All my life I’ve been a fixer – I’ve listened to other people’s problems, felt that I’ve known exactly what they needed to do to resolve their issues, and been convinced that I was right, and then told them what they should do. In doing so I have taken on the responsibility for fixing whatever their problem is. I’ve spent hours thinking about different scenarios of how I could tell them, thinking of all the different things they needed to do to get a perfect result – and in doing so I have been distracted from living my own life.
I still do the fixing at times but nowadays, as I am more connected to how my body is feeling and what it is telling me, I become aware of a backache when I’m in “fixing mode”. What I’ve learnt is that this is my body’s way of telling me that I am ‘putting my back’ into, i.e. working on, something that is none of my business. And that’s not good for me or for them.
It is definitely a work-in-progress for me because I am amazed at how much my body tells me when I am willing to listen, so it feels good to develop that connection, developing my awareness of what I am feeling and sorting my own life out, rather than distracting myself trying to fix anything outside of me.
I’m not saying we should avoid helping anybody with their problems, but in my case, my arrogance in thinking I know what they should do and having no hesitation in telling them so, does not help them, especially if they haven’t asked me for help. And in any case, how I would resolve a problem may not be the way they would resolve it. My taking responsibility for fixing other people’s problems and being so forward with offering ‘solutions’ is not always the best way to support someone.
We all have free will and life is forever reflecting back to us the consequences of our choices; it is then our individual responsibility to learn from each situation. We can choose to be aware of what is going on and do something about it, or not. It is possible that providing solutions to another person does not help them to develop awareness or gain a full understanding of their own situation.
All my life I’ve been a fixer but now I am learning that true compassion is to simply be there, feeling what’s going on, creating a loving space where they can ponder on their own situation and make their own choices. This requires patience, understanding and allowing on my part.
I have practical role models in Serge Benhayon and the many Esoteric Practitioners who have trained with Universal Medicine. I find that their gentle presence always allows me the space to ponder my own issues. By the way they are with me I can experience how it feels to be truly helped with loving, tender care and the utmost respect. Not by telling anyone what to do or by trying to fix their problems, but by simply living in a way that offers a clear reflection for another.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine
By Carmel Reid, Somerset UK