Having just read a great blog on anxiousness, I was struck by what the writer (Carmin Hall) was saying – that you can’t just block out one feeling and expect to feel others: it’s like saying you don’t want to see the colour green but you do want to see all those other colours you like, which of course wouldn’t work as the only real way to avoid seeing green would be to operate in a monochrome world – so no green, but no blue or pink either.
It’s obvious, yet I’ve spent quite a bit of time berating myself for feeling frustrated or anxious, and wanting to feel those things I like, such as appreciation, love or warmth. I now understand these can’t exist without my fully accepting the other feelings exist too, and this has been shown to me in many ways.
I recently listened to The Way of The Livingness #26 delivered by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and one of the things that jumped out at me was that everything passes through every body. So if someone does something, anywhere in the world, that feeling is available to all of us, and crucially, even those who have developed a greater consistency, understanding and awareness in how they live, also have these feelings available to them.
So none of us are different or special and each and every one of us has everything available to us – anger, anxiety, frustration, love, joy etc. – but how we live determines what we see or favour. For example, someone who has mastered a way of living where they have more love and joy in their lives is neither immune to anger, nor lacks access to it – they do – but how they live means they are less likely to give attention and focus to it.
For me feeling this has been huge as it’s highlighted that it’s all about choice, and that there needs to be a consistency in the choices I make. So if I live in a way that constantly berates myself and others, how can I grasp the possibility of being loving towards another, rather than angry, if I have not lived lovingly in my day to day life?
It’s a bit like having a ‘short fuse’ of a temper; it can be shorter if we’re tired, have been living under pressure or feeling over-whelmed, whereas if we’re living in a way which is taking care of ourselves, in whatever small steps they may be, we have more space and possibility to make more loving choices, rather than choosing anger, frustration or anxiety.
This has changed my perspective completely; it makes it more about an on-going consistency – a marathon rather than a sprint. And it also introduces humility; to know that those I deeply respect, admire and who greatly inspire me, such as modern day philosopher Serge Benhayon and his family, are no different from me and they have access to the same feelings or emotions as I do – frustration, anxiety, anger, love or joy – but how they live allows them to more clearly see the loving choice.
They are not special, but they choose to live in a way that is committed to ensuring that how they express and live is with absolute love and integrity, and I too have access to that at any time – I just need to commit to love, continually and deeply.
There is a responsibility here: the more I choose love, the more aware I become of any areas which are not loving… I cannot be more loving and aware without being willing to take more responsibility. It’s an on-going process, not one with any destination – love begets more love.
Having this understanding has inspired me to see that I am not any frustration or anxiety I feel. I can choose to be tender in how I am with me in any moment and so increasingly my choices are more loving for me and with others.
I would not be where I am today without the work I’ve done to address the anxiousness of how I’ve lived and the changes I’ve since made to be more gentle, tender and loving with me. Meeting Serge Benhayon and finding Universal Medicine and its many practitioners has inspired me to see and feel that no matter what I’ve felt, deep in me there is an essence, a purity if you will, a love that never leaves and is never tainted.
And it’s that solidity that allows me to address the feelings that come up when I get frustrated or anxious; less and less from a place of being wrong and more from an understanding that I am love and any moments where this has not been lived are to be addressed so I can be even more the love I am.
Words cannot adequately describe the appreciation I feel for Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family and the various practitioners who’ve shown me that I am love by being love, absolutely always, no matter what is going on.
By Monica Gillooly, London, UK