During my high school days, art class was my favourite subject. It was my home where I felt safe, secure and a real sense of belonging. It was where I most felt comfortable and where I could be seen and recognised for my talent. At the time it gave me status and a feeling of worth; many accolades came my way from my family, friends at school and teachers for what I could do.
To keep the status and the momentum of making things, I felt like I had to be amazing at all facets of art. I would try all different types of mediums and styles and research endlessly, looking for more, more, more. It was a never-ending thirst for knowledge and more recognition.
If I stopped I felt like someone else would be waiting in the wings to take my place and that my golden ticket of belonging would be pulled from my grasp at any time. Without art, who was I in this vast world? Who would see me for who I thought I was? I wanted to be seen and honoured for my art, not for the truly amazing young woman I was within.
It was always about outside pursuits and not from what I held within that brought me glory, or so I thought at the time, but boy has that changed! I realised that I was consumed by making and creating art – being prolific at every aspect of this was what I strived for, it was what I lived for.
But what was I taking on in my body from these endless pursuits to be seen – was I truly living? What quality was I really bringing to my art?
During this time I was very anxious and my hands would shake quite considerably. I would use food as a distraction, to numb myself from the continual feeling of tiredness and anxiety I felt from the push to always be doing more; especially at dinner and after school when I would fill myself with a lot of carbohydrates or chocolate. My friends would always comment on how calm I always seemed, especially during exam periods or if we had a major assignment due, but internally I was a complete mess of nervous energy.
My level of anxiety and nervous energy continued well into my twenties when my body said enough is enough and I was diagnosed with RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) in my right arm, which was due to my continual drive and force to be a someone that truly wasn’t me. This was when I found Universal Medicine and the lived wisdom of Serge Benhayon. I realised that from my continual drive and pressure to be recognised for my art I was actually pushing away all I really ever wanted, and that was to be seen for who I truly was.
The way to change that was simple, to truly love and recognise myself for whom I was. This opened up my whole way of being in and with the world. It was an ever-growing and undoing of old habits and choices that I peeled back bit by bit when I was ready to be honest with myself and my body.
With the continual loving support of some inspiring esoteric practitioners and the lived teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I changed the way I ate, gradually feeling into what worked and what didn’t. I now care for myself with a level of preciousness and depth of love I never knew possible, finding that through my own gentle breath my shaky hands have completely disappeared and so has my RSI. These beautiful changes have also flowed through into my art practice.
I no longer feel an attachment to what I make and only paint or draw when I feel to; there is no push or pressure to produce art because I am enough, and what I bring by just being me is simply amazing.
My art expression now comes through with a new light that flows from the stillness of my body in that moment. When I allow myself the space and truly feel what is there to be expressed, then painting and drawing open up a path of my life that is there to be shared with everyone. I feel that my art allows others to be inspired and shine their own unique essence too, in whatever ways they choose, and that is a pretty amazing sight to behold.
I now know that my love is an A+ and we all claim top marks in love no matter what, for simply just being ourselves. That definitely deserves many glorious shiny gold stars in my book.
By Kelly Zarb, Retail Manager, Melbourne, Australia