Have I felt jealousy from another? Have I been jealous of another?
At a recent Universal Medicine event we were asked these questions, and we were given the opportunity to explore the way we have been affected by jealousy and its insidious poison.
I had felt it from others as a child, as a teenager, and throughout my adult life. How do we respond to feeling jealousy? Do we adopt behaviours to protect ourselves from its insidious force, like hiding or fitting in?
A day after this event, my son, who had also attended the event, called me to chat. In the course of our conversation he told me that, as a child, he had felt jealousy from me. I knew he was speaking what was true for him, but I couldn’t feel or see how this looked. I replied that I would take it on board and look deeper.
After our conversation I went for a walk on the beach with my husband. As I stepped onto the beach I felt my body, my feet on the sand, and the rhythm of my pace. I asked within myself how did I do jealousy? I was willing to uncover it no matter how painful it was to feel, and then I continued on my walk, enjoying the beautiful autumn evening, clear and calm after rain.
On the way back along the beach I noticed a beautiful dog racing to catch a ball thrown by its owner. It raced at full stretch with such ease and grace, catching the ball at the precise moment when the ball had reached its highest point. There was such joy and precision and playfulness in the dog with this game.
I thought “Oh to be as joyful as that dog!” And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has.
In the moment of that thought I am diminished and there is no love or appreciation felt towards the dog. Instead there is a careless dismissal of a precious opportunity offered to share in the dog’s glorious play.
What if my thought was simply “What joy the dog is offering to share with me.” Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.
As a child my son lit up the day, and just like the dog on the beach, he was playful, funny and brilliant at feeling precisely what was going on around him in every moment. When I was feeling sad or lost, he was showing me another way to be, but instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.
I was sending him a message that I could not enjoy his playful mood because of my own feelings of despair, inadequacy and sadness.
The moment after this awareness on the beach, I looked out across the ocean to the east. The sky was laden with low-lying dark clouds. Beneath them there was a patch of light and two soft pink clouds reflecting the light of the setting sun in the west.
I looked up at the vast sky dome above me. I felt my body expand into the grandness, and I felt complete. It was a magic of God moment reflecting back to me.It seemed to be saying, “Look how those delicate clouds light up the sky. Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.”
Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.
It feels glorious to come home to me, to love, knowing that we all have our qualities to bring to the world. What a beautiful way to learn this lesson about jealousy, from a dog that loves to play.
by Bernadette Curtin, Artist, Art tutor, Byron Bay, Australia
Further reading:
Comparing Myself to Others
Joy | Unimedpedia
Jealousy: Foe or Friend?
I love how we are shown things when we are open to see the truth, ‘I thought “Oh to be as joyful as that dog!” And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy.’
I don’t feel that we are brought up to appreciate ourselves and all that we bring to the world, our sensitivity, fragility and tenderness; these qualities are squashed within us. I wonder why we want to do this to each other as we are born no more or less than any other. Instead from a very young age we are taught to look outside of ourselves and compare and compete even with our own siblings. I have observed this in young children that play in the local park. Fighting over who gets to go on the swing first or how they push and shove to get to the top of the slide. And as adults we sit back and watch this so called horse-play and remark its character building for the children. We have become so desensitized ourselves that we cannot see the damage of the out play before us.
As a mirror reflects back to us our image, we reflect to each other various different qualties. How we respond or react to that reflection is up to us.
I was recently in a meeting where someone was describing feeling the beauty of a tree and simply being with it and enjoying it. It occurred to me in that moment we can do that with another person, just be with their beauty and enjoy it like we do in nature. It would be so much simpler that way. If we react from believing we are nothing and want what the other person has, it’s a bit like cutting down the tree. We could be enjoying another’s beauty from our own beauty, and perhaps then opening up to more beauty as reflected to us by the other person. In that way we could grow something truly beautiful – each other.
I love your example of feeling the beauty of a tree Melinda, it shows how ridiculous it is to feel jealous of someone else. With a tree we don’t compare, so why would we do it to each other?
Opening up to more of our own qualities – beauty, wisdom, grace – there are so many to feel and realise that they are the truth of who we really are, feels expansive and loving.
What you have offered here Melinda is so simple and yet to me so profound
“I was recently in a meeting where someone was describing feeling the beauty of a tree and simply being with it and enjoying it. It occurred to me in that moment we can do that with another person, just be with their beauty and enjoy it like we do in nature.”
When we open ourselves to another’s beauty we are the richer, everyone has something different to offer.
We have all lived in individualism for so long, and from a belief that there is only one special one and fighting to get to the top, that we have not stopped to realise that the true purpose of the Universe we are a part of is to cultivate beauty – all of our beauty collectively.
That is so interesting. so we think jealousy is something we know we do, that we put onto another, that we want what they have or to be who they are, but because your story is about a dog it would have been easy to dismiss it and miss the offering of how subtle jealousy can be. It is actually quite subtle but can really poison your eyes, ears and senses because you then receive what you ‘need’ to receive to confirm your reality.
When I am caught in jealousy it is like I walk around in a bubble of judgment, negativity and victimhood, which is then cast out around me. When I respond confirming the joy of another I also experience joy and it is a win, win situation and I feel expansive rather than contained within a personal bubble.
I feel one of the siblings of jealousy is dismissiveness, we dismiss all we are and don’t walk in the connection to that or the full appreciation and valuing of ourselves, leaving us open to feeling ‘less’, thinking we are nothing, not much, or not good enough, and then we can feel jealousy.
I totally get what you have shared Melinda so many children are dismissed when they are young so that they feel less than, or not good enough, which drains any sense of self worth from the body. So that children grow up with little to no appreciation of themselves and this affects everything they do because they have this false image of themselves.
It happens with adults too, they literally can ignore the gorgeousness in someone when their inner light is on, even though it’s a gift to all to receive the true quality of the inner essence when someone is connected to their Soul. That can be very painful for adults also, and it can sometimes come with an air of ‘you have done something wrong’ or ‘stepped out of line’ – simply from being our true selves.
What I got from this is that jealousy may not look like the picture we carry around but can be just one thought and bamp it’s there. So, the way we do jealousy may not be what we expect it to look like.
I agree, this blog is asking us to look at jealousy from another angle, to consider the subtle ways it is part of our life and how we can choose to not see. We are far more familiar with being a victim than being a perpetrator and particularly our very own self-perpetrator.
Outing the self-perpetrator is key Lucy isn’t it, to renouncing the poisonous energy?
Yes Julie, jealousy can be so subtle as shown in this blog.
When we are jealous we miss out on so much joy and in doing so dampen that for others.
There is such a selfish element to jealousy, because in that moment it’s all about ourselves and what we perceive we do or don’t have within us by comparing to another, and the fury of not having made the same choices. We do dampen our another’s light and if they are affected by our jealousy then the world is so much more the less as a result. We also miss the opportunity to realise that person is placed there to remind us to choose what they have for ourselves, that there is more to life on offer and the gift is there by reflection from that person.
We have a choice, we can choose, like in the blog to join the dog in joy, or we can be wishful of having what another has…’In the moment of that thought I am diminished and there is no love or appreciation felt towards the dog. Instead there is a careless dismissal of a precious opportunity offered to share in the dog’s glorious play.’
Jealousy can play out in many forms, sometimes it can be so subtle we may conveniently dismiss it but the poison of jealousy enters our body no matter if it is a big or small dose. The more we are willing to recognise it, expose it, and discard it the lighter we feel and more able to embrace love which leaves no room for jealousy to creep in.
Jealousy is a seed we plant within, and if we feed it, the roots entwine our heart.
“I wanted it for myself.” The poison of jealousy. When we are aware of a playful joy in another we can be inspired to open up to the same feeling of love in ourselves.
Amazing timeliness to be shown this lesson on jealousy by a dog that was just enjoying doing what it was doing, with total abandon and ease. That’s the magic of God at play.
And also the timelessness of the lesson given here that to receive the learning and the communication of God we have to be willing to see/hear/acknowledge it.
A fleeting thought, is all we need to seperate ourselves, by wanting something someone else has, it doesn’t seem to be a poison yet it is.
It comes from a place of emptiness within ourselves where we invite jealousy to seep in.
The moment we want what another person has we immediately devalue what we bring, it is a poison that colours everything we see, feel and hear.
Lucy your comment asked me to stop and just feel what you have shared with the world. I get the sense that when we are empty of God’s love this leaves us needy and we can feel we are not enough, this leaves an opportunity for that negative jealous energy to come in and play out so many different scenarios through us.
It shows our responsibility to know ourselves as divine and from the All, and nurture this within ourselves so we aren’t walking around falsely perceiving ourselves as empty and less
What a beautiful story and confirmation that when we are willing to see and open to understand our own ways we will find our way back home.
I remember the sheer pure joy of my son as a baby too and how he reminded me of my innate joy too. And the precious support between us is I’m reminding him the same today as a teenager.
I love how when we ask a question a situation can present to allow us more awareness around that question. This confirms to me that in order to understand life and grow ourselves nurturing our awareness, as in making choices that support the expansion of that awareness, is key.
Thank you Bernadette, I haven’t read this in a while, it’s always a supportive read. A great line here “instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.” This point really emphasises the two options we have, to appreciate who we are also by the reflection of another, and perhaps even bring forth more of ourselves, or want what they have in the illusion that another could have more or be more special.
We are taught that the grass is always Greener on the other side of the fence, which has us always looking out side of ourselves to be recognised, valued and gives us a false confirmation. This is just one of the many lies we have fallen for, it’s a honey trap so that we do not look within where will will actually find the truth of who we are. Jesus taught that the Kingdom of heaven is within us.
Is jealousy related to qualities the other(s) naturally have? Or is it more related to the fact that we are disconnected from the qualities we naturally have and hence we crave qualities and we crave the natural feeling of naturally walking them we see in others?
We are all equal in our essence even though our expression may differ, and we have all been offered the same choices to evolve and expand, so yes it’s a great point that it is our own disconnection to ourselves, and not taking the steps to embrace and accept what’s on offer to grow that can contribute to the jealousy.
How much we can learn from all that takes place and all that we receive by reflection and every day learning. If we embrace this more we come to see that all in life is there eventually to evolve us back to the Soul. Our love that we are.
“Instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself” – a perfect summing up of how jealousy happens, and there I was thinking how fast this process takes place in less than a second, but actually, it is the slowing down of our vibration that allows this energy to seep through and take its form.
It’s so true Bernadette, it’s that moment where we clock a quality, we register it and as you experienced with your son “instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.” We don’t seem to allow reflections others offer to inspire or bring about a healing, instead we react as if we are angry with what’s presented and can want to crush it in another to remove the reflection. We could instead work together in harmony by embracing the reflection and allow ourselves to also have that quality we see in another.
An empowering realisation from observing the dog – we receive the most amazing lessons from unlikely places when we stop to re-connect with ourself.
Jealousy is damaging in so many ways not only for us but for all that we hold back our reflection from. For when we go into jealousy, in any degree, we instantly negate the magnificence we are, that is being reflected to us of who we are, and instead denigrate our light in entertaining the lie that who we are in essence is worthless and not enough.
If jealousy was accepted for being the poison it truly is, perhaps many would heal this harmful behaviour and instead be open to the opportunity that every reflection presents us with.
“Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.” Amazing Bernadette that you were able to learn such a valuable lesson from your son and a playful dog. There are constant reflections around us all of the time, asking us to look more deeply at our lives and our place in the world and how we interact in it and with it.
“Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.” . . . beautiful Bernadette. True appreciation counters jealousy and grows everyone.
Thank you Bernadette, I really appreciated the honesty and grace that you shared on a topic that most people completely avoid thinking about let alone addressing. I have to say good on your son for initiating such a healing for you and as a ripple effect, for all who read your blog.
Well said Suse. The more we talk about jealousy the less it will have its hold on us a society, as currently it is considered normal for jealousy to play out in our relationships. Yet the damage done is something that we do not discuss and as a result we stay stunted by our lack of willingness to take responsibility for not living all that we in essence already are.
Beautiful key to dealing with one´s jealousy you offer here by sharing and appreciating another beings joy or glory or ability etc. The moment we share we are part of it, we open up to our own preciousness, partaking in life instead of considering oneself to be separated from what triggers the jealousy.
Encapsulated beautifully Alexander – when we let ourselves be a part of what is being expressed, jealousy cannot enter. It is when we make ourselves separate, lesser, or better than, caught in the illusion of scarcity and competition that jealousy will reign.
How beautiful Alexander “The moment we share we are part of it, we open up to our own preciousness”. This is how we can all return to soul and the majesty of God by confirming the beauty we are all a part of as reflected by another – an opportunity to grow in brotherhood together, and not by pitting ourselves against one another.
True, by joining another in joy, and appreciating their joy, quality, or magnificence, we open up to our own amazingness in whatever way that may present.
In this blog the dog offered an opportunity to share play and joyfulness , we have a choice how we respond, “Look how those delicate clouds light up the sky. Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” Knowing that we are equally magnificent.
Thank you Bernadette for sharing your experience of feeling and understanding jealousy, it is amazing how subtle it can be, when we make ourselves less than another jealousy can arise instead of appreciation what is being reflected to us in that moment.
Jealousy is indeed insidious. I feel it is because of the slyness and cunning way with which we use jealousy or comparison that it is one of the most evil forces to call out within ourselves and within others. We certainly don’t like to be named as being jealous but the more honest we can be, sensing this emotion when it shows its ugly face the less hold it has on us.
Pointing out a quality in others rather than feeling it as a moment to confirm ourselves equally – ouch! In that moment theres no appreciation for ourselves because in order to see that lovely quality we have to know of the same within ourselves. But the jealousy comes in when we know it, see it in another but reject it being expressed from ourselves. Thats the fury we dump onto another and blame them to avoid what we’ve done to ourselves that the other hasn’t.
The way your son could feel even one moment of a jealous thought entering you Bernadette shows how we all have an amazing ability to feel on a non-physical level all the time and how even our thoughts have a huge impact on others. This is an amazing responsibility for us to move in a way that does not allow those thoughts to enter and also a sign of our true power to build relationships on appreciation that we all have the same ability to tap into things like the joy we see in another….even a dog!
Yes how easy is it to dismiss someone inviting you to come out of our seriousness, struggle and problems! What I find often the most exposing when that happens to me, is to feel how easy it is to come out of it and to admit I chose something else over that so easily available joy and lightness. Yet to come out of it understanding why we chose to not go there is important, otherwise it just becomes another judgement on ourselves.
When we are open to deepening our understanding, the magic of God has a powerful and gentle way of showing us all we are willing to see.
The All is always there to support us to heal and evolve if we but open our eyes and let our senses receive what is in truth there.
Very beautiful Mary and when one person is willing to heal, this supports others to also heal.
What an amazing exposing of jealously seen so clearly and so devious and hidden that effects us so much if we allow it. Beautiful sharing to be appreciated in a world where jealously is rife and little understood in reality. Appreciation is the key to loving ourselves beautifully.” Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.”
The fact of jealousy exposes how easily we can get lost in what we do not have when we do not appreciate deeply what we have. Jealousy is a movement we adopt to avoid learning to work together with others that are constellated to us who have other things to offer.
Great blog Bernadette getting down to the nitty gritty of jealousy and how it starts. We have a choice to be inspired or to want something for ourselves and in that wanting there is an edge that cuts sharp. Taking the offer from another and being inspired is much easier when we’ve got some self-appreciation going on. For me, that is the anti-dote to jealousy.
Beautiful to feel how we are at every moment we offered the opportunity to evolve, we only need to be open to it and will it, as you have shown us. There are no greater or lesser sparks of God in the world, and the more we appreciate this the more we confirm the movement of God through any one of us, reflecting our true way of being and what we are here to evolve back to.
Yes and also when we see something we like and say we would like to be like that too we say we are not that, and making ourselves small. Which indeed supports no one really.
It is so true Lieke – if we were to instead appreciate one another, we then are simply confirming the we are from the one same source, as such feel inspired that we too can live the light that shines through another, in our own way.
Thank you Bernadette for sharing this, it’s easy to think of jealousy as being a really obvious kind of thing but to appreciate how subtle it may be in our thoughts is great as then we can be more aware or discerning of what energy we’re feeding our mind with and if it is the kind we truly want to be running with.
What a powerful reminder of how easy it is to allow the seed of jealousy to be planted and then if we are unable to identify it as such it begins to be fed by what unfolds next. Jealousy is so very harmful and you have shown it can arise from simply a thought, with the consequence of this thought being felt right through our body. And once we begin to move this jealousy comes with us, being magnified with every step we take; a very powerful and poisonous emotion for all concerned.
It is hard to truly have an unbiased look at ourselves and our behaviour at times, but like you if we go there the rewards are great . Thank you Bernadette.
Appreciation for all our lovely qualities and those of others helps these qualities expand, and does bring joy, ”Look how those delicate clouds light up the sky. Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” Absolutely.
Do the movements of another inspire us to be more of who we are, or are they something we use to judge both them and ourselves for all the choices we have not made?
When I see the natural joy of others I feel that is the inspiration for me to know I am the same.
thank you diningwithoneandwithlove, I will dine with this inspiration today
The power of walking: often whilst walking we’re given a sign or message that brings greater awareness to a situation or problem. For you it was a dog effortlessly catching a ball along a beach. As you say, to appreciate and be inspired by what we see in others, rather than compare, brings more joy to our own lives and others too.
‘Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved’. To move in life with this understanding would erase feelings of jealousy from our bodies.
When we don’t appreciate what another (human or animal, anything for that matter) offers as a reflection and potential enrichment and deepening of our own qualities, we can easily react and go into comparison and jealousy.
Absolutely Gabriele, and in this instance what if I had felt the joy and allowed it without any complication?
A simple but valuable experience of what effect it has on one another (including yourself).
I love how when we are open and seeking truth, the answer is presented.
Our world is full of forces, and these forces underpin our actions, thoughts movements and the way we feel around people, quite simply giving voice to the fact that we feel forces starts to empower oneself to know the truth and live in a way that is largely not affected by those forces.
I like your openness to be shown how you did jealousy, and how you were then aware of, ‘I thought “Oh to be as joyful as that dog!” And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has.’ Great insight.
Bernadette, I really enjoyed reading how willing you were to explore jealously. As a parent myself I know I can feel criticized if my children raise issues about me so this was inspiring for me to read. It was also a reminder of how important it is to appreciate others and ourselves.
The honesty in this sharing is refreshing. To be willing to explore ones self is deeply humbling and so very honoring of the essence we are from.
What a great blog, the way to beat jealousy is through appreciation and en-joint the joy being offered to us. When we choose the heaviness in us and resist what is on offer we can go into jealousy, so this has made it possible that every moment is offering a reflection and it is how we respond that will bring us evolution or not. And how to handle jealousy when we feel it from others?, hmm
May I suggest self appreciation is such great medicine when feeling jealousy from another too harryjwhite.
Thank you Bernadette for showing us that jealousy can come in insidious ways that we are not aware of. It has given me something to ponder on too.
I love the simplicity expressed in this blog Bernadette and the deep connection you share with your son where he can feel free to express himself in this way and how open you were to ponder what he shared with you instead of shutting him down in anyway – such a healing experience for you both.
“Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.” This is a powerful statement Bernadette. Why spoil a moment of our own glory by wanting to be or feel like another? We are all unique – and precious. Comparison and jealousy are evil traits that do not belong.
The art or act of jealousy towards others and ourselves is a topic well worth consideration as this article shows. When jealousy is seen or noticed in how we are like this it’s not the end of the line. There are many layers to things and how we have used them and jealousy has levels. It’s great to detail what you have seen in one part and then walk that awareness into the next part. We so often think that once we have seen a part of something that that is the end but as we can see from this article it’s only ever the beginning. This is not to paralyse us or to not appreciate steps but to forever recognise that at no point do you pull up stumps. When I read articles like this it still seems like we are trying to solve a problem or fix something in place of unwrapping or unfolding a path that we have all walked in different ways. Life is a path of returning to how we were and in that there are many steps. Appreciate everyone but don’t allow anything to stop you walking your way.
True appreciation really is the antidote to jealousy, both in ourselves and of others.
Jealousy starts when we compare ourselves to others rather than appreciate them for their qualities.
Spot on Gabriele, learning to appreciate and accept others leaves no space for jealousy.
Appreciation of joy when we see it confirms it within ourselves equally so.
Great opportunity for us all to appreciate how quickly we can feel jealousy and not name it as such. Children are a wonderful reflection of how we can live with a natural freedom of expression.
Great presentation Bernadette. I know that feeling you describe. I do comparison and jealousy well too, usually by seeing someone as more than me, rather than appreciating myself for what I already bring and who I am. Or, in terms of body image specifically, I will measure myself against other women who manifest the same ‘flaws’ as me (but ‘worse’) so I don’t feel as bad. Very nasty, insidious stuff, and just as much about lack of self-worth and self-loathing as it is about comparison.
Bernadette your example shows that when we have a relationship with ourselves that is open and honest we can allow ourselves to explore the reasons behind emotions like jealousy.
Jealousy is pretty insidious as we don’t always catch it and live with it every day without knowing. Keeping up the seperation from each other and ourself not seeing the equalness that is in our deep essence.
Great observation and honesty, Bernadette. It’s just amazing when we choose to bring awareness, whatever we are ready to see gets revealed and offers us a chance to evolve.
Like you Bernadette I fully appreciate the joy, playfulness, harmony and fun a dog reflects. Whilst reading your blog today the following really resonated with me; such a beautiful appreciation of the dog and you;
“Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.”
How lovely to be able to observe a dog playing, and at the same time realise the reflection that it was offering you too, in regards to a moment’s thought of jealousy which can separate us instantly from the love we naturally are.
This was truly beautiful to read Bernadette. The message within is incredibly powerful and not to be forgotten for we are all guilty of this and in doing so can get lost in seeing ourselves as less rather than appreciating the more we are and possess….. it’s just up to us to express it.
“Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” Jealousy is poison, and as you say spoils what could be beautiful moments – of appreciation of another. .
Developing appreciation for all of our unique qualities as human beings be that in yourself or others and allowing all these qualities to inspire all of us correspondingly allows appreciation to grow. In turn, this effectively closes the gap for jealousy to enter.
Thank you for sharing your humility and openness to exposing where you have felt jealous which I can really relate to. How often have I seen the carefreeness of another (animal/child/friend) and been jealous of how they are just being themselves when I am feeling hemmed in by the expectations of others. For me letting go of the judgements I have had about myself and working on appreciating what I bring has enabled me to start to let this go. Having the willingness to be open to these revelations allows for these magic of God moments to reflect back to us appreciation for ourselves and others.
Helen your words ‘willingness to be open’ struck a chord with me, that is a very powerful choice to make, allowing the magic to be delivered.
When being told that someone hated me because I was thin and showed up that person’s eating choices, I did not waver in my choices. Later, I articulated to a companion how it felt to be on the receiving end of these comments, but I had not truly acknowledged how if felt to be subjected to this openly expressed jealousy until reading this. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect on this and feel how by appreciating my choices I could have supported myself better and then might not have felt the need to eat a packet of nuts as soon as I got home!
Whenever we feel jealousy regardless if the emotion is being directed at us or we are feeling it towards another, by being honest and immediately calling it out, it loses its destructive power instantly.
Thank you Bernadette, I had a real aha moment reading your blog as I saw how I want to own that thing another has, rather than just appreciate it and feel my own qualities – I’m like a child with a beautiful, precious toy who sees another with their toy and immediately I want that I feel unsettled and incomplete and yet as you show with your continuing walk we always have that beautiful precious thing in us and as we learn to treasure it we can truly appreciate us and others in our joy.
I like your analogy with the toys, monicag2. Could it be that the unsettlement and incompleteness that you write about is because of the way we have experienced life, as in for example, our education. If all children were raised to know that they are precious and complete already, they would be much better able to navigate the competitive systems of our society.
Hi Bernadette and I think you’ve nailed this. We think when we see something we don’t have that we can then go into our thoughts on how we should or could or wish we have it. We think this is the way by not actually seeing what is in front of us but by internalising it and somehow making it or taking it for ourselves. As you have shown and from experience this has never worked but instead just created another moment with a different heading about the same thing. What if, as you present we appreciate what we see, appreciate it in all it’s detail. Whether a dog, a cloud, a person or an ant simply do your best to appreciate. That way what ever you see is alight in you. It’s not about creating all the things you want for yourself from what you see others doing, it’s about appreciating what we all bring and letting that out. When you do this you lay the foundation for the same feeling in you, your body remembers how it feels. Next time you see something in another you want, don’t go internal and try and create it yourself appreciate all you are seeing in every detail and watch how it grows and pulls you along with it. Jealousy only leads back to itself and there is no power in it whereas appreciation goes out endlessly and pulls in the power of everything.
Thank you for exposing that every time we wish we had a quality of another it is jealousy rather than appreciating the quality and being inspired to appreciate our own natural qualities.
It is so true that jealousy offers only an instant severing of our connection to our Divine being-ness and in doing so we shut down our openness to being inspired by the quality of Love shining through another. This shining quality is simply a reflection of who we too are in essence and an opportunity to deepen our connection to the all Love we naturally are.
Great to read your blog again. So many profound insights here including how jealousy spoils a moment and doesn’t allow us to be open to sharing in the reflection of what is being offered to us by another. We seem to have strong beliefs we carry identifying with our own emptiness, when all along we are just as magnificent as all the amazing reflections we may feel jealous of.
Lack of self worth, lack of awareness about oneself and about what are we here to do, open the door to reactions regarding what is naturally beautiful in others. We live as an offence that has to cease instead of a reminder of our natural complementarity and as a blessing.
Oh gosh I love this blog! Yes, dismissing oneself or wanting something another has are behaviours I am familiar with, but I had not clocked them as being aspects of jealousy. Of course, I see it now, if I am not fully appreciating what another brings, nor what I bring, I have opened the door wide to allow jealousy to enter.
“Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.” This is so important to be aware of this fact that we are all equally precious and when fully embodied will remove the sting of jealousy which will then end to exist.
Bernadette you share a profoundly healing experience and we appreciate your honesty about an emotion few are willing to admit or talk about in relation to themselves. You make an insightful point when you say jealousy often a fleeting thought, without us doing or saying anything, is felt by those it is directed at, nonetheless. More confirmation that everything is energy. Just as we feel jealousy when directed at us non-verbally, and so other’s feel that same frequency from us. To celebrate another’s joy and fun, flows naturally when we hold steady in our own self worth.
I agree kehinde2012 very few of us would openly admit to feeling jealous so Bernadette’s honesty is refreshing. I know jealously is an emotion I have often had and also felt from others without any words being exchanged, however when I am feeling my own self worth this emotion does not arise in me.
Honesty is king Debra. I can relate to this too and recall times when I constantly compared myself to be less than another. Everything comes back to us. When we feel complete within ourselves, there’s no room for jealousy or comparison. Instead we appreciate and are inspired by others.
Such a beautiful sharing, thank you Bernadette. You have exposed just how subtle the ways that we can experience feelings of jealousy can be. It is only when we truly feel into these momentary feelings that we have previously had in wishing we were like someone else, or even in your case, that gorgeous dog expressing such fun and joy. But great that you have been able to expose that, largely due to the comment made by your son about the fact that you show jealousy at times, and by being willing to contemplate the possibility. Much food for thought for me in this. So is it possible that when we are feeling less than another, there could even be a jealousy of others behind it?
I love this story Bernadette. It describes jealousy so perfectly with the most simple observation. To some it might seem so insignificant that you had that thought when you saw the dog playing, but it’s quite the opposite because how many times in one day do we have thoughts running through us that are pointing out things we wish we had or wish we were like etc. To be able to observe this is so huge. Thanks for the reminder that there is something in everything.
I love the detail to which you were willing to go to uncover this. Sometimes when we are presented with something grand we can think that the answer is something equally grand. But it is in the finer details where many things lay hidden. Beautiful and inspiring blog.
I love the willingness you show Bernadette, the willingness to explore how jealousy works in you. It takes courage to do so and I can feel that this comes from the understanding that jealousy is not something that belongs to us and is actually very harming for all the relationships we have.
I would agree Bernadette that jealousy is poison! How miserable to feel jealous of others all the time and dimming our own light . I feel it comes back to appreciating ourselves and all others for our differences, that when put together, make up the whole of the Human race.
“…but instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.” This is quite a revelation, that as soon as we want something for ourselves we have gone into the separation of what is being offered to us, that then lets through a force that wants to destroy it all together. Jealousy can present itself in a very sneaky way and it is a formidable force.
Beautiful sharing, I can feel how I have had similar feelings towards those who have had a joy or ease with life simply because I had not chosen to live this for myself and had bought into the idea that I did not deserve this.
I read your blog before Bernadette and thought I recognised jealousy but just recently a friend explained what jealousy was and I didn’t fully understand what it was until I experienced it with my eyes, or shall I say my heart, fully open. I didn’t realise I was blind to jealousy and pretty much avoided it. But now I understand what jealousy is and it is hard for me to ignore it now because I am a lot more aware of it. I have found appreciation is certainly key to dissolving jealousy. Awesome blog Bernadette, thank you. I will be reading this again.
Appreciation of our qualities allows us to break from the hold of jealously as it allows us to appreciate and celebrate the divine expression of others.
A beautifully honest account Bernadette that’s going to help many understand the insidiousness of jealousy and how it plays out even when we would be horrified to think that we could be doing that to another.
Jealousy is simply a lack of appreciation for someone else who is living to a potential that you have chosen not to in that moment.
This blog makes an important point about the care that we can give to ourselves, in appreciation of ourselves, which leaves no room for jealous thoughts to come in.
This is a powerful message. Jealousy does not have to be full blown and an obvious behaviour. I realise that even having that thought is enough for another to feel it even if they don’t know what it is. The more aware we are the more opportunities we have for healing this most separative of emotions.
Jealousy can be far more subtle and insidious than we often consider – and yet what when we stop and consider it, something as simple as what you have described can be felt by another.
I love how this blog presents how jealously doesn’t have to be extroverted. Jealousy can be as devious as stealing a golden moment of pure joy, through a passing thought.
‘Jealousy can be as devious as stealing a golden moment of pure joy’ – thank you Luke Yokota, it absolutely is devious and a passing thought robs us of a moment of joy.
Very good detective work, tracing jealousy back to wanting something of the quality another person has and displays with such ease – and as you say, what a distraction from getting on with it for ourselves and not only being inspired but appreciating, valuing and building what it is that we bring.
Bernadette, what a great moment of realisation. It is amazing quite amazing how much we almost instantly compare ourselves with others and then react and go into jealousy if someone does something we cannot rather than stopping to appreciate what they bring. When we stop to appreciate another we also get inspired to be the same, they also get confirmed as well.
Jealousy is in those little moments, not appreciating another but wanting it for ourself, thinking we have not got it, being in the individual while we can so beautifully see another to be in their true quality and see that it is within us all, that we are all equal.
I love how you being open to find out how jealousy plays out for you it was simply presented/revealed to you. It shows that if we are willing to look at what is there to be looked at we are able to see.
This is a beautiful realisation “In the moment of that thought I am diminished and there is no love or appreciation felt towards the dog.” How precious to understand where jealousy stems from, it is when we see the beauty and divines in another and know we do not feel it in ourselves…this can change, and self appreciation is a big key for this, it is something that I keep exploring. Thank you for sharing the experience of the dog you observed.
I hadn’t been aware how much jealousy had been thrown my way and that I had put out….”How do we respond to feeling jealousy? Do we adopt behaviours to protect ourselves from its insidious force, like hiding or fitting in?” Becoming more honest about it how it felt, allowed me to deal with it in a new way. Instead of thinking I was smaller or bigger than some else, I began to appreciate myself for my own sake and not react when I received it and also if I felt that I choose it I would pause and nominate it to myself, and not indulge in it. Beautiful to work on and I continue to develop my understanding of it.
What a truth between mother and son. I deeply appreciate your honest sharing. If we take responsibility for every thought we have that carries jealousy in it, then we can truly start appreciating what we bring and what others bring. And the beauty is, we all bring something very beautiful and wonderful.
Such a great example Bernadette, it makes a massive difference when we simply appreciate for all that they are and for what they bring, rather than wanting to be like that ourselves. We then have a choice to be inspired by them or continue on the way we are but either way it makes no sense to judge them.
Love that your realisation is simple, jealousy is not always this big bad thing but a moment of self focus and self gain rather than appreciation of another.
The reflection of how we can be supported by another is pure and simple. They reflect what is potentially in all of us. When we have to stop and feel how we have not chosen to connect to this the jealousy alerts in us. There is a simplicity for all to see just as simple as the example of the jealousy towards the dog share by Bernadette.
Thanks Bernadette for illustrating how subtle jealous feelings can sneak in and I also appreciate the simple example of the dog.
Thank you Bernadette – This blog has exposed the subtle and underlying ‘want’ in my life and how I choose to see things I don’t have or can not do as missing out. There is choice to be made here as I could choose to celebrate all that is available and how loving and supportive it is. I could choose to celebrate the joy in this for all. Jealousy is subtle and reading your blog has allowed new awareness around the ‘wanting and desire to have’ that pops up in my life and the lives of others. There is much to ponder here.
Jealousy not only diminishes us but it also lays the blame for our feelings on to the recipient of our jealousy holding them responsible, when in fact jealousy is our own anger and rage at ourselves for not taking responsibility in our lives to be in the situation of the person of whom we are jealous, who has taken the necessary steps to be where they are/or have what they have etc…..not being able to face our ill choices we lay the blame at the others feet.
As soon as we start weighing one thing against another we lose the connection of the sheer beauty of either. Holding each in the absoluteness of what they are feels complete and whole – the same with dogs and people. Sometimes a person’s behavior can make this very challenging. This is a moment to stay steady and be super loving in the truest sense of the word.
When we make life all about ‘me’, we don’t appreciate what other people truly bring. We only see the choices they’ve made that we haven’t and we are then blinkered by the process of comparison that stems from our lack of self worth. We don’t celebrate that person’s quality. Instead we choose to stay in our lesser state when we could be inspired.
Yes Cathy, being inspired feels so expansive in our body, it is a wise and loving choice, as we are giving ourselves permission to develop those qualities that another holds.
In every moment of every day we are offered the opportunity of so many different lessons, and the lesson to be learned around jealousy Bernadette, was there at the very moment you were ready to listen, see and learn. I just love how the Magic of God is always there when we open to, and ready for, the answer.
So great to read your blog again Bernadette. So swift and subtle is the strike of jealousy that it can be easily missed. I love your humility in wanting to see how you ‘did jealousy’ and the grace with which it was shown to you. Thank you for sharing so openly.
“so swift and subtle” is so true of jealousy shelleyjones44, and it can be easily missed or dismissed. I have become more aware when these thoughts dart in, and they don’t hold any power when I catch them and say ‘that is not me”. I did love the gentle playful way that I was shown, this lesson stays with me, and how powerful is appreciation.
Thank you Bernadette for a beautiful sharing, that you were able to “Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.”
Appreciating and enjoying what another brings is something that we can only get to if we appreciate ourselves. If not we will always be viewing the other from our own lack and emptiness and jealousy will have no boundaries.
Thank you Carolien, appreciating ourselves is the key, there is no room for jealousy when we are ‘complete as we are’. As you say, this is a simple choice we can make every day.
Thank you Bernadette for this beautiful sharing. It occurred to me that we become jealous for two reasons one being not making the choices that are offered before us and the other a lack of appreciating what is already there. If we truly connect to who we are we can feel complete as we are even knowing we will forever expand what is there. This is the choice that lies before us and one I know I have often passed by.
Thank you Bernadette for this beautiful blog. It highlights to me that jealousy can come in many subtle forms. I never thought I was a jealousy person but after reading your blog I will be more aware when jealousy does creep in.
So beautiful to read this again Bernadette. I have been more aware of jealousy since I last read this blog and am clearing lots of old cobwebs, thank you so much for the inspiration.
So appreciating the wonder and joy of yourself was the beautiful antidote to jealousy. Jealousy is that looking outward for something we imagine is lacking within us rather than just appreciating what is there to be joyfully appreciated. This is such a great lesson Bernadette. Thank you.
Appreciation is an amazing way to dissolve jealousy and to nominate jealousy when it does appear is healing too.
Thank you Bernadette for expressing so honestly and openly about your experience with jealously. Your willingness to feel the role you have played in this is a beautiful reminder that when we are open to hearing the truth the Magic of God will always reflect to us what is needed for us to heal.
I was at this Universal Medicine event and the subject of jealousy has been gently sitting in the background ever since. I’ve been avoiding admitting that I could be jealous of anybody as I didn’t want to feel the harm that I was doing to them and myself. But only recently through developing enough appreciation for myself have I been able to admit to those moments of jealousy and what I’ve discovered is that if I bring it out into the open and allow myself to really feel it and nominate it for what it is the jealous feeling dissipates and what replaces it is an appreciation for the person and what they’re bringing. Now my next step is to be prepared to clock and feel when jealousy is directed at me…
Jealousy does like to hide under the radar, whether it is us feeling jealous of another or feeling another’s jealousy directed at us. I love how when you built enough appreciation for yourself deborahmckay, that foundation allowed more awareness to come to the surface. What a powerful tool is appreciation of ourselves and others.
I love your willingness to be completely honest with yourself Bernadette – to expose how you feel jealousy. In this in a willingness to evolve which is a great inspiration. For it is only in being willing to be exposed by ourself or by others that we can see where we are holding back, where we play small, where we hold arrogance, where we hold back from being the absolute love we are. Everyone wins with this willingness.
I agree Lucy – we can do well to not admit how we are really feeling, but to actually be honest is a huge healing. As you say – it starts with being willing and this can be felt by all.
Thank you for bringing attention to willingness Lucy Duffy and hvmorden, it can feel a bit scary, but I am now understanding that it really is worth the discomfort to go there.
Yes I love Bernadette’s honesty too in this blog Lucy. Our willingness to be honest about jealousy is key to eliminating it.
It seems that reflections provide us with an openness to explore but if we decide to incarcerate them they turn into beliefs and we are left with something that will, in turn, diminish us again. More and more I realise there is a flow to life and the quality we bring is the quality that will return to us.
Everything we see and experience can be an opportunity for reflection.
We are being communicated too all the time, and the example of the dog on the beach offered something that was needed to see – ‘do I compare myself to being that free and am I jealous of this’ – what an amazing gift for us to be able to read this level of communication and truly look at what is going on with us. Jealousy certainly does separate us, and has not an ounce of love but the interesting thing is this message was delivered through a dog who is all about unconditional love so therefore can never feel jealous. What a beautiful teaching.
Yes hvmorden it was such a blessing to get this healing lesson from a dog, as I love dogs and you are right, they are unconditional love and ‘can never feel jealous’.
“Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” –
I worked on the ward the other day and a colleague of mine received a beautiful gift, of appreciation from a fellow nurse who had her baby admitted in the special care nursery.
In judging how my colleague was worthy of receiving the gift and not other midwives who equally looked after the baby I felt myself go into comparison and feelings of jealousy came in. I then realized that we all have special qualities to be valued but it starts with us appreciating us.
jealousy is a insidious thing that takes us away from who we are, often just in a fleeting thought as you describe, it isn’t always obvious. But it is always affecting us when we don’t choose differently, to see ourself as equal to all others, and be inspired in every moment.
Thank you Bernadette, I agree dogs can show us so much and teach us playfulness and also reflecting us if we are with ourselves, in protection /- or contraction.
I can just appreciate the awareness that has been presented by just observing the actions of a dog
This is the absolute key Bernadette, …”I was willing to uncover it no matter how painful it was to feel…” how you were prepared to go there, where (for many) it is easy to not… and that makes all the difference. Simply awesome
Yes a beautiful lesson from life, love, a dog and yourself, you have shared here! The awareness you have come to is enlightened, and the way you have come to it too! Very beautiful to feel how your openness and willingness to feel deeper has brought everything to you. How it is palpable through your writing, that we are embedded in all the time and just have to open up and surrender to – the what is. What is us too. Brilliant moment and picture to remind, when you have realized, how being jealous is diminishing oneself and cutting, what we are naturally embedded in and a part of. This separation hurts, as does everything, we are thinking or saying or doing afterwards. We cut ourselves from our natural expression with jealousy. Thank you for this sharing, pictures and analogies I take with joy.
“It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else naturally has..”
Thank you Bernadette for exposing how tricky jealousy can be. The fact that it need only be a fleeting response, and yet in that instant can be very destructive as it undermines our appreciation of ourselves, is a powerful understanding. I feel this pattern in myself is a reflection of my inability or unwillingness to fully embrace what my life circumstances have to teach me, it is a forgetting that my life and everything in it is a gift, the sole purpose of which is for me to evolve, and everything is a perfect reflection for me to learn from. From this perspective, when fully claimed, I find that jealousy becomes irrelevant.
As someone who can get lost in trying to figure things out, I thank you for the great description of how to allow the body and the magic of God to bring forth a revelation.
“As I stepped onto the beach I felt my body, my feet on the sand, and the rhythm of my pace. I asked within myself how did I do jealousy? I was willing to uncover it no matter how painful it was to feel, and then I continued on my walk..”
“my life and everything in it is a gift, the sole purpose of which is for me to evolve, and everything is a perfect reflection for me to learn from” I felt the gentle wisdom of these words 1timrobinson, thank you, every day is a new opportunity for deeper understandings, for letting go of complications and criticism, for allowing more love in.
“Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” That sentences got me Bernadette because it felt so true. I was aware of jealousy it it was a tantrum but what you have shared in your awesome blog is a revelation for me. I have to admit that I too got this special disease of diminishing myself and it is very good to feel which effect it had to others and to myself. Thank you so much for not holding back and diminishing yourself – that is very inspirational.
‘What if my thought was simply “What joy the dog is offering to share with me.” Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.’ This is super powerful Bernadette- what we let in to our bodies dictates what is expressed out.
Thank you Bernadette, wow what a corker of a subject you have shared here, how it affects everybody and is everywhere and my own personal experience of how far I go and change my behaviours to avoid jealousy and that never works. I still get smashed and it hurts so much and when I see that in another or myself I feel the understanding that is required, the I am only scratching the surface.
As I walked down the beach today, I too saw this most gorgeous dog running in and out of the water, playing like it was in heaven. I marveled at the absolute fun and love it was having, and each time after running from the waves it would race to its owner. The owner simply looked and kept walking. She missed the amazing refection the little dog presented to her. There is so much offered to us daily to support us back to our own self love.
Very much appreciating your sharings here Martin. I can relate to the ‘self-demotion’, and also how such choices were willingly made in order to be accepted and fit in – for the ‘force’ of jealousy has been acutely felt, always (and here I am just referring to that coming towards me, noting that it also went the other way…). It was endemic in home life growing up, and school from a young age… I became very adept at ‘shining’ in many ways that I just couldn’t allow myself to compromise on, and yet also bringing in an ‘edge’ that ensured I wasn’t ‘too’ shiny. I wanted to be accepted, yet deeper than that, I didn’t want the bombardment and attack that came when I truly held myself.
We have harmed ourselves and each other beyond measure due to the force of jealousy. Opening up the conversation on this, such as with Bernadette’s at once elucidating and poignant blog, is something we can’t have enough of…
You’ve touched upon a subject so vast Bernadette, with the deft skill of an artist that says a thousand words in a single stroke… Fact is, we are rife with jealousy. It’s insidiousness causes self-harm, harm to others, and complexity (beyond imagining..) for our relationships and societies.
And yet, it is the simple yet powerful honesty of which you speak and share here, that can open the doors for us to get real about the part jealousy plays in our lives, and from there, look to actually build foundations in ourselves and with each other that are based on truly valuing and deeply appreciating all that WE ALL bring and reflect to each other. Thank-you for your blog Bernadette – these conversations are so needed.
As I read your blog I could instantly feel how I allow jealousy to play out in my own life.
It is beautiful to feel the appreciation of you in your writing Bernadette.
Yes Doug it is surprising to see just how much jealousy influences our behaviour both in feeling it from others towards us and from us also, before we have even consciously registered its activity. Now I am not just becoming more aware of it, but also how harming it is and how much it can affect us and everyone.
It seems like we are given so much support to build our appreciation of ourselves and another in that moment when we observe someone else being amazing, we have a choice – we either share their joy or we judge ourselves as lesser, and then we have to feel the fury of that choice that we have just made.
Jealousy is something that we have all felt at different times in our lives, even if we have not wanted to admit it. It is there, so love how you asked yourself – “How did you do jealousy?” I know for me I have diminished myself a lot, not wanting to truly feel someone else expresses and brought comparison in, not stopping to feel how I feel or appreciate deeply myself. Your amazing honesty and insight, allowing yourself to nominate where and how you did bring in jealousy was really inspiring.
I have been working on looking at my jealousy for some time now and one of my biggest understandings that is helping me heal jealousy is really feeling that we all have something unique in our expression to offer. I could see how I was valuing someone else’s expression more than my own and not celebrating my own expression. Now I feel that we all bring something that is beautiful that is true, that we each make up a different piece of the puzzle, no one more, no one less. The more I accept this, the less issues I have with jealousy.
Appreciation of our own unique divine qualities is the key to not going into judgement, comparison and then jealousy of others.
This is a beautiful sharing Bernadette. We do all have amazing unique qualities that we can share with each other and inspire each other with instead of being jealous of another. Jealousy is such a sneaky thing that we are often not even aware of ourselves but it can have a massive impact on those who we are jealous of and I think its important that we are open and honest. I also feel that the more we appreciate our own qualities, the more we will then be able to appreciate another’s qualities, without having to be like them or go into any competition.
“I also feel that the more we appreciate our own qualities, the more we will then be able to appreciate another’s qualities, without having to be like them or go into any competition.”
Yes Rosie, I agree, there is no room for comparison and jealousy when we are solid with our own worth, our values, and our qualities. I am becoming more aware of when I
am appreciative, it feels like a flower opening to Spring.
And the more we appreciate ourselves, the more others will be inspired to do the same.
Well said Rosie. Truly and deeply valuing who we are – as Serge Benhayon has brought to us in the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, is a foundation stone we must always tend to. I can feel this foundation in me today, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon (big time)… yet am also acutely aware that there is yet deeper ‘to go’.
Whenever a twinge of wanting to be at where another is is felt, it is this foundation I return to, and personally, a conscious choice is made to truly appreciate all that I myself am and accept exactly ‘where’ I find myself to be. Our relationships and the harmful threads of jealousy that can impede their loving flow, are only but enhanced in their quality when we commit to such a relationship with ourselves, first and foremost.
As Doug asks, why would we not choose appreciation when it is so delicious to feel? I am pondering this question today.
Bernadette pondering on the questions you raise in your blog shows me the absolute insidious nature of jealousy and how it destroys not only the person being jealous but also harms all relationships. Having been someone who has been jealous and also others been jealous of me its interesting to reflect on the separation it creates. I had people at school super jealous of me and I would brush it off but in reality I was not brushing it off I was building up a wall to not admit how hurt that made me feel. In reverse doing the same to others I had not considered how that would make them feel. Yet as you share with the example of a dog – what a different place the world would be if we appreciated each other and not compare what we can or cannot do. As a cartoon i saw once said – is a fish jealousy of bird because it can fly?
“Is a fish jealous of a bird because it can fly?” thank you David, a great lesson from nature, and showing us humans how ridiculous comparison and jealousy really are.
“Appreciating our unique expressions in the world as one giant jigsaw puzzle” is such a more empowering way to be Shirley-Anne, I am becoming more appreciative of appreciation!
I agree Johanne, and well said. So much of our past pain and hurt can be cleared through simply observing, feeling and acknowledging truth-fully without attachment or making it anything other than what it is. There is indeed a grace in this that is worthy of celebration.
I agree Bernadette – jealousy can be so subtle and come in many guises. Even when we compare ourselves to others we are saying we are not enough but there is also something about the other person that we want for ourselves which sows seeds of jealousy.
A great blog Bernadette that deeply considers how we have been affected by jealousy. If my son had told me he felt jealousy from me I am not sure if I do jealousy the same way. Jealous of my son, but that is almost like being jealous of myself, like if I was jealous it would have been overridden by I am joyful that my son has a life that I am jealous of.
As for your example of the dog I love to see a dog running full pelt and the precision it catches the ball in the air with is amazing but dogs that chase balls are obsessed with chasing balls. I am jealous of my dog because she has a life of such ease but not because of her obsession in chasing balls.
I do love those magic of god moments when the setting sun reflects upon the clouds over the ocean and back to the surf and the wet sand with a kaleidoscope of colours, it is the light we see it with that makes it so grand.
The ‘I want to have it’ or ‘I want it too’ are killers. It is full of comparison and for almost all my life I wasn’t even aware of the consequences. Now as I choose to be more honest I can feel how it’s up to me to make the choice.
1) To stay in my heart and feel appreciation or
2) Close off my heart and allow the energy of comparison, jeaolousy and separation come in. Which affects both me as the one or ones I am with. It goes pretty quick is my experience so far. And I personally had (and still have) got to come over the hurdle to accept that I choose Comparison and Jealousy.
I’ve always been ignorant to the fact. Which doesn’t help of course… To read honest blogs like this one supports me in acknowledging, recognising and accepting Jealousy. That it is not an enemy, but a welcomed reflection to learn to appreciate. Both myself and others. Appreciation feels so much better. There’s no need, no rush, no goal, nothing of it in Appreciation.
A great lesson in reading your blog Bernadette, is the the amount of grace you have towards yourself when you could see how jealousy had operated … there was no getting down on yourself, or judgment, just celebration of exposing it and then a deeper claiming of all that you are. This was very beautiful to feel in your blog.
Thank you Bernadette for sharing so openly about your son. Well exposed the different layers jealousy can have!!
“Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realization.”
On re-reading this blog I’m still appreciating what you have shared because I too saw the joy and creativity of my daughter as a young child (and now too) and held her on a pedestal. She once shared that she felt I was jealous of her as a child but I could not relate to that feeling since I adored her. However, now I understand that is was jealousy because I was making myself lesser and not fully appreciating her as it was tinged with my own self-judgement. Thank you for inspiring this insight Bernadette.
“I thought “Oh to be as joyful as that dog!” And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has”.
A very poignant revealing moment to share Bernadette, thank you for sharing your experience and your wisdom.
I love coming back to your blog and again being “hit” by the evil of jealousy.
I have much to ponder and to be truly honest with myself about, in particular how jealousy manifests itself in my life.
This blog once again exposes the levels of jealous that are rife in society today. To work through these “thoughts” and write these reflections is one step closer to identifying what we know stops the true connection we can make with one another.
Thank you Bernadette. Bringing honesty to me and appreciation of another is helpful as you say… knowing that what they are offering is for me too, that I can absolutely make the same loving choices.
I also blocked seeing jealousy growing up Doug… it was easier for me to deal with it if I made myself less. I remember when I first felt jealousy towards me and I was flawed… feeling how ferocious it was, and I would react to it and completely change to avoid it. It’s been great opening my eyes to what jealousy is all about, like what Bernadette has shared, and not taking it personally and becoming more acutely aware when I am in jealousy also.
Yes Aimee the pain of feeling jealousy hurts to the bone and the strategies I have built into my system growing up was to avoid and run from it. The harm is still there and it carries the load until we take stock and work out why we choose to still hold on to it.
Jealousy is a great subject to explore and look deeply at, before hearing a presentation about it I would have strongly denied that it played a major part in my life. Wrong! In truth I have been jealous of many things and many people, disguising it with an aloofness I suppose. This was not as surprising as the realisation that I had felt the jealousy of others towards me.
Jealousy is here getting dragged by the scruff of the neck into the light, it has hidden under the radar for too long, and infiltrates every corner of our relationships, and erodes our self worth. What I am feeling reading all the comments is deep appreciation for the willingness to uncover it, and the dedication to harmony and equality.
I love returning to the blogs that touch on aspects of life that affect us all profoundly. This is one of those blogs, so subtle and undemanding, yet it unfolds such an insidious ill that we can walk around in life, poisoned by its presence and call ourselves ‘well’.
Jealousy – I have given it out and I have received it. Right now I am examining where I serve it to others, a poisoned chalice. This blog has helped me immeasurably, leaving no stone unturned in the discovery of every tendril that makes me want to play at being small. That to me is the essence of jealousy, an ill game that wants us all playacting that we are not mighty at all.
It is like having an eye test Doug, realising that our sight is fading…and knowing that for a period of time we have been accommodating to it. Just like fading sight, jealousy erodes our appreciation of life.
This made me laugh Rachel as I spent most of my life making allowances for poor eyesight( due to a condition it turns out I was born with!) believing that I in fact had no eyesight issues at all! Replace eyesight with jealousy and and you have nailed how it has been for me. Until I was willing to be honest about jealousy I could not truly see how widespread it had become in my life and yes how I had allowed it to erode my true appreciation of life.
It is a normal state, fostered in families and school where comparison is rife.
Or choosing to be blind to what we feel and see.
Thank you Martin. The flip side of jealousy is appreciation. Appreciation for ourselves and who we are and appreciation of others and all that they bring.
Bernadette I love how you have taken the opportunity to look at the issue of jealousy that your son had raised. Rather than going into reaction or defending what you did as a parent you were open to looking at it. What a beautiful reflection the dog offered, confirmed by the sunset. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Lee, I feel that I was given the tools to bust jealousy whenever it sneaks in – don’t go into reaction about it when it is presented to you, nominate it, and choose appreciation. Nature is such a grand reflection for us to surrender into.
“And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has.” This simple statement reveals in a beautiful way how jealousy happens. I also had to look at my behaviours to find out where and how I had been jealous of my daughter. The feeling of freedom when I recognised it was immense, and talking with her about it and acknowledging that I had let in this most jeopardizing of emotions which had come between us in her childhood and throughout our lives together, has cleared so much between us and brought us closer together in deeper relationship.
How healing and beautiful joanchristinecalder, that you talked to your daughter about the jealousy you have felt towards her. What a great opportunity you have offered her to feel into the way she was affected, so healing for both. I know the feeling of freedom that comes from the recognition, knowing that when we choose appreciation, our relationships with ourselves and with others can deepen. Thank you for sharing.
It was the Retreat with Serge Benhayon that enabled me to uncover this jealousy Bernadette, and acknowledge it without blaming myself. My daughter was also at the Retreat, and the fact that we are both students of Universal Medicine means we both understand what is going on and can work together in harmony. We were also both at Chris James’s Healing Power of Sound workshop, and I unearthed another layer which we shared together. I can truly say this is the power of Love working within us, the Love that we are when we bring all this stuff into the light and see it for what it is, and say “pouf” to it and blow it away.
A rich and beautiful comment Martin. We indeed have much to appreciate and celebrate.
I can relate to this Doug, I found that it had been there to such an extent that I thought it was normal to have thoughts of jealousy and comparison towards others – so, that got me wondering what was coming my way from others also, and how does that change the way we feel about ourselves. It’s as though we believe the thoughts are hidden because they are in our head, but forget that we can feel everything, even a jealous thought coming from another.
That’s right Doug.. and through understanding how we affect everyone and everything through our quality and actions, the responsibility becomes very clear, but in a joyful way.
Jealousy is ugly. It is based on the illusion that we are separated and one could be better than another. But we are One and what one brings into the community is for all of us. And here lie’s the enormous responsibility we have (and maybe shy away from) – everything I express is felt and get’s received by all. AND all what others express is felt by me. So it is my responsibility to take very good care of what I express and so share with all and also take everyone to account about what they share with me by expressing what they express. It is an enormous responsibility which we carry for each other, but also an incredible treasure. Your honest sharing Bernadette is a great starter to grab jealousy and throw it out of our system. Good to notice it – and let go of it by reconnecting to our truth of Oneness and the worth we all carry in us.
I was surprised the other day to discover that someone was jealous of me. I had never considered myself as someone to be jealous of, however what became clear is that this person was actually feeling the choices they had made in their life and, knowing that they do deserve more, it hurt to see someone not making the same choices as them. This came out as jealousy towards me, but actually it was just anger towards themselves. So, with this understanding I was not hurt and in fact I was able to appreciate them more.
I too Martin was very touched by Bernadette’s words of insight and how that has played out in my life, thankyou Bernadette for your healing words of wisdom. To celebrate the divinity we all share is the joy of connection of the one we are.
A beautiful exposure of jealousy Bernadette. Once I started to ponder on where jealousy plays out in my own life I realised that I have allowed it to affect almost everything that I have ever done. It is an insidious and dangerous thing and the impact of it’s subtlety can be far reaching.
Indeed, the true furorsity of jealously is the fact that it is insidious and hidden. Anyone could be jealous of you, your family your friends even a stranger you have never met.
I really have to thank you for this blog, as I have seen the subtleties of comparison and jealousy, as you say it does not have to be a big tantrum, but a fleeting thought that makes us feel as if we are not happy enough, or in the right place or it could be better. And I have started to notice since I read it the first time, how much I comment on how great it would be if we had chosen the other path, greener, sunnier, clearer, less crowded, etc. Then complain that life, me or this moment could be better if I was them, with more friends, or with a partner, or with more money, or more clients, etc, the list goes on, and sometimes it is in the smallest of things like the portion of food. It is just a pattern of comparing and making yourself miserable unnecessarily. When I don´t leave myself, I appreciate what others have because I enjoy what I have.
Juliamanbos your words “if we had chosen the other path” say it all, as jealousy is the fury with ourselves for not choosing what we see and feel in another, their openness, their joy, their honesty, their willingness to learn, whatever it is that we are not in that moment choosing for ourselves. We can instead choose to be inspired like “Hey! I love to see you shine and thank you for sharing your playfulness with me”, or “Wow! That is something I can work on for myself, I can feel that, I know it is within me too”, or “How lovely to feel that quality that you bring to my day”. What if we begin our day with a moment of appreciation, to establish a new pattern and way forward? Thank you for bringing your awareness to this topic.
Yes definitely appreciating people and situations that inspire us, and being very very generous with them, opening ourselves to appreciating all that they are and bring, is the healing and the letting go of the misery that comparison and jealousy puts us into. Lovely examples you give, because those words are the practicality that we can use instead of jealousy: “wow, I really enjoy feeling the joy you express, I know it is within me too”or “it is great to see that you are stepping up enormously, I am honored to be your friend, I can feel my greatness too”. Thanks Bernadette.
Jealousy is very powerful and even though we may not want to feel it, the moment we allow those fleeting thoughts to enter we allow ourselves to go into comparison, rather than truly celebrating and appreciating the moment.
Indeed Peter, jealousy is extremely powerful and we are under its dominion already for a long time as we can read in the history books. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine we are now able to observe what jealousy actually is and by doing so we have the power to stop this by becoming more honest to ourselves and by appreciating and celebrating what others are achieving.
After reading this a couple of weeks ago it’s been awesome to ponder on the evil of jealousy and how far spread this is throughout society. In families between parents and their children, between siblings, between friends and work colleagues. It’s like everyone is walking around with a reader going, scanning each other to feel how we are worse off, or better, or to see what we want about people. I even realised that I look at what women wear, usually admiring a women’s combination of clothes and feeling how I could do that too, but this is coming from a comparison and jealousy and looking totally past the fact that there is a person in there, and knowing that they will feel me scanning them like this. It’s so great to be exposing this.
I agree Danielle, jealousy is far spread. As you can imagine, it is not something you want to be told as a mother, that you were jealous of the child you adored. I feel it originates from the first experience we register as a child that we are lacking in something, disappointing a parent, not being top of the class at school, our whole culture is based on comparison being made by others to us or by ourselves towards others. What a blessing that we can heal ourselves of this energy, allowing ourselves to be innocent and open once again, centred in our own body, full of ourselves! (This phrase was often used as a criticism in our family if we were looking too confident or shiny).
I love this Bernadette, is so empowering “What a blessing that we can heal ourselves of this energy, allowing ourselves to be innocent and open once again, centred in our own body, full of ourselves!”.
I agree Danielle. Jealousy is insidious and comes in many forms linked to comparison. I can feel how the constant comparison and rank ordering of ourselves against others is designed to keep us from appreciating all that we are and all that another has to offer.
This is true Lee, I’ve never considered the lack of true appreciation. It’s like we’re constantly looking for people’s weaknesses, so we can feel better about ourselves and what we feel are our weaknesses. Instead of enjoying and basking in our own and others strengths.
It is great to expose the insidiousness of jealousy Danielle, and all the obvious and subtle ways there are. Ever since reading Bernadette’s experience, it has stood out so clearly for me when I have gone into jealousy. I’ve noticed how if I am busy and have a lot to do and see my children or others playing, instead of appreciating seeing them being playful and what they are showing, I have thought if only I was being playful.
When we truly do consider the true extend of jealousy in our lives we find that it is actually everywhere. We have jealousy about others and we have others who are jealous about us, both casting out the poisoned arrows of jealousy to each other and in doing so keeping ourselves from truly evolving as in fact it is our own lack of commitment to live the lives we are destined to live.
It’s true either allowing ourselves to be jealous and not dealing with it, or reacting to someone else’s jealousy are an equal game to not be the glorious selves we truly are.
Jealousy is so insidious. Even though we don’t want to feel it, it’s there. The only way we can clear it, is by being honest about it and actually allowing ourselves to feel it. Otherwise it turns into a big monster that no-one can see but everyone can feel. The effects of not being willing to admit to jealousy are huge.
Yes and I love what this blog and comments are doing is blowing the lid on how insidious jealously actually is. Its much more than just a ‘jealous partner’ or work colleague…it plays out on many levels. And many of them quite subtle as well.
Bernadette- what a beautiful gift of honesty and reflection the dog gave you, reminding us all the importance of appreciation of the qualities that are innately us within us all -joy, love, divine beauty, tenderness and preciousness.
Martin your phrase “demoted myself in comparison” really sums up the evil of jealousy, how unloving we are to ourselves and the object of our jealousy, and as you have written, it then becomes a way of living. Moments of appreciation will heal us, and I will shed a tear of joy with you that we are making this loving choice. Thank you again to Serge Benhayon for raising this big huge topic to be looked at.
Thank you Martin for your lovely sharing and for highlighting this sentence for me today; ‘ So many times I have seen what others have and demoted myself in comparison, so much so it simply became a way of living’. For me too, and I can feel I still do this because it has become so normal to go into comparison especially when I feel others have more than me…. which is a great way (trick) to make me feel less… ouch!
Reading this blog I can feel there is so much to uncover – the comments themselves are a crucial step-by-blow account of how insidious jealousy is in each and everyone’s lives. Time to open my eyes wider and see the game for what it truly is.
Yes Lee, the very subtle wording can carry such deep and hidden meaning that can be wounding without realising it. There is much for me to consider also.
I love this Lee. The comments are as you say an incredible account of how this game plays out in everyday life – I’m with you to opening my eyes wider.
Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” This is such a powerful message for us all; To Appreciate What We Each Bring…..and I love this word; Appreciation, and as I deepen my own sense of self appreciation, I can more easily appreciate what all others bring so I no longer have to buy into jealousy.
Appreciation of another and ourselves is the antidote to jealousy.
‘How do I do jealousy?’ This is something I have been working on for a while and the latest article from the UniMed Living site on jealousy has been enormously enlightening and healing. It is in all corners of our life, not just with other people, that jealousy has made it’s home and you have so beautifully brought this to the fore.
Yes I agree Penny the article on the UniMed Living site on jealousy is profound and is extremely supportive in learning how to deal with this It is a must read as I don’t feel we have fully comprehended how ingrained jealousy, comparison and competition is in society.
I agree Kristy. The world has narrowed the definition of jealousy so that we only recognise it in relation to wishing we had the object or looks of another. In allowing this as our only definition of it we miss truly seeing where it is at play in our lives and therefore are unaware of how it is truly playing us in life.
Hi Ladies, I agree, it’s great article worth reading that really brings the truth to the word jealousy, http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
This blog opens into feeling deeper– the destruction that I have chosen for myself throughout life—could that be a reaction to jealousy, that if I destroy myself before the destruction felt from jealousy directed, that I can be left alone? That if I put myself through anorexia and skin issues, that I can hide my beauty somehow? That if I put myself through failed relationships, that I can appear to be lesser than others who are in partnerships? That if I am not secure in my finances, that I can show you that I am held back and less powerful? If I destroyed myself first, the world then can’t destroy me with their cruelty which feels deeply debilitating because of the fact that we are from One. But by reacting, I have also chosen to direct cruelty to the world, by leaving the knowing and livingness that we are indeed One. So do I know Oneness and choose to live it or not? The answer is simple and this experiment which is costly has shown me, the only way to change anything is by living and expressing its truth.
I love your deeper exploration of your reaction to jealousy Adele. This line over finances has given me something to ponder over: That if I am not secure in my finances, that I can show you that I am held back and less powerful? Having always chosen to hide my light to make others feel comfortable, I was holding back and making myself less powerful which of course links to my finances….. but I am happy to report this is changing as I am so much more aware this this form of protection actually did not protect me at all and it serves no-one including myself to not shine my light and live my true essence fully.
Very strong point Adele and that destruction of oneself can manifest in many, many ways. Your point about the cruelty we direct at the world – to react is amazing and clear. We know what we are doing through our choices – we harm another by harming ourselves – simple yet deeply saddening for the world over is playing this hurt – hurt game. I choose to stand up and change this pattern – it has never served the all and never will.
Lee and Adele, and all you awesome bloggers who are prepared to look at this topic, yes jealousy is a cruel game, and with awareness and willingness to hunt it down wherever it is lurking, we appreciate our values and we bring our light to others, and they can feel our appreciation for who they are like a precious gift.
Thank you for outlining some of the destructive ways that we choose to not feel jealousy from others Adele. Knowing and feeling our oneness, and living true to ourselves is a gift for all.
Jealousy literally shuts down anything of light and Love. It says to the world just how much such light and love is not accepted and embraced and strangles it with a very very direct force. It is in even the smallest of thoughts, the tiniest of actions but it only serves to keep us less and even in the smallest of things it can have an enormous impact.
Yes Josh, seemingly small and fleeting thoughts can be like arrows to our heart, and painful to feel. When we connect to our light and love there is no room for this energy. Appreciation of our values, who we are, what we bring, and appreciating others and being inspired by their qualities or choices is empowering and loving.
Well said Bernadette. Inspiration and appreciation is the antidote any jealousy.
What a great topic to talk about Bernadette and so needed. Jealousy is something most people do not want to admit, accept, feel or talk about. Its been a no no for me because I wanted to believe that it was going on but not with me or at me. I remained naive but with more awareness I realised its happening and there is no getting away from it.
How on earth do you deal with jealousy?
Well first I had to know what is jealousy – my understanding is that it is self fury at your own choices and knowing others have made different choices which brings up your self fury.
When you can feel jealousy from others you may want to stop shining or sharing as you know it makes others uncomfortable. Well I tried that and it does not work as you feel stuck trying to fit it so others like you.
What when jealousy is within your close friends?
I had this and we had to stop seeing them but the jealousy was between me and one other and yet two families were affected and the harm was huge. After a few years of feeling the ‘avoiding game’ at events, I dealt with it my style which is meet up and lets talk and get real and honest. It got sorted and what we have now is a true loving relationship.
Ignoring and avoiding never works and this was a big lesson for me.
I am forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon.
It seems that our potential, our incredible and beautiful lightness, is buried from very early on in our life. How different our lives have become with complete unawareness of the poison that jealousy is. It is like living life covered with a blanket.
If we simply choose to be ourselves, nominate jealousy felt and directed, we would naturally shine, the whole would would naturally come to support each other to come out from hiding. We would not need to do anything to stand out and impose subtly or loudly to get the world to “look at me”, which is a reaction from feeling we have not lived the depth of the love that we are–both in our daily choice to love others as well as to not shut down our light when we feel jealousy in loving ourselves.
When we return to express what is simply and naturally the expression we truly are, recognition will be a lost word.
Very true Brendan. To not be hard on ourselves for having felt jealous, just to honestly call it and look a little deeper as to what it is we’ve been jealous about, and what is it we’re not appreciating in ourselves.
It was great to re-read this blog Bernadette. I’m really seeing how when we don’t have a basis of appreciation for ourselves and then grapple with things that we’ve chosen to do that were not perhaps the best choices we could have made and we then see someone before us who has made very different, far more loving choices, we can so easily get into jealousy. And it’s so awful because it’s totally dismissing the other person, ourselves and everyone really. In that moment of jealousy there’s no love or openness, it’s a fury that says i want what you have, and it makes me furious that i don’t have it.
But when I have a solid appreciation of myself, it’s much harder for this jealousy to come in. Yes i can still feel the pain of past choices that weren’t the best ones to have made, and I can see from others what choices i could have made, and can make, but with a deep appreciation of myself i won’t go into fury — i’ll hold myself in an understanding and cherishing of why i didn’t make loving choices in the past. And in that, I can receive as opposed to react to the reflection the other brings. So I’m really seeing that the antidote to jealousy is appreciation — first of self, and then of others.
I love what you have written Katerina about holding ourselves in love and understanding about our past not so loving choices and behaviours, and your realisation that others can bring to our attention what choices we can now make. And yes, appreciation for our willingness to look at jealousy in all it’s tricky forms, is in order here!
It is very true what you say Katerina. When there is a solid and deep appreciation of ourselves there is no room for Jealousy. The moment jealousy is invited in, it is a very strong reminder that there is a whole new depth of appreciation and love of ourselves to be embodied. This can be inspiring, or if we choose jealousy, crippling.
Karoline – what you say about opening the back box, feels really important to me. As I have shared, I am at the very early stages of seeing the full extent of how jealousy has infected my life. But I agree with you entirely; the act of even opening up the box, of even seeing this fact, of accepting that this poison even exists has been a massive step for me…”oh, hang on, it doesn’t have to be like this.”
Yes jealousy can certainly sneak in unawares. I didn’t realise, before reading this blog, that every time I admire the beauty in nature (which I do often), if I do so without feeling equal beauty in me, then I am jealous of nature -wow! And I ‘thought’ I wasn’t a jealous person!
I agree Victoria, to have people amongst us who have mastered jealousy in order that we are able to get behind the destructive energy playing out amongst us, is more than gold. It is a support which shows us the truth and where we eventually get a feel that we are all one and from this point of understanding jealousy is something which does not make sense any more.
Often we even do not feel that we are jealous and it hides behind our neediness, we often are used to and even do not realize sometimes that we are. What I observed concerning jealousy is, that I always feel my heart closed in this moment. Calling it out supports me in opening my heart again and see the truth.
I also particularly love that you offer how you were freed when you allowed yourself to feel the value of your qualities – and can feel how it was in your body with the dropping of looking to the qualities of another, and how super supportive this was for all. Very gorgeous – and add to that list of qualities to appreciate – born writer, and translator of love letters from Heaven for the benefit of all. Thank you Bernadette.
This is hands down one of the most beautiful articles I’ve ever read. The example you offer is an undeniable understanding of how simply jealousy plays out or sneaks in. Brilliant sharing.
I was at a similar event hosted by Serge Benhayon and listened to the impact jealousy has on human life. It seems no one is exempt from the brutality of this, and it is a brutal and self limiting way of life.
Have we considered that doing jealousy is actually hard work? But simplicity is our true way.
It is sooo hard work! And exhausting and complicated and oh so heavy. Ahhhhh
Yes Adele and Katerina, hard work, exhausting, heavy and complicated, and so dismissive of ourselves and others. Simplicity feels light, allowing ourselves to learn as the lessons are presented to us.
Jealousy wants to shut us up and shut us down, but being the innate shining glorious light that we all are, it is natural to express fully and openly, be seen without the need for recognition but simply naturally. Jealousy exists to take us away from our innate glorious expression of ourselves, both when directed at another or absorbed from another. Jealousy eventually has no place in the world when we keep deepening the love for ourselves and keep expressing it.
Jealousy when directed at us feels like fury, a deep resentment and bitterness coming from others and a from an entire environment at times. What it makes us feel is we have no place there, it is a bullying force to want to make us go away, or feel that there is something wrong with us and we have to just keep quiet and be more invisible. Feeling jealousy of this magnitude as a poisonous force, is a precious opportunity to deepen the Love we have with ourselves so much so that we keep shining our light, keep connecting with each other, keep being ourselves, keep feeling the joy and lightness, that then being seen comes naturally.
I appreciate the realisations you have made about jealousy and I especially liked how you came to the realisation by observing a dog playing with a ball. Just goes to show how much we can grow by observing and feeling into the constant signs and occurences we are forever experiencing
Victoria Lister. I like what you have said “the twin arts of being prepared to continually inspire everyone they meet, and allow themselves to be inspired by others when they recognise in them something they have yet to embody”. It is your use of the word ‘arts’ that really resonates with me. Both because I do feel that it is an art. And also because when an art is described as something like this, it knocks the stuffing out of all those other pastimes that call themselves ‘arts’! This art has true purpose.
After writing my comment a few days ago, I realised I wished I’d mentioned how committed you are Bernie, and willing to not only go deeper but to share as well, the sharing helps us all learn. Thank you again.
When I feel jealousy or comparison, it helps me to nominate this. So that I can see how ridiculous it really is and let go of it.
Comparison and jealousy are really one and the same. And that is so true what you describe Bernadette, it feels like the moment we go in to one or the other an opportunity of enjoying a glorious moment and reflection is missed. You have really written this blog in such an accessible way that everyone can see the sad and harming effect of jealousy.
There a people who feel comfortable with where you are at so that they can justify their own choices and when you start to step up, they start getting rattled. I have been and still am one of those people sometimes. It’s so evident how jealousy poisons relationships all around us.
Appreciating all that we bring instead of always trying to improve ourselves will let the wish to have what others have fade away. Once we love ourselves, there is no need to be jealous of anything anymore.
Thank you Bernadette for shedding much needed light on the fact that thoughts and intentions carry an energy that can be just as harmful as actions. So often we have a tendency to assume that if we keep our thoughts to ourselves and do not express them then we are doing no harm and that we are even entitled to have these thoughts as our own private business. But the reality is our thoughts are not ever our own and the moment we have a thought that is not love we have disturbed everyone and everything around us including nature and the universe itself. Your blog has inspired me to go to a deeper level of responsibility with my thoughts.
Yes Andrew, with every “thought that is not love we have disturbed everyone and everything,” and I realise what a big responsibility we carry to deepen our awareness of the energy we choose, and the thoughts that we allow to enter. As you have expressed, our thoughts and intentions are as powerful as actions.
Bernadette, your sharing is so revealing how subtle and hidden jealousy is. It brings up sadness in me because I know I have done this to my daughter too. Your blog exposes how only one fleeting thought holds so much poison in it and it shows how important it is to observe these thoughts in order not to be the victims of them.
Wow Bernadette, the simplicity of messages all around us if we so choose to see them. This is an enormous healing you have shared, and shown how life is constantly an educational playground for us all. I was also very touched by the deep beauty of your honesty about the jealousy, where most of us would not care to dwell even for a moment to consider this, and acceptance and appreciation of your preciousness and qualities, that have also come through in your blog and blessed us.
It was the same for us at the Australian Retreat – where many of us came to understand just how present jealousy is / has been in our homes; how our parents, siblings and other relatives reacted to us from so young. It’s disturbing to understand, perhaps for the first time, how undermining and pervasive jealousy is… and the ways in which we embodied it, and continue to do so, ourselves. Few have mastered the twin arts of being prepared to continually inspire everyone they meet, and allow themselves to be inspired by others when they recognise in them something they have yet to embody: thankfully those few have been prepared to show us the way at the Universal Medicine Retreats and presentations.
Thank you Bernadette for your insight into how jealousy can simply be just a thought, and at the same time so devastating to our lives, and others, and then obliviously we continue the cycle.
Thanks Bernadette it’s amazing how we don’t even register that we may show jealousy for another in comparison to what they so freely have that we might not have or make access to have in our lives. It is a great sharing that has brought me to a realisation where I too have shown jealousy not knowingly, but it playing out a dis- ease with my self for anothers light and easy going nature before .
ottobathhurst you have beautifully captured the blessing given us when we are willing to look deeply into this poisonous energy, and when we commit to appreciation of ourselves and others and much more – what we have been given from Serge Benhayon, “The flood gates of the glory of the kingdom that is within me are burst open”.
As I read this article and comments, and ponder this topic more, I’ve come to feel just how huge the reservoir of jealously in the world is. It’s like a vast, inky black sea of bitterness, fuelled by our own despair, that will engulf us if we’re not aware of it. Thank you Universal Medicine and thank God – for providing the life boat to help us all get out of these treacherous waters.
Hear! Hear! Victoria, love the analogy’ jealousy is indeed “a vast, inky black sea of bitterness, fuelled by our own despair”, yet there is a life boat available for anyone and everyone who is ready to get out of the treacherous waters of jealous-sea!
How beautiful the opportunity to see jealousy as what it is, and to see the truth of what jealousy does and has done—to shut us down from the light that we all are. Indeed Victoria, thank God for opportunity after opportunity to return to the true light that is simply us and so natural to express.
Well said Victoria, and yes Thank God for Universal Medicine that we can now see through and bring understanding to the insidiousness of jealousy and find our way back home.
Thank you so much Bernadette for sharing just how subtle the little jealousies that we feel can be. How wonderful that you experienced that for yourself, to be able to realise just how insidious it can be and, in your case, something that your son felt when he was very young. We are so aware when we are young, that we can be so easily hurt by what others would have thought was something very small and maybe even insignificant. It makes me wonder about the jealousies that I may have felt when I was bringing up my two sons and how this may have affected them through their lives.
“How do we respond to feeling jealousy? Do we adopt behaviours to protect ourselves from its insidious force, like hiding or fitting in?” Absolutely Bernadette and I put my hand up to both of these adopted behaviours of hiding and fitting in. However, both of these take us far away from who we truly are and then we continue to live this way from these behaviours which are not us. I have been watching jealousy of late like a hawk and clocking it when I I feel it towards someone and when I feel it coming at me. Rather than pushing it down and pretending it is not there I am finding that exposing it is super powerful as it loses its powerful.
I love what you share here Bernadette, and so simply and openly and accepting, very inspiring to allow the truth, and growing from that, rather than going into defensiveness; very inspirational indeed.
This blog is very powerful Bernadette, not only does it illustrate how subtle and insidious jealousy is, it also highlights the love and support that is there for us, in the answers that come, sometimes in the most unexpected ways, when we show a true openess and willingness in asking to see the truth of ourselves and our behaviours.
A powerful build Raymond that has also helped me to further unravel the knot of jealousy. As you shared – appreciating ourselves and others gets us to a point where that is what we see first, before the comparison. This is very true for me, and I have glimpses of this everyday when I choose not to compare or judge, but to appreciate, allow and therefore allow the appreciation to be more than any jealousy that could creep in. Sure its a work in progress – but what a shift from the familiar way of comparing and protecting all the time.
A simple wish, a whim, that slight feeling of unhappiness or discontent, of just not quite feeling on par with others, the desire to be or have just a smidgen more, be better, want things to be different, this is how easily jealousy can find its way in and begin to make itself at home. Given that the outer world relentlessly bombards us with the very stuff on which jealousy and separation build their foundation its good to know we can always choose the balanced wisdom and fullness of the inner heart where there is no wishing or wanting and where love, connection and equality always dwell.
It is true Barbara, the outer world bombards us with games, fashion, celebrity fame, academic competition – so many ways that we can be trapped into comparison and jealousy of others. When we remain connected to our selves and appreciate who we are, there is no room for jealousy to enter, we can appreciate what others bring and there is no fury directed at oneself when we are choosing love.
Thanks for opening up this conversation about jealously Bernadette. Jealousy comes into our lives in so many ways, but its a dirty word in lots of circumstances. Very few, myself included, want to admit they have feelings of jealousy. It would have been easy for you to go into defense during the conversation with your son. Inspiring that you were open to looking at how jealousy plays out in your life. Thank you for sharing.
Wow Bernie your story certainly reveals to us how such fleeting moments of jealousy can have such a huge impact on everyone. Now whenever I feel jealousy I will remember this story. Because you have expressed it so simply, it’s easy to get the message. Thank you for sharing.
Yes jaderiver56, it’s definitely staying with me too. An awesome sharing I agree.
Yes Jade, absolutely ‘….moments of jealousy can have such a huge impact on everyone’ This is a subject many of us dare not go to, even deny….yet Bernadette has gone straight there, which is very courageous and looked it in the face, and has experienced liberation from the shackles of jealousy that holds us imprisoned…such expansion was felt when she appreciated her qualities and that we ALL have qualities equally so, only to be expressed differently.
Thank you Bernadette for sharing your beautiful experience, I feel your joy and the dogs joy as well. It is this joy of sharing, that we miss out on, when we go into jealousy.
Since reading your blog a few days ago Bernadette, jealousy has ‘popped up’ frequently, and it has been amazing to see how it plays out in my life, and the tricks I have used to deny or avoid it. For example, I’ve realised that what I perceived as being resentment towards someone actually comes from an underlying jealousy. So much more can be exposed when we are prepared to look at not only the ‘how’ things play out but the ‘why’ of our actions. Thank you for your inspiration.
Coming back to this blog these words brought me to tears: “It feels glorious to come home to me, to love”. I have felt this many times before, but this morning I could feel it right throughout my body and from this place of true understanding there is no room for jealousy or comparison, only love.
Berandette this is so powerful. I totally love the way you were willing to go deeper with what your Son had shared and because of this opened up your awareness.
I especially love this part;
‘It feels glorious to come home to me, to love, knowing that we all have our qualities to bring to the world’ It is true isn’t it? All pieces of a beautiful puzzle that fits perfectly.
I like this analogy of the puzzle. Every piece is unique and has its exact place and there is no piece that is more important than another in the big picture.
Only if all pieces come together the full picture will become visible.
What stood out for me this time reading your blog was how you said to your son you would take it on board and would look deeper. On the beach you felt your body, your feet on the sand and your rhythm of your pace and asked within how you did jealousy and then you continued to walk. Pretty simple or not? You could have gone in your head with this question and tried to find out if he was right or wrong, you could have become resentful etc. None of this occured you simply walked with you, with your body and the answers were there, pretty amazing Bernadette.
I love how you have put this Annelies, it is amazing. A great reminder for me as I can try to work things out to SEE them, rather than being open to allowing whatever is there to be revealed. I know that each time I do, it is much easier to let go when I uncover an ill behaviour pattern or belief, as opposed to when I’m trying to be the one in control.
Yes Annelies, I agree, it’s pretty amazing how Bernadette was open for the answer to just come to her, and to be so open to it.
Most of the times when I try it to work it out instead of letting the answer come to me, I get a headache because of the frustration that it is leading me nowhere and I know I am sabotaging getting the answer.
“And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something” I love this as it has completely redefined jealousy for me and opened my eyes to the magnitude in which it can occur, how easy, simple, and sometimes deceptively seamless that it can happen within our lives while we choose not to realise and be aware of what is actually going on.
Just that briefest flash of wanting something. A sure sign that we are not appreciating the everything that we already are. And thus an absolute pleasure park for jealousy.
I thought i didn’t do jealousy any more, but that brief flash is still happening, sometimes gone before I know it. Thanks to Bernadette and all the comments I am now much more aware of how it creeps in, and able, in celebrating in others what I haven’t previously seen in myself, to look at how I have chosen to be less, and make the choice to evolve.
I agree ottobathurst it is fabulous that that Bernadette has highlighted this. No more mindless wishings and wantings and more appreciation for all that we already are is the definitely the way to go.
Beautifully put, ottobathurst. This blog blows jealousy out of the water so we can see the extent to which it infiltrates our thoughts and diminishes the glory we are and can connect to in each moment.
Absolutely square between the eyes with this comment Otto. A pleasure park indeed.
And a macabre ‘pleasure park’ it is Otto, indeed. One pang, and we may be completely out of control – beholden to something that will con us and manipulate to justify its means, and keep us from not truly admitting just what is going on.
Boy, do we have some work to do.
We do have some work to do – BUT, I also think that this is a great revelation and a brilliant tool. As soon as we clock ourselves wanting, aspiring, coveting, wishing…then our appreciation radar should sound the alert.
Exactly Oliver its a big big wake up call for me to feel how much I do this and like you say in a fleeting moment, thought, gesture of wanting to be something I perceive I am not, the illusion is vast and the depth of ill great.
For me jealousy is not wanting what someone else has, it’s knowing I could have chosen that also and I didn’t. It’s a game of fooling ourselves that where we are is enough, and when a greater reflection bursts that bubble, honesty and responsibility is hard to face.
Good point Melinda. Love is enough. If we are not living this love, we either fool ourselves that we are enough without it (i.e. we put up with this lesser way of being), or we sense the lack and strive to be ‘more’, without being true. When all the while, we are love and love is enough – if only we make the choice to live it. The greater reflection is merely someone who has committed to living the love that we are, with no holding back. If it hurts to receive this reflection, then it is an indication of how much we hold back our love.
This is so powerful, Bernadette. It shows how beautifully accessible the answers are to our questions, if we are open, committed and ready to know the truth. When you found your answer, the magic of God, confirming all that you felt, so delicately, in the evening sky must have been very special.
To be jealous of another human being is something that I was aware of (that is not to say that I have mastered it – certainly not). But your blog takes it to a whole other level. Any jealousy or comparison that we engage in whether it be with another person, a dog, or the glory of nature (how absurd is that) only serves to keep us less. It is, literally, a killer.
It is not only absurd Ottobathurst, it is absolutely alarming that this is currently the case in life on Earth. Jealousy exists to obliterate expressions of light – our love, joy and all that is true, with the sole aim of stopping us connecting to the Grandness held in all things, found in the Kingdoms of Nature; human, animal, vegetable and mineral. When we disconnect from the beauty inherent in these and which we are an integral part of, we lose connection to the Kingdom within, where our true love resides – the Kingdom of God. It is this that the force of jealousy seeks to annihilate.
And because the beauty, power and Grandness of these Kingdoms are so huge, jealousy needs to be the deeply evil, insidious and toxic force that it is if it is to try to keep us “obliterated” (a perfect word – great choice). I am seeing more and more how I have played with it, still do play with it and have had it played at me. Through being open to seeing, I am then able to make the choices that close the door on it. My eyes are opening wider and wider.
Well said Liane.
What a beautiful and true comment Liane, and yes, ‘When we disconnect from the beauty inherent in these and which we are an integral part of, we lose connection to the Kingdom within, where our true love resides – the Kingdom of God. It is this that the force of jealousy seeks to annihilate.
How far from the Kingdom of God have we drifted that we may allow and live such a loveless and harmful way?
Liane and Otto, deeply alarming and disturbing to every cell in the body that human beings are in a habitual momentum to snuff out the equal and inherent light we are amongst each other and with the natural world and beyond. The alarm is in the insiduousness of that jealousy is so undetected, but a moment of unawareness in jealousy builds the next momentum of the same and we choose to perpetuate the horror of capping our own light and the humungous light that we express in brotherhood. We choose to forsake the kingdom that we know and we are all suffering from this choice.
Annihilate love it does in a single breath all is scattered and dismantled. My voice changes, everything about me changes and it is cold and horrible. The fact it is playing out everywhere within every relationship is really awful to feel but feel we must as if we do not we will ignorantly think we are above such feelings and what a mess that creates. I love how the absurdity of being jealous of a dog or nature lets us see it for what it is, absurd and not in aligned to any other purpose than to destroy love.
Great comment Liane. As I was reading what Otto (in his comment below yours)and yourself have contributed, funnily enough I had one of those flitting jealous moments, it made me laugh out loud how ridiculous it was. As we are essentially all one, its like being jealous of your arm for being able to throw a ball well. The key is to be honest and then the force or energy of jealously has no power. The shame is what feeds its existence.
Thank you Liane this is so true. With seeing jealousy as something that is there to “obliterate expressions of light – our love, joy and all that is true, with the sole aim of stopping us connecting to the Grandness held in all things” it is clear that it is not something to blame myself for if I feel it or judge someone over when they would have it flare up. To see that jealousy is there to separate us from each other and to not feel the power we have together when we can support each other in re connecting to our love and light that is grand.
Annihilate and obliterate entirely Liane. I couldn’t agree more. Well delivered.
Yes and the kingdom within that you speak of Liane is within each of us so we are all Godly within. This is why jealousy is so particularly hurtful because we are being attacked by our equally Divine brothers whereas we so miss and long for the love, unity and brotherhood that is our natural state of being.
Very true Nicola – we attempt to steal another’s crown when we abandon the throne of love that is our hearts.
Very well said Liane. The force of jealousy is certainly very evil, it is hidden in many forms and insidious ways. With honesty, awareness and appreciation we can bring a stop to jealousy in our lives.
Jealousy is a deeply harmful force – much worse than we allow ourselves to feel. Unimedpedia JEALOUSY – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html is a riveting read that provides a wonderful collection of quotes, free audio and text that clearly shows how and why jealousy affects us ALL. We all have a responsibility to understand how it plays out in our life and it is also incredibly freeing to do so.
I recommend everyone view the link provided by Nicola Lessing as it is extremely powerful as it nails jealousy from every angle.
I agree with you multiple times Nicola Lessing. We all have a responsibility to study and understand jealousy. I have still not fully appreciated the depth to which its tentacles run. There are still moments when I allow it to affect me and there are definitely still moments when I use it against others. Deeply harmful – as you correctly say. I also agree that the Unimedpedia page on Jealousy is absolute gold. The gateway to understanding jealousy and therefore being able to take fuller responsibility for it – at the moment it is my default page on my Safari browser!!
This is an incredible piece of deconstruction Nicola the world can no longer be the same with this drop of gold pouring through the physical plane. Humans waking up to the harm they are living in and the beauty that lies within, I love that it is in fact freeing to own up to where we have been and are and know that in fact this is just a cover up of what we truly are which is love sweet love.
Superb reference Nicola. So very true that: “We all have a responsibility to understand how jealousy plays out in our life and it is also incredibly freeing to do so.”
An absolutely riveting read Nicola, and thank-you for sharing the link here. Like Otto – it is a fixture on my browser at the moment… We are all impacted upon beyond measure by the insidiousness of jealousy, and called to go deeper in addressing its presence and activity in our lives.
This quote from your reference link stands out for me today: “To let go of our investment in others seeing and accepting our loving reflection means we are better able to see and thus call out jealousy for what it is.”
The deepest hurt I have found when being on the ‘receiving end’ of jealousy, occurs when another/others resist true fire, love and purpose – and how insidiously behaviour and reactions are manipulated to attempt to pull down what is nothing but love for all. Letting go of the investment/need for others to be with us, calling out what’s going on, developing understanding, awareness, deeper appreciation, are all the keys to us truly dealing – or beginning to deal – with this force, but holy moly, it ain’t easy at times…
Without the foundation and depth of support I feel and know in the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, as presented consistently by Serge Benhayon – who has copped more via the blood-stained hands of jealousy than anyone I know, and yet continued to hold his magnificent love for all… without such a true leading light, I would remain where I was for many a year – a withheld, contracted mess not truly wanting to commit to life because of the annihilating and obliterating forces that ride in jealousy’s slipstream.
We are strong in being willing to face this monstrous force within ourselves and our communities, together.
Thanks Victoria, the funny thing is that we don’t need to worry about others getting anything as they are already it – there is nothing to get. I too have had to and continue to learn many lessons in letting go of wanting things and people to be a certain way. One of the ways that makes it easiest for me to let go of my investments in others is to see how deeply harmful and imposing such investments are to all parties concerned. It is really simple all we need to do is stop being who we are not and then we are naturally all that we are and everyone else can take it or leave it…. and YES huge thanks to Serge Benhayon the first human being I ever met who had fully made that choice – that meeting woke me up to myself and changed my life in the most glorious way.
Yes this blog certainly does take awareness of jealousy and comparison to a ‘whole other level.’ It’s certainly blown my complacent attitude to considering myself any less than grand because then I leave the door wide open to comparison and its companion jealousy.
Yeah Karin it is a trick to think we are in some way ok if we are playing less, keeping the peace not shining in fact it probably is worse than those that boast and over the top false positivity. If we are playing any game we are losers and the whole world is losing as we are all individually, equally needed to return to our truth.
Yes ottobathurst I agree, jealousy only serves to keep us less.
Your blog should and will be studied for aeons. The subtle line exposed by the dog story is the killer of jealousy.
It’s such a great story. So easy to understand yet so real that everyone can relate to it.
Jealousy “..can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.” Yes, a very powerful realisation. How many times do we clock that we are jealous? Now I am paying closer attention to how I am feeling I am more aware of those fleeting thoughts – ouch. But then I can start to deal with it whereas before I was just numb. Thanks for this Bernadette.
Yes, when we are living superficially it is easy to be numb, to glaze over all that is going on underneath. It isn’t until we care to be more aware of what we are actually feeling that so much can be exposed…and then we really have something to work with, to bring understanding to, and to truly heal.
From unimedliving.com’s article on Jealousy, ‘Jealousy is the indicator of the deep pain we carry for having separated from our essence – our light, our truth, our love – while others shine in the fullness of theirs. It is the expression of the devastation held deeply within, for not choosing to be all that we are.’ Time to be aware of all areas of our jealousy so each can be healed as Bernadette did in this beautiful blog.
Thank you Lorraine, for your reference from unimedliving.com, jealousy is the deep pain of separation from our essence, and when we reconnect and appreciate our light and truth and love we heal from this furious energy.
Re being on the receiving end of jealousy, a friend said to me recently “Never hold back from bringing all that you are so another can feel comfortable being less”. This was an enormously helpful reminder of the dynamic at play that holds us back from being the light that we are – and how holding back, because we fear the jealousy of others, serves no one. Conversely it is for us to be 100% honest when we are the ones who are feeling jealous of another’s light.
Having awareness around the fact that we hold back so we don’t feel the sting of another jealousy is part of the healing process of this insidious emotion. I agree that we also need to be 100% honest when we are feeling the pang of jealousy about another – again awareness around this is key to addressing it in our lives and living instead full and proud to be who we are and to be able to be truly inspired by another’s shining light.
Wise words from your friend Victoria, and thank-you for sharing them here. I have a friend whom I consider my ‘jealousy mentor’. The fewest words from her can be the greatest support in reclaiming myself out of what feels to be aeons of holding back my own expression so that the comfort of others was not disturbed… Her own words are a ‘go to’ for me, particularly when I am on the receiving end of jealousy: “let the ether be disturbed” she said – in the understanding that if we hold back, and don’t let another/others be so disturbed, then all of us remain the lesser.
As you’ve shared, no-one is served by our playing less to assuage the discomfort of others. It takes great awareness and dedication to deepen our relationship with ourselves and others in this way – that we may let our light shine, and also hold others simultaneously to account (where needed) and in a depth of beholding love that understands all that we are all undoing in this complex mess we’ve created.
Thank you Lorraine for bringing in this great quote as it shows how jealousy is not that we do not want others to not have something but the fact that we do not have what we know we could have had if we had chosen it.
I m very aware that jealousy has affected many decisions in my life and can feel the nasty effects of it. We are all equal in light but not our expression of it, and now I am working on appreciating the reflection of others shining their light, rather than feeling jealous. It’s great simple example you got from the dog on the beach, and I have other similar examples with children as you describe from your son. It’s great to observe and notice now how deep a thread jealousy can run when not caught.
A beautiful blog Bernadette, offering us a subtle understanding of jealousy that would ordinarily slip under the radars of many of us.
Thank you Bernadette, I feel it is for me to also uncover how I do jealousy and when I feel jealousy/or have felt jealously from others in that past. As I have experienced the destruction of choosing that fleeting thought, that crumbles our walls. I have also felt that I ‘hide’ and try to ‘fit in’, for fear of feeling this jealously from others. I felt this was from not claiming my space. And through the willingness for us to go there and see, not only do we discover what has been holding us back, or our choices, BUT that absolute support that has been, and is there for us in every single second, by God and the Universe…if we are but willing to truly see.
That is a grand lesson. We all have something to bring that is gorgeous and precious. Even if we don’t see it all the time. Thank you Bernadette. This was a joy to read.
How insidious jealousy is—it’s goal is to keep us contracted in a way that we eventually forget who we are in truth, and continue to express in a way that moulds us into someone we are not. This is true evil.
The joy my son showed me with absolute generosity when he was a baby, a time when I had chosen to not allow joy to be expressed through my body, and I accepted his inspiration. Today I see the same absolute generosity in myself sharing joy with the world to the best of my ability, and this is simply natural, whether it is received or not. I get to reflect this back to others and some people choose to not feel this joy. How awesome to have reflections and each other in the human race. Thank you Bernadette for this amazing reflection and every single comment here shared.
Jealousy is certainly awful to feel, but it is our choice to allow jealousy to imprison us, and with deep understanding to ourselves as of why we have allowed this, it is also our choice to express in a different and consistent way in our bodies to build a new and true momentum.
That’s a great point Adele, to know that when the jealousy comes, we can either choose to buy into it or not, and simply see it for what it is. Learning how to do that – to see it for what it is and not take it personally – represents a mastery.
Victoria, this is a PhD course I am signing myself up for!
All the moments when I do not feel like I am my true self, there is jealousy—either I am reacting to jealousy directed at me, or I am directing it at another person and feel the competition. Any one moment of “I want that”, “I am not that”, “I don’t want the other person to have that”, “I wish I could be like that”, “I wish I had that”, “I don’t like that in the other person” expressed or not, is jealousy.
I love how you have expressed this Bernadette “Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved”. For when we truly know this, there can be nothing to be jealous about! I have enjoyed learning more about jealousy through this website: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
Thank you for so honestly and openly sharing your learning journey here Bernadette. It takes courage to look at something so deeply. I love how you describe the process you went through – returning to your body and feeling what was on offer instead of trying to work it out from your head.
It does take courage and a willingness to ‘go there’ but what is gorgeous in your sharing Bernadette, is the simplicity of how jealousy was shown to you, and how when you recognised this, you were immediately confirmed – pure magic!
We are often led to believe that ‘dealing with our issues’ is a huge thing, as though it will somehow be dramatic, but what you present here Bernadette is the simple choice to look at something i.e. jealousy, and then allowing the learning and understanding to unfold naturally – which is effortless! It is in fact our resistance to making that choice that makes it ‘hard’ or the big drama.
I really like what you have said here Paula, and below particularly, about a learning not needing to be a dramatic or difficult thing. The incident Bernadette experienced was a great example of that – no one else was involved and there was no fuss or muss. I doubt even the dog took it her momentary experience of jealousy personally : ))
I like the honesty too. It takes courage to admit jealousy of your own son, and share that with the world for the purpose of inspiring others to look more deeply at the ways they might do similar. Not many would or could do that.
It is easy to think that we don’t have jealousy, but when looked at in finer detail and checked against how the body feels it becomes quite clear how easily it can creep in, seemingly under the radar – what a great lesson here, aided by a dog and founded on your willingness to go deeper.
Yes Gabriele because jealously is something often none of us really care to admit to it can easily creep under the radar and go unaccounted for. I love your choice to be responsible Bernadette. It’s very inspiring.
Yes I agree Gabriele it is easy to think that we don’t have or are not affected by jealousy because we turn a blind to what the energy of jealousy really is and just how harmful and poisonous it is, and how much it affects EVERYONE whether we are aware of it not! This is one reason why it is so valuable to really read and connect to what is shared in Unimedpedia Jealousy – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html because the only way to deal with this monster is to look straight at it and call it for what it is.
Unimedpedia JEALOUSY – provides the most wonderful expose of the deep harm and force of jealousy and how it affects ALL OF US. I highly recommend you check out this link: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html where you will find amazing writing, quotes and free audio all about jealousy. It is the responsibility of every human being to understand what is at play here so we no longer contribute to this evil force or cower from it.
Thank you Nicola for posting the link to this amazingly comprehensive article on jealousy, an insidious and very destructive emotion.
We either contribute or cower… two great word choices Nicola, thank you. They say something too about the self-perpetuating nature of jealousy. The more we cower from the force of other’s jealously, the more likely we are to be jealous of those who have chosen not to. We stay small then join a force used to make others stay small. Very ugly.
Reading your blog again Bernadette and all the comments I realised just how huge jealousy is and how it plays out in obvious ways and very subtle ways too. I can feel that when I am jealous of another I am missing on such an amazing opportunity to be inspired by them, so the more I am honest about how I am feeling, the more I can catch these moments and learn from them.
It’s true, it’s a hard thing to feel – how we have let ourselves down – when we see another being more. But we need to be OK with feeling that challenge because if we are not, the pain of the challenge hardens and grow into the force that is jealousy.
The only honest thing that I can say about jealousy is that I still feel jealous about some people. It’s an immediate reaction. It’s a really horrible feeling and it possesses my whole body to make me feel as though I’m bound in chains. And that is what it really is. It makes a prison of me for me to hide within.
Jealousy is incredibly insidious and as you say Jinya it can possess your whole body. It comes in so many shapes and guises and infiltrates into all corners of our lives. in fact it’s fair to say that unless we clock jealousy at a very young age, our lives are shaped by it. That is a very disturbing notion.
I remember feeling and clocking jealousy at a young age – and for the most part giving in to it. The key lies in identifying and understanding what it is we are feeling, and knowing what to do with it. Understanding jealousy needs to be part of our education process, at home and school and as soon as possible.
The transformative potential of jealousy is enormous. I know I completely re-calibrated myself to be less than who I am, as a child and as an adult, in order not to feel its force. How devastating that is.
Awesome Bernadette. Your blog has opened my eyes to the more subtle and deeply ingrained ways that jealousy can play with us – ‘but instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.’ Thank you.
Thank you Bernadette for so honestly exposing the subtle form that jealously can take. I see now how that relates to my life too – good to lift the lid on this quiet way we hurt ourselves and others.
The revelation you have shared here, Bernadette, really brings with it the finer details of how we can be jealous and not even realise it, as with so many other emotions and feelings. It is so important for us to be aware of what we are feeling at any given moment whether it is joy or jealousy, as then we can either celebrate the joy more fully or call out the jealousy and make a change. This then brings more us to a deeper level of responsibility to all that is going on in and around us.
This is a really beautiful blog. Yes, jealousy is these little things, those small, fleeting comparisons – whether we win or lose that comparison.
Bernadette what your share is revelatory on many levels. One we feel jealousy towards our loved ones through not first appreciating what we bring so we can then equally appreciate what they bring. Secondly we all have different qualities to share and none are greater than another. You also touch on how simply jealousy can arise and how we dismiss it before we even consciously realise it is jealousy.
Yes the way we dismiss it BEFORE we consciously realise it is jealously. How often do we do that? It’s in every moment of comparison.
Before attending Universal Medicine events I remember how when I was at the beach I would be in total comparison and judgment of every other woman on the beach and I could not imagine this ever changing. But with the sharing of the loving wisdom from Universal Medicine I have come to see, appreciate and know my own beauty that this comparison is a rare event in my life now.
Thank you Bernadette I love this understanding on jealously and shared it with a friend yesterday as it felt important and she really understood simply from your analogy with the dog, it is a real gift and very much appreciated.
The subtle and not always so subtle poison of jealousy is very pervasive in society. And many of us do it in a knee jerk reaction, a built in response. I know I have and it is poison, it feels awful, however what is interesting is that when I have stayed with the feeling and not tired to bury it, ignore it or justify it, I learn something…as in ‘what is this person, this situation here to show me?’ I noticed this about many of those ‘yucky’ feelings when they come up, if we don’t shy away from them and see them for what they are it is possible to heal much that holds us back.
So true Linda, which brings it back to more appreciation of ourselves.
Thank you Bernadette for your deep wisdom. It is a great blog in how jealousy can effect not only our lives and also others without even knowing that this is what we bring through, when we are caught up in our own thoughts. You have given a loving understanding about how jealousy works and shown us that how much we can miss in moments of joy and love by not being open to the opportunity that God brings for us to feel how amazing we all are in joy and honesty. The simplest things in life are always the most powerful in loving truth.
Great sharing Elizabeth, dogs are so consistently willing to share and are so open and engaging. Yes they can be there to heal if we are open to it.
Love this blog for it asks me to consider more deeply the root of my jealousy at others – it is undeniable that if I am jealous I am literally feeling all of the steps I chose not to take when Love was calling for me to go deeper.
I thank you for this blog which helped me understand how jealousy can play out ever so subtle but still damaging.
Dogs are amazing little reflectors aren’t they Elizabeth…I just love what they show us! I lived with 2 amazing dogs for 13 and 15 years, and what they showed me was incredible. It was my little dog who lived to 15, who showed me how to be tender because if I wasn’t with him, he would wince (he had back pain) and so it taught me to be more tender in how I approached him, and of course myself and everything else…just typing this is a great reminder for me.
Thank you Bernadette for a poetic and eye opener blog. I too have much pleasure in watching dogs’ playfulness on the beach. I often express the wish to have a dog so I can run with it and participate in the game but I never thought of it as jealousy. There is plenty there for me to ponder on my next walk.
Patricia your wish to have a dog and to enjoy playing with it is not jealousy when you are sharing in the dog’s playfulness. It is when we compare ourselves and think we are better or lesser, that is the poison.
Thank you Bernadette for writing this blog with such honesty. Reading it again and reading a lot of the comments I have gained a deeper understanding of how jealousy plays out in our lives and how important it is to pay attention to every little detail in life. I am much more willing and curious to find out how I do jealousy.
Judith I too am curious about how I ‘do’ jealousy. why I am jealous only of certain people and not others. Two people can both have similar qualities and yet I can feel jealousy towards one and not the other. It feels such a thug of an emotion, a really basic brut of a feeling.
Hi Bernadette, I too have more awareness on the deep harming effects it has since attending a Universal Medicine event. How interesting that jealously plays out so ‘innocently’ so to speak not realizing the damage it is actually doing. Bernadette, I love the space you provided yourself to go deeper and use all that you know (with much help from the universe) to unravel what it was to cause you to act like this way.
I have had comparison issues towards others that turn to jealously. Its a similar irresponsible act each time. The comparison is the lack of love for myself I have not chosen “but do know”.
To not allow someone to be in their joy or place pressure on a space that another has created and claimed for themselves is evil.
Bernadette, I love your willingness to look the ‘green eyed monster’ in the eye, no matter the pain that might arise. Evil cannot move once it is named (evil being anything that is not love) and so the first step in disabling this debilitating force, is being able to see it for what it actually is. This is the tricky bit because we have spent lifetimes turning a blind eye to it, lest we feel the extent of this monster’s wrath. This is because jealousy often comes through those who are closest to us and the pain of feeling them turn on us is at times, too much to bear. Rather than admit that this could be happening, we bow our heads in submission and dim our light so as not to shine too bright. This is the whole ‘point’ of jealousy – to make us choose to contract from expressing the full truth of who we are and sharing it with all.
absolutely Liane, jealousy is not a random reaction, it is deliberate to make the other ‘bow their heads and dim their light’ as we rather have the others light shine less then turn up our own light a notch by taking responsibility for our past choices.
I agree Liane, every moment of doubt that enters and we choose to be taken away from expressing the fullness that we have the lived momentum of experiencing, could that be us feeling jealousy? Clocking these moments reveal the truth that jealousy is everywhere, and it is holding the whole world back in a greater extent than we imagine. That said, choosing to see jealousy as it is without compromising the expression of our true self, we are also choosing to be released from this age old prison that exists only because of our unwillingness to see and be.
Hi Adele, from my experience, yes – doubt is the ‘in’ for jealousy. Doubting ourselves and the grandness we bring will lead us to feeling that we are ‘not enough’. If we are not enough, then we will always compare ourselves to others and hence set up a perpetual struggle of us/them, more/less, good/bad, right/wrong etc, which only serves to unlock the green eyed monster’s cage and all hell then breaks loose. When we do not hold back expressing the truth of who we are, no doubt can enter for we have filled all the available space with the magnificence of us, leaving no room for ‘what is not’ to have its ‘wicked way’.
Jealousy is really a bullying energy in a sense because it’s pressuring people to back down from their amazingness because another doesn’t want to take responsibility for their own life and where they are at. It’s very controlling. In that, there are similarities to cyber bullying where others take out their emotion on targets to degrade and/or destroy them because they don’t want to feel what they need to face in their own lives. If we lived in honesty and self responsibility I wonder how much jealousy there would be?
I found myself in the kind of jealousy you describe and it made me cry.
I often see attributes in people close to me and I go into ‘admiration’ and ‘wishing I was that way’ but feeling so far from it… and I know it is as you say “…a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.”
I am giving myself a beating for not being wonderful in this way… I will often express to my partner, at these times, that I love how he is…but he lets me know that something about it does not feel good… He feels the jealousy not a simple appreciation.
Well said Jo and that reveals the importance of acceptance and understanding in freeing ourselves from the mega harm that jealousy causes both the one expressing it and the one it is being expressed at. It is great to be inspired by another and it is wonderful to appreciate each other and that is not jealousy. The jealousy comes in when we do not accept our own past choices and is therefore a fury at ourselves for not having what the other has. It is all perfectly described here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-jealousy.html
Thank you for this link Nicola, this page is a great expose of the energy and the evil of jealousy, how it is fury with ourselves for not living the light that we are, not being responsible for our choices. It is an inner force wielding much harm.
Yes joabillings and Nicola – acceptance of ourselves is SO important. As is deeply appreciating what we bring to humanity – our “values” that we have to offer. Celebrating and confirming these values in our foundation, while accepting all our past choices, allows us to then celebrate and truly appreciate another for their values. So, if something comes up that we are not so good at or we are still working on, we have a place to come back to. A solidity in the knowing of who we are and that we are all equal in this – just that our expression differs.
Yes indeed Bernadette and EVIL is another word that is beautifully described by Unimedpedia – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-evil.html – what a wonderful eye and heart opening it is to read and listen to Unimedpedia Evil and Unimedpedia Jealousy. We have a responsibility to understand these forces and it is also incredibly freeing to do so.
Jealousy is crippling and stunts our life and experience of it. It also takes us away from the people we love the most. Thank goodness there are reflections to show us our ill ways.
Gail it feels like all roads point to us. Everything is reflecting continually back to ourselves. We have the potential to use all that is ‘out there’ to continually be folding back on ourselves. Everything that we experience only exists as a result of us. No-thing can be without it being first in us and so really the constant question that we are to ask ourselves is ‘who am I being now ?’
It sure does Gail. And yes, I thank God for all the gorgeous reflections we are offered everyday – be it to show us our ill ways or confirm our loving way. When our eyes…or our Inner-hearts are open to read the messages and reflections there is so much on offer.
Yes Gail, and for those of us willing to see the impact of jealousy, it is time for us to make the choice to not hold back but to bring it on, our light, who we are and SHINE…this is the role modelling we all need!
We are all equal in light but not so in our expression of it. When we see another living a greater degree of this light by virtue of the choices that they have made, then in an instant the force of jealousy can own us if first we have not taken responsibility for the choices we have made, that have lead us to be where we currently stand. Jealousy therefore is the self-fury we feel for not having made choices that are loving and true and that would allow us to express more of this light – our love. And so, we vent this poison onto another rather than feel the desolation of what we have chosen, when what we have chosen has not been love.
Thank you Bernadette and Liane, I agree, when we are empty of “our love” other energies always find a way to enter us.
Wow Bernadette, what an awesome blog. How open and accepting you were of your sons feedback, then sharing you process of how you inquisitively asked yourself to go deep and the willingness to feel, no matter what came up. It was an absolute joy to read and very inspiring.
The magic of God is everywhere when we are ready to genuinely surrender, hear/see/feel the truth of life and step up the self-responsibility that comes with that awareness and knowing.
Yes and how delightful and playful is the magic of God? We get the awareness through the lightness of the message. It is PURE Magic.
“Appreciate how those delicate clouds light up the sky. Appreciate the playfulness of the dog and appreciate what you bring.” This is the perfect antidote to the jealousy sickness. Appreciation is something I am developing in myself and I can feel the immense support it offers to jealousy, this deadliest of emotions.
On re-reading your blog Bernadette I am feeling the amazing and very beautiful vulnerability in you when reading the paragraph about your son being honest enough to say he felt jealousy from you. We can feel so exposed when experiencing vulnerability, but it is deeply healing to truly feel it and open us up deeper to love. Thank you.
I love your comment about vulnerability, Stephanie, yes we feel very exposed and it is not comfortable at all, but now I realise the opportunity for strength and love and healing that is available. With deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon for raising the discussion of jealousy as an opportunity for deeper awareness and wisdom.
Learning about jealousy from a momentary encounter with a dog reveals how much is being communicated with us if we are open to seeing it. How much we can see ourselves in the reflection of our lives and what an opportunity we have to look at our issues and release them. Healing and becoming more of who we truly are, can be a way of living adding such a richness to our experience of life. What a transformation this can be from feeling like a victim of life – if we make the choice.
It was great to read your experience with jealousy. It is crazy how easily jealousy creeps in, it’s very subtle but can take us off balance. I am aware it’s when we don’t stop, appreciate and accept ourself, we become hard on ourselves, so when there is a true refection in life, rather than embracing and allowing, we go into the want and then the jealousy kicks in. What I am finding it really is about truly accepting and appreciating oneself, then there is no room for jealousy to creep in.
What a precious realisation about jealousy based on your openness and willingness to go deeper – and how exposing of the poison of jealousy that pits us against each other instead of appreciating what we all bring individually to the all we share.
Thank you Bernadette. Reading your beautiful article has enabled me to see that there is a lot of jealousy that I am not even aware of, sneaking in here and there, not staying around too long, so it doesn’t become exposed. As an antidote to this, I can feel more appreciation is needed. I’m inspired to take the time to appreciate myself more, really valuing all that I am.
yes I can relate to how jealousy can engulf how I am, my thoughts, my movements etc. and it also asks the question as to why I do not choose love and appreciation of another, for me to be inspired by them, rather I turn to jealousy and resentment.
Thank you
This blog makes it so clear that it is responsible and loving to appreciate the qualities we bring. If we neglect to do this we are setting ourselves up for jealousy and comparison and it is clear these emotions are very damaging for all relationships.
So true, Leonne. We are always responsible for the choice we make in what we bring to all aspects of our lives, and it is so important to also understand that we are responsible for bringing joy and laughter, and to appreciate that about ourselves.
How wonderful Bernadette that you chose to take on board and accept what your son expressed he felt as a child instead of denying or going on the defence in some way. Wouldn’t it be amazing if this was the ‘normal’ way parents and their children’s relationships could be. Honest and open enough, that they felt that they could express without fearing that there would be a reaction. And then the beautiful gift of understanding the subtleties of jealousy through the dog on the beach and following that the confirmation of the Magic of God of your own qualities by appreciating the playfulness of the dog and appreciating what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.
It would be absolutely amazing Deidre, to have such openness between parents and children, partner relationships, and all of our relationships – I agree absolutely.
We are starved of true communication and honesty with each other. Clearly it’s up to each of us to rebuild such a deeply truthful way and take the responsibility required within ourselves to do so.
Jealously through parents is a major topic that is never talked about let alone felt by parents. It has been something that has been discussed amounts in our family, the affects of it being there have created broken relationship and tension between people who love each other. You have opened up a topic for many parents to feel into. Thanks Bernadette.
Yes it’s such a no go subject within families so to be able to discuss it openly and so deeply is so healing as it is there. Sometimes it is acknowledged but only on a superficial level of say a sibling being jealous of another sibling receiving more attention. Not the truth of what jealousy is really about and the lengths we go to avoid it.
Thank you for your honest and insightful inquiry into jealousy Bernadette, our children offer us a reflection of joy and play-fullness, when I don’t receive the lesson in this and wish I was more like them and become jealous, I am unconsciously reflecting to the child to suppress their joy and light, this is a big responsibility for all adults not to do.
When I am jealous of another it is because I have lost the connection to myself and the tender qualities I bring, I have gone outside of myself comparing myself to another. Rather than feel my amazingness, and then appreciating the qualities and celebrating another person shine in their glory.
We really have to lose the connection to ourselves for jealousy to take a hold, good observation. Once we are disconnected it is like an open invitation for all sorts of self-sabotaging and self-harming behaviours.
Great point Thomas for me also when I go into jealous I loose connection with all that I bring and all that I am and replace it with the comparison of all that I am not and beat myself up with all the ways in which I behave or act that I dislike about myself, not only am I being abusive by being jealous towards them, but I am also being highly abusive towards myself!
Yes Thomas, when my focus is on what is outside of me, jealousy is easily there. I see myself as having shortcomings and others having better qualities than I do. When my focus is on my connection to myself, I end up feeling more appreciative of others.
Yes and i realise how much i have held myself back from shinning, knowing that if i do, i will be attacked by the painful hit of jealousy from another….jealousy is poisonous and a great weapon to keep us small so that we do not attract this force from others…and we too hit others with jealousy causing the same hurt. Jealousy has costed lives. It is not a small topic. What you have shared Bernadette is one of our root issues as a humanity, that is the magnitude of jealousy and it’s impact on us.
Bernadette, it is commendable how deep you are willing to go within yourself and the honest relationship you hold with your son. What you allowed yourself to see and feel was enormous; jealously can be just a fleeting moment that remains undetected in many of us, often coming through the ones we love.
Absolutely Kim. And children when feeling jealousy from parents would often be confused and easily grow up not understanding why there is something always wrong with them in their parents’ eyes. What Bernadette has been honest about and expressed, is a huge healing for all parents and children in the world.
It’s interesting isn’t it – it seems like not such a big deal when we think of it as a fleeting moment – not long in terms of time. But, when we consider the HUGE punch in terms of the force that it carries, it certainly is destructive. Like a cyclone or an earthquake causing devastation to those in its path. The fact that Bernadette’s son could recall feeling this as a child shows how harmful it can be.
A beautiful blog Bernadette and a great lesson that each and every one of us on our planet are equal and loved even the dogs.
Jealousy is a serious condition that affects all people. So thank you so much for raising this point in your blog Bernadette. Jealousy is something that we have accepted as a part of humanity but even though it is such a common experience jealousy doesn’t actually belong to true humanity at all. We are all and have always been capable of a much higher love.
I agree Dean, jealousy has been hiding under the radar for too long and it doesn’t belong to the love and truth that we all really want to live and are now choosing.
Bernadette, a truly beautiful blog. Thank you for a great example of how easy it is for us to experience jealousy. Very exposing for me, obviously as soon as we use comparison in any way, wanting something that another has, even joy, happiness etc., we are really feeling and expressing jealousy. This is huge and leaves much to ponder on.
Yes, I love how you describe the insidiousness of jealousy Bernadette. It does not even have to be put into words, a look or an action. It can be the slyness of a thought that we don’t even realise is jealousy. What a way to diminish ourselves and others.
I really love the example you have shared Bernadette about your son when he was a child. How often have we dismissed a child when he comes to us beaming with joy and want to share everything with us? And how often have we been too busy or distracted to receive and appreciate that joy? How often have we missed out on opportunities such as these to be the Love and Joy that we also are? How often have we looked at a teenager and did not like what we see? How often have we looked at each other with everything but appreciation? Do we not breathe jealousy and comparison? And if we do so in our every breath, are we not living holding back expressing the Love that we are, and how would that impact our health and everything and everyone in life?
But most important of all—How truly grand and world changing is our Love when we choose to express it in full?
This is a blog that has opened up my understanding of Love. To just be me, to Love myself, to Love others and also to receive Love from others is the simplicity in living. In this simplicity there is no room for jealousy and anything that is not from Love.
I am always amazed by how simple life is when I stay connected to me and make my every way about love. As soon as I choose anything else my day becomes more everything else and progressively less simple. In that I have learnt how supportive it is to me and to everyone else around me to make love my every way.
Jealousy can sneak in so insidiously if we allow, by not being the love that we are. As you say ,Adele, when we are love and are living this, life is simple and there is no room for anything else.
This is very true Adele. It is through emptiness that evil expresses. As evil is the absence of love, it makes sense that if we live the fullness of our love, to the best of our ability, then it leaves very little to no room for anything less than this to enter.
The moment we leave Joy, we have also left Love and the gang (Stillness, Harmony, Truth)–whether we want a moment desired in another or we want to reject a certain moment from another, we have already lived that moment not in our fullness, by not holding another in equality. Comparison and jealousy is everywhere, much deeper than we realize it to be, and its harm is destructive no matter how fleeting. Any ounce of jealousy is jealousy and it is deeply harmful to everyone. Any moment we hold back in being the fullness of ourselves—is harmful for the whole of the human race. Thank you Bernadette for expressing the truth and depth of jealousy in this blog.
What is inspiring reading this blog Bernadette, is how you listened to what your son shared and rather than reacting you chose to look at this and how it had played out in your lives together. Also the openness and willingness you had to seeing and feeling whatever was presented to you as an opportunity to learn and to grow, and to go deeper in your relationship with your son, is very inspiring – thank you.
Your experience has made me more aware of the messages we send to our children when we choose to allow our own feelings of inadequacies or sadness to stop us from truely appreciating and sharing in their moments of joy.
Its lovely that your son felt able to talk about this with you.
Jealousy is something that can be clearly ‘out there’ and sometimes vicious, but it can also be so subtle – as you share Bernadette…”Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” The fact is though, that jealousy in any form is extremely toxic to our bodies – it separates us from ourselves, from others and from God.
Bernadette, your blog is a simple reminder that when we are open to looking for truth, it will always be shown to us as the magic of God in everyday events such as a dog playing on the beach. How important then is it to be aware in every moment and to appreciate all that we see and all that we bring to the world.
I love the way you have clearly demonstrated how to look at an issue, in this case jealousy, and the process that is worked through to have the answer revealed in order to learn and understand.There was the simplicity of trusting that you do know and that the answer is always there for us, should we be open to see it. Beautiful.
Reaction is a well trodden path that leads to nowhere, the responsibility that Bernadette has chosen here and her willingness to understand the manifestation of jealousy is inspirational. Indeed with this openness to learn and understand love letters from God are everpresent.
I too loved this Jeanette, and appreciate Bernadette for her beautiful sharing here. It just shows how we have all the answers we need right before us if we’re willing to be open and to see all that is there to be seen. Simple and profound.
I love this blog because it allows us all to call out the jealousy we have felt and have held on to for too long. Jealousy hurts everyone involved and it is never Ok, but, if we don’t bring our awareness to it and call it for what it is we are left in a haze of unawareness or dissolution and this hurts just as much. Here’s to more calling out more of what does not belong in our society, for jealousy has no place in a future of harmony, love and brotherhood.
Bernadette’s honesty and commitment to coming back to her love is so inspiring
I agree Katie. It stops me in my tracks as to how subtly jealousy can come in as Bernadette so gracefully wrote, a ‘fleeting thought’ about a dog playing with a ball. So having recognised it and in her responsibility she is healing her relationship with herself and all others, wow that is the power of love.
Jealousy can be a fleeting thought that comes in to ruin a moment and any moment where two people are not equal (but rather less or more) the moment is never the full joyous experience it so naturally can be.
I really feel that, when you say, jealousy is about two people not being equal .. It is about a person thinking someone is ‘better’ than them or that they are better than the other. Either way it feels horrible.
I notice that mostly in groups I go into comparison and jealousy and I also notice how I am not proud of these emotions. It really has an impact on me and the person I project this on and it feels awful. It is great that blogs like these are written and that we have this discussion about it. It is a subject that is hardly talked about in honesty and openness.
What a great blog and so simple Bernadette. And yes, it is absolute truth where you say: ” Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.” It is a huge realisation and reminding us all, to be really discerning of our thoughts at any time, as these sneaky ‘thought-monsters’ can creep in so quickly.
Wow Beradette that’s a beautiful story to read and it feels so real. What a powerful realisation you have come to here. “Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.”
That statement is so true for me to it is often the small twinges of jealousy that I ignore thinking they are nothing and push then down that have the biggest impact on my life. I have learnt to appreciate other is their magnificence and not to make myself less just appreciate how far I have come.
I can relate to feeling the joy my daughter had as a youngster. I appreciated her light but now looking back there was a part of me that was furious at myself for the reflection of her free, careless and joyful feeling she had about her. This fury was from me knowing deep down this is what I had chose to leave and not allow myself to be with the true me, which is naturally light, delicate, strong, solid and playful. Now I know me and work everyday on not letting the world to impose or affect my deliciousness- through making the moments to deeply connect to my heart and appreciate me.
Thank you Bernadette. What an honesty and deeply insightful sharing. I am inspired to ask myself these questions.
A lovely sharing Bernadette. It is indeed a revelation understanding how we ‘do ‘jealousy and like you I am aware I have done ‘jealousy’ very well with family: cutting those joyous moments with my son, my parents and siblings. Also, feeling jealousy from others and then trying to fit in with how they would like me to be for them – ouch! Being my true self offers an expansiveness that allows others in and then there is no room for jealousy.
Jealousy is a poison that we definitely do not discuss enough – I’m so glad you have started this conversation. It’s fascinating to learn that just having the thought ‘I wish I had that’ effects someone else so hugely. It really highlights to me the need to celebrate and appreciate what everything I am and have and also to celebrate who others are and the things they have achieved that I maybe I have not, have so I am not unconsciously effecting another person. It also reminds me to do the work I need to do to change the things I am unsatisfied with.
Bernadette, you have exposed how sneaky jealousy can be when we think we are loving but maybe not quite so. There is always a reflection waiting for us to uncover our foibles and behaviours and all it takes is the willingness to ask ‘can you show me how I do this, please?’
My response to jealousy from others has been one of confusion (I don’t want to admit that this is at play in the world – either by me or to me as its feels so awful), and then my response has always been stepping down from how awesome I feel to be nice to them. By doing this I let the jealousy win and as many of us are doing the same thing we allow humanity to be kept down at a certain level rather than being inspired by those around us that are shining brightly.
So brilliantly exposed Simon I totally concur and alas I do the same – walking around wounded from the fact that I did not hold me as surely as they hold the jealousy.
It can be so easy to put an end to the jealousy patterns. I can start with appreciation for where I am at and from there let the joy of cherishing me unfold.
Appreciation for self and all the joy that is there in each day, even in the small things will begin the pathway of self worth, the antithesis of comparison and jealousy.
Very inspiering to talk about jealousy and comparison so honest. I feel being honest about and then deeply appreciating myself and the other person is the way return to love, equalness and connection again.
I have come to realise jealousy and comparison is a story we can often run and play with, it’s great to call out, as they are horrendous but we can often use them as a way to hold onto hurts and not let go of a protective layer we may be carrying and an excuse not to grow.
Thank you Bernadette, you have shared some powerful realisations here and the subtlety of how jealously plays out when we are not connected with our bodies. Your commitment and honesty is very inspiring.
What you have written here Bernadette is very powerful.
Your son has presented a beautiful, loving reflection which you listened to and took responsibility for; how awesome is that.
I must admit to a tinge of jealousy as I do not have this level of relationship with my son
However I am inspired by what you have expressed and presented.
A beautifully written article Bernadette that certainly exposes the subtlety that jealousy can slide in on. How clever is our spirit to hide it in a wish and how gracefully open you are Bernadette to capture the moment of exposure. I certainly have lived these moments blind to the true energy that is running them, so a big Thank you Bernadette for sharing this expose’.
What an exquisite blog to read. I am struck with the ease and unreactive-ness you show your son when he was honest about the jealousy he felt as a child. And then the process to ‘go there’ even if it was uncomfortable, to see it. I love the way you describe the dome of the sky, the clouds, nature all around you, assisting this process. What a formidable symphony of you and the magic of God.
Thank you for sharing this Bernadette, it is a beautiful support in healing jealousy and in learning to appreciate ourselves deeply so to not bring it to another.
Great and honest post Bernadette, your line here so valid – “Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment” – yes indeed it’s the subtlety of fleetingness that we need to catch, and the beauty of catching this for when we do catch it, see it, clock, and express it, it leaves/exits the body to create space for —– APPRECIATION. Because when we are jammed packed, unexpressed, there’s no free space for appreciation to be or move about – in joy.
Yes Zofia well said. We cannot say enough about appreciation. There as a strong tendency in our world to self-depricate so let’s hear it for appreciation. What we give our energy to expands, so when we do catch those fleeting moments of jealousy and call them out, let’s fill the space with appreciation.
I love what you write here Zofia. Rather than beating myself up that I have gone into jealousy you have pointed out that it is so important to appreciate the fact that it has been clocked. This appreciation will leave room for a whole lot more!
What I find quite lovely is the fact that you are working with God to reveal all the ways in which we suffocate the joy out of life. Your honesty in wanting to feel what is reflected and accept that as a lesson is like having a session with God. There is such joy just in this, allowing the reflections that are all around to guide us back, to teach what needs to be learned and live a life with the beauty of this connection.
Yes, this was beautiful Matthew, and a great example of how simple this can be.
Jealously is so insidious… I didn’t realise it’s in also wanting a piece of what others have, wishing to better our selves and be more like another. What an exposure! Thank you Bernadette 💓
I can really relate to the grandness we are all from, as reflected by the dome of the sky. I had an experience where I was very caught up in the smallness of human life, and I felt an inner nudge to look up at the night sky. I was very caught up in my mind and seeing the expanse of stars and the true grandness of it all really brought me out of the silliness. The reflection was so immense and I could feel the truth that this is where I am truly from, and that I am part of this – not the silliness of human folly and all its games. This moment offered me an expansion within myself and from that a great perspective of what I had allowed myself to reduce to. Living and taking that into everyday life is another matter but something to work on!
Beautiful Bernadette. I love how you asked to be shown how you were with jealousy and it came, reminding us all that everything we need on our path back to the love is there for us. We are fully supported and need only to be ourselves.
Bernadette, this blog is a de-light-full demonstration of how we all feel everything and how it can affect us for a lifetime unless we nominate it. It’s lovely that your son was able to share what he felt with you and that you were willing to look deeper. Your openness allowed that insight to be revealed. ‘Ask and it shall be given’. What a healing for both you and your son.
Wow, wow and wow. Firstly just from your title I saw and could feel that I find it really easy to see how I have reacted with others, e.g have I been jealous of another (actually in truth I still do not feel I am going deep enough with this one in order to truly heal); BUT find it really hard to see when others have been jealous of me .. In fact I don’t want to see this because I have always wanted to see the ‘best’ in others .. and not the truth! So this has brought up a lot for me. Secondly what a beautiful relationship you have with your son in that he had the courage to call and share how he felt (without blame) but in order to heal and you to have the honesty, openess and love to go there, without judgement or beating yourself up. It has blown my socks off! And feels really lovely … What if all families were to live this way? Thank you for your honesty, transparency and for what you have shared 💕
Love this Bernadette, I shed tears as I too realised the impact that jealousy has had in my life. I could feel instantly too how much jealousy as you so rightly said diminishes us and leaves no space for love of others or of self. What a beautiful gift, you, your son and the playful dog have shared with us all – a moment to reflect and appreciate all we and life have to offer.
Great conversation to initiate Bernadette. Jealousy seems to be so insidious that we don’t even realise how it is playing out a lot of the time. I love your openness and honesty around a subject that tends to be very confronting for most. No one wants to admit that they do jealousy…yet if we allow ourselves to see the bigger picture, as you have done, it can be quite simple and enormously healing.
Bernadette this was so beautiful, honest and expansive that I cried. How open you were to understanding that we all have jealousy, but how does it play out for each of us? The realisation you felt in that moment would have cleared a way of being for you that will allow your awareness to expand further. Really stunning, and as a custodian of dogs myself, they really can teach us a lot.
I agree Jo, dogs are here to teach us so much.At times I see my dog behave with jealously when I’m giving attention to the other dog in the house. It is everywhere!
I have owned two dogs Jo, and they taught me that every day is a glorious day for a dog – they began their day with such joy! Another thing that struck me is how ridiculous to be jealous of a dog, I don’t want to be a dog! But the way I was shown about jealousy from a dog that I have no comparison with on a physical level, clearly showed me that it can be wanting the quality of another that brings us down. And also that we know that quality ourselves, but we are not always living it.
Jealousy can be so subtle that we can miss it unless we honestly enquire how it plays out for ourselves. What a gift to be able to see this in a dog and the enjoy then realisation you have come to. How easy it is to continue our lives with our thoughts without giving them a moment to stop and feel what it is that this internal dialogue is saying and the affect it is having. Jealousy is such a ‘closed subject’ that it is hardly mentioned and yet it is all around us. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I have been noticing more and more moments of jealousy and comparison and how insidious these can be, fleeting like you describe Bernadette but very powerful. I have to up the love and appreciation dosages of this medicine in order to heal.
It is insidious Vanessa but great to be aware of how subtle it can be in such small ways that are just as toxic as more obvious forms of jealousy. I’ve been discovering that just by calling it out to myself that I can then move into the appreciation of myself more, and appreciation of what the other person is showing me that triggered the jealousy.
Jealousy hurts everyone, and our default position (certainly my own) has been to not see it, to not feel (the hurt), though the more we become familiar with, and importantly accept the fact the jealousy does happen, and very often too, and indeed between people we are very close to (ouch), then the more we can see it and call it out to create spaciousness in the body for there to be love.
I love to re read your blog Bernadette it is a great confirmation of the magic of god that happens all around us..
Jealousy is literally everywhere, in families, at workplaces, between close and loving friends. There is no need for the jealousy for it only shows us where we are not being the loving beings with ourselves that we can be.
Great comment Heather, it is rampant in society and as you say is reflecting the fact that we aren’t choosing to see and appreciate the value of ourselves. It would be great for this to be taught in schools.
After reading this blog my housemates and I were able to discuss how jealousy played out for us. It turned out each one admitted to being jealous of me. Although I had felt a tension between us, I hadn’t pinpointed it as jealousy until now. This experience made us all consider just how much jealousy we may be ‘used to’ in life. What if instead, we all lived with the appreciation you describe, knowing we are all an expression of the same divine beauty? It would be a love bomb to displace any jealousy. Thank you Bernadette for all you share here and inspiring appreciation in our house.
Great comment Joseph. For me when I feel jealousy come through me I often don’t realise it at first either but I get to it because something feels off and I can’t connect to or settle into myself. I have to dig until I find it. When I do I seem to compound it by judging myself because the force of jealousy truly feels so hideous. I then go into a kind of shut down because I know it’s definitely not what I want to natural express to others – it feels so abhorrent and out of place with my natural way which is again very confusing, however the answer to why it came up is always very clear. I’ve realised how important it is not to identify myself with it (which I’m still working on), otherwise the road back to my natural appreciative way is much longer.
Jealousy is a prison, it shuts us down and from letting the world in, it keeps us separate and that is true evil, the key to this prison is in our heart, where Love flows freely in and out.
Since I read this the other day Bernadette, I keep coming back to the example you give. Many of us might consider Jealousy to be only wishing you had the car or house of another, but what this shows the subtle way it can creep in every part of life. What a prison it is when we believe ourselves to be separate from life.
I agree Joseph, jealousy is a prison, it’s also a difficult one to shift as it comes laced with hurts and beliefs. But by being truly honest with ourselves we can start to allow a true healing and understanding of how this owns us as Bernadette has beautifully expressed.
Great blog Bernadette, thanks. I appreciate you sharing the process you took to observe how you have been affected by jealousy. I have observed how misery and blame resulting from the poison of jealousy can affect people. Here, you have illustrated a true, healing approach.
Bernadette I really love how you explain the steps to connect the question you asked no matter how much it hurts. The split second between seeing or experiencing something and then the choice between total appreciation or interpreting it as any –even the tiniest bit of lack in our selves make such a difference to the next split second moment. It’s such an incredible powerful choice I’ve found it very difficult to comprehend and actually pin point in the past. You have described it beautifully. One of these presented to me the other day and it was a life changing moment of awareness because now I know how subtle the thoughts can be but the outcome of the choice of my thoughts magnifies and impacts on everyone around, as your son had the clarity and connection to offer to you. I love how the honesty you both accepted brought such a deepening of truth.
Re-reading your blog Bernadette I just had to take a moment to appreciate your relationship with your son who was able to express to you the fact that he felt jealously from you when he was young. It also shows the power of the presentation on jealously at the Universal Medicine retreats that people are willing to express not only that they felt jealously from another but that they themselves have been jealous of another. Exposing jealously is vital if we are to have relationships that are true.
Wow Bernadette, this seems such a simple thing to think at times “Oh to be as joyful as that dog!”, but it is such a subtle form of jealousy! This made me stop and consider how and when I do this, and I realised I can do this with my own sons as well, looking at there preciousness and playfulness and wanting that for myself… ouch and oops! There are also many times where I am more inspired and this jealousy does not come into play. Thank you for sharing this, it is great to see and feel the difference.
I also attended the Universal Medicine event where we explored jealousy and since have been more and aware and willing to explore jealousy in my life – both coming towards me and coming through me. What I have been learning is the sneaky ways of jealousy and that it has no single look – it comes in many forms, shapes, ways, colours…and sometimes it takes quite a bit to realise that is jealously, especially, and possibly because, it is not an easy thing to admit / become aware of. Your blog is beautiful Bernadette as it shows that it only take s a split second for the force of jealousy to come in and be felt by another.
Thankyou Bernadette for this beautiful reflection. There are so many messages in nature for us to learn from every single day, if we choose to be aware of them.
What an amazing awareness to share with us all Bernadette – I can relate to this very much and have often done this in my life. Jealousy is not just the obvious thing of being envious of others, it is more often in the subtle pull towards wishing something was different, knowing that there is more to us than what we are living in the moment and having this reflected back from anything or anyone else.
So how many sons (or daughters) can have a conversation with their parents with such honesty about jealousy, which is such a sensitive and hardly spoken about subject? What an enormous inspiration you and your son are.
Mariette, I agree jealousy is a hugely sensitive subject that most will not discuss, for your son to raise the jealousy he felt as a child and for you to go away and deeply ponder the truth in this is enormous. Your blog has given me a lot to ponder.
Very true Mariette. Enormously inspiring.
Great point Mariette. Jealousy is a very hushed topic, and as you said there are little families that would be willing to talk about it openly between them, or friends, or anyone for that matter. At school a lot of the bullying and abuse that goes on, particularly between girls, is because of jealousy and comparison – but nobody wants to admit it… We create so many dramas in order to avoid the raw competition that’s going on between almost all the girls.
Very much so Mariette, and it is beautiful Bernadette that you were so willing to then take it further, to see and understand how your jealousy had played out.
I agree, the willingness to learn and be honest that is required to have such a real conversation is something to be celebrated; that and the fact that there can be no hardness or taking personally another’s irresponsibility. It’s our own responsibility to read jealousy for what it is and to never hold back or back off because of it.
What I appreciate about the way my son presented this to me Ariana and Mariette was that he didn’t go into any detail “Remember when” or criticism, just told me that he had felt jealousy from me as a child, and he gave me the space to go away and discover the truth for myself, so this way I really understood the insidious nature of jealousy, and how we can be jealous of those nearest and dearest whom we love.
This is gold-
From such a simple moment you chose to go deeper and feel the healing on offer.
I love how you have used this experience with the dog to heal an underlying issue that would otherwise have been buried. I love how your adult son’s comment did not make you get defensive. Instead you used it as an opportunity to heal deeply one of the biggest issues facing mankind- comparison and the resultant jealousy.
Thanks so much for sharing.
It is very interesting to reflect further on jealousy, because if we are open to seeing how it has played out for others with us, it goes likewise for how we have directed it to others. Both can be painful to feel as they are both equally feeling all of what is not love in our world, and what we innately naturally are and yearn for. Seeing and exposing this jealousy allows us to go deeper in our relationships with ourselves and others, and bring more true love to every interaction as a result. This is for sure what the world needs!
How amazing for your son to voice his feelings about the jealousy you felt towards him. We accept that children need to be taught by adults, but there is a huge amount adults can learn from children, if the adults are willing to learn.
We can learn so much from the simplest and unexpected places…especially when we ask and are prepared to listen. I liked hearing how you got to that realization Bernadette. this bit was great -‘but instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.’ The wanting it for myself part spoke volumes about jealousy to me.
Bernadette thank you for raising the topic of jealousy, it is indeed a poison that weaves it’s way often unnoticed through our bodies, through our thoughts and sprays it’s toxic waste out into the world. It’s a rampant emotion that goes mostly unchecked and wreaks havoc in relationships. I am only aware of a small percentage of my jealous thoughts and feelings as they often seem to flit in, in the blink of an eye. I do however feel their decline and put this down to increasing the self loving choices that I am making, which in turn is increasing the amount of love that I feel in my life and consequently there seems less room for anything that is not made from love, such as jealousy.
Thank-you Bernadette for bringing more insight into the subject of jealousy and the subtle ways we can be in it and not know it.
This is a very thought-provoking blog Bernadette and one which has been written with a huge amount of care. I have always seen jealousy as something that exists within the context of rivalry between suitors or where another person’s outstanding qualities serve to highlight one’s own ‘inadequacies’ which in turn can be compounded by one’s lack of self-love. I’m sure jealousy can be unwittingly provoked by a display of prodigious talent whether it be athleticism or mental dexterity but in the case of the dog, I’m sure he’s just revelling in the joy of his existence which he is expressing in the only way he knows how,
and that is something that we can all appreciate without feeling any ill-will towards the dog! It is interesting that you were handed that illustration the precise moment that you were. It certainly seems like a magic-of-God-moment, given what was on your mind.
Thank you Bernadette, your blog has given me something to ponder on – how do I do jelousy?
Ohhh, the hornets nest of the jealousy parents hold towards the light that their children bring. This is a huge topic and one I feel I am only just starting to explore in relation to my own kids. Thanks for your openness in raising it.
Thank you Joel, you have given me food for thought. I am beginning to understand much more about my relationships with my own parents when I was young, and how hurt I was. But I need to really explore this really fully with regard to my own sons, now very grown up, but who would be carrying much from their own upbringing I now realise. Very much pondering to be done here. Jealousy is so insidious and so, so harmful.
Parents jealous of children! I wonder is there anywhere else in the world this topic is so openly discussed, and without an ounce of judgement!!
You have taken my understanding of jealousy to a whole new level Bernadette. I can now see the comparison I go into as the breeding ground for jealousy.
Very insightful blog, Bernadette, thank you. It shows so clearly that when we are willing and committed to understanding the whole truth, it’s not as hard as we may think to turn over those stones buried at the bottom of the garden.
Thank you so much Bernadette; what an awesome sharing. By appreciating everything we bring, we don’t have to ever feel less and thereby jealous. We can simply be inspired by another who brings more love to an area we just may have not brought it to – yet. Thanks should be given for having it brought to our awareness because as a result we then live with more love in more areas of our lives.
Beautiful Gina…appreciation of ourselves and others, and being inspired by others are powerful and very loving choices that we can make – that then inspire others to do the same, often bringing people together in a very harmonious way. Whereas in total contrast, jealousy only causes more reaction and poison, and never inspires another – in fact only causes further separation.
I think it is so important to be willing to learn, discover and uncover more about ourselves, even if it might be painful to go there in the beginning. The quality of jealousy by it’s very nature is yucky and forceful, but because you went there anyway, it seems you got a really beautiful example for your learning, the dog, not to mention a stunning scene in the sky that gave a reflection that there is always light under darkness.
So true Bernadette, to see joy in another, even a dog, hurts if we have been denying ourselves that joy. And we have a choice to feel that hurt and pull to be more and appreciate, as you did, what this moment offers us – to access our own joy, or we can go into comparison, feel less or bring in some mental reasons why we are superior, which will open the door wide for jealousy to come in.
Bernadette this is such a great honest blog on jealously and how it plays out in our lives in such hidden ways all adding to and coming from our lack of our own self worth. I love your comment and realisation that appreciating ourselves and others for all we are is the answer to jealously and eliminating it from our lives,so beautiful and simple.
Your Blog revealed that there are lessons offered all the time – it is on us to take them.
I love how everything in life is a reflection for us to consider. It’s wonderful how you caught your jealousy about the joy of the dog. We can so easily ignore moments such as these and carry on in the same old way without embracing the message. We have more of a chance of feeling joy ourselves if we are willing to be honest about how we truly feel.
Bernadette this blog gives us the opportunity to acknowledge that we go into jealousy and how subtle it might be. Being honest enough to accept we all do or have felt jealous is the first step to identifying ‘how do I do jealousy’. Thanks
It also let’s us ask “how is jealousy directed at us”? This question is useful not for berating others for their behaviour, but for bringing understanding to the fact that the behaviour is a result of lack of self worth, love and appreciation.
“Have I felt jealousy from another? Have I been jealous of another?” When these questioned were posed at the Universal Medicine Retreat, there was much to be exposed as everyone in the room could answer yes to both of the these questions. What I discovered was just how capping jealousy is and how it is such a forceful energy that hurts the person who has it and the person who is receiving it. The more I have been open to exposing jealousy, the more it is revealing itself to me. The great thing is that I am now aware of it and am choosing to work with it, rather than ignore it and pretend it is not there.
Beautiful to read. Jealousy is truly exposed and it is possible through your openness to what is shared by others and your observance of what is there is to be seen all around in the way of signs and the magic of God. Very supportive and insightful, thank you for sharing.
Jealousy seems to be seen as normal albeit unpleasant behaviour in society, especially in relationships, or between women. It is great to say out loud, jealousy is poison, and can be addressed with inner focus and self-appreciation.
Bernadette its such a great lesson to learn. In life there were always things I wanted to do but felt others could do them better. I would feel helpless, frustrated and worthless in comparison. Yet in the example of a dog catching a ball how it puts into context that we can’t do everything – nor do we need to. Instead its to appreciate what each of us brings. this way its clear that we each bring part of the whole picture and by working together things develop – it takes away our ability to control situations and instead teaches us some incredible lessons in life.
“Yet in the example of a dog catching a ball how it puts into context that we can’t do everything – nor do we need to.” Thank you David, we can’t do everything and wishing we could is about control, as you have pointed out. I agree, that we each bring our abilities and qualities to complete the whole picture, and in appreciating this we are all equal.
Since reading your article Bernadette I have been observing if I too have jealousy, particularly with my son. What I noticed this morning as I looked at the screen saver on my phone was that there was a photo of us both together and my thought was that I looked a bit wrinkly and didn’t look as lovely as he did with his gorgeous, joyful smile and his beautiful skin, this I can feel now is jealousy and is me not seeing that Im equally as lovely as my son, thank you for opening my eyes to this.
We can always choose to appreciate something special someone brings and value it, or we can be jealous about it. We do not voice we might be jealous. It prompts us into re-action. Jealousy, on the other hand, is an exercise of lack of self-appreciation. Suddenly, all your virtues disappear because this is that you wish and this is all it matters.
Jealousy can also be used as a great marker, in the sense if we are jealous of where another is at, or their lightness of being as you have shared, then it can be a stop point to say, okay this feels awful but here is an opportunity for me to grow, I am jealous as I know I can be the same, but I have not been making the choices I know I should have made, and willing to live in a way that brings the same.
So true Gyl Rae, instead of getting jealous simply feeling inspired to discover more of the wonders that are to be found inside ourselves.
Yes Gyl, it is always about choices and when we go into jealousy we miss out on the greatest opportunity to be inspired by another and learn that through another’s hard work and dedication new choices are indeed possible.
What I do when I feel jealousy of any kind is call it out, to myself in my head, no matter what it is, so it can’t keep playing it’s game. I also talk about it in class with kids, how awful jealously and comparison is and if felt and appropriate will call it out aloud or simply to myself.
Thanks Gyl, this is really helpful to read, ‘What I do when I feel jealousy of any kind is call it out, to myself in my head, no matter what it is, so it can’t keep playing it’s game’, I will give this a go too, since reading Bernadette’s article I have been noticing how often jealousy there is and so it is great to have this practical tool of simply calling it out.
Gyl I agree just recognising jealousy and calling it out in my head helps to understand why people do and say certain things that can come out of the blue and and can at the time be quite hurtful. This happened to me the other day and seeing it as jealousy allowed me to let it go rather than what I would have done before, question and doubt my own abilities.
I agree Gyl. It is awful and we intentionally would not want to harm another but this is what we do when we do not call jealousy out.
Thank you for this sharing, Bernadette and showing how your willingness to be open was key to seeing what was really going on with jealousy. What was shown with the dog shows how subtle yet destructive this one thought can be on ourselves and our relationships. It is a way I hadn’t considered before and can see that this can be there at times. Your openness is inspiring 🙂
isn’t it amazing how insidious jealousy can be and play out,
Bernadette what I truly loved about what you have shared is the willingness to be open to look behind what your son presented. And in doing that the understanding was presented without you trying. Now that is the magic of god and of you!
Thank you Bernadette. This is a beautiful way to present on the subject of jealously. What really struck me is just how sneaky jealously is. It does not have to be loud and obvious for it to be there, it can simply be a tiny thought that enters as you described. There is nothing small about jealously. It is a force that goes out to another and it has a definite message that asks another to stop being who they truly are. How important then is it that we deal with jealously the second we know it is there.
Elizabeth I love your description of jealousy, ‘it has a definite message that goes out to another to stop them being who they truly are,’ you are so right and it is very sneaky, it can be completely unseen, but it’s very deeply felt.
So well said Elizabeth. It is so important to clock jealousy the moment we are aware of it and then we can do something about it rather than let it go undealt with and allow it to fester like an open wound. Unchecked, jealousy is so harming, and the impact can have enormous consequences, sometimes lifelong, on all those involved.
Bernadette brilliantly exposes the subtleties of jealousy and how we delude ourselves into believing we have conquered it. Without self appreciation, it to creeps in and takes us unaware.
Yes so true Kehinde, if we do not claim our own glory and live that around the clock by appreciating ourselves in full, we do open the door to jealousy.
Like many here have expressed, we know this feeling well having experienced it ourselves. On the other hand there are times when we see others enjoyment or success and just fully appreciate them without going into any fleeting comparison or jealousy and these moments feel expansive and confirming which really goes to show how connection to ourselves and appreciation of ourselves is healthy and the way to evolve.
This was really beautiful to read Bernadette and from your sharing I am now able to understand another part of how jealousy plays out for me too.
It is quite insidious and even subtle as the many forms it come in are so tricky. I definitely am fully open to looking deeper at where jealousy plays any part.
Bernadette, how beautifully simple this lesson was revealed to you simply because you asked for it to be shown to you and you were ready to see and feel it. I have come to feel it from another like an assault on my body and now know that that is what another felt when I was jealous of them. I have found appreciation to be the antithesis of jealousy and now can cut the force of the jealousy with a loving dose of recognising how that person inspires me and appreciating them for this.
Thank you Bernadette – I can now see the difference between appreciation of a quality that someone has and the entry of jealousy which is when we want that for ourselves. Appreciation is where it’s at!
Lovely Deborah – yes appreciation is really where it’s at and it is a true joy just feeling and expressing appreciation to self and others.
I love the delicacy and power that you have written this blog with Bernadette. Your insight is striking. What I feel in reading it is that the jealousy comes from not feeling whole, joyful and brilliant within oneself at the time of the fleeting thought, comment, remark of another. It reminds me to continually feel and confirm how gorgeously grand I am, in each and every moment so that I can share in everybody’s glorious expression around me.
A brilliant example of the power of reflection; whereby, the magic that abounds us, can support an awareness required for healing, to come to fruition.
Absolutely. And the beauty is that we are always being reflected to.
From reading this article I am also blown away by the power of honesty and the amazing changes that occur when we are prepared to look in our shady corners with tenderness and understanding for ourselves.
So important matildaclark. Without the tenderness and understanding, we set ourselves into a cycle of self-abuse by being judgmental and hard on ourselves…and therefore bring only more shade to those already shady corners. When the light of tenderness and understanding is cast, the shade and the corner can clear in an instant.
Jealousy is actually blinding us for enjoying life as being a huge play field to enjoy and to learn from. Instead if we resist life and when encountering someone who does not resist life but enjoys this in full we become jealous about them because we have not chosen to accept life in full but resisted it instead, this all happening in a fleeting moment. How imprisoned we are living in this way?
“jealousy is actually blinding us for enjoying life as being huge play field to enjoy and to learn from.” absolutely true.
It is a great example how your son expressed his feelings and this offered you an opportunity to deepen you awareness and heal. When we express we offer not just ourselves healing but others – this is awesome.
Yes Sarah, to express our feelings is healing and a chance for the one opposite to heal to. Ridiculously we even sometimes do not express beautiful feelings like how much we love someone truly. This can change so much.
Beautifully written Bernadette, exposing the subtlety of how deep the poison of jealousy goes. What you have helped me to remember is how the slightest diminishing of myself upon feeling the beauty in another, is in fact jealousy. I can recall how feeling the joy and unconditional love of a dog took me too the joy & love that I am as well, a realisation. It seems with people, sometimes it is easier for me to be in the jealousy and not see how I am diminishing myself, deep in illusion; an illusion within all the beauty of nature showing me who I am as well. Thanks again Bernadette.
What an awesomely beautiful connection you made with yourself, the dog and God Bernadette. I got the whole picture so clearly.
How you prepared yourself to ask and then receive the revelations, with an open hearted awareness. So much to learn in this. Thank you. Just Ask and be open to receive the Magic of God.
‘Just Ask and be open to receive the Magic of God.’ True Irena, a true gift when something, previously hidden, is revealed to us
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I love how when we are willing to ‘see’, as you were Bernadette, all is revealed – communicated in the unique way that we can appreciate and relate to. There is So much to appreciate, awesome.
Bernadette, great question you ask, ” How do I do jealousy”? your words have offered a deeper awareness – “Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” Any comparison, or judgement toward us spoils the moment I agree.
There is so much to appreciate in ourselves, and appreciate and be inspired by in each other. As we fill ourselves with our love and truly appreciate all we are.. and all we have to offer each other everyone of us truly benefits.
These words “…appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too” were very relevant for me to read today. Appreciation for who we are and what we bring, and a reminder to also value this…very powerful indeed.
Thank you Bernadette for sharing the simplicity and power of the support that is there for all of us, every day, through the beauty of nature.
I love that your sharing brought a deeper understanding of jealousy to me, you have given me much to look at within myself, I will be watching more closely those fleeting thoughts, in deep appreciation, thank you Bernadette.
What you have so beautifully uncovered here Bernadette is that jealousy can creep into our lives in oh so subtle ways, but when we appreciate and feel inspired by others qualities it opens up a world of joy within.
Bernadette what a profound insight that helps sharpen my awareness, and I do recognise that jealousy can be a fleeting thought as you describe. What I love is how you describe your insight with such openness, no self-judgment within the context of the whole, and God’s love forever shining upon you. This feels like the way to me, being able without flinching to feel any corruption within us whilst as the same time never losing sight of the truth and love we already are and are held within.
I love this too Josephine, thank you. And if we can do this for ourselves then how much easier to do it for others also.
Yes she has done exactly as you describe – unflinchingly looking at how she reacts and then she chooses to feel the underlying issues. Very very inspiring for us all. She is no lesser for being willing to look at her stuff – in fact it’s because she knows deeply she is all she need to be , there is no issue in going into the deeper issues that get in the way of the glory she knows she truely is within.
Beautifully said Josephine, ‘being able without flinching to feel any corruption within us whilst as the same time never losing sight of the truth and love we already are and are held within’. Against the constant background of truth and love, any corruption is just a mere silhouette that only appears real if we give it energy.
Beautifully expressed Josephine, especially ‘ you describe your insight with such openness, no self-judgment within the context of the whole, and God’s love forever shining upon you’. Sometimes a phrase or a sentence releases my body in the knowingness of the truth it holds and this was one of those moments! Thank you.
Amazing realisation, Bernadette. I remember how I used to find it almost impossible to acknowledge another’s glory with no reservation. I used to think that if someone else had it, it wasn’t available for me, like I was doomed to be less because of someone else’s glory. I was totally invested in individualism. “It feels glorious to come home to me, to love, knowing that we all have our qualities to bring to the world” – absolutely.
Thank you Fumiyo – A great exposure on the tricks and games that can be played out through our thoughts when we are totally invested in individualism –
I used to think that if someone else had it, it wasn’t available for me, like I was doomed to be less because of someone else’s glory.
I was also ‘invested in individualism’ and I find that the more I appreciate myself and live my potential, the less I want something that someone else has. There is then no need to compare, no regret that I haven’t made the same choices, I can simply value and appreciate that another is bringing their fullness to light.
I can feel this too Fumiyo and Bernadette. When expressing in fullness, what I often feel coming back as a response, expressed or not, is “if she has expressed it, then we can’t possibly express the same” especially in the creative and artistic industry that I work in. But jealousy is exactly that—creation. There is no individuality in anything expressed when it comes from God, we can all express it equally in our own ways and in our own time.
That’s beautiful Bernadette, thank you. I love the way you identify jealousy as that fleeting thought where you want for yourself a quality another demonstrates, rather than simply appreciating what they bring. I would say I have regarded jealousy as more severe than this, but you have shown how much more subtle and insidious it can be. This is a very powerful understanding, and one I shall carry with me.
The way you write paints a vivid picture Bernadette. On this beach, walking along, its like when this jealousy comes, we step into a deep dark cave where no light can come. How beautiful then that you chose to contemplate and consider what your son said. How powerfully nature through the dog and the walk helped you see past jealousy’s dark cloud. If we were all to bring self-responsibility as you have done, and let the nature take its course, the jealousy in this world would be greatly diminished.
It is no surprise that nature is one of our greatest allies. The obvious similarities between what can be seen and what plays out in our lives are not surprising. The darkness and the light, for example. Both are evident in this writing and both could be felt too. Knowing we have a mirror around us all the time reflecting our choices back to us is one great support system.
Thank you Bernadette for this amazing blog – so beautifully and unashamedly expressed in true revelation I feel. Your words provide the opportunity for many of us to truly look and reach within to see where and how we may have shown jealousy – I had not realized before how insidious and secretive it can be. We all can recognize when it is obvious – that is easy – but to reveal the cavernous depths that it can be cloaked in is awesome – thank you. Now I must also evaluate how I do/have done jealousy and bring healing to that rather nasty and hidden behaviour.
This is a really interesting proposition – that when we have even a millisecond thought of jealousy, we’re actually diminishing the joy that is available to ourselves and to the other party. We reduce their joy by wishing it were ours and we diminish our own amazingness by imposing a belief that we’re not enough without their quality. What a ridiculous game and one with detrimental consequences to both sides if that jealousy is played out day after day. We all bring equal value. We just express it differently. That’s the most important thing to remember.
What came up for me loud and clear Bernadette was your elder energy – a very deep wisdom, so palpable and very inspiring
Absolutely Tamara, the allowing of the issue to emerge and to be healed brings the moment of magic toward us to be embraced! Perfect!
Thank you for sharing your understanding of jealousy Bernadette the seeds of which were magically presented to you. What I learnt from your expression is that if we are open to addressing an issue which you were, we are gifted with the way forward, if we are willing to feel and to see it. The joy of the dog’s natural beingness was your son in his! What a gift is the magic of God!
Yes Bernadette Glass, I see that too; that your honesty and willingness Bernadette allowed the insight and way forward to open up to you. You were then able to deeply appreciate yourself and feel equality in that moment. This is very beautiful and a great reminder to commit to honesty when seeking understanding.
Yes what a gift the dog offered because his grace of being or agile beauty pressed an automatic pilot button – of comparison where hope, wish or desire sits and festers as opposed to a buoyancy of celebration and an inspiring. Jealousy or comparison is so dampening and feels completely awful and tight in the body…yet once it’s addressed by us as you say Bern, the feeling of spaciousness is exactly this – spacious and supple.
It becomes a choice then Zofia. We must learn to be ready to cancel the automatic pilot button and join in the celebration of another in their glory – allow it to pull us into it’s middle and feel that we too are that! Awww, I can feel the truth of that – so glorious!
bernadetteglass I love your last sentence . . . The joy of the dog’s natural beingness was your sons in his! We can learn much from our dogs, their natural beingness with only simple requirements and masses of unconditional love to give freely.
You explain so well just how a fleeting thought that might go unnoticed by oneself is when closely observed actually is jealousy. I appreciate the knowledge and will be more aware in future if this happens between myself and another, loved one or stranger .I agree that we don’t need to beat ourselves up for this or feel guilty but just through recognising the thought for what it truly is can bring change. Thank you Bernadette for sharing this eye opening revelation.
Wow, that is very beautiful Bernadette and goes to show how your openness to looking at what your son said to you allowed the answer to come so quickly. I got such a healing reading your honesty in admitting that, which allowed any other tensions I have held in my body over that issue to release, so thank you.
Yes I am deeply inspired by what can happen when we are open to looking at what people share with us – even when it is a bit squirmy. The opportunities to shift old patterns and be beautifully and tenderly honest with ourselves are endless.
Gorgeous sharing Bernadette – thank you. Jealousy is a poison indeed and I love how you have exposed this and that at every moment we have a choice to appreciate what we are being shown or go into jealousy. That everything moment is a moment to learn, to evolve to deepen our connection to love. ‘Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.’ – so beautifully said.
I loved your openness to explore where the jealousy lay and how it affected you. It felt like there was no fight or need to control the process and so the answer could come with ease. By being open and honest you were also able to allow the grace of your divine qualities being reflected back to you. In wanting what another has, we fail to see we have it too or value our unique qualities.
“In wanting what another has, we fail to see we have it too or value our unique qualities.” This is important for us to realise, Fiona, because we all naturally have gorgeous qualities of joy, playfulness, love within and only need to feel ways to connect with our inner heart and bring these qualities out more for ourselves to enjoy as well as others
So true Fiona, openness is such an important key to reading the situation to be the divine message that it actually is.
So gorgeous Fiona – “In wanting what another has, we fail to see we have it too or value our unique qualities.” I agree, how Bernadette did not react or push herself to find or look for where she may have been jealous, and just allowed the answer to come to her was a loving way for both herself and her son.
What a beautiful way for us to learn about jealousy from the dog and you, because of you being open to exploring this – thank you Bernadette.
Wow I didn’t realise how easily jealousy can run in our every day; by wishing you could be like the dog is jealousy, wow, so powerful and expansive at the same time. A learning opportunity for me for sure. Thank you Bernadette, a great start to my day.
Bernadette, you’ve definitely taken the meaning of jealousy for me to another level. I’m in my 30’s and I’m becoming more aware of jealousy when it pops up. It’s not been hugely prevalent in my life, but it has certainly been sneakier that I gave it credit for. Your article has exposed my instances of jealousy even more. How many times have I thought I was appreciating something/someone but in fact, was feeling less and wishing I could have what they had. Much to bring into awareness.
Agree Elodie this blog has made me become more aware of the subtly of jealousy. It doesn’t need to be front and centre but lurking in the background having the same and equal affect.
Wow Bernadette – what you have shared on the poison of jealousy is hugely powerful!
It is so profound and written with such beauty, grace and a depth of honesty that it just melts the heart.
Bernadette, this is an honest and beautiful sharing of how jealously affects us all and the importance of bringing more appreciation in our lives and for others alike. Thank you
Wow Bernadette, that was a great realisation. I had never considered moments like you describe with the dog as jealousy, so you have rocked my world (in a great way). There’s a lot for me to ponder here. I definitely feel how lack of self-appreciation leaves a huge opening for jealousy to quietly enter.
Bernadette, I love how you explain the openness you felt as you walked along the beach – knowing full well the answer may hurt or be uncomfortable but committed nonetheless to exposing an old and outdated pattern. This shows me that communication with God is as simple as asking and being open to receiving His love.
Being open to receive love is being open to the communication that is everywhere and constantly there for us to unfold from.
Yes Kate, since childhood we have all felt jealousy coming from others, at school, in our family, at work if we excel, even from strangers if we are looking or feeling amazing or confident. Over the years we change our behaviour, even our bodies, to fit in, stay small, become more invisible or “nice”. There are many ways that we respond to jealousy that don’t support us. The best choice to make? Appreciation, of ourselves and the other person, (or dog!) and this applies whenever we have a jealous thought ourselves.
I couldn’t agree more Bernadette. Personally I have found that simply appreciating another is not enough. I have to fully appreciate myself first in order to arrest any jealousy I feel.
It is funny that we associate jealousy with really overt behaviours such as tantrums, conniving or hypocritical niceness with backstabbing behind the scenes. Sure that is jealousy, but the extreme end of the spectrum. It is the subtle stuff that goes undetected and does so very much harm…like the one or two termites missed by the inspector. It does not take those two termites long at all to compromise the structure…just as those fleeing thoughts ruin our relationship with ourselves and of course everyone in our lives.
Who in this world would think that wanting another’s joy could be so harming?
What we forget is that it takes the complete overlooking of the joy that is ours already to be connected to.
This is a blog I will return to Bernadette. I appreciate the care you took in writing it for us all.
Yes I agree with you Rachel- “Who in this world would think that wanting another’s joy could be so harming?”- even if it is a dog.
This has now opened up the opportunity for me to ponder upon situations in my life where I have indeed been jealous and not realised it.
Great analogy Rachel – two remaining terminates can compromise the whole structure just as even a hint of jealousy can lay waste to true joy and compromise our entire well-being and that of another..
Wow Rachel this is a great analogy. just one or two termites missed by a building inspector can fundamentally compromise the whole building. Just like that analogy the subtle thoughts of wishing for another person’s quality of joy or any other quality can and do affect us and our relationships profoundly. It is in essence denying the blessing we are witnessing and also denying the magnificence that is already within our self.
Rachel, this is so true. Prior to this blog I was looking at jealousy as the big things comparison, competition etc. I was missing the subtle ways in which I have jealousy come up and will bring attention to this details now, thank you.
Bernadette thank you for sharing this so openly. Jealousy is never a popular topic yet it is one that is so needed in our conversations. We need to be really honest in our homes, our workplaces and families where this plays out however subtle it may be.
Yes Donna, in the past I have seen it as something to hide when I feel jealous of another or feel it from them, but bringing this out into the open can bring understanding, awareness of our deep hurts and consequently a beautiful healing and a return to love again in the relationship
Quite true Donna, it is not discussed openly, it is like we can feel its ugliness and don’t want to go there. It is like a seed for corruption, something that is rife in our world.
Yes Donna it is a great honest sharing and one that took a great deal of love and understanding to ponder on and uncover how jealousy played out. Sharing this blog will allow people to openly feel into the subtle ways jealousy is a part of their lives.
A moment is all it takes – this sharing has created so much awareness around the way ‘Jealousy’ can come in. This sharing invites us to go deeper when appreciating and to check-in on the quality of energy behind the Appreciation. Wow, Bernadette this has cracked something big open and exposed how we can so easily get caught up in Jealousy without owning it. Great blog.
As I read this blog I felt a knowing this is true for me as well. Wishing for myself something another is expressing rather than sharing in the joy of it being expressed. What Bernadette has offered in this blog is an opportunity to do exactly this, share in the delight of this blog and return to the truth that we are all one and what true beauty and joy one offers is there for all.
Beautiful, Simon ….. as we are all one, it feels like we can reach a point where the delight we feel in another’s joyous expression will be the same as and equal to us feeling the joy ourselves first and then expressing it ourselves. What I’m feeling from this is we will have let go of our need to calibrate, to measure and judge. There will be as much love and joy celebrating another as for our self. I’m saying will as I’m not there in my own livingness, yet, but I’m going there.
Absolutely Simon, not sharing in the joy is harmful in every way. We all have our unique part of the puzzle to add to the whole picture and when we recognise it in another we can use it to be inspired, knowing that we can shine too, if we so choose. Comparison and jealousy is a killer for brotherhood and in my experience just a decoy for not taking responsibility for not making those choices.
I find if we stay honest and open to how jealousy affects us we can then start to expose it. I love how Bernadette didn’t reject what her son shared with her about jealousy but she stayed open, she didn’t react and was ready to look deeper into what he felt. This is very gorgeous and very healing. It reminded me of a recent experience of jealousy coming from someone close to me. When I recognised it, I expressed it to them but they didn’t want to hear it and reacted to it as an attack. This was an amazing lesson for me to observe how I stayed open and didn’t feel the need for that person to see it as jealousy. I also didn’t feel guilty or responsible for their reactions. I simply expressed what I had felt, left it open and accepted what I had observed. I stay detached to an outcome and appreciating that I was able to express what I had felt. The beauty of staying open and fully expressing what we feel.
This is revelatory Bernadette — how insidiously jealousy can operate if this is where we go to. We can ‘trick’ ourselves in thinking we’re admiring someone but if in that admiring, we’ve lessened who we are, jealousy is playing out — there’s no longer true connection or openness with the person before us but a playing out of what ‘I want’ because we’ve made ourselves less.
I love how you’ve explained this Katerina, “We can ‘trick’ ourselves in thinking we’re admiring someone but if in that admiring, we’ve lessened who we are, jealousy is playing out”. Yes it is very insidious, because that moment passes and we haven’t realised that we no longer feel an equalness with another.
Absolutely Katerina. We trick ourselves into thinking we are just appreciating and admiring others when we say things like, ‘wow their legs are so much thinner than mine’ or ‘I would really love to have their hairstyle’, when actually by doing this we are dissing ourselves, and looking out to compare our bodies and lives to other women because we don’t have solid self worth.
That’s quite a trick, where we admire Katerina, and yet make ourselves less and of course there is jealousy, and what I also feel is control, how we want to control the other, another way I can play out jealousy. Like Bernadette’s blog I hadn’t considered how subtle jealousy can be, like that fleeting thought, or how it can be wrapped up in something else. Great blog Bernadette, thank you.
Great sharing Bernadette, there are more times than I remember that I would have wished for something another had, or envied the lightness and joy in another and wished I felt that way. Realising these common thoughts are actually jealousy, and the real effects of those kinds of thoughts have on us is a great awareness.
Yes Laura, probably everyone of us at some time have felt those little moments where we didn’t feel we had what another had, and now know them to be jealousy. I don’t like the thought that I am jealous of someone I love and care about but the truth is when I am comparing myself to what another has that I don’t I have lost sight of love.
Whenever I have these thought come in I am learning to catch them and appreciate what another has or appreciating what I feel in them.
What a beautiful sharing Bernadette, thank you! I know that form of jealousy so well… and in that moment, there is not only no love or appreciation for the dog/other person, but no love or appreciation for self… and I make myself small. Then, everyone misses out.
So true Brooke.
Such an open and honest sharing Bernadette. I am sure none of us get away from exposing that we have felt jealousy in our life, whether it be jealous of another or feeling jealousy from another. What’s strange, is the quality we are jealous about IS often within us, like the playfulness and joy of the dog, it’s just that we don’t allow ourselves to see or feel it. The honesty of your son offered you an amazing opportunity.
So true Maree ‘the quality we are jealous about IS often within us’ but not available to us because of our choices and it is this recognition that hurts. If we allow appreciation of what someone else has that opens us up to also appreciate this quality within ourselves so it is a win/win situation and feels so much more loving for the body.
So true Maree, I am aware that I have been jealous of others because I see them rejoicing in a quality that I have not embraced within me, but it is there. Claiming and celebrating those qualities within us definitely helps to kill off jealously, but there is also the need to be totally honest with ourselves, because underneath jealously lies all the choices and potential that we have not claimed and that’s the bit we avoid taking responsibility for. Bravo Bernadette for facing the truth and being prepared to feel the pain so that the truth could be exposed, never easy but well worth the dedication and perseverance.
“the quality we are jealous about IS often within us, like the playfulness and joy of the dog,” – so true Maree, how would we recognise that quality in another if we didn’t already know it ourselves?
And yes my son offered me an amazing opportunity. Another thing I am learning, that opportunities for understanding and wisdom are not always presented to us comfortably!
This is awesome and one blog I can certainly sit with for there are unanswered questions about how I do jealousy. Jealousy of course is driven by self and this need to be something more than the natural amazingness we are. A work in progress I shall look for my inspirational dog moment to let me feel what I need to.
Having felt Jealousy from others and also felt Jealousy towards others, I find this article very timely as this is an area I am currently looking at. It is poisonous to our bodies and our relationships so a huge area that needs a strong focus. I have noticed how part of me really wants to go there but part of me does not fully so this is the first part I am breaking down. So I agree Lee a work in progress.
‘my inspirational dog moment’ – love it Lee. It is so true, this is a huge area to look with deeper awareness and honesty into – a beautiful and much needed reflection for a lot of us.
How do I do jealousy, this is a great question Lee to reflect on.
Thank you Bernadette, for exposing the subtlest ways in which jealousy holds us less. A truly invaluable message for us all and one which I truly appreciate.
Bernadette, thank you for sharing. It shows how quickly those fleeting thoughts of jealousy can come in and how destructive they can be if we let them. We all have something unique to bring, and for me, when I feel those little thoughts of jealousy come in I remind myself how ridiculous it is to compare myself to another and not appreciate the beautiful reflection that I am being offered.
So true Kathleen, that these thoughts reject what is on offer and negates what we have to offer. Jealousy is rampant in our society and yet rarely spoken about, many are not aware of the impact it has on themselves and others.
Thank you Bernadette, I relate to your story so much. When I was younger there were times, many times, that I resented another’s joy, beauty or success but what I realise now was that that way of being was not me, it was actually a learnt behaviour from my elders. In my contracted state I was angry at the world for not allowing me to be me but in truth I was the one choosing it. I now witness these beautiful qualities in another and feel joyfully inspired.
I am touched by your words of Wisdom Bernadette in many different angles. First of all I love to read your commitment to ‘go there’. To find the answer towards Jealousy in this case, no matter what hurt would come up. Steady and full of Strength. Inspiring.
I’ve also never realised how ‘simple’, yet devestating jealousy in thoughts are. As if I don’t want to know it. Not my own jealousy, neither the jealousy others hold on to me. It’s like I’m still taking it personal.
And the last thing that got me is the sentence that we are to appreciate our qualities as well. I tend to say to myself that they are ‘normal’ and that my natural Tenderness, Care and Listening qualities are less important than people that are Playful and Joyful. I can feel a deep sense of loneliness and sadness while typing this. Thank you dearly Bernadette. There’s more to be revealed here.
Thank you for mentioning your qualities Floris, they are exquisite qualities to hold and to share. We can take our own qualities for granted and not appreciate what we each bring, or we can think they are lesser. In truth we are all enough just the way we are, and we do not need to go looking for how to be “more or “better”” in any way. Let’s focus on appreciation from now on!
Brilliant blog Bernadette, you’ve inspire me to look deeper and question how I deal with jealousy. What you’ve shared about your son is bringing something for me to reflect upon how I am with my children. Jealousy is so insidious and hidden that I have found I haven’t been willing to recognise it coming from others or from me projecting it onto others. By building my awareness of when jealousy is present, this is the best way to not allow this poisonous energy to run through me or be affected by it. When I obvserve others or myself and appreciation is not present, then that’s when jealousy can creep in. The key is for me to appreciate myself, how amazing I already am and to appreciate others for how incredibly amazing they equally are.
A simple yet potentially life-changing moment. Thank you for sharing the magic and bringing this question for us all to consider more deeply: How do I do jealousy?
I know from first hand experience that Jealousy is a debilitating emotion because it is all about self, and realizing how you could be, but choose not to be. None of us are perfect but your willingness to uncover the Jealousy no matter how painful was the catalyst that allowed you to understand, take responsibility, and release it. How uplifting it is to be free of such an insidious emotion? Thank you for sharing your revelation Bernadette, it revealed to me my own unresolved jealousy to uncover.
Thank you Bernadette. This is is such a beautiful sharing of how insidiously and subtly jealousy can be expressed in a fleeting thought. It has shown me that I too have been jealous of my son when he was a young child and jealous of children in general in their joy and sponteneity. I would never have considered these fleeting thoughts as jealousy but I see now how insidious it is and the choice in those moments to appreciate and enjoy what has been shown to us rather than graspingly wanting it for ourselves. We can have it too, if we choose it. Jealousy simply shows us that what we haven’t chosen for ourselves.
“Jealousy simply shows us that what we haven’t chosen for ourselves”. I feel the truth of this Judy, it’s like we are furious with ourselves for not making that choice in that moment. I/we have experienced joy and playfulness and many other feelings and qualities, there is so much to appreciate – our care for others, our clairsentience, our connection to nature, and the love that we are in our essence, and when we drop for a moment and disconnect from our essence the sneaky thoughts dart in. It is very healing to catch them and know they are not us.
You make it very clear for me in this phrase:”there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” Thanks to this phrase I became aware that actually many times I spoil my moment with a fleeting thought and end up feeling miserable because of jealousy, like today in a beautiful walk I had on my own, there were couples walking and those fleeting thoughts of jealousy, “I wish I was with someone today”…ruined my walk, or let´s say they diminished its beauty and my enjoyment of the amazing nature that I was blessed to be surrounded by.
Jealousy can impact ANYONE doesn’t matter if you are related or not, someone can be jealous of you. Often there is a false perception that your family are not jealous of you, especially a mum and dad.
Bernadette, what an amazing observation and how amazing too that you are so open to uncovering this in your life. There is much to appreciate even in that! I had never considered that jealousy could be something like what you have said, in that fleeting thought. But as you have shown that those fleeting thoughts can have such a huge impact on not only ourselves, but all those around us.
What a great opportunity to heal that you have been offered by your son speaking up to what he has felt as jealousy from you. ‘Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.’ Absolutely Bernadette, for me I have felt that jealousy can be there in an instant, sometimes as if it never happened but yet it’s there on the background. Becoming aware of this fact means that I become honest about the thoughts I allow in and to choose to not take them aboard but choose to feel me and my qualities and how unique we all are.
The grace in which you write about this is outstanding. For a child to say to a parent – I felt your jealously – and then for the parent to deeply consider this in such a loving and graceful way is a bit beyond words really. And look at what comes from a deep commitment to know the truth – no matter how painful – because you were shown how jealously and comparison plays out in its smallest form and how you can now choose to see it, call it out and no longer live that way.
My daughter had the opportunity to ask us if we were jealous of her and my husband shared that he had been, she has a lot more of pretty much everything than we did in many ways growing up and it was awesome for us to share how we had felt and how that was not ok. Pretty awesome to appreciate that she felt she could ask.
I agree sarahflenley. Dropping our guard of being right, perfect and well-functioning people allows us to be with our vulnerability – a space that allows for openness and learning.
Bernadette, this is an exquisite blog highlighting just how insidious jealousy can be when we don’t appreciate a quality in another but wish it for ourselves, and we miss out on the beauty offered in that moment. Thank you for sharing.
So true Sandra, how insidious jealousy can be. How often I have allowed a thought like -‘Oh to be as joyful as that dog!’ and not realise that it was jealousy that underpinned it. I misleadingly felt I was celebrating what was happening but in truth I did wish I had it for myself. A life-changing realisation – Thank you Bernadette.
Hello Bernadette Curtin, I find this blog almost poetic in the way it is written, just beautiful to read. You may say this is a simple blog but it feels super solid and really easy to read and take in everything that you are saying, thank you. We often only see the obvious jealousy but as you say it goes much deeper, “Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment. This felt like a powerful realisation.” Thank you again Bernadette I really enjoyed reading this.
What a beautiful realization and reflection you have shared here Bernadette. It is a real insight that is offered in catching this fleeting sense of jealousy rather than appreciation that you had for the dog. I reflect on all the instances that I have in my life where my first reaction is one of jealousy rather than appreciation and feel how, as you have shared, that it actually makes me less to feel the jealousy first. How lovely to be able to truly appreciate another in all their glory and not make ourselves less.
I feel that what Bernadette has illuminated here is so powerful and something most of us can relate to. I often feel jealous, I can even feel jealous of people I have never met. I remember being really jealous of the Mickey Mouse Club kids, very strong feelings of rage that it wasn’t fair and definitely no appreciation for someone else’s expression! I love that the antidote for jealousy is appreciation of ourselves, that is the best medicine.
A divine observation Bernadette, thank you for sharing this inspiring insight. Reflecting that through honest enquiry all the answers to any of our questions are there awaiting us to connect to. Jealousy most definitely is a poison and like any poison its affect can insipidly damage us in ways we may be oblivious to in the moment. In reading your blog it has supported me to recognise the little ways I have sipped this poison in my day to day when I am not consciously attentive to my feelings, and appreciating where I am at.
“through honest enquiry all the answers to any of our questions are there awaiting us to connect to.” This is what I was shown Giselle, how beautifully and playfully we are supported when we ask for the truth.
As a young mother I loved my son, and in our recent conversation I was surprised to be told that I was jealous of my son when he was small. I knew that this was something big to investigate.
Bernadette what an honest and open relationship you have with your Son, and such a powerful healing for you both.
Bernadette thank you for your beautiful heart felt sharing which has bought tears of appreciation and understanding. There are so many consecutive precious moments that lead to your loving connection with the equalness we all under the dome of God.
What a detailed, honest self examination of jealousy. Thank you Bernadette for exploring a subject we often leave under the covers even though we all feel it. As a parent this is huge to admit and has triggered off what it was like for me as a child too. Gosh, we are all such sensitive beings and as you mentioned ‘It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has’, that equally has an impact on us and the other.
Bernadette, thank you for sharing what isn’t the obvious expression of what I had previously considered jealousy to have been. I can feel how I do do this, see a quality in another and wish I too had it. I can feel how hard and cutting I am in that moment, how awful self depreciation is because it, in my experience, comes ladden with jealous attack -by definition others are better or have more than you do. Yikes not at all harmless but very toxic.
Thank you so much for this. Time for appreciation, appreciation and appreciation! Time to knock I’m OK or not OK compared to others well and truly on the head; to really live the qualities that I bring and celebrate them and others equally. First step, to lovingly observe when I do go into this comparison and jealousy and come back to truth.
Beautifull, that you were so open to reflect what was being presented in that dog and his behaviour. What magic happens if we open up to truth…
Bernadette, how subtle jealousy can be and such a revelation for me in that a fleeting thought based on need and yearning can be so unloving in my body and harmful to another. Thank you for raising my awareness of this.
A beautiful blog Bernadette and one that highlights the insidious nature of jealousy. “Jealousy may not be voiced loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” What a wonderful way to appreciate your own qualities “…from a dog that loves to play.”
Wow what a precise and honest observation you offer here Bernadette. It opens the whole aspect of jealousy to a deeper level where jealousy is already in us when we are not appreciating who we are and where we are at. Taking into consideration that most people in this world have children out of a need to fulfill their empty lives and bring a meaning to it, it is no wonder that we all grow up with this massive jealousy that then is reproduced in the generational cycles of living in emotions and not from love.
‘…jealousy is already in us..’. This is worth some deep consideration. The common perception that we have moments of jealousy exposed to reveal that it is something that we live with all the time, until we become aware of it and choose to heal our pain.
Jealousy, even in a fleeting thought, deprives us from celebrating and appreciating that we all have this unique part to play in this world. I don’t have to play any part, but my own part. I am learning to really surrender to this and to live this. That what I bring is unique, just like what you bring is. If I choose jealousy, I say no to what I bring, and I also say no that what another brings. So in fact I say no to God.
Great blog Bernadette. I love how you have exposed the more insidious roots of comparison from which jealousy quickly grows. How often do we judge ourselves or others and compare or measure ourselves up against others? I would say that to compare is almost considered normal behaviour and par for the course in today’s world but you have shown here just how harmful it is and that there is absolutely nothing that comes of it that is supportive to anyone.
Amazing to read Bernadette, this totally expanded my awareness of what jealousy is and how it can manifest itself. Wow! I can so relate to that feeling of seeing someone in utter enjoyment of themselves and then not wanting to see it, celebrate it, feel it because of my choices to be in something like self-loathing or just not accepting my own beauty. Reading your blog made me feel how there is another way to be with moments like that, to appreciate it as a invitation to choose that loveliness for myself too.
This exposes how ingrained it is within us to even think in a way that puts us down and shuns the very thing we are wishing to reconnect to, our own love. Beautiful that you have recommitted and claimed what true beauty is before you as being equally inside.
What an awesome ‘magic of God’ moment to share Bernadette “And then I instantly saw how I do jealousy. It is a fleeting thought of wanting something (a quality) that someone else (in this case a dog) naturally has.” it’s a powerful realisation and the consequences for ourselves and others when we allow the poison of jealousy in.
Wow Bernadette, thank you this is so clearly laid out and quite profound. I can very much relate and have understood for some time the subtlety and often fleeting nature of jealousy, so easily ignored, overridden, justified, written off or re-packaged as all sorts of more ‘acceptable’ feelings or thoughts. Appreciation of ourselves is key, as you have so beautifully said, and allows for a full appreciation of the beauty of another in their expression.
This is a great realisation for me. It does make so much sense and shows how easily we can, just with a split thought, induce jealousy. I wasn’t so conscious about it before so thank you Bernadette for sharing this realisation.
This is such an important revelation about how jealousy work, Bernadette. It has made me stop to ponder upon how I have had those thoughts about wishing another’s life was mine. Doing so is an instant depreciation of another, as well as my own life! So much here. Thank you!!
This is great to start sharing of the unspoken expercienes jealousy has on both sides of the fence, often thinking thats its just from others but it is also what we have put onto others this is taking responsibility to an even deeper level
Your blog was a great read Bernadette and I simply love the line, “Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.” Jealousy is such an underlying emotion for all of us which can deeply harm relationships, but rarely discussed in the same way as anger or sadness. It’s important that we discuss it as a topic. Thanks for sharing it here with your beautiful description of your experience.
Seriously exposing, Bernadette, of how subtle and apparently harmless jealousy can be (but isn’t) – just wishing (without malice) for something that we feel we don’t have! Thanks for this clarity.
Fabulous observation and realisation Bernadette. You have so clearly outlined the fact that jealousy is as fleeting and as momentary as a thought and yet the most poison energy as not only does it reject what is on offer it also negates what we have to offer. Well said.
Simply and powerfully said Kathleen – Jealousy rejects what’s on offer and negates what we have to offer. It’s such a waste of time and energy.
It certainly is a waste of time and energy Fiona. In fact it is the major cause for delay. We have a whole society fueled by jealousy. Advertising dangling ‘must have’ carrots in front of our face, magazines parading ‘better’ homes than ours, other magazines showing us ‘better’ bodies, ‘better’ lifestyles. The whole aim is to be jealous or fork out the money and make someone else jealous. Be the envy of your neighbours. It is so anti brotherhood and is presented at every turn of the head. Little wonder no one ever feels enough. People drop out of society in reaction and then create alternative societies based on the same problems only in different clothing; whose dreads are longer or thicker and who can endure bare feet over very sharp stones… We are really a childish lot when we start looking outside of ourselves as it becomes strikingly obvious that there is no real intelligence out there.
Yes Kathleen, negating what we have to offer is huge, and I can see how I have done that most of my life – but gradually it is changing!
Hi hartanne60, you got me pondering on what exactly are we negating when we negate ourselves. It can only be our light. Funny to think that every time we negate ourselves we are simply choosing to turn off the lights and then we wonder why we are stumbling around unable to see things clearly.
So true and well said Kathleen. It does negate the person at that time, but it also is a saying no to what is on offer instead of a yes.
It certainly does Shannon and in those fleeting jealous moments that we have romantically called ‘wishful’ moments we miss all those yeses.
Such a powerful point Kathleen. Rejecting what is on offer and negating what we have to offer at the same time by the poison of jealousy, is a ‘life stopper’. There is absolutely no freedom or growth possible in this poisonous environment. Much to ponder, shed and take responsibility for.
Yes Bernadetteglass, so true, jealousy is such a life stopper as it is void of all appreciation and without appreciation we do not value and without value we do not grow. So yes a real life stopper as you say and totally anti brotherhood in the bargain.
It is amazing (although in truth, just how life is when we allow it) how much this blog and others have opened up the topic of responsibility for me in the last couple of days. Everywhere I look or each interaction it is there, fair and square. Responsibility is the basis for arresting jealousy, and all the other excuses we have for not claiming our equality and expression! Thank you Kathleenbaldwin.
When I think of jealousy or experiencing a jealous moment. It can go two ways.
1. Feel it and deal with it
2. Fight it and attack the person who you are jealous of
Love it Luke – no mucking about here (except in point 2!).
“In the moment of that thought I am diminished and there is no love or appreciation felt” That was so beautifully caught Bernadette – just as precisely and with the ease and grace as the joyful dog on the beach
Having gone back and read the blog again and then read many of the comments, I am full of appreciation that not only did the blog share something I hadn’t considered before, but others built on the blog so that I have many different ways to look at the same subject. I didn’t go to the original talk and I would like to say thank you for taking the time to write this so we can all appreciate what has been offered.
wow, this is so well written… and I can totally relate! I’ve definitely had similar feelings of looking outwardly and wanting what someone else has so naturally and I don’t see in myself. There are also many qualities in me that I feel like I don’t appreciate enough where other people do. It feel so important to become very aware of my own qualities and appreciating them everyday so that jealousy does not need to be the first resort but I can choose to appreciate others and what they are bringing rather then just wishing I had it.
Thank you Bernadette, I wouldn’t have thought of jealousy in this way but I can see it makes sense. It brings an incredible amount of responsibility to all our thoughts, the ones we don’t know others can hear or feel. When everything is energy, everything can be felt, whether we choose to admit it, acknowledge it or understand it.
How beautiful, the realisation of that jealousy is in those subtle moments. It creates a moment of not love, which in turn hurts all of us. It is beauty how you got reflected that everything is equal trough the symbolism of god.
Bernadette, this is beautiful. To see how easily jealousy creeps into our lives, and how it can affect those around us. It might not be seen or even heard, but it can be felt. To understand this stems from not allowing a full appreciation of another is huge, and something I will ponder on deeply. Thank you.
Feeling inspired instead of longing to have the same – what a different approach to life.
Jealousy is pretty sinister – we believe we aren’t harming anyone but in fact we are harming everyone, us and the person our jealousy is directed to. It’s a total abuse to them, and a total capping and de-appreciation of anything we can bring and express. Thank you for being so honest about your experience Bernadette.
Makes me wonder how many of us are living with jealousy all the time. How much harm are we doing?
“appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” thank you for this Bernadette, just what I needed to hear this morning in a time of new awakenings of my potential to be a joyful woman.
Wow, I had never conisdered this until reading your blog Bernie … Could it be possible that our jealousy is actually taking us away from a Magic of God moment? To appreciate every moment that presents to us feels like the antidote to the poison of jealousy.
”Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.” The spoiling the moment is a great insight. Because most of my life I have considering that aching feeling of wishing to have what I am seeing as a an implicit appreciation of what I am seeing. But when afforded the opportunity to voice my appreciation of and celebrate the gif offered by a situation it becomes evident that entertaining the fleeting or prolonged thought of a ‘lack’ within myself as a result of what I see is nowhere close. I love how your blog shows we can fully celebrate what another brings as a gift and also celebrate the qualities that we bring ourself – that all are equal in the eyes of God.
‘appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.’ What a beautiful blog exposing the subtle ways we can be jealous of another and make ourselves lesser – for me it is in what people achieve – I don’t fully appreciate what it is that I bring and end up pushing myself to be something I’m simply not, trying to match up to the picture of how I think I should be and how I think They are being. I’m constantly clocking it, because there is such a difference between true appreciation and admiration because jealousy and a self-put-down can be in the admiration. Today I heard the word ‘Celebrate’ we can truly celebrate ourselves and each other – that feels very different.
Wow Bernadette what great awareness you have given us all. I have never thought of jealousy like this before, but the way you have described it, I could really feel the separation from the dog’s joy and the emptiness this brings into our bodies. This is one to keep an eye out for. Thank you.
I have felt jealousy in the past, and this can be triggered in me from time to time. The way you have shared this with us Bernadette is a great opportunity for me/us to look at it closely and to understand its dynamic. It is so much more beautiful to appreciate what one can bring and the choices they have made to get there.
This was so beautiful to read Bernadette, to feel your allowing and vulnerability and willingness to see how you do jealousy. I can relate and I am also realising how important it is to appreciate what we bring as well as truly appreciating others.
I love how life unfolds when we are open and willing to looking at everything. What a beautiful reflection and healing you received Bernadette by both you and your son being totally honest. Because you did not react and you were willing to look deeper into what your son had said that you were given the answer to your jealousy almost immediately…….life times of jealousy healed in a moment. How beautiful is life when we are able to see all God’s messages and reflections. Life can never be dull or boring it becomes one big playground of love.
Very well expressed Ariana. I totally agree. It is a great exposé deepening my awareness of how I can be jealous.
I can relate Bernadette that wishing what someone else has is a form of jealousy and that I too have done this a lot throughout my life. For me, it also comes with a little pang feeling around my solar plexus. The beautiful thing is that when we are open to seeing the jealousy it reveals itself to us so that we can see how it has been keeping us separate from the other that we feel the jealousy towards. I have found the more that I celebrate and appreciate myself, the less I feel jealousy.
This was actually a profound blog that i will need to to sit with and digest. What you describe runs deep through just about everyone at some stage or another and it’s left me asking the same question, how do I do jealousy?
“Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.” What a beautiful antidote to the poison of jealousy – the realising and the knowing of our absolute equality in God. That is such a liberating expression, Bernadette – thank you.
I love how you pick out the very subtle details of jealousy here, Bernadette. As you show, it can be as quick as a single, fleeting thought but the energy is so destructive. I feel this is deeply relevant because it is so easy to dismiss quick thoughts as of no importance -but even one can start an avalanche, even if the avalanche is a very slow building one over a protracted period of time. Poison is poison ….even when we take it little and often and the effects are not so immediately obvious.
Agreed Coleen – the thoughts can appear to be sub-conscious or below the radar of what we allow ourselves to feel, but the problem is that if we are not willing to be honest with ourselves then the jealousy sneaks out and it has a devastating effect on everyone.
This is a beautiful sharing Bernadette. I can relate to the way in which we can do jealousy of our children or others when we are not appreciating or accepting ourselves.
Its great to be reminded of how sneaky jealousy can be – it slips into places where we might have called it something else – basically anywhere where we are not living in the fullness of who we are ( our light), we make room for this horrible energy to creep in.
Today I saw a young woman who was only 3 years old. She was glowing and absolutely radiating. I noticed her and celebrated her. I told her parents how incredible I felt her to be and the parents were grateful that I shared that with them. But it got me thinking how every child has a different amazingly beautiful essence and how much we may miss seeing this because of how busy we are in our own lives or because we are not willing to see because of our own judgment we put on ourselves. Your story really highlights the sneaky little thought that comes through that stops the true deep appreciation possible.
I am so grateful you have presented this in relation to your son as it gives me much to feel in relation to my daughter for I know that she has felt jealousy from me. This has supported a deeper understanding of this and my part in it.
This is beautiful Bernadette. It is so inspiring to read that you were willing to uncover this no matter what and the resultant magic of God moment that then arose.
Yes I agree Jane, what a glorious response to what might easily have been reacted to and denied… truly inspiring.
Yes this line really stood out for me to Jane, Bernadette’s commitment to uncovering what ever was there that needed to be looked at no matter how uncomfortable. Very inspiring.
I love Bernadette’s willingness to uncover jealousy too. It is inspiring to read and reminding us to stay open and honest. To truly listen when someone is expressing their feelings, to not react but have the willingness to explore further the possibilities of what is presented with an open heart.
Yes, the willingness of Bernadette to go there is truly beautiful. How gorgeous that her son could bring this to her and have her respond in such a way. Very inspiring.
I agree this is extraordinary what Bernadette has done, to step out of your comfort zone and ask for something to be uncovered so you can be aware of it and heal it, despite that this might bring up some hurt… this is incredibly inspiring.
Jealousy occurs between people all the time. As Bernadette describes here, it is the moment you feel you’d like to have chosen or be living something for yourself that someone else is living. The problem is, jealousy is felt by those it is directed at, but not recognised. We don’t want to feel the awfulness of it, so we make ourselves wrong, dismiss what we are seeing, or explain it away. However, in responding in this way rather than calling it out (even to ourselves) for what it is, our behaviour changes as we adapt to our reinterpreted understanding of what was felt. This could be as simple as playing down a compliment or achievement so that we don’t attract the jealousy of one we know has been jealous in the past. Essentially a small thing, but years can go by playing ourselves down in a relationship to not feel the jealousy that we have re-interpreted as something that will serve the behaviour we have chosen to not need to feel or recognise the jealousy.
Yes – it is a very tangled web we weave, Kate, when we build up those layers of re interpretation / misinterpretation just so as not to provoke a jealous reaction from another – it has a horrible cringe- y, confused feel to it and yet it happens so often. Like you say, even acknowledging it to ourselves supports us in halting the fury and the complicated layering.
Recently I recognised some jealousy that was coming towards me and it was incredible how everything changed. I was then able to read the situation more clearly, have a deeper understanding of what was going on, keep being all of me and continue to bring love and more love. Had I not recognised the jealousy I dare say I would have reacted, begun modifying my behaviour, stated allowing resentment to build and let my relationship with this person to become less about evolution. A huge amount of tension left my body when I acknowledged it was jealousy. It was quite remarkable.
What you have shared presents an even deeper aspect of jealousy and how it plays out in people’s lives. So many people automatically ‘play down’ a compliment when it is given.
As I stopped and considered this, it became obvious how suitable the wording ‘play down’ is for this situation. We ‘play down’ and consequently ‘turn ourselves down’ too. This results in us being less than we truly are all because of this misguided goal of letting someone stay feeling good and unaware of the jealousy that’s lurking in the situation. Even worse is the toll this eventually takes on the body and how it hinders the development of true relationships.
I understand what you are saying here katemaroney, I have played myself down, made myself wrong in order to avoid feeling jealousy that was directed at me. However this served no-one, because as a result of my behavioural change I began to feel less than others and so jealousy was then able, regrettably, to flow through me toward others. I do not recommend it as I can confirm from experience that it is most definitely felt by those it is directed at as well as by the person directing it. It deeply wounds. I am learning that appreciation is the key as Bernadette and also Adam Warburton, in the comments, have so well illustrated.
Well said katemaroney1, turning down compliments is essentially the worlds ‘normal’ and it makes sense that this is done so we can avoid jealousy as much as we can. It really is an awful feeling when you feel it from someone else and unless you feel totally steady within yourself it can be hard to hold yourself around that particular person.
So well written Kate, thank you
That’s a great point katemaroney1, our response to jealousy can have huge implication for the whole of our life. It is so awful to feel that often we will do anything not to feel it. I can relate to the playing myself down or making myself small, for me though it plays out as being mediocre, being average, so I don’t stand out, but the interesting thing with this is that this has resulted in me seeking recognition for what I do rather than just claiming me in full, expressing that and living me to the best of my ability everyday. No attention needed then because when I am this, it feels so superb…I feel superb!
Great comment katemaroney1. There is certainly the playing down a compliment or achievement so that we don’t attack jealousy from another who has been jealous in the past, but in the long term, this can stagnate the relationship and has the potential to stagnate ourselves because we don’t want to be seen to be more. So choices – as Bernadette describes – it comes down to the choices we have made and for that we must be self-responsible.
And in truth, it is no small thing because what so many of us have done ever since we were little is morph ourselves into something we are not, something smaller, less grand or glorious than who we truly are in order to not have to deal with the force of jealousy and how terrible it can feel.
But in doing so jealousy has won. It is a force that commands us to play small, and to forget the grandness we are and come from. As insidious as jealousy is, the choice to diminish our love and light is far more painful. Jealousy is a force that will remain until every one of us return back to soul, until every single one of chooses to no longer separate and make themselves small.
And so we have a grand choice — to choose us, the truth and reflect all the love and light we know we and everybody else regardless of the jealousy that will come before us in bucketloads.
Not easy, and a huge work in progress for me, but also the only way to come back to the love we actually are.
You are correct Katemaroney1, the insidious feeling of jealousy is something we all avoid like the plague! But it is poison and we do need to feel that it is there when its happening. It is something I have become more aware of and addressing it as it comes up. Appreciation of myself and others is something I have been doing which cuts it and brings the tenderness to the fore.
And you could only have learned this lesson Bernadette in such a gracious way because you were open to seeing how you might have been jealous towards your son. When we have no defences it is then easy to allow whatever we need to see to be fully seen.
Yes, I love this too Shevon – the openness to seeing how Bernadette ‘did jealousy’. Gorgeous.
Awesome comment Shevon – a beautiful reminder that in order to truly ‘see’ we need to stay open.
Very true Shevon. Being open to jealousy and seeing it in ourselves can be challenging. I have come to accept that there will be times when I am jealous and not to have any expectation on myself that I won’t be. I’m surrounded by people who do amazing things and at times I get jealous. But it is what I do with that jealousy. If I become aware of it before it goes anywhere, it dissipates and does not cause harm. If I stay closed to it then it can be very damaging. Admitting the jealousy is the hard part and takes huge honesty, it is what I do with the jealousy that makes the difference.
Bernadette – I relate so much to how jealousy can creep in as such a subtle way of making us feel unequal to something else. It shows me the importance of appreciating where we are at and where others are at. We are quick to find differences in others, but as you share here – it only lays the foundations to feel we are less than another. But if we can hold ourselves and others in true equality, then there can be no jealousy as there is nothing to be jealous of. Thank you for sharing in honesty the jealousy you are now able to see for what it is: Not you.
Yes hvmorden, it feels important that we appreciate ourselves and build a solid foundation of this – for if we truly, deeply know who we are and appreciate this, then we can appreciate and know who another is without the need for comparison and jealousy.
Great comment hvmorden I feel you have really nailed jealousy with its most potent antidote ‘appreciation’. It is so true and it makes so much sense that we can knock jealousy on the head simply by appreciating the subject of our jealousy.
Very true hvmorden – if we truly appreciate that we are all equal there would be no room for jealousy. It is often the knowing that we may not have made the true and honouring choices for ourselves that triggers reaction to others.
Hello hvmorden and it would seem we can chase jealousy everywhere and ‘try’ and put a stop to it but in simply appreciating yourself and what is there it would seem you build yourself to a point where that is what you see first. It’s not that we don’t take responsibility for the jealousy but you expose it from a different place, being in jealousy and trying to heal or expose it from there would appear futile as it would only lead you back to the same point. Build appreciation and this is a place to expose things from and a place you can stand on to see truly what is happening around you. One thing is that appreciation starts with you and then magically it is there for another. Thank you hvmorden.
Beautiful Bernadette, what a great gift to be offered from your openness to see where jealousy can come from in one’s life and its hidden agenda of allowing one to feel less.The magic of God and nature offering you the reflections asked for is Immense and beautiful and very relatable to. Thank you for this wise sharing and the understanding that comes with it for everyone..
I agree Tricia we have so much to appreciate with the Magic of God being all around us for confirmations and reflections – so beautiful.
What a lovely way to have the realisation of how subtle jealousy can be, but at the same time as I sit with it, I can feel the enormity of what you have just shared.
Very true Julie, you can at first think by looking at the surface that it is subtle but it is in fact very loud – and as you say enormous. We don’t completely fathom how much jealousy affects us and our relaionships everyday.
Absolutely Julie – Bernadette has opened up for a discussion that has shaken us out of the everyday denial about deeply held and hidden emotions around the theme jealousy and what is going on underneath the surface for most people.
Julie, Shannon and Eva,
To have the courage as Bernadette did to feel the jealously, no matter what is the bare bones to healing it. For I have found that as you say it is deeply hidden in how we are being in our lives. Yet l have always felt it when it has affected me. Now though I no longer justify having felt it and let it fester in my body. Understanding that jealously can only come through my body if and when I allow myself to think I am less than another. This understanding has brought great healing for me. Supporting me to choose to hold myself lovingly more than ever before in my life.
It is quite something to behold the joy that dogs naturally exhibit with such ease. And we as adults are capable of living in the same joy but with our own unique expression. I have found through Universal Medicine that I am better able to appreciate the individual expression of joy that is found in each of us, without that need to have what another is living. Seeing another in this state can be quite joyful of itself.
At the Universal Medicine Retreat this year when the subject of jealousy was introduced I realised how much I had changed myself to not have that energy directed at me. I remembered a friend of mine saying to me at around 13 how I was getting fat, looking back the friend was jealous of how beautiful I was, at the same time I could feel the jealousy from my mother as I was developing into a young woman. To avoid this energy of jealousy I became anorexic followed by years of bulimia as I figured no-one would be jealous if I was super skinny and had a crippling disease.
Whoa – thank you marylouisemyers – Your comment has just opened up another layer in ‘Pandora’s Box’ for me to stop and feel where I have taken on jealousy from others and hardened my body with self protection to cope with it rather than just letting my own light shine its brightness.
Well said Mary-Louise. We will go to extreme lengths to avoid feeling the force of jealousy in our lives. I too can feel how much of my life has been shaped by it.
Wow, this will be a blog to return to. I loved how you were prepared to feel this no matter how painful Bernadette, How do I do jealousy? Thank you.
I agree, this is a blog I will return to… it’s made me stop and ponder where I am being jealous of others and also helping me realise there are qualities in me to appreciate. blogs got it all Bernadette 😉
Absolutely agree Sally – there is so much jealousy around that this blog will support many, many people (and myself) to take responsibility and reflect how they do jealousy. Its a super powerful question.
I love your honesty Bernadette, such a great story to share. The way it exposes jealousy as a force that gets in when we don’t hold appreciation and love for ourselves, as well as the people around us. This kind of wisdom should be taught at school.
Eleanor you’re on to something there. Imagine if this were taught in schools? The curriculum as it stands doesn’t even consider that it’s dealing with people who have feelings and need to learn what they mean and how to manage, communicate them. The schoolyard would feel a whole lot different without the jealousy.
Bernadette what a beautiful sharing of your experience. I had not really considered the seeming subtlety of Jealousy in the context you share. The fact that it does not need to be a big issue but its there as an undercurrent that harms, limits and disconnects us to the magic of god. What a great lesson for us all and something to be aware of throughout my day.
Undercurrent is such a good word David… in all it’s subtle tones, it’s there. And how gorgeous to read how simple it is to uncover for ourselves how we ‘do jealousy’!
Bernadette thank you for your Glorious expression it brought tears to my eyes. Learning to address the energy of jealousy is something that I have found challenging. It comes up in me often and it feels so awful. Most of the time I know that it is not me. Jealousy is an insidious and evil force. I will be vigilant against this energy and the thoughts that come with it.
I really enjoyed reading your very deep reflection and realization about how jealousy can sneak in when we least expect it. Awesome awareness to share, thank you, Bernadette.
Wow Bernadette, that takes jealousy to a whole new level. Any time we think or mention or hold a quality in another as something we don’t have equally is us completely shutting down that fact that we are equal, just in our own way.
Thank you for this beautifully painted picture of how jealousy plays out in our lives Bernadette. Reading this has opened up a deeper awareness in me of how those little moments of comparison with others are jealousy in action. Wow, how insidious it is! Equally, how powerful the appreciation of others is – even the playfulness of a dog – in healing jealousy. Isn’t it amazing how life can reflect these things back to us when we are open to it!
yes absolutely richardmills363. It’s so lovely the story of Bernadette watching and observing the playfulness of a dog. I also notice when I am watching a baby or a young child and in all their movements they are so free and there isn’t a thought in them saying about what are people thinking of me?, they are just who they are, so open, so joyful and it’s easy to stare and think I want that for myself…
Hello richardmills363 and I agree about the beauty of this blog. I also took the power in appreciation at the point you are aware of jealousy. It is possible that appreciation has the power to knock out jealousy and to be honest this is my experience. In jealousy we miss so much in life and around us, even the simpliest joy of a dog at play. Jealousy it would seem is a waste of time because of what it doesn’t allow you to see when you are in it. Time to appreciate more and not be afraid to see life in this way. Thank you Richard and take care.
Yes, well said Ray ‘time to appreciate more and not be afraid to see life in this way’. The thing I love about the word appreciation is that it implies expansion of what we choose to give our attention to. Whatever we focus on we give value to and hence it appreciates.
Hello richardmills363, thank you. If appreciation “implies expansion” and I agree, then why don’t we use it everyday in everyway? We all to often can write volumes on what we are not but spend little time seeing what we actually are already. Nothing has ever been built from critique that lasts, you usually just find more of the same. Where I can see that much building can be done on appreciation. Thanks again Richard and great to chat.
When we are capable of so much love, why would we choose to be jealous? Jealousy, it seems, is so deeply rooted into our ways of thinking that we do it to each other without even realising. And the fact that we have to stop and take the time to consider how we are choosing it, to see it clearly, because in the moment it is so embedded in our thought patterns that it does not stand out is, I feel, a crisis of the human condition that we are all responsible for creating.
Indeed a powerful realization: “Jealousy may not be voiced out loud, there may not be any tantrums or criticism: it can be a fleeting thought that I have allowed in, spoiling a moment.”
Getting awareness on jealousy has been very revealing for me. Sometimes I found it difficult to go there, simply because a part of me doesn’t want to realize that I am jealous and equally that others are jealous of me (especially if it is people that are close/dear to me). And yet, it is great to be open to it and let go of my own jealousy thoughts and acts and appreciate myself and others for who they are and what the bring.
Awesome revelation Bernadette, and one I feel many people suffer, I actually think we are very jealous of our children generally and that is why we are often cruel with them, they exude natural joy and ease in themselves generally and for most adults they have lost that so are jealous of what they feel they have lost. But it is not ever lost, just hidden and in the appreciation of yourself and what you bring you can start to appreciate others rather than be jealous of what they bring. It’s a great antidote!
Such a great understanding you offer here Vanessa. The lives your words here could change..
Wow Bernadette, You have plain and simply exposed jealousy in the want for something greater than ourselves…how exposing for us all
What a gorgeous reflection you had and learnt such a beautiful new understanding. When we get this, it’s a new place, a marker of learning that we can grow from and stop those snatches of jealousy that can so easily creep in. It’s an amazing journey for us all to see, thank you Bernadette, for exposing that jealousy can run very insidiously in us all.
It really is that simple when we truly feel into the joys of others and require nothing from it… jealousy never gets a look in.
Magical sharing Bernadette which is so supportive in my search to root out jealousy in my life. I can really connect with the fleeting thoughts of comparison that absolutely contain the poison of jealousy and diminish me and the object of my envy. Thank you for your honesty and your appreciation for the lesson of the playful dog.
Bernadette, with your lovely story you explain ‘that’ moment of jealousy and how it can enter, spoil and taint a potential moment of joy & celebration. Thank you for sharing how this relates to knowing our own beauty, delight and worth. Your writing and expression Bernadette is like a healing balm.
Your writing is like a healing balm – love this Deanne – so is yours
So true Deanne, Bernadette’s writing is very healing…like a healing balm. It has offered me an opportunity to feel all the moments when I wish something for myself that another has and how that is poision for us both.
What a gift your son has given you Bernadette simply by calling something that he felt. And the reflection of the dog was perfect for you to catch the way that you ‘do’ jealousy. Ultimately it is your willingness to look deeper that has opened the way for you.
Yes Rebecca and I loved how it was not a drama or a beating up process. Bernadette took herself for a walk and asked to be shown, she was open to seeing the message, feeling it from her body. It would have been so easy to ignore it. I am inspired by that choice and will keep an openness to discovering and appreciating rather than beating myself up.
Thankyou for exposing how jealousy can be a momentary fleeting thought that can spoil a moment, rather than enjoying another’s joy. Jealousy is so insidious it is great it is being called out so that we can look deep within to find its roots and dig them out with honesty. Realising that I have not made similar choices as another when I feel jealousy feels horrible. However I accept that it’s a way to begin to deal with the issue rather than bury it away – and so begins a work in progress.
This is a beautiful article Bernadette, I love what you have written here, “Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” Reading this makes me aware that I can often see my son as more playful, more lovely etc and put him on a pedestal, rather than appreciating the qualities that i bring, such as gentleness, tenderness and caring and seeing theses as equally lovely.
That is so lovely Rebecca, for it shows us all that we have different qualities, but this does not mean any one quality is less or better than another. The simplicity of understanding this gives us all an opportunity to feel the fullness and grace of our own qualities and to fully appreciate the qualities we feel in another.
Bernadette the power and grace of God is everywhere. How healing for both yourself and your son: his honesty in the moment to express his feelings, prompted you to ask questions of yourself. I love the way you made the connection between your response to the dog’s playfulness on the beach and your playful child. You show how jealousy, often a simple fleeting thought, is deeply felt by those it affects. We can all learn from this.
It took me a while to see the way I do jealousy as well as I used to think it was about not wanting someone else to have something but as you say Bernadette it is about wanting something for yourself and in that not enjoying and appreciating what the other brings.
Yes Carolien, it is not how we usually think of jealousy but it certainly is, its like wanting to own the joy, and not share it or appreciate the other person. It just struck me that we often admit that we are jealous in a superficial way. We know that jealousy is unhealthy and being in denial of it causes huge drama. Its great when we catch ourselves, and realize we feel jealous, but it is better to go that step further as Bernadette has done and nominate exactly why and how you got trapped in jealousy.
well said Bernard, I used to suppress my feelings of jealousy as I felt them to be so awful and wrong but in suppressing them we are not dealing with the cause nor are we stopping the energy of it. I have learned and still learn to feel the jealousy and how awful it feels and then take responsibility for it, feel what is underneath it and deal with that.
Bernard,
You comment is so very revealing. The last couple of days I have become aware of a sneaky want to be better than others. I say sneaky for I have let go of much of this energy, that now it is becoming more sofisticated in how it is presenting. I am so grateful that I have been able to discern it. The thing that has struck me with this particular level of it is that to deal with it I am being pulled to be ever more fully in my body. Once having chosen this, the want to be better than is no longer present. What is, is the beingness of me, and in my beingness the equality of all is simply present.
Beautifully written Bernadette- thanks for sharing this…& how jealousy can come in just a “fleeting” thought. I agree, & how the anecdote for it is to appreciate. How wonderful was it that your soul reflected a beautiful joyful dog as your reflection to help you realize what jealousy was for you back when your son was young – just lovely.
Bernadette, I just love your blog! It is so true that jealousy can be a fleeting thought but it instantly deprives us and the other of the magic we all bring to this world.
What I learned from this blog was the power of not reacting, but instead being willing to look deeper into something even though it would be challenging. I was blown away by the way Bernadette approached this. I also learned heaps from the way in which Bernadette described how she went about ‘going deeper’, and it seemed to me that being really open and willing to do so, whilst at the same time not in ay way pushing that process was key.
Catherine, the openess I feel in you and the acceptance to look deeper inside of self is the true healing. The moment I accepted that I had been tricked, that I gave permission to myself to see the truth of how I was living, so much has changed now in how I live. No amount of trying to do it right brought me to the love I am, only acceptance of my love has shone the light on ways of being that are not equal to it. I then have the choice to adjust how I live to equal my love.
This really has opened a can of worms for me Bernadette as I look at all the times I have been jealous of people or felt the jealousy of others at times toward me. It is such a horrendous waste of time and energy as in the eyes of God we are all equal no matter what as you so beautifully wrote ‘Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved.
Bernadette, this is beautiful such an gorgeous sharing and offers a healing to many. Jealousy is huge on planet earth and it is blogs like this that help us to see our part and how we can use appreciation of ourselves to let go of any jealousy we may have. How awesome you were open to seeing the truth. Thank you Bernadette.
So beautifully written Bernadette. I know exactly what you mean when you see something in another that you want for yourself. How instantly I have the want of something I see outside of myself, that I have completely left me and am in no way honouring the beauty I am in that moment. Instead allowing myself to perpetuate the belief that I am not enough as I am. And yes instantly jealously is there. Such an insidious trick. The moment I return to the fullness of me what I see in another I appreciate and adore, for I know the same is inside of me. If jealously creaps in now, I know immediately, that what I have seen in another, I as yet have not allowed myself to own as my own and this then becomes a great healing for me.
How great to have a relationship like you and your son Bernadette, so open and willing to clear and develop. And I love to appreciate this as an inspiration and not to go into jealousy because the relationship with my sons are not like this. It is beautiful and needed that the world has such relationships in families. Thank you.
A great understanding of the insidious poison of jealousy. It is fairly easy to be aware of and understand when someone is jealous of you but requires a much deeper honesty to be aware of when we are, or have been jealous of another. This example of the dog on the beach is a beautiful example of how we can poison something so joyful with jealousy. We have the choice to be inspired or to be jealous.
I like this – “we have the choice to be inspired or to be jealous”. Thanks Mary.
I agree Mary, it is easier (but still painful) to feel when someone is jealous of us, often it is very apparent in a remark or facial expression, but it is trickier to uncover our jealousy of others. From now on I am very aware that it is a choice, as you have written “to be inspired or to be jealous”.
“When I was feeling sad or lost, he was showing me another way to be, but instead of appreciating and sharing in his lightness of being, I wanted it for myself.” I recognise this too Bernadette with my children, and I was also unable to accept or appreciate their lightness of being at that time.
Yes, and isn’t it often that in a space of sullenness, we manipulate the other to the point till he or she drops her joy, playfulness or lightness? To just not feel where we are at?
Same for me Jacqmcfadden, I could not appreciate their lightness of being and I thought I had to protect them because they could not be that light in the world but in truth I was unable to appreciate and accept them in their fullness because I was sad and frustrated and I felt threatened by their playfulness and lightness.
Just like Bernadette is saying ‘I was sending him a message that I could not enjoy his playful mood because of my own feelings of despair, inadequacy and sadness.’
Beautifully written Bernadette & thank you for sharing how jealousy can just be a “fleeting” thought.. I agree, & that to conquer that poison us to stop & appreciate that person of situation how wonderful the perspective can change. I love how the beauty of God reflects this constantly to us.
Yes Leah, jealousy can be so fast that we don’t know why we suddenly feel awful. When we catch it we are supported so lovingly and powerfully, as you say, “the perspective can change”, and I agree, the magic of God reflects back to us its messages for our evolution and healing.
This is such a great sharing with us all Bernadette. Jealousy can as you say exert its insidious force upon us and if allowed to fester can really knock you out of balance and sap your energy. (and of others) I have been both the receiver and the giver of this sly intrusive rare visitor. Only yesterday a situation occurred ‘a fleeting thought’ but this time I felt to STOP and feel what had occurred. Your example with the dog on the beach gives us a clear view on how jealousy can happen as quick as a flash when least expected.
You are absolutely right Marion, jealousy can happen in a flash, but how awesome it is that we can recognise it just as quickly and step back and take an honest look as to why we choose to feel this jealousy in the first place and nip it in the bud right there and then before it takes hold and wallow in it, which is not very self loving or honouring to the other at all.
Thank you for sharing Bernadette, I can totally relate to what you share about jealousy and wanting what another has without appreciating them or the choices they have made to get there.
Yes James, and to feel that this moody energy ( I would suscribe it like that ) is actually holding back everything – so you and the person who it is about. I deeply felt from this blog the disgrace and selfishness of being jealous and the energy it comes with that is actually telling the person to shine less bright, wow! That is all communicated without even talking – I mean that is really evil! And I have been (and still at times) jealous and actually sending out these messages to people, even though this is not my intention to do so. I can feel this is stemming of my own hurt of not having taken those steps that he or she has made. But now when I breath my own breath I can actually feel that I can accept my made choices – and to see them as my inspiration to climb up even higher then I have chosen before! To me, these situations, can actually be used very differently – if we dont let this jealousy (abuse) dominate within our life – by taking responsibility for our choices and accept where we are at, all of the time, from truth and love.
I agree James, the wanting to be or have what another has, means we are in a form of comparison that leaves us stuck, entrenching the separativeness between us, diminishing ourselves and potentially capping another – it is insidious yet all pervasive. If we can instead appreciate and celebrate another and what they bring in the world, it confirms to them the joy they already live and opens the way forward for us all.
It is such a vast difference to the way so many of us live. For us to live in this way means taking responsibility for all of our choices and actions. And some of our choices we may not really want to look at and so take the so called easier route of bringing down another instead of being inspired by them.
I find it incredible how jealousy is so insidious, how it materialises before you even realise it and with it comes an energy that is so harming to the body and in turn to the target of this jealousy . And how wonderful that you had the answer to your question, “how do I do jealousy?”, from the fun packed play of a dog. In fact most would just see a dog playing, but you, ready for an answer to your question, saw the message that was there for you right at that moment in time. So very beautiful Bernadette, thank you .
Bernadette I love the awareness and honesty you present to us all in this blog. “Now I know that there is no better or lesser in the dome of God; that all of us on the planet are equally valued and loved”. I love this reminder to stop making myself less or more than others, it’s just not true.
What beautiful honest sharing Bernadette of how insidious jealousy was revealed to you, through the playfulness of a dog.
Great to ponder on how easy jealousy can slip into our thoughts, from comparison, and cause us to feel lesser.
And the simple antidote- celebrating and appreciating our inner divine essence and knowing this is all I need to be.
I am inspired by every word of this article. Your willingness to look at what your son said and the immediacy of understanding when we are open to learn. I can picture the dog jumping up to catch the ball and feel the two choices hanging in the air at that moment: to wish that I had that something, or to expand into the joy of what I am an integral part of. Thank you, Bernadette.
I agree matildaclark, it is amazing how instant the messages are being delivered when we are open and willing to look at what is being reflected to us.
Wow I’m gobb smacked. I never ever considered that wishing that I had what someone else did was a form of jealousy that directly attacks the person and myself. In my head I actually had told myself that it was a form of admiration. I need to re-read this and sit with it longer to fully understand what is being said here, and I will definitely come back and share more. Thank you Bernadette for sharing!
I am with you Danielle. This blog has stopped me in my tracks. I have felt that moment of wishing myself in the place of another, but that wish is a declaration of my unwillingness to simply unleash something latent in me…this is a blog I will return to.
Great point Dr Rachel Mascord – I never looked at it like this. The focus on thinking it’s ok to want something someone else has is actually drawing the attention away from the fact that we are seeing something we are missing, and not wanting to look at what this is and the fact that our own choices have put us where we are.
Danielle, I am in exactly the same place, I even struggled a bit to read through the blog, ‘no, no, no.. I’m not jealous’ was what I brought up – but honestly, I too have to ponder what is said here.
Yes I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last three days since reading it, seeing so many times during my day where I even think of someone in what I thought was admiration, but is actually jealousy – I had no idea this was going on. So toxic!
That’s lovely Danielle, a very honest comment you have made here. Recently I have discovered that jealousy can take all the joy out of life if I allow it, and all that is required here is to love and appreciate myself more, ongoing and plenty to sit with!
I recently had this presented to me when I saw a friend of mine looking sensational… her coat of all things stood out and I said ‘I want to borrow that!’. In that moment, I knew how gross that had felt, so I went home and sat with it that I realised that it was exactly as Bernadette has presented in this blog – I wasn’t appreciating her, I was wanting what she had for myself… but in truth, I could actually appreciate her in full, and that I was enough too. It was a beautiful realisation!
This is great Brooke, thank you for sharing. You’ve just shown how accepted it is in society to speak with and be with each other like this. It’s like jealousy is the norm.
Same here Danielle. I too have felt that what I was offering was admiration, but Bernadette is absolutely right – there is a fleeting moment of wishing ‘I had that’, and in that second it’s like my shoulders slump, and I let out a sigh – which if I’m really honest, is a sigh that says ‘poor me’. YUK – that actually feels gross.
It’s so true Elodie, it’s all about feeling sorry for ourselves, then dumping this horrible feeling onto another, who can feel it a mile away, if they are really honest. This blog and these conversations are allowing me to be honest about how much jealousy is all around us, it’s like a foul smell in the air. Sometimes from me, and sometimes from others – maybe even more often than not. I agree – YUK!
I agree Danielle – there is much to ponder upon in this blog and have a deeper understanding of the subtlety of jealousy and how this plays out in our thinking and expression.
The best part about this all Stephanie is to FINALLY be talking about it. The only way to rid jealousy from ourselves, and to stop our reactions when we feel it from others is to be 100% honest and let ourselves feel it all in full, down to every little detail. I’m willing to go there to stop the rot!
this is a profound realisation Bernadette, and one I am sure not many parents would be willing to admit. The fact is that many of us seek to live our lives through our children, clamouring onto their innocence and light, rather than claiming our own, and appreciating that the joy our children bring us is equally within us also. So what is the antidote to jealousy? Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation.
Nailed it Adam!
I put my hand up for being one of those parents Adam! It’s difficult to admit being jealous of our children (particularly), but as I reflect now, I feel the truth that I have seen in them qualities that I myself have not always displayed or easily connected to (most notably playfullness, a lightness, joy etc.), but although I can’t say I’ve mastered this, I can say that I am working on appreciating the qualities that others reflect, knowing that these same qualities and choices are available to me also. The key has been honesty as well as working on appreciating myself more which opens me up more to appreciating what others reflect.
Thank you Adam, I appreciate your comment and your sharing of the antidote to jealousy!
So true Adam. I can feel how easy it is as a parent to be jealous of your children, carefree and joyful without any stresses. Appreciating children and the playfulness that they bring is essential.
Appreciation is most definately the antidote or medicine to counter jealousy…and it comes way before the jealous moment. If we are appreciating ourselves in full and all that we bring, then surely there is no room for jealousy to arise and we can appreciate in full what another is showing us.
Hello Adam Warburton and I agree. I would say equally you don’t necessarily have to be a parent of a child to be, “clamouring onto their innocence and light, rather than claiming our own, and appreciating that the joy our children bring us is equally within us also.” The way back or as you say “antidote” from jealousy I totally agree is “Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation.” Thanks Adam.
Great point Adam Warburton – I don’t feel like many parents would be open to seeing this as a pattern they live out with their children. Bernadette has shown great strength and grace in saying ‘yes’ to the possibility, which lead to an amazing confirmation. How often we let the idea of hurts hold us back when there is only Love waiting for us. Appreciation!
Part of what stops parents and adults from seeing their own jealousy towards children is the assumption that wisdom is a product of age, when in truth wisdom has nothing to do with age, but everything to do with connection. As Henry Thoreau once said, “I am always regretting that I am not as wise as the day I was born.”
Very true Adam, it’s very easy to allow this to happen, sometimes children get shut down as parents can’t or won’t tolerate the light their children have, the reflection it offers is too much. I know I have been guilty of being jealous of my own children at times, particularly when things have been very stressful and I feel their absolute love of life and being in the moment, with not a care in the world. Well, that is my perception, which isn’t to say that is how they may feel in themselves. It can be tempting to look outside ourselves and see what we want to see as a distraction, not wanting to feel what is really going on for us and surrendering, to allow ourselves to go deeper to thats when the healing can take place.
but jealousy felt when one is better then another person at something like soccer or spelling etc is because there is comparison in the first place. If people are always being compared to one another and we are taught that that we are lesser if we don’t have a high talent in something and someone else does, then thats going to create a lot of jealousy.
Yes harry, how much competition goes on in this world, and all around us in daily aspects of life. We are all just hurt trying to prove that we are not.
Well said Rick, competition i everywhere. And absolutely nailed it “We are all hurt and trying to prove that we are not”.
Indeed this is jealousy, and it is a contraction within oneself when that glory is felt, and we realise we don’t have it. What the glorious thing to do would be is to accept the inspiration being offered to us and let it in, and let ourselves be just as glorious. We don’t do that, we contract and feel lesser, its actually a game.
I agree harry, to feel where you are at is a great start to feel and embrace that awareness on what I need to work on.
“Look how those delicate clouds light up the sky. Appreciate the playfulness of the dog, and appreciate what you bring – your delicateness, fragility, tenderness – your qualities are precious too.” Appreciating my qualities and what I bring is the antidote to jealousy as it is impossible to appreciate another if we are not appreciating ourselves first. As I write this comment I realise that my relationship with appreciating myself is changing; I am not resisting it like I used to.
Beautiful reminder Bernadette. Our qualities are precious too – equally so. We can bring the same level of appreciation we bring to others to ourselves.
So true Annie. I feel that when I can not fully appreciate others, than I am not fully appreciating all that I bring. I can see how in appreciating others I can further develop the appreciation I have for myself.
I agree Annie & Lee, I notice how much I look out and ‘see’ what I want to see. My known truth turns to knowledge and gets the better of me. It hurts to claim me because of the beliefs “I cannot act that way!” someone might feel less. Also, I do not trust how amazing I am because the degree how furious the reactions have been. I actually control how I express truth to water down people ‘blowing up’. It’s an insidious energy that locks you away for a long lasting time.
This is a powerful blog. I can so relate to feeling ‘fleeting thoughts’ of jealousy which I have allowed into my body. Sometimes they can be very subtle and go unnoticed. As I began to read this blog I could feel jealousy in my body towards my daughter. I have felt brief moments of jealousy towards her before but this time I could feel it more in my body. Thank you Bernadette for sharing as I will take this into my day as I ask to feel into this jealousy more deeply.
Bernadette thanks for a blog that will likely resonate with everyone. There is no doubt in my mind that we have all played the comparison and jealousy cards at various times in our lives. The overall scale of the problem worldwide is huge when you consider how much each human being might be ‘doing’ their own particular form of jealousy. For me, sometimes it is overt and I know instantly as the resulting feeling left behind in my body is, as you say, quite poisonous. But the covert times when it sneaks in and subtly diminishes the moment can be harder to catch if I’m not paying attention.
What a gracious opportunity to heal something deep within yourself – and what a gracious sharing for us all too. The richness and honesty that you bring is very inspiring because there are often things we don’t want to look at – but you went there and it was shown that there is always a silver lining – or in this case a delicate pink one and that true freedom is possible. Thank you.