During my high school days, art class was my favourite subject. It was my home where I felt safe, secure and a real sense of belonging. It was where I most felt comfortable and where I could be seen and recognised for my talent. At the time it gave me status and a feeling of worth; many accolades came my way from my family, friends at school and teachers for what I could do.
To keep the status and the momentum of making things, I felt like I had to be amazing at all facets of art. I would try all different types of mediums and styles and research endlessly, looking for more, more, more. It was a never-ending thirst for knowledge and more recognition.
If I stopped I felt like someone else would be waiting in the wings to take my place and that my golden ticket of belonging would be pulled from my grasp at any time. Without art, who was I in this vast world? Who would see me for who I thought I was? I wanted to be seen and honoured for my art, not for the truly amazing young woman I was within.
It was always about outside pursuits and not from what I held within that brought me glory, or so I thought at the time, but boy has that changed! I realised that I was consumed by making and creating art – being prolific at every aspect of this was what I strived for, it was what I lived for.
But what was I taking on in my body from these endless pursuits to be seen – was I truly living? What quality was I really bringing to my art?
During this time I was very anxious and my hands would shake quite considerably. I would use food as a distraction, to numb myself from the continual feeling of tiredness and anxiety I felt from the push to always be doing more; especially at dinner and after school when I would fill myself with a lot of carbohydrates or chocolate. My friends would always comment on how calm I always seemed, especially during exam periods or if we had a major assignment due, but internally I was a complete mess of nervous energy.
My level of anxiety and nervous energy continued well into my twenties when my body said enough is enough and I was diagnosed with RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) in my right arm, which was due to my continual drive and force to be a someone that truly wasn’t me. This was when I found Universal Medicine and the lived wisdom of Serge Benhayon. I realised that from my continual drive and pressure to be recognised for my art I was actually pushing away all I really ever wanted, and that was to be seen for who I truly was.
The way to change that was simple, to truly love and recognise myself for whom I was. This opened up my whole way of being in and with the world. It was an ever-growing and undoing of old habits and choices that I peeled back bit by bit when I was ready to be honest with myself and my body.
With the continual loving support of some inspiring esoteric practitioners and the lived teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I changed the way I ate, gradually feeling into what worked and what didn’t. I now care for myself with a level of preciousness and depth of love I never knew possible, finding that through my own gentle breath my shaky hands have completely disappeared and so has my RSI. These beautiful changes have also flowed through into my art practice.
I no longer feel an attachment to what I make and only paint or draw when I feel to; there is no push or pressure to produce art because I am enough, and what I bring by just being me is simply amazing.
My art expression now comes through with a new light that flows from the stillness of my body in that moment. When I allow myself the space and truly feel what is there to be expressed, then painting and drawing open up a path of my life that is there to be shared with everyone. I feel that my art allows others to be inspired and shine their own unique essence too, in whatever ways they choose, and that is a pretty amazing sight to behold.
I now know that my love is an A+ and we all claim top marks in love no matter what, for simply just being ourselves. That definitely deserves many glorious shiny gold stars in my book.
I am forever inspired by the glorious shining star Serge Benhayon, and the many stars of Universal Medicine.
By Kelly Zarb, Retail Manager, Melbourne, Australia
What Causes Anxiousness?
Learning About Feeling Confident in my Expression Through HeART
644 thoughts on “From Anxiousness and A+ in Art to Being Me in Art Expression”
There is so much anxiousness in the world, and its a no wonder we are exhausted. From birth we are conditioned not to be us and our true expressions, which is harder to maintain and we work to be something we are not.
If we are encouraged and supported to be the person we truly are, it is amazing what will come through for each person. Everyone has their ability and it is different for each one of us, thank goodness, otherwise we will all be clones.
Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and practitioners are there to bring our natural essences come through, thats all they are doing, being who they truly are and reflecting this to us – its a hell of a lot more then what anyone else has done that has been around us since birth.
I used to draw prolifically in my teens and early twenties but dropped it all when I was 24/25. Recently I have returned to it now and because I don’t need anything from it like I used to it’s so much lighter.
Thank you Kelly for sharing, your experiences of needing art to give you value are very relatable, for me it was getting high marks and I’m sure seeking recognition can come from any part of life. It’s a good reminder of how much self love there is to live still when recognition comes up, and that all we truly need comes from within.
Melinda this recognition thing is a killer of a person, wanting to out do another and in that we leave behind many causalities. I think of the school days, when we are exposed to competitions, and the winner is celebrated, and the loser, well they walk away devastated and this devastation continue through their life. Its not acceptable…
Once we know true love and have felt it in life, we have the choice to only ever hold that as our standard or bare minimum. We do not need to accept anything lesser, however, so many times we still do, and this is where we take a sliding scale down recognition hill. It takes a lot to hold love and not drop below this especially in a world where recognition is celebrated over love.
We all crave love, but when love is not available in other words offered to us, we can easily want recognition as this is the closes substitute (but never even as close as fullfilling as love). Recognition can only come for what we do and not who we are, hence we always fall short and are left craving for more when we choose to accept recognition over true love.
Beautifully shared, and so true we are left craving…’Recognition can only come for what we do and not who we are, hence we always fall short and are left craving for more when we choose to accept recognition over true love.’
To identify as an artist (or athlete, or doctor or any profession for that matter) one gives up on who one truly is and this in itself is a recipe for anxiety.
Playing sport was my thing, so that every aspect was considered, to allow sports to be taken into my old age, but now with the Livingness the way of sport has lost any appeal as my body is feeling amazing with simply walking and light weight training and this inspired me so much that anything else other than this Loving rhythm feels like a distraction.
There are no qualifications or grades for love; we just are.
Can I qualify that, that Love is simply whom we are equally so, and grading seems judge-mental and that is courting an un-harmonious distraction.
This need to be good, to be recognised for being good is a very deep pattern that starts in childhood. We can be so accustomed to it that we don’t actually know it is there till one of the patterns shows itself in our behaviour. Therefore, it is worth choosing to build a relationship with the humbleness of ‘I wonder why’ when we do whatever it is we do, to let go of these ingrained beliefs and patterns of behaviour and feel what it feels like to not have this ‘need’ running our lives and governing our choices.
This is a beautiful relationship to build with ourselves Lucy, ‘it is worth choosing to build a relationship with the humbleness of ‘I wonder why’ when we do whatever it is we do’.
This is a beautiful reminder that we are love first and always and that this is there no matter what we do.
Spot on Monica – who we are comes well before anything we ever do.
There is such a difference between someone who is trying to be the best out of a feeling of being not enough and someone who is giving their all because they feel how amazing they are and just love to express all that. The first wears the person out as it is not natural to us and we will go over the borders of what our body can do. The second will be in honour of the body as when we know we are amazing we also know we need to honour and respect what our body can do and how it can do it.
“….. we all claim top marks in love no matter what, for simply just being ourselves.” To discover and then live realising we do not have ‘to do or be something’ to be fulfilled and fulfill our purpose turns on its head the conditioned approach to life – and it is amazing!
True home is not about safety. It is about being at one with the all as an eternal part of it.
I too get a sharp pain running down my right forearm whenever I get a sense of pushing myself. I don’t have to be doing a lot, just that slightest desire for recognition is enough for it to go ‘Stop’.
This is actually a gift Fumiyo and it is great that you are appreciating the true communications of your body!
I love how our body is so wise, and is always communicating with us.
Our body is incredibly honest about the way we live and its’ impact. We may choose to ignore or override the messages but if we are interested in working out what works and what doesn’t then a whole new lived experience is waiting for us to come home to.
Our expression is so different when we come from needing recognition or approval verses when our expression naturally comes from who we are – There comes a point when we begin to realise that who we are is enough and that what we do is simply a small part of that.
When we let go of the ‘self’ and allow ourselves to be part of a great flow we are then bringing a different quality and flavour to our work that has the potential to offer a deeper healing to another.
The more we let go of ‘self’, the more we step into purpose, and what is needed, the more the magic happens.
We crave recognition as a form of identification when we don’t confirm our qualities within.
Confirming our qualities, and who we are makes so much sense, ‘I realised that from my continual drive and pressure to be recognised for my art I was actually pushing away all I really ever wanted, and that was to be seen for who I truly was.’
When we have an attachment to anything we are doing and look for recognition we create a lot of tension and anxiety in the body. When we realise that we are amazing just as we are and bring this amazingness to all we do our star shines brightly for all to behold their own amazingness.
Noticing and identifying attachment is a great first step in disentangling oneself from the clutches and chains of the need for recognition and hence lack of self-worth.
Thank you Jill, that was beautiful to read. ✨🌟✨
When we ‘try’ and ‘strive’ to do anything in pursuit of recognition we lose connection with the amazing being we naturally are.