I grew up in a family with a lot of alcohol. A lot. My mother was and is an alcoholic, though to single her out as the only alcoholic is in fact the very first step in society’s clever and insidious avoidance of the whole picture.
An addict is defined as someone who is “…dependent on a substance and has formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance…”
Which also exactly describes my father’s relationship with alcohol and all of his friends. Because they all ‘needed’ to drink pretty much every single day. And all did. They were all “…dependent on a substance and had formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance….”
But they would never consider themselves alcoholic and nor would the zillions of people who all religiously go the pub every evening and/or have a glass of scotch before going to bed. I don’t want to get into a big discussion about what is and isn’t an alcoholic – that is a debate that has enabled millions to live in denial for years.
Its acceptance as normal is what is important in what I am saying.
My mother was not a raging, angry, dysfunctional alcoholic. Quite the opposite. She (almost all of the time) held it together expertly, running our extremely busy and full lives with amazing dexterity and skill. She kept the ship afloat and kept it on some kind of course.
So nobody was doing or saying anything about it. Society accepts alcohol. So, for my parents and their friends, their consumption and my mother’s consumption was normal.
If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows.
But I can now see how deeply damaging this all was. In two ways.
Firstly, the alcoholism itself. Secondly the way she, my father, and my life were held together. The first of these two feels like it has been well documented by many, so I’m less focussed on that.
“Holding it together” is what is relevant.
It may seem weird, but in a way, that is the absolute worst thing for a child growing up, because it makes it all seem normal – as if this is how it is meant to be. And this is exactly what society’s acceptance of alcohol supports.
In amongst that ocean of booze was me – a child – growing up…. looking around, learning, seeing, feeling, watching, evolving.
No matter that I may have instinctively known that this was wrong and felt that it wasn’t true…. in my case, that didn’t last long. It can’t. If it is everywhere, you just assume that it is life. It was my world, my normal. So I believed it, I took it on as my truth. That’s what kids do – their world ends up as only what they see. That is the extent of their boundaries, of their experience, of their influences.
So, for me, it was normal to have cold, functional, disconnected relationships.
- Normal to look at someone you love and to feel distant and utterly alone.
- Normal not to trust someone enough to cry with them.
- Normal for a hug to feel empty.
- Normal for a goodnight kiss to feel perfunctory.
- Normal to feel lost.
- Normal to think that this somber cloak of denial and subterfuge enveloped every family.
- Normal to have no actual experience or example of true love as a marker in my life…. the list is long.
Now it would be erroneous to land all of the above at the door of alcohol. Indeed alcohol is never the root of the problem. And in my family there were certainly many, many deeper issues at play.
But even as only a percentage of the full picture, it is still powerfully affecting, and what is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal. And in my case it was all SO normal. I can’t over-stress the effect of this. As I have said, Mum was coping with our lives, the ship was afloat (sort of!), the days were working, my parents’ friends were all around us, all seeming to be having a grand time (and, in their minds, they were),all doing exactly the same and all further embedding the ‘normal’ of it. There was nothing to cause any alarm bells to ring. Nothing to make me think that this wasn’t exactly how it should be. Nothing to make me question it. Nothing that didn’t cement it all deeper and deeper into my consciousness.
I had absolutely no notion that there could be another way.
But inside I was craving for true love, craving for true intimacy, craving to be met, to be heard, to be understood, to be respected and valued, craving for this fog to lift and to be able to connect with another human being as an equal.
Again, I reiterate that nothing extreme was going on. I wasn’t being physically abused or anything dramatic like that. On the surface I had it all. Parents, lovely home, friends, toys, holidays etc…..
But the more normal and happy it looks on the outside, the more confused and messed up the kid is on the inside. Because I knew, but nothing was telling me I was right.
And thus I gave up. I started coping. Putting on mask after mask, layers and layers of protection. I became an expert at life. At doing. At surviving. At coping.
I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.
It’s obvious. It’s science. It’s evolution.
It is only in the past few years that I am really beginning to see the depth to which this has been embedded in me and the expansive damage that it has done to my trust in myself and in humanity. To my ability to accept love, intimacy and the truth.
BUT…
I do know love and intimacy. And I do know the truth. I always have.
However, it wasn’t until I came across Universal Medicine and its teachings…. it wasn’t until I came across human beings like Serge Benhayon and his children Simone Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon…. it wasn’t until I came across the numerous other people that I have met through Universal Medicine…. that I began to see that I was in fact, and always have been, right. That my life wasn’t normal. That there is another way.
I have made enormous and amazing and fantastically courageous steps away from my old normal and am now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me, and that reside in all of humanity. It is glorious and wondrous and joyous…. and, at times, hard – as I discover another layer of protection or hurt.
But I now clearly see that any of those hurts are just a product of my life that I have described above so it is so much simpler to discard, so much simpler to say NO to and so much simpler to see as NOT NORMAL. Because I now know that it IS NOT NORMAL.
All over this world there are zillions of kids who are living amongst alcohol consumption, KNOWING that the life it is making them live, is wrong. KNOWING that it isn’t right. But, because life isn’t confirming that knowing, in fact because life is actively telling them they are wrong, they abandon themselves and enjoin.
I know because that is EXACTLY what I did.
That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.
I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.
| A postscript:It was totally normal for my mother and father to live like this, to bring up their children like this. They had no idea there was another way – they had been brought up in exactly the same way. All their friends were the same. It was everywhere. It was their world. Like me, they had no way of knowing any different, so I have zero blame for them. I have total understanding of their choices. And I have a deep and true love for them.As it is all of society’s normal, it was also their normal. |
By Anonymous
Inspired from a comment in response to: The Abuse of Alcohol – The True Harm
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I agree alcohol is normalised. When you don’t drink then you are classed as being abnormal.
I used to drink and drink I did. It was something celebrated for drinking loads. The sad part was the fact that days off, weekends etc were wasted recovering. No wonder life passed us by.
Roll on post Serge Benhayon and his family and my life has turned completely around. My body had already felt the ramifications of the separation alcohol was causing well before this. I began to realise there was more to life and a life of quality is now being lived.
I am now living the normal life, whilst everyone around are living in abnormality.
When we know something is true but are then reflected a lie long enough then it can be hard to not embrace the lies. The moment before we embrace the lie there is a point where we let go of the truth and in that moment we give up, and in the giving up we then get fed the lie as the truth – something has to replace the truth that we have chosen to let go of. A lie cannot replace the truth unless we allow it to. Hence how important is it to appreciate, and hold dear what we know to be true and allow that to grow and expand.
A lie will always be exposed somewhere along the way. It can be felt, smelt, tasted, seen, heard, read…and will lead you along another path. Truth gives you absolute settlement.
On a deeper level we all know what is true and what is love, and hence the disturbance we can feel when we are told that something else is love. If we hold steady and do not allow ourselves to be convinced of this other, then we do not lose our connection with what is true, and we do not forget, but if we allow ourselves to be convinced, perhaps because we seek to fit in, to be accepted or recognised by those around us etc, then we enjoin those who have accepted a lie as a truth… until such time that one day we see and remember through the reflections of another of the truth we once left behind.
Thank you Anon – you have truly highlighted how something so not natural for us can be masquaraded as ‘the norm’ and the more we are told this then eventually it is like we forget what the truth is. The truth of course never goes away, but it is forgotten… often for a very long time, until such time that someone can reflect that truth back to us, and then it is amazing how we can extract ourselves from the mud and remember again!
Getting honest about our normal or what has been ‘normal’ for us and talking about this is very important as this supports us seeing that in actual fact it is not normal at all!
The thing we think is normal exposes itself in not being so normal in the end.
“If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows” – I agree, and that is such an uncomfortable truth as it clearly indicates how we each participate in this gradual decline in our standard. No one is to blame, but we are all responsible.
“On the surface I had it all. Parents, lovely home, friends, toys, holidays etc…..” The surface ‘normal’ is very thin when we can feel the truth of all we are missing. Serge Benhayon presents the truth that there is another Way.
To have had the reflection of truth from someone as humble as Serge Benhayon is a blessing like no other – he is a simple ordinary man who can transform lives with this power of reflection and supporting us all be reminded of what we know to be true.
We have many ways in which we self-medicate and using alcohol is one of them. It becomes a need that we have so we numb what we are feeling. There is a belief that because something (such as alcohol) is commonly used and has been used for a very long time that its normal. It is still seen by many that if used in smaller amounts it has benefits. Whilst our needs remain, it will be regarded as normal for some time to come.
It shows how much we have normalised drinking alcohol when we are surprised when someone says they don’t drink and is left feeling awkward because of it.
It is about being honest with the fact that alcohol is a dead end. There is nothing good, in the long run that can come from drinking alcohol. I feel everyone would agree with that.
It took me years of drinking and abusing my body to not see Alcohol as not normal. What got me to really see it was two things, first Serge Benhayon presenting on energy and then the other was when working at the same time in a bar club till silly o’clock in the morning and just seeing how much alcohol was creating monsters out of people it was then that it was all just confirmed that this is not how we are meant to be living. Even in moderation when I work and some clients start to have an alcoholic drink then I get to see them change within the first drink – the quality of the connection simply disconnects. If we drink so that we go beyond that point you can see when something takes over someone or you can feel it within ourselves. I just got to a point where I knew I didn’t want to abuse myself in this way any longer.
It’s quite exposing where society is at if they champion and indulge in alcohol on a daily basis, when it is proven by science to be a poison.
And, it makes one wonder if we really are an intelligent species.
Alcohol is one example of how we use denial to carry on with things that we know are not good for us. Everybody knows alcohol is a poison, All you need to do is taste it and the body says no.
Yet we rationalize, that well everybody drinks, and a little bit will not hurt.
A friend of mine who always enjoyed going down to the pub to watch football finally had an experience that woke them up to the side effects of Alcohol. They had been watching the recent world cup while drinking beer. On the way home they collapsed in the road late at night and passed out. They came to as neighbour’s were trying to help them as they had found him lying cold and bleeding from a bad cut. He was badly shaken up by this event which he found mortifying it seemed to hurt his pride and dignity. Since then he has hardly touched a drink because he felt for himself the devastation in his body. Sometimes it takes an incident such as this to wake up and realise the damage we are inflicting on our bodies.
“Alcohol is not normal” – this ought to be on every billboard in the world.
Along with, ‘Alcohol is a poison’.
The title alone should have us cringe in our minds as our bodies know this simple fact. There is no true intelligence in stating otherwise.
I find it really sad what we have come to accept as normal, we don’t need to accept a world of empty hugs, and perfunctory kisses or meaningless words – it’s totally possible to turn this around to live a deeply loving and rich and beautifully caring life.
“I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.” Says it all really. I can remember absolutely hating the taste of alcohol and yet what do I do when I grow up, force my body to get used to the taste. What a huge inspiration Serge Benhayon and his family are, a living example of what normal is, to live with no artificial stimulants, toxins or poisons and love life to the hilt.
It’s interesting how often we hate the first taste of something but we can override it for what we need – until we actually think we like it. It’s remarkable what we are capable of.
I have just been conversing with a friend of mine who stopped drinking alcohol years ago but started drinking again after a death in their family and was encouraged to do so by friends. This conversation gave me space to stop and appreciate how I used alcohol to numb the fact that I found life to be unpleasant and therefore used alcohol to take the edge of it. However the next day life was just as ugly and I felt so washed out and even less able to cope with it. Looking back I considered myself to be an intelligent person but this way of living was anything but intelligent it was very harming to myself and others.
“Alcohol is Not Normal” – drinking alcohol maybe our societal norm but choosing to not sustain that ideal and norm and instead listen to and care for my body in choosing to not consume alcohol has been one of the greatest choices i’ve made because of the vitality i feel inside my body as a result. Just because something is the norm, doesn’t make it right or true for the body to ingest that [poison].
My husband and I live in the city centre and really get to see first hand the effects of alcohol, we have also noticed the amount of drug taking that has gone up, its now very common for people to smoke pot in the street, many in the general public know what it is but choose to turn a blind eye.
The consciousness of alcohol and its impact is huge to say the least. We know the truth of alcohol and what it does. We know how it affects us and the impact it has on those around us yet we still drink alcohol. To see the energy of alcohol in full and its purpose is to hold myself in love knowing the truth/abuse of alcohol doesn’t go away no matter the force or energy that tries to persuade me otherwise.
The issue with alcohol depends very much on how we approach it. And how we approach it depends on how willing are we to relate to truth. We approach it either based on the truth of what alcohol is and does or our needs. In the first case, it is easy to realize that it is not normal, but in the second one, it is easy to say it is normal because, you and many many others cannot see beyond their needs.
Drinking alcohol is an enormous issue in our societies, much more than we realise. When I look at the trend change of smoking and how society has firmly said no to it, I imagine that alcohol will one day go that way, once society wakes up to the real impacts, and decides those impacts are no longer worth the so called social pleasure of drinking.
Your list is very relatable and I understand it all, this one is something that we really do misroute on, as adults…this is how children feel and it is terrorising….”Normal to look at someone you love and to feel distant and utterly alone.” To have this in your home destabilises you for your future, no doubt, what ever the level of drinking that is occurring.
“Alcohol is Not Normal” – alcohol is a poison to the body and in this way it is not normal for the body to consume such alienness. How is it that what is alien is an accepted norm of society and that if one does not buy into the drinking of alcohol that one is seen as a spoiler, party-pooper, weird, anti-social.. aka not normal, or living and enjoying a normal life when what is normal and enjoyable is to not drink alcohol?
Alcohol is so so not normal – the fact we have normalised this poison in society highlights our deep level of arrogance.
Alcohol has never been normal, as young children we know this, ‘I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.’
We simply cannot say it often enough that alcohol is not normal. We need to become more honest about why we use alcohol.
It’s interesting how we have come to see drinking alcohol everyday as normal and I have watched while waiting for an early morning plane how people are drinking alcohol before breakfast or during it. Their going on holiday so there is a sense of they deserve to relax and enjoy their holiday as it is all part of it. We have normalized drinking to the extent that we have dulled ourselves to the damage alcohol has on our bodies and how abusive and violent we can become. I have been on a plane where the captain of the aircraft had to come and speak to an out of control passenger that was very drunk and disorderly that if they didn’t behave he would turn the aircraft round and go back and he would be arrested at the gate. When we landed he was actually arrested and this may have been a wake up call that was needed.
There are so many things in life we have now accepted as normal. The scale seems to forever increase to the level we now say yes to. If we connected back to our bodies and restarted the scale we would be blown away by how much abuse we call normal.
Questioning what society has accepted as normal is very necessary for our evolution. Outing the normal’s insidious harm and saying it is not ok takes courage but offers others an amazing opportunity to consider whether that might be also true for them.
I find it super amazing the constellations there for us to experience, learn and grow from to support us to evolve. Our mother, father, grandparents, children, brothers, sisters, aunties, uncles, cousins etc, are not randomly in our lives. Each and every one of them plays a part in our lives and to truly love them having the understanding from the love and understanding we have for ourselves, regardless the choices made, is immensely powerful. We cannot offer anything greater than that to ourselves and to another.
It’s actually scary that consuming alcohol is an accepted part of ‘having a good time’. And the ‘good time’ is laughed and joked about afterwards, even when most of the ‘good time’ cannot be remembered. I remember being a part of this way of life many years ago. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions that led to misery and depression, and all to avoid truly embracing life and feeling what was actually going on. It is scary that this is an accepted part of life.
Yes, I agree with you Rebecca, it is scary as it should make us wonder why we behave this way and keep going this way even though we all can feel that this is not in truth a way that we truly enjoy.
If we can stay sober long enough to appreciate life with all its beauty and all its challenges and take steps towards dealing with the issues that make us want to drink in the first place, we can begin to see and feel that life lived with love towards oneself and others is so much more delicious and fun than any drunken ‘good time’. There really is no comparison.
And as in fact there is no drunken ‘good time’ for any of us, it is only that we have settled for good times with alcohol. And that is not only sad but should shake us wide awake how little we know of and appreciate the grandness we are part of – the universe, mother earth, nature around us, the beauty of every single one of us – .
Anonymous this is a great conversation to be having. I feel as though we have normalized alcohol as something that helps people calm their nerves and relax, say after a stressful day at the office. We were sold the idea via advertisement that cigarettes helped to calm the nerves and were promoted as a benefit to health. Now we know differently. I wonder how long it will take before we once again realise that alcohol is very damaging to our bodies whether we have just one glass of wine a day or get drunk.
My normal now does not include alcohol or indeed any stimulants or substances that take me away from myself. A big and very valued shift in my life that occurred when I was empowered to realise my own fragile and beautiful worth. When we are able to restore connection to our inherent love, the real quality of these choices are naturally exposed, revealing our true and gorgeous normal underneath.
It is crazy how society has normalised not only drinking a known poison but large quantities of it, it is championed as being a national pastime when in fact it is a contributing factor to so much domestic violence and to people’s general health and well-being.
Anonymous, reading a blog like that inspires change. All-time!!! I commend you highly in regard – instrumental how you delivered just how evil and entrenched alcohol is. So much so that I feel to write myself just our abusive this substance was to my family, my relationships and Me. One quote from many – So true “But, because life isn’t confirming that knowing, in fact because life is actively telling them they are wrong, they abandon themselves and enjoin.”
“Alcohol is not normal” – this is the absolutely truth of alcohol and the more we accept this fact the easier it will be to get rid of it out of our lives.
Alcohol is not normal but we’ve re-defined what normal is to suit our needs and so that what is not normal is normal simply because everyone does it.
It is very striking, the image of a child in amongst many adults who drink alcohol. The contrast of the vulnerability against the harshness of the way people are when they drink is vivid and telling, mainly because every single adult who drinks alcohol was once a child too, open to feeling and to being vulnerable too.
‘I had absolutely no notion that there could be another way’ which describes beautifully the deceptive and illusory nature of ‘normal’ as a concept we need to learn to start to see through.
Thank you for speaking up about alcohol. It is so accepted in society and its use so fiercely defended yet it wreaks so much havoc in so many peoples lives and is the cause of death to many others. It is about time we became honest about all of this and started to put ourselves before our needs of escape or comfort or reward or whatever else we use alcohol for. It is not a necessary substance for life on this planet however anyone may like to pretend it is and the world would be a much better place without it. I know so many people who thought they could not live without it and now say that their lives are a million times better for having left it behind.
It takes simply one to stand in the truth that they know and express from this, and then the ‘normal’ that everyone deep down knows is a lie we have bought hook, like and sinker is exposed as that – a lie we have willingly bought and made our normal. This applies to the normality of alcohol – share with someone when prompted that you do not drink because why would you intoxicate your body and alter your emotional and mental state, and the reality of what is being chosen is very clear for everyone around you.
It is the denial that is concerning. When we deny something we refuse point blank to be open and see that there could be another way other than to abuse ourselves with alcohol.
We have normalised a view of ourselves that is insidious, small and reduced down. No wonder we allow abuses in our day when we don’t even view ourselves in a true way – a divine son of God not just a husband, wife or employee. Thank you Anonymous for speaking up about the evil of normal.
‘Normal’ is deemed normal because enough people are doing it, it is their common denominator or one of them. But what is apparently ‘normal’ is not natural or not yet in our society. At present ‘natural’ is more like a branding tool that sells merchandise. On so the twisting and devaluing of words continues.
I grew up around alcohol and it was something took place in the house hold as well as dad going to the the club on the way home at least once or twice a week. What I couldn’t get my head around was when they had people over the excessive in take that would be present, and everyone started to make fools of themselves. I couldn’t quite understand that this was what was needed to ‘have a good time’ yet it was super ugly and aggressive. That was my role models and that was what I believed was life and how it will be.
It can be a very lonely place for a child growing up in a household where alcohol is the norm.
As a society we often see an “alcoholic” as someone who is dysfunctional with alcohol and who has a major problem with it. But low level alcoholism is very common with people having a mild problem with alcohol, something that is accepted or in most cases not even considered a problem. Needing a drink at the everyday is a common event and no one blinks an eye. But if we really take a look and get honest, we know that is a problem.
Wow this is a very powerful blog, illustrating how normal alcohol is and how truly evil the impact is on society at every level.
Your heading says it all – Alcohol is not Normal – but society has made it so. And as you show so clearly, from the acceptance of it being normal flows a whole lot of other behaviours that then come to be accepted as normal, especially by children in these situations. But the consumption of alcohol is not the starting point of the problem but the tool used to cover up the real issues, issues that may have not yet been identified or if they have they are being ignored. The use of alcohol is simply another ‘problem’ layered upon all the others.
Alcohol is the vehicle through which we get to normalize a lot of ab-normal things of life. It gets to the point that the conform a package that is so entangled that is difficult to let go.
It will take a long time for humanity to accept the immense harm that alcohol has caused let alone the yet more ginormous harm that has been done from separating from ourselves.
Drinking alcohol can be a way to escape the rigours of life and dull the edges of reality. Those “rigours” do not go away so while the alcohol long term wears us out we are in a much less clear and less vital state to address those very things we are trying to get away from.
I used to think alcohol was very normal as that was all I knew, I had watched how the adults would drink in the evening and on the weekends and they all made out that it was a whole lot of fun. This was how you were sociable. Over time I got sick of it both physically and literally and would say the famous words ‘never again!’. Since I was introduced to the thought that perhaps alcohol wasn’t all that we had made it out to be and in actually fact it was cementing the separation from our inner being within did I stop and say ‘hey why not give it a go without alcohol. Over 9 years off it is one of the best thing I have ever done!
Alcohol is definitely not normal, although we have made it a normal and acceptable part of life. But how can it be normal to poison ourselves on a regular basis and struggle to deal with life. Definitely not normal!
Besides everything else alcohol is known to be a poison. Drinking it is as normal as drinking poison and calling poisoning yourself as having fun.
“But inside I was craving for true love, craving for true intimacy, craving to be met, to be heard, to be understood, to be respected and valued, craving for this fog to lift and to be able to connect with another human being as an equal” I feel you speak for most of humanity here Anonymous, so many people who are craving love are doing so as they are missing out on true intimacy – of course we will look for stimulants of some sort when we are not being love and expressing the love we are – Being tender, intimate, sensitive delicate all of this we are and if we are not this then we look to substances to camoflage the lack of love we are feeling.
Wow Anonymous, when I was reading your list of what was normal, I can very much relate to it and it makes me realise how low we as a society have set the bar for what is normal.
It’s getting closer to Christmas, which means that there are a lot of Christmas staff parties happening. I heard of one Christmas party where the behaviour got so outrageous due to alcohol consumption that disciplinary action is now required. Surely it is time to look at the effects of alcohol and how harming it is not just on the person drinking it but also on the whole of society.
How cool is it to just come out and say , yes alcohol is not normal , nor is abuse, bullying and so many things that are taken for granted or at best tolerated in our society.
My now deceased father admitted to me that had he not left the army when he did, he would have become an alcoholic. For him he enjoyed spending time with his friends, having a laugh and singing after having had a couple of rum and cokes and when that all stopped he lost the drive to drink on his own, and slowly he would only drink on special occasions and family get-togethers. What this shows is how pulled we are to follow others even at the expense of ourselves all in the name of having a good time.
We have learnt to normalize and accept that which is a real detriment to our bodies, society and the world at large. It says a lot of where we are in our evolution as we clearly got a long way to go!
Its Halloween here tonight and this like many other themed nights are used a excuse to have a big night out- a big knees up. No doubt there will be more fights, more casualties, more people sexual assaulted and more people ending up at A and E – amazing what we call a good time.
During my years of growing up, I had one adult who did like to drink and the other who was very sensitive to alcohol and the side effects, and for the best part chose not to drink. I took after my mother who was the sensitive one and could not tolerate the hangover feeling, but this did not stop me trying to drink despite what my body was telling me. Even though I was highly allergic to coke cola which would result in me spending the night in the bathroom with stomach cramps, hot and cold sweats, and then finally diarrhoea until the very last bit was out of my body, and then finally I could collapse onto my bed exhausted, I would still say that I enjoyed rum and coke. It makes no sense that I would be prepared to put up with the side effects of the coke so that I could have a drink of rum – this to me just shows how destructive we can be with our bodies by ignoring the messages it gives us.
Deep down I think we all know there is something wrong with many aspects of our life, alcohol is just one small part of it, it has become normal to disregard ourselves, hurt others, have empty conversations, but I think no matter how normal something becomes, deep down we know it’s a lie and not the truth we know life could be.
Because we live by the decree ‘anything in moderation’ and have well established extreme ends of the spectrum, we allow ourselves to indulge in the ‘middle ground’, the place where the true evil lies by virtue of the fact it goes unseen and thus unchecked because we have an extreme to which to compare it to and say ‘well at least I am not doing that’. The thing with evil (anything that takes us away from the love that we are) is that it is always one and same energy no matter from what end of the spectrum we go to for our supply. And the truth is, at a deeper level we all know this and thus we know the degree to which our demand increases the supply for this all to be so.
Alcohol was so normal in my life too to the point that i just accepted it even though I knew it was not true. It was not the way and humanity is just coping with life not fully living it despite what is seen on the outside and how much alcohol is “enjoyed”. At the end of the day it is normal to have hurts but why is this the case? Why do we all grow up deeply scarred and hurt inside? Why have we not changed the way life is so this does not happen any more?
“I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.” This is such a powerful awareness and observation as it is a foundational cause of the woes of this world as this occurs to 99% of humanity. What a difference it would be if children were supported to maintain their connection to their inner knowing and expressed from that Truth.
The false social ‘normal’ is insidiously evil. Until eleven years ago when I renounced alcohol, thanks to Universal Medicine, I lived in the illusion I was not an alcoholic although I would not have owned up to being dependent upon alcohol as my level of consumption was as such a socially accepted norm.
Absolutely agree Matilda, ‘Our acceptance of that which is not true is one of the greatest evils in our world’, time to call out and express all that is not true in this world.
Our acceptance of that which is not true is one of the greatest evils in our world; normalising the abnormal and leaving us further from truth than ever before.
Even though alcohol was part of everyday life for me growing up, and was something I used to help me get through life for many years, i always had one eye on the abusive nature of my relationship with it. I couldn’t imagine who I was without it but my fear of becoming an alcoholic was stronger so I stopped drinking in my early 30s. It was only after coming to Universal Medicine several years later I truly understood what I had been feeling when I hadn’t felt like myself on alcohol, and it was then I was able to let go the fear that had impulsed me to stop and appreciate it was a deeply self-loving choice.
A very ‘sobering’ thought Anonymous – if significant others had more awareness of every single movement being clocked and copied by children, there would be a big change embracing responsibility and true parenting.
“That’s what kids do – their world ends up as only what they see. That is the extent of their boundaries, of their experience, of their influences”.
This is a massive revelation that many would turn a blind eye too. It’s our lack of responsibility and willingness to take it that keeps this way of living ‘normal’.
How this highlights the responsibility we have to not pass on our ill ‘normals’ to our children. Time to delve a little deeper and not simply accept some of our behaviours as ‘normal’… as many of them are very, very far from normal. We have a body that is magnificent in its intricate design and clarity very naturally.. if we let it be.
Yes alcohol is so normalised in our society, we do think that drinking a lot of alcohol is normal, which of course it is not. We don’t actually need it, it completely changes who we are, and not for the better either. We really need to change our views on what is ‘normal’.
When we have a knowing that comes from deep inside as children and it butts up against what society calls ‘normal life’ but every fiber in our bodies are saying this is untrue. It causes a huge disquiet in our bodies and for many of us we have to find coping mechanisms to deal with the trauma in our bodies. And we do become experts at doing, at surviving at coping and we do loose trust in ourselves. It stands to reason that we feel we must be in the wrong as the picture of ‘normal’ we are given is so overwhelming. But this doesn’t mean to say that society is right because we only have to look around us to see that actually the very fabric of our society is breaking down through illness and disease. So something is clearly not right.
Addictions in one form or another are rampant in our society, and most of them help numb us from feeling what is truly happening in our bodies, and so avoid being responsible.
Love it and the ‘norms’ of life are challenged again. This article highlights what is going on for most of us, well I relate closely to it. What happens when something before your eyes consistently shows you that what you are seeing isn’t true even though there is an internal dialogue saying something is up? You break down and eventually join what you see and abandon what you are feeling. Then as you go on the feeling keeps coming back but you eyes are being fooled and so you look elsewhere for answers only to come back full circle and see that the ‘internal dialogue’ was the answer you were looking for all along.
Anonymous thank you so much for writing this blog because it has helped me fit another piece of jigsaw to the puzzle of my childhood.
You say
“I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.”
I had a similar experience growing up, I knew there was something that didn’t feel right within the family, but as you say nothing was supporting me to feel the way I did. So I assumed it must be me that was wrong and doubted myself. I lost trust in what I was feeling and so started to withdraw from life little by little and like you I became an expert at surviving and all the time my body was screaming at me that something wasn’t right.
From the age of 20 my lower back was incredibly sore, which was my body telling me that I was carry a great deal of sadness and there was no support in my life and that was true. It is only since finding Serge Benhayon and having sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners that I am rebuilding trust within me. That I do know exactly what is going on in life and that as ugly as it currently is, I don’t have to participate in it but live with integrity, decency and respect for myself and all others and reflect to everyone I meet that there is a different way to live.
Society has normalised alcohol, it is accepted and considered to be part of everyday life, and this is the reflection children get as they are growing up if their family is part of the normalisation. I wonder what it will take for society to wake up to the fact that alcohol is a poison, that it is making many people sick, it is the reason for a huge amount of abuse, especially family violence and that there is nothing about it that benefits our bodies in any way? All the evidence is there pointing to the fact that “alcohol is not normal, but it appears that despite the truth being right in front of us society finds a way to justify the continued drinking of this poisonous substance.
We have come to accept things like drinking alcohol as normal, but don’t look at the reasons behind why we need to drink in the first place.
We use alcohol to “get out of it”, that is avoid responsibility. It all come down to not wanting to be responsible for the divine beings that we are.
“Society accepts alcohol.” This is so very true and there is so much hypocrisy that comes with alcohol and peoples views of it. I was talking with someone I know recently, whereby they were at birthday function for her uncle, who is and has been an alcoholic for a large part of his life. His grown children have had to contend with his alcoholism for a lot of their life, so at times not very kind or forgiving of his behaviours, rightly so when hearing of what those behaviours are. However, my friend was expressing how hypocritical it was for these 2 grown adults to arrive at the birthday heavily hung over from the night before. Yet they were always so critical of their father. Alcohol divides and it doesn’t matter for what reason it people use it for, its use can be manipulated to be drunk for very individual and selfish reasons.
When something has been accepted and practiced as normal for so long by the majority, it can be very hard for our logical mind to question its stand and rightfulness, but our body does know. It has always known the truth. It is our choice and very often we don’t even know we are making one. Now that I do know there is a choice to be made, it now is my responsibility.
Great blog Anonymous. There are many things that are not normal that children grow up with. Television, sugar, drugs, alcohol, even our education system is far from normal. When I felt sad and empty as a child I assumed something was wrong with me. Now I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I have been in reaction to the lies I’ve been sold about normal.
It really highlights how we live sets the boundaries of what others will then follow. We don’t really live in bubbles, our choices do have an impact or inspiration on others.
Thank you Anonymous- you remind me that things are not normal simply because they are common or accepted by many.
In a deep sense, we are all addicts. We are addicts of avoiding to feel energy passing through our body. This is our main addiction. What we add on top of it is another choice and not everyone adds the same. Yet, we all know how to play ourselves, to alter us in one way or another (at the levels of particles, chemically, etc). This is important to be acknowledged.
Beautifully said Eduardo.
Hear hear Eduardo, sometimes it is not so blatantly obvious yet the addiction of avoidance in its many variations may still playing out.
The normalcy of alcohol is the starting point for a long road of pain, misery, illness, abuse and violence. Time to say it how it is – alcohol is a poison that is at the root cause of many of our societal issues.
Along with alcohol being considered normal, we also seem to have accepted many of the accompanying societal issues as “normal”. We all know they are not normal, and are we prepared to be honest and accept that “alcohol is a poison that is at the root cause of many of our societal issues”.
It’s a great point you make about giving up our inner knowing (especially as children) because everyone is living a life that though feels so very wrong because of the loveless choices, is considered normal because of the amount of people participating in the same behaviours.
Anonymous you bring up some great points here, especially how alcohol is accepted as being perfectly normal, when we use alcohol to numb ourselves, it should be ringing alarm bells within ourselves, because the alcohol masks what is truly being felt, and by numbing the feeling we are not dealing with what needs to be dealt with.
Questioning alcohol and what it brings is never personal, but seeing the truth. But it is defended very strongly when it is brought up and turned into something that is seen as personal. It’s a very sad state of affairs when we defend our usage of alcohol and yet allow relationships and people slip away. That alone convey’s the evil of this substance. It’s ok if everyone is drinking, but throwing a few non drinkers in the mix and then those who say no drinking in my house, then watch the defenders rise. People do have the right to make their own choices in how they live, but we also have the equal right to be able to call out the truth of something.
I find people start explaining their alcohol intake to me when they find out I don’t drink. Its as if they feel judged and I’ve noticed they do get defensive.
Many people feel uncomfortable being around us if we don’t drink, I wonder why this is ?
‘Its acceptance as normal is what is important in what I am saying’ – Accepting what society told me was normal really messed with the way I have been in the world, it added many layers of illusion and lies which clouded my connection to what was true. But the truth is always there and when the space is allowed and the choice to re-connect to our own breath, to breathe our own breath then re-connecting becomes easier and allowing what is not true is no longer a possibility. The numbers of people choosing to live in disregard or choosing to make alcohol a way of life does not make it normal and never will. Once the truth of who we are is re-connected to, there is no other way to be.
Yes is having a glass of wine every weekend with dinner not also a dependency on alcohol? What would happen if we could not have that glass (or two) of wine? So many things are seen as normal because everyone is doing it, but are they really? There really is a big force that comes through when many are doing something that is not true, it can seem like it is true because everyone is doing it. Yet truth is truth and not defined by how many people are saying/doing it. A really great blog to read, thank you anonymous.
I think we could say that there are many addictions that we normalise or generally accept in society as long as someone is seemingly ‘functioning’ ok – that they are turning up for work, getting things done, holding relationships/ families together, achieving things… But in this we are negating the actual energetic quality of life, the part we don’t necessarily see but do all feel, whether we acknowledge it or not…
It is the lovelessness that we in general have accepted as normal, a lovelessness that comes when the soul is being excluded from our lives. This is what leads to the substance abuse and children feeling lost.
When I read this – If it is everywhere, you just assume that it is life. It was my world, my normal. So I believed it, I took it on as my truth. That’s what kids do – their world ends up as only what they see.” – I saw the trick so clearly.
As adults, we often talk about where does it go wrong where children lose their playfulness, innocence, energy, joy etc…and some of that is looking at us! You show that so clearly with alcohol, many children see it as a part of everyday life – a coping mechanism to get you through. I can feel the call for us for a much deeper responsibility in life to reflect another way for our young children.
I have noticed this to be the case with so many things in life one in particular springs to mind and that is the normalisation of dairy and gluten. When I was growing up I always wondered for instance why do humans drink another animals milk to the point where it forms the basic staple in our diets and is recommended from young to drink everyday. It makes no logical sense as we were certainly not designed that way. Normalisation in this way is the normalisation of a pure lie.
This is such a great point, Anonymous, about not noticing volume level eleven when everything is already a deafening level nine. We are so de-sensitised and numb to the harshness and lovelessness with which we treat ourselves and each other, that we do not register the harm we are perpetuating as the norm.
The word normal seems to be such a movable feast I wonder if we need to consider life in terms of what feels true to us rather than what is considered normal. So many people take drugs these days and have tattoos, we could say this is normal behaviour – but is it true, and is it self loving? Not for me, no way. What is the basis of what we consider normal – just the fact that a ‘critical mass’ of human beings are doing it? For me we must return to our innate and common sense for our reference point and not a rather arbitrary survey of human behaviour. If we do the latter we could consider war as normal, or abuse for they are common behaviours across humanity. We need to reconsider our reference point here.
Is normal measured by our own compass or simply by comparison?
My parents did not drink. In fact my father tried it once, didn’t like the taste and never touched it again. Alcohol became part of my life through sport where at my local cricket club the youngsters were given shandies for 10p which I later discovered were made from the ‘slops’ that were drawn off the pipes when the bar was opened. I stopped drinking about ten years ago. Alcohol had lost its allure for me as I made more self-loving choices – and observed someone very close to me destroyed by an addiction to it. When you are in the habit of drinking it does seem normal and easy to justify – but then why would we need to justify it if it were truly good for us and for our wellbeing? Surely the desire to drink is fuelled by a deeper need within us all and this is what we must address. A drink may give us temporary relief but it clearly does not heal anything in truth.
What is normal in terms of health. When I stop and really think about alcohol it seems crazy to consider that we drink it. It must be a distraction from life to have it in our life, and how sad that we have created a world where we want to escape, that our life is such a drudgery that taking something that buzzes us, or dulls our senses is what we need on a Friday after work. I say this as someone who used to love nothing more than a trip to the pub. I totally understand why we have it, but I now appreciate that there are deeper questions to be asked as to why we don’t see alcohol for what it is, a harming substance that leaves us less vibrant than we could be living.
What is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal… and even when you discuss how NOT normal it is with an adult, the mere fact that they have considered it normal for so long makes it really hard for them to see it any other way.
There is no doubt that alcohol is damaging on all levels. The mystery, and the evil, is that it is deemed normal in our modern society. Thank you Anonymous for what you have presented here;
“That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many”.
If we look around our family, our neighbourhood and our world there are so many “normals” that many of us are not questioning but it is obvious that the blind acceptance of them, as with alcohol, is eating away at the fabric and the health of our society. You only have to stop drinking to realise how deeply embedded the acceptance of alcohol is, as those around you try everything they can to get you to drink again and consider you to be ‘abnormal’ for not doing so; not a pleasant situation to be in, as I know very well. As far as I am concerned it is time to start to bring common sense to many of these “normals” and begin to grow ‘new normals’ that are based on love and respect for ourselves, our bodies and for others.
Speaking with a man who follows the Muslim religion yesterday we discussed how he has never drunk alcohol. Large parts of the world don’t drink alcohol for a variety of reasons. This tells us it is not the”normal” behaviour many in the west consider it to be. There is another way of living.
The normality of alcohol and the true harm it does besides the poison it is allows the underlying truth we all know of its harm to be hidden and not acknowledged in the world of its acceptance. Growing up with alcohol as normal part of life is so accepted and normal the true normal way of living is no longer known. However the truth cannot be hidden and we all know it deep down as you share here so lovingly Anonymous thank you this is a great support and reflection for others to know the truth of all they feel and live it also.
The trouble is not alcohol per se (although it is troubling). It is the acceptance of addictions (alcoholism is only one) as a normal part of life and, by extension, of doing whatever is needed to avoid acting on the fact that we feel energy all the time but we do not wish to do so.
It’s the normalisation of something that allows it to slip through the radar and not stand corrected. It throws many into doubt and confusion, bringing a mistrust of ones feeling of what is true. This describes my up bringing perfectly. I now stand now confirmed in the truth I have always felt and known about alcohol, and in that confirmation many more truths are confirmed.
We grew up with a father who was in the Army and at that time there was an accepted heavy drinking culture, which lasted his whole 24 year career but when he retired suddenly he did not have his friends to drink with and he stopped. At one point he did mention to me that he would have been an alcoholic if he had stayed in the Army, so he could see that his consumption had increased over the years. During one posting to Belgium there was 13 pubs on the way home and he and his friends would hit every one, but to them this was normal – it was never questioned, and this is what is disturbing, the fact that alcohol can be so ingrained in our behaviours that no one bats an eyelid.
A liberating piece of writing, simply because love is found and than so our seemingly “normals” (which in truth never felt normal) are being exposed for what they are.. Not love neither truth. Thank you Anynomous for taking this moment to express what you felt all along and reminding us all of our known truth. In this case so clearly about alcohol consumption.
How much we normalise that if we were to discern, we would see as unacceptable, even crazy to be so taken by. We are attached to many things that harm us, it is a way of living that has become normal, and the more people engage in this way, the easier it is to brush off the harm.
Many things we currently accept as our ‘normal’ in our society are far removed from what is true and natural to us, and we know that as children, but feel there’s no other option but to assimilate – and we call that process ‘growing-up’. Thanks to Universal Medicine, more and more people are waking up to reclaim what we know is true, and put an end to this diseased cycle that has been going on way too long.
Having grown up around alcohol in my childhood as well I recently started a new job where alcohol is very present if not the main feature of the establishment. Until working here I never would have been caught dead in a place such as this but as I’ve developed a connection to that true me once again that knew and felt everything about life this job felt right to say yes to. What its uncovered is a lot of buried hurt and judgement towards and around those who do choose to drink. As you mentioned Anon it became normal to expect people to be cold and distant and uncaring, but this job and through connecting to what I feel is true these ‘normals’ are being broken down. People choose to drink for many reasons but being cold, rejecting and judging them for drinking or the actions of people while drunk to me feels like it feeds that urge to drink. Because even without the alcohol in me there is still the same disconnection to them. It’s pretty cool to have this all coming out into the light.
The fact that alcohol has been normalised to the point that is a normal part of our daily life does not deny the fact that those who have developed a relationship with it are alcoholics.
One could say it is normal, but certainly not natural. We need to learn to stop defending things because they are “normal.”
I love that you have exposed the harm of normal and the masking of how we truly feel that comes from that… coping and surviving not knowing there is more because the world only presents the normal but not the true.
‘Because I knew, but nothing was telling me I was right’ – many live knowing what is true but consistently repeating behaviours that society accepts and supports constantly undermine the very essence within each of us that communicates truth through our body. What I loved about your sharing anonymous is that no mater how long it takes there will be that moment of return and always what we have to return to is an amazing and loving connection to who we are.
When we accept the abnormal as normal we no longer get any warning bells of what is true and what is not true.
The joy in my body is in stark contrast to the devastation I lived with when I accepted what was deemed normal, my new normal is in actual fact anything but normal in society. Slowly things are being revealed, like sugar has been outed, people are beginning to see the link between the type of food they eat and the illness that this can cause and one day alcohol will be seen for the poison it is
Our normal life is such an illusion, even as a child growing up we can feel what is deemed normal does not meet our natural joy filled, connected selves. It’s becomes easy to see the disconnection we live with and ultimately accept as normal. We give up on ourselves and become empty vessels that will allow any abuse to fill and mask our hurts, and the cycle continues from one generation to the next.
We have been lied to about alcohol – in moderation it is ok, a glass of wine is good for your heart, you only live once so you may as well enjoy it, etc, etc. The truth is, alcohol is a poison to the human body. We can flavour it with fruit to make it taste nice but at the end of the day, it is still poison.
I too grew up in a family where there was a lot of alcohol – and it was considered normal. Yet we know that alcohol is a poison – so what in any way makes consuming it a healthy activity? Alongside funded sites that promote ‘a glass of red wine a day’ and when on hospital wards back in the 70s we would give the elderly stout – all to support their healing!!!
Society doesn’t really have an issue with alcohol, even though statistics tell otherwise. By that I mean that the consumption of alcohol is a symptom of a much greater, and yet for the most part undiagnosed problem – and that is that we are on the whole incapable of dealing with the tension of life without relying on such a crutch. And the reason we are incapable of dealing with life on its own merits without to resorting to such extremes is because we have lost connection with the simple joy of our own beingness.
When you put it this way Anonymous there is absolutely nothing ‘normal’ about drinking alcohol. If we substitute the word poison, which it is classified as, then suddenly normal doesn’t make quite so much sense. Now that’s a form a brainwashing in my view…
To use alcohol as a ‘medicine’ to feel better, do not feel the anxiousness anymore, to spurious relax and so on was ‘normal’ in my family. I had my first alcohol around 5 when I drunk the ‘medicine’ from my grandmother. I remember how I felt like ‘I have to drink this’ – nearly desperately. The whole family was upset about me – ‘how could I’? But how could I not when everyone around me shows me so?
Very often it is not so clear to us what we choose and live and that this is inspirational for others, has an effect on others and our relationships.
After a life full with alcohol I did stop drinking it many years ago and do not miss it at all. How can I?
Before I did ‘give up’ on alcohol, I brought something in: self-love. I learned to deal with my hurts and the everyday challenges of life, learned to not become so emotional anymore, developed trust in me. In fact I developed again a relationship with my divinity and so supported it was not at all a ‘giving up’ on alcohol, but a liberation to stop it. My life is richer now.
“….the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” What is ‘normal ‘ in society does not mean it is good for us – witness the obesity crisis fuelled by sugar and big food corporations. Sugar is also in alcohol. Yet we take all this as ‘normal’. When will we wake up to the fact that how we are living our ‘normal’ lives is killing us – sometimes speedily sometimes slowly.
Stopping drinking alcohol at one time in my life would have simply been impossible to imagine – it was so normal in my family, my friends and all around me that why would you stop. Yet it does not even occur to me know, and its quite simply the best decision I’ve made.
And that change is worth studying Simon… there is no will-power involved and no discipline in what you’ve shared. The ability to make that sort of paradigm shift is what’s needed to be understood when it comes to changing these self-destructive behaviours.
‘That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.’
This is so true, and in my experience, when one questions this the wrath that comes is intense. This however doesn’t change the truth. It does however confirm what is written above.
That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.
” Alcohol is not normal” –that is pretty much all that needs to be said. Nothing about alcohol is normal yet we persist as a society to endorse it. Remember that not very long ago the advertising companies/ medical profession was telling us that cigarette smoking was normal. Moral of the story – trust our own body, as it knows what is normal and what isn’t.
Exactly! If alcohol would come up firstly in this days we would call it what it is: a drug – and it would be forbidden. Just because it has a tradition it is accepted…or is there more to it? Imagine our society without alcohol and any drugs – would be very different. Without the numbing of ‘bread and circuses’ we would probably address much more what is going on and challenge our way of living. So who is really the one who does benefit from us drinking? Answer: The ones who are in power now and like to hold their position – but who is that? It is not truly the government or rich company’s as they are also under the drugs – so who? To truly discover this we have to understand that our life is energetically and that we are energetic beings. There are just two energies – a divine one and the one separated from the divinity. Which kind of energy could be the one that likes us to think ‘taking drugs is ‘normal’? … So the answer to all of this is: true religion. Connecting back to who we truly are, claim back our divinity and express it again.
I grew up without alcohol in our house, but willingly took it on in my late teens to numb my how hurt and socially inept I felt out in the world. This was now my new normal – when we went out and socialised, we drank – it pretty much accompanied any social get together. This went on for many years. But, when it came to it, giving alcohol up was easy, because when I truly started to value myself and who I was, I didn’t want to – or need to – poison and numb myself any longer. Thank you Serge Benhayon for showing us how amazing, deeply beautiful, grand and universal we all are.
Alcohol and or drugs is used as a veil to mask what is really going on within our lives. Because alcohol is very much socially accepted, many do not see the underlying affects it has on our health and also what is lurking behind the consumption of the alcohol, what underlying hurts are being hidden from view?
Responsibility for our choices and having the opportunity to see why we may be using these substances to mask what is really going on, will shed a great light on a major issue in today’s society .
It’s a great point you make anon that alcohol is never the root of the problem – that it is essentially a symptom flagging up that something is off in our lives. By normalising alcohol and even purporting that it has health benefits we cover up the fact that all is not well and delay our ability to resolve what is not working.
Not only is alcohol not normal, its not needed. I am so glad that I know now how to live without needing it or feeling like I am missing out. Thank you Universal Medicine!
A beautiful and tender honouring of every child that knows the truth and yet has to morph themselves to fit into life. The normalising and acceptance of daily alcohol consumption keeps us all way off track… we know this and yet still consider ourselves to be intelligent..?
“What is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal.” This is true…the most ludicrous thing about it is that growing up when I chose to not drink as a teenager I was considered abnormal. I saw how people were affected by alcohol and didn’t want that for myself.
Society accepts alcohol, but not cocaine. It accepts smoking, but not marijuanna, and yet when challenged it cannot present a clear reason for this level of hypocrisy. Enough said…
As long as we accept alcohol as being normal and an accepted part of daily life then we never really see the true harm it does.
Yes beautifully said Anonymous. It only takes one reflection of what is truth in order to reveal the illusion of all that has been on top of it (as a guard, to hide). Alcohol is something that is deliberately ‘put out to be normal’ , so that we can continue under the wings of ‘normal’ whilst this is not even close to what the original meaning is and normal. So we must be very honest and see what we are doing.
Society accepts alcohol as one of the means anyone can resort to deal with the consequences of our number one addiction: avoiding to feel energy.
How you describe the effects of alcohol on your relationships as a child is very poignant, and it makes me realise that almost every child in the WOLRD is going through that. You are spot on when you say: ‘Society accepts alcohol.’ Yet when you step back and look at all the effects it has on people using it and their relationships, it makes you wonder how we got to the point where poisoning yourself is recreational fun.
How accurate is this! Everything you’ve shared resonates in me so much. The feeling of being lost because on the outside everything is telling you that you are wrong, the feeling of knowing that something isn’t right, but conforming because everything around you isn’t supportive of your instinct. I can’t remember when I lost myself, but I know it was at a very young age. I listened to the grown-ups because they had “lived on this planet longer, and knew better”. However it has been so amazing to gather back my sense of worth, and start expressing what I know inside of me to be true!
Thank you for the inspirational sharing.
It feels like the behaviour around alcohol is, on the one hand, becoming more extreme but also that there is more acceptance of those who choose not to drink, e.g. providing an alternative when making a toast. However there needs to be much more support for children growing up surrounded by people abusing alcohol so they know there is an alternative. The internet can be a powerful tool in this but only when there is a total lack of judgement, simply offering an alternative perspective as you have done from the wisdom of your personal experience. Thank you.
There are so many children that are growing up in what appear functional ‘normal’ families who deeply know that what they are experiencing is not normal but feel that the only way out of the coldness of their existence and the lostness that they feel is to enjoin the behaviour they observe and abuse alcohol. This is profoundly damaging for them but also for society as the ‘normalness’ of abusing alcohol is perpetuated. It is inspiring to read your story and how your life has changed since embracing another way.
Yes every account that takes the lid off the can of worms that alcohol is, starts to break down this fortress we have protected our wayward choices with – alcohol consumption is the cause of such ginormous grief, hardship, desperation and illness worldwide… why do we do it?
A child feels everything. They don’t have an option to drink alcohol. An adult can use alcohol to stop feeling – and covers up the hurt we feel because we’ve walked away from the very sensitive child we were.
A vicious cycle we don’t want to see – well this is how I used alcohol until I started to ask myself how I truly felt whilst drinking it.
So very true Anonymous, the true evil is that society has accepted this poison to the body as normal, spend any Friday and Saturday night in A and E and we will see the devastation caused, not to mention the violence, crime rates and the millions of alcohol related deaths each year. If there was ever a moment to stop and ask ourselves what are we doing – it is now.
When we stop to feel the harm that drinking alcohol does to our body, including our mind, it surely is not ‘normal’ to poison ourselves in this way.
What a tender blog, thank you for sharing as it must have been quite a process to see all of that. We can all learn by reassessing what is normal many times over in our lives.
We really need to redefine the word normal as what is normal in the world these days (standard) is generally totally unacceptable and extremely abusive and yet we consider it ok to be normal??!!??!
Could it be that ‘normal’ actually means loveless? I think this fits the bill, especially reading stories like this one, and realising how deeply harming that inoffensive routine standard way of living was for that child, and indeed all members of the family, and every family that thinks it has to play it like that.
We each have a choice to change our unloving ways and make love our new normal!
We all think that the big extreme cases are the problem, the ones that shock you and rock you, what I love about what you are exposing here is the more subtle and insidious ‘normal’ that we live in on a daily bases. This ‘normal’ is what erodes us, that chips away at what we feel inside, this is what needs to be spoken about.
As others have said life is full of things that are considered “normal”, yet in truth they are very abnormal. As a child i saw through these, yet as an adult i joined in. Where is the sense in that?
there is so much in our society that is accepted as normal, but upon clear and true examination is revealed to be totally dysfunctional… In those movies where people from other planets view humanity and all its bizarre habits are exposed we can be horrified or think it’s ridiculous… but start to look around and see what is actually happening.
‘Holding it together’ in all its different forms is so damaging because it creates this veneer of normality that brings about a lack of trust in our innate feelings because they are never validated. Although I grew up in a teetotal family (where we were definitely the odd ones out) my mother was on a lot of prescription medication and thus operated in a fog most of the time so I too learnt to abandon my inner knowing for many years. Supporting children to express, however uncomfortable for us to hear, is one of the greatest gifts we can give them and the gateway to deeper wisdom for all.
Thank you for exposing the true evil of alcohol and the insidious ways that it entraps so much of humanity with the widespread choice to cover up the fact it is actually a poison with all the damage that flows from that. We need to speak up and claim this so that children can hear that what may appear ‘normal’ in their home is in fact the aberration that their bodies are telling them so that they learn to trust that what their body is saying is true.
I fear it will be hundreds if not thousands of years before as a society we wake up to the fact that alcohol is a poison.
It is telling the comment that alcohol is not the root cause of the problem. When I read reports on alcohol abuse in the media it reports on the abuse of alcohol being the issue, but rarely do we get to read much on why people drink, and not just abusing it to extremes, why does a teacher need that glass of wine at the end of the day, or the businessman, or whoever. What has imposed on them such stress that they wish to take themselves away from who they are and flood their body with sugar and a chemically altering substance. It is this in society we must address, the way we live and the feelings we seemingly accept as normal.
Majority does not rule, for example if the majority of people want to drink alcohol does that make it good for us? No it is still an incredibly unhealthy option.
We can see here how normal can be so so far off what is true, and just because billions of people do something does not, and will not ever make it true.
It’s staggering to see how prevalent alcohol is in peoples lives and with the consumption of alcohol it doesn’t matter how well off you are or how well educated you are (the only difference maybe how much you would be willing to pay for your alcohol) the effects are still the same, and lets face it everyone misses out – the drinker and the none drinker.
“I became an expert at life. At doing. At surviving. At coping.” There are many who I am sure can relate to this. Just ‘doing life’, feeling of surviving and coping. People turn to alcohol for many many reasons, a lot of the time to mask or numb the feelings are why they are not feeling joyful or content in life.
Such a great blog Anonymous thank you for sharing so openly and honestly on the true harm of alcohol and how drinking copious amounts of alcohol everyday is considered ‘normal’ in our society. How has it become ‘normal’ to ingest large amounts of this poison that affects and damages people’s lives and relationships in many ways?
This article really brings home how we have allowed alcohol to be such a huge part of our lives, so much so that we don’t bat an eyelid of bringing our children up whereby every occasion the alcohol is the star attraction. Years ago I went to a wedding and it was alcohol free which was a first for me but I found this very strange and thought the wedding was less because of it – that’s because like the author alcohol played a huge part in my family growing up and for us sadly it was just normal.
A Beautiful claiming and honouring of ‘you’ anonymous – as you have commented – ‘I do know love and intimacy. And I do know the truth. I always have’. No matter how many addictive distractions are introduced and taken on by society as a way of separating from the truth that is known deep down – this truth of what love is will always be known. The reflection you are now bringing to your family and those around you is offering in every moment an opportunity for others to choose the same. This blog is connecting with many that have and are holding the same inner knowing within. – Thank you for sharing.
Alcohol consumption and abuse has been normalised in society. The effects of alcohol are devastating to our health and wellbeing and still society refuses to take responsibility for the destruction caused within family units and individuals because the majority don’t want to look at their own alcohol consumption and take responsibility for the effects on themselves and their own families.
The truth you express here is powerful Anonymous and so are you!
This blog reminds me that I have always known what is true and I will always know. What hurts is knowing that I knew and overrode it. As you say though, we do this when everything outside of us seems to confirm that our truth is wrong. I can see that I only ever did this because I wanted to be accepted and loved. I can see that when I choose to override what I feel I choose to disregard myself and there is no love in that.
Before Universal Medicine I too was dependent on a substance and had formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance and in the circles I ran in it was totally acceptable to be like that, it was like a club we were in and bound together by it. That is the thing isn’t it until alcohol is totally socially unacceptable and not considered normal it will continue to wreak havoc on many peoples lives.
Thank you for exposing that to drink alcohol is not normal and never will be to our bodies, no matter how much we drink or think we get used to it, our bodies will never find it normal. If we truly listen to our bodies we all know deep down what a harmful poison alcohol is.
This subject of alcohol and its normalization within our society is one way we have entrenched the ridiculous as normal. Etching a deep trench for many to blindly follow in its path. Guaranteeing the encrusting disconnect with ourselves and others.
There are so many other subjects/substances and combinations that we, as a people embrace as normal, but are as ridiculous. The results are equally harming and create disconnect. We as a people are getting sicker, not healthier. This is a clue for sure.
The list of what was ‘normal’ for the child is profoundly disturbing because we know that it is what is happening in so many millions and millions of households… And yet very few people are taking a stand and saying, not just that it is wrong, but that it is a symptom of an even deeper disturbance that is ‘possessing’ humanity… and the thing is that if one does call it out… expect the wrath of a very disturbed world to descend upon you
“… what is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal.” I very much agree on this. To drink alcohol is so much accepted that we do not see anymore how very harming it is, to our bodies and our relationships.
Thank you for your honesty shared Anonymous. Could it be possible that ‘ normal,’ is just a space where we disconnect from what we all know to be true, from our bodies? Having the courage to step away from what society deems to be ‘normal,’ is a step for a true foundation of what feels right for us. That is taking responsibility and making a choice to step into the joy of living life with ourselves and with all others equally.
I appreciate your dissection of what is deemed ‘normal’ in society and how truly damaging it is for us all, adults and children alike.
I was totally hooked on alcohol – it had me hook line and sinker. I was a slave to it – drank like a fish for 20 years – in excess and in moderation. It was very normal amongst my world. Interestingly, my parents rarely drank – a sherry here or there – a glass of wine every now and then – so it was not so normal in my family life but it was definitely normal in my social life. It took up so much of my time and money – always calling into bottle shops on the way to outings, working out who drives or who drinks, being hungover the next day, the list is long…. Since coming to Universal Medicine and learning to live in a way that is much more loving and supportive to me and my body, I chose to stop drinking and it has been 5 years or so since I had a drink. It does feel quite amazing to be free of its hold (after many years) and to be part of a revolution that is setting a new normal of not drinking in this world. And like you Anonymous, I have no judgement on those that drink because how could I?? I drank like a fish for many years and it is such a hold on us.
What is described here is so ‘normal’ it feels like I’m reading my childhood. It’s a truly wonderful moment when not choosing alcohol becomes your own new normal. Being free of the imposition of alcohol brings a whole new freshness and approach to life and a re-connection to inner trust and wisdom that alcohol by it’s design squashes.
I too was an alcoholic for many years too Doug, I also feel it important not to give myself a hard time about how much I had stepped away, but to now appreciate how now I’m making a different choice that supports my body.
Most see as this substance abuse as something that only affects the one that is consuming the substance. When we look deeper we can see how much everything we do affects others. Its pretty loud and clear that alcohol abuse has widespread devastating effects. Its crazy that we accept this as normal and just get on with life without asking the bigger questions.
Any other substance that causes effects like alcohol does gets labeled as an illegal drug and is shunned in our society. The fact that alcohol is so widely abused keeps it above the line. Not many rock the boat as on our own one voice gets drowned out by the many chanting that its ok to keep going with whats not working. By standing up in unity we are more likely to be heard.
When our society accepts something as normal and doesn’t question why its normal and how much truth is behind it, then sneaks in the apathy of putting up with something that we all know is not true but not many of us want to see how much damage something like this causes.
Anonymous you have brought tears to my eyes, the fact that society sees this kind of behaviour as normal is so determinative. I too was brought up in a home where alcohol was the norm. How awesome we have been shown another way, a way that solidifies true love rather then seeking to destroy it.
The emotions that people show when I state that I don’t drink alcohol is truly interesting….some are amazed, some are dismayed, ” you mean you don’t drink alcohol at all??” and some are annoyed, but most will try to encourage you to have a drink….”just one, it won’t hurt you”….. it is not only normal to drink, it is almost expected that you do, that you join in and belong to the “normal”.
I know this, it was my experience “I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.” Under all that mistrust, there remained a knowing of Truth, of Love and it can be rekindled at any time. We are never too hurt or untrusting to heal, whatever we have been through in life. When we consider that we are in essence divine loving beings, that responsibility changes all and that life is a reflection to learn from, we have the choice which path we take. Awesome.
So true, I have seen it in my life and my community, children can feel the difference in their parents and they can feel the abandonment of the parent no longer being with them in any way “I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.” When sober there is some semblance of connection if not as strong as it could be, when alcohol is drunk we choose and energy that is not us, it owns us while we are inebriated. I write from experience of being that child and also the adult that choose to drink alcohol for some time to elevate the feeling that things could be different. I now have chosen to stop drinking and chosen instead to make life different.
When I drank, I got invited out for “drinks” all the time, there was dinner drinks and after dinner drinks and going aways drinks, moving in drinks, after work drinks, and BBQ drinks, there was always another reason to drink. It almost felt like giving a reason for consuming poison all the time some how glamourised and made drinking more appealing. To pull out an insert from your blog
“That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.”
To quote you “what is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal”
The line above is very true, I know I became conditioned as a child to thinking that drinking in the evenings was the way that you finished the day.
I have now chosen a different life for myself and one that is alcohol free, my children get this reflection. My kids live half with me and half with their father and they are able to see too different normals.
“That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” In many years to come it will be known so confidently the poison that alcohol is, we will look back upon the many alcohol hospital admissions, domestic related violence and crime associated with alcohol and realise how crazy and blinded we were.
Thanks Anon, what an awesome article and expose on alcohol and the damage that alcohol does through its normalisation in our societies everywhere. I felt very similar as a child and saw no other reflections anywhere, to show a different way until I connected with Universal Medicine and all the people connected with it. Alcohol holds us as humanity to ransom, the very addictive substance that we have normalised over thousands of years, ruling through the control and greed of humanity. I feel its dominant usage has retarded our evolution, from the subtle but very devastating feelings of a child’s confusion seeing adults living disconnected from themselves, to major abuse. You only have to ask a high court judge or policeman of the behaviour they have witnessed and had to deal with from alcohol related crime, to see how much this well respected societal norm is damaging humanity and lives. The hypocrisy of alcohol companies as major sponsors of sport and healthy lifestyle, makes no logical sense, only that we have sold out and are truly lost. It’s a case as the head not knowing what the tail is doing for humanity. This blog is a very important piece in the puzzle to help unravel the illusion.
Agree, alcohol is not normal and the sooner we get that as a society the better.
I love your analogy Anonymous about listening to music and that if you are used to the sound being at 9 its true ‘you would never notice the difference if someone else is listening to it at 11’ for that is the norm, that is how it is and what is accepted. But, you definitely can hear the difference if the volume is off and the silence allows a spaciousness and stillness to be felt….
The spirited effect of alcohol is very deceptive indeed as it can sweep you up with a force that is the perfect recipe for cushioning and separating you from the intensity of your past and daily life. When the high induced by the sugar hit of alcohol is combined with the numbing effect of alcohol it definitely takes the edge off the day and quashes what you are feeling. What we forget is that these feelings that we are trying to avoid are always still there on the boil, bubbling away underneath and are just being suppressed for a while.
Thank you for exposing the hideousness that is alcohol. It is insidious how it effects so many lives and we need more discussions around how it does this.
Sarah absolutely, the devastation caused by alcohol is far beyond any other substance on the market, yet it is considered normal and something I would frequently partake in. Yesterday I noticed how well a co-worker looked – they said they had stopped drinking.
I totally agree that there is nothing ‘normal’ about alcohol. It alters our state of being and we become everything but normal. I wouldn’t say it is normal to vomit, to yell and scream, to rape and abuse, to have a poison daily, to feel superior because of the vintage I am drinking – really the list goes on. None of this is ‘normal’. Normal to me is enjoying being who I am and not needing any stimulant to make me deal with life and feel comfortable around people. Normal to me is loving my body and respecting what I put in my body. Normal to me is not wanting to change who I am.
Thank you for this blog.
I too have grown up in a family where alcohol is the norm. So “normal” actually that I have had family members express that I am the one with an issue for not drinking or not enjoying being around alcohol. My father – because of his upbringing and the societal normals he is in – also feels concerned that I miss out by choosing not to drink (e.g. “What about toasts [with champagne/wine]”) and recently specifically questioned my ability to be in society if my preference was to not drink or be around alcohol. I have had feelings of hurt and rejection come up since this conversation, and at times doubted and questioned myself – I know I can never consume alcohol again, but I do feel the pressure to still fit in and comply in other ways to avoid family speaking badly of me. the greatest sadness in complying is that if doing so I give up on both them and myself, and I would feel locked away and suffocated like I did when I was a child and this is not how I wish to live my life any longer. Thank you for opening the space to honour what we feel and to not judge ourselves as wrong when alcohol does not feel normal.
Society does accept Alcohol, in fact almost revers it; sadly so given the enormous damage it inflicts on individuals and societies. There was a time when I also loved to have a drink, scary to think how we can be seduced into something that is so harming.
Shirl I love what you have shared here that even though the media has shown the violent and alarming effects alcohol consumption is having on our society. It is still considered the way to chill out and have the ultimate good time. There is something definitely crazy in this mix.
I agree Shirl. I too used to love a drink. I can even remember my father encouraging me to have “Babycham” as a young girl, so I would get ‘a taste for alcohol’! It certainly did and I spent many nights worse for ware having had too much to drink as a teenager and young adult. But even the hangovers the next day didn’t stop me doing it again and again. The ill effects and the knock on impact this drug has on others is enormous, and as you say it is really alarming “to think how we can be seduced into something that is so harming.”
It is so true that living, feeling and knowing the truth can be derailed when those you hold dear, look up to and trust, tell you that there is nothing to feel and naturally know. How blessed we are to have Serge Benhayon and his family confirming that what we felt as true is true. Alcohol, along with many behaviours, has been able to numb people to the point where they no longer know how amazing they are, and this is normal and very very sad.
Because a way of being becomes normal does not necessarily make it true.
Very true Adam, well said.
It is amazing that when something is accepted as normal, this in someway glosses over the horrendous effects this drug or poison has on society. It is not our normal to poison our bodies, if we offered something like arsenic to people to drink, they definitely would refuse it, and rightly so, but they don’t see or don’t want to a see that what they are putting in their bodies is exactly that, a poison, but because it is “normal” to poison your body with alcohol – it is accepted.
Well said Jill. Just because something is accepted as being normal, certainly does not make it right, and alcohol is a great example of this. It is a poison to the body, and its long term effects can be devastating to our vital organs. I read another blog recently about ‘slow suicide’ which talks about all the things we do as a human race that go against everything that the body is asking for, but we ignore the messages for a few minutes pleasure or to escape from unhappy lives. Alcohol is a great example of ‘slow suicide’, and should not be dismissed as anything otherwise.
It is so important to trust our feelings, as that is what we know and we all know that alcohol is not supporting us to be all that we are, and is an escape from life. It can be seen that this escape is accepted as the norm, so the excesses are also seen as normal, there is nothing that stops it from doing what it does, as long as there won’t be an honest observation of what is truly going on in households.
I was very fortunate not to grow up around alcohol, and my parents never liked us around anyone who drank. They always said it was a poison. Most of their friends and cousins never drank. We were very lucky. However there were some of their friends who did drink and I can only imagine what reflections their children had with parents drinking every day or every weekend. It must have been quite a tough period.
It’s interesting that you’ve used the word “poison” when referring to alcohol Amita. I was listening to an interview the other day and a complementary health practitioner felt, in his opinion, that if alcohol was new to the market and someone was trying to have it approved as a drug that it wouldn’t make it through the approval process as it is so toxic to the body.
Alcohol was considered to be so normal in our house that from the age of around 11 or 12 I was allowed to have a shandy on rare occasions or sips of port and even with those small amounts I could feel the changes that took place and the numbing and soporific effect alcohol has on the body and then as I got older I would often have a couple of drinks before going out to numb the anxiety – this is but one of the ways we become conditioned.
It’s the normalising of it that makes it so insidious and allows it to keep seeping into generation after generation.
Thank you Anonymous for your wonderful and deeply honest blog. Alcohol IS a huge issue in our society today. It is socially acceptable and because of that, it isn’t seen to be the cause of damage it truly brings to us, our families and community.
and this is the thing… Alcohol is not normal… And yet in our society it is very much seen as the norm, in fact when one doesn’t drink, eyebrows can be raised. Just imagine for a moment, if it was the other way around… If the understanding of what alcohol actually did to us was so clear, and so understood, that if someone actually drank, it would seem foreign, strange, and definitely would raise a few eyebrows. What would our accident and emergency clinics be like on Saturday nights? How much would domestic violence drop? All the people maimed and crippled by accidents involving alcohol etc… Something so totally abnormal can be maintained and supported in our society… This is definitely not normal.
Well said cjames2012 and it is not normal when so many innocent people are being harmed by alcohol abuse. Time for these issues with alcohol to be addressed in communities everywhere and to begin to reduce the number of domestic violence and accidents and deaths resulting from too much alcohol.
Here is an interesting one. Last night I had to attend a work christmas party. I did not drink, yet when I walked out of the pub, I felt slightly affected, and this morning I woke up a little more tired than usual. Now, there is no current scientific explanation for what happened here, or why I should wake up feeling like I had a slight hangover. What Serge Benhayon presents on what truly happens to us when we drink is something deeply worth considering.
I agree Adam – and begs the question – would we continue to make the choices we do to consume alcohol if we were choosing to be energetically aware of what was truly at play?
There are many so called normal socially acceptable behaviours that are actually expected, such as drinking alcohol. Others include speaking harshly to each other, imposing personal agendas onto each other, blaming, or judging each other, allowing abuse when we see it, walking in anger. Very few adults actually are willing to stand up and call out these behaviours as simply unacceptable, but children, given the chance, will call them out from the roof tops because they can see it so clearly.
Recently I had dinner in a restaurant with some people and drinks were included in what we had to pay at the end of the evening, also you could eat as much as you wanted – it was a fixed price for everything they offered. I was amongst a large group of people who were drinking and the crazy thing was because it was for ‘free’ people drank so much more than I expected and this is normal, but not only the alcohol it was the same with the food, most of them were overeating just because it was allowed and ‘we pay for it so let get the most out of it’ It is amazing to see how this is considered our normal and what it does to people. We could not have a proper conversation, no connection what so ever. We all loose when we accept this normal, it leaves us empty without feeling the richness in our heart.
It seems the normal that those that drink alcohol don’t have to justify it to anyone even though it is a poison but I, who do not drink alcohol am often being asked to justify why I don’t drink. That does not make sense and shows you how warped our society is in many ways!
Yes crazy isn’t it that people question why you don’t drink a known poison.
It is interesting indeed that we as a society allow the use of alcohol and treat it as normal while in fact it is not, as is so clearly shown through all the extreme’s that are caused by people being influenced by the substance of alcohol. Disapproving these extremes and to not to show any interest of investigation what the less extreme use of alcohols brings to society is to me ignoring the fact that it is not normal to have a substance that alters our state of being and is causing harm to our bodies, that in turn will have its influence on our health and in turn eventually on our society as a whole. When we allow ourselves to become honest with the truth that is there for us to discover we will find that in fact we are all influenced by this and that it is huge.
The statistics on alcohol and its effect on our society are staggering, from Hospitals, to police, domestic violence workers, to mental health units, the lest is a bleak summary of the worst in our society, and it is a licenced and legal substance, and heaven help anyone who challenges the right of people to numb themselves out with this substance.
As you say cjames 2012 the statistics are all there about the harming effects of alcohol yet we continue to insist that it is “normal” to drink alcohol. Surely it is time to question this notion of what “normal” is as the author of this blog has done. There is absolutely nothing “normal” about needing to have a substance like alcohol to get through the day. There is nothing “normal” about the abuse that occurs as a result of drinking alcohol. And there is nothing “normal” about the devastating effects that alcohol has on the human body. It is time to come out from under the cover of what a perceived “normal” is.
Yes Elizabeth, we have to return to our true nature and a true way of living, where there is not need for alcohol to numb our feelings and to get through the day’s. We all have still that connection, that lives deep within all of us, with the love we once have chosen to walk away from. The fact we walked away from this love is allowing us to accept alcohol in our lives, to numb the feeling of the absence of true love. To have the courage to nominate this fact and to choose to return to this love is a choice to return to the true ‘normal’ way of living, where there is no need for any stimulation of distraction from the grandness that we in truth are.
Nico, I like how you describe the use of alcohol as being “to numb the feeling of the absence of true love”. This is so true. How great would it be if we were just honest about this fact rather than fooling ourselves into thinking that we use alcohol for any other reason?
Indeed Elizabeth, it would be great if we where able to be honest about this fact because it is the truth, and acknowledging that will be so powerful. Acknowledging that in fact we are using alcohol to numb the feeling of the absence of love in our lives and that we use alcohol for no other reason than that would be a great healing for the whole of our society.
Great point Elizabeth, and the fact that alcohol is so entrenched in our culture should give us pause to consider the quality of the way we are living in between drinks.
How could it happen that our society has reached a point where having alcohol at any time of the day is acceptable if it comes with a proper excuse like celebrating, having a really good meal, etc.? Why do we accept and allow such that is not only destroying our bodies, but also stopping us from being able to truly connect with each other? Why do we not step up and say no to our own demise?
Is it possible that each of us choose our own normal in order to survive – that life is lived as something to survive and come out of at the end with ‘something’ to show for it? Most of the world is battling with layers of pain and emptiness and not understanding what it is about and assuming it is because they have not been ‘successful’ enough. The normal you talk about Anonymous is the bandaid that is placed on the wound to make it all feel better and the bandaid does its work. No longer can others see the wound, all they can see is that the person is taking care of themselves, being responsible in that and getting on with it, which in return is congratulated and celebrated. Our beautiful and pure loving essence is always there gently nudging us, and the more of us that listen to this gentle nudging, the more a ‘new’ normal will begin to evolve and the awareness of there being another way will make itself known. It is happening.
When I stopped drinking at first the people around thought I was pregnant and then they thought i was sick and then they landed on strange. It wasn’t an automatic response of theirs that i was choosing health – if I was giving up alcohol something had to be wrong. It is very backwards that we are living in a culture that perpetuates drinking as the ultimate aid to help us to celebrate, pick me up, drown my sorrows, let’s relax, let’s have a chat.
There are many dysfunctional aspects of society that are accepted or tolerated, it is as if the baseline, the measuring point of reference for, as this article states, what is normal is becoming lower and lower, and hear we have Universal Medicine coming along , grabbing the bar, lifting it way up and stating that no there is a foundation for living that is true and that can be felt by all, and this can be our marker of society
I know this normal so well. Recently my nephew turned 18 and we were cutting together a video of our family gatherings from the the past 18 years. I was shocked and saddened to see that in most of the shots, beginning from when he was a few months old included us drinking. My family, fun, loving, awesome people who love being together have cemented and heavily guard this practice of social drinking of which I was a ‘cementee’ and ..hummm became leader of the pack, and is now an accepted part of my nieces and nephews way of socially being in the world. The culture of alcohol insidiously sets up a belief that we can have close, really intimate and fun memorable times with our people, when in fact we are left, if we are honest with feeling, empty and off physically, craving the next fun time. For me to personally discover the cravings were to fill a hole in me of feeling worthy, that Im a whole lot of fun and love in my raw unadulterated form and that alcohol just takes me to weirdsville has been so incredibly liberating and leaves me free to choose who I take to my social gatherings rather than having other Tina representatives taking over the show.
“That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” I have seen first hand the devastating effects of alcohol and can not understand as a society how we tolerate such a harmful substance. One day we will wake up to the fact of how utterly harming it is.
No blame whatsoever, I like that, in fact it can not be any other way, as no one would on purpose live their life consuming alcohol if they would truly understand that there is another way. I can feel the absolute truth of that we have accepted alcohol in our family as normal, and this is deeply confusing for kids as they know that it is not right. After Serge Benhayon showing me that there is another way and that all those moments and feelings of truth where real, I understand that we can all live differently now, from the other way, as long as everyone wants to be aware of it. Time for a new normal. One normal that is true and loving. For all, means really for all.
Very real, alcohol is not normal. I was a binge drinker for close to twenty years and all I can say is that whenever I consumed alcohol I would always end up an absolute mess
Alcohol for me is one of the bad evils in the world. We disguise this drug by using different words for it and by handling it as ‘normal’. But ‘normal’ comes original from the word ‘norm’ and this meant: living in law and humanity. Using a poison to not longer be myself and to avoid my awareness & feelings is not NORMAL, is not living humanity. In fact, it is the opposite.
It is heartbreaking to know that alcohol is so accepted as an important part of our culture;
despite knowing its harmful effect on so many levels.
I shudder when I reflect on the stories a policeman of 20 years used to tell about domestic violence incidences, many triggered by alcohol. I shudder also at my own drinking patterns before I realised how destructive alcohol is.
One day society will know that there is another way, a way that does not involve the consumption of alcohol.
It is strange indeed that to not drink is viewed as strange! Alcohol has become part of Aussie culture and just about every social activity. Working with students from different cultures it becomes obvious that it is not normal in other parts of the world.
Alcohol is considered so normal that I am often asked why I don’t drink it, why I am not ‘normal’. I have even had a very well-meaning friend sit my husband and me down and explain that it may be detrimental to our children to grow up in a home that is alcohol free. Their reason being that alcohol is such a normal part of life and if my children are not being allowed to experience this normality at home they will be less equipped in the real world. We do not pretend that alcohol does not exist, it regularly comes up in conversation and we try to discuss it in a non-judgmental way, knowing that it is ultimately our children’s choice as to whether they drink or not. However, they do get the reflection that there is another way – that alcohol is not normal.
It is absurd to stop and look at how a substance that does so much damage to our society physically, emotionally, socially and in so many other ways – has been accepted as ” the norm”.
Absurd.
Thank you Anonymous for your honest sharing. I love how you describe what “normal” really means. The thing is we have a lot of “normal” in our lives not only the consumption of alcohol. That would be worth to have a deeper look at all the other “normals” as well. I love your sentences: “That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” This acceptance you can relate to so many other “normal” as well.
True esteraltmiks, we have a lot of ‘normal’ in our society and thus a lot in our lives that is not normal at all, on the contrary it is considered normal but it is abusive. We live so far from our natural way of being that it seems we do not know or at least do not want to admit it is not normal. ‘Do not take away the little pleasures in life because life is hard and tough’ is what a lot of people live and I have done too. Until I discovered I was the one empty filling myself with whatever I could find, alcohol,chocolate, overeating, undereating and all kind new age courses, books, workshops etc. Now I know by the inspiration of Universal Medicine and all involved in this, I am the one who can fill my emptiness by loving myself and acknowledging I am made of love and so is everyone on this planet.
Thank you Annelies for exploring on a deeper level what “normal” really means. It is so true what you share and to be honest I was lost in this filling my emptiness as well. It seems that it needs role models to get aware of doing so. Therefore I love it very much if people like Anonymous and yourself are such great role models.
A very powerful blog exposing the effects of alcohol that are not talked about enough. And this is so well said – ‘what is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal.’ What foundations of life are we presenting to our children? Consuming alcohol is not normal and actually harmful in many ways. Not only to the consumer but it is also harming to all those around them including the children that are looking for guidance in this time of their lives, so they are can develop their foundations of truth to live by. There is a vast difference between living what is normal and living what is true, and our children deserve and are worth being guided to develop this understanding and knowing for themselves.
Overtime I read this it knocks my socks off. The truth about alcohol cannot be held back – this is why – “All over this world there are zillions of kids who are living amongst alcohol consumption, KNOWING that the life it is making them live, is wrong. KNOWING that it isn’t right. But, because life isn’t confirming that knowing, in fact because life is actively telling them they are wrong, they abandon themselves and enjoin.”
It was only when I stopped drinking alcohol that it became clear to me how much it has pervaded our current way of living and become the norm. Strange when such supposed intielligence allows ingesting poisons to become so accepted and even promoted to our children in our way of living.
I love how you have exposed alcohol and the fact that society has accepted this poison as the norm. I have never been a big drinker but that does not mean it did not affect me when I did have that glass of wine. When I gave it up I can truly say that I did not even miss it. Having connection, presence, intimacy with those I love is much more valuable to me than a drink. I just don’t see the point of drinking when there is so much of life to marvel at and take in. A much more joyful affair.
Thank you Anonymous your sharing is deeply honest and very power-full. It is crazy how many don’t question the level of alcohol consumption in our society, it has become the norm to drink every single night in most households. Most people are experiencing a level of anxiety and stress in their life they are trying to escape from, therefore they have a drink to take the edge off and to numb themselves. I recall there was a time in mylife when I clearly had a problem with alcohol, interestingly no-one else around me would have thought this as it was acceptable to be drinking copious amounts of alcohol until you could barely stand up. Taking responsibility for my life and addressing my issues with alcohol was the best decision I ever made and gave my life an amazing and new normal.
Yesterday evening I was working in a setting where there was a lot of alcohol and it has been some time since I have been around these kind amounts of alcohol consumption. When everybody arrived and just before the drinking started, I could really connect with all the guests and they were more themselves. At the end of the evening, the whole atmosphere had changed, people were speaking really loud, they were out of connection with me and with everybody and seemed quite lost. It is all seen as normal, an evening like this, but it is not. We have come to a point where we can not have an evening/party/business event without alcohol. Now what does this tell us? And where is our responsibility in all of this? The ironic thing is: this evening was for people to connect and to get to know each other. But do we really?
I agree Katie. I always hated alcohol as a child as it brought with it disruption and sadness within my family. In my later years I too drank alcohol but was able to control how much I drank at home but had a deeper knowing that it was no good and I wanted to give it up but didn’t know how. Since discovering and attending Serge Benhayon’s presentations and Universal Medicine workshops I now have an understanding and a knowingness that alcohol is only filling a void/emptiness within us all which then made all the difference in my healing of this emptiness. Alcohol is not a part of my life anymore. Thank God for that.
It doesn’t matter who you are, the first time you try alcohol as a young child, or a teenager or a young Adult – the first response we have to alcohol is that its awful – and then we simply override that for some reason – because its socially accepted, everyone else does it – or we have low self esteem and want to numb or hurt ourselves.
Then we pretend we develop a ‘taste for it’.
That’s actually quite insane. Literally.
I too grew up with a lot of alcohol being used and when we had get togethers with family/friends alcohol was the first thing offered. It was like the alcohol was needed to loosen everyone up so that we could talk and have fun. When I met my husband and his family this wasn’t the case as alcohol was not the centre of attention but being with each other and enjoying the time together. This felt very refreshing and a lightness about it so true open conversations without the influence of alcohol were had and we were still able to have fun.
Alcohol is the perfect go to solution for many situations. Its easily purchased, you can buy it in corner stores, supermarkets, cafes & restaurants, even the cinema. It is available in most homes. It is everywhere and very accessible so no wonder it is seen as ‘normal’ to consume it.
Thank you for writing this Anonymous. Your experience of family life in childhood was similar to my own and you are absolutely spot on when you say it is the normalising of the alcoholism which is so damaging for a child. You start to questions your own feelings and eventually negate them and not trust yourself anymore. It can be hard to come back from but thanks to the understanding and awareness offered to us by Universal Medicine, it is very possible and simple to return.
Thank you Anonymous for exposing the many layers of alcohol, and how normal it has become to glance over the surface where there is clearly much going on underneath. This also exposes the fact that it isn’t just about the individual who drinks, but how one person’s choice affects so many others around them, and for years afterwards. It brings responsibility to our choices.
Yes I agree Paula, I grew up in a house where there was a lot of drinking. You cannot imagine the scars it left on us as kids and the damage it did to my parent’s marriage. Its like a cancer that spreads and eats away at our lives and our society. It really does expose the lack of responsibility.
Gayle, a very honest account of your life and how alcohol has affected you and your family. It is very easy not to realise what is at play when we drink alcohol, fundamentally a poison to the body we happily drink without realising the consequences of our actions to our own body. It would be so amazing if our body could talk out loud every time we ate or drank something. When we have a connection to our body we hear what is being said, and that is when it is easier to make the choice not to drink. Maybe one day all these things will be taught to us from an early age so we are able to make far better informed choices.
Thank you anonymous, I can so relate to loosing trust in my self and what I was feeling, I was told feelings can’t be trusted from an early age so I too stopped feeling. Building this trust back in me and people has taken time. How is it that what the majority of people are doing is considered right. I have seen the suffering that alcohol brings to families, who don’t know there is another way of living.
Labelling something ‘normal’ somehow makes it okay and very few people question it. In fact, you are often ostracized if you do. When I gave up drinking, some of my friends found it quite confronting and they would keep offering me drinks so I would conform to the norm. Once it was clear that I was not going to give in, they gave up, not just on offering me drinks but on connecting with me.
I realise the extent to which alcohol is accepted as a ‘normal’ part of life when I am at a social gathering and feel I need to justify why I’m not drinking like everyone else.
Its funny how students of Universal Medicine have been accused of being ‘followers’ by the media and by small cyber bully gang. What if we are the few people in this world that are breaking the mould of societies ‘norms’ and actually bringing some critical thinking to the concept of consuming alcohol daily? We as Australians have a particular drinking culture that is very heavy handed. We as students of Universal Medicine and those who practice The Way Of The Livingness are breaking all the rules and thinking way outside the box. We are asking the question why does the majority of the westerns consume a dangerous depressant on a daily basis when we are clearly struggling already with health issues and keeping up with the demands of a modern society? Why do we insist that this is the answer to winding down at the end of the day?
Love this Sarahrayne, every word! It really doesn’t make sense why we continue to choose to drink in such copious amounts even when as a society our issues with health are only growing.
Thanks Oliver and yes you are right it does not make sense but the majority of us cling to it as our cultural right, we defend it as our way of relaxing or having a good time as our friend that got us through the hard times. We dare not give it up for fear of missing it and longing for it, we keep going back to it no matter how many times it humiliates us, makes us feel horrible every morning after we see it, hurts us, hurts others, makes us look stupid, injures us, puts us in danger….If a friend did all of these things to us would we put up with it?
I love what you have shared here Sarah – Its so true. I love that Universal Medicine and its students are leading the way in breaking these strong held beliefs and speaking up about the harm and ill effects of alcohol.
They are leading the way Donna and there will come a time in the not so distant future that people will want to know the details of why, how and what…. Universal medicine Students are doing that they don’t need a drink at the end of the day? How can so many people from all different professional walks of lives are freed from the cycle of hang over regret, forget, drink and drink some more, with seemly no desire to ever drink again. People will be wanting answers and these sites, blogs and comments will be drawn upon to support those answers.
Very well said Sarah! Since I study Universal Medicine and changed my life in a more healthy and responsible way Alcohol is no way for me anymore – and I liked to drink. But now I can see how I did follow my parents example and what “the world” took as ‘normal’ for ‘coming down’ or to ‘reward’. Thereby I did follow this ‘normal’ into the abyss of numbness and shadows. Now – claimed back into the light – I am vital and a serving member of my community. …who follows what?
Thanks Sandra and you are a great example of the many Universal Medicine students that have had a life changing experiences.
I agree with all that is said in this blog and would like to add a few points. Even though society accepts the consumption (abuse) of alcohol as normal they do know that it is a poison. Every single person who has drank alcohol experiences the effects that alcohol has on their mind and their body whether that be small or largely significant – people do know and experience that alcohol shifts and changes your natural state of being. So I agree alcohol itself is the not the real problem here but that the fact that people make it acceptable to take in to their body a substance that is poisonous and worse still champion it as being a great thing to do. It is ludicrous that intelligent beings would operate like this.
I’m becoming aware of the same situation at work, but not with alcohol but with sugar. When I try to give up sugar my work colleges come up with all sorts of justifications as to why I should have sugar in my diet and why cutting it out is not good for you. From your blog Anonymous I can now see that they see their world with sugar in it as normal.
Thank you for sharing your story which is the sorry story of countless other people. What you have written is very true and devastating. Living in Australia, it seems that not only is alcohol considered normal it is even considered a treat (glass of champagne), essential at a party, something bonding that makes you one of the lads or lasses etc etc. I attend the local Chamber of Commerce every month and there is always a door prize and it is almost always a bottle of alcohol – it is everywhere and so deeply entrenched in the Aussie culture that it is considered not normal to not drink alcohol and not normal to eat healthy food and take care of oneself – how bizarre!
How lost must we be as a society that we need a poison to cope? There must be something we miss dearly. I stopped because I enjoyed life too much.
Matts I realised that alcohol was only a distraction from feeling a deep sadness and confusion, and that in fact my body was really not coping with it all. As soon as I began to understand what was underneath the sadness, and heal that, there was absolutely no interest in touching alcohol ever again. I felt so much better in every way.
What you have share Annie is not different to the distraction with food. Understanding what is beneath it all, allows us to heal and the urge to eat more or drink more is no longer there.
Agree Matts, society is very lost when using a poison to cope is considered normal and one is ostracised if one is seen to be going against the accepted ‘norm’.
The normalcy of alcohol goes beyond what we would normally accept as ‘normal’ so this ‘normalcy’ has become this unhinged force that is running wild and needs to be stopped. We all know that alcohol is far away from being normal and that it deeply hurts our body so if we at some point have a tendency to defend it that’s where we need to ask ourselves why do we defend it.
Exactly Matts. Whenever anyone asks me why I don’t drink – it is because I enjoy life too much and I also really enjoy just being me.
And really we shouldn’t even have to have a reason for not having it. That almost confirms that drinking alcohol is normal. I’ve heard a lot of people, mostly women, complaining about having to explain why they don’t drink which is absurd. Alcohol is a poison to the body and no one can truthfully claim otherwise. The protective mechanisms in our body are not even capable of dealing with it so saying no is the most intelligent thing we can do and the most sane one.
Jo I really like that as a response “…why I don’t drink – it is because I enjoy life too much and I also really enjoy just being me.” I feel inspired by your words and instead of my responding to the same question by saying something like “…because my body cannot handle it any longer,or I don’t like how it makes me feel etc. ..” I feel your words carry a strength of self care and love – thank you.
Yes Matt I agree, as a society we crave love, intimacy and connection – that is what everyone is missing and it hurts to the CORE not to be able to express this with ourselves and with others. Serge Benhayon was the only person I have ever come across to not only explain this but to live it in full.
This is so true Matts. I too reached a point in my life where I ‘needed’ one or two glasses of wine every evening, and on the face f it this would not have appeared unusual, in fact quite an accepted thing to do in our modern society. But I became dependant on it. After attending a workshop with Serge Benhayon I realised the insidious nature of alcohol and how I was allowing it to take over my being, and once I felt this for myself in my body and the damage it was doing not only on a physical level but an emotional one also, and on the people around me who I loved dearly, I eventually gave it up. And it was because I had felt this for myself and not because anyone had told me I ‘ought’ to stop, that it was a very simple choice. One day I had a drink and the next I did not, and have not had one since and have not the slightest inckling to have one ever again.
Yes it’s a no brainer…
“I don’t want to get into a big discussion about what is and isn’t an alcoholic – that is a debate that has enabled millions to live in denial for years.”
It’s so true that when one is enshrouded with the strength of the masses, by way of the common train of thought, when prodded with another view (especially one that hurts to acknowledge) – there seems an impossibly large number of reasons to keep their viewpoint alive.
A truly great exposure of a evil hidden in plain sight under the guise of normal… it’s normality perfectly captured by… ‘If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows.’….An acceptance that is blinded to the true damage due to the blinkers imposed through consumption denying true sight.
Alcohol is in fact an imprisonment and very much accepted by society. We think it frees us and gives us a sense of relief. But it doesn’t. It just covers up and deepens the hurts and discomforts we don’t want to deal with in life.
Alcohol is not normal but it is normalised. Not only it is everywhere. The fact that it ‘does’ something, people value (getting relief and a sugar boost) makes it worse. Alcohol is also in the short list of pleasures of many. This helps to perpetuate it. It also creates a false sense of community. It is very insidious. Once people establish a relationship with it that works for them, it is very hard to renounce to it. The rest of life accommodates to this fact. So, alcohol affects daily life in a negative way.
The list of ‘normal’ was very normal for our family as I was growing up. When I started to understand from presentations by Serge Benhayon the deep harm that alcohol can do I stopped drinking alcohol and discovered the truth by feeling when I too used to numb myself from knowing and feeling who I am and connecting and feeling true love in others.
Thank you so much anonymous for this extremely honest and deep sharing of how you were brought up to think- and many of us have been- that that way with alcohol, getting through life, the emptiness was normal.
The beautiful part is that even when it all looks normal because it is so common, that the tension or the feeling of missing love is still there. Our bodies are always beautifully sharing what is true and what is not.
I think your journey of unfolding and coming back to you, now knowing there is another way, is totally amazing. Good for you!
This is a vignette of our society that Plato’s “allegory of the cave’ totally nails. A collective illusion supported by a mandate from the collective unconscious of society, which will surely one day be exposed for the awful illusion that it is.
I trust for society’s sake that what you say cjames2012, that the collective unconscious around drugs such as alcohol, “will surely one day be exposed for the awful illusion that it is”. Blogs such as this one from anonymous contribute to the conversation. To hear from someone who was raised in the collective illusion and took it on, at the same time as feeling that it was not right, and then managed to crack the illusion, is a very powerful statement. The more people speak out against the normalisation of alcohol, the more likely that people will start to become aware that, as anonymous says, “there is another way.”
Your postscript truly shows the loving understanding you have gained and confirms what you have so clearly expressed in your blog.
I agree. That level of understanding is amazing.
We only have to look around at our young teenagers to see how our ‘normality of alcohol’ is having a detrimental affect on how they abuse alcohol. We have another era growing up before our eyes that ‘think’ it is okay because that is all they see around them. This is NOT normal!
Great point Marcia. If we actually write down all the things that are NOT OK but are happening and are common or being seen as normal, the list would show us just how far we have deviated from the love we innately are.
That is the true evil of alcohol. Its acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many. Such an accurate summary, thanks anonymous
Every child knows, can feel that alcohol isn’t right yet we get bowled over by the message that says drink is fun, it is normal and it is what everyone does. I can look back on my days of drinking and now say that they didn’t feel normal, and it never felt right, altering my body and my mind to act differently than who I really am. Leaving me with some very bad days to recover from the effects and affecting the relationships I was able to build. Thank god for no more alcohol in my life.
Me too. Thank God no more alcohol and what a blessing and appreciation that I have chosen this for myself.
Not only does alcohol leave us with bad days that follow drinking, people tend to even plan to have a recovery day and that in itself has become ‘normal’ too…. ‘I will plan Saturday free and do nothing because I know I am going to get smashed on Friday’. Another ‘normal’ I’ve noted is that celebrating something is a reason for getting ‘smashed’. Why does society accept putting poison in the body as a way of celebrating?
This is a very good and relevant point anonymous, alcohol is just so normalised, it is very tricky for people to see what it does because as you say we grow up with it, we drink it to be cool as teenagers even though it makes us feel sick and before we know it we are drinking it every day as a way to unwind. Denial becomes a permanent state of being, I often hear people say ‘I don’t know why I am so tired’, after drinking alcohol every night of the week and drinking even more on the weekend, a constant cycle. It is just so normal most don’t even think of that when looking at their health.
I was made aware of the fact that if we would invent alcohol today, with al that we know, it would be classified as a poison. I found this fact mind blowing. If this is scientifically known how come this is not on every front page with the details of what it does to us. And if we are honest do we nog already know? I find it intriguing to look at how we as people have allowed for choices in our lives that we know do not work on so many levels but are kept alive on the bases of it being ‘age old’, ‘culture’ ‘what everyone does’ etc.
Having parents that drink can make it easy to develop the same patterns they did for ourselves. It is not until we are really aware that there is another way that we can make other choices.
Growing up with alcohol I can very much relate to losing trust in myself and not wanting to feel or face what was truly going on, so like you, I stopped feeling, I shut down, as it all felt too much to cope with as a child. Needless to say, the shutting down led to all the struggles and complication my life became, until I chose, and had the willingness to address my hurts from the past which I have done through the many courses I have attended by Serge Benhayon and Univerdal Medicine.
The day I decided to choose me over alcohol is a day I will remember as one of the best. It was once a master at disguising my deep discontent, lack of confidence and dissatisfaction in life and I see the ill effects it causes on a daily basis to people I love. It is amazing that it is considered not normal to not drink and where once I was a big social drinker and used to champion being able to match the boys and drink all night, I now see it as a completely abnormal and unnatural thing to do.
Spot on Nicola and Jenny, it makes you wonder why the world is not joining the dots and asking the question of what is going on with humanity that people need to medicate more and more no matter what, I was reading in the news that in the US is spending 60 billion a year in their prisons and Australia is not far behind so they are realizing now that imprisonment is not working and it is time to reverse the trend to excessive punishment??Universal medicine is setting the trend for humanity to start taking responsibility of their lives and start living in a way that is more honouring of who we are.
Yes Francisco, well said… Universal Medicine is not only setting the trend… it is showing the way humanity will have to go, in every aspect of life.
And one day this will be living truth for all.
The local papers are full today of an epidemic of the drug Ice. Last week it was all about the massively rising suicide rates. Here you are talking about the ginormous consumption of alcohol. These stories are everywhere but people do not seem to be putting them all together and saying WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON? Why do we need to destroy ourselves in this way? What is it that is hurting us so much that we have to hurt ourselves even more to drown it out? Why are we not being honest about the mess we are in as humanity? Most if not all people are medicating themselves in some way. If not excess alcohol then what about excess work, excess sleep, coffee, sugar, emotions – there are many ways. It is great to start looking at this, to know it is not “normal” and that there is another way to live and it does not need to be like this.
Spot on Nicola… we don’t put it all together and ask WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON? until accident, injury, illness or catastrophe of some sort touches us personally, shaking us out of the stupor that lets all this go on around without questioning it seriously. There is another way to live, Universal Medicine has and is clearly showing this way, and the student body ( who are all over the world) are testimony to the fact that a true way DOES exist that is universal… one size fits all!
Thank you for highlighting how much the acceptance and the standing by and saying nothing is supporting the normalization of drinking. It reminds me how important it is that we start a conversation with people around us to offer a different way and show them that we can make different choices.
After reading your blog I am really seeing what we have classified as ‘normal’ in our society. For example why is it normal to have completed a degree in university but feel so exhausted and so glad it’s all over? Why is it normal for us to indulge in so much food that we need to undo a button on Christmas day? Why has overriding your feeling towards entering an abusive environment been classified as ‘normal’? The answer to all of these is the fact that society does not know any other way, and I wouldn’t of known any other way if I didn’t come across Universal Medicine, The Way of The Livingness, Serge Benhayon and all his family. I was simply shown a way of living that is so vital, playful, joyful and a life filled with so much love towards my self and everyone around me. The beautiful thing with this is that for me the amount of love, vitality, playfulness and joyfulness I feel in my body is now normal for me and I love living this everyday.
Beautifully said Madaleine. And you write a great and wise list of the ‘not normals’ that have passed as normal because they are common.
It is truly damaging and harmful to a child who knows living with alcohol is wrong, and they live in a world where it’s normal. Your description of other things we accept as normal highlights that we as humanity are condoning some disgusting behavior that is poisoning our children.
A great article on the true harm and effects that alcohol inflicts.
There are so many mixed messages about alcohol consumption but it still feels like they all contribute to keeping things the way they are ie. Making alcohol acceptable. Until Serge Benhayon presented on the energetic affects of alcohol I was a slave to the “everything in moderation” moto as it served me to not rock the boat and not be honest about how I felt when I drank alcohol and when I was around others that drank alcohol. When you bring it back to energy and feeling it there is nothing to make up or impose on another. It simply is the way it is.
I love this blog, I agree, as long as everything looks normal and looks like things are being handled well, the amount of alcohol being consumed is ignored and so becomes a normal part of daily life.
It is pure insanity and I was caught deep in it from a young age of 15 on the weekends till early 30’s – that’s a long time to be lost in something that is considered ‘the done thing’ and ‘normal’. With clarity and a deeper understanding that I am worth looking after myself and bring self-love into my life, inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I can say that my life has never been more amazing than ever. Alcohol was a big part of my life that brought me down from the poison that it is. To be free of this feels incredible.
Thanks anonymous for writing about the hidden harm alcohol consumption causes
Alcohol is so not normal. In fact, I think pretty much everyone has to train themselves to actually like the taste…I know I did! And then it’s not even about the taste, it’s what it does to you, the numbing, the false confidence, the wallowing, the altering… All part of the grand plan to keep us far far away from feeling those hurts that would ultimately lead to true healing.
Until you reach the point where the inability to be joyful during the drinking, and the day after, is hurting you more than the drink itself, as it was for me.
This is an awesome blog. As the writer states, our world accepts alcohol, and the damage alcohol does is dismissed into the ‘normality’ of human behavior — that this is just how things are. That in itself is insidious for there is nothing normal about alcohol and the impact it has on the person who consumes it and their families, friends and communities. And the notion that a glass of wine a day is good for you feeds this false sense of normality.
Very true Sara and all this I feel we override because of everything surrounding the actual fact of drinking alcohol. Its not the alcohol itself but the all the emotional and cultural aspects attached to it such as ‘party’ ‘reward’ ‘cosiness’ ‘social’ ‘the good life’ to name but a few.
This is an amazing blog, outlining the effects of alcohol on us, our children, our relationships, our health and so on and so on. I grew up with alcohol being presented as something special even; important to know about, to know and appreciate an expensive wine, to be able to distinguish which wine is nicer than the other – but now I see, it’s just a clever way of disguising or overriding our awareness and dressing up the need for ingesting a harmful substance, a drug, to perhaps take the edge off life, in a social setting. The discussions would stay on the ‘safe’ topics, like the weather, the taste of the wine, the amazing – organic and very expensive – food. If one would start talking about real issues in these settings, disagreements could be escalating quite quickly. These meal times were glorified as special family time, but for me it left an emptiness – even though the tummy was more than full.
Society’s relationship with alcohol is bizarre to say the least. Everyone knows it’s not good for you on any level, how much you accept that it is a poison in your body varies. Jokes are made about excessive consumption, which is frequently seen as a show of how ‘tough’ you are. Yet before you turn 18, everyone spends a lot of time telling you how bad alcohol is for you, damaging your brain cells etc. So what miraculously happens when you turn 18, are your brain cells suddenly immune to alcohol, or are you deemed to have enough by then so it doesn’t matter if you loose a few? If only there was more honest communication at school about what alcohol is really doing to us, that in turn may provide a forum for adolescents to speak more openly about what’s really going on for them, why they may want to ‘numb out’ at times and maybe we can start to break this heinous cycle through true connection and being really honest.
Your comment made me have a little laugh as I am 15, so I get told all the bad things alcohol does to your body, yet I hear the health teachers’ stories of having parties and drinking. And then they wonder why we ignore what they say.
Thank you for sharing your story and exposing the dangers of living in a world in which alcohol is normalised and accepted. You describe well how alcohol dependence does not have to reach extremes of use for it to have a harmful effect on the user, their children and other relationships. I grew up in a home where no alcohol was drunk. I never craved it and thought that was normal until I reached my mid-teens and stated to socialise with others. Social activities centred on excessive consumption of alcohol. Desperate to be part of the group. I succumbed to the tremendous peer pressure to drink alcohol. To have resisted would have meant being ostracised, ridiculed and left outside the group. The power of this peer pressure and my own insecurity meant that despite my own family example and what I knew to be true, I went with the crowd, became a follower and made alcohol a normal part of life. Forty years later, I stopped drinking alcohol altogether, have never missed it. It is no longer a part of my life and never will be.
No alcohol is not normal. It is a heinous mainstream drug that has somehow found it’s way in to become a pillar of society – but it is a pillar that erodes and destroys society.
‘Alcohol is Not Normal’ makes a lot of sense to me, and always has, but like many I did drink in my early twenties and didn’t care if I had it or not. I continued on and off for many years to have the so called social drink, until I just decided I am drinking something I don’t like, and I dont’ like how it makes me feel, and I am being encouraged to drink by people who just wanted to feel comfortable in the presence of others drinking. I did notice the difference when others were drinking and I wasn’t – I was encouraged to ‘just have one’ to celebrate the occasion and often I was left out of the conversation as the evening went on, not deliberately – but I wasn’t one of them anymore. When I came to the work of Universal Medicine I found that I fitted in at last. I have seen the detrimental effect that alcohol causes and how it can destroy people and families, but it still persists as the ‘rite of passage’ for the young with such horrible results each weekend as they end up in the Casualty Wards of Hospitals. Thank you anonymous for sharing your personal journey.
This article is so beautifully expressed. I got totally drawn into thinking that it was normal to drink alcohol not because it was in my home but because I grew up in a so called drinking culture where everything revolved around booze. I like how you also point out briefly that alcohol is never the root of the problem, for I feel it is like some cheap nasty little band aid trying to cover the hurts we have from not experiencing the true love we all naturally crave
I am beginning to see how insidious and dangerous the pressure to conform is. How as humans we dislike it when someone does not ‘join in’ with the majority. Is that because we feel exposed in our choices when someone chooses something different? Is it because we do not want to see that we can actually take responsibility for our own choices? That we are not beholden to do what others are doing?
I am definitely in a love of asking questions phase. Simply because it helps me review and ponder any habitual patterns of behaviours that are fixed in my life. This article and the comments that follow provide rich opportunities to do just that. Thank you.
I love how you are asking questions to review and ponder habitual patterns of behaviours. I feel inspired by you to do this more, and can see how if we do this more a lot of things that seem to be normal actually do not make sense!
This is an important subject and a great blog. I actually found it is the normalising of alcohol that drew me into it, or should that be, the pressure of being considered not normal to not drink that first carried me towards alcohol. It would be interesting to see how many kids would get drawn to become drinkers in the first place if there wasn’t a stigma attached to not wishing to drink alcohol, I would imagine a great many less.
It’s interesting that when speaking with many people they don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol when they were teenagers, but it is something that is seen as normal and “should” be doing and then its something that you get used to. You are right that if you don’t choose to drink there is a stigma attached… I chose to not drink and I felt an enormous pressure and judgement when I went out because of this. If this stigma wasn’t there then perhaps many teenagers wouldn’t be so drawn into drinking?
Your twist on the question here Stephen is spot on. “The pressure of being considered not normal”. Looking at it that way is massively revealing. And is a question that could be applied to many, many other areas of our lives. Powerful.
It always amazes me how it is seen as not normal to have alcohol. Often the first thing people ask me when I tell them I am not drinking is “am I driving”? It is almost as though it defies belief that someone would choose not to drink by choice, so readily accepted is its use in our society.
I agree Adam, when I stopped drinking, others asked what was wrong with me, as if what they were doing was normal and what I was choosing was not. I now realise that others can feel really uncomfortable when they see another is choosing something that exposes what they are doing is not true for them, but they are choosing it anyway.
Having read your blog it is clear the effects of alcohol are destructive to oneself and the bystanders and what makes it worse is that it is so widely accepted as normal. I welcome the days when alcohol is seen for the harmful substance it truly is.
So much in the world is abnormally normal and alcohol is without doubt one big problem. It has saturated billions of lives and is eradicating our existence on this planet and rotting us from the inside out. Your blog is the disturbing truth of what is the instigator of many crimes, abuse and violence and its inception for many starts with the happy Sunday BBQ with friends at a young age, how harmless that seems.
Brendan that is a great point, I remember as a child thinking it made no sense and was a horrible thing, yet, as I grew up it was so “normal” – so I too accepted what was “normal”. What stands out in what you say, is that we have common sense yet for some reason we do not use it. After all, I never spoke with any friends about whether drinking poison was a good idea or not!
Yes, I agree Ariana. The tipping point has been reached with smoking and it surely must happen in the case of alcohol too. I heard on the news recently about more child/teen related issues in regards to drinking and hospital submissions both from teens drinking and the effects of parents drinking on their children. In the latter case children were physically harmed by their parents who drank. And, as this blog describes there is the emotional pain and trauma of living with disconnected relationships.
Wow, this is an amazing blog that really gets to the heart of the deception in ‘normal’. Just because a whole lot of people do the same thing doesn’t make it ‘normal’. I can feel this now but when I was a kid I was caught up in this false normal. I too have come to know that what I felt, that was out of place as a child, was indeed true. Now as an adult I am allowing myself to feel all this again, but this time I am trusting myself. I am seeing more clearly what is truly normal now, Love, Integrity, True Health, Honesty, Truth and so much more.
Great exposé on Alcohol in our society and not only focussing on alcohol as the problem, but the deeper issues where alcohol is used as a mask.
Anonymous, I can relate to a lot of the points you have listed under functional and disconnected relationships. What I have learnt from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is that I can never truly connect to another unless I truly connect with myself first. The way I look after myself in my day to day living and learning to honour what I feel, have made me start to truly appreciate myself, and that in itself is making a huge change in my life.
Alcohol in our society and many others could be regarded as religion, much like sport in Australia. It’s sought after, worshiped, put our body on the line for and taken in without question. The effects of alcohol are insidious and only observed physically over a period of time, with often very devastating effects on our body and mind. And yet despite all of that is freely available, widely accepted and often encouraged.
‘Dependent on a substance and has formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance’. As a definition for addiction (whilst here applied to the abuse of alcohol) I see this play out with so many other substances and behaviours. I have observed in myself that many times I have ‘given up’ something only to replace it with something else. This something else may look superficially better (smoking out, over eating in, for example), but the real crux is that I have not looked behind the behaviour to reveal, and therefore have the potential to resolve, whatever it is that leads me to the ‘addictive’ behaviour in the first place. My feeling is that this is a pattern that plays out enormously in the world, swopping the substances (behaviours) we are addicted to, simply because we choose not to get to the nub of what needs attending to and healing. My work with Universal Medicine continues to support me in very practical ways to keep peeling the layers and in so doing I feel ever more liberated from encumbrances I have lived with unknowingly for ages.
As a society we do tend to normalise alcohol. For me I have come from a childhood where I experienced drinking around me, so for me as an adult with my own family now I don’t allow alcohol in my house because I don’t want my children to feel what I did when growing up. People are always shocked when I invite them over and let them know it’s an alcohol free zone.
Yes, there is much in life that we have accepted as normal but it is so not normal. You have indicated many examples (each which I can relate) but what is beautiful is that you have been able to find and celebrate a ‘new’ normal … a true and loving normal. Your blog is inspiring for me and is sure to inspire many others.
I agree Maree, very inspiring. We do just accept many things as ‘normal’, mostly to do with all the examples as described in this blog. Because we grew up with these things as being normal, it does actually take someone to come along and reflect a something different. Only then can you see that there is another way to live. One that is free of alcohol and it truly is a grander way of being.
During a recent stay at an hotel abroad, we were invited to attend the General Manager’s evening get-together for guests. Out of about 50 people we were the only two not drinking alcohol, which raised a ‘few eyebrows’ when requesting water whilst champagne was flowing! Pre- Universal Medicine presentations, I would have chosen the champagne for sure – I am loving taking care of my body in the way it asks for now.
Just as an aside Stephanie, I too have had that experience of being the only one not drinking alcohol. One example steps forward in my mind – on holiday, on tour, lunch provided and alcohol included free. To say that it was difficult to arrange for me to have a glass of water in lieu is an understatement – and I was asked to pay for it. Interesting to observe the ‘normal’ at times such as these.
Having experienced the same situations as you Roberta, I agree that it is; “Interesting to observe the ‘normal’ at times such as these.” The judgement that comes from everyone else is almost tangible, as they look at you as not being “normal” if you’re not drinking. In the past I would have swayed in the face of this judgement, but not now; I love myself too much to drink a substance that has been proven to be so very harming to our bodies, and in turn, to our lives.
This is an important article that exposes the insidious way of the acceptance of alcohol as a normal part of our day, and especially social interactions, is passed from generation to generation. As adults we are role models for the young, each and everyone of us, so it shows that how we each live every day creates the world we live in.
I agree, the cycle of life continues from parent to child unless as we become an adult we choose to step out of that cycle and live our way.
This is true hartanne60 for when we accept the abnormal as normal without question we close our eyes to the harm it is causing and the cycle is allowed to continue from household to household, generation to generation.
It’s interesting as a society that we so easily accept something as normal especially if it is something that has been done for eons. Alcohol continues to be an accepted part of life, yet the many ways it harmfully impacts upon those who use it continues to grow – it seems it is not until those impacts hit close to home that there is a stopping point. Even then the messages around alcohol are mixed, don’t drink as it is harmful, but come have a drink to relax and socialise. It isn’t till we question the norm that things begin to change – thanks for taking the time to really explore our relationship with alcohol and revealing it is in fact not normal.
As you say Jade, “it’s interesting as a society that we so easily accept something as normal especially if it is something that has been done for eons.” Imagine how different it would be if children were raised to just be themselves naturally so, instead of being raised to accept what is considered normal. If this were ever to be the case we could have a very different ‘normal’ and alcohol would be one of the first things to go!
Anne whats really interesting is that as a child many of us, myself included, saw so many things in the world that did not make sense. We were educated to see them as normal – so in fact we already and naturally knew what was true. It’s a crazy situation when our children live with more wisdom than most adults!
I agree Anne. If we all were raised to naturally be ourselves in a way that in essence builds our natural qualities instead of according to today’s norm, without doubt we all would definitely be questioning what is actually considered today’s norm.
Well said Jade. It is only when alcohol effects our family or friends that we stop and question whether this is normal. Why do we still not call out the harm when the alarming rates of abuse in the world are clearly evident?
A great expose on the harm that alcohol does, thank you.
Great blog! A shot of vodka was my medicine as a child and for our family it was the norm. I knew there was more to life and could see all around me that people could not see it. It was years until I found what I knew as truth expressed and I have Serge Benhayon to thank for that.
“All over the world there are zillions of kids who are living amongst alcohol consumption
KNOWING that the life it is making them live is wrong” – and yet we as adults call it normal. This blog brings a strong awareness of the huge need for change in our world today.
I agree, it was normal for me. I don’t even remember how much my parents drank. As they felt distant most of the time, when they drank alcohol they were basically nice and distant. All so very normal…
Alcohol was also definitely normal in my upbringing to Christoph. In fact only those who did not drink stood out as being different or a little bit strange.
There is a lot being said lately about “lifestyle choice”, and drinking alcohol is considered an unhealthy lifestyle choice. Our understanding that alcohol is not good for you is evidenced by the gradual lowering of the “recommended daily intake” of alcohol from two standard drinks to one standard drink per day. It won’t be long before this recommendation changes again to say that the safest amount of alcohol to drink per day is nothing!
Thank you for your insightful blog – although alcohol did not play a big part in my life as a child all the disfunction was still present. It felt so confirming to realise that all along the feelings and experiences I had as a child were not as good as it gets – that there was another way and as you say ‘I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along’. This is all thanks to the support and love of Serge Benhayon and all the amazing Esoteric Practitioners it has been my privilege to meet.
I used and abused alcohol for years so I can’t really point the finger, but after stopping I can now observe the change in people even after only a couple of beverages and can quite honestly say this is not normal.
It is only when we really examine our lives and look at all the choices we have made that we realise the true harm that has come from some of these choices. How beautiful not to blame your parents and have understanding and acceptance of their choices. Thank you for sharing your experience.
These are the stories that need to be told, to start , however slowly, because it will be slow, a groundswell of rejection of what we have been told is ‘normal’: the consumption of such a destructive poison as alcohol. The police will tell you about the alcohol fuelled violence they face EVERY DAY, the ambulances how they unravel drunk people from their smashed cars, the domestic violence units how they help to piece together the lives shattered by this addiction. The statistics are there, and people will blindly choose to keep numbing themselves until we all say , no this is enough, poison is poison.
How important is it then to reflect to society, the kids and the adults around us, that alcohol is not ‘the normal’ and actually causing so much harm to our bodies and to our relationships to others and ourselves?
Most parents are aware that alcohol is not good for their youngsters, but how to defend this knowing and make it approachable to them, if oneself is holding a glass of alcohol while talking about how bad it actually is. What do the kids see, feel and hear then? The same with society – as an example: in schools alcohol is forbidden, due to the damage it causes. But how comes that at the school celebrations with parents suddenly alcohol is allowed on the school yard? This is contra productive – but a normal..
Also for example in Germany, it is allowed to drink beer and other ‘soft alcoholic drinks’ when one turns 16. And suddenly from one day to another parents give their responsibility to a law which does not truly support their kid. Because that is ‘normal’.
So here true role models can make a change. Those people who reflect to the society that the way it actually is – it’s not the way.
So much truth and honesty in this article. Thank you. A true exposure of the harm and damage that alcohol causes and the ripple effect that harms so many.
One of so many of our distractions, stimulants and suppressants; alcohol is the socially acceptable ticket to check out from life; with so many people enduring each day knowing that their relief is close by (clock watching until the time they can have a drink). Isn’t this madness?
Thank you so much. What I would love to say to every kid would be: just be you and trust your feelings. I relate to what is being shared. I have felt the same when I was very young, feeling so much that was not right, but seeing everyone acting normal about it (actually numb, and not responding to everything that was going on), this made me doubt my own feelings, and made me withdraw from my initial feeling – which was the truth. Coming back now, after doing this for so long (not knowing any other way), I now do and can so clearly see that what I was feeling all that time, was true and I will never step away from that anymore. I have found my way – my way of folllowing my own truth and standing for it!
Alcohol is NOT normal. thanks for making it so clear. I see so much that people harm themselves and know that they are doing it but just don’t know how to cope if they were to say NO to alcohol and possibly face rejection by their peers and friends.
I’m feeling very still after reading your blog. For me it’s got 2 themes. The child who’s got nowhere to go from what they feel – still much to be discovered for myself. And how sad it is to truly realise that so so many children are suffering from being raised up in a family where alcohol is the accepted normal. Generation after generation. Who will be the generation that stops this ill accepted norm? Where there’s no goal. In the sense that it is not about people not drinking alcohol, but that we can allow each other to be ourselves so we won’t need alcohol anymore to numb ourselves. How would the world look like than? My life feels definitely a lot better since giving up alcohol years and years ago. And not because I can’t drink alcohol, but because I can now see and feel the damage that it does. So there’s an inner-choice, a lived choice that will never change again.
Thank you Floris, I totally agree, it became my simple choice from my inner-self, a lived choice that I now feel is so normal.
Coming back to your amazing blog Anonymous, I love the postscript. When a situation is so normal for so long and over many generations, then it is not so easy to break free from it. It also takes a lot of courage. Great blog.
When taking a step back and looking at the situation I find it bizarre that something which can effect our health so badly is normalised and accepted by society at large.
Alcohol hurts people in the most insidious and discreet ways.
It’s interesting to understand that what’s normal behaviour for one person is a completely different way for another. We each have to feel what is our own normal, and honour that, no matter what society says. It is sad that alcohol is acceptable but it is possible that can change, as the acceptance of smoking has been changed over the past 20 years. There is no ‘normal’ that is right for everyone; my own ‘normal’ is what’s right for me.
Alcohol is yet another one of things in life that we use to manage the things we cant deal with. No matter what the tradition, what the custom, how much it is said to be about honour or family or manhood or being cool, alcohol has never been good for the body. The only sensible thing I can think it might be good for is antiseptic on a wound in an emergency. But as for drinking it for ‘pleasure’, if you remove culture from the mix, it becomes obvious how ridiculous a thing it is to imbibe.
Great point Dean, I totally agree the only sensible thing alcohol is good for is antiseptic for a wound!
Goodness me, this is an exposing account of just how harming the effects of alcohol are on a child growing up. Children growing up should never be put in this circumstance and should never have to ‘deal’ with any parent choosing to numb themselves out with the poisonous substance of alcohol.
Here in Australia, and I assume worldwide by conversations I have within my community, alcohol is severely damaging families, communities and societies. Obviously there is something wrong as we can see just how damaging this is to children of those who drink and no parent really deeply and truly wants to damage and/or hurt their children.
Yesterday I heard some statistics about young people’s consumption of alcohol, and it was actually very encouraging. There is a definite trend for teenagers and 20 year olds to choose to drink less, 17% ten years ago and now 29% last year. Some students were giving interviews, and all of them were very definite about how abusive it was to themselves to drink alcohol, and why. However, the statistic for middle aged to old people has stayed consistent, and there is no sign of them letting up. Since the first people discovered fermentation and its effects, alcohol has been a substance to relieve the tensions of life. It is a hard one to crack open to show the truth that it is not normal, and few believe it, but the young are starting to lead the way.
If we could put history to one side for a moment, discard all experience, indoctrination and ideals around what drinking means and forget about what type of drink you drink and what it might mean about you (wine connoisseur, ale expert, champagne lover) and start again as if trying alcohol for the first time, I feel you would undoubtedly say it does not feel good in my body – just as a kid does the first time they taste it.
That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many ,but fortunately in many circles the tide is turning and people are waking up to the fact that alcohol is severely harmful. More than thirty% of Londoners are now teetotal.
Yes what the ‘norms’ of society hide and foster and they keep moving the norms based on what society is doing. So what was considered normal 10 years ago is actually no longer normal, we continue to step further and further away. It is great we are talking this way to lift the lid on what people do irrespective on what they feel. What you are presenting is through a children’s eyes and the responsibility we have for them and for us. There is no such thing as responsible drinking, it’s just a term and not an action. If we were truly responsible then there would be no place for drinking alcohol. This is not a criticism of people who are drinking but a fact of what I see and my experience.
I love what you say about how your family ‘ticked’ all the boxes but it still wasn’t ‘it’. You were just going through this process and being able to share it like you have has already lifted part of the vale of this. It shows me clearly that don’t always trust what you see but always trust what you feel and then you can never be fooled.
I grew up in an Italian household where the consumption of wine was the norm amongst everyone I knew. Even our local priest would drink a glass of wine with his meal. Wine was also drunk for medicinal reasons- said to improve poor vascular circulation, treat anaemia. However, I always knew it to be poison.
Today we only need to look at the ill effects alcohol consumption has on society- car accidents, marital violence/ abuse, physical violence, cancer. This puts more pressure on hospitals, medical professionals and rehabilitation and support groups.
What are we saying ‘ Yes’ to when we consume alcohol?
The ill effects of alcohol consumption are huge. I heard recently that in some Sydney hospitals the staff are refusing to work on a Friday and Saturday night because of the abuse they experience from people who are drunk and admitted to the emergency department on those nights.
Man that’s a powerful piece of writing. It kind of unzips the tightly zipped up cover that protects drinking. What if this piece were to appear in newspapers ! Light bulbs would light up in so many households in so many generatons ! Maybe we could have the caption on alcohol ‘beware if you are drinking this something is wrong, take a minute to ponder what it is before drinking’.
This is such an amazing blog. The normal of society reminds me of the saying, ‘if you can’t beat them join them.’ I tried but I’m so glad I didn’t fully abandon myself to it. I love what you say about discovering new layers of protection. Today I am realising a greater extent to which I survive life -holding my breath until something is over. Your blog reminds me to simply breathe and stay true to what I do know. There is no need to enjoin.
Wow, this is so well said. Why is ‘normal’ not questioned when it is so clearly not working, nor true? It’s only when we see and feel a true ‘normal’ that we can question the other… Thank God for the reflection of the Benhayons and Universal Medicine that has completely transformed my ‘normal’ by showing me there is another way.
Another brilliant prompt to look at all the things in life that are accepted as normal because they are statistically common. Along with alcohol the alarm bells are ringing around the quality of our communication (abusive language and interactions are all too common – the ‘banter’ in schools and workplaces being part of that which feeds violent and sustained abuse), the lack of personal care and taking responsibility for our own health…
Let’s keep opening our eyes.
Yes Matilda, and the more we open our eyes the more there is to see until we get to the stage where we can clearly see through the blanket of illusion and can inspire others to get to the same place.
Indeed the accepted norms of society are precisely what has led humanity to be oblivious to the mess that it’s in.
When we come to a place of understanding and acceptance for our parents/loved ones choice to drink alcohol is truly awesome! I have been so judgemental about those around me choosing to drink alcohol and it still catches me out at times but with commitment to building my relationship with myself it is getting a little easier.
My ‘normal’ has changed dramatically since I met Serge Benhayon and started attending Universal Medicine events some 9 years now. My ‘normal’ used to include anxiety every day, exhaustion every day, a shyness that restricted all of my relationships, a protection that kept people away form me, lack of self-care and self-love … the list goes on.
It would be totally inconceivable for me to live like that today.
My ‘normal’ has changed beyond recognition. My ‘normal’ today includes joy, fun, true friends, connecting with people with ease, a totally new level of looking after and loving myself and generally enjoying life.
And my ‘normal’ is ever growing and evolving me to be so much more than I could ever have imagined all of those years ago!
I have a lot of contact with young adults and observing their regular consumption of alcohol disturbs me. However, I am trying very hard not to judge, but instead, through the way I choose to live, offer another way to be.
Stories like these need to be told far & wide…..to break down the illusion that this is normal. It is not. And I am very grateful to be free of alcohol and be amongst people who are showing their friends and families that there is another way to be. Thank you for sharing your story.
Even though alcohol is accepted as normal, if we really think about it, we know that the abuse, violence, ill health, family breakdown and relationship issues that are all associated with alcohol are seriously damaging our society. Once we accept alcohol is normal we also accept all that goes with it as normal. This makes no sense at all and yet it all continues as if it was normal. Normal has become very warped indeed.
Exactly Vicky and what I found interesting today is that because alcohol is considered so normal even social services staff who are in charge of supporting their service users not to abuse alcohol are themselves more often than not abusing alcohol. It shows how something that is even considered as abuse is considered as normal. Yet in my experience I can confirm alcohol is not normal and the true cost to society is far greater than the tax it brings in.
Anytime I say no to an alcoholic drink I stand out as if I am strange. I look forward to the day when saying yes to an alcoholic drink makes you stand out as different!
I have lived most of my adult years in an environment of socially accepted alcoholism. Everybody drank, including me. I had relationships with what you might call alcoholics. Not that anyone lived on the street, no, everybody had really made it in life, both professionally and functionally.
But many times in these relationships I felt very lonely, it was like ‘knock knock, who’s there?’ There was nobody, at least not the person I knew in essence was there. It took me many years before I stopped trying to change or save other people from alcoholism. I can now accept everyone’s choices because I made a clear choice for myself.
What you share and describe, as your life is so normal I could have been reading the exact story of my life. And yes like you I choose another normal these days. The normal that comes with all the love, integrity and wisdom as presented by Universal Medicine.
Alcohol is so part of our mainstream and ‘normalised’ in our society. But how normal is it really. My relationship with alcohol was always a very dependant one. ie. going out wasn’t ‘normal’ if I didn’t drink. Especially when I was young, I would always try to keep up with the boys and think that was a good thing. Nowadays, it feels totally ‘normal’ to not drink, this feels so much better and I love the reflection I am now able to give others that it is indeed possible, in a society where so many think and believe it is not.
Isn’t it strange… that where the majority of people’s consciousness is at, is what is considered normal? Something to ponder on…
Thank you for sharing your story. I can remember when I was a child and adults would drink around me, I could feel that they had changed… like they became a different person, which I didn’t like, it used to scare me sometimes. But somehow through the years I forgot about how I felt and I too started drinking alcohol at parties, everyone was doing it. But now, I wouldn’t touch a drop of alcohol. I want to be “me” when I’m with my friends, not stimulated in any way. It is a wonderful feeling being able to be yourself without any thing to stimulate you in any way.
It was so touching to read this because I can feel how true it is — how as you say, it is is in the acceptance of alcohol consumption as normal, that the real evil lies. It is very sad to see young children who are in so much of their natural beauty and joy slowly start to leave their own natural loveliness because of the environment around them, an environment that can’t be loving, that cannot hold them tenderly when alcohol is around. There is not an ounce of true tenderness or gentleness in a glass of wine or even just a sip of beer –the ‘acceptable’ drinking we have in society is effectively saying that it’s OK to escape for a bit, ‘relax, and switch off from who I actually am. We don’t realise as adults the damaging effects this has on children, who look up to us for confirmation of their own tenderness and loveliness. When alcohol is in our bodies we cannot give this to them — we give them a hug that’s empty as you say, and this is what the child feels.
This is a topic that will benefit so many to have it more out in the open.
It’s at least clear to certain members of our society – the scientists who understand its chemical composition; the social workers, emergency personnel and police officers who pick up the pieces – that alcohol is a dangerous drug. Seen in this light, a ‘sophisticated’ trip to a winery is no different from a visit to a crystal meth lab.
Whoa! Your comment stopped me. It shocked me. But it is so true. Why is one so accepted and painted in a “pretty picture” yet has the same effect as the other but is just socially acceptable?
Yes me too , I am learning to drop the judgement.
I do not like the taste, feel or smell of alcohol and never did ,
But I overrode this and chose to do what all my friends did for years and talked myself into enjoying it.
Now years later I have let go of thinking alcohol is needed in my life- I am glad to not be drinking it, and I wake up fresh on the weekends.
“Popular” does not equal “normal” – there are so many things that become fashionable, a trend, or are simply not questioned because they are done regularly by a large number of people. This in itself does not make something “normal”, nor can it be used as justification for the behavior or habit, etc. Thank you drawing attention to the damage caused by accepting “normal” without question.
This blog is so beautifully written and deeply understanding – I too grew up this way and it has brought tears to my eyes to read this heartfelt message – Wow! Thank you.
The social acceptance of alcohol is one where governments remain complicit by “licensing” premises and effectively sedating the population. This disconnection from ourselves is so harming. I agree there is another way, and simply by saying no to alcohol we are able to demonstrate this. Many thanks for your blog – Alcohol most certainly is not normal. I no longer ‘enjoy a beer’, but appreciate for those that do, it is their choice and I respect that.
It’s crazy isn’t it? Support by government for alcohol consumption on the one hand, forced to pay the health and societal costs on the other.
Yes it is crazy vicorialister, and why is the connection between the two not investigated and seen?
I agree Victoria. The blind leading the blind and everyone is worse off.
Hello, I was always aware that alcohol was not ‘normal’. Not to say that it wasn’t accepted but from a very young age I saw the affects on people and remember it not making sense. As I grew older I started drinking to ‘be’ with everyone else but still it didn’t make sense and seemed a waste of time and money. I always told my friends that one day I would just stop drinking. At first they thought I was joking but in the end they knew and were waiting for the day and to see if it was true. Then the day came where I knew it was the last time I would drink alcohol. There was no party, marking the calendar or telling everyone. Just a day like any other when I felt something I had known all along, drinking alcohol was horrible and felt awful and so I stopped. The reason I stopped was because I knew it wasn’t good for me. I didn’t need anyone to tell me or scare me into stopping, I just knew it and from a very young age. The reason it took so long wasn’t about me confirming to myself that it wasn’t ‘good’ it was about me putting other things in the way of what I already knew.
I knew the truth of alcohol well before I ever started drinking but I made other things around me more important than that truth. So really I didn’t stop drinking alcohol I just honoured a feeling I had and then drinking alcohol just didn’t make sense.
I did the same, Ray and I too remember seeing how adults changed when alcohol was around and not quite understanding or liking it. When I finally stopped drinking it was simple too – it had never truly made sense and the day finally arrived when I just didn’t want or need it any more.
I too had a similar experience knowing that alcohol was not sitting right with me – at 10 years of age I approached my dad and told him I did not like how he became when he drank alcohol. And after only a couple of initial tastes of alcohol as a teenager, I quickly made the decision to stick to juice or water when I went out with my friends. Still later on, when I got the pressure from ‘friends’ that I ‘should’ drink, I would accept the bottle of beer, head discreetly to the bathroom with it, tip it down the drain and then fill it up with water to sip throughout the evening. But I never dared tell people I did that because of how ‘not normal’ it was to not drink!!! My friends would keep pestering me, saying that I would just get used to it. To me it seemed alcohol was meant to make you feel awful – and this is why people drank it. It made absolutely no sense to me. And I knew this despite living in Switzerland during my teens where a glass of wine at the dinner table was the norm, and that it was seen as normal to offer kids a small glass of ‘house wine’ too.
Ray that makes complete sense and super empowering to honour what you always knew. I’m sure each day is celebration with no party because you feel way better for it and the respect for yourself and your body is inspiring.
I knew all along too Ray, and just chose to drink to fit in, even though I didn’t like the taste or how it made me feel… and the effects were always obvious. Alcohol made me vomit.
No need having to defend stop drinking alcohol. There’s so much more to life than having to patch it up after every intoxication.
Could not agree more Matts.
Exactly! Why waste valuable time continually recovering from ‘intoxication’?! As you say MAS there is so much more to life.
What a great blog. I grew up in a home where alcohol was rarely drunk. This has shown me a deeper level of appreciation for those who have chosen to move away from a lifestyle that society still views as ‘ normal’.
It is a sensitive thing to deal with when we know for ourselves that alcohol feels like poison in our body but people around us are still choosing to drink it. I am learning to drop the judgement and simply make my own choice and claim it gently without preaching.
Great point Rebecca and it is extremely freeing when we do, it leaves the relationship open for true connections and there is no ‘better than’ imposition on the other. They are simply choosing what they feel is right for them at the time, just like if you are choosing not to drink that feels true to you.
I love that ”They are simply choosing what they feel is right for them at the time.” It is so obvious and yet when we have an attachment with them it is not so clear!
I so agree with you Rebecca….no imposing.
Rebecca, I understand what you mean, my work involves serving alcohol; I know when I first gave up alcohol it was difficult to not judge others – mainly because I was still getting used to accepting my choice to give it up. Now after 4yrs, not drinking is my ‘normal’ and I can serve guests without judgement, with a loving smile. What I have noticed too, is the intake of alcohol when I am around people is now less, with others having reduced their drinking, or even given up.
This is great Rebecca. I have also come to this place. Initially when I felt how damaging and poisonous alcohol was I wanted everyone to get it and understand the harm it causes, but I came to this realisation by myself without anyone preaching or influencing my behaviour. It has been my choice, and because I have chosen it I have felt a deeper understanding and knowing of its truth for me. A great lesson in respecting and allowing others to make their own choices.
I see so many things going on in our world at the moment that we have accepted as normal that are so harmful for us, alcohol is a big one. It can feels like at times that we are sinking under the bombardment of messages, with agendas, images and stories manipulating us.
It was Universal Medicine that helped me to reconnect to that fact that there is a choice and it was Ok to say no to drinking. I didn’t ever feel like I had to stop drinking, what I realised is that I didn’t ever stop to consider why I had said Yes to drinking. When I understood some of the reasons I had made that choice in life, I felt like I had a choice and that it was easy to say “No thanks I’don’t choose that any more”. The true gift here was the realisation that I have a choice. I feel like there were so many things that I just said yes to without ever truly stopping to connect to what it is that I said yes to.
I agree Nicole, for me it was the same. I really wasn’t a big fan of alcohol and generally only had alcohol to socialise and ‘fit in’. It was only after it was presented by Serge Benhayon what the possible affects of alcohol were and to truly look at why I was drinking in the first place, that I felt, yes, I can make a choice to not drink which then led me to start to look at the other choices I was making that truly didn’t support me.
“That is the true evil of alcohol. Its acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” This is so true, the question is why this is normal, why is society not willing to see what is at the root of this problem?
In this blog is the sensitivity of the child within us all as it tells it like it is – the way the world is. In so many areas of life, my normal kept me small and resigned to living a certain way where I knew there was another way, but hadn’t a clue how to live it and despite reading volumes on Yoga and Philosophy at an early age, never put together that the true potential was there within me. It took Universal Medicine to bring this simple truth into reality. This was and still is priceless.
Knowing as I do now that there is a choice – it feels very painful to feel, that growing up with alcohol and it’s continued abuse is considered normal. So right you are that then looking to confirm our ‘known’ feelings we cannot so ‘enjoin’ and eke out a survival route through life.
Why is it the norm to spout the phrase, I need a drink, when something goes awry in our lives or we feel pressure from our lives and choices we have freely made. It’s sad to think that that is the first port of call in those situations, and not a prompting to stop and feel the obvious reactions happening in our bodies and seek to look at the cause from our own choices, instead we divert from that and numb or distract ourselves with alcohol to bury the issue, or wash it away, which is never going to happen. It truly reflects our lack of wanting to face our own self made choices and to responsibly deal with them.
Alcohol is pure evil. There is not doubt about it.
“If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11” – This nails it for me…. how many aspects of my life have I turned down from 11 to 9 and think that everything is better.
“If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows.” I love this line as it describes so much of what we choose to accept in life as normal, be it alcohol consumption, abuse, lack of self worth, foods we eat, the list could go on.
Thank you for sharing this as this is a matter that is not usually discussed. It has been in the past that if you weren’t being beaten up or abused then you were doing alright. As you said, this then allows us to not listen to our inner knowing. We as children do know that this is not right.
Great blog exposing the so-called alcohol consumption culture of ‘everything is OK as long as you keep it under control’. Though everything looks OK physically there is someone who is denied of their innocence and showing them an unnatural way of being. Time to claim our innocence back and change the flow, so that the appreciation of innocence passes on not the alcohol & keeping it together showcase.
“Because I knew, but nothing was telling me I was right” – this sentence is super powerful for it shows that even though the world can reflect to us absolute dysfunction or dysfunction covered up, that there is something within each of us that knows what love is and what is not.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE
Alcohol is not normal – a very powerful statement in the world we live in today. Much Harm is done and we continue to turn our heads from the missery it’s causing. Thank you for your blog and helping break this immense consciousness.
I can relate to that very much. I remember many parties from my childhood where a lot of alcohol was consumed. They were loud and sounded like a lot of fun. The normal working days were no fun at all, just stress and unhappiness mostly. So I was attracted to alcohol and drugs very early – to escape the daily drudge and have fun.
I agree Rosie, I have reread it several times.. For those of us who grew up with alcohol as a normal thing, this blog presents so many truths… I love the line: “holding it together” so very poignant, it made so much sense to me reading it, as I realise I have been doing that for the most part of my life. Thanks for the honesty and unveiling the truth of what many always felt growing up.
This is a blog for me to read several times and heal my inner world – I can feel it is revealing the old normal with which I grew up.
My mother had an alcoholic father who, I’m told, was alcoholic and violent, not all year, just around each Christmas time – as a result my family did not have alcohol in the house much. When we children were older the adults would have champagne at celebrations, for example.
However.
I now see from this blog that the resulting behaviours of someone growing up with alcoholism in the family were there in our family. I and my siblings grew up with, “… it was normal to have cold, functional, disconnected relationships” …
and, “Normal to think that this somber cloak of denial and subterfuge enveloped every family.”
And these, “cold, functional, disconnected relationships” are still today the way we behave as adults … although since the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has come into my life, the interactions are thawing, slowly, as I thaw and bring that into my interactions with my family without trying, just by being naturally me.
As this blog expresses, I just never even dreamt that a family was different to ours, that there was another way. I had given up at an early age but in my very early thirties, the pushed-down pain of not being met, of giving up on myself and of living in function, could not be denied – within me it erupted like a volcano – although on the outside I still kept it civilised and ‘calm’ – it was the beginning of a long journey to coming home and finding Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, thanks to my own connection with my Soul who got me here and never gives up on me.
It is very confirming for me to read and feel your experiences with growing up with alcohol being used in your family and society this way. The revealing thing is that a baby would not choose to drink alcohol. Never. I can feel how it is held in such love and care just being with alcohol is unimaginable for it. ‘Normal’ becomes the excuse to not be responsible for the otherwise deeply harm-full nature of our self-abusive ways. Nothing should ever be ‘normal’ unless it is coming from Love.
Great blog, it exposes that alcohol is needed to get in contact with each other. But quite the opposite is happening, when are avoiding that intimacy in holding onto our protection mode, whilst we are craving for deep love.
We come to accept so many things as “normal” when they are clearly not. Alcohol is one example , our attitudes towards our bodies is another, how we treat women, our general ill health such as obesity, diabetes- these things unfortunately are common but certainly not “normal”. It’s great to reconsider what we accept and perhaps consider a different point of view.
I love love love this blog. It feels like something I would write and I still enjoy re reading it.
This is a great blog as it exposes societies views that drinking alcohol is “so normal”. Is it possible that there is a deeper craving to connect to others that we are all wanting that is not found in a glass or bottle of alcohol.
It is interesting that “Normal” is only normal because it appears to be accepted by the majority. It doesn’t make it right. This blog resonated with me because I too lost trust in myself and what I was feeling due to the normality of life for everyone else. Thank you for this insight.
This is so true Karen, ‘It is interesting that “Normal” is only normal because it appears to be accepted by the majority. It doesn’t make it right’, for me and my immediate family it is our normal NOT to drink alcohol, myself and my partner have not drunk for years, we don’t have alcohol in the house and have said to friends and family that our house is alcohol free when they visit, and so our son is growing up with this being ‘normal’.
Sounds like a good call Rebecca, my parents weren’t very fond of drinking and I’m grateful having had that environment whilst growing up.
What a devastating description of what is being accepted as normal. There are two huge points I take from this blog – the held back love, described as ‘cold, functional and disconnected relationships’ are not helped by adding alcohol to the mix and the damage it does to a child when the child feels the desolation and isolation yet to all appearances the house looks lovely, there are toys, ample food, holidays, birthday parties, friends- it looks normal but to the child I does not feel normal. As an adult with the support and love of Serge Benhayon gently encouraging me to feel the energy behind alcohol I was easily able to choose not to drink alcohol. When I stopped drinking it became very easy to feel in my body it is not normal to hold back love yet it has not been so clear cut to change these disconnected behaviours I learned in childhood from this murky ‘normal’. As Anonymous wrote- there are now mask after mask and layer after layer of protection – thankfully Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Healing Practitioners gently support in working through this too.
In my work with homeless people, I see every day people who are just so beautiful and precious. What I am noticing is that many have given up drinking or taking other drugs, because in their 50’s, 60’s or 70’s they can feel how it has harmed them. The fight against themselves is long gone and there is a resignation in them. I can feel that what we know deep within is now accepted ~ that life with alcohol as a means to numb our lives is not normal. I can feel a gentleness emerge when I meet my clients with an understanding of each person’s preciousness.
Alcohol consumption in my family was encouraged from very young. We were invited to taste and sample from the age of 8 and were joining the adults having alcohol with meals by the age of 10. My sense now was this was because it made it more normal and acceptable for the adults who were drinking excessively, supporting their social culture. I gave up alcohol at 24 having a sense from somewhere that it was a deep root of ill and remember being wide-eyed about how uncomfortable that made a lot of people feel.
This is so familiar – ‘And thus I gave up. I started coping. Putting on mask after mask, layers and layers of protection. I became an expert at life. At doing. At surviving. At coping.’ – Once I realised this, with the support of Serge Benhayon and his teachings from the Ageless Wisdom, it became so obvious that this was just an old old way of being that I was choosing to live – to not take responsibility for what I felt and knew to be true. With everyone around me telling me and showing me otherwise, I didn’t want to look or seem to be different. Now I can stand here and feel that actually I cannot deny my truth any longer. Being all of me in all that I do is first and foremost a precious place to start my days. In this it is impossible to be ‘given up’ – feeling completely and absolutely open to what life is offering, and going for it, is indeed the only way.
Thank you – this is an awesome sharing of your experience as it brings me to a greater awareness of my own feelings and experience as a child. All the celebrating I saw around alcohol as a child felt fake. I played along. That’s what everyone else seemed to be doing, but in truth I could feel that no one was actually happy when they drank alcohol even though people put on smiles and the conversation always seemed jovial and animated. This is what was so confusing – I had a feeling inside that something wasn’t right when they drank – I couldn’t feel them anymore, just a cold empty feeling from their body and when I looked into their eyes they didn’t seem to be there. But no one talked about this – everyone seemed very accepting and more-so were very encouraging of drinking. I became a naughty child and I feel that this was in order to get attention as for much of the time my parents were drinking and I couldn’t actually connect with them…
Dear Anonymous I am so glad to have read your blog. To read, ‘I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong,’ is so helpful with coming back to me.
It reminds me the self-doubt that can come into my head can do so because I look to the world for answers when it is often crazy, or, at best trying to find solutions from a point of ‘normal’ that isn’t wisdom or love.
Now I am connecting more to what I feel to be true from within I am building a trust in myself. I can see clearly what’s at play in situations and say what needs to be said. When this isn’t received well I can stay with myself. This allows me to feel whether what came out was loving or not.
This is so different from judging what I say and do by referring to how what I say is received – something I did before Universal Medicine. With their love and support I have been able to stand by me and learn to trust what I feel to express is worth expressing. Some days I maybe a little tentative but I am building that trust for me and the world’s ability to receive love in expression.
A powerful exposing and beautiful blog. Thank you.
Practising the ability to consume alcohol to fit into a way of living that you know deep down is not normal or in any way okay was my adolescent experience. Being reminded of the loveliness within me and encouraged to honour that by Serge Benhayon was the godsend that so very quickly became my way and which is truly normal if not entirely common.
Just re-reading your words I was touched again by the phrase “holding it together”. What I feel your blog shows is that far from helping us out these crutches we find to help us get through life are truly insidious. For would it not be better for our life to fall ‘apart’ and for us to confront our issues, than to wander on for years, ‘half-cut’? I feel what you have touched on here anonymous is that false belief, that whatever happens we must push through. What if the greatest thing we can do, is, actually, to stop?
Beautifully shared Joseph. What if we were to just stop and feel..
Wow – what if our greatest injuries as human beings are not the intense dramas or accidents that we see, but the resigned acceptance of life as it is, as ‘normal’? It feels like this belief keeps us from connecting to the true knowing you so precisely describe Anonymous. What a great blog.
Alcohol was normal for me and for my family of origin but then so was disconnection, emotional outbursts and hangovers! I can still recall the embarrassment of hearing my youngest daughter ask when we were going to stop celebrating… she was about 5. We now know what true celebration is thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Thank you for this stunning blog. I could feel you in every word…and me.
Beautiful blog exposing the true harm of alcohol and disconnection from each other.
This is so true – “That is the true evil of alcohol. Its acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.” The true evil in anything that takes us away from who we truly are. We can see through so many untruths as children, until as you have shared the untruths become so normal that our commitment to ourselves is clouded. So inspiring, how you saw through this so called ‘norm’ for what it was, by simply looking at true role models and therefore seeing your parents as well for who they truly are.
How does something that is harmful and not ok for people younger than 18, suddenly become ok and ‘normal’ when you turn 18?
Awesome question David, 18 is a very arbitrary point and quite nonsensical if objectively contemplated! If it is harmful on one side of 18 – it certainly is on the other side too!
I agree Janene, as David says 18 is such an arbitrary age – if something is damaging to us before we turn 18 surely it is after as well! Yet because the body is developed more than when younger it is thought it will have less damaging effects on the body and so can be seen as ok – it is effectively like we are saying the body can take this much abuse and come back from it but when it is developing we have to look after it more. Surely we should always look after our bodies?
Yes, strange how we can tell our children that it is bad for them one day, and then celebrate and say it is okay the next?
This is such a great point to make.
It made me sad to read about what was normal for you growing up, and made me think about all the other people and what may be normal for them. It’s a shocking reality. This blog highlights the fact that so many know something is not okay in the world but maybe can’t articulate what it is when younger, as everything else is showing the same thing – that the ‘what’s not true or okay’ is ‘normal’ and ‘okay’. Your lines here are powerful “I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling” And “It’s obvious. It’s science. its evolution”. I had the exact same feeling when I was younger and no doubt others did as well. This blog also highlights that we know what is true and what’s okay, also that that is all we want- to feel love. It’s really great to know that there are people now willing to stand up for that so that other people get to see that there is actually another way and have the option and now the know how to choose different to what is considered normal.
Anonymous, thank you for sharing the truth – very powerful.
Growing up I was regularly around parties or social gatherings where there was alcohol to varying degrees. As a small child I could feel the effect the alcohol had on people, even though at times the visible side effects could not be seen I always felt them. Oh my gosh! Just now in remembering & sharing this I have become aware of why I don’t like socialising, entertaining or having friends around to my home and never have. I have associated this with how awful it felt as a child when I would be at these gatherings. Wow! I never associated the two before. Thank you Anonymous. Gosh! Back to what I was going to first share was that even thought it felt awful as a child simply watching adults drink, I myself ended up drinking and rather heavily at different stages through out life myself. Thankfully about 8 years ago I saw my own reflection, so to speak, in my son’s eyes and instantly was taken back to when I was a child & how that felt – and that was it, I haven’t had a drop since. So I too had succumbed to the “norm” but the upside of that is now I can be a reflection of going against the ‘norm’ with choosing to not drink. This is felt and seen by the people around me and I am very thankful that they have an opportunity to learn from my past and current experience.
yes – this blog talks about what is considered “normal” but what is definitely not. It’s a bit like thinking that the earth is flat and not having any concept or ability to communicate something different.
It is the saddest thing to think that it is normal to bring a precious baby into the world, provide love nurturing and protection and then just a few short years later around teenage hood we sanction that child to a life of poisoning itself with alcohol. Worse still we celebrate this and think its normal, its not normal, its weird.
It sure is weird, and where is the “caring” parent in that scenario?
This blog really highlights how alcohol is just a “normal” in our society. My father calls alcohol a “social lubricant” and has told me that it is helpful for people to use it for this purpose!! When did it become okay to drink something that is classed a “poison”. It does not make sense.
“When did it become okay to drink something that is classed a “poison”.” Ever since we wanted to check out from life and found an effective way to do so. We administer just enough of this poison for it to not to kill us quickly yet have an altering effect on the mind and body. In this way it is no different from nicotine and all the other chemicals we consume as drugs.
“Society accepts alcohol. So, for my parents and their friends, their consumption and my mother’s consumption was normal.” I too was surrounded by alcohol drinking parents and their friends. They even had a cellar where they kept wine and I had nightmares as a child, trying to fly above it all. Alcohol was, and is, considered normal. At a recent celebration I was encouraged to “just have a drop” as I surely couldn’t toast a celebration with water!
It occurs to me we could write a whole series of articles like this that would challenge the so called “norm”, and perhaps offer a new way… e.g. “Fighting is not normal”, “Drugs are not normal”, “Bullying is not normal”…
Absolutely Heather and yet simply working on our own relationship with ourselves is all that is needed to truly offset the current trends and disharmonious way of living.
Love this Heather, time to redefine normal! The students of the Livingness are already starting to do this, through the blogs, through Unimed Living, through the events offered by the College of Universal Medicine. By publicly sharing the way that we now live we are already re-defining what it is to be ‘normal’!
I feel we all innately know that Alcohol is not normal. Who tastes alcohol for the first time and actually likes it? I remember having to train myself to drink it, knowing that my body was actually rejecting it. The peer pressure around me at the time was enormous, and I simply wanted to be part of the crowd. It then just became a habit and just something that everybody did. When I began to say no to drinking alcohol I remember the angry responses in my friends which confused me at the time. Now I understand that my choice to not drink was exposing them in their need to drink which made them feel very uncomfortable. Now it is my ‘normal’ not to drink, and I have no problem expressing this to anyone. In fact when I claim it so strongly it inspires other people to admit they actually don’t want to drink either. It cannot be a natural norm for anything that harms the body so much to be thought of as ‘normal’. We need to at least be honest about why we are drinking it.
Well put Rebecca, I too remember struggling to enjoy the flavour of alcohol, which confirms to me as well that my body was clearly telling me that this was not beneficial for me. We work very hard to override these messages (smoking is a classic example) and convince ourselves that this is a socially acceptable, normal habit and that ‘all things in moderation’ are okay. I drank alcohol to numb my depression and isolation. Once I learnt how to connect to myself through the Gentle Breath, then my need to numb myself began to steadily diminish. Once I had established this, the need to drink alcohol vanished.
Thank you anonymous, it has allowed me to feel a little bit more of my own experience as a child. A gift.
I can relate to your article when you describe the life you knew as a child as something that you felt inside to be wrong, but eventually accepted it as normal, thus denying and suppressing your inner knowing of what was true. I too am discovering the amazement and glory that you described later on in your article: discovering a true way of living where what I feel inside to be true is honoured and trusted; and discovering how beautiful I am, others are and the world is when we are living from this truth.
Thank You anonymous for writing about a child’s truth and how you have discovered that is the truth. The majority of us were born into families that were doing their best, and their best was nothing close to truth: that we are all born in love. Unfortunately we ‘lose’ it as we grow up to fit in and to become ‘normal’.
Powerful article…”If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows.”
…this is so true, there are so many volume 9 behaviours that tell kids growing up that they are wrong but…
“the more normal and happy it looks on the outside, the more confused and messed up the kid is on the inside. Because I knew, but nothing was telling me I was right.”
many people don’t know how to deal with someone that does drink… they try to make NOT drinking a problem or strange…when it’s so very simple and natural not to.
I was on a plane recently where there were 3 young women behind me talking for the whole flight about their alcoholic fueled escapades and championing it and wearing their stories like a badge of achievement, and clearly proud of their behaviour while under the influence of alcohol. How sad it is to see 3 absolutely gorgeous young women needing to enjoin in these self destroying choices to feel accepted or recognized and we as a society support that by choosing to see it as normal. We were not brought up with alcohol when young so what causes us to choose to take something that is not necessary for our wellbeing and in fact disregards it. In choosing it are we not numbing ourselves from feeling the very thing that is there to support us no matter what we throw at it. Should self respect, not be the norm?
I am really noticing recently that when I am interacting with people at a social gathering these days, they drink a lot less alcohol without me saying a word or judging them at all. It’s a very interesting observation.
How true are your words!
I have been one of those ‘zillion’ kids. And after attending courses with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I took the chance to talk about this with every person in my life. Now I am no longer the bizzare person who doesn’t consume alcohol. People treat me with respect for my decisions and start to think about why they drink alcohol.
Thank you for sharing your story in such an open manner. I too grew up with alcohol around me and this was considered normal. We lived on a remote property and the country roads were often filled with drunken people weaving their way home after drinking alcohol at the pub. If the effects of alcohol were suddenly the symptoms of some new disease there would likely be immediate campaigns to find a cure. The crazy thing is that we do the opposite as we continue to promote alcohol under banners like “ok in moderation” as you said. But that’s about as useful as being a little bit pregnant! Either alcohol is a problem or it isn’t. If it is, then we need to say so giving us the opportunity to live lives that stop promoting this unhelpful crutch. Thank you so much for your post, very inspiring.
I can totally relate to what you say, and love what you have called out as NOT normal and yet it is accepted as a way of living just because they are still able to function. I know that after giving up alcohol and at first feeling like I was the outsider, I was able to see things far more clearly than ever and know that my choice to not drink is in fact more normal!
This is a touching and amazing sharing, thank you. You have truthfully exposed the insidious harm through the level of acceptance around alcohol. But all of this time, all the children in all the homes who are brought up with this as a normal reflection are too also feeling just as you did- that it’s not true. Through the reflection of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are reflected the truth and the normal of life lived lovingly- today I am blessed to say that this lived love through caring and self nurturing choices is my normal and the normal of my family.
A great blog on alcohol. I’ve never felt better since giving alcohol away.
I understand the normalising of alcohol it exists in my family also, in fact I am considered the one with a problem because I choose not to drink!
I attended a seminar with autism experts that are paid to design programmes which reduce stress and assist in managing children with complex needs – and to my surprise alcohol was advocated repeatedly as the stress relief preference.
In a world that normalises alcohol those who do not drink will stand out in their choice to not accept, and can thus create a new way that can support others to see choosing not to drink alcohol can be normal too.
To the author of this blog: brilliantly, truthfully and respectfully said on all counts. It takes great courage of heart to truly speak up and not only question what has been so broadly and intensively as ‘normal’, but to call it for being anything but ‘normal’.
I agree with every word.
This is so well felt into and written. I too lived with the normalcy of alcohol, enjoined and did it well into my 40’s. I love seeing written that the little child knew all along there was something wrong with this picture. I knew as a child and it wasn’t until I started to reconnect to my love as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I gave the little girl permission to accept that she knew and continues to know. Thanks for this message of truth and hope.
Growing up I never liked Alcohol. It was very normal and very much in my life from a young age. I can remember going and getting my dad a beer in primary school when he was drinking with his mates. We would ask for a sip, have one and screw our face up in disgust. I remember asking dad how he could drink that – it was awful. He said that you get used to it and then you start to like it.
Thank you anonymous for exposing the truths and the effects on children around alcohol consumption in our society. It has now become “normal” to drink large amounts of alcohol in the teenage years. This was not “normal” when I was growing up so the “normal” bar has dropped even further. I remember being scared of adults drinking when I was a child but I went on to be one of those scary adults myself. I have not consumed alcohol for 28 years but I have become seen as the “abnormal” one in my family and in society. I am always amazed and sad when I hear comments from television presenters about how “normal” and acceptable the consumption of alcohol is.
Yes this is a snapshot of how the unnatural has become normal even though it’s not. What I notice is that there has to be an enormous ache within us to make alcohol something we accept even though we dearly know that the body is not accepting it.
It’s not even built to handle it, but it does it still.
‘ … am now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me, and that reside in all of humanity.’ Thank you Anonymous for outing the fact that alcohol, like all other drugs, is not normal and does prevent us from living a full and loving life.
Kathryn, what you write in your comment gives me a picture of just how much alcohol has helped cause humanity to separate from love.
The so-called and well known normal has the strongest hold over us as we have no marker that confirms us otherwise – until we again develop and trust such a marker that then allows us to see the normal for what it really is and layer by layer set ourselves free from its illusionary reality.
A very powerful article and a wake-up call to the current society. Things that are (and have become) accepted or considered “normal” currently, are, in fact, cause of great concern.
In response to saying no to a beer or a wine, I have often had the reply:
“You can’t trust a man who doesn’t drink. A man who doesn’t drink has something to hide”.
Someone no doubt passed that lie onto him, and another before that …
But the obvious point here is the curse that this is on men.
Alcohol can not only be deeply physically and emotionally damaging, but also psychologically damaging, to the point that it is used to perpetuate false ideals about what a real man is.
The truth is a man who drinks is avoiding feeling something. I know because I (like many) have done it hundreds of times, and it was a way to hide…
The line that was very revealing for me personally was ‘To my ability to accept love, intimacy and the truth.’
I too grew up in a family where alcohol was considered normal…it was NOT normal for me…it was scary and the above line allows me to feel just how much my layers of protection (created in reaction and as a coping mechanism) have inhibited my ability to both express and receive Love!
Thank you, Serge Benhayon, who found a crack in my walls and shone the light in so brightly that I have been able to see that those walls are NOT me and this has inspired me to begin the work of demolishing them!!
Thank you anonymous for sharing your story. The damaging effects of alcohol can be seen through all levels of society, but unfortunately alcohol is accepted as ‘normal’.
Great blog.
So many people do not realise the extent of the damage that alcohol can cause.
And it all feeds itself as it keeps getting passed down the generations as normal.
Not only does alcohol harm the consumer of it, but also everyone that is around it.
Great post. The problem with society is we look at the extremes of ill health, and use that extreme to gauge our own relationship with our health. It appears to me that the only difference between what we call “an alcoholic” and someone who just drinks regularly in moderation in truth is that the latter knows better how to manage their behaviour, when in truth, both are relying on alcohol as a crutch to assist them through life. Understandable, given that life is not easy, but it would serve us all as a society to be much more honest about what is really going on for all of us collectively, rather than live under the illusion that because we do not end up in the gutter every day, that we are not struggling also to deal with all that we feel in life.
Yes Adam. We seem to simply accept that we need ‘crutches’ such as alcohol in our lives without question. ‘Well of course I have crutches’ is the apparent refrain – ignoring the fact that we have ‘broken our legs’ in the first place!
Thankyou for sharing your blog anonymous. You highlight beautifully the alcohol trap and how ingrained it is as acceptable in our society. But unfortunately there is a reason people drink alcohol. A multitude of reasons really but when I look back on my own habit I used to drink alcohol for several reasons. 1, to give my exhausted body a big sugar hit to get me through the rest of the day if I was tired (and of course when you are exhausted you are tired all the time). 2, to help me ‘de-stress and sleep’ better. (But then again I also thought my smoking habit de-stressed me too – oh the games our mind can play on us). 3, for its anaesthetic properties and ability to simply numb so I didn’t have to feel what I didn’t want to feel on that particular day. And 4, for social reasons. I believed the illusion that it made me more comfortable and confident within myself and that I had a better time when I was drinking alcohol. 5, because everyone else was drinking around me and therefore my consumption was classified in my mind as completely normal. It never even crossed my mind not to drink alcohol nor that I didn’t need to drink alcohol. Now I choose not drink alcohol. But to stop drinking it, I had to get real and deal with the reasons I chose to drink and address them first and foremost. Believe me it is so worth it, living alcohol free is awesome.
Thank you for your story. The disconnect alcohol created in your life was huge and against all odds your internal compass steered you home. The real you is never faulty or breakable.
I can relate to your blog here very much: as a child I remember spying on my mother having a cigarette and a glass of red wine every night after she had put we kids to bed. I knew it was wrong and although I challenged her on the cigarettes I never challenged her on the wine – because that was ‘normal’ and even considered ‘healthy’. Yet it was the same coping mechanism as the cigarettes – something to take the edge off my mother’s emptiness that was affecting the whole family picture – as we each were in our way too. I also share your deep appreciation for Universal Medicine and the Benhayon family – I now live with fullness of my own inner knowing of love — and so does my mother.
This article could have been written exactly about my childhood too. I can trace all the steps of the ‘normalisation’ of alcohol and my own alcohol abuse back to my first sip of dad’s beer at 6 years old, to being the drink’s waiter for my parents’ dinner parties when I was 11 (my job was to make sure our guests’ glasses were never empty), to binge drinking as a teenager, and then to drinking everyday once I started work. My dad had a beer as soon as he got home from work and called it his ‘I deserve it’, a tradition I carried on for over 20 years; except I didn’t even wait until I got home and went straight to the drive through bottle shop 2 minutes from my work!
I stopped drinking effortlessly thanks to the support of universal medicine over 7 years ago. This was miraculous as I thought that stopping, which I knew I had to try and do to recover from alcohol related illness, would be some huge struggle of willpower that would be with me for the rest of my life.
3 simple, practical steps were all it took for me to stop drinking alcohol, but not only that, to not even feel like drinking it again – amazing! I attended a Heart Chakra workshop (now Livingness 1), did the gentle breath meditation which can be found at http://www.universalmedicine.net/meditation.html for 5-10mins twice a day, and read Serge Benhayon’s book ‘The Way It Is’. http://www.universalmedicine.net/books.html
It is a true joy to be free of the control alcohol once had over me.
Great David. I feel the joy of being alcohol free too.
A very real and inspiring blog! As a 16 year old, drinking becomes a constant reality that is seen among friends, to which you see them change into completely different people; not the true them that you soo deeply love to connect with. You even see mates who drink to simply not feel rejected from their peers for the fact that they wish and know to honour their feelings NOT to drink at all.
A mask of illusion which is always hard to observe.
When I look back at my relationship with alcohol through my teenage years to my early thirties, I can see now that I used alcohol as a means of numbing myself to not really feel what was going on within me and around me. At the time, I didn’t think twice about it was socially acceptable and ‘normal’ – what all young people do. Having given up alcohol some years ago, I can now see just how harming it is, not just to the physical body, but how it disconnects us from ourselves, from feeling what really is going on and from true relating with others.
Alcohol is definitely not normal but it is so normalised in our society. I was a big drinker/partier for many years and it definitely had me under its spell. I’ve not drunk for about 3-4 years now and know that I won’t drink again because once I saw it for what it was, there was / is no turning back. I am really glad to be free of it.
Thank you for this blog Anonymous, how beautiful the love and understanding you have for you mother and father and that you are not wrapped up in blaming them for the choices they make. I agree alcohol is not normal, my life experiences have proven this to me and I know without a doubt that it is a poison in my body. I appreciate everyday that I have not denied the truth of what my body was telling me every time I consumed alcohol and because I have allowed this awareness I now have the freedom to go against the “norm of alcohol” and choose not to drink.
A very beautiful expression of the fact that we all deeply know there are activities in life which are not ‘normal’. Our continuing acceptance of what appears to be ‘the normal’ allows for the ever grotesque manipulation in regards to creating new levels of ‘normal’ that we all innately know are so far away from what should be the ‘real normal’.
Beautifully expressed, I love this blog – you shared your story so openly and honestly, and without laying any blame. Thank you!
It is beautiful to read that as small kids we do know what is true and that alcohol takes people far away from this truth. I to remember the feeling of disconnection and loneliness in my childhood and adolescence and I also adopted alcohol as being the solution to that feeling of emptiness. When I decided to stop drinking alcohol I was surprised by all the reaction that caused, you are right, alcohol is so socially ingrained it is looked upon as normal.
But now I am stating a ‘new normal’ of no alcohol in my house like there is a ‘new normal’ in so many houses now. And the beautiful thing is that the people coming to my house quite easily accept this ‘new normal’.
The normalisation of Alcohol consumption within society is a deep community issue.
It strikes me as absurd that we champion medicating ourselves through life.
It is a healing for me to read this. To bring to awareness how alcohol facilitates an indulgence in all kind of behaviours and to not deal with the hurts underneath. How harmful it is that it is accepted as normal.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience anonymous. Your blog shows how incredibly destructive and damaging to our relationships alcohol can be, even when no obvious abuse is present. I know from experience that it becomes much harder to connect with somebody once they have had a few drinks. Considering we all crave true connection with others the consumption of alcohol makes no sense.
There is so much to say about alcohol, and why we want or need it. I have experienced a relationship full of alcohol abuse (from both myself and my partner). It was so intense, like living with a Jekyl and Hyde – a man and a monster.
Abby, me too and that is exactly how I describe my experience of my relationship, ‘like living with Jekyl and Hyde’. It was so horrific watching the person that I loved turn into something he was not – feeling like a monster. It really woke me up to what this blog exposes, that ‘alcohol is not normal’ and there is something more sinister at play beneath its cool and socially accepted veneer. Not only does it mask what problems may lie within, it also fuels them.
I’ve experienced this too. Jekyl and Hyde is very apt. As you say, watching someone you love turn into something they most definitely are not is horrific and very ‘dark’ too.
I also grew up around Alcohol, it was in both of my parents families. As a child it frightened me, (2 of my grandparents had died as a result of alcohol.) I was fearful of how it affected people and how it could destroy there lives. I felt the evilness around it, and how it loured people to it. But that a little was thought to be acceptable – I always knew it didn’t feel right. Even when I grew up and started to occasionally have a drink, I could still feel the fear. If I drank more then 1, I would usually get sick and if I went to a pub and didn’t drink, I would have a hang over feeling the next day.
I now chose to not drink alcohol, I now don’t feel the fear that I had carried around with me all my life. It now has no hold on me.
What we settle for ‘normal’ in our society is so much less than who we are. Thank you for sharing the steps you are making in re-connecting back to you.
Marcia the word ‘normal’ as you use it, as it is described in this article, is a Pandora’s box of suffering. How much abuse and disfunction has been excused by statements like – ‘everyone has a few drinks after work, it just normal behaviour’ – then behind closed doors the ‘street angel’ turns into an abusive monster. Thank you to the author for clearly laying out the way of return.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog. It truly reflects what is happening in society today. I can so relate to the feelings you felt during your childhood, feelings that I too ended up dismissing because all that was reflected was disfunction, disconnection and a lack of true love. This ensured I developed the same as you described, protection, masks and lack of confidence and trust in myself. This has now turned around with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and attending presentations. Thank you for your honesty and expressing as you have, it enabled me to really go deeper with this topic and issue.
This blog title sums it up. In two months there are over 400 comments which says to me loud and clear – ALCOHOL IS NOT NORMAL.
What is interesting is that the news reported a story this week about research in the USA saying alcohol is actually good for you. My simple question is are they aware of the real fact that Alcohol is a scientifically proven poison?
Serge Benhayon is not a scientist, but I heard this from one of his presentations in 2006. What he had to say made sense and the shocking figures today confirm that alcohol related issues is a growing problem for our world.
And really, do we need proof that alcohol is harmful for the body? Sometimes our natural thermometer The Common Sense needs no evidence from anyone, it just knows.
Well said Jane. Our bodies are very clear markers for what is good for us and what is not – if we care to listen.
As others have asked one way or another, what sort of intelligence do we have as a species when daily alcohol consumption is considered normal? Recent research in Australia has reported that (based on 2010 data) 3,467 male deaths were attributable to alcohol and 101,425 hospitalisations, while in women there were 2,087 deaths and 55,707 hospitalisations.
Recent global research estimated that there were 2.7 million deaths attributable to alcohol representing a significant rise in the number of deaths calculated during a 1990 study, which estimated that 1.9 million deaths were attributable to alcohol worldwide.
How can the ingestion of a substance responsible all or in part, for such a large number of deaths each year be considered ‘normal’? Would an intelligence species consume something that carries with it such a high death toll, not to mention the level of misery and grief of those affected both while they are living with a family member who drinks heavily and when they lose that family member. This begs the question – are we really as intelligent as a species as we think that we are or are we being fooled on a grand scale?
Alcohol was my way of not feeling hurt, I would just free fall into emptiness and was surprised when I opened my eyes, I was still alive. and back at the start again feeling hurt. It took until I met Serge Benhayon to be able to truly see myself when I looked in the mirror every morning. I now do not say to the mirror, everyday ‘who are you?’. I now for the first time since I was 5 am happy to be in my own skin, it’s only taken 54 years to come home. It does not matter how long it takes as long as you get there in the end!
Anonymous, your story and casting light on the widespread ‘normality’ of alcohol in outwardly fine families, has made me grateful. Grateful that my heavily alcohol-affected family was NOT ‘normal’. The domestic violence, poverty and despair were obviously not normal. Thus alcohol consumption never became normal to me and I did not go down the path that generations before me had taken. Horrible to live in at the time, but I appreciate the clear lesson!
Sitting on a train yesterday I listened to a conversation about alcohol and the ways to combat the ill effects from consuming ‘poison’ (their word); the insanity of this struck me. On reflection I was also struck by the fact that people are openly talking about alcohol as a poison – this is fantastic.
It seems like a double edged sword Matilda. On one hand it’s great that people are talking about the harmful effects of alcohol and acknowledging that it is a poison and on the other hand, finding ways to justify its consumption. This certainly throws doubt on the argument that man is the most intelligent species.
I agree Matilda. I have just completed an Advanced Anatomy & Physiology course and, when learning about the liver there it was explained that alcohol is a poison ! I think this is great news that it is now common scientific knowledge.
I have avoided reading this blog for some time, as I knew and know there are still things relating to family and alcohol I need and want to address. It has been a little uncomfortable to read some of this, but none the less an absolute blessing too. I grew up not wanting to feel what was happening around me, so to read this just made so much sense “And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.” And yes alcohol is destroying on so many levels, firstly the love that we so naturally are and have for ourselves and all others.
It is so true Anonymous that we know that life is not right when people around us are using alcohol as something normal in their lives. But without any reflection of true love around us we tend to end up accepting life as it is presented to us and to disconnect from our inner feeling and from the fact that we ‘know’ what is right or not.
Thank you for stating so clearly that alcohol is not normal. We have normalised it’s use for so long that we can no longer see it for what it is – a way to self-abuse.
Your story truly illustrates the insidiousness of alcohol. Its incredible how it sneaks into every aspect of life and is then accepted as normal. I spent 30 years of my life considering it a normal inclusion in my life. I am so grateful to have awoken from the fog that kept me from myself for so long.
Feeling the abuse, that is full on when alcohol is present in any form . Brings up a question for me how is it that any form of poison is legal?
I completely stopped drinking alcohol over 10 years ago because I would get a headache every single time I drank and after only a few sips, before that it was years of just the “polite toast”, until I thought to myself “hang on I don’t like this and it clearly doesn’t like me so why am I harming myself to be polite” – to this day my immediate family still offer me alcohol – even though they all know I do not drink, when I asked why they keep offering it to me they say that they are being polite. I don’t think polite is normal either!
Yes Geraldine, I was like you too… drinking a small amount because everyone else was but never feeling good with it, knowing it didn’t go down well. I still remember the moment when Serge Benhayon explained what it does to our energy field, and why it has the effect it does… it made perfect sense and I have never touched it, nor wanted to again. It took a while for others around to accept, but now most of them don’t drink either… by their own choice. It’s years since anybody tried to offer it, or had a go at me for not drinking… but it’s a fascinating thing to observe. We have such a culture built around alcohol that for most, the idea of not drinking in a social situation, is like asking someone not to breath in public… crazy, but that’s what we seem to have.
Thanks Anonymous, what an incredible story you tell about your life. You have indeed made these steps you claim… “I have made enormous and amazing and fantastically courageous steps away from my old normal and am now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me, and that reside in all of humanity.” I too grew up with alcohol around every day though never to ‘excess’ and it was most definitely part of the norm. One of my parents fits the criteria you cite of an alcoholic to this very day, although again, never to excess as it’s seen by society’s measures. This is not a criticism, but a confirmation of what you’re saying as true… we have an entrenched normalisation of something that is deeply destructive for all involved, and not just with regards to violence and related ill-health, but in the many insidious ways such as your blog outlines. It’s an amazing account you’ve shared, deeply personal and honest thank you…
Thank you for your candidly honest blog anonymous. I relate to you as the child who felt so disconnected from the ones you love, so alone, unable to be yourself. The home where I grew up had zero alcohol, the drug of choice was busyness and distraction which felt just as painful and isolating. So when I grew up I drank, I drank around my children, not wanting to see the harm it caused as I so needed the numbness to function. When I woke up one day, I stopped just like that and never drank again as did my husband, it was then my children expressed how terrible it was when we drank, how alone they felt, even though we were ‘happy’ drunks. Alcohol is just so evil in many ways, we lost precious years, time I would like to have back again but cannot so all I can do is be as loving as I can now. I do love how my children called out what was not ok as I never had the courage to do so when I was a child until many years later…
I heard a report about a small research programme that was conducted, when 20 journalists opted to give up alcohol for a month at New Year, and were monitored to see what the effects of that would be. The doctor involved was completely amazed at the results. He named five major improvements in the health of the body, all of them could have become serious diseases later on, and this was just in one month. Some of these volunteers had been drinking a lot, some only a little, but IT DID NOT MATTER! The slow drip, drip, drip of the alcohol was still poisoning their bodies. He was going on to conduct further research. Let’s hope it will not be squashed in the way much is when it challenges the accepted way of thinking.
Thank you for your story. I have been thinking a lot about alcohol lately, how normal it is considered to be, how I am considered unusual when I don’t want to sleep in a house where alcohol is being drunk. Because alcohol is portrayed as so normal from early childhood, people are unable to think another way. I grew up in a house where every Friday night I would get a small glass of beer with my fish and chips. The message I got about alcohol was that it was a treat, that it meant you were grown up. The small glass was supposed to make me not go crazy for alcohol when I was old enough. Yet it just told me this was the norm and one of the highlights of life.
Alcohol is deeply embedded in our whole society as being totally acceptable and has been that way for many generations. It just blows my mind.
As you describe, alcohol is such an accepted drug within our society, deeply embedded in what should and could be the most loving and intimate place, e.g. a family where kids grow up. I like your metaphore of the volume of music. It puts a smokescreen to what is truly going in society, within families. In our family there was no alcoholism. My parents were ‘normal’ drinkers, both one of two glasses at the end if the day, after a hard day’s work, and often wine during dinner. Just by writing this, rationally I could say ‘that was normal at that time! Everybody did that.’ After a deliberate choice four years ago to stop drinking alcohol at all, feeling into what I just wrote ‘that was normal at that time’, I can feel it is harming, numbing, shutting down the possibility for true contact, even with ‘just’ two glasses ar the end of the day. It is ab-normal that we tolerate letting kids grow up in such settings. Thanks to Universal Medicine I have been able to experience the difference and know there is another way, where alcohol is the last thing to opt for to experience in depth loving relationships.
As a one time daily drinker, I can definitely relate to this story. I felt the alcohol was fine, so long as it didn’t prevent my attending to other necessary activities and many of my family members actually preferred me more, when I drank as it made me more like them.
However, as it began to impact on my health, I had to reevaluate this choice. It is now clear to see that just because everyone else is doing something, like drinking, does not make it ok, nor in any way negate the ill effects that come from making that choice.
Thank you for this blog.
You can apply the subject “Alcohol is not normal” to so many other areas.
Like, it is not normal to not have loving relationships and the fact that as children we know intrinsically that something is very wrong because we are so connected, looking out to adults as role models who are most times living in a lot of disconnection.
I know as a child I developed chronic tonsilitis and bronchitis based on just how much I was seeing and feeling that was not OK, yet not being heard and giving up on saying so.
Now, I do not give up on saying what is not true.
I too grew up thinking it was ‘normal’ to help steer my dad to the car after being out at a friend’s place and drinking too much. And holding his head as he vomited on the side of the road. I saw my mum do this time after time, so I just assumed that this is what you did. He also used to be quite nasty with us when he was drunk and we would just avoid him as much as possible. It was not until I was about 10 or 12 years old that me and my older sister said to my dad that we did not like him when he drank, that he became a different person, that we did not want to be around. He was open to hearing this, and actually quite devastated to hear it. From this point on he changed somewhat – he still drank, but not quite as much and not to the point where he had to be carried back to the car (and no more vomiting – hoorah!) and he was far more respectful of me and my sister. Speaking up about something as simply as we did, did require courage from us, but was so well worth it for us as children growing up as we got more of our dad back for all of us to enjoy. Over the years his drinking gradually reduced too. And now he might only have an occasional beer 1-2 times per week. Speaking up as a child can have great impacts all around.
Wow! It’s amazing to hear a story of someone having the courage to speak up at such a young age. I’m not sure I could (would) have done that. And it is amazing what the voice and power of the young girl can do to de-base and change a behaviour. Your story also interests me because it yet further cements the evil of the normalcy of alcohol. In your case your father was clearly getting so drunk that his behaviour was obviously NOT normal. Thus you and your sister could plainly see that something was wrong here. And then, fabulously, you had the courage to do something about it. But I wonder how it would have played out if there hadn’t been anything as extreme as the vomiting? My point being that in so many millions of homes, drinking alcohol is so very, very normal, that even those that know it is wrong, begin to doubt.
I agree, no-one is going to look at their choices to check out or numb themselves with alcohol while society accepts it as the norm so it is awesome that we are now starting to speak out about the truth of Alcohol and how debilitating and absolutely not normal it is.
This is a powerfull blog, it exposes the Harm of Normal. The feeling of ‘Everybody is doing it so it must be true’ I know very well. It is also since attending workshops and presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have started to trust my own feelings again.
I love how you talk about the true harm of use of alcohol as in society alcohol use is so accepted and normal but I know inside me how extremely harmful alcohol use is. It changes people’s behaviours very much. Thank you for this blog.
You are so right about the normalcy of alcohol in society. It is very much a part of the social habits of society and there is a presumption that most people drink. How many times do we see prizes and gifts of bottles of wine, beer and other products containing alcohol? Alcohol consumption is so entrenched socially that it has even become part of the national identity of many countries.
Since we have the new understanding that if you are dependent for your psychological balance on having a drink every evening, you are actually an alcoholic, I know that almost the entire population of all the european countries and their neighbours are in truth alcoholics. If you take a moment to think that statement through, it is massive. What does that say about the level of consciousness almost all the adults in the developed countries are living at? What does that say about the state of the health of all these peoples? Research is now clearly proving that alcohol is poison and therefore is a culprit in most bodily dysfunctions and diseases. It is high time that we start to openly discuss why we need to numb ourselves out so regularly and what is it, that we are wanting to avoid?
I too grew up with alcohol being normal, or I should say accepted. It was an accepted way to deal with a stress-full day or celebrate a great day. It was basically what people did. Yet, as a little girl I knew and could feel everyone knew it was wrong yet their need for the alcohol and what it could do took precedence over all the bad that it did. Growing up I remember hating alcohol, I blamed it for all the wrongs in my family and all the hurt that it caused, and then one day the strangest thing happened without me even realizing it, I too started to drink – it became my coping mechanism, I was a happy drunk so I never thought I was hurting anyone, yet I was hurting myself, saying and doing things I normally wouldn’t and waking up feeling so bad I would waste the next couple of days recovering, often moody and grumpy, so in effect I was hurting people, because they had to put up with my moods and lack of presence with them. Thanks to the work of Universal Medicine I started to understand why people did the things they did, such as rely on alcohol, I started to understand that I was living in a way I didn’t like and hence relied on the alcohol to “make it better” today I live a new normal, one where I take care of myself and deal with the things that hurt me. My normal may not be the majority today, but that does not make me abnormal.
Exactly. Normality is not defined by the fact that it is the behaviour of the majority. This is a falsehood that society needs to constantly be aware of. For, if this were the case, we would all still be living on a flat world.
When I was growing up I didn’t like being around anyone who drank and when I became of an age that I could drink I just didn’t like the taste and I never liked going into pubs or clubs. I didn’t realise then as I do now that what I was feeling was the energy of alcohol.
So up until I was in my mid thirties I hardly drank at all and if I did have a glass of wine to fit in with everybody else I would hang onto the same drink all evening and sometimes tip it out. But when I reached my thirties I started to drink at parties mainly for the need to fit in with others and not feel left out, however I still didn’t like the taste. After becoming involved with Universal Medicine and listening to Serge Benayons presentations on alcohol I knew that what I had felt from a very young age was true and it was such a relief to stop drinking alcohol completely. Now if I am offered a drink I can say no and not feel like I have to enjoin to make the person who is offering it to me, feel okay and for me to feel accepted. Thank God for Serge who is prepared to speak the truth even if it goes against what people accept as normal
I have often observed children at parties/gatherings actively move away from people after they have started drinking alcohol, they don’t want to be around them anymore. This comes from a true knowingness that they are no longer their true selves.
Great blog, just because something is socially accepted does not make it true. The new black is not drinking alcohol – let’s make it the norm.
Great blog. I learned to drink alcohol as a way of “fitting in”. My parents and their friends consumed a lot of alcohol, yes, I thought it was normal too. The effects on the body, friendships and family are not normal though and society needs to take its blinkers off.
I can relate to your blog as when I was a child, there was a culture on my fathers side of the family to go to the local pub across the road for a ‘quick one’ (a quick one could go for a few hours) and the week had its accustomed magnetic routine of when one would go over for a pint. It was also where you would go to find someone as chances are they were there. And today this is still going on, yet the cog has turned the generation wheel, where the elder generation has passed on, its my generation of family members who carry the flag of continuing the pub visits. My mums side of the family didn’t drink as much alcohol, (on occasions yes) so I got to notice early on in life that it was what some people do, and others don’t. This is great, as just from reading your blog, it has made me realise it was probably the first learning I had, of what choice is… you can choose to follow and adopt the example thats going on around you or not..Thanks !
Indeed, the acceptance of alcohol consumption by society feels evil to me, and perhaps it is this acceptance that allows it. And indeed I feel this is what imprisons so many. Alcohol consumption IS NOT normal. Alcohol is a known poison.
It is indeed widely accepted in society and seems to be so more and more and one of the reasons that its potential to harm and destroy is so grand is because it is so readily available.
I was only chatting to someone recently who has stopped drinking alcohol, she mentioned when you drink you don’t see how bad it really is. She was saying how she saw all the drunks sitting outside her work place in the morning, and how lost and sad they all felt to her – all the young kids appeared out of control. Before this she had never noticed them, it all seemed normal.
It’s like you only see what you need to see to confirm that you are ok as everyone is doing the same thing around you. The wake up call can be painful for many and to realise where they are in life and in only just beginning to feel the truth of how they have lived.
I very much enjoyed reading this article thank you. It is heartfelt and honest, with deep understanding. Alcohol is indeed widely accepted and normal, and yet people also know that it is a crutch to their issues. At work every day I hear co-workers speak about how they will need a drink to deal with the stress of the day and the job. So they know it is a crutch for a seemingly difficult life. What they don’t know is what you and many others have discovered with Universal Medicine. That life is only difficult because we are not connected to our inner selves.
This is such a common experience in our society, but it doesn’t make it normal. Common is not normal. Hence the para “But the more normal and happy it looks on the outside, the more confused and messed up the kid is on the inside. Because I knew, but nothing was telling me I was right.” Kids know the truth and when everything around them is saying or doing the opposite to what they feel is true, it is confusing. Thank for this piece.
You have written my experience to a “T”. My parents drank and they drank a lot. Parties meant alcohol. A picnic meant alcohol. A day sailing on the harbour…alcohol. Bad day at work? Alcohol. Any evening meal…yes, alcohol. Absolutely normal my parents were, ticking every box, and always functional.
In fact people who did not drink were viewed as completely abnormal, and not to be trusted, because you can’t quite trust a bloke/sheila who doesn’t drink.
It is bizarre to think back to a time when I believed this was true, even though I could not abide alcohol, neither the taste, smell nor its effect on my body.
I learned to drink it to “fit in”.
If a curious drinker reading this article wants to test just how entrenched this normalisation of alcohol is, all they need do is spend one night out with friends not drinking. And not as part of a “dry July” campaign, which provides an excuse. To make this experiment really interesting, don’t offer any reasons, like “I am going in for surgery tomorrow”! Just a normal night out, no alcohol.
It is possible that you will be amazed at just how many drinks you will be offered, how many time you will hear “Oh go on, just have one….”
It can be quite relentless peoples constant offering to get you a drink, now I am so steadfast in my decision and it is so normal for me not to drink that it is more accepted by those that know me. But with strangers it is greeted with the same confusion… I now am so used to being with people who don’t drink that when I am at occasions where there is alcohol it feels really odd and not normal. It is amazing how your perceptions can change, I am so happy I don’t drink, I love having the consistency of me with me when I wake up everyday!
I love this ‘consistency of me’ too Vanessa. I love not needing alcohol and not having to concern myself with drinking and driving. And I love the ‘permission’ my not drinking gives others to make the same choice. Once, drinking was normal in my life but I’m very happy to say now, that it most certainly is not.
What a glimpse into the reality of how most families live these days. Alcohol is everywhere, in its sophistication, in its vulgarity and in its inevitability. It’s there at work, it’s there when we get home, it’s there when we go out. It can accompany everything we do, if we choose. How amazing it is when someone says no and finds, as this article says, another way. It rocks people who drink, when someone in their circle says ‘no more, I’ve had enough now’. So to stand against it takes the courage to go against peer pressure and that is not always easy. How beautiful and poignant your story is.
I love the way you make this so real, There is an honesty with how you express – it really engages people to see it for where it stands and how it feels rather then trying to make it out like it was something aggressive, physically abusive etc, it’s all pretty simple but it’s all actually not normal!
Just love your blog and can relate to all of it. And in regards to alcohol, when you begin to realise that alcohol is not normal, i.e. to be putting a poison into what is natural (our body), and cease feeling any inclination to ever consume it, almost everyone who drinks seems to go crazy asserting either vocally or with silent thoughts/looks that you are the ‘not normal one’ for not drinking. How not normal is that?! This reaction from people shows how far away we have left ourselves as a race of human beings, and how deeply entrenched society actually is, when the mass majority condone the very opposite of what is natural. Thank you for exposing the false-normal and addressing the new-normal, of LOVE.
The very first sentence of this blog got me: “though to single her (mother) out as the only alcoholic is in fact the very first step in society’s clever and insidious avoidance of the whole picture”. Alcohol is not normal! It is a known poison. I can totally relate to the child growing up as “alcohol (& drugs) is normal” and in fact something to look forward to…how absurd is that…looking forward to poison and the damage that it could cause?! Now that I have my own kids, I understand how important it is to bring this message to society -that alcohol is not normal- and, thanks to the help of Universal Medicine, I have been working on the things that I have used alcohol to bury so I could not feel them . Awesome blog!
Great to read this again. It is true, society has avoided seeing the whole picture around alcohol. I used to think it was sociable to have a drink with friends and even encourage it when I was in my 20s but if someone stopped me to ask, why am I drinking so much, why do I rely on alcohol to unwind or have ‘fun?’ I wonder if I would have stopped and thought why myself? I find that when we do not want to see the whole picture we often don’t think of asking ourselves why we do what we do.
I can relate to what you are writing about as I grew up in a family where all the men drank heavily. My grandfather was treated for alcohol addiction twice. My father committed suicide after drinking for twenty+ years and becoming mentally ill. My step- father also committed suicide, when he was drunk, after years of drinking. So I have first -hand experience of how alcohol ruins lives – literally kills. So my mother was always worried about me getting addicted. But when I stopped drinking and started making healthy choices she was the one asking – “what’s wrong with me?”, “Why can’t I drink at the funeral of her friend, or to celebrate my arrival?” It is difficult to break those ideals about ‘social’ drinking and the normality of it, but it is absolutely necessary to talk about other NORMAL life without alcohol and how NORMAL it is to be ourselves.
I agree elenalight – there seems to be such a huge energetic stranglehold for those defending drinking alcohol that it must seem strange even to them. When we start to consider that drinking will give the permission for specific energies to enter we might start to understand why we are able to harm ourselves as we do.
Great article. Society supports this lifestyle and the alcohol industry. I have been a working musician in the past and I just got sick of playing to drunken people. It saddened me that no one came for the music. Everyone is there for the booze and the music is the entertainment. This is normal and even I accepted this because I wanted to play and be involved with music. Although I didn’t drink for the last three years of my playing even just being there I was apart of the set up.
If it wasn’t for my introduction to Universal Medicine and the music of Micheal Benhayon I would probably still be a part of the alcohol industry via music because it is considered normal.
I have not played in pubs for two years now and I don’t miss it. There is nothing there to miss.
Powerful and honest blog, I too lived in a family where I experienced the power of alcohol and how it can be used to connect people. Alcohol dulls, distances, distracts and isolates until the only connection that exists is to the ‘drink’ itself. Deep down though what I always felt is that there was another way – following many paths, eventually I found the connection back to me through a dear friend who knew of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I thought alcohol was normal! I certainly felt that it was not right for my body and the things it made me do were shocking; but the thought was, that this was ok and “I was drunk”, and I laughed it off. It was only when I saw that I was not really moving forward in life doing the same thing over and over again, and thinking that I was progressing, that I had to really look at it.
Alcohol is a drug. The worst thing about it is accepted to be normal. There is nothing normal about what effects it has on the body. Why are we so “blind” and not willing to deal with that we need alcohol in our lives, in our society, and in our families ??
Dear Anonymous, thank you for what you share and I can relate to it almost in detail. The fundamental point that you are making and that cannot be stressed enough is the fact that by making what is not normal the norm, we are creating a world that is opposite to what we feel inside; leaving us with little to no choice other then to abandon what we innately know to be true with all the detrimental consequences to our health and wellbeing.
Thank you for this very clear exposure of what is considered normal, how damaging it is and how if we as children go against our inner knowing that normal is wrong end up having to deal with layers of self-doubt in our journey back to ourselves. What particularly touched me is your list of normals, including it being normal to have no marker of what true love really is, although we all long for it. This is such a poignant and tragic observation and how sad it is that that is normal for most children.
Its a huge question that gets raised here – what do we consider ‘normal’ and what do we get used to “coping” with in life and then in turn making it our own normal – and the ‘coping’ goes on….. the cycle continues with no break in the chain that binds us; BUT to be able to look clearly at our lives and reflect is indeed a gift that universal medicine, Serge Benhayon, and the Benhayon family has offered many….myself included.
It is so true, we educate our children about drugs and yet the drug that has the highest call on drug rehab resources – alcohol – is legal.
Yes – the level of acceptance of alcohol as ‘normal’ in our society certainly runs very deep. And even though there is much talk of late through various forms of media of how alcohol fuelled violence among young people is escalating to a frightening rate, there is denial that still appears to override it. I can appreciate the experience of growing up in a family where there was a lot of alcoholism – and yes, it is insidious how it affects all into ‘registering’ it as normal…Although for me I too always felt deep down inside that something wasn’t really ‘normal’…Thanks for this article – I appreciate the deep honesty shared…
I totally feel that it is normal for most people to accept empty relationships where people are not themselves, disconnected and empty. Under the illusion that alcohol allows them to come out of themselves, be confident and make connections with others. How much destruction will have to occur to people, their relationships and lives before alcohol is seen as destructive and no solution to lack of connection to self or others?
A very powerful contribution, thank you. I especially love the way you end your blog: “I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.” Yes, as children we know that ‘normal’ is just that, normal – but normal isn’t true, normal is just what the majority do. And as a majority, as you mention in your postscript and if I may take it a little further, are we possibly like sheep and do we just mimic and copy rather than the discerning and feeling beings that we are who can be courageous enough to say no and state that normal is not our normal.
The time has come to challenge the global acceptance, that consuming alcohol and therefore accepting the numerous relationship damaging consequences of it as our daily “normal”, so we can start to live another way.
Reading your blog I also felt the foggy field of all the other relationship damaging “normals”, we as a society have, to hide the deeper issues and hurt.
My father drank alcohol regularly. As a child, I could feel his pain of being neglected by his mother, numbed underneath his use of the alcohol. The worst thing for me was that he was rarely actually ‘there’ for me even though he was around. Everything appeared ‘normal’, but I felt alone and lost.
I thought at some point, I was wrong about what I felt, I was confused, because I could not understand this ‘being there’ and not being ‘there’. As a young adult I began to drink alcohol – wine – but I always stopped before getting too drunk because I could feel the danger in that! But I wanted to be like everyone else and adapted to this social game.
When I attended the courses of Serge Benhayon for the first time and found out that what I had felt as a child was the truth, I learnt I could trust myself, and do so more and more!
I stopped drinking some 7 years ago! I feel great!!!
Great Blog and very inspiring to see that you can step out of this fog by meeting people who live a different way !
Sadly the acceptance of alcohol as normal is very common, and although many people know they drink too much they escape and defend it to not look at their hidden pain.
I also recognise that in families a lot of things are hidden, because of alcohol and even without alcohol, and yes the child feels that something is going on or feels the un-true but can’t find the proof and then becomes lost and self-doubting. Very tricky, and very inspiring to read this example of how you can change your life !
That is so true and absolute shocking – that something that is accepted as an normal behavior can lead to such an often life-long lasting decision: not to feel anymore and questioning your own truth.
in our society it is normal to drink alcohol to have a release of all tension we held instead of dealing with it.
This is well said Iris… what if dealing with our lived tension became normal and that the need to bury ourselves in alcohol didn’t exist, I wonder what the outcome would be?
I agree with what you say Rachel, and Iris; drinking alcohol has become “the norm”…..
Society needs to be shown that there is a way to live a life free of tension and not having to resort to alcohol to distract ourselves, and bury our pain. I used to drink to give myself confidence, thinking that I was more of me when I did this, not realising that I was quite the opposite, I wasn’t being me at all. Thanks to Universal Medicine I now longer touch alcohol, realising not only the harm it did to my body, but to others around me too. As for the outcome, a world without alcohol, one can only imagine!
Alcohol is a poison for our body- medically proven. Why do we try to make it normal?
Great point Cathrin – even something scientists can PROVE is damaging to our bodies, we still see as acceptable and normal. Why?
Alcohol is an interesting subject that we as a society live in denial about. I know lots of people that are willing to look at their diet and buy only organic food and are even willing to extend that to their hair and skin care. But when it comes to alcohol they do not discern that they actually pouring poison down their throat. A poison that is known to go straight into your blood stream and to the brain – the most fragile tissue in the body. And pretty much everybody knows that it destroys brain cells. However we are made to believe that the choice to not drink alcohol somehow means we are denying ourselves fun and liveliness and that the “side effects” (which are actually not really side effects) are something worse putting up with.
absolutely Judith these ‘side effects’ as you say is what society puts up with. Crazy when you think about what is actually going on and how drinking poison is considered normal. It is a drug in its own right and those addictive qualities come from the sugar, the escaping, and the overall sensation of not having to feel what is truly going on. Like stopping any drug you need support and commitment to not letting it run your life, and to make that choice to love and nurture your body.
I like your comparison between food and alcohol and how many people choose organic food, but still drink the poison we call alcohol. I am involved in the organic industry, and am amazed how we have certified organic wine and beer available. It just seems like such a contradictory term – organic alcohol. Organic food and drinks are supposedly free from chemicals and toxins, yet alcohol is not considered to fall into this category. There is actually a movement within the organic scene to categorise ethanol as a chemical poison and therefore not certify any food or drink containing it as being organic.
Well that is a positive step, Paul!
Here you have described a very fundamental fact that needs to be shared, that every children knows what is true but everything around you says it is not. – ‘That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.’ – If we can break that cycle then the next generation have a free platform to express and live what they know is true and the already involved have an opportunity to re-claim what they once new to be true. Alcohol is Not normal.
I agree Natalie, alcohol is not normal. The effects are devastating and it appears to be a “normal” way of life for many. We can break the cycle by being true to ourselves and exposing alcohol for what it is, not only is it poison to the body but takes us away from our true selves.
I know everyone thinks alcohol is normal but this blog made me realize what it does to peoples lives, that it makes a lot of people more alone than they already are.
‘I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along.’ Yes, my children used to openly express how much they hated it when their dad drank. They would tell him how bad he smelt and would not let him kiss or hug them. They would try to hide his booze and his cigarettes. Eventually he gave up smoking and reduced his drinking.
This is an amazingly inspiring blog in which to feel the claimed truth of the writer regarding society’s normalisation of alcohol consumption and how as he removes the layers of denial/protection and brings in understanding, the truth he once felt as a child awaits, indicating that we always know truth … Even the writer’s parents know truth … but there is forever a choice …
Great article Anonymous, further to alcohol being regarded as normal, instead of just common, is the harm it has on society and has everyone wondering what to do with the problem. The unfortunate situation is – the local, state and national government bodies that can change laws, are all made up of people who drink alcohol, so how can someone who is part of the problem, do something about it? Also, the people who vote them in, for the most part, drink alcohol as well.
I feel me being mirrored in reading this. I never linked the feelings to the fact that alcohol was a steady element in our family too. Thank you anonymous for sharing your truth… There is another way.
Alcohol was never an issue in my childhood yet I can relate to much of what you have said in relation to feeling utterly alone and lost and knowing something wasn’t right. I knew “it wasn’t meant to be like this,” but like yourself I didn’t know how it should be. Your postscript is wonderful because it took many years for me to come to an understanding of my parents and to accept that “they had no idea there was another way.” I also have come to understand my parents’ situation and their choices. Thank you for your honest and insightful blog.
To quote: “I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.”
This sums-up so many aspects of life that are enjoined due to not living in a healthy and aware ‘normal’. Normal, is to trust what you feel and go from there. What do you get when you drink? A hangover. I for one have found that energetically I get the exact same effect of a hangover even being in close proximity to alcohol drinkers as if I were drinking myself.
As a teenager growing up I assumed the cloak of “normal”, I started drinking once I came of age, it made me sick (which I saw as normal as well!) – I had no idea what it felt like to ‘truly connect’ with others. Someone who did not drink was considered ‘not normal’ and names were given to them for being ‘abstainers’ as if that made them some kind of religious freak or whatever. Now I have not touched the stuff for 18 years and it seems far from normal to want to put something so toxic into my body and my relationships with people are so much more intimate and loving – alcohol is very blinding and separates us from each other – if I have a partner who has even only had a couple of drinks I can feel our loss of connection – but they can’t, in fact they often think more amorously that it brings them closer – so it is a very deceptive substance.
For many years of my adult life I was a social drinker, mainly because I believed that it was the normal thing to do even if my body was telling me every time that I drank, that alcohol was not ok in my body and it would take me a few days to get over the effects of a hang over that I got even from a couple of drinks. I finally listened and have not drank for about 6 years. My body thanks me for it everyday.
That’s great Francisco that you have been so honest about how long it took to get rid of the effects of alcohol from your body, I know that when I used to drink regularly I’d most likely not leave it a few days before having another drink and therefore not actually feel the true effects it was having or how it felt to not have my system coping with these effects.
I stopped drinking some 8 years ago. I would have liked to stop earlier but in the evening the best way for me to relax or take it easy was to have a glass or two of good dry red wine.
Once I found better ways to relax and take it easy (actually, simply to feel good in the evening) and I found out in more details just how much alcohol harmed me it became very easy to stop drinking. In fact, alcohol was the easiest to stop because it made the evening and the next morning harder.
There is so much here to feel, even in the opening paragraph alone.
I too have grown up in an environment clouded with the effects of alcohol. I feel there is power in understanding that the label of an ‘alcoholic’ sparks blame, which completely retards the healing process. I do not blame my parents (as I once did), but have learned through Universal Medicine to bring understanding to the situation and taking responsibility for why I chose to be in that environment in the first place.
What’s interesting is when society labels something as normal, such as alcohol consumption, they seem to also label it as “right”. When I tell people I don’t drink, first there is shock, then they question me, often assuming there is something wrong with me preventing me drinking, and if that’s not the case then I’m somehow in the wrong, or they then act like there is something wrong with me as I don’t fit their picture of normal! It’s as if by doing what everyone else does they tick a box and it makes it right.
Thank you for this deeply honest reflection. I was brought up in a home with a father who has alcoholic in the extreme sense so I knew it was very wrong. I did not realise the full impact on me as a child until recently despite my awareness of the damage it did to my family life. As shared I too learnt how to cope and get by and only now can I say that I am free of the incredible damage that alcohol does to a child and which so many parents are completely unaware of.
I have never considered before that as a child I just learned to accept the presence of alcohol in my life even though I knew something wasn’t right. As I read your description of “cold, functional, disconnected relationships” I could feel a sense of familiarity. I know alcohol is not to blame for these types of relationships but I can now start to reflect on the role it has played in maintaining these, and later in my life, creating similar patterns in my own relationships. I can see how alcohol helps take away the pain but it of course offers nowhere to go – it is an escape. And this is what is accepted by society – we accept it is OK to have pain, to be hurt and to medicate with alcohol, and this seems to be a tolerated and at times celebrated cycle, but we don’t accept it is OK to feel the hurts we have. Could it be that it is our constant denying and burying of our hurts that has contributed to where we are today in a world still at war, where slavery is in truth worse than ever, where our health is in decline?
Thanks for sharing this beautiful blog. So many children (current and former) deeply need what you have shared as they are forced to live with a world telling us that everything we know in our hearts is wrong. It is such a strange thing that the world is like it is. How on earth have we ended up like this – so removed from warmth and care that really every child seems to come into this place with?
I went through a couple of stages in my life of not drinking alcohol. I grew up not with “heavy drinkers” in my immediate family but like every Australian Family I knew – it was normal to drink most days, and at social events it was normal to drink too much.
Working in a pub at 18 you certainly see how “normal” society thinks it is to base our entire social interaction with our community around basically “getting pissed”.
Can this REALLY be normal?
It’s what we do in almost every social situation?
I decided once when I had gotten to be quite overweight, and pretty sad deep down with my life even though it all looked ok on the outside, and feeling lie I was living I just needed to “break something open” for myself to stop drinking for a while.
That turned into a year the first time I did it.
I tell you what – when you stop drinking for a year, and then go back to it ……
the reaction your body has to EVEN JUST ONE BEER tells you that this is not normal.
And when you don’t drink…. to sit in a pub and be a part of the “social interaction” that goes on when everyone else is drinking – you realise that what has become normal is actually completely insane.
I completely agree-alcohol is not normal yet it is considered so very normal. I grew up in a country where it was considered absolutely abnormal not to drink alcohol yet everyone was aware of the destructive effects that alcohol actually had. What a huge contraction.
Same in this country Elizabeth, come to work red-eyed and hungover on Monday, no problem, everyone will ‘understand’. When really the response could be: Hey, I see you spent some time poisoning yourself and hammering your liver on the weekend – feels horrible doesn’t it. Ever considered why you choose this form of self-destruction? (All said lovingly).
Although I did not grow up with alcohol in my home, I have lived in a society where anything from a couple of drinks to a couple of dozen drinks on a Saturday night is considered normal, I have felt the effects that alcohol has had on me, and observed close friends drowning themselves with alcohol.
Thank you for presenting the truth of how it is for a child to grow up in a house where alcohol is the norm and the deep separation that you experienced.
Thank you also for sharing the way that you have been inspired by Universal Medicine to return to the amazing and joy-full person that you truly are.
In reading this blog I can see the acceptance we have of alcohol as normal. You spoke of your mother holding it together and what I saw in that comment was the word “potential” yes we can hold things together even when we don’t look after ourselves as well as we could. But I know that when I drank alcohol nothing in my life was lived to its fullest potential. And having given up alcohol, now I feel much more able to live to the potential I know I have, more energy, clearer head, positive thoughts, and with these confirmations I no longer care whether not drinking alcohol is seen as normal or not.
I agree – what we accept as normal is often so not normal. My parents never drank; alcohol was only rarely present around our house; yet I became a drinker, a heavy one. I remember once when we went out for a meal many years ago when I used to drink, they said ‘it’s so good to have you with us at a restaurant – because you drink, it makes us look normal’. So what we called ‘normal’ was defined by the choice of the majority of the society, not by our individual experience or preference, and we felt obliged to calibrate our behavior according to that ‘normal’ we thought society put out.
I can fully relate to the post of growing up being totally confused with the purpose of Alcohol. Why did adults enjoy it so much? As a child all I saw was a scarier version of who I knew them to be. For me as I grew up the only way to shush these feels was to start drinking so that I was where they were. In a place where we could be oblivious to the world and hide from our problems. Is this really the answer….
Thank you for this awesome blog. It brings tears to my eyes and seeing so many comments makes me wonder just how many people are hurt from others drinking habits.. and are those that are drinking even aware?
I love this paragraph:
But they would never consider themselves alcoholic and nor would the zillions of people who all religiously go the pub every evening and/or have a glass of scotch before going to bed. I don’t want to get into a big discussion about what is and isn’t an alcoholic – that is a debate that has enabled millions to live in denial for years.
I grew up in a household where my Mom had the occasional social drink at a Christmas party or a wedding. I never recall seeing her drink at home and don’t remember there regularly being alcohol in the house. However my Dad had a ritual where he would come home form work, have dinner and then go to the local pub for a drink or 2 with his mates every night and at lunchtimes at weekends. Growing up I would have said that alcohol didn’t greatly impact my life yet in reflection my Dad, who I idolised, became my role model. So when I was older I would come home from Uni, study, then go the pub and get drunk. This was a pattern I continued after my graduation albeit in reduced quantities as I needed to be able to work the following day. It was normal to unwind with a couple of beers or a glass of wine. Normal to have a social drink with your friends, normal to get blind drunk every Friday and Saturday night because after all it’s just what you did. Around the time I was 30 I began to slowly admit that my relationship with alcohol was not healthy let alone normal and began to reduce my intake. However, stress would overcome me and I’d find myself downing a whole bottle of wine of 6 pack of beer. It wasn’t until I began to understand how harmful alcohol is that I was able to make the choice to gently let it go from my life.
It makes me wonder how as a society we champion alcohol and getting drunk, how its become the norm and not drinking makes you the odd one out? Perhaps if our only role models are parents that drink then we don’t know any different despite the fact that our first taste of alcohol is often quite disgusting and a hangover should tell us to really honestly never do it again.
Its kind of crazy really- we all know that alcohol is a poison and is harmful to the body. When I was in my party days no-one ever questioned me about getting drunk on a weekend or really showed any concern for this behaviour- it was accepted as normal as everyone was doing it. The most concern I got from others was when I stopped drinking- this caused the greatest alarm and reaction from others- then they asked what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t drinking. When I stopped putting poison into my body people thought there was something wrong with me – makes you wonder- the way we see things is a bit twisted around sometimes.
It’s a great description, I can relate to putting on mask after mask and layers after layers, surviving, coping and not feeling anything. I was following everyone else because it’s acceptably normal and because everyone else is doing it, but without thinking it wasn’t what I wanted to do. But no more, and society will change very soon, the veil will lift for everyone to see what’s truly happening.
When I was old enough to drink I did not want to, I didn’t really like the taste and had no interest in it. When I was about 20 I made a choice to start drinking because I was told I needed to join in, loosen up etc. So I joined what is considered to be ‘normal’ and that was to be someone who can go out and have a drink. It wasn’t until I was 35 that I eventually decided that drinking alcohol was not what I wanted to do, so I stopped.
This article shows so clearly the danger of accepting things because they are statistically common. This does not make them normal or natural and is the lemming mentality of following blindly behind a crowd just because it is a crowd.
Yes. Totally. Just because lots of people, almost everyone, is doing something, that doesn’t mean it is true. It also reminded me of the phrase “safety in numbers”
The message seems to be getting home to people, that drinking alcohol can have serious effects on ones body, and we see more people saying no to alcohol.
This is an amazing article and shows us all what we have grown up with as being normal and this is very sad. I really understand your writing and your bullet-points of what was normal. It is beautiful to now know there is another way, a loving way to live and to know real love.
The reflection of this has come form Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and this is bringing an integrity ,honesty and love in truth back to the world, and leading the way to what is really normal and who we really are.
Alcohol ,abuse, fighting ,war, separation, and isolation in relationships is definitely not normal and part of who we truly are, and it is time we now come back to our being as our true selves in love and fullness, and to accept nothing less.
Very Inspiring thank you.
This is a brilliant blog Anonymous – I especially love what you said about how “it’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many”
Yes. And what else has society “accepted”. I was asleep, blindly letting life roll over and through me, with no discernment as to what was true. Universal medicine has awoken me to claim myself irrespective of what the rest of society “accepts”.
Thanks for this inspiring, open blog with no blame.
It has brought up that the most difficult part for me is in the company of others who are drinking alcohol, in the wall it creates, impeding true connection and conversation between us. Let’s hope humanity as a whole wakes up to how imprisoned we are to its acceptance.
” I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.” And then not feeling is our new normal. A great sharing of the process that happens for so many of us. To become aware of this and then to see that there is another way, beginning to feel again and to build ourselves back to trusting in ourselves – and changing the normals again. The support of Universal Medicine and your connection with the Benhayons obviously was a huge part of your comeback. If this can happen for you, it can happen for many others. Very inspiring. Thank you Anonymous.
Alcohol is definitely not normal. We have been sold a lie that tells us to drink and have fun. But at what cost does that ‘fun’ come at? By reading this article we can see that the cost of a child’s naturally loving ways is far too high a price to pay.
I love your postscript Anonymous. It tells of your deep love for your parents no matter what they did or what they chose.
I can very much relate to what you so beautifully shared here about the evil of making the daily consumption of alcohol normal. Of course there is the undeniable physical harm alcohol does to our bodies – proven by every hangover, when the body is trying hard to rid itself of the poison ingested. But then there is the numbness and dis-connection alcohol brings, so that we cannot possibly connect to each other in a true and loving way. This is deeply felt by the children around especially, but they grow up believing it’s normal. I love how you have described this so clearly in your blog.
Not drinking any alcohol is now absolutely normal for me. First I had to cut down due to my own health reasons, and the less alcohol I had the less I enjoyed it. But for a couple of years I would still insist that I had to have just a little bit – as a reward at the end of the day, even when the wine started to taste like vinegar…
Once I made the choice to kick alcohol to the curb completely, about 10 years ago, I could not believe how much freer and lighter I felt straight away! Not drinking alcohol is absolutely normal for me and many people around me too. Thank you for an awesome blog.
Articles like these set a new standard and foundation for us all – they raise the bar back to a natural way of being that knows that it is not normal or healthy to consume alcohol and that alcohol wrecks the lives of millions. Thank you.
I agree Matilda – a much needed raising of the bar.
Alcohol kills and damages beyond all rationality. Here in Australia the booze industry (in tax revenue collusion with the government) fights tooth and claw against any reduction in licensing hours. And generally get its way. This is our ‘gun lobby’ these are our NRA fanatics they just don’t shoot bullets rather they kill with ‘shooters’, sweetened premixed drinks (alcopops) and marketing to adolescents. ‘Wreck the lives of millions’ – spot on Matilda and the young are well and truly in their sights. Articles like this form the desperately needed new foundation.
We need to change and set a new foundation for many things that are not loving but in fact, harming and seen as ‘normal’. Then they will never be seen as normal but in fact, dysfunctional and unloving.
It is amazing what we accept as normal when we are amongst something. I have had this experience so many times in my life and it shows me the power we have within ourselves to numb what we truly feel and override that to fit in and for me certainly to have ‘fun’.
I agree Vicky and Vanessa, there are so many things we accept as ‘normal’ that are in fact not so at all! I just replaced the word ‘normal’ with ‘natural’ and it started to highlight all sorts of other behaviours as well. One of the most predominant for me was in what I ate or drank that was considered ‘natural’ but in fact ‘didn’t agree with me’, like gluten and diary for example. What’s interesting is that these are very widely consumed things, and yet they may not be officially considered as a problem, even though many people often experience a reaction with them.
I have noticed this year, a definite trend amongst people that I know, to consume less alcohol. During Christmas this year there seemed to be more people saying ‘no thank you’ to wine with the meal than last year, and I live in France!
Wow, thats awesome, especially in France, the wine country!
As you say there is a definite trend to look after oneself more recently and people do know the harm these substances do to our bodies and we can feel the differences without them. Unfortunately whilst these customs are still normalised it is often hard to stand up and be the ‘odd one out’ once a trend has passed. At that moment there is an excuse, a reason, an alibi.. To choose more self lovingly – perhaps this will turn into a livingness for many more as they truly feel the benefits.
Fact: my normal now is not a drop of alcohol ever. This is my normal. This we can reflect to everyone we meet for them to chose what’s normal for them.
That is lovely Gil.I know I have been inspired in many aspects of my life when I have consistently seen another make a loving choice. First knowing that it is possible, then considering well maybe I could do it too, and then choosing to have a go. By reflecting a loving way we indeed change what is considered ‘normal’.
I spoke recently to someone that has given up alcohol, not as a new year’s resolution as he wasn’t a heavy drinker and whilst he doesn’t necessarily know why he has, it’s just been a choice made. Now he is realising how dehydrated his body has been from drinking. As we may all experiment with excluding alcohol, certain foods, intense exercise, whatever it may be.. I notice how much more I can experience messages from my body that were always there, I just wasn’t listening before.
Thank you for a very honest and down to earth blog. I can relate to alcohol being a big part of my life growing up and into my adult years. I gave up drinking alcohol 8 years ago which I personally found easy, because I never liked suffering the hangovers and did not like who I became whilst drinking.
We are all born with ageless wisdom, all knowing, all feeling and yet the world we are born into is not built around this wisdom, does not confirm this love, so as time passes we begin to disconnect, enjoin the outer & so our coreless path is set in motion. Thank-you for taking those courageous steps to return to what resides within you.
‘Society accepts alcohol’, so true not only does society accept alcohol, but it is like it’s the favourite child, for whom every blind eye will be turned, every excuse made. Society may see the harm in extreme consumption, but it refuses to see the harm in so called ‘moderate’ or ‘social drinking’, and steadfastly and stubbornly appears to not consider the relationship between its embracing and championing of ‘moderate’ drinking and the consequences of more extreme drinking.
Anyone who has ever had a hangover knows without a shadow of a doubt that alcohol is harmful to the body. Let’s no longer accept alcohol as society’s ‘favourite child, for whom every blind eye will be turned’. And thank you Anonymous for exposing the devastating effects it has on families and relationships.
I did a photographic essay once on alcohol-fuelled, one-punch deaths in Brisbane. Simply depicting in black and white the mundane places where someone had died in an instant because of another’s drunken violence. A taxi rank, a bus seat, a nondescript street with no lighting, a park, outside a nightclub and so on. Almost always men, often quite young. Devastating is the right word Janet.
A very profound article with lots to learn, not only about alcohol, about life. I see in my work so many children that feel already disconnected and given up, and I wonder what they are going through in their homes and I see how it is already difficult for them to relate to other human beings.
I think you nail it when you say: “holding it together and “making it normal” is the evil here. When we have children in a family environment that is less than love, in whatever circumstance (and we know that love), we do disconnect from what we feel, and we make ourselves ‘wrong’. It is confusing, especially when everything is ‘held together’ nicely, and everybody assumes and says that there is no problem; even years after, as adults, they may keep saying it was a great childhood. Because it “looked” alright.
“It may seem weird, but in a way, that is the absolute worst thing for a child growing up, because it makes it all seem normal – as if this is how it is meant to be. And this is exactly what society’s acceptance of alcohol supports.”
I agree and am realising how many ‘not normal’ behaviours have become accepted norms in our lives from our lack of speaking up about what does not feel right.
Tha acceptance of drinking alcohol in society as ‘normal ‘behaviour is the issue here, and when we don’t drink, we are seen as the ‘odd’ ones. There could be a TV series made about the true life in A&E depts on the weekends, to see the percentage of alcohol related incidents, to perhaps wake people up from their blinkered life. Life without alcohol is so good and is becoming normal to lots of people now.
That is so true the enormous pressures the A&E have to deal with – it is now getting to a state where hospitals are calling out saying they are past copping and have to turn people that are really sick away. This is not ok, it is crazy.
‘I have made enormous and amazing and fantastically courageous steps away from my old normal and am now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me, and that reside in all of humanity. It is glorious and wondrous and joyous…. and, at times, hard – as I discover another layer of protection or hurt.’ This is what I also found – that a world without alcohol has slowly allowed me to gradually let go of all the layers of hurt that denied me a relationship with the true and real me. It is wonderful to feel a new sense of vitality and of ‘coming alive’ after many years of holding back on exposing the real me.
That’s truly beautiful, Susan!
So beautifully expressed Susan. It is so amazing stepping away from the accepted ‘old normal’ to embrace the ‘new normal’ of being alcohol free and developing a beautiful relationship with yourself –
“a world without alcohol has slowly allowed me to gradually let go of all the layers of hurt that denied me a relationship with the true and real me”
Having witnessed the changes you have made – you are like a rose coming into full bloom now, which is so gorgeous to feel and see. Thank you for the inspiration you bring.
Thank you for this very honest blog. What you describe is my families (and friends) culture with and about alcohol. For many years now I have dreaded Christmas, as it has not been enjoyable. This year though I decided to enjoy my Christmas. As I began the process of enjoying each day leading up to Christmas, something was shown consistently – this being that people were consuming more alcohol than normally. I also noticed with this that people were tired, as they were trying to go to all the functions/social gatherings that abound at Christmas and were finding themselves feeling quite exhausted, and openly talking about this. In all of this, I realised that a big reason that I have not found Christmas time enjoyable is because this is how my family has approached Christmas, right from early in my childhood. I therefore associated Christmas as being a time where people were not themselves and were also very tired and cranky. It was wonderful to have this realisation and to feel how it felt to have lived this way and also to feel how much I had hardened to this behaviour. This Christmas though, for the most part, I have been able to fully understand and accept my friends and families choices and to let them be; in so doing I have found that I have more deeply accepted my choice to not consume alcohol and found that I am way more solid with my choice. The thing that really stands out in this experience is that my choice to enjoy Christmas opened up for me the understanding of why I had not enjoyed Christmas previously to be revealed. A great marker, to choose to actively enjoy each day.
That’s revealing Leigh, we could use this point you have made to unveil any part of our lives we don’t enjoy and by embracing it, begin to understand and let go of the reasons we don’t enjoy it! Thanks
Not drinking has slowly become something that people are starting to consider as being ok, only a percentage of people have this view but it is a start whereas years ago, it would be very much everyone or nearly everyone would be drinking. This is awesome.
Well said Natalie, There are many around me at the moment who do not drink alcohol. It’s great being able to decline alcohol and enjoy a cup of tea or water instead. My family, friends all accept that this is the choice I have made for myself and that’s awesome. And as we decline alcohol, we may inspire others to do the same.
Yes, there are definitely less pubs in the UK and drink has become something that is less socially acceptable without food which is a definite shift in the last 10 years.
A perfect example of people choosing less alcohol: I attended an informal training where the training providers had laid out snacks and alcohol as refreshment. I thought I would be the only one asking for water, but noticed pretty much everyone apart from a couple of people were saying no to the alcohol and the pies and the like. The hosts were desperate to get rid of what they had stocked up & they kept saying so. I had to giggle.
Yes Natalie, I have noticed that not only less people are drinking at home, but there is an increasing range of coffee and teas being offered in pubs, even herbal teas.
So true Natalie. There is definitely a shift happening. This is awesome!
I agree with all of you. There is definitely a shift. And now, not drinking is much less of an “elephant in the room”. Which is great. And for every one that isn’t drinking it dilutes the normalcy of drinking. BUT – that is not the whole picture. At the other end of the spectrum, those that are drinking, are drinking far harder than ever before. This is an undeniable fact. And it is doing very, very serious damage to hundreds of thousands of people daily.
Great to re-read this at Christmas time when the drink is usually flowing even more and that is also accepted as the norm. It is wonderful to know that the new norm for myself and many friends is to not drink alcohol and that this new norm is reflected out into the world.
Absolutely Jane, This is my experience too, ‘It is wonderful to know that the new norm for myself and many friends is to not drink alcohol and that this new norm is reflected out into the world.’
I agree Jane – and yet more and more I am starting to find people who don’t drink, and more and more adverts and stories about the dangers of drinking.
Well said, thank you Jane. This ‘new normal’ of not needing to drink alcohol is so awesomely different from the painful ‘normal’ described above, of empty relationships and feeling lost, which most of us can relate to in some way.
Very true Jane. We spent Christmas day with my parents and not a drop of alcohol was consumed in the day, which is a huge transformation. And it was not even mentioned! It is so gorgeous to spend some time with these two gentle people and truly enjoy their company without the barrier alcohol creates. I, like you, have many friends now who have chosen to stop consuming alcohol and we all look and feel a thousand times better without it and still have just as much fun, if not more, being completely sober!
So true Jane, it can be amazing to see what happens with those around us when we are living that reflection, it is deeply humbling.
I just celebrated christmas and my father was serving wine. He asked me would you like a glass Mariette, and I said no thank you, and then he turned to my sister who was sitting next to him if she would like some wine and she also said no thank you. He looked around and said well, I can’t get rid of my delicious wine this evening and just put the bottle back on the table. I had a gorgeous evening drinking water and it made me realize that we are all reflections all the time. My family for me, and I am for them.
Now that would have been a True Celebration, sitting there without Alcohol affecting all of you and being able to stay who you are with people that are dear to you through having wonderful connections. Wow.
Completely agree. I too have realised when being with family that they’re drinking less and less.
An honest and insightful read. I never really drank alcohol, even though at one stage I had a wine collection. Yes I drank some of it but really I was more going along with a sophisticated version of ‘normal’. However I detested how I felt after drinking, I knew I’d been poisoning myself and all the sophistication and wine snob bs couldn’t alter that fact one iota. Put all the lipstick you like on a wine bottle it’s still liquid self harm.
Amazing blog love it.
About half the people I know locally now do not drink alcohol for a variety of reasons. Some have had illnesses, some have felt that they don’t like the effects, and some have chosen, like me not to drink. But we still get together and enjoy each others company.
I agree Gill, I went to dinner with my neighbours and their friends, and many didn’t drink, and some did, but the lack of alcohol didn’t stop us having a really lovely time.
So true, Rebecca. In fact, I feel my friends and I have a better time when there is no alcohol. I don’t drink, and would never offer it, so when friends come to me they sometimes bring their own, but don’t drink a lot of it because we’re having such a good time celebrating ourselves!
I agree Catherine, many people drink to fill the silence, to get conversation flowing and to enjoy themselves, but if the conversation flows naturally and they find themselves enjoying the evening easily, drinking can often almost be forgotten.
And that is normal, Gill. What isn’t normal is what alcohol makes you when you drink it!
On the news today, there was a report that the sales of alcohol had dramatically been reduced. Maybe at last people are beginning to get the message, to how harmful it can be to the body and mind.
Alcohol is normal in society and it is everywhere. Especially around the christmas season, alcohol is part of having a ‘great’ time together and gives a feeling of ‘connection’. Since I stopped drinking alcohol nearly 4 years ago, I have come to experience that not drinking alcohol gives me a true feeling of togetherness and connection,including around christmas. I feel alive, I feel present and I feel vital, including the day after! I connect with my family and my in-laws in a complete different way now that I don’t drink alcohol anymore. I am looking forward to spending time with them these days, bringing me to their homes and having a wonderful time, even more so now, without the alcohol.
While shopping in Bath on Friday 19th December, we became aware of the constant wail of Ambulance and police sirens. We subsequently discovered that it was a big day for office parties and that means alcohol consumption in mad quantities. Apparently the hospitals are so stretched this time of year, that special large mobile lorry units are drafted in to help cope with sheer numbers of drunk people! Is this normal behaviour?
I’m sure the over-stretched doctors and nurses would have an answer to this question!
I understand from nursing friends that much of Accident & Emergency time is taken up with alcohol-related cases such as car accidents, falls, and violence – it is all a completely irresponsible waste of a valuable resource and I often wonder if the government revenue from alcohol should be used to directly pay for National Health Service facilities that are abused in this way.
The title here says, “Alcohol is Not Normal” and then within a month there are over 270 comments. That means there are a lot of people here, including myself, agreeing with the fact that alcohol is not normal. How can it be when we all know alcohol is a scientific proven poison? The harm it causes to our body and to our family and beyond is the collateral damage of alcohol and what it is doing to our society.
Exactly, anything that can make the body feel that ill is definitely not supporting it but is in fact a poison.
Thank you anonymous, living with alcoholism is devastating for any child or adult, and you have done very well to give a voice to this topic which needs to be openly talked about.
Apparently today, the last Friday before xmas, is known as black eye Friday because of the amount of alcohol that will be consumed at office parties and the effects. The Police and A & E departments are gearing up, during this news item there was even a doctor giving out advice on how to brace yourself.
He talked about what to eat before hand to minimise the effect, what to drink the next day to help the body to recover, other presenters joined in with their remedies….but no-one said don’t drink in the first place.
Just what sort of ‘normal’ is this in a week where the world has been shocked by the violence of terrorist attacks, yet the self inflicted carnage that will be wreaked on bodies tonight apparently goes unchallenged?
I have always felt, even before I stopped drinking altogether, that if you couldn’t go one day without a drink, then you were an alcoholic. That may be controversial but I feel it says a lot about need and dependence. Before I gave up smoking, i used to have just one cigarette at the end of the day, people who smoked used to joke and say I didn’t have a habit. But that wasn’t true. I knew and felt deep down that one cigarette was all i needed to keep me in the addiction cycle.
Alcohol has been accepted as part of normal life and as such there will be those that drink it regularly or consistently and in greater or lesser quantities. However, Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, where the baby is born with defects due to the mother continuing to drink heavily while pregnant is significantly on the rise. In the space of three years the rate of babies born with the affects of alcohol has risen 37% – at the last count that’s 252 little babies severely mentally and physically impaired because society does not view alcohol as the poison that it is, and continues to accept it as a normal part of life.
I often wondered if my being drunk on red wine the night I conceived was the reason my son was born with a disability – when I asked, the doctors pooh pooh’d it as a possibility; they still haven’t found a cause for the hundreds of children who suffer from the same disability. I stopped drinking alcohol once I knew I was pregnant – my body told me straight away that I couldn’t continue – but who knows when the damage was done?
I watched a television program today about a young women who got drunk in her own home, passed out and was raped. It was a tragic story, especially because people where blaming her for passing out – not the man for raping her. But not only is the abuser to blame – so is the society’s perception that alcohol is okay, when so many accidents, deaths, illnesses and abuse can be linked to its consumption.
Being the accepted normal means it’s easy to see it as only a problem when it becomes out of hand, there is always someone drinking more, and so everyone can always see their consumption as moderate. A very convenient circle of avoiding what is really going on. Everyone knows and feels the real effects of alcohol deep down, and there is already tonnes of science and health statistics to back it up, so surely it’s time to start being more honest about it?
Laura, that’s it – everyone knows the harm it does, everyone knows they drink too much yet it’s something that is much easier not to look at as its normal. I could imagine if doing crack cocaine was considered normal then no one doing it would think they had a problem. It does beg the question why have so many of us chosen to use or still use alcohol knowing all that we know? My understanding from Serge Benhayon about things that we do which we know are not great for us, is that there is something that we are not wanting to feel or some hurt that is too much – something that made sense to me when I was drinking.
Thanks for cutting the avoidance David. There is something we don’t want to feel! Of course! I may not be drinking alcohol to avoid feeling but I can recognise that I do other things like over eat, or become moody. The more I can be honest and not see these behaviours as the accepted norm, the more I allow myself to feel, understand and let go of them without the forced giving up approach.
“I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling.
It’s obvious. It’s science. It’s evolution.”
So powerful to read and feel this and fully appreciate that it is not only one person held in this constant contradiction as we look at the world from young but that everyone is pushed through this ‘normal’ process. I love how you state then that it is so obvious – of course it is and when we stop and feel how amazing it is to truly feel ourselves it is boggling to come to terms with the fact that we were not able to trust our feelings – yet it was because the world kept yelling – Stop feeling! Of course we have a personal responsibility but essentially if all the mirrors keep saying the same thing then we tend to go with the popular view.
Amazing to witness and know so many people who have returned to feeling and loving themselves with great thanks and appreciation to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
When I was in the fog of drinking alcohol and thought that it was ‘normal’ I didn’t want to look at the harm that it caused me and others around me. It wasn’t until Serge Benhayon shared the energetic truth that made me consider giving it a go and try not drinking… this along with working in hospitality and seeing the hideous damage it was doing to people – all for a ‘good time’. I knew every time what it was doing to me on the physical level to my body – not pretty at all; but to understand the energetic reason of what was going on made a lot of sense that I couldn’t deny any longer. Stopping drinking alcohol over 6 years ago has been one of the best things I have ever done. I feel amazing and so free of a drug that had control over me on a daily basis. Now I enjoy me on a daily basis and it feels Awesome.
This is such a brilliant article. I love your postscript as you share your love and understanding for your parents and how the cycle of accepting alcohol as normal continues until we are presented with what true Love is. There are many things that we accept in society as normal but when we start to see the damaging repercussions only then do we start to take notice. Thank you for starting the conversation bringing home that it needs to be the true love and care of ourselves and each other that becomes normal.
I heard comments on the radio, about the effects alcohol has on the body, and it was a frightening thought. One presumed a small amount was not harmful, but how wrong can one be. The different changes it can make in the body is horrendous.
“Alcohol is not normal”- I agree it is ‘normalised’ and condoned throughout society but it is not part of the ‘normal’ human state to be intoxicated on any level or to have this state alter your physical and psychological ability to function. I have felt the change in me after one glass of alcohol, it is a subtle to some, but it feels as though I am disconnected and not quite myself. I got to a stage when this feeling was something that I did not want to be part of my life. Feeling the real me felt so amazing and supportive that I didn’t want numb it or turn my light down. Thank you for sharing.
This shows me how strong love is. The fact that one can grow up in a home that they know is ‘normal’ – because they don’t know any different. There is nothing hugely extreme going on, roles are put on, the house is kept together – so there is nothing abnormal… But love is what is missing – and it can be felt through an emptiness that can never be filled by ‘normal’.
That to me – shows how absolutely necessary and wonderful love truly is.
I watched an amazing drink and drive advert from Australia today – it really brought home the tragedies and horrors of alcohol that is so easy to dismiss when you are out drinking and swept up in the social normalcy of it. To me it showed how one persons ‘right’ to have a drink is not more important than the lives of everyone else they come into contact with, and possibly put in danger if they drive or get violent.
What you have said is powerful Rebecca. ‘To me it showed how one person’s ‘right’ to have a drink is not more important than the lives of everyone else they come into contact with, and possibly put in danger if they drive or get violent.’ How true!
Well said. It is powerful medicine to acknowledge the ripple effects of one person drinking alcohol and how far reaching and long lasting those effects can be.
I agree Matilda – people do not consider the consequences when they drink, because they believe it will only effect them and they are fine with that. But no one drinks with the intention to have a car crash, or get raped, or commit crime etc etc, and yet it happens. The ripple affects need to not only be acknowledged, but taken responsibility for.
That is the part that very, very few of us are prepared to see. And until we start seeing and claiming that, humanity will be able to hide their choices behind the deep falsehood of phrases such as “It’s my body, I can do what I like with it” or “Why does it bother you whether I drink or not?” The ripples are felt by everyone. The effect and cost of alcohol is a gargantuan iceberg into which humanity is continually smashing. And, we are only aware of the part of the iceberg that we can see.
I find it interesting talking to people about what is normal, because they often think that what they do is normal, which it is.. their normal. But it can then be a surprise to them when I talk about my normal, which is very different from theirs. And it’s interesting for me to reflect how my normal has changed over the years too; drinking alcohol, to not ever wanting to drink alcohol again is a great example.
It’s fascinating how many levels of ‘normal’ there are in what we tolerate, what we accept and what we take for granted. I know that what is normal for me today is very different from what was normal for me 15, 10, 5, 2 years ago even 6 months ago. Our own levels of normal shift, change and evolve as we refine what feels good for our body.
Rosanna, that’s so true our normal is constantly changing as we evolve and learn new things, we become more aware of our body and therefore are more aware of what we will accept and tolerate.
It is amazing that we consider ourselves as an advanced society and yet we think it is normal to poison ourselves on a regular basis, and we hurt ourselves to cover that we are already hurt. It doesn’t make sense – what have we accepted as normal that really is a million miles from normal? I suspect it is so much more than this!
This is a truly powerful blog that needs publishing on a larger scale. Is the world ready to hear the message of it yet? Probably not… it’s way too outside the norm just yet, but maybe it would make the people out there craving the truth realise they are not alone.
If you know of anywhere that this blog could be published, please feel free. As you say, this conversation needs to be had.
I had to read this blog again, it is brilliantly written. Through your experience you have a great understanding of the harm that is caused just though living ‘Normal’ lives, and yet it is so true that we KNOW something is wrong but nothing is telling us differently. Superb analysis of Life, I would love to read more about your experiences.
This article is so important. A voice for all the children, a reminder for all us grown ups. What are we doing? What are we accepting that is so much less than our unveiled beauty, Joy and Love? It is so important to look at all the ways we numb ourselves because those things take us away from each other and leave our children, our family, our world, cold and empty.
“So, for me, it was normal to have cold, functional, disconnected relationships.
Normal to look at someone you love and to feel distant and utterly alone.
Normal not to trust someone enough to cry with them.
Normal for a hug to feel empty.
Normal for a goodnight kiss to feel perfunctory.
Normal to feel lost.
Normal to think that this somber cloak of denial and subterfuge enveloped every family.
Normal to have no actual experience or example of true love as a marker in my life…. the list is long.”
Wow. Can we go on accepting this?!
There is another way. A True normal, and it is warm and beautiful!
…To be who we are, with others, in full.
Thanks for that statistic, Jane. However as with any ‘average’, because some people don’t drink at all then there will be some who drink considerably more than that.
When you join the dots between alcohol and that list, it does indeed create a WOW. Thus it is this dot-joining that we all need to be doing. Through claiming the truth, through claiming the real reason why we choose not to drink, by claiming the real reason why we chose to drink. There is a rampant dishonesty that allows the normalcy of alcohol to fester.
This is true, considering just how much we know about it, it is utterly bizarre to be so normalised in society. Gill mentioned (above) the parallels to smoking, we all know how deeply harming this is to our health and it was eventually tackled by legislation as to where it is possible to publicly smoke. It is time the government did the same with alcohol. We know that alcohol is harming to our health and wellbeing. Perhaps the government doesn’t want to cut the value alcohol has on the economy? Surely what the government gains in tax revenue and the amount alcohol contributes to GDP cancels out the amount spent on the effects alcohol through health and social problems? It would be interesting to see if there were statistics to show this?
I agree Rachel, it does seem bizarre how normalised it has become, with the harm that is caused. You asked about statistics… they are available… I found it quite staggering to read the results of a report recently, generated in 2013, which stated that while alcohol generates $7 Billion in alcohol-related taxes for the Australian economy….it costs society $15.3 Billion annually!! It doesn’t even seem to make sense financially!
As the Christmas festive season of parties begin for lots of people, the whole alcohol issue comes into the foreground again. Another season of some people’s lives will be ruined with alcohol related issues, whether it be road deaths, brawls and fights or plain irresponsible behaviour. It’ll be great when alcohol becomes as socially unacceptable as smoking is now. It is possible to party with a non-alcoholic punch.
Very true Richard, ‘Smashed’, ‘Plastered’, ‘Rat-faced’, ‘Stoned’ all say a lot about us!
Absolutely Gil, it seems to me that the initial effects of alcohol as a ‘stimulant’ are fairly short-lived anyway, before the subsequent descent into various forms of aggression or depression take over. Surely therefore, the enjoyment factor at the party would be even greater without the alcohol? It would however require people to be more ‘themselves’, but that is far more interesting than enduring alcohol-fuelled behaviour with all its unpredictability, danger and damage.
The other week I heard a doctor tell a patient with multiple serious health issues (diabetes, heart failure, fluid on the lungs) that the alcohol the patient had been consuming was just a very small amount, saying “Oh well, that’s homeopathic!”. I was completely surprised that the doctor was seemingly completely unconcerned about the alcohol intake and the effect alcohol could have on those conditions this patient had, and I felt saddened that an opportunity for this person to contemplate their alcohol intake and its effect on their health had been missed as the doctor had essentially given ‘approval’ to drink alcohol with these health concerns. Currently we have this massive consciousness that alcohol is okay; this goes the same for sugar – but I have recently seen a trailer for a film that is being made about how bad sugar is for us with loads of health professionals and professionals speaking about this with honesty. My feeling is we need the same thing to happen regarding alcohol in order to help bring to more awareness the harm alcohol can bring.
Dear Anonymous, I felt quite sad on reading the first half of your blog. To think that the majority of children in our world are growing up having to accept so many things as ‘normal’ when they innately feel a discordance with what is going on. It is up to us as adults to call out our unloving choices and question their level of normality within society, otherwise it will only be allowed to continue generation after generation.
Well said, Jinya. I also felt quite sad re-reading the first half of the blog. It is deeply touching. Children of alcoholics are like prisoners in their own home, treading on eggshells, not knowing what they can do to get the love they deserve. Yes, it is up to us as adults to make changes so that future generations do not suffer because of alcohol related behaviour.
I agree Jinya, it is considered normal to have alcohol at toddlers parties and yet the very children that the party is celebrating are feeling the ill effects of what happens to their parents as they start to drink.
Interesting, it reminds me of the tradition to ‘wet the baby’s head’ by drinking as a celebration of the birth.
There is nothing normal about the deep poisoning we subject ourselves to. We know this. Your article illustrates beautifully how the surface can be so “rosy” denying the subtle turmoils actually taking place.
Absolutely Phill how can something that is a poison to the body and makes us feel sick when we drink it be good for us? This exposes how much we override what our bodies try to tell us and how numb we have become to feeling this.
And we all feel the deep poison that alcohol is, for all of us, not just those drinking. The super scary bit is that we label it normal, natural and even paint it ‘rosy’…
That is why it is super important to talk openly about the carnage it causes in homes all over the world, devastating and clipping children.
really well said Matilda the devastation that occurs from Alcohol is horrific and no child deserves to be in that environment which is being played out as ‘normal’ and ‘what we do’ as adults.
I am very glad I grew up in a household where alcohol was rarely seen, on the few occasions it was as a child I certainly felt very wary around those drinking. I can only imagine what it must be like for someone who grows up in a very boozy household. Is the child ever really considered in these circumstances? As a child growing into an adult I was easily coerced into a drinking culture, and I came from a family with little of that culture, this is how strong the lure of drink and getting drunk is. The pressure on youngsters to conform is absolutely massive.
This is interesting Stephen, I always thought that being around alcohol whilst growing up was why I saw and accepted alcohol as being normal but as you say it was the opposite for you but the lure to drink was still very strong.
The Christmas period seems to unravel in a groundhog style way each year in which we hear of A&E being stretched to its limits by the drink culture we so readily accept. Perhaps we need a bit more exposure of what really goes on in hospitals and the toll that drinking takes on the frontline staff who have to deal with the consequences of getting drunk and losing control.
Alcohol is definitely harmful and the fact that it is so accepted as part of life and honoured, shows how far we have come from listening to our true inner knowing and connection to ourselves our soul and our wisdom.
It is so wonderful to know Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and people choosing to see the truth about alcohol its evil and harming ways and to not go along with the accepted way in society. A real inspiration.
Cigarettes and alcohol are a known harm to our bodies and yet many carry on with them. And now it has become the ‘in thing’ for most public areas to not allow smoking, because of the harm of ‘passive smoking”. However, have we wanted to be honest that there is a blatant harm of alcohol on others? – in accidents, in fights and in abuse and we can all know this – the figures are out there. And now your post clearly shows that it’s impact can be much more profound by affecting the foundation of life a young person grows with. When will we wake up and see the true face of this poison in our lives?
This is such a great revelation, Golnaz. Cigarettes are banned because of the passive effects on others. Yet the passive affect of alcohol on others is just (if not more) as harmful. A great point that requires much consideration.
Great point. I have always known alcohol to be a greater evil than many substances we are more wary of, precisely because we have decided to ignore the truth we all know that it is a poison that wrecks lives, and not only re-dress it as socially acceptable but socially expected. This is deeply insane and exposes our celebrated human intelligence as the very opposite.
It’s really great to talk about things like this – that are generally accepted as ‘normal’ but when we look at them and consider their impact on people and society they actually seem far from something that we would want to accept as normal.
I agree Fiona, it is great to expose these ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ behaviours for what they really are and the effect they have on society.
Great point Fiona, how many other things such as Alcohol, Smoking Cannabis etc.. are considered normal yet are far from it. I know how easy it is to go along with what the majority of people do, calling it ‘normal’. Perhaps if we looked with fresh eyes we would see many normal things are not normal at all.
Good point David! We seem to accept certain forms of behaviour, simply on the basis that they have been around a long time and therefore have fallen into the category ‘Traditional’ . We seem to adopt a sort of ‘who are we to question this?’ sort of stance.
Perhaps if the True cost of the alcohol problem was revealed, we would start to see something being done about it by Governments. The tax take may be huge on alcohol, but it is surely small compared with the overall benefit to humanity gained by its control.
That makes sense. I have the feeling many people know the costs but they are stuck on the merry go round not quite sure who should step off first. Which department will pick up the costs or make up the difference to tax revenue? Perhaps the system to “manage” the effects of alcohol will collapse and then there will be no other option. Yet if all the departments and organisations worked together the changes could happen. A reflection for me in life.
Yes I agree, Fiona. It is only by talking about it that we bust open the gremlin in the room that everybody knows is there but conveniently ignores. We all know the harm of alcohol, but through the guise of its normalisation we happily override the truth if it.
This is such a powerful blog sharing honestly the effects that alcohol has on families. For a child, it is scary seeing an adult change before your eyes as the alcohol takes over. It is considered ‘normal’ yet every part of your being knows it is not. The creepy Uncle that gets too close, the parents that are not there for you, the list is endless. You lose the person you love as they themselves are lost in drink. Sadly this will continue until people wake up to the damage they are causing as they drown in drink. With Christmas approaching, so much advertising is about celebrating with alcohol and this is considered a perfectly ‘normal’ part of the silly season. We need advertisements to show the effects of alcohol and not just in drink/driving. Most parents do not deliberately set out to harm their children but as this blog has so clearly shown, the results are devastating.
It is awesome the way you have exposed how you were influenced to accept that alcohol consumption of any type is so pervasively normal that you were left, as a child, with no other reflection whatsoever to give confirmation that of your feelings that both the drink itself, and the accompanying empty behaviours, were wrong. You offer a tender picture of a young child’s perceptions in face of this global behaviour and a much needed humanising account of the real human cost behind the statistics associated with alcohol consumption.
Even one child experiencing what you have described is one child too many.
“What is so damaging about alcohol is that because everyone considers it normal, then the child grows up believing that it is normal. And in my case it was all SO normal. I can’t over-stress the effect of this.” I too was brought up in a family where alcohol was considered normal. For years I thought so too. Why did I drink? (although I never really liked the taste, so I went for sweet drinks) … To hide and escape from the hurt I felt deep inside me, although I would have justified and defended my choices if I had been challenged. For 8 years now I haven’t drunk any alcohol and although only an occasional drinker even back then, I feel clearer and more healthy, as I have made other new life-style choices that support me and my body.
So – an alcoholic is someone who is “…dependent on a substance and has formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance…”. It seems to me that society itself is alcoholic. Alcohol is way beyond ‘normal’ in society; society seems deeply dependent on it; and very very scared when it feels challenged by a departure from the norm of drinking. Society can handle someone with a ‘drinking problem’ not drinking, but not a freely-made conscious choice to not drink. Make that choice and society gets very twitchy! If you are willing to play along and expose the abnormality of alcohol less by hanging out with people as they drink, and, say, holding a glass of water in a wine glass, then society copes better, but it really really does not want to see anything that might make it look at the role that alcohol is playing – someone who simply says no to alcohol, full stop. I sometimes think some employers would be less challenged by someone getting drunk and behaving badly at an office event than by someone whose choice is always not to drink, and to leave early.
I have become ‘someone who simply says no to alcohol, full stop.’ I used to say that I don’t drink because I am driving. Now I say that I don’t drink because my body doesn’t like alcohol. It’s interesting the different reactions I get.
It is true Kathie, I have found that it can really irritate some and yet others get very inspired. It all depends of that person’s relationship with alcohol; for me alcohol has always been take it or leave it type of relationship and so when I stopped altogether it was very easy and my body rewarded me no end – and continues to even now.
Yes. Very often the reaction to my not drinking is that I must have been what they consider an “alcoholic”. And it is when I share that my choice to not drink is a simply because I want to feel my true self all of the time, that is when the possibility for inspiration arises. It is very important that those that don’t drink claim the real reason. Because if they hide behind some softer response like, as you suggest, “because I’m driving” then that actually feeds the normalcy of alcohol. It is only through delivering the truth that the engrained normalcy of alcohol gets challenged.
Great point. I know someone who after an illness became more sensitive to things like alcohol. He kept feeling terrible every time he drank so he was forced to stop. But it didn’t last too long, he thought he was cheated out of being able to drink so he tried different alcoholic drinks until he found some that did not make him feel too terrible. His relationship to why he had stopped drinking purely encouraged a sympathy in others : “poor you not being able to drink”, instead of an understanding that “perhaps it is not a good idea to start with”.
This is true, Catherine. We seem to be more comfortable as part of a kind of conspiracy to prop-up each other’s bad habits and therefore condone and accept alcohol consumption as normal. There seems to be almost a romantic anti-hero type of image sometimes attached to self-inflicted alcohol abuse as if it is part and parcel of the ‘Human Condition’. Writers and artists seem to be high on the list of people who are readily excused their indulgence of alcohol as an ‘essential’ part of their ‘creative and bohemian lifestyle’. The more interwoven the mythology of alcohol becomes with these people’s lives, the more apparent ‘status’ it achieves. Smoking was so ingrained in our culture that some people, especially the young seemed to take it up because of its image as portrayed in films, for example. One can only hope that drinking goes the same way as smoking, which is now universally unacceptable in the civilised world.
When people ask why I stopped drinking, they often ask something like “did I have a ‘problem’?”… they seem to have trouble handling the fact that I wasn’t diagnosed an alcoholic, but I always point out that I did have at least one glass of wine pretty much every day, sometimes two – really, as you say Catherine, an alcoholic is someone that “has a physical/psychological habit around that substance”… and I did. Then people do start to twitch, because the amount I drank is considered the ‘norm’ for many … but as I stand there, and share I feel amazing without it, and that it is a poison that we choose to put in our bodies, they start to tick it over in their minds. Giving up alcohol is one of the best things I have ever done for myself!
“Society accepts alcohol. So, for my parents and their friends, their consumption and my mother’s consumption was normal.” How true this is, we have grown up thinking something is normal when it is the complete opposite.
Yes, it does seem incredible for something so harmful to be ‘normal’. As child, for me, the other harmful normal was smoking, which I took on like the alcohol. The other huge one affecting society is sugar with the expectation by 2030 that one in three Americans will have diabetes.
An article in the newspaper today revealed that in the past 30 years, teenagers dying from alcohol intake and liver disease has gone up 500%. This is only the teens – alcohol is a serious problem worldwide now.
Stephanie, that figure is shocking but sadly not surprising – I feel that as what has happened with cigarettes, the same will happen with alcohol as more studies come out about the effects of alcohol, the industry will not be able to hide and as we have seen, slowly people are choosing not to drink. What I have observed is how when people drink they drink more now, so naturally as a result deaths will increase.
Wow, Stephanie, that is totally shocking and yet not so surprising when we live in a world that not only accepts but encourages the use of alcohol – a poison that destroys lives. Now where is the intelligence in that?
Great addition to these comments Stephanie. That is a huge rise and one that we need to take notice of and realise that drinking alcohol is not a safe and social form of behaviour as it is so ‘normally’ presented as.
Absolutely bonkers. How has this escalated so seriously? It’s as if this has crept up on us from nowhere, when in truth the problem was always there, but whilst we buried our heads in the sand not addressing the root cause the symptomatic consequences have exploded.
Superb analysis and expose on the concept of ‘normal’, here in relation to alcohol; the normal state of affairs perpetuated across the family generations and the complicit role society brings in its total partnership with the substance. Alcohol is not natural for the body, it’s a poison and that’s a fact. Yet it’s omnipresent in our culture – that alone defies logic. For a child in search of the truth of things, it’s as you say, ‘If it is everywhere, you just assume that it is life.’ Then it just becomes a question of when you start copying what’s around you?
I agree Cathy – it does defy logic and common sense that alcohol, a poison for the body is everywhere in our culture. The same can be said for cigarettes even after clearly seeing and knowing what the damaging effects are on the body people continue to smoke – I used to. The list is endless as there are so many damaging and harmful substances we see in abundance that we consider to be ‘normal’, it is as if we have had the wool pulled over our eyes by some clever and seductive marketing campaign, one which comes at us from all angles – no wonder why we succumb to copying what is around us, I know for me with alcohol it is because I wanted to fit in with those around me.
Crazy isn’t it, how we poison our bodies to ‘fit in’, when all the evidence around us, and our own bodies’ reaction to alcohol, is showing us quite clearly the harm that alcohol does.
It sure is crazy Catherine, but there are many things we do which are harmful to our bodies yet are widely accepted by society. What it shows is that we are not as intelligent as we think we are!
YES, James. Spot on. “We are not a intelligent as we think we are.” What kind of ‘intelligent’ species spends hard earned cash poisoning themselves at the end of each day, wakes up feeling like death, sweats and struggles through another hard day’s work to earn a bit more cash and then goes to the pub again that night to buy and consume some more poison…..An extra-terrestrial being, landing here for the first time, would be none too impressed and would immediately jump back on his space ship and send a report to the mothership – “no sign of intelligent life on this planet”.
It is crazy how we as a society accept alcohol and other vices as being normal and acceptable, when they are far from it.
It is true Cathy, Alcohol is not normal for the body and I feel ou our society knows it so, but chooses to override this simple fact. Imagine a world with no substance being used to harm our bodies, and a life lived in harmony with our bodies; from there we would be able to work and live in a very different way, a way that would allow us to actually honour every true feeling we have.
Wow Amina, that would be awesome not to have such substances around for us to harm ourselves. It would be a completely different society, there would definitely be better health, less illness and diseases, too.
I totally agree Cathy – very well said. This has been going on for so long – generations after generations – that is it now possible the time has come to say “hang on this something isn’t right here?”
I remember when I started drinking and was not overly excited about the taste of beer, the choice to drink at that time. My dad rarely drank, but when he did it was a fine sour mash whiskey, drunken neat or with one ice cube. I decided to make that my drink of choice to be different. My first drink burned all the way down. Someone told me “it gets better, you get used to it” and it did. It was like the first time you smoke a cigarette and the response your body gives you, the pain and coughing. The signals the body is telling – no – yelling at you ‘what are you doing?’ and we over ride it. When I looked back over all those years and felt why I made those choices – that is when the healing started for me and I have never looked back.
Thank you for this real and hard hitting blog. You have totally debunked the absolute fallacy that drinking alcohol is considered normal, sadly under the guise that because the masses do it, it is ok. I spent my teens and 20’s drowning myself with alcohol, under the perception that I was having a great time, and more confident because of it. Even when I felt tired and sick the following day, I easily overrode this feeling because again the ideal told me that this was normal and all part of it, even at times championing how sick I felt, only to get back on it the following weekend and sometimes the following day!
My choice to stop drinking 6 years ago was one of the best decisions I have made, I was able to explore and heal the reasons why I felt I needed to drink in the first place. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Univeral Medicine for speaking out on the truth of alcohol and inspiring many to do the same.
I agree Mary starting to look at these reasons why we want to escape and numb ourselves and to be more confident are great questions to look into further. For me I never realised that was what I was doing until workshops and courses with Serge Benhayon and some of the techniques that supported me to look deeper into the hurts that I was carrying around; that I didn’t realise I had. I am eternally grateful for meeting Serge and having this opportunity to heal my hurts which has changed my way of life in so many ways.
Thank you for expressing the impact of alcohol consumption of the adults in your life on you as a child. This is something that we do not reflect on nearly enough.
Well said Golnaz, your comment makes me realise that there are many things we see adults doing as a child that we then accept as normal. We soak up many harmful behaviours and incorporate them into our understanding of what it means to be an adult. We then judge ourselves to be an adult by copying those behaviours. Now I am grown up I can do x, y, z because that’s what my parents, uncles, aunts, friend’s parents did. It demonstrates the enormous responsibility we have as adults to show all children another way to live, a way that is full of self care and love and joy and needs no other props for us to enjoy life and one another’s company to the full.
Yes, so true Rowena. I am often surprised to find that what I have taken as normal is actually not normal but quite harmful…but because its so ‘normal,’ it has taken me a while to identify it as such.
One of those ways was not just using alcohol as a way of celebrating an event or achievement, but that it is normal that an event is celebrated in a way that usually involves an indulgence of some form – whether in food, or loads of TV or whatever. Crazy that it is normal to celebrate something in such a way that it takes us away from feeling amazing in ourselves by overloading the body with the indulgence.
I suspect sometimes we celebrate this way so we don’t have to feel that we have chosen to achieve by not looking after ourselves? I know I didn’t look after myself when I gained my qualifications for instance. I used indulging in food to try to ‘reward’ myself and hide the fact that I had gone about getting that achievement in a way that harmed my body- staying up late, not exercising, and etc.
It is awesome to have role models, such as Serge Benhayon and his family, and those such as yourself Anonyomous, who present celebrating in a way that honours and nurtures ourselves further. So glad there’s another way and to notice all these ‘normal’ things aren’t necessarily normal!
It is true Golnaz and around the christmas time most alcohol drinkers seem to drink much more then they normally do.
I remember being allowed when I was younger to have some alcoholic drinks to celebrate christmas… this was for a point in my life where I thought I had reached an age of maturity to be given this amazing opportunity to have a ‘drink’. Such a disguise and cover up for wanting to fit in like everyone else and not miss out on this supposed ‘fun’. Even though I could see the ridiculousness of it all I still wanted that acceptance from everyone.
Good point Golnaz and Amina – but why? It doesn’t really make sense that we drink more around that one day of the year…
Neither of my parents drank alcohol, but in Ireland where I grew up, it was part of daily life and was considered necessary and associated with having a good time. I was in my mid 30s before I became aware that I was carrying this rediculous belief too.. I was sharing accomodation with a group of Asian students who did not drink alcohol. We ate our evening meal together and had lots of fun and laughter. I really enjoyed these gatherings and sharings with people from many different cultures. During our second meal together, it dawned on me that I was actually having a lovely time without a drop of alcohol in sight. That was my first step towards realising that alcohol is not normal and that a joyful time was possible without it.
Reading your comment Elizabeth makes me realise how we really associate drinking alcohol with having a ‘good time’ and that it is unusual to not drink and to just enjoy a meal with friends, this makes me realise how it’s the reverse of how it should be and that it isn’t ‘normal’ to need to drink to have fun.
Love this story. Yes, the first time I found myself having fun without alcohol was quite a revelation to myself. It shocked me. I remember it clearly, I was at a wedding in Cornwall and was on the dance floor, bopping away and then suddenly realised that I was dancing without having had a drink – a combination that I would never have considered before!! But there I was having a joyous time and totally present and aware And the best thing was – the next morning I was walking on the beach enjoying the gorgeous morning, whilst everyone else was groaning in pain in their beds!
Whilst at a party in a restaurant, one of the guests was determined to buy me a drink. When I said I was driving, he offered to pay for a taxi home that night and one to collect me the next morning to pick up my car.
Quite simply he couldn’t understand how I would be able to enjoy myself without having consumed alcohol. At the end of the evening, he came to acknowledge that he noticed it was possible.
yes I remember the feeling of getting up and dancing like you and the thought of doing that without alcohol would never of crossed my mind. It feels amazing to dance when I am not intoxicated and I still have all my groovy moves if not groovier as I’m not stumbling around. I also love waking up and feeling fantastic in the morning as well.
This is a great claim of how what you had felt as a child was the Truth all along, regardless of the lack of confirmation from all the adults around you. With understanding, and a knowingness of that truth, we can lead the way to a different path without the abuse of alcohol to numb and bury our issues. I know that personally, I had been telling myself a lie when I used to drink that I was not living like an alcoholic after being challenged by my wife regarding that designation. The truth is, I was in massive denial about how I was consistently using alcohol to not deal with my personal emotional issues, and only after I quit completely was I able to see the great damage I had done to not only my body, but to all the people around me in my life that I had affected by that abuse. The biggest thing is that I had been letting my family, friends, and co-workers down by not allowing them to see the beautiful me that was beneath all those layers of hurt being numbed by the alcohol.
Great comment, Michael. I also really connected with the comments in your blog, Anonymous, about how you knew as a child that what you saw around you wasn’t true when all of the adults around thought it was normal. It can be very hard for a child to stay with this truth that they feel deep within when everyone around them is telling/showing them something else. All it takes is one person to show there is a different way to confirm what the child has always known.
I so appreciate the opportunity to see the true, beautiful man that you are, Michael!
I agree Michael and Julie. Michael, I love how you say and have now come to realise that the biggest thing about drinking was not allowing all the people you interact with to see the beautiful you. Something which I can relate to as well. I know when I used to drink I would change and people would miss out on the loving qualities I would normally bring to them.
That is a very poignant comment Michael. I too would not have classed myself as an alcoholic, yet that was what I became. I got addicted after giving up drugs and I used alcohol to numb and bury my depression, exhaustion and pain and like you say, it is not until you stop that you can truly see the addiction and how much damage it does.
Using the Gentle Breath Meditation gave me the self awareness to stop and consider why I needed to drink and it was Universal Medicine that supported me to heal the underlying emotions that were driving the behaviour. The real evidence of the deep healing is that I have not substituted alcohol with any other substance, as I now no longer have a need to hide or numb myself. I can as you say, show everyone the real beautiful me that was hidden away beneath the hurt. How glorious to be finally aware and responsible for who we truly are.
This is great what you have shared and exposed Michael. How we use alcohol to numb ourselves and bury our issues, particularly emotional issues. I feel this is something we need to be honest with ourselves about and allow a deep healing to take place.
Starting to realise what a poison alcohol is to the body got me wondering how we would react if it was replaced with another poison – say petrol?
I looked on the internet to find out if petrol is poisonous to the human system and found that it can cause ‘nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea and abdominal pain; central nervous system depression, headaches, dizziness, drowsiness, fevers and transient liver damage. Severe intoxication may cause unconsciousness and comma or convulsions with seizures.’
That sounds very similar to the effects of alcohol to me, yet it is regarded as socially ‘normal’ to drink that?
Reading the list of symptoms if we drink petrol, had me also reflect on the fact that nowadays most domestic cleaning prducts carry a warning sign about exactly such symptoms. Yet we tend to tolerate it with drinking alcohol. This really shows something is not quite right here. We are not thinking straight..
Great point Kathiefreedom, these effects are extremely similar to the effects of alcohol poisoning, as demonstrated by this list from a respected website on health choices: “confusion, severely slurred speech, loss of co-ordination (all central nervous system depression), vomiting, irregular or slow breathing, hypothermia (pale or blue-tinged skin caused by low body temperature), stupor (being conscious but unresponsive), passing out and being unconscious.”
There is not much difference between the two lists, so is alcohol as harmless as we would like to believe?
Wow, awesome work Kathie, that’s an amazing comparison – who would have known that petrol and alcohol have very similar effects? – would love to see a blog about that!
It is great to have truthful articles like this exposing the harm and detriment caused by alcohol in the world. Alcohol is one of the main causes of abuse and it is time it is called out for us all not to hide behind the ignorance and pretence of this for our own comfort , hiding and misery.
Well said Tricia. Drinking alcohol is one of those ‘accepted’ behaviours that is the cause of so many ills, not only to relationships but to our bodies and the cost does not stop there as it drains police resources and hospitals too.
So true Beverly. Alcohol doesn’t smell good, doesn’t taste good,doesn’t feel good in the body. I feel it takes you out of your body, which is a good place to hide from the pain of not feeling loved. Time the myth of alcohol being in any way beneficial was exploded.
Alcohol was a big part of my growing up and was also considered normal. At every party, celebration and gathering of any description, the star attraction was the alcohol.
I recall going to a wedding at the age of twenty and it was an alcohol free function, which really blew my mind – I just could not understand people getting married and choosing to drink cool aid (pink lemonade) instead of champagne or beer. To me this was a first and unheard of. It just shows how ingrained alcohol has become within our society and accepted as normal and that when someone chooses not to partake, it is met with confusion.
This is so true Julie, at a party I attended some years ago before giving up alcohol there was a young woman who when I offered her an alcoholic drink said “I don’t drink”. In my drunken state I could not understand this at all and talked to others at the party in deisbelief at her choice. When I gave up alcohol, friends and family had the same reaction to me and would even talk about how to get me drinking again, as you write ‘the star attraction at every party, celebration or gathering was always alcohol’.
I have come across so many people who think this exact same thought – why would you celebrate without alcohol? When really – why would you celebrate by hurting yourself? It is very revealing of how far away from a loving and ‘normal’ society we have come.
Well said Meg. Why would we celebrate by hurting ourselves? Consuming alcohol is not a celebration for the body.
It’s definitely a strange idea, but one I grew up with so deeply entrenched in the world around me it became normal.
Ariana, wow – when you read it like that and see the mess that Alcohol is accountable for, then it makes me appreciate that I have been able to free myself from such a addictive drug. It certainly wasn’t easy when I started, and this was when I worked in late night bars till 3 in the morning, but it was actually a blessing as well. Night after night, all I got to see was the absolute nasty affects that it had on people and it just made it easier because I knew I didn’t want to be like that any more…. and well, my body did a great job of telling me it couldn’t handle it any longer; being wrapped around a toilet bowl throwing up the following morning was a pretty clear indicator.
So true Ariana, it is a “high-end killer”. What we are largely unaware of is that many people are actually allergic to alcohol and allergies can make us do funny things, especially if we keep fuelling the body with it. I know this is true, as I have seen people behave differently depending on what they have drunk. Wine, whisky and beer can have quite different effects on the same person. It is so strange that we have been so hood-winked into believing that alcohol is good for us and that we choose to not see it for the lethal toxin it truly is.
Thank you for putting words into something I felt equally when I was young living with my parents. Alcohol was part of our daily living, especially in France. I have also a great example to share when I used to work in a position where consumption of alcohol was prohibited during and 8 hours before starting our shift when in the UK. Well, when working in France, the same company colleagues had wine available in their staff restaurant and were allowed to drink wine during their lunch break. This was back in 1998 and the law may have changed by now. But this is simply to show how much ingrained the consumption of alcohol was and still is in France.
Very true Alexandre, it’s very common in France to have wine with meals and often the children are encouraged to drink it too, diluted with water. The wine industry is very entrenched in many cultures throughout Europe. It is very insidious how alcohol has become so entwined in our societies. Alcohol was made popular here in the U.K centuries ago because our drinking water was not fit for purpose. These days we have very good drinking water, so we can actually give up the booze now!
Thank you Ariana for your very powerful example of the hideous damage the ‘normalcy’ of alcohol can do. Your father and his mates probably had no notion of the damage they were causing with their words. Without wanting to presume, I would hazard a guess that your father and his mates would think their behaviour was totally acceptable. “A bit of banter”. But that “banter” can shatter a young girl, and that “banter” is accepted as normal after a few drinks…
Thank you for bringing the important subject of the evil of alcohol to be discussed, with no judgement on your parents.
A fabulously awesome and insightful blog deserving of placement in prominent media worldwide.
Dear Anonymous, Your blog is all of ours. Alcohol consumption, in most settings, is considered “normal society”. People who are starting to step up and speak out about how wrong it is, seem to be considered the weird ones! In my local community we tell high school kids not to drink because it is harmful to your health -then we hold a fundraiser at the high school in which the parents are invited, and the school serves alcohol. We’ve got a long ways to go – but it is heartening to see some people starting to make the journey back to an alcohol-free way of living.
Although alcohol was not used in my family in this same way, I also found however that it was still there none the less, which made it seem as normal as having broccoli in the fridge and fruit in the fruit bowl. As you say Anonymous, it is the acceptance of alcohol as part of a daily routine that normalises such an incredibly harmful substance, and as you have shown, it harms on a much wider scale and deeper level than just the physical damage and illness it brings to the body that consumes it.
Your title says a lot: “Alcohol is not normal”. If the majority do something and it is Accepted by society it becomes normal and no one bothers to question it or challenge it in any way. As you say and I agree, the real evil is in the fact that we as a society Accept alcohol.
How can we blindly ignore that domestic violence, in most cases, is alcohol related?
This is a fact and everyone involved knows this. We cannot deny, negate of hide the Truth that alcohol as stated in this article affects everyone around us.
The majority of crimes are under the influence of alcohol and drugs so what does that tell us about the truth of what is going on?
Who is endorsing and supporting the alcohol industry?
If alcohol is a scientific proven poison, which it clearly is, then how do we as a society allow our bodies to receive poison and expect no harm?
Is it not time that we started to take real responsibility by choosing not to poison our own body and over time this could lead to others being inspired to do the same?
Is it possible that with an understanding we could begin to realise why we need alcohol?
When are we going to wake up and get honest about what is really going on?
Thank you Bina for expanding this blog out to the wider humanity. The devastation caused by the normalcy of alcohol is so VAST. And, as you say, until we begin to get honest….
I agree drinking alcohol is so normal in our society and such an ingrained habit. Thank you for writing so clearly what affect this has on a young child growing up in this environment. We grow up with alcohol as a ‘normal’ substance that adults drink, some more, some less, others none. And then when we are old enough it is part of our lives too, it is not even questioned whether this is the right thing to do, it is ‘sold’ to us as the thing to do. And we have very much given up on this, how many parents do I hear say “well, that is what teenagers do”. But shouldn’t we ask ourselves why they do it? I can say I used alcohol as a coping aid, as a medicine to get through life, to not have to feel too much what was going on in the world and around me. I didn’t like it but it worked and since it was/is such an accepted and legal drug it was very easy for me to self medicate.
I love the analogy of listening to music, the volume is set at 9 but many have it on 11. We normalise something that causes harm to the body and changes who we are. We view our behaviour with drink as funny, but how funny is it for a child to witness and feel their parents change with drink, it seems pretty scary when you look at it from a child’s eyes. Who is parenting them when their parents are altered by drink?
Thank you for this article as I feel the normalisation of alcohol and acceptability in society is quite frightening. It is time for the truth about its incredible harming to everyone in all aspects of life, to be seen and exposed instead of being hidden behind justification and attempts to say it is beneficial in some contrived manner or other.
The huge financial gains and way of society in living with alcohol are the cause of much violence, abuse and suffering in the world. It is self-perpetuating and deadly.
I too lived in a house where alcohol was a mainstay of day to day life. My own relationship with alcohol started with the odd glass of wine at dinner… all very normal, and educational as I learnt about different grapes, vintages etc. Then of course it was school and parties, experimenting with more (and too much) along with everyone else, before settling into my everyday, after work and of course more on holidays.
When I was asked to look at it, my first response was “look at what?” – it had become my normal.
I have always been more scared of alcohol than ‘hard drugs’ precisely because the world says it is OK, normal, expected and a way to celebrate, when every cell in my body resounds with the damage, devastation and desolation it causes.
How clever you are to have listened to how your body feels Matilda. I took the longer route of years of abuse before I learnt to feel what alcohol was really doing. By it being ‘normal’ and acceptable in society allows it to continue without being questioned. It’s no longer my normal.
Great article. Consumption of alcohol has become so normalised and so engrained in society that questioning it is kind of ‘taboo’ in most circles. Conversations like this are very much needed to bring some clarity and honesty back to the topic. Very much needed. Thank you.
I recently watched a video which exposed what many children see when adults drink. What this expressed was how adults that drink feel and look like to children on an energetic level, which was quite scary. It changes the whole perspective of how drinking alcohol is seen as acceptable and asks us to have a deeper awareness of the effects of alcohol and how this impacts and feels to children.
Thank you Anonymous for highlighting the immense responsibility parenting brings. This role, before any other we may choose in life is indeed THE most important. It makes no sense to me that we go into the ‘top job’ ( so to speak ) with no education and/or qualification, aside from our lived experience as a child, we go in blind – oftentimes simply repeating our parents unwitting lead.
Society accepting alcohol as ‘normal’ as you say here is the real issue. Countless evidence and the collateral damage that alcohol does has to be stopped. We all can feel and we all know that when we drink the stuff we become someone else. I used to wake up after a drunk night and say “Gosh, who was that – that wasn’t me”.
Thanks to the life and work of Serge Benhayon, I finally admitted that alcohol is a scientific proven poison and my only reason for drinking it was because I was exhausted so I needed the sugar fix that alcohol instantly gave me and it also helped to numb me from my problems. A glass of wine took the edge off the day and it was my solution to everything.
I love your comments Bina, and this blog. Alcolhol is certainly not normal at all and that is definitely where the real issue lies – that society still thinks of it as a normal thing to do. When I stopped drinking it was one of the hardest things to do, not because I found it difficult but because everytime I tried to stop I was bombarded by people in my life not wanting to support me because they felt it was a normal thing to participate in and because they wanted to continue drinking themselves.
That is so true Fiona, why is it that if your are out and not drinking, people find this really UNCOMFORTABLE! This is a massive exposure of how bad life currently is – when if you don’t drink, it is seen as unacceptable! We drastically need to change the way things currently are.
This description of an alcoholic was me. I was “…dependent on a substance and had formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance….”. I drank religiously every evening and yes that was considered normal, very normal indeed. In fact the moment I abstained from alcohol was when I felt out of place. It felt such a relief when I realised that it is OK not to drink and that nobody really enjoys drinking, it was the confirmation I needed that allowed me to stop.
It’s strange really when we look at people’s responses to alcohol. To stop drinking or to not accept a drink out is somehow seen as a snub, as the undone thing. If someone were to decline a cigarette or drugs in social circles nothing would probably be said amoungst friends or family, yet to decline a drink…! We are met with “Oh go on, just a little one”, “Go on, one for the road” and other similar quips. Why is this so? because naturally it’s the obvious choice to not consume a poison into your body. Yet clearly with alcohol, it exposes others in their own choices and it makes them uncomfortable. By not highlighting these examples of how we behave, we are further cementing the lies we inadvertently tell ourselves about the true addiction to this substance.
This is so true Jenny, ‘To stop drinking or to not accept a drink out is somehow seen as a snub, as the undone thing.’ When I say I don’t drink I often get a very surprised or bemused look or comment as if I have said I don’t eat or do something else that is vital in life.
It’s interesting what you and Jenny say here. In the last few years I have found that reactions to my not drinking have changed. A while back, yes, I felt the coercion and pressure, but now it seems to be different…people know, they absolutely know that drinking is not good for them so now I find that I am often met with respect or a rather sheepish embarrassment because they have been exposed. Not all the time. There is still the old stuff as well. But I do sense that there is a shift happening. I wonder whether others have felt this?
Thank you Anonymous for writing so clearly, that the true evil of alcohol is the way society has accepted it as a normal part of our lives. No other addictive drug is so readily available and so actively encouraged to take… Alcohol has become associated with having a good time and an excuse to let your hair down and party, but it comes at a cost to our bodies and to a health service that is already over stretched and at breaking point.
Very true, this is the true ‘evil’ of alcohol, that it is accepted as normal in society. It does so much damage to many people, either through consuming it or from being around someone who is consuming it – and you do not need to drink a lot to change your behaviour. If like me you have stopped drinking for a while, you really start to pick up when other people drink how they stop being themselves. That is why I stopped drinking, it started feeling disturbing to feel myself change and not be ‘myself’. Thank you for this blog.
A very insightful article and great expose of the huge harm, not only of alcohol but the acceptance of the ‘normal’ within so many facets of life. The latter is so insidious and as long as we allow the ‘normal’ to continue, WE keep perpetuating the evil.
Great blog, thank you for this incredible story.
Thank you for exposing the absolute evil of alcohol consumption. I too have grown up surrounded by people who drank alcohol daily and found it normal and this normality was/is even encouraged in the case of red wine. I have always been the black sheep of the family as I did not like alcohol. My normal is a life without alcohol and I am claiming it.
I agree absolutely that by the world accommodating and supporting the ‘keeping it all together’ way of being with alcohol, it is very damaging to children. They grow up with this as their reality, it becomes totally normal to them yet totally alien to what they are feeling.
By accepting alcohol in society we are in effect depriving children from learning and feeling how life is and that as little ones they can grow up feeling cherished, safe and trusting.
There was this incredible advert recently that did an amazing job of answering that question of what it is like for kids when their parents are drinking – it showed a representation of the monsters that are unleashed when we become affected by other energies, and in particular the effects of alcohol. It was a harrowing advert, made more so because I could feel the truth in the images, and have felt precisely that myself.
Thank you anonymous. I completely agree, alcohol is absolutely taken as normal in our society and yet it is one of the drugs that is responsible for the rising rates of depression in our society, partly because it reduces our levels of serotonin, a chemical created by the body that maintains mood balance. A deficit in serotonin has been linked to depression. At a time when, according to the World Health Organisation, the trajectory for depression is something we all have to pay attention to, it would be worth considering whether what we have taken as normal, is really normal at all.
Anonymous. I have seen what alcohol can do to a person, and how it destroys lives.
We need to have compassion for anyone who has a drink addiction, as we do not know the reason behind them becoming alcoholics. We can help people who are alcoholics, but firstly they need to ask for help to assist in beating the demon drink. Once they accept help there are so many AA places willing to help them, and we can offer support in their fight to beat alcoholism.
An amazing blog, it is so true that if a child is brought up around alcohol, abuse, shouting and these kinds of behaviours it becomes normal, something every family must have. And that has a big impact because that is the foundation of normal that will be taken to life, to their relationships, children and work. This is how things that should never be allowed to be normal become a world wide trend.
Beautiful article, I can feel what you are sharing. I was fortunate to not grow up around alcohol as my parents never drank. However, I do remember being around friends’ houses where their parents drank and yes, I did feel a little emptiness, my friends would share how busy their parents were and never really had time for them. They used to admire how my parents were with us and always loved coming to our house, saying your parents are really lovely. Reflecting back now, they were missing that loving connecting which was lost when their parents consumed alcohol.
Alcohol subsumes our cultures around the world as a social tool, and yet the damage of alcohol is so obvious in the abuse of our health and our treatment of others that arises through it’s use. I have experienced alcohol from both sides of the fence and the pressure we exert on another to drink. It seems crazy and irresponsible to encourage another to partake in something that is so obviously not good for our health.
Absolutely Stephen. My blog doesn’t even touch on the cost to our health and the health systems. Ginormous. Is it really ‘normal’ that the consumption of a substance should put so many millions of lives at risk and cost so many billions of pounds to treat? Is that ‘normal’? Is that what we are going to accept? Really????
Great Article showing the real harm of Alcohol for us all thank you .
I like how you say alcohol imprisons people, as this is how alcohol made me feel. Stopping drinking for me was like getting out of jail after a long term served but I still had to be aware for a while that I could still be locked up again if I wasn’t careful.
Yes it is amazing how we can become so imprisoned by alcohol. It is so readily available, freely advertised and socially accepted. I was shocked when I stopped drinking by how some people really attacked my choice. The weird thing about it is that the imprisonment is self imposed and as you say Kevin, can take some considerable time, care and attention to truly free oneself from it and see alcohol for the true poison it is. It is however a choice well worth making, as I feel extremely well now that I am no longer poisoning my liver on a daily basis.
For me it reminded me that when I was 10 yeas old I did not need alcohol – I woke up fresh, and there was no need of the ‘enhancement’ of alcohol to change it.
Bingo! A very sobering (pun intended) observation.
This is a fantastic blog that cuts right through the normalcy of using alcohol and exposes what this use is actually doing. As you so rightly say it is never the root cause but that doesn’t diminish the huge power alcohol has to remove love and tenderness from life and replace it with an unlovingness, the empty hug, the perfunctory kiss etc. In my experience, it sucks the very life out of life and leaves nothing but an emptiness behind.
‘That is the true evil of alcohol. It’s acceptance by society is what allows it. And this is what imprisons so many.’ Thank you for this powerful blog and for the clarity with which you describe your experience growing up and the consequent damaging loss of trust in yourself. The more we speak up and demonstrate a new ‘normal’ joyful way of being without the need for alcohol and other numbing substances the more likely children will have the opportunity to grow up trusting their own feelings.
A great exposure of how we come to see our experiences as ‘normal’. It’s true – how would we know any different to what we grow up with – except to honour a deep knowing that what we are experiencing is not TRUE. It’s very hard to honour this feeling or know what to do with it when everything and everyone around us is saying and displaying something different. Thank God for Universal Medicine for calling out Truth.
I can totally relate to how alcohol can take over/be the point of focus in someones life, not personally, but from observing how when other kids get to the age of 12/13 where drinking comes into the picture, quickly there becomes a need that every party, meet up, meal, birthday or event HAS to involve some sort of alcohol or else it will be ‘boring’. Shocking stuff.
So true Susie. Very few people who consume alcohol can control their consumption. It is the main focus of socialising and holds a very tight and controlling grip.
Susie, I find it hard to believe that children as young as 12/13 are drinking alcohol at parties and even harder that social events are revolving around alcohol. The pressure to enjoin must be intense. It is time for society to take a long hard look at the impact this is having on each new generation.
An amazing and insightful blog ‘Anonymous’ – one to read many times over as there are so many points bringing up much to ponder upon. The de-basing of the evil of alcohol here is clear and strong.
What you have written applies to so much more of what is the ‘accepted normal’ which is harming to us all. I am deeply touched how you express so simply and powerfully how as children, we do feel everything, all of the time and suffer the pain of feeling the effects of alcohol, and other distractions by parents / adults that are ‘normal’ and in reality, used to cover over their own pain of shutting down as children….and so the evil and destructive cycle continues.
Even small ‘white lies’ (e.g. the tooth fairy and Father Christmas being real) begin this whole process of shutting down and losing trust in our ability to feel –
“And thus I gave up. I started coping. Putting on mask after mask, layers and layers of protection. I became an expert at life. At doing. At surviving. At coping.
I lost trust in myself. I had to. Because everything that I was seeing was contradicting my feelings, thus my feelings must be wrong. Thus I stopped feeling”.
Mary I have experienced the same thing… by the time I was of ‘legal drinking age’, I had stopped feeling. I had learnt that being honest may not win me friends and that fitting in was the only thing that mattered – even at the expense of what I knew to be absolutely true. I would mix spirits with sugary sodas rather than admit I hated the taste of alcohol and its affect on me when I drank it.
Lemonade, black currant, lime, elder flower, orange juice….the list of things that we put in alcohol to make it more palatable when we first start drinking. It’s crazy. Our bodies are screaming at us “NO. I DON’T LIKE THAT STUFF”, yet we force it into ourselves under the duress of peer pressure or just to be ‘normal’. The force of normal is VERY powerful and it is vital that we start to debase these accepted patterns of behaviours and call them out for what they truly are.
I totally agree with the beer comment, although interestingly I remember the gender dynamic playing out a bit here… for men a shandy (mixed with lemonade) was looked down on.
I remember drinking spirits and they all tasted poisonous too… for a few years I pretended to like Bourbon – I think primarily because I was feeling pretty bitter about life and the awful taste matched my mood.
Now they hide it in the Alcopops and the like.. and then we wonder why the statistics for binge drinking and alcohol related problems continue to increase.
I can look back and relate to your ‘it was normal to have cold, functional, disconnected relationships’ and the list that followed. Now, the list above is every thing I am not – because life without alcohol makes me one of the few that no longer accept the world’s normal. It is only a choice away for them too.
It is very sad how society accepts alcohol as normal when in fact it is far from it. Thank you for raising this important subject. Alcohol is responsible for much suffering and pain for all.
When I read: “It was normal to have cold, functional, disconnected relationships”, I realised how prevalent this way of existing through life is for everyone. How ironic that alcohol itself tends to bring on or magnify this experience, yet so many resort to alcohol to numb the pain of the experience. So the viscious cycle goes on.
There are so many things that we allow as ‘normal’ in society that are in fact not in line with our true loving nature. Thank you for exposing alcohol here, without any blame or judgement.
This is so true, it is time to trust what our bodies are telling us we need not biased journalism or marketing.
There is such an investment in alcohol, not only by individuals who consider it normal and synonymous with “enjoying yourself” and having “a good time”, but by governments who are dependent on it economically, and are all too aware of what would happen if they legislated against it wholeheartedly when factories would close and thousands of workers be unemployed. Neither has there been much support from the medical profession, although that is slowly changing. Most people bury their heads in the sand, for instance, why should it be any less dangerous for a pregnant mother and her baby than for anyone else? Surely that is a warning light? The accepted normality of the addiction is shocking, and its true consequences — all the things that you listed in your article anon,— are neither observed or understood by the majority. They do not know what they missing.
You have so hit the nail on the head with ‘why should it be any less dangerous for a pregnant mother and her baby than for anyone else?’ This so shows up the wilful blindness of what people are believing and doing to themselves.
It’s a bit like those ‘Baby on Board’ stickers on cars reminding everyone to take extra special care because of the baby. Surely this applies to every other person in a car? People, older than a baby, are no less precious and it is equally important to drive carefully when in their vicinity as well…. never mind there’s a ‘Me on board’ too.
‘Human on board’ would be a truer message for everything we do in life. If that was truly accepted and deeply appreciated, society’s awareness of what is truly supportive to a human’s body and what is not, would increase exponentially.
You have opened it up to the whole of humanity in every aspect of life Judith, and I can see how great it would be if every bottle and glass of alcohol said on it “Warning! Poison! Danger to all Human Beings,” and every car as you say, and many other things that we indulge in mindlessly that have become “normal.”
I love what you are saying here about the warning for pregnant mothers. That is so true. If it is bad for unborn babies, then surely it is also bad for everyone. Such a powerful and simple exposure. As you say – surely that is a warning light?! I also love what has been shared about “Baby on Board” stickers and the suggested alternative of “Human on board” – that would be a real eye opener. As you say, that is the level to which our responsibility and acceptance needs to go for us to build a truly harmonious and equal society. Thank you both for elevating this blog to another level.
A lot of this really resonates with me… I didn’t have an ‘extreme’ experience growing up with alcohol in my life but as you say – the young me knew the alcohol around me didn’t feel right and because nowhere confirmed that feeling, I chose not to trust it. It’s a true harm and evil that the world accepts and even fosters this arguably deliberate guidance to mis-trust our feelings from young.
For me, your postscript is very powerful. It is applicable whatever the issue any of us may have with the way our parents raised us. My celebration is that through coming across the teachings presented by Universal Medicine I have discovered that I don’t have to perpetuate my parents’ patterns ( and part of that was realising that that was precisely what I was doing).
Not only that, students like you anon, are willing to write their stories, inspire comments from others so providing a living testament to how we can actually change the future so that it isn’t just more of the past.
Great straight talking blog. I can relate to the alcohol being a huge part of growing up and then taking that way into my daily life…not questioning if it was harmful or not. Much of my life was in the forces and provided you could work and stayed out of trouble, it was acceptable to drink every day at work and then at home also.
Thank you for this incredibly important and deeply touching article, I used to be one of those children myself. It is true what you say that we as a collective society need to open our eyes to the truth and start taking responsibility for the enormous and unfathomable damage that alcohol causes to humanity as a whole.
Such a great article, thank you. It brought back many memories of growing up. As well as drinking every night my parents would regularly entertain with parties featuring lots of alcohol. As a child I was confused by all the laughter and fun people seemed to be having whilst sensing that everybody was acting out of character and that maybe they weren’t really having such a good time. It did not seem like fun to me and I didn’t like being around them at these times, yet eventually I shut down to what I felt and later joined in. Years later I re-connected to those early feelings I had as a child around alcohol and how it affected me, and I gave it up. How lovely to find that parties now involve no alcohol and I have oodles of fun with super deep connections with friends and family. An uncle whom I hadn’t seen for years came for lunch recently. Afterwards he said he didn’t know he could have such a lovely time without alcohol. In fact it was the best time he had had in ages.
That’s lovely about your uncle, Jane. My wife and I decided to not have any alcohol at our wedding. We had so many comments at the end of the day about how amazing the day was, and how different it felt to come to the end of a wedding celebration and for everyone to be in the same state as when they arrived. The professional photographer friend who took our photos commented that at weddings she usually tries to get as many photos as she can at the beginning of the day before people start drinking, because once they do the pictures just aren’t as good. Why do most of us use special occasions as an excuse to drink excessively?
I love what your photographer said. That is very powerful. Once the drinking starts people are no longer themselves and who wants photos of strangers?!
In my wedding arranging days I would often hear the parents express concern about would there be enough drink? – their way of ensuring that the guests had a good time.
Now I realise that there is one source of joy – a supplier whose depot is open 24/7, God’s love of us is always on tap, constantly flowing.
Us being our true selves, now that is a real gift to bring to a celebration – and to every day.
Drinking at special occasions is as old as special occasions themselves, and has always been so acceptable, its so refreshing now to walk away from events like your wedding Naren and feel as good as I did when I arrived with no imminent hangover approaching. I also love these days being able to drive myself home afterwards. Thanks Naren for showing that there is another way that can easily be adopted.
Hard hitting and very true points clearly expressed. When will we in society, as a whole, stop to consider the harm that alcohol brings to us? Its long overdue.
The crazy thing is that everyone absolutely ‘knows’ that alcohol is harmful – if you talk about it they go ‘yeah yeah’ and turn away or just get angry because they prefer to stay numb to this fact. I too used to entertain the beliefs that it is an equalizer of people, that it helps you with confidence, that it helps you forget your sorrows – but of course, everyone gets totally numb and dysfunctional; there is equality in that, but is this the ‘equal’ we want to champion? And is the lack of facing and the handicapping of our self from being able to face our issues how we wish to carry on living? This, as well as the health issues and the harm we tend to bring to others around us when intoxicated is well worth considering. It is indeed long overdue.
So true Golnaz it is an equaliser in terms of dumbing us down to a level of not feeling. The investment in the majority playing the game so as not to rock the boat, to not face the choices we have made and the consequences of how we have been living.
You’re absolutely right, Golnaz. Anyone who has had a hangover once can attest to the fact that alcohol harms the body, but many are too reliant on it to be honest about the devastating affects on themselves and their families.
Yes Judy it is long over due and for us all to take responsibility with this.
I agree Judy, it is long overdue.
I read the awful list with horror of what I used to also accept as normal, too. And when it’s written down in black and white to read, it looks so crazy, which it is. But it was my normal, the same as you and everyone was getting by, closing down more and more, not understanding there was a different way. It had been the acceptable for a very long time until I made some different choices. I do agree that the true evil of alcohol is in it’s acceptance in society.
Certainly you are right that true evil is something so subtle that we don’t question it until there is an issue.
Because we are taught the extreme behaviours of alcohol (i.e abusive) when alcohol is around and that it is not abusive but people giggling and ‘merry’ – it is completely acceptable.
I was brought up around dinner parties full of alcohol – but no one ever saw it as wrong in the slightest form – it was a way to relax and connect with friends. That’s totally accepted and normal.
I also love the statement here that the more ‘normal and happy it looks on the outside, the more confused and messed up the kid is on the inside.’
So very true – we have to learn to suppress what we feel because those we look up to know best.
Wow – I can totally relate to this – it was the same for me. Alcolhol ruled and still rules my family’s life. I grew up feeling lonely and unsure of myself, lost and insecure and to try and find some acceptance in this world I joined in the drinking and also added smoking and drugs to the mix.
I always knew that I never enjoyed any of it but never had the strength to stand up and say how I felt because I wanted to be part of something. After many years and through the teachings of Serge Benhayon I came to a deeper understanding of myself, one where I started to love and accept myself for who I am and I stopped smoking, drugs and alcohol.
Alcohol was by far the hardest out of the three to stop. It took countless times of me saying ‘No’ before anyone would listen. When I stopped smoking and drugs it was easy for everyone to say ‘That is great’ but when it came to alcohol I found that because it was considered a normal thing to do that nearly everyone around me had a vested interest in me carrying on drinking.
I totally relate to what you describe here Fiona. I have also observed the sometimes subtle but always very strong pressure that parents can place on their children as they grow up so as to ensure that those children also drink, and have it as part of their normal, so that the parent’s normal can continue, and not be rocked in any way. It is horrible to watch some young people struggle, on the one hand seeing the truth of alcohol, and on the other having pressure from friends etc to drink, but not having a place at home where they are free of that pressure, instead feeling that to be accepted by their parents they too must have that glass of wine. As you say, it is about people having a vested interest, a vested interest in continuing their (abnormal) norm.
This is a really interesting point. How society will support you in giving up drugs and smoking…but then react really strongly to your attempts to give up drinking. That says it all. How deeply protected and held that habit is. How NEEDED it is by everyone. That energy burst of sugar and the numbing of the ethanol. A perfect combination for our exhausted and lonely society. Thus when you go to give it up, you can see how it rattles everyone’s cage….they know…..but boy-oh-boy…
Thank you for sharing how little truth lies in normal. Normal is such a big word today and justifies any kind of action. It is “normal” to drink alcohol and for each age group there is another excuse why this is normal, but nobody actually says the truth: That it is NOT normal and that we are creating massive misery, delay and abuse by rocking ourselves in the comfort of normal.
You are right Rachel when you say, “how little truth lies in normal”. What happens when normal becomes a great big lie, but because everyone has invested in fitting in to be normal no one can see the wood for the trees. As a society we have our blinkers on regarding alcohol. Isn’t it time we took them off and saw the huge ill impact it has on all our lives?
That’s very true Rachel. I can list a large number of things that are extremely harming health wise, that society still see as okay and acceptable… for example smoking and alcohol are a scientifically PROVEN poison to our body, but are somehow still seen as the ‘norm’.
Well said Rachel, ‘That it is NOT normal and that we are creating massive misery, delay and abuse by rocking ourselves in the comfort of normal.’
I too had a “normal” upbringing with alcohol an accepted part of the lives of my parents and their friends. It is so great to know of a different way of living that doesn’t need alcohol to celebrate an event. I never really liked it much myself anyway and having not drunk any for 8 years now, this is now my “normal”.
“All over this world there are zillions of kids who are living amongst alcohol consumption, KNOWING that the life it is making them live, is wrong. KNOWING that it isn’t right. But, because life isn’t confirming that knowing, in fact because life is actively telling them they are wrong, they abandon themselves and enjoin.”
Such a brilliant couple of sentences that encapsulates what is going on, how we feed the next generations a further layer of lies, which questions their self trust and then further compounds their own disregard. The sad thing is that this is not how people want to feel, to live, but they do not see enough role models or examples to know any different. What Universal Medicine shows is another way, and thousands have already been touched by this very reflection.
Thank you for expressing and exposing this ‘normal’ way of living, as I and many others would relate. It’s time the truth around the consciousness of alcohol be brought to the light and debunked for what it really is.
Thank you for sharing Anonymous. Normal childhoods can feel so abnormal as a child who naturally feels what is true and what is not. Alcohol was the norm in my upbringing, as a child of ex-pats living abroad where social life was one big round of parties and copious amounts of alcohol. When we returned to the UK my parents ran a pub, so my home was filled with people drinking day and night! I then married in the Army way of life, with all the pomp that entailed. When my husband left that structure, carrying on drinking, which lead to alcoholism; the whole family was affected as we lost this gentle man in the fog of drink. My children were affected by this demon that destroys. As someone once said to me, sometimes people drink alcohol, for others, alcohol drinks them. I would now add, alcohol is a poison that enters and takes over the body and that it should be seen for what it is, not something that is social but unsocial!
Thanks to Universal Medicine, I have been able to let go of the crutch that was once a need, no longer drink alcohol and feel so much clearer – and the joy of no hangovers is one big bonus; but the main thing is I no longer feel taken over by drink, which caused anxiety and a feeling of not being able to go to a gathering without a prop. Now I am me and surely this is also the right of every child as they grow into adulthood?
What a great topic to discuss as more people need to read the harmful affects of alcohol and get a deeper understanding about what alcohol does as the collateral damage is huge. It is not just about the person addicted or even the casual drinker but the long term affects that go un-noticed by society. I really love the bit you say about if you are used to listening to music at volume 9 then you will not notice someone listening at volume 11. This shows how we Accept alcohol and not see it and feel it for what it actually is — the simple fact is Alcohol is a scientific proven poison. Why on earth would we ever want to put a drop of poison into our body? It makes no sense.
A wonderful exposure of a true evil. One that is not standing right in your face that we can state and label as evil but one that has remained hidden and unseen for the true harm that it is. I have felt in life this need from others and myself to fit in and be ‘normal’ but when we pick at today’s ‘normal’ with a fine toothed comb we can see that ‘normal’ today is not synonymous with ‘healthy’ ‘vital’ or ‘true’. Thank you anon for casting a light on ‘normal’ for all to see what is so very wrong with that acceptance of it.
Great comment Leighoflight. I taught myself to ‘like a drink’ so I could join in and be like everyone else, and can see how it affected my behaviour. What a weight off my body since I stopped. I love this normal.
Thank you for sharing I can totally relate to what you have said, as I am sure most other people will be able to as well. The ‘normal’ which I accepted growing up whilst I knew what was true, as long as it looked ok, and was seemingly better than what I saw around me especially amongst friends and families then I settled for it.
With alcohol in my late teenage years, friends were all drinking and I would certainly join in but would have bouts of not drinking which was hard as everyone met in the evening in a bar or pub – so I saw how trivial and meaningless the conversation chat was. I kept going back to alcohol because I did not want to loose my ‘friends’.
Like you, after meeting Serge Benhayon and his family I was shown another way, the way I had always wanted to be living but felt impossible in this world. I had given up but Serge certainly had not. I now have a wealth of friends also inspired by Universal Medicine who have made the choice to make loving choices in their lives and do not drink alcohol – so instead of meeting in dark dingy pubs we meet in the day, share laughs, warm conversations and hugs – the friendships I now have with others is on a much deeper level than I would have ever imagined going to before. And what is inspiring is that I know all of my relationships can go to an even deeper, more open and connected level, the more that I allow myself to be fully open and not keep anything back or hide from others.
Like you James, there were plenty of times when I didn’t want to drink alcohol but most of the time I went along to the pub and to ‘fit in’ I would have a drink. Without Serge Benhayon presenting that there can be a different way, I would never have thought life would be any different and even if I did have that thought I wouldn’t have had the courage to break away from my friends and the social scene it offered. I am very content in my life now, something which I had never felt before, and the relationships I have now are based on a much deeper level.
I agree Tim, the contentedness I now feel as a result of being inspired by Serge Benhayon and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, mean I no longer have the same agitation and unrest in my body I used to carry and walk around with. So I do not need a substance like alcohol to numb and suppress what I am feeling nor do I feel the need to fit in with others at the expense of what I am feeling myself.
“An addict is defined as someone who is “…dependent on a substance and has formed a physical and/or psychological habit around that substance…”
What I love in this piece is how you have managed to cut through the illusion that we have created to give ourselves permission to accept something quite clearly that is not true. We think someone is an addict if their behaviour is wayward, but not if they seemingly manage to keep it together??? It’s like saying you’re only a bully if you get caught – if you’re unnoticed, you’re not bullying!
Where did we become so lost? Denial has a strong part to play as does the thinking it’s ‘normal’ as you quite clearly show. It is only when we see another way that sometimes we can see that our way is not the only one, that the behaviour is not normal. It is of huge service to society and it’s individuals that the Serge Benhayon and family stand firm and show us there is another way, one that supports all.
I like the equating with bullying – which is exactly what we are doing to our bodies when we drink alcohol. Our bodies don’t want it. Out bodies are screaming out for us to stop. Our bodies have to recover from the assault and bruises of drinking alcohol. But still we keep on bullying it.
Wow thank you for this blog. Debasing the acceptance of alcohol as normal.I can pretty much relate to every word. I grew up in a very similar household and I too grew to not trust myself,as what I was feeling was so at odds to what I was seeing in my family and all around me. Alcoholism within families strips away a child’s feeling of safety and confidence. Words and actions became meaningless,they came from a place of trying to patch broken pieces together, from feelings of guilt and regret.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have greatly inspired and supported me in trusting me again, in trusting the truth of what I am feeling and from there building the confidence in the knowing that I had numbed for so long.
A great exposure here of what we accept as ‘normal’ as far as the consumption of alcohol and family life is concerned. I relate to much of what you share and now also know that there is another way. Thank you for sharing your experience which I feel is very familiar for many people.
A powerful article about the harming affects of alcohol and how we, as a society, have accepted it as normal.
Gosh that really explains it very simply – thank you! The fact that kids feel what is real but see total fakeness all around them is very confusing. I’ve been trying to understand myself and childhood stuff and this blog really really helps me to see that I wasn’t weird or different as a kid, I was just seeing what was actually going on around me and not accepting it as OK or believing all the fake smiles like everyone else…. But I was the only one it seemed, so yes, of course I hardened to protect myself from it… It all makes sense! I spoke to my Granny the other day about why I don’t drink and she put it quite simply: “at the end of the day darling, it is poison, why would anyone want to drink it!” A good point I felt!
Bravo to your Granny. Get her to write on this blog!!
Being the change you want to see in the world can sometimes demand challenging the status quo whatever the circumstances. A tough place to face, so deep respect to you Anonymous for being a challenger. The truth is there are so many “normals” that we instinctively feel are bringing us down, your blog on alcohol is a great representation of that. Imagine if someone was telling you to drink alcohol the way we consider normal? Imagine knowing what it was, what it did to the body and then being forced to drink it by someone? The world would call out “Torture”, the truth is we do know what it is (rotten substances), we do know what it does to the body (complete cell destruction) and we are being told by “someone” to do it (society). It’s just that society has been encouraging this way for 000’s of years. It’s time to stand up and stop being bullied, I am with you on this one.
Such a revealing article. I really love what you write about how as long as someone is able to hold their lives together, then if they are drinking it doesn’t really matter. The rest of us are able to look at them and say ‘well, they clearly are able to handle it, so there’s nothing to worry about’, but the reality is that they are addicted. We just don’t want to take the responsibility for speaking up about it. And why would we if that is considered normal to us and nearly everyone is doing it? I loved your analogy about everyone listening to music really loud; who would notice if someone has theirs up a little louder if you already have yours cranked up? It all just becomes a wall of noise that numbs us out to being able to hear any of the nuances of what is going on around us.
As long as life is ‘held together’ then we think we are doing OK. It’s the same in health. If we haven’t got cancer, or any other serious disease then we are healthy. We are settling for an existence not for a life. The bar has been set so low nowadays that ‘normal’ can actually be deeply damaging without anyone calling it out.
Very powerful indeed. We often look at the obvious damage of things like Alcohol, Drugs etc.. I could see those growing up, but rarely do we look at the true evil – there lies many revelations in one. I had the exact same feeling that alcohol was not normal that it was a poison yet it is the accepted thing and part of growing up is to drink – so drink I did. At some point I let go of my feeling of never to drink and I accepted what I knew was not true and made it part of my life; until I was reminded of the fact that I do know what is true and what is not normal.
When we look at how we all accept alcohol as normal, it is no surprise that your experience is that of so many. It’s only when the ‘holding it together’ falls apart that we see it as a problem, and then we only see it as the one who stopped holding it together with the problem and label them as an alcoholic. How convenient this is, as it avoids any responsibility for anyone else in the picture; friends, family, colleagues, they don’t have to look at alcohol as a problem, only blame the alcoholic, who couldn’t drink in ‘moderation’. But alcoholism has devastating effects on not just the alcoholic, but pretty much every one in their life. I wonder if everyone could imagine what their life would be like if alcohol wasn’t a part of it – what that would be like?
Wow, this article brought tears to my eyes anonymous, ‘I began to see that I was in fact, and always have been, right. That my life wasn’t normal. That there is another way.’ Until reading this I hadn’t considered that my father drinking a glass of wine every evening was not normal, I could feel the emptiness in my parents relationship, in all of our relationships, when I was young I used to say when things didn’t feel right, which was a lot of the time, but after a while I stopped saying so because this would cause an argument and make things uncomfortable, I was told I was odd and argumentative. I withdrew and just accepted that’s how my family were, it became my normal. I now know that this wasn’t love, that I too was right because I could feel how wrong it all felt. It’s beautiful that you have ‘zero blame’ for your parents, like you say it’s ‘all of societies normal’.
Beautifully expressed Anonymous, the understanding you bring from the little child that is growing up in this fog of ‘normal’ will deeply resonate with so many. What is interesting is the total flip – the way not natural or not truly normal is totally accepted as being the way it is, simply because everyone around us is making the same choices. And that because this appears the right way then we will assume our own feelings to be wrong.
How damaging is it then to the little life that grows, unable to trust their own feelings? How very important it is to have called out in detail the harm alcohol does and the truth (our truth) that it will always withhold. Absolutely agree that the teachings of Universal Medicine have presented there is another way and by example Serge Benhayon has shown we can begin to trust again what we feel, and reorder our relationship with ourselves and to the world.
What an amazing painting of true life with your words that is a picture of what the world has allowed as normal. Years ago a mate of mine defined Alcoholism as a problem for bums and homeless people… we that drank daily and went to work were just maintenance drinkers, just topping up daily. It made sense at the time and I had used that definition for a long time myself. For the last 12 years it has been my normal not to drink. Every day I feel more of me.
This is a great addition to the blog. Thank you. The arrogance and denial of the ‘maintenance drinker’. The dishonesty here is so potent. The veil of comfort of the job, house, marriage whatever allows that person to continually poison and dampen themselves for aeons without ever questioning the ‘normalcy’ of it. The “bum or homeless person” is actually living a more honest life.
Thank you for writing this blog. I can see so much of myself in your words, especially the list of what I too perceived as normal. It helps me understand why I had shut down all feeling. My parents were not alcoholics but I remember my father finding it amusing when he read that ‘If you need a drink then you are an alcoholic’ and he always said he needed a drink at 6pm, it was a daily pattern. All adult social gatherings in my parents house involved generous offering of alcohol. Until we met Serge Benhayon this was normal in our home as well. It is now normal not to have any alcohol in our house and our family and friends accept this as normal.
With total understanding that the true evil at play here is the acceptance and normalising of alcohol and the millions of children it has shut down. Thank you.
It is the normalising that is the killer and as you point out, with millions on millions of children it shuts down their innate essence, that they then go on to drink to bury the hurt and the cycle goes ’round and ’round….
This is such an amazing article, to read and to know the truth for what it is – that we all really know about alcohol and in fact the ‘normal’ accepted life and way of living in the world.
What is considered normal is in fact really frightening and far from a truly loving way and so many children are brought up with this, getting confused, and hurt, and so the cycle continues.
I am very touched by reading this article and have felt very much the same in growing up and living in the world. I am also very grateful for the way you portrayed and shared how it was for you and I can understand how you lost trust in yourself, when what did not feel right for you was presented to you as normal! It is this very feeling that I have been trying to understand in myself…I also had lost trust in myself but could not clearly see why this was – you have so beautifully highlighted this for me….thank you.
It feels like at some level we all crave the same thing and deeply desire real and true connection with ourselves, and each other as equals; and if we have this way of living, the use of alcohol – to create a numbing over the hurt felt by not experiencing that connection – would not be needed, and it’s use would be seen as not normal.
I too, like others, am so grateful to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the many students of The Way of the Livingness for the reflection of another way to live, and it is amazing to meet the student’s children who are reflecting this way also. Thank you for outing the insidious ‘normalcy’ of alcohol … this is more than amazing- it’s fantastic!
So much harm is done by making something as unhealthy as daily drinking alcohol, normal. We see it everywhere. You can’t see a movie where they don’t drink or even promote alcohol as part of daily life or of celebrating. Let’s keep making our own choices by feeling what is true for us, healthy for our bodies and bring another reflection into this world.
Monika what an interesting point you make about how drinking alcohol features in movies. Over the years the portrayal of smoking in films has changed to the extent that when I see an old black and white film it seems really strange to observe the amount of cigarettes smoked. Would that we could see a similar change with ‘de-normalising’ of alcohol.
The understanding that you have for this experience is filled with compassion. There’s no condemnation in your words – just strength, wisdom and Love. Thank you for sharing with us another way that this issue can be addressed.
Alcohol is Not Normal… is a true statement. The fact that we have allowed it to become so, and to have accepted the harm it causes both to our health and to our emotional wellbeing is an indictment of our times. It is very sad that in life are we living far from our delicate, tender and sweet essences and so hurt that we need alcohol to distract and numb us from our pain, only to increase the cycle of separation from each other, and hurt each other more through the influence of alcohol.
It is very sad and so complexing that it is seen as so Ok and normal. I get it I was once so lost in drinking, partying and thinking I was having fun. I have to say if I hadn’t discovered my connection to my essence I would have drunk alcohol around my child for sure, it is so normal – I have seen it as normal at toddler’s birthday parties at 11am. It is with joy that I can say that my daughter has not had to see or feel me drunk.
Thank you for writing this blog. It is so important that we keep confirming that alcohol is not acceptable for the reasons you describe. The more we talk about it, the more this truth will filter through.
Great article Anonymous, big subject. I have to say that before meeting the Benhayons/Universal Medicine I was dependent on alcohol. It was like a cheap filler over some very old cracks, which needed to be redone on a daily basis.I went to work every day, made a good living but then spent a large portion at the pub. I always knew I was not happy on the inside and I really didn’t like the fact that my whole life revolved around alcohol. I wanted to stop, but until Serge Benhayon came along I thought what I was doing was normal and acceptable. I never heard Serge tell me, or anyone else, to stop drinking but over time I drank less and less until I stopped altogether. Looking at the reasons I drank in the first place was a good place to start.
Thank you Kevin for sharing this, and I like your description of alcohol being ‘a cheap filler over some very old cracks’ which, as you say, is futile without addressing what is causing the cracks in the first place.
Beautifully said thank you for exposing “normal’ as not normal, it is so important to call it out and say it the way it is, as there are millions in the world stuck in the same not normal.
Well said ‘anonymous’, and thank-you for writing. There is nothing ‘normal’ about the distance alcohol can bring to relationships, as you have described. I grew up with plenty of it around me also. Accepting its consumption as ‘normal’ and wanting to be with those I loved, I joined the fray for many years, until I could partake no longer, and then I found myself rejected by some for no longer partaking. But what was the quality of our time together anyhow?
Alcohol has an incredible stronghold on so much of our socialising and everyday living. The repercussions of this can’t be questioned enough. We deserve relationships based on ‘true love’ and ‘true intimacy’ as you say – every single one of us.
Very true Victoria, we can be ousted for relinquishing alcohol with no acknowledgement of the true improvement in the quality of relationship this brings. Alcohol has a very insidious hold on our society and it is an addiction many defend to the end in the face of real evidence of its detrimental effects. Having stopped consuming alcohol 7 years ago now (and I was one who kept it together too), I know that the quality of my relationships have improved a thousand percent. Going teetotal was the best marriage guidance advice I ever had!
Love what you say about “marriage guidance”!! Agree entirely. It is also the best parenting advice. One day when we truly accept what alcohol does to us and to those that are around us (especially our super-sensitive and super-feeling children) there will be as much disapproval attached to it as there now is attached to smoking near kids.
Dear Anonymous – thank you for sharing your story – this is an amazing blog, the ‘bitter/sweet’ way of expressing and revealing what was seen as ‘normal’ in a home environment around the use of alcohol. It feels amazing that you can now share for others that you have found another way of living so different from the ‘normal’, and how alcohol being ‘normal’ affected you so deeply. I can share that I also found enormous support and inspiration in Serge Benhayon, Universal medicine, and other students….it feels divine!
Thank you for sharing so beautifuly what feels like the life I have also lived.
The power and truth in “I now know that it is not normal. And that the little child who knew that something was wrong, was in fact, right, all along” is glorious to feel.
A superbly written blog giving us the facts about alcohol and demonstrating the depth of harm it causes to children and adults. It totally cuts right through the lies that we are sold about alcohol and clearly expresses the level of dysfunction we are living in when we consider it normal and acceptable to consume something that takes us so far away from who we truly are.
So true Heather, beautifully written, ‘It totally cuts right through the lies that we are sold about alcohol and clearly expresses the level of dysfunction we are living in when we consider it normal and acceptable to consume something that takes us so far away from who we truly are.’
Yes. And we have doctors extolling the virtues of a whisky before bed. The level to which the ‘normalcy’ is embedded in our society shows how very, very far from the truth we have strayed. The good news is that it it is super easy to get back!! And actually, on the specific topic of alcohol, I have been amazed at how many other people have found my non-consumption a huge RELIEF. Because they already knew and felt it, so to come across someone else….”oh, maybe I’m not so weird and abnormal..” The dominoes start to topple…
Very very true. We accept this poison without even a hint of surprise and query and weave in it into every day life, so seamlessly that as you say, we grow up accepting it as normal and enjoin the behaviour without question. And yes, the more normal and held together a family is, the more damaging for the child. My childhood was very evidently disrupted by alcohol, I can clearly see the damage and know my childhood was not normal. For someone who grows up with the facade of everything being alright, it can create huge confusion, because as you say, deep down the child can feel the truth and the truth and the reality simply don’t add up, so they relinquish their truth in favour of the dominant reality. And then someone (in this case Serge Benhayon) comes along who shows us this is not normal and provides us with a reflection of how life can be truly lived to the full without poisoning our selves on a daily basis.
I love this analogy “If you are used to listening to music with the volume at 9, you would never notice if someone else is listening to it at 11. That is how it is. That is what society’s acceptance allows.” …..very true.
Yup. And then after you have got used to ’11’, it can be turned up to ’13’ without you noticing…and so it goes on
I can so relate to your words: “I became an expert at life. At doing. At surviving. At coping.” I can feel how I too became an expert at doing – this created a sense of safety, consistency, a feeling of ‘normal’. It created the illusion of coping – that all was okay in my life. But not living in a true way, honoring what I truly felt, was exhausting!
Fabulous article – it is so important to say how much our ‘normals’ are so distant from truth. I like how you refer to the volume of music, as if you are listening to the ‘same song’ (doing the same thing) then you are not going to realise if there is someone listening to it a few decibels higher. I totally get this – in school my experience was that it was clear that there was a high expectation to drink a lot of alcohol and to get drunk or at least ‘tipsy’ at every social event, and this was accepted – there was also in my experience, not much true advice about it not being healthy to drink alcohol to such an excessive level, maybe as in society many people are doing the same thing (or playing the same song), just a few decibels lower.
Your post has shed light on the ‘normality’ of alcohol. Yet we can add many more ‘normals’ to the list such as marijuana as it becomes legal in many countries, sugar and all of its manifestations and pharmaceuticals to keep us functioning ‘normally’. I guess the word ‘normal’ has provided the world with a great excuse to avoid that dreaded ‘responsibility’ word.
I agree Rod. Once we start being truly honest in our lives, then the plethora of abusive and damaging “normals” that we have allowed to carry on un-checked and un-challenged gets very rapidly exposed.
I agree Rod well said, it is crazy when we look at what we as a society accept as being ‘normal’.
Very true Rod, we have made all the damaging and poisonous substances a normal part of life and then we wonder why everyone is getting sicker. Alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, sugar, caffeine, all highly toxic to our livers and deadly to our lungs and heart. I have consumed my fair share of ‘normal’ and was aware that it was a poison, so the normal for me and society is to poison ourselves. It is strange how we jump to defend these substances too, as I have in the past, everything in moderation or this doesn’t have an effect (?) etc etc. What turned it around for me is some one publicly emphasising that I am naturally amazing and worth respecting, as we all are; and giving me some powerful, straight forward tools to begin to address the deep self loathing that kept me wanting more and more poison.
Agree entirely Rod. Alcohol is just one a zillion of normals that we have accepted. And it’s these ‘normals’ that are so powerful at keeping us locked away. But we do know. Underneath it all, we do know. I knew. Sure, it took me a long time to find a way out, but the point is that we do know. And once you discover a level of love for yourself and of humanity (which I did through the teachings of Universal Medicine) then these ‘normals’ start to stick out like the ugly sore thumbs that they are.
Agree entirely Rod. The plethora of “normals” in humanity has many of us locked away. But we do know. Absolutely we know. And once the ‘normals’ are exposed for what they truly are, then we are liberated to rediscover our truth.
What an amazing blog. I am almost lost for words… I can very much relate to what you describe. As a child growing up I would be looking around and feeling there is something not right. Something didn’t add up, didn’t make sense but there was no one to tell me why this was so …because no one can quite put their finger on it. You’ve fully exposed something so fundamentally wrong in our lives and yet we have accepted it. Given the opportunity, a child could describe everything that is not felt to be right in their lives and it would be very revealing – yet only if we are open to hearing it. Thank you, this is one blog that I will be reading over and over.
Thank you for writing this blog so directly and clearly, it needs to be said – because it is true children know that alcohol is wrong, I remember feeling this a child. My parents actively encouraged my brothers and I to drink but I never really liked it and I can remember in my teenage years feeling uncomfortable because I was made to feel like I was odd for not really wanting to drink; because I was not joining in with the family spirit of things. Looking back I can remember how everyone would change when they drank and I felt even more of the odd one out. As I got older I succumbed to peer pressure and by my 30’s would probably have a drink most days. Everywhere I turned, people were drinking, so maybe there was something wrong with me?! – this was the premise with which I sought a drink.
What I find amazing is I knew it was wrong, I didn’t really like the taste most of the time and yet I succumbed to accepting alcohol as being the ‘norm,’ even though I could feel the affects of what it did to others and to myself.
Dear Anonymous. Your blog depicts very vividly the ongoing distress of a child who cannot make sense of the world they are living in, which I think we can all relate to in some way. Thank you for exposing the all-pervasive effects of alcohol on the whole family, and what a huge issue this really is.
How dangerous is normal when it entrenches harm or keeps any away from themselves and the love they are. I love the honesty and understanding in your blog, it blew me away – how you clearly show we’ve all been fooled by alcohol and its social acceptance as a lubricant in our societies. And yet as you clearly show, it supports coping and not truly addressing problems which are there to be addressed, it’s a panacea, a rug that hides what’s truly underneath to be seen and felt. And most of all it stops people feeling life and themselves, they become numb, they live a ‘half-life’ convinced that is all. The ubiquity of alcohol and its widespread acceptance means many have no idea there is another way, they feel trapped as you did, as your parents did and until people see there is another way they know no different. Your blog is a beautiful testimony for us all that there is another way, one which is about connection to oneself and ones’ feelings and the honouring of that in everyday life – thank you for sharing.
I relate to everything you have said here anonymous. I grew up in the same haze of normalised alcohol abuse. My beautiful father became a stranger every time he drank. I became afraid of him as this dark “other” side would emerge – he transformed from tender to vindictive. This happened so often that it eroded my trust in all people, but allegedly this was normal.
He no longer drinks (neither do I) and the beautiful tender man is there all the time.
Thank you for sharing your experiences which expose the true cost to society of the acceptance of alcohol use as ‘normal’.
Great blog Anonymous, great sharing. Thank you.
This is a powerful writing, on what many of us have experienced as ‘normal’ just to so call fit in to society …really all I can see here is that alcohol has become a ‘cult’ and no true intimacy is every possible here.
“..these enormous and amazing and fantastically courageous steps away from the old normal and am now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me and that reside in all of humanity. It is glorious and wondrous and joyous..and, at times, hard -as I discover another layer of protection or hurt.”
This I can relate too …..thank-you for sharing
The great point made here in this blog about growing up as children and everything we see contradicting what we are feeling could be extended to most of us and not just due to alcohol. I certainly made the decision as a child to just stop feeling, stop trusting myself and just play the game of life and cope and get through and I know my parents must have done the same when they were kids. Knowing this now, I am making the effort to really connect, respect and meet my children as equals. To have true quality time with them as often as I can; so that they do not have the same dilemma or clash between their feelings and their experiences and do not shut themselves off and create the same issues I carried into my adult life. This is the greatest gift we can ever give our children.
Thank you Anonymous, this blog is so touching. I can relate to so much of what you share, in fact I too was that kid…. and I love the way you expose “normal”. I also appreciate that you don’t blame your parents in any way, and in fact just accept that they knew no other way, as society has made this way so socially accepted.
It is the layers of protection you developed when growing up around alcoholism that I could truly relate to in your article.
Thank you for sharing from your personal ‘life-story’ – a truly power-full support for humanity as I, for one, was able to identify with many aspects of what you have shared within my own life. The depth of gratitude I hold for Serge Benhayon for having reflected the possibility that life might be lived differently (and amongst many other ‘entrapments’, free of alcohol), is unfathomable.
“…now discovering the deep wells of love and tenderness and intimacy that reside in me, that are me, and that reside in all of humanity.”
Such a beautiful observation; for me also it was too difficult a place to be and hold onto ….. trapped in the same web the writer describes.
The world of alcohol is far too jagged a place for the nurturing and maintenance of tenderness and true intimacy. Yet in our society it is all-pervasive.
Articles like this contribute immensely to breaking down the mystique masking the widespread dependency on this brutal poison.
Bravo!!
I agree Andy, alcohol is often the foundation for many families, but does not create a foundation for love and the gentleness and trust needed for a child to feel safe. Honesty is the first step to breaking down these social normalities.