I recently participated in a retreat presented by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine. As part of the retreat we discussed comparing ourselves to others in groups, and asked ourselves a series of questions to feel how comparison affects us on a daily basis…
- Why do I compare?
- What intention is behind comparing myself with others?
- How do I actually feel when I start comparing myself to others? Do I see myself as better or less
- What effect has comparison on myself and on the other person I compare myself with?
- Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?
What unravelled from these discussions was that comparison with others is very ingrained in our way of being – it is something we learn from a young age and come to accept as normal.
When I was a child I was not very good at school and for many years carried the belief I was not good enough, that I was not beautiful looking and able to find a partner. So I compared myself to people who were more intelligent, successful, better looking, slimmer and in long-term relationships. In that way I confirmed myself as being less and not as good, and found myself trying hard to fit in and please other people just to be liked and tolerated.
And this continued into my adult life, for example…
I met a woman approximately 7 years ago, and after a few years I could see how much she was taking responsibility for herself and her life (which I didn’t at the time). I compared myself to her and felt I was not as good… and I did not want to feel the choices I had made. Instead of feeling my choices, and in reaction to knowing I had not taken responsibility in my own life, I got jealous and did not talk to her anymore.
A few years later, on another occasion I met a woman whose eyes were sparkling with love and joy; I was blown away by how openly she shared this. I immediately started to compare myself, wanting to go to the issue of seeing myself as less because I did not feel this same level of love and joy in myself. I then stopped myself because I was aware of what I was doing and as a result did not go into jealousy and comparison, which felt beautiful for us both. When I saw her recently, her beauty and openness was astonishing, and now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.
As a result of these experiences, and from what I realised from these group discussions at the Universal Medicine retreat, I could feel comparing myself to others as a theme in my life – and also that I have compared myself with other women from a young age.
Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.
If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not
I am learning to live in a way that is full of appreciation for myself and my life has changed a lot. I am also now able to appreciate other people in their own unique ways of being and expression, and instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light.
I have come to realise that this way of being – appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others. The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.
Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany
You may also be interested in:
Comparison and Competition Between Women
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Comparison is a most insidious form of holding back the amazingness that we are, as when we compare ourselves to another we begin to shrink and contract, and from this most unnatural state how can we be who we truly are. In stark contrast, when we allow ourselves to be inspired by another it is like every part of us expands and we become even more of our amazingness than ever with the other person then receiving this glorious reflection back from us.
Appreciation of self and others is an important part of our day, and has so many benefits. I agree, this is also my experience, ‘I have come to realise that this way of being – appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others. The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others’.
I love the honesty you bring to yourself. It shows how honesty opens us up to see more and observe oneself more instead of getting caught up in the emotions and this then brings more clarity and space to change and let go of behaviours that are so obviously doing us no good.
Thank you Janina, we are not taught to value ourselves or appreciate who we are, life is much more about what we do – but even activities and achievements are fraught with comparison. This is a powerful line and reveals a lot about how our relationship with ourselves can be “now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.” It’s great to have this highlighted on how comparison is the source of discounting ourselves.
Comparison and jealousy are very destructive, great realisations you came to, ‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.’
What an incredible exercise that must have been to do. Just asking myself those questions that are at the start of your blog has got me thinking more deeply about comparison.
I think that we can all relate to comparing ourselves to others. You are correct in saying that it is very ingrained in our society and how we all operate. It isn’t good to do this, but we do all the same. When that comes up in me now, I ask myself where have I gone, what is my connection, where is it? Because when we are connected to our own essence and wisdom there is not room for comparison or jealousy.
I increasingly become aware of the absolute ridiculousness of comparing myself to anyone else. As soon as we do this it boxes us in, boxes them in, separates and excludes the divine Love that we are. And that vital nutriment, Appreciation, goes out the door!
The energy of comparison is so thick in society as many live it as the way to live. To have the knowledge, strength and understanding to know comparison is a choice and then to not choose it is very beautiful and deeply healing for all of humanity. For once someone has decided to not allow comparison to be their natural way, they have put into the ether a different choice that everyone can now also choose.
Yes the antidote to the comparison disease is definitely to build appreciation for yourself first, and once established the comparison turns into inspiration which is a far less contracted way of living. A work in progress for me!
Comparison does seem to be running us doesn’t it! And once we start to dig around inside, we find that its roots run very very deep… And yet there is a very beautiful freedom to be found when we make the choice to start to let go of comparison.
It is incredibly powerful when we say ‘No to something that we know is harming. This happened to me recently at the UK Retreat. It all happened in a moment as I felt a familiar, ill-energy coming into my body. I recognised it and said ‘No’ and to my amazement it instantly disappeared as I was left looking into the eyes of another with absolute love.
Comparison is the ‘death’ of Brotherhood for it is an energy that annihilates our ability to hold ourselves equal to all others by way of us measuring ourselves to be either greater or lesser than another. The absurdity of this is made apparent when we know in essence that we are all the equal Sons of God – ‘sparks within one flame’ – and by virtue of this, are all born of the one and the same beholding love. Thus, comparison enters when we do not embrace in full the majesty of who we truly are and furthermore, it enters deliberately by way of us giving it permission to do so, to arrest our return to this divine expression.
Beautifully expressed Janina, the more I learn to appreciate the more there is to appreciate, I am noticing there is no end to how much we can appreciate in life and how simple it is to then share this with others.
We are on the chase of jealousy and comparison and this is a path we all should take. Appreciation – “appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others” So become aware of the feeling or when something doesn’t make sense or sit right and appreciate that feeling. Life can be what seen uncontrollably busy and yet are we here to get through the day, the week or the year or are we here to rediscover a point when the busyness of life didn’t impact the quality we are. This is a point for me at the moment to see more clearly. It’s not that I have seen it before nor will it go and never revisit me again, comparison and jealousy will always be here while we are here and it is a matter of how we handle them, how we feel them and what we choose next. If we choose a deeper form of what we see then we add to it’s creation while if we choose to stand and not allow that behaviour or emotion to run any further then we remove our part in the big part and hence it becomes less.
Thank you Janina, for sharing what we all know – where comparison comes from and how we need to debunk the comparison, we/ourselves are choosing.
I loved what you have shared here Janina.I know comparison has played a huge role in my life, comparing myself to others from a very early age, this fostered me always feeling less than and not good enough. Not being able to truly feel me and appreciate all that I had to offer. This happens less so now, but reading your blog has allowed me to go deeper in understanding that appreciation is a true antidote to comparison.
So honest Janina. I’m realising more and more how much I compare myself to others daily. it’s incredible how much we refuse to realise about ourselves. I didn’t think I did this, but I do it so much that it has literally become a normal way of thinking. Thankfully I’ve allowed myself to take more notice of this pattern, and working catching those thoughts out, just as you are doing here.
Comparison is really a measure of how our choices stack up against another, and we automatically then go into judgment and jealousy for the choices we haven’t made for ourselves and the more we do it the more we keep ourselves in the same cycle. When we accept our choices and appreciate ourselves and the loving choices we make comparison fades away and there then becomes an honouring and appreciation of another’s choices, which enables us to grow.
A great article on how we try and make everything look the same and yet truly under it all we are the same or equal if we only allowed ourselves the space to really look there. The comparing part keeps it all at surface level as the article is saying and doesn’t allow us to get to the truth of things. It doesn’t allow us to feel our part within the whole picture which is part of an even bigger part and so on. We can see the universe is an endless space and in that and while this maybe a leap in this comment, we are part of the universe.But as we are saying the universe has no end and so in that nothing can in fact ever truly end and only keep expanding. So to bring it back to compare keeps it between a small part and only through feeling what is going on for us can we begin to open to the larger part. As I said I know it’s a stretch in one comment but we know we are all connected, you think of someone and then you see then, you just had a thought of calling someone and they call, you catch up with someone you haven’t seen in ages and it feels like you never left them, you meet someone for the first time and you think you have known them forever and in that we aren’t just connected in this way to people but everything. To take a big step from there is our connection to the ever expanding, never ending universe, it makes sense and leads us to see that the moment we stop and think that is it or we compare because we think what we are isn’t enough. When we relate ourselves to the universe it just can’t be true because if we are connected we are everything and the only way forward is to expand out more of what we already are, evolution.
It is very true Janina, comparison and it’s ugly partner, jealousy are a sure-fire killer to any relationship. Not only do we feel compelled to step away from that person, perhaps running them down in some way whether outwardly or inwardly, but it effectively halts the potential for us to heal something in ourselves and allow that same aspect to express just the same. Very destructive all round, as you shared. Well done for turning it around and allowing yourself to blossom as a result.
It is true we learn to compare ourselves from very little, it is like we need to be everything and be able to do everything (as if we were living alone on this planet), instead of working together and helping and supporting each other, and as you say, learning from and inspire and being inspired by each other.
It takes much to remain still and present in the face of the on going onslaught of comparison and jealously, but it is worth the effort, is feels so steady and silky and warm.
It is so true what you say that the more we appreciate ourselves the less we feel we need to compare ourselves to others as we can then see that everyone offers something different and no one person is better than the next.
Thank you Janina for sharing on this topic of comparison, as it is a condition that runs rife in our society that which we are introduced to at a very young age. Comparison serves only to sever our connection to the greatness that naturally resides within us all. Through this separation to love, judgement and jealousy enters. The antidote is appreciation, as you say. And it is through self-honesty that we are able to come to know what feels true and what does not, through which we then establish a loving foundation of knowing and appreciating the wondrous qualities we naturally hold within.
Its a true shame that when we meet someone who can inspire us we often instead compare ourselves to that point of difference, and react with jealousy. There is such an opportunity on offer to instead be inspired and develop ourselves.
A great line ” to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” It can be that simple, to feel comparison as a stop light that says “love is absent at the moment” and act as a signal to us to shift back into the energy of love.
This is uncomfortable to read as I could feel all of the comparisons that exist in many of my relationships and how much this can cause separation and abuse of myself and others. Comparison is such a big thing in life yet often an elephant in the room, it is great to shine light on this subject so that we don’t ignore the elephant but can start to deal with why it is there.
Comparison is evil – and we may resort to giving up, believing we will never be good enough – or as good as the other…… Yet modern society encourages this behaviour, with magazines of (photo-shopped) models and TV shows of larger than life celebrities. But what are these people like when not in front of the lens? Accepting ourselves and appreciating who we are in our innermost then begins to chip away at the comparison issue. When one truly loves oneself comparison is a non-issue and one can then be inspired by others, as you mention in your blog Janina.
We can only compare when we separate from the great love that we are and in this ensuing darkness we look out to others as if they were somehow an island to us.
Hello Janina and as you say, “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” These things we need to talk about and see. See how they just keep going around and around in circles and never lead anywhere except back to themselves. Appreciation on the other hand leads to more of the same but in a different way. When you compare you take on a facade, another face that attempts to hide what you are thinking, where when you appreciate, you are all in sync. All you are thinking is being said, it’s all one and all together. We grow from appreciation and we go around in circles in comparison. We have the choice to choose anyone at anytime but when it comes to feeling then appreciation is the one, no comparison. Thank you Janina.
“instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light.” And with this you are an inspiration to others.
Imagine the extraordinary freedom that would be there within us if … we did not compare ourselves to anyone, about anything… but lived our own lives, celebrating how unique we all actually are.
Thank you so much Janina, I can feel this morning as I write this how I’ve been comparing myself with others for a long time. I feel that when we compare it creates a separation, and it can be multi sided in that I can compare myself by putting myself as less to others or the opposite, making myself look better, thinking I have made better choices than another. As you say, the key is appreciation for who we are and to hold ourselves with Love.
I can’t help but wonder what our relationships would be like if as young children we were shown that the antidote to comparison is appreciation. I know from my own experience that if I go into comparison I crumble and shrink whereas if I choose to appreciate others instead, not only do I lift and evolve within myself but those around me also then also have the opportunity to be inspired in turn and evolve themselves.
‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.’ This feels like the key to so many relationship issues and all because we choose not to be loving with ourselves and others. For me committing to an appreciation programme has had a dramatic effect on the way I feel about myself and deepened my intimacy with others and I am much more aware of the insidious nature of comparison and how it negatively impacts my whole life. Why would I choose to cut myself off from others by going into comparison? Being caught up in comparison allows me to avoid responsibility for my choices in life because I am so busy feeling a victim. Claiming myself and what I bring highlights area I still need to work on but by acknowledging them I am also much more open to receiving support from others to evolve.
The more I appreciate myself and others the more my acceptance of where we are all at grows and this makes comparison obsolete because I can feel how we are all on our own journey in this life and therefore comparison is pointless. Instead it opens the door to be inspired by others and the choices they are making and has supported me to connect more deeply and intimately with others without the impediment of comparison creeping in on a regular basis (it’s still there but I clock it much more quickly and recognise that I can choose not to indulge it).
You really nail it here, appreciation is the key to eliminating comparison and jealous. Its quite reveling when you consider that jealously can only come if you are not 100% content with yourself, so to work through comparison, you simply bring more love to yourself.
Comparison places constant strain on us and puts us under a lot of pressure as there is always something that we need to improve or achieve. Letting go of comparison allows the body to be at ease and us to be our natural selves living the magic that each moment holds.
When I stop appreciating myself I lose touch with the joy of life and go into just existing. Lately I have had some challenges and can feel my focus has gone to the ‘what is not’. This changes the quality of my life however when I connect back to the truth and appreciating my life the simplicity and joy is there again.
When I appreciate myself, sometimes it feels like what I am appreciating doesn’t belong to me, and there is actually nothing that can be compared to that. Everything and everyone around me emanates the same thing, in the configuration they have chosen. In that, I feel our interconnectedness, our each responsibility to shine our light bright in a big picture we all are a part of.
Comparison definitely kills the potential of any relationship.
In too many ways we grow up using comparison to artificially raise ourselves by using what and who we see outside of us to stimulate us into action. True integrity and growth comes from us expanding from within from the foundation of appreciating and building on our own innate qualities.
The point you make Suse is if we don’t appreciate ourselves we need to compare to be better in what ever way to feel good about ourselves. That means we have to try hard to compete with others in schools or work place.That is a constant push on ourselves and to be compete with another person will never be fulfilling or enough.
This blog is just so powerful, and what a sentence this is….”Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people”…what if we taught kids in schools this. To know the impacts of comparison and how it effects our relationships, with ourselves first and foremost, but also on all relationships we have.
A beautifully honest blog Janina, I used to compare and easily jealous of others when I was blind to my own power and unique qualities that I bring. Appreciation and acceptance of all our qualities and the grandness that we are is definitely key to deepening the relationship with ourselves and how this supports us to see the grandness and equality with another, leaving no room for jealousy or comparison.
Just imagine a world free of comparison… where would we all be?… and what a different world it would be
Our focus needs to be on ourselves confirming and appreciating who we are and what beauty we bring. In the past I focused on comparing and there was no room for appreciation. Once we start to appreciate ourselves we cannot but appreciate others and discover the joy of sharing appreciation with everyone.
“Appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others” – I agree. For me, if I find myself comparing to another, or even to myself in the past, it is an indication that I am not fully with me at this moment to appreciate the beauty and magnificent that can never not be here.
Our focus needs to be on ourselves confirming and appreciating who we are and what beauty we bring. In the past I focused on comparing and there was no room for appreciation. Once we start to appreciate ourselves we cannot but appreciate others and discover the joy of sharing appreciation with everyone.
I caught myself again comparing myself with other people in a project i am working and had to nominate that comparing serves no purpose except bringing myself down and criticizing myself. Fact is there a people who challenge us to be more and take more responsibility and we can start creating issues or take the challenge move on another level.
Thank you for writing so honestly Janina. In far too many ways true honesty in missing in our modern day life and as you have so beautifully highlighted this is due to the fact that too many people are too preoccupied with comparing themselves to each other. This is most unfortunate as comparison only serves to feed the merry go round of lack, feeling less and the really nasty one, jealousy ….so round and around it goes and our relationships between each other all suffer and struggle as a direct consequence which only further feeds the divide between us all.
Hi Suse, it is important to get honest and aware how much we are influenced by comparing and jealousy. They stand in the way of deepening our relationships with another and keep us stuck like you described in the merry go round of lack of self worth-which is self made in the first place.
Janina, I love that you share the more you appreciate yourself, the more you are able to appreciate others. This is vitally important for all our relationships as it is this very appreciation that builds self acceptance and as a ripple effect, acceptance of others. Great blog.
The more i appreciate myself the more care i take and make choices which support me on a daily basis. This has an effect on how i relate to other people with more appreciation and care.
Me too Jonathon. I have been so busy going from one thing to the next totally caught up in the doing of life that I have totally missed the importance of pausing to appreciate what I bring – for it is actually this appreciation that builds and nourishes our foundations within.
In comparison with another, we have a lack of appreciation for ourselves, this causes a hurt inside and it is this hurt that we look out to the world with, colouring our perception of life and relationships. So the root cause to heal is fundamentally our relationships with ourselves, with self-acceptance and self-appreciation being key to this.
The reflection that another gives to us is a great gift, that says, you also are what is being reflected to you.
Comparison is a big thing that definitely comes in between people, it will cause me to see myself and in truth also others for the amazing people they are. I feel it is a way to not feel the disconection from ourself. I can see how appreciating myself is the key to appreciation of others, and in that letting go of the comparison, as that will never be beneficial to me being me.
When we compare ourselves with others we do not hold ourselves in appreciation and start to value somebody as better or worse. So it actually reflects us where we are at with ourselves that we have not focused enough of confirming and honor what we bring.
That’s great to read Janina, that proves that it is never about others, we always have a choice to confirm ourselves, or choose not to and go for the draining energy of comparison.
Yes Benkt it is not about the other person when we start comparing or get jealous but how we are with ourselves in very moment. Understanding that is very harming to start to compare or get jealous and it serves no purpose. And that it makes no sense to compare but having an understanding that each person has their own background and own speed of evolution. Appreciation is the key of self and others and to hold ourselves and others with love and understanding and not judgement.
Comparison is so huge! It is something I realise we do when we are feeling already disconnected from ourselves and hence it is an externalisation of our lack of love for ourselves expressed outwardly towards another
It’s enormous, it is in everything I feel, your words are so correct, there is always a lack in love for ourselves first which we project to find a fix for..
It’s the classic age old ill behaviour of humanity.. Seek outside for the answer instead of looking within
Yesterday I observed myself wanting to compare myself with someone. Then I chose to feel my heart and my connection to my body and then there was no room or possibility to compare. That was beautiful to experience.
That is beautiful Janina, it is that simple.
I love your honesty and openness in this blog Janina and this line is a beautiful reminder that is worth repeating -‘The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.’
I agree Anna, we cannot appreciate ourselves enough – only then are we able to appreciate others and develop a solid foundation where there is no place for comparison and jealousy.
I know this pattern so well Janene, comfirming myself in my smallness and being less than others, trying to fit in. Now I can feel how self-abusing that was. Having dealt with my hurts through attending courses by Serge Benhayon, I have let go off the ‘need to fit in’, and thus dull my light. These days, I am confirming myself in my grandness, the grandness we all come from.
“These days, I am confirming myself in my grandness, the grandness we all come from.” Inspiring to read Jacqueline…
Today i was translating a text with a friend. We have been put together as a team. He is great in grammar, structure and language. I am not, I feel into the words to see which word meets what we are there to express. As it was our first meeting I was observing myself and wanting to go in devaluing myself for not bringing the same. Than I stopped I just allowed myself to hold my presence and allowed myself simply to be. And than honoring the quality which I am able to bring and feeling the value and necessity that we bring different skills, qualities…to another. Great Learning!
Men have different issues with another but still comparing and competing. Since some years we have a mens group here in Germany Cologne. These men are truly inspiring for the consistency and connection they are building with another and a role model how possible it is to be supportive and loving with another.
In a recent experience I learnt how comparison can be a mask for actually wanting to control another person, which itself can be a result of having judged them, which ultimately leads to there first being an inner judgement of myself, which can be the result of not accepting who I am in full, which can come from a not wanting to be responsible for bringing all of who I am to the situation at hand. So perhaps when comparison comes again in to my life, I will ask, why am I not choosing to be responsible here?
Well said Shami, reading your comment i understood that comparison is actually a distraction away from being more responsible for ourselves. A distraction which is harming and does not support us to evolve.
“Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” This really stood out for me in your blog, so powerful. I too have allowed comparison to dominate most of my life. Feeling that I was never good enough, never doing enough and always making myself feel less than, in the process of looking at another and feeling jealous that they were they way they were or had something I did not. It ‘always’ left me feeling awful as a result, never full and connected with myself, or loving in any way. These days it is very different, but I still clock it when comparison comes in and yes it sure still does. I do not give it anywhere the same air time that I used to. But see it for what it is and not buy into what is there, but look at where have I dropped in my own connection to me.
As many (most) women feel not being good enough we have set up ourselves to live in way to compare ourselves with other women. This has stopped us in the past to come together in groups, to work together with equalness and appreciation. But this is changing now…
Comparison and competition is ingrained in us from a very young age. Thank goodness Universal Medicine has presented a sure fire way out of being trapped in this way of looking at life.
Comparison creates distance and separation – to your own light and to the light of others – we are all made of the same light – comparison is one of humanity’s biggest evils. Self-love and appreciation are the antidotes. I’m working on my responsibility to catch the comparison thoughts as they come in all too quickly sometimes.
I am still observing when i see people who are making the impression of having not so much money or don’t care so much about their hair or clothes that i have an immediate judgement about it. But this is comparison too and in a way a reaction of dislike, wanting people to reflect me something different. Wanting people to be different doesn’t work. We need to meet people were they are and hold them with love no matter what, so they get another reflection.
So true Janina, comparison was also huge in my life and I am so appreciative to become aware of what I am doing to myself and others through making myself more ore less than another and creating separation. I am also learning to appreciate myself deeply and finding it likewise a true key to the comparison issue I have carried and played out in every way for so long. Through appreciating me and feeling the true change this brings in every situation of my life, I realize in retrospect the level of self-hatred I have lived – amazing.
Deep down we all know comparison is a comfort, a sure fire way to avoid evolving and living our true light.
Well said Gyl!!!
True Gyllianrae, when I compare I know I do not want to see my responsibility in life and avoid living who I truly am, light!
We could even say comparison is an act of irresponsibility.
It took me a long time to realise that, as you write so wisely Janina: “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people”. I was horrified how often I did this, with the thoughts of comparison and judgment sneaking into my mind so quickly, almost as if they were not mine. Nowadays I, like you, find myself inspired by others and love the connection this inspiration brings, and when the comparison pops in, which it does every now and then, I am able to grab it quickly and choose to let it go. Being inspired by another certainly feels lighter and lovelier in my body than the thoughts of comparison, which only serve to weigh my body down.
The last days i observed people giving my positive feedback and appreciating and my tendency was to play it down. We need to start appreciating ourselves on deep level and need to know what we are good at and what qualities we are bringing. Only then we will be able to stop comparison and jealousy. And we need to stop waiting for recognition from other people, we can start confirming ourselves as we know best how amazing and grand we are.
I love what you have said here Janina, especially the part about, appreciating ourselves on a deep level and know what we are good at and what qualities we bring…… This is what will knock out comparison an jealousy. I have realised for myself, knowing what I’m not so good at, is okay too and fully accepting that. As we are all the same in essence, but we all have different expressions and that is okay,
I have noticed the more we affirm ourselves and another there is little room for jealousy or comparison to come in.
Comparison does poison our relationships more than we at times realise. Being honest with ourselves and each other can help to break this way of relating to each other.
I just caught myself judging again other people and myself and finding reasons to do this and accepting it. Ouch! It is not ok and i am not accepting this as normal. And I invite myself to focus on to appreciate and to open up loving myself and others.
After nominating in the comment above this morning my judging of others I meet some of the people and was open hearted and it was a beautiful experience to choose love and connection. Not to judge and create issues and separation. Amazing!
I had the same this week Janina, I found myself responding to people only in a judgemental way and it felt awful as what it actually did with me was that I was introducing intimidation and control mechanisms in my interactions as a result of that. I can now feel that I was resisting in going to a deeper level of connection with the people around me and that in the appreciation I could feel for them I also have to apply the same level of appreciation to myself. And that was the crux as I was having an issue with appreciating myself for what I bring to the world and all people I live with.
Comparison is indeed poison for relationships as there is always a perception that you are less. Comparison is linked to low self worth so appreciating and loving oneself is the antidote to comparison and judgment.
Comparison is poisionous to the body.
I have recently put myself on a program to appreciate and what I have come to realise is, appreciation dimishes comparison.
we are all equal, but we have different expressions.
When I appreciate it feels amazing in my body, my chest opens up wide and expands energetically. But if I compare it feels awful in my body.
I love how the body exposes the truth…. if we listen.
Thank you for sharing.
Appreciation seems like an innocent and almost ‘sweet’ way of being, but not so when the true power of appreciation is seen in the diminishment of comparison and jealousy which it seems to me are the two greatest sources of evil on earth.
Great comment Joshua, we could also add that appreciation diminishes judgement as instead of judging others for the energy that’s passing through them, we can instead meet them in their essence and appreciate their qualities, whilst we observe how their choices impacts on their body energetically. Appreciation is part of knowing and loving who people are, not focusing on who they are not.
The realisations you have come to about comparison and jealously feel gorgeous Janina. The fact is that there is nothing to gain from ever comparing and making ourselves less because of our reactions to the choices of another. This will always leave us short of the mark and never allow us to grow, expand and thus deepen such an expression into our own lives. There will always be others more advanced in their expression and way of being than that of our own so choosing to be inspired is the certainly the best way to be
Beautifully said Joshua, and I fully agree that the best way to look to each other is to get inspired by what other people bring whatever there advancement in expression is. Every meeting that is met from the heart, will only inspire to grow the spark of God that we carry in our inner heart.
A very powerful blog to read, Janina. It touches me, to read: “and now I can feel that I have the same beauty but I used to discount it and did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.” The way you have changed from comparison to blossoming your true beauty it is so palpable in this sentence. Comparison feels like removing all the various colors from life. Cutting oneself from being honoring and loving with oneself and others through comparison isn’t a choice for truth and so everything is looking and feeling grey afterwards.
I love this Stefanie how comparison is like removing all the various colours and turn it into grey. And yet we all learn this from young, I can say at the age of 55 years I feel more alive then ever because life and people are inspiring me to be me and when I turn to my old way of comparing the joy I experience now disappears and yes it all becomes heavy and looks grey. Life is so simple without comparing.
Appreciating and confirming who we are brings joy to life. Life is very dull and grey when we do not feel the joy in simply being our full selves. Appreciation is such an important step to rebuild that awareness of our qualities and reconnection to ourselves, and the confirmation helps to consolidate and strengthen that inner connection so it’s steady when life is difficult. Learning about who we are through appreciation in our reconnection process is very beautiful.
Janina your blog is a salutary reminder of the evils of comparison. As you expressed, the only way to counter them is to learn to appreciate our own uniqueness. No one is better than anyone else. We all have something different to contribute without which the puzzle cannot be solve.
Great point Jennifer. Comparing still leaves us feeling less but “being inspired” by another and their ability to build loving relationships leaves rooms for growth and our own loving development.
I absolutely agree Ariana, and the conversations are indeed starting. I had lunch with three friends today and talked about the insidiousness of comparison and jealousy. It was such an eye opener to talk about it so openly with other women.
Comparison cripples and does retard relationships.
The amount of relationships that have been effected because of my inability to take full reponsibility of my own choices has been extrodianary. I am slowly recognising this and letting this go but as you say it is very ingrained in our way of being.
Comparison exists to stop us being inspired by others so that we do not pull back towards the great light we all are.
I caught myself comparing the other day, and I could see how this was a long time habit. Initially I was frustrated and when I asked myself why, I realised I was comparing myself to someone and judging them. It was an ugly scene playing out in my head, with no understanding for them and what they were going through. Also with no appreciation for what I could bring to the situation if I were not so interested in all the judgements and the blame. Although this is hugely painful to see and to write about, I am grateful to be able to see it and to have the opportunity write about it so there can be more honesty.
If we don’t live who we are and hold back our potential we automatically go into comparison because other people reflect to us what is possible and what we don’t choose.
The more I appreciate myself and what I bring, the more I realize that I don’t have to bring what somebody else brings. This gives a deeper sense of surrendering and less anxiety.
To feel somebody in their unique way of expression is amazing, to feel somebody holding back or trying to be in a certain way brings only complications and does not serve anybody.
With this blog I get the sense that comparison is always a thought process, created from the world around us, it is therefore not a natural part of who we are because naturally we are way more loving and there is no love in thoughts of comparison.
I agree Shami nature does not compare. No flower compares itself with another flower if they are taller or have a nicer color.
I can feel the truth of your every word on this most insidious subject Janina, thank you for calling it as it is. Recognizing comparison in myself feels like poison in my body, a poison I’ve been sipping, and occasionally gulping away at for a very long time. The number one antidote for this is appreciation, and so begins little by little, day by day a little extra serve of appreciation of this vessel – gorgeous me.
So true Giselle, comparison is poison that burns you inside. I used to worry if I felt I was doing ok and thought I was being smug and would get my ‘come-uppance’ as there were always other doing better. I very rarely appreciated myself. Serge Benhayon in his presentations has allowed me to feel how crippling comparison can be and gradually I have learned to appreciate myself for the beautiful, loving woman I am and not for anything I do or have done.
Yes Giselle appreciation for us first and therefore equally for all others. To be open to see others as inspiration is amazing and joyful.
Beautiful Leigh, this is amazing what you share that the love in you body is stronger than the hurts!
Wow, I never have made the connection between being raised in a catholic family and comparison but it rings very true because of the being good and making a good impression to the outside world. There was always so much judgement around others.
I feel Eva Maria what you shared about going for recognition was how I became so driven in life. Afraid of being rejected was part of this too.
Thank you Janina and evamaria for this awareness, what is coming up is that it has had a huge impact on my resistance of appreciating myself.
Dear Janina,
Thank you for sharing this with us all, your openness and honesty and being willing to go there with this subject, which is something that affects us all on a daily basis. For if we are not doing it ourselves, someone else is and we can feel this. After reading your blog and commenting I went down to lock up my chooks. For some time I have been doing this with a gentleness and care, and my chooks have responded. But this evening I found myself doing this with love.
You sure know how to make this chicken smile Leigh Strack.
Thank you all for sharing this thread, I too have felt the pressure to be good and to live up to what others expect of me and the constant comparison that comes with being this way in life. Of late I am feeling a strength in my body that is showing me that my hurts no longer define me. Yes I have been hurt deeply as a child and yes I still come across even more hurts that I have not yet let go of. My body is amazing though, as these arise I can feel that they are there to be let go of as the strength and love that is in my body now is far greater than the hurts I have had in my life.
“to compare stops me from being loving with myself”. This in itself should be ringing alarm bells telling us to stop it immediately.
Hi Janina, that is really a great blog and I love how you reveal the evil of comparison “to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” The thing is lots of people are comparing – it is a bit like a disease. It is wonderful that you showed us a possibility how to stop being in comparison and that it is the choice of each person what they like to do – to compare or to not compare.
Yes Ester, thanks to Serge Benhayon who started the conversation about the destructive effect of comparison and jealousy.
“to compare stops me from being loving with myself”. This itself should be ringing alarm bells telling us to stop it immediately.
What I feel is that it`s not only the desire for recognition from my parents, it`s also a deep fear of feeling rejected by them if I don`t live how they want me to… It`s really about detaching from all of that for me to be able to heal very old hurts and I feel more and more clarity about it and strength to really do that.
I feel the influence of the catholic way of having to be “good” until today because it was such a strong ideal in my family… when I was a child I did not really question it, but tried to fit in the picture and that really set me under pressure as I felt guilt and anxiety as soon as I had done something “wrong”. All of that feels so horrible in my body now!
What you’ve shared here Eva Maria really stopped me in my tracks about holding onto childhood hurts. The clarity and matter-of-fact-ness in your words has made me realise that comparison is a great way to avoid our choices. I sat here and asked myself ‘What if I accepted that I am still holding onto childhood hurts?’ and my body relaxed. It’s like if we are constantly comparing and measuring ourselves up to something we don’t have to stop and deal with why we chose to measure ourselves up to something in the first place.
To feel appreciation is like love, there is not limit, there is always more. However enter comparison and soon to follow will be jealousy, both constrict and never expand us. I love this blog Janina, I love to be reminded we are all equal.
This is a fabulous blog. When you ask the questions, “How do I feel after comparing? Am I closer to the other person”, I can feel what a harmful disease this really is. You never feel good about yourself when you compare, whether it is judging and criticising yourself or the arrogance of feeling of being better than the other person. You certainly are no closer to the other person. The constant appreciation of ourselves as we are right now and the other person is key.
When I compare myself to others and become jealous, its because the other person has done something that I know would support my own life, but have avoided taking responsibility and committed to doing it.
I agree Thomas and some people just reflect to us so strongly where we have not taken responsibility and it is so in our face what steps are needed to be taken. And we can choose to get caught in resistance or start taking the steps and learn from them.
‘If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not’.
I love the simplicity and the truth of this Janina, comparison definitely keeps us separate from others we either judge them and better or worse than ourselves, keeping ourselves in a bubble isolated and separate, we then walk through life, in our self created loneliness.
An esoteric practitioner shared with me that I should consider how I use comparison as an excuse to hold back. I have seen this recently where I went into comparison and jealousy and seeing myself as less then feeling like a victim because I didn’t want to make the changes that were being reflected to me in another’s choices. I had to feel the tension of my past choices and then feel what I actually wanted and then accept where I was at and start to make different choices to move towards this.
Wow very awesome Kristy, I see how I hold back and contract by not making the choices I see others making, and then keep myself feeling less than them, thank you for sharing your insights.
I agree Kristy, comparing ourselves to others is a great excuse to hold back what we offer the world. When we then add perfectionism to the mix we can be stuck in our own self-absorbed world for lifetimes!
Ahha Elizabeth,
I had an experience today where a person was really getting to me, I felt annoyed in their presence. On reflection I looked at what I saw in this person and I realised that what I had reacted to was the perfectionism that was running rife in their being. Perfectionism is something that I have been healing for some time and on realising that another layer was presenting for me today I found that the next time I was in this persons space that I was no longer annoyed, but was able to be still and respond, from the fullness of me. How much understanding myself is helping me to heal is astounding and humbling me. For it is never another that I have to change to feel still and me, it is my choices that I have to look at and adjust where needed, as Kirsty says above
“How amazing would it be, for this to be the norm for humanity.” Very amazing Alison! Something we work towards in already writing comments on this blog to make aware that there is another joyful way to be with another not based on comparison and competition but love, equality and appreciation.
“The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others”. It’s inevitable that this will be true, because way inside we are all the same. I also find that acceptance of myself has enabled me to accept others more.
When I re-read your blog Janina what came to me was ‘equal to all’. When we embody this and with self acceptance, there can be no comparison only the joy of being inspired by others to be more.
I agree Janina, “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” I have noticed I can be living my life feeling great and in an instant of comparison my mood drops considerably and it feels horrible. If I am astute enough to catch it, I found it is good to nominate exactly what my reasons are. Appreciation is the medicine that brings me back. I appreciate the qualities of another, and let them know I am genuinely inspired. I appreciate myself for recognizing my own qualities and that I can see myself developing more.
One thing that struck me from reading your insightful blog Janina is that at Universal medicine courses and retreats we are given the opportunity to explore such topics as comparison in depth. The 4 questions mentioned are not loaded with a pre-defined answer but encourage us to look deeply into our own experience and to grow and learn about ourselves, our community, and how we relate. This way we come to our own profound personal truth that is much more memorable and useful in life than reading the solution from studying text.
What stands out or me when reading your blog is acceptance. When we have acceptance for all there‘s no place for comparison. Accepting others choices and being responsible for our own will show comparison to fade away and true love and support take its place.
“The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist”. This has been my experience also and when I stop appreciating for whatever reason, I go straight back to comparison and feeling like I am not enough. In appreciation of myself and others, I get to see and celebrate what we each bring to the world, none better than another.
It certainly is poisonous to our bodies and an energy that would most certainly lead to illness and disease. When I have felt this in my body I am so determined to expose it – LOVE is the one thing that brings me back each time… by being tender with myself and building my own self worth. When I feel the comparison with a certain person, I make it a point to nominate it, go over and connect with them and be especially open and tender with them. This really helps me and dissolves the comparison very quickly. Once this goes, I then check in with myself as to why I felt that way in the first place. It may be that I need to appreciate myself more or that I have overridden what I knew to be true and perhaps did not express it. Often comparison is linked to choices I made that did not support me in some way. Its a great marker to self evaluate where I am at and make new choices based on truth and what supports me to express my own divine nature.
Thanks Donna for this awesome comment, you certainly are determined to expose comparison and have a really fluid way of reflecting, understanding and moving forwards. Being tender with ourselves is insightful too as often when we do feel comparison it can be quickly followed with self judgement which gets in the way of being responsible for our choices.
Just coming back from an amazing Chris James retreat. I experienced that i started comparing with people who have claimed themselves in areas I still hold back and feel challenged by them to step up. And consciously stopping myself not to stay trapped in comparison but appreciating myself and the other person. But equally to hold them and myself with love, which was very beautiful. Bringing it back to love.
And I could recognize clearer how my way of expressing very clear direct and powerful did challenge other people to be more! How great when we can inspire another to be more of who we truly are.
Thank you for sharing Janina. Such a great point about appreciation and how it curbs comparison… I can easily see how that works because if you are okay and love yourself there is no need to compare as you know your okay. Without that base your constantly looking outside for something to tell you that you are okay or in turn, that your not really okay. With this also, I think your not so focused on judging everyone else, as your more focussed and committed on you. Gives others the room just to be and a chance for you to truly appreciate them for their qualities.
Such a simple opening question as a way to debase the poison that is comparison. I agree Coleen that comparison is “…a destroyer of Love and Unity.”
I too have been comparing myself to others for a long time Marion. For me it stems from wanting the individual recognition, from not feeling that I am enough for just being me but that I need to do “things” to prove that I am worthy. If I get the recognition then I must be good, right? I have discovered that chasing recognition is a never ending pursuit and that the recognition received, no matter how grand, never makes up for not receiving the appreciation of who I am from myself.
So true Lee – what you said about the never-ending pursuit. Even when I get the recognition for work i’ve done, it never compares to the quality of the appreciation I received from myself. This has created a huge shift in my understanding, which has deepened my relationship with myself and others.
Beautifully said Lee, the craving for individual recognition from others is insatiable monster that not only feeds competition and comparison but can ultimately never be satisfied. Your words have been a great reminder to me that simply appreciating and accepting ourselves is an awesome antidote to this monster.
Comparison and jealousy go hand in hand. I know I have been caught up in comparison and it feels like I am constantly trying to rank order everyone around me to see where I fit in – better at this, worse at that – constantly looking at others to see where I fit. As you have shared Janina, when we do this we don’t truly see what another has to offer – nor do we see what we have to offer. When there is no comparison we can be inspired by others and in-turn, inspire others. Appreciation appears to be the antidote to comparison – to truly appreciate all that we are and all that is amazing in another. Feeling the quality between us all is powerful in escaping the trap of comparison which always holds us as less than who we truly are.
“So powerful is our connection with love, all that is not love has no ground to stand on. It is how much I give my power to not love that makes it look strong, while in fact it is not real.” Very Inspiring you are Danna! Thank you for sharing this.
Powerful Danna what you write here about love… and how you counter comparison. You give a lot of importance to love in your life, by appreciating who you are and what you bring, which is truly inspiring!
Thank you Judith Andras, I feel this is so important for everyone to do so, we are so easy to love and we actually have nothing standing in the way of our love if we decide to put those hurts (which are nothing more then hurts) aside and let the love all out.
Comparison not only separates us from others but takes us away from ourselves. I know for myself that I use comparison to make myself less and it’s an absolutely torturous way to live. But just being aware of the pattern and allowing myself to see if for what it is is an opportunity for healing.
“Instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light”. This is a great topic to be writing about because we need to have this discussion. Comparison is everywhere and I am learning very insidious and incredibly harming. I have loved (and been challenged) by the conversation around comparison because it opens your eyes as to how much we can compare and when you feel it in your body, it feels hard and very separate. Both from myself and from others. It does stop us from celebrating and appreciating what we bring and what others can bring. And that is harming. I am learning too that when comparison comes up, I have a choice to look at what choices that person is making and now be inspired by them and ask ‘how did you do that, please share with me’ as opposed to resenting them for it.
It looks almost if we all have build our lives around comparison for one or another reason and constantly are checking outwardly and controlling our level of self worth to what we see from there. Instead of being open and connected with oneself, open to receive the wisdom that everybody has to share and as I feel is our natural way of being. As the first way is very controlling and constricting and the second way is developing intimate relationships and evolving to higher level of awareness and self development.
I agree it is an absolute poison to us all as we come from unity and love and it is this we are returning too.
Comparison has crippled many of my relationships, it has darkened the great light within me for a very long time and then everyone misses out. Day by day it is getting less and less as the appreciation and acceptance of myself and others grows.
very true coleen24. Comparison creates distance and disunity, not allowing true love and acceptance of ourselves and others that it gets in between.
Comparison and jealousy push people away and creates a distance. Can this be the same for sarcasm? Being sarcastic is putting other people down so hence it’s a comparison. I work in an environment where this goes on all day long and I don’t like it but I’ve never realised until now that the people being sarcastic are pushing people away.
After reading your blog Janina I felt into how I compare myself against others – me being the better person compared to the other. There is definitely a huge divide between me and the other person. There is no bridge for us to connect and I have a know it all, I’m better than you, arrogance around me that I am pushing on to the other person. No wonder they get defensive when we talk about healthy eating, I’m coming from comparison and not love. I’ve just realised this. Thank you Janina for making me aware of my comparison issues.
I also had to realized recently how arrogant i am when i talk to other people thinking i know what is good for them or not. And telling them. Important to nominate such a unloving and awful behavior and to choose to approach people with understanding, respect and love.
So true Janina, you think you are helping the person but what you’re really doing is driving them in the wrong direction. Sometimes ‘doing good’ is mistaken for love and respect. We need to give that person the space and time to feel it for themselves in their own body’s, this way they have a marker, a foundation.
I love how you are able to look back with clarity on what went on in the past and move on from it in such a beautiful way. It is a bit disturbing how comparison starts at such a young age and is a thing it seems we have to unlearn to do when we didn’t have to learn it in the first place as it was just there.
You’re right kevmchardy, it’s very disturbing how comparison starts at a young age. Children are always comparing – she got more than me, it’s not fair they get to stay up later, and so on. This is a clear indicator as adults for us to see our young children have already separated from themselves and we need to support them so they can start to reconnect to themselves and stop comparison once and for all.
Great point lindellparlour. I now see that many young children have already separated from themselves and I need to support them as much as possible so they can start to reconnect to themselves and stop comparison once and for all.
Yes, Lyndy, and unfortunately the ‘rah rah’ form is the often the perceived healthy way to be in our society…yet it is still not true and is based on mentally stimulating oneself, winding oneself up into a belief in one’s own worth. We don’t need to believe in our worth when we are Love for we are totally worth everything and everyone when in that place.
Absolutely Adam…nature is a wonderful reflection of how everything is unique and perfect with all its imperfections.
If we see other as inspirations we are able to learn from them and continue to evolve expressing more of who we truly are.
Coleen, I love that you have highlighted the distinction between true tender and heartfelt appreciation of oneself (and others) and the ‘rah rah’ approach which is just as inharmonious as putting oneself down. Neither of these ends of the spectrum are true and act as the extreme ends of the see saw which by its nature must go up an down.
I always felt ‘different’, but never realised how much this comparison limited how I felt about myself. Now i understand that the difference is only in how I express, that I am equal. and in essence the same as everyone else, that we are all one in humanity.
Yes Catherine and Francisco, we are equal and the same, but each has their unique expression which is needed for all. Once we understand that we don’t allow comparison issues to rule us any longer.
Two days ago i looked at a photo of a friend. Being reflected in the photo how much he has grown as a man and his willingness to commit in relationship with his partner- i felt jealousy and that I was starting to compare. Which i observed and then chose to bring back appreciation of myself and feel the grace of his reflection- I allowed myself to start growing as the beautiful women that i am and I was able to go deeper in my relationship with my partner. Thank you!
Janina I so agree with your comment at the end of your article about appreciation being a good way to combat comparison issues. Appreciating myself more enables me to appreciate others more too. I have become aware that comparison sets in so young these days, at school and even in pre-school day care when youngsters are surrounded by other young ones. Is this being taught at a younger age by the carers in these facilities because they too were taught that this is normal?
Wow, there is so much in this sentence “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people” This should be taught in schools and plastered over every billboard. It is so very true, when we compare, we diminish ourselves, we make ourselves less than. This is not conducive to building that relationship with self and with others. It is about developing that awareness of how we are in relationships, then we can make other choices that are more loving.
I agree Heidi, comparison is very destructive. It doesn’t honour and appreciate were I am at and it puts me in a tension to be different which doesn’t make sense and doesn’t support the loving connection which is possible to grow if I move forwards allowing myself to be simply me.
Interesting what you say Eduardo, and I can feel what you mean. When the reflection we get form someone through his or her expression we can either accept it and evolve from it or as you say , we can reject it and a way to do this is to go into comparison.
Your question Janina, do I feel closer to the one I’ve compared myself to, is very telling for me. Short answer would be No, I feel separate from, no matter what the outcome of that comparison is. This is not a great way to live because I know underneath all that outer shell we concoct is exactly the same for everyone. It is the comparison that is the outsider here; an energy that comes and goes, leaving a great wake behind, that traps us all.
Powerful and a game changing blog Janina. I also feel the difference between feeling inspired instead of comparing. I have learned so much trough letting myself feel inspired by others. This is so much more supporting. Thank you for sharing this truth about the devastating energy of jealousy and comparison and competition. And it is true that as littlle childeren we learn comparising very early for example: “look at your older brother or sister…” And from experience I know it feels horrible in our bodies.
What a great blog and what a great statement: “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people”. It’s so true that we learn this from young and all is turning around this competitiveness and comparing instead of inspiring us and love ourselfs and others knowing that we are just beautiful as we are in our unique way of expression. Also what you describe with the hurts is opening a new way of seeing it and asking ourselves do we really want to hurt us or any other? So we can start observing, be honest and then be loving with us and turn step by step every comparison into an inspiration. Thank You Janina for expressing this so clearly. With love Nadine
The more appreciation we commit to bring into our lives the easier it is to accept ourselves and others for our own uniqueness and our true worth and we realise we are all equal and that there is no room to compare.
By making life about what we can do and achieve rather than the quality of our relationships we set things up for comparison to take place because there will always be someone who is better or worse off at any particular skill or attribute. But if we make life about the quality of our relationship with ourselves first and then with others the outer skills and talents cease to have any real significance towards self worth but are simply practical things we can do in life.
I agree Elizabeth. In a way comparing was so normal to me that i didn’t see it as wrong and what effect it actually had on me. Only through Serge Benhayon presentations about comparison and its evil energetic roots and i was able to become more honest. To the point where i sat in a course suddenly comparing myself to an really good looking women and feeling totally gone, not connected and able to communicate a word. This felt really horrible…
I agree Joshua. If i enjoy singing and than hear somebody sing differently and compare and value this is better and than sing like the other person i have lost my own natural expression and connection to sing. There is no joy trying to be different in any way in my expression. But we can be inspired by others to embody and express more of who we are.
Beautifully shared Thomas ” Appreciation is good Medicine”!
Yes Jonathan appreciation is a very powerful tool for healing and a much needed force for comparison and jealousy.
Its the only way really. And yes Marcia, and such a simple one at that.
Comparing is a way of hiding. As long as I compare I do not naturally show myself in full without callibrating. It is a beautiful process to let go of comparison more and more and stunning to realize how many areas of comparison there have been in my life.
I like this Michael, that comparison is a form of hiding. I had not considered it this way before and it makes a lot of sense.
Wow Michael and Andrew, that is a wonderful revelation: comparison is a way of hiding, a way of not showing ourselves. Suddenly a whole lot of dots joined when I read this.
Great point Michael- “Comparing is a way of hiding. As long as I compare I do not naturally show myself in full without callibrating.”
I have realised I have done this all my life. But I am learning to be aware of it more often now and therefore not go into it. Appreciation definitely feels such a freeing and loving antidote to this.
Janina, your words are clear and true. It feels like you really took stock of the details of your life and actions during the workshop and made some necessary changes through deep acceptance of yourself and where you were at in your life. As a consequence l too am inspired by you for taking greater responsibility for your life. Your changes have been far reaching not only for you but for others and that is the true gift of sharing.
Thank you.
Comparison is like a huge road block. People are sent to us I feel as a gift, to awaken something we disconnected to within ourselves; they come as a reminder. But we are so sure in our minds we could not be equal to that we shut down the reflection with comparison and jealousy. I’ve recently realised I can feel when others act as if they are better than me, and I accept this by relating in a way that confirms their belief I am less, by needing to be liked or at least tolerated. Being less or more, either way is poison for relationships.
Yesterday I claimed about something, ‘wow this is really a quality of me, I appreciate myself for how I have done this’ and realised how my internal voice started with ‘you cannot say this about yourself’ ‘that’s arrogant what will others think of you’, ‘someone else would do it even better etc. We are definitely not raised with appreciating ourselves and I have made myself dependent on the approval of others. It feels great to appreciate me and I know comparison will go out of the window with claiming my qualities.
I can remember that too – growing up and getting a strong message from society of ‘don’t stand out too much or too tall’. There was a strong pressure to be very modest and demure in the face of success or doing something well. Reflecting on it now I wonder if this was because we can actually feel the comparison and jealousy coming at us when we shine and we do not like this feeling so perhaps we ‘play things down’ sometimes in an attempt to avoid this unpleasant attention from others?
Absolutely brilliant Andrew! This observation, that being modest and demure in the face of praise for something one has done well could be a way of handling the jealousy one gets bombarded with, is very revealing and brings much understanding. Thank you!
Beautifully said Annelies…many of us have been very good at putting ourselves down or just playing down our qualities, but not in seeing and feeling our true beauty and what we bring to the world. Appreciation is the key.
That is the key isn’t it, to appreciste ourselves in all that we are and all that we do, as we all have so much to offer. I know this is not easy at times and for me needs constant work but comparison is a killer and must be delt with.
Awesome simple formula to stop comparison in our lives and the destruction it brings: ‘the more I appreciate myself the more I appreciate others”, thank you Janina, I love it.
It takes real commitment to do this. We are sold comparison from a young age through soap operas and magazines that portray women and men as combatants – forever in competition with each other. We are encouraged to gloat when successful people gain weight, to lose a partner. Most movies and television shows have some sort of comparison to juice up the story and give it an “edge”. It was all around us at school, and seemingly just a normal way people are. So boy, does it take some dedication to put the brakes on this behaviour and say, as Janina did, no to that domineering pattern, and thus yes to the other way. What power do we connect to in ourselves when we embrace the beauty and success of another person and know that the same potential is within us too.
Absolutely Rachel – and that ‘gloating’ you speak of is rife everywhere even in our close communities. It is the ‘reading ahead’ of what is to come energetically that prevents many from speaking up in large groups because they feel they cannot handle the gloating that will come if they make a mistake or say something silly. Of course if we love truth we take the plunge and speak up no matter what the flack or gloating that will hit. It is a real learning curve but so well worth while.
Competition and comparison is everywhere, from the lists of who is top of the school, to the list of sales numbers in companies, to beauty and weight products advertised everywhere, to chiseled and buffed bodies on posters – it is all about getting us to want to be more to be better, but none of it asks us to value and appreciate each other and what we each bring.
This is a great sharing Janina. One of the things I have come to recognise in myself after also doing exercises on comparison with Universal Medicine is that if I am not honouring myself and my true beautiful inner essence, then I am seeking things outside of myself and therefore comparing myself to others to ‘measure up’ against so to speak. It is an ugly trait and one that I am slowly eliminating as I deepen the connection with myself, appreciate myself and who I am and love myself completely. Then being with others becomes the true pleasure it ought to be – appreciation and love for another is gorgeous and when it is free of comparison it just enhances the joy that is to be felt between all of us.
Appreciating myself has and is one of my hardest steps back to myself. It’s been great for me to read everyones expressions on this blog, and feel how damaging jealousy and comparison can be when you allow them to in.
I agree Kimweston2 and love your honesty. Why is appreciating how gorgeous, sassy and amazing we are so difficult at times?! It is one of the most beautiful gestures we can give ourselves and others.
Thank you Janina, your blog is very timely for me to read. This is something that has been in my awareness the last couple of weeks. I seem to be going in and out of the pattern of comparison. I’ve been observing how this is affecting my confidence and relationships. I too was not good at school and felt kids didn’t like me, and held a belief that I was less because of it. Last night I felt back to my childhood and tried to feel when these beliefs of being less started, and if I could find any truths in them. I came out with nothing to confirm these beliefs, what it confirmed was that I had self created them to be less, and in fact I was liked by people but chose not to feel this fact, but instead with held myself from people just in case they didn’t like me. I have always tried to protect myself from pain by not forming relationships, not realizing that I am causing myself pain by never showing people who I truly am.
‘I have always tried to protect myself from pain by not forming relationships, not realizing that I am causing myself pain by never showing people who I truly am.’
So spot on Kimweston2. The pain of protection and shutting down from people feels far worse than whatever we are protecting ourselves from.
“Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?” Gee this line stood out for me today. It so creates distance as so beautifully shared in your blog as to what happens when you compare and push away and when you look at equally and be inspired. Thank you for sharing your story.
I agree Ariana, yes it is so crucial that everybody starts appreciating themselves and to learn to share and express to others the beauty we bring is deeply healing. And this inspires other to look at their own unique beauty and what they bring.
And so simple Samantha.
Janina what you have shared with us is huge and it’s as though until someone points out how prevalent jealousy and comparison it is, easy for us to not take responsibility for having these feelings towards others or seeing them as trivial – almost like a dirty secret.
I know from my own experience that being jealous and comparing myself to others makes me harder on myself and chips away at any self worth I may have had – it just feeds the ‘you’re not good enough thoughts’.
Yes Julie, it is important to say no to comparison and jealousy and not to accept it and keep it like you say “almost as a dirty secret”.
These are wise words Janina. We don’t often talk about comparison in society, yet it seems to drive a lot of what we do. I have experienced how damaging comparison is in my relationships. Whether it has come through me or the other person it really causes a divide between me and another. I like how you have highlighted appreciation as comparison’s antidote, as that makes a lot of sense. If we appreciate ourselves then we won’t see ourselves as lacking and so we won’t compare. It then makes it our responsibility to bring appreciation to ourselves to support relationships that are harmonious and equal.
Comparison to inspiration…pretty cool Janina. Thanks for sharing how this can be done and what can go on behind the scenes of why we are jealous.
In addition Janina, when I feel jealousy and comparison being directed at me I feel and see this and I also have noticed I also modify my behaviour and reduce myself to not cause that in another … so in actual fact I react by also going into comparison and feeling sorry for the other person because I made them feel less. So now we are both in comparison with no where to go. It’s great to have the understanding you have presented ‘appreciation of oneself -as a healing key for jealously and comparison.
Appreciation is the key, I agree. I would also add to that – responsibility – for the choices we have made to hold ourselves back and not feel equal to another. And responsibility for being everything that we are and expressing from the eternal fountain of amazeballs that we are. Booyah!!
Comparison does set us apart. How can we be more than or less than another if we are all by universal law equal? It is like we stop feeling how alike we are at our core and start searching for differences and reasons to have distance between us. I am becoming aware of just how common comparison is and I am starting to have a deeper understanding of it in myself and others. As well as the conscious thoughts of comparison, there are so many things we energetically compare and react to. I am finding this is mostly the loving choices another person has made and the not so loving choices I have made.
There are few things more gorgeous than seeing another woman emanating her exquisite inner beauty for all to see and to feel no comparison – only inspiration and admiration. When we can get past debilitating aspects of ourselves such as comparison, it opens up a whole new world of appreciation for ourselves and others and it is a freeing and wonderful way to be in the world.
This is so true Jo, beautifully said.
It does feel so freeing to behold another in this loving, equal way.
I feel this would make a great fridge magnet to keep us choosing from love…”lf we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not.”
It is very interesting how from a very young age we quickly learn to compare ourselves with others, especially within our families. Only recently I have felt this jealousy I have for other members of my family. It is subtle as I have learnt to protect it ignoring and pretending that it was not there. Reading this fabulous blog has created a stop for me to feel more deeply as to where this jealousy is coming from and to have a greater understanding…’If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not.’ I can also feel a lack of appreciation and love for myself within my family.
Jealousy and comparison are rife and as Serge Benhayon has recently presented for many it forms who we are today. The way we move, the way we smile, how we dress, how we speak and much much more. As Janina has said if we can build an honest relationship with self and begin to appreciate all that we bring – then this ill can be laid to rest and true brotherhood can begin.
“Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people”. Absolutely. And then, taking it further, the irony of this is that by truly connecting with people I get to see and appreciate the absolute magic that they are and also the total individual that they are – which makes comparison impossible, even if I tried! So by comparing myself to anyone, I’m actually stopping myself from doing exactly what I need to do to kick out comparison entirely. A crazy merry-go-round. A trap that we have built for ourselves that keep us less. A trap that is easily escapable from with simple self-love, appreciation and acceptance of ourselves.
Janina, I love that you speak about the irresponsibility of comparison and jealousy here. How irresponsible to direct our own frustration and fury at another for making the choices that we have not. It really highlights that we actually know all along that we have the equal capability within us to make the same choices.
I like the connection you have made here Janina between how we feel about ourselves and whether we choose to compare or not.
How little appreciation we give to ourselves and how much comparison is part of our daily life. It seems we are all the time checking out others with the glasses of comparison. It is truely not only a deeply engrained pattern in us, but also an ‘ugly’ pattern as it creates separation between us. What if we were all to stop this comparison in the moment and turn to ourselves with great appreciation first and then to the other. We then can see the other as a reflection of what choices we can make to go deeper with ourselves.
Brilliant blog, Janina. Comparison and jealousy are real killers of the potential that’s there in all forms of relationship with others. Great how you offer that to be aware of the pattern and to make a different choice at that moment, provide ways to break out of the reaction we can often go into when confronted with the reality of the choices we haven’t made, but that someone else has.
Janina, with the understanding offered from the Universal Medicine Retreat, it can be surprising to realise how much comparison and jealousy is in our lives. Even flowing through to family, friends and work colleagues. Once we acknowledge this it serves to allow us to move on and recognise its calling sign. Then we start to see everyone equally with ourself. Beautiful learning. Thank you for sharing your experience.
How different our days would be with people if we didn’t compare at all? How light and easy, no messy imposing and worse between us.
I am seeing more and more how easy it is to slip into comparing and into jealousy. I have done it all my life, often but not always, unconsciously. It is obvious that we haven’t known or allowed ourselves to see there is another way. Until now.
Like many here, embarking on making the space to truly appreciate myself and others each day, with frequent noticing of when I slip, is a work in progress.
I know it is the only way and already a change can be felt. Thank you for writing this Janina, it has deepened my understanding.
From an early age I realised that I was good at doing things, schoolwork was easy and I was good at any sport I chose. But with these skills I created a division between myself and others as I thought I was better than most kids my age. This behaviour of being better than has always been based on what I can do or achieve, I don’t go to school or play sport anymore but I work and that same comparison is there, believing I am better because I can achieve more or do something more efficiently. It is a messy one because I am thinking that the other guys are not as good as me because of their productivity but really it is me who thinks that I need to prove myself to them through what I can do. In the end no one is satisfied and the gap between us continues to grow.
What I got from your blog is that honesty and true self love are the keys to not play the game of comparing. A beautiful sharing. Comparing always separates us from the others. Playing small, behaving jealous, being disregardful with one self – name it. Why would we want that if feeling a true connection is pure joy? I rather ask myself that question a couple of times and learn from myself that missing out all those incredible people out there!
I have definitely gone into comparison many times in my life, and having also felt the same from others I know how awful it feels. It was lovely to read how you were able to feel the beauty and openness in another and not go into comparison but to feel how that same beauty was in you. I can feel how appreciation truly is the key to ending comparison, and not just for ourselves but also for others.
Comparison and jealousy are ingrained in the ‘human condition’ and are seen as being very normal, yet we all know we don’t feel very good or rather joyful when we do compare ourselves or feel jealous about another. I feel a knot in my stomach. These emotions create a vast ocean between people, leaving people living nowhere near a level of union or harmony that is very possible. Great to expose them for what they are Janina.
So true, if we see each other including ourselves as equal there is no comparison. And as you write an important aspect to that is appreciation of self. We tend to have so much judgment on ourselves, with indeed the big one: I am not enough. Your blog is a great reminder to appreciate and….celebrate ourselves.
Yes, I fear you are correct Brendan, jealousy and comparison are much more entrenched than I have allowed myself to feel.
I agree Luke, why is it that we do not see the gifts, blessings and amazingness of others. We all have so much to offer and no-one can do it all on their own.
I feel that we do see the gifts of others but what we do not want to see is that we have the same opportunity to bring through our gifts and are holding back. So the reflection of one not holding back hurts and this is what we do not want to see.
I agree Sally, I found I had to deconstruct a lot of pride to ask for support at first. In the end I found it wasn’t a weakness nor a shame, that is only a self made prison, but a willingness to share myself with people.
Comparison is one of our greatest dis-eases, as it cripples everyone, either by comparing to feel less or to feel better. It would be a wonder what effect not comparing would have on our places of work, our relationships and our day to day living. I for one can feel how transformative it would be for me to not compare and get on with just being who I am without judging against another or against an ideal I have been sold of how I should be.
I realised recently that if I am not connected to myself then I have a gap as I moved away from the real me. In that space I am looking outside of me and needing and wanting anything or anyone to confirm me. By that I mean I cast my eyes out there and go about measuring and comparing myself as more or less and the truth is I am lost. I am now working on deeply appreciating myself and allowing myself to feel rather than think my way through life.
Janina, the particularly strong point that jumps-up in my view, is that one can choose to feel inspired from another’s great choices, for being jealous is highlighting something another is doing that we know we can do or be too. Thank you.
Comparing ourselves to others does stop us from connecting with each other. Self appreciation is something I am really starting to look at as a way to really get what is here inside of me – because it is all there, inside of all of us, it is just a matter of really appreciating it, knowing it and accepting it – accepting we are everything already, and so is everyone else.
I can feel how comparison stands between me and who or what I am comparing myself to, every time, as if when I compare I’m actually inviting in an outside force that stands as a divide between where would otherwise potentially dwell harmony.
I too am learning to appreciate myself more and to really appreciate what others bring and understanding that we all in our own unique way each bring our part to the whole.
Yes, Janina, appreciation and holding oneself in a self loving manner is the only way to beat the green eyed monster that I have found to date. It seems it only takes one thought of comparison to start a downward spiral into jealousy and intense separation from the other person and oneself. Best to nip it in the bud at the first inkling of comparison and to connect with and appreciate oneself, and the other person, the instant it occurs.
Yes Coleen, i am just about to let myself feel the devastating effect jealousy has on people. It stops us to be who we truly are. Not to stand out and shine bright.
Jealousy is a force which needs to be felt and nominated as such and in doing so we can say no to letting it affect us and others.
Great sharing Janina, I am also starting to feel the devastating effect jealousy has on people and myself. It can start from a very young age and makes us change into something/somebody we are not, just to not stand out and be all the light and love that we are. It needs to be felt yes, and I can also feel the sadness that comes with it, in realizing that I made all these choices to actually avoid the jealousy.
I love your beautiful analogy Lucindag – “We have the choice to remain closed and separate like the buds on a rose bush or we can celebrate ourselves, open up and blossom and inspire others to radiate their colours, scents and fullness.”
I can feel the power and beauty in choosing the later.
Great blog Janina
How is that we got hooked into comparing ourselves to others in the first place? Someone has something you didn’t have in a literal sense or could we feel from a young age some people are met more easily by others, like they have something more special than another? What a great way to pit one person against another, getting us to focus on ourselves against another. It’s a great way to perpetuate a continuous battle that starts from inside of us where we confuse self identification with self appreciation. Looking outside for recognition simply does not work. Feeling the beauty of ones own essence and quality is an absolute joy! I know which I am committed to choosing thanks to Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
We have the choice to remain closed and separate like the buds on a rose bush or we can celebrate ourselves, open up and blossom and inspire others to radiate their colours, scents and fullness.
Comparison is such an evil thing that is so easy to slip into if we are not fully aware of what is at play, We are all beautiful in our own way so what need is there to compare?
So true, Janina. I have constantly compared myself with others making myself less than I am and it is what stops me from connecting, on any level, with others and the connection with myself. Awareness of what I am feeling, then acceptance have been the starting points on the journey away from comparison and finally appreciation of myself and others.
Comparison is defiantly a distraction to not feel and accept where we or another is at , when we do it it brings us and others down. Jealousy is a much worse step in the wrong direction and much more poisonous to both ourselves and others ,to appreciate and be able to recognise when these emotions come up being able to spot and call them out is an amazing awareness to have. As Natalie Hawthorne says about looking inwards instead of outwards builds true strength , love and character .
I like the two steps you’ve mapped out here… comparison that can be shortly followed by jealousy.
How can we possibly accept who we are and truly love ourselves fully if we are looking outside of ourselves and comparing ourselves to others. I stopped looking out and started to look inwards and it is so much more loving and real. What I have realised is, I have been so conditioned to look out and this is what I have done from a very young age, so it needs constant work and dedication to keep coming back to me and not looking out.
I agree that comparing ourselves to others is simply a well-worn path we like to take in order to avoid what we are feeling about our choices and ourselves. Accepting ourselves eliminates comparison.
What a beautiful comment, lukyokota, and so true! It is a blessing to honour another’s amazingness… a blessing for both 🙂
Comparison (and it’s twin – jealousy) are the most potent of separative forces. If we allow them to run, we are poisoning ourselves and we are poisoning others (because boy-oh-boy does comparison affect others) and we are feeding the most vicious of eternal traps. It is our responsibility to be everything that we are. Thus comparison is actually a lack of responsibility.
I like that insight, that comparison is actually a lack of responsibility- a lack of holding oneself as true, precious and worth loving. Thank you!
WOW, this is a powerful comment, thank you Otto.
“….comparison doesn’t exist.” This is an absolute gem. So true. Comparison is a creation of our own, an escape clause, an excuse, a symptom…all of which divert us from the root cause which is lack of self-care, self-love and self-appreciation. Whenever it crops up for me (and it often does) I now know that it isn’t real and now know that it is just a great big alarm bell that I need to deepen my relationship with, and care of, myself.
Through appreciation we connect deeper with people and let them in. If we start to express our appreciation life becomes joyful and beautiful. To confirm each other in the beauty everybody is bringing in their own unique way. To reflect each other the qualities each of us is bringing and to be inspired by people who have already taken more responsibility in the way they choose to live.
This is so true ottobathurst. To feel comparison coming in and then acknowledging that it is not real but a trigger to look at the level our own self appreciation and self love seems a great tool to have in my self care toolkit.
So true Otto, whenever I call in comparison, I know that I am not appreciating and accepting in full who I am. So the comparison is something I default back to instead of deepening my self-appreciation and acceptance.
Yes Luke, comparison and jealousy is a strange emotion that we have normalised in our society rather than feeling and appreciating the qualities we each bring.
We need a understanding why it is so important for the person you are jealous of to bring their qualities through. Jealously is so nasty that if the quality of another, that benefits the world so much, was to disappear it would be seen as a success, because in the end their hurt is able to be further ingrained. Crazy…
Talking to someone yesterday I found a frisson of discomfort when I knew the world of comparison and jealousy was calling and inviting me in. By saying no to this and staying with myself I could see where I felt weak in myself. I see now more clearly an area where I was not honouring myself. It has given me an opportunity for healing which is being supported by this blog and the comments I have read. Thank you.
I love the honesty of this blog, we often don’t want to talk about the “ugly things” like comparison but we need to so thank you Janina for opening the conversation. One thing I realised reading your blog is how comparison really holds us back, there is no evolving where there is comparison. Comparing can be a perceived safe place to hide oneself from shining the true light of self, the true magnificence of essence. By shining the light of all of who we are we are not inviting jealousy, but presenting equality.
I agree with you here, Melinda, “Comparing can be a perceived safe place to hide oneself from shining the true light of self, the true magnificence of essence”. I have been guilty of this for a long time, probably many lives. For most of this life I have felt myself to be less than so many other women who have been, or appeared to be, so much more confident and able than me. How ugly this has been. It has only been the past year or so that I have been able to gradually let go of this unloving behaviour, as I have been learning to let the true light of myself shine forth. Still a work in progress, but I no longer let myself feel myself less than others. I know within my essence, we are all equal, and it is MY responsibility to fully live this.
This topic is huge. We are fed the ideal that being more than another is a good thing and should be encouraged. This leads to everyone comparing and nobody accepting who they are and loving themselves unconditionally. Then we get a society of people separated and not willing to let people in. Isn’t this the sickness of life today? We have so many forms of communication, ‘selfies’ galore, celebrity one-upmanship, and very little true connection. Appreciation goes a long way to accepting who we are and this is more awesome than anything material we could compare with another.
Thanks for a great blog Janina. I have come to realise recently that comparison and jealousy have been quite a common theme in my life. By focusing on appreciating and accepting myself I am now aware that I have an opportunity to grow and evolve, rather than follow the old emotional trail which has only ever led to grief and misery. Amazing!
I love what and how you have shared here Janina. Comparison, which only occurs when we’re disconnected from who we truly are, separates and divides our otherwise naturally loving and unified way of being… Whilst deep appreciation for ourselves and others inspires and deepens the innate loving connection we have for one another thereby leaving no room for jealousy or comparison.
Gorgeous, Janina. Thank you for sharing the wisdom that has been shared with you. Jealousy and comparison are poisonous, and appreciation is the antidote. The best medicine ever!
This is a revelation, appreciation the antidote to jealousy and comparison.
I really enjoyed reading your blog Janina, when we compare we are comparing with what is on the outside, and if we allowed our self to feel another’s essence first it would be impossible to go into comparison.
It feels like we are only just seeing the tip of the iceberg with the extent of the comparison and jealousy that we feel and experience from others. When I am aware of being in comparison, I get a cold dark feeling in me. I lose the feeling of love and connection I would normally have and I can feel guilty, ugly or ashamed. Since the last Universal Medicine retreat in Australia I have just been noticing comparison and naming what it is that the other person has chosen that I am yet to choose. This helps me to appreciate them, know that I am just as capable of making those choices if I so choose, makes me aware that deep down that is what I want to choose and reminds me of my responsibility for where my life is at right now. It is such a healing and refreshing way of dealing with comparison and jealousy.
Appreciation is huge. Thank you for the reminder this morning.
Janina, I was drawn to read this today and I didn’t quite get why, until I hit this line ‘I compared myself to her and felt I was not as good… and I did not want to feel the choices I had made.’ and I realised that this fallback position can be very strong for me, going into comparison with others and what I can feel today is how it’s a way to avoid actually feeling my own choices and taking responsibiity for them. And of course it compounds as that comparison cuts off feeling what we’re doing and that we have a choice to do things differently, it dis-empowers, so comparison is so sneaky. So perfect to read this now and appreciate that I’ve felt this. I love that appreciation is the best antidote to comparison.
I agree monicag2, “comparison is so sneaky”, it can come between people and divide them, it can destroy lives as we incessantly try to out-do each other. Yet we miss out on the beauty and magic we each bring, we miss out on learning from each other and we miss out on appreciating that it is about the quality and way we do things and live rather than what we do. It, at least I have found it to be the case, is easy to make loads of money if that is what I want to do, but I have found all this brings with it is a greed and a wanting for more, a wanting to fill the space I have created in my body by pursuing something outside of me, rather than taking the time to nurture myself and look after my body. I know so many people who have got to 35-50 years old, have loads of money in the bank, but are a wreck, as they have exhausted themselves to get it. It does not have to be this way, and money is not the evil at all. It is just the way we generally go about getting it that brings about the tension and dis-harmony in our bodies.
I love this, stop comparing and just take responsibility for ourselves and the way we want our lives to feel… appreciate ourselves for who we actually are and our incredible part in the whole. We are all the same and it really is up to us to be living the person we know we are, we know we can be. By looking to someone else and getting jealous of what they have or who they are is really a lack of self responsibility. I love how you talk about feeling inspired by others.. this is the key. If someone lives in a way we want to then all we need to do is look at how! No jealousy.. just full understanding that choices are made that make up the way that we feel. And appreciating ourselves, everything that we are, the inspiration we are bringing!
It is only through the reflection and inspiration of others that I continue to choose to be more responsible. Why? Because I feel the truth, I feel someone living a truth I too know but may not yet have walked and lived myself. It is through other people’s reflection that I appreciate that I too am the same. Comparison and Jealousy stop this natural pull and inspiration that we can offer each other.
Awesome article thank you. I have been pondering on jealousy over the past few weeks and there is much to consider. I have been bravely asking myself where it is that I hold comparison and jealously to another and whilst it is a bit ‘ouchy’ it is a great question to ask because it does not serve humanity in one slightest way. It actually retards us in a great way and we need to be having these conversations and sharing stories about jealously and comparisons to expose what a force it can have on both ourselves and those around us.
Choosing to bring more appreciation and acceptance of who I am as a man, and to know that I am enough just for being myself and express that back to others has been a huge help in those times that I have experienced comparison in my life where I have felt less or not doing enough.
Beautiful Francisco, it definately comes back to loving and appreciating ourselves and all that we bring to counter any comparison or less than.
Your comment “comparing ourselves to others is accepted as normal rang alarm bells for me Janina. When it is so ingrained and not called out for the hurt it causes it has no where else to go but plant itself into our daily beliefs. Frightening to feel.
Yes Anonymous comparing ourselves is accepted as normal In Society. Most People do it without being Aware that they do it most of the Time. And without being Aware what Effect it has on us and Others. And our School system supports this…..
Awesome blog Janina – it is interesting that you have presented it in a way that it has NOTHING to do with the other person, which is often what I know I make it out to be. But if I instead see their choices as ‘what’s possible’, not ‘what I don’t have’, then it supports me to move forward and also means the relationship isn’t affected by jealousy.
So true Jessica, with appreciation we can see others as Inspiration. To learn and Support each other this is a joy-full way to live.
Agreed Janina – to be in comparison is quite the opposite; it puts us at odds with eachother
This is so true Jessica & Janina. When we appreciate another it is enhancing for both and helps each to move forward with greater confidence and pleasure in life.
Awesome, Jessica, that is key – that it has NOTHING to do with the other person. That takes all the pressure off them, and puts the responsibility for our feelings, however uncomfortable they may be, back onto us. And to see their choices as “what is possible” allows us to be inspired by them, rather than using them to make us feel less.
That’s a good point Anne – about how sometimes our feelings can be uncomfortable which is why we may look to put it on other people, instead of taking the responsibility for creating that uncomfortable feeling
I will use this Jessica, that is, looking to see what is possible and not what i do not have, thank you.
i love that jessica because you chose to not be in reaction towards yourself for what you have not chosen but to see what great opportunities lie ahead! I feel it takes a lot of self acceptance and reflection to be able to do this and to let go of jealousy and comparison all the way.
Absolutely Carolien
Thats what i experience lukeyokota it is a blessing for all of to appreciate ourselves deeply and other people equally. Once we begin to focus on appreciating and letting ourselves feel how amazing we and other people are we can not but express it to them, this is beautiful, this is natural, this is confirming in a truthful way and the beauty each of us is bringing to the world. In expressing to each other how amazing we are, as a felt truth from within us, we we build a new foundation which stops the destructive seed of comparison and jealousy.
Makes treating people with respect and tolerance second rate….
This is lovely, Janina. In this way the feeling of jealousy can also be a blessing, as it shows us that someone is living a truth that we are not choosing yet, and it can inspire us to make the same loving choices, if we choose to appreciate them, and ourselves equally.
I totally agree that when we compare we create a distance with the other that then sometimes we override because we want to be nice, not to lose that person, but the distance is there until we acknowledge and chose to let them in again with no comparison, and connect to our love again.
Yes Julia, i agree to compare cuts the connection to myself and to the other person. Just the other day i was talking to a friend than getting caught in comparing and feeling very strange and not able to communicate. I walked away silently, realizing what went on and than returned to her explain what has happened. Wow!
Yes, juliamanbos, all the niceness in the world cannot hide or override the feeling of jealousy and comparison – being ‘nice’ is a poor substitute for letting someone in and loving them to the bone.
It is great to stop and ask ourselves these questions such as ‘why do I compare? etc’ From my experience comparison happens in a split second before I have even had a chance to stop I have compared myself to someone. In stopping it helps us to catch this (even after) and feel it in our bodies, address it and lessen the chance of comparison happening another time.
Awesome Janina. I like to feel me when I bring things that I know and feel is awesome that lifts and supports others. Confirming me is now part of my life and a part of the way I live. The way I move and the precision in how I do things is a choice to confirm that it is me doing it and not a behavior that measures me to be accepted. This brings so much more potential to my tasks and not the repeated mundane behaviors. My life is fuller and I do not loose opportunities that are being presented each day. More can be achieved also.
Hi Janina, I can look back to my childhood and see comparison of my siblings was already a part of my behaviour and its horrible to feel in your body. As we grow into adults with magazines showing us how we should look/dress/be, that comparison has the potential to increase or become ingrained. Of course there is an underlying issue here of lack of self worth, but no good can ever come from comparison or jealousy, it will never make me feel better whether I consider myself better or worse. I love how you allowed yourself to see the true beauty in another and this in turn allowed you to feel the true beauty in yourself. Since attending Universal Medicine workshops I am developing true appreciation for others and learning to say no to comparison.
Yes, Judy already within our own families we are confronted with comparison and very often with jealousy and this has a huge effect on the way we grow up.
Comparison and jealousy is rife everywhere you go, from a look, a behaviour, subtle comments to outright bullying and abuse. It is great to share personal experiences of it like in this blog and how stifling it is in relationships and in attitude to oneself as well. Because it is so insidious, the more we all become aware of it, the more we can call it out be it in ourselves or others and begin to deal with the incredible burden of it in our lives.
Comparison, jealousy, judgement of self or others…..pure, pure poison of the most toxic and potent kind. If ever you taste it in your mouth I recommend consuming copious quantities of the double-dose-antidote of appreciation and understanding. It works wonders!
I’m now taking double-dose-antidote of appreciation and understanding, thank you Otto for the prescription. Now wouldn’t it be amazing if we had more doctors giving this kind or prescription..
Awesome, yes, or just not compare!
You’ve shared a very interesting topic here Janina.. comparison which can come in such small forms that at times I didn’t even know I went into comparison and from there jealousy just slides in ever so sneakily. It as simple as seeing someone dance and it starts with how beautiful that person is dancing, and then if you don’t join in the joy (with them or just with yourself regardless of whether you are dancing or not) of what you see/feel, bang hits a little discomfort in your body and then ever so sneakily jealousy hit you and you don’t even know how you got there. What I learnt when I came across this recently, is I went and joined that person after a few seconds of discomfort and expressed how I had felt and the response from that beautiful person was “Just get on with it!”. There was no sympathy or any further conversation needed as it was understood that that was just un-necessary and I just need to let it go:) and I did. I was able to just be the same as this other person who now I’m inspired by (not in comparison) and join in the beauty I saw in the other and expand it in me too! Wow! It was so amazing. I’m learning to pick it up just when that little comparison or inequality is about to hit and have found as you have shared, when you appreciate what someone else brings in their joy of being and know it is equally in you too but you had not chosen to live it so far, an opportunity is presented right at that moment to make it about equality and for you to expand into being the same should you chose to. Goodbye to jealousy and hello to expansion and appreciation from there on.
Thanks you for exposing how deep comparison can run.. From reading your blog I can feel how ingrained comparison can be so much so it can be difficult at first to catch or even notice that I have even been having the thoughts of comparison. As soon as I start to feel more acceptance and love for myself the comparison melts away..
Re-reading this blog brings to light for me the importance of self-acceptance in being able to truly let go of old beliefs around being lesser than others. It’s so true what you write that we can not see another in equalness if we hold ourselves less in any way, acceptance is the key. Also learning to love and celebrate the fact that we each are unique, special and glorious! When we love and accept ourselves fully, there is no room for jealousy and comparison.
When I go into comparison with another as I regularly do I can feel how selfish this is, as it does not allow me to appreciate the unique qualities of either myself or the other person and leaves me caught up in my emotional baggage. Thanks Janina for bringing this topic to the forefront of my thoughts, as addressing jealousy and comparison clears the way for a much simpler and loving way of living and one I definitely want to choose.
“I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light”, this is such a fabulous turn-around from comparison and as you say, Janina, appreciation is the antidote to comparison.
As you have stated Janina the best way to overcome comparison is to have a deep appreciation of yourself, and when this is embodied there is no need for you to compare or compete with others.
I saw a card recently that said, ‘Be yourself everyone else is taken’. It made me smile, it is so true, we all have such a unique quality in how we express in every way and this makes life so colourful.
We all learn to compare ourselves to others from school and take it with us as adults. To put some up and others down can affect us all in a negative way all our lives. What a shallow way to judge people when we know deep down we are all equal.
Beautiful Nicolas.
The education system with its inculcation of competition on innocent children has a lot to answer for.
Thank you Janina, such wisdom shared in your blog and the comments following. Jealousy and comparison is a set up for us to not appreciate and accept how truly amazing we are. We are pulled into it from a young age where there is so much emphasis on competition and bettering.
This is massive as it is not only on a personal level it is felt, the seed of this separation is in everything, ideals and beliefs in sports, states, nations, religions, politics and the list goes on.
The crazy thing is everyone wants to feel love and true connection with each other.
I find when I am feeling this love and appreciation for myself there is no room for comparison or jealousy to enter. If and when it does come in it is a great way to feel where I have left me. It is never truly about the other person, they are in truth calling us back to us.
Comparison is such an automatic response that happens in a flash and often we are unaware its even going on. I have experienced both sides of the coin and how unpleasant it feels in my body and also for the person who is being compared to or who is doing the comparing. Its ironic that it starts as what appears to be silly things when we are children like I’m taller than you, I’m faster than you. I’m better at maths and so on ad infinitum. This leads to competition, trying to get one up on another or trying to out do those around us or just feeling less than everyone else. No wonder jealousy is such a horrible affair. If we were taught from young to appreciate ourselves and each other we would be more open to what we bring and as you say be inspired by all that we offer on another.
Jealousy after all is just knowing that what we see in another we could have chosen for ourselves but didn’t and that we are actually mad at ourselves for not having made that choice. I find myself more and more these days stopping myself from comparing and instead appreciating the qualities that people have and enjoying them.
Very true Rachel, as we are not taught from young to appreciate how gorgeous we are, just as we are, we start to look for things that make us ‘good’ or worth of love. For us to identify this we need to compare ourselves to those around us. I have very strongly learned this and have always been looking outside of myself for how to be. Today I am learning that the best way to stop jealousy and comparison is to not only to accept where I am in my personal unfoldment but even more so to fully appreciate all that I am, just as I am.
Appreciation is indeed the antidote to comparison. It is what I integrate in my daily life more and more and it brings so much joy. Simple appreciation of what is, who I am and who others are.
This is a very healing blog Janina, thank you for writing about a topic that is usually never spoken about. No one likes to feel that they are a jealous person but as soon as we compare ourselves with others, making ourselves lesser than them, that is exactly where we are at. It requires constant vigilance in this world that actively encourages us to compare everything.
Yes Jeanette I agree, constant awareness is needed not to get caught up in comparing myself to others, comparing myself to myself. Not even to compare how many comments my blog has with other blogs – as the energy of comparing in this world is very strong and we need to say no to it. It starts in school the whole system is build up on comparing and being better than another which creates separation between people and competition.
“A few years later, on another occasion I met a woman whose eyes were sparkling with love and joy;”
Every time now that I see you Janina, I see a woman whose eyes sparkle with love and joy. I find your dedication inspiring and you are a joy to be around.
Beautiful to feel that I can let in what you say as I have started to appreciate myself and the beauty that I bring. Thank you Michelle for sharing.
Very true Alison comparison is a choice!
I love your blog Janina. Camparison and jealously is very poisonous, it creates distance and in the extreme cases it creates fury inside you that can sometimes be projected and inflicted onto others. Jealousy has been experienced by everyone and it is poisoning humanity. So if we can truly feel and understand the hurt and damage it creates, how can we possibly allow ourselves to be jealous of others? If we choose to indulge in the energy of jealousy we in fact contribute and feed the big cloud of poison that is eating away at humanity. So by taking responsibility to be super aware of how toxic these thoughts are we can begin to arrest these thoughts and behaviors.
Yes, great Chan that you bring the aspect of jealousy into the comments. As we just learned in the retreat with Serge Benhayon in Australia: Jealousy is one of the most evil energies. We all have experienced jealousy in our childhood and it has stopped us to bring all of who we truly are. Therefore it is important to realise and let ourselves feel the impact jealousy has on the way we live our life, how we dress, how we interact with people. To allow us to feel when we experience jealousy and to nominate it as such, stops the energy attacking us. Equally we can stop ourselves when we fall into the trap of feeling jealous about somebody else, instead of seeing the inspiration another is bringing to us.
Janina, this is a truly beautiful blog. ‘To compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.’ I feel the truth in this, when I compare myself I not only look down or up to another but the connection to myself and thus to another is lost, simply lost in comparison and the ride that follows.
Yes Esther this is important to understand how much harm we are bringing when we get into comparing. Harm to ourselves and harm to others as we stop the connection to ourselves and to others.
When I compare, I not only don’t measure up, but also miss the opportunity to meet a human being, instead of a cardboard impression of who I think this person is.
Janina, I like when you say “The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others”. Here is the key to stop jealousy and comparison.
I love your comment Patricia Darwish. Appreciation and confirmation are key to not have jealousy and comparison in our lives. If we choose to appreciate ourselves and others, jealousy cannot exist. Confirm to others by expressing your appreciation for them. To be completely honest to yourself, when you have experienced jealous thoughts is to acknowledge them and share it with the person you felt jealousy towards. So express it, don’t hold it back and hide. Approach it head on and you will then begin to feel appreciation towards them.
Back again to re-read this great blog – Yes comparison can be contagious – with it comes many other symptoms – and as you mention the antidote is self love and appreciation and then let this expand out to everyone.
Janina, as I read your blog I am also aware of many instances of where I have gotten myself caught in the hideous traps of comparison and jealousy. I have found that it takes time to slowly develop self appreciation but it is well worth the effort (for myself and others).
Yes Janina your ending comments say it all. When I know how wonderful I am there is no room for comparison because I can then see the same in another. The shift in feeling the need to compare is not there as it is filled with the love I have for myself. A wonderful reminder to us all of the harm that comes to ourselves and others when we choose to compare.
Comparison is the fuel of separation, appreciation distinguishes it.
Janina I agree that comparison is toxic indeed, and that self-appreciation, which allows for the appreciation of others, is the antidote.
I so love the humbleness, all encompassing love and understanding in this blog Janina. It’s once again a reminder of the importance of felt appreciation. And I’m also realising that whenever I’m not connected to this appreciation that I could use this as a beautiful marker to see that I’m disconnected. Bravo!
Once we can feel the appreciation, there is indeed a powerful marker Floris, because in this moments there is such beauty and stillness and the drive and need to do things or be a certain way is almost gone. It is so beautiful to connect to more and more moments like this every day.
Yes Floris, beautifully expressed, which is raising the question for me, is going into comparison already a sign that I am disconnected from myself in the first place?
Comparison is such an insidious thing and has been present in my life for as long as I can remember. Is it something we learn as we grow or is it something that our spirit just relates to very well? What ever it is, life is far more joyful without it or at least being aware of how evil it is.
Thank you Janina, a very powerful article – comparison can be so destroying of ourselves and our relationships with others. I feel you are spot on by saying that the appreciation of ourselves is key in all of this – and from that comes the absolute holding of another as an equal. In this we can then further grow because we become open to what the other is offering us as a reflection, as an inspiration – just as much as we can be there to offer that inspiration and reflection back to them. Each of us have mastered certain areas and so these are the parts that we can offer to others whilst learning from everyone else in respect to the areas that they have mastered. What a beautiful puzzle we can all contribute to – no one lesser or greater than the other and each piece equally important in completing the puzzle!
I am finding that comparison is an absolute killer. We either put ourselves as less or more and leaves me feeling disconnected from my body and very much in a mental energy which feels awful. I have noticed in myself of late quite a lot of comparison coming up with other women and it is something that I am dedicated to working through. When I find myself comparing, I take the opportunity to come back to my body, to feel me and appreciate me. After all staying in comparison doesn’t serve me one little bit. When I let go of comparison I can feel the equality and beauty in everyone.
Janina comparing with others and even myself is an uphill battle. The second I compare I have disconnected from my self and I begin to seek something ‘out there’. It actually hurts and leaves me feeling empty and sad.
Appreciation is key for both myself and therefore others.
A beautiful blog thank you.
“Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people” This is so so very true Janina and unfortunately we have so very much comparison in society. Blogs like this exposes comparison for what it truly is.
Loved this sharing Janina. Your final paragraph was so powerful – that appreciating ourselves more we can then appreciate others more and realise that we are all equal with no one less or more than another and then comparison does not even exist.
“Comparison with others is very ingrained in our way of being – it is something we learn from a young age and come to accept as normal”,
what a great point you make here Janina and this feels very true for me.
It is a horrible thing to have in our life and I know it affects my body as it just doesn’t sit right when I go into comparison about anything.
I have changed – Thanks to the work and deep wisdom of Serge Benhayon who has inspired me to know what it is to feel enough and knock out this comparison stuff.
However, I am human and it can creep in but I know how to deal with. I have a chat with myself and I am firm in cutting out these ugly thoughts very quickly. What helps me is UNDERSTANDING. If I can understand that my choices of not feeling good enough or feeling more than another is utter nonsense and serves no one. My choices got me here and if any area of my life sucks, then it is because of my own choices. Make new wiser choices I say to myself and that puts an end to this until the next time.
The comparison energy really sets in at school and becomes a marker of performance. It’s an energy we then carry into adult life and is very destructive to building any ounce of self love and appreciation.
This is great Matt, school is certainly a place where we learn to rank and compare ourselves to others, rather than to appreciate what we each bring.
Beautiful Janina. I also found that when I am full of myself, that is feeling really content and appreciative of myself, comparison does not exist. I then feel inspired by others instead of jealous. The difference is such a great thing to learn and live.
I smiled when I read your comment Elizabeth, about comparing yourself to an ideal self, this struck a cord as I catch myself still aspiring to be something more or better. Thank you Janina for sharing your experience about comparison with others, and the antidote – appreciation.
Comparison of others is insidious, appreciation is healing and when I see everyone as equal comparison does not exist. Thank you Janina.
As I explore the issue of comparison more I am coming to realize that not only do I compare myself with others but I compare myself with myself!. What I mean is that I have an ideal in my head about how I “should” be and then compare myself with that idea. I also realize now that comparison is something that I use to not take responsibility for my own choices. Sometimes the choices we make hinder us and we need to be able to see them as that and change them.
I also realised this comparison that I had for myself was unrealistic and full of ‘should be’ this or ‘should be’ doing something else instead of just accepting and appreciating where I am. How can we be making responsible loving choices when this is going on? When I go into this I feel like life is hard and a struggle and that I am never enough.
Great point Elizabeth, I also compare myself with this image of how I should be or how I think others think I should be. This limits and narrows me and stops me from being all that I am. Because the ideal we have about ourselves never comes close to who we actually are. We are so much more than any thought we have about ourselves.
Yes, it seems to always come back to making us smaller, putting us into a box, instead of granting the grandness that we are its space.
I love this point Elizabeth – comparing myself with myself. Great revelation, and great cop-out for not taking responsibility. Ouch!
So true Elizabeth, “comparing myself with myself” an equally destructive, dead end activity which keeps us stuck in the same place – in our heads – and not feeling or appreciating what is actually there inside us that is unique and precious.
Learning that we have a choice in the way we think, noticing those thoughts when they come in and knocking them on the head so to speak when they arise, has been groundbreaking for me in addressing such an insidious and self defeating activity.
When we meet someone, who we can feel really shines, we do have a choice in fact to be inspired, which means we hold ourselves as an equal or go into comparison, which makes ourselves less than the other person. The first can make us lift our game, which comes with a responsibility because we can sense that we are equally shiny, just not choosing to be that way. So comparison really is a clever way of avoiding that responsibility that is reflected to us when we meet someone who is really living love.
Absolutely Andrew – we certainly do have a choice – and a very clever mind to lead us into not taking responsibility for holding back who we truly are.
May people have gone into some form of comparison.
When it is exposed so honestly here it seems quite silly – but most people don’t talk about it and don’t really question the point. This should be a daily conversation – not something swept under the carpet.
I know that now I am talking about these sort of issues and seeing them for what they are – it has really helped me to see that there is much more value in simply being me, rather than calling in a reaction to what I am not.
This is so true Andrew, when we truly see ourselves as an equal with everyone we meet (which is the truth our heart knows), particularly those who ‘trigger’ a reaction in us in some way, whether it be a perception of being less than or greater than the other – we get to experience the lightness of inspiration rather than heaviness of comparison.
Yes, well said Andrew.
I really love what you are saying Andrew and I do very much agree. Comparison is simply a game I can choose to play instead of just standing there in the truth that I am in that exact moment with all the choices I have made up to that point.
I love the point you bring Andrewmooney26, about appreciating and being inspired by each other when they are ‘shining’ and also recognising we have a choice to confirm that same equal loving quality within us. True inspiration.
Comparison does “get in the way of relationships” It creates a detachment and lack of intimacy that is compounded if we continue to choose comparison over connection. As you say appreciation of yourself and others can be a very supportive way of breaking this habit, for it is a habit and is completely unnecessary, it serves no purpose.
I love how you address comparison as a habit – this is so true. If comparison is a habit, we can choose to stop this habit until it has no say in our lives anymore.
Yes Judith – this makes a lot of sense, removes the emotion from it and turns it into a practical everyday choice.
Yes, this resonates in me too, if it is a habit comparison loses its monstrosity and makes it very practical to tackle.
Very true Judith; if comparison is a ‘habit’, then it is a cycle that can be broken, and a momentum that can be changed.
Great point Judith, this is a habit worth leaving behind. Comparison is just so rife, I can compare myself so many times in a day only to stop myself and say NO! I am never going to be the same as anyone because I am me not them! Enough is enough. We all have our part to play in the whole, and this is beautiful to really get to know and understand. I am working overtime to kick this habit, comparison does not support me one bit.
Thank you Janina for sharing. I seem to need constant reminding to not compare myself to others. It really is a complete waste of time and energy. And I appreciate in myself that I am noticing what I am doing and making new choices as a result, finally !
I agree Jade, with so many years of priming that comparison button seems as though it has an automatic setting, it’s just now that there is a relay switch which can take me to appreciation of others, and me, and inspiration.
I totally agree with you Jeanette,if we appreciate ourselves for who we are and what we bring to humanity there is no room for comparison.
Yes Mary comparison is deeply ingrained but equally we can nominate and retrain ourselves to focus on deeply appreciation ourselves and confirming us for the beauty we bring to this world. Once we break through holding back our expression of what we really like about ourselves and others people and what we find inspiring it is getting normal way to live which is supportive for all.
Whenever competition comes into it (using sport as a very obvious example) then we are actively being asked to compare, this automatically puts every person in the ‘lesser’ or ‘greater’ camp, there is no in between, you are either a winner or a loser, better or worse than. This is not just between individuals but wider; nations, cultures, religions, education systems, fashion trends, everything. The bigger picture reflecting itself in the smaller picture – Us. These can’t be without each one of us making it so, so then it must come back to each one of us as you say Matilda, and taking responsibility for our own part in it.
I have been a ‘comparer extraordinaire’, it seemed just normal, what everyone does, however I also felt it as truly horrible which just made me feel even more less.
Like you, noticing when it comes up, which can be frequently, and saying no to it, has been a brilliant starting place for me. But the key as has been said many times in the comments as well is APPRECIATION. Appreciation of myself and what I can bring and share in the world that no other can. Then there can be no comparison as the appreciation of another and what only they can bring is readily there. Work in progress but the expansion and connection that way brings, feels so much lovelier in the body.
What you are highlighted here is key for me too. APPRECIATION. If I am truly appreciative of what of what I can contribute to the world, then there is no need for any comparison with others whatsoever. I realise that lack of appreciation has been the reason for most of my life, always feeling I was lesser than other people. As I have become more involved with Universal Medicine, I am now gradually learning to appreciate myself and what I bring – the bonus is a big increase in my self-confidence, which was so low for so long. A very big thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
I agree Beverley, it is the appreciation of what I bring to humanity and also the appreciation of the love that I am is what helps to heal comparison in our lives.
Yes absolutely Beverley and Francisco, Appreciation of myself and others deeply supports me to be forever inspired by the beauty others reflect to me.
I appreciate that I am often seeing (and therefore being reminded) of certain qualities within me that I may not be living. And so, I am awakened to more and seeing that it can be lived- which supports me to take my next steps, and then in turn, inspire others to do so also.
This is a great blog. I wondered also when reading it for a second time whether an equally destructive indulgence is comparison with myself. I have good days, I have bad days. I evolve and sometimes I regress. When any of these things happen, and I go in to the separative energy of ‘comparison’, I can easily either tear myself apart or falsely puff myself up. Either is very destructive. Comparison is normally considered to be looking outside of yourself at another and then giving energy to that difference. It’s fascinating to me to observe that I can also do that to myself, that even if I am, in theory, looking at myself, I can in fact still be looking outside of myself. Whilst this sounds complicated it actually makes total sense to me and is a powerful marker, when it happens, of the fact that I am giving a destructive energy to that difference, rather than appreciating (which is the loving version of comparison) where I was or am, and thus using that for further evolution.
Yes, a very good point Otto. As usual it is very easy to see what is outside of ourselves and less obvious to see that the same thing is going on within us.
I love your comment Otto. There does seem to be two parts of us, one that knows what we are doing, and one that does it anyway (compare I mean), thank goodness we have the awareness to pull us back to the one that knows what we’re doing, and then we can put a halt on it, as you say, it is so destructive. I rather like that appreciation is the loving version of comparison, I have never really thought of it like that before.
I agree, comparison can be so destructive on any level, it feels so much more loving to find appreciation for oneself and feel ‘enough’ just the way we are so we can really appreciate and be inspired by others. Comparison is such a downer.
Hear hear, so ultimately the comparison is us not being appreciative of ourselves first. I can fully relate to what you’re expressing Otto. For me it feels like a taboo on appreciating myself. I recently did a appreciating exercise with my ex-wife and 4 year old daughter and it was so beautiful to watch everyone coming alive while appreciating themselves and others. Deep appreciation for what you’ve expressed here Otto.
Great observation ottobathurst, I recognise this as well and it all boils down to having a picture, ideal or standard to which I need to measure up to. Even though the ideal comes from outside of me it makes the comparison at times ‘internal’.
How we have been set up to compete and compare! Your blog is a great expose of the way comparison keeps us small or arrogant, Janina. And I am learning too how beautiful it feels to appreciate myself and what I bring, and how enjoyable it then becomes to appreciate others.
Yes Bernadette, it is such a joy once we start to express what we love and appreciate about ourselves and others. If we allow this natural flow of expression we actually support ourselves and others to expand and embrace more of who we truly are and and what each of us uniquely brings.
The ever so ugly comparison monster can wreak havoc in this world. I have found writing daily appreciation notes to myself beneficial and is aiding my way to fully shake off comparing myself with others and just allowing others to inspire my own life in many amazing ways. It brings closer connections with others too.
it’s a very useful exercise, (in self development, self awareness and psychology), to examine the process of comparing yourself to others! What is reveals to you is how damaging comparison is to your own sense of self worth and to our quality of, depth and willingness to enter into relationships with others. When we are unwilling to connect with others, then the quality of our whole society is affected!
Comparison is seen everywhere in society, and starts from when you are a baby- parents comparing their child to other babies, their looks, milestones reached and behaviours.
This continues throughout school – parents comparing and discussing their child’s achievements with another parent, or teachers comparing one student to another in front of the class-eg the more intelligent one gets rewarded. And this continues throughout life.
No wonder a child growing up believes this to be the norm and constantly strives outwardly to be noticed and get attention or the opposite- becomes disruptive and misbehaves. Comparison in all these situations feels very harming. It separates, and allows for guilt, frustration, anger, resentment, jealousy and bitterness to come in. Leading to lack of self worth, self loathing and feelings of rejection.
Only in full acceptance and allowance of where the other person is, and of ourselves, and self appreciation of ourselves and others will true love exist and be felt.
This is awesome what you have shared here Janina. Comparison is all around us in our daily life no wonder people are stuffing themselves with sweet starchy heavy foods so to shut down and feel better for a moment. This incredible emptiness that needs to be filled ! It’s the first thing we do to go straight to the faults rather than being inspired by another, lets ponder on “wow I love that about you” and feel that as a reflection.
Thank you Janina for expressing so clearly the fact that comparison does not need to exist, we can choose to express that way but we can also make the choices as you have inspiringly done so to choose otherwise and have it not a part of our Livingness.
Time for more and more appreciation, so there is no space for comparison.
So true!
Beautiful words you use Jane we all have “our own golden quality – uniquely equally so.”
Comparison is huge for me, I had no idea how ingrained it was until I became aware of just how quick I can be to compare. The questions in this blog are great questions to ponder. Thank you Janina
Janina, thank you for writing so openly and honestly on a topic which affects us all. I realised how I too have been in comparison with others from an early age and how living my life in this way has kept me separate from both myself and from others. It is a lose, lose situation which keeps on feeding the lack of self worth and relationships suffer as a result. In comparison (pun intended) when I am in appreciation of myself and meet people from the loveliness I am, it is as if a lovely space opens up which is completely void of any comparison and instead is filled with a joy felt from the connection with another. ‘If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not.’ I can feel the absolute truth of this.
It’s incredible the shift one can feel in respect to the tendency we have to compare ourselves to others. When deeply understanding that we compare or become jealous of another, for we’re seeing another doing or choosing what we know we can to – isn’t that the best thing we can openly admit to ourselves? For if we can, it gives us an instant opportunity to recognise a choice or series of choices we’ll then make for ourselves. That’s how I see it myself these days anyway.
Comparison is the quickest way to let you deflate and withdraw from the world.
Thank you Janina for such a great topic.
I never really gave jealousy or comparison much thought because it was something I had always done, as far back as I can remember. Then I started attending courses run by Universal Medicine and the topic has come up several times over the years and I am now realising how common it is and how damaging it is to our relationships and lastly, how easily it comes up.
I am still working on the deep appreciation of myself and others but considering the alternative, I know which one I would prefer.
Thank you for writing about this huge subject. It’s easy to relate to comparison, and it is not a good feeling. I notice that the more I self-care and self-nurture, the more I feel the real ME, and the less is the need to compare myself to others. Because I am enough. I like this point you make: “The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist”. Beautiful and so true.
Yesterday I met a colleague I see just 3 times a year and in the past I was always a bit annoyed by her (because of this and that – doesn’t really matter I found out – but it was based on comparison) and yesterday I startet to see her as equal and started to appreciate what she brings to the world. Our relationship starts to change and I can feel an honoring for her what is beautiful…and I can feel that this honoring is also empowering me. Magic!
Beautiful alchemy Sandra – and it works every time.
I love what you have shared Janina and it is an interesting and big subject. I also am learning to appreciate me more and as you share the effect is huge in that it opens the gate to appreciate and love others naturally so, leaving no space for comparison to creep in.
Comparison is so ingrained and normal and the shame is that in comparison, we miss out on our own uniqueness and that of others.
Yes Rosie, we absolutely miss out when we compare by disregarding our own contribution. Comparison is paralysing and a perfect way to hold us back from true responsibility.
I so do agree Rosie, there is so much that we simply do not see when we go into comparison, it keeps us narrow, squashed in a tiny box.
I loved reading this – comparison is a huge theme for a lot of women including me – but when I actually look at what comparison is – which as you so simply put is ‘confirming ourselves as less’ it becomes crazy to think we are doing this to ourselves and comparing ourselves to people who aren’t us physically.
However – what I now know is that I have an equal quality and beauty to anyone else – if I confirm that!
Thank you Janina, what really stands out for me about your blog is the journey you have been on with comparison, which I can certainly relate to. It is great to read how it is possible to change this behavioural way of comparing with each other, and so simply just by appreciating ourselves for who we are as being more than enough already with out even having to try.
It’s great to see we all fully understand how truly evil comparison actually is.
Me too Jane – it is amazing how comparison is so interwoven with life. Is someone doing better than me, are they getting more etc. etc. it all leads to a frustration and a jealousy, a hatred and fury towards ourselves for not being good enough and wow it’s exhausting! I have found the more I appreciate myself and others the less the comparison and jealousy rear their ugly heads.
“The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.”- beautifully expressed, and a timely reminder Janina. And with more understanding of others, where they are at, allowing them free will, comes acceptance.
Thanks, Janina, for your contribution about comparison, which is entrenched in so many of our behaviours from a very young age. As you say, it stops us from truly connecting with others and shuts us down from our connection with ourselves. Jealousy, resentment, bitterness and other negative emotions result, which feel awful in our bodies and we contract.
When we can truly appreciate who we are and what we bring, we appreciate how each of us is equal and yet brings unique qualities to life. It makes the world so much more joyful and expansive to be in.
Comparison just makes you a small candle in the light house during the storm.
I am coming to realize more and more the actual harm that comparison does to the body. It is an absolute poison in the body yet we so freely accept it as “just something we do”. Thank you for bringing up this topic for discussion.
Thank you Janina for this very wise blog. It has supported me to really see and feel in how far I have been comparing and judging all my life and that this has disconnected me from myself and others, because with it I was always busy with making something up in my head instead of being present with me and others. I can feel very clearly now, that it is time to let this strange behavior go and simply be and live myself. That feels so much simpler and just natural :o)
Thanks Janina. Once we start on the path of return to self love and reconnection to our inner heart, comparison is of course exposed as the blight that it is, but to fully fathom its insidious nature it needs to be sat with, and then veil after veil can be lifted and we can feel how it has permeated so deeply into our relationships, and affected so much. To live truly without comparison allows everyone to be the unique and amazing person they are, and the world will feel the harmony of humanity in its true nature, reflecting the divine within us all.
I love thinking of all the people in this world as each being 1 piece of a massive puzzle, no piece bigger or smaller because we are all equal players. So when each and everyone of us bring our quality and express in our lives who we are, and the uniqueness of our expression then we can all join as a united completed puzzle, with no need for comparison or jelousy because we know we all have a different part to play.
I love your blog Janina, it is very true what you have shared. Comparison and jealousy keep people separate and disconnected. When comparison and jealousy creep in I can choose not to feed it but to stop and appreciate that person. Also to recognise why I feel that way. The more I become aware of it and why it creeps in then I can arrest those thoughts and choose to be inspired and choose to feel how amazing I am too. By me living more and more in my fullness and amazingness comparison and jealousy can not exist.
Great point Kristy. Do we wake up in the morning and choose to compare or connect with all our relationships? The feeling from one to another speaks volumes in our body and how we feel for the whole day. Thanks Janina for bringing an understanding on a area that cripples so many relationships today.
Mmmm… what can I choose each day. Wake up with comparison or a deep appreciation of what I bring and another person brings to me in our relationship. Thanks Janina for bringing the simplicity back to a crippling behaviour in relationships today.
Wuah, all I can say is thank you so much for sharing those questions. But wow- the detrimental consequences from comparing is so damaging to our relationships. Thank you so much for the key to dissolving comparison Janina. Your blog felt really great.
I agree Arianna – “the detrimental consequences from comparing is so damaging to our relationships”, it puts us effectively in the dog pit and leaves no room for love and appreciation of another, let alone ourselves.
So powerfull end sentence and absolute. Comparing in truth does not exist and feels very much like an illusion and time-filling way of taking yourself or others down. I can relate to comparing myself with others and trying to use and prove myself that I was not enough.. ‘like you see.. you are not worth it.’ these evil thoughts I am now starting to unmask and see that these thoughts are not mine and that this comparing game is actually very hurtfull and demaging. Neither does this comparing bring any true form of support or true consideration. When starting to unravel this, It started to make sense to me that I should be more carefull with myself and call out the lies of this comparing game. You can see how we can actually drive ourselves into an illusion and creating a drama that actually – in truth – does not exists. Or neither are real. Or true.
Comparison and jealousy is a real killer and it is not normal although everyone would have us believe that it is. How different we feel when we appreciate ourselves and what we have to offer and we appreciate others “in their own unique ways of being and expression”. The love for ourselves, for them and for life itself returns – this is normal.
Comparison is an energy we use like a shelter, a place to go to hide in by using others as lesser or more, so that we have a way of escaping shining the enormous light that we are. It also stops us from seeing the enormous reflections of divinity in others. Comparison is like a dark shield we use to block both our light and the true reflections of light inherent in others. It’s a shady, misery inducing game that stifles true confirmation and brotherhood.
I have heard Serge Benhayon repeat over and over, comparison is a killer – and he is absolutely right. For me, comparison kills inspiration, appreciation, self-love, development, evolution and most of all – connection to who I truly am. I have discovered that comparison has many layers, and I continue to observe and work on this aspect of myself every time I find myself in even a slither of comparison. It’s an ingrained habit, but one well worth breaking free of, so we can all return to the understanding, as you said Janina, that we are all equal, we just have many and varied expressions.
Absolutely Janina! Comparison divides and separates us from ourselves and from others. What an insidious weapon it is against pure joy and love – our natural state of being. Yes, joy and love IS our natural habitat, but it is not frequently seen. We are mostly living in an alien place, and one of the biggest aiders and abetters to keep us estranged is comparison.
IN FACT WE ARE ALL BEYOND COMPARE, EVERY ONE OF US. Bring on love, joy and appreciation with and for each other.
Thank you for your great blog Janina.
Beautifully expressed, Janina, with openness and awareness. We all do comparison and we all know how it affects our bodies and how it keeps us from our true selves. A very timely reminder to appreciate myself more. Thank you.
I enjoyed this blog. Comparison does seem like such a big thing, so ingrained in our culture and way of life, but also with all humanity – with the human condition. Yet when we have a standard or role model of people who live less in comparison, like many friends I have made who are fellow students of Universal Medicine, you get to feel how unnatural comparison is. Instead you get to feel the joy in relationship with people who support each other and valuing of each other’s strengths, without propping up the weaknesses. Lets face it, we prop up each others weaknesses to keep ourselves feeling superior! This in turn, makes comparison attractive. Yet it is clear there is no progress in such a relationship for either person.
How true and how beautifully expressed Simon. Recently, writing a chapter for a book on my life I have traced back where competition and comparison first began to enter into my life and become a way of interacting and relating – and I have seen that it was becoming quite entrenched by the time I was 9 or 10. The main point of entry for this way of being came from school, not at home, and it is now stunning to look back and see how I sold out to that way of being when I innately knew a whole other way of being that was natural and joy-full.
Thank you Janina for addressing the topic of comparison and writing so openly about it. I really appreciate that, as comparison is a big one and part of daily life. What I notice is that it can be very subtle, to the extend that I believe myself that I am not in comparison, but I actually am. There are many layers to comparison and for me it feels great to be aware of it.
i agree Mariette, i have moved past the obvious forms of comparison but often find some very subtle or fleeting moments that even though less extreme or obvious are still the same thing and just as harming as the former ones.
Thank you Janina for sharing about comparison, it seems to be ingrained in us, I can relate to it too. I love and appreciate your comment that ‘I am now inspired by others, that feels joyful and light’. I will use this as a more loving attitude to build upon.
Such a great topic to discuss Janina. Comparison can rob us of what we and another can bring to a relationship, and there’s no seeing the other in their true light, just ugly unloving usually silent daggers of energy towards another, that they can definitely feel, but will politely choose to ignore. True ouch moments both ways.
Well said Janina thank you. It has been one of the major eye openers for me too seeing how ingrained comparison had become a way of life for me. The very fact that we are all equal dispels comparison at every turn, and the beauty within us all is allowed to shine evermore.
Comparison is such an ingrained part of our society – who has a bigger house, nicer car, better relationships etc etc. The only problem with constantly comparing ourselves is that we can never fully appreciate our lives, which leaves us feeling that our lives aren’t enough.
Through this blog and the comments i could realize to a deeper level how much comparison i still have in my life, even with more appreciation for myself i still tend to compare more subtle like driving my car and comparing my car (which is nice) to older scratched cars and judging them. Or even when i in a group of people i start to judge or compare if they are feeling as joyful as i do. And a big one thinking that i am better because of the healthy diet i am eating, which comes with a lot of arrogance. Ouch!! So we need to look closer at all the sneaky ways of comparison…
A very powerful and truthful exposing of comparison and all the ways it can reek havoc in people’s lives and body. If I compare, even with myself, I am deeply harming myself and all others. I am saying to everyone else that it is okay to feel less, when this is so not true and deeply harming, and a very good way to stay small. I can feel how comparison robs us of all true joy and love.
Yes Gyl, comparison is a “very good way to stay small” to not embrace the grandness, divinity and love we all are.
I love your honesty here – we all compare to each other all the time and it feels horrible. I love what you have presented here that if we deepen our appreciation and our relationships with ourselves, the jealousy we feel towards others melts away, and we can truly appreciate them too.
Hi Janina, I had a big dose of comparison lately – cutting myself up with 10 swords, belittling myself. Comparing is so poisoning, whether sizing ourselves up or down. In that moment we choose to disconnect from ourselves, in the illusion that we are either more or less, creating separation.
True Janina, the more you appreciate yourself the more content you feel and therefore don’t feel the need to look outside to others to make sure you’re okay – you can already feel it from yourself. I notice how exhausting it is to constantly be judging yourself based on another. When your free of this people feel a lot more free as well. Because you are not judging yourself and so not judging others. Everyone feels way more comfortable.
Janina it’s so great – your blog. Comparison is so rife and yet so not talked about in general. Why? Because I know how ugly it feels inside me and towards another, as I feel we all do. I know if I’m feeling it, I want to avoid seeing where I’ve chosen to be less than who I am. Attacking another person for showing me how awesome I could feel if I stayed with myself and how amazing I am, is horrid and we all know it.
It’s beautiful to have the awareness to know, if I ever go into comparison, I can choose to celebrate the other person and what they bring. I can also be honest about how I’m living which I don’t feel is truly celebrating or honouring of myself and choose otherwise!
Comparison is a choice that feels really awful in the body, it brings so much hardness and separation. And it is great to know that appreciation and truly honouring and celebrating myself is the antidote. It makes it a simple choice.
Good words Karin I especially like “It’s beautiful to have the awareness to know, if I ever go into comparison, I can choose to celebrate the other person and what they bring”.
Comparison is a big one for me, sometimes I feel a reflection that I am not good enough or interesting enough to approach someone I may wish to say hi to but this is great that I get to discuss this as it is showing me that I am not feeling worthy of myself first. Thanks Janina for sharing.
Janina, what you have shared is for me very inspiring and very true. I have for many years had a huge issue with comparison, even allowing this to go as far as being jealous of others, and all the while, was this gorgeous, amazing, fun loving, warm, affectionate, wise and deeply tender women here in me, just waiting for me to start appreciating her – and you know what? When I did, it slowly began to change. I am not yet totally free of comparison in my life, but it certainly no longer owns me as it once did, and now when it enters, I go straight to the appreciation and I also look to open myself to what the other is reflecting to me that I possibly need to work on, or I simply appreciate the beauty in them. Great blog to share, especially amongst women.
Absolutely golden Janina, and I love this quote: “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people.” What if this was the education we received at school, from a young age? What if, our education actually did not set us up to CONTINUOUSLY MEASURE ourselves against each other, if the world of glamour and fame didn’t CONTINUOUSLY PROMOTE that some are more and some are less? What if we moved and exercised our bodies in an honouring way, accepting our physical differences, without having to compete against each other, and have ‘winners’ and ‘losers’? There is simply not enough to be said about the topic of comparison, we have been poisoned by it to the bone through the whole of our lives, have partaken in it, sought to be ‘more’ or be ‘less’, and not one of us is ‘better off’ for it (even if we choose to live in the illusion that being ‘more’ somehow holds us to stand above it all – utter falsity).
And so, your blog here stands as a clarion light amidst this ever-turbulent sea Janina, showing us that with a willingness to see things as they are, to self-reflect and responsibly remove ourselves from the hold comparison has on our lives, that we can indeed stand as one and actually appreciate the all that we are, and each other in equal measure.
Now that is a world and a way of truly connecting with others, that I choose anyday…
Beautiful Blog Janina, I can feel how awful comparing myself with others is. But as you say, when we start caring for ourselves others will only be more of an inspiration.
‘I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light’. Janina what a great turn around.
And when my comparison setting jumps to automatic mode, I now realise that I have a choice of how I behave in the very next minute, I can actually stop it in its tracks.
This is great Janina as there are so few people who truly appreciate themselves and know their own worth. If we begin to see ourselves as we are, truly appreciating that what we offer the world is unique to us, then the need for comparison would simply fade away. I feel as you say appreciating that everyone has something to offer takes the pressure off, as we recognise that each person is important and we need not all be the same.
It is great that you discuss comparison here as it is such a harmful and at times insidious thing. I find myself comparing myself to myself at times such as you are doing better today or worse today instead of simply honouring my natural rhythms. When I get into a conversation like that with myself it comes with a particular energy that is not helpful to say the least and quite different to simply being aware and seeing things as they are without any judgement.
Nicola, great point you are making about comparing yourself with yourself, this is something I also catch myself doing – which is also a dead end street and not supportive to do.
Janina, this is so true,to choose comparison just keeps us separated, and if I’m feeling comparison then I am already separated.
‘Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people.’ In a nutshell. Thank you, Janina. If I am willing to get honest I can see that comparison gets in the way of every interaction and relationship. I have often thought it is not as impactful as it is because I have been the one considering myself less alongside others. But this is just as damaging because whichever way, comparison is perpetuating inequality when our true evolution is rooted in the fact that, in essence we are all the same.
This is great Janina, thank you. I have really learned that “comparison” is one of the worst (or deadliest) poison of all to ourselves. I fully agree with “comparing myself to others stops me form truly connecting with other people”. Also, having certain “detachment” with how things are, how others are and accepting how they are as they are stops “judgment” coming in, therefore, not going into “comparison”.
Inspiring to appreciate another’s evolution without first comparing it to my own.
Less or more than is a game that plagues society and keeps too many in places of disempowerment and pain.
Thank you Janina for this gorgeous post.
How can anyone feel close to another person after we have chosen to compare in the slightest way. There is nothing unifying in the word or it’s meaning.
Thank you Janina. Self appreciation is the key, so true, It can melt away the walls of comparison that separate each other. It’s very hard to connect when there are walls between people.
Spot on Janina, at the root of comparison there is jealousy, and nothing brings you down like jealousy. We have to appreciate people who are doing well and have sparkle in their eyes. You are right we also have to appreciate ourselves.
It is so ingrained in my way of doing things. It keeps me small. When I look outside myself I know I do it because I don’t want to face the pain within although I sometimes conveniently forget it.
Thanks Janina. So very topical for me right now. The extent of my comparison has come clearly into my awareness now. It is so ingrained that I have been feeling a bit at a loss at to how to move forward. The simpleness of self appreciation – a good place to start!
Janina I like the way you have described comparison as the poison which kills connection and relationships. We simply cannot have healthy relationships with anyone if we are in comparison, either making ourselves less than, or more than, them -both ways are not equal.
‘If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not.’ Noticing a pattern of behaviour this morning that I went into yesterday, I then read this line, which was exactly the treasure I needed to read. Ain’t life grand that way? Beautiful Janina, thank you for your expression here and laying this in my path.
An important topic you write about in a beautiful way. Comparison guarantees us we aren’t connected to ourselves, not taking responsibility for the choices we have made, we can’t be in relation with the other, honor their expression and qualities and importantly: we can’t be inspired to step up and evolve.
This is so true Janina,…”Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people.” Comparison and jealousy also takes us away from life so both we and life miss out; we miss out on life and life misses out on us.
Comparison is completely self destructive, unless I find I compare with myself from before, which can allow me to appreciate how I have changed in a positive sense, have my unique qualities been expressed more or less? Comparison with another, well there is always someone with a faster car so to speak, so it is better to reflect on the qualities I see in another and what I might learn from their expressed way.
Comparison feels like a poison and it sells us very short. The astonishing thing is how readily we are willing to submit to this yoke and how it can be such a big part of our life, either comparing up or down, feeling better than or less than. It doesn’t make sense – who came up with the idea that life is a race with winners and losers anyway?
Thanks Janina, what you have written is so true. Comparison is accepted as being normal. It’s a common way for us to feel better about ourselves, or as you have written, feel worse about ourselves; either way, it does not allow a true connection to another.
With every one I meet I get a reflection of how amazing great we are, but also a reflection from what I am not expressing, because we all have our own magic to bring. By going into comparison I do not appreciate what the other brings.
Time to practice appreciation I guess.
I love this Sandra, great perspective thank you!
Thank you for your simple truth. Connecting truly to another is gorgeous, comparison is the true divider in between connecting, if we allow it.
Yes Alex, but to be able to look at comparison and jealousy in that way, you need to be very honest with yourself. And this takes a bit of practice and commitment towards truth. Sometimes not a pleasant way, but the only if you want to get out it.
Thank you Janina for exposing the far-reaching affects of comparison. It is the foundation of the walls we build to keep others out.
Yes Janina, comparison is a total stop for love and when we as woman understand this deeply we will stop comparing and looking for love outside otherwise it is too hurting for ourselves.
Janina what a powerful blog!!!! Isn’t it true that we as women are very good in comparison???? So for me, comparison is also a very much ingrained behavior. Therefore I really love what you shared about the way to stop this way of being – yes it is wunderbar (wonderful) to appreciate oneself – that is very healing and also in a good way, very infectious . . .
Its great to read about comparison, such a seemingly, to the eyes and ears of society, commonplace aspect of social interaction, and yet, as revealed in depth by Universal medicine presentations, a cancer that eats away at most individual’s self-worth and self-esteem to the point that they are unable to bring who they truly are to the workplace, or to friends or even family.
Love what you have said Chris.
What you have described here Janina is really relevant to how society operates at present. Yes, from a very young age we are taught and shown that comparison is how you work out your value as a person. What an evil, deceptive game! The act of comparison takes me away from true connection, intimacy and love both with myself and others, and since working on letting go of this behaviour all my relationships have improved including the one I have with myself. Thank you for sharing this..
I can relate to all you have said and exposed Janina. I certainly use comparison, jealousy and judgement to shut down my love and openness and ability to connect with people, which is the polar opposite to how I truly feel about humanity and how much I actually want to let others in.
Exposing these old patterns are the key to unlocking the false hurts that get in the way of us being all we are and expressing that to the world.
The madness of the fight we create. Our natural way is to be in relationship with others, openly and truthfully so, and yet we resist this in many ways – comparison being one.
Comparison is rife in society. In fact most of marketing and advertising feeds on this and in turn encourages it. I too have found as I have been increasing the responsibility in my life and have been making more loving choices, the amount of comparison has reduced. I used to think there was nothing wrong with having comparison so prevalent in my life– after all it seems to be the cornerstone of competitive markets which is idealised as forcing businesses to rise to their best. But now, although I am not completely out of the clutches of comparison yet, since I am no longer dominated by it, I can see its nature more clearly. I feel the devastating impact of it on myself, on my relationships and often on even the other person. I very clearly know its insidious nature.
This is so true Janina. I can feel how comparison stops open communication between people and keeps us isolated and indivisalised and how appreciation opens the door for greater love and communication between each other. Then sharing with, exploring opportunities and inspiring each other become possible.
Thanks Janina for touching on this issues in your blog. When I feel comparison come up between me and another, I instantly feel it is a big block between me and that person – there is no opportunity for a true connection with that there, as everything that unfolds from then is stemming from the block or the comparison. I find calling it out when I feel it, either to the person or at the very least to myself – and then nominating in myself what I’m comparing, why, and trying to feel into why I am feeling that way… helps to clear the comparison and bring me back to feeling the equality that is in all of us.
Thanks Brooke, your comment helped me to realise comparison is like a repelling force between people, just like two magnets that refuse to connect.
I agree Brooke, I am learning that comparison is not something to brush under the carpet and pretend its not there, but to admit to and work on why I’m comparing myself to something/someone.
I realised when I meet someone who reflects to me something that I am not willing to look at about myself I can easily go into comparison. I find if I choose to first appreciate them and to be inspired by them I don’t have to go into comparison, so it is a choice. When I have appreciation and understanding towards others and myself I do not go into comparison.
A gorgeous and wise observation Chan. Appreciation (of self and of others) leads to evolution whereas comparison can only ever end the other way (involution). In any given moment we are often offered both paths and the choice is forever ours wherein our next step lies.
Hello Janina thank you and I love this, “Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.”
So true Ray, to place myself less than or better than another (which comparison invariably does) prevents an openness of connection with others and leads to a level of self-protection in my relationships and a lack of equalness.
Comparison is a big ugly thing, when I compare I feel either ‘arrogant, up myself and disconnected’ or ‘less, worthless low and depressed’. When I am doing well and I feel others comparing themselves to everything about me, “It feels as if they are throwing knives at me”.
Comparison is such a killer and you have explained it so well, thank you.
Comparison is a massive block for both men and women. For me I can create a distance between myself and other men based on whether they can do as much as I can, but I find that if they can then I judge them by the quality of their work. I am always holding them at arms length instead of in my arms.
‘I am always holding them at arms length instead of in my arms.’ So beautifully said Tony. Like me, I struggle with old patterns of protection that keeps people at a ‘safe’ distance yet I can feel the enormous love and honour I have for all equally so and am re-learning to express that instead.
That’s the ridiculousness of it all Rachel, that we think we are keeping ourselves safe by not connecting and allowing others in. It is the polar opposite, I feel totally alone and lack true confidence when I am not connecting.
Blog please Tony! What you have shared is pure gold, thank-you. Do we truly want to love and be loved, or not, is the question.
Love that Victoria! I just have to repeat it! ‘Do we truly want to love and be loved, or not, is the question’. Hamlet would be proud of you.
It is most certainly the question, Lyndy 😉 Yet I have to say, Tony’s phrase which exposes how far from love we can so readily and habitually be living, is the clincher that blows it all apart: “I am always holding them at arms length instead of in my arms.”
Thank you Tony for beautifully expressing the distance and disconnection that comparison feeds.
From one set of standards to the next – comparison can be multifaceted – I meet someone and instantly assess how I fit in alongside what they present, rather than simply meeting openly with a true willingness to connect as a fellow, equal brother. ‘I am always holding them at arms length instead of in my arms.’ This is a super cool prompt – do I want to stay separate to others or live in love with humanity?
To live without comparing to other people is completely life changing.
This is something that is relatively new to me as I have spent most of my life comparing and judging others and myself. Doing that is hard work, to be honest, as there is a constant effort of proving myself and that is extremely tiring.
It’s exhausting Tony I can certainly vouch for that.
Comparison has the same effect on me Alison, instantly. It only takes a fleeting second for comparison to have a pretty deadly effect on how we are with ourselves and others. Great to be reminded of the way to heal it though.
That’s it – Alison you said it – as soon we start to appreciate ourselves comparison is no longer there. And it is simple and makes so much sense.
Thanks Janina, what you have shared is very powerful as comparison is an ill in our bodies and sometimes it feels like a default mechanism that we go into and as you mentioned once we become aware of that pattern we have a choice to continue with it or let it go.
Appreciation is the antidote for comparison, as it allows us to feel the true beauty of who we are equally.
You have nailed the comparison and jealousy issue – well written, thank you so much Janina – the main issue of all that is simply as you say: I did not honor myself in the way I truly deserved.
Simply beautiful Janina, Thank you . Comparison is such a destructive plague of separation for us all, as young girls we are so programmed to compare with other girls, sisters etc and it stays with us as we grow. What you have shared is golden, if we allow ourselves to be full in appreciation and love of us – then there are no empty pockets driving us to look outside ourselves to others. We are full and content in ourselves – comparison doesn’t get a look in.What a relief!!!
My experience of comparison is totally exhausting, a guaranteeing of a never-ending slippery slope of doubt, plummeting self-worth and relationship woes, and yet at the same time filling the insidious need for a perversely self-serving, narcissistic and nasty pleasure … which is perhaps why so much of our media falsely confirms comparison as normal!
When we observe children being natural with each other it simply does not exist.
Comparing ourselves to others is so self-destructive. Common sense tells us that it is futile as we all bring our own unique qualities to this world – but somehow we still seem to do it. It is true that if we appreciate ourselves for who we are and what we bring, we are less likely to go into comparison.
Beautiful Janina and so true. I find myself comparing myself to others on all sorts of things, from the tiniest detail to the most glaringly obvious, its like a constant assessment machine running along all of its own accord and yes it gets in the way of true connection all the time. I too have come from a place of low self esteem and instead of truly addressing this, I chose comparison as a way to define myself as better than others or far worse than others. However, with the encouragement of Serge Benhayon and many beautiful women I am learning how to value and love myself without comparing myself to external images and behaviours. The more I come to know, appreciate and adore myself as a beautiful woman, the less need I have to compare and the more the connections with other people are growing.
This blog is really open, raw and honest Janina; thank you for the inspiration to be more honest about this dis-ease which plagues us all and gets in the way of living our fullness.
It feels to me that it is the mind that compares ourselves to others. If we live from our heart, then comparison is not possible and becomes redundant because the heart knows that we are all equal. Thank you Janina for another superb blog.
I love the point you make here Maryline. As a small child I had no comparison issues. I was simply living from my heart and I was full of joy. Getting older I developed huge comparison issues and felt myself to be less in many ways but arrogantly “better” in others – I was miserable underneath and was in constant tension. Now I am relearning to live from the heart and from appreciation. The comparison and jealousy is lessening, but I still have to catch it sometimes. However this blog is giving me the opportunity to see that whenever it pops up there is more to do on self-appreciation. Thank you Janina.
Awesome Janina. I can feel that from experience, there will always be others who are living even more joy, love, care and truth than what we may currently be living. This is part of evolution. They are pulling us to be more. It is not even worth comparing when it is considered that being offered such a reflection is actually a blessing.
Very true Josh. They are pulling us to be more. By going into comparison we can be rejecting our evolution.
So very true Joshua and Nikki. I have found if I can first know my strengths and how I shine, when I meet another who shines differently it is easy to see them as an inspiration rather than a point of comparison. This way of living is very loving and self-evolving.
Well said Toni. For me it is key at the moment to know my own strengths and appreciate and confirm myself.
True Joshua, when I see people with different attitudes to life, and different talents, I have a choice. Some inspire me, some do not. Those that inspire me with their love and joy to feel, wow, I can be that, show me that that evolution is there for for me too, if I choose.
Thank you Janina, so honestly expressed. Comparing and compassion is huge in our society and happens so often we can actually be quite unaware it is going on and forever be a slave to it’s insidious clutches, though like you have done when we begin to see it for what it is and instead of jealously we choose appreciation we open up a whole new level of acceptance to both ourselves and the other, this in turn allows all our relationships to deepen as we lovingly accept the beauty and uniqueness that is abundant in all of us.
It is lovely that you have brought comparison out into the light – it was not until I felt able to see how I used comparison against myself that I was able to begin the process of letting go. I knew that I could feel an uncomfortable feeling but it took a session with an esoteric practitioner for me to begin to realise what I had been doing. Like you it is amazing to be able to see how far I have come when I meet people and can see them as they truly are and not clouded by comparison.
Wow Janina. This is so beautiful and so well expressed, it was like it was written just for me. Thank you,
The more I reflect on comparing and comparison the more I see it intertwined in the fabric of society. In sales teams it’s all about competition with others and with yourself to beat a certain figure or target. In job promotions we gauge how we are among others, within families we compare how “successful” we are. It’s great to start to address this issue head on as in my experience it destroys all connection and trust between people. What a great way to be in appreciating of others instead of comparing. I am sure that alone would change the world.
Agree David, comparison is ‘intertwined in the fabric of society’ and especially so in the corporate world where it is all about competition and hence comparison – competition to be the best sales person, to get that promotion, to win a contract and so on. As you so rightly note, ‘it destroys all connection and trust between people’. The time is overdue to change this culture but it starts with each and every one of us individually choosing to replace comparison with appreciation. It would as you say, ‘change the world’.
What a great story from comparison to inspiration. I love what you have shared here because we ALL have done this comparison stuff. It is insidious and needs to be called out for the evil that it is. It stops us from bringing who we are in full. And it’s kinda cool (and freaky) to know that we choose it. Whilst there is a big OUCH when we choose it, it is also very freeing because if it is a choice, it means we can choose another way. And that is pretty cool. And you are a living example that it is possible to choose another way.
Janina this is so true. Appreciation of self is the only way to stop comparing and start seeing just how amazing we all are in our own right. Every single one of us. Amazing. Comparison and not feeling like we are enough is such a trick that we get so sold out to. Thankfully Serge Benhayon is talking about things like this, with a very real presentation on how to move through them.
Thank you Janina for this blog, I read it last night and again this morning and every now and then asking myself about my relationship with comparison. It is an absolute killer in all ways. By comparing my life to another’s life and ultimately another’s choices I see myself as less and thus treat myself as less. I also feel that comparison is Best Friends with perfection, if I am not exactly like that person then I must be less so theres a drive to be something that I cannot ever be. I am me and that person is them, with a completely different life and different choices. The appreciation for self does help get rid of comparison, the more I am becoming gentle with myself I allow myself space to learn which choices are good and bad based on feeling the outcome in my body. The more then I can appreciate that I don’t need to go looking anywhere else but to my body. If I am in my head thinking I should be this and that based on what others are doing I miss out on that vital relationship with my own body and how it honestly feels.
Fantastic to write about comparison, as you wrote Janina it is something that is ingrained from a young age and becomes so normal that we may not even notice how much we are comparing in small ways everyday. I have found there is no difference whether holding myself as lesser or more than another, both hurt. Thanks also for sharing how you have found appreciation has helped you to heal comparison.
Comparison definitely a silent killer, a relationships destroyer, a growth retarder and it plagues all of humanity.
I see it in myself not only as a hugely self-destructive force but as the ultimate game to play to avoid taking responsibility for all of my life choices and actions.
Thank you Janina. This is such an important subject because we compare ourselves to others all the time and most of the time are unaware of the consequences. The subtleties for each person are quite unique too. The great thing here is that once we take note then we have the opportunity to make new choices for ourselves.
You sure are right Janina about how deeply ingrained comparison is within us. It does take loving commitment to oneself to reverse this pattern. Have you also noticed that we even compare within ourself? I used to compare myself with myself – the way I was or did something or looked sometime – then judged myself for not being ‘as good as’ I was before. Goodbye to that comparison too!
I really like the term ‘loving commitment’ Dianne. It certainly does require effort to reverse this very strong pattern that I know I can still do. When I get stuck in comparing, I can feel the harm it does and how it creates a barrier between me and other people. I am learning that appreciating myself is a ‘healing key’, as Janina put it, for comparison issues.
I used to get into a kind of ‘hall of mirrors’ effect with myself. I’d go into comparison and feel that I looked awful. Then I’d feel that other people would see me looking awful and I’d feel worse. Then when other people looked at me, their faces showed that they could see something wasn’t right with me… which fed back to me and made me feel even worse about myself and slide even further down the negative comparison slippery slope…. Yuk! And good riddance to self-loathing and comparison.
This is such a common issue for woman and is such an ingrained pattern, that you are barely aware you are doing it, till you realise you’ve done it. Learning to appreciate ourselves is certainly key.
This is such a big topic Janina, considering that most of the world is in some sort of comparison. We spend a lot of time looking outside of ourselves and forget that we already have everything within us!
“Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people.” This line stood out again as I come back to this article for another read. This is actually very destructive when relationships are all about connections we have with others.
Beautifully expressed Janina. I have found comparison an absolute killer. It feels awful in my body and with the person you are comparing yourself with. It keeps us both as less. I have realised that I have constantly compared myself to others, putting myself either below or above another. Whenever there is the comparison there is separation. Like you Janina, it is only since starting to truly appreciate myself that I have started to be able to let go of comparison. When it rears its head, I remind myself to come back to my own connection, enjoy and feel me and when I do that, I also appreciate others and the comparison drops away.
A very important topic you have raised here, Janina. Comparison is something we would all have indulged in, in one form or another, and as you say It is very ingrained in our way of being. Thank you, for highlighting how comparing ourselves with another serves no one, and also for highlighting how appreciation, is a powerful antidote to this debilitating dis-ease.
Yes, appreciation and love for myself is the foundation that I am building so that I too see everyone as equal and no longer compare myself to others. I can see clearly how comparison damages connection with others and destroys the possibility of loving connection and friendships.
A very important topic you have raised here, Janina. Comparison is something we would all have indulged in, in one form or another, and as you say it is very ingrained in our way of being. Thank you for highlighting how comparing ourselves with another serves no one. And for also highlighting how appreciation, both of ourselves and another, is a powerful antidote to this debilitating dis-ease.
Yes Janina, Thank you for sharing openly on this topic. For me it has been a real liberation in the discovering that I was choosing to compare my self with others. From that moment I am aware of my choices and the consequences of them in me, and others.
Thank you Janina for sharing with us your journey so honestly. I have experienced comparison much of my life and can relate to what you’ve written. I like the way you show the two faces of comparison: feeling we are better or less than another. It is true that patterns of comparison do set in early in our lives. You have shown that patterns can change, we can learn to appreciate ourselves and be inspired not dwarfed by others.
Awesome Marika, love it! I am inspired to be kept busy appreciating the loveliness of
me 🙂
Great subject Janina as I see to how most of us start with comparison at a very young age and it becomes part of our everyday life. Over the past years and through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon I have come to recognise how engrained this has been in my life and how I had adopted a way of being that would always put me beneath or above another out of sheer lack of appreciation for myself.
Thank you Janina. Such a great subject to discuss. I can feel how most of us grow up using our talents to stand out and compete for attention and approval of others. I definitely did this and I can feel what a drain it was on my body and how it just contributed to the illusion. It’s such a blessing to go deep into my body and feel my equalness with everyone. Then, there is no comparison.
Thank you Janina Koch for bringing your light in the comparing issue that is so commonly used by us to stop us from connecting to each other. From my own experience I can say that I use both ways of comparison feeling less or more than the other and both result in the same, witholding myself from truly connect to the other persons. I feel that the difference between the two is when I am feeling less, I make the other feeling superior to me and allowing that person to bully or abuse me in one or another way and to when I am feeling superior to the other than I am not only not connecting but also tend to treat the other in an abusive way. How ugly the true face of comparison is!
If I am not standing in my glory, the world and the people around me become what I measure myself against in order to know and give myself a rightful place to be – am I bigger/smaller, better/worse than the others, and I brace myself in protection from the perceived hurt.
Thank you Janina for your truthful account of comparing yourself to others.
Comparison keeps me (us) separate from one another, it keeps us in our own self-created bubble of isolation, and it is the opposite of brotherhood and working together.
Great post here Janina on comparison, I found the questions at the top very useful and it got me reflecting on the distance issue you share, and the absolute truth in this, your words here, “Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?” Most certainly comparison is an entrenched ill that creates no space of fullness, but instead a gap of empty restriction that feels cold, distanced and exclusive. And yet we compare so often and from so young. Confirming of the child, something not many of us can say we truly received and enjoyed when we were young, therefore is vital so that kids grow into their adulthood with the natural ability of self-confirming, never needing to look outside for confirmation, which grows confidence, appreciation and ultimately expands evolution.
Thank you Janina. For a long time I have been aware of the way that comparison poisons my relationships. It is great to read about the connection between comparison and the lack of appreciation we have for ourselves. I now know that I will compare myself to others if I do not appreciate myself and it is easy to see that being loving and appreciative towards myself is not selfish, it is the only way I can appreciate others.
When we compare, we miss out on the gifts that others have to offer us. Each time I allow myself to stay with the uncomfortable feeling you can get when you are with someone who has taken more responsibility, backed themselves more and has a deep appreciation and love for themselves above and beyond what I have allowed, I find I grow as a person. I grow in a way that allows me to also start to develop my own expression of these qualities.
Well said Rebecca, you have given us a valuable and practical key to work with in the face of the tension that arises when we are with another who has expressed in a way that we have yet to express in.
Yes Kathleen, it really is as simple as you say. It is so silly that jealousy even exists but we have all experienced it, for sure!
Brilliant article Janina. Comparison is the root of separation. When we compare it brings about a division between people, when in fact, underneath each person’s personality, looks, body shape, vocation in life, lies the exact same gorgeous, vital spark. ‘Same-Same no different’ so the saying goes. I too have found, from being inspired by Serge Benhayon’s presentations at Universal Medicine, that once you feel and live in connection to the spark and love that is within yourself, you can’t help but see this same quality in everybody, and then there is no room, no space for comparison, only appreciation of yourself and others in the way they choose to express outwardly their inner spark/love.
A great topic to open up to discussion. I too spent much of my life comparing myself to others often making myself less or not as good as. It was like poison in my life as I spent much of my life trying to be something, anything that was not me. I have now come to appreciate and value who I truly am and and what it is I have to offer, my unique expression if you will. This has changed everything for me as it has allowed me to be me in all that I do and not hide this and equally appreciate what others bring and see how powerful it truly is when we each bring the fullness of who we are to every moment.
Comparison has been solidly implanted in my life for many years. Yours words ‘The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.’ are a loving way to weed out this ugly comparison and jealousy. I feel I am slowly getting there thanks to all the support from Universal Medicine and its practitioners.
Thank you for your honesty Janina, comparison is such an ugly thing it is very healing to bring it out into the open and expose it. Personally I feel that comparison always comes back to where I am not being all that is possible in a moment and so when that is reflected back by someone who is choosing differently, it throws the spotlight on that “lack” in me, if I choose to go there. Choosing not to go there but to simply observe and expand with what the other is offering is liberating and inspiring! As you say building self-appreciation is key.
Janina you have shared something that affects many people. I too have found that only through chosing to appreciate me for my unique qualities have I been able to truly appreciate and be inspired by another. This has been a beautiful experience as I feel so much more connected to people.
Janina I love how you have expressed how ingrained and ‘normal’ comparison is. This is a much needed honesty to a common malady. Today I found myself comparing myself unfavorably to a picture I’d created of where I should be at certain milestones in my life – this is crazy! I’d forgotten to appreciate me for being me.
Yes Karin comparison is a very “common malady”!
So true, Alison. When I feel connected to myself, there is nothing in me that looks outside of myself to find a measure of my self worth. But when I lose that connection the first thing I do is compare with others because I feel a lack or an emptiness in myself at that moment. It stands to reason then, that all I need to do is just re-connect and feel how lovely I am again – simple.
Well expressed Janet “But when I lose that connection the first thing I do is compare with others because I feel a lack or an emptiness in myself at that moment”. So comparison is actually a way of keeping us busy not feeling were we are truly at with ourselves-that we are not lovingly connected and enjoy feeling ourselves.
Comparison is a killer of so much within a person. It’s interesting how the loss of conscious presence and the insert of comparison (from somewhere), leads to such an array of destructive thought processes and then plays out in physical life. Thanks for sharing.
A gorgeous blog Janina. You asked a very interesting and important question – ‘Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance?’. Something I had not fully clocked before is the fact that in the past when I have compared with other people, particularly other women, it has left me feeling much much further away from myself – quite distant. It’s like all the appreciation and love I have myself has been sucked out, and all of these thoughts of, ‘she’s better than me’, ‘he’s better than me’, replace what was once joy. Comparison really can be quite destructive.
I really like what you have written here Susie and you have shown me another side to it. How comparison actually “sucks out” all previous appreciation. Which, now that I think about it makes absolute sense, Because as soon as you go in to comparison, you are totally de-basing, rejecting, chucking out any self appreciation that may have come before it. Eeeekkkk It truly is horribly destructive.
I have also experienced after comparing myself to somebody i felt really empty like you described Susie “sucked out” as there was nothing of me left and especially no appreciation and love.
Beautiful Janina! I love what you have written here. It’s a great reminder to bring awareness to any comparison that creeps in and at the same time continue building appreciation for oneself. It is so interesting that when you appreciate yourself, it is so very easy to appreciate those around you whereas allowing comparison can only make you feel better at another’s expense.
Jealousy and comparison do not make a pretty picture.
I can relate to what you say here “comparison with others is very ingrained in our way of being – it is something we learn from a young age and come to accept as normal”. I love the healing key of appreciation. Thank you Janina.
So thought provoking. As I was reading I was reflecting on ‘Comparision’ and realised that it has been happening in my life since I was young. It is something that is so ingrained that I have never even noticed that it was happening, and how it is locked into the Beliefs and Ideals I hold. Comparing is something that holds me back, stops me from reaching out, dis-empowers me and rob’s me of some amazing experiences. It rob’s me of the Beautiful Love that I am. Thank you Janina for sharing. Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for ‘calling’ it out. I can already see how going much deeper will open me up to truly connecting with others. I feel lighter already.
Beautiful!
Comparison is the poison that seeks to corrupt our expression of love. Appreciation of self and of others is the antidote to this venom. I love what you have shared Janina – it helps to expose a force that grips us all. Thankyou.
Janina, what a great sharing – comparing to others is indeed lethal, and it’s a trap, a way to keep us exactly where we are and hurtful of us and another. It really is about seeing and being inspired by another and then taking responsibility for our choices and where we are and deciding if those choices support us or not, if they don’t, then we can choose to change them, (doing comparison instead is really like beating ourselves up all over again), it really is about seeing we can make a different choice if we choose it and are willing to take responsibility for ourselves.
Jinina this is a huge elephant in the room you have brought up. I feel how comparison for me has stopped loving relationships to others but also with myself. How comparing creates a feeling of being less, that there is always more I could be. It stops me from feeling the ALL of me, takes me out and away from myself. It’s a terrible illusion to get hooked in, and a great relief when you feel the hook and pull it out.
My experience of comparison has been that whenever I have considered myself ‘less’ than someone, I have also considered myself ‘more’ than someone else – I would look for someone I considered in a worse position than me so that I could feel better about myself. There has seldom been the less without the more. Comparison truly is an awful game that, as you mention, keeps us separate, and hurts us all.
Yes, Carmen It feels like a game we play to feel worse and to feel better, emotional ups and downs to keep us busy, separated and distracted from our true and loving essence.
Thank you Janina for your story, comparison with another person feeds a supremacy energy that holds back man’s evolution, when we are stuck in we are less than or more than we are not who we are, in truth we are all one equally, offering our unique expression of the one truth.
Going by the comments, seems we have all felt what it’s like to feel less than another through comparison, and I can safely add myself to that pool. My appreciation for myself is definitely growing although I’m not free of the cross checking yet. I am able to catch myself at it most of the time and can also say that my focus on what I choose to compare has also shifted over time, but am also aware that that is another trick to keep me away from appreciating me.
Thank you so much for this awesome article Janina. I did not realise, until I read your words, just how destructive to my life, that ‘comparing myself to others’ really is.
It’s actually quite evil and insidious, however you would never think it was because it ‘seems’ like such an ordinary, ‘seemingly’ harmless part of life, It is so much a part of most peoples lives. It’s actually encouraged at school because students are forced to go into competitive ‘Houses’ that compete against each other for the most overall points, at the end of the year.It’s seen as healthy competition between students. All this is doing is encouraging jealousy and resentment between the students and pushing them into ‘Us and Them’ separation. How much does this actually push me away from myself? and then others? Brilliant question to ponder! What a revelation! Thank you!!!
I love this post Janina. Comparison and jealousy makes me feel either better or worse but never the same, so if I have compared and felt that I am better than the other then this lifts my ego for a short time, but if I feel that the other is better than me then of course I feel horrible and brings up lack of self worth issues. Now with the understanding that we are all equal. Thanks to the great presentations by Serge Benhayon, I feel less of these things happening and more love for others equally and this definitely feels better.
Thank you Janina for such a clear expression of comparison and the effect it has on ourselves, the harm it causes and the separation it creates in relating to others.
Beautiful Janina. You exposed here that comparison is just a way to live separate from ourselves and each other. We are all beautiful and we can live together in that way, there is no need to be comparing.
Thank-you Janina – I am still coming to terms with just how much I still engage in comparison – always gauging less than or better than qualities. I am starting to see just how isolating and sad this is – it really gets in the way of truly connecting with others. I love what you offer about self appreciation being the start of truly appreciating others – this will stay with me.
It is really the most awful separative thing to do to ourselves and others comparing. I remember loving art and then realising I was not as good as others at art so I gave up. That has been a theme: I look out and think, wow they are so much more than me, and give up and eat chocolate. Rather than what you have offered here,through the teachings of Universal Medicine, which is to ‘suck eggs,’ see the choices you’re making and take responsibility for yourself with the underlying knowing that you are amazing and divine!
Classic Vanessa – honest, exposing and hilarious all at once. Bit of a: “no body likes me I’m not as good, I’m going to go and eat chocolate” theme going on there hey – ouch recognise that theme, minus chocolate. Amazing how we play the less role as victim, rather than just going wow, I’ve not developed that bit so much, and taking responsibility for both appreciating who we are inside and the areas we may have developed – and our willingness to develop areas that might be really underutilised so far.
Vanessa, this reminds me of when I chose art as one of my A level subject, comparing myself to friends who had all chosen academic subjects and dropped art after one term.
I agree, Vanessa that comparison is one way to give up. Comparison also can be very subtle, you almost don’t realise it in the beginning. It comes with thoughts of rejection for the other person or oneself. Appreciation, like Sandra has mentioned before, is for me the way to heal this lack of presence. Thank you Janina.
Janina that’s a great question to explore. I totally relate to the separative nature of comparison and the fact that it raises its head when I am not fully appreciating what I bring. I’ve made myself less most of my life which has meant I have had to find ways to feel better than others too. Either way it is a horrible and divisive feeling, wheras when I am in full appreciation of myself I also appreciate others for what they bring. And I totally appreciate how Natalie Benhayon, and Serge Benhayon, have asked the question so that we may shed light on this totally destructive behaviour that most of us have been caught in at sometime or another.
Thank-you Janina for this honest post on how destructive comparison can be and how it can permeate everything we do. I realise that I have used comparison as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself. Whether it is choosing to feel lesser or to feel more than another it is still keeping myself separate from others and not seeing us all as equal. It is also has been a way of holding myself back. Feeling equal and connected with others is our true way of being. I love and appreciate that Serge Benhayon presents us with opportunities for ways we can reflect on how we are living, by asking us to look deeply within and to be truly honest with ourselves, even though at times I find it confronting.
Comparison is engrained in us already at an early age. I remember going to primary school in England, where my parents moved to when I was little. I didn’t know the language, but I found out very quickly that there were smart, smarter and smartest people in the class and dumb, dumber and dumbest. Why? Because at the end if the week all the grades we got for our tasks were added up and the highest =smartest (boy and girl) could sit in front for the week and then in order of grades the rest was seated…..including the dumbest, a table by himself. Now guess what I adopted? A drive to become the smartest of the class comparing myself to others. I would not settle for less, out of fear to end up dumb. Guess how old I was? Five……
Comparison is a plague! It separates us from each other and it is so insidious as to start before we even meet another person. It lies in wait to express at any moment, with anyone in any situation in any location around the globe and it is destroying us. It starts at home, it becomes an ingrained way during school and it travels with us from then on, until as you so beautifully state, we start learning to appreciate ourselves and then to appreciate others. This is a very important thing to learn, thank you for sharing.
Hi Janina. Comparison feels yukky in the body and I know it’s something I have chosen for many years. It divides people and makes me feel empty, so choosing to feel the heart of someone and the truth they are is simply that, a choice, one I am learning to make.
I agree Judy, to compare has a horrible effect on the body which to me shows that it is not really natural to do – and simply does not make sense … unless we want to stay in separation and away from truly connecting with other people.
Comparison is so engrained, some great questions on how comparison affects us. Then with that awareness, we have a choice of what is truly supportive and what is not. A lovely sharing thank you Janina.
Janina this is such a great topic to get out and talk about. What blows me away is how very subtle the comparison can be.. showing how deeply ingrained it really is. I love how you share that appreciation of our own unique qualities, as well as what we choose, is the counter for such a destroying thing like comparison.
Yep, comparison is a biggie and especially among women. When I compare, it really hurts my body, my joy is gone and I am not connected to those around me. It is a horrible feeling and I am very much aware of it, when I choose to go into comparison.
The thing that seems impossible to grapple with in our minds is that it is actually possible to be unique and equal at the same time. Once you feel this there is nothing to compare yourself to and you soon appreciate everything, in every moment with absolute joy!
I am so with you on that one Suzanne. There is nothing more delightful than feeling our unique qualities that we bring to the world as only WE can, but in equal measure to all other’s gorgeous and unique qualities. When you feel that, no comparison can possibly exist within that, you’re just left with the absolute joy of being you.
Beautiful Suzanne, ‘ it is actually possible to be unique and equal at the same time. Once you feel this there is nothing to compare yourself to and you soon appreciate everything, in every moment with absolute joy!’
I feel like you really nail it here Suzanne, when you say grappling with our uniqueness and equality all at once. Thanks to you and Janina for raising these things for me to reflect upon.
When I was reading my own blog this morning being newly published I fell straight away into the energy of comparing this blog with my last blog…which does not make any sense. So back to appreciation of myself and the different qualities, expression, messages each blog is bringing in its own unique way.
Love it – your power here Janina is your openness and beauty in calling what is not love whenever it rears its ugly head. Makes complete sense. Remarkable and inspiring.
Classic example Janina! Comparison can creep into so many areas unnoticed – well caught – thanks for sharing such an every day practical example.
Comparison is like a widespread disease that keeps us small.
Awesome sharing, thank you, we are all a work in progress. How lovely to appreciate yourself here..
Yes Alison, it was very confronting and healing to realize how strong comparison dominates our thinking and how it traps us if we do not become aware and choose wiser.
Thanks for this insightful blog Janina, it has been a great reminder to recognise the biggest dampener of my joy – it slips in so quickly.
Comparison has never supported me, it always feels awful to compare either way, making myself less or more but as you say Janina it is an ingrained behaviour and women are very good in comparing. Since I am appreciating myself more for who I truly am, I feel more connected to everyone and the choice to be inspired by others is naturally there.
Thank you Janina for reminding us how ingrained comparison is in everyday life and how it can easily turn into jealousy.
“..to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.” This highlights how damaging comparison can be.
Thank you Janina for sharing this gem from the Universal Medicine Retreat! I also have recently become aware how much comparison is a choice to separate from my divinity and how much tension that creates in my body. It hurts! – myself and others.
I can relate to this – when I compare myself with someone else, I feel less than – that creates the need in me to do more; it does not feel good in my body at all and it is draining. And yes, it hurts me and others.
Reading your blog makes me realise how much comparison is running our world and lives and is perhaps the basis for so many decisions and choices. When I stop to reflect on times in my life when I have felt true appreciation for the people around me and a sense of joy there has been no room for comparison.
A great blog, Janina, Thankyou. Comparison and jealousy are two horrible evils. I have been – and still go into – both at times. However noticing and then appreciating who I really am does support me to come out of it. The whole world encourages comparison from an early age, from wanting to come top in class, sports or drama etc – which can only have very few winners. Women’s magazines also encourage it, with a desire to look more beautiful, be thinner etc. Being inspired by others to encourage me to be all of who I am is much more supportive.
Thank you Janina, you raise the very raw issue of jealousy and comparison, something that is a great affliction. Nothing good ever comes from comparing with another and yet it is such a huge unwanted part of my life. As you say self appreciation is the key to allow us to see and appreciate the qualities in others, free from the awful need to compare and judge ourselves and those around us.
Yes, I can feel how comparison could stop me from accepting myself and others more.
Comparison is such a destructive pattern – when I tend to go outside of myself and compare I immediately turn the arrow around and look honestly towards myself, what is there for me to look at. It stops the comparison energy in a second, because it comes back to responsibility and my own choices- so I know what you are sharing here 🙂
Awesome Janina. I almost stopped breathing reading your blog as I so recognised myself. It is true, comparison is so deeply ingrained in us, yet so destructive. After all, it is as you say, we are all equal so comparison is totally ridiculous. And I agree when you say, “I have come to realise that this way of being – appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others”, totally true, it is learning to appreciate ourselves again, for who we truly are, then there is no need or want for comparison. And accepting that we all express differently on the outside, and have something unique to give, is a long way to appreciating myself too. Thank you for the wake up call.
Yes Janina, what a waste of our precious energy when we can be spending it on appreciating and being inspired by others and simply enjoying our lives. Comparing either way, whether it be feeling inferior or less than, or feeling superior or better than, both actually create the same outcome; we are left feeling separate from one another, not what we actually want. I agree that our connection and appreciation of ourselves first and foremost is key. Thank you.
Absolutely Victoria, ‘what a waste of our precious energy when we can be spending it on appreciating and being inspired by others and simply enjoying our lives’, and as you say comparison creates separation, when in truth we crave connection.
Thank you for your blog Janina, you’ve brought to light many meaningful aspects to comparison. And so true, appreciation certainly blows it out the window, what a glorious healing science!
I feel in some ways that comparison is like jealousy it creates a barrier so as to not fully communicate and engage with another as an equal. Thank you Janina for this super article.
Thanks for sharing this Janina. Comparison to me feels cold and contracting and it separates us…unlike the warmth of appreciation and true inspiration.
Wow Janina, this is so simply and powerfully expressed – I can feel so strongly now how comparison can create such a distance between myself and others. Thank you for expressing this.
Comparison is so deeply ingrained that as you say Janina we can be doing this from such a young age that it becomes a normal way to behave. I love what Sandra Schneider says above as this is my experience too. When I really appreciate myself and another’s presence in my life there is only connection and not the wedge and withdrawal that comparison brings.
I have learnt a lot from the presentations by Universal Medicine and I honestly say I too used to live in comparison all the time, rather than appreciating each persons uniqueness and being inspired by them. Comparison is such a awful thing in society that keeps us all separate and the more aware I am of it, the more I can let go of that pattern of behaviour.
For some many of us comparison has been a huge issue in our lives. It is time to bring it into the light of day and address it as you have been doing Janina. It really does destroy our sense of self worth as well as our relationships. As you say appreciation is the key. Learning to appreciate my strengths and to understand that my weaknesses are just areas that I have not brought attention to yet has been supporting me a lot with dealing with comparison. I find that by doing that I can appreciate other people much more also.
Jealousy comes from ultimate lack of responsibility. Not taking responsibility for the choices we make every moment, every day and then when we come across someone who us taking responsibility and therefore makes loving and beautiful choices we go into jealousy and comparison. In that, as you say Sandra we create a wedge between ourselves and others, we cut people off and don’t let them in. Whereas when I choose responsibility I naturally start to appreciate myself for making this amazing choice, and then jealousy just can’t get in. Instead I feel the joy of the amazing reflection another can bring.
When I am empty of my own love I use anything to confirm me in being less, one of the things is comparison. I need to appreciate more of me in every moment to not even need to compare, because I love what I live and experience.
I enjoyed this it really cuts to the chase as says it how it is without any harshness, but inspires to look deeply.
I feel you have hit the nail right on the head, Janina, with the impact appreciation has on comparison because when we can truly appreciate ourselves and our unique expression there is no need to be in comparison with anyone else. There is only room for inspiration as you have shared. Thank you. This has been a beautiful blog to read.
Beautiful Janina. Your words to me are very inspiring. What a huge trick it is to think we need to beat others. I love how you show that when we appreciate and celebrate all the different flavours we each bring to life, we are so much richer in ourselves and as a group. We are equally amazing in our own ways – heres to you and your beauty that here is on display.
So true Janina there is no need for comparison bacause we are all equal and each individuals form of expression should be appreciated.
Comparison is an endemic problem for us all. Sometimes it is cloaked as competition and heralded as something to be held high and valued. But competition is really organised comparison that is rewarded. We have such a lot to learn in how to live together as humans.
Thank you Janina for opening this discussion on comparison and the healing effects of appreciation. The more I am starting to appreciate myself the less need I have to go into comparison and drive a wedge between myself and others.
So true that comparison divides a lot of us.
This is such an important exposure of something that strangles us all. Even being aware of what plays out does not stop it from happening. Often it is easier to realise when we compare others, but when we do it subconsciously to ourselves, it is much harder to catch. It does create a divide, as opposed to the equal-ness we all deserve, and truly are.
What a great blog. Comparisons are so debilitating when we allow it to consume our lives. The time spent comparing can be converted to time spent caring for yourself and those we compare ourselves with.
Thank you Janina for giving such an honest picture about comparison. It is deeply ingrained in society and I know it too well. I feel it is like a fuel for society and we are very much used to it. If we didn’t have comparison anymore there would be not only no jealousy and gossip and the likes, I am quite sure we would also not have any sports or competition any more as they obviously divide and always keep one lesser than the other. I love that the antidote to comparison is appreciation, when appreciation comes into play comparison has no standing anymore and is knocked off its feet.
This heals so many wounds we carry – each of us – and is the way back to humanity in brotherhood. Thank you Janina.
With comparison love goes out the window and I am left in a world of my own creating a reality that is far from the truth. I have also found that being and staying in appreciation of myself leaves no room for the hook of comparison that will lure me away if it can. Self appreciation definitely leads to appreciation of others.
This is such a great blog. There isn’t a person alive on this planet who hasn’t spent time in comparison with another. And I can DEFINITELY hold my hand up to this. But what is so ace about your blog is how you expose the damage that this actually causes. We all know that alcohol, drugs, smoking are bad for us. Most of us are aware that hatred, bigotry, racism, radicalism are bad for us. But few are aware that something more subtle like comparison is also deeply damaging. In fact, you could say that it is worse, because most people accept it as a part of life. When something is so common, then it can become the norm. This was certainly the case for me. I compared with my friends, my family, my work colleagues, celebrities, people who I perceived were worse off than me…anyone really…it was just there, a constant and subtle and continual assessment, running in the background, of where I was in each situation. And as Sandra (in the previous comment) so simply, acutely and very accurately expresses, this drives a wedge between every single relationship in which comparison is playing. HUGE.
A lovely sharing Janina. Comparison definitely feels horrible and puts so many limitations on us and our relationships. I agree that the more we appreciate the less we compare. I know that the more I appreciate me, the more I can actually see and feel the beauty and uniqueness in others. I don’t compare at this time but fully appreciate what each one of us has to offer. And I know that each one of is actually a very important part of the whole – perhaps the comparison is there to stop us being a one unified powerful whole.
I find that at times comparison and jealousy have reared there ugly heads before I am aware of what is going on, which only proves how ingrained this behaviour is and how old it is. I am finding that both acceptance of where I am at and appreciation of myself support me to heal this debilitating way of being with other people.
Couldn’t agree more Janina, this too has been something I have used, and which has caused me to feel shame, and therefore feel a need to hide. But how gorgeous we feel when we express appreciation towards another or ourselves……it’s like sunshine on a winters day.
Janina, I can also feel how if I start to appreciate myself then I can appreciate others – rather than turn to comparison. I can also feel that I don’t need the confirmation from outside, which in itself allows me to be more of me and hence more to appreciate…it’s a win-win-win!
A great topic Janina and one that I have let plague my life for many years. The thing that sticks out the most for me, is with any comparison I feel lost in myself and most certainly disconnected to others. I am also now looking at self-appreciation and can start to feel the strength in that. The greater my self-appreciation the less comparison comes into the picture.
Thank you, Janina, for writing this. I too have been plagued with comparison all my life, and what helped enormously recently was a presentation by Natalie Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon, when they shared that rather than seeing in another the choices we have not made for ourselves (and judging that), to simply see it as choices we have not YET made for ourselves, as an area that is still to be developed (no judgement!) This allows us to be inspired by one another rather than caught in feeling bad about ourselves, which really is a big waste of time, as we have all developed different things at different times in our lives, and it is never too late to do so.
Beautiful Janina. I can feel your beauty in this blog. It is beautiful to uncover the issues that are holding us back and to be so honest. Your beauty shines through.
I love what you have written Janina and can so relate to it all. Although I feel my appreciation of my self is so much more now I can still get caught out at times comparing myself to others- it might be looking at what someone else is wearing and instead of appreciating this comparison kicks in! I can really feel how quickly I contract when this happens and this feels awful. I am appreciating my increased awareness.
You have done it again Janina, suburb blog, I only wish that I was as good as you at writing but alas compared to you I am… oops! sorry! That was last year or four years ago or something! I have also been made aware of how truly evil comparison is by attending Universal Medicine workshops. When I look back at my life comparison has always been there from ‘he’s got more chips than me’ to ‘he has better exam results’ to better cars etc. I’d like to say it doesn’t effect me now, but it is something that needs constant vigilance otherwise it has a sneaky way of creeping back in.
How wonderful Janina, to have started this conversation about comparison. It is crippling and contagious and serves no purpose but to keep people feeling like they live on an island.
Are we feeling better about ourselves because of what we think we see in another? If this is so, then what happens when that difference no longer exists? We have no choice but to then feel bad about ourselves, because we no longer measure up. The cycle continues, one minute feeling up and the next feeling low. This does not make sense and is a completely unnatural way of being. You never see a toddler measuring, say, their outfit with another’s. They are happy to just be. Comparison is learned.
Thank you Janina for your well written blog on comparison that affects almost everyone.I have often compared myself with others in my life,usually when I have felt less than the other person,due to lack of self worth , but also to feel better about myself when I felt I was doing better than them ,in whatever situation. Both feel awful and creates a distance with the other person.
I am learning that by appreciating myself more, I don’t compare with others so much. I just accept them as they are,or be inspired by them as the case may be.Appreciating me is a key point and then everyone can bloom.
wow! Amazing Blog! I have also been caught in comparing myself to others for a lot of my life and for most of the time it was seeing others as better than me. With that I had no true self-appreciation. The feeling of self-appreciation feels amazing and its something that I am just starting to get. And yes once we come from that place of self-acceptance and knowing our truth it is easy to connect with others and see it in them as well.
Reading your blog Janina has really made me aware that when I compare my self to others I am creating a large distance between them and me. I am not meeting the person with all of me and therefor our first encounter is based on a falseness, because the whole time we where together I was feeling jealous and comparing. This feels horrible to say and feel in my body and it definitely needs to change. So the change begins with me observe all the moments in my day where I am comparing my self to another and therefor missing out on a beautiful connection.
Thank you for sharing this. I am coming to more of an understanding that instead of comparing myself with another to first look at my choices in how I have lived my life and go from here instead. As you have said ‘and in reaction to knowing I had not taken responsibility in my own life’. Also I agree, appreciation of our true self is another big part as well as to look within instead of looking outside.
Comparison, especially between women, is huge. I have felt jealousy for another and also been on the receiving end of jealousy from another woman. Both ways, it’s horrible. Appreciation is key and is something I am working on. What I am finding is that I can feel the inspiration I have for others more and I am able to express this to them.
Everyone is born equal, equal in the love we all are, it is just our choices that make us different. I also have the same experience: ‘ The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist’.
Some great questions here to consider Janina, I must admit I never gave comparison any thought until I attended a Universal Medicine workshop some years ago myself and initially it felt like it was the worst thing ever to be seen to be in comparison with another but I have come to realise that it has been there all along and has played out many times in my life. Like you have said appreciation for yourself goes along way to helping to see the pattern of comparison and how it affects us and others around us.
Thanks Janina for your honest blog on comparison. I have heard Serge Benhayon say that comparison is a poison to the body and I am now aware how my body feels when I go into comparison with others. It feels as if I have shut down and I also feel really small and feel like I have dug a hole that I can’t climb out of. I was doing this constantly when I first started attending Universal Medicine events but now that I have developed self confidence and appreciation for myself for where I am at, I find it occurring much less often. If it does occur I am now able to understand what is happening and choose not to allow it to affect me. Because of this change I am now able to stay open with others most of the time and also appreciate what they offer without going into comparison.
Thank you for this wise sharing, Janina. Comparison is like this guard we have to keep people away thinking we have to protect ourselves. This comes from this strong urge for individualism that is fostered throughout our whole socialization process and creates massive separation and therefore comparison. When we live in brotherhood knowing that we can only evolve together then there is no space for comparison anymore.
For me it feels like comparison is driving a wedge between me and others – But with appreciation I feel connection.
With Appreciation Connection is felt – beautiful!
Great summary Sandra. There are some great points that Janina explores in her blog about comparison and jealousy. ‘If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not’. Self appreciation and appreciation of others is something that I am learning and finding so healing – as we are all equals after all and what we each offer is equally important and so very needed within our universal context.
A great sharing Janina,
“Comparing myself to others stops me from truly connecting with other people. It gets in the way of my relationships – to compare stops me from being loving with myself and with other people.”
I love how you share what has changed for you and how appreciating you has supported in the release of the grip of comparison in your relationships. So beautiful to see another and be inspired as opposed to feeling comparison.
I have been developing appreciation for myself over the last few years, and have noticed how much I appreciate and support others as a by product. This has also enabled me to see comparison popping up in my life more clearly, it is a really sneaky thing, and I tend to see it when I’m with my best girl friends more easily, although I know it’s just more obvious with them as I spend more time with them. It usually shows up when they are doing particularly well at something, a tension comes about that I can feel, it’s like I notice something great about them, and I almost don’t like it because it makes me feel like I’m not as great as them. It’s a bit like I’m looking at life as a race, and if they are ahead of me, I start getting in a bad mood, because I see myself as behind in the race. I now realise that if I look at everything going on in our lives (not just the bit that made me feel tension when I noticed it) then there are millions of races happening all at once, and we are ahead and behind and level in different ones, so rather than feeling crappy about being behind in just one, how about I see that race as an aspect of life I need support with and this person (being ahead) can help me here. And, of course seeing the races I’m ahead in is an aspect of life where I can offer support and inspiration. Seeing the whole picture is much more helpful, instead of picking out the bits I’m not good at and making it all about that. We are all at different levels in our lives, and so if someone comes a long and that comparison pops in, we can actually take it as a message to say, ‘this little area needs some work now’, slightly more responsible and grown up than ‘you’re not as good as her’.
Comparison is a divisive and damaging emotion that puts individual against individual, family against family, nation against nation and is the underlying cause of much of the unrest and conflict in the world today. When we all let go of comparison and appreciate ourselves and others for who they are then love and harmony will blossom.
Beautifully said Mary!
I agree… this is really beautifully put Mary. It seems to explain our complex human conundrum with life/interactions and yet the remedy is so simple. “Let go of comparison and appreciate ourselves and others for who they are then love and harmony will blossom.”
I agree Mary and I feel it is even supported in certain work fields to get the staff working harder to be better than their colleagues, or to earn more…instead of working together as a team and with another to support.
This is beautifully expressed Janina. Comparison is indeed deeply engrained in everyone, to the point that we can go into it without even being aware that that’s what we are doing, and we slip into it so easily. How amazing would all our relationships be, even the world, if no one had comparison issues?
And it is an insidious cycle that is happening generation after generation. Perhaps we could be the generations that chooses appreciation giving the comparison no where to go or be causing division between us.
What would the world be like if we had no comparison issues? There would be so much harmony, truth and love it would feel like Heaven on Earth! So what are we waiting for…
Thank Janina for such a clear and simple delineation of how comparison is so ingrained and harmful, and of its anti-dote: appreciation. It is something that we should express and share whenever and wherever we can. I, personally, am only just beginning to truly appreciate the depth and expansiveness of expression.
Yes it is so important to appreciate ourselves in an ever deepening process and equally start to share and express with another what beauty we are all bringing. If we do than we focus to look at what we are good at and what unique qualities we bring and this is very joyful and healing to do.
A topic worthy of much consideration. I have spent a lifetime comparing myself to others and now I can be honest and see that I have either felt more than or less than others, which truly leaves a bad taste in my mouth, yuk! !
It keeps me separate and blocks connection. I feel relieved that I have finally seen what I have been doing and joyful watching my new interactions unfolding with people, especially other women, from this new awareness.
I agree Emma. I am also enjoying my new interactions with others especially women. There is so much love in relationships to be felt that I before I was actually creating a wedge.
I can see how the comparison in the past kept me lesser and in the comfort of feeding the lack of self worth. There is simply no need for it and each moment that I notice that comparison pops up I try and nominate it and just feel how ridiculous it is. I also look at why it’s there, and usually, it is there because the other is choosing or doing something for them-self that I am not but know full well that I could and should be.
Beautiful thank you for sharing Emma.
This blog is awesome! I agree that “comparison with others is very ingrained in our way of being – it is something we learn from a young age and come to accept as normal.” I have been entrenched in it and used it as a barometer to measure myself against, to come up lesser each and every time. It’s true that when we compare it stops us from truly connecting to others. I too am beginning to break this stuck mould and have times when I allow myself to feel and appreciate the essence of others and of myself without judgement or comparison, which feels joyful and light. I agree “appreciation of oneself – is a healing key for comparison issues and comparing myself to others.” This I am building and can appreciate that!
Great expose Janina. How on earth can we be inspired by another if our default is to fall into jealousy and comparison with them. The only possible outcomes can be to either feel less, or worse still to try and have a go at them to bring them down to our level – horrible behaviour.
You nailed it in the article – its only through learning to appreciate ourselves, and knowing deep down we are all equal, that will allow us to be truly inspired by those that are making better choices.
This subject is so huge as I don’t think there is a single person who could say that they have not experienced comparison in some way. But, as you have said so well, how many of us have actually gone to the depths of how much comparison not only actually hurts, but also the damaging effect it has on relationships.
I love the bit when you simply say that comparison gets in the way of relationships. I feel it like an ice wall keeping us apart and that all it takes to thaw this is the willingness to stay open to others and appreciate ourselves. Comparison is deeply ingrained but not part of who we are.
Well said Matilda. Reading this I am feeling that comparison is based on so much competition. When we appreciate and nurture the beauty in ourselves and others we all win.
Thank you Janina for sharing on topic that is so often overlooked and as you say happens from an early age. It has been since listening to Serge Benhayon that I have come to realise how much jealousy and comparison plays out in everyday life and am now learning too that the counter to this is appreciating myself and valuing all I bring as well as others.
Lovely reminder Julie, that along with appreciation, it is also important to value all that one brings as well as what others bring.
I too have found myself comparing myself to others.
It has been a pattern since I was a little girl, wanting acceptance and recognition from others.
But in doing this I can now feel how harming judging and comparing is towards the other person, holding back the love that we equally are. Thank you for reminding me that the more I appreciate myself the less I need to look outside of myself, for I Am enough.
Thank you for sharing Janina – “I am also now able to appreciate other people in their own unique ways of being and expression, and instead of comparing myself to them or feeling less, I am now inspired by others, which feels joyful and light”. I too have found the same that the more I appreciate myself, the more I appreciate others.
You can see and appreciate people so much more without the taint of jealously and comparison that would otherwise spoil a amazing connection between two people.
Well said Luke and when we foster and develop relationships from this perspective anything is possible. Instead of constantly trying to out do each each other we can help each other grow and learn.
So true Janina, comparing ourselves with another doesn’t allow us to truly connect with them when there is a measuring going on – are they better/worse, prettier/uglier, fatter/slimmer, smarter/less smart, etc, etc, and is a form of protection. Without comparison, we can truly appreciate what it is they are bringing or reflecting and for us to be inspired by them.
how beautifully put into words by you Sandra. The appreciation is the key.
Yes Sandra i agree comparison “is a form of protection” and it is so ingrained in our way of being and so crucial to become aware about!
Yes Sandradallimore “Without comparison, we can truly appreciate what it is they are bringing or reflecting and for us to be inspired by them.” naturally creating space for you to step into too.
This is awesome for us all to ponder on. The comparison I have gone into has crippled me and caused harm towards others. I felt to very briefly answer the questions you shared about ‘Why do I compare?’. Here Goes.
What intention is behind comparing myself with others? An attempt to feel better about myself – or in truth to not feel the deep sadness I have, from not being myself in full.
How do I actually feel when I start comparing myself to others? Do I see myself as better or less? It can be more or less, both are the same though, as it gives me something to focus on or identify with as a way to not truly be my loving, open and equal self, and meet the other in this.
What effect has comparison on myself and on the other person I compare myself with – Do I feel closer to myself and to the person after comparing, or does this create a distance? As above it is totally crippling for both parties and creates a real divide.
After writing this I can see that choosing comparison is just a way to not be the full and amazing person that I am (a way to reject myself), and instead create complication and harm in relationships.
I agree Danielle, and so much harm is caused between women in comparison.
Absolutely Rosie, when we meet equally as women we are super powerful and radiant and it’s actually healing for everyone else to experience. So comparison prevents everyone from enjoying the powerful connection, not just the two women.
Awesome Danielle I deeply agree:
“After writing this I can see that choosing comparison is just a way to not be the full and amazing person that I am (a way to reject myself), and instead create complication and harm in relationships.”
Absolutely Janina, I’m now seeing comparison as nothing at all associated with me, but instead something completely external to me that I can either choose or not.
Thanks Danielle, for sharing.
Beautifully expressed, thank you Danielle.
Expressing what I did above was actually super healing. Since writing this I have been way more aware of any comparison around me and when I go into it. Maybe not yet always catching it with enough time and awareness to stop it, but at least becoming more and more aware of what’s going on for me so I can begin to choose something different. I recommend everyone has a ponder on answering these questions
I agree with your responses Danielle and as you say it’s very crippling.. Why the effort?
Beautifully written Janina.
I agree Janina, that appreciation and fully accepting our strengths as well as our weaknesses, knowing that often our weaknesses are just aspects of ourselves we have not yet developed is key in healing our comparison issues. As you so clearly express we are then able to appreciate the other and be inspired by them in general or by the quality we may not have developed as much in ourselves as they have but, hey, that’s okay, because we can connect to and learn from the person instead of going into comparison and separating from ourselves and the other. How liberating is this, comparison used to be the bane of my life. Still is at times just not as extreme, its amazing how quick it sneaks in. A woman will walk in the room and I will have clocked everything she is wearing and at times compare to what I am wearing. BUT NOT if I am appreciating my own innate beauty and have dressed expressing me in what I am wearing.
Your comment Mary-Louise stood out for me that “appreciating and fully accepting our strengths as well as weaknesses are just aspects of ourselves we have not yet developed” this is so important for me to feel and reflect on as I can beat myself up over my weaknesses. Little by little I am claiming more of me to over come this. Thank you for pointing out that our weaknesses are in development.
Yes, Christine this is important to understand…once we start deeply appreciating what beautiful qualities we have and what we a good at, it is okay to have things we are not got at. And either to see if we need to develop them more or just let somebody else do them which is good at it. My experience of working in a translation team it is awesome to support each others with the strength each of us are bringing.
And we can learn so much from each other if we are open to that, but in comparison, the walls and judgement stop any of that from happening.
Great reply Mary Louise – as you say it is amazing how quickly comparison sneaks in! A big smile of recognition about clocking what a woman is wearing but as you say, if I am appreciating my own innate beauty, it is not an issue. Loved the blog Janina.
Mary-Louise I love what you’ve said – appreciating and fully accepting our strengths and accepting and being willing to see our weaknesses and know that they’re often just an aspect of ourselves that we haven’t put any dedication into developing.
Thank you Mary-Louise, how refreshing and freeing accepting our weaknesses as just aspects of ourselves we have not yet developed. I Often feel cursed on things that are not my strong point which leaves room for comparison. Very impowering accepting strengths and weaknesses equally so.
Yes Mary it is scary how quickly we choose this, especially as you say when we feel awkward or not so good. It’s very revealing how our behavior goes ‘looking out’ ‘to see’ what and how others are doing. It does not really make sense when the focus should be developing our worth and love for ourselves.
I do a business coach training at the moment. Yesterday I caught myself comparing with other participants. When I looked at how that happened I saw I compared myself in an area where I did not appreciate myself enough or felt I was not good enough in. Tricky! It is important to heal our issues to not let anything sneak in and separate from ourselves and others.
Wow Janina, thank you for sharing this wonderful blog.
Comparison is like a poison that makes us dizzy and unable to feel how wonderful we are. It inspires doubts and reactions that distract us further and in the end we create a stage play where normally just simplicity and lightness would have been.
Appreciation is the cure for it. With it we can start healing our wounds and begin to feel the beauty and power inside ourselves, which then will allow us to love ourselves again and make choices that truly change our life.
I agree, it is a great line. Comparison definitely knocks us off centre as does the reason why we brought in comparison in the first place- from this point it does stop us from seeing with the clarity that we have when we are in connection with ourselves.
Well said michaelkremer, I love what you have shared here.
I agree Rosie… Me too Michael – beautifully summed up.
Yes Michael, appreciation is key. ‘The more I appreciate myself, the more I also appreciate others, and the less I need to compare because when I see everyone as equal, there is no one more or less than another, and comparison does not exist.’ This is so true.
Michael, you have nailed it, comparison is so poisoning, it belittles ourselves and those we compare with, nothing good can ever come from comparing our achievements or sense of self with that of another. Only by accepting us as we are can we arrest this and instead be inspired by another. The qualities inherent in us all are best appreciated as it allows us to be grow and learn from what others are able to bring. From my own experience I have always been attracted to be around people who can compliment others, and in that I admire how comfortable they are in their own skin. This is a quality I am committed to keep developing as it feels awesome to live in this way, sharing with others what great things I see in them.
Yes Stephen it is awesome once we give ourselves the permission to let other know how awesome they are. The more we appreciate ourselves the more we can appreciate others, with expressing what we love about ourselves and others we can built intimacy and deepen our relationships. Learning to focus to on appreciation first and foremost and not allowing to let comparison sneak in.
I love the use of the word “dizzy”. This is exactly what it makes me feel. Comparison makes me lose my balance. Whereby I’m spinning around not sure what direction to go in or how to put my next foot forward. Appreciation connects me with myself and with everyone around me. It allows me to feel my exact and purposeful place in humanity and gives me power in my next foot forward.
Love this Janina and what you highlight. Incredible the difference between playing the lesser card to not take responsibility for our choices (been there!) and simply appreciating areas another may be more developed (we can’t all be well developed with everything) and what we might learn from that – but from an equality first and foremost – no playing less and no playing more. Our whole societies are set up from comparison, and seeing the extent this plays out in our lives and the crippling, isolating, judging, separating, limiting etc effects it has, and then choosing another way is liberating and so much more open, supportive and responsible.
Absolute gold Janina! Thank you for writing this article, so perfect for me to read today. You have given me much to ponder and I will be returning to this article again. I love this “If we become aware of our patterns we actually have the choice to choose wisely what truly supports us and what does not”. Absolutely beautifully expressed truth 🙂
Thanks Janina…I enjoyed reading how comparison has affected your life. I too have felt ‘smaller’ throughout various stages of my life by seeing others as better or more adequate. And as you say it was because I did not appreciate myself and what I can bring to the world.
On the other hand there were periods in my life when I compared myself as being ‘superior’ to others. Reflecting back on that, it was horrible. It shows me that not only was I unappreciative of myself, but I was also not appreciating others equally for who they truly are.
Fortunately, Serge Benhayon‘s presentations have helped me to ‘wake up’ and leave much of that rubbish behind. And that is something for which I can really be appreciative.
Thanks Rod, I know the feeling superior and it really was a way for me to keep myself in a false sense of safety and secluded -ness which was actually awful, and like you say, not appreciating how awesome each of us are in our own ways.
Yes Rod I agree, to feel ‘superior’ is also very harmful and another way to create a distance and separation between people.
Rodharvey, I have felt exactly the same! Comparing myself and feeling ‘lesser’ and comparing myself and feeling ‘more’… both stemming for me from a lack of self-worth, and both feeling horrible… I can’t say that I have mastered comparison and jealousy, but I can say I am much more aware of going into this and being able to recognise this more easily and be willing to take responsibility and look at what is going on for me to be going into this. The more I have begun to self-care and truly accept and appreciate myself, the more I have begun to truly appreciate and accept others. and the easier this process has been.
I have just recently gone through that feeling of superiority and protecting myself from others – it was truly horrible and extremely separative – the opposite of who I naturally am. Great to have lifted the veil on it and seen it for what it was.
Yes, comparison can go either way, feeling less or superior to another is the same energetically and a way for us to not feel the truth of who we are. It is a deeply engrained pattern and one to constantly be aware of if we are to truly connect with others.
Appreciation for self naturally bringing appreciation for others and comparison does not exist (Awesome Janina, so simple).
Yes Mary-Lou I could feel to a deeper extend that comparison is so welcomed in our society as it stops us from having deep and loving relationships with people.
Hi Rod, a very good point. There is also a significant difference in feeling superior to others and being glorious.
Feeling superior puts the others around you down and is actually only serving yourself. Where as being glorious (accepting and living your grandness) is appreciating and inspiring for all. And you are actually very humble and simple in that as you know we are all the same. And because you know there is a much bigger glory we all are returning to and which has no end.
Thank you Janina for your simply, yet powerfully explained exposure of comparison and jealousy and how ingrained it is as a foundational behaviour in our lives. I totally identify with the similar ways in which I have ‘played the game’.
Thank you Janina and Greg. The jealousy and comparison is felt as such a lie in my body. It is no wonder that as a society we are getting more illnesses.
Greg your comment has allowed me to reflect how poisonous comparison is and how it is no wonder why we as a society are getting more illnesses. We are poisoning ourselves with our comparisons to one another rather than, as Janina says, appreciating ourselves for our beauty.
Comparison is actually a poison in our body and hold us apart of other people and of ourselves. Instead to go into comparison one could be inspired by the other person’s beauty and the choices that have led to this beauty.
Yes Greg, indeed lies and living lies cause much harm in our bodies and lead to illness and disease. It is a path which promises you a short term relief but a long term complication.
Thank you Karin and Sonja, I agree any thing in our body other than truth is a poison. Truth being a part of our loving nature, so when we express a truth it can be felt. Therefore jealousy and lies are also felt, it is up to each individual to then discern for themselves the appropriate feeling and the way to then act on that expression. Remembering expression is everything / Serge Benhayon.
Thank you Rik, I agree, connecting to our innermost and not getting caught up in comparison and its twin sister jealousy then living in our true glory and claiming that as our Livingness more and more. Constantly seeing the absolute glory in all who we connect to, is firstly provided by the students of the Livingness, which then allows us the space to see that we are all equally from the same divine place. So how could we ever go into comparison or jealousy of our divinely equal brothers. By using our divine will to allow others the space to find their innermost through their own timing by using their free will no judgment just an allowing, this is a true reflection that is eventually felt by everyone as not having any “comparison”, thank you Janina for an amazing blog.