690 thoughts on “From ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ to Claiming Myself – an Ongoing Journey”

1. Now reading this blog again has made me realise that we have all played this game more then we actually realise. When it is clear to you then it is clear to be seen in another.

   Where I am currently working, I’m observing the niceness that’s all around me and I questioned this. Was this always there? Or is it that my sensitivity to it has gone up that I see it everywhere, and I was in no doubt part of. It seems as our awareness increases in whatever we are working on or healing, observing in another is simply reminding me that I once came from there. And to bring more of an understanding of where another is at and in that, we remove judgment/condemnation.

   I love how life is constantly communicating to us, it’s how we are in it that can makes the difference.

2. “He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself” – This is a question to ask myself too Kathie – all too often I still negate all of who I am and all that I bring, and hence I do not value myself enough but in so doing I also negate my deepest essence and the greatest strength which is my connection to Soul. Soul can only work through us when we love and appreciate the vehicle we hold and the choices we make that prepares the vehicle for the presence of the Soul, our true presence.

   1. The Soul only loves us continually, no matter our actions. Yes we have karma upon us, but it never leaves our sides. When we are in appreciation, the Soul offers more of the magnificence we once came from, as nothing on this plane of life can ever match this magnificence.

3. Kathie I love this statement, ‘I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity’. This is so true, everyone of us has something to offer to everyone. So it is really important that we don’t compare ourselves to others.

   I observed this in three tradesmen that came to our apartment to attend to some repair works. As they settled into our home, each and everyone of them I saw and felt their essences come through in how they worked, and they complemented each other. This was so beautiful to observe. Can we see this is our everyday life, or are we too busy focusing on the what is not, then the what is?

4. Kathie this is a brilliant blog that exposes how we get saturated with ideals and beliefs and take them on as ours. And this is how we get lost from the truth of who we are and become everything to everyone. And this is never enough because everyone has demands that change constantly. So it makes sense we end up exhausted

   1. I agree Mary, we grow up with soooo many ideals and beliefs that when and if we wake up one day, it can be confusing as to what is the truth even though everything in our being is feeling and telling us that this isn’t it.
      Exhaustion and burnout has nothing to do with work, it’s how we are in every situation, it is that simple.

5. Kathie this is a profound sharing and one that I can also relate to in terms of learning not to be a nuisance to others and playing it nice and always being accommodating to others. It is a process to let this go and allow confrontation to happen as it needs to and to know and realise that this is actually OK.

   1. This is a sharing I can also relate to, not being a nuisance, playing it nice, and being accommodating to others. The beliefs that were passed down the generations, and ingrained in us as we grew up were horrific.

      1. Lorraine I agree with you being nice is huge for everyone as we all want to feel wanted. We perfect being ‘nice’ and yet nice is so damaging to our bodies because we are actually poisoning it. And if we are honest with ourselves we can tell when someone is being ‘nice’ because it feels disgusting and so dishonouring of our innate sensitivity.

6. How strange that we can spend our whole life focusing on who we are not, instead of being who we truly are. Family patterns, ideals and beliefs, seem to get in the way of our own truth and love, which is the greatness of who we truly are. Of lately I have come to realize how powerful are our family beliefs systems, that can if you let it rule one’ life. The trick for me is constant connection and awareness, no matter what.

7. As I make my way out of beliefs, ideals and pictures I can feel how vital it is to feel each situation I’m in and the quality of energy. If I’m in a picture and the situation I’m in ticks all the boxes I may not question it, but the quality of energy of the situation may be quite harmful. I can see why shutting down clairsentience and our natural ability to feel things as part of the model of this world as it allows the many harmful beliefs, ideals and consciousnesses to continue unquestioned.

8. The words that come to me are mutuality and inter-relatedness, and I am feeling how we are disconnected from this very basis of our entire being, that we have to manage our inter-actions with each other and be a certain way rather than just letting ourselves be. This gets played out by most in various ways, to a varying degree, and we all have stories to back up the ‘belief’ but I am getting a sense how even that is a choice.

9. Trying not to be a nuisance is a very lonely place as you are keeping people out and not sharing all you are feeling.

10. When not being all that one can be is being a nuisance, it changes the whole concept of what ‘not being a nuisance’ means.

11. The belief systems passed through families often are like a kind of training, they can be instilled into the children over and over, with the only verification needed being it was how the parents themselves were brought up. So much harm can be done under the umbrella of what’s considered “good”, and because it’s thought of as “good” we may not question why something is considered as the only way to be, or look at doing things differently. To me that’s why we need interactions with others, to look at how others live and give either confirmation to our truly beneficial ways of living, or cause us to question what we hold as good but which may in fact be harmful.

12. Being “nice” is like an infectious disease – it robs us of our true vitality as trying to keep up appearances is exhausting. Being true to ourselves is completely liberating.

    1. Thanks Elizabeth for your comment, I am still learning to be true to myself and honour how I feel, it’s a big difference between how I have lived from my mind, to now living more from my whole body and what I sense and feel.

13. Kathie this is so relevant to me, my nanny’s main phase 2 years before she died was “I don’t want to be a nuisance” I found this distressing as it was like she was directly saying she wasn’t worth it, I see the pattern also rub off on my mum and I have had to work super hard at not applying the same method.
    Letting love in and letting people support us is a healing that everyone deserves.

    1. Another common and very similar one is “I don’t want to make a fuss”, people can be sick, injured, or need help in some way yet not let anyone know because they don’t want to “cause a fuss”. I agree that it’s very tied up in low self worth and low value, it is like apologising for taking up space. This is how beliefs complicate life, instead of it being a simple situation of saying what’s happening and letting support in which is actually beneficial for all involved and an opportunity to grow.

14. I feel when we are being ‘nice’ we are not living in a true way, it’s a way to control and manipulate life and others. To drop the masks we hide behind and live our true selves is going to ruffle a few feathers – bring it on I say.

    1. Ha ha, and it does, ruffle a few feathers, our very vibration unsettles some people.

15. In being our true selves wherever we are we bring the reflection of love and truth, the qualities that are greatly needed in this world today to re-establish the standards we all deserve to live by.

16. Really when you consider the truth of it, being a nuisance is in fact not being ourselves for we do not bring our part of the whole and as you say Kathy, ‘If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete.’ … a beautiful reminder that all of us play a part in a bigger whole than we sometimes can ever imagine.

17. Thank you Kathy for a great article, I can relate to ” don’t make a nuisance of yourself ” which leads to deference to others and niceness so as to not offend. This is such a controlled way of being avoiding true responsibility of who we are and what we bring as an important part of the puzzle.

18. This really demonstrates to me that we need to deal with our stuff – if I think asking for help is a being a nuisance or I don’t think I’m enough or what ever issue I have – and kids around me mimic that then I am responsible for potentially retarding another human being’s growth.

    1. How we live and express comes with a huge dose of responsibility.

19. This fear of ‘what will others think?’ and the family pressure to conform, be nice, reflect the family in a good light can be crushing to grow up with and can significantly shape how we are and act as adults. To understand all of this as a choice can feel pretty huge – afterall, when we’re young it can feel like we have no choice but to do as we’re told or face the consequences – but to see that scenario as a choice as well, as a reflection of how we might have been or behaved in a past life.. all of it is incredibly healing, because seeing the bigger picture allows us to see our part in it, and what we have aligned to. And since everything is a choice, it’s never too late to change how we relate to ourselves, to drop the ‘nice’ and to start living and expressing as who we truly are.

20. Lack of self worth may be a way to run life. Although, it may conquer the favor of others will never inspire anyone to want to be more.

21. This kind of upbringing can leave deep scars and may take a long time to overcome and be free of it as the ‘goodness’ permanently expressed and requested is so insidious.

22. It is incredible what we pick up from our families – how we are raised to be the same as the generation before. Not being a nuisance and putting everyone else first is a big one. I know I got very caught up in this and being liked, when in fact I was not being true to myself.

    1. Yeh it really shows us how we need a generation that will break away from old family behaviours and lay down a fresh untainted path for future generations to walk on.

       1. Well said Meg I totally agree with you we need a generation that is able to break away from tight constraints of family behaviours and traditions, so that children can grow up knowing who they are in truth without having to apologise and conform to the expectations of society rules and regulations.

23. Universal Medicine bring the awareness and the revelations for every aspect of living life on this planet

24. It can give quite a lot of satisfaction to be very self-sacrificial as one then stands out and is quite special but the price is immense.

25. When I realised that playing ‘the less than’ card was as arrogant as playing ‘the superiour than’ card I also realised just how judgemental I have been.

    1. Yes, the irony is that we are equal, regardless of which card we play!

    2. True Kathleen judgement and arrogance can creep in sneakily, and both feel horrible.

26. There is a comfort in allowing oneself to be abused, a security in knowing that we can stay hidden and won’t get attacked for who we are.

    1. Christoph Schnelle totally get what you are saying here as this is what I did as a child, I tried to hide as much as possible because it was obvious that the family unit was not going to tolerate any level of light in the family. I often felt I was living with the wrong family and that I really was the black sheep, living in that constant nervous tension did take it’s toll later in life via a nervous breakdown and ill mental health.

27. I love this blog Kathie as it shows us the ultimate consequence of holding back who we truly are – everyone misses out including us.

28. It is great to have a blog like this that shows what immense effect it has, when we live by believes and ideals that are not true . How much it compromises our true essence constantly, how we are in the hamster wheel of fulfilling the ideal that we once said yes to as a “truth” and how sick we become, if we don’t expose the falsity of it.

    1. Yes, and the situation is also not helpful when we allow others to indulge their bad behaviour as that leaves traces in their body.

29. The world is a very unpleasant place when we think we need to shrink ourselves to fit. I used to find it hard to ask for things, but then I realized that it was me underestimating their power, to be able to say “no”.

30. I am often still overcome with the struggle to accept food or drink etc when at another persons house – even just a glass of water. From a young age there was the feeling of not wanting to be greedy or put the family out with demands, which I know i sometimes still feel, but it prevents you from really being there and part of the family that has invited you into their home – it adds a layer of tension and formality that doesn’t need to be there.

    1. Yes, Rebecca and if the boot was on the other foot and you were the one offering to share, how does it feel when the other person doesn’t accept..because they think that’s was they should do to fit in with you!!!! Crazy or what?

       1. I know, when my dear friends hold themselves back from just being a part of the family and the genuine offer of being an equal is crazy – we hold ourselves back from being open and at ease when we keep ourselves ridged with these ideals that we can’t ‘be a nuisance’

    2. And it puts you into this – “you are the owner of the house and I am only a guest ” and don´t really belong to it. It creates separation immediately. What if you would go into a house of a friend you never been before and ask where to get a water from by yourself. It allows an atmosphere that also gives an ease to the person welcoming you, as they are not in the duty of supplying you in a way shape or form.

    3. It’s a great contribution Rebecca with the angle of “not wanting to put others out”, and there are so many ways of saying the same thing, “don’t make yourself a nuisance”, “I don’t want to make a fuss”, “I don’t want to get in the way”, all of which come with such a sense of awkwardness and a lack of self acceptance.

31. ” I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.
    If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished ”
    This is very important to know ,one is part of the jigsaw and everyone part in it is vital .

    1. Thanks John; in the days of family jigsaw sessions, we looked for the straight edge pieces first, with the corners being a particularly prized find. What is now on offer is that every piece is important and maybe at the end none more so than the missing one, wherever it is in the picture, for without it no part is whole

    2. Vital and appreciated. I agree.

32. Holding back what we have to offer is indeed a crime as we are the only ones qualified to bring what we bring to the whole, whatever that may be.

    1. I like you call it a crime ! It certainly is- what if we would be sued by an instance because we are not being ourselves and holding us back ? What if the whole world would follow the purpose to bring out and support the best and uniqueness in everyone and whenever someone is not going for it he/she would get a pull up? I would love that- one day it might be like that, when humanity understood, that how we live will never lead us nowhere.

       1. Yes I would love that also Stefanie and can live the future now by not holding back but instead bringing all of who we truly are to every living moment.

33. I just realised on reading this and seeing some things happen in my life, that the real nuisance is when I’m not me, and not bringing the part I bring. And that’s for each of us to know and live.

34. It really shows how important understanding someones behaviours is and to not judge them for how they are because we don’t know how their life has been that has made them cope in this way with it.

35. When we play ‘nice’ we are not being true, it is a game of playing less and doesn’t evolve anyone.

36. What a distraction it must of been applying your nuisance quotient to all that you did instead of just showing up and being yourself – the stress we put ourselves through sometimes can be so unnecessary.

37. Thank you so much for sharing this Kathie. I can see that trying not to be a nuisance is actually an attempt at protection. We falsely believe that if we take up less space in whatever way we can we will be safer in some way. In truth we rob ourselves and others of the full package we are when we choose this pattern.

38. I too was always told about not making a nuisance of myself as a child , and I think this carried through where into adulthood where I would say sorry for this that and the other even though it was not my fault so to speak. I too felt the ugliness of being nice, these days I am feeling more what is true and learning to express from that place of knowing.

    1. I felt this recently Jill when someone was trying to be something they are not, because we have tickets on ourselves of how we should appear to others. I could feel how we are actors in a play we have been given the script and we play our part. But that part is not who we are, and so we are all robbed of our truth.

39. “I am a rhythmic being and I live in a rhythmic world.” I love these words Coleen they feel so true in my body when I am connected, I can quite often get caught with focusing on the time and feel the stress and tension that it brings.

40. Imagine if our parents were to ask first up did you hold your light?

    1. We would all then deepen our relationship with death as we would understand the relationship that we have with passing-over and our next incarnation so we can shower our light on our relatives.

41. Thank you for exposing the harm that ‘being nice’ can impose on our body.

42. “Do not be a nuisance” is a great example of how limited/reduced life is when we see us as merely human.

43. I love this analogy that if we hold back we could be allowing for the whole piece or plan to not be complete.

44. I have experienced many a beautiful child come running up and start chatting with me – whether in the shopping centre or waiting in line in a bank, or at the beach. And the parents very often are calling out to the kids to stop being a nuisance. Unless a child is stomping on your feet or whacking you with a stick, how could they ever be a nuisance – they bring such life and delight with them. Any child who has been treated equally and lovingly is never going to be a nuisance. This constant calling them a nuisance must eventually have its affect, as you have said Kathie, finally crushing them.

45. We are never a nuisance unless we make ourselves believe it so.

46. Oh, those many familial patterns that get passed on down from generation to generation and are never questioned, but just lived. And oh, the outcry if they do get questioned and sometimes totally rejected. I am sure that ‘not being a nuisance’ is one that many of us know well, and in the process of being expected to be the perfect little child so much of our natural joy and spontaneity would have been crushed. But it is never too late to let go of the belief that we are being a nuisance, reclaim our childhood joy and begin to live it all over again.

47. I love the analogy with the jigsaw and remind myself and others often when talking about valuing ourselves and what we bring to life. What if, just what if, the puzzle cannot be completed without our piece? Without valuing the importance of that piece we all miss out.

48. I can very much relate to the being nice and learning to fit in, but as you discovered what good is it to have everybody fit in when the true fit is to be the true part of the whole that one is.

49. When we allow ourselves to be the love we naturally and innately are, we offer to humanity and this world everything that is needed.

50. Thanks Kathie, as this is a reminder about what my boss shared in the first job I had, work was all about the ‘customer being right, even when they are wrong they were right.’ Love or at-least the level of Self-Love I now live in has shifted my relationship with clients, so my relationship with work has turned out to feel and to honestly share with my clients.

    1. Indeed Greg, the only way to be honest to oneself is to apply this same honesty to others you are in a relationship with.

51. No matter what we think or say or body will communicate to us whether how we are living is truly working. This is a great blessing to be appreciated as it means we are limited in how much we can stray from what is true…

52. Kathie I so relate with this part of your blog “It has been (and is) such a journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well, to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life.” There is no doubt that this is the true way of living should we allow it for ourselves and I have come to know and feel throughout my entire body that there is no love in nice and no nice in love.

53. It is wonderful to see documented this transformation from the mask of ‘nice’ into being who you truly are Kathie. Your blog paints a great picture of how society in general conduct itself, through fear, protection and pretence. World teachers have taught about it, great writers have characterised it but we still mostly go on doing it! You are a pioneer for all to break through this conventional way of life and live truth.

54. Letting go of the ‘nice-ness’ is a great step in moving towards loving yourself and being true to who you are.

    1. Absolute Lorraine. When we begin to walk and live with love we soon realise that ‘being nice’ is not so ‘nice’ at all, as we are in fact withholding what we feel is true.

55. I love the service these type of businesses offer, not from the products they stock but from how they are. Sounds like this business was the pillar of the community and rightly so. What an injustice that is served when the community doesn’t show this and equally when the person providing this service doesn’t appreciate it fully. It’s amazing to see how these behaviours are passed on and it’s great to see a person in a generational behaviour make a significant change to open the way for a healing for all. I am in business and this highlights the relationships that we have in business and puts forward another layer to allow yourself to be supported and in that appreciate the support you bring to everyone.

    1. Seems to me receiving appreciation is part of the difference between being servile and providing a service, how many times do you hear “it’s just my job” when expressing thanks? Many organisations have customer complaints departments, how about customer compliment departments?

       1. Yes the complaints line is there as the first point of contact if you have any feedback on businesses or people and I agree why don’t we call it the “customer compliment departments” and you can still make a complaint but it’s intention is for people to show their appreciation for what they are receiving and not just expect it or play it down. A lot of us have trouble with people appreciating us, it can make us uncomfortable and this maybe a small and yet significant change that supports us all.

       2. Oh I love this idea Kathie – a customer compliments department! That would change things. No doubt when the large percentage of the population begins to appreciate themselves this might come into being. At the moment there are questionnaires being sent out to be filled in by customers after certain customer service calls – in which there is an option to express your appreciation . . . but basically the intent behind these questionnaires is to check upon employees, and the results can be held over employees if they don’t rank high – so it could be quite intimidating for those in the work force – especially if you encounter a detractor or very stressed and unstable customers!

56. It is so ironic that ‘being nice’ with the best of intentions achieves the opposite result.

57. I love what you have shared here Kathie. “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished.” this is so significant.

58. Not wanting to be, or ‘don’t be a nuisance’ was a belief that also ran in my family through the generations, it is so crazy that this belief was imposed on us and that we accepted it, or was it giving us something at some level that we wanted?

59. I know when people refer to me as ‘nice,’ its meant as a complement, but these days I don’t like the description, because the nice person I have fashioned myself to be, is not really the true me, but the person who wants to be liked.

60. Kathie I love the way you end the blog. You being you is an essential part of the puzzle.

61. Gosh, how many can relate to this. I too have walked on eggshells much of my life, living in fear that I will annoy another or put someone out. It’s debilitating and we don’t realise it until it’s brought to our attention, either through an illness in our bodies or through an increased awareness that we are actually not a nuisance at all, but a much need piece of the puzzle as you say.

62. Wow – who would have thought being nice and polite would be so detrimental to our body!

63. That we are all essential parts of a jigsaw puzzle that is to be completed else we miss the bigger picture, really brings home how we are all equal and whomever needs support to be themselves receives that support. This is what brotherhood is all about as is accepting my responsibility to shine, to be myself.

64. If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole. I love how you have described this Kathie, very well put.

65. It’s amazing how one single comment can have an effect for every single day of our lives. This really reminds me how important our expression is, and how deeply ill-expression can harm another.

    1. I so agree Meg and even more insidious when we have taken a meaning that was not intended from the comment, but we just didn’t check at the time….part of our responsibility for what we ‘take on board’….or not.

       1. That is true we can misinterpret comments, though I would say that most comments come with an energy and we deeply feel the impact of that.

66. It is interesting to look at our family upbringing and see what patterns of behaviours were set up and what set of ideals and beliefs surrounded the family. To observe it with grace, understanding and compassion, and then feel what is true and what is not. Quite often we can just play it all out without taking the time to look at it and say, is that true for me now? (or possibly ever?). And the understanding is important, and without judgement, as quite often our parents repeated their own set of behaviours, ideals and beliefs.

    1. Yes, very worth looking at and as you say – with understanding not judgement. We all have patterns of behaviour we have taken on and that is why bringing attention to what we do and why we do what we do is so refreshing because it offers an opportunity to expose those ‘norms’ that actually might be harming our bodies.

67. We can move in a way that keeps us in the illusions that what we are doing is the ‘right’ thing to support others. In truth it just supports others to stay stuck in an endless loop. True support is to live in a way that offers reflection to another of another way to live, a way that gets you out of this endless loop. Being nice never helped anyone to evolve, being true is movement in evolution.

68. ‘Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits?’ A great question for us all to ponder Kathie and to claim the unique qualities we all bring that are all needed and so beautifully support the whole.

69. I love your last sesntemce referring to us being part of a jigsaw and us needing to be ourselves to be our part in that.

70. ‘I spent most of my working life putting the client first, going the extra mile, sometimes working through the night.’ When we put others first before looking after ourselves, we lack true quality. It is much more discerning to look after ourselves first and produce a true quality in our work rather than something that reflects the lack of quality due to our lack of responsibility and livingness.

71. I always found that I was more of a nuisance to people when I didn’t speak my mind or say what I wanted because then they would be left guessing and trying to read what I was really saying behind the words. In my experience, we all love honesty as it brings people to the same point and no one is left guessing or out of the picture.

72. “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished”….so true, we are all so needed in this jigsaw puzzle in humanity, we all have a part to play which means no-one person is more or less than another.

73. As the adrenal exhaustion and cancer shows, if one does not look after oneself first one is not able to help others and then one becomes the ‘nuisance’ one is endeavouring all the time not to be.

74. I know that one. Don’t do anything that will make others think that everything is not under control and ok. It’s quite an effort doing this and it’s in my opinion just people that is starved of love, both from within themselves but also the starvation that happens when we keep ourselves separate and distant to others by wanting to look so called perfect.

75. ‘If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete.’ We all have a purpose in life, and if we hold back our expression we are holding back from being part of the whole.

    1. We each have our own unique expression and all our unique expressions together make the whole that will then enable us all to evolve back to where came from.

76. I wonder how many of us grew up with the words “don’t be a nuisance” ringing regularly in our ears. I don’t remember it being said to me at home, only before I went to visit others, and I am sure that was accompanied by ‘be a good girl, ‘be polite’ and ‘don’t forget to say thank you’. I can feel how these words began to feed the belief that if I am good, polite etc people will like me, instead of knowing that if I was simply given the freedom to be all of me that they definitely would have loved having me in their lives.

77. Holding onto values such as being reliant and not being a nuisance can not work, as in order to keep up these appearances, we must have tolerances that go against our innate nature of delicateness and sensitivity of our bodies.

78. Beautifully unravelled what a true nuisance would be. It is so very important to look at the patterns we have and those of our parents as they are linked and only with an open heart and deep understanding can we undo what we have taken for normal. There are so many things I have taken for normal only to discover that they are ways how I have learned to be in the world.

79. Well said Kathie. This is a familiar tale and something I can very much relate to – although the word in my family is ‘burden’ rather than ‘nuisance’. ‘Don’t be a burden…’ is something I have heard many times. How glorious it is to start saying no to this lie and to reclaim the truth of who we are, putting that puzzle back together again in Oneness.

80. Wow Kathie. You had me remembering being told the same thing – not to make a nuisance of myself. When people said this to me it made me realise that they may have found me to be an inconvenience at times too. I did the same thing with my siblings and as an adult I can still view people as being ‘in my way’. Your blog reminds me how precious people are and how much we miss out on and hurt others when we do not honour this.

81. That mindset of ‘don’t make a nuisance of yourself’ has a lot to answer for. It has attempted to suppress the living expression of so many young people and has stayed like a stain on the hearts of a multitude of people. We can gather now ourselves together and say ‘no’ to this and to the many other ‘ideas’and curses that have been put upon us and which we said ‘yes’ to.

82. I can relate to not wanting to be a nuisance and not fussing, just to make someone else’s life Unruffled. Somehow I have been given the message its not OK for me to ask for anything or be myself. I cant blame anyone but myself now if I continue to do this for I have learnt that we are all equal and I am as worthy as another!

83. What a gorgeous transformation Kathie. What you have shared is very enlightening and so true. We create complication when we are not being ourselves and as such experience the loveless that this brings, in contrast to when we are truly being ourselves and live in honor of what we feel is true, we then bring love to the lives we live.

84. Not wanting to be a nuisance is a common thing. But on the other end, I know how lovely it is to give support when needed, help a friend, or be there when someone is in need. By not wanting to be a nuisance we deny others that joy.

85. It is only through the constant appreciation and valuing of ourselves that we get to know the volume of the universe through us and the responsibility we hold in our unique expression of truth.

86. I love the analogy of the puzzle for we sometimes forget the unique contribution we have to make to the whole and how without it the whole is less. We have a huge responsibility and it is gorgeous when we claim and express that for others to see what they can choose too.

87. If we put other people first, few people will see our awesomeness. A very ‘safe’ approach with long term costs.

88. It is almost laughable as I ponder on making myself ‘be nice’, or living the exquisite beauty I am. Yet unfortunately this is not a laughable matter as there are ways that the being nice affects me to this day. A stop moment, one in which to honour my beauty and grace, one to ponder on holding myself with this as I step into the amazing new day tomorrow.

89. As children we are often instructed what to do, when we already know what to do from the get-go.

90. “It has been (and is) such a journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well, to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life.” I can so relate to being nice and not wanting to be a nuisance. As a child of the fifties children – especially girls – were taught to be quiet and ‘don’t speak until you are spoken to’. Undoing this all is taking a while – but since discovering Universal Medicine my life – and myself – have changed hugely, as have the lives of many other students.

91. We blame genetics for all sorts of things when in truth it is our behaviours that are passed on from one generation to the next. Observing my behaviours I get to question as to whether they support me and through the observation I give myself an opportunity to respond and let them go and in doing so I put an end to the behaviours that may cause illness and disease in future generations. Now this is what I call true love and it begins with truly loving the self.

    1. Genetics is our easy answer for not accepting our responsibility in the life we have lived and the choices we made.

92. How amazing that you were able to see this family pattern of not wanting to be a nuisance and end it in your life time. As you say it is such a belittling belief to take on. I have sometimes had that thought myself that I won’t bother to say or do something because it might cause a stir or make a nuisance but sometimes that is just what is needed and certainly holding back from the truth, love and joy that we are serves no one.

    1. Yes, what we say, do or how we are can make people react and the reaction can feel extremely unjustified as the reaction can be extreme when we are in our fullness or expressing love.

93. Not wanting to be a nuisance is something that I somehow adopted also Kathie, probably came from a few areas of my life . . . my catholic upbringing and the subservient christian beliefs that came from that, my family life where I had the feeling that we, as children were considered too much, and a given up feeling that I had had most of my life. What I have come to realise is that subservience is a form of control .

    1. “What I have come to realise is that subservience is a form of control .” Thank you for sharing this, very true. I have been making myself less a lot too in my life in the name of ‘I am not good enough’ but what we are actually doing is controlling life so it is not too much asking us to be responsible and grow!

94. I love this blog Kathie, it is one of my favourites. I particularly love the last line . . ” So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!” . . . That would be a nuisance as we would not have had this great blog from you!

    1. Yes well said Kathleen, I would rather be called a ‘nuisance’ than be called ‘nice’.

95. I had to laugh at your calculations of the nice formula because I so related to it and can still run through this lightening checklist of how my decision is likely to affect others before I voice my choice. Yet I have now also had experience of speaking up and saying what is really true for me in a situation and how this has expanded what is available for others to choose. I know which I prefer but it is amazing how my default can still be what fits in with others but at least I clock it more quickly now and can often voice this and thus give others the opportunity of reconsidering.

96. Interesting that not being a nuisance includes withholding information from other people, for example, about our state of health. These patterns are so engrained in so many that it is actually quite inspiring when someone is honest enough to own up to not being well or coping but I know for myself that I used to find it almost impossible to be expose myself in this way in case I was judged or rejected. Learning to become more real and admit when I didn’t feel well or felt overwhelmed has been interesting because I have received so much loving support and also feel more connected to others but yet I can still hold back because I have this distorted image that I want to maintain my independence?! We are all totally interdependent as beautifully illustrated by your puzzle analogy and I joyfully accept my responsibility to contribute to the jigsaw of life and not hold back in any way.

97. “She didn’t ask anyone for help… she didn’t want to be a nuisance!” When we stop to consider this way of thinking it is very selfish as it is preventing others from sharing and expressing love and support.

    1. Thank you Mary, yes, when I recall all the joy I have had from supporting others why would I take this away from anyone

98. When you focus all your energy on not being a nuisance there is no space in your day to appreciate and express your true spunky and innately wise self.

99. Holding back doesn’t work, we can only try and fit in or hide for so long, but like you say it’s EXHAUSTING! It’s so much simpler just to say – world this is who I am – take it or leave it.

100. Like actors in a play we have developed many ways, of presenting what people might want to hear. We say words and phrases that will get us accepted like magic passwords to a special club. We’ve based whole traditions and cultures on this performance of politeness and ‘the right thing to do’ yet in the end, all of this just gets in the way of you being you. And what if this is simply what we are here to do? I feel Kathie as you have shown, there may be a tension that comes up when we take away this niceness charade, but better this awkwardness than the pretension that everything is fine and dandy, when clearly it is not.

101. ‘Many years later when my mother had to go for radiotherapy treatments following a cancer operation, she refused in-patient care and went on the bus every day. She didn’t ask anyone for help… she didn’t want to be a nuisance! The villagers would have been horrified if they knew, after all the care and compassion they had received from my parents over the years.’ This is a well-known way of reacting amongst many of us – we extend aid and care front, back and to both sides, but when it comes to our own crunch we carry on trying to be independent. It makes me wonder where the aid and care for others was coming from in the first place if we don’t love ourselves enough to ask for help and think we are a trouble or nuisance.

102. “I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.” This needs to be written in huge letters on everyone’s fridge door! Perhaps then we might start, as you have Kathie, to accept that every single one of us is a vital and equally important part of the whole of humanity.

103. Kathie, I love in particular your last two concluding sentences. Realising what life is really about, simply being ‘me’ in everything we do, so a true reflection is there for everyone to see giving us all the opportunity to see the bigger picture more clearly and our part in it.

104. Kathie I should also not be a nuisance in my childhood because of the customer coming to my parents hairdresser’s shop. But I chose to be so rebelling that my parents did not allow me to enter their shop as my hairstyle was not a good advertisement for them. My experience was that being a rebel was also not a good choice. Therefore I love what you have shared about the jigsaw and I have to say I love the idea to be a part of it as well.

105. When we serve others, we need to make sure that we do it in a way that it doesn’t harm us. Clearly many people were drawn to the atmosphere of the village store but it would have been vital to set boundaries.

106. Thank you Kathie for sharing so openly, I have also learnt to drop the ‘niceness’ that was instilled in me growing up allowing me to more true and to deepen the relationship with myself and others.

107. I like the analogy of being a special piece of the puzzle Kathie. If we are not us the puzzle can not be completed. This puts a responsibility in bringing all of us. Not settling for complacency or hiding behind being nice and not a nuisance. Your are right Kathie, we have tried for generations the” pettiness”, it is time to stand in our grandness. Lets see how this plays out. See you in the big picture Kathie.

108. Quite bizarre that we all go into “nice” when we know how uncomfortable it really is because we can feel what’s going on underneath. We are naturally much more at ease with somebody who is truly being themselves because that then allows us to do the same.

109. We are all a very precious piece of the jigsaw and if we don’t feel this it is great to remind ourselves so we can truly live that.

110. The belief system behind ‘don’t be a nuisance’ or imposing our needs on people is ingrained in our national psyche. It’s beginning to wane in the headlights of customer service, which has shifted the emphasis back to the consumer. But the lack of self worth behind ‘don’t be a nuisance’ still prevails as a legacy from our collective families instilling successive generations in the importance of not making social waves, fitting in and being seen as respectable and upright. For many, the very idea of putting self before others is regarded as completely selfish, especially by the elderly. The irony is, this keeps us from being and supporting ourselves and everyone misses out as a result.

111. I just loved reading your blog Katie, and can so relate to being nice and the nuisance word. This is why for me the “sorry” word was very much in my speaking. If something went wrong, though not my fault, I would say sorry, if I needed to ask someone something, I would first say sorry. It was as if I was sorry to everybody for being here on the earth plane. It is a work in progress to come to value and love who I am and what I bring to this world, I too am a piece in the puzzle of humanity, that without which it cannot be whole.

112. Totally awesome blog Kathie. When we weave being nice as our priority through our daily lives in a way that puts everyone else before us at our expense, it not only eventually chokes our own sense of self worth but can compromise the health of our relationships with others and our own personal sense of wellbeing and health.

113. I remember the phrase “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” I have a feeling it came from Thumper the rabbit in the Walt Disney version of Bambi. I am not sure but I can remember thinking at the time that this was cool and yet not so cool. I wanted to take on this way but it didn’t feel right. It was used to try to silence me at home and much later in life, in my thirties I had a very cool boyfriend who, when I did not say what he wanted to hear would say “Be nice” in such a sweet tone that it had me confused again, doubting and thinking that being nice and not speaking up might be the better way.

114. When I am truly being me, there is no nuisance in what I say or present to other people in my life. Becasue there is acceptance and love in me, what comes out is simple, clear and possible for others to hear. When I speak from a hurt it leads to reaction and contraction for all involved. This really is a public nuisance to me. Thank you Kathie.

115. Kathie what you share is very inspiring and reminds us that it is possible to change any ingrained patterns that hold us back by making loving choices that truly support us.

116. I can relate to this belief system Kathie – it somehow became deeply entrenched into my psyche as well and I’m still unraveling the remainders of the tendrils to this day. Bringing love for ourselves to a situation can be a whole new concept but one we need to grasp to avoid doing ourselves (and others) untold harm. I love your parting comment in relation to leaving a hole in the jigsaw of humanity if you don’t play your part: “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!” This applies to each and every one of us.

117. It is such a powerful belief this ‘not wanting to be a nuisance’. On the surface it appears so loving and caring but the irony is that it is totally the opposite. You sum this up so well in the your last but one paragraph and with the final sentence, “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!”

118. Kathie I loved reading your blog. How capping it is for children to be told ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’ and how it then plays out in later life because we have it so ingrained that we continue the cycle. We hold back in fear of being a nuisance until we break the cycle.

     1. I can so relate to what you have said Sally and Kathie. That ‘Don’t be a Nuisance’, which is really a form of controlling so that there will be ‘order’, but not true order, was ingrained in me – not by my parents, but somewhere outside that I don’t know where. But it was strong. What a debilitating disease of being! A truly vile contraction preventing true ease of being and real love.

119. Kathie, you have exposed one of the most overlooked and damaging ‘ways’ of being and living – being nice and being good. After generations you are changing this pattern for those around you and those to come – The puzzle will one day be complete, no holding back here. Thank you Kathie.

120. how deeply is niceness embedded within us and in our society, and how crippling and insidious it really is.

     1. So true Chris.

121. What confusing messages we receive as children. The message I got was to be seen and not heard, until I was about 15 then suddenly I was meant to be able to converse intelligently with others and mix comfortably in their presence. Thank you Kathie for your sharing.

122. A remarkable journey of self acceptence and appreciation, thanks Kathie

123. What a great analogy at the end of your blog. I agree with you, you are a vital piece of the puzzle, at no point should you consider not valuing the enormous part that you play because the hole will be all the more empty without you being you.

124. This is a great blog Katie, I can so relate to what you are sharing. I didn’t want to be a nuisance so I kept myself small, deferring to everyone else, this too made me a nice person. I had little self worth until coming to Universal Medicine and finding out, that I am worth loving, I am worth putting my self and my needs first, and like you said, I too am an equal piece of the puzzle and have a place and value in this life.

     1. I too ran this pattern Jill– keeping small, not being a trouble to anyone, not speaking up so as to keep ‘harmony’ which was actually a false harmony. What a way to hide and protect myself from the world – a total mask. What a crime this is against myself, God and humanity. Now I am rediscovering what is there within, what I can choose to bring to any conversation or situation – I have the option to align and choose that expression which brings something of service.

125. “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be! ” – I just love that Kathie! Awesome blog, thank you.

126. ‘I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity. If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. IF I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF AS OTHERS, THE PUZZLE WILL NEVER BE COMPLETE. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.’ The resonance of these words inside me leaves me speechless. Thank you Kathie, I truly love your blog.

     1. I am pleased you have re-written it all because reading it again I just love that section. I often talk about the colours of the rainbow and when we don’t shine our particular colour of the rainbow just won’t be quite right. But that jigsaw piece is far more solid as a clear picture for why we must absolutely value our part in the bigger plan.

127. “How much do I value and love myself” as you say is a great question to ask ourselves Ariana. Kathie you have taken time to work with this and I loved your wisdom that we all have a unique contribution to make to humanity. I used to think that loving oneself was selfish, I now realise that when we value ourselves we value and appreciate others equally. Agree Ariana, to stop this cycle is very powerful.

128. Lovely Kathie I love what you share especially this question: “Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits?” Definitely yes you are such a key piece and it is important that you fill it out – perhaps we all have to fill it out – otherwise we will get even more lost in our loveless life. It is time that all of us see and live the true purpose we have and share it with the world. Imagine how the world would be.

129. ‘If I try to make myself as others’ when I read this phrase Kathie I can feel the exhaustion that goes with trying to change ourselves to be just like someone else, to please, to be nice, to not rock the boat and in essence, to not be seen. It is the complete opposite of what we now know as the truth, to be in the glory of who we are. And see our beauty, embrace our loveliness, and our immense ability to be this amazing love no matter what. Work in progress? Yes a forever evolving love together.

130. My experience of being nice, polite and not making a nuisance of myself enabled me to hide, to not rock the boat or expose anything that should have been exposed. In truth it was of no benefit to anyone and was detrimental to me. Niceness just allows things that are not so nice to continue unchecked.

131. It crazy how we have set our lives up to identify ourselves as being less first, such a being nuisance. And so we over compensated with an apologetic niceness so as to excuse ourselves for not being enough. Yet as I have also discovered, we are so much more and the glorious-ness we are within immense. And when we connect to and claim the love we already are within, that truly is a joy to be with, and around.

132. So true Kathie. I grew up with being nice and not being a nuisance and it was not until I listened to presentations by Serge Benhayon that I understood how limiting this is and prevented others and me from knowing who I am. The truth of who I am is an equal piece of the jigsaw puzzle of life.

133. As you said Kathy the villagers would have been horrified if they found out she went by bus each time for radiotherapy treatments. In a way it is quite selfish to not allow an opportunity for another to support you. Often the other can be left feeling they are not good enough. It is great for all parties concerned to allow, give and receive support.

134. Being ‘nice’ is an ideal we have to live up to. If we have no ideals about how to be there can be no anxiety. The pressure to be nice is self inflicted and stops any meaningful connection, conservation and organic growth in a relationship.

135. Kathie I just LOVE LOVE LOVE what you’ve written here, if there ever was a guide for life upon birth, this sentence should be included: “I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity. If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.”

136. Kathie my parent’s modelled ‘niceness’ too, as did my grandparents, it is indeed passed down and has the undertone of apology. I recall always feeling uncomfortable in other people’s houses because I was trying to guess what was the right way to behave. I love how you’ve come to the understanding that we are all equally important aspects of the whole, and that we need make no excuses to anyone for being who we are.

     1. No excuses at all. Isn’t it odd when we see it written in black and white that we would want to apologise for ourselves? I just can’t imagine asking my children to apologise for who they are but I have definitely asked them to be good and polite. I have been that mother, thank goodness I know now and I can set things straight.

137. I enjoyed reading your blog again Kathie, and what stood out for me is the formulas of how to get through life are past from one generation to another. We take direction from our parents without questioning, we may have a moment when something doesn’t feel right but then we follow their lead anyway and then from there form a picture of what that looks like to us, which governs how we behave.
     I know I have also done this and some of my mothers behaviours which I didn’t like later on in life, I have since discovered that I was doing the exact same thing but just with a slightly different flavour. The words ‘The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree’ come to mind.

     1. Absolutely Julie – the patterns and behaviours that surround us as we grow up, especially from parents, are the very ones to be alert to as they are the ones passed on from generation to generation. It is so important to use our discernment about how wise these patterns are. Some of them are amazing wisdom to inherit (such as’ Early to bed early to rise . . ‘) and some of them are just downright destructive! We can’t rely on on a formula just because it has some ancient history behind it – those may be the formulas that have kept us repeating the same old destructive patterns over and over again.

        1. When I was a teenager I saw the behaviour of sacrifice in my mother, always putting everyone’s needs before hers. I reacted and decided to not be that way but guess what I repeated her behaviour in a different flavour and maybe less obvious but I did it for years and years. I only was able to truly see what I was doing to myself and others when I started to attend courses of Universal Medicine and got sessions (especially the Esoteric Breast Massage) from Esoteric practitioners) and even then I was pretty stubborn in letting go of this ingrained behaviour. On the other hand as you have pointed out Lyndy my mother had an amazing wisdom to share and I learned so much from her being my mother.

138. On re-reading your blog Kathie it is so refreshing to have it explained why the ‘playing nice’ game is actually harming ourselves and others and that our attempts to not be a problem or a nuisance is actually not changing anything but just colluding in the same behaviours that we do not like. So by trying not to be a problem we are in fact the problem!

     1. It’s true Andrew, the playing nice game is a definite problem in today’s society for when we don’t ask for the help and support when we need it, there can be expensive repercussions on our own health.

        1. Seems to me Suse that in reality the effect of ‘being nice’ is the complete antithesis of what we have been lead to believe

139. Concerning Serge Benhayon “He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself,…” a question that I have I heard also and my response was so dependent on how honest I was when I looked at my life and how I much I could truly feel if I did or did not care for myself. At the beginning of this ongoing development that I have become more committed to, I was only scratching the surface of my lack of care and disregard for myself, there where glaringly obvious ways hat I did not care for myself, and as these have been dropped and more self care has come in, I have been able to look at the more subtle ways that I have not been caring for myself. In this way, dropping the habits of what could be called ‘self abuse’ be it staying up to late even if I am really tired, getting anger and feeling adrenaline coursing through my body, eating food that numbs me and that I get a quick buzz from but no true nourishment. Now I can feel more subtle ways that I still can undermine myself, by walking with a hardness, gesticulating with my hands with an edge or with a defence, or tapping on computer keys with a lack of care. It evolves, the more self love lived exposes the lack of care and as we drop the habits of
     disregard, more self love and love for all blossoms and grows and so a foundation of love is built that supports daily life. I wouldn’t have it any other way now, it is the way I wish to live my life, I am feeling more restored, more myself all the time.

     1. Thanks for writing about your evolution Samantha and yes, what a way to live our lives, it feels like there will always be another layer that we can identify and move through. I agree with you ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way now, it is the way I wish to live my life’

140. “He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself,” this is a question many of us never ask ourselves Kathie, and your words show how life can change when we ask it of ourselves. Thank you for sharing your experience of Universal Medicine, it has been a life-changer for me too.

     1. This section “He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself,” stopped me to ponder too Bernadette. We can always go deeper, there is always so much more to unfold – what a gift to ourselves to regularly revisit this question from a place of honesty.

141. I agree Brendan, and to add to the ‘bizarre score’ we all know what it’s like to stand on the side lines and watch others decline our support!!

142. Thank you Kathie, so true, without each of us the puzzle would be less, always remain incomplete, never whole, and the bigger picture not seen in the entirety of its fullness and grandness.

143. At times I still struggle with the “niceness” and stoic approach to life.
     Your blog Kathie is a lovely gentle reminder to express from my body and to not absorb the emotions and situations of others.
     It is easy to see how we develop these patterns in childhood; but how freeing it is now, as adults, we can break these destructive patterns and make loving self nurturing choices.

144. Kathy, when you explained how you calculated the nuisance factor in any response to a request for your preferences, I realised that this had been deeply ingrained in me too, although perhaps not using the word nuisance. I did and to an extent, still do a very similar calculation, I just hadn’t realised it. What I felt when I read your blog was how debilitating and ‘squashing’ it is to me when I do this, and how it feels like living in quick sand. I could also feel how difficult it must be to try and respond to my calculated expressions of preferences which do not contain any truth. I can recall many situations where everyone was trying to guess what everyone else really wanted, because no truth was being spoken by anyone. My goodness, how exhausting!

145. A lovely sharing with us Kathie and one I feel so many of us can relate too. I’m not sure what being ‘nice’ is – it feels like the word ‘fine’ or ‘ok’ it’s a word that does not really give a clear indication/description of what is being expressed/felt! I was told often as a child to be nice, be good,behave or even don’t be a nuisance – not enjoy, have fun or be all of you, that would of been a joy to of felt getting out of the car being dropped off at school or friends houses.

146. What a nuisance ‘nice-ness’ is!

     1. Oh Yes Jonathan – ‘niceness’ is such a strong consciousness that can mould and sculpt our every move and drives the reactions we have to life when it doesn’t fit into our nice ideals about the way life should be. That reaction, in turn, causes us to withdraw from life and so we hold back on our love and our vascular system suffers. I know it first hand!

     2. Absolutely Jonathan and the sneaky thing is that it poses as being a ‘social grace’. How many children are encouraged by their parents to play nicely? I have auditory antennae now tuned to pick up on the word nice, still developing the sensory ones!

     3. What a great Quote Jonathan – there is a whole blog in that 🙂 “What a nuisance ‘nice-ness’ is” by JS. I wonder if we interviewed a stack of people and asked them, “how is nice-ness a nuisance?” what kind of responses we would get – some pretty funny and amazing ones I am sure. For me people being nice to me in times of loss is a nuisance, there is a genuine difference between someone who is truly caring for you in times of need and someone doing it to just be ‘nice’. One is supportive and the other is not, the nice one can feel like a drain like you have to support them too.

147. It is an unusual but inspiring concept to think of ourselves as an integral piece of the puzzle, one that requires us to be all we are and bring all we have to the table and not hold back, for ourselves and for others…. It takes responsibility and the power of interconnectedness to a whole other level.

148. Thank you Kathie for your testimony: being nice does not work. Not only do we have to override a world of things in order to get a return from our being nice, but also we do not help anybody because we offer a convenient reflection to them, one in which they feel comfortable and safe even if the state of being goes along forms of ill being.

149. Kathie I love your puzzle analogy. As I was reading your piece, I got a sense of how when I hold back from being all of me with another, it can stop them from knowing and feeling all of who they are, as they can miss out on a true reflection.

     1. I agree Annie, insidious when I thought that the holding back was actually part of being ‘nice and kind’ where in fact it is the opposite, spreading confusion.

150. If we try and be nice, we are putting so much energy into that and forcing our body and ourselves to be a certain way, but when we are natural we simply express what we feel and it doesn’t require any trying. The more I express that way the more I know how true it is, and can feel when I am just ‘ being nice’.

     1. Great point Harry – it is exhausting trying to be nice and it also really negatively impacts on our expression. We are naturally designed to express how we feel, but when we are programmed to be nice we moderate what we feel to say and instead of supporting another with the truth we play it down by playing nice. We are missing a lot of what we need to hear because of ‘nice’.

151. Up until now, for most people, there has been an endless ongoing cycle of unhealed hurts affecting generation after generation, back into antiquity. Now, however, Universal Medicine is presenting a way out of the endless maze by breaking the cycle of hurt and reaction in each individual by demonstrating how to live in a way that supports who we truly are. This is the true doorway back to our inner hearts and the divine nature of our true being.

152. Great puzzle metaphor Kathie and how true that we all have a uniqueness we bring to the whole piece, without which life is the lesser, creating missed opportunities for others and unfulfilled potential in ourselves.

     1. Thanks Cathy. When I think of how much time and effort I put into being ‘nice’ as a way of helping others, instead of letting them see the real shape of the piece that I bring to the puzzle …. how misleading was that?!

153. I can still occasionally full into the being nice pattern, but I am now more aware of it so it happens less and less. As my true puzzle piece chips away the old patterns and beliefs, it reveals its real shape with love and patience. Thank you for this brilliant blog Kathie.

     1. Great Kelly, as your jigsaw shape becomes more clear, we can all see more clearly how we fit into the puzzle.

154. It amazes me that a child’s truth and joy can ever be called a ‘nuisance’… However, This has been going on for generations and generations as the honesty and awareness of children have always exposed what wasn’t true in life – only to be ‘shut down’ and told to stop exposing the falseness they see all around them.

155. ‘He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself’ – we cannot inspire others if we don’t value and appreciate all that we are first, for ourselves. It feels beautiful to have this self appreciation as a part of our foundation.

     1. I agree, self appreciation and self valuing, how far away from the old ‘selfish’ label. I am always reminded when the oxygen mask instructions are broadcast on a flight, if travelling with children put your own mask on first, then you will be fit to support others.

156. ‘Stop the nice-ness and open up to love.’ Great turn around for you and to realize you are far from being a nuisance. Great that you are bringing you in full to the world now in your unique expression. Keep on expanding!

157. Yes, agree! ..and I love the picture with the puzzle !!! So, yes, when I take time to care and connect to my beautiful essence lovingly I have a good foundation to express my all throughout the day and contribute my part of the puzzle.

158. It’s so true Kathie… The biggest stumbling block to so many people have is when they’re asked to actually take time to themselves in their daily life, just to look after themselves for 10 minutes in the morning, to be nurturing of themselves such a short time, brings up guilt and so many issues… it is so good to be writing about this and bring it into the open because we are all worth it.. to start truly looking after ourselves.

     1. Yes, interesting Chris, I wonder how many of those people would think nothing of getting up 10 minutes early to ensure they got to an important meeting with another person…yet what can be more important than meeting ourselves?

     2. And could this aversion we have that prevents us nurturing and truly taking care of ourselves in our daily life be one of the biggest variables that is feeding our current escalating health stats?

        1. I agree, Suse, moving from the ingrained label of selfish to an investment in self worth can be very freeing

159. So true, when we hold back we enable others to do them same. If we start living all that we are other people will feel the difference and maybe make a choice to live all that they are.

160. What a scourge ‘niceness’ is, not to mention the ‘don’t be a nuisance’ mentality… as if considering yourself was some sort of evil. The truth is, it’s a form of evil not to consider yourself first and foremost and we’ve all been sold a pup if we believe to do so is selfish and a sin.

161. So well said and that belief of being a nuisance pops up again. By not speaking up and asking for help we are harming ourselves and as Kathie shared this harm goes deeper than would could possibly imagine.

162. Hi Kathy, me reading this is very timely as I find myself struggling to honour who I am because I have played the nice card also for so long now. It is a mind game out there in the world when you’re confronted with so many different situations and requirements of people. I am though learning to honour and appreciate and listen to myself and honour my feelings which is changing my whole reality and world. I deeply resonate with your blog.

163. Kathie, such a beautiful sharing you have written here. There is so much power in the lived truth of your words that so exposes, that no amount of niceness or politeness can cut it with our own very wise and knowing inner heart.

     1. Wow! beautifully said Julie.

164. Your description of your parents feels quite playful yet also quite sad. That they were unable to see how glorious they were. We are never taught to celebrate ourselves, it is in fact frowned upon, but imagine how glorious we could all feel were we to support each other to do just this. Great to hear you are doing so Kathie and becoming a key part of the jigsaw puzzle.

     1. Thank you Stephen, yes supporting each other in our glory is glorious and I know makes a difference to not just me, but those around me, as we all to start to truly appreciating who we are.

165. Yes Kathie, as Otto says this is a gigantic inspiration to every single piece of the puzzle.
     Thank you for that sharing full of clarity, joy and appreciation. It is contagious.

166. Hi Kathie
     Yes I see this in my families ways too, who also have English heritage.
     It has taken me to this point in my life to be able to really give this to myself without feeling shaken by their criticism of my choices. And beautifully, it opens up the possibility that they can begin doing the same.

167. I can certainly put my hand up for charge on solo Brendan, and understand, ‘that we are naturally designed to work together, and not to do it all on our own’, something I am starting to embrace.

168. Dear Kathie, Anyone who can write these words… “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.”….is not just a key piece of the puzzle but is also a gigantic inspiration to every single other piece of the puzzle. With so much appreciation for everything that you are and for what these words have brought to me. Otto.

169. One of my mothers’ ‘mantras’ has always been – I don’t want to be a burden – and this message has certainly filtered into my ideals and beliefs. I appreciate what you have shared here Kathy – opening up to being more self-loving and self-nurturing is a truly wonderful way of being.

     1. Richard I too have heard the ‘don’t want to be a burden’ mantra so many times. With my family it seemed that trying to work out what was really happening was far more of a burden than if we had just felt able to speak out.

     2. It is interesting Richard how that phrase ‘I don’t want to be a burden ‘ can go both ways. Often when one feels like a burden on others it can mean that they actually find others a burden. When I connected to my love and began giving up all these insane mantras about ‘not being a burden’ I found that I also increasingly welcomed in people and did not find them a burden at all!

170. Very often Brendan. In fact the ability to charge on solo is for many many considered a measure of success. How wrong we have been.

     1. Nature is full of creatures which though individually are only a few millimetres in length, have a combined strength which can move large edifices.

     2. I think you are talking about ants right! Best life coaches there are on how to work together as a team.

        1. Gorgeous Dean! Ants – our educators in team work. No wonder people have tried to denigrate them and make up words like ‘antsy’, which is the exact opposite of what they daily demonstrate in the magic of God.

        2. Yes Lyndy! Belittling ants by calling them antsy… it’s quite telling. Ants, like people, are highly under-rated. They are very small in relation to the earth and in very large numerous numbers. Yet ants are a little different to people, Every single one of them works eternally together for the purpose of the group and the result is staggering. They move mountains of soil and affect bio-systems hundreds of times their size.
           Imagine that, ants work together more closely than people do – and we are supposed to be more evolved!

171. What a gorgeous, powerful sharing Kathie, love your playfulness.

172. Thank you Kathie for showing how being nice can hold us back from playing our own unique role in the ‘puzzle’ that is humanity. I like the point you made “when I am truly being me others can see where their part of the puzzle fits”. Before Universal Medicine I felt like a puzzle piece in someone else’s hands – being placed here or there to fit in with their picture of who I should be.. A nice little girl. It always felt like an uncomfortable fit. Steadily, I am now taking opportunities to say what I feel, allowing me to be more of the true me. It is beautiful to see how those around me are making their own adjustments to find their own natural fit in the ‘puzzle’. Kathie, it seems the glorious little girl has claimed her rightful place.

173. The line “don’t be a nuisance” can pop in on so many occasions to justify why we should hold back. The more I don’t hold back, even on the smallest of things, the more I get to see the magic that unfolds right in front of my eyes.

     1. I agree Vicky, this line “don’t be a nuisance” made me dismiss what I felt on so many occasions and it makes such a difference to not hold back and allow myself to fully shine. So thank you Kathie for sharing your story! I am learning more and more how important it is to celebrate who I am.

        1. I have done exactly the same Judith and I love how Kathie’s blog highlights that exact phrase ‘don’t be a nuisance’, instead of saying the same in some abstract way. That phrase brings it all home graphically about how we have been apologising for breathing the air and taking up space. It is over now and we are storming the gates of Heaven!

        2. Wow Lyndy, yes…and have you noticed how many others are coming along in our wake as we express and claim who we truly are?

174. It is almost like we don’t know how to do it differently, it feels like it is impossible, or the world will stop, when in fact new doors can open up should we choose to leave the old habit behind! It is also about letting go.

     1. Interesting Alexandre when I reflect on how small some of the changes seem now, yet I recall how huge they appeared at the time. Going from fear of what might be behind the next door to opening it with the joy of what will be waiting there is one of the many gifts that Universal Medicine has brought.

175. Kathie, You’ve really changed a long engrained pattern in your family. We learn so much from our families ways to survive, ways they’ve learned and yet often these don’t celebrate who we are and may not even be appropriate for us. I love that you’ve changed that and how you’ve come to appreciate that you are a unique piece of a larger puzzle that is us all – indeed we all are, you remind me that I am too.

176. “The Nuisance Quotient”, that is hilarious!! This would be so relevant to many people that have been effected by and developed high rating on the nuisance quotient!! At the same time, it is very sad that so many people have been capped by this way of thinking and treating ourselves and each other!! Thankyou for bringing some humour to this.

177. I felt a great deal of sadness behind this form of niceness. Definitely not the natural exuberance and playfulness children have, but years of suppression and keeping a lid on how amazing we are by holding ourselves back. It led me to ponder, what a disservice it is to others, as well as great harm to ourselves.

178. I find it so interesting that our bodies show us exactly how we are living and what isn’t working or true for us, the signals are always there.

179. Kathie, I love the puzzle analogy here…with one piece no more and no lesser than another…each an essential part of the bigger picture….beautiful, thank you

180. Wise words Brendan. When asking for support we perhaps view we are being a burden yet in many ways it’s part of being open and allowing another to be a loving support. In many cases it offers a deeper and more true feeling and connection between us. Perhaps it also starts to dissolve the illusion that we must do things alone and not show any vulnerability.

181. Wise words Brendan. It is so important to ask for support when we need it. It makes no sense to fly solo when we are surrounded by people. It’s great Kathy that you are now opening to the support of humanity, no longer feeling like a nuisance, and enjoying your contribution.

182. I just re-read this title and felt the pang of how important it is for parents to be very aware of what they are saying, either with their words, actions or energetically to kids. These messages (like being a nuisance) can be throw away lines for the parent but can cut so deep for the children. These comments then make their way into our subconscious to affect the way we are in the world and what we then pass onto our kids.

183. Kathie, you are right. For me it actually is a ‘nuisance’ when others are not being their true self. I don’t know where I stand when them. And I am quite sure that when I am trying to fit in, be nice or in anyway unnatural that I am the biggest nuisance too.

184. “Many years later when my mother had to go for radiotherapy treatments following a cancer operation, she refused in-patient care and went on the bus every day. She didn’t ask anyone for help… she didn’t want to be a nuisance! ”
     Until I read this, I did not realise how mad I had been – driving myself to radiotherapy sessions for cancer before work and then driving myself back to work for the day.
     On the last day of treatment, I allowed my husband to come with me, allowed myself to feel the enormity of what I was going through for a moment, and had a complete meltdown. And then I went to work.
     And, like your mother, it was because I did not want to be a nuisance (or feel what I was actually going through).

     1. Thank you, Kathie, for taking the time to express yourself in such a way that I was able to stop and truly feel this.
        “Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? ”
        A vital part of the puzzle, indeed you are, as we all are.

     2. Thanks Anne, just realised that I drove myself to radiotherapy! I justified it by not wanting the cloud of sympathy from relatives and friends that I felt hanging heavily over the waiting room not to envelop me….but maybe the old nuisance patterns were in there too.

     3. Wow Anne, that’s huge. I made a comment below about how we’ve been sold a lie in terms of taking on the belief that we’re not worthy of putting ourselves first. It must have been amazing to discover you still held a version of this yourself. Thank you for sharing honestly.

     4. Annemalatt, thank you for sharing this, and in doing so highlighting what I have been feeling – which is just how extraordinary it is to read and comment on these blogs – because they seem to offer just the insight or clarity that is needed, and at just the right time. The breadth and depth of wisdom, and also beauty that is available to us through what is shared is truly amazing, and quite touching.

185. Thank you Kathie, for this gorgeous blog. I loved every word of it. And the revelation at the end – that if we choose to hold back, to be nice, to be liked, to make ourselves less, then we leave everyone else, and the whole, less. And that would be a nuisance!

186. I, too, know it to be true Mary, but I still have to watch having sympathy with clients and it is an on-going process to me.

187. Thank you Kathie for your great article. This sentence stood out for me with a deep sense of responsibility but also a beautiful feeling of belonging and equality, “Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.” When we are all truly being ourselves every movement, every word spoken, every gesture will fit perfectly.

188. Thank you, Kathie. Your words have helped me accept at a deeper level how every choice we make has a direct effect on everything around us, and that the smallest detail of the way we live is super important in terms of the bigger picture. One way that I can still be irresponsible is with food, and now I get that even overeating by one extra mouth-full can make a difference, if it is not needed.

     1. A great distinction Janet between what we choose to eat and the old paradigm of clearing our plates as against what our bodies actually need, thank you

     2. Yes Janet, I guess we can use nearly everything on this world to make the big picture unsharp and untruthful. So it is not so much what we do but how and why we do it. What is the purpose of my actions? To shine as glory as I am naturally or to control and hide? Is my intention to let us evolve or to hold back?
        What I love in the article from Kathie is how she discovers how important it is that we live and express our true selves for us and all. And we can feel the joy and strength that comes with taking this responsibility. It is an unfolding, a blossoming. We become more beautiful, more joyful and graceful with every true expression. No control can do that for us. It’s a surrendering and it’s Magic.

        1. Just as I was reading your comment Sandra I suddenly realised what an insane word ‘control’ is. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. When we are ‘controlling’ we are in fact the absolute opposite from being in control. Because it isn’t us. It isn’t who we are. So how can we be in control? It’s like any of the back three members of a bob-sleigh team saying they are in control because they push the wagon at the top of the hill. In fact, whilst we are on this metaphor, not even the driver is in control and he has the steering handles in his hands! It’s crazy this illusion. If you are ‘in control’ you are in fact a total puppet of the roles, ideals and emotions that are making you want to ‘control’ and even if you appear to have the ability to steer in your hands, you are totally at the mercy of the twists and turns and direction of the ice tube of life that you are hurtling down. Control??!! We couldn’t be less in control!!!

        2. Yes Ottobathurst – by choosing ‘control’ we choose the arrogance of thinking we can make it, create it better then the divine plan. We choose to stay alone, not longer connected to our own divinity and disconnected to our brothers. Control and Creation are an illusion of “I can do it” and in fact the illusion of “I” itself. In truth we are all parts of the whole, parts of God and our way is already clear and planned. That what is working against the plan gives us the illusion of control to hold back divinity – but it is doomed to breakdown, sooner or later. Our divinity is the truth and all other stuff can just delay our Come-Back.

189. Jigsaw puzzles are fun and help us to be curious and focused and incredibly observant. What a very playful way to live life!

190. Reading your blog Kathie I can feel how I too grew up trying not to be a nuisance and to do that I made myself very small – so small in fact that the jigsaw piece I became would never have fitted in the whole puzzle. How lovely it is to drop all that niceness and trying to fit in and begin the return to being fully me – the exact shape needed to fit into the whole.

     1. It seems paradoxical to me Jane that by not trying to fit in we actually become more of who we truly are…and then we do fit into the puzzle!

        1. I agree Kathie – whats clear to me is that fitting in usually means playing a role that is not who we are. As we drop this, we just bring ourselves to the picture. Raw and open.

     2. I can relate totally to what you say Kathie and Jane. This ‘trying to’ remain small and not upset any apple carts in any way, shape or form is a self protective way of living which serves absolutely no one, and certainly not ourselves. Attending presentations with Serge Benhayon has inspired me to be more honest with myself and this oust this previously irresponsible way of living. It is work in progress, but now I feel I am a unique piece in the whole jigsaw and it fits beautifully as I deepen the relationship with myself and the all.

191. Kathy, wonderful that you eventually met Serge Benhayon where it was suggested how you might consider how much you thought of and loved yourself, putting you on the path of looking at another completely different way of life. So many of us, especially in the older generation, were brought up to always put another first, I know I was, it was absolutely selfish to be otherwise. This came through in all sorts of ways, including the fact that I never really looked properly at myself in a mirror, it was regarded as selfish and sheer vanity to do so. It was not until I was also on the path of learning to actually love myself, that I looked into my own eyes and saw the huge potential that lay there. And of course, as we build that great body of love for ourselves, how wonderful it is now to share that with all that I/we come in contact with. A healing for others. So, no it is not selfish to learn to love and look after oneself. Thank you for your sharing, and being the wonderful woman that you now are.

192. Ha ha, I’ve always loved jigsaw puzzles too, and this is the piece that’s missing in life. It’s great for us to drop that very old pattern of excusing ourselves for our own existence and claiming all that we are. By being our whole, we are not allowing any holes anymore, and definitely not being a nuisance.

     1. True Gill and it is in fact joy-full to be around someone who is being all that they are.

193. A great article a great realisation.

194. I am still extricating myself from ‘nice’ but can feel all the time the liberation and true relationship that happens when I do.

     1. and the joy is that , contrary to what we were told, those around us get the chance to experience a true relationship with us

     2. Yes I’m learning this too matildaclark – whether it’s being nice, or being ‘good’ or being ‘polite’ or over responsible, I’m finding that whenever this behaviour is motivated or driven externally (ie my own or the expectations and needs of others), it comes with a feeling of obligation and has a heaviness to it… However whenever my behaviour comes from within and what feels true for my body, there is a freedom and expansion, and a whole lot more joy and truth!

195. hi Cathy, I feel I was brought up with the belief that children shouldn’t be a nuisance. I had to be well behaved and good mannered especially at other people’s houses. But I felt uncomfortable and awkward putting up a front so as to make sure I wasn’t making a nuisance of myself so much so that I wouldn’t ask for anything I needed and would just go along with things, eat what was in front of me and keep quiet. All this from trying not to be a nuisance! Just being me would have been far more enjoyable for everyone around, including myself!

     1. Isn’t it great that we get to see that now, both for ourselves and for our own interaction with children.

196. The normal take on ‘not being a nuisance’ is a need to tone down one’s expression. I love how you have turned this on its head here by stating that we each have “a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity” – any holding back of the expression leaves the jigsaw incomplete. So the lack of expressing in our fullness is the real nuisance.

197. With tears of appreciation for this massive contribution – where niceness has been eradicated by wisdom. Thank you Kathie. I have always loved jigsaw puzzles, this has shed a whole new light for me as to why.

     1. Ah Giselle, a fellow ‘jigger’. Yes on those ‘wobble days’ it’s great for me to reflect on the jigsaws that could never show the full picture because they had pieces missing.

198. What I am learning is that when I am not with myself or content within my own body in those moments there is doubt, indecision all the way to emotional upheaval and tears – That is the nusance, the not being myself, that affects others. Thank you Kathie for the reminder that who we are is not the nusance to avoid being – but the fitting in or not fitting in to certain moulds is the nusance. No matter which mould we try to squeeze into it is going to bother someone, even if it is only ourselves feeling the constriction and tensions of such a life/roles.

199. Personally it is really irritates me if someone is especially that “nice” and I would call it “over the top”. I always tend then in my mind to shake the other person and tell them- come on, just be you! Of course this “niceness” exists in every country but I realized it outstandingly in the UK and I presume it is connected to the upbringing of children, like you are sharing your story. I used to work a lot with English girls when I was younger and they were always calling me the rude German, because I never pandered to their niceness. I love the claimed version of you – the true version- much better!!! And the importance you see you play in this life. Thank you!

     1. I love this Steffi. Very funny. I also get irritated by the over niceness that our society puts forward. When I find myself slipping into this it feels so limiting and so inauthentic. I very much struggled with this when I first moved to the UK and got frustrated with relationships that never evolved deeper that these ‘niceties’ Now I take responsibility for the part that I play in this and am bringing more of me to conversations step by step moving past the niceness to deeper communication.

200. The world values nice and polite so very much – it even seems to be a pre-quisite for relationships in many cases. But I have noticed that there is very often a lack of authenticty in the niceness. Personally I would like to stand from the rooftops and shout “nice is not it – I want the real you”…

     1. Heather, this is so true – the world values nice and polite so very much. It is an ideal that we are all being sold and that most of us are willing to play out because it does not rock the boat. Most people seem to think that truth is a ‘bad’ thing and that it is better to cover it up. I know I was always worried about hurting or offending people if I spoke the truth, and after having met Serge Benhayon I realised that that was just because it is so rare that people speak truth with love, and so it often comes with an underlying energy, e.g. judgment, expectation, hardness or anything that makes us feel it comes loaded with something that we have to protect ourselves (or others) from – instead of just being presented for what it is, plain and simple. Serge always presents truth to me, also the bits that may not always be ‘comfortable’, but they never make me cringe or feel like I have to protect myself, because they don’t come with an ounce judgment or any other stuff. And the fact is, it’s mostly the bits that are ‘uncomfortable’ that I truly learn from, they bring an opportunity for true understanding and healing.

     2. This is one of the huge changes that meeting Serge Benhayon and the UniMed family has bought to me…the chance to find me and be accepted as me without the fear of being judged and so start breaking the ‘nice’ consciousness that was keeping the real me hidden.

201. Being nice is a tricky one, which has caught me out many times and ingrained in me since childhood, then I realised that I also expect others to be nice also and always struggled when I come across people who I considered rude or unpleasant, where in actual fact they were saying it as it was with no ‘nice’ attached.

     1. Oh yes Julie, the old ‘be nice to them so they are nice back’!

202. Hear hear Kathie ‘Thanks to Universal Medicine and the inspiration and support of fellow students I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity’ I am also accepting my unique contribution to humanity and realising that by holding back everyone misses out.

     1. What a different feel that has, Annemarie, to the way Kathie describes not wanting to be a nuisance. What transformation it brings when we start to accept that living the whole of us, every little bit, we contribute to the greater whole. Kathie, when you felt you were a nuisance you probably were, as what we believe ourselves to be we often live! Thank you for sharing your story of the way you left all that behind and became the glorious woman you are today.

     2. just realizing what a strong responsibility this is “by (me) holding back everyone misses out”….Big thing. Now I can shy away from it or enjoy it….I guess I take the joy this time : )

203. Absolutely Lee, so many people in the world all with the potential to bring it all.

204. Kathy thanks for the great blog. I too have had to and am still breaking down the formula my parents passed on of niceties. I loved the end of your blog, it puts in prospective how important it is to be us and not the “nice” we are taught. Your blog also showed how damaging it is to be “nice” and how much of a trick we live in when living this way. It’s learning to redefine what “nice “truly is and making sure it’s loving for ALL involved.

205. I’ve experienced that too Brendan; I’ve put making sure others are okay miles before looking after myself – it is exhausting you’re right! I’m learning – slowly 😉 – how taking care of me is actually just as important, if not more.

206. In reading your article Kathie I can so relate to and feel that need in myself to not want to be a nuisance, to not make a fuss. I have spent many many years attempting to be as invisible as possible, which is far more of challenge to actually step out of than I had originally appreciated. I thought that it was just a temporary solution to my own insecurities, little had I realised that this invisibility had become my way of life, so imbedded in to my behaviours that I could not even recognise it any more as not who I am but something I had developed as a way of protection.

207. So could we say ‘nice’ is a “nuisance” as well. Imagine a world where this was the definition of a nuisance, “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!” There are many version of ‘us’ we put out into the world and then the world becomes that, a version. It is like what you are saying and committing to Kathie, no longer putting a version of you there but the true you, “I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.” Thank you Kathie and that is something to work towards.

     1. Love it Ray!

208. Just delivering to the world a part of who we are does not serve the greater whole one little bit. Thank you for this sharing and understanding that we all simply matter.

     1. I matter. If I like it or not – If I take it or not. What I am and what I express matters and has an impact on the world. This responsibility is always there – no way out. I can not avoid it. Responsibility is unavoidable. If it is so – why not have fun with it? : )

        1. Thank you for the clarity of your expression Sandra and Lee…and yes I’ll certainly sign up to the fun bit, joyfully!

209. What a great celebration of our responsibility – a something I am only just beginning to come to understand – if we are modifying who we are, for any reason, we are modifying our jigsaw piece. The knock on effect being that the whole puzzle suffers.

     1. Indeed Matilda, as we are unique, our job on this planet is to fulfill our jigsaw piece in every way, shape or form. If we don’t, humanity suffers and the picture is not complete.

210. In the puzzle called this is my life I realise there is absolutely nothing to solve, all humanity is wanting is you. That’s it!

211. An ideal and belief that I grew up with was that ‘ children should be seen and not heard’. Thank you Katie for exposing the effects and harm of such ideals and beliefs on us as we go through life. That is, until we become aware of what they are, and where they came from. Then, as you say, we are free to claim our own piece within the the jigsaw of life, if we choose to do so.

212. To not be ‘a nuisance’ is great excuse to not express in our true authority. And as you rightly say Debra – that is a great nuisance.

213. Patterns that run so deep take time to let go of. I also recall this formula being used by many older family members and see that it has been passed down the generations. How amazing for you to have the awareness come to you to change and let go of this way of being in the world.
     I also love that you knew and felt what a glorious little girl you were and that you wanted to tell your parents how loved they were.

214. I love this analogy, that I am everything (no more no less) when I am accepting and appreciative of the fact that I am a piece of the puzzle which is individual, yet part of the whole.

215. “Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.”- Love this reminder; so important!

     1. It also reminds me not to pander Lorettarapp. Sometimes we need to do, or say things that aren’t ‘nice’ for others to take responsibility for their own actions. So do it lovingly, and don’t feel guilty about it.

        1. Staying with the jigsaw analogy, sometimes a piece has to be removed from where it originally seemed to fit and put into a place where it can add to the harmony of all the other pieces….and hence the jigsaw makes more sense.

           Leave it in the original place, the whole jigsaw is less.

     2. I totally agree Loretta – this line stood out for me too in Kathie’s great blog.
        Thank you Kathie – I so relate to moulding myself around the ‘ being nice’ thing – so that I didn’t know me growing up at all. I made decisions about things constantly following the preferences of others. I love that analogy of the jigsaw puzzle – we are all vital pieces of that puzzle – that together we make up the whole of what life is about – people and connection to ourselves and others equally – then life makes sense to me.

     3. Absolutely agree Loretta, I love this sentence very much. Indeed a beautiful reminder. If we don’t allow ourselves to be who we really are, then there will be a hole, a vacuum.

216. Such a great sharing. It is so ingrained in our society to be nice, to put others first and to not make a fuss. The idea that doing these things actually takes away what we each have to contribute to make a whole rings utterly true. For me it is a continual process to be expanded upon with patience. Sometimes the patience is hard to come by. It is so simple an idea. To express what I feel. Yet all the conditioning and patterns are so old and supported in society that it is unveiled bit by bit to be dealt with.

217. Being nice and living with that energy in our body keeps us away from who we really are as people. It really hides the person we are and is so self limiting, so the world only gets a piece of the you not the full real version.

     1. I agree with you Matthew, I have totally invested in “being nice” so as to not rock the boat and to be liked. I can see when I do not present the real me, others get a version of me but no the whole me!

218. It is a path that ends in illness, pretty simple yet it seems we are so used to putting others first as a society or seemingly putting others first – it all comes from a desire to have our need to be needed met so ultimately it is all about ourselves : ) OUCH. Makes choosing to no longer run with the nice guy image seem so much more loving.

219. I love this comment “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!” – how we have turned around the truth to make our lives so much less than this world needs us to be! Thanks for sharing this Kathie, it is such a good reminder – especially if you carry the ‘don’t be a nuisance, nice person’ around with you as I have and was reminded to see where it still operates by reading this blog.

220. Kathie, I can really relate to your childhood story. When we returned from a stay over at friend’s homes our parents would both apologize profusely not for our behavior, it seemed just for being.
     It is good to be independent, solve your own problems, and be master of your own destiny. This behavior can be taken too far, the give away is if it puts you lesser, or if you are withdrawing or denying your community. As you say “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be”!

221. I love your summing up comment: “that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!” If each of us has a part of the puzzle, if we hold our true self back everyone misses out.

     1. So true Golnaz, there seems to be a crazy warped logic that we all seem to buy into…to be yourself is being a nuisance…then we end up miserable or sick of both and become a nuisance.

222. Thanks for your blog Kathie – I can so relate to un-doing the niceness. I had never realised how self diminishing this was until I came across Serge Benhayon and his teachings. Now I am forever learning that to truly honour anyone, myself included, is to express what I feel in each moment, to express what is true to me, and NOT what I think is expected of me.

     1. I agree Eva, well said. I feel I walked around in nice energy yesterday, rather than honour myself and say what was truly needed. It was a strong discomfort in my knee telling me all what’s right. Our bodies will always support with a back up message if we aren’t responding to the initial feelings we have about what is true for us or not.

     2. Correct Eva – it can be very self diminishing to always put on a ‘front’ of niceness, instead of allowing yourself to just be, without trying to impress others.

223. I love the part about the jigsaw Katie and that when we are not our selves and living someone else’s life in our body then we actually become the nuisance.

224. I can relate to this blog very well! I am finding that it is a very false way of being and it’s exhausting playing the game of trying to please others and be ‘nice’ – nobody wins. For me too, it is on-going letting go of the ‘nice-ness’ calling it out when I observe myself fall into it.

225. It is so beautiful Kathie to see you shine the way you do now – you certainly have broken the mould !

226. What a great article and so relevant to many people. I can relate to it very much and that question that Serge Benhayon asked about ‘how much do you value and love yourself’ is exactly what it has boiled down to. The more I value myself the more what I consider supportive of others changes. For, example working to the bone exhausted and sick just to please a customer is not supporting anyone.

227. Love it Kathy!
     Especially how well these two sentences summed it up for me:
     “If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete.”
     And
     “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!”

228. Thank you for sharing your story. It was very touching. I remember my mother always seemed to care much more about other people than what they thought about me. I grew up in England and also very much remember this don’t be good, be nice and don’t be a nuisance mentality – in fact be anything except who you are and therefore make yourself sick. I have not noticed or encountered it so much living in Australia and wonder if it is a particularly English thing together with making lots of self-deprecating remarks.

229. On re-reading this article today I was caught by the sentence : “to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well”. I just realized a few days ago how much I am still playing ‘nice’ and how much it is still in my body. It was, and is, shocking to me. It seems that my body is ‘acting nice’ – right before I choose to express like that….For example, I found myself smiling to someone who was giving me a wink – an unpleasant one – you know?! Just a second later I realized what had happened and was quite distraught. Why do I smile at someone who is acting unpleasant to me? ​It l​ooks like, to be accepted and liked is more important for me than to express honestly or truthfully… So I did give up on expressing truth here, in order to control others’ emotions, and this is strongly felt in my body. I want and need to clear myself of this way of living and expressing, and this is how I go (my ‘training programme’, so to speak):
     -I accept and appreciate who I really am and what we all are, that is the sons of God. We are Love. True Love. Everyone of us is a divine piece of the whole – Everything else will not be accepted.
     -I will deepen my relationship with me, the true, still and glorious me and, with that, deepen my relationship with my brothers and with God.
     -I will nominate every ‘nice-ness’ I am acting and call it as it is, which to me is a form of controlling situations and/or to control others.
     -I will deepen my relationship with surrendering to who I am and let life come to me, instead of trying to control life. In fact, all I need to do is to choose to re-connect with my loving, soul-full self! To bring this as a familiar feeling into my body, I have to live it. Every moment, every day.
     -I have to re-construct my way of living and I will!

     Thank you Kathie for this inspiration.

230. Through history there are many examples when positive changes have taken place because someone has ‘been a nuisance’ or so their actions would be perceived by some. It is only later in hindsight that these actions are understood and seen as necessary.

231. I know that so well – being nice but distant to everyone, never showing “neediness” because I have to be able to do it alone even when I obviously can’t – but I realized that people love to be engaged and help. In a way, considering others too much and trying to not be a “nuisance” is pushing them away, separation. Now I love to ask for help because it’s a chance for me to engage with strangers, and a chance for the other to give and express their joy to help.

     1. I agree Regina – people do love to be engaged and help. It is an expression of the connection we all feel with each other and our natural way of sharing the load in this world.

232. Such a brilliant article and exposure of the illness-producing ‘nice’ behaviour. Your words, ‘So I went through life assiduously applying the formula, and being nice’, really struck a note with me as I saw how ‘assiduously’ we apply a false formula for life, how dedicatedly we go for the ‘not true’. We have this incredible capacity for dedication and commitment to things. We can now apply this same dedication to being present, observing life, bringing true love and always keeping a good sense of humour!

233. This is an all too common outplay of the ideals and beliefs which my parents also very much lived by, especially my mother. She was a gorgeous being with a huge heart but didn’t get to fully complete her integral part of the puzzle due to a life shortened by cancer. This was when me, my brother and sister began to learn and understand that being at the mercy of everybody else’s wants and needs can leave you incapable of truly serving anyone.

234. Nuisance . . . I say we need a bit of nuisance in this world to shake up the fact that most of us are living and brought up to live in a way that is far less than who we are. If bringing truth is a nuisance to others then it is definitely something that needs to happen.
     I would rather a child grows up to be who they are- speaking truth- and completely shining.

     1. Fabulous comment Johanna and so true. Bringing truth to this world does seem to make one a nuisance at times, but largely because many don’t want to hear it. I agree, our world definitely needs shaking up and exposing and I would rather a child grew up being who they are, speaking truth and completely shinning, for they are a true joy in the world.

     2. Yes, Johanna, let’s start making nuisances of ourselves – standing up, speaking the truth, being all of who we are, shining in all our glory. The world needs more nuisances!

        1. …and as an adjunct to that maybe we have to be more willing to observe what the ‘nuisances’ in our lives could be bringing us

235. This is a great reminder if doubt pops by, it pulls us back to appreciating what we bring : “I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.”

236. I loved this blog Kathie. It would make a great little illustrated book, pictures of the shop spring to mind, your parents serving others but not themselves,with all the local village characters there, each of whom were part of the jigsaw of life. Knowing we all have our part to play is inspiring, as we can’t finish the puzzle without each other. Understanding you are not a nuisance and are contributing to the whole by being all that you are is the perfect ending to this important little story.

237. Being yourself is a much easier glove to fit than the pattern of niceness and being ‘good’, which can take a little time to dismantle but certainly well worth the effort. It feels like you have gotten out of jail as the walls have been the ideals and beliefs that feel decades, even centuries old. It makes you realise that is why it is sometimes difficult to ‘change’ when all you are doing is setting yourself free.

238. Thank you Kathie for an inspiring story of how changes can happen even though we have been running with behaviours which have been ingrained generation after generation. It is a testament to the work of Serge Benhayon and to the choices you have now made for yourself. And what a bonus for everyone to realise you are a valuable piece in the puzzle of Life – thank you!

     1. Absolutely Julie, it is inspiring how change is always possible even if there is ingrained behaviour at play. And indeed a great testament to Serge Benhayon, to the support he offers, and to the choices Kathie herself has made and lived with that support.

239. Hi Kathie, thank you for sharing. I can feel the power of this undeniable fact “I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits”.

240. Yes Brendan exactly, I was once one of those ‘go the extra mile’ practitioners, and ended up completely burnt out. Not anymore, thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I still have to watch being nice, but no longer feel tired at the end of a work day, let alone exhausted.

241. Thanks Kathie a beautiful blog… I love the turnaround of why you might be a nuisance to others and the healing you are offering for those caught in the hampster-wheel of niceness and pleasing others. Exhaustion is inevitable amongst other things… if not cancer as in your case.

242. ‘Don’t be a nuisance’ goes hand in hand with that other awful piece of advice that was sometimes given to children, that they ‘… should be seen and not heard’. When you understand that we are vehicles of expression as presented by Serge Benhayon, the harm in this conditioning becomes very apparent.

     1. How true David. It is a generational pattern we all need to work hard to break. The shutting down of us as children has led to enormous atrocities in our adult world, time after time after time.

     2. Very true David, it is the very antithesis of what children really need. When we are children speaking the truth is so easy and should be nurtured and cherished as an important part of growing up. Encouraging a child to express what they feel and setting the example of how to do that so they have a loving and caring guide to support them produces truly healthy adults.

243. I can relate to so much of what you say here Kathie. It seems very common in society to put on a ‘nice’ front and not express from who we truly are and from what we feel. How amazing for you to break this pattern and to show others that there is another way to be.

     1. Melissa, it’s so true so many of us have got caught in being nice and having that front, and most of us have grown up being told not to be a nuisance. As children all we wanted to do was share our light and have fun, but that was easily squashed as we got caught in the world of growing up.

244. Thank you Kathie for your super blog, highlighting that toxic and ubiquitous program/ life-formula, ‘Don’t be a nuisance to anyone’. I had that one chronically too! When I paid for something, or went for a session, or was visiting people, or in a shop, I never wanted to make a nuisance of myself. It was a kind of cringing from life. I just didn’t claim my space and was too nice for my own good and everyone else’s as well. I just had to laugh out loud as I read your closing sentence, ‘So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!’

     1. I love this, Lyndy and can so relate: “It was a kind of cringing from life. I just didn’t claim my space and was too nice for my own good and everyone else’s as well.”
        Being ‘nice’ is not very nice at all, and no ‘good’ for any one.

        1. Oh I couldn’t agree more Anne. I am forever indebted to Serge Benhayon and Universal medicine for bringing the ‘nice’ consciousness to my attention as something that is harmful and not ‘nice’ or ‘good’ for anyone at all! I have never read or heard anyone else expose the truth about this before.

245. I can sign this: “Thanks to Universal Medicine and the inspiration and support of fellow students I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.” And this is huge!!!

     1. Sandra… I can sign this too!! I agree, it is huge. I have always made myself feel lesser and not being important/insignificant. But through the inspiration of Universal Medicine and Universal Medicine students I have come to realise the arrogance of this. If I do not play my part and be all that I am, then the jigsaw of humanity can’t be completed and I leave a gap that no one else can fill. Each of us has a unique and powerful role in the constellation of the whole and no one has more importance than another. Each piece of the jigsaw is equal to finishing the picture, each person has their part.

        1. Yes Rachel, each person has their part and as Kathie said: “I am the … piece that makes sense of the other parts”…If I do not play my part – I make it difficult for other people to take their part. We are all connection pieces and we just do make sense together.

        2. This is a beautiful reminder Rachel of who we are, how important each person is and what responsibility we have to play our part in bringing humanity back to our true loving nature, every last one of us!

        3. Beautiful Rachel, “each of is has a unique and powerful role in the constellation of the whole and no one has more importance than another”, this is really great, it shows how crazy it is to compare ourselves to others when we are all unique and each bring something amazing.

        4. Great Rebecca, initially thought how boring it would be to have a puzzle with all the pieces the same then realised that wouldn’t work the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle have to be different to fit in with each other to produce a stable picture.

        5. I love this Rachael – that each piece of the jigsaw is equal to the finishing picture – and when even one piece is missing then the whole has a hole and is incomplete. This is how vital we all are to the Oneness of everything.

        6. An inspiring reminder of humility and purpose.

246. Katie your last paragraph is a great incentive to keep undoing the niceness and bring my piece to the puzzle and show others where their piece fits.

247. I agree Lisa, for us to be all of who we truly are is a great offering to all.

248. Thank you Kathie for reminding me that we are all equally part of the same puzzle, no more no less.

249. Awesome blog Kathie, it has brought a tear to my eye as I remember my Nanny who a few years before she died would constantly say ‘I don’t want to be a nuisance’ ‘I don’t want to bother anyone. It was sad for me to watch a beautiful lady refuse help because she did not feel worthy of it. As a society we have lots to learn regarding the ‘I don’t want to be a nuisance syndrome’ it is up to all of us to break these generational cycles of not feeling enough and time to embrace the love and support that is offered.
     Thank you for sharing.

250. Kathie, I love what you wrote, it helped me to reflect on my own childhood and that of my brother. Both different experiences of the same thing really. My brother seemed to always be a nuisance as he was always being naughty for attention, whereas I looked at him being punished and decided that it would be better to be nice and never be a nuisance, but both of us grew up trying to please others and ‘keep the peace’ so to speak. I had noticed this happening with my own children until one day I started to express to the kids to speak their truth and express what they were feeling. My daughter in particular did do this but then found herself forever getting herself into trouble, especially with teachers and grown ups in general, whereas her friends more often respected her for this. Often I would be asked to go to the school and settle a dispute from these events only to find that she was expressing very much a truth but the teacher didn’t want to hear it from a younger person and found this to be disrespectful, so unfortunately she learnt to calibrate the truth depending on who she is speaking to, but even now as an adult she still has problems with this. Now as we are valuing and loving ourselves more and more, it is easier to express from this love, as when we try to express a truth without this love and value and respect for self then it seems to fall harder on the ears that are hearing what we have to say. It’s all an evolution for everyone really 🙂

251. I agree Mike. Each and every child brings a quality to the family that supports everyone else in the family in their evolution, it’s well worth the time to reflect and deeply connect to what quality they bring. It’s a great conversation to have with your kids.

     1. Beautiful Matthew, “Each and every child brings a quality to the family that supports everyone else in the family in their evolution, it’s well worth the time to reflect and deeply connect to what quality they bring. It’s a great conversation to have with your kids”. I feel inspired to have this conversation with my family.

     2. ‘Each and every child brings a quality to the family that supports everyone else in the family in their evolution’ – Beautifully put Matthew.

252. I loved your final take on the word nuisance .. not being all of who you are .. touché : )

253. Yes it is such a big belief drummed into us at such an early age. I know now that I have far more to offer because I do consider myself in it all, much more than when I was trying to put everyone else first. I was completely burnt out to the point of feeling like I had nothing left to give. Putting myself first (still a work in progress) has restored my energy and vitality and now I have so much to give back. Kathie is right, valuing ourselves is absolutely key and Universal Medicine provides powerful tools to enable us to connect to and truly value and love who we naturally are.

254. I used to find the effort of being nice and second guessing what others wanted, and probably getting it wrong so I’d end up doing something I thought someone else wanted, but they didn’t and thinking I was pleasing another by not being a nuisance was extremely complicated. Connecting to my feelings as a child is much simpler.

255. I love this Cathy, “I don’t think they ever realised how loved they were: I can distinctly remember longing to tell them that as a child..” I was at the supermarket today and passed 3 women talking and I overheard a remark by one of the women that made me smile. She said, “When a child says I love you it has a different meaning to when an adult says it.” By this I understood it to mean that it doesn’t come with conditions, it feels pure and precious. If only parents knew how much they are loved by their children, it would stop them in their tracks.

256. It was a big water shed moment for me too, when I stopped and asked myself how much I really loved and valued myself. This came after a long time living in disregard and having no sustainable connection to myself. At first it felt like such an odd question to be asked, and frankly it didn’t make sense. Like you Kathie, it was only after many sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners did I get of sense of what loving and valuing myself could mean. Thank you for sharing your story of return to yourself.

257. I love your concluding line to this beautiful blog, be all of you that you can be. An incredible turn around and offering to all those around you.

258. Yes it is a nuisance to humanity when we do not live the love we are. Your story and blog ended beautifully Kathie, a real pleasure to read. Thank you for reminding me of that responsibility as I prepare for my day.

259. I love what you share here Katie as it really turns how we limit ourselves on it’s head – the possibility that we are a nuisance if we hold back who we truly are is magic and something that can stay on my shoulder reminding me at those times when it is tempting to hold back to remember this responsibility – so that we are working wholly together… and not in broken parts. As we learn from each other through our living reflection, it is powerful to remember that as we allow ourselves to express in full and not hold back – this offers others inspiration to do the same for themselves – and then we have the ignition of brotherhood!

260. Thank you Kathie for your revealing blog. I have tried not to be a nuisance all my life as well, although I don’t remember my parents making a big issue out of the phrase “don’t be a nuisance”. I feel that I must have picked up the idea through being told “little children should be seen and not heard” which to me is almost as bad! Consequently as I grew older I didn’t speak up and join in the conversations when we had visitors and being reprimanded when I disappeared on their arrival, to the point that an in Law always teased me saying “I didn’t see Roslyn for that first year when I met the family” I still have to catch myself at times not asking for help and instead thinking I can do it, to my detriment. It is lovely to read that you have also realised you are a piece of the Jigsaw Puzzle and see that we are all needed to complete the whole !

261. Thankyou Kathie for sharing your story. As children we feel and see truth clearly, but as time goes on we as you say get confused and here we start to take on and react to those ideals and beliefs we are living. It is lovely to see clearly once again and stay in our power and choose what we know is true.

     1. Yes, and a great reminder that even when we often lose that clarity as adults, it doesn’t mean this is lost forever, as we can reconnect to that same truth and clarity that we had as children. In truth, it can never be lost because it is naturally within us all…

262. Being “nice” keeps us capped from truly valuing our grandness in life and loving ourselves, as we are always at the mercy of everybody else’s needs and wants.

     1. I love what you have shared Francisco. Is is so true that when we are choosing to be nice, we are negating the amazingness of who we are, while being too caught up in the pleasing of another.

        1. Very well said Francisco and Vanessa. The word mercy seems to stand out. It feels like its absolute intention is to take away our power so that others can rule over us, therefore becoming puppets. It seems the choice to be complicit to this is to be ‘nice’ or if that’s unpalatable there is a choice of being ‘nasty’. Either way these are backlashes of not being all of ourselves.

     2. Spot on Francisco – being ‘nice’ means we are always acting the way we think OTHERS want… Never being truly ourselves.

     3. Very very true franciscoclara8.

263. Kathy what wisdom you bring to an old fashioned tale. How many of us have excused ourselves so we would not be a nuisance and nice-ness would be the best we could offer. And yet you have uncovered the love that is there inside you with the support of Esoteric practitioners, Serge Benhayon and fellow students. I love the fact that you say you could be a nuisance and there would a hole if you were not being all of you. This missing piece of puzzle fits beautifully and it all makes sense .

264. The puzzle can never be complete if one of us holds back. We are all equally needed in the puzzle and it just shows, how we all have our part to play.

265. Kathie, this is a great blog, I’m sure so many can relate to this attitude of don’t be a nuisance, and I feel it is particularly so in that generation. Nowadays the attitudes may have shifted slightly but there is still the promotion of ‘be nice’ or ‘go that extra mile’ to get along in life – rather than to grow up learning to value ourselves for who we are and know that we are already enough.

266. I love the symbol of the jigsaw puzzle, Kathie. To claim ourselves and live ourselves in the fullness of our love and being without excuses, and know that our piece of the picture is unique and valuable, and totally necessary for the whole to be completed, gives us all inspiration to throw off that learned niceness and take our place contribute to the whole by the way we live our light and love. What if there was this glorious, vibrant, glowing picture on the jigsaw, and our missing piece was drab and grey? It wouldn’t fit, and we would feel unable to place it amidst the glory. But if our piece is shining, then we can slip it into place discreetly and it will merge into the whole.

     1. I agree Joan – I also love the analogy and symbol of the jigsaw puzzle with each of us being an integral piece, each with our own part to play to make up the whole.

     2. I too love the symbol of the jigsaw puzzle. To know myself as an important part of the whole, as my own unique contribution makes so much sense to realise, we all need to contribute to the whole for everything to work in this world.

267. Why do we try and change our children, when they have so much we can learn from them?
     Their innocence is something to behold.

     1. Beautiful said Mike!

     2. Yes, superbly said Mike.

     3. I agree Mike, they have so much to offer us if we but choose to listen and get the arrogance of ‘we know best’ out of the way. They are able to teach us much.

     4. Bang on the money Mike. So often we parent our children out of the fear, or based on the same twisted ideals we have based our own life on. We certainly need to give our children support and advice, but never should we assume that their base level understanding of life is any less than ours. From a young age I clearly saw the patterns my parents were caught in, but of course followed their advice blindly because “they were my parents”. In later years I resented them for some of the advice they had given, not looking to understand my own part in this, or the fact that their advice, whilst sometimes flawed, was well meaning and intended to assist me in the only way they knew how. Had I been more honest to myself in the beginning, and more willing to accept my own part in the way I was brought up, I could have avoided the unnecessary complications that entered my relationship with my parents later in life.

     5. That is so true Mike – children and nature are great teachers

     6. Indeed Mike – why do we try and change our children? Could it be because what they reflect to us is too painful – it makes us feel our own deeply buried innocense.

268. Reblogged this on maggiemoonlight.

269. Kathie, you express this so beautifully. My parents did run a shop, but just like you my life was lived around duty and not being a nuisance to anyone. I would bend over backwards to please everyone but myself. Like you, with the help of Serge Benhayon and our Universal Medicine practioners, I am breaking that ancestral link that bound me to those un-loving ways and changing from a wallflower to a sunflower! Thank you Kathie.

270. Beautiful blog, Kathie. Being not English myself I noticed in numerous occasions that niceness and not-being-nuisance is deeply engraved in many people who are born and bred in England. They wouldn’t even claim their essential needs to be met just to avoid the unpleasantness/inconvenience to others.I am so glad for you that you changed this game and broke free.I love your puzzle piece I do.

271. I am feeling the FACT that I am also a puzzle piece of the whole and I too have a piece that is needed, to be all that piece is to fit with all the other pieces, that are different and just as needed. I am also like you dropping the ‘nice’ act and bringing me to the forefront. It’s taking a while because it’s so very engrained but it’s happening ~ it’s great to be free of the taint of being ‘nice’.

272. ‘It would be a nuisance not being me!’ What a great ending to a lovely story.

273. It’s sad how we can see ourselves in life as in this story with ‘nuisance’ as our formulae and how detrimental it can be to our health as our bodies first whisper that something is not right in the way we are living, until our body is screaming at us when we end up with some illness and disease…. The question of how much do we value and love ourselves is enormous as it seems to be the point of what direction we take in how we live…. a life where we devalue and don’t value ourselves or a life of bringing value and love …the direction determines the quality of our life.

274. Thank you Kathie for sharing. I have spent a lot of my life trying to be nice, doing the right thing, not wanting to be a nuisance. I still catch myself doing this, which helps me to do it less often, which definitely feels more loving.

275. Thank you Kathy. I felt it was lovely that you could still connect with how you felt as a child, so yummy and gorgeous. It actually proves the fact that we are re-turning to a love we actually already know, that is already within us. It is now our responsibility to honour this preciousness that was always there.

276. Being nice and not a nuisance, however it may seem to work, it doesn’t work for the person being nice and not a nuisance in the end.

     1. Indeed, it seems that when we dismiss ourselves we get a much louder message back in return to self-care and self-love.

277. Dear Kathie – I can so relate to those feelings of not wanting to be a nuisance, and the need to be nice. It was amazing when I first realised how debilitating it is and how it stopped me from being able to find any true connection to others. It was great to also realise that I was not comfortable around people who were only showing me their ‘nice’ side, and this supported me in starting to let go and to be more honest with myself and others.
     I also loved your analogy of being the piece in the puzzle that completes the picture and it is amazing when we realise that we are all that ‘key’ piece in the puzzle when we bring all that we are.

278. For so long I could never appreciate the fact that I had to look after myself first and foremost. Letting others be there for me too has been confronting, but I am learning that it serves no-one to struggle on in vain.

279. Kathie, thank you for your story. Yes, Universal Medicine can ask the questions that allow us to open our thinking. Beautiful learning.

280. What a brilliant way of looking at our responsibility to live truthfully in the world to contribute to the “huge jigsaw that is humanity” (What a fantastic way of putting it!) I too have found it is only when we appreciate our greatness that we can truly see our part in humanity, that we are worth a part in humanity, but also that we have a responsibility to engage fully (without holding back) to all those around us.

     1. Your comment about Kathie’s wonderful blog is brilliant too, Oliver! I agree with every word. I could really feel the words ‘the huge jigsaw of humanity’ and the fact that each one of us is needed and bears responsibility to complete the puzzle.

281. This is such a wonderful story Kathie. a) Your transformation and b) Sharing how very harming being nice and polite is when we live this way and negate expressing our true feelings. I also love the way you playfully turn the phrase ‘Don’t be a nuisance’ on its head at the end. A deeper message that will stay with me forever. Thank you for writing this.

282. This highlights the messages that infiltrate down through the generations ‘be a good girl’, ‘be nice’, ‘be polite’ and we try so hard to follow these dictums we lose track of our true essence. Thank you Kathie, for sharing your story, I found it inspiring.

283. Kathie, that was a great blog. I can particularly relate to your calculation for nuisance quotient. This was something similar to that which I would run through as well.
     I also believe we are pieces of a huge jigsaw – every last piece (complete with imperfections) required to complete the whole.

284. Beautiful sharing Kathy, thank you. How many of us have beeen brought up this way of being a nuisance and not to be ourselves?!
     Being asked how much do you love and value yourself is a rare gift and should be offered to everyone to support us to truly love, honour, accept and be ourselves fully and to express this lovingly.

     1. I can certainly put my hand up Tricia. I was brought up in the children are to be seen and not heard era, and it was considered extremely selfish if one put one’s self first before anyone else. It is since I met Serge Benhayon and started having sessions with some of the Universal Medicine practitioners, that I have come to realise that in order to really love another, I first have to learn to love myself and from there I can express that love to others.

285. I would have loved coming to your shop, I could really feel the warmth inside. Even though we might feel we have to be everything for everyone the love that we carry cannot be removed.

286. “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished.” Great metaphor for us all being aware that we have something unique, wonderful and deeply divine to share with humanity.

     1. Beautifully said Samantha – we all “have something unique, wonderful and deeply divine to share with humanity”.

     2. As I am learning more and more, any form of holding back keeps everyone back.

        1. Yes I get that too Elizabeth – we are all part of a bigger picture and if we do not show/live our part, the picture will be incomplete, or as Kathie said: “I am the … piece that makes sense of the other parts”. If I do not play my part – I make it difficult for other people to take their part. And if I show untruth – like niceness – the picture becomes falsified and my connecting pieces get confused even if they are ok, because they do not fit to me… and if they adjust – to fit to me – maybe their connection pieces do adjust as well. It is like a domino effect and the hole picture gets more and more the wrong way, it is smudged and shows it is no longer the truth. So we, as a big world wide community do not represent the picture of what we truly are and what we can be – and is this not what the world looks like in this day and age? A Mess. No wonder that life makes no sense. BUT, If we can do the domino effect this way, it should work the other way around as well. So we can start – with everyone who is living “truly being me” and with not holding back anymore, a ripple effect can change the world-jigsaw into truth.

     3. Yes indeed, Samantha. Imagine if our first lesson day 1 at school was – how to make sure you always value yourself as a unique part of the bigger picture (puzzle)…one of the most important lessons of our lives.

        1. It would be a great way to start at school – I know it is definitely something I will bring my children up knowing.

        2. I agree, a very important point that you make Janet.

        3. Beautiful Janet, “Imagine if our first lesson day 1 at school was – how to make sure you always value yourself as a unique part of the bigger picture (puzzle)”, how amazing this would be for children to hear, and to then grow up as adults who value themselves and their contribution to society.

287. Thank you for writing this – and reminding us all just how significant we are in the bigger picture. Feeling how you have claimed your place in the world is a joy.

288. Dear Katie, what a fitting and profound picture you draw by the example of the puzzle.
     Indeed, only if we all are there and shine and bring all that is us in full the puzzle will develop. What this so beautifully makes graspable is the fact that the puzzle only can be complete when every part is there, so that is our task:
     Supporting everybody to take his or her position in the puzzle to finally become complete again and shine all the amazingness that we once have been in a much more obvious form – and not play in separation with the parts into which we decided to saw the bigger picture.

289. Kathy you have shown so well how patterns in families because they are so well entrenched are passed on and repeated. The cycle is only broken when we are able to see the pattern for what it is and choose to break out of it, and as you did. Thanks for being a nuisance and not holding back..

290. Hi Kathie, my parents also had the village shop and I relate well to what you share here. For me it seemed like the whole time was about other people and I was last, like the customer that was never served. It was all about best behavior and saying the right thing so as not to upset the customers. So beautiful now to know and feel that it is perfect for us to be who we are, no more, no less but a truer expression ourselves with all.

291. Your comment about being part of the jigsaw was wonderfully profound. We are all a part of it (the rich tapestry of life), and it is vital that all the pieces play their part, stitching together the whole and providing the connections for others to link to if we live all that we are, in every moment possible.

     1. I agree. It’s important we each not only see ourselves as an integral part of the puzzle, but also that we are not trying to be a piece in the puzzle that is not the puzzle we are actually part of…. In other words, being ourselves in preference to being something others would like us to be…

        1. Well said Angela: “being ourselves in preference to being something others would like us to be”. For so much of my life I have tried to fit in and please others and all it led me to was to be exhausted. Now the more I am simply myself and let go of needing to be someone different for each and every person I meet, the more lovingly consistent my life is and the less exhausted I am. I now find I can bring far more to what I am doing as well as being able to do more without trying harder but simply bringing more of me.

     2. Beautiful Simon. Our responsibility to the jigsaw of life is to contribute our own piece at the correct time for the correct place for when we don’t, a gap is created.

292. Kathie, when we are being anything other than our true selves (e.g nice, stubborn, selfish, standoffish, friendly etc) then we are not being our true selves. The jigsaw is only complete when each and every person is being their true self. Everyone’s true self is love aka God. The picture on the front of the jigsaw box is of God. We are each an equal sized piece of the jigsaw.

     1. Alexis, I love your sentence “The jigsaw is only complete when each and every person is being their true self.”, and your analogy of the front of the jigsaw box having a picture of God, with us each being “an equal sized piece of the jigsaw.”. That really resonates with me, causes a melting of my whole body. A beautiful blog, Kathie, thank you for sharing.

293. Thank you Katie for sharing your story, I love what you write about being a unique part of the puzzle and so yes we are a nuisance big time if we are not being ourselves!

294. So wonderful to hear Kathie that you are discovering the love of your true self.

295. Thank you Kathie, for sharing your Blog, once again Breaking down of the trusted Ideals and Beliefs that have had us all playing games in one way or the other, at the expense of ourselves.

296. How tragic is it when children grow up into adults with no comprehension of their beauty and value and the world then misses out on everything that they are because they have never been encouraged to shine.

     1. Absolutely Annie – considering how much we all claim and want to love and care for our children it makes no sense why we don’t honour them and support who they are so they grow up shining.

     2. I totally agree Annie- adults actually miss out on seeing just how much love is there in children and how much they are loved by children.
        A further shame is this lack of comprehension from the adults then causes the children, young adults to grow up with their natural beauty and value being tainted causing us to all miss out- one less shining and a piece of the puzzle not complete in it’s fullness.

297. I can relate so much to your experiences Kathie and am inspired by your commitment and dedication to dealing with these hurts and so lovingly caring for yourself

298. It reminds me of my childhood when the phrase “do not be a nuisance” was used often by my parents. How unfair was it for them to burden me with this? But my grand parents were the same, my parents were repeating what they had been told. Good parenting? As a child I can remember not really knowing what those words “do not be a nuisance” meant. I took them as, do not ask questions, be polite, speak when spoken to, do not cause trouble or extra work for anyone and probably a few more. More confusion and contraction. Thank you Kathy for writing this blog. It has brought back to me memories that I needed to have. To remind me of who I am not and see more clearly who I am.

299. Wow what an interesting read. Something I’ve noticed is how easy it is to become an image of our parents, I suppose they raised us and shape us. This can Be good or bad depending the lifestyle they live. I wonder though at what point do we make the choice that it’s no longer my parents influence but now my choice. Such an interesting topic for me to consider..

300. Kathie, your jigsaw analogy is spot on. I love it. Each any everyone of us needs to shine for the whole picture to be complete, our responsibility then is to be full of the love we are, this is our first job in life, then we do a job that we get paid for doing second. The first one guarantees a quality of being, the second gives you money and engages your quality with the rest of the world, how good is that.

     1. Beautifully and simply written Matthew, “our responsibility then is to be full of the love we are, this is our first job in life, then we do a job that we get paid for doing second. The first one guarantees a quality of being, the second gives you money and engages your quality with the rest of the world”.

301. So beautifully put Kathie. There are two points that really resonate with me. The first is how your parents were repeating the formula they were raised with and how we carry it on, from generation to generation, like fence posts through time, carrying the same wires into the future. The second one is how that, when you are trying to not be a nuisance, being good and nice rather than just being who you are, it is the biggest nuisance of all, because as you say, how can anyone else find their own expression if we are not fully expressing who we are? Thank you!

     1. Rowena, I like how you describe “fence posts through time carrying the same wires into the future.” It is like that, each generation repeating the same of the one before them. To see our patterns and break them is not only powerful and healing for us individually, but I can see how healing it is for others when we don’t pass them on. It has a huge ripple effect for the future.

        1. Yes and Universal Medicine provides us with the wire cutters to cut the wires that keep us bound in these behaviours. Kathie is a beautiful example of what one can achieve if one is willing to stop and question how we have been raised and embark on a journey of learning how to love and celebrate self and everyone else.

302. It is such a turnaround when we learn that ‘not being a nuisance’ is in fact not the virtue we were told, but in fact a huge holding back of the gifts we have to offer.

303. Thank you for sharing this Kathie. I especially love the puzzle analogy at the end, all of us key pieces in the whole.

     1. Me too Fiona – ‘all of us key pieces in the whole’, I love that.

304. I love this blog Kathie as you offer how deeply children are affected by the unwitting projection of parents issues.
     The way I see it is that much of humanity aren’t understanding that there’s a way of living that is truly harmonious, loving, respectful and healthy for all.
     Thanks to the Benhayons for living and presenting The Way and offering us the opportunities to see with clarity how a family can be.

305. Thank you Kathie this a great reminder to always be me no matter what, I was also brought up with the be nice and never be a nuisance to anyone pattern from parents.

306. Wow Kathie – I know when I was little girl all I wanted to do was be playful, run around and chat to people, so it’s hard to imagine what it would be like to be told time and time again not to be a ‘nuisance’… It is incredible how you are learning to turn that ‘niceness’ to love with everyone equally. Thank you for sharing!

307. Thank you Kathie for sharing your life with us. There is much to be gained from what you have written – how taking on the beliefs and ideals of another have such a dramatic impact on our lives. There is so much discussion around genetics pre-determine illness but very little on patterns and behaviours determining a series of choices that lead to illness and disease. The study of epigenetics is showing that our choices play a greater part in our health than inherited genes do. Thank you for sharing with us that it is possible to turn your life around, simply by making different choices and letting go of what you have taken on that is not you. Deeply inspiring.

308. It is wonderful that you are accepting the support that is offered to you Kathie. Being self sufficient so as not to be a burden/nuisance is a hard life and one that I know well.

     1. Knowing only to well the desolation of trying to go it alone so as not to be a burden. Only just emerging from this to begin to understand that to hold a hand I have to allow others to hold mine.

        1. I too am learning to accept that hand and doesn’t it feel lovely Matilda.

309. I just loved your blog Kathie, as I could relate to it on so many levels, especially about being “a nuisance”. I can remember always trying to be nice, a good girl and to do things for others so they would like me. And like you “ It has been (and is) such a journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well, to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life”. This is one journey I would not have missed for anything!

310. We are shaped by how our parents raise us and when we are adults, we take over their roles and parent ourselves in exactly the same way! It rarely seems to work out very well, but it keeps happening, until we get to see what we are doing to ourselves and we make other choices, or not.

311. Thank you for sharing, Kathie. I can totally relate to how what Serge Benhayon has been teaching has helped me to learn the difference between niceness and honesty. Sure being honest isn’t to everyone’s liking, but I tend to feel better for being honest than I do just being nice to not ruffle any feathers.

312. Yes, I remember well being told ‘Not to be a nuisance and to remember to say thank you’. Until reading this I have not really considered how it is in fact a curse to put on a child. It puts an invisible cloak around them, restricting them from just being themselves. What a great question it is as to how much one values and loves oneself and I love your answer, “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!”

313. We all have a responsibility to be all of us that we can be, and to not allow the ideals and beliefs of others to hold us and, ultimately, humanity back. Thanks for your blog Kathie.

314. Wow, that is quite something to feel the “don’t be a nuisance” consciousness that your family to strongly held, and then to feel you break that and allow that glorious woman out. Thank you for sharing your powerful story.

315. Something to ponder alright.. it could be that putting yourself less is not valuing all the others or the whole no matter what amazing things one can go out to provide. It will always be empty of true quality and value.

316. ‘Suppose I am the key piece of the puzzle…, so true Kathie, and if I don’t take my part, take my responsibility there is a hole. The lesser holes there are the easier for the missing puzzle pieces to find their place. As such we all can support each other to find back to our true power. How beautiful is that?

317. Kathie I love the lighthearted way you’ve looked back at your childhood and brought an understanding to how the things we assume from our parents, can still be influencing the smallest choices in our adult lives. You’ve shown it pays off to look more deeply so we can all enjoy what is discovered.

318. Hi Kathie. Being ‘nice’ is something I can relate to as a way of coping through life. I love the analogy of us all being unique pieces of a puzzle. Without each of us expressing our full and true selves, the puzzle will never be complete and we miss out on the opportunity to help others see where they fit. A blog with much to reflect on.

319. Thank you Kathie for your beautiful sharing. I love these words:
     “I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.”
     Once we accept our worth life is never the same for us and those around us.

320. Great article Kathie, thank you. I have done nice for most of my life and this is now changing as I really care for myself, aligning with the real me rather living from the many beliefs that go with being nice. I am now realising how restrictive it has been and feel the effect on my body, and as your analogy shows how this then impacts and reflects to others, where as being me allows others to be themselves too and brings a deeper connection with everyone.

321. This felt like a parable, it is so simple and truthful – put others first before looking after ourselves and there will be no self left. Love ourselves first and then share that by living it and others will benefit. It makes so much sense.

     1. Yes Deborah, a simple truth that makes perfect sense. For if there is no love for oneself how can we possibly offer anything to another.

322. “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.” I love this paragraph. I can feel the responsibility we all have together, equally, to be all of who we are.

323. Kathie this is such an insightful blog – I love the turnaround – our culture, upbringing and education have all worked very hard to shape us away from our glorious selves and our true purpose this life. This story would do well in cancer education – no more being “nice”.

324. Katie, I can totally relate to your story of not wanting to be a nuisance and playing the nice role. This is one that I am working on to undo as I see the mask that I have been hiding behind, wanting to ‘be liked’ not wanting to put others out. But being ‘nice’ is not true, it is a cover, a shield to hide behind. What lies underneath is our glorious selves, just waiting to shine for others to see, I am seeing that the niceness is a way for us to hide.

325. Niceness, it’s the evil we don’t consider to be evil until such time that we do and it hits you in the face and it hurts, for all the times you have been nice instead of be loving and truthful.

     1. I agree Shannon and recently I have felt how being kind feels like it belongs in the same pot as nice.

     2. I so agree Shannon, niceness is something worth exploring. It has been very exposing for me to feel how awful niceness feels.

     3. Absolutely Shannon. It took me a while to see that nice was not honest, which is not loving at all. It’s like saying everything is OK rather than saying what’s really going on. I certainly fell into that trap.

     4. well said Shannon, I agree!

326. Hi Kathie, you are certainly playing your “key part that makes sense of all the other parts” by expressing yourself so beautifully here. I too was of that generation where we were not to make a nuisance of ourselves; in fact the more invisible and the least of ‘a nuisance’ you were as a child the more appreciated. I was a master at this, so much so that I would be used as a buffer between fighting siblings in the back seat of the car. This was most unfortunate for not only would I be in the middle of a kicking and punching fest I would miss out on the window seat. Poor me! . . . this was my other mastery! The undoing of these labels is such a blessing. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to realise that I set this up for myself in order to be accepted and loved when all I need to do is value, accept and love myself in full so I also can be in full the . . . “key part that makes sense of all the other parts . . . ”
     Thank you Kathie for sharing your light with us all.

327. This blog nails so much, Kathie, in the kind of behaviour that has been imposed upon us all, particularly in the Judeo-Christian culture of the west. ‘Niceness’, ‘don’t ask anything of others’, ‘let yourself be walked over’, ‘suffering in silence’… all things highly valued in large measure still, and yet what end do they really serve?
     The stand-out to me in your piece, is that help and assistance were not asked for when needed. How tragic that when illness or difficult circumstance may befall us, that we don’t live in a culture that says by and large, it’s OK to be vulnerable, to admit mistakes and/or difficulty, to ask for support AND receive it… How tragically separate from each other, and what is truly going on for each other, we can be.
     I know there have been times in my life, where to truly open up about what has been going on would have made the whole process of addressing the issue and actually healing TREMENDOUSLY easier, yet this very pattern held me back. It’s a form of false pride that serves no-one.
     Thank-you Kathie, yes, for being and reflecting your fullness as you have so powerfully claimed at the end of your piece, that we can all heal and move on from such disabling ways.

328. I found people very strongly respond to how much we value ourselves – and they respond in a good way. If we totally try to please others, they impose on us without realising what they are doing but if we claim ourselves, however gently, they do notice and modify their behaviour in most cases – and often in a very nice way as well.

     1. This has also been my experience christophschnelle. When I respect and value myself, I find people generally treat me with the same respect and value.

329. Thank you Kathie – what you write here is true for many of us. That we play a role from being taught a certain way, which might not be what our body is actually feeling.
     For you to stop and be open to looking at how you were living is huge – and the way you describe you now – part of a jigsaw of humanity – feels so much bigger than just being nice to people.
     I absolutely love this analogy – that seeing ourselves as equals and loving ourselves supports a much bigger puzzle.

330. I recognise what you have have shared Kathie. Spending most of my life being ‘nice’, I had little practice at being ‘true’ in the moment, so when I would have a go once in a while, I would be very clumsy and ill practiced, I would make simple communications very complicated as I tried to give excuses why I was not being nice! It was all a very tightly controlled exhausting existence. Now that with the reflection of Serge Benhayon and the support of Universal Medicine I know the difference, I am learning to be more and more ‘true’ every day which has enriched my life – because it means there is ‘love’ rather than ‘nice’.

     1. Yes Golnaz, I can relate to feeling clumsy and awkward when I first decided that I was not going to be ‘nice’ anymore but have a go at being more honest. As with anything, practice makes perfect. What is great to experience is how much more simple life is now. Instead of constantly calibrating myself to how I think I should be or respond to please another, I just express as best as I can how I truly feel. Its far lest exhausting and very freeing.

331. Thank you for sharing Kathie. I can relate to what you have said about never wanting to be a “nuisance”, and for me always wanting to be the ‘good boy’. It meant I would always be as polite and well spoken as possible even when I felt things were not fair – often I would then explore at home. It was like I was living with an underlying bubbling anger inside of me at how the world was, but would rarely express it. It meant I lived essentially 2 lives – very confusing to many people! I remember at school in class I was the straight A student, paying attention, and then outside of class I was messing about – fitting in with whatever situation I was in and doing what I thought others expected me to be doing, instead of simply being myself all of the time. It was exhausting constantly trying to fit in.

332. I love this blog Kathie and the way you talk about the life formula which is just the pattern passed on from one generation to another and in your case about “being a nuisance”.
     As you say you had to learn to ‘undo the nice-ness’ to be the real you.
     How many of us have been doing the nice thing at the expense of our body?
     Are we aware that being nice actually harms us and others?
     It takes a lot to let go of being nice and replacing it with being real.
     I know in my own life that I do not do nice. I do real and it sure supports me and my body to be real everyday. If I get it wrong, it’s ok as I no longer beat myself up. Those days are long gone – thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

333. How lovely is it to be asked to consider how much I value and love myself. That is not something you encounter every day.

     1. True Elizabeth – this is not a question we get asked everyday: “How much do you value and love yourself?” – what a truly great question… a show stopper in fact. Not something we are taught to consider, the opposite in fact: “How much have you done today? What have you achieved? Were you nice?” These are more what we would consider normal questions, not because they should be normal, but normal simply by the amount of times we say it. So when someone actually cares enough to ask, “How much have you loved yourself today?” it stands out, makes us stop and feel. More of this I say. Thank you again Kathie for sharing this with us.

        1. That made me smile Caroline – to picture asking someone or being asked “How much have you loved yourself today?” – wouldn’t that be a beautiful experiment – I wonder if the recipient of the question would actually ‘hear’ anything other than “hows it goin” as is the greeting that is commonly the initial exchange. As Serge Benhayon has shared with us “expression is everything” – and to offer another the opportunity to reflect on whether we are in awareness of the level of love we have for ourselves could possibly afford one to look within a little more deeply and to be more aware of those ideals and beliefs that we may have lurking about our own worth.

        2. I am all for it, let’s ask ourselves and others every day “How much have you loved yourself today?”

        3. Yes so true Caroline, we are very used to measuring our worth based on our achievements (and even our lack of achievements) and how polite we have been, rather than asking ourselves and others how much we have loved our selves today? It is a show stopper and an essential question. Thank you for highlighting the importance of this simple question. I agree, more of this too.

     2. Elizabeth, it’s true how many times do we get asked if we value and love ourselves. It is amazing how Serge Benhayon can feel and provide that understanding for us to feel, what we have been ignoring for so long.

334. In my own way I have also carried the ‘being nice/not being a nuisance’ ideal around with me and like you, Kathie, I have only started to understand how far off track that takes me from a harmonious life since coming into contact with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. I am especially considering the question you were asked to reflect on, asking how much I valued and loved myself. Thank you.

335. It’s amazing that with everything we can know and do that we do not put two and two together to realise that if we don’t deal with our own issues we project them on our children, and effectively cause them their own issues. It’s amazing to read that you have broken through this pattern and reclaimed that gloriousness you always knew yourself to be.

     1. Meg, you have expressed this problem so simply and clearly, “that if we don’t deal with our own issues we project them on our children, and effectively cause them their own issues.” Kathy has shown in her blog how we can break this cycle and turn it around.

        1. I agree Meg and Rachel – it is our responsibility to deal with our own issues so we do not pass them or project them onto our children and those around us. Children growing up have enough to deal with without the constant imposition from us with all our undealt with issues as well.

        2. I agree – it’s definitely an inspiring blog 🙂

     2. I agree Meg, I do trust Kathie celebrates often the return to who she has always been.

     3. Yes it’s super beautiful and inspiring. It’s something the world definitely needs to hear as so often there is a belief that people are damaged for life. Whatever treatment they may receive I see there is a concensus that this only really makes life bearable and doesn’t rid them of ‘the scars’.

        Through Universal Medicine I know that old scars, so to speak, can heal and people don’t have to remain victims because people get to experience the amazing essence that they are that never goes away or diminishes. Awesome!

        1. Yeah – very true. I notice that it’s a widely held belief that once you are hurt, you carry that hurt with you for the rest of your life. I think I probably thought that too until I came across Universal Medicine and learnt hurts were just something that needed to be addressed and healed.

336. Thanks Kathie I can relate to this need to be polite and nice to everyone and always put other people first as I was raised under a similar ‘Christian /be a martyr’ influenced philosophy. It is so true what you said that it is crazy that we think we are messing it up for everyone, when we know who we are and we claim what we feel. But, in fact the opposite is true – by NOT claiming who we are and what we feel in every situation and moment we are actually messing it up by staying the missing piece that everyone needs.

337. To play nice is just a tool to control others and situations. This is perfectly described in your article Kathie! And I love how you make ‘the puzzle complete’ with your later sentences: to hold back on our own means always to hold others back too.
     So that’s my great & joyful responsibility: I have to be myself in full, let my natural shine come alive, claim and express my glory – so everyone can see what a blessing it is to be me, to have me and how amazing it is to be a connection piece to me! SO we will complete and will see the divine puzzle we all together are!

338. A lovely story Kathie. How amazing to grow up in a shop that was the centre of your community. It is great to read of your turn around from not being a nuisance to bringing and being all of you to the world.

339. I can so relate to the “being nice” and the “be careful” and the “be good” words all used as I left to go to school, in fact those words were always used whenever I left the four walls of my home as a child. The “be careful” phrase even used today from elderly relatives. Not a wonder I grew up feeling in an anxious state most of the time. As you share with us “to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life” this so changes those old ingrained patterns. Thank you Kathie for sharing your amazing journey – thus far.

340. Kathy, I can so relate to what you have shared here. I was brought up in a similar era to you, maybe a little earlier. I don’t remember ever being told that I was beautiful or anything similar when I was very young (or later of course). Life was all about duty and not being a nuisance to others. A favourite phrase was “what would the neighbours think?” It took me many years to realise that actually no-one was across the road or next door, peeking through the curtains to see what I was doing. And sadly, it was not until the last several visits to my mother before she died at almost 103, that she actually told me that she loved me. Not that she had not loved me before, but she was unable to actually articulate it in words.

     The big thing was that we all learned to play the role of being ‘nice’. Even within the family, one could not express how one felt about anything, it just was not done. If anything went wrong, it could not go outside the FAMILY.

     Of course, this was also the way that my parents, and probably their parents, were also brought up. We were all supposed to know our place in the world and not be a nuisance, I feel an old English way of looking at things that my grandparents brought to Australia. Thank goodness that has changed for the better in our modern times.

     I have SO much to thank Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for, in my gradual acceptance of the beautiful Soul that I actually truly am. It has been a very gradual change, there has been much for me to discard before I came to this acceptance of just how TRULY BEAUTIFUL I AM. And still somewhat of a WORK IN PROGRESS!

341. I can relate to being brought up under the belief of ‘children should be seen and not heard’ and having to display impeccable manners when out at someone else’s house. I actually remember being so nice and polite that it didn’t feel like me anymore, and the lady I was talking to looked at me as in disbelief, but then she proceeded to chastise her own daughter for not being more like me. I felt great because I had got attention for my manners but looking back I was just trying to please and my friend was just having fun and was pleased she had a friend to stay over.

342. lovely to read of your unfolding back to the real and beautiful you, Kathie.

343. It’s so true that when we are not being ourselves, the world misses out. It seems that it’s a way of controlling the world, to control someone’s behaviour to the point of suffocation. There are no surprises in this, yet there can be such joy in the unexpected comment and the true lovely expression of another. We miss the wonder of them and that’s a true loss.

344. I love the idea that we are all a part of the jigsaw of humanity or life, thank you Kathie.

345. I love how you turned around a life spent trying not to be a nuisance to discovering that not being all of you and bringing that too the world would actually be the real nuisance! I am glad you found the freedom to be you, and no doubt you have impeccable manners Kathie!

346. Thanks Kathie , for exposing through your story how we forget to truly look after ourselves in trying to honour others in business and life.

347. Another awesome blog, I too loved the jigsaw analogy, as without all the pieces the whole puzzle remains incomplete. Time to all play our part and not hold back in who we are.

348. Thank you, Kathie. So clear, so simple and so accessible. I love the jigsaw metaphor which confirms completely the magic of the uniqueness we are and how we fit essentially into the big picture….humanity.

349. Imagine if from a young age that was the definition of nuisance that was explained to us.. that we are actually doing a disservice and being a nuisance if we don’t be all who we are and if we hold back. It would be interesting to see these kids grow up!

350. This is lovely Kathie, thank you. I feel that many of us (who are older than 45 years old?) can relate to the upbringing you have had, I certainly can. As girls (and women), is it fair to say that we copped it more (I definitely did in Japan). I love your metaphor of “a piece of jigsaw puzzle”, indeed, if one piece is missing, it is never complete and the hole is so noticeable, in fact, it is an eye-sore, and we cannot have that!

351. Thank you Kathie for sharing your journey. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote as I am also on the same journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’. I thought that by putting others first and being nice I was showing them I cared and loved them, but if I have left myself out of the picture it wasn’t really complete. True love is not leaving anyone out, including myself.

352. So great to read your account of claiming yourself Kathie. Women especially are taught to put others first and in so doing we compromise and sacrifice our wellbeing and health. I read an interesting article which described and talked about the profile of many people who develop cancer and it matched the picture and role that so many of us play, the self-sacrificing altruistic care giver. So wonderful to hear how you have replaced this ‘niceness’ with true love and care for yourself and others.

353. How we have got it mixed up! Not being ourselves is the true nuisance, and we have the proof of that in the escalation of mental and physical illness in the would. Yet we still hold onto the belief that being nice is the answer, to not rock the boat in human relations, when our bodies are in such tension feeling how untrue it is to relate in such a way–as if we have many acquaintances in life but no true friends–something that touches the surface but with no depth–it feels awful to relate this way.
     Thank you Kathie, it’s time the world knows that being nice is not love. Choosing love might rock some boats, but we are true to our bodies and from there we communicate truthfulness to the world.

354. Kathie, I love how you’ve turned this around that how we view being a nuisance is false, but if we don’t truly be ourselves and show that to others, there is a missing piece and that really is a nuisance. False modesty and niceness are lethal actually, when you consider it; they are extremely arrogant as they pre-determine how another will react or how the world should be. Presenting ourselves in open-ness offers all an opportunity to have a different conversation, a different connection, one I am still learning. Niceness is so ingrained and utterly false, and is one I am continuing to break down each day.

355. Kathie, I feel we all have our experiences of what we accept as normal in our childhoods which we realise are not so in later life. I felt shocked when I read that your mother refused ‘in patient care’ and instead took the bus into the hospital everyday – I wonder how many others, perhaps elderly people in particular, have done a similar thing. Thank you for sharing your story.

356. I can relate with what you share here Kathie. I used to live my life not being a nuisance or burden for those around me, which resulted in me becoming very independent and always being there for others instead of myself. I am learning to be all of me and to value myself, although asking for help and support when needed is a work in progress.
     I love the jigsaw puzzle analogy and playfulness.

357. A lot of children are brought up in the ‘don’t be a nuisance” and it can be really damaging of the child’s confidence and expression, constantly holding back and pleasing others. It is great to see your understanding for how your parents didn’t realise how amazing they were, and so they were not to blame for their actions, and that you grew up and just repeated the life you had seen your parents living before Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine showed you the possibility of another way.

358. Kathie thanks for a sharing that has sparked a few truths. The niceness will kill us slowly and surely and do it with torture along the way. How joy-full is your realisation that you, and we all, belong to a whole and that it’s essential we all take up our part in this 100%. This is the true purpose of our caring for humanity.

359. So many children are given this message of “being a nuisance”. I grew up in the fifties when children were to be “seen and not heard” and, the same as you Kathie, if we were to speak we were directed to be “nice and polite”. No wonder we have treated ourselves with disregard as we were never given a chance to feel how amazing we were. I am so grateful to Serge Benhayon and the practitioners from Universal Medicine for allowing me to claim the real me and to be able to express without feeling I am treading on others’ toes.

360. Brilliant blog Kathie. Thank you for highlighting those messages that we take on from childhood about not being a nuisance. It was very helpful to think about how much these messages have held sway in my adult life, and to see that although I am less punished by them now, they can still creep in, sometimes in a subtle way, and influence how I behave.

361. “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.” This is so awesome.

362. I love the simplicity and lightness that you write with Kathie! What you have also shared is a topic I can well relate to and the niceness that can be self-negating. All too often we are taught to put ourselves last and always to put others first; that they are more important than we are and that they must have first say. Essentially this ingrains in us that we are not equal and that others are superior to us; it confirms a lack of self-worth.
     I too have also felt the way that this niceness towards others can be very demeaning to self. In my experience I also experimented with swinging the pendulum in the other direction, by being ‘more selfish,’ but very quickly discovered a middle ground – not in the form of compromise, but in the sense of being with someone in a way that does not compromise myself nor another, and serves both equally. This is not to say that I always get it right, as there are times when I put another ahead of myself and then I can feel it does not sit right, nor does it come from the right place – at those times it comes from me seeking to be nice so that I get liked or get approval and this comes from the self-negation or lack of self-worth.

     What I can say though is that there is a beautiful feeling that comes from considering another – and that this does not need to come from niceness, but from an absolute exquisite way of knowing that this is how I would like to be treated and how I treat myself and how I treat others around me. This consideration of self and others equally is actually natural to us all and is a joy to live – it plays out in how you park your car so that others are left with a spot too, how you leave your shoes by the door so no one trips on them, how you replace the food item from the pantry so that the next person does not miss out on it, or how you carry the box of groceries out to the car for the elderly gentleman because this is just what you feel to do. This consideration that is so naturally within us all is also the thing that can get bastardised into niceness which is so not honouring of ourselves nor of the other.

363. How truly debilitating being told by default that you are ‘a nuisance’…for just by saying “don’t be a nuisance” implies that you can be! And how truly beautiful to read how this belief which was and is so prevalent, has been turned around by you, Kathy. When we are naturally anything but ‘a nuisance’, the true harm lies in our believing that it’s even possible – rather than knowing what valuable and integral pieces of the puzzle we are. So much damage is wrought by this one erroneous belief, as it holds us all as a humanity back.

     1. I agree Peta, it is extremely debilitating to be told we are “a nuisance”, and it is great even after all that growing up Kathie you have turned your life around and are now an inspiration for many as you have claimed yourself as an integral piece of the puzzle – showing others that they are also an integral part and that they do not need to be afraid to claim their part as well.

364. Very much a case of children should be seen and not heard, that they must behave themselves at all costs and conform to what their parents and society expects of them. These ideals crush the very sparkle and character of a child and then we end up with adults who are unable to be who they fully are which leaves us in a state of emptiness and confusion simply playing a game of fitting in rather than shining bright for all to see. Yes we need boundaries and to be responsible and considerate of others however if we were raised to be loving of ourselves first we would naturally understand that how we are impacts on others and would know how to behave to ensure we bring harmony and love to the world. This way we would have billions of little jigsaw pieces coming together for one unified purpose – humanity.

     1. Beautifully said Rachel, many children are expected to uphold their parents expectations and not embarrass them. However in doing this we don’t give them freedom of expression that allows them to be themselves and grow up knowing their own minds. Like you have said, teaching respect and care to our children will naturally nurture them to be responsible and mature.

        1. This is true Rebecca and Rachel. Having grown up around these ideals I could also feel the hypocrisy which accompanied them.

365. OMG – all the times I have made sure I was nice, not rocking the boat, and so on, and thinking this was the way! My upbringing was filled with the same things you have written about.
     What a lie that is, all it did was make it impossible for others to understand and relate to me and for me to know myself.

366. Hello Kathie, I love this blog and I particularly love the start, the way you set it up. I loved reading about your parents shop and how it seemed to be the hub of the community. The place people came to meet and it seemed everyone knew how important your shop was except maybe your parents. It’s ok to be grateful for people putting “food on your plate” but equally appreciate the fact of the huge service they were offering, simply a part was missing just as you say. The analogy of the ‘puzzle’ is brilliant, easy to understand and relate to and I agree with you. We all play a role and again as you say “Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.” Thank you for playing your part.

367. The tendency to ‘put others before yourself’ is so widespread; but it is to our great detriment: for when we do this, we miss out on fulfilling the potential of love that we could bring to the world by first developing self-love as our foundation and support. This is not selfish, nor is it ‘being a nuisance’; it is actually the most loving way we can live – both for ourselves, and for all others in our lives.

368. Kathie a great blog, it’s all too common to think what we are doing might cause “offense” or be a “Nuisance” yet what’s great about your blog is it shows that we are all a piece of the jigsaw puzzle. How annoying is it to have pieces missing – not only do we miss out but so does all of humanity – puts a different angle on things.

369. The part I liked about the jigsaw analogy Kathie was that without your piece or my piece or anyones for that matter being shown in full that stops the potential for others to understand their piece and part in life as who they are. Niceness I often feel is very squashing and constricting of a person – working in a supermarket many people before asking me a question or even saying hello apologise, say sorry etc for ‘being a bother/nuisance/disturbance’. I have seen in my role models and felt for myself that being nice is not what people want deep down, it is a cover for what we really want which is just to be us – ourselves and with others. Hence why niceness is taught and seen as the ‘good’ way to be, a way of being able to be with people in a favourable way in replace of the love that we naturally are already.

370. I can remember Kathie when I had my first job in high school, in a grocery store and as part of our training we were taught to have what they called an ‘I Care’ attitude and a motto that ‘The customer is always right’. Reading your blog has reminded me of this and the fact that at the time I felt like I could never say and overrode what I truly felt. When a customer was being demanding of me or at times using rude or abusive behaviours towards me I never felt that I could say it wasn’t Ok or stand up for myself knowing what I deserved.

     The ideals that were being taught there were fostering a way of being that didn’t hold equality between all relations, nor did it support the fact that we are naturally caring of others when we are this way with ourselves too. This is all super interesting to see as there is always another way; and how interestingly a large grocery chain could be run if done so with a different understanding of the potential for true care and also harmony in relationships.

     1. I agree Cherise being nice, or obliging can lead to allowing people to be abusive without a feeling that we have any recourse to do or say anything about it. It was certainly ingrained in me from young not to be a ‘trouble’ to anyone and I learnt that life seemed easier if I didn’t make waves but in doing this I stopped speaking up in fear of being a trouble maker.

371. Thankyou for sharing Kathie. “It has been (and is) such a journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well, to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life.” Being told when young that little girls were to be good and quiet and speak when spoken to……..Undoing the “niceness” is a journey for me too and rediscovering the love that was there all along.

372. I really enjoyed your blog Kathie and related strongly to the niceness and the martyrdom which I have grown up with. It was a pattern I was heading towards repeating but I am glad to say I have thrown away those ideals with thanks to Universal Medicine. I feel we can contribute more fully to society when we care for ourselves and don’t feel we have to be nice if it is at the expense of what we truly feel. Great to hear your story of discarding that which was not supporting you to be who you are.

373. All these beliefs, like: you don’t hang the dirty laundry outside, what will the neigbours think or say, don’t stick your head out of the cornfield, if you were born a dime, you will never become a quarter, come from this same consciousness. It’s all to do with making ourselves small, not expressing and not shining!

374. Beautiful Kathie, this blog shows very clearly that niceness doesn’t work, and how it makes us feel so exhausted. And how it is more about that when we are ourselves we fit together perfectly and can support each other in every way needed, without forgetting ourselves.

375. Kathie, thank you for exposing the niceness and being good as a harmful behavior. It is a great blog to read and go deeper concerning niceness, unworthiness and recognition.

376. I like your analogy with the puzzle. The truth is, we were each given a task and if we do not play our part in full no one will and the world will miss out.

377. Super blog Kathie, which delivers such a powerful message which many will relate to easily, especially: ‘She didn’t ask anyone for help… she didn’t want to be a nuisance!’ In the past I was Mrs Independant, and I prided myself that I could do so much on my own, and did not need to ask others for help. For instance, I would cut my garden hedges that were 2 and 3 times the height of myself (very dangerous) instead of asking my brother for help, because that was the habit I was in; not able to ask others for support, as I held the unconscious belief that I was not deserving of support either.
     All that changed a few years ago when I also became ill. The very first thing I knew I had to change was: I had to put me first if I was going to make it, and I had to re-learn how to ask others for support, which I did not find easy… eventually I did say good bye to Mrs Independant. Today, I do not hestiate to ask for support as it feels so very loving to do so and makes life a lot easier too and I find people are only too happy to help.

378. Thank you kathie, I really enjoyed reading your blog.

379. I love this Kathie. The niceness is a trap that I also fell into and can still go there sometimes as a way of seemingly appeasing the situation…but as you say, in truth, I am just being a plain nuisance by holding myself and others back!!! Haha, crazy. Love how you’ve turned this on it’s head Kathie.

380. Love the way you finished the blog Kathie. How well you explain the importance of self care first and using this as a place from where we may support others.

381. Thanks Kathie, I really enjoyed the descriptions of village life and especially the farming characters who, actually, were true to themselves, even though it meant inconvenience to others sometimes!
     I would love to see a follow-up blog later about, “the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life.” I would be very interested to read examples of how this appears in your life.

382. Kathie you have summed up in your closing paragraph the enormous contribution every single one of us has to bring to humanity. The ‘not being a nuisance’ mentality is an insidious one, taking us away from the truth and enormous healing that comes when we shine in our glory with no apology or an ounce of niceness. A healing that encompasses everyone giving others permission to shine in their fullness as well.

383. How oppressive have these admonitions such as “don’t be a nuisance” been to innocent children. You have cracked this mantra to become the inspiring piece of the jigsaw whom we are all appreciating Kathie.

384. Brilliant Kathie I loved how you make it crystal clear there is no love or care in putting ourselves last. Thank you for adding your true and beautiful part to the jigsaw of human life.

385. Being self-loving can be such an alien concept to many of us who have been brought up in a belief system that is designed to shrink us, and so when someone starts asking how much we value and love ourselves, it’s life-changing on an individual level and, as in your jigsaw analogy, Kathie, it starts to make more sense at the bigger picture level that we are all a part of.

386. Reflecting on being ‘nice’ leaves me with a feeling of being with someone that is very slippery. All my life I have been ‘nice’ and only recently I have realised that I have robbed others of having true connection with me and definitely I have robbed myself of being in true connection with me. Being with someone that is nice has never left me feeling supported because I never quite knew where they stood in relation to anything, they were always too nice to say. I agree with you Kathie – it’s goodbye to nice and hello to fully claiming me.

387. I too spent my life being nice and putting everyone’s needs before my own. It is a nightmare of a way to live. Thanks to the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning to be myself more and more. This is so liberating..

388. Kathie, reading your blog I was much amused to hear you suspected your parents did not know how glorious they were and that this did not make sense to a very wise child. I am glad now you can look back and see things for how they really were, without judgement.

389. Playing nice really does get you nowhere but in a world of hurt. It’s great to drop it all away and do what is needed for yourself.

390. Thank you Kathie for sharing your journey with undoing the ‘nice-ness’ that is engrained in so many of us. I had to laugh when I read your list of ‘calculations to assess the nuisance quotient when I was asked my preference’ because it sounded so familiar and in the past I would have said I was being considerate! Now I am committed to working on being a unique piece of the jigsaw of humanity. Love it.

391. It feels great to nail this upbringing that I can relate to as well, where it was more important to be on show to others and not be a nuisance too, not get in anyone’s way or speak out of place for fear of showing your parents up. We did allow this control to happen, but I remember feeling I had no choice at the time, rather than to be myself and honour my own feelings. Great that it’s never too late to change!

392. Niceness isn’t nice, no one gets to see and appreciate the real you. Now they can, the true, glorious you. Thanks for taking us on the journey Kathie.

     1. I completely agree Jeanette, thank you.

393. This is a great article showing the harm in ‘nice’. As children we grow up being told to be nice and do what any adults say, this is basically teaching us to totally disregard ourselves and bow down to others to make them happy. Imagine if we were taught to always be loving but to feel everything that was ever asked of us and feel what is true for us and to share lovingly if something doesn’t feel right. Growing up would be a totally different and empowering experience.

394. And it does not matter which piece of the puzzle you are they are equally important for the whole but as you say Kathy when one of us hold back the puzzle can never be finished.
     I love your analogy of the jigsaw puzzle it makes it so obvious how crazy it is to hold back in life. And you know with our unique expression we fit in naturally.

395. A beautiful blog thank you for sharing Kathie. Great to expose the insidious nature of ‘niceness’ which really doesn’t help anyone. I fell for that too, and still have to work on it occasionally. It is so important to value ourselves and realise that we all matter, each and every one of us. I liked your jigsaw analogy, and how we all have our own unique part to play in the whole picture.

396. Hi Kathie, I love the way you tell the story of how your parents were doing what they thought was working and then passed that formula onto yourself, as it was passed down from their own parents – this highlights how we take on the ideals and beliefs from our parents.

397. “He asked me to consider how much I valued and loved myself” reading this is such a healing in itself. We so often bypass this, thinking self love is a selfish thing, when that is so far from the truth. Imagine a world where we all loved, nurtured and deeply cared for ourselves. These simple words hold such strength – what would it be like if every choice we made came from first valuing and loving ourselves, then equally all others too.

398. This is beautiful Kathie, “If I hold back back then the puzzle can never be finished, if I try to make myself as others then the puzzle will never be complete”, it is so true that we all have our unique qualities to bring to humanity and that we are all equal in this, there are no more and less important people.

399. Thank you for your wonderful ‘real life’ blog Kathie. There is so much here that I recognise and identify with, for example being told endlessly not to be a nuisance, and to be always polite to people. There were lots of other sayings in a similar vein, the gist of which was to say ‘know your place and don’t stand out’ and keep your head down. Generations of people must have been imprisoned in this philosophy as it was handed down from parents to their children. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon we each know now how important our role is in the jigsaw puzzle of humanity.

400. Kathie, this is such a joy to read.

401. Thank you for sharing your story, Kathie, I can certainly relate to it. When I grew up it was all about being nice and polite to other people, never about “consider how much I valued and loved myself”, or being loved for just being a lovely little girl. Through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have realized and experienced that’s it’s all about being and sharing that love, regardless of where other people are at. Lets just keep shining.

402. A lovely blog Kathie and a big subject to be tackling, being nice and not being a nuisance. I was brought up similarly but under the umbrella of politeness. And I too learned not to ask or rely on others and take care of myself no matter what was going on with me because otherwise I would be a burden.
     In learning to open up and let people in I can see now how beautiful it is to love myself and let others love me equally and so these days when something is going on I joyfully ask my friends for support and they joyfully offer it.

403. Sacrifice is such a drive and I have seen it happening so many times with the women in my family. It doesn’t help anyone and keeps everybody small and needy. Thank you Kathie for exposing clearly what it is. By being fully who we are, the picture is complete.

404. A lovely article Kathie showing the appreciation of you and your place in the jigsaw puzzle of humanity. I too remember the words ‘Don’t be a nuisance’ and the expectation that I should be on my ‘best’ behaviour when visiting friends. Children should be trusted to just be themselves with whomever or wherever they are.

405. How easy it can be to accept a limited version of life even if we know otherwise. I love how this blog unfolds, as you have,and shows us that we can break the restricting formulas and wholeheartedly contribute to the jigsaw puzzle of life.

406. We are part of a big puzzle and to call our piece a potential nuisance is forgetting that we all matter, we are all equally important. Patterns passed on by generations can be so deeply engrained like with your family. Lovely to read how you have broken the pattern of ‘being a nuisance’. You clearly express and lovingly contribute in your unique way now, not holding back anyware, just being you.

407. This blog blows the lid right off niceness and how absolutely futile it is, I come from a long line of nice people, nice but not true. That nice and unworthiness comes out of a lot of religious teachings as my daughter came home from school singing a song with the lyrics telling her she was a sinner and unworthy of Gods love.
     I love the metaphor of the jigsaw puzzle , what a great way to explain what is really going on.

     1. I loved the jigsaw analogy too Kevin and the way in which Kathie described her awareness at an early age that she, and indeed her parents, were more than they knew they were. We innately know that ‘there is so much more to us than meets the eye’, and yet we are often taught, as you say, through erroneous religious teachings to hold it back! A huge wrongdoing that this blog begins to dissolve..

     2. True Kev; nice does not always mean true… And sometimes you’ll find the people that appear extremely ‘nice’ can be equally as manipulating, just in a different way.

408. Kathie the world would definitely not be complete without your glorious puzzle piece shinning it’s light for all to see. Beautifully inspiring.

409. Thank you Kathie for an inspirational blog about ‘niceness’. When someone is being nice I can feel the holding back and the hardness underneath, just as I can feel my own contraction when I am being nice. In fact, it feels like an insidious poison running through my body! Yet, we were brought up to be ‘nice’, ‘polite’ and grateful in order to not be deemed a nuisance. Thanks to Serge Benhayon’s presentations I have come to understand that truth serves far better than ‘nice’.

410. I love how you have described yourself as a key piece of the jigsaw puzzle and that if you are not being you, others may miss out on seeing where they fit in the puzzle… This is so true – when we hold back others are not given the opportunity to see how glorious they indeed are.

411. Thank you Kathie. I also grew up being told how important it was that I ‘behave myself’ as in, not ‘getting in the way’, which made me feel like I was less important than those around me. Crazy that as children we should be made to feel that we are ‘lesser’. Not a great way to start out in the world! Awesome that you are now opening up to beautiful you.

     1. True Alison – in no way should children be made to feel like ‘less’ – even though they are young, I think we can all agree the joy and wisdom they have is often MUCH beyond their years.

412. As a child we do see and feel that the way life presents it self is not always true, but to stay with that feeling without giving in to it seems not to be that easy. Most of the time we end up repeating the patterns of behaviour in our adult life that were shown to us by our parents and society when we were young. How absurd this actually is, but we see it all around, and I too have gone this way. Although it looks like there is no other way to live life but your story Kathie shows us clearly that there is another way, the way of our inner-heart that is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Thank you for reconnecting to the playful and joyful little girl in you.

413. Interestingly, the word ‘nuisance’, which has devolved to meaning an irritation or annoyance, is far heavier in its original meaning, which is: ‘injury, hurt, harm, wrong, damage’. I wonder how much of the original energy remains in the word given how carelessly we apply such labels to people without thought of the consequences to the young and impressionable such as you were at the time.
     Thanks Kathie for this very enjoyable blog, despite it containing descriptions of harrowing experiences. Knowing you have unearthed your real self is yet more evidence of the value of Universal Medicine to those who may be damaged and suffering.

     1. Wow thanks Andy for exposing the power behind ‘nuisance’ and the responsibility we have in choosing our words.

     2. I understand your concern Andy, feeling into the word ‘nuisance’ it is in fact a very heavy word and even though people think they are using it in the context of a mild form of irritation is it actually a heavy curse with lasting effects if placed on another; as Kathie has so beautifully expressed here.

414. Your blog carries a strong message that has taken me a long time to learn and I still have not mastered. The overall message of honouring yourself and not giving your power away to please others is so important and greatly appreciated

415. Thank you Kathie for writing such a great blog. I love the way you have described humanity as a jigsaw puzzle, as this is so true. We each play a part in contributing to the whole picture of humanity, so playing small and holding back does not serve. It is so interesting how as children, we can be impressed to follow suit in the ways of our parents, adopting habits and boundaries around us in the way we think we should live, when in fact it doesn’t serve us at all. It is wonderful how this constricting way melts when we apply self love, allowing the fullness of ourselves to come out. When a few ‘pieces of the puzzle’ (people in their fullness) come together, the potential of how the whole humanity can live like is truly felt, its palpable, and what a work of art this is!

416. Oh what a web we can weave in our lives by not claiming ourselves, taking on behaviours and patterns that aren’t even ours. Thank you for sharing your story Kathie and expressing how we all have choices…and our body lets us know when our choices aren’t true choices for us….as it speaks ever so loudly if we listen…

417. Cool blog Kathie…oh what a web we can weave in our lives by not claiming ourselves, taking on instead, patterns and behaviours that aren’t even ours. You have clearly expressed here, how we all have choices and that we can make a choice to listen to what our body is trying to tell us… it speaks ever so loudly.

418. Dear Kathie – if you can bear a little playfullness in my response I would say “what a nuisance you are sharing your love and the gorgeous being you truly are!!” – and I felt to share that response as you will feel that I understand from my own experience the consciousness that was so densely the experience of my growing up years – I recall the living with this overwhelming belief system that seemed to be prevalent and the overriding demeanour in the environment – however, isn’t it truly awesome that we discovered we had a choice to not believe that we had to live that way – and this discovery was made possible by meeting Serge Benhayon and attending the Universal Medicine presentations. What a breath of fresh air it is to know that within each of us is the divine aspect, the truly beautiful and loving being that no longer holds on to the belief system of ‘nice-ness’, ‘putting others first’ and bowing to what other people may think or supposedly expect from us. I thank you for writing and sharing your story – I felt it to be such a healing expression.

419. Thank you Kathie for sharing how in holding ourselves back we unwittingly deprive a fellow human being from seeing all of who we truly are and we affirm a state of love-lessness.

420. Sometimes it can be hard to see how, when we hold ourselves back through all the ways in which we can, it can affect others. A deeply powerful blog. Thanks.

     1. I agree Ben. For me it’s certainly sobering when I hae been honest enough to admit how holding myself back has really deprived people of a much needed expression of love that could have inspired them to make more loving choices.

421. Kathie, I understand what you have expressed here because I lived the same “I don’t want to be a nuisance” ideal for many years. It meant that I had to be fiercely independent and do everything myself which, of course, led to many an injury and upset. Understanding that it is OK to care for ourselves and say No is loving for ourselves and others too. I am so pleased you have written about this.

422. Wow Kathie I enjoyed reading your blog. I love what you say here – ” Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits?” very inspiring , Thank you.

423. Yes thank you Kathie for reiterating that “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished”. Only yesterday a practitioner told me the very same thing. So I will make myself a nuisance by seeking and accepting support to help me in my unfolding.

424. Very gorgeous, Kathie. A great example of how simply putting ourselves first is such an important part of taking care of ourselves and in turn our communities.

     1. I love your expression here Laura as you have shed light on the concept of ‘community’ for me. So many of us can relate to these types of stories from our childhood and how we’ve used these stories to keep ourselves small and focused on what the outside world expects/demands/wants of us. But for a community to function harmoniously, and in a way that supports its participants to evolve, as human beings are designed to do, we must first put ourselves first and take care of ourselves, which includes living responsibly and healing the hurts of our past. Otherwise community is just a bunch of people feeding off each other’s emotions, ideals, beliefs, traditions etc. etc., which stops us from claiming the piece of the jigsaw we each represent. This totally flips the ‘idea’ of community on its head for me – thank you.

425. What you have shared is absolute gold!
     “I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity.
     If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole. So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!”

426. Thank you, Kathie, for sharing the way of life that you were born into, and how you stepped out of that into a new way of being that embraces all that you are in your glorious essence.

427. Kathy I can really relate to your blog. As I am remembering how I was taught to always say, ‘thanks for having me,’ I can feel how much my mum was worried about whether I’d behaved myself or not for fear I’d bring unwanted disapproving attention her way and she’d be held responsible as my mum.

     I understand how she was brought up this way herself. She really loved me and did her best for me but not being herself got in the way of her allowing herself to express this.

     So it is wonderful to read how you’ve pointed out that not being yourself is a great nuisance. I’m observing how all those people who aren’t being themselves create situations/ scenarios that could be called nuisances (and sadly, far worse) just because they aren’t being themselves -myself totally included! How liberating to know that being me is the opposite of being a nuisance and is not something to be ashamed of but to be celebrated in all my glory – like everyone.

     1. Yes Karin, “Thanks for having me” and “Thank you for my tea” was a well rehearsed mantra when going over to friends houses. Our parents got a lot of compliments about how polite my siblings and I were. But I can see that as a belief system it can hide and mask the truth of what someone is truly feeling or wanting to express and we end up living a lie and putting on fronts to please others. A heart felt thank you coming from an impulse of joy is very different from a rehearsed polite thank you. So I really get what you mean, Kathy about not being ourselves as the real nuisance, as we cap ourselves in expression and understanding.

        1. I agree Rachel. I hear parents regularly telling their children to ‘say thank you’ and it feels like such an imposition as the children repeat the phrase with no real meaning. Manners are so ingrained in society and totally disable a child or adult’s true expression in that moment. I’ve rarely asked my youngest to say thank you as I became aware of this just before he was born but naturally when he does, it is so gorgeous and sweet, my heart melts. Thank you Kathie for writing about your experience and awareness of this and starting this conversation. What a beautiful reminder that each and everyone one of us is unique and wonderful and completes the whole just as every puzzle piece makes up the picture.

     2. I love that Karin, I too find it liberating. The amount of times as a kid I was told to stop being a nuisance would probably be too many times to count, or to be treated as a lesser human being because you were a kid. But also no blame here as it was a vicious circle which I hope we have brought a stop to.

428. I enjoyed reading every last word of your beautiful blog Kathie. I too have lived my life terrified of being a burden or a nuisance for others, all the while going the extra mile for those around me. I have come to remember that I cannot freely give others what I do not give myself. This is a big ouch as it shows that I cannot truly be there for someone else until I can accept the same level of love and care from others.

429. Thank you Kathie, this brings back memories of my own childhood with much the same type of attitude offered up by my parents, don’t be a nuisance and be extremely great–full for what you have got! Thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon I now understand all I need to do is just be me in all that I do and to be with my own breath.

430. It’s wonderful for a blog to address a seemingly non-issue, that when told with openness and intelligence reveals everything. One piece at a time, one mis-belief dissolved before another, the jigsaw IS coming together. Great job Kathie.

431. Being told one is a nuisance would be very capping, everywhere you go you would be constantly thinking about it and not fully enjoying yourself. Not to mention putting your needs aside so to not feel like a nuisance. I loved what you shared about when you were younger knowing that that wasn’t true. Thank you for sharing Kathie.

432. Kathie this is such a great post on responsibility, love your jigsaw analogy and not holding back so that the whole jigsaw can be seen. It is amazing how upbringing, causes, parental beliefs that we take on as our own in adult life can affect, even infect this jigsaw’s picture. Realising this as you share is the first great step, and then making a different choice and one that is ours.

433. Yes thank you Kathie, for blowing the lid right off being nice and staying small. Giving my power away to social norms and formalities so as not to take up too much space is such a disservice to myself and has so impacted my body over the years.

434. Kathy I absolutely love the way you turned ‘being a nuisance’ around at the end, that did make me chuckle! You’re so right, it would be a huge nuisance to us all if you weren’t to be all that you are – When you are being you, others can see who they are. Simple.

435. Katie, what a beautiful way of looking at life, and the part
     we all play together, these words are precious.
     “If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.”

436. It’s absolutely true, until we embody ourselves fully the “whole” is missing a significant piece.

     1. Yes Melinda, I sometimes have to remind myself that we are ALL part of the whole

437. ‘Behave. Be good. Be nice. Where are your manners?’
     ‘Don’t get in the way.’
     ‘Are they a nuisance?’
     ‘Let me know if you get sick of them.’
     ‘Tell me if they are bothering you.’
     The assumption is that the child is unacceptable in some way, not equal and that simply being themselves is never enough.
     No wonder we all hold back the love as we get older!
     Undoing the ‘niceness’ and letting go of ‘being good’ sure is liberating.
     Kathie thank you for not holding back your glorious piece of the puzzle.✨

     1. You have summed it up Kathryn! I so remember being told to mind my manners and be polite. The message received was I was not enough and my natural expression had to get squished to conform to what those around me wanted to hear. I too grew up under the understanding that everyone else was more important than me and everyone else came first. I recently told colleagues that I am open to my children telling me when I am being unfair or when “I have lost it”, in fact if I ever do or say anything that is hurtful to them. The jaw dropping response said it all! The common perception is that children are less, not equal. This is a belief we have all suffered from. Is it not time we start to re-think our approach to raising children?

     2. Yes, all those rules and judgements, which Kathie has exposed as inhibiting our natural way of being. Great article!

     3. Kathryn, what you have written here is so true, ‘let me know if you get sick of them’, ‘tell me if they are bothering you’ ‘the assumption is that the child is unacceptable in some way’, it’s great to read this as I have sometimes said things to people about my son, checking if they are ok with him and that he is not bothering them, it’s great to be aware of this.

     4. Great expansion on the words and phrases used to belittle kids and suppress their natural expression of who they are – it’s very true that letting go of that niceness and good that gets drummed into us feels amazing!

438. I love the jigsaw puzzle analogy Kathie. A great reminder to be all that we are and not hold back.

439. Thank you Kathy for sharing this. Being nice and putting others first is an all too common experience for so many, particularly women. What you are offering here is another way, to see that it is normal to love ourselves first, so that we may be who we truly are and by doing so be perhaps the ‘key piece in the jigsaw of humanity so others may see where they fit’.

     1. I agree Penny, “it is normal to love ourselves first”. It took me most of my lifetime to realise this, but it actually makes complete sense. There is no way that I can truly love another until I know what it is like to love myself first. It is sad that so many of us have been brought up to believe that it is a selfish attitude. Actually, it is completely unselfish in the long run, it is good for all of humanity.

440. Hi Kathie, You did make me chuckle! It is truly wonderful to read about your unfolding in this blog. I can see the spherical jigsaw puzzle that is humanity in love, slowly being built and I can see your piece shinning like a star.

441. Beautiful to read Kathie. It is true, we might think we are being nice to other people when we make ourselves smaller or less than another person but, in fact, it is the opposite. It is not nice at all to act like you are less than someone else because you are holding something amazing back from them… Yourself!

442. I love the puzzle analogy. I feel the same way, about what it means to hold back. I am also considering and dare I say, starting to accept, that I in fact do have something to offer humanity, in the form of just being me.

443. Hi Kathie, am I glad you are finally starting to be a ‘nuisance’ by showing us all who you really are! Beautiful picture of the puzzle not being complete without you and me and others being ourselves in full. Gorgeous writing.

444. Wow Kathie this is simply beautiful. I love how you have used the analogy of a puzzle to illustrate that each person’s expression is needed – this makes so much sense! Oh and niceness, I can so relate to using this in my life. It is an insidious quality that leaves us cold and disconnected both from ourselves and others. I am looking at the way niceness still comes in for me and I feel I use it to protect and stop me going deeper in my connection with all. When I am nice I am not me…time to catch niceness and let it express no more 🙂

445. Absolute gold Kathie. I definitely embodied niceness and not wanting to be a nuisance. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported me enormously with this, although reading this I can still feel ways I don’t ask for support not to be a bother. I wouldn’t want other people not to ask for support when they need it, I would want to be there for them so I need to really get this and see that they want the same for me too. It is a give and take not just a give give give.

446. So true Kathie, when we are our truly loving ourselves it makes it easy and natural for those around us to connect to the love within them and so the circle grows. Thank you for sharing your story.

447. Kathie, I love your analogy of the jigsaw puzzle. And alas, the puzzle will never be complete unless we ALL play our part and live love for ourselves. And I agree, it is so ingrained in our psyche to be nice, when all we really want is love and to be loved.

448. Kathy what wisdom you bring to an old fashioned tale. How many of us have excused ourselves so we would not be a nuisance and nice-ness would be the best we could offer. And yet you have uncovered the love that is there inside you with the support of Esoteric practitioners Serge Benhayon and fellow students. I love it, the fact that you say you could be a nuisance and there would a hole if you were not being all of you. This missing piece of puzzle fits beautifully and it all makes sense.

449. So subtle those underlying patterns, but when we start to look at them and how we calibrate ourselves around them they really stand out and we see them for how harmful they really are. Thank you Kathie.

450. It just shows how upside down our world is. We are taught to consider ourselves a nuisance if we are not being polite and putting everyone else first. In reality we are left worse off and everyone else is too. How simple and profound Serge Benhayon’s words were, “How much do you love and value yourself?” This should be something we ask of ourselves and each other every day, always being open to being more.

451. Kathie I love your metaphor of being a piece of the huge jigsaw that is humanity, and how the jigsaw can never be complete without every piece. We are after all a part of the whole and we all have our own unique expression of love to make that glorious picture complete.

452. Yes Kathie I agree, it is exhausting being ‘nice’ rather than just naturally being ourselves, and accepting we are more than enough as we are. We all have a uniqueness of expression only we can bring, thank you for sharing yours.

453. Fantastic blog! I love how you share that you were totally aware of your glory as a little girl, and have now reclaimed yourself – that the understanding that you are love was not new, it had always been there inside you.

454. Kathie your line about the unique contribution you make is a vital part of the jigsaw of humanity really spoke to me. It made me stop and truly appreciate that everything person has the responsibility to be all that they are by letting go of any patterns that hold them back so they can play their piece of puzzle. Magic!

455. The sharing of your upbringing was beautiful. I felt like I was in the shop warming my hands on the chimney pipe. I can relate to being nice and I love how you have become aware of how being nice is such a nuisance and that each one of us is needed to be exactly who we are so that the enormous jigsaw puzzle can be completed.

456. Hi Kathie, your jigsaw analogy is beautiful and very empowering, thank you.

457. When I was reading your blog, I got thinking about how much goes on behind closed doors…physically and metaphorically. And how much of human life is taken up with these stories – yours being one of ‘don’t be a nuisance’ (which I know is shared by many) and many others would have their own ‘story’ that ran through their lives/parents/friends etc… And then I got thinking about how exhausting that is and no wonder caffeinated drinks are top of the list. Then your next sentence was that you got adrenal fatigue and I was like, yes of course. I know I had my own stories running through that exhausted me as well.

     Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine have deeply inspired many of us to look at what stories are running, explore for ourselves if they are true, re-connect to the FACT that we are LOVE and to take great care of ourselves. The vitality and simplicity is returning, allowing us -as you so greatly put – to reclaim that we are all part of this puzzle and that it can never be finished unless we play our part. Awesome blog.

458. I enjoyed reading this Kathie and shared a giggle at how your parents and your own experiences echoed my own growing up.
     “What appeared to me to be grave injustices were swept under the carpet of duty and inevitability.” This too, I know very well, and the untwisting of being nice. A customer recently told me that I wasn’t very nice when I wasn’t allowing her to manipulate me. I replied that I wasn’t here to be nice, I was here to help her with her situation and that me simply doing it for her would not help her in the slightest. She quite humbly accepted what I said and got on with it.

459. Kathie thank you for this amazing blog that came to me exactly when it was needed.
     The picture with the puzzle and what it does to the great puzzle of humanity if we choose not to shine and express in full is just incredibly fitting and so accessible. I feel to ponder on it and will definitely come back to your blog as there seems to be so much more wisdom and depth in it than I can now grasp.

460. The “puzzle”-metaphor is just hilarious! And Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon provide us with the picture, how the puzzle can look like, once completed.

461. How beautifully written Kathie. If we are not being our true selves, our lovely, joyful selves, then everyone misses out – the puzzle is incomplete, and that in itself is being a nuisance.

462. Oh Kathie, what limited lives we lead when all we do is try to accommodate others, and bend ourselves out of shape around them. The funny thing is that most of this comes from what we imagine suits others. It is not necessarily what they want at all.
     And as you point out, so beautifully, everyone misses out in the end when our sole aim in life is to “not be a nuisance”.
     Here’s to being a true nuisance in all aspects of life! To bring our gorgeous selves in full to every situation, and let people have their little reactions if they need to. Let’s fill this life with our fullness and our light, in every way, and no more polite accommodation.

463. I love the part where you say “I am beginning to accept that I have a unique contribution to make to the huge jigsaw that is humanity”. it is a beautiful metaphor to remember at times of doubt or lack of confidence. It is all to easy to forget ourselves trying to help others or being who we think we should.

464. I really enjoyed reading your amazing Blog Kathie, it made so much sense, when you spoke about the big part or role you must play for humanity, or we all loose out. What a reflection that is for us all, when we live in contraction and trying to fit in or be like others so not upset people, we are actually doing them a huge disservice. Thank you.

465. I can feel your inner-strength from which you have chosen to change your life and I know I have that same strength thank you, Kathie.

466. There are lots of labels that many of us were given by our parents, yours being ’don’t be a nuisance” mine was ‘be a good girl’ insinuating that I was a ‘bad girl’, so I remember thinking I might as well be a ‘bad girl’ as this is how they see me. So as a young girl and growing up I identified with this role and played this out. I adopted the belief of good and bad, right and wrong which all these years later I am still letting go of, knowing that that we are the forever developing student and at times choices we make do not support ourselves nor others around us. This does not make us a ‘bad’ person, it is simply an opportunity to learn.

467. Thank you Kathie for sharing so beautifully and clearly how it is our responsibility to be fully ourselves and make the puzzle complete. I love your humour and the way you write exposing how twisted life is often lived, and how we can all be in our full power to make love our normal.

     1. Yes Rachel – isn’t this what life is truly about ‘making love normal’ in society for after all, the love we felt and were born with is deeply natural and innate to each and everyone of us.

468. Kathie, like you I was brought up to always be ‘polite’ and ‘nice’ and to consider others first and not be a ‘nuisance’, what ever that meant! These seem to be the so-called virtues that were instilled in a young child in war-time Engand and soon after. Like you, I suffered adrenal exhaustion and then some years later, cancer when I was fifty. Like you, since meeting Serge Benhayon, “It has been . . . a journey to undo the ‘nice-ness’ that I had embodied so well, to open up to the love that is there inside me and what that means in everyday life”. I have now replaced ‘niceness’ with ‘love’ – love that holds all others equal in that love. Now that is true ‘nice’!!

469. Hi Kathie – thank you for sharing – what an amazing journey for you. Being nice is such an unloving way to be and yet, as you have beautifully presented, it takes us more and more away from ourselves and our true way of being.

470. I enjoyed reading your blog and noticed that you are in the UK. I have spent some time there and remember the “being nice” attitude there. Although it is all around the world, it is quite strong in the UK or so it seemed to me. It felt quite false to me at times but I never questioned it. I guess I had not learnt to question or feel much at that point in my life. Thanks for your blog.

471. A beautiful and inspiring blog Kathie. I was also well trained with this ‘formula’! Since meeting Serge Benhayon in 2008 I have slowly but surely been making new choices to take this ‘formula’ apart and be more self nurturing and caring with myself first. My health, wellbeing and weight have changed in ways I would never have thought possible – no dieting or keep fit classes, just simple walking with me and wiser food choices in my everyday life have brought these profound, consistent and amazing changes.

472. It feels like we are basically told to be invisible with this ‘not being a nuisance’ business, but as you rightly say, without each one of us being who we truly are, there is a piece of the puzzle missing and we are all the poorer for it.

473. Thank you Kathie, I love how you have unraveled your understanding of appreciation and that you have accepted to be one important piece of the grand puzzle that we all are.

474. “This was so confusing. Couldn’t they see what a glorious little girl I was, so full of fun?”

     This has reminded me, Kathie, of the same very familiar feeling I used to have as a child too – why were my parents so caught up in their anxieties and personal concerns that they couldn’t connect to, no couldn’t even see the glorious little bundle of joy that I was presenting to them on a daily basis? What was so bad in their lives that they couldn’t share in the glory of what I felt within me?

     It was a very frustrating feeling, and for many years their rejection of that bundle of joy inside me lead me to reject it too. But no longer – I am letting it out to shine again now, thanks to the help and support of Serge Benhayon!

475. I can SO relate to growing up putting everyone else first, Kathie. My role models did it – in contrast to the reverse role models who acted with no regard for anyone and left a trail of hurt in their wake, a contrast that highlighted the seemingly better choice to be nice, which I of course chose! But by not feeling and expressing all of me, I was short-changing others, just like you. From ‘hole’ to ‘whole’, thanks to Serge Benhayon – way to go!

     1. Love what you are saying here Dianne. The ‘nice’ is such a subtle trap. We choose the ‘nicer’ way of behaving because we can see the devastation of the contrasted ‘not caring at all’ attitude. We were fooled thinking that we were choosing differently and did not realise, because we had buried our ability to feel, that there was actually a third stance which comes from truth and love, a choice that respects and cares for ourselves and our bodies, and so all others – a choice of an entirely different quality.

476. What a beautiful and empowering question: to consider how much you value and love yourself… Isn’t that a question we should ask ourselves every day, before we go to bed: How much did I value and love myself today?

     1. Beautifully said Mariette!

477. Thank you Kathie- this is a wonderful sharing.
     I love your analogy to claiming yourself and being part of this one huge jigsaw puzzle that is humanity. This is so true, and you are correct in saying that if we don’t each claim ourselves and express in full from who we truly are then we are in fact letting all down, as the jigsaw will remain incomplete.
     I could really relate to when you shared about what you felt as a child- I especially loved this paragraph: ‘I don’t think they ever realised how loved they were: I can distinctly remember longing to tell them that as a child, part of me bemused that adults who were supposed to know everything, didn’t know that.’
     I too have, and continue to feel, the enormous support and reflection of Serge Benhayon, the Universal Medicine practitioners and the whole student body, including myself, just one of the many divine pieces to the puzzle..

478. A lovely blog Kathie. I can totally relate to being ‘nice’ – I am noticing how I can be nice because I think that’s what will please another when really, being nice actually feels far from being nice. I now feel so exhausted keeping up such a fake facade and not just being myself in how I am truly feeling.

479. What a beauty-full Blog Kathie. I love the bit about we each have a unique contribution to make to that huge jigsaw. I ponder on the question… why we are not honoured as important or valued growing up, what a huge difference we can make to life, and each other?
     We are not glorified for how much we can show other people how amazing they are – WE TURN OUR LIGHT DOWN?? And we are so good at it?

     We are brought up like that from one generation to the next be-cause no one has their Light on!
     Serge Benhayon is all about turning your Light back on (Your The One), shining so bright that it instigates that spark in another.. No imposition just shining bright!

480. Thanks Kathie ‘The being Nice’ resonates with me too. A universal theme I believe many resonate with …. And whom by your
     ‘piece/puzzle’ / being you and true we have a chance to heal and be whole again … I certainly can feel it. Thanks. xxx

481. Thank you Kathie. I can totally relate to not wanting to be a nuisance and feel sad that I haven’t been true to myself or others for a lot of my life in this regard. Universal Medicine practitioners continue to support me to learn to love me and bring all of me wherever I go.

482. This is so true Kathie. We can think we are being a nuisance by doing this or that – when really all the people around us need is us to be the full and real us, and whatever that brings (evolution, inspiration, change – love!). Thank you for sharing your story.

483. This is a great unravelling of what sits behind being nice, of holding back ones own greatness and fitting in, being comfortable and holding fear in one’s body. Yes it is so draining and so harming to self and others. It is interesting also to read about not wanting to disturb others or be a nuisance as sitting behind being nice. How stifling is that of the natural exuberance that can bubble into people’s lives that as little children we do not hold back when we are too innocent to understand how to be ‘adult’.

484. Kathie, what a beautiful expression of your story and a great learning. I too remember hearing my mum telling me to be good and behave, and not be a nuisance, when I went somewhere without her, as if it would be a reflection on her if I did something naughty. I love the ending you present of how you could truly be a nuisance now if you were not to be with all of yourself!

485. Everyone is a gem deserving to be adored and loved and cared for, first and foremost by ourselves but also by everyone else. That way we all would treat each other with appreciation and no outer niceness would replace otherwise love-filled relationships. Sounds utopian? However, to recognise niceness for what it actually is and undo it allows the gem to come to light as you beautifully describe and shine for all to share.

486. If I hold back then the puzzle can never be finished. If I try to make myself as others, the puzzle will never be complete. Suppose I am the key piece that makes sense of the other parts and when I am truly being me others can see where their piece of the puzzle fits? If I don’t, then there will be a hole.
     So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!
     Wow Kathie, these words are so very powerful and beautiful that I had tears feeling the truth of this – touched me deeply and the timing was Heaven sent. Thank you.
     We all have a responsability to bring our own unique piece to complete the jigsaw coming together as one.

487. “So that would really make me a nuisance, when I am not being all of the me that I can be!”
     I love how you turn your old way of being upside down with this comment Kathie. I too use the analogy that I am a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, as too is every other person, and to complete the puzzle, we need everyone living their full potential, their whole self, unguarded. We are living guarded if we cannot work out what it is we want or need in each particular moment, and instead go along with, or let others choose what to do etc. This is not just being nice, considerate or unselfish; it is holding or feeling yourself less than another, less important than another; it is being closed off from people, perhaps even dishonouring of oneself; and in the long run doesn’t help or support that puzzle being completed.

488. I knew when I read your blog Kathie, that you had to be from England. Being a nuisance was something I was assiduously trained by my parents not to be, just like you, and I am sure there are lots of us around with English backgrounds. In the same way the English are always saying sorry for things that are not even their faulty – it’s a culture of self-depreciation and niceness. Isn’t it great to let it all go layer by layer and come back to love thanks to Universal Medicine?

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