Letting go of Negative Childhood Memories

As a family, we were talking the other day about childhood memories – how they stay with you, good or bad – and the part those memories can play in your life for many years later.

I remember a particular day when I was a small child, maybe 8 or 9 years old… a carpenter who was a friend of the family was doing some renovations in our home. He was busy working and I was whistling nearby – I was happy. He made an abrupt comment asking me to stop and I could feel he was grumpy. I never knew if I was whistling too loud, or perhaps out of tune, but I stopped, and unsure of how I felt I just walked away.

CARRYING OUR CHILDHOOD HURTS

But in my mind I have never forgotten this – I have carried this memory for fifty years. It isn’t something that haunts me every day but I am often reminded of it whenever I hear someone whistling. I have felt self-conscious of how I have sounded for all these years, but today I feel free – free to express myself – and I sometimes wonder why it has taken me this long!

TAKING ON SOMETHING THAT ISN’T OURS TO TAKE ON IN THE FIRST PLACE

I can now look deeper into that childhood memory and see more clearly, from a new perspective, the pattern that formed from this experience. It was something I took on for many years that may have had nothing to do with me – it was something another person was feeling over which I had no control. He may have had a headache; he could have hit his finger with the hammer or perhaps drilled a hole in the wrong place and could have been feeling frustrated… who knows?! But I had always thought it was my whistling that was the problem (perhaps it was, but the point is it doesn’t even matter!).

WE ARE ALL AMAZING AND UNIQUE

Now when I whistle, I just smile to myself and I think of my beautiful daughter. She has been inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon, has been attending Universal Medicine events for the last 3 years, and through what she has connected to she has helped me to realise for myself just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life. She has inspired me to stop and appreciate what may be happening in someone else’s day, and that there is no need to take offence in a situation or take things personally. I have now been able to let go of this negative childhood memory and allow myself to express freely again.

By M.H, 60, Brisbane

211 thoughts on “Letting go of Negative Childhood Memories

  1. We let go of the ‘victim role’ and the hurts that we have taken personally when we begin to bring our understanding to other people, their choices and the simple understanding that we could never fully know all that is happening for them at any given moment. We are receivers of energy after all and this can change from moment to moment depending on our own choices, we can be loving or unloving in a heartbeat and this is something we need to consider when analysing or more importantly observing other people too. We, especially as young children, are also the most beautiful reflections of the love that we are and so to know and teach our children about this is so important. So that they can understand another’s hurts or jealousy for not living or letting go of the love that they equally are too.

  2. A great reminder of the power and love we can feel when we let go of childhood hurts, taking the steps to heal this in your life MH is beautiful and inspiring to read.

  3. Just reading the title of your blog M.H. has made me realise how much I’ve let go of and that I can no longer feel in my body – things that would cause me so much angst that never actually belonged to me in the first place. As children (and as adults) we can often be the recipients of jealousy from others and in this instance he was possibly feeling your joy. So yes, it is of paramount importance that we learn to not take what others do and say about us personally because it’s really about whatever it is that they’re going through at the time.

  4. When we allow ourselves to ‘drop the act’ so-to-speak and stop taking other people’s behaviours personally we are gifted with a sense of freedom that holds us in our own space and cherishing whilst equally understanding and holding another in theirs. This is a process that comes from being willing to see and recognise the hurts that we have carried in the first place and choosing to read the situations from our absolute knowing, tenderness and deep ability to read energy and what is truly going on. Unfortunately we begin to shut this down when we are small children, but that does not mean it is closed off forever, only hidden away until such time that we choose to reconnect and utilise it once again.

  5. MH, your blog has reminded me of the wisdom that Serge Benhayon has often shared, about stopping and reading every situation, doing this has allowed me to not create further hurts that I will have to let go of, at a later stage. Thank you for sharing.

  6. As children, we naturally read and knew what was going on around us. As adults, we have that very same sense of knowing but have become very good at overriding it by masking it with our own emotions, fantasies or thoughts.

  7. Thank you M.H. letting go of hurts that we carry from childhood that as you have shared are not even ours but it is the hurts of others rejecting their own love creates more space for us to be more of who we truly are and share it with all.

  8. The more we learn to appreciate ourselves for own qualities of beingness and not for what we do the more we understand that there is nothing for us to do other that move in a way that holds that quality and offer such reflection to those around us who are inspired to ignite that same thing within them.

    1. Yes learning to accept and appreciate ourselves for who we are is very liberating and offers a great reflection for others to accept and appreciate themselves.

  9. I really love this. Reconnecting to the truth that we are amazing for just being us is the most liberating feeling. We get to see the comedy of our so called life and the hurt and struggles we take on with so much seriousness.

  10. It is amazing just how impressionable we are are as small children and just how long we can hold on to our hurts at our own detriment and at the detriment of everyone. As a result we all miss out on the joy that we naturally are as our hurts inhibit us from being ourselves. Time to let them all go and as you say M.H. and truly realise . . . ” just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.”

  11. I have held onto too many negative childhood memories, making them an excuse to not evolve, but as you rightly say MH, letting go of them through acceptance and appreciation of who we are NOW, means we can move forward in life, cast the shadows out that don’t belong, and the return to the joy-full state that we innately are.

  12. Perhaps we hold on to such events because it suits us to, perhaps it gives us the excuse to be less than our true selves. I have done this too and can now see how destructive it has been to myself but even worse to others too.

  13. M.H – what a great healing for you to let go of that hurt -it shows how we are so sensitive and aware as children and we can easily let other peoples frustration and anger effect us, and then stay with us. But to say ‘no that is not me – I don’t hold back just because I was cut down’ is to truly claim who we are and let the hurt drop away.

  14. Bad childhood memories can indeed impact our lives years later. It is about choosing to not be effected by them anymore and letting go of the hurt it caused by bringing understanding to the situation; and see that it hasn’t anything to do with you, but with how you chose to take it on.

  15. I like the point you make about appreciating what may be happening in some else’s day and that we do not need to take things personally, and equally we do not need to hold back our natural expression and joy of being.

  16. I remember being very sensitive as a child, as we all are, and it was not something that was considered a great strength as I know it to be today. When we allow ourselves to see and feel all that is happening around us from a place of steadiness within we know what the next step is. There is no need to take on the situation.

  17. You make it sound so simple M.H and indeed it is: to let go of childhood hurts. They can have a strong hold on us but when we realise that they have no real relevance today and that we can choose how to be without the outside world telling us so we can claim back the authority in our lives and let go of anything that is getting in the way of this. Truly accepting and appreciating ourselves and others is a huge part of this process.

  18. When we take on another person’s emotions it can effect us for a long time. Serge Benhayon has a beautiful expression for how to live ‘Be like a fish in the sea but don’t get wet’.

  19. Two nights ago I had dinner at a fellow students house and three children were also in attendance who were absolutely treasure to behold the way everyone interacted. I still have a lot to learn after being a Student of the Livingness after 12 years of being a student.

  20. The way we treat other people can have a massive effect on them, it can ruin someone’s day, or their week or even effect their whole life. I went to the post office yesterday 10 minutes before it closed and the man was so angry at me for coming in late in the day I as stunned at the lack of professionalism and respect – it’s shocking the irresponsibility we allow to breed in society when it comes to how we treat each other.

  21. A childhood memory came up for me from when I was around four; the insurance salesman who had the top of his thumb shot of during the second WW told me that he sucked it off because I was sucking my thumb. I believed him and stopped sucking my thumb from that day!

  22. As children we are often so self-centered, especially in a negative situation. I remember as a child I used to hate changing into and out of my bathing suit on the beach, as I thought everyone would be looking at me. Probably no-one even noticed. As a self-conscious child I put myself at the centre of my world. Remembering that if people are upset or grumpy with me nowadays I can understand that it may have nothing to do with me, but a build up of earlier events in their life or on that day. Will pass this on to my grandchildren….

  23. The more we bring understanding and actually read life, the less we take on and absorb others peoples stuff. It’s really beautiful to be able to observe while being aware of ones own body in the process. This way we don’t get lost or caught up in some one else’s story and can actually offer true listening.

  24. It really is jaw-droppingly incredible how much we can take on from seemingly insignificant moments of rejection, criticism, judgement etc. Carrying something for 50 years or even a whole lifetime or many is not unusual.A dear and wise friend once likened this to waking up feeling great and then looking outside to find it is raining and to feel depressed by this. The weather, just like the reactions of others, are completely and totally beyond our control so why do we let ourselves get blown and buffeted by the whims of others?

  25. It is so important that we teach our children to utilise their natural ability to read the energy of people and thus their natural understanding to a situation. Imagine if all children were nurtured in a way that they were able to see the hurts or choices of another and know without a doubt that it was nothing personal towards them.. Imagine if we were able to see another child or a full-grown adult and see them as an equal essence to us, but that perhaps they are just not choosing to live it.. Imagine if we were raised in a way that we knew that the love and presence we are is more powerful than anything else and definitely not worth giving away out of sympathy or for any other reason at all.. Imagine then, the joy and radiance that would not be lost or given up on by a small child at any age, the joy and the whistling would continue and the reflection of true love and Livingness would ripple back out throughout the world.

  26. It is a joy to read and comment on your blog MH. Whilst reading I became aware of some of my own hurts that I am still carrying from childhood and how silly it is to take on others impositions when as you say, we never know what was going on for them at the time, and nor should this matter. It is up to us to see through this, bringing understanding and truth to these situations, rather then allowing them to dull us, or make us feel small. Being owned by our hurts is very self defeating.

  27. Accepting and appreciating ourselves is so important. We have no control over another’s reactions and don’t know why someone may be in a particular mood that may have nothing to do with us. ‘Observe not absorb’ a quote from Serge Benhayon, makes a lot of sense here.

  28. This is a great example of how easily we take on things that might have nothing to do with us but then are influenced by it sometimes our whole life. This is very closely linked to that we learn that ‘there is something wrong about/with me’ and you show how this can be healed by turning the coin and focusing on appreciating all the beauty that is there.

  29. How supportive for everyone would it be if we were taught as children to not take on other peoples stuff?! So many ideals and beliefs are formed through our misperceptions of events – events which in fact don’t actually relate to us personally.

  30. It is quite incredible how long we can hold onto hurts and the belief we have to protect ourselves from being hurt again… when in fact we hurt ourselves so much more by holding onto them and protecting, and over all these years we and everyone around us miss out on the love, joy and vitality we naturally and innately are.

  31. Communication is such an important part of understanding life and overcoming the experiences that have hurt us. Most adults would carry childhood hurts, which can affect how we live life and reduce the quality of life we allow ourselves. How brilliant it would be to encourage children to talk about how they feel and explore experiences that felt hurtful, to come to greater understanding and let these go. This could be in both the family environment and school. Imagine entering adult life, still connected to our inner essence and not carry hurts? What a society that would be!

  32. Therein lies the magic of Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the student body. For the truth being presented to us so we can choose to see life through a different lens and choose to let go of what is not us. There is so much holding us back from what we took/take on throughout life and often we don’t even know what it is. But when you start to take great care of you, and learn to understand energy more, we can see more clearly what we have taken on, and then let it go if it no longer serves.

  33. This is a great blog and a brilliant reminder to not take things personally, this is why not reacting and reading the situation is the best thing we can do in the moment. I have noticed when I react and take things personally I am unable to see the real reason behind the persons behaviour.

  34. This is a great blog. How often do we go through our life carrying those ever so (apparently) small hurts, so much that our whole demeanour changes and we are no longer being ourselves. But like you say MH it’s very rarely about us and often is more about how the other person is travelling. However there is always something for us to understand and learn from every interaction for ourselves too. So there really is no need to ever blame ourselves, but to look at every situation for the opportunity that presents.

  35. We need to allow others to be in their own processes and understand that their responses are their responses and they are not ours to necessarily take on. I have found myself often going into guilt in the past about what I may have said or done that could have triggered something in another but I now know if I am communicating in truth that another’s reactions are not my responsibility.

  36. For me the best thing to do is to not take things personal – if I do so I am trapped in my drama and I found out that this is exhausting me. Therefore I loved it to learn to observe or read things more instead of absorb them.

  37. Taking things personally is something we seem to learn as children, we are surrounded by people who are often already taking things personally, and they show us how to do the same. But there is another way, living connected with who we are gives us an opportunity to read what is really happening in different circumstances, and so it is no longer all about our narrow view and personal hurts.

  38. This is a great sharing as it shows how we hold great responsibility in the way we are with each other and how a little out moment of grumpiness can impact on someone else’ life. Of course as you share we also have the responsibility to not take things too personally and read and understand why people behave the way they do in order to not take on their stuff. A very simple approach to relationships that could change a lot in the way we interact in society.

  39. It is amazing what an impact such seemingly small things can have. The builder most likely does not remember that incidence yet it is something you carried for so long that impacted how you were. It really is crazy when we take a deep look at all the things that have impacted upon who we think we are and have altered our expression in the world.

  40. Taking on the emotions or worries of others is nothing more than a poison in our own bodies, far worse than the emotion is for the initial person themselves because at least they have the ability to deal with their own choices and circumstance, whereas for us we are trying to fix, take-on or process something that was never ours to do so in the first place. The accumulated poison has no choice in our bodies but to brew into a disharmony and when it results in us holding back the pure joy that we truly are it leaves us all falling short.

  41. Such a simple yet profound message here MH, one that we can all relate to. I took on pretty well everything as a child, I tuned in to any disharmony or upset and made it my own… and with it not being my own to deal with I was constantly sick i.e. tonsillitis, digestive issues etc. I see now that there was an emptiness in me that I could have filled up with me, but instead chose to fill up with what was not me, hence it was my decision. I can’t blame anyone else. When we step back and see that it may or may not be the other persons stuff, there is more of an openness to seeing what is going on for them and therefore an opportunity to offer support for them to come back to who they truly are… but whilst we take things on, then they also continue to have that poison swirl around their body.

  42. Learning to live with everything that’s happened to us in the past and not allow it to effect our everyday is an art and a science worth learning. Understanding that life is ultimately here for us to learn and that nothing has just been random has played a big part in me allowing the past to stay in the past and the present to begin afresh everyday.

  43. Acceptance and appreciation start with ourselves and are so worth working on for as you say MH they are the tools that liberate us from taking things personally and thus liberate us from taking things on board that affect how we are in the world.

  44. There are many hurts that I hold onto and yesterday I questioned why this was so. I asked myself what benefit does this have. The conclusion I came to was that part of me wanted to hold onto them, if I did I could stay separate from another, I didn’t need to let another in or me out. It is a form of protection that serves no one.

  45. When we take things personally or to the heart and feel hurt we build a wall of protection, separating from the wisdom of our love and as such our understanding that we are all here to equally learn to be the love we are in essence.

  46. If we see every thing as energy and every situation as an opportunity to learn we can choose to be never hurt again by not taking anything personally this will allow us instead to come to understanding and acceptance of our self and others!

  47. This reminds me of how long and deep we carry simple things that have happened and how at any point if we choose we can let them go. At every point we are offered a chance to let things go and if we hold on, we add a layer over the original seed. We do this enough and pretty soon you have no idea of what you are shying away from, you only shy. It’s interesting to see this link and the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. From what I see and have experienced they are making a mark supporting people to see and then let go of simple things that they have held onto, almost like their life depended on it. Most would have noticed the rise and rise in illness and disease and you would have to see the link. Carry and live things time and time again that don’t belong to us and pretty soon your body will become ill and then we are forced to look at all the things we carry. There is an easier way, deal with things in the moment they present, no more carrying or hanging on. Let go and breathe deeply.

  48. Stopping and appreciating what another may be going through in that moment to understand their reaction or response… is a profound and life changing lesson in life so to not be adversely affected by another.

  49. If we take on other peoples emotional energy it is poisonous to our body and we are not really free until we let go of all that toxicity from our system. The Esoteric Healing Modalities are a great support in this regard as are the practitioners who approach this dilemma multidimensionally.

  50. Well this is a most gorgeous and positive spin on being a whistle-blower – exposing something that you held all those years, letting it go and bringing back the sheer joy of your whistle to the world.

  51. Beautiful! It also shows how this one seemingly little event can stay with you for years, and determine the way we are with life. These hurts, and adopted believes (“there is something wrong with me”) is something that is not us, and we could let go off, if we are willing to look at them, and work on building love in the body. These hurts will then disappear in the end, as love will push them out. Also an easier route than having to identify all these events in our childhood, which most of them we aren’t even aware of.

  52. By freeing myself from negative childhood memory I make space for true awareness, reading situations clearly and understand what is going on. It opens and widened our view. This is not just liberating but also the start of an integer life, where I take the responsibility which is there for me to take. We count and our expression counts. The more free I myself from hurts the more able I am to serve mankind.

  53. This is then only a relative small experience. But what happens to us if for example constant jealousy is expressed to us? You have to be a very powerful little superman or woman not to get affected by it.

  54. As a child I have many situations that I feel were in a similar situation where an adult has verbally destroyed me without them batting an eye lid. As I ponder deeply on each situation I can feel a tension leave my body as I release these hurts through the power of nomination.

  55. I have many childhood memories that are definitely not pleasant to recall and I know the power they have to take me back to those uncomfortable times, and how they have affected me over the years since.. But I also have many that I love returning to. One of those is my father whistling. I loved his whistle especially when he used it to let us know that he had returned home. When I hear anyone whistling these days that is still the memory that returns, and it always makes me smile.

  56. This is awesome M.H – I wonder how many of us don’t remember our childhood deliberately because what we felt hurt so much? That is not to blame anyone or our parents just stating a fact that many people in this world haven’t truly grown up in loving home or environments. But then those we grew up with didn’t know any better themselves, so when someone comes along and reflects love to us we then have an opportunity to do this with everyone else.

  57. As children, we are very ‘spongy’ and very sensitive. We take on negative judgements, allow them in and, accept them to stay with us. When we do this, we incorporate them in our movements to the point that we lose track to the fact that given that it is not us, and have let it in, it is also up to us to show it the exit door.

  58. Learning to accept and appreciate myself has been key to letting go of the past and old hurts that were standing in my way. It is a beautiful process when we make this choice M.H. and how others can feel your lightness and joy and be forever inspired by this.

  59. Every unloving comment or behaviour expressed whether face to face or not, is a lack of awareness to how we can affect others because the truth is we are connected in feeling. There is no need to take any loveless behaviours personally, simply because every person has the right to choose unawareness, fair enough, but what we feel we also carry the responsibility to express as well as to not accept abuse, as this is true brotherhood–to lift each other out of and up from our unawared states. What we know (that is of awareness), is only true when it is lived.

  60. Hi M.H. – as little ones we do not understand others reactions at times but only what we feel around us. Observing little ones in my life now they are so beautifully in their joy and free and open play that it must be a shock when an adult responses abruptly. This is a reminder of the importance of our loving commitment and awareness of our little ones and the support we can offer in our relationships with them.

  61. Thank you M.H. a great reminder of acceptance and appreciation, and how letting go of past hurts frees us to be more of who we truly are.

  62. I can see how many childhood events have shaped the choices I’ve made and continue to make. Its great to get to the bottom of why we made these choices and see that we have the power to make different choices and that it’s never too late to make a change.

  63. Not taking things personally is an important lesson to learn in life, bringing more understanding and reading the situation helps with this.

  64. Lovely to hear how your daughter inspires you to be more loving with yourself and let go of your childhood hurts, and that you now realise, ‘just how amazing and unique we all are, and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.’

  65. I have avoided not being responsible with my hurt all my life. It becomes a normal ‘cementing’ process in behaviours where it is avoided at all cost. I’m not sure why we claim our hurts if they are ‘not ours’ when, we should most definitely be claiming how amazing we are no matter how indulgent we have been in our hurts or how contracted we have been towards our amazingness. What has supported me in this process is just a couple of minutes a day I take a moment with my body and feel a quality. I write it out in how I feel and know it and come back to it throughout my day, and repeat the process the next day. It is our responsibility to bring what we want to ourselves.

  66. Could it be that our childhood hurts are so simply and easily healed when we apply the simple healing modalities that are presented by Universal Medicine, which allow us to be able to let go of this negative childhood. Could it be when we are connect and feel the true Love, that is presented by Serge Benhayon this level of Love and “appreciation are our valuable tools in life.”
    .

  67. Very few people would say they had a great childhood, and that is not surprising considering their parents before them probably did not have a great childhood, but we have an opportunity to break the cycle by healing our own childhood hurts.

  68. It can be quite confronting as well as extremely liberating to feel that no one actually hurts us, we hurt ourselves by way of the contraction we go into when someone does not express with love and that this contraction and withdrawal is our choice and no one else’s. That said, there are situations where through no conscious intent on the part of the other, the way they express due to their own personal hurt and subsequent contraction away from love, is designed to have an affect on us by way of us going into shut down and not expressing what is so naturally there for us to express – the lightness, the love, the joy. Thus, our job here is to learn to ‘turn up the light’ in the face of darkness and not withdraw from it – to read and understand what is going on for the other person and to not take it all so personally. Now that’s something to whistle about.

  69. A great article that is so refreshing to read in so many way. I loved this in particular today, “and how acceptance and appreciation are our valuable tools in life.” What would change if just these two things were introduced into your living awareness? I would say everything, everything ongoing as well. It’s a beautiful and freeing thing to accept and appreciate what is with you and from there these two just keep expanding.

  70. A lovely little gem of a blog – it is true that depending on how we react at the time, even the simplest of throw away comments can stick with us, and often for many years.

  71. There is great quality of love in your writing MH and the point you share of how we can take on the energy of other people is very significant. Also it reflects how we can affect others and so the responsibility we have for our expression.

  72. This is a great example of how we can choose to hold onto a negative situation that then holds us back from expressing in full. It is a complete set up we have allowed, by not reading the energy of a situation.

  73. How beautiful M.H. Nominating and releasing a childhood hurt that many would possibly pass over as inconsequential, is so very powerful.

  74. I also always used to be told to be quiet as a child and felt I was doing things wrong and took that into most of my life. In recent years I have discovered that people often reacted to me for the opposite reason, because they could feel my love and joy and it made them jealous or they reacted because they felt the hurt of not living that themselves. I think we often put children down for those reasons which is literally a crying shame. Now at 60 I am once again thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine free to express my love and joy and it is wonderful and I never plan to give up on that again – if people get jealous well that is just confirmation of my awesomeness.

  75. It is amazing just how much more of ourselves we are free to be when we are willing to address, heal and let go of our childhood hurts. As you say they may not be obviously playing out however playing out they are, and the more honest we are with ourselves and our bodies the greater the awareness we have of when we hold back or go into protection, as such not freely expressing who we are. In letting go of the what is not, the curses or the loveless imprints, we create space for more of who we truly are to naturally be and be expressed.

  76. And it really is only possible to not take things personally when we can truly observe, and we can only truly observed, and when we are connected within, we know stillness, and then with this stillness in truth, we know our hearts, and our hearts never take things personally ☺

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