Anxiety – Unfolded

Sitting here, about to write this, I feel the all too familiar signs of anxiety creeping in – sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, chest tightening, heart racing, dry mouth, palms beginning to sweat, nausea, shoulders rising up towards my ears as my shoulder blades draw up and closer together.

Realising that I’m using only the top part of my lungs in short, increasingly rapid breaths, I understand fully that if I choose to let these feelings run rampant within seconds they will develop into a total stress-out and if still left unchecked, a panic attack.

The beauty of this is today I’m observing these symptoms rather than being enmeshed in them, for in truth what I have described was how I have lived most of my life, in varying degrees.

In the past I would use alcohol, marijuana and binge eating to relieve these pressures I daily placed myself under, which brought only temporary relief. As the effects of these wore off I would find myself back in the worry and doubt of my ability to cope and resort once again to self-abuse to rid myself of these unwanted feelings.

I have begun to feel the enormity of the stress and strain I have placed on myself, and those around me, living this way.

It’s the hurts I don’t want to feel, – that when left unchecked develop into fear that what is about to happen in the next moment, next hour, week, month, year or even years, – and is the same or similar to what has happened before and has left me feeling the pain of what I have believed to have been ‘wrong’ choices made by myself and/or others. In this case it’s reminiscent of being in school writing an essay that will be judged by my teacher on being good enough or not, and herein lays the kicker.

Anxiety is this perceived pain that we freak out about because we are terrified of doing ‘it’ wrong and humiliating ourselves in the process. ‘It’ can be making dinner for a friend, a job interview, walking into a crowded room, climbing Mt Everest, talking to one of our children’s teachers or someone we deem more important than us, a staff meeting, boarding a plane, buying a packet of mints, joining an on-line meeting; in short, anything and everything that a human being can do on any given day.

I have chosen anxiety because I have beaten myself up about ‘wrong’ choices made and then felt that I have ‘suffered’ as a consequence.

A wise friend recently shared how appreciative she is of all the choices she has made in her life that had brought her to the present moment. Fully hearing this was a massive weight being lifted off my chest as I realised that my choices have and continue to be opportunities to be more gentle, understanding, appreciative and loving with myself.

I choose now to go into a gentle breath meditation that I learned from an audio presented by Serge Benhayon. This supports me to bring focus to my body as I choose to let go of these unnatural symptoms that do not belong.

This allows me to return to the stillness that I have discovered permanently lays within through the Esoteric Yoga modality and more specifically, the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women. This along with my commitment to not accept anxiety as something that controls me, has seen a transformation in my daily living beyond recognition of how I once looked and lived

Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine, its many practitioners and the support of the Student community, I am steadily building a new foundation: one of knowing that within me I have all I need as I let go of the past and take care of the future by bringing focus to the present.

That I have within me true power of what it means to live in this world, my unwavering commitment to be solid in my relationship with myself – with God.

By Julie Ferguson, Mackay

Further reading:
Beating Anxiety Gentle Breath Meditation
Anxiousness – The War Within

864 thoughts on “Anxiety – Unfolded

  1. Do we think that anxiety is only within a small majority of our society? Perhaps because we think that anxiety has to look like panic attacks, we think that only a few of us have it. But perhaps if we brought down the bar on what’s normal, we’ll see that a good proportion of our fellow citizens have anxiety – the anxiety many feel as they walk into the office, the anxiety children have on the bus in the morning before school – how many of us adults have looked at children and been annoyed with them for being loud on the bus? But how many of us have actually seen through that and realised the anxiousness in those bodies and the insecurity as a result of the pressure they go into every day? When we bring an understanding, we cannot get frustrated.

  2. I can relate to so much of what you have written and the many symptoms you describe used to rule my life too; I simply didn’t know how to fix them. Coming to know that any fix would only be temporary and that it was the root cause which needed to identified first, slowly began to make sense of this very challenging way of life. These days, like you, I have come to a place where, if the symptoms arise, I am now “observing these symptoms rather than being enmeshed in them”. Yes, being able to be the observer and to know what to do next, has changed my life.

  3. There is a huge amount of anxiety in the world today. So much so that you only have to hear or read the word anxious and you can almost tap into it as we all pick up on each other’s emotions. I used to have a lot of anxiety but rarely experience it these days so it is good to know that we don’t need to be anxious and there is a way to let it go.

  4. “I have chosen anxiety because I have beaten myself up about ‘wrong’ choices made and then felt that I have ‘suffered’ as a consequence.” Julie what an fantastically honest observation. Beating ourselves up is so unnecessary. We need to be so super loving, kind and compassionate with ourselves, if not, all aspects of our life suffer.

  5. I find this a very important sentence “I am steadily building a new foundation: one of knowing that within me I have all I need as I let go of the past and take care of the future by bringing focus to the present.” It is more than just ‘being in the moment’, it is about clocking where our mind tries to take us into a story about the past or the future and recognising it. Then choosing to bring a quality to our movements that honours the tenderness of the body we have been offered to carry us through life.

    1. “Being in the moment” is such a hugely important way to be, although not always easy to maintain. It is those ‘stories from the past and dreams of the future which have the power to take us away from now and when we let them, we open ourselves up to anything that life may throw at us. But being in the moment, we can catch ‘it’, and then ‘throw it back’, so to speak.

  6. The simplicity and power of the Gentle Breath Meditation is a wonderful tool to alleviate and reduce any signs of stress and anxiety, a beautiful way to re-connect to our body and feel the stillness within that supports the way we then move and express in the world.

  7. What an amazing turnaround shared here in how someone can come from anxiousness to being able to understand the ways they can slide into it, and have tools to support them to stay with themselves … we are not any of our conditions or symptoms.

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