When I was younger, one of the first things I learned was that when I play out my strong side I get adored for what I can do and I then have control. My talents helped me to win praise and I could easily get recognition, which then gave me the feeling of being someone special and worthy of being loved. But this false type of ‘love’ was always combined with a doing, so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.
In what I did and what I brought I was pretty confident and sure, but if I walked next to someone who seemed important to me, I always felt myself to be less (as a person). A sentence would come up in my mind that: “I am a bad person in life.” I could easily look up to people who impressed me and truly adore them, but adoration and love for myself were foreign words.
To compensate for this awful feeling, I would put myself above others really easily in situations, using my skills or talents to do so. My success always assisted me with this opposite mechanism – I felt strong in this, but it kept me away from true connection with other people.
If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.
With my current awareness I now know that I never really opened up to other people, although on the outside I seemed very open and communicative and wanting to connect with others. But it could not have been real connection, otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt so lonely inside in the silent moments where nothing was there to be done – moments where I wasn’t needed or where I was not showing others how good I am in any activities, all in my quest to prove I was worthy of being loved.
I was always searching in life, because I felt this couldn’t be it.
- It can’t be that I have to have the outside to recognise me so I could feel happy and feel me.
- It can’t be that I can’t really surrender with other people around me, so that I was relieved when they left me after a date.
- It can’t be that life is only about becoming more successful and liked and adored for that.
- It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality.
- It can’t be that being with people means being racy, excited or annoyed.
- It can’t be that only the outside can give me the freedom that I think I need from it.
Seven years ago I met Serge Benhayon and, although my defences and clever coping strategies did not disappear instantly, he presented to me a different way, which I could choose to be, or not.
I chose this way.
After all these years I now have an awareness I could have never imagined and this awareness helps me to observe myself and get out of these separating, relationship destroying patterns.
I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people. It is beautiful to see how people react when they see me being open and vulnerable – it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.
I have not mastered that and there is still a way to go deeper – but the built love I feel now in my life for people is absolutely amazing compared to a couple of years ago. It doesn’t matter how far you have come, what matters is the decision to be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change. There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.
I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.
The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself. This is the most amazing feeling I´ve ever felt and was looking for my whole life – not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more.
There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.
Words can´t even describe how grateful I am – I thank deeply from my heart Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all of his family who reflect to me the truth and the love within that I was always looking for.
And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.
By Steffi Henn, Photographer, Cologne
I Am Amazing Just For Being Me
751 thoughts on “From Being a Lonely Rider to Opening up for People”
Steffi it’s amazing how we pretzel ourselves around life, hoping that we will be accepted and all along, it hurts or harms us in some ways. The whole activity of doing or being something we are not is exhausting and some of us reach a breaking point knowing that this isn’t it either.
I too was presented a different way to live and over the years, I’ve let go of the excess baggage that didn’t belong to me and my body.
Like life not remaining stagnant, our bodies are the same too, we evolve with it too. But the one thing that remains with us to the rest of our living days, is the love that is inside of us. It will always be there, even in our next lives, till one morning we wake up and live from there. Life is very much different when we do.
“be aware and be honest with yourself and to say yes to a change.” Recently I’ve become more aware of how if I avoid people I do not grow or move, I stay stuck, comfortable and unchallenged. Life is suffocating like this and I am focusing on being more open to others.
Leigh sometimes I find the people I avoid the most are the ones offering the biggest growth. Or alternatively we stay with the people that keeps us comfortable and stuck. I know which I prefer now, and the growth certainly happens if we are also open, willing and able to make that choice. Keeping it simple makes a big difference too.
From young we are educated to look outside ourselves in order to be loved or recognised. We have based our society on It’s more important what you do, rather than who you are. In this way we are kept less than. So we have for some odd reason developed a society where we are all less than the grandness we actually are and come from. This makes no sense to me at all and I wonder why we have reduced ourselves to this way of living.
When we are loved for what we do rather than who we are, it is a way to negate who we truly are and the divinity that we bring.
Steffi – in this sentence or two you have revealed how our society is set up and how people are set up to live, despite the destruction to self and others: “If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place. When you are in that place, it has the effect that no one asks you to be more – because you are IT already in the way the world sees it.” It is amazing to feel how you have let go of this and now live in a way that holds true love, care, respect and deep appreciation for self and others and who we all are.
How society is set up is very destructive of self, and others, so amazing that the protection and superiority are being replaced with love and equal-ness.
“Not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside” – I love that freedom too.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out,” The Way of The Livingness presents a way to be all the love we naturally are.
To live this love, and allow it to naturally emanate out; a very beautiful way to be and to live.
I am so pleased with myself that I made a decision to go to London to a workshop being held by Serge Benhayon, I wasn’t all that keen to go because at the time it took a lot of organising. 12 years later I have opened up to myself and in that process it naturally followed that I could open up to everyone I met.
Reconnecting to the love we all have within us is the first step to reconnecting to everyone because we all the same in essence.
From a very early age we are introduced to competitiveness and comparison, and then we may feel that the only way to receive recognition (a poor substitute for love but that’s what’s on offer) is to fight our way to the top. The problem is when we get there it is only temporary as the adulation wears off as we all move on to the next achievement. It’s a very insecure place for any child or adult.
Well expressed Melinda, recognition is a very poor substitute for true love that we all deserve and which comes with no expectations or demands.
‘You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place.’ Imagine how many truly lonely people there are by this choice to protect themselves by making themselves being `IT.
Success is definitely not the answer to true happiness and well-being, love is.
These days I’m realizing how I’ve labeled and judged people in the past and how I’ve separated of them simply because they behave or think differently. That it’s a clear reflection of how I’ve judged myself based on my beliefs about what I should or shouldn’t be. It’s beeing a very freeing experience to come back to feel my loveliness inside because the joy that I’m experiencing has no rules, borders or forms. It’s just is and I’m very content of being able to share it with people from differents paths of life and choices. I appreciate Serge Benhayon and his family too because they are an example of openess and no judgment to anyone, showing us that it’s very possible living together harmoniously, no matter how different we may seem on the outside.
Beautiful Steffi, love reading such a revealing experience of returning to your ‘true silky-satiny SELF’ 🙂 This makes me smile and connect with the love inside me. Thank you
It’s becoming more apparent to me that there are two ways to live. Needing stuff/people/attention/recognition etc. from the outside in to bring us everything we need. Or, connecting to what is within us and then going outward to do what is required, already full (in the sense of settlement, contentment etc.) and not needing of anything or something from another to feel complete. We are complete and then share that with others. These two ways of living are becoming much more obvious.
Having a deep love of self, knowing we are amazing just for being who we innately are is beautiful, instead of constantly seeking approval and recognition from outside ourselves, ‘not being dependent on anything on the outside and needing no proof to feel good inside. These moments are gold for me and I look forward to more.’
What a fabulous insight into what it is like to play the game of being at the ‘top’ through being good at what you do. It just shows that even what looks like ‘it’ to an onlooker, still leaves us on the same empty path. Being valued for what you do while the being is ignored is crushing to the person we actually are and were as kids.
The more we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable and live who we are the more we not only trust but know that ‘being ME’ is enough.
I agree with your gold moments, when we are completely settled and content in being who we are and we don’t need anyone or anything from outside of us – those moments are total gold.
Our strong(est) side cannot be one we use for control. To say that is just a reflection of the image we have of our strong side and the fact that actually we are not truly in touch with it. Our strong side has, is and will always be our divine one.
This is a tremendous part of our relationships to expose: that when you are perceived as ‘doing really well’ you can also be thought of as ‘beyond needing to be be asked to go deeper’ in your relationship with your self and with others. And as this actually creates a lonely place, it shows to me that innately we do all actually want to be supported to be more of ourselves, and to learn just how deep with that we can go.
Not needing anything from outside to know and be confident in that we are love is very liberating.
To be ourselves, our ‘true silky satiny’ selves, that is something that is there for all of us, and something to deeply cherish in each of us always.
This is very beautiful Steffi. Simply being who we are is the greatest gift we can give the world.
“There will never be an end point of love …” This is beautiful to read, as it confirms how opening up with other people is like diving deep into the potential of what Love is… That there is more and more to discover.
Love keeps growing and deepening, ‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’
It does hurt far more to be aloof and rely only on my own actions, not accepting support or adoration from others because they feel to and not because I have done anything amazing or special
“And I also thank myself equally because I hopped on this journey, which is not secure and gives me no attention or anything from the outside, but brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.” Beautifully said Steffi, as if we are not able to deeply appreciate ourselves and the choices we have made to significantly change how we are in life, then true and lasting change is not possible.
When we play small and keep people out we miss out on the beautiful and true connections that are constantly offered to us.
‘There will never be an end point of love and I appreciate where I am at now, looking forward to more deepening.’ A beautiful and powerful reminder Steffi of the enormous love available to everyone equally, to not limit our love ever as it continuously expands and deepens.
‘If you are the best, no one can touch you. You are on this pedestal of security, which is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place’. Beautifully said Steffi.
The more I am living the true me the more at ease I too feel around people, knowing I am ok just as i am and being open for more learning and discovery of the more that I can be. ” it helps me to trust, that being ME is enough.”A gorgeous sharing Steffi thank you.
“The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” A beautiful appreciation of all that you naturally are.
It is fascinating how talents can be used to reduce life to situations where you have the upper hand; the upper hand in a utterly reduced version of life. A peculiar kingdom to be the king/queen of particularly given where we come from.
Yes. Talent alone is empty and meaningless when it’s love we truly want.
Reading this today I have an understanding of how much I can appreciate and how in fact I don’t always do so, that in fact I’ve taken so many steps to more clearly be aware of how I am, to open up to people and that even when it’s difficult I do not walk away, yes there is no perfection and I often feel hurt and act from it, but I’m noticing that and aware that, this is not how I want to be or how I can be, and the fact that this is possible is huge. So a great reminder today Steffi thank you.
Hopped on that journey too Steffi, as there is no true success if feeling good about your self depends on others. And yes trusting that what I am is more than enough.
Loved it Steffi, reading it once again. The feeling of doing it better, and not really making it about people I know so well. But once you have felt that indeed this strategy makes you feel lonely it is a first step to another life. I also chose to make it about people, to connect to people, while being with me, and indeed there is no feeling like that in the world that can surpass it. A very good choice!
I am in the process of being less of a lone rider and loving it too. The first step has begun with realising that I was a lone rider, whereas I never wanted to see and admit this separation and distance from people that I was choosing.
I felt as though I was reading about myself there Steffi. Being the best not only gives us the feeling that we deserve love but that as you say ‘no one can touch you’ and this is a fortified, lonely place indeed. Doing things that prove that we are lovable has been and continues to be love for many of us. No wonder making self-loving choices can be a challenge especially at first, because how does that fit with the ‘proving ourselves lovable’ model. Being ourselves and expressing all that love, starts with these self-loving choices.
We chase what we think we want on the outside only to find that even when we get it the emptiness within remains. Giving ourselves permission to express our true qualities, irrespective of what is going on around us, is the key…
It amazing to see, read and feel that, “The more I become my true self and live that with other people, the more I receive freedom in myself.” It goes against everything that is currently considered the world and yet it’s the true freedom we are all looking for. It’s amazing to see how when we shut off or shut down to what we feel it creates a world that we don’t like to be in and yet we stay there, a self imposed exile that we think is made by someone else. It’s great to see people stepping out like this and writing about it so we can all follow in those same steps.
Love it Steffi. Many of us chose to be a lonely rider. We can even be a lonely rider amongst people, thinking that we are a people’s person. Really being with people is opening up our hearts and letting people in.
‘There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others’. This is a beautiful turnaround and something I can relate to as well. Love cannot be kept to ourselves hence we must share it otherwise it will no longer be love…
‘I recently realised how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need. I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ Beautiful Steffi, I too love this development and the ease and grace that my body moves in as I let people in so much more.
It’s such a gift to read this blog and be reminded that we are on a journey, and there’s no perfection or end point in love, just an ever unfolding of us and all others in our lived and expressed love. ‘how easy I am around people now because I am more me and I am taking the space which I need’ … I smiled reading this and felt a deep letting go in my body, it’s that simple taking time to be ourselves and then we offer that naturally to others.
Opening up to people starts with self first, building a love and truthful relationship with our self, this then starts to include other people.
Saying yes to more awareness in our lives is the key to move forth in our evolution and to unlock the wisdom of the universe within ourselves.
This plays out in different ways for different people, but many think they have to do things to be loved, instead of just allowing ourselves to be ourselves in full, ‘for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.’
Beautiful Steffi, to come back to you, to share you openly as you are, and that it’s not about the skills – this is inspiring and in fact what we’re here for to live us.
‘ I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ I can relate to this sentence Steffi. I have so much more energy now that my only role is being me.
Reading this article has taken me to a moment in my childhood where I questioned ‘the way a particular part of life was’ because it felt wrong, unequal and very one sided. But I was shouted down by those who I was with as they ‘knew’ this falsity to be how it is done, and that it could not be challenged. I do wonder, if in that moment I had received instead support for what I felt, if I would have adjusted ever so slightly my honouring and understanding of self.
Steffi I have come across your blog again and this time so many different things were highlighted for me! I can see that one of the roles I chose as a young person was to be “the strong one” and that meant never showing how I felt or that I needed support, just taking care of others and hiding behind this false strength. Now I am learning to be more open, more vulnerable, and more transparent with others by sharing how I feel…. just baby steps but I’m opening up.
Thank you Steffi, your words about choosing to be open and vulnerable instead of in a false sense of being strong and capable really touched me. From an early age we get recognised for what we do and good behaviour, for pleasing others, but not for being ourselves. Making that journey back to being me still has a lot of challenges, I can see how being open and vulnerable continues to be something for me to work on, and to let go of comfortable roles to simply be how I am in any given moment.
Protection can come in many colours and this is a clever example of a how protection has been used. Protection always comes with the colour of separation.
Very true Steffi there is no end to experiencing love, to know it is a forever deepening process with no end point – what a beautiful and joyful choice to live this everyday.
There is a huge humbleness when we see everyone as being equal.
I agree making yourself more or better than another is a very lonely road to take. It is a way of self defence but it does take away what we enjoy most in life: being connected with others and feeling an equality between each other.
I really appreciate the honesty in which you write. It allowed me to be very honest with myself and see how I have lived and am living now. When you wrote – “it can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality” – I was so with you. I used to oscilate between putting myself better or less than others, and gosh it was exhausting. Like you I am letting go of these patterns and learning to live in the knowing that we are all equal and it is one most divine but at times challenging, thing to do.
Gorgeous Steffi, what a true resemble of you choosing your way and the claim you made to look inside yourself and give and live from that love you know you have inside.. Even though you were so use to living on the attention from the outside. I had the exact same thing and now walking my way out of the emptiness I had created by being not truly connected to myself.. And since this choice, and every choice thereafter I feel so much more joy, sweetness, power and absolute truth within me.. So it was worth giving. Thank you Serge Benhayon and all who walked before me, to show me the truth. The truth of why we need to live life.
This blog is full of the most gorgeous appreciation for yourself and for Serge Benhayon. Your experiences are very similar to my own and I love the matter of fact way you express. Thank you Steffi.
‘I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.’ When we are looking for love outside of ourselves, we are missing the deep connection we have available to ourselves, and when we connect to people from our own connection first, we drop all the expectation and we enjoy the shared moments that there are to appreciate in full.
The awareness and truly deep appreciation that I have from the presentations from Serge Benhayon so that I am learning to love from the inside out brings such joy to my life and like you Steffi, words cannot describe how great-full I am.
The better than, less than roundabout is one that interferes with many people’s ability to be themselves and to fully meet and adore others. I know it was this way for me. Now having felt the beauty and grace of adoration for self and others any time the better than, less than rises it is felt for the disharmony it is, because of the foundation of adoration that I am now choosing to live with.
That is beautiful Leigh, a “foundation of adoration” – love it!
It’s amazing how so many people actually feel insecure and think that they have to become something/someone to be feel worthy and recognized in life – it makes perfect sense because the world as it currently is is the result of us walking away from who we truly are, therefore would never ask us to be who we truly are.
So many people go through there life without ever coming to the awarenesses that you have and having been able to open up to and connect to themselves and as a result others more deeply. This is a beautiful evolution to develop and embrace… and one that we would all benefit from choosing.
“There is so much love inside me that wants to get out, holding it back does actually hurt more now than to release and express it towards others.” This is so true Steffi, holding myself in protection so that I didn’t get hurt was like a double edged sword. The hardening to protect myself was hurting me, and so was the fact that I was not letting the love out that was crying out to be expressed. This is now all changing as I begin to let go of these very old and very crippling behaviours, my body feels so much more open, lighter and freer and the protection is no longer controlling my life .
The ‘pedestal of security…is indeed not a safe place at all and is actually a very lonely place’ but yet so many of us have been tricked to believe it is. Well said Steffi.
Yes I agree Suse, we get knocked from our pedestals very easily and then our confidence is shattered. Its a precarious place to put ourselves and/or others. Having a true foundation that comes from a solid relationship with ourselves means our confidence comes from within and not from what we do.
If we start to understand that in life everything is energy and that everything is because of energy we also know that what we share with the world also will return to us by reflection. Therefore we can only change ourselves if we are not happy in life and with that not only make the world a better place for ourselves to live but also for everybody that we share this life with.
“….so for my whole life I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” True for so many of us – and the education system perpetuates it big time. We can never ‘do’ enough to fill the void and can end up worn-out and exhausted. Universal Medicine has enabled me to change my life around and focus on the ‘be-ing’, the quality of my actions, before the ‘do-ing’.
It is so true Steffi, and I imagine it is for many of us also, that we grow up learning that attention and praise is ‘love’, and this comes from all the things we do. We learn that we acquire this ‘love’ from what we do, and from another, and so we learn to doubt that who we are is already enough. I have come realise just how much of our world is set up to identify, recognise and validate who we are by our doing or what we obtain. Yet even with all the things we do or acquire, we are left with a feeling of emptiness as what we are truly seeking to be who we are and live the love we already are within.
The aspect of putting others on pedestals is HUGE! Especially as 99.9% of times they have just as many, if not more, issues than you do. Once we begin to read energy and the movements of the body all becomes clear, and no one is greater than another.
I can recognise everything you have listed here as my own, and how that used to make me feel even less worthy of love. I used to think that there was something fundamentally, seriously wrong with me and I had to be fixed – with Universal Medicine I not only discovered that that was not true, but also it was the biggest alibi I used in order to not live who I truly was.
“I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself” – I’m living this at the moment and it is absolutely magical
I love that you thanked yourself Steffi. that’s the most important part – appreciating all that you have said yes to…because without you, we would all be missing something.
Ah Steffi, how this world would be missing out if you carried on that journey of self-recognition and acceptance!
What I get from your blog is that when we feel “safe’ and ‘secure’ we don’t actually enjoy ourselves. Rather being ‘open’ and ‘vulnerable’ is although a little scary is where the real grand joy happens.
‘I have stopped playing different versions of me with different people.’ Life is so much simpler when we choose to do this although I can still get caught out falling back into old patterns but it feels so uncomfortable now that I don’t choose to stay there long!
The more aware we become, the more we feel – and when we’re not being ourselves, or going back into old patterns, it starts to feel more and more uncomfortable.
Yes, life is so much simpler when we are not keeping up appearances and also various characters/versions of ourselves. Taking the one complete person to everything is like the holiday everyone wishes for, only it’s no holiday, it’s life : the simple version.
Thank you for sharing your journey from the loneliness of separation to opening up to allow others to see and know the real you which I can really relate to. It is so lovely to feel your appreciation and gratitude for the choices you are now making.
“I thought that I had to do things, to be special or produce good results to be loved.” This was my reality as well. All that ‘doing’ without realising that this keeps people away. It also keeps us away from feeling our own natural innate beauty.
I could have been reading about myself! It’s beautiful to feel this and appreciate how far I have come too.
It’s so true Steffi, holding back our love for others does actually hurt not only ourselves but all others equally.
Thank you for sharing Steffi. Keeping people out is the last thing I want to do but thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I’m gaining more understanding of myself and how and why it is that I do this.
Steffi, this is just so beautiful to feel and read. There are so many gems here, reading that it’s about ‘needing no proof to feel good inside’ that it’s just about feeling ourselves and that is enough, nothing further needed. And I love your appreciation of yourself in acknowledging that you choose to go on this journey. And it’s a huge support to read this today and understand the choices I’ve made which now allow me to be more myself with others and to stop trying so hard to fit in – now I am more myself in all I do, so a great mirror today to read this blog, thank you.
I love this line Steffi, ‘brings me back to my true silky-satiny SELF.’
I’ve become aware these past few days of changes in my body that don’t feel good, and know that it’s a consequence of losing my connection with self and without this, old patterns surfaced and my body felt heavy. I’m reminded that what matters most is the quality of the relationship I have with myself self and that this is at the heart of everything I do and has nothing to do with how others see me. By dis-connecting to self, I cause harm to self and others.
I’m aware of how courses and workshops often start with an opening ‘group introductions’ session and groups invited to talk about themselves and jobs they do, rarely about who they are. In this way people become primed to communicate superficially. Group introductions offer an opportunity to connect with each other more deeply and could be transformed if different questions were asked, like: ‘Why did you choose to do this course?’ ‘How do you feel?’ ‘What are you bringing to this group?’ What service do you offer to customers and colleagues as part of the job you do’ ‘What do you value most about the job you do? Group facilitators have a responsibility to reflect and lead the quality of communication within groups and to step away from the old, tried and tested models based on identification with roles.
I remember being asked “what are you going to be when you grow up?” I know it’s a way of having a conversation with a little kid however it was asked so much and I never had an answer. I felt it was an important question and I gave it weight. We can bring all of our fears and insecurities, our expectations and values to meet others – All those things we have stacked in front of us to keep people from knowing us, or we can meet another as just ourselves, without expectation or judgement. I admire and value Serge Benhayon so much when I realise that just about everyone who came to listen to him had different versions of not letting others in and he consistently let us all in, year after year with such dedication to showing us how we can be. It is so important for our development to be aware of how we hold people at bay. It is so important to let this go and to step up to coming from our hearts.
“I started to open up towards people because I opened up to myself and built the love for, and inside, me.” Most beautifully said and I love how you point out that you chose this. We have so much power simply by the fact of having a choice in every moment.
Thank you for sharing Steffi. The question that presented as I was reading your story Steffi was “How is it that what is true and natural and soulfully us, get so off center and end up with this isolation and non equality disconnect result?” This has been the same in my life and mirrored within the majority of people I know. If at a role of the dice at least 50% of the people would be getting the soulful way of living, if the rest took a wrong turn and missed the connection train. I think that this world is set up for us to take the wrong turn in life. I am with you Steffi in thanking the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine for the true reflection of what we deviated from. And yes thanks to me for seeing the wrong and commitment to right it.
True silky-satiny self, thats all we have to connect to
Thank you for this blog Steffi, I found myself nodding to many parts while reading. When we relate to each other from an expectation of how we should be with them or how they should be with us theres a tension. That then builds a mistrust because we expect others to be the same way – this already puts up the defences without even allowing the possibility for potential between two people who are new to each other. But when we connect to ourselves as Universal Medicine has presented over the years we get to feel ourselves from the inside first, knowing who I am from the inside and how I feel gives me a marker of the quality I bring to another and holding back what is inside does indeed hurt! we have to move our bodies in a very deliberate way to keep it all inside that is very noticeable on a biomechanical level. I am learning more and more lately that being me with others is very simple and it only requires me to be in connection with my body and the quality in the way it is being moved, all the outside actions my body knows how to do, it’s not like I have to focus on blinking, I just blink. When we focus on the outside task or relationship it’s like the body is put on the back burner and the quality of our movements dips, but bringing the focus to how we are in the movements or relationship changes everything.
This is a beautiful blog Steffi it shows the incredible change it makes to choose for ourself and connecting to the gorgeousness we are and share this with others. It frees us up from being something we are not.
It is so true Steffi, that holding back our love for others does actually hurt in our bodies as the love that we are wants not to be restricted in its expression. The love that resides in us is not something we own but wants to be expressed freely and without any restriction in everything that we do.
‘It can’t be that I oscillate only between feeling better than anyone or lesser, without any equality.’ If we operate like this then we’re constantly measuring, pitting ourselves against others and creating a leaderboard which leaves us feeling either better or lesser. The sad thing about this approach is that we are constantly in judgement – not only of others but also of ourselves.
What a beautiful blog to read and what a great revelation.
There is only love and everything that hasn’t been love, without holding onto any judgement or guilt.
Stopping to appreciate myself is something that I am coming to realise I have completely underestimated and disregarded in my day to day life and this has had both a very corrosive and erosive effect on my sense of self worth. At the moment I am taking baby steps in introducing appreciation into my daily life but nonetheless I have started and am now aware of the importance of it.