From Being an Exhausted Mother to Becoming the Woman I Truly Am

I had my first child at the age of twenty and the responsibility of being a parent came as quite a shock to me. I had believed that marriage, children, and being a good mother would be the solution to the emptiness I felt inside. In spite of the relationship difficulties following the birth of my first child, I had another child the year after, but I still felt empty and overwhelmed. I put all the blame for my unhappiness on my husband and I eventually left the marriage to be in a relationship with someone else.

A Life of Dramas, Alcohol and Abuse

This next relationship was abusive to myself and my children, but I still chose to have another child. My daughter was sexually abused from the age of six through until she was twelve. When she eventually disclosed this abuse to me, I was unable to support her in a loving way. At the same time I became estranged from my two year old son, who was taken out of my care by his father.

My dream of a happy family was diminishing but I hadn’t given up yet; I married a third time and had a fourth child. By this time I was a very heavy drinker and life was just one drama after another. I had wanted so much to be a good mother but I wasn’t able to love and nurture my children in the way I had wanted. This was a great sadness to me and I drank even more to cover up that sadness. By the time the older children were teenagers, they had joined me in the use of alcohol and drugs, and the dramas continued.

My eighteen year old son died in an alcohol related accident when I was forty and not long after I decided to seek help for my drinking addiction. I stopped drinking alcohol and tried to take some responsibility for my life but by now the patterns were so ingrained that it was difficult to make any true changes. I felt guilty and believed I had damaged my children as they were now choosing self-harming behaviours including heroin and alcohol addiction, self-abuse by cutting and also gambling.

My life was dominated by the events in my children’s lives: I was unable to work as I was constantly ‘on call’ for them, answering phone calls in the middle of the night and responding to the many dramas in their lives. I was exhausted and suffered from chronic fatigue. I took one of my granddaughters into my care for five years and then my daughter moved into my home, together with her two younger children for another five years. I was dedicated in looking after everyone and running the whole of the household as I thought I could make up for the past.

My daughter lost her licence for many years and I became the sole driver for all the family. I was now receiving recognition for being a ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’ but I came to realise that I was just holding everything together by myself and not allowing my daughter to take responsibility for her own life. We eventually agreed to live in separate homes.

Universal Medicine, Self-Love and Learning to Say No

At this time I started attending presentations by Universal Medicine and I began to make choices that were more self-loving. I also began to recognise my own need for drama and my need to be needed.

I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.

I had allowed my daughter to build up large amounts of debt in my name and I began learning to say “no” to further loans. I started saying “no” to buying cigarettes and alcohol for her and I was eventually able to say “no” to lending money altogether, even when they ran out of basic necessities. This was difficult for my family to accept as they were so used to me accommodating their needs. My daughter reacted with anger and she would ostracise me and stop me from seeing the children. I allowed this to affect me and would sometimes revert back to my old patterns of helping them just to feel needed and accepted. I could feel it was not loving to be constantly rescuing my family but it was still very difficult to say no. I was still playing the role of what I believed was being a ‘good mother’ and I was still feeling the guilt of my past choices.

I concentrated on making more self-loving choices. With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners I began to realise that I am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person. I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.

I started to eat food that generally supported my body. Although by this time I was eating what I believed was a healthy diet, I was still filling up with many foods that made me feel bloated, or uncomfortable. I gradually stopped eating gluten, dairy and sugar and lost 16 kilos and started to look and feel fantastic – old friends tell me that I look much younger now than I used to.

I learnt to listen to my body and started going to bed earlier and waking earlier. I had so much more energy and was able to find employment in Community Aged Care which requires a lot of physical work, but I don’t come home exhausted as I am now more able to remain aware of my own needs while still supporting others.

The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.

Accepting Responsibility and Learning to Appreciate Myself

Consistently living these changes is still a work in progress as I become more of me; I enjoy being the woman I truly am. As a result of these changes my relationship with the family has also changed. I can still offer support at times but am finding it doesn’t need to come from a place of need or guilt in me, or from feeling that I have a role to live up to, which in the past for me was a huge identification with ‘being a good mother’. The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone. I am realising I don’t need to make suggestions for them to change anymore; I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.

I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight. My life now is changing all the time as I expand my level of self-love and I feel now that I can connect with others more openly. I don’t have to hide from others by feeling a victim anymore as I am now accepting responsibility for my own life.

I appreciate all that I have discovered about myself from what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present. . . and I also appreciate myself for making these choices to change.

By Anonymous, NSW Australia

839 thoughts on “From Being an Exhausted Mother to Becoming the Woman I Truly Am

  1. There is only a small percentage of people that deliberately hurt their children for the most part we love and nurture our children to the best of our ability with the skills and resources we have at the time unfortunately so many of us parent from our hurts because that is or was all we know at the time. Taking responsibility for healing our hurts and letting go of the pictures we carry of how life should be frees us to be all the love that we are and naturally we reflect in our parenting and all other areas of our life.

  2. The letting go and choosing to heal our hurts allows us the opportunity to be transparent, just as who we are embracing our vulnerabilities with no protection, regret or shame for our past deeds. This is a true healing that is offered to all those around us beyond what we realise.

  3. “ I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” This is such an important lesson for any parent to learn.

    1. I agree Mary, learning to say ‘No’ to our family’s needs is such an important learning for everyone. There are so many ideals and beliefs as women we have taken on in how a mother ‘should’ be to the demands of those around them. Sometimes I have to catch myself falling into this trap to be reminded that I am a woman first and foremost.

  4. ‘I can just allow them to be where they are at and trust them to make their own choices.’ This feels like such a huge gift to give anyone especially our children and one that I struggled with when I was a single parent feeling that it was all down to me to sort stuff out but I have recognised in recent years how disempowering this is.

  5. I am becoming increasingly aware of the choice to go into drama or not. Dramas can happen all of the time if we allow them. Not that long ago, I would easily cause a drama but today I am finding that creating a space to stop and question whether it is really worth going into creating a scene and what is really important are supporting me enormously to stay with myself and accept the situation for what it is. Life is very different.

  6. I have to admit that I have read this blog quite a few times but I really get immersed it in each time. I am in disbelief of how intense your life was before Universal Medicine, what you have been through and come out the other end of is truly incredible, you’re an inspiration to others, I cant thank you enough for dedicating the time to then share your story with the world, what a woman.

  7. I keep coming back to this blog, deeply inspired by your transformation Anonymous and by your responsibility to yourself and the people around you. No more rescuing, instead true support to encourage people to take full responsibility for their behaviour, actions and impact on others. I totally agree with the comment by Sarah, what a woman you are.

  8. Wow from totally destroying yourself to loving who you are as a women – your story is ultimate proof that you can change your whole life around when you start to make different choices, take responsibility and start to deeply care for yourself.

    1. Yes l thoroughly agree Meg. Someone did it. They turned their life around from absolute misery to a life of love and truth. If one has done it then it means it’s possible for all who live in this misery space to do it also. It’s just a choice. Then another, then another to turn the tide. We have all the love and support we need in the unseen realms. We are not alone. We are deeply held and deeply loved. All is within us to make these forward steps.

  9. We know innately inside that life itself is a process of saying yes to Love, but the part we haven’t wanted to see is that this starts for you and me, by saying a firm and steady ‘no’ to the things in life that don’t help us grow, that pulls us down and hinder our beauty. This may make us seem unwilling or even make us become unpopular, but in choosing what we know is right we are saying yes to the real me and you. Thank you Anonymous for sharing powerfully what happens when you do.

  10. There is a form of narcissism (if you want to call it that) that we rarely consider – and that is the narcissism of “doing good”. By that I mean often if you look deeply enough, you will realise that the most benevolent of actions are often done for self recognition, and to make oneself feel better. As a result, such actions, whilst outwardly cannot be faulted for their generosity, are ultimately self serving, and as such do little to truly assist another by providing what is truly needed.

  11. The ability to choose a way of living that is unencumbered by the belief that the past defines the future is simply possible by choosing to connect with who we are, and make that our daily true north. Simple, but yet often not easy, for the past hurts need to be seen from the light of that true north, and as such cleared away.

  12. We can make different choices at anytime and change the patterns of our lives. It also means that those around us have an opportunity to change as well but that is their choice. We can only be responsible for the choices we make.

  13. Amazing how far you have come Anonymous this is some story, and one that shows no matter how far we stray from what we know is true there is always a way back. Universal Medicine has been showing us that way back now and has helped and supported many to find their true call and to drop behaviours and patterns that were harming them and others.

  14. This is a truly inspirational sharing, It is a lifetime of lessons packed into a blog. Lessons that are common to many like this one . . . ” I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities”. There is so much gold here in your lived life Anonymous I really appreciate your expressing all that you have.

  15. I have learnt over time, and through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, that saying yes when my whole body is telling me to say no is the greatest form of self abuse; no more!
    Thank you Anonymous for sharing your story and your wisdom.

  16. “I started learning to say “no” to my family whenever I felt that helping them was only rescuing them from their own responsibilities.” This is such a huge one, not only for mothers, but for women in general. We as women tend to over commit, take over responsibility and rescuing people. This then exhausts us and we become resentful to others, when in fact it is our own doing.

  17. This is an inspiring story that so many would be benefit from reading. Saying no when what is asked for is a divulging of one’s commitment to their own lives, to responsibility is saying a huge yes to the fact that we are more and that love is what we all deserve.

  18. It must be difficult to see your children struggling and I would imagine the reasoned response would be to go help them, even if this is a repetitive act. It takes courage to say not and actually allow them to develop their own independence, and yet what I felt most strongly in reading this was how much real support you were then able to offer when you set your boundaries and really started to make changes and care for yourself. This was a fantastic read.

  19. Your story is incredible, how far you have come is nothing short of a miracle. The impact your reflection must have on people would ripple out to the many. Incredibly brave, honest and committed to being all the love you know you are. Awesome.

  20. It’s amazing how much time we spend either rescuing others or waiting and wanting to be rescued by another ourselves when the truth is the only one we can ever save is ourselves and then from that place inspire others to make the choice to save themselves.

  21. Very beautiful blog anonymous. There are many pictures and ideals of what love is in the world and especially in family this can cause a lot of abuse, as in doing so much for others and accepting things we would not accept from a stranger. This is not true love and your learning in saying no to your daughter etc. is a great example of what true love can look like. Sometimes it is more loving to let someone take responsibility back for their own life instead of ‘medicating’ the ill that is there by lending money and jumping in all the time when it is this tight.

  22. So powerfully shared Anonymous. You have lived through a great deal of horrific events that would give anyone a perfectly good excuse to self destruct and yet you have built an incredible life of love and connection instead. Truly amazing.

  23. It is beautiful to read how you committed to making self loving choices and as such developed an honesty that taught you to say no to what was not true and embrace what was. It is truly amazing how a drop of love in one area can expand throughout your entire life to transform the you you once were to the you you now are.

  24. I feel so inspired by reading this today anonymous. Thank you for sharing your story and how, by allowing support and becoming more honest, taking more care of yourself, you have let go of some ingrained patterns and turned your life around. Taking responsibility for our own choices and lives is not selfish but absolutely necessary. Love is not dependent on another, but something we all hold within.

  25. This is a very powerful story Anonymous, thank you for your frank honesty. Letting go guilt and shame about the things we have done in the past is not always easy, but very liberating when we realise that we are not defined by these choices. They were simply that… choices made from an emptiness in the futile attempt to make ourselves feel better, or feel nothing (more to the point). Universal Medicine’s most foundational teaching is that who we are is untouched by any choice we make. No room for self-recrimination or condemnation in that, only the responsibility for what part of us we remain connected to and make choices from.

  26. What you share Anonymous sounds so difficult and sad and we could leave it at that if it wasn’t for one important fact: the understanding that all the abuse we experience in our life is there as a perfect mirror for how we are in ourselves, and the abuse we choose to accept. You show beautifully how as you decided to say no to this energy that simply was not you, the more your life and people around you changed too. This flips on its head the way we see the violence and abuse that goes on in the world.

  27. Sometimes the most loving thing to do for others is step away, and if they fall flat on their face so be it. Allowing others to take responsibility for themselves has been something I too have grappled with, but self love when practiced really brings about a balance which allows what is not true (like rescuing others) to come to the surface.

  28. An incredible story of dragging yourself through hell and back and still knowing there was something more, that you deserved so much more and were worth all of it.

  29. “I never believed I could be anything more than my past” – this really stood out for me, as I can feel I sometimes have moments of shame/guilt/regret casting over me. I remember Serge Benhayon presenting a few years ago about how to deal with our past ‘mistakes’ – the things we wished we had never done – and it was so easily undone by 2 simple questions “Did I know any different?” “Would I do it again?” – no, then move on.

  30. ” l am not the failure I believed I was and that I am actually an amazing person”.
    I was able to view my past actions in a loving way and began to understand that I had acted from emptiness and that I was not a bad person.” To allow yourself to have and claim this realisation after the traumatic life you have lived is a true blessing. Your self loving choices are the key to achieving this transformation. We must all keep on getting up and walking for truth, as it is our inevitable way forward.

  31. What is very interesting, and revealing here, is at the start of the article, where the writer talks about trying again and again with things that have been proven not to work… How many people are treading the paths that they have trodden before, knowing deep down that these paths lead nowhere yet the path is extremely well worn

  32. “I was now receiving recognition for being a ‘good mother’ and ‘good grandmother’” This is currently what society holds up to be model behaviour, however it supports no-one to continue to pander to their wants – this is not love in the true sense of the word. Sometimes letting people (family) fall apart enables them to start taking responsibility for their actions. Letting go of the need to be liked, approved of or recognised has played a big part for me in this.

  33. ‘The more I am honest with myself and the more I develop self-love and take care of and honour myself, the less need I have to please others to receive recognition, or to feel loved.’ Beautiful how through changing our choices we become more connected to the love we hold within ourselves.

  34. This is so inspiring. The thoughts we can have that tell us we will never be able to change, that we have ‘made or bed…’ so to speak, are absolute illusion and lies. We all have choices, every moment, and if we consistently choose something different to our ‘norm’, we will change.

  35. This is a wonderful outcome for you and yours Anonymous, after all your hard work. It is an amazing turn around and inspiration for all who read your sharing.

  36. You have a huge amount to appreciate Anonymous. The first time I read this blog I was stunned by your openness and humility and I remain stunned and amazed now. It is never to late to come back to the truth of who we are and you are living proof of this.

  37. I have meet many people who attend Universal Medicine over the years with stories similar to yours. It’s always mind blowing when I hear the words come out of their mouth when they tell me their story, and see this incredibly steady, tender, loving person in front of me. How far many have come in the level of care and responsibility they now choose for themselves. One miracle after another.

  38. “The more I accept and appreciate myself and the changes I have made, the more I have to offer as a reflection to my family that these choices can be made by anyone.” I absolutely love this blog and this sentence sums the message up beautifully. When we choose to accept ourselves just as we are we have an opportunity to live our true potential. The choice to live our potential can result in being on the receiving end of reactions and jealousy but if we look past this we will see we are offering others true love.

  39. I very much appreciate what you have shared here Anonymous; your courage and your transformation is very inspiring. What a wonderful gift to your children; the gift of knowing, feeling and being loved by the true you.

  40. What an inspirational blog; one that makes it very clear that we do not have to stay in the negative patterns that we have allowed to run our lives. We always have a choice and you certainly have made some amazingly self loving ones which have in turn lead to a wonderful turnaround in your life, although I can tell it was not easy at times. But you persevered and you have finally become the “woman that you truly are” and always had been. This definitely is a reason to celebrate.

  41. There is so much in this article, the relationships, physical transformation etc and while I won’t say I necessarily agree with every part overall this sits as an amazing testament of change in a persons life. The turn around must be a joy to see for those around it and I am sure this will continue given this article. A part that stood out to me is, “I never believed I could be anything more than my past – that I could move on from there and live a life free of the old patterns that held me so tight.” For me this highlights what we carry around and how it still impacts on us. At any point if you do something that is perceived as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ or similar you can spend your whole life trying to make up for it which never happens and you carry and base everything on that perception? This is pretty big and we think it’s ‘just us’ or ‘just how we are’ when in fact it’s all comes back to at time one thing that may have happened but isn’t the ‘true’ you. I think this is the biggest message I took from this article today.

  42. “I never believed I could be anything more than my past” – this is so important, how many people in the world believe their lives are at best tainted by their past choices and experiences? There needs to be more blogs like yours out in the world that prove that no matter what’s happened or what you’ve done today is a fresh start and we don’t have to carry the imperfections of our past with us.

  43. What is offered in this blog is truly amazing as it brings to light what so many women are feeling in their lives today. The ideals and beliefs that are sold to us endlessly on how to be and what to bring leaving our innate and divine wisdom behind. Thank you for sharing how life as a mother and woman can be celebrated in equlaness without adding to the overwhelm and fatigue that is plague our current world climate.

  44. feeling that I have a role to live up to, which in the past for me was a huge identification’ So many of us adopt a role, like being a ‘good’ something that we fulfil to the best of our capabilities or we get by as long as we keep that role in place. When we let ourselves put those roles to one side we can feel lost and purpose less and yet it is by letting these identifications go that we find not just ourselves but our purpose in life. Having support in this is huge and that’s where the Universal Medicine presentations and healing sessions can be of the utmost benefit.

  45. Anonymous your powerful story proves, via the introduction of self-love into one’s life, that it is possible to come back from anything.

  46. There is nothing like being met and seen for who we truly are underneath all the drama, chaos and self-destructive behaviours. Serge Benhayon has that capacity – to know us from our essence first –  and all Universal Medicine practitioners are shown how to live and work with that same understanding. This is an extremely supportive stance, one that well sets us on the path of healing.

  47. Brilliant Anonymous, if we are truly unhappy with the quality of our relationships, fed up with the squabbles and fights we have, then we will stop and finally look at the quality of connection and care we have with ourselves. Do we treat ourselves with care? Do we nurture our body and give it it’s true deserts? Or do we ignore, push and drive through life propelled by our hurts? For if the second is true, is it any wonder that our life reflects that back? Could the truth be as simple as, the care you give yourself is what effects everything? If it is, just how important is the Love we choose to show ourselves?

  48. What a journey ,from being totally over whelmed to now taking charge of your life. The biggest lesson for me too is to say NO, I still find it hard but when I honour how I feel and what is right for me I feel great and life is not so much more smooth sailing ! There is so much I owe to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine!

  49. This is such a beautiful story about the huge effects honesty has. It can and does transform our lives when we are honest with ourselves.

  50. I was talking to a group of friends about parenting last night. We have so many beliefs about what a parent should do and how they should behave. I know my beliefs got in the way of me building open honest relationships with my children, however I love that I’m always learning and that I don’t feel its too late to change the way I relate to myself and others.

  51. What a great sharing, a complete turn around from self abuse and giving your power away, to giving far more to others in a true sense when true self love is made. It’s a terrible illusion we play ball with to think we offer care by doing things for other out of emotions energy.

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