I have been hurt in life, not unlike many others. And because I don’t want to be hurt EVER AGAIN, I have a need to ‘be right’ and find ways to survive and protect myself.
In the past I have identified myself with a warrior battling though life. I have fought and rebelled against everybody and everything because I feel that if I didn’t go to extremes, I wouldn’t make a difference and justice wouldn’t be achieved – a far cry from the true joy of not needing to be right that I have been deeply longing for!
What I haven’t truly considered with this pattern is that the very first person that I am affecting and attacking the most is myself: a very sensitive, caring, wise, and precious self that inhabits a human body that is tender and fragile.
Here is also what I found:
- Needing people and situations to be right and change them is based on making things easier for me. It would make things to be closer to my ideals of being healed and happy. This will give meaning to my efforts and my investments.
- The assertiveness and efficiency I have achieved doesn’t come from a place of true service, it comes from a way of being that is driven and righteous. Ways I have created to compensate for my lack of self-worth.
- The ways I think things should be are not based on what is needed and what works for all. They are based on my personal interests and my FEARS.
- The compulsive need to express the injustices in others’ behaviours and situations comes from a pattern of survival and deep resentment.
This obsessive focus on others and their weaknesses is a way that I use to numb myself from my own deep hurt and the pain that it would cause me to really feel how far I walked away from my natural way of being. I prefer to carry on numbing myself and indulging in the ill patterns, rather than having to stop, feel and be responsible for the separation I’ve allowed and fed. It feels like too much to handle and it seems it would take too much time to reverse/change! I prefer to keep the focus outside of myself, and not have to deal with it all. OUCH!
There is a lack of trust in the fact that the real changes in this world occur by first changing me and the relationship I have with even the smallest and simplest of things. I haven’t given any value to keeping things simple, staying still and letting things go their way, while I express my gentle, sensitive, considerate, and present self.
What came next?
I got to feel the damage I’ve done to my body by holding onto quarrels and fighting so hard against others’ inconsistencies and arrogant behaviours. I can feel by doing this just how much damage I’ve caused to my stomach, my bowels, my head, my breasts and other parts of my body, every time I’ve fed that rage and rebellion in my gut.
How much damage have I caused to myself by choosing to hold onto my hurts, give up on my delicateness and allow the hardness to take over?
And the best part of all, I finally understood one thing I once heard from Serge Benhayon – my understanding of what Serge said is that the true meaning of JOY is allowing others to feel all the love that they are in their greatest moments, and to give them the space and freedom to be exactly where they are at.
Today I felt a JOY that I’ve never felt or acknowledged before, when I opened the door to someone I have been having a tough time with. I received them with no need for them to be different. For the first time in a very long time, the way I connected to them was not tainted by my judgments and my hurts. I accepted all of them. I felt that the last thing I would do was to fight and make them see, using all the power of my intellect with its most rational and accurate mental descriptions, why they have been unfair and wrong. I felt Joy that I had no desire and not an ounce of needing to be right, win or make myself be understood. I could only feel the gentleness in my body. I felt delicate. I felt a deep JOY for having felt me – and felt the other in absolute freedom.
After that, I asked myself from deep inside my heart:
- Wouldn’t it be magical and awesome to let my deep hurt go and be myself again? Can I let go of whatever happened to me?
- Would it be worth to consistently work on changing the movements in my body so it doesn’t go automatically into fighting mode?
- Would it be worth detaching from others’ way of being and behaviour? Can I just simply observe and lovingly understand what is at play in others’ reactions without reacting myself and wanting things to be different? What would I miss by letting others be in their truth and allow situations to unfold in their own way and time?
- Wouldn’t it be amazing to detach from the outcome in all situations?
- Can I stop blaming others for the failures in my self-centred investments?
- Wouldn’t it be amazing to walk in a body that is tender, healthy and full of energy AGAIN?
YES, IT WOULD BE AMAZING: I have experienced this, the power of my own love again. This part within has not been corrupted or hurt, it has stayed always radiant, FULL and beautiful. However the other ‘injured’ part resists! Paradoxically, in spite of its pain, it resists to let it go… where will it find its identification from? A big, mighty structure at risk of collapsing, threatening its ratification? All the time and energy it has taken to manifest, impose, influence, and win a place!!!? After all, it has been a huge investment! It would seem at times it is definitely proving infuriating to let go…
I can still allow myself to feel sad when external situations and behaviors from others affect me: I just only need to not push this sadness down again, until it gets so out of control that transforms into an opening where fury and rage can creep in.
I am such a precious being, why allow that harshness in my body and in my life? I can stay with me, while I let others be in their truth; this is the JOY I have lost a long time ago, that I have translated into an empty search for happiness and the need to impose my broken sense of justice.
I have been deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine: nowadays I am able to feel more and more often the JOY of not needing to be right, the true joy that accompanies a life that is lived when I take my hurt self out of the way, and when I allow the easiness and playfulness of my true self to manifest again. My permanent focus is to not fight against anything, but to never, ever, give up on myself again and choose to withdraw from life. I am not scared to stop, feel and return – no matter how far away I’ve gone, I can always come back. I now know that it is far easier to commit to something for LOVE, than it is because of vengeance, revenge, rebellion, or to make justice.
Letting go of the hurt, the need to be right, and stopping fighting and knowing and allowing who I truly am are the easiest ways to commit to life in full and experience this commitment from true JOY.
By Luz Helena Hincapie, Architect, Bogota, Columbia
The Need to be Right