanding that life is ultimately here for us to learn and that nothing has just been random has played a big part in me allowing the past to stay in the past and the present to begin afresh everyday.
Taking things personally is something we seem to learn as children, we are surrounded by people who are often already taking things personally, and they show us how to do the same. But there is another way, living connected with who we are gives us an opportunity to read what is really happening in different circumstances, and so it is no longer all about our narrow view and personal hurts.
Keep whistling MH 😉
For me the best thing to do is to not take things personal – if I do so I am trapped in my drama and I found out that this is exhausting me. Therefore I loved it to learn to observe or read things more instead of absorb them.
We need to allow others to be in their own processes and understand that their responses are their responses and they are not ours to necessarily take on. I have found myself often going into guilt in the past about what I may have said or done that could have triggered something in another but I now know if I am communicating in truth that another’s reactions are not my responsibility.
This is a great blog. How often do we go through our life carrying those ever so (apparently) small hurts, so much that our whole demeanour changes and we are no longer being ourselves. But like you say MH it’s very rarely about us and often is more about how the other person is travelling. However there is always something for us to understand and learn from every interaction for ourselves too. So there really is no need to ever blame ourselves, but to look at every situation for the opportunity that presents.
This is a great blog and a brilliant reminder to not take things personally, this is why not reacting and reading the situation is the best thing we can do in the moment. I have noticed when I react and take things personally I am unable to see the real reason behind the persons behaviour.
Therein lies the magic of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the student body. For the truth being presented to us so we can choose to see life through a different lens and choose to let go of what is not us. There is so much holding us back from what we took/take on throughout life and often we don’t even know what it is. But when you start to take great care of you, and learn to understand energy more, we can see more clearly what we have taken on, and then let it go if it no longer serves.
Communication is such an important part of understanding life and overcoming the experiences that have hurt us. Most adults would carry childhood hurts, which can affect how we live life and reduce the quality of life we allow ourselves. How brilliant it would be to encourage children to talk about how they feel and explore experiences that felt hurtful, to come to greater understanding and let these go. This could be in both the family environment and school. Imagine entering adult life, still connected to our inner essence and not carry hurts? What a society that would be!
It is quite incredible how long we can hold onto hurts and the belief we have to protect ourselves from being hurt again… when in fact we hurt ourselves so much more by holding onto them and protecting, and over all these years we and everyone around us miss out on the love, joy and vitality we naturally and innately are.
How supportive for everyone would it be if we were taught as children to not take on other peoples stuff?! So many ideals and beliefs are formed through our misperceptions of events – events which in fact don’t actually relate to us personally.
This is a great example of how easily we take on things that might have nothing to do with us but then are influenced by it sometimes our whole life. This is very closely linked to that we learn that ‘there is something wrong about/with me’ and you show how this can be healed by turning the coin and focusing on appreciating all the beauty that is there.
Accepting and appreciating ourselves is so important. We have no control over another’s reactions and don’t know why someone may be in a particular mood that may have nothing to do with us. ‘Observe not absorb’ a quote from Serge Benhayon, makes a lot of sense here.
It is a joy to read and comment on your blog MH. Whilst reading I became aware of some of my own hurts that I am still carrying from childhood and how silly it is to take on others impositions when as you say, we never know what was going on for them at the time, and nor should this matter. It is up to us to see through this, bringing understanding and truth to these situations, rather then allowing them to dull us, or make us feel small. Being owned by our hurts is very self defeating.
It is so important that we teach our children to utilise their natural ability to read the energy of people and thus their natural understanding to a situation. Imagine if all children were nurtured in a way that they were able to see the hurts or choices of another and know without a doubt that it was nothing personal towards them.. Imagine if we were able to see another child or a full-grown adult and see them as an equal essence to us, but that perhaps they are just not choosing to live it.. Imagine if we were raised in a way that we knew that the love and presence we are is more powerful than anything else and definitely not worth giving away out of sympathy or for any other reason at all.. Imagine then, the joy and radiance that would not be lost or given up on by a small child at any age, the joy and the whistling would continue and the reflection of true love and Livingness would ripple back out throughout the world.
It really is jaw-droppingly incredible how much we can take on from seemingly insignificant moments of rejection, criticism, judgement etc. Carrying something for 50 years or even a whole lifetime or many is not unusual.A dear and wise friend once likened this to waking up feeling great and then looking outside to find it is raining and to feel depressed by this. The weather, just like the reactions of others, are completely and totally beyond our control so why do we let ourselves get blown and buffeted by the whims of others?
The more we bring understanding and actually read life, the less we take on and absorb others peoples stuff. It’s really beautiful to be able to observe while being aware of ones own body in the process. This way we don’t get lost or caught up in some one else’s story and can actually offer true listening.
As children we are often so self-centered, especially in a negative situation. I remember as a child I used to hate changing into and out of my bathing suit on the beach, as I thought everyone would be looking at me. Probably no-one even noticed. As a self-conscious child I put myself at the centre of my world. Remembering that if people are upset or grumpy with me nowadays I can understand that it may have nothing to do with me, but a build up of earlier events in their life or on that day. Will pass this on to my grandchildren….
Two nights ago I had dinner at a fellow students house and three children were also in attendance who were absolutely treasure to behold the way everyone interacted. I still have a lot to learn after being a Student of the Livingness after 12 years of being a student.
When we take on another person’s emotions it can effect us for a long time. Serge Benhayon has a beautiful expression for how to live ‘Be like a fish in the sea but don’t get wet’.
You make it sound so simple M.H and indeed it is: to let go of childhood hurts. They can have a strong hold on us but when we realise that they have no real relevance today and that we can choose how to be without the outside world telling us so we can claim back the authority in our lives and let go of anything that is getting in the way of this. Truly accepting and appreciating ourselves and others is a huge part of this process.
These 2 words can transform life literally, Acceptance and Appreciation. As you say M.H they are valuable tools in life, truly valuable..
Acceptance and Appreciation are applicable when applied or chosen, because as always it is up to us to make that choice!
I remember being very sensitive as a child, as we all are, and it was not something that was considered a great strength as I know it to be today. When we allow ourselves to see and feel all that is happening around us from a place of steadiness within we know what the next step is. There is no need to take on the situation.
I like the point you make about appreciating what may be happening in some else’s day and that we do not need to take things personally, and equally we do not need to hold back our natural expression and joy of being.
Bad childhood memories can indeed impact our lives years later. It is about choosing to not be effected by them anymore and letting go of the hurt it caused by bringing understanding to the situation; and see that it hasn’t anything to do with you, but with how you chose to take it on.
M.H – what a great healing for you to let go of that hurt -it shows how we are so sensitive and aware as children and we can easily let other peoples frustration and anger effect us, and then stay with us. But to say ‘no that is not me – I don’t hold back just because I was cut down’ is to truly claim who we are and let the hurt drop away.
I have held onto too many negative childhood memories, making them an excuse to not evolve, but as you rightly say MH, letting go of them through acceptance and appreciation of who we are NOW, means we can move forward in life, cast the shadows out that don’t belong, and the return to the joy-full state that we innately are.
It is amazing just how impressionable we are are as small children and just how long we can hold on to our hurts at our own detriment and at the detriment of everyone. As a result we all miss out on the joy that we naturally are as our hurts inhibit us from being ourselves. Time to let them all go and as you say M.H. and truly realise . . . ” just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.”
I really love this. Reconnecting to the truth that we are amazing for just being us is the most liberating feeling. We get to see the comedy of our so called life and the hurt and struggles we take on with so much seriousness.
The more we learn to appreciate ourselves for own qualities of beingness and not for what we do the more we understand that there is nothing for us to do other that move in a way that holds that quality and offer such reflection to those around us who are inspired to ignite that same thing within them.
Thank you M.H. letting go of hurts that we carry from childhood that as you have shared are not even ours but it is the hurts of others rejecting their own love creates more space for us to be more of who we truly are and share it with all.
The joy in your writing just leaps off the screen. Keep whistling MH – don’t stop!
As children, we naturally read and knew what was going on around us. As adults, we have that very same sense of knowing but have become very good at overriding it by masking it with our own emotions, fantasies or thoughts.
When we allow ourselves to ‘drop the act’ so-to-speak and stop taking other people’s behaviours personally we are gifted with a sense of freedom that holds us in our own space and cherishing whilst equally understanding and holding another in theirs. This is a process that comes from being willing to see and recognise the hurts that we have carried in the first place and choosing to read the situations from our absolute knowing, tenderness and deep ability to read energy and what is truly going on. Unfortunately we begin to shut this down when we are small children, but that does not mean it is closed off forever, only hidden away until such time that we choose to reconnect and utilise it once again.
Just reading the title of your blog M.H. has made me realise how much I’ve let go of and that I can no longer feel in my body – things that would cause me so much angst that never actually belonged to me in the first place. As children (and as adults) we can often be the recipients of jealousy from others and in this instance he was possibly feeling your joy. So yes, it is of paramount importance that we learn to not take what others do and say about us personally because it’s really about whatever it is that they’re going through at the time.
A great reminder of the power and love we can feel when we let go of childhood hurts, taking the steps to heal this in your life MH is beautiful and inspiring to read.
We let go of the ‘victim role’ and the hurts that we have taken personally when we begin to bring our understanding to other people, their choices and the simple understanding that we could never fully know all that is happening for them at any given moment. We are receivers of energy after all and this can change from moment to moment depending on our own choices, we can be loving or unloving in a heartbeat and this is something we need to consider when analysing or more importantly observing other people too. We, especially as young children, are also the most beautiful reflections of the love that we are and so to know and teach our children about this is so important. So that they can understand another’s hurts or jealousy for not living or letting go of the love that they equally are too.
Thank you for sharing your experience M.H. When we take things personally and become attached to hurts in certain situations, it can stay in our body for years or if not life times. By being aware of how things have affected us we can choose to clear and let go of the hurts that have suppressed our expression for so long. It is amazing how much we hold on to that stunts us from freely expressing and from working on letting go of our childhood hurts. Like you, I have also become more expressive, feeling lighter and have more understanding. I find by expressing truth more and more this has supported me to not take issues or dramas on but nominate it and cut it out of my life whenever I am aware of it.
As children we have the ability to bring truth with our presence. And this is sometimes too much in the adult world. So by the time we become adults ourselves we have so many “stop your whistling ” happenings that we have stopped many things that should not have been stopped.
I love the simplicity of the wisdom you share here and the corresponding profoundly positive effect it has had on clearing a deeply-held hurt from childhood. Sometimes the simplest things can assist in the darkest of places by giving us an entirely different perspective.
How beautiful, to be returning to that natural childhood connection of joy and innocence, but with the wisdom that comes from making choices to connect to that most ancient recognition of who we truly are.
Great to nominate this Alison as I have been perplexed sometimes at how I have taken a seemly insignificant comment on board and often over reacted but the more I have dealt with my chilidhood hurts and observed life rather than absorbing stuff from others the less this is happening.
‘This is a level of abuse we have to become aware of as humanity.’ Absolutely Rachel taking our issues out on another person, young or old, is abuse and we need to take responsibility for this and do the work to make sure that it doesn’t continue to happen.
Here’s to celebrating your re-found free expression and ‘just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.’ Acceptance of where we and others are at and appreciation of ourselves can transform our experiences and heal so many hurts. Thank you for sharing MH.
What a great and simple blog. If we all whistled like you, the world would have to stop and think ” how are we?” Going about our business with Joy has an extra element to it, God. When we bring this it is a breath of fresh air, and thats what is needed in all of our professions!
We need to learn that sometimes another reacts not because something is bad, but because maybe something is so sweet and so pure (like your whistling) that they are instantly reminded that they don’t have the same joy within themselves at the present time.
Amazing Blog! I remember these things that happen in childhood and we can forget that if we hold onto them they will affect us for the rest of our life. Even now I still find myself sometimes calibrating to those around me, and assessing “how much ME can I show here?” its really quite ridiculous that we have allowed things to be this way.
I used to feel easily hurt and let down by the world and its people because somewhere in me there was this belief that they were meant to be in a way perfect and meet my expectations, that was a very self-centered view of the world and a perfect set up to feel like a victim of the world, and this made it very difficult to be understanding of the others and their choices. Universal Medicine has really helped me to look at the world differently and understand that every single one of us is somewhere on this path of evolution and we are all equally in it, and anyone can get out on the wrong side of the bed as much as I can.
It is amazing how deeply affected we are by what is said to us when young and that this hurt stays with us all through our lives until seen, felt, and let go of. I was with a young friend giggling about something when my mother told me to stop my silly giggling, this had such an impact on my joy and playfulness which I closed down for most of my life with the belief, that life had to be serious. I am gradually letting go and becoming more playful and it is a joy.
What I find fascinating MH is that the carpenter who told you to stop whistling was most likely in that moment so caught up in his own stuff he would never even remember making the comment that turned out to be so pivotal and crippling for you.
Beautiful article M.H. I can see that I have adjusted the way I am to suit others many times and this continues to happen today. The clearer I am in myself and the more I appreciate my own qualities the easier it is for me to discern why people react the way they do and not take their reactions personally.
Such an inspiring sharing with us all MH thank you. Appreciation and acceptance goes hand in hand and is a valuable life long gift.
It is amazing how an unloving comment said to us when young can stay with us all our lives. I remember as a child giggling about something with a friend when I was told to stop that silly giggling, the consequence was that my fun and playfulness had been shut away for most of my life , until now, I can let it go and let myself be light and playful.
how beautiful that you are reclaiming your naturally playful quality now Jill, this just goes to confirm that it was our choice to ‘take on’ that which another used to hurt us and we chose to shut ourselves down; equally so it is our responsibility and choice to bring our understanding (at whatever age) and choose to shine brightly and playfully once again!
It’s a great point that we can all be carrying around hurtful experiences from childhood and still be letting it effect us. The changes we make to diminish ourselves are held for so long, we may not even recognise how much we have stifled our own true self expression.
A great and important sharing M.H. to observe what is going on around us and not to take things personally. I know I can always be tested with this around family and the comments that can be said in a joking way but they are actually demeaning in some way. The key to not taking things personally is to deal with our hurts and to develop and deepen our self-love so anytime we have negative comments coming towards us there is no room to take them on because we are so full of love!
This is a beautiful self-tool to embrace and foster Anna, from the fullness of the love that we are there is no personal! only an observation that someone is being themselves (i.e loving) or not. What a difference this understanding really does bring to the world and to the deepening opportunity of all of our relationships.
what is extraordinary is that we can talk to people in their 70s and 80s, and they are still living with childhood hurts… And if we are really honest unless we have really addressed these hurts they are still there in all of us influencing our actions every day… I did many years of alternative therapies, months of residential’s, but it was not until I met Serge Benhayon that I was truly able to start to heal the deep influencing hurts of my childhood.
Especially around Christmas time, a time of family and togetherness, of spending time with loved ones and seeing those that we have not seen in a while. So much can come up from old past hurts to the current stresses and tensions running their currents through life.
The opportunity we have however, is to be very present with ourselves and take each moment as if it is all that exists; knowing that we don’t need old dramas or in fact need to be anywhere else than ‘just with’ those that we love. There is much healing on offer in families and with childhood memories at this time of year.
There are so many things that we take on and find to be with us for a long time, it is beautiful to realise and see what it has caused and see that it was nothing more than a stop of your joyful being as a child, and see that we are still that child inside that can express freely in all that we are.
It was not until studying with Universal Medicine that I begun to understand how much we ‘take on’ and why. It has been very freeing to understand that I need not be fearful of being all I can be and allow the immense love I am to come through into expression.
Not to take things personally… it sounds so simple but I have found this one of those really tricky understandings… I know it is essential and with the guidance of Universal Medicine I will be coming to terms with this most essential of realisations.
Beautiful Felix… I had been thinking of it from the other way round (how we can support others by have understanding), but absolutely yes. When I’m locked into some old pattern and someone shows me that support its the easiest thing in the world to let go of the hurt and melt.
Loved this comment – it made me think… what if we could walk around and see these hurts being lugged around be everyone. Burdens we have been carrying from childhood that affect our walk, our gait, our expression and interaction with others. If we could see these hurts, then we would know when they are speaking from them (and have understanding), but also and more importantly, we would see that underneath it all we are all glorious and divine and that always remains unchanged. We could then focus on that part of ourselves, and in this I have been inspired by Serge Benhayon who always sees the inner essence within us all, and does not judge the other stuff we have piled on top.
Its true, when we bring understanding to any situation, no matter how terrible, grumpy, awkward, that the judgement we hold (be that of ourselves or others) starts to dissolve and we can see that we have all been hurt in one way or another. That understanding allows us to remain ourselves in any situation.
This is a great example of how we often choose to react with hurt to another’s behaviour when all that is being presented is their behaviour and not an indictment on us. When we don’t have a strong sense of our own self-worth, we can take on a hurt associated with an incident – in some cases for years – when in fact all that truly happened was we simply took on something that was never ours. What an erroneous psychological twist to make and truly scary to think we choose to stitch ourselves up for decades in this way.
This is so true. When we hold onto our childhood hurts we tend to live in protection in fear of being hurt again and this definitely affects our relationships with people, our friends and family. Protection simply doesn’t allow us to express or receive love. Once we let go of our hurts the protective shell crumbles away, allowing us to become more open to love.
Thank you for sharing your experience M.H. Learning to not take things personally is a great point. So often we tend to react to other people’s reactions or internalise it and blame ourselves for them. For me it has been a massive realisation that I am not responsible for other people’s reactions, even if I have caused it, it is their choice to react. I now know, I too can choose to not react when I feel hurt, instead allow myself to feel the hurt, understand where it’s coming from and simply choose to not react.
Thank you MH. We don’t always realise how damaging comments like that (whistling in your case) are and how a child particularly takes that on, affecting their/ our lives for many years.. It is all about not taking things personally but I know it is still hard to learn this lesson as an adult, but how freeing when we do get it!
Thank you MH, how we are affected by another’s grumpiness, it feels like there was some jealousy of your joy, expressed in your whistling, and was it your joy that you then shut down thinking it was wrong or bad to be that way? Your experience reminds me to choose appreciation of others, as well as of myself.
It’s crazy that we would shut down our joy for anything! and yet we do this all the time throughout life. The truth however, is that no matter what excuses we accumulate and use to justify our hurts and continue our holding back they are all falsely constructed and held onto. If we are but mere vessels of energy then all we need do is connect to our joy through our love and truth and live this harmoniously with the world around us, joy is natural to us and so it is only ever a choice away. Everyone deserves to see and feel us in our joy.
Building on my own self love has definitely been the key to getting to and knowing that those past hurts that get triggered in life, are from something I haven chosen to go into and become consumed by, they do not define my true, loving and all powerful natural self that when connected to, is there just as shiny as ever.
I love what you have shared here Carmin and agree that the words “observe and not absorb” are words that can save us a lot of angst, as from the observing we are able to stand back from a situation, giving ourselves time to feel what is the truth of what is in front of us. Those unresolved childhood hurts sure can get in the way of living in harmony.
We are all amazing and unique, which we can all more easily express when we are willing and ready to let go of our negative childhood memories, which I have discovered is well worth the effort.
Thank you for this beautiful blog, It shows how an enormous impact these kind of moments have in our lives, those are the times that we chose to leave ourself to not be hurt by others, and fit in with that what is the norm. It is great to be stepping out of this believe and feel that we are all amazing and unique as you mention.
As I read this I was curious about whistling, so I gave it a go once again and at first it didn’t come out. But the interesting thing was that instantly in came the thought of ‘you’re useless / can’t whistle’ – like where did that harshness just come from!? But that’s how I felt as a kid when I compared myself to others or another was commented as being better than me in that moment. I may not be a strong whistler but that doesn’t mean that I am a lesser person. Just this small example makes we wonder – what other things do we refrain or hold back from simply because as we were learning we where compared to/commented towards in a negative way… Now with that thought out of the way whistling is actually kinda fun!
Thank you M.H. This highlights to me that there are so many experiences we can take on from childhood unnecessarily. We let it shape us and take on behaviours that are not us. To look at all the possible underlying reasons for another person’s behaviour like you have is a great way to de-personalise that behaviour and bring a greater understanding of what is truly going.
Yes, it is a beautiful reminder Carmin to observe but not absorb….to observe what may be going on for the other person and not to take it personally or try to fix or solve their issue ( an old pattern of mine which was very imposing!). Another beautiful reminder is that we all have the answers inside of us to sort out or own lives or issues, there is no need to fix anyone.
Taking things personally, yep that is an old habit of mine, which always led me into reaction every single time. I am much more aware of this, and it goes a lot easier to not take things so personally which reduces the complication that my life once was.
I totally agree jacqmcfadden04, it certainly makes life very complicated when we take things personally. I have seen it many times where it causes such a disturbance that it doesn’t allow the person to express love or receive love. It’s like choosing to be distracted so we don’t have to feel how amazing we really are and accept that other people are simply all equally amazing.
Thank you, M.H. Realising what we have taken on was never ours in the first place is huge. We often make our life experience personal and become identified with the hurt we felt. In my experience, many of the therapies and modalities that claim to deal with childhood issues feel a bit like re-arranging the furniture around and putting up a new set of curtains in a messy room and asking me to convince myself that it is tidy while the garbage is still there scattered around. What Universal Medicine presents has been instrumental in how I have changed the way I experience my life.
A beautiful sharing M.H. – thank you. It is very true what you have shared that we are all uniquely amazing and although we are all equal in essence, in love, we express this love in our own way. When we disconnect from knowing who we are we invite doubt into our minds and through our hurts we change into a shadow of our true selves. When we let go of our hurts we are able to appreciate the love that is always truly there and that who we truly are in essence is always there, within, waiting to be lived, expressed and celebrated.
When we aren’t raised to know and honour our feelings deeply its no wonder we can tend to interpret onto situations which shape our perceptions further. Reading this reminded me of similar incidents as a child where my sensitivity didn’t have a foundation that supported me to trust in what I could feel. This has developed later in life along with my relationship with Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the healing modalities.
The hurts that we carry hold us back and stop us from truly appreciating “…just how amazing and unique we all are…”
Letting go of old hurts that hold us back allows us to express ourselves more freely. Thank you M.H. for confirming the beauty we all have, I especially liked this line – ‘ just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.’
Joyful M.H. you are infectious with what you wrote in your amazing blog. How powerful is it to be inspired through others – that is the best thing ever. Being inspired is so much joyful than being, e.g. jealous.
Thank you M.H for sharing your experience, I am becoming more familiar with these tools of appreciation and acceptance, but these are not tools that I have been familiar with through my life. Since learning how to to use them I am finding a more joyful way of being.
I just read a quote …’who were you before you were told who you are’ and this is so important to know, to be able to let go of all of those restrictions and ideals and beliefs, and to return to the innocence of our essential being and to live with the strength that this innately brings.
A powerful quote, allowing much reflection ..and freedom.
Profound quote cjames2012, and something to be still and deeply ponder on.
Yes, a really powerful question to ask. It brings simplicity back.
Returning to our childhood innocence as I have learnt through singjng with Chris James has helped me feel how precious we all are and that this innocence brings profound beauty and joy that supersedes any criticism we feel others may have of us (truly felt or not).
A great sharing M.H.and a great example of how childhood hurts can impact on our daily lives and expression.
When we are children our senses are that much more acute. I have similar memories and the part that hurt was not what I was told but the way I was told. There is a hurt that also arises from feeling the essence within that adult and them expressing in a way that doesn’t correspond to the nature and quality of that essence.
I can totally relate to holding on to childhood memories. I know many people that have shared their childhood memories with me so I think this blog will be very accessible and relatable for a lot of people. Thank you for writing this, it’s amazing how long we can hold on to something like that and allow it to shape how we behave so many years later.
It’s deeply healing for adults to firstly realise that they have childhood hurts, and then get on with how to heal and let go of them, as they will always affect us in our adult lives, showing up in how we are in relationships. Beautiful that you were able to let this go, and also bring understanding to how someone else might be feeling on a day, that they never even meant to hurt you in the first place.
M.H. this is such a powerful blog. I feel like I have had a session at the Universal Medicine Clinic. I am inspired to continue to unfold by living me and breathing my own breath.
All children are very sensitive, so everyone can relate to getting a type of “shock” in one’s childhood and that shock staying in the memory quite vividly. However, as written by MH, there is no need for us to be affected by it. It truly is a “letting go” of the energy the shock came with (and from).
I trust that you now feel the ‘wings on your notes’ when you whistle, M.H., for they are most certainly in your words here. Gorgeous blog, thank-you. And I agree entirely about how acutely such incidents can affect us – for a lifetime(s) if we let them. One single judgement, one comment… can lead us to doubt, and restrict ourselves enormously in our expression. That you brought understanding to this – that whatever was going on for the man really didn’t have anything to do with you, opens the way for true healing. As does your acknowledgement that you allowed his response to get to you in such a way.
You know, I facilitate a singing group in an aged care facility, and I’ve had (many) people in their 80’s and 90’s say to me that they just couldn’t be a part of the group – they have such a ‘bad’ voice, and yet they often (quietly…) LOVE to sing! My response goes along the lines of, “what’s you’re age again?” They tell me, and then I say with a grin, “well at age 96 (as one lady was), don’t you reckon it’s about time to break the mould and just enjoy it?”
And so often, many still resist… and then others let themselves feel wings on their notes and love every minute.
Well said Victoria and I fully agree with you: “one single judgement, one comment… can lead us to doubt, and restrict ourselves enormously in our expression”. It is amazing how we can then hold onto these comments for years altering the way we express so we do not feel the same hurt again. I know I have done this and it has all been about pleasing others and not getting hurt rather than being and expressing myself.
It’s so great to bring the deepest honesty to this Jamesnicholson27, for all of us. You know, I remember many ‘singular comments’ that affected me, yet then also, am very aware of the ‘eroding’ that occurred at a more sinister level, if you will, via seemingly smaller yet repeated comments that perpetuated along a similar vein (usually along the lines of I was ‘too much’, simply because I stated things that were true…). In time I found myself held back and diminished as a result of these kinds of comments also.
To acknowledge we were hurt is the starting point to unravelling the lot. Coupled with, I’d say, a willingness to speak up when one feels something must be said – especially when the tension is felt that it actually hurts not to do so. There’s nothing like breaking down the old walls we’ve once held so firmly in place, for everyone’s sake!
Well said Victoria and I agree, “There’s nothing like breaking down the old walls we’ve once held so firmly in place, for everyone’s sake!”
Taking things personally is such a big thing to overcome. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I did this as a child was because I doubted myself and my ability to read the situation at hand.
It is fabulous for me to be reminded that “…acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life…”. When I accept and appreciate me, I can’t feel hurt from something that has happened in my childhood, as it is so much easier to not take things personally. I appreciate you M.H. for sharing your understanding of childhood hurts.
It is amazing how we bury our childhood hurts and then carry them around with us for the rest of our life, thinking that its to painful to feel them.
Thinking that by not going to those painful memories we are somehow not going to be hurt, but the not stopping and feeling the hurt, hurts us so much more. We then create a whole life and a body carrying all those hurts, ouch!
Rather than stopping and feeling the intensity of a hurt then allowing ourselves to let it go. Thank you M.H. for you’re inspiring writing.
I can also feel Thomas how hurtful it is that we not only carry the childhood hurt with us, we continue to taint all others with that same experience, holding back from love and holding others out because of a hurt we once felt. Everyone loses out when we make the choices to be owned by and hold onto our hurts.
A great sharing M.H. how true you are, as often we take on the reactions of others and blame ourselves, seeing that something about us is “wrong”. It feels liberating to begin to not take things personally and appreciate how amazing we are. Appreciating ourselves and knowing that we have a choice in the way we live our lives is key, we can live as either recipients of life or the creators of our reality – the choice is up to us.
I can so relate to what you say MH and how horrible it feels to take stuff on and how freeing it is to stop doing that. Also I fully agree, acceptance and appreciation are so very important and why wouldn’t we appreciate ourselves as at heart everyone is truly gorgeous!
Thank you MH for sharing your blog, it is truly amazing what we hold on to and take as a personal attack and contract so as not to be hurt again ,the silly part is by contracting we hurt our self and every one else.
Thank you for sharing this with us M.H. Lately I have been realising that the way people treat me says a lot more about them than me. As a child I remember taking everything personally and feeling very hurt by the reactions I felt from others. I am learning how to express what I feel when something upsets me and this helps me get to the bottom of what is really going on in my relationships when hurts come up.
As children we are super sensitve and open and feel so much. Your example and sharing shows how easily we can take on stuff that is not our own, and although we bury this and even forget about it, it remains in our bodies for years and years, until we expose and clear it like you have done. Taking on other people’s stuff can become an unconscious habit or pattern which can only affect or harm our bodies, which perhaps is a major contribution to illness and sickness when we are older.
Thank you M.H. for sharing what can impact us in our childhood and cause long-lasting hurts because we have taken on someone else’s emotional energy and then somehow we believe that we are the causation or creator of the hurt-full situation.
Just when I think I’m letting go of taking on others ‘stuff’ I learn and gauge a deeper awareness that there is always more to be aware of.. It’s amazing that when we do take things on that belong to others, their day and their experience we can immediately feel drained .. and if we hold on to them for years, imagine the draining we are walking around with. This has given me more inspiration to develop my own way of living, breathing and walking through life so that I am supporting myself to be even more aware and more understanding of the bigger picture that is at play.
I really like the way you have expressed this Cherise. Thank you.
Childhood memories can be very strong and affect how we interact with others in a similar situation as we grow up. Letting go of the restraint of the many memories I was holding on to is very liberating.
A very insightful and powerful blog you have shared here with us, MH. It has been a great healing for me, and I am sure for many others, to now have the awareness that many of our hurtful childhood memories, are not our mistakes or due to our inadequacies.
I have noticed that although there appears to be an acceptance of each other within families there can be a lot bubbling under the surface and no true acceptance at all. I have also noticed how family members can so take each other for granted and not really allow or have appreciation for each other, and, if it is there, rarely voice it. It feels that these two qualities are integral to building true relationship.
Whenever I feel hurt by someone’s reaction towards something I am doing or have done, it is usually because I have invested in how it is received or how well I am doing it. If I appreciate what I am doing and if I’m not identified by my doing it, then someone could react to what I do negatively and I wouldn’t be bothered by it.
Wonderful topic and comments.
I can feel how I have been so reactionary to so many things and allowed my reactions to cripple me into a smaller way of being. I’m letting go now, relaxing and getting bigger!
I am reminded of how our “reactions” to things that happen cause us so much harm; usually far more than the event itslelf!
Great reminder not to take things personally and to reinforce the knowing that I am OK.
Top blog M.H. Isn’t it strange that we usually perceive someones frustration or negative behaviour as somehow being our fault. Thanks for reminding me to appreciate what the other person may be going through and to not take things personally.
Childhood memories are so strong. Something happens that triggers a memory of a similar event from early childhood and we can relive how we felt. When I share childhood memories with my brother and sister it is fascinating that their memory and how it felt can be very different to mine. I can see that I was always more inclined to have a negative memory because I had little self-worth.
Yes, it is amazing how the smallest event to a child can become a hurt that is carried with us all our lives, affecting our behaviour in ways that are so diminishing of us. Finding support to heal the hurts is a true blessing and it is beautiful and inspiring in the way that you have, M.H.
Hmm, what a great reminder. It’s so easy to take things personally in an instant, but taking the time to understand where the comment is coming from can reveal a lot… This has certainly inspired me to look more closely at the comments I hear and how I react to them. It may not be the comment or the person making it that is the problem, but how I deal with it.
Thank you for highlighting this all too familiar tendency to thinking that any mis-understanding or frustration in another must all be my fault! It is very liberating to accept everyone else – and myself – for who we are.
Thank you for sharing, it is great reminder to not take things others say personally.
It is quite incredible how we so quickly jump from what may be another person’s issue to it being about our-self, which then we create into an issue for our-self! All to confirm what is likely to be our lack of self worth. It is great that you can now see this with more clarity. Thank you for sharing, MH.
Thank you M.H and everyone for your comments. I find it really useful and encouraging to read as someone who has reacted a lot to life and takes things personally, this is a beautiful reminder that there is another way we can be in life. I will remind myself to stop and take a step back before I next want to jump to conclusions.
Hi MH thank you for sharing this memory and the freedom you now feel. This taking on something which isn’t ours can happen all through life and what you have expressed reminds us to take that step back, rather than react, feel and respond.
Such a great point M.H about not taking on something that isn’t ours!
Thank you M.H for sharing what is a very familiar scenario.
” I had always thought it was my whistling that was the problem (perhaps it was, but the point is it doesn’t even matter!).”
An awesome point to arrive at, so liberating to allow yourself to be free of the past hurt.
It really is not worth taking things personally. Ever.
I love how simple and straightforward you have come to this understanding, rather than going into the ‘take it personal mode’. If we pause for a moment we can question the situation whereas, holding on to our hurts only continues to hurt us for as long as we carry them.
Leigh thankyou for your comment. It’s a great point you make to pause and consider what is truly happening, instead of automatically reflecting situations badly onto ourselves.
It’s very much about taking a step back and reading a situation with understanding and we do this best from an emotionally-detached and observational point, thus leaving us with more opportunity to see the bigger picture and literally read from the energy we are feeling as opposed to analysing or getting caught up in working it out.
Thank you for exposing this very common predicament we fall into – of holding onto something from the past and allowing it to influence our perceptions of how things are. It is lovely to share in your celebration of how free you now feel to just be yourself no matter what.
The world would be so different if we were taught this at school… to accept others as they are, as we may not know what is going on for them in their life and to not take things personally as they may not even be aware of what they are saying.
Your blog, MH, made me think of a few similar incidents in my childhood. Nothing that big in and of itself but yet the impression it made on me was BIG indeed. With this hindsight and awareness, we may actually be more gentle in how we speak to children ourselves but as we are saying, the smallest thing may still have an impact on a child and we can’t tiptoe around all day. So perhaps the real gift in this degree of awareness is opening up our own childhood moments when an impression was nailed into a permanent position, and pry it loose so that we, as adults, can re-learn how to live without it mis-informing us still.
Thank you for your blog, MH. For a long time I wondered why certain childhood memories lingered for so long when the incident appeared something quite small. Then, I realised that although the incident appeared to be small what was happening to me as a child was something that was crushing the innate joyful child that I had naturally been up until that point. As you say we can move on from these hurts and learn to be in the world without fears from the past.
Great comment, Sue. I’ve had similar experiences with what seem to be random memories, although I know they are not. Thank you, M.H., for your inspiring words.
I love what you have said M.H. It only takes a step back to observe what is happening and not take anything personally. What a whole loving world of difference!