That Monday Morning Feeling – Not Living the True Me

I recently had a big blip of a downer… I was tired, hating my job, had lost confidence in my ability to do anything well and . . . well, you know the kind of day I mean. Was I just suffering that ‘Monday Morning Feeling’ or was something deeper going on?

At work, when colleagues asked me the usual question, ‘Are you alright?’, I surprised them by saying ‘No, I’m not.’

It took them by surprise for two reasons: firstly, because they were expecting the usual ‘Yes thanks… you?’ answer to that question, and secondly, it was unusual for me to answer negatively, and they said ‘That’s not like you.’

This response from my colleagues helped me to realise that it wasn’t the true ‘me’ who was speaking. The true me is joyful, playful and fun to be around. The person speaking at work that day was an old me; one who wallowed in self-pity and blamed everyone except herself for what was wrong in her life – the job, the hours, the boss etc.

‘OK,’ I thought, ‘so it’s not the real me’. Why? How have I allowed myself to be less than who I truly am? As I looked back on the days preceding that particular Monday, I recalled it was a collection of events that had left me feeling tired and had taken me away from my true self.

Not only that, but my house had been getting messier and messier and I was avoiding clearing it, and my wake-up and going-to-bed times were all over the place. It wasn’t due to the late shifts I occasionally work, because I was going to bed late on my days off too.

And then I twigged – I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me.

I need a sense of rhythm in my life, a regular commitment to self-care that serves as my foundation and supports me throughout my day, no matter what I do or what hours I work.

There are many small ways in which I can do this – making sure I wash up after meals so that my kitchen is clean and ready for the next meal; keeping my bedroom tidy so that it is a restful place to sleep; switching off my computer earlier so I can wind down ready for sleep.

In the mornings I can wake up with a sense of appreciation of who I am and what I feel, go for a walk, and do gentle exercises to stretch my ageing body and keep it mobile.

These are all things I am doing, but not every day on a regular basis. The words that come to mind are COMMITMENT and CONSISTENCY – I need to commit to ME, the True Me and be consistent in these little self-loving ways so that I create a solid foundation of support for myself.

This is very much a work-in-progress because changing old patterns and ways of being, without self-judgment or criticism, is tricky. Appreciating and putting me first helps me to be strong enough to support others. It’s not selfish, it is essential self-care.

When I look after myself, keep my environment tidy and don’t try to do too much, then I am far less exhausted and, amazingly, can do far more. My energy is consistently steady, every day feels the same – joyful and fun, and there is no more ‘Monday Morning Feeling’.

My thanks go to Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Simone Benhayon and Sara Williams, whose loving support has helped me to understand the importance of setting a good foundation and a consistent loving rhythm in my life.

By Carmel Reid, Somerset, UK

Further Reading:
From Exhaustion and Feeling False to Feeling Vital and Truly Looking After Myself

650 thoughts on “That Monday Morning Feeling – Not Living the True Me

  1. Brilliant twig moment Carmel “And then I twigged – I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me.” I love it when I can get to the root of what’s going on! It brings an understanding and an opportunity to change.

    1. There is so much simplicity in moving in way that honours our bodies which then supports us to listen and respond to what our bodies are telling us rather than living in the complication of our heads where our focus is on what we need to do rather than the quality we are doing it in.

  2. When we choose to live in truth, we can no longer get away with anything less that the truth – what we live each day in the simple things does affect the quality we hold. Thanks Carmel for sharing.

  3. Thank you Carmel for sharing your experience, I realise too, how consistency and commitment are paramount to living a joyful loving life, it is so easy at times when things happen for me to let go of this rhythm when I do I feel the out of sorts effect the uneasiness in my body.

  4. Yes Carmel ,this is a great sharing as we do know when we are not our joyful self and it is all the little things that we let slide that contribute until we are hit with a great overwhelm. I have learnt, as you have to not let one thing slide as I have experienced the avalanche that results before and never want to go back to that. If things are out of place around me it makes perfect sense that I am going in be out of place also. Thank you I enjoyed the reminder.

  5. I can so relate to this, “I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me.” Reading this I also felt how if I haven’t been living myself at work and I’ve instead been taking things on or trying to please others and fit in that I wake up not wanting to go to work. Why would I want to go somewhere where I’ve been giving myself away. If I hold myself at work then work just becomes the same as the rest of my life and nothing different to want to avoid.

  6. I honestly hate the Monday morning feeling, yet I’m the creator of this feeling on a regular basis. Why do I have a love-hate relationship with Mondayitis. It feels to me that at this stage I still enjoy the rollercoaster of the ups and downs, for the truth remains everything that is transpiring in our lives right now is there because we chose it to be.

    Through having the ups and downs we can give ourselves the excuse not to be everything we natural know to be ourselves.

  7. Carmel it is so simple really…building a consistent and loving rhythm. For so long I never really clocked the fact that my behaviour (which by all accounts were pretty average) was influencing my moods and just how I was during the day. In fact they still do, but now I am much more observant and seeing them a lot more. I do still have some very stubborn behaviours, so I am learning that the more loving and caring I am with myself, as opposed to harsh and critical I can actually let go of them, rather than trying to force myself to change something that I don’t like about myself. It’s a vastly different approach and my body appreciates this so much more.

  8. Thank you Carmel for such a great blog, these 2 words ‘COMMITMENT and CONSISTENCY’ are certainly the key to support us to live in a way that is more joyful, loving and true. Building a consistent rhythm in my life has been an absolute game changer and has supported me to work long shift hours without the exhaustion or stress.

  9. I agree Carmel “a regular commitment of self-care serves as our foundation.” In being willing to make choices from feeling what is true from our body we start to value our self-worth, every loving choice supporting us to make the next one, building a steadiness and quality of being that is second nature.

  10. The interesting thing is, is that when we drop into self disregard and are behaving unlike our true self, as you describe, we actually think that this grumpy miserable person is us and to all intents and purposes it is us, only it isn’t the real us. Unless we develop a relationship with our true selves and get to know what it feels like living the whole us, we will continually find ourselves being taken out and into a lesser form.

  11. Changing our ‘old patterns and ways of being’ is definitely tricky. How many times do you think you have let go of something only to have it try to rear its ugly head again? Regardless, this is no reason to give up for if we do we end up marking time in the same place which brings us no evolution. And when you really stop to consider it, we are all on this earth to evolve.

  12. I like what you share Carmel, I have realised I have got caught back into constantly working and not having a regular rhythm of my self care routine. It does make so much sense, when we have a regular rhythm it supports us and our energy levels. This is a great reminder for me to revisit my daily rhythms.

  13. I have been giving more focus to looking after myself recently and I have noticed a huge shift in both the way I feel about myself and my life. In a good way that is! 😉

  14. Thanks Carmel I love how you claim ‘The true me is joyful, playful and fun to be around’ and I totally agree that the key to living this way is consistency and commitment in my daily rhythm that supports me to bring all of me to all I do during the day. I have been teetering on overwhelm for the last few days as my routine has been disrupted by events around me. I have chosen to switch my focus to what needs doing and let my self-care routine slide and this morning my body aches from all the extra physical activity and I feel sorry for myself. It is so supportive for me to read your blog and recognise an old pattern and the fact that I have a choice about how my week unfolds.

  15. ‘Appreciating and putting me first helps me to be strong enough to support others. It’s not selfish, it is essential self-care.’ I had this conversation with a client’ s mother yesterday but have not been living this recently even though I have experienced the power of reflection rather than just empty words. A great wake up call thank you.

  16. Thank you Carmel for sharing this insight in what it means to truly self-care. No wonder you were cranky as you completely neglected yourself. This is a simple science to me, something we all greatly benefit from when we apply it, to deeply care, cherish and nurture ourselves no matter what.

  17. Thank you for the timely reminder Carmel. It is my responsibility to have a commitment and consistency to being all that I am that allows me to share this way of living with others.

  18. I recently had a friend comment, ‘Are you OK? You’re very quiet’ and it made me reflect on what was going on in my life. I have several major things gong on and I realised that I was allowing a constant feeling of anxiousness to plague my daily life – I could be anxious about anything, it varied, as if my mind was constantly looking for things to worry about. It has left me feeling tired and drained, because I’m using my energy to think about scenarios in the future that have not happened and may not happen. It is pointless, because it takes me away from appreciating where I am now. So I’m returning to gentleness in touching things tenderly with my fingertips to bring me back into my body, and acknowledging that the anxiousness is not me, it’s just thoughts I am inviting in and I need to be more discerning of how I am moving.

  19. Something else I’ve just ‘clocked’ recently is how much I can re-interpret what someone says and turn it into a negative criticism that may not have been intended. I can then spend the next few hours in my mind building scenarios of how awful I am. This is debilitating, time-consuming and exhausting. Feeling the tenderness in my body enables me to let go of all that and, if an opportunity arises, I can then discuss calmly what was actually meant and stop blaming the rest of the world for how I feel.

  20. It really does come back to the foundations we have laid for ourselves. When we don’t have solid foundations the doing takes over from the being and things really go to the pack from there. I experience this often and like you Carmel i instantly feel the devastating effect this has on my day.

  21. Carmel, I love this part, ‘The words that come to mind are COMMITMENT and CONSISTENCY – I need to commit to ME, the True Me and be consistent in these little self-loving ways so that I create a solid foundation of support for myself.’ Awesome reminder! These two words have been coming up a lot for me recently. I have found I am great with commitment and consistency when it comes to certain things but when it comes to caring and deeply nurturing myself there is a lack of this which I am lovingly recognising and know if I can bring commitment and consistency in one area of my life it means I can bring this to all areas of my life.

  22. It is inspiring Carmel to read how you stopped and retraced the series of events that led up to you feeling out of sorts. This allowed you to review where you had being inconsistent with your commitment to your rhythm and also allowed you to make the necessary changes to support yourself to return to the true you, the joyful, playful fun person that you truly are.

  23. Ah… a perfect Monday morning blog, Carmel. A dear friend just shared with me yesterday how we could let our work carry us. It took me a while to understand this and I am not sure if I have got it yet, but my take is how we could form a routine around what needs to be done in our days and think that is our rhythm when in fact we are actually bending all over the place to make our day function – and I could feel how I have fallen for this. A great reminder that it is me and my body that dictates how it needs to be cared for and nurtured. I feel like I am standing at the square one with a different view of the scenery.

  24. “I need a sense of rhythm in my life, a regular commitment to self-care that serves as my foundation and supports me throughout my day, no matter what I do or what hours I work.” I agree Carmel, when we are able to align to our body’s natural rhythm the more we embrace our true selves and the love we hold within our essence which supports us to build a strong foundation to be able to commit and engage with life and to handle every situation before us.

  25. I recently underwent surgery which requires six weeks recovery time in which to really allow my body to heal. I was given exercises to do three times a day, and the physios recommended gentle walking daily, Building these into a rhythm of self care as well as eating three regular meals a day has provided me with a stable foundation for healing. At the moment there are no Monday mornings, every day is the same day, although my levels of tiredness do vary and I’m learning to honour that.

    1. Surgery gives such a great opportunity to deeply rest and nurture and then to re-imprint our old habitual ways of going about our day. Enjoy your new foundation Carmel.

  26. “When I look after myself, keep my environment tidy and don’t try to do too much, then I am far less exhausted and, amazingly, can do far more” Absolutely Carmel, I concur. Staying present with myself ensures I do not waste energy on checking out, escaping or day-dreaming. Loving ourselves should be taught from year one – then we would be able to listen to our body – without over-riding its messages – and have vibrancy instead of exhaustion as an everyday reality.

  27. When we wallow in self-pity we become trapped in the victim role and fail to see our potential or that there is another way to be and live.

  28. Sometimes our feelings can overwhelm us and, if we don’t use any of our normal numbing devices, it can take a while to clear. I recently had a situation where I didn’t feel right but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Being around people who can feel the energy of my thoughts has taught me that even expressing ‘I’m feeling something but I don’t quite know what’s going on’ is better than a stiff, abusive silence.

  29. The power we have to transform or create upheaval in our life is extraordinary based on the foundation we choose to create for ourselves. It is deeply empowering to know that with a consistent commitment to making loving choices, we can deeply support ourselves throughout our day no matter what we do

  30. I’ve been going through a process of clearing out, re-organising and tidying. It’s been a very gradual process, a little every day, one step at a time and this evening I’m starting to see it all come together. It feels amazing to walk around and appreciate the pockets that are clear, tidy and ordered and I can feel how much this will support me during my busy week ahead. I feel spacious and ready for what is ahead of me rather than feeling anxious and behind.

  31. Its interesting because the moment we choose to stay up late on the computer and override our bodies signals, or eat foods which do not support, then we start to want more of the same and it becomes such a viscous cycle until we choose to stop or our bodies force us to.

  32. When we make the external stuff more important than self-care, we end up resenting the very things we’re putting all our energy into. When we really commit to looking after our bodies and a deep level of self-care, it’s amazing how much more vital we feel. This isn’t about focusing on self and de-committing to life, but about being present and committed to every moment, so that we can feel what’s needed and stay with that solidness of who we are and not who we think we need to be. Self-care is ultimately about being true to ourselves, to doing what we know we need to do instead of what we think we should or ought to be doing.

    1. ‘Self-care is ultimately about being true to ourselves, to doing what we know we need to do instead of what we think we should or ought to be doing.’ Well said, Bryony, we allow our minds to drive our bodies into exhaustion instead of feeling what to do in each moment and letting our body’s wisdom impulse our choices.

  33. This is a gorgeous testament of how letting people in and being transparent is a blessing for us all. For at times when we are not ourselves, the quality of love shared with them is naturally reflected back, offering a reminder of the quality of love we truly are.

  34. When we are feeling out of sorts often the last thing we feel like doing is speaking to anyone else and yet, sharing our true feelings can sometimes be exactly what we need to come out of our silent, sulky indulgence. It is often not appreciating what we feel that makes us miserable in the first place.

    1. This is exactly what turned my workplace around this week Carmel, when colleagues started sharing how they were really feeling… first up it was blurting and frustrated but then what was really going on was able to surface and be shared. Speaking up and as you say Carmel coming out of our ..”silent, sulky indulgence” and hurt, has such a powerful ripple affect on our environment and all those around us.

  35. It is so true to me too that commitment to myself first is actually a very lovely thing to do as it builds a steadiness and strength which is based on the love that lives in me and is always with me wherever I go and whoever I meet and I do now recognize as something very precious to me as it makes my life and that of others a more joyful place to be.

  36. Great realisation Carmel, it is great that you began to see and feel the disharmony that was creeping in everywhere and chose to do something about it,
    “And then I twigged – I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me”.

  37. ‘Was I just suffering that ‘Monday Morning Feeling’ or was something deeper going on?’ Carmel you bring up a good question here, the Monday morning feeling is a reflection of our livingness, and when we stop looking after ourself our life becomes slow and heavy as do we and it is not until we stop and take an honest look into what is going on that we are able to make more loving choices for ourselves which in turn make the world and ourselves feel lighter again.

    1. Yes, Sally, and we have to keep checking in with this. My personal situation is very different now, but that heaviness can descend again regardless of my circumstances, because old patterns of behaviour keep repeating themselves regardless of where we are in the world, until we can permanently let go of them.

  38. We all know when someone is not being themselves, yet we so often use political correctness or politeness to not disturb the pretense that we see in front of us. Sometimes all we need to say is ‘You don’t seem yourself’ and 9 times out of 10 the other person starts to step out of the shell they have been walking in.

  39. I love coming back to this blog as it is so simple how we can support ourselves to live who we truly are, appreciation has played a key role for me as well and learning to embody and walk that appreciation is a beautiful step to take as well.

  40. Without a true relationship with ourselves and a commitment to being tender and caring we are unable to build a steady foundation or a consistent loving rhythm aligned with our body and the harmony it naturally knows itself to be.

  41. I no longer have Monday mornings as I’m visiting another country to be in a relationship and my visa does not allow me to be employed. So I’m not in regular work, but I still have projects that I am working on voluntarily. If I do not take time out to appreciate myself and all that I bring it is very easy to get depressed and feel useless, or to feel I am not sharing enough of my time with my partner. Life is full of questions, but staying connected with my body helps me to stay connected with who I am.

  42. I love that your colleagues pointed out that the way you were was not you. These simple honesty, you starting with admitting that you were not feeling ok and then your colleagues response, help us to get out of the pits we sometimes sit in.

  43. I find it super supportive when my house is ordered and clean, there feels less distraction, with nothing standing in my way so to speak. For I notice the difference in how I feel when i have not attended to my house…. there is always this little nag or voice reminding me to bring my foundation back to order and simplicity.

  44. ‘I need a sense of rhythm in my life, a regular commitment to self-care that serves as my foundation and supports me throughout my day, no matter what I do or what hours I work.’ I experience this too, although I do shiftwork and no working day is the same and to have a solid foundation in my days I need a rhythm in the way I care for myself and this commitment helps me to stay, as much as I can, in the same loving quality whatever I do.

  45. It is beautiful when, with honesty, we can nominate exactly why we are in misery, pain etc. and then choose to live differently…very empowering to feel that we are not the product of our circumstances nor are we controlled by them.

    1. ‘we are not the product of our circumstances nor are we controlled by them.’ this is such an important lesson for us to learn and makes such a difference to our whole approach to life, relationships, work, families, partners…

  46. As I become more aware of myself I begin to notice how quickly things will turn from good to bad when I start to get lazy with my self care. I can easily go into drive where I’m basically running around headless doing doing doing and losing all sense of what it means to support myself. The trick then is to catch it before it turns into complete depletion and exhaustion.

    1. Yes, I keep catching myself going into drive too – my body is beginning to find more obvious ways of letting me know I’ve done it. My current ‘lesson’ is to wait, reconnect and wait and allow…

  47. I agree infull that the rhythm we live with is key, how we hold ourselves as we go about our day is what makes our day flow. It is easy to get caught up in what we have to do, but a true joy to do when everything is again seen as a support for our body, our life, our wellbeing and ultimately the wellbeing of others.

  48. Thanks Carmel, we truly can support ourselves with our every choice. Reading your blog today I came to the awareness of how I see commitment, often it’s something I don’t want to do as if it’s a “have-to” instead of realising it’s a task that’s supporting me through my commitment to loving myself.

    1. It is interesting how we see words like ‘Commitment’ and ‘Responsibility’ as negatives and yet, when we experience them as part of our daily lives, there is no chore, simply a continuation of what supports us.

      1. Yes Carmel I agree. One of the things I seem to find difficult is to have commitment and consistency with myself, and how I care for me. I know that on days when I do, that consistency and commitment is also there in other things that I do. When I don’t do it for me, then it is also patchy in other areas of my life.

  49. ‘I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me’. How many of us do this, it certainly was an old habit of mine. These days, I love to give to myself in loving ways that nurture and nourish my body which truly supports me throughout my day. In taking care of all my own needs, ie putting myself first in my life, this also supports me with observing and not absorbing the emotions/issues of others. And a great confirmation as in the past I absorbed everything, mainly because I was so empty and checked out!

    1. Putting ourselves first is not the way most of us have been brought up, and we find it hard to appreciate how important it is to care for ourselves before we consider doing anything for anybody

  50. If we don’t take the signs and messages from our body that we are not ourselves, the space around us and our environment will be sure to let us know.

  51. This is just what I needed to read ‘COMMITMENT and CONSISTENCY – I need to commit to ME, the True Me and be consistent in these little self-loving ways so that I create a solid foundation of support for myself.’ Thank you for such an easy and relatable blog.

    1. Hi Vicky, thank you for reminding me back! Yes, commitment is building well but consistency is still a little lacking. Doing a simple writing task regularly each day is helping to build that, getting up at the same time each day, going to bed at 9pm is also good.

  52. Carmel, I too am now in the habit of tracking back to the root of an issue. I am noticing my off days, never start on that day, but way before.

  53. What a gem Carmel! How important the quality of our rhythm in daily life is. Without commitment to true care and re-connection to the body, there is only an ’empty and disconnected person’ to take into the day. This is exhausting and a deep disservice to oneself and the world.
    “I need a sense of rhythm in my life, a regular commitment to self-care that serves as my foundation and supports me throughout my day, no matter what I do or what hours I work”.

  54. A strong and ever-evolving rhythm provides the foundation for what the day, any day brings, be it a Monday or Thursday or the weekend. Our rhythm stops the wild fluctuations in energy levels and brings consistency and a great solidness.

  55. I used to think rhythm meant getting up at the same time each day but there is more to it than that, staying steady, feeling our body and consistently honouring what we feel is important too.

  56. I love your realisation, so important and one I have to keep reminding myself of ‘ I’d given more importance to all the things I felt I had to do instead of being aware of my body and nurturing the real me.’

  57. This is lovely to bring into your mornings Carmel, ‘In the mornings I can wake up with a sense of appreciation of who I am and what I feel, go for a walk, and do gentle exercises to stretch my ageing body and keep it mobile.’

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