Recently I had the opportunity to feel what it is like to not fully express my truth. I was in a situation where I had said part of what I felt to say, but I held back on what was there to be said in full. I held back because I was worried about how the other person might respond.
I thought it was my responsibility to not say too much, so the other person did not feel awkward about what was there to be said.
In holding back my full truth, I experienced a large amount of internal tension, confusion, a loss of confidence, and a feeling of frustration and anxiety. A lot of thoughts came up about what was right and wrong, such as:
- Maybe what I have to say will upset the other person.
- It may be confronting.
- Is it my place to say anything?
In all of this I realised that the other person missed out on hearing my expression in full and instead got a watered down version of what I thought was best to say. So in the end we both missed out.
I missed out on expressing what was there to be shared and the insight this sharing could have brought us both. We both also missed out on the intimacy and fragility that arises between two people when they express their truth in full.
Is it possible that by holding back my expression, the other person then missed out on having the opportunity to connect to, and express in full what they felt to share?
I now have the understanding that it is so important to express in full so we can start the process of coming to a common understanding of the truth together, even if this may create some discomfort.
Although I know the truth, I have sometimes chosen to ignore it, or reacted when someone has exposed it to me. I now know, Truth is the same as Love. If I do not express in full, then the truth is I am not being loving with myself or another, and there is no sense in that.
In my experience, devastation comes from withholding the truth, no matter how innocent and well meaning it may be at the time.
I remember as a young child I was deeply hurt when I found out Santa Claus was not true. I felt that every adult in the world had lied to me; this made it hard for me to fully trust adults and what they told me
When not telling the truth there can appear to be a short term gain, such as not creating upset, which allows a more comforting scenario to play out – letting myself be liked rather than being the apparent bringer of upsetting news. The reason that short term gain is so short-lived is that the truth is always deeply felt, even if not consciously known.
I have come to a greater understanding of Love, truth and expression through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom and The Hierarchy presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. These teachings have inspired much grace and beauty in my life.
By Toni Steenson, Goonellabah, Australia
Further Reading:
Learning to Express Our Feelings – Part 1
Finding My voice Again
What happens When We Do Not Speak Up?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
‘The reason that short term gain is so short-lived is that the truth is always deeply felt, even if not consciously known’, that is a bomb of a statement. We cannot deny truth, it is felt so deep within, it is the reason why we have the internal destructive dialogue because we have gone against it.
If truth is truly spoken from the body, what happens to the other does not matter, because it was delivered with no outcome, for the person to get it. It is done out of love and from love. It allows the other ponder, and leave a seed in them that will eventually grow one day and the realisation will eventuate. Truth allows another space…
This has been a biggie for me, hardly expressing in my truth when I was growing up, and if anything it came out wrong, angry, frustrated, often with tears and the thoughts of, should’s, could’s and would’s, would consume me.
Over the years, my expression has been unfolding as I develop my relationship with me and myself. It is far from perfect but, what I love is that I express from the fulness of who I am. There are times I express from such a force, that is not shouting, but from love and authority, that people don’t say anything as the message delivered doesn’t require any responses. Other times, I don’t say anything as there is nothing to be said, but my expression of silence says it all.
There is another expression I am learning to master next and that is the academic one…
To add to this, when we are in our bodies, steady and in the fullness of who we truly are, we let out this (I can only say), a vibration that penetrates another. That being me affects another, and sometimes we don’t know how it affects them as it cannot always be seen, it is felt further then the eye can see…
“I now have the understanding that it is so important to express in full so we can start the process of coming to a common understanding of the truth together, even if this may create some discomfort.” A lot of things can get in the way of expressing including thinking that what we have to contribute is not valuable, or beliefs like “women should not speak up”, and fear that others will react. Sometimes it is not even some earth-shattering truth to be delivered, just what we feel to say or contribute to the discussion. What I am realising is it’s not just the words that people miss out on when we hold back, but everything that the person is that comes through with the expression as well
Melinda another biggie for me, ‘women should not speak up’. Culturally it has had a knock on effect, but boy when I speak with the fulness of who I am not only as a woman but as a being, even I find it sexy. So women out there, speak from the fulness of who you truly are and not from your hurts.
Toni, these are words of Gold: “The reason that short term gain is so short-lived is that the truth is always deeply felt, even if not consciously known.” – thank you for your gorgeously honest expression which has allowed me to reflect on all the ways that truth was withheld from me and then how I too have done that over the years to others, and still can catch myself doing…This is a healing to realise and on so many levels to embrace.
From a young age I was always taught to be super considerate, which in itself is a beautiful thing as you get to realise that everyone matters around you and it is about treating everyone with equal consideration. But part of this I also interpreted as not saying things to others that might ‘ruffle their feathers’ or make them feel unsettled – not because I was telling them something in-appropriate or rude, but simply by offering them a truth that might upset them. So I too learned to read how a person might react or respond to what I had to say and then held back what I felt they might not want to hear. As shared so beautifully in the blog above by Toni, this means both parties lose – we are far better expressing the truth and all growing despite any awkwardness that might temporarily be there.
Sometimes it is a necessary process for another to feel uncomfortable with what we have to share, and this is not a bad thing as I have been taught originally. IF the person is not comfortable with hearing the Truth then this does not mean we should not share it with them. rather we can share with them the truth and then give them some space and understanding and in this way support them with hearing the truth.
Thanks Toni, as you say, holding back is limiting our own expression and also holding back from giving the other person the opportunity of our great love of them, by saying exactly how we are feeling in any exchange of communications.
We don’t really think about truth being a part of ourselves or who we are, but it is, and if we hold it back we hold back ourselves. Everyone is short changed when we hold back. Even if the truth is not received well, we have honoured ourselves and our integrity by expressing it.
“We both also missed out on the intimacy and fragility that arises between two people when they express their truth in full.” And it takes awareness and practice in how we are with ourselves when we express.
I had the opportunity to feel the harm of holding back expression today and yesterday. I knew I had to say something yesterday but I didn’t and it left a relationship in a stagnant, unresolved place. So today when I felt something to express and wasn’t, it was even more obvious the harm it was doing to hold back. Once I did and we all expressed the whole feeling and cohesiveness in the group changed.
It’s a great example Fiona of how when we hold back the truth we actually hold everyone back.
And when we hold back truth, we hold back love, ‘I now know, Truth is the same as Love. If I do not express in full, then the truth is I am not being loving with myself or another, and there is no sense in that.’
When we are true to ourselves and put ourselves first in our lives, it becomes easier to express what is there to express, even those challenging conversations, simply because, we have a marker to being true to ourselves.
Truth cannot be owned it simply is what it is and is inclusive of us ALL.
Yes Victoria and when we hold back the power of our expression it does hurt the situation as they have missed out on your exqusite truth, love, harmony,stillness or joy – or all together.
Spot on Victoria, Truth cannot be owned and there is an arrogance in thinking we can own it. When we look at it this way, then we realise the importance of speaking Truth and not holding it back or owning it in any other way.
Your example of Santa Claus highlights how very much we are used to to not speaking our truth.
And how easily it is common for us to tell and make up things that aren’t actually true.. It has become about the surface, not the inner-depth truth.
When we are afraid of expressing our truth because we are afraid of the consequences, wait and see what the consequences will be when you don’t express. Short time on your body as this beautiful shows, but also long term, perhaps even years down the line. Just honestly observe these consequences, and ask again: “Is it worth to not express and hold back truth?”
There is no such a thing as ‘my’ truth. There is only truth or the truth.
‘My’ truth and ‘your’ truth have got us into a lot of trouble. Truth is absolute.
What I truly appreciate is how much we are able to express when we allow to drop any barrier and dare to go there and be raw and honest saying exactly what is there to share. I find it very strenghtning once you start doing so, it becomes your new marking point ( a point where you can come back to you, and after becomes your foundation). I big joy expressing is. And it enriches all of your relationships too !
Well said Danna – for when we express Truth, even though it may create a moment or two or awkwardness, at least we know what has needed to be said has been expressed and this is a joy to the body always, for nothing is kept locked in and hence it paves the way for an honest and open and truly intimate relationship.
“I now know, Truth is the same as Love. If I do not express in full, then the truth is I am not being loving with myself or another, and there is no sense in that.” If one acknowledges and accepts this then expressing in full is easier because who does not want to be loving?
Our bodies are already communicating before we even open our mouth so not expressing what we feel gives complications instead of bringing simply the truth.
“Truth is the same as Love” – absolutely, and one cannot happen without the other. ‘Truth’ cannot be heard when expressed without Love, only the imposition of righteousness gets felt. ‘Love’ without Truth stinks of the shallowness of falsity.
This is a theme I seem to keep coming back to, and what I am getting now is that there still is this element of trying of getting my expression right, constant unconscious censoring of what I think I should say, to whom, when, how etc. But there are moments when expression just happens, and that’s really beautiful. Maybe if it is truly about love, and that is truly where I am at, the body is left to move without any interference, and what I would express is not for me to own, and how and when that happens is not for me to decide or control.
true inspiration comes from feeling truth – than living it makes the love be felt and possible for others to live too. It is implementing that which is your felt inspiration.
Thank you Toni.
Reminding us again with the following quote; ‘In my experience, devastation comes from withholding the truth, no matter how innocent and well meaning it may be at the time.’
How come we go and live in this way?
We have accepted to live way beyond the truth we know deep inside, in other words we have accepted to live in constant disguises instead of the simplicity of our own being.
When we express the truth we feel in full with each other we are saying ‘yes’ to deepening our relationship with love, that which we all deserve to be met with. Truth is not ours but for all to feel and know. When we know and feel it, it is our responsibility and far more honoring to reflect this in full regardless of the what the outcome might be.
Just exactly what do we support when we don’t speak our truth? Could it be the lies, deceit, fake-ness and the multitude of empty so called connections we have in our life?
Absolutely it does Leigh. When we hold back expressing truth we give permission for the momentum of lies to continue to circulate and be further embedded as ‘normal’.
There is true grace in speaking our truth, for as others have done for us, we can do for another. Such openness provides a space for us all to simply be ourselves.
‘Is it possible that by holding back my expression, the other person then missed out on having the opportunity to connect to, and express in full what they felt to share?’ Yes absolutely Toni, when we hold back our expression nobody wins, therefore missing the opportunity to deepen their awareness and to evolve.
When we only partially say what has to be said those listening can only get a partial understanding of what needs to be shared or learned.
Re learning that true love is expressing all of you in full no matter what may comes back at you, or no matter what anther may feel is a massive claiming in one’s evolution. One claiming that I am continuously working on.
“We both also missed out on the intimacy and fragility that arises between two people when they express their truth in full.” When we play nice we miss out on so much, when speaking our truth with honesty we offer each other a true relationship where we each are free to be and express from who we are.
It’s almost like being bullied by the potential reaction or resistance that we can feel from another if we did speak up in full. I can remember putting this out to people, but secretly wanting them to call me out or share what I could feel they wanted to. Yes I have reacted and yes others do react but it is not up to us to hold back as it may be just confirming what they have also been denying is true deep down.
The more I have expressed my truth, the more I become solid in expressing my truth, and the more I start to see and feel the benefit for all involved when truth is expressed.
Thank you Toni, it’s an important topic because we are so strongly socialised to be polite, to not unsettle or disturb, and to “keep the peace”, when in actual fact we all deeply need the truth. I know for me when I don’t share the truth it stays inside me and the energy of that expression can go around and around in me because it hasn’t found its rightful exit – i.e. to be ex-pressed to another.
This blog is music to my heart. “Truth is the same as Love”. I know this through and through, and on reflection I also know that all the times when I have thought people were not ready to hear the truth was because it was not delivered with love. Which means even if all the words were said, it was never the whole truth.
“I now know, Truth is the same as Love.” When we hold back from expressing truth in full we invite misunderstanding and misinterpretation to creep in.
It is fascinating to observe how an unspoken truth leads to a very known pattern of behavior that tries to cover up the incredible tension that we feel in the body. Over time we build more ways to avoid being fooled by ourselves.
Yes, and who says that tension is not good for us or that it is to be avoided?
The only reason that awkwardness exists in the face of truth is because we have lived in disregard to our truth for so long. Yet the fact is that we all know truth, deep down love truth as it is the true expression of our Soul, who we are. When we express truth, we feel the fullness and realness of who we are, as such we confirm the light of who we all are in essence. Truth is what unifies us and allows us connects us to every facet of the universe that we are all intrinsically part of.
Beautiful. Truth is inclusive and encompassing of All, we know it as it is within our very essence.
Love this unifying quality of truth that you’ve identified here: truth doesn’t take sides, favour or judge: it is simply there for everyone to see, feel and read, holding everyone as an absolute equal.
‘devastation comes from withholding the truth, no matter how innocent and well meaning it may be at the time.’ True Toni holding back ruins us, it has an effect on everyones body as we all are able to feel when truth is not spoken, we have to numb ourselves to not feel the devastation we leave behind and is in some way in ourselves.
Another advantage of expressing in full: it makes our love flow through our bodies, to every part of the universe, we are like a star radiating. It deconstructs our contraction.
And opens our body to receive even more truth to speak, move and walk.
Imagine if people actually understood what happens when we don’t express our truth… the world of lies that we live in would collapse like the pack of cards it is.
What a beauty of a blog – as truth is actually way more easy than lies. As it just is. Thank you for expressing clearly what it is to express truth in full.