From a False Identity to Discovering the Real Me

Growing up as a young child, up until the age of six I lived in an environment of constant fighting between my parents. I could feel there was much anger and resentment between them. My siblings and I experienced physical violence and constant verbal and emotional abuse. My mother often lashed out verbally or physically in frustration, rage or resentment at us.

In hindsight, as a mother of two children myself, I can see that she would have been overwhelmed; not only with the daily work and responsibility of raising three small children, but also with her own feelings and emotions.

My father was happy to be working in order to support us financially, but I feel he had no clue about his role at home nor any idea about raising children. He left the responsibility of this to my mother. I saw that my father was equally unable to deal with her outbursts – he seemed powerless around her and either retreated or got angry and fought back.

I now feel how they both felt trapped: it seemed they were unable to communicate, and when they did, it was mostly explosive confrontations.

I often felt scared, sad and powerless… I certainly don’t remember the feeling of being cherished by my mother. I recollect some tender and light moments with my Dad, but there were also feelings of despair and helplessness from him.

My family situation showed me that everything was not ok. I felt insignificant and in the way. From my perspective now, I can see that as a child, not having a true nor whole sense of myself, I decided that I was not worth much and somehow at fault.

Why do we tend to do this?

  • Is making ourselves feel wrong and worthless the way we cope with the situation?
  • Perhaps by taking on the role that we are wrong is our way of being a piece of the puzzle, to make sense of a situation?
  • Is it because we are children and have no other way to see it or make sense of it?

We live for so long, often well into adulthood, behaving and living according to these deep beliefs we take on that are so far from the truth of who we are.

Could it be that we are in fact born wondrous and whole?

Knowing that I had issues to be addressed, I saw counsellors over the course of my adult life. However, it really wasn’t until I had healing sessions with Universal Medicine practitioners, and participated in their workshops and courses, that I began to understand and change how I saw myself, and how I live.

I came to see that many of the beliefs I had taken on and held were keeping me locked in emotions such as deep anger, struggle and helplessness. I came to understand how my identity, my behaviours and my relationships were shaped by these.

I felt shocked when I began to realise that I didn’t have much self-worth, although this made sense when reflecting on my lack of confidence, my constant self-doubt, and always looking to others for answers instead of considering that I could turn to myself and trust my own feelings and intuitions.

I was still identifying with the thoughts and beliefs that I had assumed for myself as a small child. The key way for me to break with them was to ask a lot of questions…

  • Could it be that I had no sense of myself because I was taking on the emotional turmoil of my parents?
  • As I don’t recall feeling cherished for being me, is it possible then that I had no reference for who I truly am?
  • And then was it true that, because I had no sense of me, that this meant I must be ‘nothing’ and worthless?
  • Is it possible that the beliefs I created from this experience became my accepted living truth and way of being?

Because these beliefs were so deeply embedded and embodied due to my living them as a false truth, it was very hard to realise that they were actually not true.

Being able to ask the questions, along with some of the obvious answers to these, showed me the possibility that something else could be true about me. Understanding this allowed me to examine long held beliefs and patterns. Learning about myself is an ongoing and unfolding journey.

What Universal Medicine has brought back into my life is not only supporting me to free myself from the false identity I had built and fully believed myself to be, but also shedding light on the naturally amazing me that I am.

Now that I have awakened to the fact that I am amazing and worthy of cherishing, I continue to take care of my precious body and self. I am joyously discovering how much more there is of me to love and appreciate, and what I can bring to this world.

The absolute gold that Universal Medicine has offered me is that the way back to my true self is found in honouring my body, and cherishing me – the amazing being I have always been.

By Anonymous

Further Reading:
Self-Esteem
I Am Amazing Just For Being Me
How Amazing It Feels to Be Myself

789 thoughts on “From a False Identity to Discovering the Real Me

  1. How is it possible to self love, self care, be responsible, to deepen to a level of love for self and others when we are saturated with an energy that keeps us lesser than. This saturation I feel occurs when we are young and it is used so that there is no way that we will be able to connect to the love we actually are and come from. Is it possible this life is set up as a struggle from start to finish because by being so engrossed in the struggle we will not have the wherewith all to look any deeper. It is not until someone comes along and suggests that we are all struggling that we are given a different perspective. To some people they see the sense in what is being said and start to make changes and some people take offence at the suggestion and carry on with the struggle not believing that life can be so simple.

  2. It is a great title “From a false identity to discovering the real me” because so many of us believe we are the misery, low self worth and confusion. Whatever the reason we were not able to be our whole and true self it’s still in there waiting to be uncovered and reconnected to, no matter what we have experienced in our history.

  3. Once we are no longer in the care of our parents, once we are old enough to look after ourselves, it is then our responsibility to care for ourselves. But most of us do not grow up with this understanding and we do not get raised with the understanding that this is in fact a beautiful responsibility. In fact we grow up thinking it is a burden or a chore or an annoyance to look after ourselves and the body. This is the ‘set up’ to keep us disempowered (not a set up consciously by our parents, but one that we all fall for in society) – for one of the most powerful ways that the Soul can work with us is when we look after ourselves and the body and love ourselves and the body up. True power then lies in our connection with self love, self care, self responsibility to begin with whilst then deepening to another level of love for self and others.

  4. Our upbringing as children can certainly affect us later on in life as adults – but the moment we realise this then we have the choice to observe this, understand it and then know how to bring a loving way of being rather than replacing the behaviour with a reaction that leads to no healing and no restoration of what truly can be. An ongoing process of trial and error and one that requires much honesty, in my experience.

  5. Growing up in a home with no harmony and not feeling safe due to discord and fighting is a sure way for any child to learn to shut down and lose a solid trust and knowing of oneself. However, all is not lost for once we are out of that environment, it is for us to take responsibility for parenting ourselves in a way that restores the trust, love and harmony – not an easy thing to do, but certainly there always as a choice to turn towards.

  6. I haven’t read this for a while, but I’m so thankful you have written this. It explains so clearly the confusing behaviours and beliefs we can have as a result of childhood trauma, and how these carry through into adult life, and yet it’s all possible to heal to return to our true and amazing selves. I know for me that healing would not be possible without the support of Universal Medicine.

  7. Too me there is nothing worse than when you have the realisation at a young age that your parents do not get on with each other, the feeling of helplessness and impotent rage mixed together as I stood by and watched my parents fighting feeling all their resentment and bitterness towards each other my world just collapsed around me and then nothing felt safe. This feeling of being unsafe tainted the way I grew up and viewed the world and the people in it. I thought it was normal to feel unsafe and distrustful. As you say anonymous Universal Medicine is a great support to unpick the false ideals and beliefs that we carry with us in life, by healing the hurts we can at last live life free of these impositions.

  8. For many children growing up they are left with the feelings of being scared, sad, powerless and of not being heard and of not being much use a nuisance in other words. That is a huge legacy to carry around with us into adulthood so is it any wonder we mess up in life. Finding Universal Medicine gives us the possibility of another chance so that we can go back over all the hurts we have accumulated unpick them and in the unpicking comes the healing which is lasting. This then allows us to live free and how many of us can put up their hands and say they live a free life?

  9. A beautiful sharing. I could feel the fire in your being as you let go of the patterns and beliefs taken on from childhood.

  10. Its easy to allow abuse when we do not value who we are, and what we bring to the world. If we did we would treasure this and no way allow others or ourselves to demean that preciousness inside.

    1. So beautifully said Simon, for when we do not value who we are, we do not up hold a standard that does not allow abuse. Learning to love and value oneself is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves for this then naturally leads to saying no to what does not correlate as behaviour towards that which we now value.

  11. How many of us have lived false versions of ourselves? I know I did for many years and ended up feeling very miserable and alone; I was trying to live up to many beliefs, ideals and false pictures. It has been empowering to let go of all of this and to start connecting deeply to who I truly am, I then allow myself to feel my divinity and power as a woman.

  12. For most of us, there is a lot of feedback from our world that just being us is wrong. We get mixed messages, changing goal posts and role models who have been hurt and become lost themselves. Thus so many of us grow up feeling we are not enough. It’s not until you re-discover stillness and your inner sense of self that you know there was never anything wrong with you.

  13. It’s incredible what we live with from our childhoods that most of us have no idea about. I remember thinking I was such an angry frustrated person and that people would eventually find out something really awful about me and not want to be friends with me anymore. In my first appointment with Serge Benhayon he reminded me that I was not all of that and I was precious, beautiful and amazing. I just shook my head but something did sink in, thank goodness.

  14. I can so relate to those toxic beliefs that get reinforced as we would make choices based on those beliefs and it becomes impossible to think otherwise, as that is the only reality we know, and we somehow create a way to manage it and, for a very long time, I didn’t even recognise that I had a self-worth issue when in truth it was totally deeply ingrained in all my behaviour and thinking patterns.

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