Sometimes I am aware of how much I doubt myself. It is definitely not there all the time, but then something happens and it is like a tsunami of doubt enters my mind. I start to doubt my decisions, my choices and second-guess everything I have done. As it sounds, it is actually very exhausting!
So I ask myself, why do I doubt me? Why has this doubt been allowed to enter?
Well, the first answer that rushes in is that “You weren’t being present, so you made that choice without really feeling what was needed.” This answer can sometimes take me to the doldrums of guilt and self-abuse. Yep, this just compounds the problem, making me feel even worse and more exhausted!
Then enters the voice of reason that makes a story out of anything and everything. This includes lots of complicated excuses and justifications to sort out the problem that was seemingly created, although it wasn’t really a problem in the first place. Phew, yep, still exhausted.
By this point, I am so tired and actually wondering what happened to me. This is the aftermath of the tsunami of doubt.
Then I remember to take a moment to stop, feel my body, feel my breath and most importantly, appreciate how amazingly beautiful I am. It helps if I am in front of the mirror because I can actually take a moment to look at myself and appreciate the sparkle in my eyes and see the beauty that I am feeling.
If I get stuck on the fact that I made a ‘wrong choice’, I am taken out by the tsunami. But when I accept that each choice provides me with an opportunity for learning and developing then I can feel a deeper acceptance of myself. I am not perfect and making mistakes is a part of that, in that each mistake is an opportunity for learning.
Moreover, one person’s weaknesses are another’s strengths, so together we are each an important piece of the whole of humanity and if we appreciate each other we can work together in brotherhood without judgment or criticism.
I may do and say things that feel yucky sometimes, but all I have to do is feel without judgment how each choice affects my body and not go into the story of feeling bad or guilty about having made that choice.
I hold the responsibility for feeling the effects of each choice and learning from it. In this way there is never a right or wrong; there is only learning.
By deeply appreciating who I am and the fact that all that I am blessed with in life is the result of my choices, I realise there is nothing to doubt and nothing to give myself a hard time about. There is just more to celebrate.
In celebration of the loving choices I have made and continue to make to my way of Livingness through the inspiration of the work of Serge Benhayon.
By Simone Lewis, BSc BTeach
Further Reading:
Who I Really Am
Who Am I?
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
‘But when I accept that each choice provides me with an opportunity for learning and developing then I can feel a deeper acceptance of myself. I am not perfect and making mistakes is a part of that, in that each mistake is an opportunity for learning’”. I totally agree with this statement, there are no mistakes, there are only choices that eventuate to the same path. One could be the long path, whilst another is the short path to evolution, they all take you to it eventually.
Doubt is the spirit’s way to mislead you from that that we all from and that is the Soul. It will say, yes, no, don’t know. And for us is to discern whether we take heed or not. The Soul will never feed you doubt, it will only provide those a ha moments and if anything, it’s a bodily moment where every part of you says, Yes.
I recently had the opportunity to see how doubt still affects me, and as you say Simone it is exhausting. Looking back I can see that the truth and simplicity go together, as does accepting situations as they are but staying with the truth as I feel it. When I even move slightly away from that inner truth I am lost and in floods doubt.
Doubts act like dominoes – the moment one drops, the whole pile begins to move and drop the next and the next and the next. A bit like indulging in little lies that once begun are hard to stop. The key is to pull one standing domino out of the pile and this cuts the doubt and allows us to see the mess we have created by allowing that one tiny doubt to creep in.
Henrietta, spot on, it is like a domino effect. It’s like that weed that continues to grow. If we don’t cut it to it’s core, then it will continue to fester. Nip it in the bud before it infests the mind as it can indulge.
I have no doubt that I have moments of doubt and that these moments are my un-doing. But at the same time, the most powerful thing is to realise that one is in a doubt and thus to catch that moment and thus to see it for what it is, is what helps us get out of it.
Having doubts is a killer – it is something that undermines the very foundation we build for ourselves.
Appreciating and celebrating ourselves is the loving choice, ‘By deeply appreciating who I am and the fact that all that I am blessed with in life is the result of my choices, I realise there is nothing to doubt and nothing to give myself a hard time about. There is just more to celebrate.’
Absolutely Simone, as when we feel appreciation energetically it comes with the understanding of being Me and that is we are deepening that foundation as we go about our day with a deep-humble-appreciate-ive-ness of being that divine vehicles of expression.
“one person’s weaknesses are another’s strengths, so together we are each an important piece of the whole of humanity and if we appreciate each other we can work together in brotherhood without judgment or criticism.” This approach really exposes the futility of criticism, we are here to grow and no one has it all, so together we can advance as a group by supporting each other. If another has a weakness and we are strong in that area there can be an opportunity to support that person to grow. Working together and having care for our fellow community members is a wonderful way to live, judgement end criticism take us nowhere except into stagnation and darkness.
Working together, supporting others where we can, is a win win situation, where we all evolve and advance, ‘we are here to grow and no one has it all, so together we can advance as a group by supporting each other.’
Thinking about things, going over stuff, especially just as it has a happened isn’t necessarily helpful whereas giving ourselves space and allowing a process to unfold often is.
Thank you Simone, it’s so true, we can make mistakes but they actually don’t mar the beauty of our essence, so no doubt is needed.
There is no doubting that together we are more powerful than when we try to ‘go it alone’.
Working together in brotherhood is the way forward, ‘ so together we are each an important piece of the whole of humanity and if we appreciate each other we can work together in brotherhood without judgment or criticism.’
A beautiful way to face doubt, to understand that everything is a learning and that our next step can be done always wiser. So there is indeed no reason to doubt only a next step to take with a deeper understanding.
Esther Andras what you are saying is that there is no right or wrong which is something we are all subjected to from a young age. To say that everything is a learning allows that space to understand what energy is at play, because we are all re learning that energy is first.
‘there is only learning…….. there is nothing to doubt and nothing to give myself a hard time about. There is just more to celebrate.’ I can see how normally doubt can cause a destabilisation which can magnify if we let it – we feel less than in that moment – so bringing ourselves back in full presence makes absolute sense.
We are continually learning, forever students, ‘each choice provides me with an opportunity for learning and developing then I can feel a deeper acceptance of myself.’
‘By deeply appreciating who I am and the fact that all that I am blessed with in life is the result of my choices, I realise there is nothing to doubt and nothing to give myself a hard time about. There is just more to celebrate.’ I really don’t think I’ve ever looked at life like this, with such an appreciation for all that I’m blessed with, what a gorgeous way to celebrate.
Trying to stop self-doubt with the same energy that created it is a futile attempt and doomed to fail. The way forward is to leave it behind and appreciate what is there to appreciate, including the fact that we have been aware and honest enough to nominate the incident as such.
I used to give myself such a hard time when I messed things up however this is changing and boy do I feel different. I don’t get stressed placing unnecessary pressure on myself like I did in the past. I am learning to be open to every relationship knowing the constellation is perfect for us to grow but probably the biggest change is the equality, becoming aware that it is not only me learning from another but they too are learning from me.
It really is a constant unfolding because we can be unaware of the words we use till we use them, or the patterns of behaviour that end up being patterns that hurt us or another till they are done. Holding ourselves in and with love may be unfamiliar but it is worth developing the relationship.
Great point Lucy: “Holding ourselves in and with love may be unfamiliar but it is worth developing the relationship.” – this is in fact one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.
‘There is never a right or wrong; there is only learning’. Well said and very true, when we eliminate right and wrong we can see everything that happens is an opportunity to learn and evolve, this brings greater understanding and acceptance to our lives.
Appreciating ourselves and accepting where we are is important for all of us, ‘I hold the responsibility for feeling the effects of each choice and learning from it. In this way there is never a right or wrong; there is only learning.’
One tiny seed of doubt, is all it takes to begin the undermining of how we are feeling about ourselves, and fed by our un-healed hurts it soon begins to grow, very quickly. I have found that once it has taken hold it is very difficult to release but over the last few years, I have discovered various tools to help it on its way, the main one being the way I move. I have learned from the wonderful presentations of Serge Benhayon, that I can either fuel my next and subsequent moves with this doubt or I can make the choice to move in a different way, one where I am totally connected to the wonderful being I am. There is no doubt which one I choose!
“I may do and say things that feel yucky sometimes, but all I have to do is feel without judgment how each choice affects my body and not go into the story of feeling bad or guilty about having made that choice.”
Going into the story or feel bad is trying to claim ownership of that created outcome. But when I feel without judgement there is no want of ownership for what has happened. Not in the way that I don’t take responsibility for it, I do. But it’s that I don’t want to keep it, hold it or foster it further. It feels yucky so I learn to detach from repeating it.
Only critism is in the way of our ever oh so openness , a love that is open to receive more of who you are – loving being.
I have come to see how much I welcome doubt into my life for it is a foundation of having a problem. Our spirit is so attached and addicted to creation that we will always concoct games and ways of being that will keep us in it. Having a problem, whether it is self doubt, being self critical, indecisive, not knowing and so on, is keeping us bound to creation. The truth of who we are is really simple and readily available in every moment. So each moment that I am not that I am deliberately choosing the other.
Carolien Braakenburg discovering that our spirit is so attached and addicted to what it has created for itself and the lengths it will go to to keep us all in its game of illusion which we call life = creation, knows no bounds, anything goes. We were not taught this in Religious studies at school or by the priest who visited the school on a regular basis. It wasn’t until I heard Serge Benhayon present on the difference between spirit and Soul and how the spirit keeps up the facade we call life. Serge Benhayon presentations gives everyone an opportunity to start a journey of discovery to understand that the version of spirit that we have all been fed is a lie and that the spirit is incredibly destructive and will trash the human body because it can, as it is immortal and the psychical body is used as just a play thing. This makes total sense to me because so many times my mind would override what my body was showing me usually with disastrous consequences.
I have found building a relationship with myself key to knowing and trusting myself. When I’m in doubt I know my relationship to me is not solid, and there is more to appreciate, claim and confirm in myself.
“When I’m in doubt I know my relationship to me is not solid,”. This is a great observation Melinda, and one that would benefit us all to know. It makes so much sense that if we are not fully present in a relationship with ourselves, for whatever reason, everything we do and say is coming from a disconnected body. When we move in total harmony with every part of us it is no surprise that everything in our lives has an easy and unhindered flow.
Absolutely Ingrid when we can feel that we are moving in harmony with the Universe nothing else matters. We have completley forgotten the number one principal of life to be in harmony with the Universe, which puts us into harmony with all others. We are born into a life where we are totally controlled, we are controlled by an unseen force and we are controlled by people who want ultimate control and are the puppets of the force that controls us. We have accepted this over the harmonious flow of the Universe, to such an extent that we don’t believe it even exists.
I am finding more and more that part of allowing doubt is the reluctance of surrendering to what is already know within my body.
I already know whats going on but choose to ignore it in favour of a held expectation/belief/ideal of life which ultimately will fall flat on it’s face but at the moment I am reluctant to surrender that which will eventually prove itself that it is a failure.
I like that Leigh, it will eventually and without doubt prove itself as a failure, in fact it already has done so from the get go but we stubbornly hold on to the believe that we can make it work. It shows how we only see what we choose to see for if we have an open gaze it is all so plane, simple and clear.
As soon as I lose the connection with my body my mind takes of and doubt and wonder becomes common again. There is only one place to know truth and this is from our body and our innermost heart.
There is an absoluteness of truth within ourselves, and when we step away from that doubting and wondering reflect the separation from our true selves.
Doubts are indeed an indulgence, wallowing in the misery of attacking ourselves from behind and by stealth.
Doubt is like a cancer that gnaws away, undermines and sabotages us; we have a choice though whether to give in or take stock, nominate what has happened and move on or not.
Thank you it is time to celebrate. Who we are and what we are here to truly bring.
I just love the ease and non-pressure that comes with allowing ourselves to learn and that by surrendering the learning will be exactly what is needed at that moment.
This is worth committing to because worrying about being wrong is incredibly exhausting.
We are pretty good at being hard on ourselves when we make so called mistakes but the way forward is, according to my experience, to be very loving with ourselves and then slowly the self-judging and blaming slowly fades.
Hardness, strict discipline and an unforgiving attitude do nothing for us, they just compound the problem and can initiate an endless cycle of self-abusing behaviours.
Sometimes when we start to doubt decisions that we have made or things we have been inspired by we can completely negate the truth and power of our first feelings. We can then go into all sorts of excuses and justification, or as we see them, “reasons”, for changing our mind. If we grapple with this ourselves we can give up on ourselves so talking to a trusted friend or taking our “dilemma”, as it may have become, to a session with a practitioner can support us to come back to seeing things more clearly and reestablishing the deeper connection that we may have lost…..and it may even take more than one session!
I simply love the fact that “one person’s weaknesses are another’s strengths, so together we are each an important piece of the “whole of humanity”. Allowing yourself to feel the truth of this statement immediately does away with judgment or jealousy of another and opens the doorway to being inspired instead. And it also offers us the opportunity to ask for support without feeling lesser than the other person and in turn offering support to someone who is open to be inspired by us. Yes, we are all part of the whole, and not the separate, isolated individual parts most of us has as lived for so long.
“By deeply appreciating who I am and the fact that all that I am blessed with in life is the result of my choices, I realise there is nothing to doubt and nothing to give myself a hard time about. There is just more to celebrate.” Appreciation offers us so much, on so many levels. To build this into our day for ourselves and each other is probably one of the greatest gifts we can share with one another.
Sandra Vicary appreciating is something that is very lacking in our society we are so ready to see the negative side of life rather than celebrate who we are and that no matter we all have something to bring no one less less than another.
What you offer us here takes us away from right and wrong and towards and understanding that each choice we make is an opportunity to learn, to accept and to expand.
There can be a huge ripple effect that follows allowing self-doubt in. It’s like one bad feeling leads to another, compounding the initial state of doubt. This is where we need to be onto any thoughts that are not self-loving, as they multiply like weeds in the garden of our mind.
Doubt undermines us and all around; it leaves others feeling adrift and anything but safe and held as we oscillate between spurts of activity and withdrawal. The latter leaves a gap, a hole that can then be filled by anything that we have aligned to, whether we are aware of it or not.
Self-doubt is a science that is learnt in the classroom of life, and while lessons are taught in school about how to remember facts and work out equations, the practicalities of how to counter self-doubt with the science of self-love, adoration and cherishment seem to be getting missed.
Doubts, complications and seriousness goes hand in hand, all comes from a particular energy to sabotage the natural flow of our true expression. Whereas deep knowing, simplicity and joy is always there, inside us.
Doubt acts like a trip wire to stop us in our tracks and if possible, even throw us totally off course if not at least spawn a superfluous and deleterious to our health and wellbeing detour.
You’ve pretty much summed up doubt in one wonderful sentence; what it does to us in the first instance and what it can do to us if it continues to be allowed to run riot in our mind, and body. One would think that the trip wire would be enough to ‘stop us in our tracks’ but somehow I feel that we have gotten so used to the trip that we just keep on spiralling into a deeper doubt-filled hole.
If we look at life and see it as learning then there is never any excuse or justification for beating or bashing ourselves up. Interestingly I was pondering on this yesterday, feeling and understanding it more deeply in my body building on the foundation of love I am setting for myself so that any abuse that enters becomes a thing of the past.
Simone, I love this; ‘then I remember to take a moment to stop, feel my body, feel my breath and most importantly, appreciate how amazingly beautiful I am.’ What you are sharing is so beautiful and simple.
Doubt is like acid, slowly corroding everything there is to appreciate about ourselves, life and others. It can be like a continual stream of self-talk that is taken for ‘normal’, as the way it is – when it does not have to be the way it is at all.
‘There is never a right and wrong only learning’ I have found yet life is not just much simpler but also far more enjoyable when we approach it like this without the blame of getting things wrong and making mistakes.
If we indulge doubt in any way shape or form we are creating a downward spiral that takes us away from the simplicity of the truth of who we are.
You cannot doubt ourselves often, if we do not start with a no doubt. In other words, you need a certainty in order to doubt yourself. Only a certainty about you allows you to create a situation whereby you feel there are uncertainties.
So true Alison, and we end end up going further away from the love we are with the self-bashing. And suddenly something minor becomes blown out of all proportion and seems unsurmountable.
What I have realised in the last few days is for self doubt to enter there has to be a gap within the body that enables this, the more we close and tighten the gaps through our movements and way of living the less things like self doubt can enter.
Yes and I have found that letting go of guilt when we perceive we have got something wrong or when we have made a mistake is one of the ways that we can close the gaps.
This is very true Simone, ‘There is just more to celebrate’ because we have opened ourselves up to evolution… we have felt the consequences of our movements.
There is a whole lifestyle, a way of living that leads to the self doubt… that way of living leads us to numb ourselves so we can’t feel so clearly what is there to be felt… a ridiculous set up that leads naturally to self doubt.
Key for me is to feel when something feels true or not in my body, when I do not allow myself to feel or avoid to feel the difference it is an opening for doubt, like you describe thoughts take over and I loose my connection with my body and become a ‘walking head’. Being aware and appreciate my feelings whatever they are, is going forwards with all of me.
So do we allow the wobble, or go to the learning.. knowing that we do have a foundation to fall back on and we are imperfectly learning to be more. Or do we doubt and worry if we are ever going to ‘get it’? Always we have choices.
Appreciation is a very important building block in our lives, one that knocks self-doubt into touch. And the thing with appreciation is that it offers us the space to open ourselves up in the world, rather than live in the contraction of the effects of doubt.
Getting caught in that right/wrong thing is so exhausting. And what I can feel is how trying to be right is a cheap way out when we avoid responsibility for the choices we make, which only gives a momentary relief and does not settle or confirm us in truth we deeply know inside, so we become prone to doubt.
The more I honour the truth of what I instantly know the simple it is to know what is felt next — you can all-most feel it coming.
You sure can Rik and I have found the same thing. When we honour and accept what we are observing and seeing the more everything makes sense and the less we get caught up in things and so the simpler life becomes. The wishy-washy doubt, the should I, shouldn’t I conversations with others or in our heads no longer are given any time. And then as you say we see things before they happen to give us an opportunity to be more of the love we are, so we do not have to wait for a disaster to occur.
Giving ourselves the grace to learn and be a student of life totally wipes out the foundation we are used to standing on that feeds us the self doubt. Accepting that we are here to learn and return to our innate being that is connect to and knows the all is a shedding process of what is not of this. Learning along the way what is not our innate beauty is what lays the foundation to be all of this beauty.
It only takes one moment of allowing a smidgen of doubt to sneak in to open the flood gates and the tsunami of doubt rolls on in. And after the tsunami comes and goes we are left with the tiredness and the wondering of what just happened. These days I am able, most of the time, to grab that first seed of doubt and knowing it’s actually not me stops the tsunami in its tracks. Then I take a moment to ask why that thought came in the first place; and there’s always a ready answer.
Doubt completely undermines and sabotages us living our potential.
Sometimes what I thought was self doubt was just a part of me holding back and not wanting to commit to life. A part of me wanted to hide for it thought it was safer than coming out and interacting with others….for fear of things going wrong or not going well. From this I can see that I had an idea already about how I wanted things to be even if it were as simple as for them to be harmonious. At that time I was separating from the love that I am and not allowing myself to be fully in my body, both feet on the ground, expressing in absolute honesty, being love and open to love.
A good way to look at self-doubt is that there is none — only awareness that has not been honoured.
True Rik, in truth selfdoubt does not exist, it is a perception based on not being present and not honoring our wholebody intelligence.