A few days ago I woke up feeling very light, rejuvenated and relaxed… and it was only 2am. I realised that this was exactly the same feeling that I had gone to bed with the day before. I had not specifically done things differently, but had simply been very honest with myself, letting myself not be guided by my thoughts or knowledge, but by what I was feeling.
Well, I have to say that in fact I always knew what would have been a wise choice for the next steps in my life, but have often let myself be guided by anxiety or by the wish to avoid things which seemed challenging or difficult to me so I have walked a different path. These paths never carried me off track totally but looking back, some proved to be quite a detour.
Whenever there was a decision to be made, there was at first a clear feeling deep inside of me about what to do, but then I would let a spiral of thoughts kick in, pretending that I was evaluating and analysing the situation from every angle. In truth, I was just constructing arguments to defend against the world and myself, something that had already been decided long ago.
Only since the last few days has it become really obvious to me that we have exactly one chance to make a decision, and that chance is the moment we meet a question or situation for the first time. Here we can either say “yes” or “no”.
As soon as we start thinking, checking or evaluating, we have already said “no” – though this will not mean that we will not meet this situation again in a similar or different form – especially if it is something very profound for us to learn.
The difference is, that if we are prepared to choose instantly, it will be with ease, and then naturally the next choice will present itself. Anything other than choosing in that moment means we are simply delaying ourselves.
Such decisions can only come from honesty and self-love. As honesty and self-love are not something we just leave sitting in a drawer waiting for the next moment we may need them, the most loving choice is to implement them into our daily rhythm and apply them to all the small moments that make up our lives.
Once implemented, this love for ourselves will support us in holding ourselves in the more difficult moments in our lives and will set us free to stay independent of what others might expect us to do. The fascinating aspect about this process of making choices is that nothing is exactly the same and it all unfolds from one moment to the next – depending on how and what we have chosen before.
For example, in one moment it can be better to eat something that I feel I am craving, although I know that it is not really good for me. This is loving in so far as the enormous amount of tension and hardness I would have to bring to my body to not eat it would be even worse. On the one hand it is more loving to not beat ourselves up for not being perfect, yet at the same time being prepared to look at why there has been this food craving in the first place, and start working on that. Then there are other moments, where saying “no” if some part inside me wants to just gulp down more and more food is much more supportive than giving in to the craving; these are usually the moments where I only want to eat to not feel what is there to be felt.
Very often what we want to avoid is the pain of old hurts. Avoiding them means that we will not have to be honest and take the necessary steps to heal them – steps that might often seem quite big and uncomfortable at first. Saying clearly “no” in these situations has helped me to really feel the pain that had previously been buried inside of me for quite some time, and from there begin to heal it.
My findings from the last 1½ years of honest observation:
- The more difficult doing something feels to me, or the more challenging someone seems to be, the more there is for me to discover; usually something that is sitting deep within which I am resisting looking at because I don’t want to know what I could learn from this person or situation.
- If I choose honesty, those seemingly huge tensions usually just fade away and something deep inside begins healing very simply and profoundly.
- The choice for honesty and letting go of my comfort has brought stillness and simplicity to my life again. It has let me shine again with the same beauty and ease that I can well remember from my early childhood.
- I have met many moments where I felt that the world would explode if I chose to go with what I felt and to express it, only to realise that instead of an explosion there was usually nothing but total relaxation.
Honesty creates space and frees us from the need to play a role.
The world is as simple as we felt it was when we were children, just living every moment in the day, not experiencing anxiety about our lives or our future: a time when joy was as natural to us as breathing in and out.
The world is a wonderful playground to discover ourselves playfully, nurture ourselves and evolve; a place where we can joyfully connect with ourselves and others, to discover even more together and constantly grow.
Honesty, Self-love, Truth and Beauty – such a joy to have chosen them again.
By Michael Kremer, Personal Assistant, Buchholz, Germany
Writing In a Journal and The Power of Honesty
Listening to My Body and Honouring My Feelings
1,589 thoughts on “The Beauty of Being Honest”
Honesty and truth are a match made in Heaven.
I’m appreciating the support from the people around, most of them students of the way of the Livingness with who I can trust and share whatever I’m feeling with no being judged or criticized. Feels very freeing being super real about what’s going on in my life and from there stepping up and keep making new loving choices. Having an honest conversation in these moments when you feel stuck with something is very supportive. There is nothing that love couldn’t handle.
It’s quite surprising how different can be the messages from the body and the mind. The body knows instantly whereas the mind can be tricky presenting something that apparently make sense but is not true because it’s seeking a kind of relief and scape that at the end creates a huge tension in the body. I’m observing how in many cases these kind of proposals are not loving. For me it’s being a learning process, far from perfect, to discern what is the quality of my thoughts and movements, are they supportive or not? am I hardening and protecting? why do I’m wanting to scape through food or whatever? Healing my hurts and being honest is definitely making a significant change in my life, once we heal, what hurts is not there anymore and then we can walk with more light and joy. Peeling back the layers of protection and opening up is a very freeing experience to live.
Love how honesty brings me to a space of Truth where I can’t fool myself anymore. Being open to that recquires a humbleness and an openess that feels so freeing to me because instead of contract and protect or even hide our ill patterns and behaviours we can look at them for what they are, digging deeper to understand where are coming from. Embracing and understanding ourselves from this place and healing what hurts is very key to return to the true freedom we once lived as children.
I agree with you Michael, the people we avoid the most are the people we need to be with the most. There definitely is something on offer when these situations appear. It is challenging but that is because we make it challenging. It certainly is something deep within us that grates us and is coming to the surface. When we face these situations with honesty, everything becomes lighter, the burden has lifted. The irony is that it was never there on the first place, it was an illusion created to keep us where we were all the time and prevent us from discovering our true selves.
Honesty is a continuum and the more we do it, the more it becomes refined and I love the space it creates, we are not stuck in time then. Something I am learning to let go of more, time, the biggest killer of humanities opportunity to know one self and life and for many hard to fathom.
Why there is a food craving is great to trace back and uncover the truth, ‘ it is more loving to not beat ourselves up for not being perfect, yet at the same time being prepared to look at why there has been this food craving in the first place, and start working on that.’
Beautifully said Gill – without honesty we cannot even realise there is something that is not sitting true and in its fullness. And so without that honesty of admitting something is not working, we cannot then go to the next steps to explore why this might be so, let alone make a change to a truer way of living.
The mind making decisions uses control, conditions and calculations. The Heart and body making decisions simply is with what feels to be true.
The mind is the killer of the truth that the body brings to us. The body never lies, its communicating to us all the time, and for us is to pay more attention, acknowledgment, respect and honesty towards it, simple.
To allow the heart and the body to make the decisions comes with such a simplicity and to be honest, for me it comes with a sense of relief – not that I am not responsible for my choices but when the mind kicks in to try to make a decision, boy can it get complicated and create all kinds of issues and anxiety etc.
Michael – I really like what you have shared about having an initial feeling of something and then allowing that to be our guide rather than then having to think something through. Of course there has to be a certain practicality and thought process but the decision itself comes naturally from the body with such simplicity. And this is something that I do not honour enough so I have very much appreciated reading this blog and being reminded of this once again!
All we have to do is feel what it is like to lie and the ensuing feeling in our bodies, as it exposes a lot.
Once upon a time I used to be so dishonest with myself that it was second nature to override or dismiss what I was feeling without ever really giving myself a chance to check in with what I was indeed actually feeling. Learning to get honest about what those feelings were and how I am feeling in the moment has supported with untold healing and development that if my 25 year old self could meet my 48 year old self, I think she would love her wholeheartedly and be really inspired.
Could it be that we can re-imprint those 23 years?
Yes indeed. The joy of energetic awareness also means that we get to understand that anyone who has been affected by any unloving choices I have made are also offered a healing when I clear those old patterns. How beautiful it is to know that because we can re-imprint we don’t have to live with any regrets!
Appreciating our honestly brings so much more than we realise as we explore our essences with a deep-humble-appreciate-ive-ness we are living without “any regrets.”
“If I choose honesty, those seemingly huge tensions usually just fade away and something deep inside begins healing very simply and profoundly.”
I love this, it can be like when I feel I really need something that I know is not healthy to eat, the urge can feel so strong as I want to cover up or numb what I am feeling, I have a choice in that moment to say yes to the tension and the healing or yes to the numbing.
“but I have often let myself be guided by anxiety or by the wish to avoid things which seemed challenging or difficult to me so I have walked a different path.” It’s beautiful to come to this honesty to examine in finer detail our moves away from growing and healing, or deeper into it. We may come to realise we are more than capable of handling all these things, and support is always there for us as well.
‘Only since the last few days has it become really obvious to me that we have exactly one chance to make a decision, and that chance is the moment we meet a question or situation for the first time. Here we can either say “yes” or “no”.’ Since energy is flowing through us all the time and therefore this energy is shifting all the time, it makes sense that a yes or no is made in a moment, the next moment the energy has moved on.
We know instantly what choice to make, but can so easily override this, ‘Whenever there was a decision to be made, there was at first a clear feeling deep inside of me about what to do’.
The power of being honest with ourselves. Thanks for this, good to read.
I know only too well the self detriment of being in denial and not clocking what I truly feel or if I have, not honouring it. My relationship with myself, with others and to life has changed out of all recognition the more honest I have got about what I am feeling and then expressing it.
Building a relationship of love and honesty with ourselves makes so much sense, ‘Once implemented, this love for ourselves will support us in holding ourselves in the more difficult moments in our lives and will set us free to stay independent of what others might expect us to do’.
‘Only since the last few days has it become really obvious to me that we have exactly one chance to make a decision, and that chance is the moment we meet a question or situation for the first time. Here we can either say “yes” or “no”.’ And how we live leading up to that point very much determines on whether we say yes or no. Great to read and a great reminder.
It is not the ‘what’ but the ‘why’ that has really worked for me. If I am craving something then why am I craving it. Once I bring honesty to that question then I can consider the truth of how I got to even considering eating something that I know doesn’t support me. An example is sugar – I used to be completely addicted to it until I clocked that it made me feel so ill. The physical addiction and the psychological addiction to sugar needed different support but the loving ‘why’ question was my solid friend throughout the ever deepening of releasing the patterns of behaviour that led to my addiction.
Honesty is the very basic foundation of trust, without honesty it doesn’t support us in life and it makes it very difficult for trust to grow and expand which in turn support us to stay open to people.
If we aren’t honest, we can’t even trust ourselves!
Honesty is essential in life, ‘The choice for honesty and letting go of my comfort has brought stillness and simplicity to my life again. It has let me shine again with the same beauty and ease that I can well remember from my early childhood.’
“The more difficult doing something feels to me, or the more challenging someone seems to be, the more there is for me to discover” – I love this approach to life, often when something is difficult we change, or harden or give up rather than exploring it as an opportunity to know life greater than it’s ever been before.
Thank you Michael, I’ve recently read another blog talking about staying with our hurts and allowing ourselves to feel what’s coming up instead of reaching for non-supportive comforts (like food when we don’t need to eat). I’m not quite there myself with some of the things coming up for me, yet I feel very inspired and encouraged by reading your experiences to gently offer myself more loving ways to be with what is there to feel.
I have experienced the exact same thing Michael with food and cravings so thanks so much for sharing your experiences about this.
“As soon as we start thinking,” Thinking takes us into the labyrinth of the mind but honesty is felt in the body.
‘The more difficult doing something feels to me, or the more challenging someone seems to be, the more there is for me to discover;’ What a great way to look at life and all the challenges it brings. I find this comment inspiring and rather than withdrawing from my next challenge I shall embrace it instead.
Yes I agree this is a very inspiring philosophy to apply to life – to see our greatest challenges as our greatest opportunities to discover more about ourselves and about life and to heal those things that hold us back.
… and to learn so much more than we would if we stayed in our comfort zone by being unchallenged!
Same for me Rachel, this is a great point. If we are open to learn from our challenges and understand why they are there, that is the first step to untangling the challenges. Also, once we understand why we find certain people or situations challenging and allow ourselves to learn and heal, this can be a great opportunity to evolve.
And keeping it playful along the way, ‘The world is a wonderful playground to discover ourselves playfully, nurture ourselves and evolve; a place where we can joyfully connect with ourselves and others, to discover even more together and constantly grow.’
Being honest with ourselves is choice that offers us a moment of deeper connection and a opportunity to realise how much more loving it is to be honest than to lie to ourselves and others.
Yes and clocking that we lie to ourselves more often than perhaps we realise which means we are less likely to notice how often we lie to others.
The beauty of being honest is that I can just be me and accept myself as I am not a version I have been trying to live.
Great comment Jennym, this is why it is so supportive to be honest, our body loves it when we are being honest and everyone around us can feel this too when we are being ourselves and being honest
I think the biggest hindrance is when we bring in right and wrong. Surrendering to Truth is indeed joyful.
The times when I choose not to be honest with myself I feel stuck and have dug my heels in, when I am honest there’s an opportunity to self-reflect and bring a deeper understanding to myself and others.
I agree with you that the more difficult a situation seems then there is more for me to unravel and discover about myself and what I’m holding back on by not wanting to truly understand what is going on. It has been so easy to pretend to misunderstand a situation stay in the comfort of that than to express what I feel which would be to grow and expand.
Being honest is powerful in that it breaks down all our mental constructs and limiting thoughts, creating space to feel what is true in that moment.
Just being open to being honest was a huge thing for me, and now what I get to feel is that if I am struggling with something, instead of jumping to the answer, by being willing to be honest I start to get clarity on the topic. It all comes from honesty in my body first, how something makes me feel.
It makes sense to be honest simply because of the lie we live in.
Honesty is like a fragrant scent that supports us to get to truth.
I love what you share about eating something rather than denying yourself that food as it causes enormous tension in the body. Much better to be honest about where we are at and deal with the consequences of that, than pretend you are somewhere you are not.
I have denied myself a certain food, even though I wanted it only to find some time later I went back to have it! It is true, better to be honest and accept where we are at than to jump ahead of yourself.
Honesty arrives us at truth, the place where our true self resides. It is the great reckoning that paves the way for the great humbling so that this change can occur.
It is interesting indeed how not being honest creates more tension than being honest with what we are feeling or with what is going on.
Yes I liked that revelation it makes so much sense – like truth always does.
Anxiety and exhaustion are the undisclosed, unadmitted plague within humanity at the moment and this shows the lack of honesty we are willing to go to about what is truly going on and how we are all truly feeling within ourselves
So often I find my body saying “Yes” before I’ve had a chance to really compute the full meaning of this response. I know now that I don’t need to know everything about life, but just stay connected to my body, open hearted and aware and the part I can play in any given situation gracefully presents itself. If I find myself going into reasons, explanations and trying to make something work, it’s a definite signal that I’m on the wrong track. The trick then is in recognising the nudge of course and getting some help to get back on.
Great recipe for life self love and honesty, not filtering what we feel.
It is true that when a situation seems difficult to us that there is more to evolve from and is in fact, an opportunity to grow out of what has a hold on us. Avoiding situations because they are uncomfortable to us only causes further complications and ultimately, we will meet the situation again – so, we may as well deal with them as and when they are presented.
We are masters of complicating life and avoiding what we need to deal with. Learning to be open to what is next is crucial to evolution.,
‘….if we are prepared to choose instantly, it will be with ease, and then naturally the next choice will present itself. Anything other than choosing in that moment means we are simply delaying ourselves.’ I have made a lot of detours to delay what I knew to be true but was not willing to go to. Now I say yes more often and I must say it makes me less tired and more alive when I choose to be honest.
“As soon as we start thinking, checking or evaluating, we have already said “no” ”
Wow love the clarity in this – its so true we may think we are still on track but the moment we are indecisive we are way off.
I think something key is that we can’t not make a decision – it’s always either a yes to something or a no (which means a yes to something else) and being discerning is something we can keep being aware of and developing all the time, as we go, and with honesty can learn if we said yes to the ‘right’ thing…
‘Honesty creates space and frees us from the need to play a role’ This in itself banishes any complexity and allows simplicity to reign. The more honest we are the more freedom we have to be ourselves and the level of playfulness, lightheartedness and joy is all the greater.
Detouring is hard, constant work. It requires a lot of consistency in moving in avoidance of what we know is the next step. ‘Fortunately’ for us, the more we detour, the more grounds we have to keep detouring. Detouring is not just taking another road but also excusing yourself from going there. ‘Fortunately’, also, there are many travel companions that confirm us detouring. Honesty just requires to surrender to what we feel and to be with ourselves as we move. So, two ways of moving, one that creates layers that isolate you from your truth and the other which refreshes life.
When you explain it like this Eduardo it feels exhausting all that effort avoiding what is next.
Beautiful blog that lightens my heart Michael.
The sentence ‘Anything other than choosing in that moment means we are simply delaying ourselves.’ is so true and keeps us light too.
“The more difficult doing something feels to me, or the more challenging someone seems to be, the more there is for me to discover; usually something that is sitting deep within which I am resisting looking at because I don’t want to know what I could learn from this person or situation” Michael this comment ring true too for at present and I can feel that what you have said here about resisting looking at something deeper is also very true and I can certainly feel this for myself. Thank you for highlighting this.
Honesty and humbleness are the hallmarks of a true philosopher who is then able to open the door into the truth of all things.
Lying to ourselves is actually such an effort even though it may often seem like an easy way out of a situation. Honesty simplifies what we humanly experience. We may have taken steps away from truth but accepting where we are at with no judgement is a foundation we cannot afford to be without.
Michael there is so much wisdom in this blog, and I love your overarching theme that when we choose to be honest and begin to explore the truth of what is really going on it begins to ease the tension we feel in life – could it be that our honesty is of paramount importance to our ability to feel settled?
Dis-honesty leads us to dis-ease.
Honesty leads us back to true health.
Gorgeous play on words there, Liane – and avoiding hurts only works for so long till such time that we are confronted with the repertoire of choices that have lead us to dis-ease and from there back to true health.
This is a great article about stepping up to the challenges which can be a part of life, seeing them as lessons instead, and opportunities to learn.
Today I spoke with a friend and was probably the most honest I had been for a while. Trying to hide things through shame or guilt does not serve. The beautiful thing is that by being honest I got to a greater truth and felt liberated from all the things I was trying to hide.
They are awful emotions guilt and shame, we are so deserving of the love to bring out to the open how we feel. I could add feeling embarrassed as another one that may cause us to not express how we feel or reach out for help. The emotions can be the reason we do not embrace the opportunity to heal.
The freedom of expressing with ourselves or others from a place of honesty (and I mean absolute honesty, not suitable truth!) what we feel is there to express leaves our bodies with space to understand so much more, like why we feel anxious, what we might be feeling in ourselves or from others.
Honesty is the doorway to heaven.
Wow, if making a choice is that quick it is worth laying a foundation in our body that can means we can make choices that are in line with what really supports our body rather than enter battle zone with resisting temptation!
It is interesting to read this again this morning as I thought I was pretty good at being honest but there is a situation that I have not wanted to address and I can see it has caused complication. As I start another day I have an opportunity to have another go – no perfection needed but to stop the recurrence of this energy I need to bring my all, be transparent and allow the full strength of who I am to be present in my meeting, not a person who is unsure of whether the other person ‘gets them’ or not!
Decisions can be simple and easy, so long as we are also willing to hear the feedback or reading on them if it perhaps wasn’t a true decision. It is, therefore, all a constant learning and development and part of being a student of life. To delay is to say no to the learning.
To be honest with oneself first is the first step to live honestly.
So often it feels scary to be honest yet discover when I am truly honest I wonder why I was scared in the first place as there is always such a feeling of relief and release afterwards.
Without honesty we would never grow or evolve.
Honesty opens us up to the truth of any matter and creates the space for us to learn that truth and watch it unfold.
Honesty is such an essential part of developing decency and respect, and that honesty begins with ourselves. When we are open to how we truly feel we can make decisions based on that honesty, which helps preserve our connection to our essence – the true person we are.
It is true the fear of expressing and possible potential reactions to what is shared is always way more scary than when something is simply expressed.
“If I choose honesty, those seemingly huge tensions usually just fade away and something deep inside begins healing very simply and profoundly.” Honesty is huge in what it simply offers, freedom from the tension of holding back and not sharing honestly with ourselves and others. It is easier to accept being honest when we realise the healing that is offered instead of going into blame and guilt.
It is so refreshing and healing to be this honest with ourselves. It is worth taking the time to look at every little thing in our lives and everything that comes our way and being honest about how we feel and what we are doing. There is so much to look at and so much growth available if we are willing to look.
I am realising that this never ends, and the importance of paying attention to the small stuff helps when we come to the big stuff. At which point you realise it is all just stuff and there was never anything big or small about any of it!! It simply just was.
The more I am aware and the more I notice I can’t help but feel that everything lies in the ability to be completely present and available to the energy of the universal intelligence, love, and in that everything is possible.