Over the years, I have certainly compromised my own feelings – for others, for situations, to fit in or be liked – but whatever the reason, it was a choice made to settle for less than what felt right for me and honouring of me, overriding what felt loving, supportive and settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth. But when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise.
Recently whilst searching for a rental property, my friend and I discovered that not only were we looking for much more than a roof over our heads and an address to call ‘home’, we were committed and open to learning more about ourselves, the ideals and pictures we have carried around about our houses and the unending depth of self-healing and self-development that was presenting great opportunity for change.
There were many homes which ‘would do just fine’— almost completely supportive and comfortable homes – often however, with one seemingly small thing that didn’t quite fit: the interior was new, but the street noise was loud… only a hop and a skip to work, but next door was a building site with a crane hanging overhead… or the simplest feeling that we couldn’t put our finger on, that ‘something just didn’t feel quite right’ – so compromising on our feelings did not feel to be an option.
Trusting What We Feel Without Compromise
We could have easily allowed ourselves to be swept up in the time frame we were subject to, or boxed ourselves into specific suburbs that we thought we liked or knew: we could have settled for a house without a dishwasher (because ideally that could be seen as a luxury to many people) – but most importantly as no home is perfect, we could have easily compromised and accepted and settled for a new home that didn’t feel right for us both.
How many times have we done this… and in all areas of life? How many times have we gone along with something or someone, even though there was a feeling in ourselves that was asking for the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings? Perhaps completely different choices would have been made.
What we were able to expose for ourselves in our house-hunting was just how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life and held back from our innate yearning to evolve ourselves and be more of who we truly are.
What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.
In finding a new home that feels supportive and practical for our family who will live and visit there, it is clear to see that a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls. When I connect to the warmth and love that exists vibrantly within my own heart, I know what loving choices I can make to support my everyday way of living – to bring that warmth through my livingness each day, to my home, my family and far beyond without compromise.
Through being inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, and Universal Medicine I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way. When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.
By Cherise Holt, 31, Nurse, Brisbane
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Learning to Express Our Feelings part 2
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I’ve recently moved into a rental home after apartment living, the apartment had served its purpose. I had been looking for some time but every time I searched, none of the homes felt right. Often feeling like dwellings then a place that was a home.
One day, after a break from searching, I found this home in the same street that I lived in. As far as I was concerned, it was a the house that God built especially for us, it had everything we wanted and probably more.
What was felt, was the love this home came from, it was taken care of, nurtured, and there was nothing more we needed to ask of it.
What came from this experience was that I needed to trust that I was being prepared and supported for the right home. My responsibility was to be patient and allow that space for me to grow, it was that simple. I don’t even see it as a rental and breaking down a belief system that I shouldn’t be renting and owning a home was it.
As far as I’m concerned, this is my home God built for my partner and I, it was a matter of time before I would be led to it, I just needed to get out of the way.
Listening to our bodies and their vast wisdom helps us not to compromise ourselves.
Another string of pearls here: “a loving home is simply a reflection of the quality that is being lived between its four walls.” – and so it is that how we live in our home is what fills it with the quality that then holds and supports us and others.
And how true is that statement. I saw the quality people lived in in the complex I had once lived for over a decade. The mindset that it isn’t my home, so in the inside I have to make it my home, but on the outside, it’s not our problem.
But boy oh boy can we feel the quality being lived between four walls, it greets you as you enter, it can’t be ignored.
Any picture we hold of something is really a limitation for there are often much more grander things in store for us but we deny this by choosing the picture instead.
Cherise, this is so well said in terms of how we can hold pictures and cap ourselves in life: “how comfortable the pictures really are of where we think we should be and what we think things should look like, but how the pictures can actually leave us feeling restricted or stuck in our everyday living, out of harmony in our otherwise natural flow and development within life”
We really do need the support of our own love, we aren’t really taught this at all, but it is possible to care for ourselves from this place within. I was always quite caring of others but I had no idea really of my own self nurturing and self love, which has completely changed with the support of Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health. There is still so much to learn so I appreciate reading this again today and the reminders about compromise.
A supportive home is really important to our daily living, ‘What we found in our new home was that nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise. By doing this we found a home that felt truly supportive of us and our daily routines, rituals and rhythms.’
“Nothing needed to be physically perfect but that saying yes only to what we knew felt right was saying no to compromise” – this for me totally exposes the falsity, another layer of compromise, that can so easily sneak in (or actually has sneaked in), when that ‘saying yes’ actually means holding an ideal of sort away from what is being lived, and what I am getting is it is in our livingness that our yes is spoken and registered.
When we are governed by a picture of our expectations it is almost impossible to feel truth.
When we hold pictures we have expectations, and when our pictures don’t get met we get disappointed. To let go of pictures is a constant process for me allowing me an opportunity to be more present and open to what is offered to me.
Yes, I am continually letting go of pictures and expectations, our lives seem to have many of these limiting beliefs.
I’m just considering how much exhaustion exists because of compromising ourselves. I know I compromise myself when I allow someone to overtalk or stay for longer than I felt to.
Great point Aimee – compromise sells both people/parties short. The exhaustion that follows comes from the fact that we have not listened to what was best for ourselves and the other and hence the ‘consequence’ that we feel with the exhaustion.
I can very much relate to what you’ve shared Cherise. I was often going into compromise and later wondered why I felt so awful. It makes so much sense to trust what we feel and allow zero compromise in regards to what is supportive and what is not. When we listen to our inner heart it will always guide us.
I’ve been pondering on what a life without compromise would look like over the last few days, in particular, if we didn’t ever compromise ourselves or our bodies – it’s worth considering where we may compromise in life, I’m finding i’ve actually based my whole life on compromise, and that not compromising is not actually a right, but in fact a responsibility.
What a beautiful line about listening to our inner-most heart “When I hear it I know just what I feel, but when I truly listen – I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” We have this immense love inside ourselves, it’s so amazing to be able to reconnect to this and explore and feel exactly how life transforms when we live the love we innately are.
There are two options (and they make a difference): one is to accept less than what we know it feels right and the other one is to accept what we accept based on our own lack of self worth.
I really love and feel inspired by what you say about pictures leaving us feeling restricted or stuck in our development. We like to think we know what is best for us, but really, what our mind can concoct is rather limited compared to what the Universe can offer. We all have experienced how ticking all the boxes of our ideal pictures never brings true contentment. By not compromising on our picture, sticking to the ideal, we are trapping ourselves and compromising on our potentials.
It’s the same in relationships, how we compromise ourselves and what we are expressing to another because we hold a picture of how we need to be together and how the other person needs to respond.
Compromise and pictures creep into many aspects of life, some being very subtle, but all compromise ourself and our evolution.
Its ironic we use the word ‘settled’ when buying a home and the contract status goes to that state. If you’re not able to feel settled in your own home something is really wrong.
If we settle for less and compromise in life in any area, the standards and values we live by can begin to slide and erode away, this is happening everywhere in society so it is super important for us to confirm and honour what feels true.
Compromising is so unhealthy and brings a huge strain, tension (constriction/contraction) inside our body (and all cells). Hence, we should not comprise, we are not made to do so.. Let our ways be allowing to see and discard patterns that we have created that limit our natural fire.
The offering of making the inner, and how we honour the inner a place of no compromise is something I can wholeheartedly agree with, and confirm in myself.
– :”I know a love and a joy that won’t settle for anything less.” we know the value of who we are and the value of what we bring and this is reflected in our surroundings.
“I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart” Our true home where the love deepens and deepens.
Choosing a house is not just another choice. For what the house symbolizes (the body in repose), we cannot but choose a house that allows this to happen with no compromise.
Truly supportive to re read your blog Cherise as we are looking for another home and like you say a lot of pictures and ideals are coming up to look at and to let go. We know there is a home that is perfect for us and we will know it instantly the moment it present itself. And at the moment we just having fun with orientating for our next step.
In settling for anything that we feel is not true, we give our power away as such compromise the love we are, which is our truest guide to living all that we are in full.
Yes, I agree Cherise, we certainly have to feel if a home is constellated for us or if it not as we can feel the difference and therefore it is working against ourselves to compromise.
We are looking for a new home maybe in the next 3 or 6 months and this blog and your comment Kathleen reminds me to not settle for a compromise but to allow what is next to constellate and to trust what I feel.
What struck me today was about finding comfort in pictures. Reading this I can say that yes I have believed to find comfort in pictures, but the experience of how my body feels about pictures has been anything but comfortable in the sense of comfort being a desirable or place once can relax. My body feels very tense when I am holding onto pictures.
This is really key for a self loving foundation, “the space for our honesty, to trust and to honour our feelings”. You have made some great points about how we can make our way through life adhering to pictures, yet if it doesn’t feel right we are compromising. I also appreciated how you expressed that to constantly feel what’s true and to honour that builds a love that carries through to be warmly felt in all areas of life, including the home. Each moment, each decision counts.
Attending presentations by Serge Benhayon has opened awareness to the possibility of living from the truth of our innermost essence. As old hurts and traumas are exposed and healed, so too are the perceived self worth issues deconstructed as the falsity they are – any measurement or comparison fades away from holding this foundation of love.
“when I am full of self-worth, when I know how beautiful I really am and there is absolutely nothing to be measured, then the love I can hold myself and others in and even my home, is immeasurable and without compromise”.
Yes settling for less than what is true is commonplace, so much so that ‘normal human life’ is based on it. Perhaps a full review is required to truly examine how we live as a society and whether less than true has ever truly worked or ever will.
Hear, hear Thomas, very well said and I absolutely agree. Settling for less hasn’t worked for me and I can see it certainly hasn’t worked for humanity. Once we know how each choice affects the next and how amazingly precious we are, it doesn’t make any sense to settle for less in any way.
The last time I moved house I was quite surprised at the process. Before I walked into the house I knew it was my house. There were many things that I didn’t like about the house and it definitely didn’t fit my picture. I got quite focused on what I didn’t’ like but I still knew it was my house. I now own the house and when I think back to how I was I am so surprised as I love the house and it is a huge support.
Even in the very definition of the word it means to accept less for all parties. If I don’t compromise on how I feel everyone receives the joy I feel or the understanding I can bring through following my feelings.
Our true home resides in our inner heart, lovely Cherise, ‘I now know that my true home resides in my inner heart and daily it guides my every way.’
Many people settle for less than what they know is true or honours them, and it is often connected with their lack of self worth, ‘ settling for whatever amount of love I thought I deserved at the time, an amount always measured by my own measure of self-worth.’