Growing up as a young child, up until the age of six I lived in an environment of constant fighting between my parents. I could feel there was much anger and resentment between them. My siblings and I experienced physical violence and constant verbal and emotional abuse. My mother often lashed out verbally or physically in frustration, rage or resentment at us.
In hindsight, as a mother of two children myself, I can see that she would have been overwhelmed; not only with the daily work and responsibility of raising three small children, but also with her own feelings and emotions.
My father was happy to be working in order to support us financially, but I feel he had no clue about his role at home nor any idea about raising children. He left the responsibility of this to my mother. I saw that my father was equally unable to deal with her outbursts – he seemed powerless around her and either retreated or got angry and fought back.
I now feel how they both felt trapped: it seemed they were unable to communicate, and when they did, it was mostly explosive confrontations.
I often felt scared, sad and powerless… I certainly don’t remember the feeling of being cherished by my mother. I recollect some tender and light moments with my Dad, but there were also feelings of despair and helplessness from him.
My family situation showed me that everything was not ok. I felt insignificant and in the way. From my perspective now, I can see that as a child, not having a true nor whole sense of myself, I decided that I was not worth much and somehow at fault.
Why do we tend to do this?
- Is making ourselves feel wrong and worthless the way we cope with the situation?
- Perhaps by taking on the role that we are wrong is our way of being a piece of the puzzle, to make sense of a situation?
- Is it because we are children and have no other way to see it or make sense of it?
We live for so long, often well into adulthood, behaving and living according to these deep beliefs we take on that are so far from the truth of who we are.
Could it be that we are in fact born wondrous and whole?
Knowing that I had issues to be addressed, I saw counsellors over the course of my adult life. However, it really wasn’t until I had healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners, and participated in their workshops and courses, that I began to understand and change how I saw myself, and how I live.
I came to see that many of the beliefs I had taken on and held were keeping me locked in emotions such as deep anger, struggle and helplessness. I came to understand how my identity, my behaviours and my relationships were shaped by these.
I felt shocked when I began to realise that I didn’t have much self-worth, although this made sense when reflecting on my lack of confidence, my constant self-doubt, and always looking to others for answers instead of considering that I could turn to myself and trust my own feelings and intuitions.
I was still identifying with the thoughts and beliefs that I had assumed for myself as a small child. The key way for me to break with them was to ask a lot of questions…
- Could it be that I had no sense of myself because I was taking on the emotional turmoil of my parents?
- As I don’t recall feeling cherished for being me, is it possible then that I had no reference for who I truly am?
- And then was it true that, because I had no sense of me, that this meant I must be ‘nothing’ and worthless?
- Is it possible that the beliefs I created from this experience became my accepted living truth and way of being?
Because these beliefs were so deeply embedded and embodied due to my living them as a false truth, it was very hard to realise that they were actually not true.
Being able to ask the questions, along with some of the obvious answers to these, showed me the possibility that something else could be true about me. Understanding this allowed me to examine long held beliefs and patterns. Learning about myself is an ongoing and unfolding journey.
What Universal Medicine has brought back into my life is not only supporting me to free myself from the false identity I had built and fully believed myself to be, but also shedding light on the naturally amazing me that I am.
Now that I have awakened to the fact that I am amazing and worthy of cherishing, I continue to take care of my precious body and self. I am joyously discovering how much more there is of me to love and appreciate, and what I can bring to this world.
The absolute gold that Universal Medicine has offered me is that the way back to my true self is found in honouring my body, and cherishing me – the amazing being I have always been.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Self-Esteem
I Am Amazing Just For Being Me
How Amazing It Feels to Be Myself
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Lovely to read that you now know that you are, ‘amazing and worthy of cherishing, I continue to take care of my precious body and self’; coming from a point years ago having, ‘ often felt scared, sad and powerless… I certainly don’t remember the feeling of being cherished by my mother.’ Wonderful turnaround of your life.
Reading this makes me realise that every human being walking this planet has grown up with some belief system. And in this they live their lives, never being who they truly are. It’s a no wonder we know there is something missing in our lives and we search elsewhere and seldom realise that it is within. And for some they will come to a realisation, like yourself that this isn’t it and, that we are more, and for me also the realisation came when I came across Universal Medicine too, and I knew I had come home.
It is a working progress and I love how my life is unfolding. There are times when I struggle, as sometimes there is something that like to stop me from moving forward or onwards and that is expected. It is my choice to do what I want with my life and who I allow to support me or not, and this option is there for others too.
What I can honestly say that when I live from the belief systems it feels restricted, when I live from who who I truly am, I know I am offering me and my all, my preferred way of living.
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are likewise supporting myself to come back to who I truly am after years of previously searching outside myself, ‘we know there is something missing in our lives and we search elsewhere and seldom realise that it is within. And for some they will come to a realisation, like yourself that this isn’t it and, that we are more, and for me also the realisation came when I came across Universal Medicine too.’
How is it possible to self love, self care, be responsible, to deepen to a level of love for self and others when we are saturated with an energy that keeps us lesser than. This saturation I feel occurs when we are young and it is used so that there is no way that we will be able to connect to the love we actually are and come from. Is it possible this life is set up as a struggle from start to finish because by being so engrossed in the struggle we will not have the wherewith all to look any deeper. It is not until someone comes along and suggests that we are all struggling that we are given a different perspective. To some people they see the sense in what is being said and start to make changes and some people take offence at the suggestion and carry on with the struggle not believing that life can be so simple.
Mary I watched a film clip of a father who videos his daughter on a weekly basis from birth to 20 years of age. And during this clip you can actually observe her being saturated by the energy that kept her lesser and when these beliefs were embedded into her, it was all in the eyes and facial expression. So that was one person, and there are billions of people on this planet in similar situation too.
Everything is mapped out so we aren’t to discover who we truly are which is interesting and worth for all to explore. And as already shared, life could be so much simpler if we tapped into that different perspective, we just need to be willing to choose this too, a choice we all have, a simple life, or a complicated life…
That sounds like a fascinating film, showing what so many of us have experienced.
It is a great title “From a false identity to discovering the real me” because so many of us believe we are the misery, low self worth and confusion. Whatever the reason we were not able to be our whole and true self it’s still in there waiting to be uncovered and reconnected to, no matter what we have experienced in our history.
Once we are no longer in the care of our parents, once we are old enough to look after ourselves, it is then our responsibility to care for ourselves. But most of us do not grow up with this understanding and we do not get raised with the understanding that this is in fact a beautiful responsibility. In fact we grow up thinking it is a burden or a chore or an annoyance to look after ourselves and the body. This is the ‘set up’ to keep us disempowered (not a set up consciously by our parents, but one that we all fall for in society) – for one of the most powerful ways that the Soul can work with us is when we look after ourselves and the body and love ourselves and the body up. True power then lies in our connection with self love, self care, self responsibility to begin with whilst then deepening to another level of love for self and others.
Looking after ourselves and our body, loving and nurturing ourselves is all supportive for us returning to our magnificence, ‘I am joyously discovering how much more there is of me to love and appreciate, and what I can bring to this world.’
Our upbringing as children can certainly affect us later on in life as adults – but the moment we realise this then we have the choice to observe this, understand it and then know how to bring a loving way of being rather than replacing the behaviour with a reaction that leads to no healing and no restoration of what truly can be. An ongoing process of trial and error and one that requires much honesty, in my experience.